14 Legs

14 Legs Worth of Love

2012-01-26T09:23:00.000-06:00

Us with Justice James MacPherson at Osgoode Hall, Toronto

Today is our fourth wedding anniversary. It's more impressive when you take into account that gay-relationship years are like dog years and should be multiplied by seven. So it's like our twenty eighth anniversary.

Actually, we've been together for almost fifteen years so in gay-years that's a hundred and five years which you must admit is quite spectacular.

Anyway, life isn't perfect and full of hardships, but getting married and starting a family was the best thing that ever happened to me. It doesn't matter where I go, I got my crew by my side. Starting life anew in a new country and new city without knowing anyone in advance would be much scarier if I really had to do it alone. But as things are, there are always five of us to keep each other company. Fourteen legs worth of love.

We had our surrogate and her husband at our wedding in Toronto, sitting at the family table. That was four months before Blake was born, so he was technically there with us at our wedding. We didn't prepare vows, so we decided to say a few words to our guests. My words turned into a spontaneous speech and you can totally see I'm winging it, but I'd like to think it's part of the charm. So I tell myself, anyway.

Happy anniversary, hubby!

Mickey

The Cynthia Nixon Experiment

2012-01-23T18:07:00.002-06:00

I'm Gay! Now I'm not! Now I'm gay again and now I'm not!!! Yay!

To make a short story shorter: In a recent interview Cynthia Nixon pissed off gay fans when she made the infuriating statement that being gay is a choice. Money quotes:

"I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not."

And:

"Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with."

I wish I could say that it made me lose respect for Nixon, but to be honest I never really liked her. I find Sex and the City to be the most abhorrent TV show ever created and any actor associated with this radioactive pile of crap is automatically ruined for me. The only time I remember enjoying a performance by Cynthia Nixon was when she played a stroke victim on ER. Not sure if I enjoyed it because it was a good episode or because I just liked seeing that bitch from Sex and the City getting a stroke. We will never know.

Fond Memories from the ER episode

I think Nixon's statement is offensive because it feeds the lie that being gay is a choice. It is also offensive because it is a complete crock of poop. One does not simply choose to be gay.

Nixon is offended by people saying that she was gay even back when she was dating men. Not only that, it is offensive to "all the men she's been out with". The way she says it she makes all those men sound like a sizeable demographic. I am sure finding out the chick you banged turned out to be a lesbian is a huge blow to the ego. An insecure man might even think that he was so bad in bed that he actually turned her gay. I can see why good ol' Chyntia is concerned and offended.

Lets get this straight (giggles): one can't choose to be gay. I call bullshit on that. One can't choose which ice cream flavour is their favourite. I love chocolate more than strawberry. I might force myself to eat strawberry ice cream instead of chocolate, but I can't make myself enjoy it more. It just does not work like that. I do not believe for a second that Nixon used to be sexually attracted to men, but not women, but then made the choice to just switch over and be attracted to women, but not to men.

BUT! Just so I won't come across as prejudiced against washed up actresses from terribly obnoxious TV shows, I should conduct the Cynthia Nixon experiment and choose to be straight. I will conduct the experiment right now while writing this blog post.

I, Mickey Blumental, decide to be straight now. I am no longer attracted to men. I am now attracted to women.

I'll take a break for five minutes to let it sink in.

---

OK, I'm back. It didn't work. I still see boobies as butt cheeks that were ruined by having nipples on them. Sorry, mom.

Cynthia Nixon, you are a moron.

No, more than that. You are an attention seeking moron. I bet you knew this unique and bizarre claim will get you some much desired attention. Who cares if you're giving ammunition to religious nuts and homophobes. There are many "gay therapy" groups where gay men are brainwashed to think they can stop being gay with disastrous results and this sort of publicity stunt just fuels that fetid phenomenon.

Regardless, we have freedom of speech and Cynthia Nixon is allowed to talk nonsense and to lie to herself and everyone else. She can also be offended by people who say she is lying.

OR! She can choose not to be offended.

I mean, if she can choose her sexual orientation, surely choosing not to be offended should be a walk in the park.

Mickey

Winterpeg Photo Dump

2012-01-19T15:18:00.001-06:00

I am not focused enough to write about anything in particular so I am simply going to cheat by using my utterly adorable trio of cuteness with a photo dump.

Self portrait.

Crappy photo, but shows the rec room at a rare moment of tidiness.

It takes Blake one minute to turn the rec room into this.

This is what Leo does 90% of the time.

Another self portrait.

After being eaten alive a few times Dexter now knows his place.

And he likes it.

Blake is puzzled by my fascination with him eating.

Quality time.

Blake notices the camera, time to pose!

Or is it time to nose?

Both.

Blake loves Leo.

And Leo loves Blake.

And more self portraits!

Took the dogs out to a field to stretch their legs.

They really really needed that...

So it the weather isn't -100c we'll try doing it every week.

A hat would be nice...

Manitoba? More like Flatitoba.

Ready for school!

OK, Now I'm Really Angry.

2012-01-12T18:30:00.000-06:00

I met my friend Mark through blogging. We discovered each other's blogs as we both wrote mostly about our gay parented families. We never met in real life, but we had some very nice e-mail exchanges and discussions. What I liked about Mark and his family was that, just like with my family, the "gayness" of the family was never an issue. If you read through Mark's blog (and you should) you will find many exciting anecdotes that cover all areas of life (as well as phenomenal photos). Some are hilarious, some are thrilling and some heartbreaking. You would be forgiven if you forget this is a gay parented family. It's just two people who happen to be in love with each other and with their beautiful children who happen to be two guys. The gay aspect practically never comes up.

Until now. Thanks to DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act), Fred, Mark's partner of twenty one years is going to be deported in September despite the fact that they have adopted together four children. This DOMA act was signed by Bill Clinton whose ideas about defending marriage include sticking his Weiner in the mouth of an intern.

To make it worse, the main force behind marriage discrimination for gay people are religious people who are hurting real people by trying to protect morality laws taken from a fictional ancient book. Because if there is a God, I am sure what he wants is to see four children to lose either one of their loving parents or the country they were born in and call home.

This post isn't very organic to write because I am so angry writing it.

We were lucky. We lived in the UK so there was no problem for gay people there, at least not by the time I moved there.

So we got to stay together. We later got married "properly" in Canada just before our son was born and we are now living in Winnipeg, Canada where people care about your sexual orientation about as much as they care about the colour of your eyes.

Like I said, we were very lucky.

After the move to Winnipeg I was a bit disappointed in at least one aspect. I was under the impression that Canada is close in prices to the US, but in practice it's significantly more expensive in many areas to the point that people will drive south for several hours to the border with the US for shopping.

Now that I read about Mark and Fred's deportation threat it puts things in perspective. I would rather pay more for my cellphone plan and television, but have full equal rights as a married gay parent without any small letters, ifs or buts. There really is no price for freedom. I appreciate and support those who decide to dig their feet in the ground and fight for equality rather than just go elsewhere, as I am really not sure I could do that.

A while ago in an Interview Barack Obama has been asked about gay marriage to which he replied "I'm still working on it."

Well, Mr. Obama. Pull your finger out and do something about it after nearly an entire term. This is outrageous discrimination and if the first minority president is not going to do anything about it, who will?

To quote Mark from the CNN article:

"I will no longer ride in the back of the bus. I am tired of waiting for people to give me rights."

You could say that again. In fact, I suspect you might have to.

Give them hell, Mark!

Mickey

I finally get an excuse to steal-post great photos of adorable children from Mark's blog.

Break!

2012-01-08T20:18:00.001-06:00

I hope that the holiday season hibernation is coming to an end.

I was constantly aware that I wasn't writing in my blog, but I couldn't force myself to post stuff just for the sake of it.

Am I back? Maybe. Does anybody care? Maybe, though how many anybodies is a different matter.

The holiday break was fun and we got to celebrate both Christmas and Hanuka in our new humble abode. The benefit of being an atheist. Do Muslims have any fun holidays I can steal?

It was really nice to be here just the five of us, catching cabin fever together as we snuggle indoors while it's snowing outside. Our first Winnipeg Christmas. With that said, we were disappointed by the lack of harsh weather. Damn you, global warming!

So I hope you (whoever you are) had a great break too and that 2012 will be great or at least not super extra crap. Wow, I'm quite the wordsmith. I should copy-write greeting cards.

I had to assemble Blake's train-set table in the middle of the night because he refused to go to bed at a normal time and to make it even better I didn't even get credit for it. You see, it was from "Santa". Pffft. That lazy fat bum.

Mickey

Jew Gotta Be Kidding Me!

2011-12-27T14:59:00.001-06:00

Religious nuts are not a new thing. There are many people who are obsessed with their religion and their own take on morality and do whatever they can to impose that view on anyone else around them. Any objection to that will bring upon outcries of intolerance and bigotry towards the religious people and their "way of life". The fact that their "way of life" is based on bigotry and intolerance is irrelevant to them.

The story of the little girl from Beit Shemesh in Israel who's been bullied by adult Ultra Orthodox Jews for apparently dressing up immorally has made headlines all over the world. Google Beit Shemesh if you want to learn more about it, I really don't want to get into details. This specific story does not really matter. There are many stories like that all over the world across all religions. It's not a Jewish thing, or a Muslim thing or a Christian thing.

It's a religion thing.

It's the unavoidable self righteousness that comes with following a religion and patting your self on the back for doing it right, which leads to looking outside and seeing the people who haven't "seen the light" yet and making sure they do. Because if God exists and you're following the "right" religion "correctly" it is surely your duty to bring more people into the fold or die (or kill) trying.

I am not putting all the world's problems on religion or even nationalism. If I clicked my fingers and made religion and nationalism cease to exist I don't think all the world's problems will be solved, but I wonder just how many things will cease to be an issue any more.

These people are not giving Jews or Israelis a bad name, they give all of us, humans, a bad name.

I don't have any answer and solutions, so instead I do what I do best. Point a finger and laugh at the stupidity of stupid people.

One must wonder why anyone would think a seven year old can dress sexy. After all, if you're right in the head, there is absolutely nothing sexy about a seven year old child, no matter how much skin they show. Which raises more questions about the Ultra Orthodox community than anything else. Looking at Ultra Orthodox publications there are many troubling examples of censorships that indicate a deep rooted problem with these people's perception of sexuality.

A wedding photo with the bride and her mother pixelated out (I assume) to prevent men from masturbating to it.

The original picture on the left portrayed the baby sticking his bottom in the air seductively and showing too much skin. It was amended by making him sit down on the floor and covering his feet with longer socks. For what it's worth I think the amended picture is still too sexy. Maybe throw a blanket on him with holes for the eyes?

A picture of a doll has been blurred to combat any impulses of impure thoughts.

The original is on the right, in case you have a problem figuring it out. Apparently the eyes are too "playful" on the picture on the right. To be fair, I can see that. The man is obviously looking to get laid with his "come to bed" eyes and trying to put snacks in your mouth - typical "stranger with candy" scenario.

Try figuring out which picture is the amended one and why. I will give you a hint: the right to bare arms does not apply to red phone-houses.

Ha ha ha. That was funny. We all had a good laugh. Now lets remember that real people made these changes in the name of morality - and cry.

Mickey

Make Your Own Zombie Movie

2011-12-13T19:24:00.002-06:00

I used to love zombie movies, but the ironic cannibalism of the genre with so many zombie movies shamelessly feasting on each other's remains made me sick of it. One thing is clear, though: zombie movies is where the quick cash is.

Make your own zombie movie and make sure to include at least 75% of the following points:

* A group of very diverse characters, almost random.

* People coming to the emergency room with a "weird illness".

* Worrying news reports and instructions that suddenly stop.

* Zombies digging their way out of coffins and packed dirt.

* Don't bother explaining why the zombie infection is happening.

* A natural leader type character everyone looks up to for answers.

* A jackass character who wants to be the leader. Gets the group in danger, but dies horribly.

* It's impossible/very hard to kill a loved one who turned into a zombie.

* A zombie child, because it's extra sad.

* A bunch of armed soldiers who think they are now in charge because they have guns.

* Crowds of zombies walking in the street.

* Crowds of zombies banging on doors.

* Humans shuffling like zombies to fool the real zombies.

* Someone gets eaten and torn in half by a group of zombies.

* Someone with a science background theorizes about the zombies - then gets eaten and torn in half.

* The zombies are unstoppable until someone figures out they die if you destroy their brain.

* An infected survivor keeps his bite a secret from the rest of the group.

* The group barricades themselves in a sanctuary, but eventually it's overrun by zombies and they have to make a run for it.

* Zombies kept as pets or for experiments, usually ending badly.

* The military shoots or nukes human survivors to maintain quarantine. The horror!

* An idiot who stands too near a window and gets grabbed.

* Suddenly anyone knows how to use a gun and get perfect headshots.

* An evil group of humans who decide to take advantage of the new lawlessness.

* Raiding shops for food and weapons where plenty of zombies lurk.

* People who don't understand what is going on and think maybe the zombies are just "sick".

* The self-sacrifice by some brave fool.

* The zombie scenario as a very heavy handed metaphor of the human condition.

* The ninja zombie who sneaks up on someone from out of nowhere.

* Costumed zombies: cheerleaders, waitresses, tuxedo suit, clowns, football players, etc.

* A human does something terrible! Humans are the real monsters! GASP!

* Characters use downtime to remember what life used to be like.

