154 Hidden Court

Yet another example in how different the boys in my house are from each other.

2010-03-12T03:23:00.001-05:00

This is cj, having a wild ride on the swing.

This is zj, screaming "Higher! Higher!"

Saturday, in the park. Ok, really it was Sunday, but that just isn't as catchy sounding.

2010-03-11T05:16:00.001-05:00

No ducks were harmed in the making of this video.

I deleted the video that showed all the duck-harming.

Oh, and the weird groaning in the background? That's cj. I promise.

Nap time isn't really worth it. I promise.

2010-03-10T03:14:00.004-05:00

I'm not much of a napper.

If you take out the 18 months I was pregnant (not all at once, thank Jesus), I have probably only taken 20 or so daytime naps in my adult life.

I hear other grownups talk about naps like they are grumpy toddlers in need of a blankie, but it has always seemed like a waste of daylight to sleep when it's not dark. It's my inner farm girl coming out, I guess.

However, one day last week, I was scheduled to close at work. I was tired already. I didn't feel well. A short nap seemed to be in order.

The preparation was immense. First, I had to get cj fed, changed and asleep. Done.

Next, I had to try to prepare zj.

Me:  Zackie, Mama is going to take a nap.  Can you watch tv for a little while?
ZJ: Mama, it isn't nap time. It isn't dark yet. I think we should call Daddy and ask him.
Me: It's ok baby. Daddy doesn't care.
ZJ: Mama, last night I dreamed about a snake and a chair and a superhero and a cape and my bedroom and a couch and my tv and a llama and some ice cream.
Me: Nobody really cares, sweetheart. Mama wants to take a nap, ok?
ZJ: Why do you sleep all the time, Mama? You sleeped last night, and you sleeped yesterday, too.
Me: Well, zj. We need sleep to make us healthy and happy.
ZJ: Mama, can I have some lunch?
Me: It's 10 o'clock in the morning.
ZJ: Well, I'm hungry.
Me: Ok, here are some goldfish. Mama is going to lay down on the couch for a little while, ok?
ZJ: Why, Mama? Can you read me a story?
Me: Baby, Mama is going to go to sleep.
ZJ: Can we play X-Men, Mama?
Me: How about you lay beside me and I'll turn X-Men on tv, ok?
ZJ: No, I don't think so.
Me: Ok, how about Max & Ruby? Max & Ruby's on. You can lay beside me and watch that, ok?
ZJ: No, I don't want to lay down. Mama, is it time for you to go to work yet?
Me: No, I don't have to leave for a few hours. Hey, how about a nap?
ZJ: Mama, are you going to drop me off and is Daddy going to pick me up?
Me: Yes, baby. Mama will drop you off and Daddy will pick you up tonight.
ZJ: Why?
Me: Well, because I have to go to work, and Daddy will be off work before I am. So he'll pick you up. Let's lay down here, ok?
ZJ: Well, Daddy didn't pick me up yesterday. You picked me up yesterday.
Me: Yes, but that was yesterday.  Hey how about we go upstairs and take a nap in my bed?
ZJ: Mama, where's Cooper?
Me: Cooper's asleep.  Let's join him, ok?
ZJ: Mama, you won't fit in Cooper's bed.
Me: No, that's not what I meant. Never mind that. Let's lay down, ok?
ZJ: Mama, is it lunchtime yet?
Me: No, not yet. Hey, how about you lay down beside me while I take a nap and you can look at one of your comic books?
ZJ: No, I don't think so. Mama, is Daddy coming home soon?
Me: No, remember, Daddy will pick you up tonight.
ZJ:  Where are we going?
Me: Remember what we talked about?  Mama has to go to work.  I will drop you off, and Daddy will pick you up.
ZJ: Mama, why do you have to go to work?
Me: Well, I go to work so that we can have money to buy things and to pay for our house and our cars and our food...
ZJ: Well, you broke our big car some last week. Remember?
Me: Yes, I remember. I had an accident. Ok, now let's lay down here on the couch. Mama is tired and wants to take a nap before work.
ZJ: Well, I know where Daddy works.
Me: Yes, I know you do. That's great. Now come lay down, ok?
ZJ: And I know our address. We live at 154 Hidden Court, Kentucky Vine Grove.
Me: Yes, that's right. Hey, why don't you go down in the basement and play your Wolverine game?
ZJ: No, I don't want to.
Me: Hey, let's lay down together on the floor. It will be fun. Like we're camping.
ZJ: No, I don't want to. Mama, can we call Granny now?
Me: No, we're not going to call Granny. We are going to take a nap, remember?
ZJ: Well, I don't want to take a nap. Mama, can we go to Chuck E. Cheese today?
Me: No, remember, I have to go to work in a little while, right after we take a nap. Come here and lay down with me, ok?
ZJ: Mama, can you read me a story?
Me: Of course.  Go get the $^#* book, darling.

