Emotional Wellness: Journaling is perhaps the single most important action in an Emotional Wellness plan. Even if you only have a few moments in a given day, taking a little time to check in with yourself and what you’re feeling will help you to gain self-awareness. Making time for journaling is also an act of self-care. When you practice regular self-care, you instantly feel better because you’ve let yourself know that you matter.

Physical Wellness: Some days you just don’t have time to exercise. Unexpected events can take up time and make working out less of a priority, even if it’s only for that day. If you don’t have time for a full workout, allow yourself five or 10 minutes of stretching, crunches or even just a simple walk. When you really don’t have the time, though, you can still support your Physical Wellness. Focus on drinking enough water and eating healthfully at every meal.

Occupational Wellness: Make a to-do list when you get to work. Organizing your tasks in this simple way will give you clarity and help you get done what needs to get done. It will also prevent the anxiety that can come with feeling disorganized and lost as to what to do next.

Environmental Wellness: Every time you use a dish at home, wash it and put it away, or rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. You may not be able to clean your whole house every day, but if you rinse every dish immediately after using it, you’ll avoid dirty dish build-up. This will make cleaning easier when you do have time for it, and you can feel good about not creating more mess to deal with later.

Spiritual Wellness: Read a daily meditation every morning. Whatever your spiritual philosophy, there’s a daily meditation book to suit your style. Find one that fits your spiritual beliefs, and set aside a few minutes to read a short entry before launching into your day. This will center you and give you perspective. This small investment of time can help you maintain Spiritual Wellness in practically no time at all, making spirituality an integral part of daily living.

Intellectual Wellness: If you work at a computer, take a few minutes to scan the news online each day when you sit down to your desk. If that’s not an option, pick up a newspaper, and read the headlines. This will keep you abreast of what’s going on in the world, and regular reading helps strengthen your cognitive skills.

Social Wellness: Spend a few minutes every day catching up with a loved one. Talk to your kids or spouse about what happened that day, call up a friend for a chat or meet a new acquaintance for coffee. Making quality time for your loved ones, even if it’s only five minutes, will strengthen your relationships and help facilitate better overall Social Wellness.

Because there are so many small pieces, this may seem like a lot, but these actions create a stable foundation of balance in our lives. They only take a few minutes each per day, and many of them can slip right into with the routines we already have in place.

You’ll find, as you make small efforts toward a more fulfilling life,,that other enriching opportunities will begin to appear, seemingly out of nowhere. Action opens you to more action, and more opportunities. All you really need is that initial choice in favor of wellness. This is how you create everyday wellness, by making wellness a lifelong, day-by-day choice.

About the Author

The 123 Feel Better company provides resources for people seeking to change their lives. With a focus on overall health and wellness that centers around the 7 Aspects of Wellness, or 7 major life areas that comprise a full and complete life, the 123 Feel Better company helps individuals acquire the tools necessary to affect positive change and accomplish their goals.

What Jane doesn’t realize is that right before she became so upset, she’d had an automatic thought that sparked a strong emotional response. Automatic thoughts are, in essence, the stories we tell ourselves over and over throughout our daily lives. They are called automatic thoughts because they usually occur spontaneously, without our conscious consent. They are not planned or thought out. In fact, most of us could not easily identify our automatic thoughts, as they are so deeply embedded in our Emotional Wellness and self-esteem.

When events occur, our minds instantly set to work determining what is happening and how we will react. As the day unfolds, these automatic thoughts act as a stream of narration, interpreting everything we experience. Our brains take in this information using the five senses, and our automatic thoughts are the split-second decisions we make about what that information means.

The spontaneous nature of automatic thoughts can cause problems, though. Automatic thoughts are momentary interpretations of a situation, and because these interpretations are usually the result of a single, emotionally-driven perspective, they tend to be grossly one-sided. Automatic thoughts often fail to factor in all of the evidence about a particular situation, resulting in a loss of perspective (i.e., the “big picture”).

The brain functions much like a courtroom. It uses the raw information taken in by the senses (the evidence) and interprets it through our thoughts (the arguments) in order to arrive at the most effective plan of action (the verdict). During an actual legal trial, the prosecution and the defense necessarily interpret “the evidence” in different ways, depending on the outcome that they hope (or fear) will result. When it comes to automatic thoughts, we have the same biases. We subconsciously pick out the evidence that supports what we already believe to be true (whether positive or negative), and we make an instantaneous judgment based on that particular evidence. We think we’re letting the evidence speak to us, then judging it neutrally and objectively in order to make informed decisions. Often this couldn’t be further from the truth – we’ve already decided what the evidence means, before we’ve even seen it.

Automatic thoughts are shaped by our core beliefs, or our basic attitudes about life and ourselves. Automatic thoughts can be either positive or negative, depending on what we believe to be true about ourselves, others and the way the world works. This is how automatic thoughts cause problems. When we have a steady stream of negative automatic thoughts that disregard any evidence that suggests our lives are good, it’s like being perpetually strapped into an emotional roller coaster. When we begin figuring out what our most deeply held core beliefs are, we can start questioning the accuracy of our automatic thoughts and dealing with things from a more balanced perspective.

Very few people are fully aware of the connections among our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We believe that the roller coaster ride we experience occurs because our emotions are irrational, uncontrollable feelings that appear out of nowhere. In reality, our automatic thoughts are creating the emotions we experience, and these emotions are, in turn, determining how we behave.

Let’s look at Jane. Why did she become angry over a seemingly unimportant question? The answer lies in her automatic thoughts about what her husband was asking. Let’s take a peek inside Jane’s head and see what happened.

When her husband asked, “Are you going to work out this morning?” Jane thought, “He’s trying to tell me that he thinks I’m getting fat! He doesn’t know how hard I work! I can’t believe he’s worried about the size of my backside when I stayed up just as late as he did, and I’m tired! Look at him! He’s still lying there snoozing, but he expects me to get up and work out—what a jerk!”

Jane’s instant interpretation was that her husband was trying to guilt her into doing something that she didn’t necessarily want to do that morning, and her emotional response was anger. Her mind was already swirling with all the anticipated pressures of the day, so when her husband asked her if she was going to work out, she automatically interpreted it as just one more thing she had to get done. She felt trapped and overwhelmed. As a result, she snapped at her husband, even though he was only trying to find out some information.

If we are unaware of our automatic thoughts, though, how can we figure out what we’re thinking and where the trouble is coming from? It begins with simply paying attention. Whenever we have a strong emotional reaction to a situation, we can take a moment to consider what thought or belief is creating that feeling. Here are some questions that can help us get to the bottom of our automatic thoughts:

-What was I thinking right before the feeling hit?

-What images come to mind when I think about the situation?

