According to Paige Parker and Dating Without Drama it’s not okay for a woman to call a man first. Here Paige addresses this and 4 other questions about calling  men.

Dating Dilemma #1-Why can’t I call him first?

Paige says that not calling him first is in fact more empowering than doing the calling. She says women, in her opinion, should never, ever call first and gives three reasons why women should wait for men to call them first.

1. IF HE LIKES YOU, HE *WILL* CALL YOU FIRST.-Paige’s reason for this is that MOST men like to be the ones who pursue. In addition, if you call first, ask them out first, or even tell them to call, they relaxed and feel like they don’t have to put in any effort at all. They can simply sit back and let you do all of the work. She says that, if you let the right man take the lead and let things unfold from there, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
2. WHEN YOU LET HIM CALL YOU, YOU SEND THE MESSAGE THAT YOU’RE A HOT COMMODITY.-When you meet a man and he is attracted to you, he believes that he had better hurry and call you to beat all of the other men out there to you. If you call him first, you shatter that illusion. Suddenly, he thinks, that if you’re calling him you must not have other options. You think modern woman; he thinks desperate.
3. *NOT* CALLING EMPOWERS YOU.-According to Paige, “Although it may seem counterintuitive at first, allowing HIM to call you for the first month or so can be empowering. If he’s the one calling you, you always know where you stand with him. If the phone keeps ringing and he keeps asking you on dates, you can be sure that he’s into you.”

Dating Dilemma #2-But HE SAID “Call ME!”

Paige believes that “Call Me” simply doesn’t necessarily mean call me. Here are her 3 reasons why men tell you to call them.

1. Some men don’t mean it literally when they tell you to call them. It’s simply a phrase they use just like “See you later!” If you’ve been seeing a man and he’s been actively pursuing you, he will be more specific giving you a day and time such as, “Call me when you get out of work on Friday and we’ll meet for happy hour,” or “Call me after your big presentation and let me know how it goes.”
2. Some men use “Call me,” as a way of ending a date without rejecting you. Sometimes they just don’t know how to tell you the date just didn’t do it for them and they use telling you to call them as a way of not having to commit to seeing you again. In a perfect world, they would just tell you they weren’t feeling you. It’s not a perfect world. Chances are, if you do call him, he won’t answer.
3. Then there are the men who don’t want the responsibility of moving forward. Many times these men are juggling several different women and want to keep you as an option. Being just an option is, well, not an option. You should be a priority!

Dating Dilemma #3-What are the rules for text messaging?

Paige gives 4 guidelines for texting.

1. Just like phone calls, never text first. If he texts you, return the message, but never text first.
2. Texting should probably used for practical/logistical issues rather than chatting. For example, it’s okay to text if you’re stuck in traffic or running late or even to confirm plans.
3. If he texts you a flirty message, it’s okay to return a flirty message but…
4. “Don’t text your heart on your sleeve.” For example, if he texts that he had a great time last night and can’t stop thinking about you, resist the urge to reply in kind. A simple text telling him you had a great time too is plenty.
5. Resist replying to flirty text with a risqué reply. Sharing all of your naughty thoughts too soon may very well have him running to the hills and, once he gets there, sharing your naughty thoughts with his buddies. Ouch!

Dating Dilemma #4: “He Said He Would Call and He Didn’t!”

And you told him you’d wait for his call and then sat watching the phone waiting for the phone to ring, right? Never, ever, ever put your life on hold waiting for a phone call! Certainly never tell him you’ll be waiting for his call. By doing so you’ve just sucked the excitement out the whole thing. Telling a man you’ll be waiting for his call reads needy and desperate. Yuck!

Instead, in a lighthearted tone say something like, “Cool. Talk to you soon.” Then go about your normal day. If he gets your voicemail, it lets him know you have other things going on in your life than just waiting for him to call. If he does call, keep it light and let him know what you’ve been doing. Again, you’re sending a message that you have a full, exciting life and men find that sexy and intriguing.

Dating Dilemma #5: “How Do I Know When It’s OK to Call Him?”

Paige’s “don’t call rule” is intended for when you’re seeing someone new. He’ll grow tired of the game of pursuing you and realizes that just being with you is thrill enough. This may coincide with the decision to be exclusive. It may come after the third date. It may come when you slide into an automatic Saturday night date. Every relationship is different, but once you sense that the pursuer/pursuee game has ended, it’s okay to initiate some phone calls.

