0 to Mom...Parenting at the Speed of Life

Pool Time? Uh, no!

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 23:34:00 +0000

This afternoon, around 430 PM, when it was 700 degrees outside, Big Girl started begging me to go in the pool.

Now, a quick explanation. We have a $6 swimming pool. From the grocery store. Holds about a tablespoon of water and basically just lets the kids splash themselves and squirt the dog.

So I filled the pool with water...tepid water from the hose, but at least the spot where the pool is has afternoon shade. Took 5 minutes to clean the pool out (dirt, leaves, etc., even though it was tipped on it's side!) and then another 5 to fill it.

Took 5 minutes to round up the kids' swimsuits and floaties (hey, gotta be safe in in a centimeter of water!) and then a combined 10 minutes to get the kids in their suits.

Turned them lose outside and drug a chair so I could supervise "poolside."

15 minutes later, they were done.

How's your math?

25 minutes to prep for something they were done with after 15.

But, oh! In those 15 minutes, they doused each other, the dog, their towels, me, and watered the dirt and cut firewood.

And I got a blood blister and a headache.

It's no wonder I have no interest in having a real pool in the backyard...we'd have to spend $40k and 3 months building something they'd lose interest in before it was finished filling.

Pool time? Uh, no!

A Terrible Toddler Malady! (Funny)

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 00:49:00 +0000

Big Girl just informed me that she has to go to the doctor right now so they can feel her tummy and tell her why she's so hungry...and then give her new stickers!

Almost. Died. Laughing!

What's your funniest toddler malady?

McDonald's PlayPlace in Pantego Review

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 20:30:00 +0000

Big Girl, Bubba Boy and I are out running errands today, and after 2 hours in the car shuttling between stops, they decided to exercise their majority vote and demand a stop. Where better than a McDOnald's with a PlayPlace?

We ended up at the McDonald's at 2422 W Pioneer Parkway in Pantego, just E of the intersection with Bowen. (Pantego is a small town entirely contained within Arlington. My backyard is bigger than their downtown. You get the idea.)

I was apprehensive when we first pulled in; parking on this Saturday afternoon was a challenge. After we located a spot in the back 9, we headed in. Great little setup between counter and seating space...but the entrance to the PlayPlace area was touch to negotiate with the SUV that is my tandem double stroller. So, to be fair, I'm a wide (er, long) load. But having a table right in front of the entrance with a tight turn to the left necessitated would probably be hard even with an umbrella stroller.

Nexr up: the bathroom. Unlike some PlayPlaces, this location doesn't have a kiddie potty contained inside. So we negotiated our way back down and navigated the tight walkway in the dining room to the bathrooms. If my right arm was back up to snuff, I would have ditched the stroller and carried Bubba Boy while making Big Girl walk. But I'm not quite there yet.

Headed into the ladies room and...Uh, yeah. Getting the stroller in there was akin to my first k-turn driving lesson 15 years ago. Not pretty. And the changing table was obstructed by the door. As in, when it's down, the door can only partially open. And to avoid being killed by said door, you have to stand at the narrow end of the table, instead of the long side. Plus, I hate to use the handicap stall, but it was the only place I could ditch the stoller. There was literally nowhere else it could go. So total fail on the bathroom design.

Back to the PlayPlace: cool setup. Toddler friendly (so long as the big kids play nice or their parents make them) and Big Girl is having a blast playing while Bubba Boy crawls around and people watches.

So a few design failures, but still a fun time. Hope it clears out a bit before we have to navigate out!

Carrot Induced Bulimia

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 23:23:00 +0000

Bubba Boy hates carrots.

With an unholy, fire-breathing passion.

Whenever I try to sneak little carrot bits or mashed carrots in with his other food, he makes the most awful face. Then he retches and uses his tongue to push any food in his mouth back out. In case I've missed the point, he follows that lovely scene by forcing himself to throw up.

My 9-month-old has carrot-induced bulimia. Wow!

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 03:24:00 +0000

Welcome Ultimate Blog Partiers!! I'm thrilled to participate in 2011 - my last Ultimate Blog Party was in 2009!

Here at 0 to Mom, we talk about parenting at the speed of life. Frazzled Mommy and Funny Daddy aren't likely to be profiled by Parenting Magazine, but we have funny stories and the occasional tip, trick or technique to share to keep a family going strong even when the rest of life is in fast forward!

