But regardless, it seems to me like there are two factors that can’t be ignored when it comes to the Jr. High crush.  The first factor is the one I don’t like:  peer pressure.  There were times when I wondered if the whole reason one of my kids had a “boyfriend/girlfriend” in Middle School was because of group mentality.  I mean, there might be legitimate feelings involved, but what I wonder is why can’t they simply like someone – and leave it at that?  What I don’t like is that we don’t have a good word to describe what it really is that we’re dealing with.  “Boy/Girlfriend” can imply much more than there really is.  And the English language is very limited when it comes to the word “love”.

The other factor is that those emotions are as real as it gets – for them.  I think what makes it scary for us parents it that we are afraid they’ll confuse a Middle School crush for something real and lasting.  We understand how influential a close relationship can be, and we most certainly understand how our emotions can lead us to make poor decisions – and in the context of protecting the emotional and physical purity of our children, it can be difficult to let go of the control we’re still able to wield over their world.

Being a Middle School parent is no easy task for sure. 

A good friend of mine really influenced how we think about these budding relationships a while back, though, and I’ve found her approach to be a healthy one for us.  So this is how we handle it in our home:

We openly acknowledge and accept the emotions.  After all, part of our job is to teach our kids to handle life – and romantic feelings and how we react to them are a part of that.  Besides, I’d rather my kids be able to talk to me about those emotions than not.

We allow these “special friends” to hang out with us as a family.  They want to spend time together and that’s okay – again, it’s part of learning to handle relationships.  But we do keep it in the context of being with us as a family versus being a chaperone.  One establishes a relationship with another person, while the other makes you the nosy parent.

We try to invest deeply in our kids’ relationship with Jesus during Middle School.  I’m not talking about programs or camp.  I’m talking about helping them see where the rubber meets the road – about turning them away from us and towards Jesus to guide their everyday choices, including relational ones.  And part of that is learning what a relationship in the context of Christ-like love is supposed to look like (I Cor. 13).

And in the process, we typically learn something as parents too, which helps when your kids end up liking someone you don’t.  But that’s for next week.

It’s funny because I don’t really notice a difference – I still feel as busy as ever with household chores, remodeling projects, and my involvement in church.  I would have thought they would have noticed a difference in the quality of meals I’ve been cooking, or the consistency in having laundry done, or something like that – but what they noticed was simply my presence, both physically and mentally.

Funny how the Lord gives us these real-life examples we can draw from.

Psalm 139:13-18 is often used as a basis for understanding the importance and purpose of those children who are in the womb.  We recently read it in the 5^th/6^th grade girls Sunday School class, who helped to create blankets for an event at our church to benefit Heartbeats of Licking County.  Verses 1-6 are used frequently in times of prayer and preparation – especially as this week our church body will be taking communion together.

But I’ve also been preparing a prayer guide for the Women’s annual Spring Retreat, and it was verses 7-12 that captured my mind and heart as I thought about our relationship with Lord – how we tend to perceive it versus how HE perceives His relationship with us.

 Where can I go from your Spirit? 
   Where can I flee from your presence? 
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 
   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 
   if I settle on the far side of the sea, 
even there your hand will guide me, 
   your right hand will hold me fast. 
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me 
   and the light become night around me,” 
even the darkness will not be dark to you; 
   the night will shine like the day, 
   for darkness is as light to you.

The big word for what God is talking about is His Omnipresence – His ability to be everywhere and in everything.  This is a concept that we tend to frame in our own understanding of time and physics, but one that these verses throws out the window.  I’ve tried to envision what that means to be present everywhere, at the same time – and what I tend to picture is something that looks like an invisible fog, present everywhere, all the time.  But I keep getting knocked by the understanding that God is outside of our time and space as well.

It wasn’t until I read A.W. Tozer’s description of God’s omnipresence as imagining a bucket being thrown in the ocean and sinking 2 miles down did I start to get it.  Not that I understand what it’s like to be surrounded by ocean up, down and all around me (thankfully)…but I do have an understanding of what it’s like to have a baby in the womb.  Truly, that baby is surrounded – where could it run away from its mother?

