Fast-forward three years to last week. I still thought I was a shit poet (or a non-poet), and I was tired of it. I decided to take a poetry workshop and find out what all these people knew that I didn’t. So I did. (Warning: side-effects may include the inability to stop thinking in rhyme, a perpetual case of “Jabberwocky”-in-the-head, or death. But not really death.)

And then, I decided to do something really daring: I entered the poetry slam. If you’re not familiar, a poetry slam is a contest. There are judges who give you a numerical score on your poem and your performance of it, and each round, the two people with the lowest scores are dropped from the competition. In other words, if you’re wondering whether you suck, don’t enter a poetry slam unless you’re willing to find out for sure.

I’ve been on a kick of doing things in public that I don’t think I’m good at, so I felt like this would be the ultimate challenge.

I wanted to practice expressing myself even when I’m not confident.

There are three rounds in a poetry slam. We have a lot of amazing, heartfelt, talented poets in our community, so I wasn’t expecting to make it past the first round. But I wanted to have enough poems just in case, so I took all of my poems: the one I wrote two weeks ago, the one I wrote about my grief when Rick passed, the one I wrote in the parking lot on the way to the slam, and the two that I wrote for the Bad Love Poem contest I entered last year.

To my total amazement, the one I wrote in the parking lot was good enough to get me to the second round, and the one from two weeks ago went over big! So I needed a poem for the third round after all.

I didn’t want to go sad, so I picked one of the bad love poems. It was about this quasi-relationship I had last year, where the guy really didn’t have time for me, and I re-enacted being addicted to being ignored and feeling batshit crazy all the time.

The best poet definitely won first place (i.e., not me).

But all evening, I couldn’t stop smiling.

I had so much fun! It felt incredible to be up on stage, sharing my feelings and experiences—especially when people responded. I love making people laugh, and I love applause. Based on how fantastic I felt, I won the poetry slam.

I assumed that was it for that experience, and I resolved to start writing some fresh poems for the next one. Little did I know, there was more: the next day, the star of the bad love poem called me. We hadn’t spoken in months, and his name wasn’t in the poem, so it’s not like his friends called him up like, “Hey, this poetry bitch was talking about you!”

So it was how are you, great how are you, what have you been up to, oh that sounds great, etc. He was telling me he bought a sailboat, and it was too windy to sail that day, really nice sailboat, has a cabin with a kitchen, he lives there. Did I want to come see it?

It was a chilly, windy day, so I’m thinking, “what does this dumbass think we’re going to do on his sailboat when it’s too windy to sail?” I told him to invite me sometime when it’s warm and not so windy. Then I asked if he wanted to go see a play with me. True to form, he gave me a “maybe” that meant no. Ok, great talking to you, take care, bye.

…and then about 8 hours later, I realized: that was a booty call! It wasn’t “come see my sailboat,” it was “come see my saaaailboat.” And there I thought he was the dumbass!

That’s pretty funny, but then it kind of freaked me out. Did I call the Ghost of Crap-Relationship Past back into my life just by reading that poem? Yes, it appears that I did.

So you know what? I’m writing a new poem to call in what I want. There really is a lot of power in thinking about what you want, visualizing it, soaking in its energy, and making it real to yourself.

I invite you to play along.

What do you want more than anything? Do you want it badly enough to take 20 minutes marinating in it?

Visualizing is powerful. Writing it down adds another level, reading it out loud adds another, and sharing it adds more. You don’t have to be a poet—you can just write a list.

If you do this exercise, I’d love to hear your experiences. Play along on our Facebook page, and share your list if you want to give it more power. (This is where you get to find out how much you really want what you say you want!)

You can check out mine here. I plan to rearrange it and refine it, and then read it at the next poetry slam. But I’m showing it to you now so that you can see that it doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be real.

If what you want includes having a bestselling book, check out Project Bestseller. I have room for two clients starting in April. The price will be going up after that, so get in now if you want it!

The post How to get what you want (or what you don’t want) first appeared on 17000 Days.

It’s been almost 10 years since I made the switch, so I’ve had a lot of time to practice. I thought I was pretty good at it. If you had asked me, I would have said I was as real as I could be.

But then my former coach posed this question: 
What if everyone could see you the way we do in this mastermind?

That’s when I realized I had a long way to go.
I was completely raw and unfiltered in that group. There was a lot of ugly-crying.

• When something didn’t work, I’d share that, not worrying that they’d see me as a failure.
• When something did work, I’d share that, not worrying that they’d see me as an arrogant jerk.
• Most of my feelings feel like overreactions, but I’d share those too, not worrying that the group would see me as a drama queen.

Those ladies saw everything, and you know what? They think I’m amazing. The sparkly vision of the person I’m building within myself? They already see me as that. It’s an incredible feeling, and I imagine how great it would be if everyone could see that. So I’m making it happen.

I always used to say I wanted to be rich but never famous. I equated fame with a lot of hassles and haters, and I wanted no part of it. But I’ve changed my mind. I believe that full self-expression is polarizing. If people see the real you, they’re bound to have strong reaction—some will be attracted, and some will be repelled. But I’d rather have a big impact on some people who think I’m amazing (even if it means other people will think I’m a total git) than stay neutral and hidden.

