24/7 Koesters

The Bachelorette: PG-13

2012-05-22T15:09:00.003-05:00

I really struggled with whether or not to even right a blog this week. I finally coaxed my husband into giving me the control for the TV and then about 45 minutes into it, I changed the channel. He asked why I did that and I said I had to make sure I wasn't on PBS! Emily is a freaking dud! So of course she picks the least interesting guys to go on all the dates and we have to sit there and endure it!

The first date of the week went to Ryan, the pro sports trainer aka little kids boot camp instructor. He seems like a nice enough guy if you just don't look directly at his face. I am not sure what it is... maybe the fact that his neck all the sudden becomes his face. Whatever it is, Emily finds that attractive. She compared his looks to Brad... UH... GET SERIOUS! For their date they played paddy-cake and braided each others hair. Ok not really but OMG... that might have been more entertaining. Basically Ryan had to spend a day in the life of Emily which involved making treats for her daughter with a floral apron on. Oh yea and then he got to sit in the car while Emily took the treats to the kids, this date just kept getting better and better! Saving grace? We got to listen to Gloriana which Ryan and Emily danced awkwardly in front of everyone to. HELLO the song is called 'Kissed You" can we get a little action here... what a waste OF MY LIFE!

The next date was the group date which consisted of men taking off their shirts and being rubbed down with oil... wait no sorry I was dreaming of the good 'ol Bachelor days. This date was all about the men and Emily putting on a show for a crowd with the Muppets. HOLY HELL... me not having kids allows me to watch shows that don't involve sing-a-longs and the women who do have kids watch this show in hopes of seeing some trashy reality TV rather than what they have been subjected to ALL day. HELP A SISTA OUT! The only cute part of the day date was Charlie confiding in Emily that he didn't feel comfortable with his part due to his head injury. Cute or working the sympathy card... thoughts? The date ended with a little cocktail party where Emily got to talk with a few men. The standout was Jef. You can tell Emily is completely into him. I am not sure yet if that is because he's playing hard to get or if there is an actual connection. Come on women... you know we want what we can't have! That's right... 5th grade is still in full affect throughout your 20's, 30's, and hell probably forever. I like him but ready to be a dad... just not sure?!?! But he did get the rose on the date.

The last date went to who? Yea I had no clue either but apparently Joe... caught her eye. You want to know why? Emily said he looks like Matthew McConaughey. UH... on a serious note, do you think Emily is blind? There is none and never will be any that look like Matthew! Can you tell who my celebrity crush is on?! I'll give her the hair but that is IT! Ok, now that we have that cleared up, we can move on to the date. Emily took Joe to West Virgina, where she is from and honestly I have gone blank with what happened on the rest of the date. That's right... completely blank. All I know is Emily cried like she knew the guy for 20 years when she let him go. I probably would too if I thought I was letting someone go that looked like Matthew McConaughey. Hopefully watching the playback helped ease her mind!

At the rose ceremony, Kalon held onto his d-bag title and poor Tony stood there waiting for Emily as she read another man's 7 PAGE letter to her. Tony Tony Tony... there is a difference between having them chopped off and serving them on a platter #epicfailure! In the end she did not give a rose to Aaron the biology teacher and some other guy that was there for the free booze/food.

FINALLY it looks like next week Emily will turn up the heat! That's right people... teeth to teeth contact! The guys better watch out, someone might chip a tooth! I did see a one-on-one with Arie so pretty excited for that....

Until Next Week!

The Bachelorette: A Season of T & A

2012-05-15T14:17:00.002-05:00

That's right people ... This Bachelor Bruiser is back because it's time to lay the smack down again on this season's ~~TV produced~~ love story! Question... do you think I'm the only one that calls myself that? Another question... ask me if I care... BB it is!

Anyhow... like I said... this is going to be the season of T & A... Teeth & Annoying Laughter! WHY ... WHY do we have to watch Emily for an entire season?! Again, I know what you are thinking, you don't have to but we all know you wouldn't close your eyes while passing a train wreck either!

This season is set in Emily's hometown of Charlotte, NC. I am not sure how I get how she convinced ABC to pay her $250,000 and let her stay in her home town for the show. Snoozefest! If you remember right, Brad and Emily barely touched on her hometown date. I'm not saying she has go to home plate with every guy but at least 3rd base with a couple! Again, I am not saying I need NPs (nip slips) but maybe an in appropriate touch here and there. We shall see...

The first show of the season is where Emily meets 25 "available" men and after maybe 1 hour ax's who she thinks are the ~~fugliest~~ least compatible with her. Emily looked amazing in her dress though doing her own hair was definitely a mistake on her part! Also, I know... if a man read this blog he would think I am the typical woman bashing on hot women because she has what I don't have. Well guess what you are right... but that is only because you are looking everywhere but her face! I hate to nit pick but I think her teeth are going to DRIVE ME NUTS all season. They are just everywhere. And what is with that awkward laugh she did after meeting EACH guy! Uncomfortable creeper laugh! Next time you see me, ask me for my best Emily impression!

So what about the men? Here are my first impressions of the note worthy men!

Alejandro, the mushroom farmer... I bet I can guess what type of mushroom's he is searching for!

Arie, a race care driver from AZ. Totally favorite right off the bat! (Probably just because I need something to look at for the season)

Brent with the name tag idea, I thought was nice. But six kids really... it's called a contraceptive!

Charlie is another love of mine right off the bat. Maybe it's the "Mother-bird Syndrome" but his story about falling and getting seriously hurt is really moving and it seems like he wants to find love! Only time will tell if he's just like every other man ;)

David, the singer... get serious ABC... we've seen that all before. I bet he would totally move to NC as there are lots of opportunities for struggling song writers there!

Doug is the father that had his kid write the note to Emily. Cute touch but I just don't see the connection!

Jackson is the fitness model. Now that I think about it there are a lot of pictures in Men's Health that don't show faces!

Jef is a CEO of a water bottle company that develops wells around the world. He is a mystery to me still and I think he might go far. Hopefully as the season goes stops dressing like he's John Travolta in Grease!

John the "Wolf" is a bit of a D. I also think he maybe the one later in the season that references Emily's kid as baggage! Going to be a one-man wolf pack for sure!

Kalon... Mr. Helicopter! Overcompensating for something?

Sean... I am pretty sure this is the guy who was from Kansas State. What can I say we are good breeders :) EMAW

Stevie = Dweebie!! This is how you know ABC is involved in who gets to stay!

Travis and the egg! Most people like I were going... what the hell is up with the egg. But not my husband... he's like "look he has an ostridge egg". In life there are always opportunities for education!

At the Rose Ceremony Emily rattled the names off and those she didn't were sent home. Honestly in my opinion there were none that got enough airtime where I was really disappointed they were leaving.

The previews for the rest of the season looked pretty intriguing... looks like Emily becomes the make-out bandit and there is a little drama which always makes for good TV! Also the ending clip for the rest of the season seemed like a mob movie... "I will protect my family until the day I die"... Sweet Home Alabama meets Saw III?!?!

I Ain't Here for a Long Time...

2012-04-03T10:41:00.026-05:00

... I'm here for a good time!

A motto Jon Daeschner, my stepfather, lived his life by :).

But my question to you is... why do we have to choose? Should we just give up and except the inevitable of "one day"?

Why is it that we will fight for a new position at work, for that extra space in the closet, or even the last brownie but when it comes to Heart Disease we turn the other cheek and pray it doesn't happen to us. Let me let you in on a little secret... the leading cause of death is not due to the fact you can't fit one more sequence top (that you really shouldn't be wearing anyways) into your closet!

One in every three deaths is from heart disease and stroke, equal to 2,200 deaths PER DAY.

Unfortunately my passion for this cause only came after my stepfather, Jon, became part of that statistic. It saddens me just to write that as Jon was more than just a statistic, he was a...

...son, father, brother, grandfather (papa jon), friend, community leader, someone who made a difference in this world, and the list could go on!

Does any of this sound familiar? Is that your dad, mom, sister, brother, or friend? Chances are according to the statistics it is...

I was humbled the day that we lost Jon in 2009. From an earlier blog, you know that Jon was an amazing person that had a zest and outlook on life that we should all strive for. You also know what a toll it took on my family to lose someone so suddenly without a goodbye that we loved. But now over 2 years later my feelings of being humbled have turned into feelings of empowerment. Jon did not live his life as a victim, he dusted himself off and got right back up again. So instead of feeling helpless, it's time to take whatever action we can against this disease!

Again, this year I ask you to think about you, your friends, and your family. If you saw a bus coming towards even a stranger... wouldn't you push them out of the way?

Matthew 25:40
‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

I realize there are many diseases along with Heart Disease such as Cancer, Crones, MS, etc. that have affected you or someone you know. So I do feel it unfair to ask you to put all your support towards one fight but I do not think it's unfair to ask you to skip your Starbucks coffee for a day, two, maybe even a week to help support a cause that could one day end up saving your own life. A little goes a long way...

Thank you for taking the time to read this! I will continue to fight for Jon, you, and me.

To make a donation Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support the American Heart Association.

If you can't make a donation, do something good for your heart anyway... go for a walk, eat at Subway (you know I love), join a fitness center, or skip that second helping!

Relating to Teen Mom on MTV

2012-01-26T14:46:00.021-06:00

Ok, I don't live with my parents, have a druggie/loser boyfriend that left me when he found out I was going to have a kid, or got a boob job because I am showing the world how pathetic of a mom I can be BUT...

I did play single mom for a week! Praise all of you! Nate, my husband, now thinks he wants to hold off even longer on having kids as I have turned into what he calls a "bum". I have been sleeping in later, not wanting to really get off the couch, or basically be a productive member of society. Now don't take that the wrong way! I was oh... probably one of the most fun mom's of the week :) when I watch my 5 & 3 year old niece and nephew... but I think it took every fun/productive ounce out of my body for at least a week after.

Over my week of being a single mom with two kids in a town I had no clue where anything was, I picked up some mom "insights" or "theories" that hopefully future, new, and already out of the house mom's will appreciate!

1. Cold weather, to the point your fingers might fall off and two kids under 6 reminds me of a room with white walls and tight jackets.
2. Innocent children's movies can make little kids do the darnedest things. For instance, I as an adult, when watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, would never see Violet put gum behind her ears and go "Hmm ... I wonder if it really sticks back there"... HOLY HELL
3. One karate chop deserves another. You hate to always have to yell at little kids to not fight so it's a whole lot easier when they resolve it on their own. He shoves her... she trips him... let's just call it even!

4. Kids think sleeping is for the birds. Seriously, they may have it right that we should be living life instead of wasting it sleeping but how do you willingly get up at 5:30am!!!! Thank the lord we don't live in Alaska and I can just say, it's still night time go back to sleep!
5. Kids are creatures of habit! If I had a nickle for every time I heard "My mom doesn't do it like that" I could be on my way to retirement.
6. Having the "look" is a gift. If your mom didn't have it, there is a chance your father did. It's that look that can instantly send your kids into tears or make them instantly stop what they are doing. It's useful in public places so that you don't have to raise your voice.
7. When you are walking and all the sudden your little one puts their tiny hand in yours to hold... your heart melts!
8. Phrases like "I'm gunna miss you" and "I love you Katie Koester (insert your name)" make you realize how lucky you are and what a gift it is to be a parent (aunt).

9. Every McDonald's should have a play area! Lord knows, we aren't there for the healthy meal!
10. Boys might be the easiest sex to entertain (no surprise there)! If you can throw, hit, catch a ball for 2 hours... you are in business.
11. Kids have surprising talents. I can't hula hoop to save my life but my niece... watch out!

You thought thought 1 hula hoop was impressive...

12. Cooking with kids is a great way to pass time! There is a ton for them to do and they get to eat what they make! My husband wants me to have dinner each night for him... he didn't say who had to make it :).