You should initiate them sparingly, however, until you are in a committed relationship. Calling at the drop of the hate before the relationship has reached the serious stage, may once again make you seem to easily accessible.

For more of Paige’s dating tips visit Dating Without Drama

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When a friend mentioned the The Five Love Languages to me and listed them, I knew right away which language I speak. It also gave me great insight as to why I sometimes feel a little let down by some of the people in my life. They simply don’t speak the same language and, when we don’t speak someone’s language, we aren’t always so good at giving them what they need.

On the other hand, if we learn others’ languages, we make them feel loved and cared for which, in turn, strengthens our emotional bond and brings us closer together. This is this premise for The Five Love Languages. Dr. Gary Chapman, who originally wrote his book for married couples, says,

The result of speaking a person’s love language is more a feeling of “this person understands and cares for me.” Over time, this feeling multiplies into a stronger sense of connectedness. Just as identifying and speaking a person’s love language strengthens a relationship, not doing this can leave a friend or loved one feeling as if you do not love him or her.

What was interesting to me was that, as I read the descriptions of each love language, I could easily see which people in my life speak which language.

Quality Time

People who speak the language of quality time, myself included, feel cared about when the people in their lives take time for them. This does not necessarily mean spending time together, though of course that’s included, but also taking the time to call, email, or text. It’s about quality conversations and taking the time to focus on that person.

Dr. Chapman says, “I do not mean proximity. Two people sitting in the same room are certainly in close proximity, but they are not necessarily together. Togetherness has to do with focused attention. It is giving someone your undivided attention.”

Quality time is about hearing and talking, listening, and quality activities. Without these things, a person who’s primary love language is quality time feels empty and uncared for.

Words of Affirmation

There are many dialects of affirming words. There are words of encouragement, words of praise, and kind words. Using words of encouragement is about both expressing appreciation and about enouraging someone with  your words. Words of praise recognize someone’s accomplishment. Using kind words of affirmation has to do with not only what we say, but the way we say it.

Dr. Chapman uses this example,

“The statement “I love you,” when said with kindness and tenderness can be a genuine expression of love. But what about the statement, “I love you?” The question mark changes the whole meaning of those three words.”

If your loved one’s love language is words of affirmation, speaking words of affirmation to them once a day can drastically improve your relationship. The problem is that we tend to screw up each new day with old crap. We bring our failures with us and pollute it. This makes speaking words of affirmation impossible. We have to let past failures and past hurts go in order to give and receive words of affirmation.

Receiving Gifts

According to Dr. Chapman there has never been a culture that didn’t use gift giving as an expression of love. He says that a gift is something that tells the recipient that you were thinking about them and that, as an expression of that love, you want them to have that something. It does not have to be big, extravagant, or expensive. It is simply a visual symbol that tells your loved one you care about them.

It is important here to differentiate between a gift given out of love and a gift given out of guilt. If a gift is given because you feel guilty or are trying to make up for something, it is not an expression of love. How many men were ingrained to send flowers when they make their wife or girlfriend angry? The wife or girlfriend, in turn, does not feel love but anger that he is trying to buy her off with flowers.

Acts of Service

Some people express love by doing things for others. They help them by doing things for them or by helping them learn to do something. This love language is acts of service.

Again, there is an important distinction here. There is a difference between serving others out of love and being forced to serve others. My first husband insisted that dinner was on the table every day when he arrived home from work. Every day I cooked that dinner and it was on the table when he walked in the door. I did not do it as an act of service, but out of fear of the firestorm I would face if it wasn’t done. This also includes manipulation (If you love me, you’ll do this for me). Both of these are examples of treating a person as an object, not a lover.

If you are truly expressing love through acts of service, you believe that “it is better to give than to receive.” You are making a choice to give of yourself.

Physical Touch

A hug, a touch on the shoulder as someone walks by you, or reaching for someone’s hand are expressions of love through physical touch. According to Dr. Chapman, physical touch can make or break a relationship. It communicates both love and hate.