* Characters use downtime to share sad stories about loved ones who died before we met them.

* Characters use downtime to ponder what life is going to be like from now on.

* Characters use downtime to wonder how far the infection has spread worldwide.

* A group of humans start their own mini-society which is always on the brink of falling apart.

* Oh no! Surrounded by zombies and no where to go!

* There is a safe place the group of survivors want to get to. Or is there?

* Goofy zombies used for comic relief. The kind of retards it is OK to make fun of.

* Hilarious post-modern self-aware meta comments by a witty character who knows all of the above zombie clichés and comments about them.

Take all of the above plot points, mix them well, let it sit for a couple of hours and then eat it because I will have nothing to do with it!

God, I hate zombies.

--Mickey

One Million Morons

2011-12-09T15:05:00.001-06:00

I mentioned in my previous post my delight at the fact that many homophobic organizations decide to stick the word “family” in their title. Most notably Family Research Center and American Family Association. In those cases the word “family” is usually code for “we hate fags”.

The other day, thanks to Reddit, I stumbled onto 1 Million Moms. Seemingly yet another website for mothers to hang around at and bitch about post-pregnancy weight and ungrateful husbands. Instead I was directed to a story about a Macy’s employee being justifiably fired after discriminating against a transgendered customer followed by a call to action to harass Macy’s upper management. I am not even going to get into the details of this stupid story. I am glad this woman got fired and good for Macy’s for protecting human rights. Next time I’m in New York I’ll stop by to buy some overpriced crap in support.

OMM’s website is basically the Supergirl/She-Hulk/Spider-Woman version of the AFA website: the same hateful religious propaganda, only with a vagina.

Who cares, they can overdose on their own bile for all I care. I can’t let it get to me, so I let it go.

But one thing did get my attention: the pictures used on the website.

At the top right of the screen are three small pictures showing three different sets of mothers and their offsprings. They all look so beautiful and lovely. They look like good and loving people with warmth in their eyes and genuine smiles. How can they support the hateful and intolerant goals of OMM by posing for them?

They don’t.

Thanks to Google Image search you can now drag pictures right into the Google search bar and find similar pictures. Doing that revealed that all three are stock photos of utterly random models. For all you know they might be great supporters of LGBT rights or even gay themselves!

This is not the first time something like this is happening (most notably Herman Cain's "Women for Cain" website featuring stock photo supporters). More and more morons use stock photos in their website to create the illusion that beautiful people support their cause. If school taught me anything it is that beautiful people know their stuff and are the ones to follow.

It just makes me wonder if these women even know they are featured as “supporters” of OMM and what would their reaction be if they found out.

Mine would be somewhere along the lines of uttering a few expletives and throwing up a little inside my mouth. Then maybe some cathartic crying, but without overdoing it.

I guess the real AFA supporters are wretched and bitter balls of misery and they would not be able to muster genuine warm smiles even if you told them all the gay people in the world were shot into space from a giant cannon.

When you are so busy hating others so intensely, such pure and joyful smiles are simply impossible.

It makes me almost feel sorry for those AFA and OMM creeps.

Almost. They are still douchebags.

--Mickey

The Case Against Gay Marriage

2011-12-05T08:45:00.001-06:00

Do you support gay marriage? Do you consider yourself pro-gay?

If so, you are part of the problem.

Wait, wait. Don't go, you haven't arrived by mistake at the American Family Association or Family Research Center websites. Though one must wonder why the biggest and most hateful bigots always like to substitute the word "hatred" with "family". Whatever, perhaps that's a different blog post for another time. Anyway, let me clarify what I mean by saying you are part of the problem before you get genuinely offended. Roll with me, I am going somewhere with this.

I think the term gay marriage is inadvertently offensive. Homosexuality is not a religion (though if it was, it would be a fabulous one). There is no such thing as gay marriage just like there's no such thing as black marriage.

It's like referring to the right of gay people to vote as "gay votes". It's just "votes".

There's just marriage. The question is, who gets the right to get married and who doesn't.

I didn't get gay-married, I simply got "married". We invited people to our wedding, not our gay wedding.

It may sound very obvious when I put it like that, but it took me a while to get there myself. There is really nothing that exciting and worth shouting about regarding the fact that I am gay. It is not some secret spice that makes everything in my life more interesting: my marriage, my fatherhood, my hobbies. Being gay affects only one aspect of my life: my terrible taste in TV shows.

I used to describe myself as a gay parent on this blog and anywhere else I could, but I stopped. I am not a gay parent. Being a gay parent doesn't mean that I go about things in a different way. If I look back critically on my work as a parent since Blake was born I can highlight many positives and many negatives. None of them have anything to do with the fact that I am gay.

It may seem as if I'm nitpicking with semantics here, but I think it's a big part of perception. The question shouldn't be "do you support gay marriage" or "gay adoption" or "gay parents". It should be much simpler and encompassing: "Do you believe gay people should have equal rights?".

Heck, I'll take it even one step further. "Do you believe everyone should have equal rights?". It's not a gay rights thing, it's a human rights thing.

Most people who object to giving gay people equal rights argue that being gay is a preference, a perverted life style choice. So while it's wrong to discriminate against someone because of their religion or race, the same does not apply to sexual orientation.

I would argue that out of the three factors: race, religion and sexual orientation - religion is actually the only one that is a choice, a set of beliefs a person chooses to stick with. A person can decide to convert to another religion. I can't just decide to start being attracted to Rihanna no matter how much she sluts it out on music award shows.

So you should not support gay marriage or consider yourself pro gay. You should support marriage equality and human rights.

And while some people will proudly declare themselves as anti-gay they should really be described as anti-human rights.

And douchebags.

--Mickey

P.S

Someone posted this on a forum I go to after I made a similar point to the one I made in this post.

I never heard of Liz Feldman, but I am already a fan.

The Other Side of the Hug

2011-12-04T20:21:00.001-06:00

Both my parents were working when I was a kid and my dad always used to come home later. I remember very clearly the excitement when I heard his keys in the door at around eight in the evening. My brother, our dog Bobby and I would all rush to the door to welcome him. We'd give him a big hug and then rob him of the chocolate bar he brought us.

My father and me at my wedding in 2008

My father and I were not very close. He had much more in common with my big brother as they both loved basketball and hanged out more together. Yet I still remember to his day how excited I was every night when he came home and how much I enjoyed hugging him. There is something very nurturing and primal about parents hugging their offsprings. With one quick hug a father tells his child: "I love you, I am here for you, I will take care of you" - without having to say it or explain what it actually means.

And now I find myself on the other side of that hug and it is utterly amazing.

After being mostly a stay at home parent with some freelancing and part time work, I have now been working full time for over two months. I was afraid that it would change my relationship with Blake and hurt the great bond we had, but I was very happy to discover that I was wrong.

For one thing, I get home a little after five, so I still get to spend a lot of time with him every day. I give him dinner, wash him and put him to bed. I teach him to read, I tell him stories and play games with him - electronic and otherwise. We go to the swimming pool every Sunday. So he repays me by remaining my shadow whether I like it or not. 80% of the time I like it. The other 20% of the time I just suck it up like a man. I got used to watching television or play videogames with Blake playing loudly the annoying Angry Birds music right next to my face with his two iPods.

Going back to work was great because I like what I'm doing and the people I work with, but I also appreciate being home more. When I walk in the dogs are first to welcome me because they are faster, but Blake is never far behind. He melts my heart with a smile and I pick him up for a big long cuddle. He would then steal my hat and try it on.

Blake and Papa

Those hugs. I cannot put a price on them. I know they will not last forever and I cherish each and every one of them. At that moment, during a hug, I feel like the luckiest man alive.

And I wish Blake that one day he would get to find himself on the other side of that hug too.

Mickey

Fake Non-Existing Puppies For Sale

2011-11-30T08:34:00.001-06:00

OK, this is going to be a little different - and longer than usual.

My friend at work was going to get new dogs from Belgium for free: A couple of three months old Teacup Yorkies. All she had to do was pay for the shipment from Belgium to Winnipeg. Sounds too good to be true? It sure was. The owner already "chose" my friend as the new owner and was waiting to take it further. I decided to e-mail that person too in order to expose the scam without expecting it to be such a fun exchange of e-mails over several days. "Sharon Wallace" might not be a real person, but I think that for those few precious days we really did have something special going.

Be warned, there is some racy language near the end. I'm just sayin'.

My first e-mail to Sharon (wallacesharon87@yahoo.com):

Hi!

I just saw your ad and absolutely loved the puppies! I hope I'm not too late in offering them a home?.. It will be an amazing Christmas present to my pregnant wife as we're finally starting our new life in our dream home and the only last missing part of the puzzle is a puppy... Or two! ;-)

The only problem is we live in New York City and I'm not sure where you are based on your ad and website.

Please let me know asap! As you know Christmas is just around the corner and I'm determined to get the new dogs by then (I know, bad planning waiting for the last minute lol). Teacup Yorkies are my favorite as I grew up with some.

Many thanks and God bless,

Mickey

Don't know why, I thought the "God Bless" was a nice touch. Also, it didn't hurt to imply that I was in a hurry.

Hello

It is a great pleasure for me to know that you are interested in adopting our puppies. They are still available and ready to meet a loving and caring home where they would be spoil and treated just like a Child. It's very important that you note the following about the puppies.They currently weigh 2.6lbs and are estimated to weigh 3.6lbs when fully grown.If you will need just one then am still ok with your decision.

Gender: Male and Female
Pets Name: Destiny and Miracle
Age: 13 week(s), 4day(s)
Potential: Perfect Pets
Temperament & Personality: Perfect temperament and great with kids and
other pets.
They are House and Potty Training.

We are getting rid of Destiny,Miracle due to the fact we could no longer give them all the care they deserves from us.My HUSBAND and i worked with N.G.O(http://www.aidshealth.org/) and we just recently relocated from the USA and was posted to work in Brussels capital Of Belgium for some time before returning back.So we are presently located in BELGIUM and thats where these babies will be coming from

We have no kids and Destiny,Miracle are like the only children to us.We took them along with us for companionship but is really hard for us to give little Destiny and Miracle all the attention they need from us. So we are after a caring home only where Destiny,Miracle could be spoiled rotten.If you could understand our reasons for getting rid of the dogs, then we would consider you to adopt them.We are asking just $120 for Destiny or Miracle and $200 for both of them as we inquired from the airport yesterday (which is for their adoption fees) because we are not after money since we just need a caring family for them.We are very busy people and have less time to confirm banking transactions. All we need is just for you to pay for the puppies shipping directly to the shipping company responsible for the shipment here .These puppies currently weigh 2.1lbs and are estimated to be 3.6lbs when fully grown

What's Included:
# AKC Registration
# Current vaccinations
# Veterinarian examination
# 1 Year Health guarantee
# Certificate of health
# Travel Crate.

Getting a good home for the puppies are the most essential thing we have ever wanted for them. So we have some few questions for you which we hope you get back to us with the answers sincerely. We just want to make sure they are getting into the right home. Hope you don't mind?
Where abouts are you located?
Why do you need Destiny and miracle?
How soon do you need Them?
Do you have any experience in raising pets in general?
Do you prese ntly have kids and other pets?
Who will look after the puppy when you are not around?
Name and contact number? Would be appreciated.
Hope you don't mind getting back to me with the answers as soon as possible.You may get back for more photos and feel free to ask any questions regarding the adoption or Call us at 0032492135572 see pictures of puppies. below

Oh my goodness! Look at those amazing puppies. This was obviously a scam. Not a word that they are in the process of selling the puppies to my friend. I had to confirm for sure, so I sent another reply.

Hi,

So glad to hear the puppies haven't been given away yet! I spent the last few hours really getting worried about it.
We just moved to a nice house with a garden in Forrest Hills, it's a nice neighborhood in New York. Like I said, I grew up with Teacup Yorkies and I know the breed very well which is why I am confident we will take good care of them and why we want that breed. I want your doggies because they look so cute. LOL. We are expecting a baby, but we know the breed is very good with children, so we don't mind. We want our kid to grow up with a dog or two as it makes kids better people. I work freelance from home (I'm a web designer) so I plan to be home a lot with my family.
I'm travelling for the next three days and my phone doesn't do international calls, so I'm sort of stuck with the Internet. Maybe I could Skype one evening from my hotel. Actually, that would be awesome! Can I Skype to see the puppies? My heart will melt on the spot. Awww, wittle puppies!!! LOL
OK, now for my questions:
Couldn't the puppies find a home in Belgium? I know I shouldn't be asking this since I want them LOL, but I'm curious. I'm sure flying over won't be a big deal since they are young and small so I'm sure they won't even know they're in a plane.
Don't they need to see a vet before the fly over? How much would that cost? And how will that work in terms of customs when I get them over here in the States? Do I need to pay import fees? I don't mind paying, I just need to crunch the numbers in advance so there are no surprises.
Thank you so much for getting back to me so quickly. This is going to be the best Christmas ever. LOL.

I essentially offered to pay more money, which went by unnoticed.