And how might we respond if that baby were to say, “I feel so alone and far from my mother.  Sometimes I think I might hear her voice, but I’m not sure.  Yesterday I got really mad and yelled about something so I’m not sure if she wants to be close to me” ?

It’s when I think about God’s presence in this manner that I begin to understand just how close we all are to Him.  How if I’ve had a bad day (or year), or if the two financial ends aren’t meeting in the middle, or I’m left wondering where could God be in all of this mess?… He is still in it all.

And remembering this as a parent gives me strength.  Strength to bear under the weight of demanding teens and toddlers, problems that don’t seem to go away, character traits that I have to keep repenting of, and to look beyond what seems like insurmountable tasks.

Like laundry.

“Collectively, we are at our worst when we are…”

Two questions posed to me this week as I read through a book that I thought was about being organized and living a simpler life.  As it turns out, the author advised having a family purpose statement (to help have an organized and simpler life), and those were just two thought-provoking questions of twenty that she posed in order to help formulate one.

Hard questions.  I tried to mentally relay when we were at our best over the past year, and it was always in the context of going somewhere together – having an experience outside the typical day.  So I was hoping that our planned trip over the weekend to experience the annual Hocking Hills Winter Hike would help to tame the bickering that seems to have overrun our house lately.

I was hoping cabin fever might be the culprit.

But 2.5 miles into the hike, I unfortunately realized that they were just as determine to nip at each other in the great outdoors as they were in the house.  We had to take a break to help them realize that we were standing in the midst of something rather beautiful (More pictures).  Sometime during the next mile, it seemed to take and the two more adventurous ones (who had been ready to murder each other the day before) paired off together to run ahead of us.  And glimpses of “our best” began to show again.

While I’d love to blame the weather for the increasing level of nas-titude in our house, I have to admit that other facets of our family life could have been just as easy to blame.  Last week I wrote about how it seemed like the technology in our house had been taking over and I spent some time thinking about what aspect it played in our lives to build, or tear down, the connections we have with one another this past week.

Focus on the Family had some great articles about it.  There was one particular line that talked about how we can be guilty of ignoring the people in the room with us in favor of talking, chatting, texting on our phones or online; building relationships with people on-line and ignoring our own families in the room with us.  But I can’t ignore the aspect of how talking, chatting and texting can help us to stay connected at times, too.

In the end, I’ve come to the conclusion that the Crabby Patty syndrome is a result of what’s in our hearts, and not necessarily because of any particular outside source.  That being said, those outside sources (ahem, Facebook) can also be a constant distraction from the activities that we’re encouraged to be engaging in: prayer, solitude, quietness (Phil 4:6, Eccles 3:7, I Peter 3:4).

In a household with multiple kids of multiple ages, that can seem like an impossibility, but it’s not.  I’ve started a new first Wednesday series this year – last year, first Wednesdays focused on a family strength.  This year I decided to write about the Source of our Strength.  This month was about El Roi – the God who Sees.  Next month I’ll go into another aspect of the Lord.

But for now, it would be interesting to hear how much you use technology in your family to connect with each other.  Would you feel lost without it?  Or is ‘good riddance’ your first reaction?

But what that means for us is no TV, Wii, DSi, Blu-ray, Netflix, Kindle, IPad, or computer games outside of the time that has already been designated for its particular use or entertainment.  There is a mounting protest by CJ, who is having Angry Bird withdrawal, this week.

And I bring this up in the midst of the technological history that’s happening today.  Not in the sense of there being a new version of whatever it is that excites you – but rather, in terms of technology wielding power.  The outside battle lies between copyright and intellectual property rights, and legislation being proposed to ‘censor’ (as opponents put it) the web.  It’s an interesting sign of the times.

And in a strange way, it’s a sign of the struggles in our homes as well.

I had a conversation this week with JerseyGirl (my sister-in-law) about the difficulties of this particular cultural shift; how we’re trying to parent through an era of significant change.  As parents, we’re trying to guide our children in wisdom in an area of which we have little to no experience ourselves.  Because my minor in my college studies includes social media, I’m getting more tech savvy by the semester.  But I can’t say that I know what it’s like to have this kind of technology available to me as a teen, pre-teen, or a kid.

