101 Mistakes and what I learned.

Lesson: 18 Everything is meaningless; except what you believe.

2012-04-22T18:11:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite TV shows is Star Trek Voyager. I have most of the seasons on disk, and used to watch them daily after work as a way to unwind. After years of a hiatus from watching Voyager, I started watching them again from the first season.

The other day a came across a marvelous episode (“Sacred Ground”) that I had completely forgotten about, in this episode the crew has been invited to take respite on a planet enjoy their culture and sacred caves.

In the beginning of the show you see B'Elanna, Harry, Neelix, and Kes getting a tour of one of the sacred caves by the leader of the Nechani people (planet’s inhabitants). Kes the youngest of the crew is very inquisitive and goes off by herself away from the tour. She notices what looks like a doorway of super brilliant beautiful light. She goes up to it and the light field sends out a shock that knocks her out and sends her into a coma.

Voyager’s ship doctor and all their advance technology are unable to help Kes out of the coma. Captain Janeway looking any solution that might lead to help and restore Kes back to health, discovers a myth of the people of this planet where a King from long ago petitioned the monks of the caves to allow himself to go through a ritual to be purified so that he may ask the ancestral sprits to save his son. His son who touched the energy field and also ended up in a deep sleep, the myth states the King was successful and his son was saved. Captain Janeway takes this story to the monks and makes her plea asking, if like the King, if she could go through the ritual to be purified, so she may also implore the sprits to save Kes.

The captain being a scientist and a woman of reason, really does not believe there are ancestral sprits that will save Kes, however she believes if she goes through the ritual she will gain enough scientific information that will allow them to help Kes. Captain Janeway, as a way to prepare reads all she can about the subject of religious rituals from all cultures.

When Captain Janeway shows up at sacred caves to meet her spiritual guide, she is surprised to meet a woman that seems to be anything than what you’d expect of a spiritual guide. Janeway advises that she is ready to do whatever is necessary and is willing to accept whatever challenges they give her.

The guide upon hearing this, states:”Oh it is challenges you are expecting”, they then begin. After some three days and endless challenges of endurance, strength, and spirit, Janeway is given the message from the ancestral sprits that everything is meaningless and she has all that she needs to save Kes herself.

In fact throughout all of the ritual, the guide states this point over and over, “Everything is meaningless”.

After Janeway is informed that she herself has all the answers she needs to help Kes, she goes back to her ship. Janeway is confident, with all the data her ship has been gathering while she was going through the ritual that they have an answer to save Kes. Oh, I should mention that while Janeway was going through all the ritual challenges, they ship was taking scientific data on all her bio status, based on a chip they implanted in her.

After all this though, Voyager’s ship doctor was still unable to help Kes. He announced after trying everything that it seems everything she went through was:”Meaningless”.

Janeway is stunned and goes back to the surface of the planet to speak to her spiritual guide. She implores her and says to her from the get go you have said everything is meaningless; however you lead me to believe that if I went through your ritual I could help Kes. Her spiritual guide informs her, that she led her nowhere; she went where Janeway desired. In other words it was Janeway who decided what the ritual would be and how it would be conducted. It was then that Janeway said the magic words: “I do not know”. The guide then said she was now ready to begin.

Well, it is suffice to say that in the end Janeway was able to help Kes, however it was only when she had the courage to say: I do not know the answers, and then she surrendered. However what ultimately allowed her to save Kes was also her faith, when everything in front of her; all reason deified belief, she took a leap of faith.

I’ve now watched this episode three times in the past couple days. It has really hit home with me in my path right now. In the past several months, I quite my 9-5 job and started my own company. The day after I quit, I started head on, doing a million and one tasks, to get the word out there on my firm and what we had to offer. It’s really been a challenge and I’ve worked my butt off. In February we hit a bump and our computers failed for two weeks straight. Then this month I was hit with the flu that had me out of commission for almost two weeks. A week or so ago I like Janeway was thinking to myself that I’ve taken every challenge to make this business work, why does these mishaps keep coming up. Well, it occurred to me as this episode clearly showed, “Everything is irrelevant” and only has the meaning I give it. All that matters is what I believe.

During the past several challenging months my confidences has gone up and down; at times I feel quite confident all will work out well, and at other times I feeling not the least bit confident. When my confidence would wan, I’d increased my efforts and worked harder doing more stuff. I figured the harder I worked, the better results I’d have, this has not been the case however. Taking a step back this week, I realized nothing I’ve been doing matters, what matters is what I believe; do I have the faith to believe that all will work out? Wow, in the past couple weeks a bunch of amazing opportunities have come about, and all I did was change my mind.

I now not only believe all will work out, I know it will even when all evidence may appear otherwise. I’ve taken a leap of faith, and I know God has my back. Thank you GOD!!!

Lesson 17: Blessings Show Up When You Least Expect Them

2012-03-15T21:18:00.005-07:00

A couple months back I seemed to hit a rough patch. I had just recently started my own businesses, and within the first couple of weeks I had created a website, found some wonderful clients, and wrote my first training course. I was really feeling pretty good about myself and my new business.

Then the 2nd week of November hit and after running my first course for several weeks, I had received numerous positive reviews about how much the information had helped people, and how much they enjoyed the course. At this time I was already working on my second course (in a string of training courses I have planned to write and give in the future), when I received a call from someone who had reviewed my first course.

He started the conversation with some stern criticism, which hit me rather hard, as he not only attacked my writing, but the content itself. I found myself going into defense mode, and started to defend against some of his unjust (I felt) critiques. Upon hearing myself, I stopped short and advised him if he was not happy with what he saw; he did not have to buy this course. This gave him the out he wanted, and he became much nicer after that. We ended the call on a positive note. Of course I knew he’d never call back but that was okay by me. By no means do I ever wish to force someone into buying my products or working with me. I want clients who want to work with me and whom I can help.

