2 Million PB&J's Served 1 Million to Go

Time to say goodbye

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 03:07:00 +0000

Its been real but its time to say goodbye. I am moving on. I can't stay here anymore. There has been too many changes in my life and I am still very hurt over the loss on Winston. I have decided its best for me to move on. I am just ready for a whole new start. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it! If you ever want to see what's up, here is my new spot. Thanks!
http://thatchristygirl.blogspot.com/

Duh

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:25:00 +0000

Guess I should also update for those of you that actually depend on this blog to know whats going on in my life since my sorry ass doesn't return phone calls. Mark made it through his surgery fine. He is currently driving me crazy, whining about wanting a dip and trying to eat forbidden foods. The school situation with Ryan did not work out. I pulled him out and I am now homeschooling him. Lets keep our comments on that to our selves mmmk? We are ready for the holidays, well ready for them to be over with. I just want this year behind me at this point. Just something that you talk about sometimes when you are old like "Hey Christy you remember 08" "Oh yeah Besty I remember it god that year sucked ass." See I am moving on and ready for the next thing.

Honesty

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:18:00 +0000

I have to be honest here. I fear for the life of this blog. See as of right now it is missing a key ingredient. The pug is gone. We still have the kids and we still have the washing machine. My children and laundry are not going to go away that easily. I am sad to come here in my pugless state. I am also feeling a bit fake, like a poser. I am among the pugless. I have lost my membership to the elite group of pug owners and to be honest I don't know if I can return. Sure they will let me back in but I don't know that I have the heart to start over. It has been 5 days since my pug disappeared. I am getting better. I cried for the first two. Who knew you could cry for two days straight? I don't know is left to happen to me? I am scared to ask? I have turned into a living breathing country song. I must go pick up my mama from prison in the rain. (Bonus points to you if you get that reference with out google)

MIA

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:26:00 +0000

I apologize for not posting. I was sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. I was having a bit of a pity party. I would have invited you guys but it was a party for one. I guess I just needed a few weeks to feel sorry for myself that I once again had to move off and leave my friends. I know there are worse things in life than living in a town where you don't know anyone. But I assure you it tops my list of suckiest things ever. So I have pulled my head out my ass and decided to move back among the land of the living. I am trying to enjoy the holidays with my kids and not let things get to me. I would have posted before now but trust me when I tell you that I am whiny enough on this blog with out giving play by play of my pity party. So enough about whine fest 2008. My Christmas tree is up and so far no pug has peed on it. I am prepared to commence my holiday baking. I only have 5 or 6 boxes lurking around here waiting for me to unpack them. It didn't snow the other day when it was fore casted. So life it good. I promise to post more often with less whine. Well I will try at least.

The move from hell

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:05:00 +0000

Where here it is the post I promised. The move from hell. Lets start with the months we waited to find out if we were going to be moving or not. Then we find out we are moving and then we don't know when. Then we have to deal with selling a house in this market. Then the big day arrives. Our moving day. My husband is supposed to be off work to help with the move but when does anything ever go as planned? So he ends up making it just in time to help me load the animals and the kids and off we go. Did I mention he is not feeling well? So we arrive at our new place and the first day were here I was awed by the beauty of my new surroundings. I have never seen leaves change colors. Its beautiful. Everywhere you look is a different color tree, red, yellow, orange, its just amazing. I find my way to the store with no major mishaps and the children and I commence to cleaning. The next day our stuff arrived and we started living in box land. We are still living in box land, let me explain before you think I am lazy. My husband ends up sick and going to the emergency room, he has a abscess on his tonsils that was swelling his throat shut. After two different emergency room visits we are finally back home. The next day we actually got some unpacking done. But that afternoon all I wanted to was sleep. That feeling you get when you are first pregnant and all you can do is sleep. Yeah that feeling. But no I am not expecting. I ended up with the flu and some kind of throat infection. I literally wanted to die. For some reason I just don't think Mississippi likes us very much. It hasn't been very good to us so far. Hopefully one day I can unpack and settle in. As of right now I haven't ate in 3 days and all I have the energy for is to sit here and whine about how much life sucks. If you are still reading this you must really like me and thanks for listening.

Hannah Montana Naked

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 02:43:00 +0000

This is the first time my boys have shared a room. So today they were supposed to unpack boxes in their new room. What really happened was more playing than unpacking. In the midst of this chaos I was unpacking the kitchen and I heard a awful lot of giggling. I went to investigate and all I could hear was Ryan yelling at the top of his lungs " I got Hannah Montana Naked"! I am sure he is not the first boy to desire such thing. So I step into the room and low and behold he sure has. He must have found a box of his sister's stuff mixed in with theirs and found a Hannah Montana Doll and took her clothes on. This does not disturb me, what disturbs me is what happened next. He managed to find Hunter Dan, Hunter Dan is the boy hunting doll you can buy at the Bass Pro Shop all good little Redneck Boys have one, and proceeds to strip Hunter Dan down to his glory and then redress him in Hannah Montana's clothes. So now we have a naked Hannah Montana and Hunter Dan dressed in drag. In further moving news hubby is still sick as a dog and can't help unpack and the dog is still freaking out and peeing on things, he does this every time we move, stupid ass pugs. Oh and I still pretty much live in box land.