Superhero Tuesday.

2010-03-09T03:28:00.000-05:00

There are many possible ways to arrange your superheroes.

Sometimes, they need to be lined up.

Other times, they may need to be placed into a very large pile.

Occasionally, a square is the correct formation.

This concludes our lesson.

Thank you for your attention.

Are there any questions?

Totally. Not. Planned.

2010-03-08T04:46:00.000-05:00

What handsome boys, all decked out in their best hoe-down finery.

Stupid rock.

2010-03-07T17:42:00.000-05:00

Upon further reflection, zj has decided that perhaps playing outside was not such a good idea, after all.

Or maybe it was just ripping his fingernail off with a giant rock that wasn't such a great idea.

Either way, his career as a hand model is over before it got started.

Take that, you stupid rock.

Damn, you are OLD. But I still love ya.

2010-03-06T05:15:00.013-05:00

Dear Bobby,

Happy Birthday.

Today is your seventeenth birthday since I have known you.

Back when we first met, I certainly never thought I'd ever be saying that.

See, I didn't really like you much at first.

You came to class, the BEST class on campus, by the way, and you were way too cool to participate in anything. You sat there, looking bored, wearing (for God's sake) a TIE (I mean really, who could possibly trust a guy who wore a tie to class?) and generally not paying much attention.

I thought you were smug.

I believed you to be arrogant.

I wanted nothing to do with you.

So, of course, you saw me as a challenge.

Oddly enough, you showed up in a bunch of my classes the following semester, too. I'm still not exactly sure how that happened.

You stopped wearing a tie every day. We had mutual friends. You began to grow on me, just a little bit.

You kept inviting me over to you place to "study."

I turned you down. I was highly suspicious.

Then you broke my watch one day, and the rest, as they say, is history.

So here we are, seventeen birthdays, two marriages, a divorce, two kids, a mortgage, and a lifetime of shared memories later.

And I was right. You are smug and arrogant. And I was totally right to be suspicious of your motives.

But you know what?

I love you just the way you are, and I can't imagine my life without you in it.

See, I told you this stuff was made out of ground up demon parts. With apologies to the fine folks at the Play-Doh corporation.

2010-03-05T04:01:00.003-05:00

I think only the self-righteous, self-important, self-absorbed self-whatever Mommies of the world really like this stuff. You know, the Mommies who are all like "My little darling can write her name, and knows the national anthem, and she can figure the square root of pi to the tenth decimal point." You know them. You know you do. They also say things like "I don't want to stifle his creative spirit" like little Jimbo might possibly grow up to be something other than the somewhat grimy, nose-picking cow-lick-sporting champ that he is today.

Because really, what about any of this could possibly be construed as good?

Teriyaki Pork Tenderloin - a Three Meal Meat.

2010-03-04T01:48:00.012-05:00

Lately, for a variety of reasons, I have been experimenting with making the food budget stretch, but without eating macaroni & cheese or Ramen noodles every day.

It's like a challenge to myself. I love to challenge myself.

