One year to a better person

That was short lived!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 04:22:00 +0000

Did you all like how I posted about how much better things were going, then I disappeared for over a week?!?!

Well, things are going well at work. No worries there. Except that I'm swamped. Last night and tonight are the first two nights I didn't work from home. A couple of days ago, my boss said she was fine with me getting the hell out of the office just before 5 so I can catch the bus at a decent hour. Tuesday I left at 5:20. Yesterday it was 5:10. Tonight it was 5:40.

But, I do think these days are coming to an end. I feel like I'm catching up with the insanity somewhat, and I expect that by the middle of next week, a lot of the fires will be put out, and I'll be able to move on to some of the longer-term part of my work.

Anyhoo, that's all for now. I just wanted to let you know I'm ok. After all the child rearing he's been doing, hubby is out with the boys tomorrow night, so I'll write more then. The girls and I are having a slumber party, but I expect they'll be asleep at a decent hour.

'Night!

Today was so much better!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 01:42:00 +0000

Ok, today was better. I know I'm doing well at the office now. I got a tonne of stuff off my desk today - my boss commented on it from out of town. And I had a good chat with the two gals who are still in the office. I'm not the only one feeling the workaholic pressure, and I think we've all agreed that while our boss is a workaholic, we don't think she necessarily expects all of us to be the same. She just doesn't preach what she thinks.

I had a horrible event this evening when I came home from work. I'm not quite up to typing all about it again, so here's a copy of the letter I wrote my city councillor:

"Mr. T,

A while back I had contacted you about some concerns we had - mostly regarding traffic and garbage collection. I want to thank you for following up with us, and must say both issues have vastly improved.

This evening, I'm writing about a different, more heart wrenching concern.

When I got off the bus this evening, just before 5:30, a stray dog followed me home - a large, tricolour hound mix of some sort. The dog seemed friendly enough, well behaved... but I had never seen him on our outings around the neighbhourhood with our own dog and kids. I snapped one of my leashes on him, and took him around to a few neighbours to see if they recognized him. One noted she and her son had seen him wandering around Louis-St-Laurent and Parker nearly an hour earlier. So, I took him home, put him in our yard and called 311.

The gentleman there told me stray dogs were a service of the SPCA and transferred me. The woman who answered at the SPCA told me they don't collect stray dogs - that it's a city service, and that no one is available to pick up after 5. This strikes me as so ridiculous - dogs don't only get lost between 9 and 5. This is not the first time we encounter a stray dog as we get home from work! She told me I had to keep him overnight. But I have two young kids and a large dog of my own. I'm afraid I don't have the ability to hold on to a large dog overnight! So the SPCAs answer? I had to release him back on the street. It broke my heart, but I did. Imagine trying to explain those actions to a 2 and 3 year old who can't stop worrying what will happen to the poor dog in -16 weather. I only hope someone else is kind hearted enough to take him in, and that they have the capacity to hold him indoors overnight.

And, in case city councillors aren't dog lovers, I think the issue of community safety needs to be considered, too. This particular dog seemed truly wonderful. But imagine if it was a very large aggressive dog that was roaming the neighbourhood overnight, because it didn't have the good fortune to escape its home between 9-5?

It is inconceivable that dogs can only be rescued in this city until 5 pm. I was told I could drop him off at the shelter, but only until 6. Of course it was impossible for me to make the trek across town in under 25 minutes.

I called back 311 to complain. There I was told once again that stray dogs are an SPCA service (do you see a pattern? No wonder no one is picking up the animals, they all seem to think it's someone else's job) and that as such, he couldn't really take my complaint. At my insistence, he took it anyway, but I doubt it will lead anywhere.

I worked for five years in animal welfare. I can guarantee you that this level of animal control services is completely unacceptable, and is nowhere near the levels offered by the vast majority of Canadian cities. It is an embarassment. Yet somehow, it is completely in-line with this city's policy on dogs: a city that refuses to give them the right to get the exercise they need through an off-leash dog park (or even to walk on-leash through so many of our beautiful parks), and a city that refuses to give them the assistance they need when they are lost or injured.

I hope you will agree that this situation is unacceptable. We pay dog licensing fees to help fund animal control services in this city - yet the services we receive are nowhere near what they should be for a large, modern, and supposedly family-centred city like ours.

T."

That's it for this evening. I'm finishing my class of wine and munching on some chips. I'm just so dang productive in the evening lately.

I'm putting my foot down

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 02:56:00 +0000

So I had a long chat with hubby tonight. And before this job drains the daylights out of me, and before I start regretting my decision, I am cutting the hours I'm putting in.

I have to sit down with my boss next week and go over my objectives, and I will let her know that I will absolutely have to be out of the door by 5. And on days when she's not there, I'll be heading out an extra 10 minutes early. That will make sure I'm home at the latest by 6 pm every night.

I had a bit of a breakdown tonight just thinking about whether this is all worth it.

I want to work. I want to have a really successful career. I also want to know how the hell these women who work 10 hour days raise their children. I must be missing something.

Sorry about the skiparoo!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 01:05:00 +0000

Yikes, hard to believe I've gone three days without writing!

The new job is a little insane. I haven't been home before 6 pm since I started. I work with three workaholics and one gal who's smart enough to work an 8 hour day. Luckily my boss is out for the rest of the week, so I plan to get the hell out of dodge on time for four days. While I'm at work, it's go-go-go. I haven't been this busy this many days in a row since some of my more insane days at the PR agency.

All that aside, I'm happy I took the job. The busy is good. I know what I'm doing, I just have a lot of stuff to do. I think I'm doing well - but my boss is hard to read on that one, so I'm not 100% sure what to think. My boss is nice, but there are so many unknowns with dealing with a new boss - am I reporting to her too much? Not enough? Does she prefer me to e-mail or drop by her office with questions? Am I annoying her? I'm sure I'll get that down pat soon.