I posted a video about this on our Facebook page — you can check it out here

(Spoiler alert: I was triggered by a ventriloquist and ended up writing a poem and reading it in public. Plus dick jokes.)

Meanwhile, how much do the people in your life get to see the real you? What do you think would happen if they saw more?

If you want to explore this more, I’ve created a playful PDF just for you!

Have fun, and comment below about your biggest takeaways.

Love and keepin’ it real!
Cara

P.S. If you’re ready to take it all the way in your business, I’ve got the program for you: Embodying “Just You” Success. You can learn more here.

The post What if everyone saw the real you? first appeared on 17000 Days.

It seems like people have one of two reactions to the first week of January. Either they bounce into the new year refreshed and fired up, all ready to make this the best year ever! Or they drag themselves back to work, feeling tired, lethargic, and disoriented.

I’ve experienced both myself. Wherever you are now, it’s not too late to get happy and inspired for a great start to 2018! I’ve made a short PDF workbook to help you get grounded in the energy of possibility.

This is my gift to you! Click the button below to get the fun, inspiring workbook.

My vision for 2018

My theme words are elation and peace. I’m super inspired and excited to keep learning, growing, and transforming this year. For me, the best part of 2017 was reconnecting to spirituality, which was all but absent from my life for many years. Whether you call it Spirit, God, The Universe, or whatever, I’ve gotten my first tastes of what life feels like when your work is a joy-filled dance with The Creator. My main goal for 2018 is to practice that so it fills more and more of my life.

Within that, my two main efforts are Creative Director and Project Bestseller. In 2017, I got the clarity from a friend and now-client that My Thing is being a Creative Director—helping clients to get super clear on the heart of their business and to express it in a way that’s irresistible to their ideal clients. This is awesome because it brings together my three favorite things: writing, design, and coaching.

In 2018, I want one main client for this work, and I want it to be such an inspiring, aligned fit that we make incredible magic together and my work brings them at least a 10x return on what they pay me.

Meanwhile, as you may know, my last career was helping people finish and publish their books. I still do a little of that, and it’s a blast. In all the work I did, the one aspect of this that I never mastered was marketing the books.

This year, I want to turn at least half a dozen books into bestsellers, including my own. My goal for my books is to get them selling and bringing me leads, to the point where revenue from royalties and e-product sales is $6000/month. Current revenue from these things is in the double digits, so this is an audacious goal! At the same time, there are many examples of people doing it, and I’ve been reading all their books. There’s no reason I can’t do it, too.

What’s your vision for 2018? If you’re not sure yet, be sure to get the workbook and let it guide you.

Here’s wishing you love, inspiration to you, and exactly the 2018 you want most!

Want More?

If you’d like some support in clarifying your vision and making the most of 2018, I’ve got something for you! This month, I have space for two clients for Inspiration, Vision, and Clarity 2018. This is a one-on-one coaching package including:

• A VIP Day to help you get clear on where you are, what you want for 2018, and exactly what you need to get there. This can be either in-person as one glorious, inspiring day of coaching and co-creating, or it can be done over Zoom in two sessions.
• Two follow-up coaching sessions to help you integrate and implement after our VIP Day. (Additional support is also available beyond that if you want it.)
• Bonus: Energy Leadership Index Assessment and Debrief. This powerful tool can help you learn to control the energy you bring to your life and work, and intentionally create more, better energy in your life.

The investment for Inspiration, Vision, and Clarity 2018 is $1,500.

Click here to apply.

The post Psyched and inspired, or full of post-holiday blargh? first appeared on 17000 Days.

Every morning, my first husband would sit in the living room and eat a dish of cereal. When he was finished, he’d set the bowl on the floor next the recliner with half an inch of used milk still in the bottom. Then he’d go on about his day.

• Not thinking about that milk sitting there all day, getting warm and curdling.
• Not thinking how easily someone could kick it over and spill it all over the carpet.
• Not even thinking about where the previous day’s bowl had disappeared to.

I, on the other hand… could not NOT think about the bowl, the milk, the curdling, the spill factor, or the fact that I had been the one to dump out the milk and put the prior bowl in the dishwasher. And if I stayed married to this… this… person, I would most likely be picking up cereal bowls full of used milk every day for the rest of my life.

But that wasn’t what bothered me most. What turned a minor nuisance into a raging insult was my interpretation.

Every day, when I saw that damn cereal bowl, I assumed it meant that my husband didn’t respect me.

Why else would someone leave their gross old milk for someone else to clean up? I couldn’t imagine another reason. And our marriage was full of small inconsiderate acts, each of which I took as a personal insult.

As you can imagine, we had a contentious and exhausting marriage that didn’t last very long. We went back to being friends again within days of his moving out, and eventually I felt bad for being so hard on him and apologized. But while we were married? I wanted to kill him, pretty much every day.

I learned a lot of things from that relationship, but what I didn’t learn was not to take everything personally. We hear this all the time, right? Don’t take things personally. But that’s harder than it seems.

Here’s why. “Taking something personally” feels just like being right. So it’s hard to tell that you’re doing it.