Welcome - please make yourself at home and stay awhile - and come back to visit again!

Love,

Frazzled Mommy

aka Tiffany

The Oxygen Mask Principle

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 00:22:00 +0000

I had to run a few errands after wrapping up the work week and brought the kids with me since Funny Daddy was headed to work. Errands done, and what's looming ahead? Why, Burger King with a playground. Score! I had promised Big Girl Mickey D's, but I love BK food so much more.

But tonight's post isn't about WHERE we're eating, but HOW.

I'm on my own with Big Girl and Bubba Boy many dinnertimes, since Funny Daddy works overnights. Sometimes, dinner takes eleventy billion hours. Gotta feed Bubba. Big Girl pretends to need help. Around midnight, I'm shoving food in my own face. Blech.

So I'm trying something new, using the Oxygen Mask Theory. It goes a little like this:

Inflight, passengers are advised to secure their own oxygen masks before helping others, in the event the cabin loses pressure. (Personally, I'd prefer a parachute, in the event the cain loses the capacity for sustained flight! But I digress.)

So tonight, I (BK) fed myself first. Let Big Girl hit the playground, had Bubba chilling with a toy, and I ate. And it was wonderful. Big Girl reappeared to begin eating before dashing back to play with her new 8-year-old boyfriend. And now Bubba's numbing down his pureed sweet potatoes and chicken.

And we've only been here 20 minutes.

Ahhhhhh. Like a breath of fresh air - or oxygen!

Family-Work-Life Balance

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 00:55:00 +0000

Hey, Moms! (And Dads!)

What is your favorite tip, trick or technique to balance all of what you've got going on in life?

In a future series of blog posts, I'll be exploring the good, the bad, and the insanity of what works best when you're parenting at the speed of life. Share your favorites - or your tips on what only looks good on paper but has zero practical application. I'll credit all ideas and link back to the site or post of your choice!

Share, share...And thanks!

Poopy Diaper or Free Ritas?

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:21:00 +0000

Bubba Boy just had such a violent diaper that the stitching to the stay-dry crystals busted open and came flooding out. For a second - ok, ten, until I could find the source - I thought he'd pooped ice crystals.

Free Ritas, anyone???

Diaper = FAIL!

Are We There Yet???

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 12:00:00 +0000

Funny comic over at Bizarro by Dan Piraro. (Hat tip to Funny Daddy for sharing!)

Unfortunately, they require you to buy the image just to display it on a website or blog. They missed the memo that teaches about broader distribution and linking back to original sources and so forth.

I wonder how many people would actually pay a minimum of $125 for a 1-frame comic strip to display in 1 post on 1 blog. Seriously? I wouldn't.

And other than King Features Syndicate, most other comic distribution channels ENCOURAGE others to embed strips in their own sites, to BUILD exposure. And let's be real here. 90% of what's reported by ANY source, including all of your major media sources, is a reference back to something put out by somebody else. Without paying that somebody else. But bringing them a bunch of exposure.

< / rant>.

But, because it was a funny strip, I'll link to it and you can go laugh. And after you get done checking out their licensing pricing, make sure to laugh at the comic as well!

"Are we there yet?"

Recipe of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 04:19:00 +0000

This recipe is a tasty pie-in-the-face of "Mama said there'd be days like this" that will leave you asking "what next" while you pondering whipping it up for yourself next Groundhog's Day, or even on April Fool's.

(Editors Note: Folks, you can't make this stuff up. This recipe really is how I lived my life between the evening of March 12th and the evening of March 13th. Take caution when trying at home.)

Ingredients:

Lower Crust

1 Baby Bed Rail (preassembled)
1 Mommy
1 Daddy
1 Good Arm
1 Bad Arm
1 Disposable Knee
1 Cell Phone (disposable preferred; harder to trace)

Filling

1 Scheming Toddler
1/4 C Desitin
Several Elmo's (mixed variety)
6 Gal Water
1/2 C Baby Shampoo
1 Washcloth
1 Mommy
1 Daddy
1 Camera Phone (internet ready)
Facebook account