13. When kids are "over it" they are OVER IT! Let's just say, we got a little turned around in MN and man, they let you know about it. "Big sigh"... "What's wrong"... "Are we there yet" ... "Unfortunately no, but ask me again in 1 minute" ... "Big sigh" ... "What's wrong".... OK you get the point! Patience is definitely a virtue!
14. Praise all mother's that don't turn into blimps! Oh, it's time for a snack... don't mind if I do. Oh, you didn't finish your dinner... don't mind if i do. Oh, all I've eaten this week is goldfish and chicken nuggets yet my pants won't button...UGH!
15. DVD players in cars... GENIUS! This was very helpful on all my ventures that took a little longer than expected due to wrong turns :)
16. Kid know their directions... KIND OF!
"Katie, you aren't going the right way to my school"
"Really, where do I turn then"
"Uh... well you go this way for a while and then we are there"
"Can you give me a street name"
"Uh..."
"Oh right... your 5"
17. Children's Museums are a parent's dream. Lord knows, toys are boring after 8 seconds and you don't have enough money to buy new ones every week so why not go to a place where their job is to entertain your kids :). Some say laziness... I say "using your resources"!

18. Kids have an unspoken or sometimes spoken bond! For the life of me, no matter how hard I try... sometimes you can not understand what little kids are saying. THIS is why you have two!

Carter "weirojeworij"
Kaite "What"
Carter "werlekjwrjkl"
Katie "What"
Carter "Nevermind" (break my heart)
Katie "Kennedy, what is he trying to say"
Carter "wkelrjewlwe"
Kennedy "He said where is your airplane"
Katie "Praise you"
19. It's always the other ones fault. I came up stairs and caught Carter in Kennedy's room when they both should of been in bed. Kennedy was showing him some books. Me: "What are you two doing"... Kennedy: "Carter came in here"... Me: "Maybe he wouldn't of if you were not reciting the whole Chipwrecked movie out loud".
20. No matter what... your kids are the best! Unless your kids are just holly terrors and you are a big enough person to admit it, you absolutely believe that your kids are miracles of life! I have to admit, I am a little different... I KNOW they are the best ;)! I have to give MAJOR props to my sister in law! She, being a stay at home mom, has really created two pretty specials kids. They are so well behaved and polite. There hearts are so big. I can not wait to see the adults they grow into!

Even though my grandmother thought after a week of me babysitting, she would never get any grandchildren out of me, I have to admit it didn't send me quite over the edge! We can only hope they come out one at a time!

PS- LOVE THOSE MUNCHKINS more than anything!

The Bachelor: Naturely Boring

2012-01-24T13:20:00.011-06:00

To begin, I am sorry I missed last week! I was traveling to play "single mom" for a week with my 5 & 3 year old niece and nephew (DEFINITELY a blog to come about that)! So, as you mom's out there know, I had little free time that I didn't want to not spend sleeping!

I did have some thoughts on last week though. Can I do it within 10 Katisms... sadly yes!

1. Why on 1 on 1's do they have to run towards each other?
2. Is it just me or does Ben think he can solve everything by feeling intestines with his tongue?
3. Emily got matched on Match.Com with her brother... hint, hint?!?
4. My husband now drives through Leawood in hopes to see Casey S. and those daisy dukes!
5. Ben only likes Kacie B. because she skis "Jersey Turnpike" style!
6. Brittney realized Ben's not worth all the free wine in the world.
7. Yes I would of dumped Ben for Matt Nathenson!
8. Note to men: Playing "This years love" is a sure fire way to get what you want!
9. Telling any man you'd make cute babies together after 3 days = STALKER
10. Sorry Chantal... Ben is not ready to pick out his coffin!

On to Utah and this week's Bachelor!

This week the ladies and Ben went to Park City, Utah for some outdoorsy dates! I would of been fine not getting a date this week. It's not that I'm not into nature, etc. but let's get serious... I'm on the Bachelor for extravagant dates/gifts not love ;)! First date this week went to snagtooth Rachel. I know, I know... I will burn in hell after all these blogs!

I was excited to see what would come out of her manly voice and Ben because they looked to have chemistry last time they were together. Turns out sitting in a boat and at a picnic starring at each other was NOT a good idea. I think Ben had the right idea to switch the conversation to beavers but then he pointed over to the damn and again I was as bored as them! He did end up giving her the rose at the end of the night which surprised me. He must feel safe when he closes his eyes and hears Al Green!

Next was the group date with Courtney. AGAIN, I would of stayed in the hotel rather than being next to the devil. How does our Leawood girl stick up for her?!? To tight of jean shorts? Ok I'll stop... that was the jealousy talking ;). Anyhow, Ben looking oh so manly on a horse, has to cross a pond to get to the girls for the date and ends up looking like what would happen if Blakely ever got a hold of him!! He thought girls that have been starving themselves for months to show off their bodies would like to go fly finishing :(. Courtney was the only one to catch a fish. They must be attracted to her smell ;). At the cocktail party later that night Samanatha shot her self in the foot, though I am not sure how she saw her feet past her GIGANTIC IMPLANTS! Basically she was like "I am too cool for these group dates" and then Ben informed her "Your boobs are not enough anymore". So Samanatha went home right before Courtney manipulated Ben into giving her the rose. I don't know about you guys but the more Courtney's uni (uni-brow) fills in the more Ben finds her attractive... perplexing!

The last date went to Jennifer! I was so happy for her! They had to crawl into a cave over water and then drop into it! UM awesome!! Pretty sure that inspired me to connect my husband and myself to a cord that has some bungee in it and jump off a cliff :). Me=Adrenaline Junkie! Ok back to the fab date! Jennifer and Ben had great conversations and just looked more natural as the night went along. Oh and did I mention that they went to the Clay Walker concert? Is Ben trying to get the girls to leave him for the performers?? Clay walkers jeans... still fit the same at any age :)! Ben gave her the rose and they tongued in front of everyone. True love... my guess is no but she is great!

Rose Ceremony

Poor Emily went crazy and decided to tell Ben, who is infatuated with Courtney that, she sucks ass. Good decision? In the long run I say yes as she can do better ;). But telling Courtney's best friend in the house what you did... makes me think I could get a PhD as well! Courtney responded to the bad mouthing by saying "I'm a nice person. Don't f**k with me". Some times she just makes so much sense!

Lucky I guess for Emily, she got a rose and poor lesbian Monica was sent home. In the long run I think she did like boys as well but Ben was not into boobs this week!

Next week makes me want to gag watching Ben & Courtney touch their, as my niece would call it "privacies" together in the ocean.

BACHELORETTE ANNOUNCEMENT
It's official... ABC and I are breaking up!

The Bachelor: Bad Hair = Bad Taste

2012-01-11T08:50:00.009-06:00

Can we all agree on one thing? If we weren't avid reality TV watchers and somehow felt like we would be out of the loop if we didn't watch, I think after week two, the Bachelor would be cut like Ben needs to do to his hair! ABC is going to have to spice it up. I am over the typical cat fights... "Her face looks like a horse (it does but beyond the point)", "Look Jenna's drunk again", "She's a lesbian (which ABC should of played up on a little more)". But previews for the rest of the season lead us to believe Ben's season is going to get better with a return of an ex, PG-13 blurred nudity, and potentially a girl that says no to his SECOND proposal on national TV. Guess that is enough for me to keep watching.

This week on the Bachelor, Ben (ABC), flew all the girls out to Sonoma, CA to see where they will live for the rest of their lives if they are the love of Ben's life. At least we can all agree the "winner" will have an endless supply of wine!

Kacie B. got the first date. Yes I know what you are thinking... Who?! She is the girl with the HEAVY accent from Tennessee. Their date started off with some sightseeing in the dark... wtf? I do have to give her a little credit when she whipped out the baton skills. It could be that I secretly wanted to be able to do that in high school but these thighs in that glorified sparkling swimsuit was just something no one needed to see! Anyhow, I just chalked up their dinner date to them being the most perfectly boring couple. I almost can't even make fun of her about anything because I become comatose when I think about her. The night ended with them watching old home videos of their dads. ABC totally got me and I teared up during Ben's childhood clips because I love my daddy! But let's get serious... who doesn't love Kevi D! I guess I could see these two together but ... ugh... I literally have nothing to say about them...THAT IS HOW BORED I AM!

Well thank the lord that date ended and then the group date began! Lots of woman with one man... it's the best combination for drama! A little different then the normal video or movie shot, the girls and Ben put on a play that was written and directed by children. I have to be honest... a little weird having children on a show about a bunch of women who want to sleep with one man. Jennifer, the cute red head, was definitely the best with the play! She seems fun but not over the top. PLUS, we all remember my attempt to go red... let's just say her red, though obviously not real, looks a lot better than my carrot top moment :).

But I did enjoy doing something different though note to self, eyebrows have to match the rug... wait that's not right :/ lol! Seriously on that note... to all you blondes who are currently trying to go brunette... if it ain't broke... don't fix it. I won't pretend to be blonde if you don't pretend to be smart :) OMG it was a joke! Just put down the dye...! Back to the date, the only other person during the play that stood out was Blakey and her Baywatch moment. Let's give her a break with the cleavage as she thought she was going to see Ben not a bunch of 9 year olds but the camel toe is inexcusable either way. Damn those rompers! The play was a bit odd especially when Ben lost all his clothes and only had like 3 cotton balls covering well his balls! Kids... brutally honest :)!

The rest of the date was spent in bathing suits of course! We saw a couple girls double kiss Ben on his cheek like it's spring break and it's ok to share a guy. Blakely had a suck face session with Ben and kept talking about how blessed she is... blessed by botox?!? Samantha expressed her hatred for Blakely. And Jennifer and Ben went to the hot tub and had an awkward conversation that basically went "we only have two minutes to grope each other so let's get at it". Jami, who I love, bounced around it Ben's face but sadly the rose went to Blakely. According to where Ben's blood supply goes to, Blakely made the most of the day with Ben. Do you think he is slow or just like every man...

Courtney, the "model", got the last date. Confused... does "model" mean you don't have to wear makeup? The answer to that is NO! They went and spent the day in the woods and vineyard. Ben the whole time finished all of her sentences trying to make her into his perfect woman.

Ben: What do you want in life?
Courtney: Well as time goes on...
Ben: You want to travel and have kids...
Courtney: Exactly
Ben: And you have been wanting me to feel you up all day...
Courtney: Winning

She seemed "normal" on the date, but evil with the girls in the house. When she found out she was going on the last date she told Kacie B. "How did that taste coming out of your mouth". My response would have been... "Like a dirty whore". I know... I would get far on this show! The date ended with Ben and Courtney robotically kissing... so weird! Maybe it's the shape of his lips... I don't know... can we get TeBow on this show!?!

The Rose Ceremony

Some note worthy performances...

1) Lindzi drives a diesel truck. Let's just say Ben would always be on bottom lol!
2) Jenna is starting to remind me of Kim Richards on HWBH. Though according to her... definitely a guy!
3) Blakely's crying... real? Real as her tatas!
4) Casey S is still rocking it for Kansas! Hang in there girl!

Jenna, "heshe", was the one to not receive a rose... SURPRISE!

Along with Shawn someone...

FINALLY next week I hope to not be nodding off during the show as the EX comes back! HOLLA

Bachelor is Back Baby!

2012-01-03T10:05:00.013-06:00

I would like to first thank the support of my five or so avid Bachelor Blog friends. If it were not for you, this blog would be thing of the past like when ABC used to choose Bachelors and Bachelorettes that people care about.

OK OK... I know some of you love Ben, but I have to be honest, when I heard he was the Bachelor, I almost allowed Nate to tape Monday Night football over it. But then I realized, WAIT... bad reality TV is still WAY better than subjecting myself to 3 hrs of utter boredom. I also have something to say to all the men who are dating or married to women who continue to cause fights in my household because they "claim" to love college & professional sports... A. They either want to tie you down by making you spend all your savings on a rock or B. Are trying to make you a DADDY. So all you nacho eating/beer drinking/home town team tattooed girls... grab your lip gloss and let's discuss what went down last night!

I have to say that Ben did have some lookers within his group of 25 girls. Honestly at first, I thought that this might be a pretty boring season as none seemed like a Michelle Money or Count Dracula with blonde hair. But then they opened their mouths and a smile came to my face :).

Here is a run down of MY first impressions (Note lack of names mentioned in the list says enough for those girls):

- Rachel Rose aka Bucky. Pretty sure dental work costs as much as that dress. Guess she made her choice!
-Elyse... apparently I am not blind, unlike my husband, and think that she needs to cut back on the creatine. I am not seeing it people. At least we can all agree on 51% chance she used to be a man??

