If T.O. could clap in Buffalo, he'll be giddy in Cincy.

If Marvin Lewis didn’t have his hands full before, he sure does now. After reportedly inking a two-year, $2 million deal with the Bengals you can now add Terrell Owens’ name to the laundry list of reclamation projects holding court in the Queen City; T.O. joins Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones, Cedric Benson, Tank Johnson, Antonio Bryant, and Matt Jones, not to mention the mercurial personality that is Chad (I still refuse to call him Ochocinco) Johnson. The Queen City? Cincinnati has become more like Celebrity Rehab: NFL Edition.

While adding T.O. to a locker room that seems to sit on a fault line may raise some eyebrows, it’s been in the works for months and shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Honestly, does anything the Bengals do surprise anyone anymore? The Bengals sniffed around T.O. in March like a German shepherd around Lindsay Lohan’s glove box, but unlike the olfactory arm of the law the Bengals came away empty. Instead they opted to sign Bryant, a receiver carrying problems of his own; their T.O. pursuit seemed to die there. But then Carson Palmer began working out with the maligned receiver in California just as Bryant’s knee was starting to raise concerns in the front office. With Palmer’s endorsement, and Johnson’s urging, the Bengals reached out once again to the unemployed future Hall-of-Famer and decided his talent was worth the risk. And they’re right.

I wrote a few months ago how after getting destroyed in back-to-back weeks by the Jets, the Bengals have drastically changed their offensive philosophy before even crafting a game plan. It was a necessary change. Despite sweeping their division, they were unable to generate any offense during the season’s most crucial time. But it wasn’t just the losses to the Jets that worried them; Palmer couldn’t establish chemistry with any receiver besides Johnson and the Bengals passing game struggled as a result. Enter Bryant, Jermaine Gresham, and Jordan Shipley and suddenly the Bengals receiving corps is potent like never before. But Bryant’s achy knee started to act up and worry began to creep in. They couldn’t possibly trust the success of their aerial attack in the hands of rookies could they? Not in Lewis’ mind. The only other option was signing the best receiver left on the market, one with considerable baggage but also 144 touchdown grabs.

Despite his reputation around the league, T.O. was as good a citizen as ever last year in Buffalo; he didn’t raise a stink despite the Bills’ quarterbacks smelling worse than a spritz of Sex Panther. That doesn’t mean he’s mutated into a choirboy, but maybe after all these years he’s realized the error of his ways and that his next outburst could be his last. But he also brings an unquestionable desire to win and one of the best conditioning regimens in the league; there’s no doubt about how hard he works. While he certainly isn’t the receiver he was in piling up the majority of those 144 scores, he still has plenty left in the tank and adds a legitimate, and talented, receiving threat opposite Johnson. If Bryant is healthy that’s all the better; good luck handling Johnson, Bryant and T.O. in three-receiver sets, plus a potential lethal slot option in Shipley and a tight end with Gresham’s skill set.

While many see the risk of signing T.O. outweighing the reward, Lewis is from a different school of thought; if anyone is capable of the delicate balancing act it takes to manage his ego, it’s Lewis. Lewis has handled more than his fair share of temperamental personalities and has somehow managed to hold onto the pin-less grenade that’s the Bengals locker room way longer than he should’ve been able to. Not only has he found a way to diffuse a potentially volatile situation, he’s excelled in leading the Bengals to their first playoff appearances since Boomer Esiason was under center. The Bengals even swept the most hard-nosed division in football last year, a shocking revelation no one could’ve predicted. Yet, Lewis remains without a contract for next year; the recent on-field success obviously not transferring to their famously inept front office. But if Lewis finds a way to make it work for another year, he won’t have to worry about the Bengals paying him because somebody else certainly will.

And if he’s not successful and the Bengals inevitably explode like some predict? Well, at least it will have been one hell of an entertaining ride.

It’s been a while since I’ve taken the time to hammer out another Bush League Debate, but something occurred yesterday that is perfect for this sort of thing, so it’s time to bring it back. Essentially I take a look at a controversial situation, present both sides of the argument, and a verdict. If the verdict is that the act in question is deemed bush league, a penalty is also handed down. For those of you who missed the first few or don’t even know what I am talking about, I’ll refer you to the three other instances of Bush League Debates, and you can get a general idea of how this thing is done.