Hi
I am comfortable to know you will offer the best and warm home for destiny(male) and miracle(female). I belief I have found someone. I really hate to see destiny and miracle go at this point in time but I have no choice.I also appreciate your Kinder promise of heart and soul just to take care of destiny and miracle, that shows how lovely you can be. Destiny and miracle are just so friendly with kids, adults and other house hold pets.
They adore playing with toys and hardly cry except they are left alone for a long duration but their toys will keep them company, they like taking rides playing around the dogs park and loves going for shopping ,they are just a great companion i really feel their presence given that they will be leaving me .We are presently located in Brussels Belgium and thats where puppies will be ship from and all you will have to pay is just $200 for them to be ship to your home as am not looking just for a loving homes for these cuties.
I just really hate to see them go but i have no choice at this point in time. Given that you are our choice you have to let us know when you want destiny and miracle flown over to you.? i was wondering if we can get that done as soon as possible , i will be off work today and tomorrow and seeing that as an opportunity to get all the necessary arrangements for the puppies to get over to you.

let me give you this secret that i use for my pets,You can boost your pet's health profoundly by making one simple decision.. All you have to do is change their diet from commercial-brand fare to something you may never have imagined giving them: real food.The fresh food you buy at the market for your self is the food you should give your pet, too..."i feed my puppies with Fresh food. Fresh chicken and turkey and beef.Fresh raw vegetables and fruits.. Fresh brown rice and oatmeal.. Fresh yogurt,eggs, and cottage cheese.This puppies will be ship from Brussels Belgium as i told you in my previous emails
Also i want you to be rest assured that destiny,miracle are very healthy and will come along with all their health papers and besides several test will be carried on them before they can be shipped so you don't have to entertain any fears about their health. so for the shipping i need your shipping the following information from you so that i can proceed with the shipping formalities for you to get them asap.i was also told that it will take just a maxmimum of 5hours 10minutes for you to pick them up at your airport of destination(that is the closest airport to you) when they arrive or in your home if you wish cos they shipping company that am willing to ship destiny and miracle through also does door to door service delivery to its customers which is really good.Furthermore,i also want to let you know that all i ever wanted for these puppies is just a loving home for them .You can get to us on phone at 0032492135572

I will need the following information for their registration in the shipping company before they can be ship to you:

Full names
Address
Phone number
Zip Code
Nearest airport to your location.

I am online now so if you can log on to YAHOO MESSENGER we can talk more from there. waiting for you.please let me know asap
Thanks and have a nice day

This is it. Exactly the same cut and paste e-mail my friend received. There was no longer any doubt that this was a scam (there was not much doubt before). I did get this additional e-mail immediately after the first one, the first text written especially for me rather than just cut and pasted.

hey,sorry i forgot to add that these puppies have already been vet checked and they will be coming with all their documents and besides alot of tests will have to be conducted until they are ship to you.I inquired from the shipping compan here and they said thats all you will have to pay until you get them ship to you.They will also be coming with a favorite food menu so that you can follow up their feeding and some recent toys and accessories.please let me know what to do asap or if you have further questions

thanks

N.B:We are just so excited and cant believe God is doing this for my family.please we cant wait to read from u

thanks

I should have left it at that, but then decided to have a bit more fun and at the very least waste that thief's time and set them up for disappointment like they did to my friend.

Hi,

Thanks for the tips. Real food, who would have thought? So simple and so genius! LOL.

What about the import fee to the USA? You have any idea? And the vet costs to authorize them to travel abroad? Like I said, I don't mind paying more for the right dogs, but I need to know those things in advance and see if the shipping company can help with that information as they probably encounter that a lot. Duh, they ship pets internationally, of course they should know, why am I even telling you this? LOLOL

I am so excited. My wife is not going to believe this!!! Best Christmas EVER EVER EVER. LOL.

Thank you for choosing me. You won't regret it.

I started slipping more into my demented persona, but still not quite pushing it yet. I wanted to come across as someone who is really willing to pay. Being a bit mad and ditzy might make me sound more like an easy prey.

hello. i told you that all the papers have been put in place.i just dropped off phone with the shipping company and they said what i will have to do when i come for the registration is just to do the transfer of ownership that is change it from my names to your names and and that the other documents are okay for their delivery until they are delivered to you.for more details you can call them at 0032483259133.i am so excited and cant wait to get everything done,they also asked me to bring the babies for check up at the pets baggage department at the shipping company.please let me know what to do asap

thanks

A phone number! I don't want to phone anyone. It's time for me to have a blonde moment.

Can I have the contact details of the shipping company? I can take it from here and pay them after I asked them a few questions.

I'm so excited I'm about to feint. LOL.

BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER.

It worked!

but i thought i sent u their contact numbers and their email is brussels_airlinespetsdelivery1@consultant.com.anyway,take ur time and inquire everything and if everything s okay with u then u can contact me to make the arrangements for their registration.please let me know what to do asap.thanks

Excellente moi bien! Wait, I can take my time, but need to get back to her asap?

Gosh! I feel so stupid. LOL. Got so excited I didn't even notice. I'll write to them as soon as possible. Lets get it going!!!!!!!!! YAY PUPPIES!

Thanks.

So I write to the "shipping company" but decide to tell a slightly different story.

Hi,

I got your contact information from Sharon Wallace. She is sending me her two dogs for free and I only need to pay the shipping cost. I know, what a great deal, right? I sort of feel sorry for taking advantage of her like that, I would easily have paid her SOMETHING for the dogs, but you know what they say about looking a gift horse in the mouth, right? LOL. (you don't look a gift horse in the mouth, that's the saying - at least here in America. Maybe in Belgium you have something similar with another animal, like a racoon or something).

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I'm just so excited! This is a surprise Christmas gift for my girlfriend. I thought if I bought her dogs maybe she won't nag me about getting married and having kids so soon, lolololol.

Anyway, LET'S DO THIS! I want the puppies to get here as soon as possible. Please let me know your preferred payment methods. I can send a money order or something.

Puppies, puppies, puppies. Sorry, I'm so excited. LOL

I am such a liar! I told Sharon I was expecting a baby and I'm obviously not. Though I do hint heavily that I am willing to pay more. It wasn't too long before Sharon got back to me. I trusted her now because she didn't ask to be paid directly so it's obviously not a scam.

please can you let me know if u have contacted the shipping company already and if so what did they say,can you let me know so that i schedule a program to get them registered at the shipping company if you are still interested in them and when you thing i can get the registration done.thanks and enjoy ur weekend
God bless ya
sha

So close I could almost taste the puppies!

Hi Sharon! Or is it Sha? I love it! I never saw Sha being used as short for Sharon. So cute.

Anyway!!! Here is the copy of what the shipping company sent me. Their English isn't very good, but who cares, right? They sound like nice people.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
THANKS FOR THE INQUIRIES AND WE PROMISE YOU WE ARE THE BEST IN HANDLING PETS TRAVELLING ESPECIALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT FEATURE WHICH IS THE DOOR TO DOOR SERVICE DELIVERY SERVICE THAT WE OFFER TO OUR CLIENTS FREE OF CHARGE.PLEASE INSTRUCTS YOUR SHIPPER TO BRING THE PUPPIES FOR CHECK UP AT THE PETS BAGGAGE DEPARTMENT HERE IN OUR SHIPPING COMPANY.ALOT OF TESTS WILL HAVE TO BE CONDUCTED ON THEM BEFORE THEY WILL BE SHIP TO YOU
WHEN THEY ARE CONFIRMED FOR SHIPPING THEN WE WILL THEN GET BACK TO YOU TO DIRECT YOU ON HOW YOU WILL BE GETTING THE PAYMENTS FOR THEIR SHIPPING FEES DONE SO THAT WE CAN THEN SHIP THEM TO YOU.SO WE ARE WONDERING IF MONDAY IS OKAY FO YOU TO GET THE SHIPPING DONE,SO THAT WE CAN TAKE ENOUGH TIME TO PROCESS THEIR DOCUMENTS FOR THE SHIPPING.WITH OUR SHIPPING COMPANY,YOU HAVE GOT A CHOICE FOR WE ARE FAST,RELIABLE AND EFFICIENT.HOPE IN MEETING YOU AND YOUR PUPPIES
THANKS FOR COMING
MANAGEMENT

I'm not very happy about the "alot of tests" part. Please confirm that they mean these are just regular tests required to make sure the dogs are healthy and not some kind of weird animal testing experiments. I'm very much against that. Well, as long as they don't kill them by mistake. LOL. That's terrible. I shouldn't be joking about that.

OK, so let's do it! Lets send these puppies over here before they become old dogs. LOLCOPTER.

Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful weekend and got to cuddle with the puppies one last time before they're mine mine mine. LOL. Omnomnomnom. I'm going to eat them up.

Let's do it!

So close, "Sha" could almost taste the money.

Omg i just so happy right now,i cant wait to hear that the babies are in their new homes and with their new parents.You know their first language here in belgium is dutch and the secnd language is french and not even english.I will have to get the babies registered at the shipping company first thing in the morning tomorrow.Oh yeah the babies are very healthy and and all their health records are also available.its just that for all pets transportation they are supposed to pass through a minor tests to make sure everything is ok and nothing is going to happen to your babies.I will need the following information like i asked in my previous emails for the registration

Full names
Address
Phone number
Zip Code
Nearest airport to your location.
with all these i will be able to get the babies registered so that you get them soonest tomorrow.please reply to these emails asap tomorrow.Hope to read from you soonest
best regards,remain blessed and happy weekend
sha

Mmm... An address. I already said I'm in New York, so I simply had to google a McDonald's resaurant in Queens. Easy. Thank you Google.

Mickey Blumental
9801 Metropolitan Ave
Queens, NY 11375
(718) 520-9775
LaGuardia Airport

Here are the details. LET'S DOOOOOO IIIIIIT! I am so excited I just wet myself. Got to get new underwear. LOLAPALOOZAROFLCOPTER.

I can't believe this is happening. BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER!!!!!!! Did I say that already? LOL?!?

I'm going to go on a diet now so when I get the puppies I'll have plenty of room to eat them nomnomnomnomnomnom. So good!!! LOL.

I'm going to get them little outfits. A ballerina for the girl and a sailor suit for the boy. LOL. So funny and cute. Too bad Halloween won't be back for a while.

I hope you had an excellent weekend with the doggies and gave them lots of yummy food and cuddles - just don't cuddle them too hard and squash them. LOL.

One step closer.

hello,so glad to read from you and thanks for trhe information.I cant believe the babies will be on their way soon or we are now counting hours for them to take off.I will be getting the registration done first thing tomorrow in the morning.I will update u as soon as everything is done and how the registration went.thanks for everything and have a blessed evening until we talk again in the morning
sha

Our scammer takes it nice and slow, not wanting to look too eager. Nice.

Thanks for keeping me up to date! I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep tonight. LOL. Maybe I'll just hold my breath until I'll just faint. LOLOLZ
By the way, you said the dogs don't speak English in Belgium. I hope I won't have to give them commands in Belgian, because I don't know any! LOL. Maybe I can start with easy commands like "don't sit" and then when they don't sit I can say "good dogs". Not that they would understand it because they don't know English. Maybe I should get them an English teacher. ROFLCOPTER.
Good night and God bless and I am so looking forward to hearing from you again. You are such a wonderful person for sending these little angels our way.

ROFLCOPTER is so much fun to write.

Hello
I cant imagine im on my way to get the registration done.the babies are just so excited,it cos they really know they will be meeting new parents soon today.You dont even need to border about their dresses cos they will be coming with some good dresses that i just bought,with some recent toys and accessories including a favorite food menu for the week to follow up their feeding.I will let you know as soon as im done with everything and how the registration went but not to worry im sure the shipping company will contact you to direct you on how you will be doing the payments for their shipping so that they can then be ship to you.stay blessed then until i get to you.many thanks
sha

The bastard is playing off my emotions and tries to get me more and more excited over the fake puppies so I won't back out, completely not giving a crap that I would get my heart broken.

Menus for dogs! That is so funny and cute. I can imagine them reading the menus before meal time and making their choices. LOL, so funny. I hope they don't mind vegan diet because we are vegans. LOL!!! JUST KIDDING.

Today I woke up and I thought all of this was a dream because it was just too good to be true, but then I read the e-mails again with tears in my eyes. It's true, it's real, it's happening! Thank you God! And thank you Sha(ron) LOL.

Mic(key) LOL

Almost there. "Sharon" is probably already planning what to buy with my hard earned money. Maybe a new hat, a grenade and some M&Ms.

hello
i got the puppies registered at the shipping company and they said they were going to contact you on how you to direct you on how you will be doing the payments for their flight fees.Have they contacted you already?I am so happy cos they were confirmed for shipping and they said the babies will be on their way as soon as you confirm their shipping fees of $200.please can you get back to me to let me know whats going on?thanks

Now it's time for the big swap. Our scammer is going to switch from his "Sharon" identity to his "Shipping Company" identity. Sheer genius. Master of digital disguise.

As expected I got amazing e-mail with lots of big colorful fonts and animated gifs as if it was 1996 and Ross and Rachel just hooked up for the first time (ah, the heartbreak that awaited them).

GOOD DAY SIR/MADAM.

ACCEPT GREETINGS FROM CUSTOMER SERVICE TRANS WORLD PETS TRAVEL

We offer a specific plan for all of your pet travel needs. Trust our safe & personal service for your loved ones comfortable transport anywhere in the world. Our goal is to provide an all accommodating; first class domestic and international pet shipping service at a fair price. Each of our moves is handled one at a time, which allows us to focus on your pets specific needs while in transit (if applicable). If you are moving for work, or just relocating, let our experienced caring hands handle all of the services for your pets transport door-to-door worldwide. We offer a wide range of services for your pets relocation including, visits to the vet, domestic and international health documentation, boarding, grooming, IATA approved pet carriers and much more. We can accommodate any and all requests you may have.