One thing: I miss my kids. I see them for 40 minutes before bedtime, and then an hour or so in the morning. There's the weekends - just not this past one. Friday night, the kids slept at my parents while hubby and I went out for dinner. Then Sunday afternoon, the gal from next door was over again while we organized more of the house. I plan on spending more time with them this weekend.

Speaking of dinner Friday night - hubby and I went to Baton Rouge, a high-er end chicken, ribs and such joint. We got there around 7 ish, after dropping in to the local home show for a quick peek. The place was packed with couples, what looked like a few large work groups and a few extended families. When the group next to us cleared out, they got a table ready for an even larger one. And then in pranced 12 young girls - 13, maybe - with their birthday gift bags, cell phones, digital cameras and high-pitched chatter. The girls got seated, the birthday girl's mom and dad distributed "birthday menus" to limit the kids choices, and promptly disappeared.

That's right. These parents left 12 thirteen year olds unattended in a restaurant where bills are rarely under $40 a person. They buggered off to a table across the restaurant while we had to sit next to them.

The waitress was mortified, and the manager came to apologize. In hindsight I wish I'd made more of a fuss. But I didn't, I accepted his apology, and he didn't offer anything more - not even a discount on our meal. Lesson learned.

I've lost track of my numbering system, but here we go:

I need to learn to better stand up for myself, especially when it means it's the difference between getting what's right, and getting fair treatment. Or a free/discounted meal.

One down!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 00:35:00 +0000

Well I survived my first day at the new job. I'm still a little overwhelmed, but I think I know what I need (skill-wise) to do this job and it looks like I'm working with a nice bunch of women.

There's a lot to do. I did an initial workplan for what's currently on my plate, and I think I might have been a little ambitious with my deadlines (and what I'll get done in the next 3 weeks). I need to sit down and have a look at that tomorrow.

Otherwise, not much to report. The new job gets me home later, but it's a shorter commute... Everyone at the new job works loooooooong days, so I don't feel like I can just leave after my 8 hours are up. But I might have to. Today I got in around 8:15, didn't leave the office until 5:10, and didn't take lunch or breaks. It was 6:15 before I got home. That leaves me 45 minutes with the kids before they go to bed.

And tomorrow, my parents are taking the kids overnight so hubby and I can go out and celebrate my new job. So, very little of the kids again. I am looking forward to settling into some sort of a routine soon.

Beginning a new chapter

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:32:00 +0000

So I'm officially done at my old job. At 8 am (ish) I'm starting my new job. What the hell was I thinking?!?!

Seriously, I'm happy I don't have a break. Just jumping right in means I don't have time to wallow over my last job. On the flip side, it also doesn't give me a whole lot of time to get all my stuff organized! I called my new boss today just to touch base and confirm what my plans were for tomorrow, and she was awesome. I'm quite looking forward to working with her.

Otherwise, not much new. Today was just about tears, wrapping up projects and cleaning my office, followed by a dinner at the restaurant with the kids. People at tables next to us kept commenting how good they were. I thought they were horrible - which either means my kids, at their worst, are better than most kids in restaurants; or, my kids are usually incredible in restaurants and my frame of reference for how kids behave in restaurants is wacked. Either way, we were happy for the meal to end, and to get home and put the kids to bed.

I expect the rest of my evening will consist of Ed's Up, perhaps followed by American Idol. I was going to colour my hair, but I'm not so sure I'll get to that this evening!

Oh, and I've been meaning to comment: the amount of death and violent crimes in the news recently has just blown me away. Several gang shootings in Vancouver. Two innocent bystanders killed in different shootings in T.O., plus another shooting yesterday. Heath Ledger. And earlier today, three students from my alma mater were killed in an accident involving a bus. Somehow, as a parent, this type of news affects me more than ever. It's a harsh reminder that I won't be able to protect my kids from everything forever.

Cold or snow... which do I hate more?

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:19:00 +0000

Well, it's not -22 outside. And it's warmer than 10 in my house (more on that below). But there's a boatload of snow falling instead. And after a crappy drive in and out, and as I sit here looking at my laneway that still needs to be shoveled, I have to ask myself: snow or cold, which do I hate more? I don't have that answer right now.

Thankfully my furnace is fixed. It was pretty funny actually: the repairman showed up, checked my thermostat, looked at the furnace, then found the main switch (you know, the one that's often near the basement stairs), flicked it on and off a couple of times and on came the furnace. My first reaction was to be embarrassed: I felt like such a girl! The only way it would have been worse is if it was actually off in the first place!

But he explained that since we didn't turn it off, the furnace went off for a reason - likely an electrical connection problem. So he cleaned a few connectors, and so far, so good. Plus, as he noted, we rent our furnace, so we really don't have to worry about why we called - they come, and it's free.

Oh, and for anyone who cared, Diego, Boots and Babouche survived their frigid ordeal. It's why I like goldfish. No other kind of fish would have survived that.

Today is my second-last day at work. I cleaned out almost all of my office. It looks so weird. And the staff took me out to lunch since we have a lunch-hour meeting tomorrow. It was pretty sad, but I know tomorrow will be worse. I'm preparing cards for everyone, and I'm saving the sappy farewell stuff for the very end of the day. Last thing I want is for it to drag on all day.

Oh, and after being so sad about leaving folks, I'm realizing that really, I'll be able to keep in touch with the ones I want to - now more than ever, technology has made that possible. Perhaps one of the sadder thoughts is that I will likely eventually drift away from my current co-workers, like I did from most co-workers from my last job, despite the fact I really liked them, too!