This past Sunday, the Florida Marlins Wes Helms delivered a walkoff win in the 9th, prompting last year’s ROY Chris Coughlan to present him with a cream pie to the face during Helms’ postgame interview. In perhaps the oddest injury to occur since Kendry Morales’ cannonball-esque pounce onto home plate (which broke his leg), Coughlan landed on his leg funny after delivering the pie, and in the process tore his meniscus. Now he could be looking at surgery and 6-8 weeks on the DL. But let’s set aside the injury for a second…

The Situation: A team win’s in walkoff fashion. Celebration ensues, although the previously mentioned Morales’ incident has served as a cautionary tale for clubs, and the home plate greeting has definitely been less intense than it was prior to that injury. So, team’s pat the guy on his head, smack his ass, and generally jump up and down for a few minutes. That’s cool, it’s exciting. But then comes the postgame interview cream pie to the face. But is the cream pie really an acceptable act?

Why It’s Acceptable: Yes, it’s funny. In particular, Stephen Strasburg’s first MLB pie to the face was great because the interview thereafter still maintained a serious tone even though he was wearing an entire face full of shaving cream (and an Elvis wig to boot). It’s almost as though the pie is a verification that the player has accomplished something great. We could also get into the fact that it’s tradition, and has been around for some time. I can remember Roger McDowell doing all sorts of this stuff.

Why It’s Bush League: It’s been done. Burnett does it all the time. Victorino does it a lot. There seems to be a prankster on every team who has to make sure this gets accomplished after a guy has a big game. The problem is that there are too many variables involved. For instance, Burnett was smashing people’s faces with pie’s when he was going through an incredibly rough patch where he had an ERA north of 6. Do you really want to see him goofing off after a win when he’s basically going out every five days and hitting the showers by the 3rd inning? Or perhaps you are the Marlins, and yeah, Wes Helms came through with a big hit. Should the team really be joking around and goofing off when they just won a game to stay 7.5 games back instead of 8.5 in late July? If I’m a fan, I’d rather see them talking about trying to build some momentum. Use some of the time your putting into your cream pie shenanigans to look at some film of the pitcher you’re going to see the next night and try to put a streak together. Unfortunately for Marlins fans, now they are down a great player, something they definitely could not afford to lose. If the season wasn’t over before this game, it is now.

The Verdict: Bush league, but only in certain situations. Celebrating is for winners. If a team is in first place or within a couple games of first, it’s ok to celebrate with a little charisma. Who cares if you win a game if you’re still 8 games back with only a couple months to play? If the Marlins had crawled back into contention with a win like that, then I’m fine with it. But unless you are looking down on the other teams in your division, then there’s no room for goofing off. Taking it even further, if you are a player on a first place team but are not doing well, then you shouldn’t be doling out some cream pies. Get your act together on the field first before you start joking around off the field.

The Penalty: Teams and players that celebrate meaningless wins when they are nowhere near the top of the standings shall have those players involved get pied each and every game that they lose thereafter.

Despite the distance seemingly standing between the opposing factions, I firmly believe that they will come to an agreement before next season is scheduled to kick off. You don’t reach the NFL’s level of success by being stubbornly ignorant; both the players and the owners know the damage that could be caused by a wok stoppage. But my opinion doesn’t matter right now; what does is what is going on behind the scenes between the NFL Player’s Union and the owners who employ them.

Last week Mike and Mike dove headlong into this topic and brought on two of the key decision makers from both sides of the conflict. Regardless of your opinion on Mike and Mike or if you couldn’t care less about anything they have to say doesn’t matter; what does is what the people they had on have to say because they’re the ones who are tasked with saving us from football purgatory. Because of the important implications that these negotiations have on the future of the league I thought it necessary to share with you what both NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith and NFL executive VP Jeff Pash had to say about where they stand, what’s next, and what they’ll do to ensure we don’t miss a moment of the greatest league in the world. Take a listen below.

Smith first speaks about agent’s contact with collegiate players before speaking on the current labor situation. To listen, click here.

Pash gets the final word and reacts to what Smith said and talks about where the owners stand. To listen, click here.

Sexy? Certainly. Face of the school? Maybe. But definitely not athletes.

The legal system in this country is far from perfect; they don’t always get it right and is wrong quite a bit more than the public would like. But every so often a monumental ruling is passed down that rectifies these wrongs and makes us all once again believe that our judicial system is the best in the world. Yesterday was one of those days.

That’s right, what all warm-blooded, sports-loving males have known forever has now been deemed fact through law: cheerleading is not a sport. Yes, cheering for another sport is indeed not a sport itself. But apparently girls across America didn’t believe this or else such a no-brainer decision wouldn’t have had to been made in a Connecticut court. But after Quinnipiac University nixed its girls’ volleyball team and claimed they were still in compliance with Title XI because of its competitive cheerleading squad, US District Judge Stefan Underhill had no other choice—he had to set the record straight.

