Image by pcullen on Flickr. Creative Commons license.

What would it be like to be totally confident that you’ll be ok, no matter what happens?

Frankly, I have no idea. But it sounds great! To me, that would be the ultimate freedom. Freedom from anxiety, freedom from worry, freedom from fear. I don’t know if anyone really achieves it in this lifetime, but we can work toward getting closer to it.

For most people, it’s hard enough to even achieve a more basic level of freedom of thought where we know ourselves and do what we would do. Instead, we do what we think our parents, our friends, our bosses, or society dictate.

As much as people say we love freedom, and as angry as we get when someone tries to take away our rights and choices, we often act as if it’s more of a burden than a pleasure. When your options are open and what you do is up to you, that’s a lot of responsibility, and a lot of thinking. Sometimes it’s easier to let others choose for you.

Or, we take the path of least resistance. Go to the school that offers the best financial package. Pick the major that comes easily to you, rather than the most interesting. Join a religion that will define the rules of living for you. Get married, buy a house, settle down. There are good reasons to do these things, but often, we just do them so we have one less thing to decide or think about. I’ve certainly done that myself. It’s easier to follow the expected path and do what “everybody” does than to think out what your ideal life would look like, and then have to figure out how to make it happen.

Even in the smaller picture, we create structures and rules for ourselves in all kinds of situations. It helps us feel safe. For example, do greenways really need to specify bike vs. pedestrian lanes? Where I live, the paved paths all have lines and pictures to indicate where people should walk and where they should bike. Heaven forbid we all had to figure that out for ourselves–anarchy would reign!

This need for structure pervades our lives, and most of the time, we don’t even notice it. When I quit my job, the most common advice I got was to create as much structure for myself as I could. Schedules, office hours, routines… most blog posts about working from home are adamant that you’ll do better if you dress up as if you were going to the office. One book I read actually advised me to put on a full face of makeup every day so that I’d feel professional.

Is it really our khakis and mascara that make us productive? Of course not. But apparently, for many people, the terror of going feral is too strong to allow them to concentrate, even if it’s just going feral in mild-mannered pajama pants kind of way.

When it comes down to it, we’re afraid our lives will fall apart. We may not like the way they are now, but we know we can handle it, so we cling to what we know, even if it’s not what we think we’d choose.

For me, it was also a fear of not being good enough that kept me far from freedom. I had all these rules for what a good person would do (many of them helpfully provided for me by religion). In my imagined world, good people do as much as they can to help others, and they get a selfless joy from doing so. When I tried to do that and it usually left me more frustrated and exhausted than joyful, I assumed something was wrong with me, so I tried harder.

I always tried to serve and please others. I strove to be humble, reliable, prepared, and probably any other Boy Scout virtue you can think of. In fact, I tried to be perfect.

What I learned is that seeking approval is the opposite of being free.

I began my journey toward freedom when I realized that it’s not a crime to take care of yourself. I used to think being selfish was the worst thing anyone could be, but selfishness gets a bad rap. No, I don’t recommend being greedy, stepping on others, or being a selfish jerk, just the healthy level of selfishness that says “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.”

It starts there: with valuing yourself, taking care of yourself, and listening to yourself enough to know what you need and want.

Sometimes that’s the scariest part of all. I used to be so afraid of what might be inside my head, I did everything I could to avoid knowing myself, what I was like, or what I thought about my life. That’s the terror of freedom: when you know, then you’re responsible. You can choose not to act, not to go after what you want, but you can’t escape knowing it was a choice. Many times, we choose to stay oblivious instead.

Life is full of things we think we “should” and “have to” do, but if you look closely, most of them are artificial constraints that keep us from freedom. We see things this way in attempt to keep ourselves in check, or to keep from having to face the void of endless possibilities. But we could choose otherwise if we wanted. If you look at why you do what you do, there’s usually another way to achieve the same outcome, if that’s what you want.

For example, I always assumed I had to work full time at a regular desk job. That’s what adults do–who questions that? But one day, I was reading the university staff manual, and I discovered the option of cutting back to 80% of full time but keeping full benefits. I realized I’d still have enough money at that rate, and by working noon to 6 pm four days a week with one normal full-time day, I’d buy myself four mornings a week to use as I liked. To my amazement, my boss was fine with this plan. I felt like I’d bought my life back!

Later, I went even farther in the realm of the “impossible” by quitting altogether. Freedom can be pretty awesome once you get used to it!

Anyone can have freedom. It starts with knowing yourself and being yourself as fully as you can. The more congruent you are within yourself, the less you have to worry about what other people think of you. No secrets, no worries.

Someday, maybe we can even stop worrying what we think of ourselves. Being that free from judgment seems to be the key to ultimate freedom. If we can accept ourselves and life, no matter what happens, what is there to fear? That’s what I aspire to.

What does personal freedom mean to you? Please share in the comments!

This post is part of a series on personal freedom. Here are the other posts:

• Make Freedom Your Reality – Mike Routen at Route To Freedom
• How Free Do You Think You Are? Really. (part 1) – Paige Burkes at simple mindfulness
• Simple Steps to Create More Freedom For Yourself (part 2) – Paige Burkes at simple mindfulness
• On Freedom: The counterintuitive way to fly – Jenny Blake at Life After College
• From serfdom to freedom – Fabian Kruse at The Friendly Anarchist
• Go Do Something So Freaking Awesome That It Completely Overrides all Your Fears and Insecurities- Doug Grootveld at Wellness Renegade
• What does freedom mean to you? – Sean Ogle at Location 180

Image by Bernat Casero on Flickr. Creative Commons License.

A few months ago, my friend Ethan Waldman told me he was taking off work to go on a long bike tour of the Northwest. I’d call this a once-in-a-lifetime adventure, but Ethan is the kind of guy who will go on to have many more. Here’s his story.

On September 10th, 2011, I shut down my computer, triple-checked my extensive packing list against what was in my bags, and boarded a plane to Seattle, WA. In Seattle, I would re-assemble my bicycle and other gear which I had already shipped to the west coast a week prior. It was in Seattle that I met my cousin, Dan, a yoga teacher and writer. Together, we boarded a train to Vancouver, BC, to begin what would be a month-long unsupported bicycle tour of the pacific coast.

The trip was simultaneously nothing I expected it to be and everything I had wanted. Bicycle touring was an interest for years at this point, and I had worked hard to get myself to this point.