-If the thought or fear behind my strong emotion were actually true, what would that say about me?

-What am I afraid might happen?

-What does this thought say about my life and my future?

-What is the worst that could happen if this thought were true?

-What assumptions am I making about how the other people in this situation think or feel about me?

-Are there any past experiences in which I felt similar emotions?

Action Items

-Stop and listen. This is an exercise to help you get in touch with your automatic thoughts. Starting tomorrow, carry a small notepad with you wherever you go. At any point, if you begin to feel angry, hopeless, depressed, anxious, nervous, scared, out of control or down on yourself, stop for a moment and consider what you were thinking about in the moments immediately leading up to this feeling. What were your thoughts about the situation at hand? Use the previous questions to investigate your thinking, and to see how closely it matches up with reality:

-The thought-feeling-behavior connection. It’s important to understand how your thoughts, feelings and behaviors are connected. When you can see how your emotions are affecting your external circumstances, you’ll feel much more motivated to work toward healthier emotions. Sometimes we like to sit in our misery and other negative feelings, rationalizing that we’re not hurting anybody but ourselves. Really, though, every thought creates an emotion, which then creates some kind of behavior—even if it’s just a slight change in facial expression—that can affect the world around us, including the people we love. Here’s an exercise to help you get in touch with the many different thoughts, feelings and behaviors that you might have in a given situation. Fill out the worksheet for a clearer picture. In each example, look at the situation and the associated thoughts, and then fill in the emotions and behaviors that you think would result from each thought.

Example One: You’re at home on a Tuesday night. Your cell phone rings. It is one of your coworkers calling.

Example Thought:
She’s probably calling to ask me to help with that project she’s having trouble with, and my plate is already too full as it is.

Associated Emotion: Anxiety

Action: Avoid answering the phone.

Other sample thoughts:

• I bet she wants to gossip about what happened between our boss and Brian today at lunch!

• She probably wants me to pick her up before work tomorrow, which is totally out of my way—this is the third time this week!

• Maybe she’s calling about the bad review I gave her work last week.

Continue by brainstorming sample emotions and actions based on your thoughts.

Remember that there are no right or wrong answers. The idea here is to illustrate how your thoughts influence your feelings and behaviors. Whatever emotion you think you’d have as a consequence of each thought is the “right” answer for you. You can also use these forms to weigh your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors about situations in your personal life.

The first step in combating self-defeating automatic thoughts is to learn to recognize them. This process might take a while, especially if you’ve never stopped to consider these thoughts, or the possibility that they are separate from who you really are. Once you’ve learned more about your automatic thoughts and how they make you feel, you’ll be able to dig deeper to discern your negative core beliefs. This process takes time, but it will help you immeasurably on your journey toward figuring out who you are and how you feel. All of us have potential, and all of us are going places. However, none of us can get where we really want to go if we continue to identify who we are with our negative thinking. Negativity only stands to halt our progress. Begin to reprogram your thinking, and you’ll be setting a course for self-knowledge and success—however you define it—in all areas of your life.

Author’s Bio:

Jessica Rhodes is a certified wellness adviser for the 123 Feel Better Company. The 123 Feel Better® Life Change System™ is a wellness program designed to help individuals reach their wellness goals and live fuller, more complete lives. 123 Feel Better is based on the 7 Aspects of Wellness™ model. Learn how to make real changes in the areas of Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Environmental, Occupational, Social, and Intellectual Wellness to create a balanced life with 123 Feel Better and our free wellness resources at 123 Feel Better.

With the world giving us her best shot every now and then, defense mechanisms help us deal with the stresses and emotional difficulties of life, protecting us mentally and emotionally from our environment. The term “defense mechanism” has gotten a bad rap over the years, but these defenses are not wholly unhelpful. When they are effective and efficient, they increase emotional wellness, allowing us to retain some individuality while keeping us from acting out toward ourselves or others in negative ways. Others, let’s be honest, simply make things worse.

How do we know which defense mechanisms are helpful and which ones are harmful? The following is a guide to the four levels of defense and examples of each. See if you recognize personal patterns.

Level 1: Pathological

Pathological defense mechanisms are developed during our earliest stages of life, before we’ve learned anything about reality and how to live in it. They’re helpful only while we’re small children, when our personality is driven chiefly by the id. As adults, pathological defense mechanisms block us from maturing into free, functioning adults. They keep us centered in the self, and they don’t allow us to integrate the information we’re receiving from the outside world. We remain insulated and completely unable to change when we’re using these defense mechanisms:

-Denial: This is a complete refusal to accept reality. When we are in denial, we literally act as if painful thoughts, feelings and events don’t exist.

-Distortion: We take “the facts”—everything going on around us—and bend them so that reality meets our internal desires. We decide that whatever we want to be true actually is true.

-Delusion Projection: This occurs when we believe that something is true, even when there is absolutely no evidence in favor of that belief and plenty of evidence against it. For example, if someone believes that his or her next-door neighbor is “out to get me,” that person is most likely delusional.

Level 1 defenses are rigid and inflexible, resulting in a distorted perception of reality. They are also the hardest to recognize. You don’t experience any of these these, right? Notice if others have used these terms to describe you. Pathological defense mechanisms usually focus more on past needs than on the present, or the future. Many of us use old behaviors in the present, acting the same way (and using the same assumptions) that we did in situations that occurred years ago. These old behaviors don’t serve us because they stand in between us and the reality of the present. We live in the present-day world, and in order to become whole, functional beings, we must learn to interact with the world as it is.

Level 2: Immature 

As adults, most of us have moments when we slip back into adolescent behavior. We throw miniature (or larger!) tantrums when we don’t get our way, or we act like rebellious teenagers and make rash decisions. Who, me…? This is common, but not very effective when we’re trying to become our best selves. When we slip into Level 2 defenses, we are slipping back into those defenses that we developed as teenagers, and this can throw a wrench into our dealings with what’s going on around us. These defenses include:

-Projection: Here, we attribute our own unwanted thoughts and feelings to someone else. Projection often comes across as passing judgment. Instead of owning our own negative thoughts and emotions, we say, “I’m not angry. You’re the one with the problem.” Most of the time, when we talk negatively about others, we are projecting negative emotions we have about ourselves—either something that is true about us, or something that we are afraid of becoming true for us.

-Acting Out: Acting out occurs when we follow impulses and act directly on unconscious desires in an effort to avoid feeling the feelings attached to those desires. If we feel lonely, but we don’t want to admit to the loneliness or feel it, we might impulsively call an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, even if this act isn’t in our best interests. When we feel neglected, it’s common to cause a scene or create a situation to get attention rather than deal with the feeling.