This is glorious for reasons too many to count, so I’ll just explain one. In college I had a few classes with this annoying girl; surprising because I went to what you could consider quite a large university. But nevertheless, I couldn’t shake her; she was everywhere. And as you’d expect—she was a cheerleader. Every speech in our speech class had something to do with cheerleading and she couldn’t shut up about it. She was so steadfast in her belief that cheerleading was a sport it makes me sick. She was pompous too; she couldn’t possibly be wrong. And let me tell you, she was wrong a lot. Now I don’t condone hitting women, not in the least. But like Chris Rock said, I sure would’ve loved to of shaken the hell out of her. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing except I know somewhere, wherever the hell she’s at (and I wish I could remember her name because I wouldn’t hesitate to call her out), and whatever sorry man she’s tormenting, she’s miserable and irate over this decision—and it makes me happy inside. (What doesn’t is my glorious university is contemplating suing since apparently they have the best cheerleading squad in the country.)

So that’s right guys—no more arguing with the perky wielders of the pom-poms; no more endless debates with women who honestly have no idea what sport truly is; and no more ridiculous claims by girls with less athletic ability than the fat kid from Pete and Pete. Cheerleading is not a sport; never has been and never will be.

So please, when you get a moment, send your regards to Judge Hill and Quinnipiac volleyball coach Robin Hill, the one responsible for filing the suit in the first place. The world is a much better place today, if not for any other reason than the tormenting of that little miserable mutt from Maryland.

And God Bless America.

Things haven't exactly gone the Phillies way this season.

The Phillies’ 2010 season has gone a bit differently than their 2008 and 2009 campaigns. The team has been decimated by injuries, some guys have flat out not shown up, and the National League has gotten noticeably better. It also doesn’t help that they’ve played two completely full seasons, having made it to back-to-back World Series. They’re tired, beat up, and, in some cases, getting older fast (I’m looking at you Ibanez). So, with all of that in mind, I’ve got some rants and wake up calls to dole out one by one. For this exercise, I’m focusing on the lineup and leaving the pitching alone. In fact, the starting pitching has been overachieving. The relief pitching, not so much, but that is for another day (and this time I am looking at you Madson, with your dumb, self-inflicted toe injury).

J-Roll: I don’t really have any beef with you. Injuries happen. In fact, as the great Joni Mitchell told us, you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone. That was never more evident then when Wilson Valdez (or was it Juan Castro? And for that matter, are they the same person?) was letting ground balls get through up the middle that I know you would have easily gotten to and then thrown a laser beam over to first base. Believe me, I don’t ever take for granted the defensive abilities of a player. So yeah, you haven’t exactly been great since your return, but your mere presence in the lineup and on the field makes a tremendous difference to this team, and I am just glad you are back.

Polly – First and foremost, nice job on the win today. I guess either team had to score at some point, but I applaud you for taking the reins. You’ve been pretty decent for us this season. The DL stint hurt us a bit, but you tried to tough it out with endless cortisone shots so I respect that. You are a warrior. I still don’t think you are nearly as good at playing third base as human vacuum Pedro Feliz, but you have been good enough to handle it and your consistent contact hitting makes you a great table setter. Keep it up.

Chase – I will never, EVER give you sh** about anything you ever do. You get a lifetime pass in my book because you are the man. It sucks that you are hurt, but I have never questioned your work ethic, dedication, or ability to hit five homeruns in a World Series.

The Big Man – Let’s face it, you are carrying this team again. Not only have you stayed healthy, but you’ve managed to hit .299 so far, which is just absurd. You lead the league with 75 RBIs and I can already see that you are locking in like you have in the second half of recent years. Keep it up, you are literally our only hope on offense most nights now.

Werth – What in God’s name have you done? You were on an unstoppable, torrid streak to begin the season, and I’m pretty sure every night I watched a game in April and May you had two doubles. The beard became an unmistakable part of the city of Philadelphia, and I would not have been surprised to see a “Jayson Wertth beard night” at CBP where fans would have been treated to a free prototype. Unfortunately, you’ve pulled a complete 180, and you’ve managed to piss off everyone along the way. Not because you are sucking (although of course that doesn’t help), but because you look like a listless, lifeless mess out there. Then there was the whole screaming obscenities at a guy with his son, but we won’t get into that (and, to be honest, I didn’t fault you for getting caught up in the moment like that, and that guy should have gotten the hell out of the way). The bottom line is this: you’ve got to take the goddam bat off of your shoulders if you want to hit the ball. At some point along the way, you forgot this fundamental part of baseball, and I think I’ve seen you strike out looking about 15 times in the last 10 games. Oh, and I saw you shaved the beard today — good move. You needed a change. I mean, if you aren’t going to go out and dominate then you lose all respect, and at that point you just look like a Nickelback band member, which is by definition one of the worst things in the world. There’s a fairly good chance you are getting shipped out of town soon, which would kind of suck because you helped us win a World Series, but if you are going to play like this and look like you don’t care doing it, see ya later.

