Lately it seems like every woman I know has either gone through a break up, is in an unhealthy relationship, or is struggling to get out of a bad situation with a man…including yours truly who recently went though yet another break up with an ex.

One friend found out her husband was cheating on her. Next thing she knows she’s at the doctor because he brought home an STD he picked up from the woman he was doing and, she finds out, he is attending crazy color coded sex parties. Another is living with her ex-husband and is trying desperately to get out of the situation. Yet another is still in a relationship with a controlling, unkind man who tells her she’s fat and doesn’t trust her though, with the amount of control he places on her, there’s no way she could cheat even if she were so inclined. Still another recently found out that not only had her ex given her an STD, but that he fathered a child with another girl while they were together. Another walked in on her husband having sex with his boyfriend on her couch. And, sadly, that’s just a small sampling.

Holy dysfunction people! Has the entire world of relationships gone nuts? It has to make you wonder if there are any normal, healthy relationships out there, doesn’t it? I mean, how is it that so many people in my own small circle of friends are going through such turmoil in their relationships? And is it indicative of the rest of the world or is it that there’s just something in the water in the Map Dot area?

Honestly, I have no idea. I just know that it’s enough to make me want to give it all up and get another cat to add to my crazy cat lady starter kit. That or join a convent. Or maybe switch teams as many people I know have suggested lately. Seriously.

I find dating difficult. I struggle to keep going when it seems so much easier to just call it a day. And, when I see so much relationship turmoil going on around me, it makes me seriously wonder if it really is worth the trouble.

Yet, I keep going despite myself. Even though at the end of the day I swear I’m going to throw in the towel, I seem to get up in the morning with some sense of hope that somewhere out there is the man I’m meant to spend my life with. Perhaps he just hasn’t gotten the memo yet. Or maybe I’m like a hamster in a wheel and I just don’t know what else to do. Or, more likely, I realize that giving up hope presents me with a very bleak view of the rest of my life.

Thoughts?

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Introduction

If meeting women in the daytime is something you’re interested in then this primer is for you. It contains the basic information on day game that I present at most bootcamps I instruct at. In my opinion, this is what you need to know to get out there and start meeting people outside of a nightclub environment.

Opening

I find the greatest consistency and satisfaction using direct openers such as:

‘Excuse me, I saw you from over there.and I’d regret it all day if I didn’t come met you.because you look absolutely gorgeous.(EXTEND HAND TO SHAKE) Hi, I’m Keychain, what’s your name?’

Direct openers like this (recently popularized by Sebastian Drake, Soul, Dr.Yen etc.) usually open quite strongly and provide a good platform for you to launch the conversation from. At the very least, it’s nice to say nice things to people – it’ll make you feel good and give her positive emotions too.

There’s nothing wrong with starting a conversation in another style such as indirect, functional, comedic etc. There are lots of examples of these types of openers online and you’ll want to come up with your own as the situation dictates. Here are a few to get you started:

- ‘Hey do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?’

- She’s reading a book: ‘What are you reading?’

- She’s wearing head/earphones: ‘What are you listening to? I’m bored of my current playlist’ (credit Sasha) – take her iPod and start teasing/appreciating her playlist (my addition).

- She’s in a shop or coffee house, deliver with comedy: ‘I saw you from out there and had to come meet you. I just couldn’t let a pane of glass stand between us and true love.’ (Credit Sasha)

If the girl is sat or stationary, you can just walk over to her and deliver your opener. If she’s moving, I’ll always approach from behind, even if it means letting her walk past to get my angle.

To stop a moving set, approach from behind and touch the inside of the elbow gently with two fingers. You can also touch the triceps area or the back of the forearm. Say ‘excuse me’ to get her attention, stop walking as she turns towards you and then deliver your opener.

To further stop her forward momentum and start the transition to conversation, extend your hand to shake hers. Give your name and ask for hers. She will, as most people would, automatically shake your hand and give you her name. From here, you’re ready to transition.

A Common Trap With Direct Openers

Don’t try to solicit a reaction. So many guys get addicted to the big, gushing reactions that you will occasionally get from your direct approaches and ‘look’ for it every time. Instead of being an expression of their personality and core intent, the direct opener becomes a tool to chase a reaction.they deliver it and wait for the big WOW! It’s approval-seeking and not attractive.