I’d like to share the three most important lessons I learned from the planning, execution, and return to normal life from the trip.

Ask for What You Want

In the lead up to this trip, my greatest source of anxiety by far was the thought of actually sitting down with my boss to request the time off. Before the conversation happened, I had already run through a thousand progressively worsening scenarios in my head, including being fired on the spot simply for asking.

Before even having the conversation, I was already lowering the number of days I would accept for the trip and offering to take more than I needed to unpaid. Luckily, Dan provided the reality check. “Ethan, you’re succumbing to demands that haven’t even been made yet. Ask for what you want.”

“Ask for what you want” was a great piece of advice. My boss did not react badly to my request for two months unpaid. It provided the starting point for a series of negotiations that ended up as me taking 3 weeks of vacation time (everything I had saved up) plus one week unpaid. In the back of my mind, 1 month was the minimum I would accept for this trip. I got what I wanted! I can only imagine what I would have ended up with if I had started the negotiations off at 1 month. Almost certainly less.

The lesson here is that you need to ask for what you want. The worst answer you’ll get is ‘no.’ Don’t compromise what you’re willing to accept before you find out if the other party is willing to accept it as well.

Less Really Is More

As you can imagine, you have an extremely limited amount of space when you’re carrying everything you need in small packs (called panniers) on your bicycle. After you fit in your tent, sleeping bag, ground pad, and cooking equipment, there’s even less space then you expected for things like casual clothing, shoes, books, and electronics.

Before the trip, I angsted over what to bring. These sneakers or those sandals? These jeans or those pants? iPad or laptop? When I boarded my plane to Seattle, I still wasn’t sure if I had made the right choices.

But once I hit the road and started living with my decisions, all was forgotten. In my experience, the process of choosing what to downsize to was a lot more difficult than living with less. Sure there were times where I wished I had brought an extra layer or a different pair of shoes, but overall, my experience with living with very few items was positive.

There was this feeling that I can only describe as a lightness that I felt when I knew I had everything I owned (at the time) with me. There was nothing I needed that I didn’t already have. Conversely, I found returning home to closets, cupboards, and drawers full of “stuff” were overwhelming.

I think the phrase “less is more” has become overused to the point of cliché. In my experience, less was only more once I was actually living it– certainly not before while I was “thinking” about it or considering it. It was this realization that has inspired some other big changes in my life. More on that in a minute.

Change Comes Later

While I was planning my trip and talking about it with others, the most overwhelming response I got was something along the lines of “this is going to be a LIFE CHANGING trip for you.” To be honest, I was really hoping that it would be. I had the foggy notion that I would quit my job when I got home and focus full time on my “side” business.

With the pressure of expectation about serious life change, I would check in with myself from time to time while I was riding. “I don’t feel any different…I don’t think my life has changed.” Even when I got back, I didn’t feel like anything had changed.

Now that I’ve been back to my regular life for 5 months, I cannot deny that the trip WAS a life changing experience. My love for living with fewer possessions led me to the tiny house movement. I have given up my apartment and moved in with family to save money so that I can build my own 120 square foot tiny house on wheels.

I honestly do not think I would have decided to move my life towards minimalism and building my own tiny house if I had not experienced a month on a bicycle. When people ask me, “but how do you know you’ll like living in it? Have you ever LIVED in a tiny house?”, I can confidently answer yes. For one month I lived in a 2-person tent with about 30 possessions. And believe me, it was awesome.

The lesson here is that real change doesn’t happen to you DURING an event. First, you have to experience something, and then you have to spend some time living with and reacting to that experience before a change will occur.

Coming off of my liberating experience of bicycle travel, and living with less, I’ve thought deeply about ways that I can help others achieve this same feeling of lightness in some small area of their lives. After all, I’m not saying that you should move into a tiny house, or go on a bike tour. Those are my dreams, not yours.

How I’ve Been Inspired to Help You

One area that I do have expertise in is email. Specifically, I help people learn to deal with the staggering loads of email they receive and create systems to automatically organize their inbox.

I’ve found that I can replicate that same feeling of lightness in others people’s lives, when I show them a better way to handle email–and liberate a lot of their time in the process.

That’s why I’ve just released the most comprehensive free resource I’ve ever put together on this topic. It’s called the Automated Inbox Blueprint, and it will show you everything you need to create an email inbox that organizes itself. Here’s where you can download it.

Ethan Waldman helps people live and work in harmony with technology at the Cloud Coach blog. Right now, people are liberating themselves from email hell using the free Automated Inbox Blueprint.

Image by GaryColet on Flickr. Creative Commons License.

What would you do if you won the lottery?

The first time I pondered this question, I was lying in the bathtub, and I decided that I’d go to seminary, learn all I could about God, and devote myself to a life of prayer. (I guess I always was an oddball.)

Seminary is the last thing I’d want to do now, but it was still a useful exercise because it got me thinking about what I really wanted. Our desires and plans for our lives change over time, but as we grow and learn, we can keep building better and better lives for ourselves.

One thing that makes people really miserable is feeling like we have no control over anything. Even as toddlers, we like see our power in the world, even if it’s just our ability to throw something off the high chair a hundred times and watch our parents keep picking it up.

Power comes in many forms, large and small. That’s why when I’m depressed, I clean something or chop some shrubs. It’s a way of proving to myself that I can change the world, even in the tiniest way.

At the other end of the spectrum, some of the greatest ways to be powerful are to help other people and create your ideal life.

Many of us stay stuck for years, thinking we don’t have enough power or control to change our lives. We wait for the lottery or some magical day that, deep down, we know isn’t coming.

Nobody is going to rescue you from meh. You can stop waiting, because it isn’t going to happen.

But that’s good in a way, because we don’t need rescuing, and it’s better if we can do it ourselves anyway.

The lottery is an easy trap because most people don’t think beyond “If I had a million dollars, I’d be rich.” Ok, so you don’t have to eat Kraft dinner any more… now what? What do you eat instead? Who do you have over to share these feasts? Where do you live? What do you do with your days?

It doesn’t take winning the lottery to go to seminary. That’s the realization of the bathtub. I could just go. (I didn’t, in case you’re wondering, but it was because I chose something else that seemed better, not because I thought I couldn’t. There’s a big difference there.)