The cereal bowl? It felt personal. After all, I was the one who personally cleaned up the mess every day.

Similarly, if a client doesn’t pay my invoice, I’m the one who personally doesn’t get the money as agreed. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I’m the one who personally has to slam on the brakes to avoid wrecking the car. And in all these cases, I’m the one who personally would be upset about it for the rest of the day.

It’s not called “taking something personally” if it really is personal, right?

And that’s what makes it so hard. When I’m taking something personally, it truly feels so personal, I can’t even see that there could be any other explanation.

But you know what I finally learned in coaching school? What other people do is really not about me.

• The guy I’m dating now is an even more extreme introvert than I am. In the past, I would have interpreted his standoffishness to mean that he doesn’t like me. And then, last week, he moved 2600 miles away! He must really not love me, right?
• My favorite client wanted to change our contract (again). She must not respect me at all!
• And when I called last night, my mom didn’t answer the phone!

Here’s what a life of peace looks like.

• My mom was busy doing something else last night.
• My client just really likes contract negotiations. (This may or may not be accurate, but the mere possibility means I don’t have to be upset.)
• My guy is exactly who he is. Sometimes he doesn’t want company—just like me. He was not happy in the South, and he may well be happier in Washington.

None of this is about me at all. My only job is to speak my truth and handle my own stuff. That’s it.

I can’t tell you what a relief it is to live this way! Not to say things don’t still trigger me—they do. In fact, I used to get offended when my coach said I should stop taking things so personally! As far as I was concerned, I wasn’t taking a single thing personally that wasn’t actually personal. How could she not see that I was beyond that advice?

But seriously, this was the #1 thing standing between me and peace. And the #1 thing I wanted in my life was peace. That’s why I’m calling it the most important life hack of all.

What’s your take? Can you think of a more important one? If so, leave a comment. I’d love to hear your perspective.

Bonus question: what feels super personal in your life right now? Is there another possible explanation (no matter how ludicrous)?

The post The most important life hack of all (do you agree?) first appeared on 17000 Days.

This used to be the story of my life. I’d come up with a brilliant idea. I’d be super excited about it and genuinely convinced that this would be The One—the idea that worked. And I’d try my eyeballs out. I really would.

I was convinced that if I got enough popularity for my book during that short gap, it would take off and make me enough money to live on. After a year of debilitating depression, I needed something to work, and soon. So I put everything I had into designing, creating, and releasing my coloring book. It took me about a month, and I got it out there.

At the time when I released my book, the biggies weren’t back yet. This was before every bookstore, craft store, and discount store had a section for coloring books—none of that had happened yet. The main competition was a few other self-published books on Amazon, and based on the previews, they were just slapped together. Mine was much better. In short, I released the book with perfect timing. All I needed to do was get the word out enough to get a foothold in the market, and the ravenous demand at that time would do the rest.

I promoted the book. I asked friends to promote the book—and they did. I asked for reviews. I sent review copies to bloggers and influencers. I did art shows and hosted events. I got the book in local stores. I used SEO in the title and book description (but in a natural way so as to appeal to buyers, not just search engines). I joined HARO (help a reporter out) with the intention of getting quoted about the coloring trend. Everywhere I went, I talked about the book.

I worked as hard as I could. And yet, it wasn’t enough.

The book never really took off.

You might think it was unrealistic to imagine I could make that much money from a coloring book anyway—but you’d be wrong. One of the other books that was released within two weeks of mine went big. Its publishers went on to release others and sell a million books that year. I met them at a trade show last summer, and they were just regular people like me, with no prior experience as coloring-book tycoons. So why did they make it big and I didn’t?

• It wasn’t that I lacked passion—I put my heart and soul into designing this book.
• It wasn’t that I lacked vision and a bigger purpose. I truly wanted the book to help people relax and be more positive.
• It wasn’t that I didn’t know what to do. I had studied the crap out of the publishing process and how successful people market books.
• It wasn’t even that I was lazy. If you saw me hauling coloring books to art shows and events all that summer, charming people and making sales, you’d see one idealistic book designer giving it all she got.

So why didn’t the book take off?

Some part of me that I didn’t even know about was hell-bent on making sure I stayed small and obscure. It felt that having the book take off was too great a risk, so it laid on the brake to keep me safe.

And it was smart about it. To make sure I didn’t notice that anything was up, it kept me busy doing things that take a lot of energy and don’t amount to much. Don’t send review copies to actual celebrities or traditional media; send them to obscure bloggers in the brand-new field of coloring. Don’t approach Barnes & Noble or Michael’s about getting your book picked up in a whole chain; approach individual local businesses one by one to take 10 copies at a time on consignment. Don’t buy ads; spend all your time and energy hosting events and hauling books to art shows. Never talk to multiple people at once when you could talk to one at a time.

See how clever that is? If I had been doing nothing, I would have realized I was sabotaging myself and done something about it.

Instead, I was working as hard as I could, and mistaking that for doing everything I could to succeed.

I was on the gas so hard, I didn’t notice the other foot even harder on the brake.

Looking back, I can see so many times when I fell into this trap, putting all my energy into things that don’t make much impact and wearing myself out so I wouldn’t have to risk losing my obscurity.

