0ddness bl0g

Blogging From The Island

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:40:00 +0000

Despite the word on the street, I am neither dead, nor missing presumed dead. I am, as mentioned in a previous post, staying with Kellie this week - along with Tam and Jaysen and Sally.

The journey here was actually easy peasy, despite my worries on the subject. We've been very busy, with kids parties, adventure play areas, walking, the pub, arcades...

It's not all great and fluffy though... Last night, I got a phone call from Cel. Usually Sally stays with her, and she comes back to the house to feed the cats, but with Sally being with me, she only needed to pop in and sort them out. When she got there last night, she found Dipstick had died in the hallway :(

She checked him over, but couldn't see any sign of injury or anything, so it's a mystery why he died. He was only six, and we'd had him since his satanic mother, Sinny, gave birth to him. Me and Jaysen are really going to miss him, as will anyone that knew him. Poor little mite.

Jo and Steve came over to Kellies this morning to bring Jaysen back - he was collected last night to go see an Alice Cooper concert. Jo is upset about Dip too - he used to sit on her lap while she was on her computer. I couldn't face leaving Dip till I got home, so Jo and Steve have gone back to mine to bury him in the garden.

I'm in two minds (well, three) as to what to do next. Part of me doesn't want to replace him - he was a completely unique kitty. Part of me wants to get a kitten to replace him, but then there's the worry about ending up with an evil cat, or a timid one or something. Part of me is tempted to get a rescue cat - adolescent or something - but then there's the whole Dog issue, and getting an older animal...

Watch this space.

Anyway - Kellie has taken the boys swimming this afternoon, while I'm sitting with the girls. Where I've been so busy the last few days, I woke up thinking "owie", and by the time I got up and sorted myself out it went to "f'king OW" so I'm being lazy and doing nothing.

So, aside from the shitty news yesterday, I'm having a really great time. Tomorrow morning, we're heading back to mine in order to go to Ζōě's naming doo-hicky. From there, I'm not sure what is going on - aside from the kids going back to Jo on Sunday morning!

Busy busy busy.

Playing Catchup

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:44:00 +0000

Oooh I am soooo punny today that it hurts...

Obviously - and due to the complaints I've been getting - 0ddness hadn't been updated for six days. Shocking, I know, but I did have things to blog, I just never got around to doing it.

For one, I've been staying with Kellie over the weekend, and Thursday I was with her too for her dentist appointment. Yes folks, someone more of a coward than me. Before then, I was with Ruth on Wednesday, Kellie again on Tuesday, and...

You know, I'm not actually sure what I did on Monday.

This weekend just gone was really nice once again. Friday we spent the evening at her local with her friend Kerry and her family... We weren't there all night, as the kids were with us too (her kids of course, mine were sold off to a rich family in need of chimney sweeps) but had a great time.

And me as ever forced myself to talk and be social, which didn't actually take that long to get into. I was greeting strangers, talking about pretty much everything, answering questions about me and my life... Oh, and me and Kerrys geek of a brother talked WoW for a while too ;)

Saturday day time we had a wander around town, shipped her kids off, chilled out ~~(watched a chick flick!)~~ and then got ready to go out for the evening. All afternoon the girls were debating what to do, while me and Kerrys other half, Paul, pretty much nodded and agreed. We opted for the cinema, and went to see Hancock which was excellent. Think a fair amount of people didn't like it, but I loved it.

Up yours movie critics.

Sunday was spent lounging in bed till close to midday - watching politicians on the TV get asked a simple Yes/No question, and give a five minute rambling speech that didn't actually answer the question. Then we showered, shopped, pissed around in the kitchen till I had to come home...

And here we have another pissy moan about the bus company. As it happens, the last bus I keep missing - they changed their timetables a week or two back - but failed to update the time table at the bus stop. AND the time table on their own web page. The drivers were more pissed off than I was thanks to all the complaints they are getting! However, after a bit of digging, I found a new timetable on a third party website.

So thanks First Bus. You suck.

Anyhoo. With Jaysen finishing school tomorrow, the summer holidays are so close I can almost taste them. And much to the chargrin of the population of Canvey, I am spending the first week of the holidays there.

Jo and myself have been chatting about the kids and the holidays, and we've worked out we'll pretty much be having both kids together at the same time for a week each. So, on my way home yesterday I stole both monsters, and Jo will get them back next Sunday. Easy Peasy.

Except.

Well, this week is going to be AAAAAALL over the place. Jaysen is at school tomorrow. Then once I have everything sorted and together, I'll be heading to Kellies.

With Jaysen and Tam
And a suitcase.
And a buggy.
And Sally Dog.

All on the bus. Yes folks, I intend to get all THAT on a bus, AND to not have any problems.

Wednesday, Kellies kids are at school for their last day, so we'll be out an about. Then in the evening we're at a kids birthday party. Then we have to keep them occupied till Saturday - at which point, Kellies oldest is off to his dads, then my lot, plus Kellie and her little one, all my shite - BACK to Basildon, to mine, dumped off here, sorted out, then off to Gemmas for Zóés naming thingiemajigg...

Yeah, it's exhausting me just thinking about it!

But that's not all - I've got to get the house as tidy as can be in the next fourteen nanoseconds as tomorrow... BUSY! Up and out, school run, then to Sarahs to... Shave her dog. Then it's into town and shopping with Ruth. Then home, with as much clearing up and sorting out as possible before the school run... THEN to Kellies...

Wish me luck on that...