I've also begun working on stuff for the new job. After being so overwhelmed Friday, I've been able to take a step back and get back to it, and finally felt like I had valuable and valid feedback to contribute. Maybe I am ready for this, after all!

Brrrrrr...

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 12:44:00 +0000

It's minus 22 outside today. And it's now barely 10 degrees inside today.

Anyone who knows me knows I hate winter. With a passion. I can't stand the cold - it hurts, makes me cranky, and turns me into a complete sloth. But because I hate the cold so much, hubby absolutely didn't take me seriously last night when I mentioned I thought the house was especially drafty. He went to bed and I had a nice glass of red wine to warm up (Yellow Tail, an Australian Shiraz, in case you're wondering).

Coming downstairs this morning, there was clearly something wrong in the house. I don't know how hubby didn't notice! And he had our three year old in flannel pj's, barefeet, shivering trying to eat her cereal. I checked the thermostat, and it read 12 degrees! A couple of hours later and it's down two more degrees. (Obviously) the furnance isn't kicking in - the pilot light isn't even on from what I can tell. I'm hoping the furnace guy will be here ASAP. He'd promised he's be here about 30 minutes ago... but he was dealing with a gas leak, and even I'm willing to admit that's a little more urgent!

On the sad side, I'm not sure my fish will survive this ordeal. I don't have a tank heater - lesson learned - because these are large goldfish who like the colder water (room temperature, at least). But I think this is pushing it. I'll let you know how Diego, Boots and Babouche fare.

And on the "professional ethics" side, I hate taking time off two days before my last day at work. I'll be offering my current boss that I will finish whatever I don't have time to on evenings from home. It means I'll be really busy for a while... I'm afraid I may be overextending myself... but it's just temporary.

OK, I'm off. The furnace guy is almost an hour later than he said, so I need to follow-up.

Spic n' span

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 01:36:00 +0000

Ok, so maybe my house isn't quite that clean, but I'm sooooo happy it's getting there.

What a day today. We had swim class, then brunch with my mother. We ended up having to drive around for a while because the kids fell asleep promptly after we left the restaurant. We got home just after noon, and expected the eldest girl next door would show up to watch the kids around 2. Well, let's just say there was some confusion (pretty much all on her part), and she didn't think we needed her. We're none too happy, but really, it's her loss. In the future, I'll try to make sure we mostly need a sitter when her sister can make it.

Despite the lack of a sitter, we deep cleaned the main bath, cleaned the kitchen and powder room, and then hubby and I started on the master bedroom. Long story short, our bedroom had become the part of the house where boxes that hadn't been unpacked in 4 years, oodles of laundry and countless other little knickknacks live, covered in a significant layer of dust. The walls are shiny white, the blinds came with the house - you get the picture. Well, a few hours of organizing and it actually looks like a bedroom again! We need more shelving to finish the job, but we're close to being ready to finally decorate it! We also organized the kids' craft corner in the basement.

We're down to the storage room, the rest of the master bedroom, and then I think we can move on to normal cleaning and renos/decos.

And while I've been talking for years about how much I hate my house, the truth is, I don't anymore. I don't even really want to sell it. Hubby doesn't quite agree... but we'll see!

OK, I need to get moving. All this organizing means I didn't make it into the office as planned this weekend, so I need to get cracking this evening on whatever I can do from home!

The joy of giving

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 22:06:00 +0000

My father has wanted a big screen TV for years. He's been scrounging up his loose change and any extra cash for a while, and finally decided last week he was ready to buy one. The thing is, hubby and I have also been trying to save for a TV for him for a long time. We'd hoped to have one by his 60th birthday this past summer - in the end, we couldn't afford it and had to get him something else.

But we're close, now, so we decided to get him one before he goes out and gets one himself. So today, they watched the kids while we ran errands - and we came home with an awesome 42" Sharp Aqueos. We spent a couple of hundred more than planned, but there was a huge sale on the TV, so we went for it anyway. It was worth it to see my dad. He's flabbergasted. He tried to refuse it, to say he'd pay - so instead hubby suggested he use his extra cash for an HD digital cable box, and all the necessary wiring. They're over at my parents now hooking everything up.

I feel great to have bought my parents the television. They have been so helpful over the years. We hit some rough times for a while, including some maternity leave moments when there just wasn't always enough money at the end of the month for diapers or bills. My parents never said no to us. The TV can't begin to make up for all they've done (and continue to do) for us, but I'm glad I'm able to make them so happy with such a little thing.

Today was dance day. The plan was that our two year old would continue in the same class she's been in - a parent and tot class for 1.5-3 year olds. And our three year old would be in the four year old creative movement class. Well, for the second week in a row, our two year old freaked out in class. Last week we thought she was shy. Today it was clearly something else. She tantrumed, wouldn't even look at her teacher (who she adored before Christmas), refused to move, and eventually asked to leave.

We were shocked. Our little ballerina wanted out of class?!?! I wondered if maybe if had to do with the fact the students in her class are now all younger - closer to 18 months - and none of them have dance outfits. It doesn't "feel" like a dance class at all.

We had to hang around for a while anyway until our three year old's class. During that time, the school administrator, as dismayed as us about our youngest's sudden change, suggested we try her in the four year old class, which was similar, but had some added exercises - and of course, without parents. Wouldn't you know it, she loved it and did great. So now, at 2.5 years old, she'll be in class with about 10 older girls and boys. I don't get to watch the class until much later in the session - maybe even not until May. But her old teacher went and peaked for me, and came up really proud and excited, saying she was doing wonderfully!