-Courtney: I think we can all agree she is GORGEOUS but she lost me at his hair. Really you love his hair? That's like telling her I love your brain!
-Emily with the kiss. Whore or Whore... you decide!
-Holly Holy Tits! Can you guess where my boobies... I mean hat is from?

-I HEART JAMIE!! Nate wants to see her in her scrubs... perv! But at least I finally agree with him on a girl he thinks is hot. Do you know what it's like to have your husband think ugly woman are pretty. Let's just say, there are a lot of conversations that start with "How ugly am I" lol!

-Shiraz... the consensus of the group on the couch at home eating candy is a burger would do you good!
-Brittney, great move with the granny! Though not sure how Ben felt about you showing him what you will look like in 40 years...

-BEST ENTRANCE BY FAR... Anna! It was like a bad soft core porn as she tilted her head and kept on walking like "see you on the kitchen table Ben"!
-Shawn with the "good game" slug BAHAHA... hilarious!
-Lastly, Lindzi on the horse... zzzzzzzz way to ruin that moment ABC. Been there seen that via 10,000 previews of the show!

Once the ladies were inside the mansion and the bubbly was flowing... things started to get interesting...

There were a lot of horse & grandma haters. Don't hate ladies, when everyone has fake titas, you have to do something to standout!

If I heard one more person say "I'm so glad it was you", I was going to have to move the trash can closer. I MEAN PUKE people... are you drunk or you just like boring men with bad hair?!

Emily and her rap. THAT Biotch stole my idea! I literally told Nate 5 minutes before I would definitely rap or maybe beat-box!

My name is KK
And I'm here to say
Give me that rose
And I'll be one of yours hos

3 things I know for sure...

1. Jenna was drunk
2. Monica is a lesbian
3. And I am pretty sure I don't like any of my friends enough to share a tampon sometime. Really Jenna.... you sick mother-f'er

Horse Lindzi (with a Z) got the first impression rose. Personally... I am pretty sure she is too much for him!

As for what we have in store for the future.... looks like brunettes and more brunettes! Sorry blondes! Also, I think he keeps the Tennessee girl around for a long time (lots of fast forwards in my future). And lastly I believe we get to see a hell of a lot more of Courtney than we would prefer (and by WE I mean, everyone with baginas and who are not lesbians or bisexuals or curious)!

Happy Whoring Until Next Week!

That wHOle dance has been done before!

2011-11-21T09:16:00.006-06:00

Nothing to bring you back to blogging like nude body suit with rhinestones on your private parts ;)

Sorry to my 2 followers for being MIA but work has totally gotten in my way of my blogging. I'll let you know, I have got my priorities straight again :)! So here's something fun to get us back into Katieism Mode!

Love her or hate her... B. Spears was at the top of her game in 2000. That year at the VMA's and in her "Toxic" music video, Britney busted out the infamous nude rhinestone body suit. TALK ABOUT A SHOCKER! On the VMA's every girl and guy couldn't help by stare. Of course the women were staring with jealousy telling their bfs/husbands if they had a million dollars they could look like that too. And the men were just hoping that a couple of those rhinestones would fall off... pervs! Anyhow the girl rocked it and would forever be known for that.

That brings me to today. I wake up and the first thing I see is a headline with JLO wearing a NUDE RHINESTONE BODY SUIT.

Let's go through all the reason's JLo thought this would work...
-"I was named the most beautiful person in the world by People Magazine"
-"I've got a huge a**"
-"I finally ditched that no name Latino singer"
-"I'm Jenny from the block"

Now let's visit all the reason's why it didn't...
-"You are twice the age Brit was and have 2 kids that probably are still being breast fed ... by a nanny... so I guess that doesn't count"
-"You are dating someone that could be your son"
-"No one can lip-sync like Britney"
-"And finally Britney was dating Justin Timberlake at the time.... DUH WINNING"

I do have to give props to JLO for being over 40, having two children, and rockin' that body. Those hips don't lie, that girl is fly but... Britney's root showing, no bra wearing, compulsive shaving head self, can sit comfortable knowing that the title of most PG-HOISH rests with her :)

Until the next rhinestone body suit...

PS- If you have ever worn one and think you look better than Britney and JLO, please submit those pictures to me and I will post for the group to vote on :)

The Bachelor Pad II: Slobber Fest

2011-08-30T16:23:00.010-05:00

So the squeaky wheel does get the oil huh?! I have had a few people notice I have been MIA on the blogging scene lately. This is why I think my blogging career needs to be my only one ;)! I just heard my husband scream "In your dreams"... CRAP! Anyhow, I will definitely try to get back on the horse!

I know I skipped a couple weeks of the Bachelor Pad II but I am just going to jump right in to what's going on now!

This week the show started up right where it left off... Jake getting voted off! Honestly I dislike Jake, Vienna, and Casey all the same amount but I was really hoping Casey left so that the drama would continue. I was also just a little disappointed in Jake's exit. What... you continue to kiss their butts after they eliminated you?? I was at least expected a single, if not double fist flip off, maybe even throw one between your legs for a little extra affect. I personally would of gone with the "suck it" international symbol of throwing an X over my lady parts :) CLASSY!!

So what was the competition this week.... SUCKING FACE! Michelle opted out of the competition for her little girl, but let's be honest... she is getting it from Graham and lord knows he is the only one really worth swapping spit with, so I would of sat out too. No way in hell could I of kissed Casey without involuntarily puking in my mouth! On top of that, all the women said he had bad breath... literally gagging. Most of the kissing was kind of pathetic as no one wanted to piss people off but there were a couple people that lip humped harder than the rest! Holly and Ella really went in and felt people's intestines. Blake also went for it. I never knew the point of kissing is to cover up both places people breath out of (Nate I told you, you can learn things from Reality TV... see you tonight ;)). The winners of the ~~spit collecting~~ kissing contest were Blake and Ella. Each one, won a rose and an opportunity to lose their virginity all over again on TV.

Ella's date was first. She choose to go with Kirk which I thought was so cute. I know they are partner's but I think there could be a spark! They took off in a hot little red car to their dinner location where they realized they are the best people in the house and the only ones who truly deserve the money. They then got to ride in a hot air balloon. Ella showed Kirk why she won the competition and he realized, that is not who he voted for!

Blake ended up taking Holly, not his partner Melissa who is completely psycho, on his date. That created a big mess in the house as Holly is the ex-fiance of Michael, who broke up with her because he loves her?!?! I get that Holly is confused but pretty sure she wants her cake and wants to rub it over as many men as possible and lick it off too. Sorry men, she is the typical women searching for the perfect man... because those exist LOL. For the date, Blake and Holly flew to a ski sloop. Holly didn't know how to ski and it was probably the funniest thing ever. Face plant after face plant haha!! They did look like they had a great time but I am a secret fan of Holly and Michael. Of course Holly ended up kissing Blake after he gave a cheesy line. The thing everyone loves about him drives me nuts... his horse teeth. THOSE THINGS ARE BRIGHT! They ended up ~~doing it~~ staying the night together and getting Michael's panties in a bunch.

The morning after Holly and Blake's date, Michael professed he love for Holly. Don't worry men, she has plenty of leg to go around. Seriously... how is that fair?! My leg is from her knee to her foot but at least my butt is bigger than hers... got her good!

At the rose ceremony this week I thought maybe this is when Casey and Vienna would go home but of course people are so brainwashed... if they win, I will state that I am nevering watching this show again (even though we all know I will)! Unfortunately there was really no fighting who got kicked off which is Melissa, the girl who needs a hamburger and William, the wall flower.

Next Week:
I really hope Blake hooks up with Erica and they show him wearing her tiara! It's amazing how two things are so powerful ;)

The Bachelor Pad II: Bring on the Real Winners!

2011-08-10T16:18:00.017-05:00

That's right people, just when you think I'm at home crying because the Bachelorette is over, the new reality obsession begins... The Bachelor Pad II. Seemed like not that long ago that I was praising some genius that came up with this amazing idea. It's the the Real World/Road Rules challenge with a little hotter people that have an education and REAL life jobs... I DIE! A bunch of Bachelor/Bachelorette rejects trying to win $250,000 and hopefully ~~bump uglies~~ fall in love!

Well I have to be honest and wasn't sure how this season would go. After the show is on once people start learning all the tricks, and it loses some of it's intrigue. But that is not the case this season... so much so it took them 3hrs to show the first episode.

Needless to say most of the show was dedicated to Vienna, who recently got a nose job and let's just say... sometimes you should leave good enough alone. Nothing like feeling it in your wallet and your face! But none the less, her and her bf Casey are on the show and of course that means that Jake is back! I do not like Vienna... but I REALLY don't like Jake. After his temper flare on their reunion... he needs his hands wrapped opposite ways in a white jacket! They are all crazy if you ask me. And apparently it wasn't bad enough that "guard and protect your heart" Casey got a nutso tat on his season but now he's dating Vienna... FUEL TO THE FIRE!

Some things I found interesting...

- Ames is already hooking up and with Jackie. Watch out Ames... not sure she's as nice as she seems ... plus annoying... did you see After the Final Rose... EARS BURNING!

-Michelle Money is siding with Vienna... in what world?!?!

-Graham is back! Cutie Patootie! I still think him and DeAnna were made for each other. But this season it looks like he is partnered up with M.Money. This guy obviously likes to be whipped with silicone.

-Gia Gia Gia... is back for more! Sucks being beautiful and having everyone hate you. Then again beauty isn't everything and she did date/hookup with Wes last season... RED FLAG!

-Turns out Blake is a bit of a big D! And apparently gets the woman this season. Why not go for Kirk, his twin? Oh yea because he is too busy hooking up with Tiara Princess Girl. HURL!

-Rated RATARD is back.

The challenge this week was for couples to hang over beds wrapped around each other for as long as

possible. Vienna kept telling Casey "you can last longer than Jake, believe me ;)" but now we all know the truth... LIES! Jake and Jackie won. They got to go on a date where Jake thought he was going to get some but Jackie just talked about why he got dumped the entire time. Talking about shooting a horse!

Jake and Jackie because of winning were safe for the week and they also got to choose someone to be safe. Well of course it went to Jake's friend Gia right... NOPE! It went to the other inflated blow up doll Vienna... I KNOW... MEN... IDIOTS! Jake is like a dumb girl... "I really wanted him to like me so when he said flip over, I said which way?" Him, Casey, and Vienna talked, which I liked how he asked Casey to join, but Vienna thinks it's again all for show! They are probably all best friends and this is just a way for them to be fame whores!

In the end Rated RATARD and Alli got sent packing by the group. Hopefully he is sitting next to her on the plane home in case they crash... no seat cushions needed!

I think this will be a good season. Full of drama, drama, drama! If nothing else, it will make us all feel a little less crazy!

The Bachelorette: I'll Take Another Tat Over a Bottle of Wine!

2011-08-02T11:05:00.014-05:00

As one of the final two put it "All good things end badly, that's why they end" and they did for one of the final two bachelors! Last night was the final episode of Ashley the "Overtly Emotional" Bachelorette's season! Going into the final show, I was honestly on the fence about who I thought A. She would choose and B. Who was the best for her. In the end, just like every girl at one point in their lives, she chose the "bad boy" but there was a lot that led up to that point so let's get started...

This week in Figi Ashley's parents joined her to help her make a decision. Along with the mother and step-dad came Ashley's brother and beast of a sister. You know if I was God (or who Darwin said created us) then I would be pretty pissed at someone covering up my work with graffiti. Ashley's sister is such a beautiful girl but you can't help but think the ink has gone to her head! You'll understand in a bit!

The first man to meet the family was J.P.. I honestly thought he would fit in better than Ben because he seemed to be more of the family's type. WRONGO!! From the get go, sister no likey! Just after 15 minutes she tells Ashley AND J.P. that she doesn't see it and there is nothing you can do to change her mind. J.P. is of course hurt and so is Ashley. Later we find out the sister has been married and divorced already. I mean, listening to advice from her is basically like listening to a girl say "The only way to really make sure you don't get pregnant is to pull out" COME ON! Ashley, though mad at her sister, looked like she started to question things which then brought out J.P.'s NY side with a F word flying every other sentence! So that date was a bust!