If you’ve ever read The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, one of the fears he mentions is the fear that your genius is fundamentally flawed and not good enough. When I read that, I thought, “It’s not just that it’s flawed, it’s that it’s dangerous, and if it was unleashed, it would bring the curse of the universe down on myself and others.”

Then I thought, “Holy shit, where did that come from?”

Then, if you can believe this, I set it aside and didn’t think about it again.

! ! ! !

Seriously, that’s what I did. So no big surprise my coloring book didn’t take off. After all, what’s a little money compared to the curse of the universe?

It makes a ridiculous kind of sense when you look at all the pieces, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew was that I was working really hard and continually falling short of the results I was trying so hard to achieve.

Why am I telling you all this? I’m sick of seeing the same pattern happen over and over all around me, and I know it’s all but impossible to break through these blocks by yourself. Even if you’re the smartest person in the world and a phenomenal coach, the fact remains that you still can’t see through your own shit. Nobody can. And until you see through it and release it, all you can expect is more of the same results you’ve always gotten.

I’m launching a new program to help people with exactly this. The content is about business: how to set everything up to systematically bring in clients and manage your work, so you have all the money and time you need to do what you want to do.

But what it’s really about is breaking through your old shit so you can align with yourself, get the other foot off the brake, and get the results you’ve been working so hard for.

On the business side, we’ll cover:

• Picking YOUR ideal way to get the word out about your business
• Picking YOUR best gift to offer for a memorable first impression
• Picking YOUR best way to build relationships
• Picking YOUR best product or service to offer
• Getting crystal clear on your ideal client and what makes your business unique (if you aren’t already)
• Designing your ideal client’s journey in working with you
• Creating the free gift you’ll offer to start the relationship
• Writing the sales copy that will engage your future clients and entice them to take the first step
• Setting up everything you need to begin turning website visitors into the fans who will become your clients—including your landing page and mailing list
• Creating a clear, step-by-step plan for your next steps beyond the program

By the end of this program, you will have your complete system set up to automatically attract potential clients and start building relationships with them. This is the foundation to creating a steady, predictable flow of clients so there’s more money and more time for you.

More importantly, I’ll also show you the keys to the inner game. We’ll cover:

• How to identify and overcome counter-commitments that keep you from going all out toward your goal (curse of the universe, anyone?)
• How to beat overwhelm and never get stuck in it again (really!)
• How to create positive, inspired energy at will
• How productivity really works, and how to stop wasting time doing things that don’t matter
• A stronger way to build your strengths
• Secrets to overcoming fear
• How to love yourself, even when you hate yourself (and why it’s so important)
• My favorite mental shift to make a world of difference in your actions and results

This program includes one-on-one coaching with me to help you unlock your inner blocks. It also includes weekly group calls. In the group calls, we’ll start with accountability for the first 15-20 minutes. (Research has shown that accountability is the #1 factor in taking action.) Then, for anyone who needs help, I’ll answer questions or coach you through whatever you’re stuck on.

The program also includes my feedback and suggestions on everything you create, from sales copy to your freebie to your landing page design.

What would it mean for you to have a steady stream of new clients with ease and flow?

What would it mean to stop wrestling with yourself?

What would it mean for you to put all of your energy toward achieving your goals instead of holding yourself back?

The program will be 9 weeks. The investment is $2997.

This is an opportunity to build something that will change your life and your business forever. If you do the work, the program will pay for itself many times over. (What is the cost of selling 527 coloring books instead of a million? It’s a lot more than $2997. Just sayin’.)

If this sounds like something you want, click here to apply.

If it seems like a match, we’ll get on the phone and get more detailed about what you need and where you are. If it’s not a “hell yes” for both of us, then it’s a no.

The program starts Monday, so now is the time. (Who am I kidding? Now is always the time!)

Love and acceleration,
Cara

The post One foot on the brake and one on the gas (but mostly one on the brake) first appeared on 17000 Days.

My friend’s mom is like that, only with her it’s anger. She’s had a several major losses in the past few years, and her response is always the same: fury.

Isn’t it amazing how often this happens, and we don’t know what to do about it? A lot of times, we don’t even consciously realize what’s happening. All we know is we feel awful. What’s worse, it feels like we’re at the mercy of these feelings, and we never know when they might ambush us next.

I certainly felt that way for most of my life. A few years ago, if you had asked me what I wanted most, I would have told you: to be far less flappable. Not totally unflappable—I’m a feeling person, and I wouldn’t want to give that up completely. I just wanted to be less flappable. I knew I was wasting a ton of time and energy feeling awful, and I wanted a way out.

If you think about it, the ability to control your responses to people and circumstances is a superpower.

If people and situations no longer have the power to throw you into rage, pain, or despair, then you are powerful indeed.

When my friend was telling me about her kids raging around like their grandmother, I realized: I rarely react that way any more. Sure, I still get upset sometimes. (I’m not much of a rager; for me, it’s mostly irrational despair.) But I experience far less of that than ever before, and even when it does happen, I can shift myself out of it in minutes instead of days or weeks. I got my wish: I’m far less flappable.