Try this frame: Her beauty/vibe/aura moved you to approach. Something in your core just said ‘yes’. So you’re going to go meet her, express your core and see if she’s the kind of girl you might connect with and would like in your life. Self-expression, without the need for approval, mixed with a curious fascination for her as a unique creature.

Transition to Conversation

After opening, I like to stack and cycle through the following transition material until I find a topic that you’re both interested in and can naturally talk about together (what Sebastian Drake calls a ‘click topic’). Perhaps you both enjoy traveling or you both like the movies of a certain director.

To that end, here are three content-questions that you can ask to mine for a click topic.

1) What are doing in London/Oslo/Melrose today? (this also allows you to find out how much time you might have to talk. If she’s rushing to meet friends, better go for the number. If she’s just ’shopping’, you might try for an instant-date later in the conversation)

2) What do you do for a living?

3) What do you do for fun?

As recommended by Wayne Elise, these can either be delivered statement/question or question/statement. In other words, you might start by talking about what you’re doing in central London and then ask her what she’s up to (statement/question). Or you might ask her first and then answer your own question when she’s done (question/statement). Either way, be prepared to supply the initial content and energy of the interaction.

It’s not unusual for a person to be a little on-guard when approached by a stranger in the street or a coffee shop and give quite short answers. Allow her initial shyness, she’ll warm up as your statements build comfort and convey your attractive personality.

Another conversation technique I enjoy is to talk about a character trait I enjoy, explain why I enjoy it and then ask her if she has it. I came up with this by combining Mr.M’s ideas about high-value frame attraction and Sebastian Drake’s ‘click topics’. This ’soft qualification’ is a great way to add value to a conversation and qualify in a high-value way. The more astute among you may recognize some sexual framing in this material also. Lately I’ve been teaching this at a lot of bootcamps and the results have been so encouraging that I recommend you add this technique to your arsenal.

For example:

‘I really like people who travel, I love to travel myself. There’s something about people who travel.there’s an open-mindedness to new experiences and a non-judgmental quality that I really like. Do you like to travel?’

‘I like to surround myself with creative people. They have an energy and a fresh way of looking at life that really energizes me. What do you do for fun?’

If you can’t find a click topic, consider that perhaps the two of you have nothing to click on and are better off moving on to meet other people. With practice, however, you’ll find you can find a way to connect with almost anyone you meet. Remember to listen with curiosity and interest.

Thoughts on Conversation

All the principles of social interaction you’ll find in Magic Bullets and the other materials are relevant here. On top of these, I’d suggest focusing on glimpsing the girl underneath her social facade and being open enough for her to get a glimpse of you under yours.

It’s easy to view interactions with girls as a ‘game’ in which you say certain things, touch your ‘target’ in a certain way to either win or lose the game. This kind of thinking serves to dehumanize the girl who is, after all, a unique person just like you. What if the simple meeting of both of your personalities, opinions and experiences could provide enough content for an attractive, successful conversation?

Don’t forget to be fun and humorous. Tease a little to inject some spice, have fun with the conversation. There’s no need to be intense and serious all the time – in fact, this can be quite creepy! Try a fun role play or future projection, experiment with the attraction materials in Magic Bullets to spice things up. Beware of making these the focus of your content though, remember that you and her are enough to have a great conversation.

Find your own style of interaction. When you meet a man who is successful with girls, by all means copy his style but only to gain an understanding of the underlying principles that make him so successful. Don’t be a clone, you’ll get much better results as a great version of you.

Taking Things Further

Where can you take the conversation after you’re clicking and enjoying one another? Depending on the logistics of the situation, you might try these options:

- suggest a future meeting and exchange contact details.

- suggest going to get a coffee right then and there.

- my first day game approach ended with a hand job in a nearby photo-booth. You could shoot for this if the mood strikes.

Conclusion

The skill of meeting people and having great conversations is a vast one with room for a lifetime of learning and experimentation. It’s a lot of fun and comes with lots of benefits, not least all of the beautiful women you’ll meet!

With this basic information you’ve got all you need to start meeting girls in the daytime. The most important thing you could do with what you’ve read is start applying it in real conversations.

To find out more information on day game, check out this audio download by day game experts Jeremy Soul and Bonsai. The first 10 minutes are free.

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Are you a woman in your 20s or 30s who is actively navigating the NYC online dating scene?

Have you looked for love on match.com or other online dating websites?

Do you and your single girlfriends have enough stories – the good, the bad and the ugly – to write a book on dating?

Are you New York City’s real life Carrie Bradshaw?