Ben met the family the next day and INSTANTLY hit it off with them. It seemed as though all their personalities and quirky sides went really well together. The sister was smitten. Pretty sure she was the one who wanted Ben! She even went easy on him with all the questions. Honestly you could see how much more comfortable the family felt with all of Ben's money he had to offer Ashley :). Just kidding, they really did appear to like him more.

So after the She Devil Tattoo Hurricane called Ashley's sister got her fangs into each guy, it was time for individual dates. First up was Benny Boo Boo! What was with the hat, I don't know... a little too much for me ontop of his hair! They flew a helicopter to a place where there was a mud pool. As they rubbed each other with the mud, I started to get uncomfortable and catching myself not looking... I mean nothing is private with this girl, guess that is why she makes good TV! I screamed out loud when she took the mud and shoved it under her top... I MEAN REALLY?!?! She did the old nip and tuck! Later that night they met at Ben's hotel room. I love how ABC has now removed the seating in rooms and just left a bed... here is where you will sit/spoon/grope! I thought it was really cute when Ben finally told her that he loved her. From the way she attacked him after he said that I thought she obviously felt the same way. Come to find out there was some champagne on his lips and you know this girl and not wanting to miss a drop!

Then it was J.P.'s last chance to win her heart. Instantly when they showed Ashley this date, I thought she either had a boob job over night or that top she had on was 100% pad... YOWSERS! Anyhow, they had a long conversation about what happened the day before and J.P. told her that he is madly in love with her. I felt like he rushed it and didn't say it at the most romantic time and the way Ashley just kissed him on the cheek after, didn't make me think she was into it either! But apparently I was wrong because the next shot was of them making out and J.P. taking off her towel... WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! "Hey huh... move your booty a little to the right so we can get the money shot"!! Later that night in J.P.'s hotel room, they sat on the bed and J.P. gave her a book he made her. I actually thought that was really cute and I liked how he said, we can fill it up if you choose me. So though they had some ups and downs this episode, I felt like it ended well.

The Proposal(S)
Both men got rings from Neil Lane to propose to Ashley with. I do have to say I was a fan of Ben's because it was a little different.

I'm not going to lie, I ate up everything that ABC was feeding me this episode. They played up Ben and Ashley's love so much and made you feel like her and J.P. just weren't that compatible. By the end, I was actually rooting for Ben. He just seemed so confident and sincere. Well you can see where this is going...

Ben arrived first and actually GOT DOWN on his knees. I mean seriously... how could she let him do that?!?! And needless to say, she told him it wasn't him. He was, rightfully so, pissed! I mean wouldn't you be after this girl who dumped you made you do your "dog voice" on TV? I felt bad for Ben because he really thought he was the one. Listen Ben, I don't think Momma Ben and Sister Ben would of taken your in laws to high tea so you are probably better off!

So who won Ashley's heart... J.P.. He told her how madly in love he was and got down on one knee. When he opened the box, Ashley thought "Dang, I liked the other ring better" but said yes anyways :)! After all is said and done, I know I gave Ashley a lot of flack this season but the truth is she didn't choose to wear no bra all the time, and ABC told her to be a slore as much as possible so really it's not her to blame. And everyone needs love. I do actually think in the end, she chose the right person. I think he is a better fit for her and vice versa. On the after the rose, she and J.P. looked really in that love/infatuation stage where you can't stop sucking face. I would say these two actually might have a chance... good luck to the happy couple!

So I know the initial reaction after the last episode of a Bachelor/Bachelorette season is to be sad and ask yourself ... "What will I do now with my Monday nights", but have no fear... BACHELOR PAD II is here!

The Bachelorette: Men Tell Ashley "I think we are all better off!"

2011-08-01T09:33:00.005-05:00

It was Funday Sunday yesterday with a Bachelorette "Men Tell All" show! Big surprise with ABC's editing, we thought it was going to be a doosey and when Chris Harrison tells us "You don't want to miss this, it's the most shocking Men Tell All ever" we still believe him! And what did we think was going to be the best part of all... Bentley would be there! But unfortunately he lost his balls and wasn't able to find them prior to the show!

Here are some highlights from the night:

Sneak Peak of the Bachelor Pad II: HOW EXCITED was anyone else to see Graham was going to be on this season... HOLLA! I also am pumped to see Ames is getting the loving he deserves on this upcoming show.

William (Hottie with a dimple who turned out to be quite the female cleanser) got put in his place by the men. He is the only one who thinks he is funny. You could see though that he doesn't mean to hurt people's feelings, he's just a moron.
Ryan Solar is still a cheese head. Him and Tensley actually might be good for each other!
Tim the drunkerd of the first episode is actually hilarious and has a funny personality! I mean, really Ashley should of gave him a chance like Brad gave her all season as she was wasted 3/4 of the time.
Ames has apparently swooned others hearts like mine because the crowd reaction for him was amazing! I do heart him, though he looks a little silly! Such a gentleman. Something I thought was hilarious though is that someone mentioned he doesn't turn his head, he turns his whole body.. I'm like OMG that is it!!! lol
Michelle Money showed up again to talk about Bentley and tried to pull down her shirt but there was nothing to pull down #whataslore
Anyone notice that Constantine wasn't asked to sit in the hot seat?! Bad hair= Bad ratings!
Ashely took advice from some of my least favorite Bachelor/Bachelorettes... Ali, Jason, and DeAnna. I mean really... 1. DeAnna who did it twice and isn't with either man 2. Jason who dumped his choice instantly and 3. Ali, well she just drives me nuts.
And lastly to no surprise, Ashely wore a dress she took scissors to and died her hair from a box!

All in all, it was quite a disappointing "Men Tell All", guess that shows you how interesting the men were this season.

I am not 100% convinced she is happy. Did you see her face the entire show? Did she choose someone? Are they still together? I think she would be happy with both guys, but I think she is more JP's type. TONIGHT WE FIND OUT who get's Brad's leftovers!

The Bachelorette: And then there were 2 who I begged to stay!

2011-07-28T10:16:00.008-05:00

Sorry for the late recap this week! I was watching my niece and nephew Monday/Tuesday, though not as scandalous as the show, definitely as entertaining. When your 4 year old niece tells her 2 year old brother who is upset "Life is hard" it just about makes your day! Love those two :)! Anyhow... let's get back to Ashley's quest for love and someone to feel up her A cups (please no comments about my chest... I am fully aware and NOT on a reality show).

Figi was this week's destination. It was so gorgeous! Nate would you be ok with me pulling a Bentley just to get a couple free vacations?? I promise to not be a slore like Ashley!

We thought this week was down to 3 men... or was it 4 ;)?!! Ben was up first... or so he thought! There was a knock on the door... really... of all the men they could of brought back... Rainbow Ryan?!?! You could tell Ashley thought he was there to tell her something about one of the men and then he said their date wasn't conducive to romance. I mean, it was just pathetic! ABC... try harder next time... even Bentley would of been more suspenseful because we all know Ashley is emotionally retarded and might of chosen him! I'll let the suspense stop here... later she dumps him all over again because he creeped on her and Constantine on their helicopter ride!

So luckily Ryan skedaddled before Ben showed up! Of course Ashley and Ben were lovey dovey when they saw each other. On a side note, Ben got a bad hair cut when he was home... probably from his mother but Ashley likes bad hair so it worked. Did anyone else see her hair this episode... can stylists not fly to FIGI??? Anyway, they spent their date on a yacht. I cringed for Ashley when she asked Ben to rub her front with sun tan lotion and then I DIED LAUGHING when he actually did!!! OH MY GOD WE JUST SAW SECOND BASE PEOPLE! Later that night when they went to dinner, Ben wore a horrible piece of cloth that he called a shirt to and he also chickened out from telling her he loved her... blah blah blah. After that in the fantasy suite Ashley pointed out the bed where she will tie him up and ... well you know how she is! How staged was getting out of the pool... stop... kiss... walk a little further... suck face more... go into the suite and assume Ben went to his first strip club! The sexual tension between those two is obvious, but is there more??

Next was Constantine's date, oh how I have missed his mullet head... not! I said it from day one, I don't get it.. and SURPRISE... neither does he! They went in a helicopter ride and laughed and giggled and tickled each other. It was just like watching Barney! They went to a waterfall where Ashley basically tells him, if he doesn't rub one of her girl parts, it's over. SO that night, Constantine basically tells her this isn't going to work and I don't see myself making a commitment. She goes "So what does this mean for ~~the fantasy suite~~ us"? Sorry Ashley... no nookie for you tonight and that was the last we saw of Constantine and the orange shorts! No love loss here... I could tell he wasn't that into her, because on week whatever this is, she still hadn't offered him weed.

Finally it was dear old JP's turn. They took a seaplane to an island where Ashley's shorts were so short even she was pulling them out of her VaJJ! They spent the afternoon glued together from head to toe and JP continued to wine like a little boy about wanting this all to be over. You realize JP when it's over, there will be no more vacations, it will just be you and this girl who slept with at least 1 (maybe more) of your buddies! That night Ashley gave him the card for the fantasy suite which JP couldn't turn down! All was just fine and dandy on this date until Ashley had to change into something aka a man's shirt (probably Ben's). I MEAN GET FING SERIOUS!! Nice black undies Ash! I mean, I am not stupid, I know what happens in those suites, but why be so blantely obvious?! All I can hope for is she is on some birth control that blocks STDs! Do we think she slept with both??

At the ~~All I Have Left~~ Rose Ceremony she decided to ask the men if they will accept the roses which I think was smart because men are dropping like flys this season! Of course they both accepted because they think they were her first :)!

Though I do rag on Ashley quite a bit, I think her season was entertaining. She never ceases to amaze me with her lack of clothing/overtly sexual inclinations/ and choices in bad men. She does deserve love... so who do we think it is??? I am honestly split 50/50. I don't know if either is perfect for her but with Ben she will have a life of fun/adventure/drunkeness and with JP I think she will have more of a real down to earth relationship with fights/love/etc.. This is a toughy. Now if Bentley was here, this choice would be easy ;)

Can't wait for "The Men Tell All"!

The Bachelorette: If you have to choose one...

2011-07-19T10:07:00.010-05:00

The oh so loved hometown dates were this week! This is where normally you really get to see that connection between the couple and the love they share or it puts the nail in the coffin! To be honest, I didn't feel like any of the dates sealed the deal either way. In my opinion, if Ashley is being forced to choose one by ABC, which we all know she is, then I would definitely hit up a childhood game for this decision... eenie minie mo!

The first hometown we saw was Constantine's in CUMMINGS, GA. Really... all of his life when people have said "Where are you from" he's had to say "Cummings" and people instantly thought he was a perv. The first place they went was his restaurant that is itailian/greek/anything to stay a float. Did anyone else notice it was completely empty?? After that they headed to his parents house. They pulled up and I was like HOLLA, we know where the restaurant funding came from. After they opened the door, I realized, they spent all the money on the outside... yowsers! The family was actually great and what you would expect from a large greek family! The mother basically telling Ashley "you will move here and share our bedroom with us" is a tell tell that there is an overbearing mother-in-law hiding behind that smile! But Ashley looked like she really enjoyed the family. I think her and Constantine have a weird connection/chemistry. He just doesn't do it for me... lucky for you Nate ;)

The second hometown date went to the beloved Ames. I think his chivalry keeps making him more handsome each time I see him! Well that and his spray tan this episode :)! Did his home town in Pennsylvania not fit him to a T?! I was sad that they did the butt-out-hug when they saw each other, you could tell Ashley just wasn't into it. I loved his sister Serena and her advice to Ames about lighting the fire! Serena saw right through Ashley's BS. Ok, who's heart melted when Ames took her to a picnic under the magnolia trees and said this could be just a normal day for us... I died! I loved how he told her that the Italian Renaissance's way of romance is to find the romance in the ordinary. I MEAN, Ashley are you hearing this?? What I heard is he is way to good for her and I think she heard it too!

Next she was off to Sonoma, CA to see her kissing buddy Ben! When they saw each other they jump and giggled and kissed. You can obviously tell they are way into each other though when they have conversations, I am not sure that I see it. His family were duds, nice duds, but not even stories of their pretentious family vacations in Paris entertained me. Did anyone else notice that Ben's mouth moves like a ventriloquist doll's?? Seriously, his upper lip never moves. Guess that works out well as Ashley doesn't even have one. (Please note, I realize my lips may not be to people's liking either but I did not go on reality tv to be judged!) As Ben's hair gets worse, his and Ashley's love grows deeper. Could he be the one?