How does it work? In my experience, it boils down to three parts:

1. Understanding yourself and your default reactions
2. Noticing when you’re triggered
3. Consciously deciding how you want to show up (shifting away from your default if necessary)

The third part is the most mysterious to most people. Let’s say you’re around my friend’s mother. If you’re not consciously choosing how you want to be, most likely you’ll pick up her anger and start responding angrily, too. But if you notice that you’re feeling angry and that’s not really what you want, you can make a conscious choice to shift yourself to a more positive, more powerful state.

For example, my friend knows how her kids react by default, and she noticed that they were being triggered into anger during their visit. Once she listened to their concerns, she could have pointed out that everyone was catching their grandmother’s anger, and they didn’t have to—inviting them to make a conscious choice. And then, she could have helped them shift.

How would she help them shift? In this case, the simplest approach would be to ask questions like, “What do you really want?” and help them find ways to get parts of that, even if they can’t have exactly what they asked for.

You can do the same thing for yourself. For example, if I answer “What do you want?” with “a week alone in a cabin in the woods,” I may find that what I really want is a little rest and solitude, and a nap will get me many of the same benefits. I decide to take a nap, and I feel a lot better.

Notice that it’s not really the nap or the vacation that makes me feel better.

It’s changing the focus of my thoughts and reclaiming my power over my life and feelings.

This is just one example, and you can learn to do it for yourself. It’s possible to shift yourself out of despair, fear, sadness, apathy, anger, or even resignation, and move up to generosity, possibility, wonder, creativity, or absolute passion. The specific angle you take depends on where you are and what you want to shift to, but the model is the same.

It gets faster and easier to control with practice. That’s the journey I’ve been on for the past year, although I had no idea I’d end up here when I started out.

If you’re interested, I’d love to offer you the same kickoff process I went through, in a package called the Transformation Starter. The first part is a one-of-a-kind assessment that offers a window into your perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors, so you can deeply understand yourself and your default reactions. It’s done online, and it takes less than 20 minutes.

Once you take the assessment, we’ll get on the phone and do a deep dive about your results, what they mean for you, and how to get the most out of what you’ve learned. If you want more support moving forward, we can talk about that, too.

When I started working with my coach almost a year ago, we began with this process and it blew me away. It showed me so much about myself that I hadn’t been aware of before, even after years of self-examination and personal development. This deeper understanding of myself and my default reactions became the key to the massive transformation that followed. It wasn’t just about becoming less flappable. What I learned gave me the tools to choose how I was showing up in every area of my life. That has changed everything.

I want to offer you the same opportunity; that’s why I’ve created the Transformation Starter package. After this week, the price will be $250, but in celebration of this new offering, you can save $160 and get the package for only $90 when you use the discount code JULY4.

To get it, click the button below. Then enter the discount code JULY4, click “Update Cart,” and check out.

Love and peace,
Cara

The post How to be far less flappable first appeared on 17000 Days.

After I laughed, I thought about it. What does it mean to be more or less single? Is that like being mostly dead or a little bit pregnant? How do you become more single? Am I more single than I was in 2015?

And… that’s all he did in 2016?

He obviously had a very different year than I did. Over the holidays, I did one of those year-end planning exercises, and it ended with the question: What one word would you use to summarize 2016?

One word came to my mind immediately: Fuuuuuuuck.

But the instructions for the exercise went on to say that, even if it was a challenging year, you should pick an empowering word. Whatever happened, it was ultimately for your good and made you grow, right? So I thought about it some more and decided that for me, the word for 2016 is Brave. I stretched, I grew, I traveled, I talked to people, I hosted webinars. I stopped hiding and let myself be seen. I set up and ran a whole retreat. Looking back, I’m really proud of myself for being so brave.

What was 2016 for you?

Once you’ve decided that, I also recommend choosing a word for 2017. Mine is Flow. In the past, I’ve done things with a lot of struggle. This year, my big thing is working in harmony with myself. “Build a business based on YOU” is a big theme with me lately in what I want to offer, and that’s because I spent so many years not doing that myself. I listened to gurus, did what they said, copied their ways, and ended up building pretty prisons for myself. No more of that. From now on, I’m building what works for me.

When you do that, it’s amazing how much less energy you have to waste struggling against yourself and trying to make yourself do stuff. If you just do what you’re good at and build something you like, motivation stops being a problem you have to solve. It becomes automatic.

When I wrote How to be Happy, I still had a day job, so I took a week off work and just wrote until I finished. Writing that book, I was the happiest I could be. That’s how I’ve written all of my books, and it’s also how I’ve built both of my online courses. And last week, I designed and created a whole parody magazine about my critical inner voices—just for fun! (Could I be a bigger nerd? lol)

I know I’m not the only one who loves to work this way. I’ve never heard anybody say, “This project would be perfect if we could just have it take a little longer, with more laundry and grocery shopping in between.”

When you want a result, you want it now, not six months from now, right?

That’s how I am, too. And that’s why I’m ridiculously excited to announce my new program: the Build Your Business Blitz. It’s going to be a two-weekend intensive where we throw out all the rules of regular life and focus all our attention on building the foundation you need to attract customers and build a business. We’ll spend four days executing like our hair is on fire, and we’ll FINISH!