My three year old also loved classes, much to my relief. She might not have been as enthusiastic as gym, but I feel better about it, personally.

Tomorrow we're back in the pool, the whole gang, by 8:30. Yikes!

A hundred miles an hour...

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 00:55:00 +0000

That would be how fast my head was spinning today.

I had that conference call for my new job. I flubbed on one recommendation. But I think I did ok otherwise. I've been pretty impressed by my future coworkers. But I'm more nervous than ever. The learning curve facing me is absolutely overwhelming, the subject matter is only slightly more familiar than a foreign language... plus, I think I will be majorly accountable to many people - which just increases the stress!

Anyway, all that being said, I'm trying to stay positive. My new coworkers seem very nice, very family oriented, and I'm sure, will be very realistic when it comes to their expectations for me.

Today was also a very difficult day, emotionally. Over the last five years, I've had the opportunity to work with incredible people, across the country. Whether I like it or not, I have favourites. And I've been saying goodbye to them one at a time over the last week. One of those has - unknowingly to him I think - become a bit of a mentor to me. I've learned so much from him, and the friendship and advice he provided me helped me through many tough times. When I got discouraged, a call or an e-mail from him was often enough to cheer me up. And when life got crazy, his calmness was always a great example I tried to follow. And of all the shitty luck, he's on holidays until after I leave. He promised he'd try to reach me before I leave so we could chat - and he did, today, at a moment when I stepped away from my phone.

I doubt I'll have a chance to chat with him any time soon. I can only hope that I manage to keep in touch - with him and the many others who have really had an impact on my life these past years.

This whole situation has made me wonder how little we know about the impact we have in people's lives. I bet many of the people that are making my departure so difficult probably have no clue the impact they have had on mine: their long-distance friendship, their professional advice, the way they have inspired me through their commitment to the cause; and especially, the way that many of them have helped me - often unwittingly - through those times when I felt overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work, the constant uphill battles, and the few successes. Though few, if any, of them are ever apt to read this, I still want to say, "thank you." Without them, I wouldn't have made it five years at this job - and the years I would have spent here wouldn't have been nearly as smooth.

Moving forward, I think I need to think about thanking people in my life a little more. And I need to stop being so shy about keeping in touch with those people I want to. Now, there's a challenge - and one I really hadn't expected.

So it begins!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 01:42:00 +0000

My new boss called me today to ask if I could partake in a conference call related to my new job tomorrow. I said sure. It's mostly over lunch, and I was planning on coming in to the office on the weekend to wrap things up anyway, so I don't think it's a problem.

I reviewed the documents for the call just now. I know it's 9:20 pm after I've put in a long workday. And that I'm not even at that organization yet, so it's normal to feel a little overwhelmed by the subject matter. But... the stuff I reviewed is top notch. I'm impressed by the professionalism of people I'll be working with, and am a tad worried about meeting expectations!

I've never mentioned much about my current job. I work in the animal welfare field. I hadn't really realized how comfortable I'd gotten in my job until recently. I still have lots to learn, no questions. But I know so much of the subject matter inside and out. And it took me five years to learn this stuff! It's hard to believe I'm starting over. At least my skills are transferable! But I think what has me worried is that they won't be as much as I initially thought so when I was going through the interview process.

The only biggie going on in my life these days is the kids' sleep. We're still good. Last night the kids went to bed late - 8:30 instead of their usual 7 pm. In the past, going to bed later has almost never meant they slept longer, it generally just means they're crankier. But just in case, hubby and I moved the alarm clocks to 5:45, from 5:30. And low and behold, they slept until then! Tonight, both kids were asleep by 7:30, so we'll leave the clocks at 5:45. I'm seriously thinking of trying out 6 am for the weekend though... gosh, that would be incredible, if we could inch it forward a little at a time! I'd love to see the kids sleep until 7 on weekends! (Actually, I'd love to let them sleep until 7 every day, but it wouldn't be feasible on week days.)

I can't believe tomorrow is Friday. Saturday is the start of ballet for my oldest (replacing what was, at the local club, very dangerous gymnastics classes - what a mistake that was!) and swimming later that same day (replacing last fall's 8 am Sunday class that we never got to on time). I'm hoping they'll sleep well on Saturday night!

Manna from the sky

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 18:57:00 +0000

I noted yesterday that life has been really good recently. I think I'm riding a wave, in fact. I just got a call at the office from yet another head hunter, seeing if I would be interested in another position. Parts of it may sound more thrilling than my new job, but overall, it's not the sector of my field that I'm particularly interested in, so I'm glad it was an easy decision to pass on that position!

But regardless of that outcome, I feel great about having been called. My career is hugely important to me, and it feels good to know I've reached a point where my name is out there and people want me working for them!

I'm on a bit of an emotional roller coaster still today. I said goodbye to an off-site coworker today, and couldn't help but wish I'd had the chance to work with her more. Then my boss made me cry. And I'm waiting to hear back from another off-site coworker who I *know* will make me cry. I just want this all to be done, so I can get on with being excited about future opportunities.

Anyway. Tonight is a night mostly off from the kids, and plans include a visit to the dance store to buy tights and ballet slippers for our eldest, and then a visit to our financial planner. We'll be back just in time to pick up the kids from my parents and put them to sleep. And if the last few days are any indication, they will sleep well... in fact, we may even make their alarms go off a few minutes later to see how things go.

We're still sleeping!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 02:44:00 +0000

Holy moly, the kids slept through the night again. My two year old woke up just minutes before her alarm clock - and stayed in bed until it went off with only minimal moaning and groaning - and my three year old slept right through the alarm until about 5:35 or 5:40. I felt like a million bucks today. I was positively giddy!