SAFETY - RELIABILITY

COMFORT

FAST

Dear Client,
we have information of a Male and a Female Yorkshire Terrier puppies ( Destiny and Miracle) to be ship and delivered to you today from Mrs. Sharon Wallace at the Trans World Pets Travel, to be ship and delivered to you using the below address, we have your entire document for the transportation and delivery.

Check the address and correct for us please

DELIVERY DETAILS

RECEIVERS NAMES

MICKEY BLUMENTAL

ADDRESS

9801 METROPOLITAN AVE MAP

PHONE NUMBER

(718) 520-9775

CITY

QUEENS

State/ Zip / Country

NY 11375

AIRPORT OF ARRIVAL

LA GUARDIA AIRPORT (LGA)

These Puppies were registered here with the number 05J3287
48541M , has come with all necessary papers needed
including the microchip identification with the
microchip number ISO 10586 and ISO 10587 recorded on the Immunization
certificates..

....Information of your Parcel.....
Sender.........................................Mr. Sharon Wallace
Type.......................................................(Puppies)
Breed.........................................................Yorkshire Terrier
Sex............................................................ Male and Female
Age.........................................................13 weeks 4 days
Vaccination record.................................Approved
Vet Record....................................Checked Valid
Medical Inspection......................................Done
Health..........................................................Proper

Your Airway Bill number is 800443251 Click here to track the status of your Puppies.

These puppies came with all necessary papers needed, but as the veterinarian must conduct another test to be sure of their health status, It was done ,all was fine and Medication Papers were accurate ,The test Results shows that they are free from such diseases that may attack other Animals like (Birds, dogs and Cats E.T.C). So they are now ready for shipping and delivery because the shipping fee was paid ................ But it should be noted that this processes cannot be carried out unless the sum of ($200usd) is paid for the flight fee and the change of ownership document for your puppy

ADDRESS AND HOW TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR THE DELIVERY FEE IS AS BELOW , SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED WITH DELIVERY SOONEST TODAY SINCE OUR CASHIER IS NOT ON SIT YOU WILL BE MAKING THE PAYMENT TO OUR HEAD QUARTERS ALSO DESIGN FOR SUCH TRANSACTION

PAYMENT OPTIONS
WE ACCEPT CREDIT CARD OR BANK TRANSFER, BUT THIS OPTION IS USE WHEN YOU ARE MAKING PAYMENTS MORE THAN $2500.00 AND YOU ARE NOT PAYING UP TO THAT AMOUNT
WE DO ACCEPT WIRE TRANSFER VIA WESTERN UNION OR WALMART MONEY GRAM THAT IS FOR ALL PAYMENTS LESS THAN $2500.00, SO SINCE YOU ARE PAYING JUST $200 USD,YOU WILL BE USING THE ADDRESS OF OUR ACCOUNTANT

.....................WESTERN UNION PAYMENT INFORMATION..................................NOTE. Our Company is adopting an end-of-year Financial Accounts Auditing Policy (FAA P), so you will make a payment of $200USD via Western Union using the names, address and zip code of the Company's Accountant in Belgium, Mr: OKPUYE ODION

Names

Okpuke Odion

Address

1026 AVE VICTORIA ROUT

City

LIEGE

State/Zip code/ Country

BRUSSELS, 0032, BELGIUM

Test Question: OK

Answer: OK

This payment should be done as soon as possible so the paper work for the flight will be put together and the puppy should be on the next available shipping session , if the fee is not provided, this puppy will not be dispatched from our detention and will spend more on daily feedings until the manager confirms the payment of the ($200usd)
Kindly email us with the Reference number as the Money Transfer Control number (M.T.C.N) as well as the senders names. As soon as the payment is done...Immediately the payment is confirmed then the Tracking Number as well as the flight receipt and details to ensure a 100% assurance for the transaction shall be forwarded to you before delivery.
Thanks........................

Enjoy Our Service Branch USD
Secretary;
Mr Williams Potter

Trans World Pets Travel

Website: www.transworldpets.com

This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify the system manager. This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the individual named. If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately by e-mail if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete this e-mail from your system. If you are not the intended recipient you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited.

Awww, the trip is like a fun vacation. A fun vacation in a small box where you sit in your own filth for twelve hours locked alone in a weird room with lots of funny noises. Check out their fake website if you want. It's awesome. "Mr. Sharon Wallace". Cute typo - "Sharon" has mentioned her husband earlier. Unless they are a fake gay couple! Also, love the disclaimer at the end. Feels so authentic.

Anyway, I tried to google map the "accountant"'s address and the post code doesn't even exist. Big shock. At least I now know my scammer's name (assuming there's no more than just one involved in this specific operation). There was only one reply I could send back to the "shipping company".

I'm leaving home RIGHT NOW to go send the money. Please confirm receiving the money and send me those yummy puppies!!!!! :-DDD I'm going to have a Ceasar Puppy Salad with extra cuteness. :D

I am going to rape these puppies with love! LOL! They'll be all like "Stop it! Too much love!"

My wife is going to flip-out that I managed to do this as a secret. She always thought I was an idiot who can't tie his shoes alone. She'll see who's the idiot now. Happy, happy, happy!

And then of course I couldn't forget about my dearest friend Sha.

I'm going now to send the money. By going I mean DANCING. I'll be dancing in the street like that stupid guy from the black and white movie who's singing and dancing in the rain - I forgot what it's called.

Anyway, hopefully it won't be too late for payment to be processed today...

LOVE AND HUGGLES AND SUPER CUDDLES! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Mickey (soon to be your puppies' papa)

I was going to send the money! SCORE! But until Okpuke Odion didn't have the money in his hands, he had to play it safe and lay it extra super thick.

Hello
i cant wait to hear that tey are on their way,it will be my dream come true.I cant believe what the good lord has done for me.As i talk to you now,my eyes are filled with tears of joy and hapiness.please let me know as soon as you get everything done and the the information sent to them and when the babies will be on their way
thanks

And this is where it should have ended as I wasn't going to send the money. Okpuke who already mentally spent my money on prostitutes and pineapple jell-o got back to me a bit worried.

hello
please are the babies on their wayalready?can you be kind enough to let me know asap,i am a lil worried since i have not heard from you for long.please can you be kind to let me know asap.thanks
sha

Well, I wasn't going to send the money, but I also didn't want to part ways yet. It was time to crank up the crazy to 11 and start introducing the plot twists - while still making it worth it for Okpuke to pursue this as I have not ruled out paying just yet.

Hi Sha,

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry. :-((((((( You are going to be so mad (but please don't be).

Just before transferring the money I got cold feet and decided to talk to my wife to make sure she wants dogs. I know, pa-tsssh (it's supposed to be the sound effect of a whip, as if to say I am whipped) I didn't say I was getting them from Belgium, just asked in general to keep the surprise and she told me she doesn't want dogs - she wants a cat. What the fuck, right? I know. Cats are gay. My wife is Russian. Russians are fucking crazy.

Anyway, so now obviously I can't do it. I was thinking about maybe doing it anyway, I am the man in the relationship after all, right? I should just slap her (well, not now because she is pregnant) and tell her what to do rather than ask.

Maybe if I got to Skype with you and show my wife the puppies playing with each other in live video? Maybe that would convince her. Or maybe you can take a picture of the puppies sitting next to a little sign that says "We Love You Sveta!" (that's my wife name.) That might melt her heart.

GOD I AM SO ANGRY WITH HER. I want these puppies so bad, but don't know what to do. You're a girl, what do you think?

So sad. :-(((((

I won't be mad if you give these dogs to someone else.

OH MY GOD! It just occurred to me. Are the puppies at the shipping company?!? You should go take them back home, poor puppies. :-(((((((
I hope we can still be friends (at least on Facebook).
I don't know what to do. I am so depressed I can't even lol.

I'd have expected to be dismissed as a time waster, but apparently I showed just enough guilt to give Okpuke hope he can still push my buttons.

Hello
I am so disappointed in you.After taking my time to get the registration done and under your names and information you come to tell me you cant get them cos of one reason or the other,do you know the number of people that i have turned down cos of you.Do you have a conscience at all?i trusted you and the worst is that i did all the registration under your names and address and i cant get them back again,please get back to me to let me know whats going on asap
sharon

So here we go again. I sent this:

Hi Sha,

I feel so ashamed... I never ever felt this bad. You can't get them back again? OH MY GOD. I don't know what to do.

Maybe I should pay and get the puppies and tell my wife it's too late. Maybe if she'll hold them in her own hands her evil ice cold Russian heart will melt and if not I can always help up the process with a slap or two. I am so angry with my wife for making me upset you so much, a perfectly nice and kind woman. I wish I was married to you instead. LOL

Maybe my wife and I can get dogs AND cats. Yes, maybe. We'll have a little jungle in the house and we can dress up as Tarzan and Jane for Purim (we're Jewish). Worst case scenario I am sure I will be able to find a home for these puppies here in New York. Or because there are two of them and their perfect size maybe turn them into slippers. LOL, just kidding.

I'll try and go out today to send the money. I am in meetings all day, but have breaks between. I feel better about making up my mind and so sorry for jerking you around. Please tell me you don't hate me.

What is happening with the doggies? They must be so sad, hugging each other and crying in the cold cage at the shipping company. I hope the people there give them food and cuddles and sing them songs. Poor puppies! I feel so guilty.

I'll try my best to go out and send the money today. You have no idea how much your disappointment hurts considering you are such a wonderful and kind person with an awesome nickname (Sha instead of Sharon).

Please forgive me.

And this:

Please tell me you don't hate me... I can't concentrate on anything today, I'm so depressed. I'm about to leave to send the money in the next hour...
That makes me a very sad panda... :-(

Score!

Hello again and sorry for the reactions but i bet you if you were in mu shoes,you will feel the same cos if not for the fact that i realised you so much in love with the babies,i will never even give them to you in the first place.I didnt believe they could spend the next 30 minutes at the shipping company after the registration.just look at what they are going through.please for the sake of my family and for the babies do something as soon as possible so that they can be on their way soon today.My hussy has been calling all day from work to find out if they are already on their way,please i really trust you can do something,help help me here.let me know whats going on asap please
sha

I am still in the game. Yet, since I am not going to send the money or part ways from my new friend, it's time for another plot twist.

Oh NOOOOOOO!

I just had a phone call from my wife. I forgot she had the password to this Google account. She read this entire exchange of message and called to shout at me. I didn't understand more than half of it because she was cursing me in Russian. I understood the words "penis" and "bastard" and then something about killing me and then divorcing my corpse if I dare to send you the money for the dogs.

I changed the password to this e-mail account so she won't be able to log in again.

What do I do?! I am so angry now with that bitch for snooping in my e-mail and telling me what to do. I almost want to get these dogs to piss her off, but that's not the right reason to get puppies, right? You get puppies out of love and rainbows and shit, right? Maybe I can get them, piss her off and then give them up to someone else after making my point? Maybe I should just divorce her before it'll get all War of the Roses.

The last thing I want to do is not get the dogs and let my wife think she won the fucking Russian slut whore bitch. I am so angry my hands are shaking. I feel like the little girl from Meet Me in St. Louise where she goes ape shit crazy just before Judy Garland sings her that sad Christmas song. I am so angry now that if Judy Garland tried comforting me now with stupid songs I'd just punch her in the face.

What shall I do?! I don't know who to talk to about this. You're my only friend who knows about this. I am so ashamed....

Should I? I guess I can't leave you in a lurch like that. You sure you can't retrieve the puppies back from the shipping company? You can't explain to them the situation?

FEEL SO ANGRY AND ASHAMED.

Please let me know asap. Hopefully I'll calm down by the time I get your answer.

Is this the end? Would I finally be dismissed as a complete time waster? No.

omg,i just dropped from talking with them and tbey said if they cant be ship,i will have no opportunity to get them back cos i already had all registration formailities done under your names and if they are kept there for sometime,this will be regarded as pets abuse and abandonement and serious legal measures shall be taken against you after they have been sent to the pets rescue or charges laid against you,i dont want anything to happen to the babies or i will die,please help

Nicely played, Okpuke, nicely played. A subtle combination of threats and guilt.

Oh my fucking God! As if that's the last thing I need! Some Interpol ninjas breaking into my house in the middle of the night to arrest me for animal cruelty when all I wanted was to make my wife happy who now hates me and thinks I'm a douce!!!! I didn't do anything wrong! I was just trying to be nice. :-( I have 423 friends on Facebook and twice as many followers on Twitter for fuck sake! People like me and will tell you I am a nice person.

I calmed down from the talk with my wife, but now I'm super extra more upset.

Maybe you should pay the $200. Because I'll just tell the police I never agreed anything with you and you wrote my name in the registration without my permission. I DIDN'T SIGN ANYTHING. Yes. You should have asked for the money first before registering the puppies, at least half of it. This is as much your fault as my own.

I'm sorry to dump this on you, but bros before hos. I'm a bro and you, well...

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME about the legal risk?! WHY?

Oh, wait. If I send the money right now there won't be any legal consequences? Or is it too late?!? Is it?