At the end of the second weekend, you’ll have:

• A roadmap for how you’ll attract your future customers and start building relationships with them, based on your talents and skills and the way you like to work
• A clear picture of your unique position in the marketplace and who will be attracted to what you offer
• A plan for what you want to offer as your first product or service
• A free gift to offer new fans to start building relationships with them and plant the seeds for them to want your product or service
• A landing page to offer your free gift and welcome visitors into your community
• A system for communicating and building relationships so that you’re the first person your new fans think of when they’re ready to buy

This is exactly what you need (and nothing you don’t) to start attracting customers for your business, so that when you offer your first product or service, people will buy.

What’s more, you’ll have me by your side every step of the way. Guiding you. Giving you feedback and suggestions on your design and sales copy. Walking you through setting everything up. Cheering you on.

Just imagine having your business foundation finished and in place before the end of the month! Imagine what you can do with the rest of the year.

2017: the year of action.

The year of results. The year of FINISHING! The year you’ll always look back on as the start of all the success you’ll have to follow.

It all happens January 21-22 and 28-29. It’s going to be a lot of fun, and when you put the final touches on your business platform and announce that you’re finished, you’ll feel like a superhero.

Because I’ll be working so closely with you, there are only 6 spots. You can click here to get more details on the program, or if you know this is for you, click here to apply.

New Year’s Fast Action Bonus: If you sign up by Monday, January 9, at 11:59 pm Central time, I’ll get you started by setting up your website for you. This includes registering a domain name to you or your company, paying for hosting for a year, creating up to three email accounts on your domain, setting up WordPress, and installing plug-ins and a basic theme. If you’re not a tech person, this could save you many hours of headaches and frustration.

Whether you join us or not, I hope you’ll make 2017 your best year yet!

The post 2017: The Year of…? first appeared on 17000 Days.

Last week, I went on a retreat in Puerto Rico. Our venue was perched on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean, and we were in the rain forest part of the island, so we had the sound of tree frogs lulling us to sleep each night. It was amazing.

The whole time we were there, I couldn’t decide whether I was happier about the glorious view or the frogs! Frogs were my favorite animal when I was a kid, and my mom still occasionally buys me a frog toy if one catches her eye. I knew this retreat was going to involve transformation, and that can be scary even if you want it really badly. I had the best support I can imagine with my coach and the other folks in the retreat. On top of that, it felt amazing to be surrounded by a chorus of thousands of friendly frogs cheering me on! And they weren’t shy, either. They really let it rip.

So imagine my surprise when we went on a guided tour of the rain forest, and the guide told us that my froggy friends are not technically frogs. They’re called coquís. They look like frogs, and they act like frogs, but with one difference. Frogs lay their eggs in water. They hatch as tadpoles and then gradually transform into frogs. Toads go through the same lifecycle. But coquís lay their eggs on land, and when they hatch, they’re already frog-shaped and ready to go. They skip the whole tadpole thing and get right to the good stuff.

What if we can do the same thing?

I feel like that’s kind of what I’ve been doing these past few months. If you start out cowering in corners and hiding behind the couch every time the phone rings, do you have to go through years of baby steps before eventually, someday, having the courage to get in front of people and maybe even lead a retreat? Nope. I can tell you that for sure.

So, if this kind of immediate change is possible, why don’t more people do it? Lots of reasons, but here are a few that I see a lot.

• We don’t know it’s possible. We grow up hearing rules and seeming-truths that tell us we can’t skip ahead. Pay your dues, better the devil you know, and all that. They’re so ingrained, most of us never even think of questioning them. We just assume they’re true and do as they say.
• We secretly don’t want change as much as we want to complain and feel safe in the same familiar problems that we already have experience with. (For example, children of alcoholics are often irresistibly drawn to alcoholics as potential spouses. Consciously, they don’t want that, but beneath the surface, they’re re-creating the familiar.)
• We misidentify the problem spend a lot of energy banging away at a symptom, completely missing the root cause where the change actually needs to happen. Over time, when it doesn’t stick, we get discouraged and give up.
• We have no idea how to start. Or, we have way too many ideas, experts, and programs to follow—we can’t pick just one. We stay in analysis paralysis and never really get anywhere.
• We can’t see the bigger picture when we get stuck. We don’t know why it’s not working, and we don’t know what else to do, so we quit.

If you’ve struggled with any of these things, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It makes sense that anyone in our society would have these problems, because we have so much structure in place to reinforce them. It’s totally normal to have these problems.

And, that doesn’t mean you have to be society’s tadpole. Now that you understand the game, you can choose to play it however you want. Fast, slow, leapfrog, or leap-coquí—you make the rules.

If you could skip ahead to any outcome you want right now, what would you pick?

I invite you to give this question some thought. Then decide: how fast do you want to go? What can you do to get started right now?

If you want some support, I’d love to help you!

Part of the value I provide as a coach is to help you see the possibilities, identify the right problem to work on (not just a symptom), defuse the old rules and limiting beliefs that hold you back, and make a concrete plan. When surprises come up, I can also help you work around them instead of giving up.