-Hypochondriasis: Here we turn negative feelings about others into negative feelings toward the self in the form of pain or illness. Most of us relate this to the physical manifestation of sickness or imagined sickness when faced with an emotional disturbance. This mechanism can also manifest as self-harm in the face of emotional upheaval. The resulting implosion of negative emotions is often a cause of depression.

-Fantasy: In fantasy, we use our imaginations to deal with otherwise unacceptable desires or circumstances. We can get whatever we want in our fantasies. This strategy can actually be very playful and helpful if used with awareness, giving us power to create our own realities. It can be harmful, however, if we lose grip with reality because we are living in fantasy. Do you create situations in your head that no one else seems to recognize? Or do you create negative fantasies? Perhaps it is time to face your fears head on.

Level 3: Neurotic

Neurotic defenses are very common, and despite the negative-sounding name, they aren’t necessarily that negative. The problem with these defenses is that they work really well in the moment, but they can cause problems with coping down the road.

-Intellectualization: When we intellectualize, we use thinking to deal with feelings. Using a little reason when we deal with our emotions is one of the healthiest ways to cope. But turning every emotion into an idea, theory, concept or intellectual construct can keep us from feeling those emotions honestly. We might use research data, newspaper articles or philosophical theories to “explain away” our negative or unwanted feelings, without allowing natural, healthy feelings to run their course. Intellectual wellness is extremely valuable, but it is not an emotional trump card.

-Repression: During repression, we completely block unwanted thoughts and feelings from consciousness. Something serious happens and we feel nothing, instead of experiencing the sadness, excitement or anxiety. Repression is experienced as a feeling of numbness.

-Reaction Formation: Reaction formation occurs when we do the opposite of what we really want to do in an effort to cover up negative desires. When we want to eat chocolate cake, we have a salad instead because we’re avoiding our temptation for the chocolate cake, which we see as unhealthy. This might sound like a good thing, but if we don’t deal with lessening the unwanted desire, it will return with greater power.

-Displacement: When we “take out” our emotions toward one thing or person on something or someone else, this is called displacement. In many ways, this can be healthy. For example, if our boss makes us angry, it’s much better to punch a punching bag than to punch him. On the other hand, it’s not okay to kick the dog or yell at our children in response to our anger.

Level 4: Mature

These are the mostly helpful, healthy methods we can use to cope. Defense mechanisms are ultimately developed as coping mechanisms, and these are some of the most effective ways in which we can cope with life’s challenges.

-Sublimation: When we’re experiencing a negative emotion, one way that we can deal with it is by taking healthy action. We can exercise, go for a relaxing drive, read a book or call a friend for a chat. Emotions have two sides—the mental response and the physical response. Sublimating the physical aspect of the emotion, such as turning nervous energy into a workout or calming down with a walk by the lake, helps us work through the emotion in a more rational manner.

-Suppression: Suppression is much like sublimation, and the two go hand-in-hand for healthy functioning. When we suppress a problem, we are essentially “putting it off” until later. Sometimes we have a problem, but there is no way to address it at the moment. Instead of worrying about it, we put off the emotion, knowing that when the time is right, we’ll deal with it head-on.

-Altruism: Altruism occurs when we deal with negative emotions by reaching out and doing something nice for someone else. If we’re having a bad day, we can check in on an elderly acquaintance who might need some company or help, or we might volunteer at an animal shelter when we’re feeling depressed. This reinforces our feeling of connectedness and keeps our problems in perspective. It also gives us a sense of power and usefulness when we see how our problems can inspire us to help others. Our negative emotions become valuable starting places for positive change, and not just for us.

-Humor: A sense of humor is one of the most well-adjusted responses to negativity. We look at the lighter side of a problem and try to have a little laugh, maybe even a big one. If our car breaks down, we might say, “Hey, at least I can’t go to work now!” We still deal with the stressful situation, but we’ve lightened our mood a bit and made it seem less hopeless.

Taking a look at which defense mechanisms we use can be difficult. Some of them are designed specifically to keep us from looking too closely in the first place. The idea isn’t to wipe out defense mechanisms altogether, either. Remember, these are our methods of coping with a reality that isn’t always pleasant. We need them! Some coping mechanisms are useful. Check out which ones you want to keep, and which ones you need to abandon tin favor of more positive mechanisms. Our defense mechanisms affect how we relate to the world around us, and it stands to reason that the more effective our methods of relating to the world, the healthier our relationships and lives will be. Go out and defend yourself lovingly!

Author’s Bio:

Jessica Rhodes is a certified wellness adviser for the 123 Feel Better Company. The 123 Feel Better® Life Change System™ is a wellness program designed to help individuals reach their wellness goals and live fuller, more complete lives. 123 Feel Better is based on the 7 Aspects of Wellness™ model. Learn how to make real changes in the areas of Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Environmental, Occupational, Social, and Intellectual Wellness to create a balanced life with 123 Feel Better and our free wellness resources at 123 Feel Better.

From running around flea markets to yard sale hopping, bargain hunting was one of my favorite things to do as a child. On those lonely nights when it seemed like there was absolutely nothing available to entertain me, I used to love rummaging through old items stashed in the garage. As the dust swarmed my nostrils and painted me as pale as a walking zombie, I dived into all of my old toys, games and clothes. Partly to reminisce about spectacular childhood memories and partly to see what interesting manner of objects had accumulated over the years, I ventured onward in the hopes of finding something that would be my big strike. Before then, it had never occurred to me that my insatiable urge to hoard everything could benefit me someday.

You might be wondering how on earth this menagerie of dust-covered items could possibly benefit me, but you would be surprised. There are countless items (think Grandma’s old hair pins, gaudy and heavy enough to be used as paper weights) floating around being traded, hawked and paid for – all tax free! We’ve all had favorite toys or articles that we wouldn’t let go of that were bought at a yard sale. We clung to the objects like it was life or death, completely unaware of the fact that some little boy or girl before us did exactly the same thing. There’s also a sense of camaraderie about yard sales – a seeming connectivity among everyone in the community. There are many things to consider when having a yard sale, such as the signs and ads being used, what to sell, where to have it and when, and what to charge for the various items.

Planning is paramount when starting a project like having a garage or yard sale and making sure that it turns out to be profitable. To begin, check with your city or a veteran yard-seller to see if you are required to have a permit. Some areas restrict things like times, locations, advertising and duration. Once you’ve cut through any necessary red tape, consider when and where you would like to hold your sale. It’s a good idea to hold it in a clean, safe area that’s easily visible to passersby. Most people tend to go yard sale shopping between the hours of 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. You want to make sure to hold your sale on a weekend day, but not one that is a holiday. With their other commitments and gatherings, fewer people will be looking to stop by yard sales.