If so, we want to hear from you!

Picture Shack Entertainment is now casting fun, fabulous single women (and their friends!) for a new reality pilot about the good, the bad and the future happily-ever-afters of the NYC dating scene! We’re looking for that vivacious group of girlfriends who are outgoing, adventurous and made-for-TV…all those real life Carries, Mirandas, Charlottes and Samanthas who will let us come along for the ride as they meet, date and discuss all those potential Mr. Rights!

If you’re open to new styles of dating and love to meet new people online while searching for your Mr. Right, please contact us with a recent photo, as well as a brief description of yourself and your online dating history. If you have girlfriends who might be right for this ensemble show, please let us know!

To apply or get information about the pilot Please contact:
Danielle Gervais (Casting Producer)
Call: 646-674-3098
Email: nydatingcasting2@gmail.com

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More Olympian athletes’ pictures (Click to enlarge)

Photo Source: OK Magazine

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Once I started learning Love Systems, I was actually able to pull beautiful women home to my place. But in the meantime, I also got good at making things work by going back to her place. Here are four tips for closing at her place.

1) Find out where she lives.

This step seems obvious, but you’d be surprised how often it is unintentionally left out. When you know where a woman lives, you can plan ahead to deal with the logistical problems you’re going to hit later.

Does she live near the venue? Does she have a roommate? Is she in a dorm? Do you know of a cool bar/after hours joint near her place? When you want to bounce her back there, are you going to drive, walk, or take a cab? Even if you end up with a phone number + date instead of going home with her, this info will be useful for when you go out again.

Here are a few scenarios to consider, and ways I’ve figured out how to deal with them.

* Roommates: When there is a separate bedroom to retreat to, sacrificing a few minutes of conversation to win over the roommate(s) will make your being there a lot more comfortable. After they trust you, you can use any nonsense reason to bounce your girl to her bedroom. “Bet my room is cleaner than yours,” is one example.

* Cab ride: If she lives a cab ride away, be sure to keep up the momentum in the car, and continue to build up physical intimacy. If you were touching her arm in the bar, touch her leg in the cab. If you were about to make out in the bar, make out in the cab. Avoid cabs with bucket seats that make physical contact impossible.

* Dorm: If there’s a security guard, you can go through the lengthy (and vibe-killing) process of giving him your ID and signing in, or you can tell the girl to slide her card through and sneak in behind her. You get points for being resourceful, and it’s exciting because it seems like you’re doing something wrong.

* Shared bedroom: There are public bathrooms in dorms and hotels that I have found very accommodating when dealing with shared room situations. Be sure and scan for them when entering, and when it’s time to bounce to it, tell the girl that you’re “taking her on a field trip.”

2) Amp up the physical tension.

This is a huge topic that lots of Love Systems instructors have gone into incredible detail on, but the general principle is important. If you can get a girl sexually excited, then she’s going to want to bring you to a place where you can have sex as quickly as humanly possible. At Love Systems we teach everything you need to know to accomplish this goal, from framing the conversation sexually to escalating things physically, but in the meantime here are a few quick pointers to get you started:

* Always end a touch or kiss before they do/want you to.

* Drop the topic of sex into conversation (in a light, joking way) as quickly as possible.

* Start touching the way you’d touch your boss and build to the way you’d touch a girlfriend.

3) “Let’s get you home.”

It’s easy to think of reasons to give a woman why she has to come back to your place. Keep it simple. “Let me show you that book I was talking about,” is perfect. It gives her plausible deniability and doesn’t tip your hand.

It’s harder to do this with her place. “Do you want to take me home with you?” makes you sound like a stray dog, not a man. “Let’s go to your place” is totally cliché thanks to every movie from the 1970s. “Let’s get out of here” is great if it’s obvious and explicit that she wants to have sex, but if you’re still flying a bit under the radar or her friends are around, you’re going to need something a little more subtle.

Instead, take the lead with “let’s get you home.” It’s a little dominant, it shows you know how to lead, but it also doesn’t trigger state breaks. If her friends are around, it implies that you are just going to make sure that she gets home safe. She shouldn’t feel any pressure since there’s really nothing implied. And if nothing’s going to happen, then there’s no reason she can’t bail on her friends, right?

(If you don’t remember state breaks, review Chapter 10 of Magic Bullets now. If you haven’t read Magic Bullets, get it. It’s the official Love Systems guide to meeting and attracting women, and where most successful guys start. Get it.)