You don’t have to win the lottery to go fishing, or to paint or write or open a yarn shop. You can surf, teach, learn to fly, travel the world, or join a rock band, all for far less than a million dollars. And it doesn’t matter if your dream turns out not to be your best dream after all and you end up doing something else instead. The point is investing in yourself, believing in yourself, and loving yourself enough to take one step, and later another and another.

For me, the seminary was replaced with teaching, followed by falling in love, living a quiet life, owning a yarn business, and writing. For each of these things, I started with one step, then gradually added more and more of it into my life.

For instance, with writing, I started with fantasies of being a writer, which I’ve had since junior high. Then I started a blog. I expected to get bored and drop it after a few months, but I wanted to start one, so I did. Then I was seized with the desire to write a book, so I wrote How to be Happy (No Fairy Dust or Moonbeams Required). As I felt drawn to it more, I kept investing more time and energy into it, until I quit my job to pursue it full time.

I’m dead serious when I say that if I won the lottery this afternoon, almost nothing would change in my life. I’d buy some stuff, of course–I’d probably start with new tires, fancy cheese, and a whole lot of chocolate. And I’d probably have to hire someone to figure out the taxes and handle the money. But otherwise, I’ve already crafted a really awesome life for myself. I’m doing what I want now, even without the big bucks.

The point of all this is, you can do it, too. Your ideal life doesn’t have to be some far-off dream that never touches your real life. I remember sitting in my office reading about people like Leo Babauta, Chris Guillebeau, and Everett Bogue, thinking how ridiculous and impossible that would be for me–how they must be magical people with trust funds or something to be able to do just go around without a job.

I guess for the person I was, it was impossible in a way. All I had ever known was the shaky security of a normal job and paycheck (and being afraid of getting fired all the time). I couldn’t imagine another kind of life. I had to grow into the kind of person who could take a leap like that and make it work. It was all the tiny steps that transformed me along with my life.

No matter where you are now, you can take tiny steps that get you closer and closer to your millionaire dream life. You don’t even have to have an end goal in mind, other than making your life a little better. If you could take half an hour today to do anything you wanted and really enjoy yourself, what would you do?

Will you make the time and do that?

I hope so. It’s those small steps that add up to a great life over time.

…

If you happen to be one of the many people whose dream life includes working for yourself doing something you love–what I call a passion business–I want to tell you about something that could help you speed things up. I went from zero to business in about six months by signing up for a coaching program, and it’s the best investment I’ve ever made. I loved writing but had no idea how to create a business or make money. Why do some people seem to just take off immediately, while others can strive for years and never seem to get anywhere? That’s what I hired my coach to find out, so I could be one of the “lucky” ones. It cost $3000 and was worth every penny and more.

The same coach, Jonathan Mead, is offering a course on the exact same strategies and process he taught me, and it’s only $497. Seriously, it’s the best deal I’ve ever seen if you want to figure out how to create a passion business for yourself. Jonathan specializes in helping people nail down their offer to the world, communicate it clearly, and build a business around it. Even though I was really clueless when I started working with him–I wasn’t even sure whether to focus on writing or yarn or computer programming–he helped me figure it out and start making money. Pure and simple, his program works. You might want to check it out: Trailblazer.

Image by Steve-h on Flickr. Creative Commons License.

I’ve spent the past year in a life experiment. Usually I play it safe; this time, I decided to follow my dreams. This is a follow-up to an earlier post talking about how the year has gone. This one covers more of what I’ve learned. Everyone’s experiences are different, but if you have a dream you’re considering pursuing, I hope this will give you some useful perspective.

Here are some things I’ve learned.

• Consider advice, but do it your way.

  When I first quit my job, I was incredibly excited. I felt like I was flying. Free at last!

  I didn’t want to mess it up or burn myself out, though, so I started reading all this advice about how to work for yourself. I felt weird and off balance in the beginning: bittersweet, tired, and nervous, where I expected only elation. All the advice seemed to think my problem was too little structure, so I tried to create structure for myself. I hated it, though. Every time I set up a schedule or a plan for myself, I had broken it within three days.

  Finally, the ever-awesome Molly Mahar of Stratejoy told me it was ok to work any way I want. I had been following all of these external rules about what’s “sustainable,” but they were making me nuts. Once I quit all that and started following my own way, things got a lot better.

• Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t go as you expect.

  When I quit my job to work for myself, I knew it would be a ton of work. That was no surprise. Other people told me that I’d have a hard time motivating myself to get anything done, or that I’d have a hard time resisting the siren song of my computer 24 hours a day. Neither of those was true for me, either.

  I had a long list of things I wanted to do. I was very motivated by the work–no temptation to sit around watching soap operas and eating bonbons all day. But I also strongly desired to rest, walk in the woods, and just space out. For me, the problem was not a difficulty in walking past the computer without getting sucked into more work. It was more a problem of getting up from my office chair in the first place.

  Looking back, I realize I assumed that I’d be infinitely productive once I didn’t have my job in the way. I knew how much I could get done when I took a week or two off work: I had written two books that way. I was completely immersed, and everything flowed. I’ve never been happier. So I thought all of being self-employed would be like that.

  The distinction I missed was that for two special weeks of vacation time, you can blow off everything else and just work like mad to write your book. When you’re self-employed, you still have to cook, do housework, pay the bills, run errands, get the car fixed… all that stuff has to be done sometime, and it adds up.

  I never accounted for that, so I was perpetually setting unrealistic deadlines for myself and then feeling rushed and behind schedule. So then, of course, I skipped the most dispensable thing: taking care of myself. Bad plan!

  I think a lot of entrepreneurs do this, especially when we first start. There’s so much to set up and get established, and the clock is always ticking. If it takes me an extra month to launch a product, that means I need to come up with the money for another month’s living expenses. Faster is clearly better, and there’s also a certain macho ethos to live up to. Everybody knows entrepreneurs work their brains out and never sleep! If you stop to take a walk every day when you could be working, what kind of entrepreneur are you?

  Maybe that works for some people, but it definitely doesn’t work for me. I can work myself to death for a few months, but after that I’m useless. Meanwhile, doing it that way was sucking all the fun out. I had to start putting myself first, even if that meant blowing off work for an hour or two every afternoon for a walk in the woods. It seemed foolish at first, but it was the best investment I could make.

• Don’t compare your insides to their outsides.