For the rest of the week (the call from the unhappy prospect came in on Monday afternoon), I was feeling a little discouraged. Then Friday came, and I could not wait for the weekend to hit to go flying with my friends.

Then some unexpected blessings showed up when I least expected them, I received three client’s from 2pm to 5pm that Friday afternoon. Yay, just when I had started to doubt myself and think “Did I make a mistake starting my own business”?

I realized something after these events though; things are not always going to be easy with my business or my life, however the difficulty will not last forever. Nothing is permanent, and there are always new blessings on the horizon.

Lesson 16: Listen to your gut, and follow your first Instincts

2012-03-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

Over the years I’ve worked with several companies and I’ve always made it a point to advise my clients how important it is to have clear credit and collection policies, in which all concerned are educated on these policies. In some cases these companies had little or no credit policy on hand. Their sales department would simply go out and get new clients, and book them under contract. Then once the services were booked, provided, and the client sent an invoice, 31 days later their collection department would contact the patron for payment.

Often, the problem was the customers did not pay timely, or could not pay at all. Their customers were never advised on the company’s payment terms or the consequence of nonpayment, nor were credit applications taken and run on these clients credit worthiness. The result with some of these companies was 25% or more in past-due accounts per month.

Once I started working with these companies, we sat down to work out a clear credit and collection policy which began with a credit application and or contract the sales representative would request the client fill out during the sales negotiations. Some in sales were in opposition to these changes at first, believing it would hurt their chances of getting viable clientele. Once we had everyone in credit, collections, and sales on the same page regarding these new policies, they understood getting their prospective clients to fill out the credit application protected the company later from potential clients who either could not pay due to bad credit or who had bad payment histories.

Recently, I was surprised after I broke my own personal policy, when I accepted to work for a client without checking their credit-background, and without having them committed to a signed contract. We discussed all terms on the phone, and on Friday I immediately sent over our contract for them to sign. On Monday, I contacted their offices again, asking if they had a chance to look over our paperwork, and asked when we could expect to receive the signed documents. I advised we’d like to get everything completed before we started work with them the following week.

Oddly, a couple days went by and we received no call back. I was beginning to think they had decided to go with another contractor, when their Human Resource person contacted us back asking if we were still set to start work with them the following week. I advised that we surly were, however we still needed their signed contract and credit application back (in order to have all information completed by the time we started work with them). The HR person advised that their officers were reviewing our documents with their legal department, and they should be available when we arrive on site for our consulting assignment.

Okay, at this point a red light went off, telling me something “fishy” was going on here. Being this was a rather big client for us, and I did not want to jeopardize our chance to work with them, I ignored my instincts. A week later we arrived as scheduled to start our assignment. Upon sitting down with the client, I reminded them, we were still awaiting the signed contract and credit application. They apologized and said, “The responsible parties were out on holiday the week prior and they would have our signed documents sent to us shortly”.

Against all better judgment, I asked my staff to begin work. By now, you are probably aware all did not work well in this matter. Four days into our work with this client, they advised they did not need our services, and did not feel what we had done thus far, justified payment. With no signed contract (or any signed documents besides a phone conversation) on the table, going legal would most likely be a waste of money and time.

I learned a very valuable lesson, always listen to your gut, and follow your first instincts. Moreover, make sure you always get a signed contract and or credit application (in which you fully research the client’s credit history, in order to validate their credit worthiness) before you start work for them.

Lesson 15 - Giving and Receiving, Both are a Gift

2011-12-12T20:53:00.000-08:00

For as long as I can remember I’ve really enjoyed giving to people. I find much joy doing things and helping people, and I absolutely love to give gifts to those around me.

Many years prior when a co-worker asked if I gave so often to people to get them to like me? I remember being completely furious with her. How dare her I thought, to even insinuate that I gave or did nice things for people, for any other reason than for altruistic reasons. The truth of the matter was she hit a nerve. When I thought about it later that day, I realized she was partially correct. I actually did enjoy giving to people, and received a great source of pleasure from doing so; however my friend was correct that I also desired people’s approval of me.

Thinking further on the subject, I recalled a number of my close friends over the years complaining that I rarely just accepted gifts and treats from my friends without much hassle. After deep reflection I realized there were a bunch of issues going on for me. One was that if I took gifts, or praise from my friends that they would come to think of me as using them. Also I felt if I took anything, I’d owe them. Of course this was and is entirely not true. My friends love me and do not expect me to give them anything in return for the gifts they give me. There is the other issue though I realize, of self-worth. For much of my life (till just recently), I did not feel worthy to receive.

The greatest lesson in all of this that I’ve learned over the past couple years, is to accept gifts from people. Whether they be friends, family or co-worker, is a great blessing to both parties, both the giver and the receiver. I’ve been utterly blessed with wonderful people in my life who love me, and now I’m fully able to accept their gifts as well as give to them. Having been able to let go of my insecurities, and give and receive wholly has significantly enriched my life, and those around me. Giving and receive completely has brought more blessings and abundance than I could have ever imagined.

Now when I obtain a gift, a thank you or praise, I accept the wonderful gracious gift, and simply say: Thank You. :-)

Lesson 14 –There is ALWAYS Enough

2011-08-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

Back when I first moved out in my early 20’s, I seemed to live on almost nothing, but I always had enough. As I got older, and desired more things and had greater expectations, it was then I discovered I never seemed to have enough. In my early 20’s, after the bills were paid I generally had $10 a week for food, and $5.00 left over for fun. It was tight, but I rarely felt broke. Sure there were times I wish I could go out to dinner, or get a nice outfit, but commonly I just did not focus on what I did not have.