Anyway, one of the things I have been experimenting with is the creative use of leftovers. RJ is NOT a fan of leftovers. He wants a NEW meal every day, like any man has a God-given right to have.

Whatever.

Instead of giving in to that, I have basically been tricking him into thinking entirely new meals have been created out of aforementioned leftovers. This particular three day long feast has been one of my successes.

WHAT YOU START WITH:
a 2 lb. pork tenderloin. This one happened to be teriyaki flavored, but you can use any kind you want. It's not like I'm going to come to your house to check. Anyway, I cut this one onto three pieces (cause I was going to use it for three meals), browned in in some olive oil in a skillet, then baked it at 375 for a little over an hour.

Yum.

DAY ONE:

Take one third of the pork. Slice it. Serve with garlic smashed potatoes and oven roasted vegetables. Easy peasy. I also made a gravy out of the pan drippings, some flour and some broth.

DAY TWO:

Thinly slice the next third of the pork. Thinly slice half an onion and some button mushrooms, and heat in some oil in a skillet. Add a couple tablespoons of teriyaki sauce. Cover the whole mess with some Swiss cheese and serve it on warmed hoagie rolls. I served this with store bought fries. Delightful, and really different than the previous night's meal. RJ never knew he was eating leftovers.

DAY THREE:

Chop the rest of the remaining pork up and heat in oil in a large wok or skillet or whatever. Add an onion, some mushrooms, any vegetables you have lurking in the fridge and a small bag of frozen Asian style vegetables. Saute until the veggies are soft, then add in a couple splashes of yesterday's teriyaki sauce. Heat through, and serve over rice. Voila! Three meals, one meat, nobody knows you just stretched $8 into three separate dishes.

Hey Daddy, you might not want to leave your shiny red laptop out where I can reach it.

2010-03-03T01:16:00.000-05:00

I'm just sayin'

Love, zj

Superhero Tuesday. With special guest host.

2010-03-02T05:23:00.001-05:00

It's Superhero Tuesday at 154 Hidden Court, and today's guest host is zj. Zj, tell us which superhero you are featuring today.

Zj: Today I'm telling you all about Wolverine.
Me: Why Wolverine?
Zj: He's my favorite because he can pop his claws out. And he's an X-Man. And he's part of the Marvel Universe. And he knows how to fight with a sword. And his claws are made out of adamantium.

Well, there you have it, folks.

Ahh ebay. I think I love you.

2010-03-01T03:30:00.015-05:00

Dear ebay,

I think I love you.

It started out innocently enough. See, I had these dolls to sell. Dolls that I had a long time. Dolls that I obviously was never going to have a use for, given that there are only boys in my house.

So I came to you for help.

You were kind to me. You walked poor little inexperienced me through a new auction listing. I made some mistakes in our relationship early on, sure, but you were patient. Oh, so patient.

And I waited.

A few days passed, and I didn't hear much from you. But I kept checking, and I kept hoping, and soon enough, the bids began. $50. $100. $200!!!! Really? It was this easy?

And so our relationship began in earnest.

What else could I possibly sell?

I roamed the house, weighing potential use against potential sales.

Potential sales almost always won.

I have dedicated an entire room of my house to you. It contains things listed, and things yet to be listed, but it is clearly all in your honor.

I have my own business cards that I use to promote my relationship with you. It's like shouting it from the rooftops.

I sign our invoices with hearts and flowers.

I know, deep down, that you would do the same for me, if you could.

Dear ebay, we are now in the seventh month of our relationship, and I love you more than ever before. Sometimes life gets in the way and we don't get to spend the quality time together that I would like, but you are forgiving. You always take me back.

And someday, someday soon, darling, I hope to be yours, exclusively.

Really, really, really good potato salad, crazy style.