Upper Crust

1 New DVD
1 Old DVD Player
1 Dish TV Remote
The Internet

Icing

1 Scheming Toddler (can reuse from filling)
1 Innocent Baby
1/4 C Desitin (fresh; do not reuse from filling)
Toys (the more, the merrier)
Big Toy (needs a space large enough for 1 Innocent Baby to crawl through)
1 Water Bottle with Pull Top (exercise variety)
1 Tbsp Dawn
2 C Water
1/4 Roll Paper Towels
1 Mommy
1 Camera Phone (internet ready, can reuse from filling)
Facebook Account

Cherry On Top

1 Loving Toddler (can reuse from filling if appropriate)
1 Mommy
1 Bad Arm

Dessert Drink

1 Not-quite-potty-trained Toddler (can reuse from filling if appropriate)
1 Used Diaper
No Warning
1 Mommy
3 Wipes
1 New Diaper
1 Mommy Blog

Method

Lower Crust

Send The Daddy to work.
Have The Mommy struggle to set up the Baby Bed Rail with both the Good Arm and the Bad Arm for 4-5 minutes.
Develop brilliant idea to have The Mommy lift the mattress with the Good Arm while pushing in the Baby Bed Rail with the Disposable Knee in order to shield the Bad Arm from further injury.
Double over in pain as the Disposable Knee determines it was not meant to be a battering ram.
Simmer for 5 minutes.
Send nastygram to The Daddy at work, complaining of sustaining another injury whilst setting up the Baby Bed Rail, using a Disposable Cell phone to avoid tracing if a loving rebuke is misinterpreted as a threat of imminent harm.
Set aside The Mommy to cool.

Filling

Have The Mommy begin prep work on future recipes while allowing ingredients such as The Scheming Toddler to age.
Have The Scheming Toddler smear Desitin liberally on every exposed part of her body as well as on the red furry behinds of a variety of Elmo's.
Have The Mommy glance up in utter shock when The Scheming Toddler announcings "Look at me, Mama". Scream. Use the camera phone to take a picture and send to the Facebook account.
Set aside The Mommy to cool while counting to 10.
Use The Mommy to herd The Scheming Toddler into the bathroom, allowing her vocal complaints to awaken The Daddy.
Fill the bathtub with approximately 6 gallons of water, adjusting total volume as necessary.
Alternate between The Mommy and The Daddy using the Washcloth to vigorously scrub The Scheming Toddler with Baby Shampoo.
Rinse.
Repeat.
Dry and allow The Scheming Toddler to sit.

Upper Crust

Begin weaving the upper crust by placing one new DVD in one old DVD player, ensuring that the remote control is removed beforehand.
Look up the correct code on the Internet to enable the Dish TV Remote to connect with the old DVD player.
Realize that when tools from different companies are used together, the controls may not be compatible. Press every single button on the Dish TV Remote control in order to experiment with pushing play and weaving the upper crust.
Note: it may take 11 or 12 restarts until the correct combination of buttons is determined.

Icing

Allow 1 Scheming Toddler to sit with 1 Innocent Baby so their flavors can combine.
Have the Scheming Toddler use Desitin to liberally baste herself and the Innocent Baby, ensuring nearly full coverage.
Allow the Scheming Toddler to play with surrounding toys to ensure they are also covered with Desitin.
Place Innocent Baby in the middle of a space in a large toy to ensure that he cannnot ~~get away~~ move until full coverage has been obtained. Panicked screaming will help the process to move faster.
Use the camera phone to take a picture and send to ~~CPS~~ Facebook account.
Set aside Scheming Toddler to simmer.
Combine 1 Tbsp Dawn and 2 C Water and mix well. Wet a paper towel with solution and remove Desitin from Scheming Toddler and Innocent Baby at end of basting time.

Cherry on Top

Mix 1 Loving Toddler and 1 Mommy vigorously.
Use 1 Bad Arm to brace Mommy when Loving Toddler pushes her from the bed.
Place Mommy in the freezer for 20 minutes to chill.

Dessert Drink

Fill not-quite-potty-trained Toddler to the brim with a variety of liquids over an 8-12 hour period.
Soak Used Diaper thoroughly.
Drizzle fresh liquid on Used Diaper, allowing overflow to coat floor.
Allow 1 Mommy to slide sideways through coated floor.
Remove coating with 3 Baby Wipes.
Cover Toddler in New Diaper.
Write about it in Mommy Blog!