(By the way, I'm watching American Idol... and there is the craziest wacko ever on there - some insane Star Wars girl... I always feel so horrible for these people, yet I can't stop watching the auditions, season after season. Yikes.)

The last couple of days have been a little insane. Hubby's applying for a big competition at work, so I've been lending my writing skills to his application. Tomorrow night will be another write off since we have a meeting with our financial planner... and then it's Thursday. I swear, weeks go by way too fast.

On the bright side, the house is still relatively clean, and we're getting oodles done. With the kids sleeping better, yelling has been down to a minimum. The commute is better these days - and knowing it's about done helps, too. The last couple of days, I haven't exactly been doing so well about not surfing the web at work, but I expect that will change when I start my new job next week.

I just finally feel like I'm able to handle my life again, like all the pieces are finally falling into place. The new job means more money and more time with the family. The Sunday baby sitting means the house gets organized, cleaned, and in a few more weeks, renovated. We're well into winter, and the kids have barely been sick - the first time they've been this healthy since they were born. And I'm finally finding the time and energy to spend time with friends, listen to - and play - music... I feel like a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders.

While things are good, I want to give some thought about what I can improve. I need to get back to "more outdoor time," but I'm taking other suggestions.

Is it a fluke? Or is it really better?!?!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 15:36:00 +0000

Could it really have been so simple as to purchase two alarm clocks? After yesterday's small victory of the kids waking up only minutes before 5:30, today the kids slept in until just before 6!!! Somewhere around 3:30, our three year old's alarm went off and woke her up - she must have changed the time sometime during the day yesterday. But hubby went in, re-set it and fell asleep with her, until he heard our alarm ring sometime around 5:15. When the kids' music went off at 5:30, they slept right through it.

It could be a bit of a fluke - the kids were up about an hour or so past their regular bed time last night to celebrate my mother's birthday. But in the past, going to bed later hasn't helped them sleep in any - and certainly not sleep through something like an alarm! We'll see how tomorrow goes. But in the meantime, we slept for 8 hours straight last night, and I feel so good today!

As I noted yesterday, the gal next door dropped by for three hours and watched the kids while we cleaned. She was great with them, though I've confirmed my worries that I'm not leaving both my kids alone with a 12 year old. I can't believe people used to trust me to babysit 3-4 kids at that age! For hours, by myself! Yikes!

Anyway, we got so much done. I don't hate my house so much... in fact, part of me wonders if we shouldn't just keep it instead of moving next year. There is still a tonne to get done, but I wouldn't die of embarrassment if someone walked in and wanted to use the washroom or something, which is a great relief. I've asked one of the girls next door to come again next weekend if they can, and again the following week. Then maybe we'll drop down to once every other week, once we're caught up.

The countdown is now on... 8 workdays (including today) before I change jobs. So much to do, so little drive to do it!

Ok, I think this system is going to work

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 17:39:00 +0000

And by system, I think I mean a combo of no list, and having the girl next door come to watch the kids.

First, I have to say, I always want to live next door to two teenage girls. Or at least, I want to as long as I have young kids. The eldest girl next door, who came last time, wasn't available today. So their mother suggested that if it's ok with us, we just give her (the mother) the sched of when we would like someone, and she can send one or the other of her daughters over (they are 12 and 17, so both clearly able to watch the kids while we're home) depending on who's available and who, in her mind, deserves the extra cash. It's a system that works well for both houses.

Another bonus of having someone come over is that the house gets a little clean BEFORE they get here, then gets cleaned for the hours they'll be here, to boot! The house is still a horrific mess, but this morning, while the kids were at the grocery store with hubby, I got rid of a bunch of dirt and grime from the kitchen, including the oven hood, the ceiling fan and the top of my kitchen cabinets. I won't tell you how long it's been since it was done - but it was pretty gross! I am actually excited about this idea of my house being cleaned every couple of weeks. Not that I think I'll wash up there every two weeks - but it does mean I can get to it more often than I have!

Oh, and yesterday was a disaster! Honestly, my three year old is a nightmare while shopping. We went out to get my mom a b-day gift, and the kids some alarm clocks (more on that below). After 30 minutes at the mall, we had to leave, with my three year old kicking and screaming and tantruming like I was trying to kill her or something. I had a few teens snicker my way, and had lots and lots of sympathetic looks from moms. But in the end, we dropped her at my parents while we went back out to the store. I threatened her she would never, ever go shopping again. And she answered, "Oh, thank you mommy." Sigh.

The alarm clock thing: my kids have been waking up insanely early, so they now each have an alarm in their rooms. For now, it will be set for 5:30, since it's not like they sleep in past then. And whatever time they wake up, they're not allowed out of their rooms before the alarm starts. It was mostly a success this morning. My two year old totally got it, and was so excited when the music started. My three year old couldn't wait for the alarm, and announced she'd pee her pants if she had to. It's one of those things you don't want to take a chance on. And the alarm went off while she was on the toilet, so she was close. All in all, a huge improvement over recent mornings - plus, they slept through the night for the first time in weeks. I feel so good today!

Ok, back to cleaning I go!

Always finish what you started

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 13:06:00 +0000

I'm really bad at that - the proof can be found in my half-undecorated Christmas tree, the small pile of Christmas cards that needed new addresses and ended up never being sent out, and, until last night, an unfinished knit scarf. This scarf was the first thing I'd started knitting a couple of months ago - my learning project of sorts (though they all teach me something, but whatever). I became unhappy with it pretty quickly, but the thought of unravelling it was so discouraging, and knowing myself, I figured if I started over, I'd never get it done.

Well, I was wrong. Maybe there's a lesson here somewhere: in some instances, starting over just might be a better thing to do than to pick up where one left off! Now I feel much better about getting going on a couple of new projects I've wanted to get going (knitting wise).

