S.M.A.C.K. Your Inner Critic

Time Out for the Inner Critic

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 05:07:57 +0000

Hi y’all, Clare here –

Jacque and I have been talking and we figured out that we need a bit of a hiatus from trackin’ the Inner Critic’s every move. Other writing projects are beckoning, or waving madly, or beating us over the head (in a good way), and I know you know how hard it is to balance out a schedule.

So we’re going to take a break from the blog for a while. In my ideal world, we’d have a random S.M.A.C.K. generator for you – Click and Smack! – but we just don’t have the tech savvy, yet. :) But of course, all our blog posts will stay right here where you need ‘em.

You can also still email us at clareandjacque@gmail.com with questions and comments and suggestions for new S.M.A.C.K.s; we’d love to hear from you.

Peace, and props for fighting the good fight –

Jacque and Clare

First response: soften.

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 18:20:59 +0000

“Push hands” in Tai Chi serves the same purpose as sparring in other martial arts; it’s a chance for you to apply what you’re learning on your own, in your own solitary body, in practice with other people. But push hands isn’t about speed or force or even about winning. In fact, if any of those three approaches are your first response to your partner’s actions in push hands, your partner will tie you in a knot before you can think.

Most teachers would probably say the first principle of Tai Chi push hands is to root, to feel yourself connecting into and through the ground. That makes it more difficult for the other person to get you off balance.

But my first principle has to be softness. If I’m tight and hard, I’ll forget all about my root, and everything else. So in push hands, as well as the rest of life, I’m starting to make “soften” my first thought, my first action, and my first reaction, in every circumstance. When you soften, you remember what you need, and you remember what you have (which of course is all you need).

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark Teacher

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:00:07 +0000

Teachers come in many forms and not all of them are the kind, wise old man or woman who opens up a whole new world of miracles to you. Sometimes the universe sends you the dark teacher. The one who comes at you aggressively or condescendingly or critically. While you’re in the middle of facing a dark teacher, it’s next to impossible to realize that you’re actually receiving a gift, but often these people make our best teachers. He or she is there to test you. Do you really want what you say you want? Just how much are you willing to endure? How hard are you willing to practice? Can you develop a coat of armor so strong that you continue to work for what you want even when the dark teachers show up?

The dark teacher appears in many forms: an actual teacher, a lover, a boss. What dark teachers have you had? What have they taught you?

Go outside.

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 17:48:01 +0000

This is by far not the first time this S.M.A.C.K. has been said on this blog, but really, it can’t be said enough. Go outside!

There is absolutely nothing so important that you can’t afford 15 minutes to be free of walls.

And when you’re out there, trying just watching the clouds pass and doing nothing else… another old stand-by we’re always in danger of forgetting. Yesterday I saw Snoopy change into a crocodile turn into a Pekinese turn into a little old man dancing :)

When it’s time to let self-protection go.

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:48:20 +0000

I’ve worked lately on rooting out some belief systems I developed as a child. One of the ideas I took on as a youngster was that I had a “spine of steel” and could live through anything. It served me extremely well in challenging times of my life and I became very proud of my strong steel spine.

Perhaps it won’t come as a shock to the bodyworkers reading this that I have had chronic back pain for a decade. I have seen physical therapists, chiropractors, and personal trainers. I’ve done yoga, had electric shock therapy, and balanced on a ball while I work at my desk–all in an effort to reduce the pain.

Recently I’ve been working with a man who has come at my back pain from the front by working my soaz muscles. At the same time I’ve meditated on this idea of the steel spine. Perhaps having such a heavy form of self-protection weighing me down isn’t the best thing after all.

And guess what? The back pain is going away. For those of you who have chronic pain of any kind I know you’ll understand what a freaking miracle this feels like. It brings tears to my eyes right now to notice that I’m sitting at my desk and my back doesn’t hurt at all.

So my question for you is this: When you were a child, what mechanisms of self-protection did you develop? Do you still need them now or is it time to release them?

Seven Habits of Highly Dramatic People

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 09:00:37 +0000

Decluttering occasionally rocks.

I was cleaning through my email archives and I found this lost gem. Picture the Inner Critic singing an aria to its tone-deaf little self… it made me laugh as hard as I did the first time. Enjoy!

http://www.scottsongs.com/pages/columnist_author_pg_humor.htm

Pointing Fingers

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 09:00:33 +0000

I am so, so, so sick of playing the blame game. I’m even sick of blaming the Inner Critic. Recently I figured out, with some help of course, that I’ve been blaming an entire area of my body, treating it like it’s part of A Problem instead of part of my body. That’s like blaming the Mississippi for the mess in New Orleans. But the river didn’t cause Hurricane Katrina, it was just reacting…

In a healthy ecology, cursing the weather is a waste of time, and distracts you from doing what you can. I think from now on, every time I’m tempted to blame, I’m going to ask for help instead.

Do for yourself what you’d do for others.

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 15:32:14 +0000

Last week I stood up for my three stepchildren fiercely and quickly. A librarian at our local library refused to let me help them get library cards because I am their stepmother and not a legal guardian. She told me this was a library policy in front of all the children. When I emailed an irate letter to the head of the entire county library system, the director, a stepparent himself, responded with an apology and an outline of the action the library would take. The registration documents for library cards will be reprinted to include stepparent on the parent/guardian line and the library staff will be trained in how to deal with blended families. This experience led to a discussion with my stepchildren about how they didn’t have to be embarrassed to be part of a stepfamily.

The entire experience reminded me of dealing with my own inner critic. Often I am silent in my own defense when my inner critic makes me feel stupid for wanting to go after my dreams of writing fiction full-time. But when my stepchildren were threatened I became a fierce warrior. The next time I hear my inner critic try to make me feel like a loser I’m going to become a warrior and stand up for myself.

You are not omniscient.

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 09:00:36 +0000

And thank god for that.

Because that allows you to say “I have no idea what’s going to happen.”

Try it, say it out loud. “I have no idea what’s going to happen.”

The Inner Critic specializes in telling you every possible, terrible thing that could go wrong, in detail. But it doesn’t really know, because you don’t know. The world is far too complex for anyone to be able to predict the future; even the next five minutes are up in the air. You are probably scared of not having control, but you will feel a lot better admitting the truth.

Whose responsibility is it?

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 15:57:59 +0000

This morning I put a stack of things on the staircase that needed to be brought upstairs. Towels for the kids’ bathroom. Two books belonging to two different children. A hat belonging to a third. A sweatshirt and socks left downstairs by the fourth. I watched every single person in my family walk by that pile without picking up their own things or volunteering to help carry up someone else’s belongings. So exactly whose responsibility is it?

Are there things that you are stepping over or walking by that really belong to you but you’re expecting someone else to pick them up for you? How can you claim responsibility for your own stuff? Would you consider helping someone else with theirs?