I just called "Sharon" a ho. Is this the end? Shortly I got this:

hello.if you get the money sent to them,there wont be any consequences again im sure.the only thing is that the babies be ship to you and the flight confirmed.I asked you to confirm from the shipping company just to make sure everything is okay before i do the registration.please get the payments done to them immediately.Contact them now and get everything done and tell them why they couldnt be ship yesterday.also let them know that you are willing to pay any fees for delay so that we dont have any problems with them,please let me know whats going on asap
sha

Cool. Fees for delay. Okpuke thinks not only can he still get the money, he can get even more! Much as I had fun, it was time to pull the plug on this.

But you see, here is my dilemma: the pros and cons for sending the money:

Pro: I love the puppies!

Con: My wife told me not to.

Pro: I get to show my wife who's the boss (sure as hell it's not Tony Danza)

Con: I love money and I could buy me a Blackberry Playbook for that much cash.

Pro: I won't get arrested by the police and get gang-banged by big muscly prisoners.

Con: I won't get arrested by the police and get gang-banged by big muscly prisoners.

Pro: I will save the puppies from the shipping company where they soon going to start eating each other to survive.

Con: You are an internet scammer doucebag who would put ridiculous amounts of efforts to scam innocent people for their hard earned money instead of using that very same energy to get a real job where you probably could make about the same amount of money if not more.

Pro: I love the puppies!

Con: You ARE a scammer doucebag.

Anyway, this was fun, Okpuke (your name sounds like a baby farting). I was on to you from the beginning. Check out "my address" in google, it's a McDonalds branch in NY. I don't even live in the USA. I only written to you initially because my friend was almost fooled by your scam and I wanted to make sure it was a scam by contacting you separately. When you send us both exactly the same e-mail I confirmed my suspicion and then decided to have fun with you. I had no idea I would manage to drag it on for so long and have so much fun. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This would make a great, if slightly lengthy, blog post.

Don't worry. If any of my friends ever wants to buy fake non-existing puppies I'll refer them to you.

Kindest regards,

Mickey

The end. There was no way Okpuke would get back to me after I exposed him. It was fun while it la-- WAIT WHAT? That's right. "Sharon" wrote back.

if thats what you think then you have smething else coming.I will make sure i report and all your information.i have all the information and i will pass it on to the service fbi to trace you down from your IP address.if i could response from your friend its cos i coudnt wait and count on greedy ones like you who will promise and never return to their words to give the babies a home.If anything happens to the babies then please i promise you wont go courts free

This was an extra delightful bonus I didn't expect. It surely deserved one more last reply from me.

Goodness gracious me! This is the present that keeps on giving. I thought that my last e-mail would be the end with maybe one last angry insult laden e-mail from you, but nooo. You're still "in character".
I can't say you're good, because you're not, but you are persistent. Or maybe you were scamming people as "Sharon Wallace" for so long that you actually settled into this persona, Okopoopie, or whatever your name is.
It's a scam and it's very obvious.
You posted this ad all over the internet. This is from November 3rd:
http://www.hotfreelist.com/-3/posts/1-For-Sale/3-Animals-Pets/147151-Excellent-teacup-yorkie-puppies-available-for-free-adoption.htmlThe puppies were apparently 12 weeks old back then. But you wrote to me on the 24th to tell me they were 13 weeks old. They got only one week older in three weeks? What are you feeding them? I would love some of that to slow down my own ageing.
The e-mails you sent me and my friend on separate dates were identical, not similar. Down to the puppies' current age and the fact that you'll be home for the next two days. You picked me as a trusty new owner for your puppies based on just a short e-mail I sent you? Rrrrrright. And people win American Idol based on talent.
The Belgian post code you provided me doesn't exist.
The shipping company's website is faker than Keanu Reeves' British accent. The only thing missing was "Hosted on Geocities"
The English throughout, from both you and the "company" was dreadful. It doesn't help convince anyone that you're originally from the US. Well, maybe from the South.
You couldn't find a home for the puppies in Belgium and need to ship them around the world? Couldn't come up with a better story? Seriously? Maybe you can change that. Say that you are on a slowly sinking cruise ship with a canon that can shoot the puppies all the way to the new owners, but you first need a money transfer to buy gunpowder.
I shipped animals in the past, so I know the process isn't the idiotic abridged version you concocted. Actually I probably give you too much credit, you probably - very ironically - stole it from another scammer (who stole it from another scammer).
The company doesn't accept credit card payments for $200 and request to wire fund? ABC of internet scamming.
Most of these scams originate from Africa and the payee's name (the company's "accountant") sounds awfully African.
Shall I go on, Sharon? Or can I still call you Sha? Maybe we'll stick to Okopoopie.
Please stop trying to steal money from people.
Much love,
Mickey

I was right about this scam being ripped-off from someone else. Doing an image google search with the puppies I found an identical ad from June by a "Lacy Baxter" where Mircale and Destiny were still only twelve weeks old. Could be that Lacy is Okpuke's former identity. WHO CARES?

I miss Sharon. I wish she was real. I would leave my fake Russian wife for her in a heartbeat.

OK, it wasn't quite over. I really couldn't help myself and I sent out one more e-mail to test just how stupid this person was.

Oh my God! Sha!!! My wife broke into my e-mail again. The last two messages weren't from me!!!!!!!!!

I just now managed to restore my password and read the last e-mails from her to you. How rude! I am so sorry!

What happened to the dogs?! Are they OK?

Minutes later I got this:

if you contact me again i am going to lay a curse on you that you will live to regret for the rest of your life.Just try it one more time and you will regret doing that..what insulence

I replied.

So, that's a no then? :-(

Not sure how long before Okpoopie will adopt a new identity, so please e-mail Sharon at wallacesharon87@yahoo.com quickly to reserve your own fake non-existing puppy while supplies last.

Mickey

Snow White and the Seven Gods

2011-11-29T13:22:00.001-06:00

Several episodes into Once Upon a Time and Miron is still watching it with me, which is impressive. He’s far less tolerant of crappy TV shows so if he hasn’t dropped it after a few episodes it means it’s really good (for now). You can dedicate an entire graveyard for TV shows I started watching with Miron and ended up following alone: Lost, Ringer, Desperate Housewives, Dexter, Glee. Well, actually I get why he stopped watching Glee and I should seriously stop mentioning that I watch that drek.

Anyhow, one of the main characters in that show is a kid who is convinced that fairy tales are real and that all the residents of his hometown are famous fairy tale characters who simply forgot who they were. The adult characters aren’t quite sure whether his psychotic delusions are cute, creepy or a little bit of both. To be honest, if at the age of ten Blake would be utterly convinced that fairy tales were real and that our next door neighbor is Snow White I would be a bit worried too.

But here’s the thing, if the little boy was going on about God, Jesus, heaven and hell no one would bat an eyelid. If he stated that he genuinely believes that all the stories from the bible really happened no one will think it’s unusual. I mean everything: Noah’s Ark, the creation of the world in six days, the ten plagues of Egypt, zombie Jesus’s return from the dead. I am not even scratching the surface here. The bible is full of more crazy stories than X-Files, Supernatural, Buffy and Fringe put together. It puts the F in WTF (not sure what that even means, but it sounds punchy).

I just find it odd that we tell children about God, angels, miracles and biblical adventures that supposedly really happened and then complain that they have an “active imagination” when they run with it and suddenly insist they have an invisible friend, super powers and a monster under the bed.

I have religious friends and I respect their right to hold whatever beliefs they wish to have as long as they don’t harm anybody. But can I be friends with someone who believes in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves? Or even worse – a Scientologist?! I don’t know.

This is quite odd considering I genuinely regard God and Mickey Mouse equally real, yet I can be friends with someone who worships one, but not the other.

Does that make me a bigot?

Mickey

Exactly 500

2011-11-16T21:24:00.000-06:00

Exactly 500 is my new project where I publish a new 500 words story every day. It's a great way for me to practice writing fiction and even if I get only one good story a month, it's been worth it. Hopefully my success ratio will be better than that!

It's a weird experiment I made up for myself and I hope I'll manage to entertain people on the way. Head over there to read the story and read more about the project.

Please check it out and let me know what you think.

Mickey

I am Smarter than Doctor House

2011-11-16T08:44:00.001-06:00

In a recent episode of House (from last week, I'm a bit behind) one of the doctors on his team, Dr. Taub, had two babies recently by getting two different women pregnant at the same time. Doctor House starts a betting pool about whether the kids are actually Taub's or not.

House gets the DNA samples from the babies, but Taub refuses to provide him with his sample, saying that he doesn't care if the babies are biologically his and that he doesn't want to know. Hilarity ensues as House tries to obtain a DNA sample from Taub in a variety of amusing ways. The story concludes with Taub going for the test, but shredding the DNA results in front of a genuinely surprised House.

I would usually forgive small illogical plotlines, if I didn't I would probably have no TV shows left to watch, but this one was glaringly idiotic. Especially in a pseudo-intellectual TV show where actors constantly spout medical terms they spent all night memorizing how to pronounce. It's a show that doesn't let an one episode go by without reminding us just how smart their main character is. He's an asshole and a jerk, but boy is he a genius!

So how come I am smarter than Doctor Gregory House? Me, who's entire medical training comes from watching American TV shows? Well, I'm smarter than the writers of House, anyway.

Here's what House should have done to find out if the babies were Taub's:

He already had DNA samples from the two babies, right? All he needed to do was to compare the results of the two babies. They are half-sibling sharing a father. The mothers are not related to each other. If the brothers are related biologically according to the results then they must be Taub's. The chances that both women were dating another man and got pregnant by him at that exactly the same time they were with Taub is near to impossible.

If the babies are not related biologically it means that at least one of them isn't Taub's biological child, possible neither. With this result at hand I'm sure Taub would be forced to do a proper test with both babies.

Why didn't House think of that? Did I get the science wrong?

Or maybe for the sake of a plot-device all logic can and should be thrown out of the window?

Am I overthinking this?

Am I overthinking my overthinking?

Mickey

My TV Poison This Year - Part 2

2011-11-09T20:34:00.001-06:00

Once Upon a Time - It was one of the many new shows I was interested in, but didn't have the time to try out and it was actually Miron who saw the second episode and liked it, so we started watching it together from the beginning. Only four episodes in it's hard to judge the show yet. The concept is utterly ridiculous (yet it's still far more realistic than House, Jennifer Morrison's previous show), but very very watch-able. Something about this show just works. The plotlines seem to progress very slowly, relying mostly on flashbacks for action, which is used, I suppose, to establish the characters and their conflicts. It may turn out to be great or crash and burn, but for now it's fun and intriguing and I can't wait for the next episode.

Fun Fact: I actually can wait for the next episode and indeed that's exactly what I'm doing. Don't you just hate it when people say "I can't wait" in excitement when what they are doing is in fact waiting?

Desperate Housewives - Guilty pleasure all the way. My favorite subplot is the one where a new neighbor with a dark secret moved to the street. Miron dropped somewhere around series three or four and I almost jumped off as well. The thing is, this show could never jump the shark because it already started off over the shark (that doesn't even make sense). I blame this show for introducing "goofy music" to let the audience know when there's comic relief to contrast the more dramatic scenes. Many shows (Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy to name a couple) copied that annoying trick, but fortunately the trend is dying off. The great cast is what makes this show worth sticking with. I especially like Felicity Huffman and Marcia Cross. With Housewives in its last series it's interesting to see what future projects wait for these two talented ladies.

Fun Fact: Danny Elfman created the theme for the opening credits. He also composed the themes for The Simpsons, Beetlejuice, Batman, Spider-Man and loads of other shows and movies. My friend Kenric hates him with dedication and fervor that is both impressive and disturbing.

Homeland - Yet another show based on an Israeli TV Show. An American prisoner of war returns home a hero, but Claire Danes is certain he has been brainwashed and turned into a Muslim terrorist. Not the kind Muslim that says "Marhaba" and cooks delicious Humus and lamb, but the kind that wants to blow up stuff. Oooh, scary. Very slow paced. I mean, REALLY slow paced. - but in a good way. Claire Danes is utterly amazing in the lead role and Mandy Patinkin is always great. I wasn't happy to see V cancelled last year, but at least now the talented and gorgeos-enough-to-make-consider-going-straight Morena Baccarin is free to do quality projects like this one.

Fun Fact: I'll never really go straight, not even for Morena.

Modern Family - Still the funniest thing on TV, but in its third year it's no longer the new shiny toy in the toybox. It's a solid proof that a half hour comedy doesn't need a laugh track to be side-splitting hilarious. It's nice to have a gay parented family there as well, though Miron and I find ourselves almost never identifying with either gay father. Either the gay clichés shown on prime-time TV aren't very representative of real gay people, or maybe Miron and I are just not very good at being gay. Either way, funny show.

Fun Fact: Of the two gay characters, only one of the actors who portray them is gay in real life. Is it Cameron or Mitch? It's actually not that obvious and if I had to guess I probably would have gotten it wrong. Google away, I'm not telling! The fun fact here is that we always wonder if an actor who portrays a gay character is gay in real life. Why do we care? It's not as if we wonder if Anthony Hopkins enjoys eating human brains in real life.

How I Met Your Mother - Like I said, I don't like the sitcom format and despite it's convoluted premise this is an unashamed Friends clone. It's basically Neil Patrick Harris in the role of Barney who carries the entire show on his shoulders. The rest of the cast is decent and the end result is funny and entertaining. It seems that in most sitcoms there's at least one supporting character who overshadows the lead. What's up with that? For the record, I don't give a f*** who the "mother" is. That must be one of the dumbest long-running mysteries to ever grace the small screen. Less mother-mystery, more Barney sexually harassing womenda please.