Talking About Potty Training

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 13:15:00 +0000

Some of my discussions with my kiddos are about the tough issues in life...biting, sharing, and, of course, potty training. Here's a recent exchange with Big Girl.

Mom: Do you have to go potty, honey?

Big Girl: Nope. I'm busy asking you to put Dora on the TV.

Mom: Are you sure? You haven't gone in awhile.

Big Girl: Mo-om! No. I want to watch Dora, please.

Mom: Ok, well let me know when you're ready.

Big Girl: Duh. Dora! Now!

Five minutes later...

Big Girl: [Grunt]

Mom: Are you going potty?

Big Girl: Nope! I'm underwater basket weaving. With Dora!

Mom: Come on. Let's go potty.

Big Girl: Uh, ok. But you're not going to like this.

Mom: Like what? Hey, why is there a great big green cloud of noxiousness wafting from your backside?

[Fail]

[end scene]

Talking About Sonic

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 01:16:00 +0000

My kiddos are often held captive in the backseat of my car. Going all sorts of places they'd just as soon skip in favor of going home. But it's where some of our best conversations occur. Here's one about Sonic.

Mom: We'll head home in just a few minutes after Mommy stops at Sonic for Happy Hour.

Bubba: Happy Hour? Sis, that sound like Mom's taking us to a bar? Really, Mom?

Big Girl: Maybe she'll get us something.

Mom: I'm just going to get myself a nice big soda so I can stay awake long enough tonight to get everything done.

Big Girl: Me, too! Soda, please!

Bubba: Mmm. Yeah. Me, too. Or boobs.

Big Girl: Gross. Knock it off. Soda, please!

Mom: No, guys. We'll eat right after we get home. Mommy just needs to get a soda.

Bubba: Needs? No, Mommy needs help.

Big Girl: You're addicted, Mom.

Bubba: Milk?

Big Girl: No, to Sonic.

Bubba: No, I want milk.

Mom: Bubby, hang tight. We'll be home soon. Promise.

Bubba: Sis, can you get online and Google “Sonic addiction?”

Talking About Bottles

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 01:11:00 +0000

Talking to my kiddos when they have their mouths plugged just seems mean. But I have fun with it. Here's a talk with Bubba Boy about bottles.

Mom: Here you go, Bubby. A nice bottle of juice.

Bubba: Boobs.

Mom: Come on now. This is apple juice. You need some so you're not all backed up.

Bubba: Seriously, Mom?

Mom: Down the hatch! Here we go!

Bubba: Mmm. Oh. Yeah. This is good.

Mom: That's a good boy. Drink it all down.

Bubba: Are you trying to get me drunk?

Mom: Look at you go. When you're done with the juice, I'll get you a bottle of milk if you're still thirsty.

Bubba: Milk?

Mom: You have to finish the juice first. Drink it aaaallllll down.

Bubba: Ok. Slurp. All gone.

Mom: Good for you! Here's a bottle of milk, like I promised.

Bubba: What do I get when this is gone? Ma? Ma?

[end scene]

Love you, Mommy!

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 01:36:00 +0000

At what age did your children realize that they, in fact, were in charge?

Big Girl has had that realization already.

Example:

Tonight, I came to understand the frustration my parents often had with me for the slow speed with which I attacked meals.

After picking every pepperoni off her leftover piece of pizza, she began finding every excuse in the book to *not* eat.

Cue Mom.

Eat your dinner.

EAT your dinner.

EAT YOU DINNER!

1-2-3-4...

Whereupon Big Girl wheels around and exclaims "LOVE YOU, MOMMY! Kiss?" while beelining over to me, lips puckered.

I surrender.

Big Girl 1, Mommy 0

Want a cookie?

Mommy Moments #2

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 13:00:00 +0000

This week's theme is "Dear Baby" for Mommy Moments.

Dear Bubba,

You are a much loved baby. I'll admit that you caught us off guard - while Big Girl was a planned baby, you were a complete surprise. But we've loved you since the first moment we got to see you on ultrasound, and hear your heartbeat.

You caused us a few worries along the way, especially when you started threatening to appear so early. But then you fooled us all and stayed in weeks later than anyone thought you would! And then fooled us again by coming out naturally on the day we planned to induce your exit. A mind of your own - you're an independent one!