Lastly was JP's hometown in NY. I thought it was beyond cute that he took her to the roller skating rink. That is awesome. It really did bring back memories of when they played the slow songs and my friends all held hands with boys and I skated with my imaginary bf Justin Timberlake. Those were the days! Anyways, I thought they were super cute and had tons of fun together! When they went to his house, his family seemed really nice, and VERY concerned he would get his heart broke again. We get it, he has the emotional state of a 12 year old girl! I used to really like JP and Ashley together but every week that passes shows a little more of his clingy, jealous side. I say run for your life Ashley before you have to file a restraining order. But in all seriousness if he can lose the ball and chain he is chasing Ashley around with, they might actually be a cute couple.

Rose Ceremony
Ashley showed up in her black spandex leotard that was missing the bottom half and looked like a cat got to the back of it. But none the less, a rockin' body! She sadly let go of Ames who looked so confused and heartbroken. As he was leaving, he was still the gentleman that we all love! I hope he finds to love, and I actually would like to thank Ashley for letting him go because he can do better!

Next week looks like a doozy... who comes back?!?!?

I Live to Float Another Day with UAC!

2011-07-14T16:08:00.015-05:00

It has now become a tradition that we do an annual float trip with the Up a Creek (UAC) crew on the Kansas River. The first year (2010), one trip didn't suffice so we went another time. Luckily the money I paid for the UAC float was well worth it when they saved my life after almost drownding due to LOTS of beer, sun, and more beer! This year, I was a seasoned veteran or hopefully as my mom puts it "grew up" and no near death accidents were had... only fun times!

Our group is such a good time we were even designated the title of the "VIP Float"! I believe we were sucesseful again this year in bringing the fun & inappropriate converstations! I mean really what goes better with beer than "never have I ever".

We started off the float after we had everyone in the water and a beer in hand!

We never make it far before we "dock" the kayaks and chill in the water. Probably why our floats take 6-8hrs each time :)

If you have never been on a float before, one thing I do recommend is packing the cooler full of beer because with the sun and great friends, it goes down like water!

I mean really, does it get much better than this??

Or hotter than this??

Moral of the story, I live to float another day!

And if you ever want to have as much fun as we do on a float and live near KC, you don't have to travel far! Hit up the UAC crew on facebook, and get signed up! Really your money goes to a good cause... their beer :)!

The Bachelorette: Bra Anyone?

2011-07-12T09:45:00.009-05:00

Phew, the Bachelorette was back on this week. I know last week was a holiday but I felt a little lost on Monday night! Thank goodness it was back on last night so I could waste 2hrs out of my night with guys that really aren't that interesting and a girl who thinks just because she has no boobs she doesn't have to wear a bra. Ashley is having a 10 year old girl moment!

This week the group headed to Taiwan. In my opinion one of the most beautiful places they have been this season. 3 men got one on one dates and 3 got a group date.

The first one on one went to Constantine. Seriously what does Ashley see?!?! If you can even get past his hair, I get stuck on his face and that constant look of being stoned. They road a train to a little town. It was so forced... the hand holding... the leg rubbing! Women are so dumb... if a guy tells them they are not interested, no matter how much the girl isn't attracted to them, they now have the urge to make them like them. Note to men having trouble getting girls... find an emotionally stunted one like Ashley and tell them you've seen better and they'll be eating out of your hands! That night they had dinner and once I got past the boring conversation of Constantine telling Ashley over and over "when we fall for each other, we will know"... brilliant NOT... I thought it was so cool that when they lit their "love lantern" and sent it into the air that 100's of other ones appeared in the sky. It was just like the movie "Tangled"!! Yes I went and saw that movie with my niece... pretty sure I liked it more than her! And then of course the two of them kissed the rest of the night... just awkward!

The next date went to Ben. Ok, I know that he is what people are calling the "front runner" but I still don't see what those two have in common. PS- I thought at the beginning of the episode that his hair was looking better... almost like he curled it lol, but then on the date, it was back to "no brushing ben"! They rode a moped through the mountains where I saw at one point Ben was going 28mph! He's just got a little cheesy this episode. I really don't remember them talking to much between gasping for air after they sucked face every time the cameras were on them. I hate to say it but you all saw last season where I was sure Ashley was drunk 3/4 of the time, she might be after Ben's... alcohol! Can you blame her?!?!

Next was the group date with pouty JP (Seriously unattractive, note to all women), Lucas, and Ames. They had to take wedding pictures, which I thought were really cute. I agree Ames is not the cutest puppy of the bunch but his manners and the way he treats women is something you just don't see now a days. Did you see how he stood up when Ashley entered the room... heart melted a little bit! I even started to like Lucas just a little this date and then Ashley gives the rose to the squeakiest wheel, JP. Watch out girl, he might be a stage 5 clinger!

Who does the last date go to... Ryan. Man, looking back I picked the worst men out of all 25. My only saving grace is I never picked the DBAG Bentley! Did anyone else think that Ryan copped a feel when he hugged Ashley as her top had no back and basically flew up?!?! They spent the date being awkward and Ryan smiled a lot. I about died when she asked him to tell her something about energy saving and he started talking about tank-less water heaters. I am pretty sure I have had that same conversation with my engineer husband. That is where alcohol comes in handy in our relationship so his IQ drops down to my level sometimes :)! I am glad she let him go on the date and didn't wait. I about died laughing when he was so shocked. Seriously?!?! How do people NOT know? Maybe from mixed signals like Ashley wearing no clothes!

At the rose ceremony, Ashley again was wearing a dress that had a cutout back. Can we get a stylist that doesn't work at Deb's on the show?!?! Apparently she knew what she wanted to do and didn't even need a rose ceremony. I thought for sure it would be Ames gone, but it was Lucas. I thought both of them took it really well and then Ashley had a melt down again. Way to pickem' ABC! After Lucas exited I looked at the guys left... I just don't see it, none of them I would pick for her anymore.

Next week are home towns... this should be interesting!

**Emily interview: I at first did not know what to think about it but then she came across as really genuine. You could tell she really is upset about the situation and still loves Brad. It would of been even more telling if Brad would of been there and to see his reaction. I hope she wasn't putting on a show... time will tell. If she is the next Bachelorette, she is just like the rest ... a fame whore! Only other thing to note, did watching her not make you feel like you were watching a horse trying to get peanut butter off it's teeth?? What was going on there?!?!

Preparation For the Upcoming Nuptials

2011-07-05T13:34:00.034-05:00

I know a lot of people probably wonder "How do you throw a Christina Aguilera Lovin', Zumba Dancing, Dr. Pepper Fanatic, Brutality Honest, and of course GOREGOUS girl a Bachelorette Party she would love"?? That's easy, give her a pole, BJ shots, drag queens, and a table to dance on and your job is complete!

The day started off with Pole Dancing lessons. I mean think about it, those could come in handy one day with this economy!

The Wath girls...

as well as the Pitt State girls gave it there best shot!

Needless to say, we all had some skills. Something to be proud of? Maybe...

Funny moment...Alison asked "Does this look sexy, and Halley goes "Yes, that is a distraction" lol!! Mission accomplished I guess!

Halley also opened some presents and got some goodies...

I couldn't show them all as well, you can see below...

Next we were off to the Cheesecake Factory for something to soak up all the alcohol :)!

Ross for some reason was interested in the waitress, so she told him to meet her under the Palm Tree ;)

Here came the first BJ of the night!

That's all it took for Halley to get the party started!

Look who is excited for a drag show at Missy B's?!?

What is better than a man bringing around jello shots? One with a whistle and no shirt! Pretty sure he is the only person that can pull off those booty shorts!

I you are wondering if the Bride got up on stage... you obviously don't know her ;)

This girl will do anything for a spotlight and free drinks!

I'd say you have some competition Halley...

It started to get crowded so before we got smothered, we headed to the next train wreck...

Once we got to our last bar of the night, Halley had herself another BJ. Look mom, no hands!

Even proper form sometimes does not pay off!

All I know is this was Halley's motto for the night...

The end of the night was full of dancing...

Whistle blowing...

"Deuces" and "Why did I come thoughts"...

Shots...

And finally Halley's crown was stolen, so we called it a night!

Now that we have checked the Bachelorette Party off the list, it is time to get this girl married! Thanks to Halley's sisters for throwing such a fun party!

Love you Halley!

The Bachelorette: Honesty is sometimes NOT the best policy!

2011-06-28T14:19:00.009-05:00

Though I struggle to watch Ashley each week as the Bachelorette, I have to give it to her that some parts of her are growing on me, and this season has and looks to be one of the more entertaining! I have questioned most of her ridiculous choices this season, but she finally ~~got dumped~~ came to her senses and put the last period to the . . .

Hong Kong was the new adventure this week. Is it me or are they choosing what I would consider, though never having been there, NOT romantic places for them to travel to. That might be a clue of what happens in the end, though I hope not!

Something else to note before we get to the dates, is it was see through week on the Bachelorette!! EVERY shirt she had on, I could see through. I am pretty sure the next step is pasties!

How does this week start... with an impromptu date with none other than BENTLEY (Drink Koesters... they drank each time they said "Bentley" during the show. I only can imagine how interesting their night turned out ;)). I gagged when they kissed first thing... listerine it out Ashley! They then proceeded to talk and Bentley just waited to hear how much she still likes him and misses him. Long story short (just like him), he tells her "well I think you should get to know the other guys" and then starts doing this "evil I have mind f'd you for the past how many weeks smile"...UGH! Then Ashley goes "So I guess this is the period". HOLY CRAP... are you serious... WHY ARE YOU ASKING?!?! Mentally beat her again Bentley she apparently likes it. I love how she does her interview after and says "F U Bentley"... Oh man ... you got him good! Sayonara the Big D B!

Moving on FINALLY... the ~~second~~ first date this week went to Lucas. I am going to be really honest, I just don't like the guy. Notice how our emotionally ra-tarded Bachelorette never thinks, "Hmmm, he fell out of love with his first wife, I wonder if that could happen again". Instead it's "Maybe I am the girl that will change this guy and be his one true love". The whole date was them walking around Hong Kong, trying new foods, enjoying the views, and then they got to ride a boat on the river later that night. Lucas just looked so uncomfortable. You could tell he would rather be at home with a dip in and cleaning his gun. Do not get me wrong... I love country men, but I don't love men that don't want to experience all there is in life! Ashley, ended up kissing him as they were laughing and talking. He was like "was that are first kiss" and Ashley was goes "oh, I guess, don't get too excited, I do that to everyone". So like any man, once you give them some lovin', they think buttons start popping off your clothes. The rest of the night was spent feeling each others tonsils with their tongues.

The group date was next! Of course it was some random boat racing competition the men had to compete in with no prize but a gold dragon trophy. Ashely come on... they don't want a gold dragon, they want to stick their dragon... forget it you are hopeless! I love how production split up the teams ... Bad Hair (Constantine & Ben F.), Arch Enemies (Blake & Ryan), and finally Juice Heads (Mickey & Ames). Of course the steroid twins win, Mickey and Ames! I did appreciate the bad hair team's kamonos... nice touch! So after the uneventful race, they met up for dinner that night. Everyone was after the rose that night. Ames, molested her in the elevator. Hell, I was even waiting for floor 48 so they could get off... of the elevator that is! Ben F. also got some tongue action. I am convinced he is there until the end, but I just don't know if I see it between them yet. She ends up giving her one rose to Ryan after he creepidly kissed her hand in the middle of conversation. RED FREAK FLAG ASHLEY!! The guys were not happy!

So who is left for the one on one... none other than J.P. (or Jordan Paul) that has already had a one on one! They just look so natural and comfortable with each other. Lets stop though and discuss her saggy boob pocket shirt she was wearing. WTF?!?!? Sorry, side tracked! Anyhow, she told J.P. at dinner about how Bentley came to Hong Kong because she wasn't sure about her feelings. He took it pretty well. You could tell he was thinking "she won't show me her goods later if I freak... play it cool"! She acted like she was a saint for telling him. It's like "since I am mad at my husband I should just trip him when he walks... that would make me feel better"! But all was good in "Jashlep" land! They then took a train ride in the dark, because they wanted to see the city?? Needless to say, those two are pretty cute together. They look like each other which is a sign I think...