2010-02-28T02:48:00.018-05:00

I got this recipe, many years ago, from someone who was in the top three craziest people I have ever known. That's saying a lot, too. When I met her, she seemed like Ms. Upstanding Mom/Retail Manager/Wife, and by the time our relationship.... ended, so to speak, she was drinking gin at work, reading crystals for customers, and going AWOL with random truck drivers for weeks at a time.

But never mind all that. She gave me two really, really important things: a love of working in a bookstore, and the most awesome potato salad recipe ever.

WHAT YOU NEED:

5 pounds white potatoes, Idaho or such

1 medium yellow onion

3-4 stalks of celery

6 hard boiled eggs

1 jar Miracle Whip - no, the other stuff won't do. Miracle Whip has a... tangy zip that is very important to this recipe.

salt and pepper

paprika, optional

WHAT YOU DO:

Peel and dice your potatoes and boil uncovered for 15 minutes or so. As the potatoes are boiling, finely chop your onions, eggs and celery into a big bowl.

Take the potatoes off the heat, drain and pour into the bowl that has your other stuff in it. Add the salt and pepper (I usually use about a teaspoon of each, but do it to your taste) over top the potatoes. For some reason, this is a very important step. If you wait till later to add the seasonings it just doesn't taste the same. But try it if you don't believe me. You'll see.

Stir all that stuff around, and while the potatoes are still hot (another important step - just trust me on this) add the jar of Miracle Whip.

Ok, I feel the need to say at this point that is you use mayonnaise instead or Miracle Whip and your potato salad doesn't taste very good, I WARNED YOU. Just buy the Miracle Whip, ok?

Stir it all up, chill and top with paprika if desired.

It's real good in your mouth.

Oh no. I'm ruining cj's life, and he doesn't even know it yet.

2010-02-27T02:16:00.000-05:00

I just noticed on my blog, on the part where it keeps track of how many times I have written about particular things, zj is winning. According to these very scientific numbers, I have written about zj 32 times, and cj only 23 times.

How could have I let this happen?

Now, unless I can fix this and make it evened out, cj will grow up feeling inferior.

The lesser brother.

The family outcast.

I see many years of mood altering drugs, general angst, and therapy needed to correct the fact that his Mama, his very own Mama, clearly loved his big brother more.

I have to act fast.

Truth be told, I do feel very differently about cj than I do about zj. Any mother who says "Oh, I love my kids just the same" is either a) lying b) completely deluded or c) both.

I'm not saying nor would I ever say, out loud anyway, that I love one of my boys MORE than the other, I just love them... differently.

Even at eight months, cj is clearly a different sort of kid that zj. All the mothers who tell you it's not ok to compare your kids, bite me. You know you did it too.

Zj was energetic and into everything from the get-go. He did everything early. He rolled, crawled, walked and talked earlier and more prolifically than most kids.

Cj is clearly more of a watcher. He likes to sit back and observe. He has to get comfortable with his surroundings before he wants to interact with them or with anyone in them. He doesn't really like anyone other that the core group of people he sees every day.

He may not be crawling by the time he starts kindergarten.

He's kind of shy in a crowd, just like me.

I think that while zj clearly got his stubborn streak from me, cj got pretty much everything else.

I wonder how I will ever be able to parent them fairly and equally when they are such different personalities. What works with zj is probably never going to work with cj. And vice versa.

These sorts of things keep me up at night.

But anyway, back to the important stuff. As of right now, the blog score stands at zj: 32, cj: 24.

Don't worry, baby.

Mama's got your back.

Rum Cake - A Tipsy Cake.

2010-02-26T01:24:00.020-05:00

Ok, here's the thing.

I don't really like cake.

But anything that will make me drunk is certainly acceptable.

So, most of my cakes are made with some sort of liquor in them. Just because I can.

This is a really easy rum cake recipe that I stole from someone else and modified till it fit me and called it my own.

WHAT YOU NEED:

Yellow Cake Mix

Rum - I like the dark, but whatever you do, do not buy the 151 stuff. Your house will blaze for days. Vanilla Jello pudding - the small box

Eggs

Oil - vegetable or canola

Water

Sugar

Butter

Walnuts or pecans - chopped (about a cup)

WHAT YOU DO:

Taste the rum to ensure flavor.