We decided to do things a bit differently with your pregnancy, in keeping with the idea of a surprise, and didn't find out your gender. Boy, every single person in that delivery room - and there were a few! - were so sure you were going to be a girl. I think I was the only one who thought you'd be my little man...and I was right. When the doctor announced "it's a boy," I can remember smiling my face off. How happy I was to be the mom of a Big Girl and now my little man.

When you started having issues with reflux at three weeks old, I worried by head off. It's not easy for a mom to watch her little one throw up nearly everything he eats. When you still thrived - albeit by eating round the clock to offset your tummy troubles - I started to relax again. Here again, you fooled us all, achieving heights and lengths at the tops of the charts despite terrible reflux. Good for you!

You have many features that remind me of my dad, who died two months before your big sister was born. Sometimes, that makes my heart very happy. Other times, it hurts. But when your face crinkles up into an adorable smile, you're the mini-me of Funny Daddy. I love it! And I love that smile.

You're a vocal critter. Right now, you're sitting just across the room from me and testing out a wide range of sounds, from grunts to squeals to happy little baby chatter. No mamas or dadas yet, but you're definitely able to express yourself in other ways. Hope you don't get overrun by your sister's chattiness...remember, you need to answer back instead of letter her talk for you!

You have a ton of family, even though many live in other areas of the country, and you need to know that you are much loved by them as well as by all of us who you are ~~forced to~~ privileged to live with. You also need to know that even though we may not see some of our family very frequently, they're thinking of you always.

As you fly past your six-month birthday and speed on towards seven, I want you know to how much we're enjoying watching you grow from a cute and cuddly baby to a rough and ready little boy. Seeing you and your sister sit together and giggle your heads off at each other makes my heart so happy. Imagining how it will be when you can run around and ~~terrorize~~ amuse us together makes me smile.

I love you, Jeffrey!

Mom

Talking About Nursing

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 00:55:00 +0000

Sometimes, when I'm talking to my kids, I'm wondering exactly how big of an idiot I think they am. Here's a recent discussion I had with Bubba about nursing.

Mom: Alright, Bubba. Careful now. Mom's a little sore.

Bubba: Boobs.

Mom: I'm glad we decided to give this another go even after I was sick. You're only six months old. No reason we can't get to 13 or 14 months like your sister.

Bubba: Eight more months of boobs? Yee-haw!

Mom: Hey! Did you just bite me? Be careful, Bubby.

Bubba: Just got excited. Slurp.

Mom: That's a good boy. You're such a hungry little bugger.

Bubba: Yup. Definitely better than peas.

Mom: Maybe I'll make you some rice and peas for dinner after this.

Bubba: [crunch]

Mom: Ye-ow. Be careful, little man.

Bubba: No peas. No rice. Steak. Or boobs.

Mom: Well, I guess we're about done here. I'd better get dinner made.

Bubba: My dinner just walked away. Crap.

[end scene]

Talking About School

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 00:43:00 +0000

I talk to my kiddos constantly. And even though Big Girl can answer back, I sometimes make up different answers from her in my head. Because I know that's what she's actually thinking. Consider this conversation on school.

Mom: Did you have fun at school today?

Big Girl: Preschool.

Mom: Did you do anything interesting?

Big Girl: It's preschool. I didn't exactly learn differential diagnosis techniques.

Mom: That reminds me that a new episode of House is on tonight. Did you eat all of your lunch?

Big Girl: Nope. Did you?

Mom: Ah, I, no.

Big Girl: Why not?

Mom: I was just really busy.

Big Girl: Too busy for lunch?

Mom: Well, yeah. I mean, wait. Did you do any drawing at school today?

Big Girl: I'm bored. Is House on yet?

[end scene]

Now I Lay Me Down...

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 02:47:00 +0000

Dear Funny Daddy,

Thanks for buying that cute little doll for Big Girl at church last Sunday...you know, the one that recites the "Now I lay me down to sleep..." prayer. Big Girl has now pushed it's buttons (and mine!) for the 64th time in the last 3 minutes. It's yammering on constantly and I'm fairly sure, having burned through God, Jesus, Yahweh, Jehovah, and Allah, we're now praying to deities of which I was previously unaware.

Big Girl is enthralled. Bubba Boy stood up in his crib to see if he could get in on the Hour of Power.