Fun Fact: Neil Patrick Harris actually came out of the closet after he already landed the role of Barney the womaniser which only goes to prove that a gay actor can portray straight characters convincingly. Just like Robert Englund managed to do a decent job in the Night on Elm Street movies without slaughtering dreaming teenagers in real life. It's called "acting". Though I wonder if NPH would have gotten the part if the casting director knew he was gay...

Glee - Yes, it's on the list. Don't judge me. OK, judge me, but I'll judge you for judging me. Glee is obnoxious and stupid, but at the same time cute and sweet. For every moment of interesting drama, good song or funny joke there are two that are cringe-worthy, but I find myself unable to stop watching. Jane Lynch was great as Sue Silvester, but that joke has ran its course, as did the rest of the show. I guess I find it interesting to see this show falling apart at the seams with the creators constantly trying to fix it. Also, I like the depiction of an openly gay teen couple. I wish I had something like that on TV when I was a gay teen. Anyway, this is the absolute definition of guilty pleasure. Usually people refer to something as "guilty pleasure' without actually feeling guilty, but here there is actual painful guilt. This is the Rebecca Black of the TV world - so bad that you just can't stop watch it. There, you go. I managed to justify watching this kak. Sort of.

Fun Fact: Ha ha. I'm not really watching Glee. It's garbage. And I certainly won't admit it on my blog. If I did watch it I'll deny it vehemently.

Harry's Law - This was a big surprise as we were totally unaware of it last year. Miron caught a couple of episode and said how awesome it was so we started watching it from the beginning. While it's a bit preachy in its messages about the legal system and society in general, Kathy Bates is an amazing actress and she gets some great material here - especially the closing arguments in her cases. The change in setting and concept in the second series was a bit harsh, but it got rid of two annoying supporting characters who had nothing to do other than engage in an annoying and obnoxious romantic subplot.

Fun Fact: Kathy Bates will forever by the psycho bitch from Misery. If you haven't seen it yet, go kill yourself out of shame and then watch it.

American Horror Story - Created by Glee creator Ryan Murphy which is great. Who knows more about American Horror than the creator of Glee? Jokes aside, you could never tell this show is from the same mind. Each season, assuming it'll survive long enough for a second season which now looks likely, features a different story with different characters. I was at first sceptic about using a haunted house plot for the first series, but my fears have been put to rest. The result is very dark and exciting and after five episodes I look forward to see what crazy things are yet to happen. Dreamy Dylan McDermott seems to show his ass or masturbate every other episode which is also a plus.

Fun Fact: I get to see the fantastic Frances Conroy on a weekly basis for the first time since Six Feet Under which is probably the best TV series ever made with the absolutely best final episode ever made - jaw dropping stuff. It also has Michael C. Hall from Dexter and Rachel Griffiths from Brothers and Sisters in lead roles. Buy the DVD boxset, borrow it from a friend, download it illegally, rob your local HMV... Do whatever you need to see it.

True Blood - Between seasons at the moment, but since it's an ongoing show I'm watching it's worth mentioning. Lots of violence and nudity with lots of male butts. That's enough for me. The crazy and imaginative plotlines are just a bonus. Series three got a bit over the top, introducing more subplots and concepts than the 12 episodes a year show could handle: vampires, witches, shape shifters, mind reading fairies, werewolves, were panthers... Fortunately series four avoided the temptation of introducing more crazy concepts and instead started sorting out through the existing mess with Fiona Shaw as the fantastic villainess Marnie the socially awkward witch.

Fun Fact: This is the last fun fact. How fun!

Honorable mention: the CSI franchise. I've been watching it for years and started with the shows this year as well, but I'm really getting tired of the concept and I'm a few weeks behind already without missing any of the shows. Maybe I'll catch up over Christmas when the other shows go on a break. Balh.

This is it!

Mickey

My TV Poison This Year - Part 1

2011-11-09T18:35:00.001-06:00

I watch quite a few TV shows, though probably not as many as some people. There are a whole bunch of TV shows, current and old that I still want to catch up with and never got the chance. Only recently I managed to finally see every episode of The Shield which was amazing.

So I decided to briefly write my thoughts on the current ongoing shows I'm watching. Let me know what you think and if I'm missing out on anything unmissable. (I know Sons of Anarchy and Breaking Bad are great, but I need to find the time to start watching them from the beginning).

The upcoming harsh Winnipeg winter, my first, will make staying home and watching TV an even more frequent activity than usual and these are the shows that will keep me company (assuming they don't get cancelled mid-season).

Fringe - Probably my favourite show right now. It's basically the X-Files with a focus on man-made crazy science. What makes this show great is the fantastic cast (especially John Noble) and the teasingly glacial pace of the intriguing sub-plots.

Fun Fact: The symbols shown before commercial breaks are code, each representing a letter - so in every episode a different word is spelled out. If you write down the letters to decipher the secret words you find out that you are a big fat nerd.

Vampire Diaries - What started out looking like Twilight the TV series turned out to be quite fun, fast, bloody and action packed. I only checked it out because it was written by Kevin "Scream" Williamson and I'm happy I did. It took a while to gather steam with a bit too much teen angst and romance in the first series, but it was worth sticking with it. Guilty pleasure, but still pleasure.

Fun Fact: In the world of VD killing innocent people is frowned upon, but completely forgiven if you're somewhat repentant (and hot). Falling off the wagon and killing innocents again is followed up with more frowning upon and repenting.

The Secret Circle - Vampire Diaries' sister show which is also based on a series of books by the same author Whatshername Somethingsomething. It's just about watchable, but something there isn't quite right. Not even with Natasha "Species" Henstridge and Gale "Queer as Folks" Harold. Gale Harold used to be made out of sex not that long ago, but after a brief stint in Desperate Housewives he seems to have been castrated. This is a guilty pleasure that's very light on pleasure... For now. Hopefully the show will get better like Vampire Diaries did. Or cancelled. Whichever.

Fun Fact: Tomato is a fruit, not a vegetable. Reading this "fun" fact is more fun than watching an episode of the Secret Circle.

Dexter - A serial killer who only kills bad people, but still does it mostly for fun while maintaining a normal life and keeping his "hobby" a secret. What's not to love about this? I almost gave up on the show after series 4 (SPOILER ALRET STOP READING IF YOU EVER PLAN WATCHING IT). Killing off Rita, Dexter's wife and the mother of his son, was sad, but my problem was with how they messed up Dexter's character and relied on cheap shocks, basically murdering someone's loved one every other episode. Series 5 and 6 went back on track. Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter are just too much fun to watch in their roles as Dexter and Deb, so I'm glad it's good again. There's nothing else like this show and Michael C. Hall portrayal of Dexter Morgan is fascinating. Tom Hanks Jr is a great special great star this year and I can't wait for Dexter to kill him off soon.

Fun Fact: I named my dog after Dexter Morgan. Big mistake.

Ringer - I love Buffy, but the show hasn't aged very well and neither did Sarah Michelle Geller. She's only a year older than me, but this is not the cute 19 year old millions of nerds fell in love with fifteen years ago. I guess the fact that she looks half as good is why they have her in the show twice. She plays twins, but neither one has the ninja skills Buffy had which makes any of the action sequences quite dull - of which there are very few. Miron watched the first three episodes with me and gave up. I find it watchable and plan to stick with it for a while, but I can't honestly see where they are going to take this show past the original story line / first series. It's the same problem shows like 24 and Prison Break overcame by simply adopting idiotic and unconvincing follow up plotlines with plenty of misguided zeal.

Fun fact: The actress who plays Buffy's stepdaughter in the show, Zoey Deutch, is the real life daughter of the actress who plays Michael J. Fox's girlfriend in Back to the Future, Lea Thompson, and she is ten times hotter than her mom ever was (or Buffy).

2nd Fun Fact: Another Buffy actress, Charisma Carpenter, is also playing twins in an upcoming movie thriller. Remember when twins were mostly used in crappy sitcoms? Well, except for Lisa Kudrow's Phoebe and Ursula.

3rd Fun Fact: Buffy actor Nicholas Brandon has an identical twin in real life. I hear they both work at the same branch of Target nowadays.

Supernatural - Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are very charismatic and have great chemistry between them, which makes the show. I actually don't fancy either one of them, believe it or not. Not sure why I'm mentioning that fact, it's not like you care - and now that I mentioned it you must think that I do actually fancy them and trying to deny it. Whatevs! I don't care what you think. Some episodes are better than others, but I like premise. It's the closest show to Buffy in terms of theme and style with the heroes basically walking into a horror movie every week and kick the villain's ass. It's still consistently good in its seven season which is quite an impressive achievement.

Fun Fact: Supernatural spelled backwards is Larutanrepus. Yeah, sorry. I have nothing on this one.

Big Bang Theory - I hate the sitcom format. I find the the sets cheap and the laugh track patronizing (This is funny! Laugh now!). Modern Family and many other shows proved times and times again that getting rid of the audience doesn't make the show less funny and opens up what can be done with the show. With several additions to the cast it's basically a nerdy version of "Friends" - just not remotely as good. Big Bang is not as funny as it thinks it is, but it is funny and adorable. The show will be even better if they killed off Johnny Galecki's character. I loved him in Roseanne all these many years ago, but here he is just unattractive and obnoxious and-not-in-a-good-way.

Fun Fact: Raj from Big Bang and Fez from That 70's Show are not the same character nor they are played by the same actor - much as it seems to be the case.

An old mini-comic gag I did years ago

House - House used to be amazing (I dedicated an entire post to my disappointment with the last series), but the show became a victim to its own formula. I'm sure there are medical mysteries in real life, but Dr. Gregory House seems to work in a hospital where there are at least 22 mystery cases a year in which the diagnosis changes every two minutes until House finally figures out what's really wrong with the patient. Another problem is the yoyo that is House's character development. On the one hand we want to see him grow and change and on the other hand we don't want him to lose what makes him a unique character. The result is a repetitive cycle of House falling down and getting up again and again. How dull. If the show starred anyone but Hugh Laurie it would've been cancelled a long time ago. As it is, he still makes it worth watching.

Fun Fact: Despite his perfect American accent, Hugh Laurie is actually British. Oh, you knew that already? Oh, everyone knows it already? OK, never mind, whatever.

This is it for part 1 with the first half of the list of shows I watch. Can you guess what's on the other half? What are you watching?

Mickey

The Tears of Children are Delicious

2011-11-05T12:44:00.002-05:00

Jimmy Kimmel issued a challenge to viewers: to videotape your children's reaction when telling them that you ate all their Halloween candy. Many parents did.

Am I the only one who doesn't find it funny? Sure, it's not tragic, but is it really funny? Making your children cry on purpose and then carry on even when you see how upset they are? Really? Really?

It looks silly to us, but children don't own anything other than their toys, clothes and candy - something that is just theirs. So obviously they'll be upset after finding out that the candy they worked hard to collect after looking forward to Halloween all year is suddenly gone. It's the same as a teenager telling his parents as a joke that he totalled the family car on a night out. For a child a bag of Halloween candy is as important as a car. Was this some kind of experiment? Did the parents really expect the kids to be anything other than upset and sad?

Jimmy Kimmel is a dickhead, but the parents who participated are even bigger dickheads. Make your kid cry in order to get some giggles out of strangers. Fantastic. Teach your children that it's OK to tell upsetting lies and make people cry for a cheap laugh.

Blake is three and a half and he cries. It comes with the territory. Sometimes I try comforting him and sometimes I let him cry depending on the situation. I never deliberately try to make him cry for my own entertainment.

Next week the challenge should be videotaping your children's reaction when you tell them the family dog died! That would be hilarious! Maybe tell them grandma went to heaven! The possibilities are endless.

I just don't get it, but I guess I'm a stick in the mud.

--Mickey

The Adventures of Supergirl's Vagina

2011-11-03T21:20:00.000-05:00

I used to read superhero comics quite avidly and I stopped in 2004 for various reasons (superhero comics are overpriced, take too much space and are mind numbingly stupid for the most part). Two months ago, after playing second fiddle to Marvel Comics for too long, DC Comics relaunched their entire line of comics, rewriting the characters' history to get rid of unwanted baggage and make the books more friendly to new readers in conjunction with offering the new books in digital form.

It got my attention and I decided to check them out. I actually found myself enjoying it. I enjoyed the new Superman and Batman books and even Green Lantern which I never really clicked with. I don't know how kid friendly some of the books are when their level of violence won't embarrass a Saw movie, but I like it so who cares about the kids - they can read Archie Comics or watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. The problems started when I got to Supergirl. It's not the story I had a problem with, I actually quite liked it. It was Supergirl's impractically slutty costume that ruined the experience for me.

As you can see while Superman is dressed head to toe, for some inexplicable reason Supergirl's costume is very revealing. We're not even talking about hotpants or a really short skirt - she has an odd red shield that looks super-glued to her vagina, while revealing part of her groin. You can't help looking at it every time it's on display. I'm gay and I can't stop looking.

I look at this:

And I see this:

Actually What I see is this:

Dear God, get it out of my face! I can almost smell it!

Anyway, what was I talking about? I forgot. Take care and see you next week.

Oh, yes! I remember. Supergirl's cooch. Is that word too rude? I like saying it. Cooch. Cooch. Cooch.

