My son has a music teacher who does not know how to teach to children. She is ‘old school’ in the sense that she will call out in front of the class your ability – thumbs up if you are good and thumbs down when you are bad. She yells at the kids if they are not listening. She wonders why she garners no respect. She is only focused on the technicalities of music and forgets about the incredible side of creativity and being able to lose ourselves.

Today, when I received a call from the music teacher to tell me my son refused to do the work and that each child had to work alone and not in partners I just listened. When she finished talking I told her that when my son is not confident about certain subjects, music being one and art being another, he closes up. Fear takes over and he will not budge. I told her I was working with another teacher regarding art and together we got him to the place where he loves art. One day he came home with the most beautiful art piece. The teacher didn’t really care because she said that he crossed a line and didn’t really listen. At this point I am losing my patience. I asked if she can work with him to feel more confident. Somehow the conversation turned to his behaviour of how he can be stubborn and I said the more you yell the more he will shut down. She said she was well aware of his characteristics. It took everything in me to not say anything.

I told her that if she called me in September about his behaviour we could have worked together but now it is May and it’s a little late. In the end she didn’t like the fact that I didn’t say to her — “tell my son to listen or he will be punished”.

She basically said to me she had to go and hung up. Well, that did not sit well with me. I called the school back and left a message for his core teacher.

Forty-five minutes later I receive a call from the ‘acting’ principal that my son was in the office for his behaviour during music. The acting principal told me that my son told her THAT HE DIDN’T FEEL THAT THE MUSIC TEACHER TREATED HIM FAIRLY. I listened and then I talked. I told the acting principal that I agree with my son and that this teacher holds favourites and that she has an expectation of the children to be Mozart’s and Bach’s and to act as though they are studying from the conservatory however these are kids that want to enjoy music and have fun. I told her about my conversation with her that morning and I said I do believe my son feels this way.

THe issue is being resolved but I told my son I was so proud that he articulated how he felt. He is one that will challenge the system. I am working on the respectful part. My son stood his ground and in this case the teacher has overstepped her boundary. As my friend put it nicely she is the wrong teacher for this school environment. She needs to be in a school that focuses on music (although if her abilities is measured by what I saw at the music concert the other day – she should be fired!).

Learning to speak up and speak your truth is so important. Many kids today want to do that but do not know how because they do not know how to communicate face-to-face. I have seen young kids sit side by side in a car, in a restaurant and not speak a word to one another and just text. Who are they texting, one another? Why don’t they talk to one another? It is as though they do not know how…. even to the point of being uncomfortable.

I will allow my kids to have the gadgets but I will remind them that it is just that a tool and not to ever replace that with the ability to talk face-to-face. The young kids today are losing this art and must make sure that they do not.

This weekend I will offer a challenge – get your kids talking with you face-to-face. It will likely mean getting them physically away from their phones, ipads and computers. Ask them to play golf, tennis, go for a walk, join you for a Starbucks coffee … whatever it is that will get them to put down their gadgets. Then… start a conversation. Ask questions and listen. Engage them and let them ask you questions. Silence is ok too. Enjoy this moment of connecting.

Let’s teach our kids how to communicate. This means you too must put away your gadgets. Walk your talk. I know I will do this with my boys this weekend.

For those celebrating Victoria Day this weekend — enjoy.

I want to wish everyone a wonderful spring weekend.

All my love,

Sandra

It was so exciting not just that night but watching his transformation from being a back up singer guy to a guy who exuded confidence and strength. This is what I want to focus on… stepping into your role as the “main singer” and not just a “back up”.

I resonated with Jermaine because I feel that I have allowed myself to be the “back up singer” in some respects in my life. I was always helping other people build their dreams — I am a visionary. What I wasn’t doing, likely due to fear, was being the visionary for my own dreams.

As Jermaine stepped it up so have I. On my vision board I took a picture of my feet and wrote, “I am putting two feet in”. I was on my way to school and I saw a friend of mine who is training for a half marathon. I told her I feel like the athlete who has done the training and now I must show up to the race or it means nothing.

I am nearly finished my book. I am “testing” it with a number of young kids to get their feedback. I am working on my first project for corporate culture branding and identity. I am so excited. Jermaine Paul has been an inspiration to me and I hope to others. It is time to step into your purpose, passion and power. And that is exactly what I am doing.

It takes baby steps and as you take one step after another, just as Jermaine did week after week, you look back and see how far you have come. This is true even if you are struggling to find your passion and purpose. Start with what makes you smile and feel good.

One aspect of the show that I loved was the mentoring. I really feel that each coach did an amazing job. Adam, Blake, Cee lo, and Christina were amazing leaders who inspired their teams to do their best — and you saw this week after week. They also gave constructive guidance to help each singer grow week after week. It showed. You do not have to do this alone. Find the person who will stand by you and guide you and encourage you and challenge you.

This weekend I want you to look around at your life — are you happy with your choices? If not, why? Are you the “back up singer” or main singer in your life? Choose to be the main singer in your life. Find a mentor that you can turn to for guidance and support.

Make this life count and live your life in truth. Be honest with yourself and then others.

I want to wish everyone a great weekend.

All my love,

Sandra

Power of Coconut Oil

Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality; it is not a relationship between equals. When you help you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength. If I’m attentive to what’s going on inside of me when I’m helping, I find that I’m always helping someone who’s not as strong as I am, who is needier than I am. People feel this inequality. When we help we may inadvertently take away from people more than we could ever give them; we may diminish their self-esteem, their sense of worth, integrity and wholeness. When I help I am very aware of my own strength. But we don’t serve with our strength, we serve with ourselves. We draw from all of our experiences. Our limitations serve, our wounds serve, even our darkness can serve. The wholeness in us serves the wholeness in others and the wholeness in life. The wholeness in you is the same as the wholeness in me. Service is a relationship between equals.