At the rose ceremony, let's again stop and talk about Ashley's dress of the night. STUNNING! Surprisingly not see through but I did notice they inserted two entire fake boobs in the top so that she had cleavage!

Anyhow, right off the bat since J.P. took it so well, she tells the guys about Bentley and how ~~he finally dumped her~~ she has moved on after seeing him in Hong Kong. GOOD LORD they are pissed! Lucas & Constantine seemed more mad then anyone. Blake acts too cool for school and makes her cry. Buddy you're teeth are not that great! And then finally Mickey tells her to send him home. So Mickey ended up leaving on a boat! Even though I liked Mickey, I never thought Ashley was his type anyway.

When she passed out the roses, the only one who did not get one was the mean guy, Blake. I love how he wanted to act all cool and let her know she did wrong but then said he really wanted to stay... on vacation you mean!

That was a crazy episode, but it looks like it only gets better from here! I don't know about anyone else, but the producers did a great job of confusing the heck out of me! I have no clue who comes back and who is there until the end. Of course we all have guesses though...

The Bachelorette: Anyone Still Wonder Why She's Single?

2011-06-21T10:22:00.009-05:00

Was anyone as excited for this week as I was? From the previews from last week, it looked like Bentley reappeared. I know I know, I said I hate that pathetic excuse for a man let alone a human being but MAN when he left, it became apparently clear that the rest of these guys seem to be lacking in the personality field! As many of you know that watched last night... it did not happen this episode, so more to come on that later! But none the less this was still a great week as we continue to see all the traits that have kept Ashley SINGLE!

The whole group headed to Chang Mai, Thailand this week. Again, it looked like another amazing location. Not sure I would classify it as a "place to fall in love" like Ashley... which she didn't, but still pretty cool!

The first one on one when to Ben F.. I was actually happy about this, because I wanted to get a little more information about him to see why Ashley has kept him around so long because we all know it's not because of his hair! They went to the market and just walked around. I love how he told her he wanted to buy the dress for her... my type of man! When they got to the temple and she told him they can't kiss, I just thought this part was actually really cute between them. You could cut the sexually tension with a samurai :)! Maybe we should start calling her a tease! A typical woman... always wants what she can't have! Did you see her impression of a strangled cat wanting to pounce on Ben F.? Note to self... NOT a sexy noise! At dinner later that night, they had a great conversation about his dad and why he got into making wine. I just didn't feel that Ashley was her bubbly self all day. And why would she be, he name doesn't start with a B... wait yes it does lol! But you know where I was going with that! At the end of the date Ben F. got his kiss... multiple kisses for that matter. It kept looking like Ashley would kiss him then pull back like "yuck" wait, let's try that again, and again, and again. Ben F. breath mints next time buddy... she can only hold her breath for so long!

Next was the group date. Little did these macho men know what they were getting themselves into. The date was having them all learn Muay Thai. I mean, I see why Ashley set this date up as they all had to take off their shirts so she could see the goodies! Mickey looked... well holy hell! I think they baby oiled him up lol! Anyhow, once the training was done, they headed to the ring. You could tell they were all scared as Muay Thai is pretty intense. Each guy was paired with another guy on the date to fight. All was well and testosterone was flying until it was Ames turn. I know he struggles in the face department but seriously, I think he is so cute being a lover not a fighter. Intelligence is way sexy! Anyhow, needless to say he had never threw a punch in his whole life and got his marbles knocked loose. He was so out of it so they took him to the hospital... pink shorts and all!

Later that night they met up for drinks. Luckily Ames was ok and was able to make the party. He was so cute when he told her that he would "romance her next time". I love how he was still way out of it but yet witty! Look people, I know I'm loving on Ames, but when there isn't much to look at out of the whole bunch anymore, you have to go to personality. Maybe he can wear a hat more often! She had a one on one conversation with Lucas that just grossed me out! He was teaching her how to swing a golf club. She had on, with no surprise, a SUPER short dress and asked him if she should stick out her butt. He about died, probably because he saw she had no underwear on! Of course they had to do the correct swing form together. I'm not sure how he could get that close without poking her at that point! Surprisingly the rose of the night went to Blake, the dentist. We haven't seen much of him except for his teeth so I haven't quite formed an opinion. I thought Ames deserved it for getting his lights knocked out but Nathan, my husband, said you don't reward failure. I'm sure our kids won't be competitive at all!

Finally was the dreaded 2 on 1 date! Surprisingly she choose Ben C. and William WOD. I left off the H (hottie) because he has turned into quite the TARD! Anyhow, they literally got to the location for the date and William had his one on one time. There he tells her that Ben C. was talking about going on a dating website after all this. She didn't even question it... SEE YA BEN C.!! Wowsers... at first I was like William will do anything to get rid of him but then Ben C. tells Ashley I feel betrayed because I was joking. HOLY CRAP you admitted it lol! Obviously she didn't like him and this just made it all the easier! Later that night at dinner William thought he had it in the bag! He was cocky and childish and you could tell she was highly unimpressed. I think I saw her eyes blink for a really long time once (insert snoring noises). Needless to say, his stay at dinner was short lived! There goes the last one of my initial picks. Boy I spotted those losers! Only amazing part of this date was her dress! HOT!!

At the rose ceremony she was a huge downer again! "I know not everyone will fall in love with me"... pity party of one! The main converstation that stuck out to me of that night was Constantine. He told her that basically he's not in love with her and feels more of a connection to the guys than her. WHAT... are you asking to leave?? Well let's just say, with any non-abusive, mentally stable girl he would be gone!

She met with Chris Harrison to have their "girl chat" of the night and she came out, which I do like her honesty, and told him that she STILL misses Bentley. I thought I saw Chris Harrison bitch slap her but then I realized that was only a dream of mine! He basically was like you suck at this process, it's not going to work like this, can you please stop sticking your tongue down people's throats if you don't like them!! Good lord, you know it's killing Chris not to tell her everything!

That night she only had to let go of one, and that one was Mr. Personal Trainer Nick. He seemed a lot more distraught then she was to let him go. Probably because as a tease she doesn't realize always putting her WHOHAA on him while he's doing pushups would send mixed signals!

Next Time...
For real... Bentley appears!! From the looks of it, this might be the episode of the season! Men are angry and let her have it!

Father's Day Love!

2011-06-20T10:26:00.011-05:00

Hopefully all of you remembered that yesterday was Father's Day! If not, I am sure Hallmark has "I am sorry I'm an ungrateful child" card. We celebrated the day with my Father in KC. My husband grilled some amazing pizza's, we watched some golf which of course means some mid-afternoon naps and then finished the day with a little "Green Leaf" as my wonderful father calls it! It's actually Orange Leaf but it was his day, so corrections were not allowed :)! We had so much fun! It's nice to actually get to do something for your parents after all they have done for you. As little as it was, it felt good just to show my appreciation to the endless love that my father has shown me over the years!

If you don't know me, my father and I well, let's just say, he might have something to do with my WONDERFUL personality ;)! He is so full of life and I love that about him. He is truly a fun person to be around and is loved my many. He has worked really hard in his life to provide the best life possible for himself and his kids. He has done a great job because I, along with my brothers, have little to complain about (well except we aren't billionaire kids who don't have to work for a living)!

It's hard to put into words, how much you love your parents and family, as there is no other unconditional, you have to forever, type of love like that. But here are some things as to why I love my dad sooooo much!

He is a farmer! There is something refreshing about country life and not getting caught up in the hoopla of life! Also, life lessons as a farmer are better demonstrated then just talked about. For instance, instead of telling your kids that an electric fence is hot, he told us to grab the fence and when it shocked the piss out of us he said, "ok now don't ever do that again"! Very powerful tactic!
My father can fall asleep in literally 2 seconds! I love him for this because he passed on this great trait ;).

Dance moves! Never have a seen a man break out in as many random dance moves as my father. Driving in a car or walking to the bathroom, that in its self requires him to bust a move! Again... an amazing trait he passed on ;)
His wit :). Some people think our family is sarcastic... which ok... we are! But in our circle... we like to use the word "wit". Sounds like more of a positive characteristic lol! Get with my family in the room, you better be on your toes!
His use of words! "Copy that", "Over and Out", "Oh whatever", and the list goes on!
The fact he took the time to be a father and teach his kids things! He taught me to drive at age 6! The truck was parked in the ditch in the road and he told me to back it up and go up the road. Needless to say I went from one ditch to the other and he patiently said after 4 times "Turn the wheel" :) Nate, you can blame him on my great driving abilities!

He's pet friendly! I'm sure everyone knows, but a little girl basically has her father wrapped around her finger! So between dogs, bucket calves, a cat, and a horse my father has graciously ~~helped me~~ raised my "wanted at the time" animals. Somehow they all died when I was not around, I'm hoping that was a coincidence father ;)

His love for chick flicks! Most weekends with my father were spent eating Breadeaux's breadsticks and watching the latest girly movie out! Men may make fun of that but he's actually a genius! Do you know how many hot chicks are in those movies?!?!
Most importantly... he convinced my mother to have me! As I have mentioned in posts prior, he promised I would be a girl. A very risky promise if you know my mother and the wrath that would of came if I had not been one lol! We are both lucky we are alive today :)

As you have read above, my father is definitely a one of a kind! I know sometimes he cringes at my decisions but he has always let me make my mistakes and figure it out as I go which I love!

Dad, you have been an amazing father to my brothers and I!

You have taught us so much along the way and I know there are more life lessons to come. I am truly blessed that you are my dad and I love you for every laugh we share!

The Bachelorette: Snooze Fest

2011-06-13T20:24:00.015-05:00

Let me start of this week by saying HOW BORING this episode was. All Ashley did was go on dates with boring guys and mope around missing Bentley. Hell, I almost started to miss him after this week! Also I think he might of left one week too early as Ashley started wearing underwear for shorts. Can anybody give me a HOOOHA! (The picture doesn't do the shortness justice!!)

This week started off with Constantine finally getting a date! I thought, maybe this will help me see past his bad hair. But now instead of his hair all I see are his orange shorts. Hmmm remind you of anyone?? Vanessa Gower (Calcara) will be so excited I put a picture of ED in this week's blog. Seriously V... I still don't get it!

Ashley was in her Bentleymood when they didn't get to go on the original date but I loved how Constantine was so positive and was like "hey hoochie, we are in Thailand and you have underwear on as shorts, everything is great!" This of course coming from the man in Addias sandals... OMG! Their date was a fun friend date and then they had a great dinner by the sea. The conversation was so... "what's your favorite color", "no way me too". Basically she had R-E_B-O-U-N-D written all over her forehead! He got the rose, but pretty sure he didn't get her flower!

Next the group date! I love how they all think she is so kind-hearted for picking a date to help the Baan San Fan Orphanage paint their walls. I'm sure ABC had nothing to do it! Plus she was all about this date because she could walk around in the rain thinking about Bentley! Mr. Solar was SUPER excited because apparently that is his thing. I know I am what my husband calls a "pessimist", personally I just think I am a realist, but his sunshine coming out of his buttocks region is almost to much for me. I mean, hasn't he ever had a dog die, broke an arm, worked 8-5?? I did however enjoy Ben F. a little this date. This is the first we have really got to listen to him talk. I think he might actually have a great personality which helps me not look at his face/hair! Him deciding to paint a mural on the way was pretty cool! Wine maker and artistic... might be a winner! Later that night J.P and Ashley had some more steamy kisses. She kept going back for more and so did his tongue. My TV screen started flashing "Nobody under the given age of 18 can legally see an R rated ..."! Unlike Constantine... I believe her flower was watered that night by J.P. Yet, she gave the rose to Ben F.!

The last man standing for a one on one was Ames. I know he has some interesting/prominent features, but there is something I have always liked about him. What is that something... well on the date, we found out that he's already been to Thailand... TWICE! Once to ~~lay on the beach~~ climb a mountain and the other time for cooking school! OH, and when he decided to go to cooking school he left... THAT NIGHT! Spontaneity & Money = Hell of a good time! If only I could understand him! I didn't know if you were rich/well educated you had to say "Indeed" instead of yes.

