Twenty Four At Heart

I Might Be a Little Stabby

2009-11-11T00:05:00-08:00

I was going to be funny today. Oh yes, I was.

I had lots of funny inside me and I was just waiting to crack myself up.

I love to crack myself up.

Instead, I'm pissed off and downright stabby. I'm showing amazing restraint (!!) by writing an intentionally vague post about this situation.

Because ... you know ... it's in my nature to use the written word to unleash my emotions at their fullest.

I'm not going to do that today.

(But I want to.)

I almost titled this post, "Fuck Off!"

I decided to go with a more demure title.

Aren't you proud of me?

It's a little disappointing when you discover someone you consider a friend is, in fact, not a friend at all.

Hellooooooooooo out there?

Are we not adults? Don't the childhood games end in childhood? Don't people learn the basic rules of honesty, integrity and respect as they grow up? Do forty-somethings really need to play games and throw darts at each other in the dark? At some point, don't most of us learn to discuss our misunderstandings or hurt feelings instead of playing games with them?

*Ahem*

Suppose, hypothetically speaking, your family had a tough few weeks. Perhaps one of your kids caught Swine Flu which developed into pneumonia and lasted for weeks. Perhaps as you cared for him, you caught H1N1 also. Just as you were starting to get everyone healthy, perhaps, that very same kid suffered the worst possible break to his ankle and needed immediate surgery.

Maybe, just maybe, you'd think your friends would understand things were a little chaotic.

Maybe, when one of those friends asked for a favor, you agreed to help them out anyway. Maybe you've helped this same friend out before with some pretty big favors. Maybe you enjoy helping people out when you can.

Because, after all, you are a good friend.

Maybe, that *friend* then flaked out on you and did not take you up on the favor you worked very hard to make happen for her/him. Maybe he/she didn't even bother to call or let you know why he/she flaked out.

The work you did to make that favor happen when your life was busy and chaotic? Was wasted and you never received any legitimate explanation as to why. You also never received an apology of any type from your friend for the futility of your efforts.

(You know, because you did jump through hoops and do all sorts of behind the scenes things to help your friend out.)

By the way, not to throw a pity party ... but some of those efforts to make that favor happen? Were damn hard to do with one arm.

Just sayin' ....

Then maybe, just perhaps, a few days later that same friend called and wanted the exact same favor she/he never took you up on before. This time, when he/she called, you were busy and could not return the phone call for a few hours. (Possibly you were at physical therapy where phone calls are not allowed. Perhaps, you did not even have your phone in the same room as you.)

When you were able to return the missed phone call, you re-extended the same favor to that very same friend. However, the friend was in a huff and initially voiced disappointment you weren't there for them when they needed you.

As in - the very minute they called.

Maybe you were a little confused by this. Maybe you thought, "What the hell? I tried to help you out and you flaked on me. Now, I'm trying again and you're getting angry."

Maybe you tried to discuss this with your friend. Maybe the friend calmed down and acted like everything was sincerely wonderful once you were actually having a conversation. Maybe you hung up the phone thinking there had been a little miscommunication (perhaps even, a downright lack of communication), but everything was now okay.

And then ....

Oh yes, and then ... maybe you were caught in utter surprise and shock when that very same *friend* used a very public forum to rip you to shreds.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Sex Addict?

2009-11-10T00:05:00-08:00

** Thank you to Secondhand Radio for the interview last night. It was really a lot of fun. The interview went over the allotted hour by quite (!) a bit. It is/or soon will be available as a free podcast on iTunes. You can click here to find the correct iTunes link if you are interested in downloading it. **

The topic of sex addiction has been brought up to me three times in ten days. Most recently, a friend told me her marriage is ending as a result of her husband's sex addiction.

Seriously?

I don't know if I believe in sex addiction. I don't know that I DON'T believe in it either.

It seems like sex addicted women used to just be called sluts. Sex addicted men were called ladies men, or more likely, pigs.