  I have a lot of blogging friends, and I rejoice in their successes. At least, I intend to. I know there’s plenty of success out there for everyone, but I have to admit that when my friends mention achievements that make them seem way ahead of where I am, it’s sometimes hard to be happy for them.

  What I didn’t realize until I talked to my successful friends is that some of them feel the same way about me. I’m thinking, “what? But I’m just little old me, struggling my ass off over here! I have so far to go!”

  The secret is that’s the way almost everyone feels about themselves. We see all of our suffering, insecurities, failings, embarrassing moments, and how very far short we are of our goals and expectations. But for everyone else, we see only the shiny happy outcome. It’s not a fair comparison. When you realize that, it’s easier to see that we’re all in this together. (Credit Karen Walrond for this insight.)

• Get by with a little help from your friends.

  I’ve always prided myself on being totally independent. That can work when you’re not doing anything big, but when you follow your dreams, you’re probably going to need some help.

  I was surprised to discover that people are really nice and generally willing to help, and as long as nobody is doing things out of a feeling of guilt or obligation, everyone feels great as a result. You can’t expect everyone to say yes all the time, but it’s worth learning to ask for help.

• Even following your dreams sucks occasionally.

  It seems obvious that life wouldn’t be perfect all the time just because I was working for myself, but I think I still had that expectation somewhere in the back of my mind. It’s hard not to get carried away with the rose coloring when you’re visualizing your utopia.

  Here’s reality: some days you wake up with a pain and think, “God, is that appendicitis? I don’t have $4000 to cover the out-of-pocket max on my medical insurance, let alone pay myself while I’m recovering!” Some days it’s raining and your car is broken and all you want to do is go back to bed. Some days, every time you get into the flow with what you’re doing, the damn phone rings again. Some days a boring task you expect to take an hour ends up taking five.

  No matter how much you love the meat of what you do, there will always be other stuff you don’t like much, but it has to be done to make everything work.

  You won’t love every minute. But that’s ok. As long as you remember why you’re doing everything, it all has meaning and purpose. You don’t have to be happy every second to be happy overall.

• Chill.

  This has been the hardest and most necessary lesson of all for me. I’ve always been an aggressive worrier and tried to do everything possible to control my life and make sure it came out right.

  Being self-employed has really shattered my illusions of control. I make plans and mess them up. I establish deadlines and miss them. I set goals and fall short of them. All this, even when I was trying my best and working as hard as I possibly could!

  Life is like this. Things we do don’t always work.

  For me, the hardest thing to let go of was worrying about money, but actually, I’m trying to quit worrying about anything. I still feel unable to quit cold turkey on freaking out and worrying, but I’ve found that I can trick myself into eliminating a ton of it by deferring it. Somehow, if I’ve agreed to worry about something later, that seems to let me off the hook for worrying about it now. Among the things I’ve deferred worrying about: carbs, weight lifting, doing the impossible, money, and days which are not today.

  That last one seems to be the key. Everything is fine right now; it’s always the future I’m worried about. There’s a mistaken idea in my head that it’s irresponsible not to worry about things that may happen in the future, but worrying never really solves anything. It distracts me from getting stuff done that would actually prevent the things I’m worried about. Meanwhile, it brings the hypothetical unpleasantness, which may never even happen in real life, into my current reality, where I get a head start on suffering from it. What a waste!

  Worrying isn’t an easy habit to break, but I’m working on it.

There are many different dreams to follow, and many ways to do it. If you’ve taken a risk to follow a dream of yours, please share what you learned in the comments!

Also, if you happen to have a dream like mine–supporting yourself with a passion business–you may be interested in a free webinar Tuesday, Jan. 31, at 9 pm Eastern. The speaker is Jonathan Mead, the awesome coach who has helped me make my dream a reality. Hope to see you there!

Image by Steve-h on Flickr. Creative Commons License.

A lot of people are unsatisfied with their lives. The big question is: can we really change our lives, and will it really be any better if we do?

Over the past year, my life has been a grand experiment to answer this question. This time last year, I had a “normal” life. I went to work every day in a beige office, did what I was told, went home with a boredom headache, and wondered if there wasn’t more to life than this. And then felt guilty for not appreciating my job when so many people are unemployed.

As I watched my days remaining tick down, I felt increasing panic that I was wasting my life. I’m normally very risk-averse and control-freakish, but something had to change, and playing within the system wasn’t working.

I took a major leap and signed up for business coaching right around this time last year. I commenced to work my butt off building my business. Looking back, it was a crazy whirlwind.

• January: Finished How to be Happy (No Fairy Dust or Moonbeams Required)
• February: Got clear on my message and purpose. Redesigned website to align with that.
• March: Released How to be Happy (No Fairy Dust or Moonbeams Required)
• May: Created the Less Hassle, More Harmony Relationship Workshop
• June: Coordinated the Only 72 Rock your life sale; released the relationship workshop as part of that.
• July: Quit my job!
• August:Decided to offer Beyond Fear to an initial beta group
• September, October, November: Built Beyond Fear and wrote Getting Unstuck
• December: Released Getting Unstuck

I don’t know if I’ve ever worked so hard in my life. Finishing my PhD, maybe, but definitely not any other time.

What made this difficult for me is how uncharted the course was. When I started, I had no idea what I was doing or whether I could do it. I had major doubts as to whether it would work at all. In that way, it was far more difficult than the PhD. (School, I know I can do.)

On the other hand, it’s definitely been my most satisfying year to date. I, formerly Miss Goody Two-Shoes Scaredy-Pants, made the sharp turn away from convention and started building my own ideal life. That’s something I’ll always be proud of. I didn’t think I could do it, but I did, and I am.

My greatest desire is for everyone in the 17000 Days community to live our ultimate lives. What I mean by that is you love your life so much, even if you won the lottery or were diagnosed with a terminal disease, you wouldn’t change a thing. It seems like, when all else fails, those two events spring people into action to change their lives. I figure, why wait?

It may not be feasible to make all of the changes you want right this second, but if you know what they are, you can start working toward them. Ultimate Life takes different forms for everyone–some people want to quit their jobs and make art, some people love their jobs but want more time for their families, some people just want to surf in Costa Rica. Sometimes, even when we get what we think we want, it turns out we were wrong and we have to try again. That’s ok, too. Whatever your Ultimate Life looks like, I want it for you.