When I hit my early 30’s and started making decent money for the first time, it was then, that I started to travel, buy nice clothes, and eat out a great deal more. I’m amazed how many times in the recent past I’ve felt bummed, when I didn’t have money to take that trip, go out with friends or just buy that nice something or other.

It was then that I remembered what my early 20’s was like. There was no need to spend money to enjoy life. Sure, it’s gratifying at times to buy that item you have been eying for a while; On the other hand, life can be just as much fun doing things that do not cost a penny. Like taking a pleasant stroll in the park, or playing with your pet. I’ve even found it cheaper and more enjoyable to have my friends come over. I cook a little something, perhaps they bring a bottle of wine or desert, however at the end of the day we all spend mere dollars instead of dropping $30-$50 on an evening out.

So, I guess if I had to sum it up, what I really learned is the 'I'm lacking', mind-set is merely a state of mind. I now make an effort to focus on all things I do have and all the blessings God continues to grate me daily.

Lesson 13- Never Be So Desperate to Make a Sale That You Lose Focus of the Objective (A Customer for Life)

2011-08-09T17:39:00.000-07:00

Once while working at a charity event to help raise money, I helped a friend out by selling t-shirts for the benefit. I’ve never really seen myself as much of a sales person, but since I really believed in their product and the charity, I figured it should not be too difficult. For years of working in Accounts Receivable, and Collections, I knew the best way to attract people to your product was to build rapport, so anyone that stopped by my table I immediately struck up a conversation with them.

I looked for something in each person that I could connect with. For one woman it was a unique pair of airplane earrings (I’m an incredible fan of earrings and airplanes; so this woman’s earrings really got my attention). We talked for a while and I found out that she made them. This instantly brought our conversation to our shared interest in jewelry making. This turns out to be one of my hobbies for years. I carried on for hours meeting and greeting many wonderful people, but not really making too many sales.

Then some two hours later a young woman walked over really looking over our merchandise carefully. I diligently kept my distance as I did not want her thinking that I was pushing her or crowding her. I simply let her know if she needs any help of any sort, I’d be available. When it looked like she was going to leave, I asked if anything in particular looked interesting. She told me that she really liked a bunch of the t-shirts, but the one all the vendors at the tables were wearing was the one she liked the best. She asked me if I’d be willing to sell my shirt and then she would buy one of the other shirts we had for sale.

I should mention that for this charity event, the company I was working with was the one who made all the t-shirts for the volunteers & vendors at this affair. I thought the tees were a pretty nifty ad for this charity, and I could see why this customer really wanted one. The charity organizers arranged so that all the volunteers and vendors who worked at this function were given this t-shirt for free when they showed up that morning to work (the shirt served as both a uniform and ad all in one).

In my haste to not lose that sale, I gave the woman my volunteer t-shirt and sold her another product from our table for a total of $30.00. I was ecstatic at my sale, when I heard a volunteer a couple tables down talking to another vendor. He mentioned to that other vendor what he saw me do, and advised the vendor: “watch out for that one, she’s shady.”

I was appalled, in an instant I had ruined my reputation and that of the company I was representing, all for the sale of $30.00. I realized that I lost way more than I had gained. I had lost sight, that to acquire a quick sale today; I had perhaps cost this company many future sales. However more disturbing was the trust and the respect lost in that quick sale.

It was then that I understood that it is better to make a customer for life than an immediate sale now.

Lesson 12 –Make Yourself Indispensable at Work

2011-07-19T18:40:00.000-07:00

In this day and age when jobs are scarce, probably the most important thing you can do to protect your employment is to make yourself indispensable. I learned this lesson long ago. Growing up with two parents that had a very strong work ethic, is most likely what instilled this lesson in me so early. One of my earliest jobs was working with a small fashion company.

During the interview, the CFO informed me that the company had just recently entered the computer age, and their account department was now all learning to use computers and a new accounting software program for the first time. He asked if I had any knowledge of computers. Well, I completely lied as I really needed the job. I did get the job a couple days later and for a little more money than I had asked for. I then made it a point to learn everything I could about computers and in particular the software program that the CFO had mentioned during our interview.

I devoured every manual and book I could find on the subject, and when I started working with this new company, I stayed late each evening, as I studied the workings of my specific department. Within 6 months of working with this new company I became the expert on their accounting software. Every new hire was sent to me for a couple days of training (including the new computer technician that was also just hired).

The reason I mention all this, is not to simply sing my praises on what a marvelous employee I’m, but to make a point. Some 6 months after I had started with this new company, they went through a tough patch financially, and were forced to fire more than half their present staff at the time. Some whom had been with the company for more than 20 years and were close to retirement were given a package to retire early. Many others were simply let go. I was quite shocked at first, when I was not one of the personnel fired. I now know why, I had made myself indispensable. I had something this company really needed; a skill set for which at the time I was the only one within the company with this expertise and crucial knowledge.

The lesson being, always make yourself indispensable at work, and keep learning new things, new skills, and new knowledge, no matter what rank you reach in your present employment.

Lesson 11- Tell the Truth 1st to Yourself

2011-07-17T12:39:00.000-07:00

We’ve all be taught lying is bad, and we should not do it. However, we would all be lying if we said all of us have not, at one time or another, lied to get out of a sticky situation, by telling a friend what he or she wants to hear, to make them feel better, or telling a white lie to spare someone’s feelings. We may even fudge the truth to not deal with some uncomfortable feelings ourselves.