4) Assume you’re going upstairs.

There’s nothing more awkward than walking a woman home and standing there silent for an eternity waiting for her to invite you up. Avoid this situation by assuming that she’ll be bringing you upstairs. Do not pause by the door. Do not say “Well, it was nice hanging out with you.” Keep the momentum of the interaction going as though you are still in the process of hanging out.

If she has to invite you in, that’s risking a state break.

Of course, there will be times when she suggests that you don’t come up, either because she doesn’t want to appear easy, or because she thinks letting you upstairs is an implicit agreement that you’ll be sleeping together. You can usually defuse this by giving yourself a bedtime. “I’ve got work in the morning, so I can only come up for a little bit” is one of my favorites. Say this before she even gets a chance to tell you why you can’t come in – like you coming in is a foregone conclusion.

To find out more information on closing at the girl’s place or getting a girl from the venue back to your place, definitely checkout the interview series on Logistics.

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Truth, they say, is a bitter pill to swallow. I have no idea who “they” is, but I’m believing them right at the moment. The truth, it seems, has smacked me cold in my face. I’ve written a lot about how failed relationships are anything but and about how having been married multiple times is not necessarily a bad thing. But there comes a time when you have to face the fact that, no matter how you spin it, most people won’t see it the same way. There comes a time when you look yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m 47 years old, I’ve been married 4 times and there’s a damn good chance I’ll be spending my life with my cats.”

Now I there will be those of you out there who will tell me I’m selling myself short. G has already pointed out that I’m a quality, valuable person who is intelligent and caring and compassionate and loyal. And while I appreciate all of my cheerleaders, I’m here to tell you that my experience tells me differently.

I’ve been divorced six years and, for all intents and purposes, I’ve been single for six years. I’ve dated. A lot. Here’s how it works. I meet someone, online or in person, and we hit it off. Inevitably the conversation turns to marriages and divorces and I begin to hold my breath. There’s talk of divorces and how long you’ve been divorced. It doesn’t take long and then, wait for it, there it is. The deal breaker question. “How many times have you been married?” Ugh! Shall I ask for the check now?

I can see it their faces you know. First comes the OMG look and then they try to recover with “Oh. Oh. Well…” Yeah. Suddenly, I go from being someone interesting they’re excited to get to know to a girl that might be good enough to have sex with. After all, they should at least get something out of it right? Maybe, they think, they can even work out a FWB arrangement and get laid on a regular basis. All of the perks, none of the work.

Go through that a couple hundred times and it’s bound to leave its mark. Look I know I’m a fabulous person. I know I’ve learned more about myself and relationships than most people ever even dream of learning. I know that my experiences have made me the person I am today. I get all that. The problem is  men don’t. And the majority of them don’t care. All they hear is 4 times and you can hear the fat lady singing in the background.

I’ve never been the girl afraid to take the risk. I’ve put myself out there and gone for it more times than I probably should have, but I think I may be done. It suddenly seems too hard and, the truth is, I think I’m tired of trying. No. I’m not looking forward to facing a life with my cats. Not at all. And I don’t like to think I’m quitter. Yet, at the end of the day when I’m going to bed alone yet again, it somehow seems the path of least resistance. And that is looking pretty damn good right about now.

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I’m going to add something here, that you should do EVERY SINGLE MONTH, at least, maybe every week.

I still get value from this exercise, and it takes very little time. However, just knowing this exercise won’t help, you have to actually DO IT.

Take one piece of A4. At the top write “I see a hot girl”. At the bottom write: “we start having sex” (or “she says ‘I do’”, or whatever your actual outcome is).

Then fill in a plausible and detailed explanation of how you got from seeing this chick to being balls deep. Whenever you get to a point where you’re not sure what to write, you’ve found a sticking point.

For the VAST majority of guys I’ve met, this will be:

“I see a hot girl. I go and run some opinion opener from the internet on her. Then, uh.. um. Maybe I tease her? Uh, and, uh.”

BANG. Sticking point identified. Do some research at this point. What comes next? Post a question to the forum. Ask someone what should happen next.

You don’t need to work out the best thing to say – you’re not looking for lines to memorize, and you’re not looking for some kind of magical routine – it’ll never go down the way you’ve planned it anyway. You’re looking for an understanding of a plausible next step. Don’t accept answers like “Then you be an alpha male and she fucks you” – not good enough. Ask for specific sample dialogue. Don’t try and replicate those, don’t try and parrot that shit off, but use them to get an understanding of what and why happens next.