And lastly, please raise your middle finger in salute to my local council for royally bending me over and inserting things into deep dark holes. Thanks to them being the most unsympathetic people sitting behind desks, I've not got to sell a couple of kidneys.

Thanks guys!

Bless

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:37:00 +0000

Wetting the bed at 5am is tiring for a wee girl.
Wee girl... Geddit?

Jo has started trying to get her out of night time pants, and last night she was apparently dry. So I put some sacks under her sheets, put her in bed and... Sploosh. At 2am. So in response to her crying, I went up, changed her sheets, reapplied sacks under the sheets and put her back to sleep.

Repeat at 5am when I decided I couldn't be bothered to re-re-make her bed, so I stripped her bed, put the bedding on to wash, put her in some night time pants, and put her into my bed. Of course, that made getting up fun this morning. She finally got up - after I dragged her - at 0815.

Which is all fine and dandy, except we usually leave at about 0820. Marvellous start to the week. Thank f**k tomorrow is Jaysens last day of school!

Local Life

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:20:00 +0000

It can be said that the local life here in Basildon can leave a little to be desired for some people. The local "Entertainment Complex" affectionatly known as Bas-Vegas (see that cunning play on words there...) isn't for everyone. There are clubs, bars, a few resturants, a cinema, bowling alley...

So if you're a quiet home-body, it's not that appealing. So what do you do? Well, you could browse the internet, but then, not everyone has the internet. You could watch TV if you are REALLY stuck for something to do.

Or, like a local person here, you could put an advert into a window. A local post office window. And to be fair, don't beat around the bush. Now, personally (not that I would) I would have put such an advert into the local "dating" paper classifieds.

Of course, me being me, I read this advert - in the window of the local post office, frequented by single mums, asshats like me, and the Old Biddy Brigade - and I had to laugh. And chuckle. And cringe at the rammifications.

Now, I was going to go through this letter one line at a time, but... Well, it doesn't need it really, does it... It can be summed up with the following parts:

Up to 80yrs
Adult Fun

I'll let your minds run rampant at that...

Musical Monday #50 - Eliza's Aria

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:39:00 +0000

Wow, Musical Monday #50 - technically that's almost a year, but then when you take into account I've missed some, or doubled some up, or whatever else... Not bad really. #1 was back in February 2007 so not too shabby at all!

As has been the case of late recently, I'm opting for an obscure, non-mainstream-stuff music. After all, if you wanted mainstream, you could put the radio on and listen to the same thing every hour till your eyes bleed.

Why eyes, I don't know, but there you are.

Aaaanyway he says, prattling on as usual... This bit of music is some classical music, but for once, I prefer the remix of it. This song is fairly popular over here thanks to a bank advert on the TV over and over, ad nauseam. The original bit of music is by Elena Kats-Chernin but as I said, this is a remix.

Which, I've been told, is fairly popular as well... Apparently. My finger isn't on the pulse. It's not even on A pulse...

Now, I love it - however, I am fairly certain most of you will hate it. If that's the case... erm...

cry

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:17:00 +0000

WHY WHY WHY do people send me things like this...

Time for murder, methinks...

Crack Security Force

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 16:56:00 +0000

Today I spent my time mostly sitting with Kellie. Yes, I'm a sap. Gemma turned up after school with her wee ones, and the two girls spent their time gassing while Kellie had cuddles with Zoe - sorry, Zoé, which became feeding Zoé, burping Zoé and more cuddles with Zoé.

Jaysen, in the meantime, was running around with Amy, sorting out toys and having a laugh with his wee ickle cousin.

Gemma decided to drive Kellie home to save her getting the bus (Awww) which probably doesn't bode well for me. Females being Females, and all that...

When they left, I decided to take Jaysen into town and get him a McDonalds - it's not often we have take away food, and while I had a strawberry milkshake, he had food. And it's there that I get to the point of this post...

See, we were sitting in a rather sparsely-populated food court. Various resturants and fast-food joints and cafés and suchlike. However, with it being 5pm, most people were going home and NOT sitting in the food court.

While we were sitting and eating, I noticed that the table diagonally across from us had a friend, in the form of a bulging backpack. The table was clean - so either it had been cleaned and the bag ignored, or it had been put at the table after cleaning.

Regardless, there was an unattended bag.

Now, you probably know where my mind is at this point. I really wasn't expecting it to go blammo, but the whole "you never know" factor was there. In this day and age, with hightened security levels and threats from all and sundry, the risk was there.

Being a Good Citizen, I get up and alert the girls that look after the tables. "Excuse me, sorry, but I thought I'd let you know there's a bag with no owner sitting at that table." The woman looked at me and huffed.

Yes, she huffed.

"Oh IS there?" she asked me. Now, the backpack wasn't big, but it was sticking up from the chair and quite visible. I turned and pointed. She huffed again. "Oh OK then" and she wandered off. No thanks, no acknowledgement, no bravery award.

I sit back down with Jaysen and watch the old girl toddle over and pick up the pack almost gingerly. With one meaty hand, she wandered over to the other staff who were watching and performed a careful check.

She shook it.

*shake-shake-shake-jiggle-jiggle*

There was no firey ball of death, no cloud of death-flavoured gas. Thankfully.

So, from the height of four feet, she dropped it to the ground, and with one meaty "I'm On My Feet All Day" foot, kicked it under the cleaning station.

Again, no Blammo, No Hisssss-gag-choke.