If the person’s primary love language is physical touch, your touches will speak much louder than the words “I love you” or “I hate you.” Withhold touches and you will isolate and raise doubts about your love. A tender hug communicates love to any child, but it shouts love to the child whose primary love language is physical touch. The same is true of single adults.

For a person whose primary love language is physical touch, a simple touch touches much more deeply than just the physical contact. If, on the other hand, someone withdraws physical touch it is as if they are withdrawing emotionally.

The love language of physical touch is not a simple language. You must learn to the differences between appropriate and inappropriate touches, implict and explict touches, and sensitive touch. An example of a sensitive touch would be holding someone as they cry. Your words may do little to console, but holding them speaks volumes.

Physical touch is also not necessarily about sex. Though many of us have tried unsuccessfully to fill ourselves up with casual sex, we also know the empty feeling it can leave us with.

What it all means

Knowing your own love language is knowing why you feel like you do when people speak it or don’t. You are likely to be drawn to people who speak it loudly and to withdraw from those who don’t. It doesn’t, however, mean that you can’t love or be loved by someone who speaks a different language. If we take the time to learn someone’s love language and to speak it we can improve the quality of all of our relationships.

Finding your love language

I knew right away that quality time is my primary love language followed closely by physical touch. If you are unsure of yours, there are five ways to figure it out.

1. Observe your own behavior. Pay attention to how you typically express love and appreciation to others. If you often hear yourself giving words of affirmation, then this may be your primary love language. If you are the friend who often suggests lunch dates or inviting friends over, then quality time may be your love language.
2. Observe what you request of others. If you find yourself asking for help with projects, acts of service could be your primary love language. If you ask friends and loved ones to “bring you something” when they travel, then receiving gifts could be your love language.
3. Listen to your complaints. This is how I recognized my love language as quickly as I did. I sometimes find myself disapointed that friends don’t have time to call or get together. It was really very obvious to me. Dr. Chapman says that “our complaints reveal our deep emotional hurts. The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.”
4. Ask the right questions. If you are dating someone, ask yourself what it is you like most about them. In the beginning of my recent past relationship, J called, sent texts, and posted on my Facebook wall often. We spent a lot of quality time together. When that happened, I felt completely satisified in the relationship. When that began to fade, I felt empty and unloved by him. If you’re not currently in a relationship, you can ask yourself the same questions about your friendships.
5. Complete the love language profile. Included in Dr. Chapman’s book is a profile which asks you to make choices between two options. The results help you figure out your love language.

Which love language is theirs?

You may be able to determine your loved ones’ love language in the same ways you can determine your own. By observing their expressions, complaints and requests, you may be able to easily determine their primary love language. For example, in conversations with G, especially if I’m down or struggling with something, she often tells me that I’m alright. She frequently validates what I have done or said. She does the same with other people she interacts with. There’s a good chance words of affirmation is her primary love language. Since it’s not a language I speak, I have had to learn it in order to improve our relationship and it was well worth the effort.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions when you are trying to discern someone’s love language. Just be sure to choose your questions well and convey that they are “expressions of genuine desire for information.” You certainly don’t want to drill or interogate as that would be counter-productive.

Another way to determine someone’s love language is to experiment a little. Try a few different things and see how the person responds to you. While reading the chapter on words of affirmation, I began to believe that J’s love language was words of affirmation. I simply wrote a little something praising his talent for singing and telling him how much I would miss not seeing him perform that weekend. The response was incredible.

Try focusing on each language a week at a time and pay attention to response you get. The week you are speaking that person’s love language you will see a difference in their response.

Order The Five Love Languages Singles Edition here.

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On the heels of yet another politician cheating, Dr. Steven Treat examines why people cheat. Though this has been hashed out a million times both here and everywhere else, Dr. Treat breaks it down in some ways that really hit home for me on the backside of my own breakup over cheating.

First, he says, people cheat because of some deficeit they’re feeling. They don’t feel good about themselves and someone comes along and tells them something that makes them feel good. They don’t feel smart and someone tells them how smart they are. And then for 15 minutes or 20 minutes or a weekend. It’s usually not a spouse or partner because you’re caught up in everyday life with them.

And they do it despite the incredible cost. Cheating can cost a marriage or relationship, your career–everything you’ve spent your whole life building. They lose the consequences of what happens. Dr. Treat says you get caught trying to get immediate satisfaction by filling up the deficeit.