It can seem impossible to bridge the distance between your current life and your Ultimate Life. That’s certainly how it seemed to me! But it may be closer than you think. Here are a few things the past year has shown me.

• A to-quit list is a great place to start.

  The first time I heard the concept of the to-quit list, a blogger was talking about taking a Sharpie to his to-do list and axing everything that made him feel “blecky”–dozens of items. Envy filled me with a bubble of rage. My life at the time was packed with things I would have loved to quit but thought I couldn’t. The idea never left me, though, and over the next few years, I quit every one, including my job.

  Even if you feel you can’t do anything about these things immediately, facing reality and admitting to yourself that you want to quit them is the first step. It puts you on the lookout for how you can make it happen, so you can recognize opportunities when they come along.

• Once you know what you don’t want, figure out what you do want.

  A fulfilling life isn’t built just by not doing things you hate. It requires love and meaning, not just the absence of stuff you don’t like. It can be hard to know what would make you happy–as a species, we’re notoriously bad at predicting that. If you’ve tried a lot of other things in the past and not had them last or be what you wanted, you may be afraid to try again. Why bother, right?

  As someone who defines “forever” as three years, and predictably stays in each house, career, hobby, and relationship just that long, I had a really hard time taking myself seriously in wanting to run my own business and write. After all, I felt the same way about the yarn business and a ton of other stuff before it. What made me think this would last when nothing else has?

  I struggled with that for awhile, but I finally decided to go for it anyway. I’d regret not trying much more than trying and being wrong. Meanwhile, I’m going to enjoy it until I don’t. One thing this experience is teaching me is to enjoy the journey. Usually I’m more of a destination gal, but if you enjoy every day, then who cares where you end up? It’s a different mindset, but I like it.

• There really is more to life.

  I always wondered whether I wasn’t being unrealistic in my expectations. Maybe I would never be happier or more fulfilled, and I should just enjoy my cushy cubicle and shut up. Maybe there really was nothing better out there, and tons of people had it much worse.

  Well, I’ve been to the other side, and there is definitely better out there. You don’t have to feel guilty for not having it worse or for not appreciating something that’s not for you.

• On the other hand, you don’t have to fight against your current life until you get everything the way you want it.

  During many of my last months at my job, I spent a lot of energy hating my situation. Looking back, there was a lot that was boring, pointless, or ill-managed, but not enough to really warrant the level of emotional investment I was making. I think what was really going on was I was afraid if I wasn’t really miserable there, I’d never leave. So I made sure I kept the fires stoked.

  It is true that we tend not to change until the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving, but it’s better to motivate yourself with desire than suffering. It’s not only more pleasant, it’s more effective in the long run.

These have been the most important things for me about getting started. This post is getting way too long, so in part 2, I’ll talk more about what I’ve learned from pursuing my dream for the past six months.

Meanwhile, if you have a dream similar to mine, you may be interested in this free video by my awesome coach, Jonathan Mead. Without him, I would still be sitting in my office at my old job, longing to be where I am now.

The new toy successfully de-fluffed, Josie experiences the usual letdown. Caption and image by Dunechaser on Flickr--licensed under Creative Commons

Some people spring into the new year, filled with energy and resolutions, ready to take on the world.

I am not one of those people. I admire them and wish them well. Ok, I’ll admit it: I envy them.

Instead of leaping into the new year with energy and pizzazz, I tend to wallow into it, still in a sugar and too-much-sitting hangover from the holidays. This has always worried me: am I sick? am I depressed? What if I never have energy or enthusiasm again? Should I give in to my urge to sleep all the time, or would activity break me out of this state?

This year, it bothered me even more because I’m working for myself now, so my life is supposed to be perfect, right? I always assumed that if I stopped wasting my life, I would embrace the new year. Instead, this January 1 (through 10) felt a lot like the others, just with no paycheck.

What can you do to start feeling good again?

For me, a few things seem to help.

• Eat vegetables and make sure you’re getting enough iron. When I feel really drained, eating beef with spinach and something red (tomatoes, red bell peppers) often snaps me out of it.

• Sleep. If you find yourself sleeping many extra hours a day, or spending all day longing to be in bed, your body probably needs rest.

• Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Beating yourself up or scaring yourself into doing things is usually counterproductive in the long term. One key to motivation is really caring about what you’re doing and wanting the outcome. We all lose our grip on that sometimes, even when we’re doing something that’s really awesome and important to us. It’s better to get back in touch with why you’re doing what you’re doing (or drop it if you no longer care), rather than try to force yourself to do it. Also, remember that you can’t do everything. Pick the things you care about most and focus on them. Accept that some less-important things will have to slide.

• Move. Ideally, walk or run outside in a natural setting. That gives you exercise, combats seasonal affective disorder, and gives you a mental break. If you can’t stand the thought of doing this, trick yourself into going for just ten minutes–even that can help a lot. Aside from getting your blood flowing, you’ll be proud of yourself for getting off your butt and taking action.

• Do something easy that makes an immediate, tangible difference in your world. For me, this often ends up being housework or yard work. My slumps often involve feeling helpless. One thing that seems to be universally true of people is that we like to control things, or at least feel like we do.² By picking something I know I can definitely do, and then admiring and enjoying the outcome, I feel like I’m on control again. I give myself concrete evidence that I am not helpless. Then I can use that strength to go on and do other things that are more intimidating. Yay for shiny sink faucets!

• Dust out your mind, too. Another thing that often makes me want to hide in my cocoon is unresolved issues lurking around in the dark corners of my mind. Some people handle this with art, exercise, meditation, or music. For me, writing is the answer. As I write, I get clear on what’s bothering me and what to do about it. This year, when I finally sat down and wrote my way out of my mess, I discovered 12 different things I had been undecided on! Once I addressed each one, thought it through, and figured out what I really thought and what to do about it, I felt so much lighter. That’s when the blargh lifted.

I hope this helps. If you can suggest other things that help you overcome the post-holiday blargh, please share them in the comments! Meanwhile, a belated happy new year to you all!

¹ Credit for this term goes to my sister. I think it captures the feeling perfectly.

² Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. Vintage Books, New York, 2005, pp. 21-24.

Image by Paul Chenoweth on Flickr. Licensed under Creative Commons.

If we get easily distracted by temptations like Facebook and Twitter, how much harder would it be to stay focused when working on a chicken bus in Guatemala, a crowded airport in France or the most beautiful beach you have ever been to?