As with any public event, advertising plays a significant role in the effectiveness of a yard sale. Marketing the sale doesn’t have to be confined to makeshift signs either. There are various resources you can take advantage of to get the information out. Wikihow.com offers several examples of where one might advertise a yard sale:

1. local newspapers
2. weekly shopping ads
3. bulletins in community Laundromats, grocery stores and coffee shops
4. Internet classified Web sites such as Craigslist.com or Backpage.com

With the newspaper and magazine ads, make sure to submit your information a few days before the event to allow for deadlines. Also, mention highly priced-items (such as antiques, furniture, or collectibles) to catch the eyes of prospective buyers.

After you have placed advertisements, it is time to decide what needs to be sold. Generally it is a good idea to perform a walk-through of your home (attics, garages, and basements included!) and determine which items you no longer need or use. Granted, it can be hard to let go of things that you have had for a long time. A good rule of thumb is this: If you haven’t used it in over a year and don’t necessarily need is, go ahead and sell it. If you are still having a difficult time with wanting to keep some of the items, think about it this way – getting rid of the old makes room for the new. Also, if you have a family, ask them to go through their rooms and pick out things that they don’t want, need or use any longer. If your child needs extra incentive to get rid of those Barbie dolls that she never touched or race cars that seem to be dust magnets, offer to let them keep the money that they earn from the sale.

Got all your sale items gathered? Great – now it’s time to take an inventory.

The reason to perform an inventory on the gathered articles is that it allows you to keep track of each item for sale and gives you the chance to set an appropriate price. If you don’t price things ahead of time, it can be difficult to come up with a price on the spot when things get a little hectic at your yard sale. When setting prices, remember that this IS a yard sale and the prices are supposed to be bargains. Wikihow.com also suggests that in most cases objects should be sold at about one-third of their purchase price (exceptions obviously being furniture and large items). Another thing you could do is use ads or similar items to show the customers how much better off they would be buying your items.

After determining the price, use different-colored stickers to label each of the yard sale items. Stickers on each item are especially useful when you’re holding a yard sale with other families or people in your community.

Now that you have your wares chosen and priced, the next step is to clean up the location. Mow the grass and pick up any loose trash and debris. Most people will drive by and look before they actually stop. When potential customers see a nice, clean establishment, they are more likely to want to visit you and see what you are offering.

When making the yard sale signs, always remember that simplicity goes a long way with the lettering. You do want to make things look attractive and stick out though. There are several things you can do to catch the eyes of those passing by and lure them to your yard sale, such as:

1. Use bold colors with plain, cleanly written letters
2. Indicate the date, time and address
3. Use sturdy materials to withstand weather
4. List special or high dollar items to spark interest
5. Hang balloons or fly flags
6. Provide arrows to the yard sale
7. Place intriguing items near the front of the area
8. Keep your yard sale site tidy and free of clutter.

Now that you have signs prepared and put up at the four corners surrounding the area, you can set up for the yard sale. To set up, make sure that there is adequate room for everything that you plan to sell. Hanging clothes up allows people to peruse them more easily. Using boxes or crates can help keep items grouped and in order. Be sure to have a cash box of some kind and keep adequate change on hand. It might also be a good idea to have a single person handle all of the money (using a fanny pack or apron) while you are negotiating or moving about the sale. This way you won’t have to worry about someone walking off with your earnings.

HGTV’s Tom Nevemann also suggests having refreshments and toys (for toddlers and children) available to patrons. Offering these incentives encourages customers to browse through more items and can potentially spring another sale.

Even if you’re the most spectacular salesperson, there are probably still going to be things left behind. Since the whole point of the yard sale was to get rid of the unwanted items, you don’t want to throw it all back into your house. In these instances, you can give the items to a charity or non-profit organization. Many of them even offer pick-up services so that you don’t have to haul around all of your things.

A yard sale does have its own challenges and drawbacks, such as shoplifters, adverse weather and other minor hazards. But the feeling of having a less cluttered home is well worth the effort. Now that you have all of the knowledge of what a successful yard sale looks like, you can confidently hold your own and perform a little spring cleaning. Just remember that when we move out of the old and into the new, we make room in our lives for more opportunities and enhancements.

Camille is upset. She’s working on a Saturday, again. Recently, her company took on several new clients, and her workload doubled as a result. Her boss hasn’t hired any new employees to help with the work, so Camille puts in extra hours. This afternoon, her extra hours are keeping her from seeing her son play in his first baseball game. As she works, she seethes inside, thinking about how unfair it is that she’s had to work every Saturday for a month just because her boss can’t see that this is too much work for one person. She’s sad about missing the game and angry at her boss for putting so much responsibility on her shoulders. Still, she stays in the office until 7 p.m., and by the time she leaves, Monday’s presentation is finished. [See: All Work and No Play Makes You Go Cr8Z]

Brad is also upset. Actually, he’s upset, angry, tired and coming down with a cold. For the last six months he’s been rehearsing for a play that is opening tomorrow. Rehearsals have been long and draining, sometimes running late into the night if the director isn’t happy with the actors’ progress. Brad has worked hard—it’s always been his dream to become a working actor. His girlfriend Tish, on the other hand, isn’t so happy with his choice. In fact, she’s just informed him that she’s breaking up with him. She understands that acting is important to him, but she feels that he makes no effort to spend any quality time with her. Even when they’re together for a few moments at the end of the day, all he ever talks about is the play. Brad thinks Tish simply doesn’t understand—and he doesn’t understand why he has so much trouble in relationships. This is the third breakup he’s gone through in a year. He really loves Tish, and he can’t believe she’s leaving him—especially the night before his big debut!

Almost without exception, the things that happen to, around and through us are based on our choices. 

As we go through our lives, we might not feel as if every step is a conscious choice—we aren’t thinking of a trip to the convenience store to pick up the milk we forgot earlier as a life-altering, or life-sustaining event—but the truth is that nearly every action we perform originates in the ego, a creature that prizes containment and homeostasis above all else.

If we look more closely at even our stickiest and most painful situations, we will see that there’s always a payoff involved. There is always some benefit—at least, as far as the ego is concerned—for every choice we make, even if all we can consciously see are the costs. In Camille’s case, the costs include time with her children and her own peace of mind, and when she focuses on this, she becomes sad, angry and resentful. She isn’t thinking about the payoffs of acquiescing to her boss’ request that she work overtime. She sees herself as having no choice, but the reality is that she has multiple choices. She could recommend that her boss hire some extra employees. She could simply say no and ask that the deadlines be pushed back. She could quit. She may not like any of these choices, but they do exist. Yet she chooses to go into the office without saying anything to her boss about the problems the overtime is creating. Why? Because she believes that there are benefits to doing so. Whether or not she realizes it, she thinks:

“I will lose my job if I express my concerns to my boss.”