While Dr. Treat says that people of power or money or wealth may be more suceptible, I think I disagree. Back in the day, when I cheated in my marriage, I too risked everything. I risked my marriage, my career, and my life. And I lost it all.

If you’re in a relationship and are feeling that you aren’t getting what you need, if you are feeling a deficeit, the first thing you need to do is be emotionally honest with yourself and with your partner. Go to your partner and tell them you aren’t getting what you need.  People are traditionally very bad at asking for what they need. When they don’t put their needs out there, they assume they’re not going to be met and it starts a whole cycle. Needs don’t get met, mostly because they don’t tell their partner what those needs are.

Almost as an afterthought, Dr. Treat says that in a real relationship you have to deal with everyday stuff, you have to deal with life. Those are the real intimacies dealing with life over a long period of time. I think that this is what trips us up so often. We expect fireworks and romance and the magic we felt at the beginning to always be there. When they fade, as they always do and we’re left with life, we fight to find it elsewhere instead of building that real intimacy.

Thoughts?

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Gone are the days of finding lipstick on his collar to catch a cheater. You no longer have to listen in on phone calls or follow him to catch him in a lie or another woman’s bed. Hell, you don’t even have to hire a professional. All you need is a good eye and a Facebook profile–and a boyfriend who thinks he can stay ahead of the game and remove incriminating wall posts and comments.

There’s little doubt that Facebook has complicated dating for some. First, there’s the whole status business. Are you single, in a relationship or is it complicated? Changing your status from one to the other can sometimes be like walking a tightrope. There are all kinds of stories out there about people changing their status to single before an official breakup causing all kinds of problems even one about a man who murdered his wife over it.

On the reverse side if you start seeing someone and change your status to in a relationship before both of you have agreed to do so, it can stir up trouble as well. One couple changed their statuses to engaged before telling their families and the surprise announcement they planned was ruined when someone saw it and spilled the beans.

Times have changed. No doubt about it. For those not so familiar with FB, once you confirm someone as your friend, you can write on their wall, comment on their status updates and even send them cute little bumper stickers. It can be a fun flirting tool, but it can also cause a heap o’ trouble.

If you’re less than honest or trying to hide something, Facebook can become a problem especially since you can’t always control what people post on your FB. Oh sure, you can remove things in an attempt to head off trouble at the pass but there are cases when that may not be enough. Or maybe, you just won’t be quite fast enough. It’s also good to think about email notifications to those who comment on your status update or wall posts. A girl with a little common sense and a good working knowledge of FB will bust you faster than you can answer the question, “What’s on your mind?”

I had been seeing someone a few months. We hit a couple of speed bumps but had worked through that and things were going pretty well. Though we had agreed to be exclusive, we had not yet changed our Facebook statuses to ‘in a relationship’ and, for the most part, I was okay with that. We had a great time together and I’d known him for years and trusted him. Right up until things started getting hinky with his Facebook profile.

About 3 weeks ago, he told me he was going out of town for the weekend. He called me from the road on Friday and said that he would call when he got home. On Sunday afternoon, a wall post appeared on his profile from a girl. we’ll call her The Nurse. It read “The margaritas, food, music, and friends were great. Thanks soooo much for a wonderful time.” About an hour later another appeared. It was along the same lines except that it included much more detail about cooking together and drinking together, yada, yada. Almost as soon as it appeared, it disappeared. I had a WTF moment, but trusted him and gave him the benefit of the doubt sure there had to be a reasonable explanation.

A few days later, conincidentally, the night before I was to leave for vacation, he canceled our date via email. (Yeah. I know. That’s a whole other post!) The next day, when I logged on to Facebook from my hotel room, I found this from The Nurse, “Thank you for a rather enjoying relaxing evening. I must say ‘here’s to you Mr. Professor’ LOL.” Again, I thought it odd, but since he had responded with, “Not sure what that means…but okay!” I again gave him the benefit of the doubt.

The third time there was no way around it. There was no wiggle room, no room for ambiguity. I had invited him over for a movie since he was taking his dad to have surgery the next morning. I thought a distraction was in order. He begged off saying his back was hurting and he was going to take a hot bath and go to bed early. About an hour later, he updated his status to reflect the fact that he was taking his dad for surgery the next morning. I posted a comment on his status wishing him well.