Moving

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 23:31:00 +0000

I just wanted to pop in and let you guys know I have not abandon ya'll. We moved already and I just got my Internet back on. I have 200 boxes to unpack. I am not exaggerating, that's really how many I have. So I will have lots of moving posts to share soon. I just need to get my house in order, cause right now I live in box land, its kind of like a homeless village but warm and dry.

Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 17:12:00 +0000

Picture this if you will. A home in the suburbs on Halloween night, the anticipation is on overload. Now fill it with 10 kids and let the chaos began. As groups of children are running around home my I am trying to get my kids in their costumes. I spent about 15 minutes on Taylor's hair trying to tease some volume into it. I get it all fixed and this is a chore, her hair is stick straight. I grabbed the hairspray. I went all out and got black, purple and purple glitter hairsprays to match her costume. I tell her to cover her face and I spray. I spray silly string. I grabbed the wrong damn can. Now she is screaming and manages to get it from me while I am laughing hysterically, people are running into my bedroom trying to see whats going on and the silly string war is on. There was purple silly string all over my house and I had to redo her hair. I should also mention how bad silly string tastes when sprayed directly into your mouth while you are laughing like a loon. Finally we got it under control and our trick or treating commenced. I am still finding random patches of silly string but I am not worried I leave here in three days and it the new owners can just guess as to what kind of craziness went on in this house.

Perverts

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 18:39:00 +0000

For once in my life I am talking about perverts and I am not referring to myself. I had a bit of a blow today. I didn't do my research before I bought a house. I just ASSumed that because I lived by a school there would be no sex offenders around. That's what happens when I ASSume things. I forgot that if they can live by a school if they lived there before they committed the crime. So now I am the proud owner of a home located half a mile from Chester the Child Molester. This does not please me. I am trying to make myself feel better that Mr. Chester is 74. Surly he will die soon right? Fall break his hip and no longer be able to walk? The old grandpa on Family Guy that is always after Chris doesn't seem so funny anymore. What they hell was I thinking? I might have to trade in my pug for a pitbull.

Excuse me while I have a nervous breakdown

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 22:42:00 +0000

I know I have said in the past that I was going to crack up. But the possibility is really here this time. This move is getting to me. The kids are getting to me. My parents visit totally ruined me. I mean sitting in the corner drooling on myself with a straitjacket gotten to me. How can you live to be a certain age *cough 56* and not know how to get along with people? Just normal human beings. How can one person be so cool and marry someone so not cool? It blows my mind. Anyway I survived and they are gone and I will miss my Dad but I am glad he took his wife home.

When did this happen?

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:58:00 +0000

Yesterday after school I was sitting in the car waiting for my oldest to get off the bus. I had already picked up the younger two. So as I sit there the buses arrive and he is just standing there talking. I was early and he wasn't expecting me. So we sit there and observe as he macks on this group of girls. His wingman, aka my 4th child, by his side. I am dumbfounded. It was just yesterday that I made my mom park behind the middle school when she picked me up because I didn't want my friends to see me. I wasn't being mean really all the guys in school hit on her, but that's another post followed closely by a therapy session. So I find myself as the mom who sits in her minivan and watches her son hit on girls. When the hell did this happen? I demand a recount! Seriously when I had the kids I was always too young. Now I am old. I have decided that my kids made me old. If I was a single girl living in New York City I would be in my prime, doing well enough in my career to afford great shoes and just now thinking about marriage and kids. So there its all their fault that I am feeling old at 30.

One Day

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:54:00 +0000

I have decided that every woman should get one day a month off to lay in bed and cuss at Eve.Today was my day. There is nothing worse than the nothing fits but my sweats, cramping, emotional, first day of your period. I took my kids to school and went straight back to bed where I stayed till I had to go get them again 7 hours later. I wish they could drive and I never had to leave bed at all. Its just that bad today. Usually I only wish for a penis when I have to pee and there are no bathrooms but today I have a full case of penis envy. Bring on the menopause.