And I'm wondering if the little doll, which is starting to remind me of Gospel Chuckie, could fit in a prayer or two for me.

But not until after it prays to God # 65.

Now I lay me down to sleep...

Love,

Frazzled Mommy

McDonalds NEMall PlayPlace Review

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 21:18:00 +0000

I took the kiddos to our favorite McDonald's for lunch today. Basically, I needed to run enough energy off Big Girl to prevent her from rending a tear in the fabric of the universe.

Recently, the McDonalds at NorthEast Mall (Pipeline @ 820 in Hurst, TX) underwent major renovations. Here are my thoughts:

Thank you for continuing to have a bathroom just for the little ones. It is hugely helpful.
The flat screen against the back wall is not. Can't see it, can't hear it, didn't come to McD's to watch TV.
I understand the point of nailed down furniture. But it's not practical. If you are unable to change the configuration of the chairs/tables, many families can't easily be accomodated.
Hey! Some of us have strollers! And mine doesn't fit very easily in the PlayPlace. I'm limited in where I can sit, because of overly narrow aisles, and that means that if I get there after those tables are already taken, I either can't come in, or I have to hope someone takes pity on me and moves to a table only accessible for walkers, not riders.
Safety, safety, safety - I can definitely see that a lot of thought for this was put into the redesign and it is much appreciated. I know that when Big Girl goes into the hamster-trail-for-kids, she's going to be safe.
But could we maybe have kept a few outlets? Like on high-up non-reachable-by-mini-monsters areas? One of the things I love best about McDonald's is your free WiFi...but if I want to work there while my little ones play, my battery is eventually going to go dead...
Squooshy floors are cool and make running around without shoes by drunk-on-giddiness toddlers lots safer. Love the new floors you put in.
Napkins and condiments would be appreciated. When you go to McD's with a million mini people, and have fifteen trays to balance with two hands, stopping to get napkins and condiments on the way past is sometimes out of the question. But...I don't want to bring my squirts in just to abandon them there while I go on a napkin-and-ketchup retrieval mission. Could we maybe have a napkin and ketchup station in the munchkin room?

Overall, it's a great place. Some of the redesign areas don't thrill me, but Big Girl loves it, Bubba looks on with envy (gotta walk first, dude), and I get some time to sit and relax while they have fun.

Talking About Dinner

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 00:32:00 +0000

I talk to my little kids like they're big people. To the extent where it may be excessive. And I fill in their responses in my head...which is definitely excessive. But funny. Here's my discussion with Bubba about eating dinner.

Mom: I made you a nice big bowl of rice, baby boy. It's yummy.

Bubba: Boobs?

Mom: I know you're angling for some mommy time, but we're going to eat dinner first, honey.

Bubba: No boobs?

Mom: Open wide, Bubs. Yum, yum, yums.

Bubba: Are you sure no boobs?

Mom: Come on baby. Open up. Yummy nummies for the boy.

Bubba: Ok. Rice. Huh.

Mom: That's a good boy. Niiiiice big bite. Good job!

Bubba: Pbbbbbt.

Mom: No, no, baby. You gotta keep it in your mouth.

Bubba: Nope. Pbbbbt.

Mom: Good lord, how much did you have in your mouth?

Bubba: Lots. Pbbbbt.

Mom: Let's try this again, honey. Oooooo-pen. There we go. Nice, big....

Bubba: Pbbbbt. Haha.

Mom: Clearly, this isn't working. Let's try a drink.

Bubba: Finally. Boobs!

Mom: Nope, I meant for me.

[end scene]

Kids and Snow Days

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 13:10:00 +0000

Remember how exciting it used to be when a snow day was announced? We'd gather around the TV at 5 AM praying that our school name would scroll past next. In the average winter, we'd get 3-6 days off for snow...which would then be made up by deleting days from spring break or staying in school longer in June.

Of course, I also grew up in the north, where a snow day required an actual appreciable snowfall or severely slick roads.

Here in Texas, I wasn't quite expecting to deal with snow days for my kiddos. I mean, the thought of an inch of snow shutting anything down is just hilarious. But then you consider that there's like 3 snow plows in an area home to six million people...and the lack of services for slick roads makes sense.

My daughter's preschool is closed for the third day in a row. This blows my mind. Especially since that means balancing kid duty and work-from-home duty today. Again. When my kid would actually rather head out the door to play with her friends and I would rather head out the door to work with mine.