I have room for three new coaching clients to start in December. This is a great time to start coaching because I can also help you make the most of the holidays and finish the year strong. Click here to apply.

The post The tree frog’s guide to self development first appeared on 17000 Days.

This is on my mind because I’ve spent the past three days with 31 other life coaches. There’s nothing quite like a room full of life coaches to get you thinking about your goals and what’s standing in your way.

I’ve spent the past few months coming out of hiding, and that has been an amazing transformation for me. But what I realized this weekend is why I had been hiding.

All my life, I’ve tried to be the best person I could be: a good daughter, a good student, a good worker, a good wife, a good friend. But a lot of times, it felt like even when I did my best, it wasn’t good enough.

I got hurt, things didn’t work out, people left me.

Sometimes people just ignored me, and sometimes that’s what hurt the most.

In the face of those things happening again and again, it’s easy to decide not to try so hard. Why put everything you have into something, when it may not work? And there’s always someone ready to tell me that what I’m doing won’t work, and to say “I told you so” if it doesn’t.

This all came to a head when I was driving in Atlanta, trying to find my hotel for this weekend. It was hot, and I was tired and crabby, and I was intimidated by all the traffic. Plus, last time I drove to Atlanta, I spent no less than 45 minutes driving around in the blazing sun, lost and confused and circling one-way streets, trying to find where I was going. I had to pull over twice to cry and regroup before I finally found the place.

So I still had that in my mind as I set off on this trip, but this time, the hotel was right off the interstate, and it looked like it would be pretty easy to find. I followed the directions, got off at the right exit, and found the right road. I was even going in the right direction! But then suddenly there was this weird intersection where you had to turn right to stay on the same road, and I didn’t know that until I was already going straight, onto the wrong road.

That’s when I lost it. I felt like Atlanta as a whole was a huge trick, and even if I did everything right, there would be some unforeseeable weird-ass road to throw me off and make me miserable, and that was just a tiny example of how all of life was a trick. It was all a game that was rigged so that I would never win. And not only that, but the universe was watching me with all my fruitless efforts and laughing at me for being enough of a sucker to keep trying.

I hadn’t realized I believed that, but it kind of makes sense that I would, given some of the things that have happened in the past few years.

• You manage to create a successful business? Well, here’s burnout and crippling depression to crush you and make sure you can’t work.
• You finally have the kind of deep, crazy, fun love you’ve always wanted? Here’s some cancer to ruin everything!
• You think you’re going the right way? Ha! We’ll just change the roads around so that nothing makes sense at all!

And as much as I hate when things don’t work, what I hate even more is for people to see it and know how much it hurts. You know how in junior high, the only defense you really had against people making fun of you was to seem like you didn’t care? I guess I never dropped that.

I’ve been letting the pain win. Even in the past few months, playing bigger than I had in years or maybe ever, I was still holding back. I was trying to give it my all, but there was still so much fighting within myself, it was like wading through tar.

Here’s what I’m taking away from this weekend.

The very thing I’m most afraid people will see is exactly what’s best about me.

I’m weird. I’m quirky. I have huge dreams that may turn out to be foolish, and I care more than I can say.

I’ve been trying to protect myself. But the problem is, you can’t protect yourself from pain without also blocking out all the good stuff. If I had been protecting myself when I met Rick, I wouldn’t have had to lose him, but I also wouldn’t have enjoyed him for the best six months of my life so far. All of the best experiences in my life have been possible because I was open. I put myself out there and took the risk. And as much as the endings have hurt, I wouldn’t trade them for missing the good parts.

So, as much as this scares me, I hereby declare: I’m open. I’m releasing the brakes, taking off the swim floaties, unwrapping my bubble wrap. I’m going to be me–no hiding, no censoring, and no trying to pass for “normal.”

My big vision is helping people create lives of meaning, freedom, and happiness. That’s what I’m doing, and I’m going to do it with everything I have.

What about you–what’s your big vision for yourself and your life? How clear are you on what you want to do most? How well are you doing at making it a reality?

I’m hosting a webinar this Friday on how to get clear on your dreams and actually make them happen. Most people never do this, and that’s one of the saddest things I can think of. More than ever, this world needs people who are awake and alive and doing what matters to them. That’s the only way anything will get better.

I hope you’ll join me. Here’s the info:

Give Your Heart Wings

How to stop delaying your dreams and make them happen for real
NOVEMBER 11TH, 2016 9 AM PST / 12:00 NOON EST

You’ve got a passion project that you know would be meaningful and satisfying for you and help others as well. You’re super excited about it… but when it come to actually doing it, well, you don’t. We’ve all been there, whether it’s starting a blog, developing yourself as a speaker, starting a business, or writing a book, we often delay the exact things that mean the most to us. In this training, you’ll learn:

• Why we put off the very things that are most important or meaningful to us
• How to get your mojo back if you’ve lost it
• The four factors that make a huge difference to help you succeed

Click here to sign up. I hope to see you there!

The post Atlanta traffic, fear of failure, and finally being good enough first appeared on 17000 Days.