A few minutes later, a Proper Security Guard arrives. He looked very very bored, and leaned over the cleaning station to chat up the younger girl working there. My Lady pointed out the backpack, so he skirfed it out with his Size 12 Security Shoe, picked it up and shook it.

No Blammo. No Hissssss-die.

So, with all the precautions taken, his Keen Security Training moved to the next level. He opened it. The first thing I noticed were wires. Not to be put off, he turned the back upside down and shook out all the stuff inside into the sink. I think one of the items that crashed into the metal bowl was a multimeter or something similar. Wires, some tools..

As me and Jaysen made our escape, he was casually stuffing it all back into the pack. I didn't look back. I'd make an awful witness...

Now, it's not just me, is it? I mean, heaven forbid it HAD been someone that was sick of the infidels - the British, the Shopping Center, McDonalds, Men, Women, whatever - my last thought would have been "What is that silly cow do- *BLAMMO*" The headlines would have reported the terrorist attack on Eastgate, and some poor sap would be scooping my intestines from the Happy Meals. It wouldn't have read "Security Team: What A Bunch Of Knobs" or anything else.

Sitting around that table was myself with Jaysen, a mum with six kids, a mum and dad with two kids, a mum with three kids, plus various staff for the various places, and whoever happened to be in the shops above and below.

All because of Miss *shake-shake-shake-jiggle-jiggle*

Tagged - Another Stolen One

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:48:00 +0000

Yes, I am doing an inordinant amount of tags... I will be holding back for a while now after this one. As usual, I tag everyone.

For those of you with nothing better to do, you should thank me for providing hours of entertainment while suffering from insomnia ;)

Favorite person (outside family)?
This is a tough one... One is the person I love, and the other is my best friend.

Favorite food?
At the moment, it HAS to be chinese food... Sweet & Sour Pork, Spicy Rice Noodles, Chicken Curry *drool*

Quirks about you?
I have several quirks - my washing up skills make people giggle mostly.

How would the person who loves you most describe you in ten words or less?
I am sure Kellie would use lots of lovely words that will make me say "pffft" or blush. Though she is partial to calling me a "pretty, cute man" at the moment...

Any regrets in life?
My only regrets are things relating to Bethany. Everything else - every single thing - has made me who I am, so while I've lived through a lot of bad, a fair bit of good - all of it has made the Dan that is sitting before you now.

Favorite Charity/Cause?
I work a little when I can in relation to various CHD Charities, but it is hard sometimes.

Favorite Blog recently?
Wow... I don't really have one - I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis. I tend to prefer the personal blogs over the others.

Something you can’t get enough of?
Anything relating to Kellie. Mushy? Yarp :)

Worst job you’ve ever had?
Ugh, a "packer" in a magazine factory, which involved putting the Demo CDs on the front of computer magazines. For seven/eight hours a day. Honestly, I had qualifications, skills, knowledge... And felt like my brain wanted to get out and shoot me in the face.

What job would you pay NOT to have?
A Packer in a Magazine Factory ;)

If you could be a fly on the wall, where?
I am sure there are some choice shower rooms in the world to be had...

Favorite Bible verse right now?
Um... erm.... ahhh.... The one where women are the bad guys.

Guilty Pleasure?
I don't honestly think I have any pleasure that makes me feel guilty... I think...

Got any confessions?
Ooooh I have plenty, yes :D

If you HAD to spend $1,000 on YOURSELF, how would you spend it?
If I had to spend it on "stuff" for me, and not pay off bills, then I'd get a new laptop :D

Favorite thing about your house?
erm... I'll get back to you on that one ;)

Least favorite thing about your house?
The fact I want it just so, but don't know where to start.

One thing you are bad at?
Talking about things that are bothering me.

One thing you’re good at?
Procrastinating! Otherwise... I have lots of skills I am proud of...

If you could change something about your circumstances, what?
Heh... Better off, flexible job, less pain, close to Kellie, able to drive, kids here more often...

Who would you like to meet someday? Living or dead?
The only person I want to be with again is Bethy, but that's a while off yet.

What makes you feel sexy?
I don't know if this is a man-thing or what, but I don't think I've ever (EVER) felt sexy. Desired/Wanted, yes, but sexy?

Who is your real life hero?
The kids that live with shit medical stuff, and the nurses & doctors that look after them.

What is the hardest part of your job?
Remembering to do it ;)

When are you most relaxed?
I can be relaxed just sitting with Kellie, I can be relaxed while lounging in bed with nothing to do, or playing WoW...

What stresses you out?
Timekeeping

What can you not live without?
Either my phone or my computer. Or my friends. Or Kellie.

Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists?
Disagree. Yes, there are people out there that do it for the "Look At Me" factor, but I think myself - and the majority of the blogs I read - are just normal people plonking their thoughts and their lives on the internet as a therapy.

Why do you blog?
It clears my head, let's me vocalise the stuff I want to get off my chest (mostly - I still self-censor and avoid certain things), and let's me say things that, if I tried to say in person, would just sound crap. That, and I'm a narcissist ;)

A Strange Day

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:17:00 +0000

Last night was a rather naff night. For one, it was hot and humid. For two, I've spent the last couple of nights with Kellie, so my normally large, cool, comfortable bed just seemed a wee bit... Empty.

On top of this, my mind was wandering to icky, unpleasant places, namely, Guys Hospital. All I could think of was Bethy and her last days. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see her and all the ickiness involved.

I was drifting in and out of sleep all night - strange dreams and nightmares but I think I was mostly awake, plus things were different, wrong... The people around at the time, the layouts of the rooms and everything else - it was the same but different, if that makes sense.