Anyway! I found it to be very annoying and distracting. Why would a super hero choose to dress up like that when they are going to be fighting bad guys and avert natural disasters? In what way is it practical? To make it worse the costume is a family outfit and Supergirl is just a teenager. What kind of perverts the Kryptonians were to dress up their young girls like porn stars? I say good riddance to them and their doomed planet Krypton. Filthy aliens.

I did a quick google search to see if I was the only one annoyed by this and I found this fantastic blog post by Michelle from the blog Maid of Might. Money quote:

If they truly wanted to design a new Supergirl costume for a modern world, in a fictional universe in which Superman wears a full-body armored costume, they would have given her pants. I love the shorts and the skirt (when worn with bike shorts underneath), but DC left themselves no other choice but pants when they gave Superman and Supergirl plated armor all over their elbows and chests and decided to make Superman susceptible to physical injury (according to Grant Morrison, “His nose can be bloodied, he can have his ribs broken, and although they may heal very quickly, it takes a little bit of effort to do the feats that he does.”). There was also some nonsense about the armored costume honouring his Kryptonion heritage which I don’t entirely get, but in any case, they’ve created a very definite rationalization for why Superman’s costume looks the way it does. But when it came to Supergirl, that rationalization suddenly went out the window and “female! must! show! skin!” took over their brains. There’s a clear double standard being applied when the costume is on a female body. It begs the question: why would DC choose to expose some of the most vulnerable parts of Supergirl’s body, if not for the usual misogynistic reasons of making a woman appear more vulnerable, more weak, and less worthy of respect than her male counterpart?

I never actually thought about how the fact that female superheroes show more skin makes them look more vulnerable. It actually makes a lot of sense.

Artist Joe Philips has created a bunch of hilarious and somewhat sexy versions of iconic male super heroes, giving them the same treatment female super heroes got. Check it out. My two favourites:

I would actually read comics more often if this was the case... But that's me. And they're not.

As it is now female characters are over-sexualized with revealing clothes, massive boobs and excessive curves while the male heroes are overly mascular with flat butts and flatter crotches in the style of Ken dolls. As if the artist is worried that giving the hero a bit of a bulge or a curvy ass will make them "gay" - the kind of insecurity you would expect from a teenager.

Which might be the case here. It's true that you need to connect with your inner child to enjoy super hero comics and even though most of the writers and artists in the comics industry are grown ups who are often married and with kids, they still create material that appeals to their inner horny fourteen year old. Most, not all - but still too many.

In the following picture Wonder Woman shows more skin than all five male characters put together. With the exception of Superman the guys even cover their hands!

Based on this cover there is a depressingly hilarious illustration by artist Kelly Turnbull answering the question "what if male superheroes dressed and posed like Wonder Woman.

I rest my case. Well, Kelly Turnbull's case. She rests it. You know what I mean.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. It's a shame that DC Comics didn't use this opportunity to start afresh to really start afresh. As it is, they might have seriously altered the history of the characters, but this lineup of superhero comics is catering to exactly the same (literally) old fan-base and people who stayed away from superhero comics have no reason to change their mind any time soon.

Mickey

Blizzard in a Teacup?

2011-10-31T19:38:00.001-05:00

Blizzard is one of the world's leading computer game companies responsible for World of Warcraft, the world's most successful subscription-based game of all time. Cannibal Corpse is a death metal band from New York.

I used to play World of Warcraft for years and enjoy it a lot until I realized that playing it properly required treating it as a part-time job. When a computer game becomes more demanding than a husband, baby and two dogs combined you know there's a problem. Cannibal Corpse is a band I was very very vaguely aware of other than the fact that they make dreadful music.

The two were involved in a little scandal recently at a Blizzard Convention where the band played and the organizers aired an edited version of a clip showing George Fisher, a member of the band, ranting against players from the opposite faction with plenty of homophobic slurs and wishing to see them commit suicide. Wonderful stuff.

Here's the video: You have a much higher stamina for douchebaggery than me if you can watch this video to the end.

There was obviously lots of fuss in internet forums and apologies were issued by both the president of Blizzard, Mike Morhaime, as well as George Fisher.

Morhaime's apology:

Dear members of the Blizzard community,

I have read your feedback and comments about this year’s BlizzCon, and I have also read the feedback to the apology from Level 90 Elite Tauren Chieftain. I’d like to respond to some of your feedback here.

As president of Blizzard, I take full responsibility for everything that occurs at BlizzCon.

It was shortsighted and insensitive to use the video at all, even in censored form. The language used in the original version, including the slurs and use of sexual orientation as an insult, is not acceptable, period. We realize now that having even an edited version at the show was counter to the standards we try to maintain in our forums and in our games. Doing so was an error in judgment, and we regret it.

The bottom line is we deeply apologize for our mistakes and for hurting or offending anyone. We want you to have fun at our events, and we want everyone to feel welcome. We’re proud to be part of a huge and diverse community, and I am proud that so many aspects of the community are represented within Blizzard itself.

As a leader of Blizzard, and a member of the band, I truly hope you will accept my humblest apology.

- Mike Morhaime President, Blizzard Entertainment

Fisher's apology:

Hey guys, we read and heard all the feedback from BlizzCon this year. The Corpsegrinder bit was never intended to be taken seriously. We are sorry that we offended anyone; everything at our shows is just meant in fun. Thank you all for speaking up. We’ll definitely keep this in mind for future shows. Our humblest apologies, Level 90 Elite Tauren Chieftain

I frequently visit The Chaos Engine, a forum for video game industry professionals and a discussion started there where many of the posters didn't see what the big deal was. The main arguements were that the video was edited so you had to look up the original video to be offended by the words and that there was no actual intention to hurt gay people and the slurs weren't aimed at anyone directly.

Lets start with the fact that this man is married and a father. He's not some 14 year old boy who doesn't know better and repeats words he heard from his peers without fully understanding them. With that in mind, possible homophobia aside, one must wonder what is wrong with that man to make him talk like a mentally challenged moron in the first place and then wonder what is wrong with whoever it was at Blizzard to think that this video was worth showing, beeped or not. Is that how little they think of their own fan-base: that they would find any entertainment value in some old dirty slob cursing and ranting?

The beeped up excuse is weak. Obviously when Blizzard showed the video it made curious people look up the original video to hear what was really said. If the beeped out words were slurs against blacks, Jews or Muslims Blizzard wouldn't have touched it with a five feet pole. It would have been PR radioactive waste. But the person who picked up that video thought that anti-gay slurs were not really that bad and somehow less offensive.

Here's the thing: Treating homophobia as a lesser bigotry contributes to a homophobic culture, especially among young impressionable people. This fuels homophobic bullying which ends up in suicide at worst and at "just" misery at best. It's the same homophobic culture that allows gay rights to be a political issue that is discussed openly when no political party will ever dream to openly discuss laws that affect the rights of other minority groups such as blacks or Jews. The message to young people right now is that being a homophobe is a perfectly acceptable and socially accepted position.

The battle against homophobia is waged on many fronts. As well as spreading a positive messages to young gay people it's also important to curb stomp any intentional or unintentional negative messages.

As a closeted gay teenager no one attacked me personally because not one single soul in the world knew and I planned to carry that secret to the grave. Yet it was so painful to hear gay slurs used as pejoratives, especially from family and friends - Even when it wasn't aimed at me. If 15 year old me was a Blizzard fan it would've been very painful. I'm 33, married and with a kid now, so I can shrug it off with mild annoyance, but I know how many people in a more fragile place in their life feel. When I put myself in their place, which is quite easy based on past experience, I get angry.

Hearing all of these homophobic slurs that weren't meant to hurt me personally hurt a lot. It reinforced my feeling that something was very wrong with me, that people like me were defected and that the best thing we can ever become is the butt of a joke - pun intended. Did it make me consider suicide? Yep, a couple of times. But I guess you go for it when you are more afraid of living than you are afraid of dying. Fortunately back then I was afraid of living, but I was far more afraid of dying so it was never an option I seriously considered. If it wasn't for my friends, family, hobbies and imagination it might have been a different matter.

It's not the end of the world. If I was still playing World of Warcraft this would have not made me stop playing. It won't kill Blizzard to put some money into a relevant charity like The Trevor Project to show they are truly sorry. They make mountains of money (probably a couple of millions since you started reading this blog post) and won't miss it and it will be a much better use for the PR budget than airing beeped videos of ranting morons. It might make their apology feel more sincere and at the very least something positive will come out of all of this.

Mickey

Dexter is Delicious

2011-10-29T20:39:00.001-05:00

We've been in Winnipeg for four weeks this Tuesday and I just wrapped up my fourth week at my not-so-new job at a web development company. Blake started nursery and goes four times a week for a couple of hours and loves it. Miron is holding down the fort and juggles the many headaches involved with moving into a new house and making it liveable. The dogs are getting used to the new neighbourhood and home.

On the one hand it’s a huge collection of changes that affected every aspect of our lives, but on the other hand we had enough time to set into our new routines which made it feel as if we’ve been doing it forever. Hence the lack of writing in my blog as I find it hard to naturally come up with ideas for blog posts when every day is the same. Mind you, this type of "boredom" is exactly what I was yearning for over the last year.

Well, my blog readers can thank my utterly nutty dogs for spicing things up and get me writing again. Go dogs!

Dexter, a couple of days before being eaten.

Dexter is still aggressive to other dogs and I suspect that’s not going to go away any time soon, maybe fade away a little when he gets a bit older. But he’s a weakling and I can handle him if I walk him alone – which is what I do nowadays. Gone are the days when I would be dragged down the street by two dogs right into traffic. The real problem now, something I never imagined would be the case, is the escalating canine rivalry at home.

The serious fighting started right after Dexter was neutered. Dexter didn't lose his aggression towards other dogs, it just made his flesh taste better. I can’t otherwise explain why Leo is so into puncturing holes into Dexter and tearing his flesh. Dexter has lost his edge and barely scratches Leo while being minced himself. You'd think Dexter would figure out he's no match for Leo, but nope. He's a wonderful combination of bravery and suicidal stupidity.

Since we moved to Winnipeg there was one fight on the first night in the new home after a four days car trip right after a inter-continental flight preceded with a week’s stay at a kennel. Then on that first night I fed them both outside since we still didn’t have bowl stands for food in the kitchen and when one of the bowls fell to the floor they just went at each other. It was almost expected considering the huge trauma they’ve just been through, but it doesn’t change the fact that Dexter gained a whole bunch of new deep scars that will decorate him for the rest of his life. Ha! We thoughts the scars from that fight were bad. Little did we know they'd look like paper cuts compared to the next fight.

The fight two days ago came out of nowhere. At least it seemed so at first when the dogs just went at each other for no apparent reason when all 14 legs were hanging out in the basement rec room late in the evening. Miron and I separated the dogs and Dexter immediately lay down in shock. I had to put a paper towel against his shoulder to stop the bleeding. He had several deep cuts, some obviously needing stitches. It was never this bad before. Ever. Blake was completely unbothered by the commotion and carried on watching his cartoons.

Then I realized why they fought. They were just getting used to the fact that I went back to work and came home every day around five. That day I came home late from a little event in town after work. As I got home I went to clear up some mess in the rec room as the carpets were to be steamed the next day. Dexter jumped around trying to burn some energy so I played with him a little and continued to work. Leo got jealous and tried getting my attention so I'd play with him too, which he does by grabbing a toy. Dexter apparently didn't want to share the toy Leo wanted. Then the fight broke.

We took Dexter to get his stitches the next day after I returned from work, visiting our local vet for the first time. "Hello, nice to meet you! We have two big dogs and they like to eat each other." It cost quite a bundle and we still have a few more visits over the next two weeks so it's not over yet.

Obviously it can't happen again and it'll be difficult (and heartbreaking) to rehome either dog for different reasons (especially after all the hassle of bringing them over from the UK). So the next stage is to seek a local dog behaviourist and probably get a soft muzzle for Leo to wear at home at all times except feeding - if he can't open his mouth wide he won't cause such horrific injuries.

Ooga Booga

On the bright side Dexter is now set up for Halloween with his Frakendoggie costume complete with shaved skin, plastic drips, stitches and dried blood. Oooooh, scary!

Maybe I should rename Dexter "Stitch". Then my dogs will be called "Leo & Stitch". Awesome! I can still turn this around into something positive.

Dexter has been avoiding Leo a little, who can blame him, and spent a lot of time resting due to the injuries and the drugs, but he's in fairly good spirits. Leo has been very sheepish and looked very guilty when he realized Dexter is injured and bleeding that it was all his fault. Silly puppies.

Jokes aside this has been quite upsetting, but I hope this is the worst dog fight we would ever experience in our home. One can only hope...

If you ever plan getting two male Great Danes, based on my personal experience there is one great piece of advice I can give you.

Don't.

Mickey

Go Jets Go!

2011-10-09T12:43:00.001-05:00

Our move to Winnipeg essentially started when we came for our first exploratory visit in January. Another event that took place earlier this year is the glorious rebirth of the Winnipeg Jets. Check out the full story on Wikipedia, as my summary will probably be inaccurate and dull - and it doesn't matter.

We followed the story with interest and unexpected patriotism, even when it still wasn't 100% certain we were going to move to Winnipeg. We waited with bated breath for the announcement of the new name and then equally thrilled to see the new logo.

In a few short hours the Winnipeg Jets will make their return to the NHL facing off against the Montreal Canadiens. I'm actually sort of excited!