It’s true: Working on the road will bring about some special challenges. As a lifelong traveler (and a permanent nomad since late 2008), I have had to take on quite a few of them. But while each of these challenges has been unique, I noticed a pattern emerging: There are a couple tricks to get more stuff done in less time, all while maintaining the same level of quality. And while I have used these tricks mainly for my work on the road, all of them can easily be applied by creative workers anywhere, nomadic or not!

Sounds too good to be true? Find out for yourself and let me introduce you to some cornerstones of my personal approach to super-efficiency!

1) Your Reasons Why

Finding your reasons for doing a certain thing isn’t something most productivity consultants care about. They only want to see a higher output, no matter what. Consequently, they focus on certain methods and techniques to cram more work into the hours of the day. While this will probably make these days more stressful and busy, it often won’t lead to better results. In reality, it makes many people dread their job so much that the quality of their work will suffer.

Here’s how I see it: If our work is hollow and meaningless, concentration, focus and excellence will be hard to attain. The remedy can be found in exploring the two sides of motivation, extrinsic and intrinsic motivation.

Extrinsic motivation refers to the performance of an activity in order to attain an outcome, like earning a nice salary. Unfortunately, studies have shown that monetary incentives alone don’t always lead to better performance, especially in the long run. For many aspiring nomads, though, being able to lead a life of travel can be an important motivator: Some of you might want to surf the greatest spots around the planet. Others would rather sip Cuba Libres at some beautiful beaches in the Caribbean. Yet others would love to explore the most vibrant cities of Europe.

All of these things have something in common, though: They can be wonderful rewards. Having these goals alone will take you far because there couldn’t be a better (extrinsic) motivator: You would probably be happy to do a bunch of (what I call) “senseless busywork” just to be able to finance your voyages. Fair enough.

But here’s the other side of this trick: If you really want to excel, you also need to have good intrinsic reasons to do the work you are doing: You have to enjoy it because it is meaningful and fun, you have to aim for mastery, and it simply has to be the “right” thing to do. If you want to become extremely efficient in what you are doing, never forget your true reasons why.

2) Ignore Everybody

This is another point with two different sides. First of all, accept that it’s okay to simply ignore everybody and do your thing. If you have identified the “reason why” for your travels and for the work you do, suppose it’s okay and just go with it, no matter what people say.

If you have family members traveling with you, be sure to plan with them. But learn to listen to advice without getting discouraged. Remember what cartoonist Hugh MacLeod wrote: “You don’t know if your idea is any good the moment it’s created. Neither does anyone else.” The only way to find out is to give it a try!

The second side of “ignoring everybody” is more relevant for your practical day-to-day activities: Your working time has to be sacred! As there are so many distractions (especially when traveling, but also in cubicles around the world!), it’s crucial to learn to focus whenever you sit down to get things done.

The good thing about focus is that it’s something you can learn. If you manage to find true concentration for just ten minutes today, you can practice and extend that time bit by bit. To make it easier, use technical support, like ear buds. (A simple way to show that you are not up for conversation when in a public place is to put on headphones. Even if you don’t listen to any music, wearing them is a clear signal for the people around you.)

Also, consider training your mind with regular meditation. Studies have shown that simple sitting meditation allows you to stay more focused, even if you practice it for just a couple of minutes each day. (Apart from that, meditation will also be good for your soul, but that’s a whole different topic!)

3) Avoid the Nerd Trap

Let’s face it: Testing, inventing and constantly optimizing productivity systems isn’t a sensible use of your time, unless you are a productivity consultant. GTD can be interesting and all these shiny tools (and apps and gadgets and blogs!) that cover the topic are extremely tempting. For the secret nerd inside of us, it can be huge fun to spend days reading about other people’s approaches to keeping their to do lists. Unfortunately, it won’t help us to get things done! Our time is probably spent better watching funny cat videos on Youtube. (Have you seen this one?)

Consequently, when trying to find tools to become more productive, only read about the basics; then choose one that appeals to you and get going! Learn to use it for your actual work (opposed to applying it merely in an artificial GTD optimization mode) and stay with it.

The worst thing you can do is to become yet another productivity nerd. Believe me, I’ve been there (I even spent weeks creating a productivity toolbox, researching a myriad of programs, apps and websites), and while that was a lot of fun, it’s probably not a productive thing to do for most of you. (Unless you plan to create an even better toolbox. But then, kiss your nights goodbye!)

4) Limit Your Time

Parkinson’s Law states that “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.” In practical life, this means that once you assign eight hours to the task of writing a blog post you will probably need them. (Ahem.) If you only have four, on the other hand, you will probably be more focused and get it done in half of the time.

In my own experience, having fixed and not negotiable deadlines is a perfect procrastination buster. If I feel that there is still “plenty of time” I might spend some of it surfing the web and chatting away on Twitter. But if my time is extremely limited, I will work much more concentrated.

An easy and fun way to set deadlines as a productive nomad is to organize trips in the afternoon and make appointments with friends and fellow travelers. The afternoon adventure will then be a great reward for your focused work in the morning. (If you’re a night-owl, simply work right before going to bed, so sleep will be your reward.)

5) Mighty Micro Productivity

People often overestimate the importance of having long, uninterrupted chunks of time in order to get any work done. Sure, a free and open day is something marvelous to be creative, but even tiny chunks of time can take you far! At this very moment, there are probably many items on your to do list that could be advanced by just dedicating a couple of minutes to them.

Consequently, embrace micro productivity! The next time you find yourself with an unexpected 10 or 20 minutes of free time before some other planned activity, use it to work on a thing – particularly a thing you don’t enjoy doing so much: Make some of those client calls you have put off for weeks, respond to (or archive!) a couple of old emails from your inbox, start cleaning up your workspace. As you know that you will only work on it for a short moment, resistance will be lower. And after the session you might be surprised how much you got done.

Just Do It!

Still here? What are you waiting for? These unexpected 10 or 20 minutes might be just here and now. Put them to use, then switch off and relax a bit! And if you’re up for a deeper look into productivity on the road, please feel free to check out Productive Anywhere!

It seems like some people have it all figured out. You’ve seen them. They don’t seem to be bound by the same rules as everyone else. They do what they want–make things happen and achieve their dreams. They love their lives and seem to be powered by rocket fuel.

