Weddings Redefined

14 Stories in the New York Times

Wed, 23 May 2012 20:39:00 GMT

We (and two of our clients/former clients) are in the New York Times about the wardrobe options for lesbian brides.

It's a great piece which offers insight into the unique challenges that our clients face. Check it out!

Wedding Planning in New York City, Simplified

Tue, 15 May 2012 00:58:00 GMT

Sometimes we hear from same-sex couples who want to have more than 20 guests but don't want to fuss with fully custom planning, despite wanting a beautiful, luxurious New York wedding experience. For them, we are offering a new service, the Destiny Maxi package!

The Destiny Maxi is a semi-custom wedding planning package for up to 50 guests. Top-notch photography, flowers (including centerpieces), wedding cake, an officiant and a private indoor ceremony space are all included. You even get options to personalize when it comes to flowers and cake. Simply choose the option that makes sense for you, add food and beverage costs and we'll do the rest.

All you have to do is invite your guests and show up! Wedding planning doesn't get any easier than this.

The Destiny Maxi can be booked online today through this link!

Fred and Dean's Wedding at the ICA

Tue, 15 May 2012 00:57:00 GMT

I was so excited to get the beautiful photos of Fred and Dean's wedding at Boston's ICA, taken by Avenna Studios. I put them in our portfolio but wanted to share a few on the blog as well!

Thoughts on Proposition 1 in North Carolina

Wed, 09 May 2012 05:40:00 GMT

Yesterday, the Proposition 1 ballot initiative passed in North Carolina. I can honestly say that I was in tears. Our company has worked with dozens of couples from North Carolina over the years, including one of our 5/15/12 weddings and one of our 5/19/12 weddings. Two couples this month, from (yet another) state which treats them as second-class citizens.

The passage of this proposition forbids those kind, loving couples from equal marriage, civil unions, domestic partnerships and every other "family" construct. The way the amendment was written was truly horrifying.

I honestly try to focus this blog on the "how to..." elements of wedding planning, but the truth is that 14 Stories is an activist-type company. We care about the laws. We only plan legal weddings. We provide every couple we meet with a list of resources that can help them protect their families. The reality is, for LGBT couples, marriage is not enough.

14 Stories is paid to plan beautiful weddings, and I love that. But we have gone through the process of planning our own wedding, having some family support and some not, having to hire a lawyer for all this extra paperwork, the same stuff that every LGBT couple must face. And that's just the tip of the iceberg of what makes LGBT weddings different.

I love working with couples who give a damn, LGBT couples for whom this stuff is important, who don't take equal marriage rights for granted and who want to make some slight political statement with their marriage ceremony (and if you don't know how, we have ideas...)

Even if you live in a big city (like we do) with many LGBT friends (like we have), please don't take whatever rights you have for granted. We have to keep fighting because, in most of the world, our LGBT brothers and sisters have no rights. Even in states like California and Florida with "gay mecca" cities, LGBT couples have very limited rights.

Your marriage and wedding is important, of course, but please, above all, protect your family. Please contact us if you need resources in your area for financial planners, estate planning attorneys, insurance agents and other professionals who can help protect your family.

And please, along with us, keep up the good fight. It's not just about the wedding.

South Florida Women Needed to Model for 14 Stories

Thu, 03 May 2012 16:02:00 GMT

We are working on a pretty major project that is still under wraps - but trust me when I say that when we announce it, you will find out about it all over the place!

As part of this project, we are looking for women in South Florida who are willing to model for us (with compensation).

To be considered, we are looking for these body types:

petite: height 5'1", clothing size 2-4
height 5'5", clothing size 8-10
height 5'8", clothing size 12-14
women, genderqueers and/or FTMs who bind their breasts or know how to bind

If any of the above describes you, please email us and I'll give you the specifics - thank you!

What the Golden Girls Say About Marriage Equality

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 18:11:00 GMT

I am preparing my speech for this Saturday's Celebrant USA Conference. I am honored to deliver the keynote address. In preparing, I came across this video from the Golden Girls, circa 1991. The Golden Girls was my late (and very Irish-Catholic) mom's favorite show...wonder what she thought of this episode... Check out this great clip below!

Gay Weddings Should Never Be Boring

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 14:43:00 GMT

I was sitting with clients last week and we were talking about the flow of their gay wedding in Boston. I have this four page questionnaire I go through a few months before the wedding with our big wedding clients. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Are you having a first dance?
Them: Nope
Me: Are you having anything tossed? Garter and bouquet are the typical things.
Them: No
Me: Are you dancing with your parents at all in any formal, announced way?
Them: No
Me: Are you cutting anything on the dessert display (this wedding has no wedding cake)?
Them: No

All of these are fairly common answers when we're planning a gay wedding, though. After all, those are traditional elements and many of our clients love the opportunity to be non-traditional and reinvent what weddings should look like! And you completely have permission to do so!