Not much this weekend. Today's dance classes again, but we lost part of my daughter's outfit, and I'm seriously thinking of skipping. I know. Bad mom. Then we have to buy my mom's birthday gift, and meet up with the rest of the clan for dinner tomorrow night to celebrate.

As always, I'm hoping to get some cleaning done, but no formal list this weekend... I'm testing to see which method works best.

Where did the week go?

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 01:37:00 +0000

Yikes! How did it get to be Thursday night? And what the heck have I done the last three nights?!?!

Actually, never mind. Two nights were spent playing my guitar. I was really pleased with myself! I played a simple version of an Alanis Morissette song, and started to work on one of my favourite Barenaked Ladies songs, "For You." So far I have the general idea of the riff that goes through the first part of the song - I just need to speed it up big time. Still though, not bad for a gal who's been playing for all of what... a week?

And last night, I had an enjoyable evening doing nothing productive! I watched another great episode of Ed's Up, caught up with an old friend who gave me some great guitar tips, and went to bed early.

I've been working like crazy at the office, trying to get all the little things done before my last day. I'm starting to get a little nervous about the new job. It's been so long... I kind of forget what the performance expectations are for new employees. I'm worried it'll take me too long to get up to speed, or that I won't perform as expected... And then in the meantime, it's quite the opposite at the current job, where I'm finding it hard to give a damn.

Perhaps what's not helping is lack of sleep. The night before last, my three year old woke up many, many times. As in, I stopped counting somewhere around 12. Then this morning, they were both up by 4:40. And I totally, completely lost it on my three year old. Once again, I felt like I was watching a different version of myself yelling, without being able to stop it or do anything to otherwise control it. I don't quite know what to do about the lack of sleep, or the sleep-deprived bad behaviour (mine, not the kids'). I'm SO not a morning person, but the reality is I'm a mom, and I don't think it's fair to expect I'll be able to avoid all those early mornings. So I really, really need to find a way around this little 4 am temper of mine. I just don't know how to overcome it.

Well, I'm off for tonight - we're watching Amelie (I know - I'm about 4-5 years late). Every few minutes I go back and forth between hating the film and loving it. And I'm a little disconcerted that I can identify with Amelie's very, very bizarre and somewhat mental imagination. Ha! What does that say about me?

Ok, so it was a good plan

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 11:53:00 +0000

The to-do list, that is. It was a good plan, just maybe not one that's working well for me! Guess how much of my list I got done yesterday:

...

If you guessed a big fat nothing, you're pretty close! I got a few decorations off the tree, then noticed some of the ornament boxes had been pitched - so I stopped. Today I have to get to Loblaws for a bin to safely store the remaining glass ornaments.

I did get done one big thing that wasn't on my list: I knit this awesome little fringed poncho for my three year old, out of something called boa yarn. Yup, it looks just like it sounds. So picture a poncho made from a tri-colour, pink feather boa, and you've got what I made. I'll try to snap a pic later. I'm quite proud of it. I won't write how late I stayed up doing it - but I was nonetheless up at 5 with the kids this morning. Probably because I hadn't yet entered a deep sleep cycle or something. I'm going to regret it by 7 pm tonight, I know it!

Needless to say, I need to get my butt in gear today. We're having brunch with my parents, and after that, I'm doing my list. I'd love to get it all done because I'm really hoping I can paint next weekend.

I also want to get in touch with the gal next door, and work out some arrangement for her to help us out. Please all keep your fingers crossed that she'll agree, or we're back to square one!

I got through the first week back!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 03:05:00 +0000

Well, it's Friday. I think I could get used to three day work weeks!

It's been a really emotionally difficult week for me, what with telling my boss, co-workers, and many outside partners about my upcoming departure. I know I've made the right decision and I do feel so much better overall - I guess that's a definite sign. But it doesn't change the fact that I will really, really miss the people I work with, and much of the work I did. I just couldn't keep doing it and live the rest of my life.

Luckily, the kids have been behaving pretty well the last couple of days. I think having them back at daycare might be helping. Last night's bedtime rocked, since I only worried about teeth and PJs, and then hubby was elected by both kids to cater to their million stalling requests (water, kisses, a specific stuffy, you name it). He handles it so much better than me! I also knit last night - I'm preparing a little gift for one of my coworkers, and didn't get to bed until around 1 am... and then the kids proceeded to wake up twice each, and my youngest thought it was morning at 4:30 am. Both were up for good by 5, but hubby is once again letting me sleep in until closer to 6. Actually, having less time in the morning seems to force me to get going faster. We've been out of the door by 7 am the last two mornings, at daycare a few minutes later, and I've been the first at work all week. Mind you, there's no traffic yet. But still. All around it's been really pleasant. And it's been so much easier not to get angry.

One of my new tactics to try and keep myself honest - and motivated - as I try to get stuff done will be to post to-do lists. To stay realistic, I'll try to post a Friday list that will cover what I hope to accomplish on the weekend, then update it during the weekend. So, here goes for my first stab at the to-do list:

- Laundry. Get all the clean laundry put away. Get all the odds and ends kicking around the laundry room washed, and find them a home - even if that home is a bin or the St. Vincent de Paul.

- Upstairs bathroom: clean my upstairs bathroom top to bottom.

- Take down Christmas decorations

- Family room: get the kids to clean up their mess. Clean up and organize craft corner and table.

- Dust

- Clean kitchen

Also, thanks to those who weighed in, here and in real life, on my cleaning lady vs "mother's helper" (thanks Nancy for the term!) debate. I think hubby and I will go with the latter. Now I just have to convince the gal next door it's a good idea! I'll let you know how that goes.