Now it seems like every bad habit is called an addiction.

My friend tells me her husband "needs" constant sexual stimulation. Porn, and a variety of partners (who he has tried unsuccessfully to keep hidden from his wife), are his methods of feeding his habit. A (big) part of me feels he's throwing the word "addiction" at his wife as an excuse for bad behavior. If he's addicted to sex then she is expected to be more understanding of his escapades, I suppose.

After all, an addict cannot be expected to have control over their habit, right? At least not without professional treatment and guidance, and maybe not even then.

I happen to know this particular man, and my nonprofessional opinion is that he's just a self-indulgent asshole with little regard for the damage his selfishness causes other people.

Not to be harsh or anything ....

I'm not condoning infidelity, but it's easier to wrap my brain around someone having a meaningful affair vs. someone who wants to screw everything in sight.

I don't really have a lot to write about this topic. It's on my mind right now because I see my friend in distress over the demise of her marriage. I brought it up here today because I'm curious as to what your thoughts are.

Do you believe sex addiction is a real addiction or just an excuse for infidelity?

Do you think people with this "addiction" can be cured or learn to control it?

Would you stay with a partner who was repeatedly unfaithful and blamed their behavior on being a sex addict?

I'm curious to hear your opinion. You are also welcome to share any experiences you might have with this topic.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Reminder: Secondhand Radio

2009-11-09T16:40:22-08:00

Just a last minute reminder ....

I will be interviewed by Karl Erikson tonight at 7pm Pacific Time/10 pm EST on Secondhand Radio.

Karl and I met in Chicago last summer and we really hit it off. I hope you'll be able to tune in and join us for *about* an hour of fun conversation. You are also welcome to call in to the show with questions or join us in the chat-room.

You can find out more about tonight by clicking here.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Beach Cruising

2009-11-09T00:05:00-08:00

** Tonight at 10pm EST/7pm Pacific time I'm being interviewed by Karl Erikson on Secondhand Radio (on Talkshoe). There will be a Live Chatroom and/or you can call in with questions or comments. If you are unable to listen to the show live, it will be available on iTunes shortly after being recorded. You can find out more about the show by going here. **

I've been anxious to take my new bike on the bike paths of some of our local beaches. It's a beach cruiser and it's not designed for the hilly roads of the canyon I live in. Saturday afternoon Briefcase loaded up his mountain bike (with it's 22 gears), and my new cruiser (with it's 3 gears), on the back of my car and we drove to Huntington Beach.

It was a beautiful day. The weather was a very comfortable 70F/21C.

I realized very quickly I can't get my bike on (or off) a bike rack with just my left arm. So much for all my ambitious plans! Because of my bum arm, I'll have to rely on others to help me with the bike rack. I was disappointed but I'm certain, in the future, total strangers won't mind me begging asking them for help. (We had to take the basket off to make the bike fit on the bike rack, but it easily went back on once the bike was off the rack.)

There was almost no one on the beach. I realize it's November, but the weather was nice and I found the empty beach shocking.

Those are fire-pits for bonfires you see situated along the beach. And ... a lot of empty sand. Huntington Beach has big, wide, beaches.

We rode for close to an hour and a half. I really enjoyed it. Briefcase wore his iPod ear-buds so he wouldn't have to listen to me talk could enjoy some music. I just took in the sights and realized how sore my ass was getting from the bike seat. (Very, very sore - clearly I don't have buns of steel!)

After we rode for a few miles we approached, and passed, the Huntington Beach pier. There were more people on the beach near the pier than we saw anywhere else during our ride.

I even found excuses to use the bell on my bike along the way. It's amazing how happy little things like that make me. All I need now is a big floppy old-lady hat with a scarf to make my eccentric-self happy.

The downtown/tourist area of Huntington Beach has been spruced up in recent years. It almost looks like a California postcard.