What I’ve come to realize about all lying for the most part, is we first lie to ourselves. To make it okay for us to lie, we rationalize to ourselves how the particular lie is either necessary, or if we tell ourselves a really good story, we actually convince ourselves our lie is actually the truth.

This last bit I can clearly relate to. For some many years, I’ve had trouble with my spending tendencies, and had finally after many years of friends trying to bring the problem to my attention; I finally faced facts I was indeed a shopaholic. For more years than I can remember, if I had a bad day, or felt under the weather I’d self gratify by buying a little something. Depending on my finances at the time, it may be as little as a hair trinket, to several new outfits.

What was clearly the same each time, how I convinced myself, I absolutely needed whatever it was I was buying, as if my very life depended on me buying this thing. I would thoroughly convince myself into this lie, there was little anyone could do at the time to persuade me otherwise.

These specific lies, with regards to my spending habits, finally came crashing down on me some two years back. When my on-again off-again boyfriend and I had broken up for the second time, my life and my spending went into a downward spiral. I had so completely wrapped myself in this relationship, and basically made it the center of my universe. When it ended, I did what I always did when I was depressed, I went on a shopping spree; actually I went on several shopping sprees till I nearly maxed out every credit card I owned.

It started with me saying, "I just need to spruce things up a bit in my apartment and make the space more ‘me’". So I started with buying a new couch, and chair, which in turn ended up being all new furniture, new silverware, new flatware, new clothes, new curtains (3 new shower curtains to be exact), new toilet seat, new carpet (bathroom and living room), new sheets, and towels, you name it, I got rid of the old and got new ones.

Some of my friends actually went along with my lie at the time, and said it was healthy I was getting rid of all stuff I shared with my ex-boyfriend, but some 6 months later the truth came crashing in. My two oldest and dearest friends said they needed to talk. When they first approached me and said they believed I had a problem with my spending, I was of course totally skeptical. Until they talked me into going over all my credit card and bill statements with them, and itemized everything onto a spreadsheet. I was firmly sure my debt at the time was no more than 12K max. When all was said and done, the full total after our plugging the numbers was 26 thousand in debt, I nearly fainted.

I could not believe I would be in this much debt and not know it. I’ve since come to terms with my weakness for spending and shopping, and have made a point to stay clear of any shopping or clothing stores when I’m feeling down. I cut up all my credit cards two years ago, and have focused on paying off this debt. My biggest lesson in all of this was how easy it is for all of us to lie first to ourselves when faced with a problem we do not want to accept or acknowledge.

Lesson 10 –Trust with Prudence

2011-07-05T13:49:00.000-07:00

While living in Manhattan I had decided to take on a close friend as a roommate in hopes of saving some money. While this person wasn’t the closest of my friends, we had known each other for years and I anticipated no problems with us living together. The first two years living together went quite smoothly. We both respected each other’s space, and seemed to live harmoniously together; until my move to Puerto Rico.

You may remember from a couple of lessons back, my plan to study and live in a Spanish speaking couture for minimum of one year. I choose to move to Puerto Rico.

My friend had been extremely supportive of my plans to move to P.R. for the year to study and live a life submerged in the Spanish culture. She advised that she would hold down the fort here in NY while I tried out things in P.R. She convinced me, that a friend of hers that was moving to the States from abroad could room with her in my apartment, and pay my half of the rent. She surmised that this would save me even more money toward my move, and that if all did not work out in Puerto Rico, I could just come back to NY.

I was completely grateful for all my friend’s support and help. So as the move got closer, I worked on sorting out all the last minute details here. On the day of the move my friend came with me to the airport and saw me off, assuring me she would take care of all business here (including caring for my cat, and paying all bills).
After a couple weeks on the Island, and having set myself up in a nice apartment in the San Juan area, I received a rather disturbing call one afternoon from the landlord of my Manhattan apartment. She informed me that about two weeks prior she had received a call and a letter from my roommate informing her that I had vacated the apartment. My roommate went on to say that she is now the new tenant of the apartment, and demanded that my landlord, send her a new lease in her name.

I was completely shocked. My landlord went on to say that my friend had been trashing the apartment, and had had loud noisy parties on several occasions (something she had not done while we had been living together) since I left for Puerto Rico. My landlord advised if I could have my friend (and her roommate) removed from the premises before the end of the month, and if the damages to the apartment were not extensive, she would consider giving me back my deposit. However she warned the last day of that month my lease with them would effectively be terminated.

I did get my ex-friend out of my apartment, and cleaned and fixed any damages made by her and her friends in time to receive my deposit back. However I felt I lost so much more in the process. I lost a great apt. in Manhattan, and a person who I had thought of as a friend.

For a while I was very angry and very distrustful of anyone. Now though looking back, I realized that trust was not the issue, prudence was. In retrospect I now see many warning signs about my ex-friend, and her promise, to as she called it “Hold down the fort” that should have made me very suspicious, and look deeper at her motives. This was a hard lesson, but one that has made me a stronger person.

Picture created by Windtee

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Lesson 9 – Never Lose Faith (Even when things get tough)

2011-06-18T17:52:00.000-07:00

Back in my early 20’s I had been laid off. The news could not have hit me at a worse time. I had just signed a lease to a wonderful apartment in the upper east side of Manhattan (rent controlled no less). It was a small one bedroom for an incredible price. Of course the realty company took me to the cleaner requesting some 3 months’ rent as their commission. Well, with the awesome location I was more than happy to pay their price, and thanks to a loan my Mom gave me I was able to secure the apartment, before someone else snatched it up.