The problem with those answers is that when we take out so many things, there is a lot of dead space and time. The guests get bored and heaven forbid, the wedding ends early. I believe it's very important to add things back in that are conversation starts and memory makers...

Here are some examples that we've experienced, have recommended or are recommending:

photobooth (the obvious example)
drag kings/queens
some dance performance (fire dancer, salsa dancers, tango dancers, burlesque etc)
caricature artist
casino
psychic
cigar bar (if the venue allows it)
aerial artist

The experience doesn't have to detract from the wedding or all the time spent dancing. If it's a performance, keep it short, 1-2 songs MAX and keep it upbeat and appropriate.

What are you doing to add some conversation starters and entertainment to your wedding?

Fire Island Gay Weddings - The Pines and Cherry Grove

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 18:16:00 GMT

Fire Island, New York is a pretty special place and a truly beautiful destination for a wedding. The Pines is predominantly a gay destination while Cherry Grove next door attracts the lesbians.

Due to the lack of traditional wedding venues, the gay weddings that are most suitable for this magical place are, in my opinion, the kind that are more like a beautiful dinner party than anything else. The trick is to rent a vacation home that is large enough to accommodate your guest list, and if you can avoid having to rent a tent, even better.

One of the best things about a gay wedding on Fire Island is that your wedding is in a vacation destination – so the experience rolls seamlessly from wedding to honeymoon and you can relax and enjoy it all. With so many gorgeous houses available for rent (many of which are huge and right on the beach), it’s an idyllic place for an intimate beachside ceremony followed by the finest dinner you’ve ever had.

We have relationships with the best of the best on Fire Island and can refer you to realtors who will set you up with gorgeous property rentals. We’ll then work with you on selecting the rest of your wedding team: extraordinary caterers, officiants, floral designers, musicians and more – to make your dream of an amazing Fire Island gay wedding come alive.

Although the logistics on Fire Island can get tricky since we have to charter boats to bring all the gear over, you can trust us to handle everything so the two of you can enjoy every minute of your wedding and honeymoon.

Gay Weddings at the Ritz-Carlton Battery Park

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 16:40:00 GMT

I really want to give a shout-out to the fabulous Ritz-Carlton Battery Park, in lower Manhattan. This property is certainly gorgeous, with views of the Hudson and Lady Liberty. But beyond that, I am consistently blown away by their impeccable service. It really is a great spot for a fabulous and quintessential New York gay wedding, large or small.

The Ritz first reached out to me last summer about training their catering staff to be sensitive to the unique needs of same-sex couples. Shortly afterwards, they let the BBC in to interview me at Rise (their 14th floor event space with amazing views - picture below). After the BBC interview, their catering staff began enrolling in our Gay Wedding Institute course. To date, three of their staff have received the GWI certification and are really excited, proud (and highly educated) advocates for their LGBT parents. Jocelyn, Melissa and Laura will all take fabulous care of you.

Now, this fall, the Ritz Battery Park and 14 Stories will be working together on our first wedding – that of two grooms who live in Atlanta and Brooklyn. We are thrilled with this partnership and even more thrilled to feel so very good about referring a property to our clients. Check out this beautiful place!

PS - I don't get paid for any endorsements! This comes from the heart!

Gay Weddings in Washington State

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 15:37:00 GMT

Washington State became the seventh U.S. state (plus D.C.) to legalize gay marriage on Monday when Governor Gregoire signed the marriage equality bill into law. This is very exciting but you may want to hold off on your gay wedding plans for a little bit longer. Opponents of marriage equality still may try to stop it from going into effect on June 7 - so the matter is not yet settled - but this is a huge step forward. Congratulations!

Workshops for Engaged LGBT Couples in the NYC Area

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:44:00 GMT

It's engagement season - and if you are planning your gay wedding in the New York City area and looking for some expert advice, you are in luck! I'm participating in a couple of panel discussions soon as well as leading a solo workshop. All of these are designed to empower you to plan yourself a great gay wedding!