Overall, the first outing with my beach cruiser was a success. Once I toughen up my soft ass, I should be able to ride for hours and hours. (I ride mainly with just my left arm on the handlebars, but I can reach the right handlebar if I need to.)

Did I mention my bike has a coaster brake - meaning I brake with the foot pedal? Riding this bike makes me feel like I'm five years old again. It's so much fun!

The disadvantage of a cruiser is the weight of the bike and the lack of/or shortage of gears. Cruisers are big sturdy bikes which makes them heavy. People with "real" bikes were zipping past me all afternoon long.

I didn't care. I couldn't have been happier!

I would show you the pictures Briefcase took of me actually riding my new bike, but ... um, there was a bit of a problem with those photos. I'm not exactly a well-groomed Money Town woman. Instead, I had unbrushed hair blowing in my face, my sports bra flattened my boobs into unattractive blobs, and ... I was sporting some very visible bionic nipples.

Maybe next time?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Saturday Morning

2009-11-07T09:29:05-08:00

I snapped this while drinking my morning coffee on our deck. This photo looks north across the canyon towards Saddleback Mountain.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Getting My Life Back?

2009-11-06T00:05:00-08:00

** On Monday evening at 10pm EST/7pm Pacific time I'm being interviewed by Karl Erikson on Secondhand Radio (on Talkshoe). There will be a Live Chatroom and/or you can call in with questions or comments. If you are unable to listen to the show live, it will be available on iTunes shortly after being recorded. You can find out more about the show by going here. **

All but my newest readers know I've faced some difficult challenges over the last three and a half years. Since my car accident I've gone through six surgeries, breathtaking pain, and forfeited my "normal" life. Instead, the last several years have been spent with orthopedic surgeons and at physical therapy.

Not to make excuses, but it hasn't been the best recipe for staying in shape. I've endured thousands upon thousands of hours at PT where The Torturer moves my arm for me. Yes, I've gone for walks, or hopped on my elliptical, or swam one-armed during the summer ... but I haven't been consistent with exercise. Yet another surgery, or sky-rocketing pain, has continually sidelined me.

I feel like a blob.

I have, in fact, turned into a blob.

(Not to be confused with feeling like a blog ... because, a lot of time I do, indeed, feel like Twenty Four At Heart and I are one and the same.)

I've been thinking a lot about this lately for a few reasons. First of all, I've been making some exciting progress with my arm (and pain levels) recently. I know I will never have full use of my arm or be pain free ... but quite honestly, I have a small measure of hope about my situation. That small measure of hope may not seem like much to you, but since the accident it is more than I've ever had.

It's liberating in a very exhilarating way.

The other day I prattled on to The Torturer about all the things I want to do.

"I need to be able to get my bike on and off a bike rack by myself," I told him.

... Silence ...

"I want to buy a good camera. I miss photography. I need to be able to hold a real camera again."

... Silence ...

I know he wants these things for me too. I know he's cautiously optimistic. I also know he's pleased I'm striving toward new goals.

I've never dared to make plans (!) before.

At the same time, I don't think he wants me to get my hopes up too high. He knows, only too well, what it's like to see me frustrated and in despair.

I'm pricing cameras anyway.

I keep thinking if a new shiny camera is here, I will find a way to photograph with it.

I can wear a neck strap. I can have the camera lean against my body. I can do most of the lifting with my left arm.

My mind is spinning with ideas ... spinning with the desire to get my life back to some semblance of "normal." I have a strong need to feel triumphant, to tell my arm/my pain/my limitations to fuck off.

I want my life back and I want it now.

In addition, I was thinking about my recent birthday. I was wondering where I'll be and what my life will be like next year when I turn twenty four again. I want to be a lot healthier and in a lot better shape by then.

I've been staying a little longer at PT and using The Torturer's weight machines for leg workouts. I've been drinking healthy shakes chock-full of protein and vitamins. In between gags, I convince myself that the shakes have super powers to heal me and make me stronger.