Rauuuuul – Remember those days? Been a while, huh? I guess no matter how vehemently you wanted to deny it, you were on steroids. Uh-oh; you’re going to come after me now? Well let’s make a compromise. I don’t think you are on steroids now. Or, if you are, they are the worst steroids in the world and you must have gotten them from David Eckstein’s guy. In which case those aren’t steroids, they are Flinstones vitamins that have been re-purposed to look like steroids. Ok, fine — you weren’t ever really on steroids. You’re just really old and you look like a dinosaur. Either way, you are stealing from the Phillies. I demand you end your contract now and leave town immediately. And if you could call Dominic Brown on your way out and have him head on over to CBP for the upcoming homestand, that would be a classy move.

Shane: Where is the fire, man? Other teams used to hate you because you would cause an absolute ruckus on the basepaths. In the past couple years you have always seemed to find a way on when we needed you to; I’ve actually attended more than one game where you have led the team to a walkoff victory. Now it seems like you can’t buy your way on base, and to top it off, you get pissed that Philly fans are expressing their discontent with how the team is playing. Well, I have news for you, Shane — if you’re going to hit a paltry .253, you better make up for it by providing some kind of spark in other ways, whether it’s getting into the head of the opposing team or picking up your own guys, and I haven’t seen much of either. And to take things a step further, I think you can put an end to the shaving cream pies after walk off wins — until those Ws are coming more consistently, I think this team has to display that it is focused. If/when you make it back to first place, then we can talk shaving cream pies.

Ruiz – I got no beef with you, Chooch. Again, sucks you got hurt, but it’s good to have you back in the saddle and I’m praying I get to see some awesome Choochtober pumpkin decorations this Halloween.

It was fun while it lasted.

Earlier this month the NCAA reprimanded USC for various violations, placed them on probation, and banned them from postseason play for two years. The NCAA will also be stripping them of their records from 2004-2005, including their National Championship. Likewise, former Trojan running back Reggie Bush will have to relinquish his 2005 Heisman Trophy. So in case you missed it, the NCAA is pilling us in Doc Brown’s time machine, taking us back to 2005, and saying all those games didn’t happen because that’s how it works right? Those players and coaches didn’t prepare for that game because Bush took inappropriate gifts? Riiiight, like he was the only player on the 2005 Trojans driving a souped-up car and having his folks on the USC payroll.

The NCAA will continue to have these sorts of problems until they realize what the central issue is—they need to let these kids have jobs and earn some money while they’re in school. The universities are only partly to blame in this whole debacle; most of the blame can be laid squarely on the NCAA. On the hypocritical scale the NCAA is a 9, just behind ‘Gal Sharpton’ (Note: Jason Whitlock’s name for Sarah Palin not mine) parading her children around the campaign trail while telling the public that involving them in political banter was “off limits.” The NCAA makes millions of dollars off of athletes like Reggie Bush, Mark Ingram, and a slew of other big name players with marketable talent. Then they have the gall to tell them, “No, no boys; I know you’re going to sign large contracts one day, but until then forget about filet, it’s Mickey Ds and Taco Bell while you’re here. Oh, but we’ll be dining at Morton’s and the Capital Grille with the folks at CBS, ABC and Fox while they pay for our glass of Louis the XIIII.”  Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that the equivalent of prostitutes telling strippers to clean up their act?

Student-athletes are more like athlete-students. Case and point: In the movie Blue Chips, Neon Bodo (Shaq) is walking with head coach Pete Bell (Nick Nolte) and he asks Coach  Bell, “If I wasn’t playing basketball would be trying to get me into college?” Bell replies, “Ah, no.” Which gets this response from Neon: “You know what? At least you’re honest.” This is exactly the mind state of real-life college coaches.

This is the reality of college sports. I highly doubt the NCAA had Reggie Bush’s best interest in mind when doling out the punishment to USC. The punishment was about something else—image. The NCAA needs its pristine image and lord help the individuals or groups who tarnish it. For the longest time the elephant in the room has been the notion that no one is on the take; what’s most surprising is that with almost every school on the take that more schools aren’t being caught.

I’m not advocating letting agents in, but they’re getting in anyway. The kids will always be tempted to take gifts from people they shouldn’t. It’s like drinking on campus; do school officials really think having a dry campus is going to stop kids from drinking? Only the naïve actually believe that. If college athletes like Bush and Ingram were allowed to have summer jobs or even jobs on campus like the rest of the student body, perhaps Bush would still have his Heisman and the NCAA sanctions and rules would be taken seriously.

Kovalchuk is probably not smiling now.

The Ilya Kovalchuk saga just got a lot more interesting and it didn’t need a one-hour televised “decision” to spur the drama. No, all it needed was an obscene 17-year contract and a perturbed NHL fed up with lengthy, front-loaded deals that mock the salary cap.