If you have a vision for a more-awesome version of yourself, and you want it fast, I highly recommend taking on a project like this–something that’s completely out of reach for your old self. Douse the ships in kerosene, strike a match, and jump. You will grow more in a few weeks than most people do in years or a whole lifetime.

Of course, there are more gentle ways to transform yourself, and I recommend those, too. But sometimes the berserker method is what it takes. As stuck as I was, I don’t think I ever would have made it out in baby steps. I had to jump.

So, what awesome things can you get from the retreat, even though you weren’t there? I can say with absolute sincerity that there were so many, it’s hard to pick. But the one that seems most important to me right now is so deceptively simple, it’s easy to miss: you don’t have to be afraid of the truth.

Why would anybody be afraid of the truth? It may seem ridiculous, but we do it all the time—at least, I do. Let me give you some examples.

• Every month when money was tight, I’d put off paying the bills as long as I possibly could. I was afraid that the truth was that I couldn’t pay them. I was afraid of that truth, so I ran from it every month.
• When I was in a craptacular marriage, I spent a whole summer barely thinking or moving at all. I was so afraid that I had made a huge mistake in getting married again, I couldn’t even admit the fear to myself. I didn’t want to see it or know it, so I hid.
• Even just last week, I swanned around all week not doing anything. I claimed that it was because I was tired from the retreat, but really, I was afraid—and I was afraid to find out what it was that I was afraid of. So instead, I just stayed stuck.

Let me tell you, I’ve been stuck in a lot of different ways, and this one may be the worst. It feels so heavy and boggy and insurmountable. The worst part is, unless you really pay attention, it’s easy to have no idea it’s going on at all.

What do you do when you’re in that place?

The way out is to face the truth. And the surprise is that it’s usually very quick and amazingly small compared to what you imagined.

Here’s the thing. We know these truths already. We just refuse to see them. That’s why, when we finally do face them, the only thing that surprises us is how small and unsurprising they are. That and how much less they hurt than we were expecting.

And here’s the other thing: the people around us know them, too. In my experience, the harder you’re trying to hide something, the more certain it is that everyone else already knows it.

That’s actually great news, because it means you can stop fighting so hard to protect yourself. Whatever truth you’ve been afraid of, you can let yourself see it, and you will be ok. And the people around you have probably been dying for you to see it, because they’d love to help you. (If not, you may want to get some different people around you.)

If you feel like you may have a truth that’s waiting to come out, the first step is becoming willing to see it. This is a decision you can make any time.

Then, do whatever you do when you need to get clear on something. For me, that’s writing. If my thoughts are a muddle or I don’t know what I think about something, I can always find out by writing every thought that comes to mind in a stream-of-consciousness free-writing blast. (This isn’t writing that you intend to be Good Writing or ever plan to show to anybody. Its sole purpose is to clear your head.)

If writing doesn’t work for you, it may be something else. You could try taking a walk, going for a drive, or taking a shower. For some people, doodling or music can help.

Another option is to try to explain it to someone. If you know someone who truly wants the best for you and is good at listening, you can tell him or her that you’re trying to figure something out, and you’d like some help. Be sure to explain that you’re not asking for insights or solutions, just a sounding board. And then start talking it through. As you explain it to this person, you’ll explain it to yourself.

With the right person, this approach can also have the happy side-effect of bringing you closer together. I tried this with my mom one time when I was upset about something that had nothing to do with her, and it changed our whole relationship. Apparently, she used to think her ideas and suggestions were the only thing she had to contribute, but once we had this conversation and she saw how much she helped me just by listening, she started listening all the time. I love calling her now. The key was telling her that I needed her to listen so I could figure something out, so don’t skip that step.

Whichever approach you take, stay open.

If you find yourself getting tense or trying to squeeze the truth out of yourself, relax. Lean into your willingness to see the truth. Trust that it will come to you. If you need to, take a break and try again later. You may find that your insight will come to you when you stop trying and just let your mind wander.

In my experience, once I’m truly willing, I generally have my answer in less than an hour. For my post-retreat slump, it was seriously eight sentences, and I had it. Another 10 minutes of writing, and I also had a plan for what to do about it—not to mention an incredible feeling of lightness and freedom!

If you’ve been finding yourself stuck, especially if it’s the heavy, boggy-feeling kind of stuck, I hope you’ll try this. It’s amazingly powerful!

If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few questions that may help. Feel free to use any that feel right, or none at all.

• What am I hiding from?
• What am I afraid to admit?
• What am I afraid will happen?
• What’s getting on my nerves right now?
• What other time in the past does this feeling remind me of?

If you need support with this, join me for my next webinar! There will be Q & A time at the end, so you can get your questions answered.

Meanwhile, here’s to the freedom that comes from facing the truth! Not everyone is brave enough to seek it, but I know you are. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this. Thank you for being that kind of person, and thank you for being you!

P.S. You may be wondering: If putting together the Ignite Retreat was the third-scariest thing I’ve ever done, what were the first two? The scariest thing I’ve ever done was letting people see the real me (ongoing project, started circa 2008). The second-scariest was quitting my job to run my own business. Hard to believe that was five years ago this summer!

The post The third-scariest thing I’ve ever done (and why it was awesome) first appeared on 17000 Days.