Now, in case you don’t know how FB status comments work, when you post a comment on someone’s status, you get email notification of other comments left after yours. Late that night, while fighting to stay awake while waiting for Kira to arrive, I logged onto my computer to check my email and there it was, a comment on his status from The Nurse.

The Nurse also commented on The Professors’s status:

“Tell your daddy I will be thinking of him. I hope everything goes okay. Call me in the a.m. if you want. I had a good time with you tonight. I must say the Passiontini’s were great.”

Excuse me? I quickly went to his FB profile and, of course, the comment had been deleted. Apparently, he had not given thought to the email notification I would receive. Notice it says tonight. As I said, no room for ambiguity. He had obviously lied to me in order to spend the evening with her.

When I called him on it the next day, he continued to try to lie his way out of it, instead turning it on me saying I had jumped to conclusions. Please. Just because the evidence had been deleted, does not mean it never existed.

The long and the short of it is this. If you’re dating, the person you’re dating has access to your Facebook profile, and you are being less than honest, you may be setting yourself up to get caught. In fact, it’s probably a good idea not to have the person you are cheating with as one of your FB friends. Oh or maybe, just maybe, it’s best to be faithful and honest or, at least, have the balls to break up with one girl before taking up with another.

Thoughts?

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In reality, it is pretty simple, but most women have the toughest time understanding men. Hidden inside the heart of every man is a secret longing to be trusted. How many times have men said to their wives, “If you would just trust me?”

Many men wonder why it seems so difficult for their wives to do something so seemingly easy. The answer stems from the physiological disparities involving the sexes.

It starts at birth when little boys are given a distinct physical benefit above little girls by having elevated levels of testosterone. With testosterone comes the physical strength to protect themselves from risk.

Most little girls don’t possess that capacity. They don’t have the power to protect themselves in a raw fight once they feel endangered.

If a boy trusts someone who in turn hurts him, he can all the time defend himself physically. Little girls don’t possess that physical power. Because a someone can only trust from a position of strength, those same little girls will grow up into women who genuinely have a more hard time “trusting” once they feel helpless.

So men, while you ask the woman of your choice to simply “trust you,” it is not that she can’t, it is just that she is more weak than you are. If you want her to depend on you, she needs something that will assist her grow that trust.

Perhaps even a token action that she can “count on” until her faith in you is established. Thankfully this means already exists and is known by every woman. What develops faith in a woman is a man who constantly keeps his word. To her, making a guarantee is meaningless if there is no follow-through.

A woman wants to SEE her man carry out his promises - not just hear his pledge without action.

Allow me to illustrate. Imagine somebody told you that I was the selfish individual they had ever met. For months, all you heard was how terrible I treated my relatives and friends.

Then one day you come across me, and through the course of our meeting, you start to see that I do not seem to be as horrible as you have been led to think. I in fact seem to be rather pleasant.

Would you change your entire judgment about me on or after just one visit? Perhaps not! Nonetheless, if you saw me take action consistently with compassion and meekness over a period of some weeks, your view of me would start to alter.

A paradox has now been established in understanding men. The compassion you have seen in me for the previous few weeks does not match what you have heard concerning me. All the reports of how mean I am begin to fade into darkness as a result of my consistent actions.

Over time, what you see will replace almost, if not all, of your worries about my character.

Men, as soon as the woman you love sees your words lining up with your actions, belief will naturally follow. When you don’t keep your word, it makes your spouse or girlfriend to become scared. From her perspective, she has trusted you with her affection and Desires to depend on you. She just wants you to assist her count on so she can provide you what you want.

Understanding men can be very tough because most men think there is no one on the planet who knows and understands them to the degree that they crave and deserve.

Learn more about Gina G at Relationships & Dating Tips

To Learn more about becoming a Master of Female Orgasms, Please Visit:
Expert Female Orgasms

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Let’s just face it. Breakups suck and, the truth is, they aren’t supposed to be fun. Women handle them in many different ways from having meltdowns to withdrawing to drowning their sorrows. The good news is that breakups don’t have to be awful. Seriously. They can be what they should be–an opportunity for growth and learning. Christian Carter has 3 steps to help you do just that and I have to tell you they make a lot of sense.