So just when everyone finally thought the courtship of Kovalchuk ended Monday when he agreed to extend his two-month stay in New Jersey by a whopping 17 years, the NHL decided the league’s version of The Bachelor wasn’t over yet, rejecting the contract for circumventing the league’s salary cap. This is worse than the Jake and Vienna debacle; this is like Jake giving Vienna the rose when they still actually loved each other and then ABC saying, “Not so fast, my friend. We didn’t like the way this whole thing went down so we’re tacking on a few more episodes and bringing back some of the rejected ladies.”

Many are probably wondering how this could possibly happen (the Kovalchuk deal, not the public Jake-Vienna showdown). It’s actually quite simple and is, in essence, the fault of nobody but the NHL itself. The NHL is different from the other major pro leagues; instead of calculating a player’s impact on the salary cap by what they happen to be making a particular year they calculate it by the average salary over the life of the contract. So in Kovalchuk’s case, his 17-year contract worth $102 million would count $6 million against the cap for as long as he’s playing. The problem with that is for the heart of the contract, the six years starting in 2012, he’ll be making almost double that; the average is brought down by what amounts to pocket change over the final six years. The NHL’s problem is they don’t think he’ll actually play those final years at that rate, if at all; Kovalchuk will be 39 in 2021 when his salary dips below a million and 44 when it finally expires.

The one inherent problem with that assumption is that it’s exactly that—an assumption. It isn’t unheard of for hockey players to play well into their 40s; Chris Chelios is 48 and he’s still kicking around. Now the chances of Kovalchuk actually playing out his contract are very slim, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible; but apparently the league does. What would really be interesting is if he now signs somewhere else and does somehow play into his 40s—how would the league explain this decision then?

Like Lee Corso says, "Not so fast my friend."

But what should really have the Devils’ blood boiling is that the NHL has let these types of front-loaded deals go on for a while without a peep; Johan Franzen and Henrik Zetterberg both signed them with Detroit, Marian Hossa has one in Chicago, Roberto Luongo signed one in Vancouver, the list goes on. So why have they finally now decided to right what has essentially been a wrong for a while?

One theory could be that all of these other long-term deals happened in hockey hotbeds; Detroit, Chicago and Vancouver all rank well ahead of New Jersey in the hockey hierarchy. Could it be the NHL wants a player of Kovalchuk’s caliber playing in a bigger market such as LA? Or is it really for the reason that they’re stating? While this may be nothing more than a conspiracy theory, it raises the point that the NHL may now have to go back and look at some of the other long-term deals and reassess their stance. If they don’t reassess these other situations it could be seen as nothing more than an attack on New Jersey. Either way, the league just made the Devils chances of keeping Kovalchuk less likely.

The reason Devils GM Lou Lamoriello structured the contract like this was to assure Kovalchuk the money he required to sign but also have the cap space to sign his franchise player, Zach Parise. But if Kovalchuk will now take up more cap space than the previous deal allotted, keeping both of them just got a lot more difficult. If he can’t find a way to rework the numbers he may have to decide between the two, which means that Kovalchuk could be headed to LA because Lamoriello, and Devils fans, have made it known that Parise is the team’s #1 priority; signing Kovalchuk in spite of Parise would be disastrous for the franchise.

This now brings the Kings back into the foray, who had previously offered the forward a 15-year, $80 million contract. It could also give the KHL another chance to wrangle their homegrown superstar, but after rejecting a lucrative offer from one of their teams Kovalchuk made it apparent he wants to play in the NHL and vie for a Stanley Cup. But with what has transpired in the last 24 hours, the question now becomes if he’ll be competing for that Cup with the Devils.

But ultimately this will keep the sporting spotlight on the NHL for a little while longer. And for a league struggling with attendance and TV ratings, this is certainly welcome, even desirable. I mean, when was the last time hockey was the main topic of conversation in July? I bet commissioner Gary Bettman can’t even remember that. But with the rejection of the longest contract in league history, he’s ensured it will be until this matter is resolved.

I got sent this link by Jacober last night and had to post today. You’ve heard about the Lebron-fires that have been going on, and you already know about the breakup letter between Dan Gilbert and Lebron. They are nothing compared to this video. Enjoy.

Facebook has a fan page for just about everything, and it was no surprise to me to find the Jobu fan page earlier this year. I figured if there were ever a shot to find any information on obtaining a Jobu doll, it’d surely be through this page. Turns out I was right.

I thought the best course of action was to post on the fan page and ask if anyone had ever purchased or heard of anyone purchasing a Jobu doll like in the movie. I was contacted by a fellow fan page member, who told me that “some guy in California” had made a set number of his own replicas a few years ago, and that he had purchased one of them. When this gentleman reached out to me, my heart jumped — this was the closest I had ever come to finding out any information about the existence of the Jobu doll. Unfortunately for me, the guy had no further info; he just knew that some guy had once made them and he had gotten one. Great. Back to square one. At least there was hope.