“I have an impressive career, and I must do whatever it takes to maintain my position.”

“If I work overtime, everyone will think that I am very responsible.”

“If I work overtime, everyone will have to feel sorry for me.”

Some of the payoffs for choosing to work overtime are obvious. A larger paycheck, the possibility of a promotion and a lesser risk of getting fired are all very real benefits. But other payoffs come from Camille’s core beliefs, and they’re not so obvious. Camille believes that it’s important to appear responsible and impressive to other people. She could quit her high-pressure career and take on a less time-consuming job. She’d have more time to spend with her family, but she enjoys the prestige that comes with her current position. She also likes the income, which makes her appear to be a better provider and a responsible financial force in the eyes of her family and friends. Camille also likes for her family and friends to feel sorry for her. Somewhere in Camille’s mind, the sympathy of others is a way to feel loved and in control. Still, even with all these benefits, Camille is grumbling. If she could see clearly both the costs and the benefits, she could weigh them against each other and make a decision as to whether or not she thinks it’s worth it to work the overtime. Instead, she sees only the costs, and this makes her feel as if she has no choices whatsoever.

Brad’s situation is a little trickier. What exactly is Brad getting out of his behavior? What are the payoffs? How can we say that Brad has chosen for his girlfriend to leave him? Of course he didn’t directly choose for her to leave, but again, his choices led to her leaving. He drove her away. If we could take a look inside Brad’s psyche for a moment, we’d likely see:

“Acting is my dream. I must give it my all if I’m to succeed. Sometimes that means sacrificing my most important relationships.”

“I don’t deserve to have it all.”

“Other people put too many demands on me, and there’s never enough time to have it all.”

“I do not want to share all of myself with another person. They might be able to control me if I do that.”

Whoa! How in the world can all of those beliefs be responsible for what’s happening with Brad?

Although we’re not always consciously aware of it, we mentally prioritize every aspect of our lives. We might not always be aware of our priorities—if someone were to ask Brad, he’d say that having a relationship is very important to him. Still, when his subconscious weighs the thought of succeeding in acting through hard work (something he believes is possible) against the time it would take to maintain a healthy relationship (something he does not believe is possible—he subconsciously decides that his time is better spent on acting than on his girlfriend. She leaves because he doesn’t spend enough time with her, and his belief that relationships can’t work out for him is supported.

Even though it can be painful and confusing, proving our core beliefs in situations like this is a big, gratifying payoff for the ego. Brad doesn’t have to question what he believes to be true, and the ego gets to maintain that state of homeostasis it requires. Brad chose to believe that acting was more important than his relationship, and the result was his breakup. What he believed deep down manifested in his life.

This doesn’t mean it’s wrong to prioritize. But because Brad doesn’t know that he’s made a choice of priorities, he sees himself as the victim of his girlfriend’s desire for a different kind of relationship. She’s got her own priorities, and Brad’s choices don’t fit with what she wants for her life. While Brad is treating her exit as an unfair judgment of his personal worth, she’s really just making a decision about what she wants and doesn’t want. If Brad understood his motivations, he could decide to do something different. He could realize that a relationship is as important to him as acting and split his time between the two. He could also realize that acting is more important and accept his choice to spend the majority of his time on his career. If he knew that these are just his priorities, he would be happy with his choice and no longer feel the need to chase a relationship that he ultimately doesn’t want as much as an acting career. This awareness could significantly cut back on his frustration over the breakup.

Why do we choose to stay stuck? Our core beliefs give us our directives. They tell us who we are and what’s important, and we make our choices accordingly. Our core beliefs determine what we think is important, what we think we can and can’t have, and what we think will happen in any given situation. We don’t always know it, but they’re always operating in the background, making our choices for us and determining how we will feel about those choices. That is, unless we can become aware of this process and take steps to change the beliefs that simply aren’t working in our lives.

When we become aware that we always have a choice (even if we don’t like the choice or agree with its “fairness”), we take on a new sense of responsibility for our own lives. This is scary at first. Taking responsibility sounds like work. To some degree, it is, especially at first. We all have certain beliefs about work, some of them more limiting than others. We don’t have to believe that this work—setting ourselves free to make our own choices and live with them—has to be drudgery. In reality, all it involves is a simple mental shift. The only actual work involved is practicing the mental shift repeatedly until we believe it.

Possible Roadblocks

At first, being asked to look for the payoff in an extremely negative and painful situation—and then to go further and actually take responsibility for our own choices—might feel like a slap in the face. Our egos and beliefs will fight against this idea, preferring instead that we stay blissfully unaware that we’re in charge. What are some of the thoughts that we might have in response to this concept?

 “Ha! There’s no way I’m responsible for how sad I would feel if something really bad happened to my loved one! See? I don’t always have a choice.”

Still not true, although the choice looks different in this situation. You make the choice to love the person that you love. You make the choice to be in a relationship with them. You make the choice to feel sad over what happens to them as an expression of your love. And these are all valid choices. Love, connection, loss and sadness are all important parts of life. We choose to feel the sadness of loss so that we can also enjoy the fullness of love. Having choice at all times doesn’t mean we always get to choose what will happen around us. The only way to control that would be to seal ourselves off, away from the flow of life. But we do have choices about how we respond to events and influences, but no say whatsoever about final outcomes. Instead of shutting ourselves away from others and from life in an effort to avoid pain and disappointment, we can always choose to be involved with life on a deeper, more meaningful level. We can choose to see the fullness and beauty in that (which involves acknowledging that sadness and tragedy are part of life).

 “There are times when I put my all into a situation and it still turns out badly. I don’t want it to turn out badly—other people make their own bad choices, and I end up being on the receiving end of the negative outcomes that they created. I can’t be expected to take responsibility for that, can I?”

We make the choice to be attached to external outcomes. We also make miniscule maneuvers based on our attitudes. If we really want something, but still have a negative attitude it working out, we send the message to everyone involved that we don’t really want it or think we deserve it. No matter how well we think we hide them, our attitudes shape the way we speak, act, dress, appear, move, and feel—and others can tell what our attitudes are just by being around us. We might not know it, but the odds are great that we are shaping every event in our lives through what we believe. Life is a process that involves the movement of energy, and our attitudes play a vital part in that dance. In the end, we can always take responsibility for our attitudes.

Action Items

-What’s the payoff? Think of a negative situation that you’ve recently dealt with. Think about all the choices you made while dealing with the situation—what you thought, said and did. What was the payoff in having the situation end the way it did? Did you get to make people feel bad about what they did to you? In other words, did you get to remain a victim? Being a victim means you don’t have to take responsibility for your part in a situation? Did you get some other positive outcome that you’re refusing to recognize as positive? Did you get to maintain faith in certain faulty core beliefs that you’re not yet ready to let go of? Did you win the respect, admiration or praise of others? Did you get a bigger paycheck or a promotion? Did you manage to keep the peace?