What's your kid-and-snow-day strategy? We're loading up on Dora, Play Doh, coloring books, and hiding anything with removable lids or copious amounts of fur. Do I really need to explain that part?

And we're hoping for better weather next week. Because this mom is much less of a snow day fan as an adult than she was as a child!

Companion Pieces

Breakfast at Tiffany's: Texans and Snow

The Officer's Wife: Snow Days and Scheduling

Felled By a Sitcom

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 01:15:00 +0000

I'm down with the flu, and TV is playing a big part in my "distract the kids so I don't contaminate them" plan for today. I know, I know. TV isn't a great choice for a babysitter, but when the doc tells you you're highly contagious and that you have to wear a mask if you "have" to be with them, and your husband works nights...well, it's a viable distractor.

In any case, after multiples episodes of Dora, Mickey Mouse and other stuff my mind is conveniently deleting from its database, I decided it was time for a mom-centric show.

Consult: DVR. I don't get to watch many shows first-run, but the DVR captures them for viewing when the kids are already in bed, playing with dad, or succumbing to a milk- or sugar-coma.

Select: the How I Met Your Mother episode from January 24th.

Spoiler alert: if you haven't seen this episode but later intend to and don't want me to ruin it for you, quit reading now.

In a nutshell, this episode deals with the funeral of Marshall's father, played by the goofy sidekick from Coach. (Ya'll know who I mean, right? I'm bad with names.) In it, Marshall's mom and brothers have touching last words to recount from his dad. Marshall doesn't feel like he has a similar story to share...but then discovers a voicemail from his dad that a previously battery-drained phone didn't deliver earlier. That message lets him hear his dad say that word "I love you" one last time.

I don't remember my last words from my dad. He died on August 5th, 2008, 2 months before Catherine was born. During the last six months of his life, he was 100% unresponsive and uncommunicative, and considered to be in a terminal state. Although I was able to see him several times during those six months (I live 1500 miles from where I grew up), our visits were comprised of holding hands or me feeding him various meals. The last meal I fed him, which was also the last time I saw him while he was living, was 2 days before his 75th birthday. It was dinnertime and the very first time I'd visited him in his nursing home without my mom or husband tagging along. He'd already entered hospice care, and we knew the end was near...although we didn't expect him to linger for another six weeks and then die just 18 hours before my flight back for my next visit was to land. But I digress...

I remember the last words I said to him. I told him how much I loved him and how much I missed the man he had been before Alzheimers had robbed him of his mind, his personality, and his quality of life. I told him I was going to enjoy telling my daughter all about the wonderful times I'd enjoyed with her grandfather while growing up but that I hated more than anything that she wasn't going to get to know him. I told him I was glad that he was the first person we'd told about our coming baby, on the trip we made to Pennsylvania 3 months previous when it looked like the end was then - that's a picture of him and I and the baby's first stuffed animal.

But I really wish I could remember the last words he said to me. I know that we talked on the phone a few times after he broke his hip in November of the year prior and had to enter the nursing home for rehab. I know, in fact, that we must have talked even just prior to the weeklong 105 degree temperature he suffered that landed him in the state he'd be in for the rest of his life. And I also know that those talks were probably not about anything meaningful, since Alzheimers had reduced our chats to pleasantries instead of the long talks we used to share. But for the life of me, I can't remember.

Maybe that's better. Maybe the most pleasant memories to save are the ones of our long chats on current events, politics, family gossip, the Phillies and NASCAR. But I don't know.

So here is flu-ridden melodramatic me thinking about what last words I'd want my children to remember me saying to them. "I love you" is a given. "I'm proud of you" and "I want only the best for your life" aren't far behind. But what insightful advice could I offer that they could look back on?

I guess this is what I've come up with: "I want you to always be who you are. Always say what you are thinking, but say it with respect. Always think deeply and thoroughly, but act decisively. Remember who your friends are and always have room in your life for more. Take care of the people you call family, even when they've stolen your last nerve. And never believe that there's anything you can't accomplish through sheer stubborn will."

What do you think? What last words do you remember, or do you want to be remembered by?

Go to School!

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 13:00:00 +0000

Big Girl loves to go to school. We started her in preschool back in June, through a summer camp that a local Montessori sponsored.