Meanwhile, you’re running on empty. Going through the motions. Stuck in neutral. Slogging. Working for the weekend.

You long for things to get better, but it never seems to happen.

If you’re like most people, there’s ONE thing that keeps you stuck, above all else. One thing makes the difference between trudging through life with cement-filled boots, and blasting off toward your goals.

The Unknown.

It’s what keeps us repeating the same patterns, knowing that we want more, and unable to do anything about it.

Its power comes from our fear. We’re afraid we can’t handle it. We’re afraid we’ll mess up or make things worse if we do something differently. So instead, we keep trudging. As much as we complain, there’s a certain security in keeping things the same. We know change is risky, so we avoid it.

The problem is, staying stuck is even riskier. The longer you stay in the same rut, the deeper it gets and the more embedded you are. The price of inaction is boredom, apathy, and despair. It’s deathbed regrets and the feeling of watching your life slip through your fingers. It’s waking up each morning with nothing to look forward to or be excited about. Why get out of bed at all?

Today, you have a choice. You can keep doing the same thing, repeating the same patterns and never getting off the ground. Or you can embrace your power right now.

What’s inside

• Chapter 1: Why you may be stuck

  Once you understand how people get stuck and the payoffs of staying stuck, you have the tools you need to free yourself more easily.

• Chapter 2: Unlocking your power

  A big part of being stuck is feeling powerless. You’ll learn how to regain command of the power you have within you so you can take back control of your life.

• Chapter 3: Releasing the brakes

  Many people feel trapped by their past or the people around them. They’re afraid to take action for fear of rocking the boat or looking foolish. But you don’t need to let these things hold you down or waste energy worrying what other people think. Other contributors to being stuck include confusion, limiting beliefs, and faulty assumptions. You’ll learn to release yourself from these, too.

• Chapter 4: Tools for getting unstuck

  This chapter covers techniques and approaches to help you break free, get out of your own way, and start making forward progress.

• Chapter 5: Getting a running start

  Learn how to get clear on where you want to go and find direction. It’s much easier to get unstuck when you know where you want to go.

• Chapter 6: Getting traction

  As long as you think you can’t do anything, you’ll stay stuck. Learn how to believe in yourself and erase your limits so you can achieve your goals and dreams.

• Chapter 7: Taking action

  Learn how to get started and keep going with any new project or endeavor. This chapter includes common causes of procrastination and lack of focus, so you can overcome them and get productive.

Get your rocket fuel here.

Who it’s not for

If you’re looking for someone to blame or you want more excuses to stay where you are, this is not for you. If you’re not ready to take a good, hard look at yourself and your life, face the truth of your reality, and take action, Getting Unstuck won’t help you.

Who Getting Unstuck is for

You’re tired of grinding it out, marking time, and waiting on hold. This is your life, and you want to take control, get in the driver’s set, and get moving. Let’s go.

My “Break Free” Guarantee

Buy it. Read it. Use it. If you’re still stuck after 90 days, I will give you your money back. No hassles, no hard feelings.

What people are saying

“I hate this book!” — Duct Tape

“It’s bad, bad, bad! Avoid at all costs!” — Quick Sand

“Two thumbs down–way down.” — Superglue

“This book is mega dangerous. You’ll get yourself into big trouble if you read it. Anyway, it’s full of crap. Who are you kidding? Everybody knows you can’t really change your life.” — Fear

(If you can’t see the video, view the original post.)

A friend of mine posed an interesting question: what if 2012 were the last year of your life?

Of course, that’s kind of the theme of 17000 Days, but somehow, thinking about it from the perspective of knowing you have only one year to live feels a little different to me. If I knew I had only a year left, my biggest change would be to stop thinking about money. I have enough money for one year; it’s the rest of my life I’m worried about. But even if I didn’t, if I was dying, would I care about money? Probably not.

Also, I would visit my family and friends more, and hopefully they’d visit me more. There are a few experiences I’d like to have before I go, too: hang gliding, sky diving, a cruise on the Mediterranean.

Realizing these things, I’ll make more of an effort to do them now, instead of waiting for a “someday” I might not see. But other than that, if this is the last year of my life, I mostly want to do exactly what I’m doing now: write a lot and go for long walk every afternoon. I’d just do it at a more relaxed pace, sometimes from a ski chalet or a beach house, and stop worrying whether other people like my work.

It’s no accident that I wouldn’t change much. I’ve already done a lot of sculpting on my life. I won’t lie–it’s been hard and scary, but so worth it.

We often try to escape our problems by shopping, or drinking, or buying a bigger house. We know it won’t make us happy, but on some level, we hope it will. When I still had my job and unhappy marriage, I can’t tell you how much yarn I bought, as if somehow that would change my life.

But worst of all is the idea that our problems will magically solve themselves if we wait long enough. How many people do you know who just keep trudging through life, doing the same things over and over, not liking any of it but not doing anything to change it? If you’re like me, too many!

We know nothing is likely to change unless we act… yet we keep putting it off. It’s too hard, too scary. Maybe tomorrow we’ll figure it out.

That’s how it is when you’re stuck. If you wouldn’t want to live your last year as you are now, help is on its way. I’m officially launching my new guide, Getting Unstuck, tomorrow.

In fact, this page was going to be one of those teaser “Coming soon–oooh, suspense!”-type things. But how stupid would that be when my whole message is “don’t wait–change your life now!”?

If you’d like some help now, here’s your chance to sneak in early.

Meanwhile, I’m wishing you many happy years of living just how you want.

Image by richiedogg1981 on Flickr. Licensed under Creative Commons.

Do you keep making the same mistakes over and over? Sometimes it seems like the harder we scramble, the deeper we dig the hole we’re in. But giving up obviously won’t get us out either. What can we do?

For me, the mistake I’ve been repeating for the past few months is forgetting what I came here for. I don’t mean when I walk into a room (although that does happen occasionally). I mean when I think about my life.

Since I quit my job, my big struggle has been between conflicting desires: my ambitious desire to write books, run workshops, and do absolutely everything now now now ~ vs. ~ my desire to enjoy my life. That’s not to say I don’t love my work, but when I drive myself at the pace of all-out ambition, I can’t enjoy my work because I’m just too dang tired and overwhelmed. I had summarized the problem as “make enough money to support myself, or be happy?” What to do, what to do?