What's the big deal? Well, I need to go back and share my personal history with team sports.

I have none.

I wish I was into it. It cost me a lot of valuable bonding time with my dad who used to religiously follow basketball games with my older brother. I tried a few times to watch those games, but they were so boring. A bunch of guys running back and forth on a court throwing a ball around. Growing up in Israel you pretty much had only basketball and soccer and I couldn't care less about either as spectator or participant.

I suspect that I might have shown a bit more interest in North American sports if I had access to them. Football and Hockey are violent and intense and while baseball is mind numbingly boring, they get to wear the sexiest outfits and most of their "moves" involve sticking their butts out in one way or another. Also, there's always a chance of seeing an audience member get hit in the face by a rogue ball.

Once I knew my unborn child was going to be a boy I knew that I would have to get into whatever sport he was into. That is actually, and you're reading about this here for the first time, the real reason we moved away from England. If we stayed in London I'd be forced to get into soccer and David Beckham and all that nonsense and I thank God, Allah and the Care Bears that this is no longer going to be the case. Here in Winnipeg we have the Jets and the Bombers (Football) and I can live with either.

A bunch of big hot guys knocking each other's teeth out. Nice.

So I'm ready to watch my first ever full hockey game - albeit on TV. I just need to check the basic rules and terminology of the game on Wikipedia so I'll be able to shout the right things at the screen.

Testosterone levels... Rising!

Mickey

Winnipegger

2011-10-06T19:30:00.001-05:00

I am no longer moving to Winnipeg.

I moved.

We've been here for over a week now. Blake started going to nursery on Thursday last week and I started work on Monday at a web design company. Everyone, including the dogs, has settled in the new home.

On the last day of our drive from Toronto we stopped at Lake of the Woods and Blake went skinny dipping. The weather has been fantastic since, a great introduction to Winnipeg.

I had to learn everything from scratch. Where to take the dogs, how to commute to work on the bus, how to speak Canadian. It was exhausting but not necessarily interesting enough to write about.

So I took a little break from writing to let it all sink in.

My blog was never a dear diary chronicles of my every move and it almost became that over the last few intense weeks, but I hope to go back to writing about more varied issues from now on.

I'm back. Not that I was away long or that anyone even noticed..!

Mickey

Tripping

2011-09-27T07:54:00.001-05:00

Wind is fun!

We're more than halfway through our road trip from Toronto to Winnipeg. We could've been home yesterday, but we decided to stay at Thunder Bay for a whole day to kill time because the workers haven't finished working on our home yet. We only gave them a two months notice, you see, which they obviously took as "don't bother to do anything until the very last minute because it'll be a long time before they return".

But I'm getting a bit a head of myself. Last time I wrote we were just going out to get ready to pick up the dogs, so I guess I should start there.

On Friday we drove out in our new lovely Tahoe to buy basic things for the dogs (food, bowls, toys, shampoo, Martha Stewart orthopaedic dog beds). We also popped into Canadian Tire for a bunch of other things then rushed to the condo to pack up and have lunch with our lovely friend Adelit before heading to the airport. Adelit followed us as she was kind enough to help look after Blake when we took care of any doggie business. At the airport we were also supposed to meet Mike, the kind chap who vacated his condo for us to stay in. He was to pick up the over-sized dog cages in a van and deliver them as a donation to a vet friend. We got stuck in traffic and arrived a bit late and felt guilty about keeping the dogs in the cages longer than necessary.

It turned out that we were feeling guilty for no good reason. I expected to run into the building and hug my dogs right away. It turned out that we needed to wait for custom people to check the dogs and give us a document which we needed to get signed at the other side of the airport and come back with it. We waited for almost forty minutes and then drove around the entire airport, getting a tiny bit lost, but then finding the correct office. Then headed back and released the dogs. The whole system was so mind-numbingly clumsy, inefficient and stupid that it's not even worth me writing about it any more on this blog.

Then the big moment arrived. A forklift brought the first cage and put it down. Inside was Sir Leo who was cautiously happy to hear our voices. He didn't want to get excited over nothing and first make sure he wasn't hallucinating. When he was convinced he tried jumping and clawing his way out of the cage. I let him out and calmed him down.

Then the next caged arrived with Dexter who looked a bit confused and subdued, but happy. Even Leo stuck his face to see if his little brother was OK as they spent the entire trip in separate cages. Leo's top hobby is to puncture holes into Dexter's flesh, but he does actually love him. Miron let him out and I hooked both dogs on their leads.

The sense of relief was huge. Not only were our dogs healthy and uninjured, they were also fairly relaxed and happy all things considered. As a bonus they weren't even really dirty. I expected them to be covered in filth after staying over ten hours in those cages, but that wasn't the case. We still gave them both a good wipe with the doggy wet wipes we brought.

We took the dogs around on the lead to do their business and gave them water. Blake was considerate to sleep through the entire thing and only wake up once the dogs were loaded into the car. Mike and his friend loaded up the cages in their van and we said goodbye to everyone before departing on our epic journey.

Toronto to Sudbury - day 1

Blake was pleased to finally be driving fast once we got on faster roads. When I told him we were going home he was alarmed as he wanted to continue driving around so we explained to him that we won't be getting home any time soon and there'll be plenty of driving... Blake certainly had his fill and it's good we had an iPod handy.

Our first stop was at Sudbury. We started our trip later than expected, but we still managed about four hours. We found a nice motel with ground floor rooms opening to the outside so I snuck the dogs in. I couldn't see anything anywhere about no dogs allowed and they were perfectly behaved. Once Blake saw the bed he went straight to it and crashed.

On the next day we drove for ten hours plus stops and that was exhausting. Well, to be more precise, Miron did all the driving, but it was still quite tiring even on the passenger side. We had a few stops and Blake loved it when I opened the window to have wind blow in his face. The views were spectacular offering multi-coloured trees ranging from green to bright red and pink. Lots of lakes and mountains. Could've been worse.

We stopped for lunch and let the dogs out a couple of times, including an off-the-lead run on a quiet side road. The dogs really appreciated the chance to really stretch their legs for the first time since the flight.

We should've called it a night at nightfall, but got a bit greedy and kept driving. It was dark and misty with twists and turns and big trucks popping out of nowhere, but at least it wasn't raining. We eventually called it a night in Thunder Bay, our intended stop for the second night.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, we stopped here to kill a day to give the workers time to finish the very basic work (like, you know, electricity). Miron rested after the crazy long drive and I stretched my legs by taking Blake to buy some stuff at the nearest shopping area (including yet another card reader because the first one got ruined after one use).

Sudbury to Thunder Bay

We walked along a big road for forty minutes and the sun was out without really being too hot. It was lovely. Blake slumped over my head to cover his face from direct sun-light, but it looked as if he simply collapsed on top of me after we walked here all the way from Toronto. So just before I reached the centre a nice middle aged woman stopped and asked if we needed a ride. I refused politely since we were practically there, but could've really used the ride twenty minutes ago!

So after a quick lunch at the small McDonalds inside Walmarts (classy!) and some shopping we walked back. I had to put my feet up after all the walking, but it made up for being cooped up in the car for so long.

I caught up with many of the TV shows that started over the last couple of weeks and we took the dogs out a couple of times (which didn't stop them from urinating a bit in the room anyway out of nerves). After taking Blake to the hotel pool for a bit we ended the evening with a nice dinner and watching X-Factor US and a double bill of Modern Family.

Thunder Bay to Winnipeg - Today's journey

Now, the last leg of the trip. Tonight we should sleep at our home, the whole family for the first time. I think both Blake and the dogs could really benefit from settling in at our new home and develop a routine.

You know what? I think so do I. I'm ready to be bored for a while.

Mickey

Dog Day

2011-09-24T07:35:00.000-05:00

Leo and Dexter this morning in England

We've been in Toronto since Monday and today we begin our drive to Winnipeg. We collected our lovely new Tahoe yesterday (I swear to God that we bought it before we found it it was a sponsor of the new American X-Factor TV show) and we're almost good to go. Just one thing left... Picking up the dogs. They are flying right now and I can't wait to cuddle with them again, safe and sound.

We got to stay in a fantastic condo in the heart of Toronto thanks to a good friend who vacated it for us for the duration. I don't know what we have done to deserve such good friends, but we seem to have plenty of them all over the world. We have many friends in Toronto and we got to see a fair chunk of them, you'd almost think we're on holiday. But we're not. For the first time in my life we are not visitors to Canada.

Today we need to rush around and get stuff for the dogs: carpet and dog beds for the back of the car, food and water bowls, food, snacks, toys. Then we'll clear out of the apartment, have lunch with friends and then pick up Leo and Dexter. I know they'll be fine, but I just won't be really relaxed until I see that with my own eyes. Then we start our drive west for 22 hours... If there's free Wi-Fi on the way, I'll try blogging updates.

Meanwhile you can check out this blog post about my doggies by Animal Couriers.

The dogs' trip begins!

Mickey

LondGone

2011-09-22T07:49:00.000-05:00

Just like explosive diarrhoea after a long bout of constipation, here comes an explosion of pictures now that I finally got a memory card reader to unload pictures from our cameras (some photos are still lost in my accidentally packed iPhone which I hope to get back in a couple of weeks).

Well, maybe I could've gone for a less disgusting metaphor. Like a rainstorm after a long dry spell or... Whatever, who cares. Pictures time.

These are actually left over from our trip to Israel in April-May, but it's cute, so it goes in anyway.

Blake loves suitcases!

It's always a pleasure to discover Blake has been playing with the camera.

I mentioned in an earlier post that Blake has decided to repaint parts of my study while the packers were stealing our life and sticking it into boxes. Here is the damning proof.

It's beautiful art, but it kinda had to go, don't you think?

Boxes, boxes, boxes. I can't wait to unpack and go through all of them in Winnipeg... Ugh.

Our truck, which Blake adored staring at. By the end of the day it was fully packed. You couldn't even squeeze in a box of tictacs.

Poor Leo and Dexter were exiled to the back yard for most of the day as the door to the house had to remain open most of the time.

Blake couldn't be exiled into the back yard so I was doomed to keep running out after him instead of making sure that, oh I don't know, my iPhone doesn't get into a box and sent away. Stuff like that. Yeah, I'm still bitter about it.

Our wonderful skip. We filled it up twice, which is a lot of crap that we didn't send off in boxes over to Winnipeg. Could've probably filled it up a third time if we planned things better....

My brainy Janey helping us pack and fold. ♥ A bunch of friends dropped in during the day and made it a bit more fun to rip out every remaining trace of ourselves from what was our home for the last nine years and stick it either in a suitcase or the trash.

Our lovely friend Mariana (holding Blake in the above picture) dropped in to cook us a goodbye lunch. By then we had barely any plates left so we improvised with what we had and it turned out to be one of the most fun dinner parties we ever had - simply because it was so unexpected and a great way to say goodbye one more time. We even got to use some paper cups left over from Blake's first birthday!

Pavel the Marvel (Marianna's brother) took apart out bed and the last day was spent on the mattress alone. Well, not for me anyway. I napped for a couple of hours on the carpet in my room as I found it - for some reason - very difficult to go to sleep.

Floor cuddles with Yoe are the best!

CSI Finchley

In the evening, when packing should've gone into overdrive more friends came over. Instead of hugging and sending them away we had yet another dinner party, moments before the dinning room table was taken away. We had pizza and it was delicious.

As morning got closer more and more stuff was removed from the house by Pavel who did a great job. He even saved us by removing lots of trash we didn't put in the skip in time before it was removed (lots and lots of trash). It was a race against time to empty the entire house before we left it in the morning. The house was mostly emptied, but mostly does not equal completely.

We ended up knowingly over-packing our suitcases with the knowledge that we will have to pay extra. We were immigrating across the ocean, not going on some holiday in Spain. I had to leave my lovely Nando's sauce bottles behind only to find out you can get them in Canada too. Joy! At the last hour before the taxi arrived I started just grabbing things and throwing them away without giving it too much thought. Any single socks or items of clothes we would never wear again and probably even some we might've : it all had to go.

And then that was it. The house was suddenly completely empty once all of our suitcases were in the taxi and Blake was strapped into his car seat which was also coming with us. This was no longer our home. Our dogs weren't there any more or any of our stuff. But it still felt like home, carrying with it nine years of memories both good and bad. Sheer joy side by side with unbearable stress. Sweet moments of happiness side by side with painful loss. We left Kato behind, our first Great Dane, his ashes scattered in the park only a few steps away from our doorway.

We left a bit late and were worried we were going to miss our plane, but fortunately we didn't. We needed a porter to help us with all the suitcases and we got a moron who dropped them repeatedly (I hope my X-Box survived the torture). When we got on-board Blake fell asleep and even when he woke up he behaved perfectly. Let me put it this way: I managed to watch three full movies and a TV show without interruption (Thor - OK action movie, Meet Dave - barely watch-able Eddie Murphy comedy and The Adjustment Bureau which had an original concept - mind numbingly stupid, but original).

We arrived in Toronto and I got my work visa.

And that was the end of our time in London, UK. Even now I have to keep reminding myself of that fact. While it has sank in that we were leaving the UK for good, it still hasn't sank in that we have actually done it already.

More about our time in Toronto later. Now we wait for our new car to be shipped from Winnipeg and our dogs to arrive from England and then embark on our adventure driving to Winnipeg from Toronto. So it's not over yet...

--Mickey