I find that with any new technology that comes into the picture, we can swing in one of two extreme directions:  either fearing the changes it brings, or accepting it whole-heartedly (which makes me think of an old essay that talks about “the stranger” in the living room).  I read an incredibly compelling essay a while back, written by Neil Postman, and taken from one of his later books – Technopoly.  Postman believed that technological change is “ecological” – meaning that one significant change generates total change, and I believe we are in the midst of seeing that happen now.  What I found compelling, though, is how Postman encourages us to think critically about technology if we are to live well with it.  How we, as optimists, are quick to embrace what a new technology can do without taking the time to imagine what it might undo.

 For example, I read an article a while back about a guy who met with a bunch of friends for lunch but they had nothing to say over lunch – everyone had already heard any news through their status updates online.  Employers are now vying for graduates who possess what they’ve coined as “soft skills” – which is basically the ability to communicate well face-to-face.  It’s a good thing I knew that because Wikipedia is down today.

So, as parents, we’re left to struggle and pray over these things.  The change is inevitable – social media is very much a part of our world and will only be more so in the future.  What I’ve been pondering is how to help my children understand what can be undone as a result of it – and how to be wise in using social media for what it can offer.

Not that I’m going to complain.  I’m really okay with a warmer winter, and the rain has the same effect as ice and snow anyway – I stay inside.  With the exception of being forced to drive the kids to school, of course.  But one of the good things about having a too-young-to-drive pre-teen (who is turning 13 this week!) in the house is that he is more than happy to run out and start the car and brush snow off for me in the mornings.  I usually ask him to run out about 5 minutes before we leave.  It’s a win-win situation.  I get to simply walk out into a warm car, and he gets to blast his music as loud as he wants for a couple of minutes.

Earlier this week, after checking the house for forgotten school accessories, I jumped in the car with my coffee travel mug in hand only to discover that, while the air was blowing out, the windows were still frosty.  I asked Little J if he had started up the car when I originally asked him to.  Some tattle tale gleefully yelled out “No – He just did it before you came out!”

I really hate driving in a cold car.

But I also noticed something funny while we were on the way to school.  Even though the van had warmed up, the windows weren’t getting any clearer.  It then occurred to me that the windows weren’t frosted – they were dirty!  Like “Wash Me” dirty.

So after I picked up the kids from school that afternoon, I decided to take the van through the Moo Moo Car Wash.  I’m not sure what it is, but the car wash holds some kind of magical giggle power with our family.  The big soapy octopus arms waving over the top of the windows, the water sprays coming from all angles, the giant roller brushes running down sides – all these things become an experience that is playfully threatening and fun for a moment in time.

Now my only dilemma is what to do for a winter 13^th birthday party.  We’ve already set the date (the 28^th) but haven’t decided what to do yet.  I betting that a few drives through the car wash is not going to be the solution, either.  We thought about hotel stay (pool included), or movie and pizza at Easton, simple stay-up-all-night at our house with as much pizza and soda that $100 can buy….  It’s difficult to come up with something that is cool but doesn’t cost an arm and leg in the middle January.

Give me a shout if you have any ideas.

Other than birthday party planning, we’re getting through the winter in pockets of time right now.  Tonight the River is going to be at my church giving out the free “I Love My Family” stickers and I can’t wait to finally get one – I’ve been envious of all those other minivans on the road!

This explains why Daisy, who usually prefers to be outside so she can leave (decapitated) rodents on my front porch, was acting so punchy all day.  The odds were definitely against Jillian.  It was after Miss H and her tear-stained face went to bed that Miss G noticed Daisy staring very intently at a plastic storage dresser in Miss H’s room.  We shooed the cat out, shut the door, and pulled the dresser out…and there was our Jillian…spooked for sure but she didn’t complain one bit about going back into her cage.  Oh – so many life applications in that story!

There’s this theme that keeps popping up in my world right now – and thankfully it’s not rodents.

