Rant Here....... - Humor, Rants, Funny Photos and Videos ..........

Toilet Reading

Rant Man — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 18:18:53 +0100

The perfect book for your toilet - poems for the little room....

What an idea - a small book of poems and photos specifically for that smallest of rooms - the WC...

Golf and Bees

Rant Man — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:19:15 +0000

A young woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round
Of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to
Return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse
And asked, "Why are you back in so early?
What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee", she said.

"Where", he asked.

"Between the first and second hole", she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your
stance is too wide."

A woman's Ass

Rant Man — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 10:20:43 +0000

The Immigrants' Poem

Rant Man — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 13:50:39 +0000

I cross ocean, poor and broke.
Take bus, see employment folk
Nice man treat me good in there.
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, 'You come no more, we send cash right to your door.
Welfare cheques - they make you wealthy! NHS - it keep you healthy!
By and by, I get plenty money.
Thanks to you, you British dummy!
Write to friends in motherland.
Tell them 'come fast as you can.
They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
And buy big house with welfare bucks!
They come here, we live together.
More welfare cheques, it gets better!
Fourteen families, they moving in,
But neighbour's patience wearing thin.
Finally, British guy moves away.
Now I buy his house, then I say,
'Find more immigrants for house to rent.'
And in the yard I put a tent
Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighbourhood.
We have hobby, it's called breeding. Welfare pay for baby feeding.

Wishing for a Doomsday

Rant Man — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 10:20:18 +0100

So we have survived through Mr. Camping's May and October dates for the end of the world and I truly thought I could relax now.....at least until 2012. But, f**k no, now apparently we are now all going to be exterminated by Aliens in November. Yes - that's quite correct. Three huge Alien space ships are approaching Earth as we speak with an intent to annihilate us all. Governments all know this and are keeping it secret from us all. These space aliens have apparently come to reclaim a few of their own who have been spying on us in in lieue of the invasion force - Paris Hilton and Michael Jackson.....

Don' believe me?

Just Google man.... or click here for one take on the story.

GOVERNMENTIUM – SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT

Rant Man — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 09:03:15 +0100

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

What Does a 100 kg Scrotum Look Like?

Rant Man — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:52:25 +0100

Alcoholism Test

Rant Man — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 12:38:57 +0100

Take this test to see if you are an alcoholic.....

If you saw the 'bar' sign then you are an alcoholic...

Items I Found on Amazon

Rant Man — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 12:40:10 +0100

I don't know about you but I always thought Amazon was an online bookstore right?

well, no.....

See, I went looking at Amazon the other day and found a few things that I NEVER expected Amazon to carry....

Take this for example;

I have a few questions Amazon... first - Can you actually deliver this discreetly? I mean, what if the packaging came open... what would our post mistress think of me, and.... where the hell would I keep it? and if someone discovered it what would I say it was?

The mind boggles...

And then there is this...

The Book review

Rant Man — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 13:32:43 +0100

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following book report,
With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool teacher gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:...... Cost - $29.99
Clinton :..... Cost - $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton :... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist..
Clinton :...... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :.... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:...... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton :..... Ditto for Monica.