Whatever you chose to do, there had to be a payoff in there somewhere, no matter how upset or dissatisfied you might feel now about the circumstances or final outcome. What was that payoff? Write about the situation in your Daily Journal and see what answers you come up with. You may be at a loss right now, but often the simple act of putting pen to paper brings us to conclusions we could not have arrived at inside our heads.

-What’s my part? Think about a recent situation in which you felt that you were at the mercy of others. Did your boss “make” you work overtime like Camille’s? Did somebody dump you like Brad? Did you feel it necessary to “put on a pretty face” at a family function, even though you were practically in agony the whole time? Do you ever feel as if you’re being “forced” to do something you don’t want to do? Bring the situation to mind. Think back over your thoughts, words and actions in the situation. What, honestly, was your attitude? What did you do, say or think that may have influenced the outcome, or the feelings of others? Look back over the examples in this article for help in seeing your part. Try to come up with at least one (preferably more) alternate choice you could have made in your situation, positive or negative. Write about your choices in your Daily Journal.

Taking responsibility for our own lives does not mean we should beat ourselves up for every negative situation that comes our way. Taking responsibility doesn’t equate to, “Oh, it’s all my fault! It’s always all my fault!” It’s about recognizing that we have choice, and with choice comes ultimate freedom. Freedom and responsibility go hand in hand. We can only experience true freedom when we can accept life on life’s terms. When we practice making our choices and accepting the outcomes, whatever they may be, we gain the ability to see through negative emotions to the heart of the matter. Rather than seeing ourselves as victims of external circumstances and our own volatile emotional natures, we can recognize that just beneath all of this is a constant flow. We are always ultimately okay, we simply must choose whether or not to feel that way; in other words, we choose whether or not to accept that reality. The entire world can change in a moment with very little effort on our part—we just have to change our outlook. How amazing the view can be when we’re willing to take responsibility!

Author’s Bio:

The 123 Feel Better® Life Change System™ is a wellness program designed to help individuals reach their wellness goals and live fuller, more complete lives. 123 Feel Better is based on the 7 Aspects of Wellness™ model. Learn how to make real changes in the areas of Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Environmental, Occupational, Social, and Intellectual Wellness to create a balanced life with 123 Feel Better and our free wellness resources at 123 Feel Better.

The 123 Feel Better educational system was created by wellness advisors, nutritionists, health care professionals, and humans just like you who all came upon a similar realization: Happiness is attainable. But, like anything good, it takes work.

Here at 123, we segment wellness into 7 aspects, giving readers the ability to improve their happiness, their wellness through small micromovements. As we work on distribution of our educational system, we’ve been putting up inspiring videos, articles and photos to get the ball rolling. You can feel better. It starts with working towards joy and not just towards disease – although some of us find inspiration here first.

This Ted video by Shawn Achor highlights 5 tasks to be done for 21 days for someone who is willing to work on their happiness, as much as they work on their physical or emotional wellness.

The video suggests that the following tasks have increased productivity at work, increased happiness, and increased energy in participants who have followed through with them:

Begin the Day with 3 Gratitudes: Write down three things you are grateful for. Try to think of new things every day. This sets the tone for the day, and after 21 days, you’ll be faced with 63 things that bring you joy.

Journal Daily: Everyday, write about something good that has happened to you. Writing gives your mind the chance to re-live joys experienced in the day. How many of us spend hours harping on negative aspects of our day? How many of you who answered “me” want to be happier? Get writing!

Exercise: Move your body and  your lymph, your blood & your digestion move. As these vital processes clean themselves out, your body makes room to let go of waste and endorphins are triggered to increase joy. Feeling confident in your body is an added plus.

Meditation: For many of us this word is scary. We’re here to help. You don’t have to wear all white and sit on lambskin in front of an alter in order to meditate. Everyone has their own system. When it comes down to it,  meditation simply is a practice of clearing your mind and being present.

Our brains work so hard during the day processing senses, reflecting on the past, anticipating the future. Meditation allows the brain to settle. Sit comfortably anywhere and see if you can count 10 breaths up and 10 breaths down. If you lose track, or your mind continues to run, try again. Every time you try, you build your mental muscle towards freedom.

Practice Random Acts of Kindness: For 21 days, this video suggests sending your first email of the day out thanking someone in your circle. There are hundreds of other ways to act kindly, find them.

Happiness is something worth cultivating. Try these 5 tasks for 21 days, maybe more, maybe less. Let us know what happens. We dare you.

Author’s Bio:

Jessica Rhodes is a certified wellness advisor for the 123 Feel Better Company. The 123 Feel Better® Life Change System™ is a wellness program designed to help individuals reach their wellness goals and live fuller, more complete lives. 123 Feel Better is based on the 7 Aspects of Wellness™ model. Learn how to make real changes in the areas of Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Environmental, Occupational, Social, and Intellectual Wellness to create a balanced life with 123 Feel Better and our free wellness resources at 123 Feel Better.

The average American watches two to three hours of television a day. When it comes to cruising the Internet, the numbers get even bigger: We spend 11 hours a week on the Internet at home, and 72 hours a week at work. That’s a lot of channel and Web surfing! Most of us would say that these technological advances improve our lives and provide our minds with useful information—or, at the very least, give our brains a much-needed escape. But is our almost insatiable need for media—television, the Internet, magazines, newspapers and radio—always beneficial? Does this constant influx of information and stimulation come at a price?

In the last few years, the term “media addiction” has surfaced to describe our heavy use of all forms of media, but it’s most often used in reference to television and Internet overuse. In general, our overall exposure to media has doubled over the past few decades. We have the ability to be connected at all times, and we think we can handle it. In fact, we think we need it. The more information we have at our fingertips, the smarter and better off we’ll be…right?

Are We Addicted?

The main reasons anyone develops a dependence on a behavior or substance is to numb out (reduce emotional pain, escape tension or avoid one’s own thoughts), develop security in the sense of routine (the simplification and predictability of performing the behavior) and gain a sense of control over one’s environment. Most of us would probably say that our motives for watching TV or cruising the Internet late at night are not about personal growth. We’re not searching for greater awareness. We’re trying to numb out, avoid reality and find comfort in a daily routine of anesthetic habits.

When regular use of a substance or behavior becomes a dependency, there are going to be some symptoms. In the case of a dependency that has progressed to actual media addiction, the warning signs include:

-The majority of our time is spent obtaining, using or thinking about some form of media (i.e. television, Internet or gaming).

-We begin to withdraw from other activities to engage more and more with our television, computer, games or movies.