A couple more months went by, and as chance would have it, another member of the fan page reached out to me saying that he used to have a mold to make Jobu dolls. I told him that I had only ever heard of this one other guy from the fan page talking about the existence of the prop, and this gentleman said to me: “Yes, I’m the one who created them.” Sweet jubilation! I had found the Jobu creator. Better yet, he mentioned that he still had the mold and was considering working up another small batch! So after I expressed my most sincere interest in acquiring one of these elusive dolls, I thought that it would be even better if I could learn more about the story behind their creation and share it with you, loyal reader.

So, after many Facebook message exchanges, I was extremely happy to hear that Eric Councell, creator of our little voodoo friend, was more than willing to answer a handful of questions about how he got into making the Jobu dolls, what the process is like, and what kind of experience it has been like for him. So,with a heavy heart, just days after the passing of James Gammon, the raspy old fellow who played beloved skipper Lou Brown in Major League (“Throw ‘em the heater Rickyyyyyy!!!”), we pay homage through the artistic skills of a devoted fan.

1) I have to ask first, what makes you enjoy Jobu so much that you decided to craft your own? Are you just a fan in general of the movie Major League, or is there some kind of inside joke meaning between you and friends? I know you’ve mentioned to me before that you aren’t much of a sports fan, so your dedication to this cause it perplexing in that way.

I actually didn’t think much of the movie at first. It took a few viewings to really gain it’s cult status in my mind. My friends and I still quote lines from the movie to this day and none of us are baseball fans. As far as Jobu, I really have no idea why I pursued the prop years ago, but I’ll bet it was on a whim after viewing it one night. One of my talents is the ability to do extensive research on things. So it was probably a bit of a personal challenge to find the prop or replica.

2) The lack of a Jobu commercially available doll is something that has driven sports fans like myself crazy trying to find. I liken it to the Holy Grail of sports memorabilia. You’ve gone so far as to contact David Ward (The Director and Writer) as well as many of the crew involved in the filming of Major League. What was his reaction to your questions about Jobu and was there any assistance on his part to connect you with anyone who would care enough to try and locate or talk to someone about producing more?

Mr. Ward was very receptive to my questions, but unfortunately couldn’t be much help when it came to the prop. He did mention that he had been asked in the past about and really wasn’t involved in the props of the film. He knew the character I was referring to and got a laugh about my quest to find it though. He did provide a few leads, but both were unfortunately also unable to recall what became of Jobu. I never approached him about the issue of mass production since it really wasn’t my goal. The only person I was unable to get a response from was Dennis Haysbert (The actor who played Pedro Cerrano in the film who ‘owned’ Jobu). It’s possible that he has the prop.

3) The attention to detail with the stone Jobu dolls that you hand craft (above) is truly remarkable, especially given the fact that you have limited screenshots from the movie with which to gather those details. I mean, you even have the shot glass, egg glass, rum, cigar, etc. How did you go about creating the mold so accurately, and where did you possibly find the exact type of hair and costume to accurately depict Jobu?

Sculpting something three dimensional, such as a figure, from limited two-dimensional images is difficult indeed. In the hands of a more experienced sculptor, it would have come out much better I presume, and I claim no mastery of the art of sculpting by any stretch of the imagination. It’s something I did in my spare time. To make matters worse, the images from the different scenes in the film were shot with different lighting. If you study the images (which I did at GREAT length) it almost looks like two different statues. Also, I had no idea how Jobu was made. Was he a soft doll type prop, or was he a cheap, hollow paper mache figure picked up in Mexico, or was he a solid statue? There’s no way to be sure from the images alone and nobody from the cast I spoke with remembered or even handled the prop. I have a small talent for replicating things, and the sculpt I did was close enough to satisfy my needs (which was my main goal).

As far as the hair, I was fortunate to have a little experience. Prior to taking on Jobu, I had just taught myself to sculpt and make Halloween masks. I had a fascination with Michael Myers and began trying to sculpt that first. The Myers mask used in the original Halloween films was actually a 1975 Captain Kirk mask that was spray painted white, had the eye holes cut a bit, and had the originally blond hair spray painted black. It was by sheer coincidence that the leftover blond hair I had matched Jobu’s near perfectly, so I used it.