I think the last time I looked at the clock it was pushing 5am, and somehow, I managed to turn off my 0615 and my 0645 alarms. Luckily, my panic button, Ruth, called and woke me up. Did the morning school run, and went with her to see her youngest at sports day...

Nice to see the world is still as mental as ever - Sports Day once again had no winners of losers, and this year it seemed worse than before... The "track" they were running on was twenty... Maybe thirty feet long. The kids were in teams of 8-10 so it was run, then sit and wait for all those in front of you to run. And when I say "sit" I don't mean "pop your bum on the school field" no no, the kids were provided chairs to sit on.

One of the teachers then went into detail about how last year in the Parents Race, they let the kids run with the adults - one of the dads fell down and hurt his kid. Not sure if it was "hurt" in as much as a bumped wee one, or if it was a "hurt" in the bad way. So, with this in mind, the parents race - Adult and Kid.

There was no "well done" ceremony. No winners, no losers, no certificates or anything. Even though the kids were split into five teams, no team excelled or was congratulated. The teachers seemed pretty much "So, what event do you want to do now?" and couldn't be arsed.

Highly Amusing...

Anyways, me bitching about all that actually cheered me up some, and after, I went back to Ruths for a coffee till she had to go out. Once home, I couldn't get motivated, so sat listening to loud music, while kinda sorta doing housework. I nodded off in my chair but forced myself back up or I know I'd not sleep tonight.

Did the afternoon school run, had another coffee at Ruths, came home and set up a freeview box on the telly - Jo and Steve had it knocking around, and as my Sky TV died, and I ditched Telewest, I've had no telly in the house. Fine for me, but the kids we're best pleased ;) Bad Daddy! Anyways, they have TV to watch once again so that's something.

And now, I decided to clear my head a bit and blog myself out. Obviously, I've done quite a lot of quizzey thingies - I tag all of you to do them if you're bored. My head is back in a good place, and Kellie is here tomorrow... As is a man about the fence - the same one that went over LAST spring. Finally, they are going to "assess" what needs doing...

Helloooo.... I need five new fence panels, three new posts, all six feet wide and seven feet tall. Just like the last THREE guys have said.

Amazing what snotty letters can do ;)

Tagged - IQ Adventure Test

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:51:00 +0000

Your Best Subject & IQ Score
Spatial 155

Spatial is your strongest intelligence, which probably isn't much of a surprise, since you seem to have sought out these kinds of questions on the test. In fact, a score of 155 is exceptionally high, even for someone who concentrated in this area. Scores on this test are calibrated across OkCupid's 2.5 million users to roughly correlate with the standard Mensa and Stanford-Binet tests. Any score above 120 indicates better than average ability, while a score over 145 indicates a truly superior mind.

Looking at the graph below, you'll see that you did very well in all 4 subjects. Such a well-rounded intelligence is quite rare.

Your highest IQ is Spatial
High math scorers excel in quantative reasoning, logic, and analysis. You did well here because you are able to quickly calculate sums and understand the relation of the part to the hole, which is particularly useful on a dating website. If you're not an OkCupid member already, you should sign up (it's free!) We could always use more smart people.

Math is also the rarest of the strengths. While most people assume math skills are inborn, and this area of intelligence causes the most frustration in the general population, it is possible to hone this part of your brain. Your skills are already strong, but even doing simple things like calculating the restaurant tip in your head and memorizing phone numbers instead of typing them into your cell will develop your natural ability further. If you're in college and not already studying something technical, you should seriously consider it. People with high aptitude in this area usually get the best jobs and make the most money.

High verbal scorers are good with words, have large vocabularies, and are superlative writers and speakers. Since language is the primary way human beings communicate, high verbal scorers tend to be popular and, all things considered, are the best-liked of our four measurement groups (seriously, we know this by anonymously correlating IM volume on OkCupid).

A high verbal score also indicates well-developed critical thinking skills and the ability to see through bullshit—a high scorer can more quickly get the gist of an argument or line of reasoning. We were surprised to see that many high verbal scorers on our site are successful in business because writers we know don't make much money. We now think this is because well developed bullshit-detection, when combined with verbal high scorers' natural powers of persuasion, makes an exceptional negotiator. In fact, OkCupid's CEO holds most of the in-office records on the verbal questions of this test.

Of course writers, journalists, editors, and other more artistic types score highly in Verbal skill as well, making this the most diverse of our four measurement groups.

High spatial scorers understand physical space, recognize color, and interpret visual images quickly and accurately. It should go without saying that these people are the most artistic of our four measurement groups. They're also the most confident and self-sufficient. Also, according to the picture-rating data we've accumulated on OkCupid, high spatial scorers tend to be significantly more attractive than average. We've asked a couple scientists friends of ours why this is, and they have no idea (they're geologists), but the correlation is quite strong. Our current theory is: this group is the best-dressed of our test takers by a wide margin, and that's affected the ratings. Just so you know, we have actually checked all the above claims anonymously against our user data.

In college and the job market, visual art, like painting or illustration, is the obvious choice for high spatial scores. Graphic design, web design, and advertising are other possible, and perhaps more stable, careers. An interesting trend we've observed in our data: high spatial scorers who have found an outlet for their natural creativity, even if it's not their full-time pursuit, have a very high overall 'life-satisfaction' rating, while high spatial scorers without that outlet—like those who have become lawyers or accountants—have the lowest rating among our entire user base.