"You went to Harvard? Indeed"
"You've traveled to over 70 countries? Indeed"
"Your peter is a lot shorter than you let on? Indeed"

As Ames put it, Thailand looked "other worldly" which I assume he means, pretty awesome and I would have to agree! They had a great date floating on the water and then had dinner that night. She made him (and I for that matter) feel like she was going to send him home. But she said, he's so deep, and interesting a.k.a she didn't want to look like an uneducated person that can't refer to herself in 3rd person. "Ashley wants to know if you will accept this rose Ames... Indeed"! Though there were no kisses, again she gave out something much more intimate... a sneak peek of the goodies. GOOD LORD GIRL... I HOPE YOU HAVE GRANNIE PANTIES ON UNDER THERE!! But I guess if you got it rock it!

The Rose Ceremony!

Ashley felt so much better after her platonic dates this week that she was up for a rose ceremony! I mean, I guess I rag on her too much... she's was in a DARK PLACE after Bentley... it is so obvious she gave it up to him! There is no way she is that emotionally attached without losing her V card... that would be assuming she still has it which... I DON'T!

West looked super cute that night. The poor guy just wants love again!

Notice how Lucas said his marriage just lost it's passion and she asked him how he can make sure to keep it for the next relationship and he changed the subject. Yep... keep him Ashley... sounds like your type!

Really Ryan... I think he went a little far to say the reason he is happy is because he isn't a solider overseas getting morter shots!! What the hell? Then I am happy as well I suppose! What's wrong with "I just got a new dog that makes me smile"?? Sorry Kiptyn but him and Tenley are meant for each other!

Does anyone else love how Chris Harrison basically was telling Ashely to not be a RA-TARD when it comes to Bentley... I love him!!

In the end, I regret to say she got rid of West! I think she felt like she could never live up to his first wife, which is fair. But the cute men are slowly dwindling...

What's in store of us in the future ... B-E-N-T-L-E-Y! That's right people... HE'S BACKKKKKKKK!

#SameerluvsCandy

2011-06-13T14:58:00.097-05:00

Nathan and I recently got to travel to Boston to help celebrate my friend/co-worker's wedding! Candis, who I now lovingly call Candi, used to be my boss and didn't fire me so of course I grew a fondness of her for not doing that and we became friends! It wasn't long after that, that I met Sameer, who is genuinely one of the nicest people I have met! When Candi & Sammer finally decided where they were going to get married, I instantly called Kelly, who also worked for Candis and did not get fired ;), and basically said "When are you flying out... Thursday or Friday"! There was no doubt in my mind that seeing Candi & Sameer tie the knot would be an experience I would not want to miss and who better to share it with than Candi's other little duckling Kelly!

Friday before the wedding Nathan and I started our trek to Boston, actually Cape Cod, where the wedding was going to be which we now call "the Cape" so we fit in up there!

As we were driving we noticed Massachusetts had some crazy names for places. For instance, I found this exit one I wanted to avoid...

No "Rocky Nook" for me please!! Everyone to their own I suppose :)

I also thought it quite hysterical that no matter if you went to Subway, CVS, DQ, Flower Shop, etc.. all the buildings looked the same. I mean what a reality check it would be to walk into a strip club thinking it was Subway and ask for the "works"!

We stopped before we got to the hotel and picked up some energy adult drinks... BOOZE if I have to spell it out for you. Nathan, in honor of the happy couple got some IPA (India Pale Ale) :).

Unfortunately I did not make it in time for the Mehndi where Candis and a few of the other girls got their henna for the wedding but fear not... those pictures are to come! But we did make it to the beautiful rehearsal dinner. A seafood pasta in Cape Cod... yes please :)! After the wonderful dinner, have no fear, the party didn't stop there! Apparently all the cool kids were going to the Chatham Squire so we thought... we're in!

It didn't take long with things like this happening...

For this to happen...

Candis goes "I looked over and thought, who is that and then saw Kelly and I and was like... OF COURSE". I just told her "I thought this is why you invited us"! No longer will I let Kelly dress or should I say "undress" my husband in a bar in Cape Cod!

Needless to say we had a great time!

As the night went along though, we noticed Kelly & Amanda's henna was a lot darker than everyone else's. We are pretty sure the ladies who did it played a trick on them!

We love Candi!

...apparently so does Sameer's brother ;)!

WEDDING DAY!
Saturday we woke, surprisingly in not bad shape :) and decided to explore the Cape :). We asked the waitress where we should go and she said "P Town" which after being in the Cape for one day I realized she meant Provincetown. Though she said it was and I quote "wicked cool", we were over an hour away so we decide to just stay and explore the towns around Cape Cod.

We found what we thought was a beautiful beach/area, which it was, but later realized it was also where the wedding would be! So cool! We headed to the beach where there was a sign that said "Private Beach Members Only" and "No Dogs Allowed". We figured we met 1 out of 2 criteria so that was good enough!

Along the way to the beach I saw a house I would die to own one day. SO CUTE!

Also a boat with a condom! "Stern to tip, cover your ship"!

The view once we got to the beach was priceless!

It made me feel like singing... "I've got my toes in the water...

ass in the sand..."

What a fun group to explore the Cape with!

Anybody a movie buff like me and has seen " Something's Gotta Give" a million times? This stair case reminded me of the movie. I made Nathan go up and down them a couple times just to be safe ;)

A couple other random things I noticed while we were out sightseeing is that to move to the Cape, Nathan's wardrobe would be to go from brown/black to ALL PASTEL! Look, even the dogs chain...

Also, I have never seen crazy signs like this before! More importantly now looking at the picture I guessed why the guy's jacket was tied up to high, but then I saw it was to make room for his fanny pack. Got it!

Kelly finally got to eat Lobster, while I wore mine :)! Yes I bought this hat in case anyone is taking a trip to Boston sometime soon and wants to borrow it.

FINALLY IT WAS TIME FOR THE BIG EVENT... Candis & Sameer's Wedding (#sammyluvscandy & #sameerluvscandy... sorry got excited and changed the hash tag half way through lol)!

I had a hot date and I was ready!

The view was to die for!

Can you tell Candis used to/will always be an event planner. The details were amazing.

The grandparents and Sameer's parents started off the ceremony with a gorgeous walk down to the alter.

The groomsmen followed by Sameer made their way to their spots.

Then the bridesmaids starting to come down the aisle. I thought it was quite comical that after Wendy walked down the aisle the "men bridesmaids" appeared out of no where! It was like they fell in line after their queen bee. There were more bridesmaids but I thought this picture was cute!

Once everyone was in place, Sameer was covered so that he could not see Candis. Kelly said she never knows whether to look at the groom or the bride and this Indian tradition solves that problem :)!

It was time! Candis started making her way down the long rubble path to stand face to face with her future, Sameer!

I loved the details they added in of a traditional Indian wedding.

The roses...

The Saptapadi, which is when both the bride and groom take seven steps together while reciting mantras.

The necklace Sameer gave Candis. He was having some troubles as it was tangled, but Candis was a good future wife letting him get it undone, but you could see on her face she was thinking "I could have this undone by now" lol!

I loved that they poured sand rather than lighting candles. It's something they can keep forever as a memory.

And then the moment we all had been waiting for... the kiss! Tears...

What a great looking couple.

Then it was time for the reception. After a wedding like that though, Candi & Sameer couldn't merrily walk into the reception, they had to float ;)! Yes, one of the coolest things I have ever seen!

Here are some note worthy moments at the reception:

We had a super fun table!

Again Candis with the details... each table was named after a place the happy couple had been together. Luckily we got to go to Maui!

The first dance was great. You could tell that afternoon of dance classes really paid off ;)

Want to know what true love looks like?

So why does Nathan now LOVE Sameer & Candi... there was a cigar roller at the wedding. I took a picture because I knew you wouldn't believe it if you didn't see it!

The food... Indian, American, Mexican, and on and on and on! I wanted everything... so that is what I got :)

I carried over that theory to the drinks as well :)

Have you ever seen the dancing in "Slumdog Millionaire"? I did in real life!

The sarees! I am little a miffed at Candi for not telling me to wear one. I totally feel like I could of rocked one ;)

Kelly was quite a dancing machine at the beginning of the night so we didn't want her wine to get hot ;)...

Fishing weights to hold down a dress on a windy day... genius!

Bridesmaid Bling.

Kelly caught the bouquet... that I threw at her :)

Candi's Henna! Can you see Sameer's name??? SO COOL!

Sameer gave something to Candis prior to the wedding that made me realize he is not only after Candis's heart but all women's'... JIMMY CHOO SHOES!!!

The good looking groom...

...and his bride. Love you Candi!

BOSTON

After an amazing night celebrating, Sunday we headed to Boston to spend our last day of vacation where any red blooded American should in Boston... at Fenway!!

The atmosphere was amazing! If the Royals had this type of fan base we would possibly win more often! Then again, if we won more often we might have this type of fan base! Here are some fun shots of the game.

Nate and I are pretty sure we want to name our kid...

How cute are these little Red Sox fans... they start them young there!

We bought shirts before we went to the game, so we would fit in :), and Nate prayed that the player on his shirt was still playing lol! Lucky for him...

We had a great time plus they won!

To round out the trip I felt like I needed to see an actual "Historical Landmark" so we drove by here... Where everyone knows your name!!

Lastly a fun fact for you that Nathan my engineer husband shared with me. The Boston Bridge. I pointed out how cool I thought it looked, and leave it to my husband to take this as a learning opportunity for me. Apparently this bridge is really unsafe as the weight barring poll is above the bridge in the middle having all it's lines run from there out to the side of the bridge. After it snows and ices over when it starts to melt, it is dangerous to drive on the bridge because of falling ice. Interesting huh?!

Anyhow, Nate and I had an amazing time in Boston and the Cape at Candis & Sameer's wedding. The wedding was definitely one of a kind and we were happy to be a part of it! Best wishes to the happy couple! Apparently Dieter (Kelly) is next since I threw a bouquet at her ;)

The Bachelorette: "..."

2011-06-07T17:44:00.011-05:00

Let's talk about dedication!! After a fun weekend in Boston celebrating a friend's wedding with my husband, I got back around 9pm. I knew I could not go to bed... there was only one option... TV/DVR on > List> The Bachelorette> PLAY! That's right people I stayed up WAY past my bed time (10pm... SHUSH your mouths... have you been around me with no sleep... I am not a nice human) because I just couldn't wait one more day!

Right off the bat Ben C. got a date! And it was just what he asked for... a dance date. Ashely took him to a studio and taught him a dance. I am confused, is she a dancer or a dentist?! Ok, I guess it would be a little weird to gas the men and give them crowns on her dates! So instead they dance! Once they learned the moves, they had a picnic of course but that is where it got REALLY CHEESY! They started doing the dance moves in front of a bunch of people without music... super awkward and then what do you know, the music started... and BAM... FLASH MOB! Then they had a concert, kissed (because that is what she does WITH EVERYONE), and had dinner. HONESTLY I am bored out of my mind just writing this! HE is turning out to be boring and blah. Nice guy but telling her that he would be at home thinking about what he would text her and talk to her about next is like telling her he doesn't need to use his playboy magazines that night because he met her!

The group date was next... thank the lord I needed a little excitement to bring me back! But the group date could not start before Jeff FINALLY revealed himself. The moment was so anti-climatic... kind of like most girls first times. That was it? That is what I was saving myself for? Of course this was not my experience... my husband rocked my world, hit a home run, was just as I imagined, incredible... SORRY everyone, Nate edits my posts ;)! Anyhow, back to the mask... I almost wanted him to put it back on! He looked more creepy with it off... but onward to the date!

The men were taken to a comedy club where they were going to "Roast" Ashley. Talk about a setup... RUN!!! Anyhow, all was well and people were playing it cool until one started and then it was all down hill from there. Really you talked about her flat chest?! It brought back some bad memories for me for sure... "what is flatter than your back... your front" clever. If only I was as quick witted then as I am now... I would of punched them in the balls for sure LOL... like Ashley should of. But who is the worst?! HWOD William :(! I sure know how to pick them from first impressions huh?! First the marijuana head and now the emotionally abusive. Really, you say you wished she was Emily?? Did you see after the rose... she would make your life hell unless you were deaf! So when Ashely gets upset... who comforts her... SCUM SUCKING Bentley! He makes my blood boil! And she is a tard for falling for a guy that sounds like Beavis & Butthead when he laughs...."Uh huh huh huh huh"!!!