Preheat your over to 325ish. 350 if you're feeling crazy.

Put the cake mix, the pudding mix and four eggs in a mixing bowl (yes, I said 4 eggs). Add 1/2 cup oil, and some combination of the liquids (rum and water) that equal a cup and a half. If you're something of a rum cake wuss, use 1/2 cup of rum and 1 cup of water. if you're an old drunk like me, 1 and 1/2 cups of rum and no water will work, too.

Taste test the rum for quality.

Mix it at low speed for about a minute or two. If you're too lazy to wash your mixer, you can also beat it by hand for a few minutes. A couple lumps aren't going to kill anyone.

Taste the rum again. You don't want that stuff to go bad on ya.

Next, spray a bundt pan with that scary non-stick stuff that I am convinced causes cancer in laboratory rats. I use it anyway. Go crazy with it.

Pour your chopped nuts all around the bottom of the pan like this:

Taste the rum again. It would be unfair if an inferior rum made it's way into your cake, wouldn't it?

Pour the batter slowly on top of the nuts.

Bake for about an hour. But you might want to check it after 45 minutes. If it's getting black and/or smoking, go ahead and take it out. I'm empowering you to do that.

While your cake is out and cooling, melt a stick of butter in a small saucepan. Actually, I don't really care how big it is. Use what you have, people.

Melt the butter, then add a cup and a half of sugar. Toss in a couple generous splashed of water (maybe a quarter cup or so) and boil the whole mess for a few minutes.

Then, turn the heat down, stand back, and add a cup of rum. Watch out, this shit will flame up if your heat is too high. Boil it for another minute or two.

Check the rum flavor by taking another shot. Quality is key.

Invert your cake pan and get the cake out.

Use a wooden skewer to poke holes all over it - top, bottom and sides. Poke the hell out of it.

Next, pour half of the rum glaze into the bottom of the bundt pan. Put the cake right back in on top of the glaze, and pour the rest of the glaze over the top (which is really the bottom) of the cake.

Drink the rest of the rum. Screw it. There's not enough left for another cake, anyway.

Wait about an hour before removing your cake from the pan again. This will give it time to soak up all that rummy, sugary goodness.

Eat up.

Those star rhymes all sound pretty much alike.

2010-02-25T11:46:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty sure cj is wishing for a new ear right about now, too.

Dude, he's four. Legos are about as complicated as it gets.

2010-02-24T19:25:00.000-05:00

This is zj's new video mp3 player.

He's four.

I am considerably older than that, and I don't have a video mp3 player.

I'll give you one guess where it came from.

Superhero Tuesday.

2010-02-23T20:32:00.000-05:00

This is Psylocke. Her real name is Betsy Braddock. She is a telepath and a telekenetic, and she has some sort of power that shoots out of her hands and looks purple. Or she used to, anyway, before she lost her arm in an epic battle with the other Marvel figures and it had to be superglued back on.

Brotherly love, or something like that.

2010-02-22T17:44:00.004-05:00

Yes, I know the video is too dark.

Yes, I know zj picked cj up by the head.

No, I didn't do anything about it.

Yes, I know that posting a video every day isn't the same as actually writing something.

Yes, I plan to write an actual post soon.

Yes, I do let zj manhandle his little brother pretty regularly.

No, he's never seriously hurt him.

The one where the baby ate the camera.

2010-02-21T20:31:00.004-05:00

This is much nicer if you watch it without the sound. There is a four year old coughing up a lung in the background.

Words.

2010-02-20T20:48:00.002-05:00

Ok, here's the deal.

I'm sort of panicking a little bit. See, I made this deal with myself that I would post something, anything, every day on this blog for an unspecified length of time.

Well, it's going on 9pm, I haven't even thought about starting dinner, and I have absolutely no idea what to write about.