Those with high social intelligence excel, in short, at reading people. They are able to sense the motivations, the attitudes, and in some cases the inner thoughts of those around them. On the IQ Adventure test, we tested for body-language and lie-detection, as these are the most important specific skills. We've found, after correlating scores here with the known patterns of our user-base, those who score high on social intelligence form the most and longest-lasting inerpersonal relationships. Verbal high scorers have a slightly better response rate on messages sent, but social high scorers have by far the better success rate with real-word dates.

Social intelligence is the most practical of all the subjects we measure. Your interpersonal skills are tested hundreds of times a day, and far more can depend on even the most routine conversation that on, say, a word problem or logic puzzle. Interestingly, the savant phenomenon is almost unknown in this intelligence dimension. It appears that up-bringing and practice are the only ways to develop exceptional social ability. It cannot be inborn. This group's power of empathy andIn short, ability to sense (and sometimes manipulate) other people's desires provides a broad foundation for professional and social success. In short, having this type of intelligence enhances all of your other abilities.

Math is your second strongest area
High math scorers excel in quantative reasoning, logic, and analysis. You did well here because you are able to quickly calculate sums and understand the relation of the part to the hole, which is particularly useful on a dating website. If you're not an OkCupid member already, you should sign up (it's free!) We could always use more smart people.

Math is also the rarest of the strengths. While most people assume math skills are inborn, and this area of intelligence causes the most frustration in the general population, it is possible to hone this part of your brain. Your skills are already strong, but even doing simple things like calculating the restaurant tip in your head and memorizing phone numbers instead of typing them into your cell will develop your natural ability further. If you're in college and not already studying something technical, you should seriously consider it. People with high aptitude in this area usually get the best jobs and make the most money.

Take the Test!
My Results!

Tagged - Calvinball

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:05:00 +0000

Your Grade = A
Superb knowledge and above average strategy

86% Game_Knowledge and 80% Game_Skill!

Wow! You are part of the 5.9% of the population that got this score.* It seems that you know almost everything about the game of Calvinball and its history. When it came to strategy you did well too. You are already an amazing Calvinball player, and with some practice you could become a true expert!

You are clearly already talented enough to beat Calvin. A match versus the quick-witted tiger would be close. I'm going to give you the edge, but his superior strategy might be enough to propel him to victory.

*This is a made up number.

Take the Calvinball Test!

Couldn't Take The Risk...

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:21:00 +0000

I got this this morning from Mr Shiny Demon on his blog, and couldn't take the risk.

"You know the ones, "Forward this e-mail or; you'll never have sex, you'll have bad / good luck, your teeth will fall out, someone will rape your cat, we'll come around to your house and inject you with ebola." O.k, I made the last three up, but you get my point.

Whoever writes these things (I suspect a greasy, spotty, teenage, friendless, self abusing yank) is a complete spaz. And anyone who actually forwards them is just as bad.

Do they really believe that my refusal to forward a shitty e-mail will result in some terrible voodoo being sent my way?

And, if I do forward it, are they so sure that my sex life will increase ten-fold?

Grow up or fuck off and die.

Forward this blog entry or you will be killed to death by rabid chickens on acid."

I just can't risk those chickens coming and getting me... And he DID say to do it...

Edit: I should add, this MUST BE TRUE! I checked Snopes.com and it wasn't on there, so clearly it's not an urban legend! And it was probably on Fox News or something as well as PROOF! And my sisters husbands dads best friend Colin down the pub - well he says HIS mate just got attacked by a pack of rabid chickens on acid!!!!!!111one

Musical Monday #49 - Somewhere Over The Rainbow

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:00:00 +0000

Many moons ago, I saw one of my favourite movies of all time, 50 First Dates. Yes, it's a bit chick-flick-ish, and yes it prolly falls under the Rom-Com heading, but it has Adam Sandler in it, and he just makes me chuckle.

At the end of the movie, there is a bit of music I spent ages trying to find, and after an inordinate amount of time, I gave up.

Well, I step into Kellies house on Friday evening, and on her stereo is this fricking bit of music, blasting out. So in the end I stole it. Via Bluetooth.

Of course, all that helps cover the fact that I am feeling mushy and smooshy at the moment, and this song is very nice. Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World

Ooooo oooooo ohoohohoo
Ooooo ohooohoo oooohoo
Ooooo ohoohooo oohoooo
Oohooo oohoooho ooooho
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby ii ii iii
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can't I? i iiii

Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world (w)oohoorld

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I hiii ?

Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo

Tagged - Sexual Hell

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 22:26:00 +0000

Raw score: 52%

You're a fallen angel. There's some innocence there, but the sexual dark side has called you and, possibly, is already using you. But you're not evil, just naughty; dirty, but not filthy. You're certainly hellbound, and you'll most likely seek out other imps like yourself to work your wicked will. There might be a moral core inside you, but it's been overtaken by lust.

AVOID: the heavenbound. Your path is downward, and you'll need a guide.

Take the Sexual Hell test!

Empty Bottles & Cans

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 21:39:00 +0000

Once again, I spent the weekend away with Kellie. Yes, I am spending an obscene amount of time with her, but at the risk of inducing vomiting amongst my readership, we love being together, and are not stomping on any toes, so we're having as much fun as we can get.

Got over there Friday after having a nervous breakdown about being late... Not that I was "due" at any particular time, but as we had to go out (as a couple!) that night, I was all flapping and stuff. Still, arrived with plenty of time, sorted out an over-night bag from my weekend-bag and headed out - armed with booze.