As my own example, the first time I did this, I got to: “we’re making out in the club”, and I was like WTF happens next? So I asked a natural buddy, and he said: “Last time I just told the girl I’d make her a cocktail back at mine”.

What did I do? I went out and spent a far too much money on cocktail alcohol and equipment. Next time I went out, I was making out with this girl, and was like: “So, uh, do you want a cocktail back at mine?”. Answer: “No”. DOH! Asked for more advice on this, was told to make the bounce home gentler and less obvious … and with time, got that shit sorted. Learning how to bounce was a massive sticking point for me, and I hadn’t even realised it – once I had that sorted, I started having a one-night stand. The point being: you won’t get this stuff right first time, but a plausible idea of how to go about it is crucial

Do I use some long-winded and complicated extraction technique now? No, of course not. Now I instinctively know how to bounce, instinctively know the subtleties, and tend to just say: “ok, we’re out of here!”. But the identification of the sticking point through the above exercise (and subsequent ones), the focus on actually closing and getting from A to B is what started accelerating my game.

Key points:

* Write personal, detailed, and fictional descriptions of how you went from seeing a girl to fucking her to help you get the process straight in your head, and identify your weak points

* Ask for advice any time you find yourself having trouble writing plausible dialogue or action sequences

* The point isn’t to prescript the interaction, the point is to identify your sticking points in getting from A to B – it won’t ever go down the way you planned anyway

* Don’t accept wishy-washy advice that doesn’t come with plausible detailed examples

Hope this helps – just reading it won’t though – actually TRY IT.

To find out more on overcoming sticking points, check out the interview series on sticking points.

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At iDate, Leading Provider of Targeted Online Dating Sites to Share
Insights — from Start-Up to Acquisition by Match.com, and Beyond

MIAMI (Jan. 28, 2010) – The online dating company that grew from start-up in 2002 to acquisition by industry leader Match.com in 2009 is giving an insider’s view of its path to success.

People Media, the fastest growing company in the fastest growing segment of the Internet dating business, will be the focus of the keynote address on the opening day of iDate 2010, the Internet Dating Conference here from Jan. 28-30.

Company vice president Ron Worthy will share “The People Media Story” before an audience of more than 500 internet dating and social networking executives, the largest gathering of its kind.

People Media, Inc. is the No. 1 provider of targeted online dating communities for singles seeking meaningful relationships. Centered on critical relationship factors such as ethnicity, religion and lifestyle, People Media’s niche sites bring together large communities of people with unparalleled scale and focus.

A unit of Match.com, an operating business of IAC, People Media operates 27 individual web properties, reaching nearly 4 million unique users per month. Its portfolio includes six of the Top 50-ranked personal websites, as cited by comScore Media Metrix — more than any other company. These sites include Black People Meet and Senior People Meet, the top dating communities for their respective categories.

“People Media has experienced an incredible trajectory in its relatively short history,” said Ron Worthy, Vice President, People Media. “At iDate, we’ll review the chronological and strategic story of our growth, which is based on a number of pillars we consider essential.

“Verticalization, or a focus on key niches, is the core of our business,” Worthy added. “Interestingly, each of our top five sites resides in a different niche: ethnicity, lifestyle, physical, age and religion. That demonstrates, in a nutshell, the strength of targeted online dating, why we’ve been so successful, and why online dating overall is such a growth industry.”

Worthy was present at the creation of online dating as a business. He was the senior product manager with Community Connect, Inc. (now Interactive One, a unit of Radio One) where he launched several targeted dating sites including the dating vertical for BlackPlanet.com. In 2007, Worthy joined People Media to guide the relaunch of People Media’s portfolio of targeted personals sites including BlackPeopleMeet.com – resulting in 30% annual revenue growth for the site.

In his current role, Worthy oversees marketing programs, strategic alliances, and community outreach, including this past year’s Radio Date segment on the nationally syndicated The Steve Harvey Morning Show. Worthy earned a B.S. from Stanford University and an MBA from the NYU – Stern School of Business.

The 7th annual Internet Dating Conference, set for Jan. 28-30 in Miami, focuses on management for the online dating and social networking industry. The event is designed to have experts illustrate opportunities that exist worldwide to improve business, generate new ideas, identify new technologies for the space, and increase web traffic and conversion rates. The two-day iDate conference consists of morning seminars and lectures, followed by afternoon workshops.

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