One of the cutest things a toddler does is repeat something he or she just heard. It’s cute until your precious little one says something that would be bleeped on TV.

Many years ago, an old boss of mine admonished his young son for dropping an F-bomb. It was clear from his response that he disapproved.

“Don’t ever #*&@ing say @#^% again!”

It became a running joke.

In another instance, I witnessed a woman on the bus talking to one of her son’s friends. He showed the woman a picture of her son on his camera phone. The boy was making a hand gesture commonly used on the roads in South Florida. The woman was appalled and liberally peppered her diatribe with F-bombs. She took out her cell phone, called her son, and a colorful lecture ensued. Because of an editorial decision that affects all my writing here on 21st Century Dad, I cannot provide a transcript.

In Frugal Dad’s review of  Scratch Beginnings: Me, $25, and the Search for the American Dream, by Adam Shepard, he lamented that it contained enough profanity to turn off much of its potential audience. It’s a shame that it would be seen as such a problem. I encounter plenty of profanity, but I don’t pass harsh judgment on people who use it. The author’s intent was to give the book another layer of realism. I don’t consider that gratuitous usage. It was a creative decision made by the author.

One night, Renee and I brought Twilli to a meeting. A guy was wearing a t-shirt that said, “New York F—ing City.” He apologized for displaying profanity around our baby. I replied, “it’s all good, bro. She can’t read yet anyway.”

Who Blinks First

Most of the adults I know are sensible enough to know when and where profanity is inappropriate to use. There are some adults who refrain from it altogether. I have an ex-girlfriend who only managed to say, “fuh!” in a moment of extreme duress.

I am no saint, but I refrain from using profanity in mixed company. I don’t use it in my writing because it forces me to be more creative. I will rarely blink first when talking to someone I just met. But I do keep a mental roster of those who are OK with it, those who are definitely not OK with it, and those who I prefer to stay on the safe side with, but would move into the “safe” column once they blink. Those who blinked first are in what I call my “circle of profanity.” Okay, I never called them that before. I just made it up. The Bible Belt has a buckle shaped like a giant parallelogram. I live inside that parallelogram. I’ve always been careful, and my usual verbal patterns need no modification here.

If you are a user of profanity, you probably self-censor depending on who you’re with or where you are. You feel a sense of relief when it’s OK to refrain from editing. Sometimes we use it to build rapport.

What You Can Do

The easy answer (and the harder thing to do) is not to swear around your children. If you never use profanity, and your child drops an F-bomb, you can always blame an in-law.

The RSS Feed – Free Updates

Receive updates in your favorite RSS feed reader

Receive updates by email

I never heard a more beautiful sound than her first cries as she made her explosive entry into the world. She was so tiny, delicate, and precious. I could be happy freezing any given moment and having her stay that way forever, yet I daydream about what she’d be like as a 2 year old, 5 year old, pre-teen, teenager, and a young woman. Time would stand still, especially when she was throwing one of her epic tantrums. Then we’d reach a milestone and realize how fast it all seemed to have gone by.

The first year was marked by dramatic physical changes. She grew to 3 times her birth weight. All that thick dark hair fell out and was slowly replaced by her current golden-brown locks. She cut her first teeth. She was one super-duper chubby-wubby obviously-breast-fed baby for a while. She started crawling, then cruising, then she took her tentative first steps without help from mommy or daddy.

Between ages 1 and 2, it gets really interesting. She is growing cognitively. The rate of physical growth slows, but continues. She looks so tiny and so huge all at the same time. Twilli started to talk. She could say a few words. You could clearly ascertain from the context that she knew what she was talking about vs. mimicking what she hears.

“Pretty!”

“More? More?”

“No.”

“Nurse! NURSE! NURSE!”

“Ooh, what’s this?”

“Daddy!”

“Mommy!”

Our relationship has moved into a new phase. We are communicating verbally. Lengthier conversational volleys are on the horizon.

As much as there is to teach, I have learned so much. I have opened my eyes to my own Korean heritage. I continue to eat garlic and insanely spicy food in large quantities. Twilli also enjoys some pretty spicy food for a toddler. There are many more lessons in store for me.

I unsubscribed from almost all of my feeds.

I still love you guys and gals. You now show up in my Google Reader instead of my inbox.

I can now consolidate all my RSS subscriptions in one place. My entire computing life is more streamlined now. Having a Google account gives me some cool online tools. I can squeeze even more functionality out of my non-smart phone.

If you’re not cool enough to have a smartphone, the next best thing is an unlimited text messaging plan connected your social media accounts.

Now that I have a Google account and iGoogle homepage that I’m actually using, I’m looking at Google’s SMS goodies even further. A detailed post about how I make my dumb phone smarter will be coming soon.