STEP #1: RECOGNIZE WHAT WASN’T WORKING FOR YOU

Admit it ladies. When we’ve just gone through a breakup, one of the first things many of us do is rehash the relationship trying to figure out what we did wrong or how we drove him away. How many times have you thought, “If I just hadn’t said that or done this, he wouldn’t have left me?” I certainly have. But what does that really accomplish? Nothing more than making you feel even more miserable and cry even more tears. The truth of the matter is that many times we make our misery.

Or maybe you spent your time romanticizing the relationship and are ignoring the problems. You remember the good times and think you’ll never find anyone else who is so perfect for you. And then, of course, you cry some more.

Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t grieve your loss. Not at all. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t wallow in it. Instead, why not follow Christian’s advice and try to figure out how to get the relationship you want and the kind of love you deserve in the future. What lessons can you learn from this experience that will help you in the next relationship?

According to Christian:

When you focus on your ex too much, and you spend your time “pining away” for a relationship, you miss out on a very important lesson.

You stop seeing all the ways that the relationship made life a ROLLER COASTER for you.

You don’t realize all the ways he wasn’t right for you or made you feel less than your true self.

You don’t learn what it is you really want and need from a relationship in order to be fulfilled.

Let’s face it, you were led down some very negative emotional paths by this guy, weren’t you?

Okay. That makes sense, right? But how the hell do you do it? First of all, get some reality. Stop romanticizing and start remembering all of things he said and did that made you feel sad, uncared for, or unworthy. Stop thinking about the good times and reflect instead on those feelings that were probably instrumental in the ending of the relationship.

Think about what you can learn about men, yourself, relationships and love from the things that were wrong in the relationship. And then don’t repeat your mistakes in the next relationship.

STEP #2: STOP “LOSING YOURSELF” IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

How much did you give up to be with this guy? Did you give up time with family and friends? Did you quit doing all those things you used to love to do?

You probably gave them up in order to spend time with him; to make him comfortable. You gave them up because your relationship was important and you wanted to focus your energy on it and make it work.

You’ve got to let that go and get back out there. Get back to doing the things you love. Get back to spending time with your family and friends. Get back out there ready to meet someone new and date again. Otherwise, you’re still giving up things for him–the guy who’s no longer in your life. If weeks or months have gone by and you’re still pining away putting your life on hold for him, stop it! By doing this Christian says you are actually doing the very thing that caused your relationship to crumble in the first place.

STEP #3: BE READY FOR LOVE WHEN IT FINDS YOU

We’ve all felt it before. He was so perfect for you and you just know you’ll never find anyone like him again. You’re sure that there’s no one else out there who can make you feel like he did. Really? If he was so perfect, why the hell is he gone? If he was so perfect, why did you feel like crap when you were together? You may even feel like you don’t ever want to date again–or at least not for a very long time.

So you focus on work, on you, on friends, on whatever you can to avoid dating and being hurt again. Maybe you even convince yourself you’re happy just like you are. You don’t need a damn man anyway! Besides, even if you did meet someone new, it would probably end the same way and you’d be right back where you started from. Right? Wrong.

Be honest with yourself. If you shut yourself off from the possibility of love, you may be giving up the opportunity for something incredible and lasting. That one great guy meant for you could be out there right now and you’ve got yourself wrapped up in a “bubble” that will keep you from ever finding him. Sure, you feel vulnerable. Of course, it’s risk. Here’s what Christian says about taking that risk:

Ok, you may feel pretty in-control and safe right now, but are you LIVING? If you’re not taking a risk, are you risking never feeling he LOVE and connection that could transform your life someday?

Is it worth that? I don’t think so. I know. This last experience sucked. It hurt and you’d rather poke your eye out than go through that. The truth is that it doesn’t have to be that way.

Right now you think there are no good men out there or that the good ones are already taken or that they won’t be attracted to you, but here’s the thing about building real attraction. According to Christian, “You CAN experience the kind of LOVE you’ve always wanted in your life, regardless of what kinds of bad experiences you’ve had before.”