Unfortunately y only a couple short months after moving in to my new rad apt., I was out of a job. I had only one month’s extra rent saved in my bank (thank God), but other than that, I had no extra savings or income. I promptly filed for unemployment, and a month later was informed, that I would receive approximately $54.00 a week.

What?? That would barely just cover my food expenses for the month. Wow, I was completely stressed, but I knew I had to find some extra income fast to cover my rent and expenses. I decided to post an ad to sub-lease my apartment for at least one month. I figured I’d stay with one of my friend’s for the month and sleep on their couch or something, and during the day, hit the pavement looking for work. In less than a couple days I found a suitable person to sub-lease my apt. (unfortunately I hadn’t included electric and gas into our lease together; so I ended up paying a high then usual gas and electric bill. A lesson I only realized too late).

I moved in with a close friend, and to make my time with her less burdensome (she was a single mother of two), I babysat her children when possible and cooked for the entire family each evening. I then worked during the day as a full time job seeker. Applying, calling, writing and going on at least a minimum of 3 interviews per day. Within a couple weeks and many rejections, I quickly became very frustrated.

I consider myself to have a strong faith in God, and when in a particular jam, I’ll usually just pray to God and say something to the effect: “Well, God, you know me better than anyone (including myself), and you know what I’m going through and what my needs are, and I know that you will provide all that I need, Thank you God!” I have never felt comfortable praying for a particular thing or result; I just figured that would be rather arrogant, as who would know better what I need than God.

So at this time I said just such a prayer. I’d do my part and work as diligently as I could to look for work, and God would take care of the rest. Of course I certainly had times of doubt, but I routinely pushed all those thoughts out of my head when they popped up. About month or so of unemployment, I had received and spent my entire unemployment check on food. When one day I had a strong urge to go to my bank and check my account. I argued with myself for awhile, saying there is nothing in there, so why go to the bank? After going back and forth a bit, I decided perhaps there were a couple bucks left in there that I had forgotten about, and maybe I should just go and check it out.

So off I went to the bank, and when I asked for my available balance, I almost fainted it came to the exact amount I was short to cover my bills for that month. My logical mind, tried to explain the fact away saying it was just a bank error, and the bank would shortly come to the conclusion of their error and take back the money. But deep down, I knew this was not what had happened; God had sent me this money. I quickly said a prayer of Thanks to God, and promptly went home and wrote checks for all my bills.

Then for the next 5 months I paid all my bills, and took whatever money I needed from the ATM machine. I never once looked at my account balance. Now mind you, I was still only receiving a $54.00 dollar check from unemployment each month, and no other income (this was before the days of overdraft as well). I just paid what I had to, and said a prayer of Thanks to God. When the 6th month of unemployment hit, an odd thing started to occur. Everyone around me, started to feed me fear. My friends, family, and acquaintances, all grilled me, asking how I was living with no income coming in. (I hadn’t wanted to tell anyone about my miracle at the time, thinking that I might jinx things if I did). As all their worries and fears started to seep into my mind, I started to doubt whether God would continue to help me out. What if he decides to stop helping me, I thought?

On a day where my fear seemed at its height, I went to my bank to withdraw some funds for groceries, and low and behold, my account was empty. I immediately realized that it was my loss of faith, that God would be there and take care of me that caused my bank account to go to zero. I immediately begged for forgiveness asked that all go back to the way it had been; alas things did not change.

For several weeks I was torn apart, and extremely stressed. Attempting to find a solution myself to get out of this mess. I continued to go on even more interviews and work ever harder than before looking for work; to no avail. It was then, one afternoon, when my best friend Janel treat me to lunch, that I told her, “As of this moment I’m surrendering all my problems to God. I’m going to stop trying to handle everything by myself.” I felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from me, and immediately felt at peace and joy. Within the week, I received a job offer, for more money than I was asking at the time, and for one of the best companies I have had the pleasure to work for. THANK YOU GOD!!!

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Manna from Heaven

Lesson 8 – Be prepared

2011-05-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

Back in my late 20’s I was finding life rather dull, and decided upon a way to spice it up; I would move to a Spanish speaking country for a year. I would live, and work completely in Spanish. Mind you, at the time my Spanish was and still is rudimentary, but I thought, no problem I can do it. So with a $1,500.00 saved up, I gave notice at my current position at the time.

This was one of the best companies I have ever had the pleasure of working with. It had a real family feel, and everyone including my boss and the president of the company were supportive and happy for me in my new adventure. My last day at the company my boss took us all out for lunch and the president arranged for a breakfast in my honor, so everyone could wish me well and say good bye (this company was very small; under 50 people). Oh, I forgot to mention, what place I decided to move to. I choose to go to Puerto Rico. At first I thought I’d move to Seville Spain for a year, but when I checked out the prices, I decided P.R. would be the best bet. I’d traveled to Puerto Rico some 5 time prior on vacation and had friends with family there that I could contact in case of an emergency.

Before I arrived in Puerto Rico I attempted to set up a bunch of interviews, but this seemed near impossible, as all the places I called requested that I have a Puerto Rican address and phone number. I decided to just book my flight and hotel, and felt quite confident that I could secure a position before my funds ran out.

I landed in San Juan Airport at 1pm on Friday afternoon; I immediately took a cab to my hotel (booked the cheapest room I could find for $75 a night), and then headed out to the nearest bodega to get a newspaper (‘El Nuevo Dia’ the NY Times of P.R). I realized if all the positions wanted me to have a P.R. address and phone number I first had to secure a place to live and then get a phone number. So the first thing I did was look in El Nuevo Dia’s classifies for some apartments for rent. That very afternoon I went to look at three apts. The last one was a winner. I found a very nice studio apartment in San Juan. It had a family feel to the neighborhood (a lot of little kids and toddles playing in the street) for only $275.00 per month. I immediately signed the contract and gave my deposit. The landlord advised that they would have to check my references and credit and would call me in a couple days.