Photo: Renee Holiday

I would be completely remiss if I didn’t post today. I want to shout out to a couple of guys who will be celebrating their first ever Father’s Days:

Pat, Chris, and Brandon (you guys know who you are). Welcome to the club! You think changing dirty diapers is fun now, wait til they start getting squirmy.

When I started this blog, I enjoyed the ad-hoc social network created around bloggers in one’s niche and interests. Now my social networking time is spent on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

With the transition from Florida to Tennessee, some plates stopped spinning. Some balls got dropped. My voice is even lower now. I get enough positive encouragement to continue this blog, albeit on a very sparse posting schedule. I’ve connected with several people through it, and continue to connect. Many of those connections have been carried through to my “big three” social networking sites. Is that kind of like owning the same album on 8-track, LP, cassette, CD, and mp3? Okay, I may not be old enough to have an 8-track player, but I do remember them. If I’m too old to shop at Abercrummy and Filth, then I’m certainly old enough to remember 8-tracks, or at least LPs.

Today is Father’s Day, a celebration of fatherhood and another opportunity for retailers to hawk their wares. While it’s a day to buy yet another barbecue grill set or another tie he won’t wear,  it’s a day to be the best dad you can be. Turn it up a notch or two, or three.

Say hi to some of these great dads out there in the blogosphere. Most are dad bloggers, but some are bloggers who happen to be dads.

• Buck Daddy
• Building Camelot
• Dad of Divas
• Dad Thing
• Dad’s Workbench
  
• Daddy’s Toolbox
  
• Discovering Dad
• DIY Father
  
• Frugal Dad
• Hubby, Daddy, Techie
• Joeprah
• Metro Dad
• Mocha Dad
• Planet Saturday
• Rice Daddies
• Steve Pavlina
• Strobist
• The Busy Dad Blog
• The Wisdom Journal
• TipDad
• Vegan Dad

It has been a mostly painless transition. Taking care of things like getting a Tennessee driver’s license, registering my car (yes, I have a car now!), and getting administrivia taken care of is much easier in The Volunteer State.

You Live Where?

If you tell anyone who doesn’t live in Tennessee that you live anywhere else but Nashville, Memphis, Knoxville, and maybe Chatanooga, they think you live way out in the middle of nowhere.

The Job Market

Knox County has about 1/3rd of the population of Broward County and an even smaller fraction of what’s considered South Florida. One would think jobs would be even more scarce. It’s not the case. Take all the available jobs in South Florida. Subtract the ones that require you to speak Spanish. Now compare the job markets in Knoxville and South Florida. 1-0 Knoxville! If you include Oak Ridge, then prospects start looking better.

I wouldn’t mind having a regular job here. The pay is much more in line with the cost of housing here. With the pay scale being very close and a lower overall cost of living, it’s Knoxville 2, South Florida 0.

I could always use another freelance client. Know anyone who needs help with PowerPoint?

Culture Shock

I never knew customer service could be so good! Add a little southern charm and a smile, and your trip to Starbucks is just that much more pleasant. They say the pace of life is slower in the South. It has to be. The first 3 minutes of every conversation is almost always jockeying back and forth with different ways to say “how are you?” and “I’m doing fine, thank you!”

I stopped by Target in Clinton last week. (Again, Clinton sounds like it’s way out there. In reality, it’s only about 10 miles from Knoxville). I was looking around and Marisa Tomei’s voice spoke one of the many memorable lines from My Cousin Vinny. “Oh, you blend!” Within seconds of having that thought, I spy an entire Asian family. There’s a stronger Asian presence here than you would think!

I Don’t Need no Stinkin’ GPS

If I get a GPS, I’ll never learn my way around! I am a bit of a throwback. As connected to technology and web 2.0 as I am, the inner curmudgeon sits on my shoulder and speaks very loudly when I pass by the GPS units at the Super WalMart.

South Florida is laid out like a grid. Knoxville looks like what would happen if your toddler played Sim City. Planning ahead, Google Maps, maps of Oak Ridge and Knoxville, and I’m doing just fine.

Bad Drivers Are Everywhere

Ask anyone where the worst drivers are. They will invariably tell you it’s where they live. I’m disguised as a local, complete with a Tennessee license plate on a Jeep Grand Cherokee. You probably think that bad driver is a local. It’s really me – a recent transplant. I still have to say, South Florida wins this nefarious honor by a landslide. I turn on my blinker and in Tennessee, that means, “the car with the blinker on wants to turn or change lanes.” In Florida it means, “Let me finish typing this text message while I juggle my coffee and Mapquest printout.”

Quittin’ Time

It’s hard to believe that I’m finally getting on the road next week. Today was my last day at the job, and now I’m officially an “unrestricted free agent.” One might think there are fewer opportunities in a less populated metropolitan area. However, if you don’t include the jobs in South Florida that require fluency in Spanish, Knoxville probably comes out ahead by a wide margin.