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I love texting as anyone who knows me can tell you. Some days it’s constant. It’s not just me. Kira and I text nonstop some days. In fact, if a day goes by and I don’t get a text from her, I worry. I text friends, my hair stylist, my Pure Romance upline, even my dad. I find it not only convenient, but a more comfortable way for me to communicate since I’m not really one of those girls who enjoys talking on the phone.

I believe that texting in dating is completely appropriate used correctly but, as I was reminded of recently, there are times when it is a definite no-no.

For example, when the drama demons show up, it’s best not to hit send. I realize that for some of us, yours truly included, that’s sometimes easier said than done. But, as one of my college professors was fond of saying, “If you have to ask if it’s appropriate, it probably isn’t.” If you can’t help but type it, go right ahead. Just don’t send it. Save it drafts and give it some time. If, after you’ve gotten control, it seems appropriate, go ahead. Be sure to give very careful consideration first.

Dos

• Do use texting to verify times of dates, etc.
• Do use texting to ask questions about times, locations, etc.
• Definitely do use texting to send a quick “I’m thinking about you” or “I miss you” text especially if you’re on vacation or apart for whatever reason.
• Do have fun with texting. A mid-morning sexy text is a great way to bring a smile to your sweetie’s face.

Don’ts

• Don’t over-text. Not everyone has the time or the inclination to text all day, every day.
• Don’t text when angry, frustrated, or otherwise unhappy with your partner.
• Don’t communicate about serious relationship issues via text.
• Don’t cancel dates via text. (Also applies to email)
• Don’t break up with someone using a “Dear John” text. (Also applies to email)

Other things to remember

• Not everyone loves texting. In fact, some people hate it. If that’s the case, respect your dates wishes.
• You may not always get an immediate response. We seem to have an expectation that we should get a reply to our text right away, but that may not always happen. Some people are slow responders or they may be actually using their phone to, you know, talk on the phone, or they may even be away from their phone for some reason. Be patient and don’t overreact if you don’t get a response as quickly as you think you should.
• You may not get a response at all. Sometimes, even when you think a reply is in order, the recipient may not. Be careful not to take it personally. It happens sometimes that people get caught up in life and forget to reply. And remember, not everyone keeps a text count like you might.
• Texting can easily lead to misinterpretation. Recently, when recounting a text I received, I said that the tone of it was nasty. The person I was talking to said, “Tone? In a text?” Point taken. It’s not always easy to read the mood or tone behind the text.

Texting is another great way to communicate, but it’s important to mention that there are still the “old school” ways as well. It’s best to communicate important things via a good old-fashioned phone call or in person.

Thoughts?

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More photos of Cristiano (Click to enlarge)

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By Kaci

“Who doesn’t long for someone to hold? Someone to love you without being told…somebody tell me why I’m on my own if there’s a soulmate for everyone…” - ”Soulmate” by Natasha Bedingfield.

It’s a great concept, isn’t it?  One person you are destined to be with.  You can stop looking now because you are meant to be with your soulmate.  Soulmates are fictional characters that come straight out of a Disney movie.

The thought that you are meant to be with one person out every living person is ludicrous.  What if you never meet your soulmate?  Maybe they live in California and you live in Maine.  But you would never know right?  There isn’t a map with a pushpin showing you where your soulmate is. You can’t go on a search for your soulmate. There won’t be a flashing light over his head reading “Jane Doe’s Soulmate.” Soulmates are just not logical.

Another problem with soulmates is the fact that it closes out our other options.  We get so set on this picture perfect man we are destined to be with. It creates standards that no one can meet.  Again, this isn’t Cinderella and our knight in shining armor on a white horse isn’t coming to save us.  It also becomes an excuse for failed relationships.  “Oh he just wasn’t my soulmate.”  “We weren’t meant to be together.”  Which, yes, that can be true but not so literally and that probably isn’t the reason the relationship ended.  I’m sure you didn’t just walk up to him one day and say, “Sorry, you aren’t my soulmate.  Goodbye.”  Having a soulmate is a plan with too many flaws.

I do believe however, that someone can feel like they are your soulmate.  I believe that some people just feel like they are meant to be with the person they are with. Two people can have a connection that is so deep it feels like it was destined to be but I don’t believe it actually was.

To learn more about Kaci, go here.

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