Being that I am ever so good with names, I was dropped into a room of people. Obviously, Kellie and Me... Her best friend Kerry, her fella Paul, her brother Kevin, his missus Kelly, and their friends Haley and her fella Mark. And kids. Seven, I think... No, eight. Well, none of mine, so there could have been fifty.

And we did the drinky drinky drinky till the wee small hours. Glasses were smashed, drinks were spilled in torrents, nibbles were consumed, Chinese food was ordered (and subsequently scoffed)... The Beer Fog started to settle...

Half the adults, and their respective spawn left, while the other half stayed. We ended up crashing on the living room floor, and didn't wake till the ripe time of 7am. Hangover free, I should add.

Me and Kellie set to clearing up the kitchen while the house slept, me fine, her... Well, not at her best. Like I say - I didn't have a hangover ;)

Kerry and Paul emerged nearer 10am, Paul fine, Kerry in the same state as Kellie. So they were indeed mocked. And forced to cook breakfast.

Which, as it would happen, would provide me with hours of chuckles. See, getting two drunk, hungover girlies to cook is actually a BAD idea in the grand scheme of things. Sausages: Burnt. Bacon: Burnt. Mushrooms: Cooked to perfection (amazingly). Scrambled Eggs: Burnt, Still moving, moist and a very strange colour.

And texture. The eggs had a whole new texture. And flavour.

I'm not sure how, but the other three adults managed to fob off food on the unsuspecting kids, while me... I ate all mine. I have a cast iron gut ;)

The breakfast really really deserves it's own entry... "Legendary" would be one word to use.

Another highly amusing aspect to boozing with a group of people you don't know - I can ALWAYS find the geek in the crowd... I heard the words "World of Warcraft" and the ocean of people parted - Kevin, Kellies best friends brother - is a WoW player, and we spent much time that evening talking about it. Much to the chargrin of the ~~normal~~ non-WoW players.

So, despite taking the piss out of her Best Friend, we get on quite well (which is points to me), and Kevin told Kellie I'm great and get two thumbs up from him too! Did I mention that Kerrys family is like Kellies second family, so I need approval from them as well!

I bribed Kerry with vodka, so that helped ;)

The rest of Saturday was spent with the older kids at football, followed by a jaunt back to Kellies with all the bags - lighter, now emptied of booze - and had a quiet afternoon together, followed by a curry. Yep, I'm a lardy - but it was mostly veg ;) AND no booze ;)

Sunday started lazy. Kellie tried flexing her girlie muscles, and ended up with very tickled feet. Which she hates. Once up, I tackled her garden for her... Which again, really deserves it's own post. Suffice to say, I shall ~~never~~ hardly moan about Ruths garden from now on. At least her garden is just grass. Kellies garden had everything...

And I got a big fast blister for my troubles. Which she put chemicals on. Which burnt. Ow.

Sunday was going perfectly - we got to the bus stop at half four, ready for my 4.50pm bus. And we waited. And waited... Now, if you want to be in my good books and say "I will be there at, say, 4.50pm" then you better damn well be there no later than 4.50pm. A few minutes early I can handle. 4.55 and I will start getting stroppy.

So at 5.15pm, Kellie called her mum and arranged me to go home when she went past. As you can imagine, your normally very-placid author was, at this time, ten feet tall, green, ripped clothes... I will write them a very nice letter tomorrow no doubt.

But every cloud - I got another 45 mins with Kellie.

And finally, after collecting the boy, having a drink with Jo and Steve, walking home, got the boy showered and bedded... Now I am flopped. Aching, sore blister (owie!), tired, missing Kellie...

Who, no doubt, will come along and attempt to save her character, but to be honest, I think I may have already ruined that just by her associating with me...

The only down part, aside from not seeing Kellie till Tuesday, is that I had a lot of questions about Bethy this weekend. Now, I have no issue at all talking about her, and will always tell people I have three kids, one of which isn't here any more. I think it was more having to talk to people that have no idea about her, what happened, the why's and where-fores. I was fine, but when I finally got in and sat, the first song my computer decided to play was her song...

As I say, the hardest part was the fact that all my friends, most of my family, and those that know me, they know as much as they can what happened, what she went through... But now I am meeting new people and talking about ME, Bethy enters the conversation that don't know, don't understand and don't realise how unlucky they are for not meeting her. I'm OK now though, had a sad moment so did the stupid taggy thing in a crappy frame of mind, but still.

Anyway, I am fine and dandy once more - counting the days till Tuesday when, incidently, I have a man coming to look at my fence. Or lack thereof. I sent them a letter that rattled them into action ;)

So nighty night!

Edit: I forgot to add, the ULTIMATE part of the breakfast was the Tea and Coffee... But that's because it WAS perfect, as I made it!

Tagged - Me

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 20:38:00 +0000

I am:
Missing someone I've been with all weekend.

I think:
Very random thoughts on a regular basis

I know:
Lots of reeeeally pointless information

I have:
A very lovely girlfriend that I can't get enough of ;)

I wish:
Very rarely...

I hate:
That I have to wait DAYS till I can see Kellie again

I miss:
Bethy at the moment.

I fear:
My life repeating itself again.

I hear:
Coldplay - The Scientist

I smell:
Cut grass

I crave:
A nice big lottery win

I search:
On Google

I wonder:
How many of my friends gardens I can slip some Japanese Knotweed into...