It’s El Roi.  The God Who Sees.  You can find Him in Genesis 16:1-14 in the story of Sarai and Hagar, and I’ve been finding Him in my everyday life lately as I’ve had to experience anew some hurts I thought had been left in the past.  But another theme that is frequently re-appearing is that things happen for God’s glory and my good – regardless of how the circumstances look at the moment.

So when those flaming arrows temporarily penetrate my defenses, El Roi is there to witness it. And in those moments over Christmas break, in a house full of fudged-up kids when I thought I was losing my mind, knowing that El Roi was there made a world of difference, too.  Somehow, simply knowing that there is a witness to those things in life that are hard, unjust, or cruel makes it bearable.  I can deal with the meme of complaining kids knowing that I’m not alone in it.  I can remain graceful in circumstances that are unjust because God sees it all and promises to bring the truth to light one day.

So as I’ve been taking personal stock of the past year, reviewing the year as a society, and looking ahead to 2012 this past week I can see that He was, He is, and He will be.  Our hopes, desires, goals and mistakes are no surprise to El Roi and He is always at work for His own glory and our good.  It’s been interesting to think and pray about what I’ll be focusing on in 2012 as I keep this in mind.

And it warms my heart that the God whose eye is on the sparrow was apparently keeping an eye on poor Jillian, as well.

Happy New Year, everyone!

This is the week that I find myself taking stock of the year, however, and while I’m chasing after the candy wrappers on the floor, I find that my mom thoughts have been very much focused on our culture and how it affects us as people and parents, and our children as well.  How, as Christians, we walk a tightrope that requires this fine balance between Christian principles and cultural values.  Deep thoughts, I know, but I have a lot of laundry and a nice long break from my own college classes – what else is there to do but think?

And part of what I’m observing is that we live in a time where we have an exorbitant amount of choice and change.

Choice – free will – is something that we like to consider as a gift from God; something that we value as people, but I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s a tricky thing, too.  If you think about it, God actually limited Adam and Eve’s choices before the fall – as a measure of protecting them.  Without the knowledge of good and evil, their choices were limited to only what was good for them.  After the fall, the process of ferreting out what was good from evil, and all that is in between, became a choice that they had to struggle with.

It feels overwhelming sometimes.  The sheer amount of choice involved in a day that involves our children: clothing, TV, meals and snacks, sleep, books, school, extra-curricular activities, pets, material goods, friendships…the list is never ending.  And as a Communications/Marketing major, I’m also becoming acutely aware of the ways we are being influenced to make choices in our everyday interactions with both people and purchases; the messages we are being sent that appeal to the desires of our heart.

And post-modern trends find us parenting children in a time where choices are constructed void of depth.  In other words, choices are being presented as something we make without consideration to sociological norms, values, circumstances or future consequence.  (You can find a good – albeit academic – article on post-modernism here.)

We need more than a modicum of wisdom to navigate through these times.

Fortunately, we have a source of wisdom that is both relevant to our times and yet, consistent throughout time.  We just need to remember in the many, many choices we are presented with daily to access that wisdom – to read our Bibles, to ask our good Father for the wisdom we need and the strength to make changes in our lives to better reflect His character.

Maybe your change will be in your listening habits – the River has a 40-day challenge out right now that you might find encouraging.  Or maybe it’s more related to viewing, or technology, or purchasing habits.

New Year’s Day is coming at the end of this week and I’m still thinking over some of the changes we’ll be making, but I’d love to hear what goals you might have and the choices you’ll be making as a result.

I put the inside of my wrist on her forehead, I got the same result as the previous two mornings she’d asked.

“Well, it sure doesn’t feel like it – but do you feel like you need a day?” I asked. (I allow a stay-home day for mental health or exhaustion about once a grading period).

She nodded.

“Okay, then go ahead and get back into bed.” And I left to keep everyone else moving towards the goal of leaving the house on time.

About 5 minutes later, however, there she was – dressed and ready.  Miss G excitedly informed me “It’s Christmas Shopping day!”