Phone Sex

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 02:08:00 +0000

So Mark and I don't really have phone sex I just always thought it was a great title. We do however spend a big chunk of our time together on the phone. We are at this point living in two different states at least for another month. I have always been someone who spends a lot of time on the phone. So the other night I was on said phone gossiping with my dear friend Katie and Mark calls to tell me goodnight. I get off the phone to talk to him. This is a big deal, together we have a total of 9 kids, for us to talk on the phone in peace is a BIG DEAL. So being the good wife that I am I talk to Mark. We are talking about the house we are buying and our upcoming move and I am telling him all my moving fears and how stressful it is, and how hard it is to make friends and etc. So then I am telling him that his cat is not eating. He does this every time Mark is gone for awhile. I am telling him this about his cat, the cat I could care less about, I am a dog person. So as I tell him all of this feline info he starts chuckling and then laughs and he says "Kenny just died". Excuse me? Kenny just died! Are you fucking kidding me? The man is ignoring me and watching South Park. Kenny always dies its not even funny anymore! This is why we don't have phone sex, he might ignore me when Cartman starts cussing.

Today I shop

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 17:52:00 +0000

So today I leave for Mississippi to look for a new house. We have narrowed it down to like a million. No more like 20. But when you factor in the three kids we are taking with us that makes it a million. Like my math skills? So anyway I am off on another daring trip to Mississippi, who knows what adventures will await me, maybe I will end up getting another tooth pulled, get lost trying to find the highway, or end up in a town with nothing to eat while starving? Or maybe it will be nothing like my last trip. At least I get to see my husband, too bad we are going to have the kids, all three, in the same hotel as us. I swear they have sex radar, we waited till they all went to sleep and tried to sneak in the bathroom and boom one of them knocking on the door asking us what we were doing. If you ever find yourself in this situation let me tell you what to say, because you might not be able to think fast on your feet. You just yell out I am in the damn shower and your daddy is taking a crap what you do think we are doing now go back to bed. Your welcome.

I seen the Queen

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 16:54:00 +0000

I did it! I went to see Gretchen Wilson, aka Queen of the Redneck Women, in concert. I am talking about touched her hand close! It was awesome. I took my best friend and we had the best time ever! The concert was great, we gambled, drank, partied in the clubs and did it all with our cowboy boots on, that's right we ain't scared. Screw high heels when you can wear your shitkickers. It's probably the last time I will see her before I move even farther away and I am so glad I got to spend this weekend with her, there is no one else on earth I would rather stand in line for two hours with. Oh and the best pick up line ever goes to the guy in the club who told Mantha he would shine her belt buckle for her.

Rednecks don't shop at Target

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 00:57:00 +0000

This morning I went to do some grocery shopping at my local SuperTarget, oh how I love the SuperTarget. Just a normal little grocery list, until I get to the milk section. I had pulled out my trusty Paula Deen cookbook and was going to make her banana nut bread. So I stand today in the milk section hunting for buttermilk, see I am redneck we hunt for our food. Cow milk, soy milk, organic milk, coffee creamer, tea, juice, where the hell is the goddamn buttermilk? Well the answer is across the street at Walmart, Target doesn't carry buttermilk. Well there goes my high class Supertarget shopping, my ass belongs at Walmart or WinnDixie where they sell buttermilk.

House Hunting

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 14:59:00 +0000

I have been house hunting recently. I don't know if its just because Mississippi is 20 years behind the rest of the world or if they just have really bad taste in the area I might be moving to, but oh dear lord the houses are atrocious! I can't look at another listing without throwing up. Wallpaper is not cool! Ever! Wood paneling should be torn down at the earliest possible convenience. Big huge puffy artificial flower arrangements are not proper decor and for the love of god anything MAUVE should be taken to the dump immediately. Don't even stop at that red light just take it there. What I really want to know is where the hell are these men? I know good and well they don't like this shit. Take your balls back out of your woman's purse and tear down some flowers and hang your deer head up. I am so ashamed of my possible future home. Its sad when you think Alabama is the better place to live. And on a further update his interview is tomorrow so I should know something here in the next day or week or when ever they decide we have waited long enough.

I drank the koolaid.

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:27:00 +0000

Actually not only did I drink the koolaid but I am now running around with a funnel trying to share my lurve with everyone! I am obessed with my new ipod. I say new but actually what I mean is my first ipod ever. I have been a creative fan for 5 years and recently went with a sansa, but finally after one too many car trips with my family I decided I am going ipod, I want video. I am beyond estatic. I swear you get addicted just touching it. Really you do. It is so freaking cool. I can now listen to all my music and watch pretty in pink and the 16 candles all in one pink plastic covered device. Oh and the accesories! Oh there are so many choices. Its good to go with the rest of the lemmings somtimes, they have more choices. I am totally converted. So much that I think my next computer will be a, gasp, mac. Yep I said it. After years of refusing anything to do with Apple I am now totally sleeping with the enemy, hell I am a total slut for them.