The then next morning I headed off to Telefónica de Puerto Rico (P.R.’s Telephone company). Luckily before I moved, my mother gave me an old cell phone. I took the cell phone to the phone company and they promptly set me up with service and a 787 phone number (PR area code). I then took my resume to the lobby of the hotel I was staying at and asked if they could send a couple of faxes for me. They were gracious enough to send out several faxes to a couple of possible positions for me.

The following day the landlord at the place I had checked out earlier in the week called and gave me the green light to move in. That day I checked out of the hotel I was staying at, and put my merger things into a cab, and headed off to my new apartment. Once all my baggage was dropped off. I headed to ‘Plaza Las Américas’ (the biggest mall in San Juan), to get some essentials, such as an air mattress, some sheets and towels and such. After getting back I spend the rest of the evening unpacking and cleaning my new space.

Two days later a call came in for a job interview for a small motel in the Isla Verde area in San Juan. I went to the interview, and within a couple of minutes realized that the controller of this establishment was from Queens NY. We had quick and easy banter together, and within less than a half hour I had a job offer for $8 dollars an hour; which by the way is awesome money for PR (My friend who was working in PR only made $6 dollars an hour w/ a masters degree in accounting). I was so excited, I immediately called my old job in NYC, and got all my old co-workers including my old boss on the phone, and told them the good news. They were all so happy for me. I then took myself for a celebratory dinner at Denny’s (One of my favorite suburban restaurant, which I ate at often while growing up in Virginia).

Well, things seemed to be off to a great start in my new life in PR, until three weeks later I was let go from my new job. It should not have been a complete surprise however, as two days prior to being let go (pay day). The controller and owner of the hotel (a prejudice, mean spirited southerner from Alabama), were yelling in the hallway outside our offices. He was telling the controller that there was no way in hell that he was going to pay me $8.00 an hour, when he was paying everyone else $4 an hour. Two days later on a Sunday evening, one of my co-workers from the hotel showed up on my doorstep with my belongings, my final check (of which was short $250.00), and a letter saying I was being let go because I could not perform the job I was hired to do.

I knew this was not the truth, as two days prior to the yelling in the hallway (between the owner and controller); the controller had taken me out to dinner in Viejo San Juan as a welcome to the position, and Thank you for all my hard work. Nevertheless, here I was three weeks in to my new life here, without a job. I had already spent the entire $1,500.00 I had come with, and the hotel’s final check was only around $300.00 dollars. To say I was stressed was a mild understatement. The rent for my new apartment was due soon, and was $275.00. That pretty much left me with $25 for all other essentials (including food).

In the end all did not work out the way I had hoped, and I was forced to come back to NYC on Labor Day weekend 1999. I was depressed for weeks that I did not accomplish what I set out to do. I did learn however that one of the biggest reasons things did not work out for me in PR, was that I did not plan appropriately. I had been doing light research before I moved, but in the end; I had really not had a clear plan of action on how I would accomplish my goals. I moved spontaneously and quickly; all because I was bored with my life and unfulfilled. I learned many lessons in my two and a half months living in Puerto Rico (many of which I will share in future posts), however I could have spared myself much heartache and pain had I been more prepared.

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Lesson 7 - Success Can Never Be Accomplished Alone.

2011-05-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

I once had quite a disappointing experience at work. I had always prided myself with working to my fullest potential, and giving my 100 percent effort at all times. One of my ex-bosses once remarked that I should lighten up, “I behave as if I own the company” he stated. Well, for me this is the way all employees should be. A company hires you for a service, and I believe you should provide the best possible service you can provide.

Image my surprise then, when I was hired into a new position at a company I was very excited to be working with, when within several months of starting work with there, I was invited in for my first (and I hope last) write up. My manager informed me while they had no complaints about my work ethics; they stated that I was not working well with my co-workers. This was news to me, as I never spoke to any of them. I came in well before all my co-workers (& my boss for that matter), and stayed late most nights.

Well, that seemed to be the exact problem my boss stated, I never said so much as a hello to anyone, just, worked, worked, and worked. My co-workers seemed to be under the impression that I thought I was better or above them. This totally shocked me, as I really did not have an opinion of any of my co-workers. I was so thoroughly absorbed in my work and getting the job done as well as I could, that I frankly paid little attention to anyone

My boss then gave me some advice; he said he saw me as a diamond in the rough, and having the potential to one day to be a great leader. However, he cautioned you cannot forget that you cannot get there alone. You need people. He further advised that I take some time each morning to get up, and go around the office and say some quick hellos. Now he said: “Not that I want you talking all day at the water cooler, but just get to know your co-workers, perhaps even go to lunch with some of them occasionally”.

As embarrassing as the write up had been, I promptly took his advice, and the very next day, made a point to say hello to everyone in my department. At first I was met with some strange stares as some wondered why I was talking to them, since I had never spoken to them in the past. Well, I’m happy to report, that within 3 short months I had built some wonderful friendships. I earned the respect of all my co-works, and supervisors. The best part, is work became a lot more enjoyable, and easier, now that I knew I did not have to handle it all myself.