I need a vote!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:25:00 +0000

So only a few days after I swore off New Year's resolutions, I'm re-thinking my strategy.

I think I will make two resolutions after all:

1) To have a more organized home. Over the holidays we bought all these little plastic bins for the kids' toys, and I'm amazed at the difference it has made. I want to take some time over the next few weekends to see what else I can apply toe plastic bin method to, and to think about how else I can organize the house. Suggestions are welcome. My main concerns are the kitchen (I have the world's smallest counters for a medium-size house) and laundry (clean and dirty).

In keeping with this resolution, I need a vote. I've wanted to hire a cleaning lady for a while, and 2008 will be the year I do something about it. But then, a few weeks ago, we had the teenage girl next door come in the play with the kids while we did stuff around the house, and that rocked too! For $40 she spent 5 hours with the girls, played with them (and cleaned up after them) while hubby and I got to spy on them occasionally, and still got loads done in the house. So, which should I do? The difference being that the cleaning lady would be more expensive (probably $60 every two weeks vs $40 for the sitter) but the cleaning lady would come during the weekday, while the sitter thing would have to happen on a weekend. The cleaning lady would only do the main floor and upstairs bathrooms (our request/comfort level), and only clean, whereas we can use the sitter time to clean anything, organize or renovate. So? WWYD?

2) I want to travel. I expect I may be doing some more travelling with the new job, but I also want us to do more as a family. Our trip to PEI last summer was great. And it was more than worth the money. So far we always used the excuse that money was tight not to travel. But when I think back to my own family growing up, money must have been tight, too, to a certain extent. Both my parents were teachers and taking into account cost of living and inflation, probably made no more back then than hubby and I do now. Yet we travelled to Ireland and the Caribbean on an annual basis. And still today, I have to agree that was an incredible investment in my future, and a wonderful gift. I want to do the same for my children.

I'll keep up with my project, too. Lately I'm back to working at the yelling thing. My two weak points are first thing in the morning (hubby and I are mostly agreeing that it's just not a good idea for me to be up first thing with the kids when they're up before 6 am. He's even let me sleep in until 7 and 8 recently and I felt soooooooo good!). I'm also not great at their bedtime. I hear there are some kids who just get into their pj's, kiss their parents goodnight, and talk themselves to sleep. I'd like to trade my kids for those from time to time.

My kids fight bed time the same way they fight sleeping in. My three year old isn't bad, until the toothbrush gets out. Then it's like a game of hog wrestling, and I question how clean we actually get her teeth. Her jaw seems to be of equal strength than that of a pitbull. Seriously. My two year old, by contrast, loves to have her teeth brushed. You can't have a princess with stinky breath, obviously. But once the lights are out, she's in and out of bed, throws her covers off only to cry she's cold, wants to be rocked, then wants her bed, then wants back to the rocking chair... Then they both need water... It's a 30-40 minute process from the time they get into PJs to the time they start to drift off (or at least to the point where they are somewhat quiet). It's exhausting and frustrating. And all I would like is to be able to kiss my kids, tell them I love them and end our day on a positive note. Instead I let the whole situation rub me the wrongway, and inevitably, I raise my voice. I hate it. So this is my urgent challenge of the moment.

Big news!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 23:04:00 +0000

Whew! I hate keeping secrets. Or rather, I hate keeping my own secrets from people. I'm not bad at keeping other peoples'. Knowing that, it's been really difficult for me to keep some huge news quiet for the last little while.

Throughout December I made some reference to some stuff brewing in my life. Well, some time last month, I was contacted by a head hunter, who was calling to gauge my interest about moving on to a new job. I went through the whole ring-a-ma-role (spelling?) with them - phone calls, meetings, e-mails... then meetings with their client, and more meetings with the client, and back to the head hunter...

After weeks and weeks of back and forth, I was offered a new position over the holidays!!! It's a great move for me - shorter commute (one I can do by bus!), bigger pay, and, from what I can tell, all the stuff I love from my current job. On the downside, it means I have to leave my current job. And I had to give notice today - Happy New Year boss, by the way, I quit. Yeah, it sucked. I'm really going to miss my job. I've been there for five years, and I work with a great gang, so the whole process hasn't been an easy one.

So, that explains a big part of why I wasn't such a faithful blogger late-December. Between this, my daughter's surgery and the holidays, there just weren't enough hours in a day. I'm hoping that things have settled a bit, despite the upheaval that always comes with a new job. The bigger pay will really help our family, as will the bus commute - cheaper, shorter, and will extend the life of our only car. I think it's win-win. I'm just scared to death. I've kind of forgotten what all's involved in starting a new job! I feel like I know my current job like the back of my hand. I feel like I could do it in my sleep. Which is one of the reasons I thought it was time to leave. Being comfortable in my job is making me lazy, and it's leading me to make mistakes. But a new job is SCARY! Oh, well. I have three weeks to calm my nerves! Help!

Happy New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 15:30:00 +0000

I generally don't make any New Year's resolutions. The few times I did, I broke them in a few weeks. Really, the only thing I can see resolving myself to do this year is really get back in the saddle with this project. If I do, I should be attacking all the issues I'd otherwise list as New Year's resolutions anyway.

We had a really quiet New Year's Eve last night. Put the kids to bed, watched some films. Hubby didn't even make it to midnight. I did, but only because I really wanted to get some knitting in - I haven't had a chance to do too much during the holidays. The sweater I expected I'd knit drove me crazy, and after starting over about three times, I've put it aside for now - or at least, until tomorrow, when my friend, colleague and knitting teacher can help me out.