On a side note, Jobu was not my first venture into the hard-to-find prop department. About five years ago, Burger King began a new commercial campaign with the ‘King’ character dressed up and wearing this creepy head. I went on a massive search for a replica of that as well, but found nothing. For my second sculpting experience, I decided to replicate the Burger king mask and fans loved it. Once again, it ate into my free time and I couldn’t really sustain an assembly line. Six months after I began selling mine, Burger King began selling cheap plastic ‘king’ masks (the face with rubber band type). I believe I only made about 10 of them and shut down out of fear that BK would come after me for infringement.

4) We’ve emailed back and forth a bit about what a painstaking process this must be, as it is time consuming, prone to errors like bubbling, and requires the purchasing of materials in bulk, etc. Because of this, I know you’ve only created a limited number of Jobu dolls with the mold you made. How many Jobu dolls have you created, and when was the first stone batch created?

Well, the first batch was about 3-4 years ago. It basically went like this: during my search and communications with the Major League crew, I ran across a message board dedicated to prop replicas. There was a huge thread on Jobu, but nobody knew where to get one or where it came from. I posted a message stating that I would try to make a replica using my existing mask making skills and sell a few to use up the bulk materials that it would involve purchasing. I sculpted the head of Jobu only and made a casting out of thick latex. I subcontracted a woman in Canada, who made doll bodies, to make me some with African American tone hands and feet. I then subcontracted a local seamstress to make Jobu’s clothes, and went on a search for small cigars and wooden shot cups. The cups and cigars were not necessary, but they add value to the doll and were an appreciated touch. I can’t remember the exact number, but I believe it was less than 20 that were made. My mold broke and I never made a new mold and moved on to other projects.

About six months later, I decided to do a different version, but this time would sculpt the entire prop and make it a stone statue figure (Editor’s note: the first picture in this post is the picture that Eric refers to here). The problem was, I had no idea how to do this since the process is very different from mask making. Needless to say, after MANY weeks of exhaustive attempts and wasted materials I finally got it right. These were hand painted, hand haired, and much more accurate than the first. I had intentions of doing a run of 30, but after receiving angry emails from folks who couldn’t afford the ebay bidding, I closed shop early. There was no way to please everyone.

I’ve been asked a few times why I didn’t just take advantage of the demand and pursue licensing, or just mass produce them overseas. It was the perfect time, 2007 and the playoffs were coming up. The Tribe had a real chance that year. Here’s why….I wanted my statue to be as unique as the ‘character’ in the film. The statue is a solid, heavy item (~ 6 lbs) that feels more like an idol should feel than some plastic knockoff made in Japan. The irregularities in the mold and the hand effort that I have to put to each statue as it gets cleaned up and painted from the mold makes each one unique. The fact that they aren’t mass produced makes them even more unique. If I were doing this for the money, it would be a different story, but I wanted to make something special for myself, and maybe a few fans along the way. That wasn’t going to happen in a factory. Also, licensing is a legal nightmare and I’m sure the demand is not nearly enough to pay for all the lawyers you would need to sort out the particulars. Once Hollywood gets its cut, I probably wouldn’t be left with much.

5) One of the gentlemen who was lucky enough to receive one from your first batch mentioned that an MLB player once contacted him and offered a large amount of money for the doll that you had created. Have any MLB players ever contacted you in the same fashion?

As far as I know, the only folks who knew I made them were the few I contacted directly or buyers on ebay that bought directly from me. I did no advertising and really didn’t need to. I couldn’t fill demand with my one-man show and had no intention to try. If I had the opportunity to send one to the Indians (and not some guy in an office over there barely associated with the club), I would be more than happy to donate one.

6) Supposing that Paramount pictures or anyone else associated with the movie Major League never makes an effort to mass produce Jobu dolls, your version is the only one known to exist, making it quite unique and highly sought after by hardcore fans. Would you ever consider doing something like churning out 10 dolls every set number of years (5 years?), as some sort of underground, special edition release of an otherwise unattainable piece of memorabilia for those hardcore fans who are always looking?

That’s entirely reasonable. It’s hot out here on the West Coast right now, which prevents me from using certain materials due to temperature sensitivity. Some materials I use need to be handled in a well-ventilated environment (my garage), so I have to wait for the weather to cooperate. But, I’ve only poured six so far and I’m already saying to myself: “*Sigh*…Now I remember why I stopped doing this.” : )

Kovalchuk is a catalyst of change in NJ, where Brodeur is nearing the end.

For the first time in almost 17 years the Devils have changed their philosophy. There was no press conference or news release, no formal announcement or interview announcing it, but it’s written all over the 17-year contract that winger Ilya Kovalchuk signed today.

For almost two decades the Devils were considered the most boring team in the NHL; content relying on a lethal defense, the dreaded trap, and a moribund offense, scoring goals was almost an afterthought in New Jersey. But could you blame them? The one constant over the last 17 years has been Martin Brodeur, arguably the greatest to ever stand between the pipes. The Devils were also blessed with one of the greatest defensive tandems of all time in front of him for the better half of the last two decades. With Scott Stevens and Scott Niedermayer manning the ice in front of Brodeur, the Devils were hockey’s version of Fort Knox, their net guarded like the country’s gold reserves.