You can post your own 'Life's Lessons' at: http://www.wix.com/pipermama/piper-mama

Lesson 6 - Never Judge a Book (or person) By Their Cover

2011-05-14T19:58:00.000-07:00

Back in grammar school I was unfortunately teased and bullied quite a bit. In 4th grade there was this girl named Julie, who was a bit of a tom boy. In recess one day Julie and a bunch of boys were playing ball. I attempted to join their game, and Julie would have none of it. She threw the ball straight at me; and hit me Right Square in the middle of my face. Usually I would have said nothing, but this really ticked me off, and we both got into a screaming match.

Our teacher heard our fighting and came quickly to break it up. They then sentenced us to one week of detention, and put us on a project together. As well, they asked us to both apologize to each other. I was not happy. It was bad enough I had to stay in detention for a week, but to have to spend it with this person who had treated me so terribly. In my mind this was completely unfair, I hadn't done anything wrong I felt; it was all her fault.

The week past quickly, and we learned a lot about each other. Julie might have been tough (& as I perceived it at the time perhaps mean to me), but her loving parents were quite strict and demanding of her. Her Dad was the minister of their church and both her parents expected a lot of her. We actually learned by the end of that week that we were not all that different.

It turned out that Julie and I became the best of friends through the rest of grammar school. Incidentally, Julie was also the one who later introduce me to God and Jesus. I'll forever be most grateful to Julie for her guiding me to my own relationship with Jesus. I guess the lesson in all this, was we both learned not to judge a book (or person) by their cover.

Lesson 4 & 5

2011-05-14T16:04:00.000-07:00

You are Worthy &

It Is Okay Make your Needs and Desires Known.

As a child I was taught: “Children are to be seen not heard” and I learned as well, that it was bad form to be the first to accept or take something (also, not to take the last of something). Hence for the better part of my teens and early 20’s I had great difficulty asking for what I truly wanted and making my desires be known. One such time I remember, my dance teacher Jose (I studied Flamenco for some 6 years back in my early 20’s) inviting a bunch of us students back to his place for some drinks before we headed out to a performance together.

When we got to his place, he asked me first what I would like to drink. Feeling it was wrong at the time, to be first to be served, I said: “Nothing, Thank you”. Jose then proceeded to ask all the rest of the students what they wanted and promptly served their drinks. After everyone had been served and I was the only one not drinking something, Jose asked me again if I wanted anything. I said. “Okay, I’ll take a coke, Thanks”. I remember he was a little upset, when he said: “Why didn’t you just say that when I asked the first time.” Well, I had no answer I could give him at the time, but I remember being a little embarrassed.

Looking back at my life though, I’ve come to realize that it has been a constant struggle for me to ask for what I need or desire from someone. I have therefore, set lower standards in my life so when I get less I do not feel so bad. An example would be several years back when I was interviewing for a position I really wanted. I desired a certain amount of money, and I know with my experience at the time and the going rate in the industry that I could get this certain price, but I somehow did not feel worthy to ask for this much money.

After the interview, they asked me my salary range. I gave them a figure which I felt was 5K below the going rate for this position and my experience. I felt this way; I was ensuring I’d get this position if I asked for less. The interviewer then gave me some advice, he told me with my present skills, experience, and references he had thus far checked out, I had actually under priced myself by 10 thousand dollars. He asked me point blank why I would do such a thing. Just like with the Jose, and drink episode I was embarrassed and had no real answer. Now I realize that I did these things, one because I not feel I was worthy to ask for what I truly wanted or desired and two because I thought I could protect myself if I asked for less, and perhaps got more. You know what I mean, no disappointments. If I do by happenstance get what I desire, awesome, but if I don’t, that’s okay too.

I’ve come to realize though this is definitely not my best life lived, by constantly accepting less, or by not asking and going for what I truly desire, need or want. Therefore I have made a pact with myself going forward, not to accept less from or for myself, and to remind myself often that it is okay to accept help, and ask for what truly need or desire.

Lesson 3- Never Let Money Along Be the Deciding Factor in a Decision

2011-05-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

Several years back in my early 20's, I had been working at a wonderful company for several years. I had essentially become bored at this job, and decided to look for a new and exciting position. Immediately I sent out my resume, and in no time had lined up a bunch of interviews. Within a month or so of looking a very promising offer was received from a somewhat new advertising agency. Everyone in the company was 30 years of age or younger. The vibe in this office was fresh, light, exciting and full of positive energy. Oh did I mention there were way more handsome young men, than woman in this office (a definite plus)! The only down side was that they were only offering me about a $2,000.00 annual increase. I was looking to make at least a 5K annual increase.

Being that all other factors with this offer seemed great (and from what my future boss advised there was definitely potential to grow here); I decided to take the offer. After accepting this offer I immediately gave two weeks’ notice to my present employment at the time. Then for the next two weeks it was all I could do to continue myself. I was so delighted at this new position that I could hardly wait for the day to arrive.

Two weeks passed quickly, and the day had come to start my new job. I was excited and woke up early to prepare. While getting ready, my career agent called, saying a perspective new client (a jewelry company) of hers was interested in meeting me for a position. I was about to tell her, that I was just fine with the offer I accept two weeks prior, when she advised that this other client, wanted to offer me a lot more money than the Ad agency. I paused for a moment thinking that it’s not likely that this new client will offer me a position, but what the hay, it can’t hurt to go and hear them out. So I accepted and my agent booked the job interview for 1pm that day.

Off I went, to my new position at the Ad agency. All the people at this new company were really nice, accommodating, and helped me set up and start the training process for my new position. 1pm came, and I went off to the job interview with the jewelry company. To my great surprise, the vice president of the jewelry company offered me a job on the spot, for 9 thousand dollars more than the Ad agency. Wow, I could not believe it. In one short week, I could be making 11K more annually than the job I had originally left. Well, with dollar signs swimming in my eyes, I immediately accepted their offer and said I could start the very next day.