Well, my little socialite LOVED it. The first week, she cried when I left her there. Afterall, she never attended daycare, so this was all new.

By the second week, she cried when I picked her up. She was doing half days; most kids stayed all day. She didn't want to leave!

After a brief hiatus to accomodate travel, she started there again in late September, going for two full days.

Over Christmas break - two weeks of no school - she was seriously bummed out. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, she was just sort of off.

But boy...starting back last week just MADE.HER.WORLD!

So let's here it for preschool - social activity, skill enhancements, and time for mommy to do other things - like work!

Do your children attend preschool, daycare, or a similar program? What are your likes or dislikes about your program?

Ooops - time to head out the door to school!

Kids and Church

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 18:31:00 +0000

Six point five days per week, Big Girl is a little devil - she understands the word "no," but believes that if she looks away and can't see me, I can't see her either.

And on Sundays, we go to church. For a long time, Big Girl thought church was a fun place to see people and then spout off during more quiet parts of the sermon, as if thinking that it was her turn to liven things up.

That seemed to change at the Christmas Eve service. Big Girl loveloveloved the music and actually paid more attention than usual. Now, she's only 27 months old - there's definitely a limit to how much she'll get. But she was far more engaged than usual.

Today, she started Sunday school. I was a little worried. She doesn't know any of the other kids in her class, and the morning started off with two of the other Big Girls freaking out.

But she did GREAT! The teacher said she danced and sang and was happy and had a great time. YAHOO!

Coincidentally, on the day when we were alone with Bubba Boy in the church service for the first time, he was HYPER AWARE of what was going on. Cooing and gaaing and checking everyone out. We go to a large church but a very small service...so with only 30 people there, they were also HYPER AWARE of each of his noises. But that's ok! I love that he was interactive instead of simply a passive little baby.

The kids exemplified Christian behavior this morning, both in their interactions in church and also with each other at home. Bubba Boy was crying before we left and Big Girl leaned over to comfort him: "It's ok. It'll be alright." What a nice girl to try to comfort her brother!

Maybe those devil-can-catch me moments the other 6.5 days of the week will start to recede a bit, now. (Then again, maybe not!)

The Part-Time Single Mom

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffany Aller) — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 23:45:00 +0000

Ever since Big Girl was born 27 months ago, I have joked that I was a part-time single mom.

Afterall, with me working days and Funny Daddy working nights, we didn't always actually meet in the middle...especially when you throw in our "extra" involvements like security work (FD) or writing (me). So whenever I was with my kids, I was likely alone with my kids, doing whatever comes with being alone with the kids: making decisions regarding spending, health, punishment, and more.

So why the name? I felt like this experience was more in line than what single parents face, versus what other moms might. In fact, I still feel like this experience is so unique that I'm about to start a whole other blog about it. (*Want details?)

When I felt overwhelmed as a new mom - and who doesn't? - I started to feel like it was unfair that I was always alone with the kids, always dealing with problems on my own.

But with that thought process, I lacked two things: perspective and self-assurance.

Perspective: I sure as heck wasn't alone with my kids all of the time. In his old job, FD worked 4 of every 7 days. In his new job, FD works 5 of every 10 days. And even when he's at home and sleeping (working nights can be tough!) or at work and busy, I can still count on him for advice and support when I need it.

Self-Assurance: I'm independent. Long before I met FD, I maintained my own household. Since marrying and having children, I've done any number of things on my own with the kids, including lots of balancing and lots of decisions. And I've done just fine, TYVM.

When I finally worked my way around to a better understanding of out-of-the-norm parenting (ok, it only took a few months, not forever! I'm a smart cookie!), I felt totally empowered. I'll bet that's how actual single moms feel when they work their way around to knowing that they *can* handle things on their own, and quite well at that.

What say you, actually and part-time single moms?

*New blog project: Called "The Officer's Wife", it will deal with issues unique to families of police officers and other emergency service workers. I'm targeting it to fill a perceived gap - there are a million billion resources (much needed!! bravo!!) for military families who deal with year-long deployments 3-4-5 times in a 20 year career, but pretty near to zero resources for emergency service works who spend half their days of the year, every year, working in the service of others and often in dangerous situations. I'll announce a "Grand Posting" soon!