Priceless

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 19:27:00 +0000

Monster Truck Tickets- $52.00

Concession Stand- $20.50

Souvenir Stand- $58.00

Parking at Civic Center- $5.00

Seeing the look on my son's face when he saw Gravedigger for the first time- Absolutely Priceless

A day at the beach

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:53:00 +0000

Yesterday a friend invited me to come out to her beach house with her. I sorta didn't want to because I have this overwhelming need to not commit to anything because I don't want to get up and have to be somewhere. But I said yes and drug my tired ass out of bed, its tired cause it stays up all night keeping the rest of me up with it. We packed 4 kids in the van and off we go. We swam, kayaked, played, ate, and just hung out. We ended up having a awesome time and I was able to relax and even have fun playing with my kids. It seems like everything has been so overwhelming and they have been on my nerves so much that its been hard for me to have fun with them. But we did and it was a blast and I am so glad I did. I came home feeling so good, relaxed and at peace. I didn't mind my slight sunburn or my cut up feet, my feet have some special magnet that also are in oyster shells.

Times are a changing

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:32:00 +0000

Warning if you are my mother in law or anyone remotely related to me please leave now, we are about to discuss sexy times, thanks!

So I think there is something to that whole 30 year old sexual peak thing. It has been insane lately. It seems to be all I think of. I am seriously a teenage boy trapped in a minivan driving mama's body. This is not a bad thing, except for my freaking husband has been out of town a lot and its getting old. I swear I used to could go forever and everything was fine. My dear husband once put it that I was a sexual camel that stores it up till the next time. We are going to leave any camel toe remarks in our minds mmmk? I really hate this twist of fate that has cause me to have all these feelings now. I mean for years my husband was begging and I was like no thanks! Three kids, new baby, stress, moves, etc etc. There was always a reason why not to. I think karma is a bitch and she has got me good this time. In other sexy times news if you have not discovered the yoga ball, you must. Yes that's right go do it on a yoga ball, it doesn't matter who's on top try it both ways. You can thank me later.

How far do you go?

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:53:00 +0000

Disclaimer-
From now on we will assume I am either bat shit crazy or on pain pills. I don't have a wooden paper towel holder, it's red. Enjoy the post!

How far will you take the matching thing? Purse and shoes? Tablecloth and napkin? Lipstick and blush? Well I am rather embarrassed to say that I have to match my paper towel holder to my napkin holder. It doesn't matter to me that they reside across the kitchen from each other. I am incapable of buying ones that don't match. I tried today. I have a wood paper towel holder and a white napkin holder, its bothered me for months that they don't match. So I tried to find a new napkin holder since I love my paper towel holder. Nope it ain't happening, I can't find a wooden one. I just can't buy one that isn't matching wood. I must have matching ones. I am either going to drive myself nuts trying to find a matching napkin holder or I am going to have to give up my much loved paper towel holder. I must have been out of my mind to buy one without the other to began with. God the decisions we are forced to make in life. Don't step in that sarcasm I just dripped.

Maturity part deux

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:47:00 +0000

So I am taking this whole maturity thing to heart. I am going to start dressing like a big girl. Unfortunately I guess that means I will have to keep putting on my big girl panties. I have stopped buying clothes that come from the juniors department. I haven't bought a thing with a logo or brand on it. I am really applying myself here. I am trying to dress my age. My issue is I always feel like I am playing dress up. I just have to wrap my mind around the fact that I am 30 years old and I need to dress like it. I am also working on stopping my rather bad habit of going out of the house, to the store, etc with no makeup on. I also tend to wear gym clothes everyday rather I am going there or not, they are just so comfty! So from here on out if you see me slinking around Target looking like hell please feel free to give my big girl panties a wedgie and take me to task. I am going to do better I SWEAR!

A million things

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:41:00 +0000

I have a million things on my mind right now. It's literally reeling. We may or may not be moving. I have no clue what to do about the school situation in this new town. I have to get the kids ready for school to start here. I had oral surgery and my mouth is sore, I am so worried I am going to get dry socket, I have to get through today and I think my chances of getting it will be done. I have to get my house clean and in order, and ready to put up for sale if he gets this job, if not it at least has to be cleaned. I am just really stressed over every thing right now. I just feel like this summer has been such a waste and its one freaking thing after another and nothing seems to go right. It seems like every trip has been wasted due to some type of pain I have had. Its really getting on my last nerve. I am getting really tired of putting on my big girl panties and dealing with it, I just want to hang them bitches up on a flag pole somewhere.

Maturity

noreply@blogger.com (Christy) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 15:31:00 +0000

There is a lot to be said for being mature. Older people might take a little longer to do things but I don't think that's always a bad thing. Take talking for instance. Older more, mature people take their time conversing, they think out what they are going to say. I really need to age a bit or look into this maturity thing cause I tend to open my mouth rapid fire and just say whatever the heck is on my mind. Yeah there is a lot to be said for maturity, either that or I need a censorship mouth piece.