I did feel bad for William when he was crying because I don't think he is a mean person, he is just an idiot and this is why he is still single! She was so upset she really didn't listen to most of the other men on their private times. I am pretty sure I heard Jeff tell her he adopted a 3 legged dog... BAHAHAHA! Then of course she gave up her goodies, even if they are flat to Ryan who is now coming across as a cheeseball! Finally Bentley makes his move for the rose. But not before Ashley lays it out that she heard he was here for the wrong reasons. Did anyone else listen him... HE NEVER SAID IT WASN'T TRUE!! Ashley was like... yep you are right, your long john is bigger than anyone else's! But the rose went to Ryan... at least he is legit.. to legit to quit!

The next day, since cry baby Bentley did not get a rose the night before, he thought "yep, today is the day I will take a poop on Ashley's heart". Literally he said he had to poop before he told her on camera... UGH!! Watch out people he may be the anti-christ reincarnated and our time on earth may be up! I think he was so pathetic to tell the guys and Ashley that it was all about missing his daughter. The Ex should sue for full custody using the Bachelorette footage... there has to be a character issue! He was kissing Ashley's neck while she was crying trying to "turn her on" ... SLEEZEPIECEOFSHITHOLEMOTHERFER. And then she straddled him... and he thought instantly about ... well, what could only take him 10-15 seconds. I AM JUST SO ANNOYED that she fell for that crap!! "..." F F F!!!! I KNOW... she didn't know... but "one of her good friends warned her". Next time Michelle Money should tell her he has something you TOO might have forever and see if that chases her away!! You are right... probably not!

Finally a guy I can support on this show... the last date went to J.P! He is so growing on me! His date was at Ashley's house where she was moping about well, let's be honest, the best thing that ever happened to her in two weeks! They had a little dinner and then decided to get comfy in pj's that of course he brought! Not going to lie, she scored some points with me on not only putting on pj's but also for getting into her glasses. I mean talk about confidence! You could almost see him fall in love with her more for that. I loved that she loved his kisses more than Bentley's!!! I wonder if she recorded that after she heard Bentley call her ugly?! But none the less... go J.P!

The Rose Ceremony or "You could all go at this point if your name isn't Bentley Ceremony"

She looked AMAZING!! I would die for those cute little dresses and her legs to go in them :). Anyhow, Chris sat her down for some girl talk! I love him for that. Basically she said she doesn't know how she can go on and Chris, who is AWESOME, goes "If he wanted to be here, he would of stayed and found a way to stay". What does Ashley say "Really... I don't know". She is so that best friend that you tell her that her boyfriend is cheating and show her pictures yet she still goes... "that is a bad angle, that may not be him". DRIVES ME NUTS! You are right... it's not him... it's YOU!

So because she is soooo upset over Bentley she decides to not have a rose ceremony! I was surprised since some guys did not get dates, but all of those guys were the first to be chosen. Seriously... I say this every week... Constantine & Ben F.?!?! I don't get it yet! In the end she gave William a second chance. Which I think was a good decision but if he tells her to cut her hair and dye it blonde next week he has to go to Charleston!

Sadly a guy who was a no name and the Phantom BatFace Mesnick who turned out NOT to be Jason had to go. I'm telling you, maybe Jeff was right to go with the mask... some faces only a mother could love... maybe ;)!

Up next... Thailand :)!!!

Does This Girl Look 26?

2011-06-01T20:43:00.010-05:00

Probably not, because this picture was taken when I was 25, but look it or not, as of today I am 26! I have been struggling with turning this age a little. The other morning I woke up and go "Nathan, my life is one fourth over". He goes "You think you will live to 104"? Hi Nate, here's my book of what NOT to say lol!! But like it or not, 26 is my new age!!

In trying to think more positive about living for 26 years, I would like to share some thoughts with everyone...

26 Interesting Things I Have Learned

Beer Bongs are named "Beer" bongs for a reason! A.K.A bonging jungle juice is a HUGE mistake unless you like seeing it go down and back up!
Telling your husband to put the toilet seat down can backfire on you! So now instead of putting just the seat down, he puts the lid down as well so I have to do something to pee as well...BURN!
Buying a new car with your student loans does not mean your student loans go away lol ;)
Eating Reese's Pieces by the pound and drinking gallons of Mt. Dew WILL make you a big boned child.
Living with a boy will never make you appreciate living with 4 other girls so much in your life!
Being on a budget MIGHT be a good thing! (Don't tell Nate)
Spending time with family you love is one of the most important things in your life!
Double yellow lines on the road means you can't pass... I don't feel like that is on the driver's test!
If you live in Kansas, you can convince your husband that Victoria Secret models are not real!
Ketchup goes on everything including Mac & Cheese! Have you tried it...that is what I thought!
Jean shorts should only be worn to County Stampede IF ANYWHERE, contrary to what my college pictures say!
Lasik surgery is a gift from GOD!
If you cried in High School running...ok walking most of a mile...one day you could run a 1/2 marathon :).
The Hangover Movie CAN happen! Just ask my friends Shal & Katie... oh if my apt. walls could talk...we would know what the HELL happened lol!
Drunk dialing someone you are dating 20 times in one night can back fire on you unless you are dating the ONE...right Nate ;).
If you can sleep in a full bed with your husband for over 2 years and both people are still talking to each other... that is a HUGE accomplishment.
Jumping out of a plane is awesome! The only thing that could make it better? Looking over and seeing your mom about to do the same thing!
Body surfing at a KSU football game is an amazing feeling until you hit a patch of girls :(.
Whoever invented Spinning hates BREATHING!
Having a car that starts without a key is convenient and fun until your high school guy friends think it's funny to play hide and go seek with it!
I am convinced that even though Matthew McConaughey does not where deodorant that his natural body smell is of an Abercrombie & Fitch model.
Even though some people are in your life only for a short period of time, the can change it forever!
You could bounce a quarter off Rascal Flatts's butts! Believe me... Halley Spellman and I know ;)!
Watching your husband and mother run a race against each other after a night of drinking is priceless!
When someone says "Just a second, I need to put on some chapstick"... he might be proposing to you so be ready :)!
If you want to be rich, marry someone smart or buy lottery tickets. I have done both to try to increase my chances! So far I am still hanging with the common folk if that tells you anything ;)

Since yesterday was my last day as a 25 year old and also the "National Running Day", I decide to tie up my laces and hit the pavement. Right when I go outside...what does it do? RAIN the entire run! It's good to know if there is ever a monsoon in Kansas I can still get places! Plus, I figured if it rains on your wedding day, that is good luck so the same theory has to go along with birthdays....So here's to hoping for an amazing 26th year of my life!

The Bachelorette: Hi I'm Ashley...Just Call Me Bentley's B!

2011-05-30T20:06:00.018-05:00

After a long weekend in my hometown for Memorial Day Weekend, my hubby and I headed back to KC. I was thinking on the way back maybe we could go to the movies or rent one. As my husband ruled out going to one, I searched hard for one on our "one demand" channel. Good 'old SureWest was working like a charm as usual... NOT... so we were not able to view any movies. Just as I was about to give my spiel about how "I hate Time Warner but not as much as SureWest" I realized it was just the Bachelor Gods looking out for me because... it was MONDAY NIGHT!

So what happened this week... The Dates Began!

The first one on one date went to HWOD (Hottie With One Dipple) William. Sigh! I mean, maybe Ashley does have some brains in there! They flew to Vegas on a private plan to have their date. Once they arrived...things started to get weird! First wedding cake tasting, then ring shopping, and finally the ALTER?!?! William needed his diaper changed for sure! Obviously it was all fake but it was cute that William played along. And in the end, he got to kiss his "maybe someday wife". I LOVED THE KISS... seriously almost tears...how cute! It was my favorite first date :), other than mine of course! Thinking back... what was mine and Nathan's first date?? He asked me to go to church!! Who can turn down the G O D!! Smooth...

Later that night Ashley and William had dinner on the water at the Bellagio! When William told the story about his dad, my heart was breaking for him. You could tell Ashley's was too as she later told how her dad was an alcoholic as well. You could tell they had a connection, a tongue connection that is! And at last, they began to get wet... YOU PERVES... the water show started!

Next was the group date! Is it just me or does my original love of the show, West, always look high now?!?! Anyhow, the group, again headed to Vegas. There they met up with Ashley and saw the JabbaWockeeZ preform. Let me just start off with saying that Ashley's body is BEYOND ridiculous! I think I was drooling alongside my husband and I don't even play for the other team! The guys had to perform a routine and the winners got to stay and hang out for the night. The more I watched, the less I started to like some of the guys. My love West is turning out to be a bit of a, for lack of better words, dushpump! Though he told his sad background story, you could tell there isn't quite a connection between him and Ashley yet.

Of course the cockiest group won and the nice guys got sent packing! Later that night the winning team got to spend some quality one on one time with Ashley. I can't even remember anyone elses time except for the SCUM OF THE EARTH'S turn... Bentley! I about died when he said "Tickle my Pickle". I literally started yelling "I'm going to rip off your pickle"!!!! I don't even like the girl that much but man this guy gets under my skin. Seriously... could he use his daughter anymore as a selling point. The worst part is she fell for it!! Granted, she doesn't know what we are seeing but MAN... he was laying it on thick and she licked it off with her mouth! Just a second, let me check... yep sure enough... I puked a little in my mouth just thinking about it!

After that gross date, we were onto the last one on one. It started with a flip of the coin and Mickey won. He was a little cuter than I remember the first episode. Let me just say, pretty sure this would be the date for me! I loved the randomness of flipping a coin for everything, and I am so going to steal that idea for a date night! They needed wine for their date so they flipped a coin to choose red or white. The way they had to get their wine was by being lifted up the side of the wine wall. It was amazing! All I could think was, I need a wall of wine in my house!! I loved how they got not 1 but 2 bottles ;)! Mickey seemed like a great guy, and I loved that his question was "When was the last time you cried". So random and thoughtful but genuine! I don't think she is his type but still a great guy! Later that night they got a performance by Colbie Caillat! I DIED... I love her! They of course sucked face because as my husband said "She is a kissingslut"! When they came up for air, they also had a great conversation about Mickey's mom. I loved how he talked about her! Then at the end of the night Ashley let the date end as it had began with a coin toss. Heads he stays, tails he goes! HE WAS PISSED... I wasn't sure which side he wanted it to land on! But his luck had not run out yet and he got the rose. Again, I don't see it but you never know...

At the Rose Ceremony...

I fell in LIKE a little with JP! He was confident but not cocky like Bentley. He just seems like a normal down to earth type of guy!

Why William?? The cuties are turning out to be not so great! William was even annoying me that night. I'm like play it cool man! You are excited we get it but unless they didn't show you consummating the deal, you have a ways to go!! When they had their one on one, he was like a dog in heat!

WHAT IS WITH THE MASK?!?! How can Ashley even take him seriously? Then he proceeds to tell her his entire life story in 2 sentences. Notice how he said he almost died and he was divorced, and she only asked him about his divorce! I wouldn't of gone down that rabbit hole either!

Guess who looks like Kirk from Ali Fedotowsky's season? Blake!

Ben C. seems like a great guy. He might be the black horse in this competition!

I hate even wasting my typing fingers on writing "Bentley". Let's just say Ashley, your radar, is more like a SUCKDAR! When she was about to pass out the roses and looked at Bentley and goes "I think my husband is in this room", they edited out "and I like abusive men who beat 3 legged dogs". I CAN NOT BELIEVE how much he sucks!

On top of keeping Bentley, she kept Phantom BatFace Mesnick because she likes being creeped on, as well as Ben F and Constantine. This girl is either making it really easy on herself when she has to cut them later or needs Brad's therapist from last season!

She did get rid of some cuties like Ryan and Momma's boy. But why would you keep them when Bentley is whispering sweet bullshit in your ear!

What should we look forward to for next week?

The Hurricane called Bentley...