The accident has taken three and a half years from me ... I've decided I won't let it take one minute more.

The Red Cup

2009-11-05T00:05:00-08:00

Do you remember last week when I wrote a post titled The Unspoken Coffee Cup War?

It was a topic which obviously resonated with a lot of you. Many of you took the time to leave a comment or send me an email regarding your very own War on the Homefront. (By the way, your comments and emails were both enlightening and very amusing!)

Briefcase was out of town when I went public with our marital war regarding The Red Cup. When he called home while on his trip he never mentioned my post at all. I assumed he was busy working and never saw it.

A few nights later Briefcase was back home again. I was busy typing away on a project when I glanced up and saw this in front of me:

A three year war has ended?

I'm Talking Rabbit Sex and Not The Good Kind

2009-11-04T00:05:00-08:00

I recently got an estimate for installing artificial grass in our backyard.

Artificial grass is pretty damn pricey and Briefcase and I are in the process of arguing over discussing the matter.

Before you moan and groan and ask, "How can you even consider such a thing?" let me tell you I have several good reasons.

First of all, California is in a drought and we are constantly being asked to conserve water. Grass requires water ... lots and lots of water. We have a pretty large grass area surrounding our pool. Therefore, reason #1 is The Green Factor.

Reason #2 is The Dog Factor. I have two large retrievers.

Dogs like to pee on grass and dog pee kills grass. It's an ongoing battle to keep the grass alive.

Reason #3 is The Rabbit Factor. And this, really, is the biggest factor of all. I live in a canyon. I'm surrounded by wilderness. Wilderness means wildlife ... and four hundred bazillion horny, breeding, rabbits are a big part of that wildlife.

You thought this post was going to be about sex-toy rabbits, didn't you? Well, you were wrong ... I have issues with real-life, horny, rabbits with big ears and cottontails.

Are you starting to feel like you're looking at a National Geographic magazine with all my animal photos today?

Did you know the average bunny completes the sex act in 20 seconds? (giggle) I dated a guy just like that once upon a time ... but it didn't last long.

Ha ha! Get it?

Female bunnies begin having sex at 6 months of age and male bunnies begin at 4 months. Bunnies make more bunnies ... lots and lots of bunnies during their lifetime. Every damn one of them comes to eat my grass down to the roots. They are hungry, horny, little cottontails.

(Someday, I'm going to be locked up in a padded cell based on the weird subjects I've googled in my lifetime!)

My retrievers chase the rabbits out of the yard during the day, but during the evening and early morning hours the rabbits come out in droves to eat the delicious grass. (My Golden caught one and brought it into the house one day. You should have heard me scream when I saw long rabbit legs protruding from his mouth as he stood next to me in the kitchen!) We've put chicken wire along the bottom edge of our wrought iron fencing to no avail. The rabbits chew holes right through the fencing.

Why don't we leave the dogs outside 24/7? If we did they'd be killed by coyotes or mountain lions.

Yes, we have big critters in this here canyon too! (Also, retrievers are "people dogs" and do best when allowed to be with the rest of their "family.")

A friend suggested getting a cat. Do cats eat rabbits? No one in our neighborhood has managed to keep a cat for more than a week. The coyotes (and big horned owls!) eat the cats for snacks. Yes, the coyotes also eat rabbits. Did you know rabbits actually scream when they are being eaten by coyotes? Well, they do and it's very disturbing. Of course, I'd scream too if I was being eaten alive by coyotes.

The problem is, the rabbits are multiplying way faster than the coyotes can eat them.

The bigger problem is, the rabbits are determined to eat our grass down to nothing.

I'm thinking artificial grass is the only protection against an army of horny, hungry, (sometimes screaming) rabbits.

Here are my questions for you today. Do you have any (humane) suggestions for getting rid of the rabbits? Do you know any particular pros and/or cons of artificial grass?