-We feel a constant need to be entertained, and we’re always excited about the next big opportunity for entertainment.

-After engaging with our media for a period of time, there is a feeling of being let down when we’re finished.

-We get impatient with the comparative slowness of “real life.”

-We find ourselves unable to set boundaries around our media use. For example, we may say we want to cut down on our television watching, but we continue to tune in. We vow to ourselves we’ll do something other than aimlessly surfing the Internet tonight, but we still find ourselves cruising the Web at 11 p.m.

-Our grades or our performance at work starts to suffer.

-We spend excessive amounts of money on media or media-related technology.

If we are addicted to media, we’ve built up a certain amount of tolerance, and we’ll continue to build more. The more we use, the worse we feel—but the more we want to use it! We need more and more of the television, Internet or computer games in order to feel the level of satisfaction we once did with a smaller amount. The funny thing is, we rarely feel satisfied after a long bout of media intake. When we’re dependent or addicted, we also experience feelings of withdrawal when, for whatever reason, we don’t have access to the technology we crave. If we go for a few days (or in some cases, just a few hours or minutes) without our television or Internet, we begin to feel annoyed, restless and dissatisfied.

So what are the consequences of a media addiction? People who watch no television at all tend to be involved in a wide variety of fulfilling activities. They read often, and have a wealth of relationships, interests and hobbies. On the other end of the spectrum, people who watch four or more hours of television a day tend to experience frequent feelings of boredom and dissatisfaction. They tend to have poor diet and exercise habits, almost never read and have few strong social relationships.

Dependence on television and Internet also has a tendency to replace real experience in our lives. Sure, we learn through being exposed to information, but this is only one kind of learning. We also need to have a variety of learning experiences including activities, events, social contact, exercise and hands-on learning. Watching television is perhaps the most passive behavior in which we engage. Our minds are stimulated, but we’re not engaging with anything or anyone—we’re sitting still and simply taking it all in.

But when we interact with something or someone else, we have a real experience, and we’re stimulated in many other ways. The Internet is slightly more interactive than television, but it’s still basically button-clicking, not a full-body, full-mind learning experience. The trick to true Intellectual Wellness lies not just in taking in facts or having simulated experiences with fictional people, or people we cannot see, but having all of our senses and sensibilities stimulated on a regular basis. When we have a media addiction, we often find ourselves thinking, “I wish I did more!” But we rarely get out there and actually do more.

This doesn’t mean that television and the Internet are always bad for us. Media can be good food for the intellect. It nourishes our minds best when we pay special attention to just what we’re taking in. Eating junk food creates detrimental effects over time. So, too, does media addiction, especially when we’re constantly stuffing ourselves with unenlightening television, movies, magazines and Internet information. We all do it to a certain degree, and it doesn’t mean we’re bad, weak or stupid. It’s hard not to surrender to the hum of excited voices and flashing colors, and films with cookie-cutter plots and minimal thought-provoking content. The good news is that there is a wealth of media out there that can support your intellect and still be enjoyable. It’s important to choose the media we take in wisely. We can look for media that sparks our imaginations, causes us to consider different points of view or shows us a world we’ve never seen. The key is to make sure we’re making a conscious, informed choice about what we watch, when we watch it and for how long.

Somewhere between not watching any television or ever surfing the Internet, and spending countless hours mindlessly seeking “entertainment” while finding only boredom and inactivity, there is a healthy relationship with media. If you want to cut down on the amount of media you consume, the trick is to replace that time with more beneficial activities that you find stimulating, interesting and fun. A great rule of thumb is simply to strive to have more real-world experiences, and less vicarious experiences involving the characters on your favorite TV show. Try these tips:

-Use it, then turn it off. Use your TV only to watch specific shows, and when you get online, do it for a specific purpose. Pick out a show, turn on the TV to watch that show and then turn it off again. Need to do some research? Get online, find the information you’re looking for and then get off the computer. This will provide you with an awareness of the choices you have. You do have alternatives to channel surfing for hours, or chatting on the Internet, or reading information you don’t really need just for the sake of turning off your brain. If you need to relax, there are other ways that won’t leave you feeling let down and drained. This strategy will help you to choose quality media and use it constructively.

-Make a schedule. Each week, sit down with the programming schedule and pick out which shows you’ll be watching and the times that they come on. Keep it to a minimum of one show a day, although even less—three or four shows a week—is ideal. Limiting yourself in this way forces you to pick only those shows you really want to watch.

-Replace your media. When you give up all that time previously spent watching TV or cruising the Internet, you’re going to find a lot more free time. That can actually be a little intimidating! What will you do with this new freedom? The possibilities are limitless. Come up with a list of activities you’d like to do instead. You can finally clean out that closet that’s been a mess for years, or set up an art studio in your garage and take up painting. Why not make a resolution to read a minimum of 20 pages a day of a book, magazine or newspaper. Get some exercise by taking an evening walk. Now that you’re not tied to your television or computer, you’ll be able to have a wide range of experiences—but you’ll need some direction at first.

-Have a game night! Having a night set aside to play games with your family or friends is a great way to replace your media with a more mentally stimulating activity, while also spending quality time with people you love. Many people say they just don’t seem to have enough time to spend with friends and family, but in reality, they could easily find the time if they didn’t watch quite so much television. There are games for every conceivable preference: strategy games like Risk, word games like Scrabble and trivia games like Trivial Pursuit. Card games are great as well—why not enjoy a great talk over a game of hearts or gin rummy?

-Seen it? Skip it! Ever fall into the trap of watching a movie you’ve seen 10 times already, for the eleventh time? Ever wonder why you’re doing it? If a movie comes on television or sits in your movie collection, but you’ve seen it so many times you can practically quote it word for word, don’t watch it again. Do something new instead.

-What is quality television? A great way to set some parameters around your media intake is to set some rules about what you will and will not watch. Celebrity interview and gossip shows, “reality” shows, most sitcoms and any shows that center around excessive sexual or violent content rarely feed your intellect—and often leave you feeling pretty empty. If you cut out certain kinds of shows altogether, you’ll be left with higher-quality television that feeds your mind and entertains you in an enlightening and truly interesting way. Also try setting some standards for the kinds of Internet sites you’ll visit. Is a site full of information that you need for a specific purpose? Does that site appease your curiosity about a particular subject? Great! Or is it just a random site you’re surfing to avoid doing more productive and involved activities? If so, avoid it.

Media addiction can seem so harmless—everyone indulges in television and Web surfing, and these activities have become an accepted mainstay of our daily lives. In reality, they aren’t necessarily a problem…unless you notice that they feed procrastination, keep you from getting other things done, prevent you from enjoying other hobbies or keep you from spending time on meaningful relationships. As you reduce your Internet and television time, chances are you’ll see yourself a little more clearly, and a whole new world will open up for you to enjoy.