Movin’ Out

Mama Leone left a note on the door. She said, “Sonny, move to Tennessee.” Or something like that…

I have about a gazillion things to do. It feels like there’s a never-ending avalanche of stuff. I’ve been in this house for almost 10 years. How can so much stuff accumulate if the Super Target by my house has only been open for 2 years?

I’ve shared this house with my mother, 5 different roommates, Renee, 4 cats, Austin, and Twilli. Throughout the process of packing and purging, I’ve found items brought into this house by all of the people who have shared this house with me.

Vacuum Sealed for Freshness

Packing is a monumental task made only slightly less monumental with vacuum-seal storage bags. I compressed a king-size down duvet into a package the size of a briefcase!

I especially like the hanging suit bags. Back in December during phase 1 of the relocation, we packed up Twilli’s stuffed animals in a Space Bag. For whatever reason, the vacuum-sealed stuffed animals inspired a strange fascination. It was borderline morbid.

These vacuum-seal bags work great for storage too. There are only 2 seasons in Florida – summer and tourist. I didn’t need to store any winter clothes. These vacuum-seal bags are great for stashing your seasonal clothing. Winter clothes are bulky. Plus, you can lock in their freshness, just like those bricks of coffee you buy at the supermarket.

I do have to offer up a word of caution. One of my roommates used these when she was going home to Sweden. They expanded in her suitcase during the flight!

Hitting the Road

I don’t anticipate being able to do much writing over the next several weeks. However, you can catch up with me via Facebook and Twitter. Those social media outlets are far easier to update on the fly and during random spare moments. I will definitely be Tweeting from the road next week.

The RSS Feed – Free Updates

Receive updates in your favorite RSS feed reader

Receive updates by email

Nursery Decoration on a Budget

Let’s be honest, being charged with the task of decorating your child’s nursery is scary enough without having to worry about the costs involved. Most families are living on a tighter budget these days, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still supply your newborn with the nursery that they deserve. Hiring home decorators and buying new baby furniture can come with quite a hefty price tag. With a little creativity however, you can easily decorate your baby’s nursery by yourself for a fraction of the cost and surprisingly little effort.

One of the easiest ways to decorate a nursery is with some homemade or store bought stencils. With stencils, you can add some character to your child’s room without having to resort to expensive wallpaper. Wallpaper can be a real pain, especially if you’re installing it by yourself. By painting with stencils, even a dad with no artistic ability can create great looking wall art on for very little money. Stencils can usually be found at any art supply or crafts store and come in a variety of shapes and designs. Once you have your stencils, practice painting with them on a scrap of wood or drywall. Practice makes perfect and the better your painting skills, the less time and effort it will take to get your nursery walls looking just right.

When decorating your nursery walls you may be tempted to go with more traditional colors like pastels. While these colors are nice and give the room a nice tone, baby’s eyes are underdeveloped for the beginning stages of their lives and they have difficulty distinguishing soft colors. Be bold and paint your nursery with bright and vibrant colors! Not only will it make for a more interesting nursery, but your child will actually be able to see the designs which will make the room more engaging for your son or daughter. Simple tricks like these will help take the pain out of room decoration while also making the most of every last penny.

The RSS Feed – Free Updates

Receive updates in your favorite RSS feed reader

Receive updates by email

I promised a personal finance post a long time ago. Here it is.

Frugal Dad recently wrote a post about having a sinking fund. I wasn’t familiar with the term, sinking fund, but I was aware of the concept long ago. For those of you joining me here out of context, a sinking fund is an amount of money set aside regularly to help fund irregular expenses.

In the past, whenever an irregular expense like the 6-month premium for my car insurance came due, I simply charged it. I told myself I would pay it off over time. I even gave myself extra credit, calculating the APR over the same time frame was still less than the inconvenience fee charged by the insurance company for making installment payments.

My financial health is trending upward, but I am still operating on  a cash basis.  Oh, I can get credit, but it’s hardly on favorable terms. The banks aren’t being very nice to people with good credit scores either these days. Since I am on a cash basis, I have to carefully plan for these irregular expenses.

I created a spreadsheet that helps you calculate how much of your monthly budget should go toward your sinking fund. It looks like most budgeting spreadsheets, but with additional columns. The additional columns are for quarterly, semi-annual, annual, and bi-annual expenses.

Like most people, I find it easier to look at money on a monthly basis. The biggest portion of our expenses occur at that interval. At the bottom of the spreadsheet, you’ll see a running tally of how much you need to put into your sinking fund each month. This is a fun spreadsheet to play around with. I can daydream and  run what-if scenarios all day with it.

Download the spreadsheet here.