Here are the details:

Thursday, February 9, 6:30pm (solo presentation)

Sponsored by MENY - click here to register
LGBT Center, Manhattan

Sunday, February 12, 11am (panel discussion)

WilliamsBrides event (excuse the non-inclusive name - it will be an inclusive event)
Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Saturday, March 17, time TBD (panel discussion)

The Original LGBT Expo
Javits Center, Manhattan

Please stop by and say hi at any of these events! I would love to chat with you there and answer any planning questions you may have!

14 Stories Certified as an LGBTE

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:57:00 GMT

We are thrilled to announce that 14 Stories has been certified by the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce as an LGBT-owned enterprise. We are only one of two event planning companies in the entire United States to receive the certification.

It's kind of a rigorous process to be certified - I even had to fax a copy of my marriage license! I guess that's one way they prove that it's LGBT-owned. There was also an interview, a review of tax records and so forth...needless to say, we're pretty excited to have made the cut!

Gay Wedding Institute Certified Professionals

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:50:00 GMT

Some of you may know that I frequently travel around the world and lead workshops on gay weddings for those in the wedding industry who are seeking to better understand the LGBT wedding market. My goal is to provide all same-sex couples, no matter where they live, with access to wedding professionals who really want to treat them with respect.

When I lead a full day workshop, or when professionals participate in my 3 part webinar series, they are eligible to be certified by the 14 Stories Gay Wedding Institute - and you may see this badge on their website or in their marketing materials:

This means that the professional has fully participated in the course, as well as completed all of the assigned homework. It's not an easy process - so these professionals are truly your best advocates when planning your wedding. Here is a list of all of the current graduates - some are wedding planners, others work at hotels and other properties, and others work elsewhere in the industry. If we can't help you, hopefully one of these fine professionals will be able to.

Judge Vaughn Walker's Ruling as a Gay Wedding Ceremony Reading

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:48:00 GMT

Gay wedding ceremonies continue to have political elements and the latest trend I've seen is the use of an excerpt of the ruling by Judge Vaughn Walker in the Prop 8 Trial. What you see below is an excerpt which can be taken in full or further shortened for the ceremony:

“Marriage is the state recognition and approval of a couple’s choice to live with each other, to remain committed to one another and to form a household based on their own feelings about one another and to join in an economic partnership and support one another and any dependents. ...

The right to marry has been historically and remains the right to choose a spouse and, with mutual consent, join together and form a household. Race and gender restrictions shaped marriage during eras of race and gender inequality, but such restrictions were never part of the historical core of the institution of marriage.

Today, gender is not relevant to the state in determining spouses’ obligations to each other and to their dependents. Relative gender composition aside, same-sex couples are situated identically to opposite-sex couples in terms of their ability to perform the rights and obligations of marriage... Gender no longer forms an essential part of marriage; marriage under law is a union of equals…

They seek the mutual obligation and honor that attend marriage… seek recognition from the state that their union is ‘a coming together for better or for worse, hopefully enduring, and intimate to the degree of being sacred.’”

Of course lots of couples are still using the Goodridge ruling as well. Are you planning to have any political elements in your marriage ceremony?

Our Experience with Second Parent Adoption (and Why It's Important)

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:47:00 GMT

Those who follow me on Twitter know that my wife Jen and I just completed the second parent adoption process for our son, Patrick. He was born on Oct. 31, 2010.

Let me explain a little bit about what this means.

Jen and I were legally married in Massachusetts. Our marriage is only valid in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Iowa and D.C. (the other states where same-sex marriage is legal), and a couple of other random states. According to the U.S. federal government and all those other states, we are not legally married. According to most countries in the world, we are not legally married.

Patrick was born in Boston and Jen carried and delivered the baby. She was the "bio-parent" though I was right there when he was born and my name is on his birth certificate. However, because our marriage is not recognized most places in the world, neither are my rights to be his parent. That's why we had to go through this process called "second parent adoption" - in which I basically adopt my own son. This process took 10 months waiting for a court date and $2000 in legal fees before we saw a judge for 2 minutes. Now it's over and we're happy!

If a same-sex couple doesn't do second parent adoption this can get really ugly in the following scenarios (among others):

If there's a divorce or break-up, the non-bio parent may have no rights no visitation or custody
If the bio-parent died, the non-bio parent may have no rights to his or her child (who would probably be placed with the bio-parent's parents)
If the bio-parent and the baby are in an accident, the non-bio parent may have no access to them in the hospital.

I think you get the idea. Anyway, if you are planning to have kids, it's really important that you protect your family and go through this process (and the other estate planning processes). Marriage isn't enough! We were thrilled with our lawyer, Claire DeMarco and if you are outside New England, you can find family law attorneys through www.lambdalegal.org.

Any questions? Happy to answer!