Now came the bad news, I had to tell the Ad agency, that I had made wait for me, for two weeks, that I was just up and leaving them. They did not take the news well, as can be imagined. I felt awful about leaving them like this, but the idea of making so much more money felt like an opportunity I could not pass up. The next day I started at the jewelry company bright and early. By lunch time though, I had began to realize that I had made a huge mistake. The day before, the interview with the vice president of the jewelry company was at another location other than their offices (this should have been a red flag, why had we not met at the office, since it was only a couple blocks from the Ad company that I was coming from).

I found most of the employees grossly disgruntled and very angry. The owner of the company was an absolute tyrant. From calling the vice president a “Bitch” in the hall way, to calling out several racial slurs to fellow employees, as well as in appropriate sexual comments. I had entered the job from hell. I then called up the ad agency I had skipped out on and apologized for my behavior. I then called my primary job that I had originally left (because I was bored) and humbly asked for my old position back. I’m happy to say that they did take me back. It was then that I realized I would never again; make a decision based solely on money alone.

Lesson 2- Believe in Your Self

2011-05-02T18:53:00.000-07:00

As a child I had great difficulty learning to read. Many of my teachers believed I had a mild form of retardation. From as early as I can remember I was in learning disability classes. My mom worked very hard to get me up to main stream level, and sat countless hours trying to teach me to read; to no avail. By the time I was in ninth grade, my learning disability class was reading at or below a 5th grade level. I remember in some reading sessions we were actually reading ‘Dick and Jane’ stories.

I remember at this time become increasing depressed and frustrated. In my mind I knew I was smart, but with all the learning disability courses I was in, I felt stupid. I finally made up my mind one day, that I would learn to read and write, and at the main stream level (9th grade). I announced to my English teacher at the time that I would like some 9th grade reading material to take home, because I’d like to work on getting myself up to the same level as most the students my age. My teacher laughed at me, and advised that at this late stage of the game if I could not read or write, it was not likely that I ever would.

I was undeterred, and brought all the reading materials home. Soon after though, I became very frustrated, as I truly could not understand what I was seeing. A few months later my family went through some major upheavals, as my parent headed toward divorced. Shortly thereafter we moved in with my Grandma in New York (we had previously been living in Virginia). My Grandma, who had always had faith and believed in me, got me an audition at the school of performing arts. The last auditions for that year had actually past, but being as determined as my grandma was, she would not take no for an answer. She showed up at the schools principal’s office every day for a week, until he related and gave me an audition.

I auditioned on my violin and made it into La Guardia H.S. of the Performing Arts for the 10 grade (two months into that semester). Now came the interesting part. After about a week or so in the new school, my English teacher noticed that I couldn’t keep up. He advised me that in the 1st assignment he gave me, I couldn’t even construct a proper paragraph, and he was going to send me for some further testing. I was very nervous at hearing this, thinking that after all this hard work I was going to be booted out of this awesome high school. He assured me though, that once a student makes it into the school, the school does everything it can to help that students become their best.

They sent me for a number of academic, psychological, and mathematical tests. After which time it was finally revealed to me that I had dyslexia. The school then hired me a tutor that worked with me every day during lunch (& sometimes after school). Within a year of hard work, and focused determination, I worked my way into all main stream courses in less than a year. Not only that, but due to the wonderful tutors and teaches of this school and all their extra help, I got A’s in English every year after. Without the belief in myself, as well as the encouragement and belief in me by the tutors, teachers and my grandma; I do not think I would have succeeded.

Lesson 1 - Always Best to be Your Authentic Self

2011-05-01T18:13:00.000-07:00

I've created this blog, because through out my life I've had a number of successes and failures. What I've noticed though is I've learned more from my failures and mistakes then from the successes. Generally, in the most difficult times of my life is when I grew and learned the most. So, as I remember all of my life's lessons, I plan to blog what the failure, mistake, catastrophes were and what I learned from them.

As a kid I was kind of a geek, and definitely not popular in any way. In my grammar school there was this one girl I remember named Liz. She was the most popular girl in our school. I truly admired her. She was not only beautiful, smart, and talented (she always played the lead in all the school plays, and was the lead violinist in the school's orchestra), she had loads of friends. I recall that one day; I decided I would study her. I would learn all her mannerisms, idiosyncrasies, speech, and I would study harder, so that I too could make it on the honor roll (this last part was not a bad idea).

I became so good at coping Liz, that if you closed your eye, you could swear I was indeed her. Liz being the most popular girl in school also took to calling attention and making fun of all the geeks, nerds, and all other misfits (I being one of her targets).

One day, I had come early to school, and saw a bunch of students milling around the front of the school. They seemed to be teasing a nerdy looking kid, just sitting on the stoop. I came by, and decided to put on my Liz mask, and started to join in on their teasing of this boy. I made what I thought was a rather cleaver joke about his glasses (which I felt were really big and ugly). Everyone in the crowd burst into laughter, and for that moment, I felt like the popular kid. They all started to make their own jokes about his ugly glasses. The boy with the big glasses at this time started to cry.

Then when I totally wasn't expecting it, another boy in the crowd, noticing that I'm one of the geeky kids brought this fact to the attention of the rest. The crowd then turned to cruel jokes and teasing in my direction. I immediately felt humiliated, as I realized that I had acted as awful as Liz, and the rest of the people who regularly make fun of me and all the non-popular kids. It was then that I came to the conclusion that I would never want to be like these callous people (even if being them would make me the most popular girl in school).