This is a false dichotomy anyway, but on top of that, every time I picked happiness, I’d immediately forget and go back to working like my hair was on fire. This happened over and over, and it was wrecking my creativity and my productivity. (Let’s face it, work done while exhausted is rarely great work.)

I felt really stupid about the whole thing. How many times was I going to keep making the same mistake? Three times a week for the rest of my life? What the hell was wrong with me? I felt like a complete dumbass.

As I was lamenting this to my awesome coach, Jonathan, he said five of the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard: “You are not a dumbass.” We all have to keep choosing the life we want all the time, or we get off track.

Oh! I was assuming something was wrong with me!

I think a lot of people tend to assume that. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I ____? How does everyone else have it so together, and why can’t I do the same?

If you feel that way, let me pass on the words of joy and wisdom. There is nothing wrong with you. If I learned anything in all the interviews I did for Beyond Fear, it’s that nobody has it all together. Everybody struggles, everybody doubts, nobody knows all the answers.

When you watch other people and it looks like everything they touch turns to gold, you’re not seeing the whole picture. It’s like the proverbial duck: perfectly calm and serene above the water, and paddling like mad underneath. You don’t see all the blood, sweat, and tears that go into other people’s successes; all you see is the glorious, triumphant outcome. When you compare that to your struggles, of course you feel inadequate.

I don’t know what your personal area of dumbass-feeling is, but here are a few things that I’ve learned in overcoming mine. Maybe they’ll help you, too.

Chill

Worrying and trying to control everything is a fast way to use up a lot of energy with very little reward. I’m still training myself out of these habits.

Do it your way

After I quit my job, I read tons of advice on how to run your own business. There was a lot of stuff on setting schedules, working in short bursts, keeping your work separate from your personal life, keeping normal business hours, getting up early, and setting routines to create structure. I’ve never done this before, and these people had, so I figured they must know what they were talking about. But when I tried to follow their advice, I just stressed myself out even more. I don’t like a lot of structure, and I hate the interruptions that are required to chop a work session up into short bursts. But I was afraid to skip these things for fear of burning myself out.

Finally, I was talking to Molly Mahar, and she told me that the way she does it is to work like mad for a week or two, and then take a week off. That’s her routine, and it works for her. I was like, “whoa, that’s allowed?!”

It’s totally the opposite of any of the advice I’ve read or seen anywhere. In fact, when I talked to her, I had just read a book about work addiction that said working in binges and then checking out and vegging (my favorite way to work) is sick, sick, sick. Having Molly as living proof that it’s ok to work any way I want made me feel incredibly better. I stopped worrying about doing it wrong and focused on finding what works for me.

Take care of yourself

People always say you have to make sure you get enough rest, eat right, and so on, but there’s also kind of an entrepreneurial mythos about killing yourself for your business. In fact, our whole culture seems to glorify being too busy to take care of yourself.

With all the work I was doing, I never felt like I had time to do more than the minimum for myself. Yeah, I meant to get enough sleep, eat right, exercise, and shower every day, but it didn’t always happen. After months of working that way, I hit a wall and couldn’t make myself work at all for a week or two. I was just so exhausted!

When that happened, Jonathan told me to go for a walk in the woods every day. That was my only assignment for two weeks. As much as I had been longing to walk in the woods, doing it every single day wasn’t easy. It gets dark early in Alabama, and it seemed like I’d always notice the time an hour or two before sunset. I’d realize I just had time to get a walk in, but what I really wanted to do right then was take a nap or keep working.

Since it was my prime directive, I made myself go anyway, and when I got there, I’d walk the long trails if that’s what I wanted (and there was enough daylight left). Before, if I made it to the woods at all, I’d scrooge myself into a short trail so I could get home and get back to work.

This may not seem like a big deal, but for me it was a major mental shift to decide that there was always time for a long walk if I wanted one, no matter what else was going on. I think that shift was a crucial one. It represented the decision that I come first: I love myself even more than my work, and I am truly committed to taking care of myself.

Since that shift, I feel much more balanced. It’s almost as if I stopped trusting myself after months of neglect and broken promises, and now I’ve restored that trust. Life feels much better, and I’m drawn to my work again.

Make a list

I often find myself facing the day, buzzing with nervous energy. When I feel that way, it’s usually because I’m trying to remember (and do!) a lot of things that I want to get done today.

The problem is, I often have 10-14 things I want to get done, and I’d love to get them all done today. Human brains can only hold about five things at one time (plus or minus two).¹ That means if I try to keep my list in my head, I’m constantly swapping things in and out of memory. I waste energy trying not to let any of them slip through the cracks, and I never see the whole picture, so I never realize how completely impossible it is to do all of those things in one day.

If I just sit still long enough to write them down, it becomes obvious. Unless they’re five-minute tasks, nobody can do 18 things in one day! When I recognize that and prioritize, I feel the relief of not having to try to remember everything any more. I also feel the relief of letting go and being more realistic about what I can accomplish in a day.

Do what’s most important

You have a ton of stuff to do and you know it won’t all get done. You’ve probably also realized that the only things you can really count on getting done are the first two or three things in the day. At least, that’s how it is for me. So it makes sense to do your most important thing first.

I know this, so why do I always want to check my email or get on Facebook first?

I’ve tried that enough times to know that email is not a “warm-up” for work. If I don’t want to lose several hours into the vortex of shiny objects, I have to do a good work session first thing after breakfast. I am not at all rigorous about what I do–I don’t get up early, I don’t work out, I read the paper and spend time with my cat before I get to work, I work in my pajamas most of the time–but I am rigorous about one thing: I do not touch internet stuff before I’ve done a good solid work session on my highest impact task. When I break this rule, I suffer. When I honor my morning session and walk in the woods as sacred, I feel good. The rest of the day can be whatever it needs to be if I have those two as constants.

As I’ve figured these things out, I feel much more balanced and comfortable in my life. It feels like things have fallen into place, like when you suddenly go from wobbling around and almost crashing every second to riding your bike. That probably means I’m ready to start making a new mistake over and over again. Meanwhile, I’ll enjoy resting on my non-dumbass laurels while I can!

If you’ve learned anything that’s helped you break out of your mistake cycles, please share in the comments!

¹ Your Brain at Work by David Rock. Harper Business, New York, 2009, p. 21.

(This book is about how your brain works and how you can use that information to work more efficiently. I found it absolutely fascinating.)