A girl’s gotta have her priorities, it seems, and their school’s version of Secret Santa shop was up and running – a One Day Sale – and she was not going to miss it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about those “One Day” moments lately – not the ones in the advertisements… the ones in my Bible – and about those who were not going to miss out.  The virgins with their lamps (Matt 25:1-13); the prophet Simeon in the temple waiting to see the Lord’s Christ (Luke 2:25-28); Jacob waiting seven years to marry Rachel…

There are very few examples in the Bible of people who waited for something spectacular with a specific time frame in mind – who knew that there was a particular day coming and they wanted to be ready for it.  There are plenty of examples of specific warnings, however.  Most of what I’ve read indicates that we’re to wait patiently for God’s good purposes to be worked out.

If you aren’t familiar with Advent season, it started November 27 and will go until Christmas.  The word Advent (latin in origin, from Adventus) actually means “coming” – and it’s not in reference to Santa.  It’s supposed to mark a season of anticipation and expectation – and while that certainly describes our household at the moment – I’m not always so sure that I’ve done a good job of helping my kids understand what it is we’re anticipating.  Have the anticipation and expectation driven by consumerism overwhelmed everything else?

Biblical celebrations included gift-giving – but it was to the poor that the gifts were given, not each other.  Okay, (eyes rolling) I’m not advocating a cultural shift here – I still like giving gifts to my family and friends – I’m just wondering what can be done so that we anticipate forgiveness and expect grace just as much as a gift from Best Buy.  Big J and I have talked extensively about this and are still muddling through it all.  We implement small changes here and there and have made it a habit to shop very early (before Thanksgiving) so that we can concentrate on the season, on family, on friends, and others in need with what we have to offer.

We have a family tradition at Christmas where each family writes down what they’d like to offer to Christ as a birthday gift.  It may be forgiveness to someone else, or a commitment with our time or money, or whatever we feel that might please Him.  We don’t tell anyone what we write, I seal up the paper in an envelope with the name on the outside and each person gets their own envelope back at Easter.

That’s one of the ways we try to keep ‘Christ’ in Christmas.  How about you?  I’d love to hear what your family is doing and how you keep things focused where they should be.

Stupid red car.

My only consolation at this point is to be happy that we’ve already spent the money set aside for Christmas, so I’m not even tempted to use it for repairs.  Not that the stupid red car is worth it, anyway.  And it’s highly doubtful Santa will be leaving a shiny new Lexus with a big bow on it in our driveway for Christmas…  so we’re currently trying to decide where we’ll get a new (to us), used (and reliable) car from – cheap – or decide if we’ll just work around it for a little while.

Oh.  I guess you all caught me on a snarky day.  But it’s been two weeks now and trying to work around Big J’s current crazy schedule is impossible.  Thank goodness for a retired grandpa who still drives and is willing to tolerate cranky grandkids on a ride home from school.

The only thing distracting me from my immobility is the fact that the Christmas trees and decorations are up, and I get to catch up on pioneer woman’s blog, not to mention the mountain of dirty clothes on steroids.  At least I have good visuals while I wash, and that makes it hard to be Grinchy.

Besides… The Man is Watching – Or at least his Elfin spy is.  We actually have two of them.  I’m not sure if it’s because we need the extra pair of eyes on us or if it’s an elf-to-child ratio kind of thing going on.  Or maybe it’s just that I’m the extra bad one – the green guy followed me from my childhood tree.

Maybe he stuck around to watch me try to replace the heating element on the stove Thanksgiving Eve.

Big J was working late so I decided to go ahead and tackle the task myself (‘cause that’s how I roll).  I looked inside the oven, unscrewed the part that was keeping the element connected to the oven wall and proceeded to give a little tug.  There was a wire attached to the element and it occurred to me that I might need to unplug the stove.  But hey – I’d already pulled one out, so I figured I’d just pull the other one out and THEN unplug the stove before disconnecting the wires.  Bad idea.

The part came out but the wire slipped off in the process and caught fire.  Yep.  Fire.  A small one but enough to ruin the piece I needed to connect the wire to the heating element.  It’s a good thing it wasn’t serious, though, because my cell phone is lost and it would have taken me at least 45 minutes to locate one of our cordless phones.

I hear there’s a forecast for snow this week.  It’ll be nice when it’s done pouring here.