I regret:
Not giving Bethy just one more kiss, one more cuddle, and telling her I love her before I lost her

I love:
My kids, My Kellie.

I ache:
Along my spine and down my legs.

I am not:
The greatest gardener in the world.

I believe:
In a thing called love!

I dance:
When very very drunk, and even then it's more... "dance"

I sing:
In my head

I cry:
More often than a lot of people think

I fight:
With my duvet and pillows every night

I win:
An extortionate amount of arguements

I lose:
My train of thought a LOT

I never:
Worry what a lot of people think about me

I always:
Flush, put the seat down and wash my hands

I confuse:
A lot of people when I open my mouth

I listen:
To anyones problems

I can usually be found:
Either glued to my girl, or saving Azeroth from the baddies of the world

I am scared:
Of losing another child

I need:
Some painkillers

I am happy about:
How my life is at the moment

I imagine:
What it'd be like to be very very rich.

A Trend

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 06:09:00 +0000

Something I've noticed over the years, is that some bloggers - the popular ones - get book deals. More and more, you'll see a blogger mention they've gotten a book deal, that they can't believe it's happened, and so on and so forth.

The run up to the book is a flurry of activity for the blogger, with their posts slowing down somewhat while they write their "story" or whatever it is they are doing. Most posts seem to concentrate on the book itself. Then the book is released, and the blogger mentions it, where he/she will be appearing for signings, how it's doing and so on...

And when the dust settles... Now, I can't put my finger on it, but that blog changes. It goes from being a single person writing about, well, whatever the theme is on their blog, to all sorts of stuff. Sometimes, they hardly even talk about the original purpose of the blog at all.

I'm not going to name blogs, but in the last couple of years, I've noticed at least four bloggers that have become published authors and pretty much stopped with their usual blogging. A couple have gone very political, topical... Another has taken to publishing random stuff about the state of the country, or just posting random links to news stories. The actual content has all but vanished - the reason I was reading is no longer there.

I imagine it's because all the stuff they would be publishing is now being saved up somewhere for Book Deal #2.

Then there is the other kind of "changed blogs", the sort that have gotten so popular, that they have various adverts, worry about page rank, and a lot of their posts suddenly become One Big Advert for various products and stuff they have been sent. You might still get the content on there, but it's Ad Post Post Ad Ad... All with flicky flashy banner ads and stuff in between.

It makes me a sad panda.

I unsubscribed from six blogs this morning. I love bloggers for who they are, the people aspect of things, not to see the latest products here, or a political rant there. I subscribed to their blogs because what they had to say was interesting, moved my mind, made me think, or showed me an altogether different life.

Now they are just more grey noise in a large field of grey noise.

PS: If I ever become a World Famous Blogger And/Or Author, please kindly take this post and ram it down my throat to point out everything I've said. I like who I am, I love what 0ddness is.

PPS: If you want to send me a Large Electrical Item to review, then please feel free ;)

When Idiots Show Themselves

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 05:56:00 +0000

There is a reason that little picture beside this post is larger-than-normal. It's because it is sort of the subject at hand.

Now, if you've seen the image, had a chuckle and are now reading this post, then you might want to skip this entry. For those at you that think the author of the image needs his or her eyes pulling out, then read on.

So - HOW is it that someone can take the piss out of someone elses opinion... And spell "YOU'RE" wrong. "I have the right to think your stupid" completely negates Idiot Authors point, and makes Him/Her look like an even bigger stupid person.

Honestly, it's not THAT hard is it? YOUR/YOU'RE, THEIR/THERE/THEY'RE.

So, yes you have the right to your opinion, and yes you have the right to think your stupid, but I think YOU'RE more stupid, Mr Image Maker.

How To Make A Grown Man Cry

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 05:51:00 +0000

Last night, I Tam was wandering around causing trouble as normal. Me, on the other hand, I was washing up and doing dinner. When Tam is "behaving" (being quiet and not breaking something) I tend to let her get on with it - she was "singing" in the dining room while I was at the other end in the kitchen.

"Daddy!"

I turn around to find this:

That's the Peanut, wearing a school dress that was put away for her many moons ago. And for some reason, it really choked me up. I thought of Bethy wearing a school dress (not that she ever did, it was too cold for her when she was in school!), and I realised how quickly Tam is growing up, that she will be in school too, and that she doesn't live with me any more...

I gave her lots of cuddles, sat her on the side next to me, and carried on doing dinner with a few sad little tears running down my face...

Tagged: Me In Threes

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:02:00 +0000

Three jobs I have had:
- Accountant
- Buyer for a Mail Order Game Company
- Installs Complaint Liason for "a telecoms" company

Three places I have lived:
- Colchester
- Laindon
- Basildon

Three shows that I watch:
- House
- CSI (Las Vegas)
- 24

Three places I have been:
- Rome
- Pisa
- Amsterdam

Three people who email me often:
- Gailey
- Some guy in Africa with £21.5million to share
- Facebook

Three of my favourite foods:
- Italian (SpagBol)
- Chinese (Sweet & Sour Chicken)
- Home Cooking ;)

Three places I'd rather be right now:
- With my girlie ;)
- A cabin in the middle of nowhere
- Somewhere with NO MORE BLOODY RAIN!

Three friends I think will respond:
- Erm...
- Ah
- I will blog it so it'll get stolen from there ;)

Three things I am looking forward to this year:
- Going away in August
- My birthday (for some reason!)
- My weekends ;)

Big Fat Congrats

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 10:29:00 +0000

I don't care if you don't read her blog. I don't care if you have no idea who I am talking about, but none the less...