Through the years of defensive dominance the Devils patched together scoring lines like an heirloom quilt; Claude Lemieux, Alexander Mogilny, Bill Guerin, and Doug Gilmour all passed through Jersey, but none stayed long enough to help establish a consistent offensive threat. The closest the Devils ever got to a legitimate offensive threat was their A Line of the late 1990s-early 2000s, with Petr Sykora, Jason Arnott, and Patrik Elias forming what amounted for the Devils as a prolific set of forwards; however, compared to the rest of the prolific lines in the league, they were merely adequate for a team stacked on the blue line.

But all of that changed this afternoon. When Lou Lamoriello outbid the Kings for Kovalchuk’s services he eschewed Devils tradition and the philosophy that led to three Stanley Cup trophies and 13 straight playoff appearances, the second-longest streak in the NHL. Never has Lamoriello found a forward this valuable, especially with Brodeur in net. But Lamoriello isn’t considered one of the best in the business, and all of sports for that matter, for nothing. He recognized that while Brodeur still shows flashes of the brilliance that led to him holding virtually every meaningful goalie record in league history, he’s no longer the pillar he once was. Goaltenders like Brodeur and Patrick Roy don’t come around very often and other than maybe the Buffalo Sabres and Ryan Miller, teams aren’t building around goalies anymore.

After being ousted by the Flyers in this year’s playoffs, I think Lou watched the rest of the playoffs and realized that while goaltending is important, it’s no longer crucial to winning Cups. Neither of the Stanley Cup Finals participants benefited from stellar goaltending, with the Flyers’ Michael Leighton and the Blackhawks’ Antti Niemi being just good enough to keep their team in the game. It was Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews, and Marian Hossa who led the Hawks to the Cup, not Niemi—not by a long shot. Goaltending used to be the rock that champions were built on, now it’s just another layer in the sedimentary foundation of a winner. Lou knows this now.

While some people see the 17-year, $102 million (with bonuses and escalators it has the chance to top $150 million) contract as a bit lavish, and even ridiculous, it is simply a sign of the times. Recently, the Hawks and Flyers have signed Marian Hossa and Mike Richards, respectively, to excessively long contracts; Alexander Ovechkin with the Capitals, Rick DiPietro with the Islanders, and Henrik Zetterberg with the Red Wings have all done the same. With the chance to re-sign the NHL’s leading goal scorer since 2001 Lamoriello had no other choice than to go for the gusto, loosen the purse strings, and empty the coffers on Kovalchuk’s lap. The Devils aren’t the defensive stalwarts they once were; Brodeur is no longer an immovable force in net. The Devils have to get offensive to survive in today’s NHL and Kovalchuk was the best candidate to drive the transition. He’s not just a goal-scorer; he’s an agent of change.

But Kovalchuk can’t do it alone. While Kovalchuk’s contract seems outlandish at first sight, it only gets out of hand for six years starting in 2012, when it kicks up to $11.5 million; the other years provide the Devils with quite a bargain, of course that is if Kovalchuk is still skating at 43. But with all that money tied up in one player, Lamoriello is going to have to prove his genius in surrounding Kovalchuk with quality role players who can get him the puck in the right spots so he can finish, as well as sufficient scorers on the lesser lines to give them much-needed depth. But that’s not their biggest concern.

The biggest problem facing Lamoriello now is what to do about Zach Parise, whose contract is up at the end of next season. Parise is the future of the Devils and the likely bearer of the captaincy once Jamie Langenbrunner decides to hang up his skates, possibly before. The Devils have been trying to unload some payroll to make room for both Parise and Kovalchuk, but so far have been unsuccessful. If the Kovalchuk contract prevents the Devils from signing Parise, it’ll have been a catastrophic mistake. But it’s highly unlikely that Lamoriello would let that happen.

With Parise and Kovalchuk the cornerstones of the Devils future, the Prudential Center will be witness to highlight reel goals the likes of which Devils fans have never seen. Kovalchuk may have struggled last year after coming over from Atlanta, but with a full off-season to work with his new teammates he should be acclimated when next season, and the Devils new era, kicks off. The days of the Devils being Brodeur’s team are coming to an end. As hard as that is for Devils’ fans to grasp, it’s the cold, hard reality of the situation.

As fans brace for Brodeur’s farewell tour, Kovalchuk and Parise will try to bring him one more chance at hoisting the Cup. But even if Brodeur leaves without a fourth, Kovalchuk and Parise will help usher in a new era of Devils hockey, and give their fans a reason to hope for the future.