You might notice the screen-shot above doesn’t look like Microsoft Office. With yet another frugal move, I started using Open Office. When Microsoft Office 2008 was released for the Mac, I asked myself if I should upgrade or do I jump ship for the open-source alternative? I asked myself, but my wallet chimed in before anyone else could speak.

The RSS Feed – Free Updates

Receive updates in your favorite RSS feed reader

Receive updates by email

Black bean salad

This is one of my favorite dishes to bring to a pot-luck. None of the ingredients had a face. The only mother these ingredients have is Mother Nature.

As much as I love to cook, I never watch the Food Network, not even for Nigella Lawson. Now that I’ve got you thinking about food porn, here’s the first recipe I’ve ever published here on this blog.

There are a lot of ingredients, but my instructions are detailed. It is incredibly easy to make and comes together quickly. The cayenne pepper and the green chiles give it a “pleasant kick.” However, that which is a “pleasant kick” to me might feel like a thermonuclear warhead detonation to others. For those of you who can’t take the heat, reduce or omit the cayenne pepper or use plain diced tomatoes. But how much fun is that?

Ingredients

1lb. of dry black beans

4 cups of vegetable broth

2 cups of water (use bottled or filtered water, remember my 10 tips?)

15oz can of whole kernel corn, preferably the “no salt added” variety

10 oz. can of diced tomatoes with chiles (I like Ro-Tel or Target brand the best)

1 cup of chopped red onions

3 limes

8-10 cloves of garlic

1/2 oz. fresh chopped cilantro

1/4 cup olive oil

4 tbsp. oregano

2 tbsp. sea salt

2 tbsp. ground cumin

1 tsp. cayenne pepper

Instructions

1. Soak the beans overnight, or for at least 8 hours. Drain and rinse.
2. Combine black beans, 4 cups vegetable broth, 2 cups water, 4-5 cloves of garlic (chopped), oregano, sea salt, cumin and cayenne pepper in a large saucepan. Bring to a boil on medium-high heat then reduce to a gentle simmer for 2 hours. Gently stir the beans as little as possible. You don’t want to break the skins. Your house will smell awesome for a few hours.
3. Toward the last half of the simmering process, add the olive oil.
4. Drain the beans and save the broth. Set the broth and about 2 cups of the beans aside. This is your bonus. You will have the beginnings of a tasty black bean soup.
5. Drain the corn and diced tomatoes. Save the water you just drained and add it to the soup base.
6. Combine the beans, corn, diced tomatoes, onions, the rest of the garlic (finely minced) and the juice and pulp from 3 limes in a large bowl. Mix together and enjoy!

Notes

This dish can be served cold. The flavor improves as it reaches room temperature.

You can wait until the dish is ready to serve before adding the chopped cilantro and lime juice.

There is no such thing as “too much cilantro.”

Garnish it with avocado slices. The fat content of the avocado goes great with the pleasant kick of the chiles.

Don’t let the corn scare you. There’s a total of 60 grams of carbs in the entire yield. If you believe that low-carb baloney, there’s plenty of fiber in the black beans to bring that “net carbs” number down significantly. Carbs are good for you. Do you realize you burn off the calories in 20 grams of carbs just by sitting on your ass for an hour?

If you’re worried about gaseous anomalies, add some tumeric and a pinch of sugar.

What is your current obsession: Vegetarianism

What are you wearing now: The Dad uniform – cargo shorts and comfy t-shirt with food stains. If you want to know specifics, the shorts are from “Circle Dot” and the shirt is Adobe.com SWAG.

Who was the last person you hugged: My friend Linda.

Who is the last person who kissed you: Depends on what kind of kiss you’re talking about. A friendly peck on the cheek – Linda. A full-on game of tonsil hockey – Gentlemen never kiss and tell.

If you were a tree, what tree would you be: Redwood.

What’s for dinner: A bean burrito.

What was the last thing you bought: Venti coffee at Starbucks.

What are you listening to right now: Pandora radio online.. As I type this, Leann Rimes covering “Crazy” is on.

What is your favorite weather: sunny, mid 70’s.

What is on your bedside table: Cell phone charger, lamp, dust.

What is your most challenging goal right now: Getting my butt to Tennessee.

Say something to the person who tagged you: I am blessed to have you in my life.

Suspend all disbelief. What is your dream job: Starting goalie for an NHL team.

Name the things you cannot live without: food, shelter, water, internet.

What would you like to have in your hands right now: My daughter’s hand.

Hot or Cold coffee: hot coffee, with heavy whipping cream.

What would you like to get rid of: A quarter million dollars in debt.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go: Oak Ridge Tennessee, with my daughter.

If you could have your portrait painted/made by any famous artist from any era, who would you choose: Annie Liebovitz.

What is your favorite book: The Art of War, Sun Tzu

Name one foreign country you’d like to visit: Sweden