Laney, over at My Crazy Family, has just announced the fact she's been knocked up. AGAIN. This baby will be Child #4 at her house.

So all of you, waddle on over to her blog and send her your congrats. Because once she starts getting massive, I will be heckling her in person and taking the piss out of her waddle. I'm nice like that, really.

Congrats Laney and Mr Laney. Hope you have a nice boring pregnancy. With twins. Twins are cool. Big fat twins.

With big heads.

It's In The Stars

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 08:39:00 +0000

To be honest, I've never seen the fascination with stars... The reading of, the studying of, the watching, the celebrity-variety. And if I am REALLY honest, I don't get why stars are given as awards. WHY is something good worth five stars?

"Well done, that's such a good bit of work, I will award it five balls of burning gasses from the depths of space"

Doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

It can't be all about the shape, as there are lots of pokey shapes to be had - WHY does it have to be the five-pointed variety? Why not six? Or twelve. Not two though - two would just be... erm.. a stick.

However, being that I am still playing around with Blogger In Draft - which I suppose is Bloggers new Beta. Have to play with the betas. It makes me cool. Anyway, you will now see - hopefully - at the bottom of each post is a little star-rating thingiemajigg for you to "rate" the post it's attached to.

I know a lot of people read my posts, but a lot of you are cowards that don't like to comment. Some of you go as far as using the Tagboard off to the side there, but there could be MORE interation. So, if you don't want to comment, if you don't want to use the Tagboard, then click the stars.

Except you dirty RSS Readers ;) You can come over here and load the page in order to use it.

Now, I am hoping that over time, Blogger will add a widget to show the "Highest Rated" posts and suchlike in a sidebox... I would assume that would be the next logical step, but still.

Feel free to be harsh - like you are anyway - and if you think a post sucks the floppy one, rate it. I'll ignore the rubbish ratings anyway ;) My Blog, after all.

If you're using Blogger In Draft, then there's a post on their official blog about Star Ratings. However, because some people are idiots that mess around with their templates all the time, it doesn't always work properly, in which case, I found a very handy guide to getting it to work on another blog called At The Edge. So thank you to the author there :)

Logo A-Go-Go

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:57:00 +0000

As is probably apparent to everyone visiting here - not your dirty RSS-Readers tho - but I have a logo. An new logo. A proper logo for my blog finally!

As the little post icon here probably suggests, it was made by a rather strange girl that lives in some coal-mining village up norf somewhere. She stay home on the computer all day because she suffers, like the rest of her community, with Black Lung and other mining-related ailments.

And, out of the kindness of her heart, she made me a logo! Huzzah!

She's one of the girls that was at my weekend at the Posh Palace back in May, that spent the best part of the evening completely bemused and amused by plastic beer cups. Clearly, the technology known as "Plastic" has yet to make it's way to the norf. She's a blogger, but obviously using a stolen laptop with a mobile broadband connection... You can visit her (new) blog through this link.

Little does she know, I think I will start collecting logos for my blog and have them alternate around and change for a bit of variety :) 900x204 are the banner dimensions, FYI ;)

If you want to make a logo - and I mean a semi-decent one, not someone having a laugh in Paint and scrawling "0ddness" then chuck it on over and I will A) use it, B) link to you, and C) take the piss out of you!

So, to Miss Lynzi, thank you :D I'd buy you a pint o' bitter, but your whippet will prolly have me.

Tagged: Two & Three Things

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:26:00 +0000

Two names you go by:
1. Dan/~~Danny~~/Daniel
2. Daddy
For the record, I hate "Danny" as a name... Even if most of my family still call me it...

Two things you are wearing right now:
1. Blue Jeans
2. Black Tee Shirt
Pretty much what I wear most days.

Two longest car rides:
1. Driving to Italy, not far from Rome
2. Driving to the South of France
I'm not counting the Devils Own Journey to Evesham a few years back... NINE hours to pop across the country.

Two of your favourite things to do:
1. Blog
2. Have lunch with Kellie
I had to edit this several times ;)

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. Kellie to be here... *sniff*
2. Get into some form of "shape" that isn't "Amorphous Blob"
Yes, I'm a sad lonely man!

Three animals you have or have had:
1. Sally Dog: A white boxer with the brain capacity of a broken ZX Spectrum
2. Dipstick: A cat that is somewhat thicker than Sally
3. A dead black-and-white fish I just noticed floating in the tank...
FYI: Dead fish is now en route to the big cistern in the sky - via the bog.

Three Things you ate today:
1. A toasted tea cake
2. A few chicken nuggets
3. Some Sweetcorn
I only ate so I could take my meds... Ow...

Two people you last talked to:
1. Ruth
2. Jaysen
I THINK this is right... Otherwise it's Ruth and Kellie.

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. Shopping
2. Housework
Yes, my life = predictable

Two favourite holidays:
1. Holland, last September
2. Belgium, several years back with Bethy...
I love seeing Europe. Not really that far away, but so so different...

Two of your favorite beverages:
1. Jack Daniels & Coke
2. Big Fat Mug o' Tea or Coffee (I alternate between the two)
I'm drinking hot milky tea at the moment because coffee is hurting my mouth...

Under Construction (Again)

noreply@blogger.com (Dan) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 09:16:00 +0000

I'm Re-Re-Re-doing the blog template. If it goes PLOOEY, blame a woman.

Edit: You know, I think I did it without breaking anything...