Author’s Bio:

Jessica Rhodes is a certified wellness adviser for the 123 Feel Better Company. The 123 Feel Better® Life Change System™ is a wellness program designed to help individuals reach their wellness goals and live fuller, more complete lives. 123 Feel Better is based on the 7 Aspects of Wellness™ model. Learn how to make real changes in the areas of Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Environmental, Occupational, Social, and Intellectual Wellness to create a balanced life with 123 Feel Better and our free wellness resources at 123 Feel Better.

After working in the same place and the same position for a while, the luster of any job can wear off. What we once loved to do now feels mundane and boring. Without working on Occupational Wellness, this can lead to serious disappointment and unhappiness. We might even feel as if we hate our work. We start going through the motions and working at half steam. We’re burned out.

The good news? Energy builds on itself. The more we put into our work, the more we get out of it. What did we do today that felt great? What can we do tomorrow that will make us feel even better? One way to get beyond burnout involves taking the initiative to get more involved at work. Because this burnout is usually caused by repetition and lack of challenge, looking for opportunities to take on more responsibilities, or different tasks, is often just the right remedy. Fresh energy inspires us to dream bigger dreams, and empowers us to use more of our abilities. As we take on more responsibility at work and create situations in which we can shine, we can benefit our companies and ourselves. Greater involvement zaps burnout and gives us a sense of accomplishment that’s essential to healthy self-esteem.

Want to take the initiative at work and combat energy-draining burnout? Taking initiative means more than simply piling your plate higher with projects and proposals. Just signing up for more tasks will most likely only add to your stress and decrease your productivity, not to mention your sanity. This isn’t about trying to do the work of three people all by yourself. Effectively taking initiative means considering what needs to be done and how you can best help to accomplish that. Think about your specific abilities, duties and goals, and use these to determine how you might be of greater service within the workplace. View yourself as part of a larger system, and think about how you might work with others toward a greater good.

Start small. Any activity that solves a problem or increases productivity will empower you to do more. Just cleaning up your desk is an example of taking initiative at work. It also increases Environmental Wellness. You could probably still get your job tasks done with a messy desk, but why not take the time to clean it up and get organized? You’ll streamline your workday if you can easily find whatever you’re looking for at every moment. Is one of your coworkers struggling with a project that could use your expertise? Lend a quick hand. These small successes will inspire you to take even more steps to improve the quality of your own work, as well as the work of the group.

Here are some things to keep in mind when looking for more responsibility at work.

-Do make sure that the extra work is actually helpful. If you’re going to do something, make sure it’s something that improves the work environment, accomplishes a specific task or produces something of quality. If you’re not sure, check with your boss first. Your interest will be much appreciated!

-Don’t take on responsibilities simply to look busier around the office. When you take on tasks that are unimportant overall, you’re just staying busy doing nothing. Extra “busy work” helps no one, and your boss and coworkers will know the difference.

-Don’t do more only because you want to seem indispensable or look impressive. You might garner attention, but odds are you’ll also end up stressed to the point of breaking. When taking initiative at work, a sincere desire to contribute is essential.

-Do consider your personal goals when determining whether or not to take on extra responsibility. If your main job duties will likely suffer, avoid taking on further tasks. Be aware that while is your job to grow professionally, it is also your job to look out for your company’s future.

-Do look out for problems, and come up with a plan for correcting them promptly.

-Do go to the person who is directly responsible for implementing your plan. Only take a task upon yourself if you’re directly responsible for that particular area, service, product or process. Doing other people’s jobs for them could lead to more stress for you, or tension between you and a coworker.

If you see a weak spot within your organization and would like to help work it out, consider whether or not your actions will have a direct effect on your company’s revenues, profit, mission and objectives. Will your idea help increase cost-effectiveness? Will your idea help streamline a process? Don’t wait for someone else to go the extra mile. If you’re at home and you see a dirty sock lying in the middle of the living room, you can pass by and hope that someone else will pick it up, or you can pick it up and carry it to the laundry room yourself. Try seeing your role at work the same way. Do what you can—that’s what you were hired to do.

 Action Items

-Just for today. Pick a day this week to give work your all. From the moment you get there until the moment you leave, stay focused on doing your duties to the absolute best of your ability. If someone asks you for help, enthusiastically answer, “Sure!” If you run out of things to do that day, clean your desk or look around for someone who might need your help. At the end of the day, review your efforts. Journal about the following questions:

-What did I do today that truly amazed me?

-Do I feel good about my efforts?

-What did I accomplish that I thought wouldn’t get done?

-Did I help someone out of a jam?

-If I did, how did it feel to be helpful?

-What could I have done even better?

-Overall, how do I feel about putting forth my best effort at work today? Do I actually feel more energetic than usual, rather than drained?

Use this exercise to take a good look at all you’ve accomplished. If you don’t see anything you did today to amaze yourself, what can you do tomorrow?

-Offer your services. Is there a project or task you’d really like to tackle at work, but it’s not in your job description? If you’re interested in branching out at work, now is the time to approach your boss and ask for more responsibility. Respect other people’s efforts and assignments, but offer to get involved on some level. Asking to shadow someone who is doing something you’d like to try is a great way to get your foot in the door. Often just showing interest is enough to get you noticed for future opportunities, so don’t be shy about asking.

Conclusion

Taking the initiative at work can open the doors to a wealth of exciting opportunities and an overall sense of accomplishment. It can also stimulate you to start exploring more options within your career. Learning and using your talents are some of the greatest pleasures in life, so why not let them out to play when you’re at work? Believe in yourself, come up with a game plan, look for chances to be of service and get to working on your Occupational Wellness so that everybody benefits, including you!

Author’s Bio:

Jessica Rhodes is a certified wellness adviser for the 123 Feel Better Company. The 123 Feel Better® Life Change System™ is a wellness program designed to help individuals reach their wellness goals and live fuller, more complete lives. 123 Feel Better is based on the 7 Aspects of Wellness™ model. Learn how to make real changes in the areas of Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Environmental, Occupational, Social, and Intellectual Wellness to create a balanced life with 123 Feel Better and our free wellness resources at 123 Feel Better.

According to Gilbert, creative genius was once seen as an external force that bestowed itself upon humans. Creativity was gifted to humans from some divine source, so humans held less accountability for the success of their work.What a relief! If you produced a terrible painting or a stinky manuscript, it wasn’t solely your fault.

As the world shifted to placing the individual at the center of the universe, she said, creativity started belonging to individuals and the pressure was too much to bear. Gilbert, in this insightful TED talk, asks us to re-evaluate the way we view creativity, asking us to relinquish control of the reins and let the external inspire us.