Also, as a side note, it's part of the Code of the Blogger that it is never acceptable to blog about blogging.

It's like wearing white after Labor day, or picking your nose in public, or eating salad with your dessert fork or something terrible like that.

Words have always been important to me. I remember being not very old, maybe four years old or so, and one day, like magic, all the letters on the page suddenly made sense and I was reading. It was some sort of inane book about a bee! I see a bee! but the content didn't matter. What mattered was that I could read, and suddenly whole new worlds were available to me.

Also, as a wannabe writer and something of a loudmouth talker, it is always important to me to choose the right word for the right situation. Sometimes I mull over future conversations, playing and replaying it in my mind in order to ensure I am choosing the most appropriate, meaningful word to describe the situation.

I love learning new words. My most recent favorite word acquisition is "pejorative." If you're not sure what it means, look it up. I had to. However, since then, I have managed to use it in about 4,000 sentences.

God, I am such a nerd.

I really don't like Wal-Mart very much.

2010-02-19T08:23:00.000-05:00

Don't get me wrong. I go there.

Pretty much every couple of weeks or so.

Because I can save $.47 on a pack of underwear. And since I'm quite possibly the cheapest person I know, that's pretty important to me.

But I hate it with a passion that I cannot explain in words that are appropriate to the internet audience.

Sometimes, I get up at 4am, shower, get dressed and go to Wal-Mart before the crowds hit. RJ doesn't mind. What that means for him is that he kids are still in bed when I leave, and they are still in bed when I get home. It's a win-win situation for him.

I'm pretty sure I developed my intense feelings for Wal-Mart the the one time that I got trapped in an aisle and I had to leave my full cart of stuff in order to save myself an get out.

True story.

I was in Wal-Mart at around midnight. It was a weekend, and I had just worked a closing shift. I needed some deodorant, and maybe some olives. I don't really remember. It was years ago.

Anyway, I had a pretty full cart of stuff, and I remember that I needed some paper towels, so I went down the paper towel lane.

Obviously, that was a bad idea.

As I was strolling down the aisle, trying to decide - Select-A-Size or regular? a very conscientious Wal-Mart employee parked a pallet of stuff at the end of the aisle. No problem. I was going in the other direction, anyway.

I spent a few minutes trying to decide on the square boxes of Kleenex vs. the rectangular boxes of Kleenex, and then headed toward he checkout.

But...

By the time I got to the other end of the aisle, yet another Wal-Mart employee had parked yet another pallet of stuff at that end. Hmmm. What to do? I peeked my head around the massive pallet of stuff to look for someone to save me. No dice. Must have been break time.

I decided the only possible way out was sort of OVER and AROUND the big pallet, and of course, my cart wouldn't fit.

So I did the only logical thing.

I abandoned my cart and got he hell out of Wal-Mart.

Mmmmmm... Beer....

2010-02-18T20:46:00.002-05:00

I love beer.

It's not really about the drunk part. It's really about the taste.

However, I have found, the drunk part usually follows the taste part. But that's ok, too. I'm certainly not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

The photo above shows my beer selection on tap.

Yes, I have two beers on draft. In my house. Yes, I know it's not common. Yes, the people who work in the liquor store believe that wild parties happen in my house every week. No, I don't care what they think.

My default beer is Blue Moon. It goes with anything. Once you get past the weird, unfiltered look of it, it is really smooth and really good.

My top 10 beers are:

Blue Moon
Killian's Red
Sapporo
Sam Adam's Cherry Wheat
Corona
Dos Equis
BBC Amber
Market Street Vanilla Ale
Blue Moon Summer Ale
MGD Light

But really, I'll drink pretty much any beer. Because beer is good. And beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

According to zj, we'd better call Daddy right away. He's gonna be really mad.

2010-02-17T04:00:00.000-05:00

Mmmmmm... Tastes like chicken...

2010-02-16T05:05:00.000-05:00