Today is clean up day. The dog got into the kitchen during the night, and somehow, without us hearing him, wrecked the place. He ate a loaf of bread, leftover soup from a pot, licked all the dirty dishes clean, got a package of soda crackers, and some Christmas cookies. Hubby did most of the clean up, and I thought I'd found the last of the crumbs, but I just looked up from my screen here in the living room and noticed a big pile of cracker crumbs by the window. Needless to say, doggie didn't get breakfast. And I'm debating the state of his dinner. Oh, and he'll be locked up while we visit my brother's house for New Year's dinner tonight.

In addition to cleaning up the doggie mess, I want to get the house organized. I spent the last few days organizing all the kids' stuff, and the house looks so much better. Today I want to get caught up with all the laundry, so I can start the 2008 work year on the right foot.

Oh, yeah: and we have to shovel. Again. I can't believe how much it's snowed this winter. My only consolation is that the weather will hit above-zero temperatures this weekend, and are supposed to stay like that for a week or so. We might even hit 12 degrees! We'll have to pull out spring coats again if we do! I know these weather patters aren't a good thing, from a climate change perspective. But as a winter hater, there's this little part of me that thinks global warming might just have some benefits...

He's found!

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 11:27:00 +0000

After yesterday, I think I still believe in miracles. I wrote yesterday about our poor little girl's stuffy being lost. Well yesterday, hubby went back to Walmart for an oil change, and checked each aisle of the store for Toutou Lapin while he waited. And low and behold, down this aisle he hadn't even been down the day before, sat Toutou Lapin, partially hidden. Hubby sent a picture of the bunny through our cell phones, and our three year old freaked out with joy. So, all's well that ends well, and thanks to everyone, through here or Facebook, who showed their support.

In all this, my three year old has learned an important lesson about losing things. She called my mother after the rabbit was found, and my mom asked her if in the future, Toutou Lapin would stay in the car. She said, "No, from now on he stays at home!" Poor kid.

Otherwise things were good yesterday for the most part. The kids have been so well behaved this holiday season. I got all their toys organized in their rooms, so there are only a handful left downstairs, and I'm hoping to get through those today. Plus, the house is relatively clean since we had a couple friends over for dessert the night before last. What a great feeling! I unfortunately haven't had much time for knitting, but that's ok - I managed to pull out the new guitar Santa brought me, and I can now play D, A and E. Or at least I could yesterday afternoon. I'll need a refresher today.

I also started teaching my three year old, who also got a guitar, the basics of how a guitar works. Her fingers will be just barely big enough, but right now, we're just working on the concept of pushing down one chord at different frets and making different sounds, so she has lots of time to grow into it!

So my only new challenge for now until I go back to work is to continue to clean and organize stuff. I want to finish in the family room, then get completely caught up with laundry. I think I have about 8 loads to wash, and by the end, I'll have about twice that many loads to put away. So I have my work cut out for me in the next 36 hours!

There really still is dial-up in this world

noreply@blogger.com (Tanya) — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 13:10:00 +0000

I'm back from a short week at my in-laws. We left early Christmas morning, and pulled up into their laneway, 8 hours later, just as they were arriving from their revelries at my sister-in-law's house. And they had no clue we were coming.

We arrived with the back of the car full of gifts (the kids thought Santa had dropped their loot off at Grandma and Grandpa's); Christmas dinner (a ham, potatoes, breads, veggies, you name it!); plus all the stuff you need to travel with two young children for 4 days. Thank goodness we'd had the last minute common sense to board the dog. He would have sat on my lap, otherwise - all 70 lbs of him.

Anyway, after they got over the deer in the headlights look, I think my in-laws loved the surprise. Because of a little family disagreement, they hadn't seen the kids in over a year and a half - more than half of our youngest's lifetime! Hubby and I thought it was time we extended an olive branch, and I'm glad his parents noticed the gesture. Everyone was on their best behaviour. And while my father-in-law, in particular, hadn't been overly impressed by our two tiny toddlers last time, he was smitten this time - he even sat on the floor and dressed Polly Pockets for a few hours!

The trip was also smoother than most, with a few exceptions on the drive home. My three year old, who is typically a great car traveller, became the toddler from hell somewhere between Peterborough (where we met up with friends) and Perth. I was this close to digging out the gravol and doling out a generous dose to her. And yes, I lost my temper there a few times. But I tell you, I think anyone would have!

One thing hubby and I did well is that we apparently didn't spoil the kids too much. My in-laws did, though. Man, it seems like people in Southwestern Ontario buy WAY more stuff for their kids than we do. Everyone gave us gifts. Their grandparents, aunt and uncle. Friends of my in-laws. Cousins of my husband's. Friends of his. And people didn't just give one thing. Some people gave each kid 4 or 5 things! Yikes! Anyway, now they're spoiled. And I'll be doing some major toy cleaning and sending stuff to charity. I want to see if the Children's Hospital would take toys. When we were there last month for my three year old, the playrooms looked a little barren.

Oh, and on a sidenote: tragedy struck my three year old for the first time yesterday. See, last month, just before she had surgery, she got really sick and ended up at the clinic, where the doctor, who was out of stickers, gave her a stuffy instead. It was a well-played with white rabbit, with pink overalls that my daughter called "Toutou lapin". And she instantly fell in love with it. She took it everywhere, made sure he was warm at night, that he could see the TV when they watched it together... you get it. So naturally yesterday she took it shopping with hubby... and when she walked out of Loblaws, she realized she didn't have it anywhere. She and hubby retraced their steps through the grocery store and Loblaws, but no Toutou Lapin. Now all we can do is hope that some generous soul found him and returns him to the customer service at one of those stores. In the meantime, I have a very sad little girl.