Helping incurs debt. When you help someone they owe you one. But serving, like healing, is mutual. There is no debt. I am as served as the person I am serving. When I help I have a feeling of satisfaction. When I serve I have a feeling of gratitude. These are very different things.

Serving is also different from fixing. When I fix a person I perceive them as broken, and their brokenness requires me to act. When I fix I do not see the wholeness in the other person or trust the integrity of the life in them. When I serve I see and trust that wholeness. It is what I am responding to and collaborating with.

There is distance between ourselves and whatever or whomever we are fixing. Fixing is a form of judgment. All judgment creates distance, a disconnection, an experience of difference. In fixing there is an inequality of expertise that can easily become a moral distance. We cannot serve at a distance. We can only serve that to which we are profoundly connected, that which we are willing to touch. This is Mother Teresa’s basic message. We serve life not because it is broken but because it is holy.

If helping is an experience of strength, fixing is an experience of mastery and expertise. Service, on the other hand, is an experience of mystery, surrender and awe. A fixer has the illusion of being causal. A server knows that he or she is being used and has a willingness to be used in the service of something greater, something essentially unknown. Fixing and helping are very personal; they are very particular, concrete and specific. We fix and help many different things in our lifetimes, but when we serve we are always serving the same thing. Everyone who has ever served through the history of time serves the same thing. We are servers of the wholeness and mystery in life.

The bottom line, of course, is that we can fix without serving. And we can help without serving. And we can serve without fixing or helping. I think I would go so far as to say that fixing and helping may often be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul. They may look similar if you’re watching from the outside, but the inner experience is different. The outcome is often different, too.

Our service serves us as well as others. That which uses us strengthens us. Over time, fixing and helping are draining, depleting. Over time we burn out. Service is renewing. When we serve, our work itself will sustain us.

Service rests on the basic premise that the nature of life is sacred, that life is a holy mystery which has an unknown purpose. When we serve, we know that we belong to life and to that purpose. Fundamentally, helping, fixing and service are ways of seeing life. When you help you see life as weak, when you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. From the perspective of service, we are all connected: All suffering is like my suffering and all joy is like my joy. The impulse to serve emerges naturally and inevitably from this way of seeing.

Lastly, fixing and helping are the basis of curing, but not of healing. In 40 years of chronic illness I have been helped by many people and fixed by a great many others who did not recognize my wholeness. All that fixing and helping left me wounded in some important and fundamental ways. Only service heals.

Reprinted from Noetic Sciences Review, Spring 1996

I am ruled by the moon which means I get quite emotional and affected by this. OH YA it has been quite the week. I have had a week of drama that I have not experienced in the longest time. What has been fascinating and interesting is that it really isn’t coming from me but my children back to me. And then last night I sat down with my ex to discuss some legal stuff around my children.

Here is what happened. MY younger son has been acting out and defiant – particularly with the teachers and teacher monitors. Now he has a defiant nature to start with but I knew that this was different. I could not pin point it. I felt that he was struggling in some sense so I asked my ex to drop my son off so I could talk to him. I hugged him, we talked and he shared. I can see he is struggling with his identity a bit. It is hard having to go between two homes with COMPLETELY different rules then go to school with even more rules. I shared with him what I have come to know and that is he is the same person in each place – WHO HE IS. He is the funny, smart, compassionate, loving, thought-provoking and challenger kid that I know and love. He needs to always be himself. Yes, he can find a better way to challenge people and things but this is one of the things that I love about him. He is the kid who will challenge the status quo and change the world.

My older son… this story goes back to Friday when my younger son bought a fake watch off a friend of his for $20 and because he did not like the colour he sold it to another friend for $12 ($8 deficit – not teaching my son too well about money!) and put another $20 out for another watch. Forget that he had all this money on him that he saved from his allowance at his father’s home I was furious that he made such a poor decision. I had to call the mother of this boy and explain the situation and ask her from the goodness of her heart if we can give back the money for the watch and then I returned the watch for $20. One of my older son’s friend had come over Friday after school and told me that you can buy this knock off watch for $10. This made me even more furious. So … I was upset (the moon was well in its power with me!) and this led to yelling — DRAMA. On the following Tuesday the boys selling the watch got hauled into the principal’s office and when the story got out people started to ask who turned in the boys. Now keep in mind one of the boys selling the watches is the son of a good friend of mine. The friend that was over the previous Friday said maybe it was me … he knew I was mad on the previous Friday so maybe I called. So now a rumour has started.

My older son comes home and says he is not going to Hebrew school. I tell him he has to. He then tells me that the kids at school think I ratted out the boy selling the watches. I look at my son and I am furious. I tell him I did not. Who had the time I was on the phone dealing with the school about my younger son’s behaviour. That day I received 3 calls and one of them was to tell me he was in the principal’s office. I lost it. My older son and I fought in a way that brought me back to the days with my ex husband. There was yelling, screaming, jumping up and down, swearing and it ended with my son not going to Hebrew school. I spent the next hour going to the home of one of the boys that started the rumour to share what happened with his mother. I wanted her to tell her son that I didn’t do it but more importantly he should not spread rumours unless he knows the facts. I spoke to my other friend and asked to speak to her two sons saying that again I did not rat them out, this is not who I am and that I have much more important things to worry about then these fake watches. I then came home and my son and I talked.

That night all I could think about was why all this drama in my life now. After some thought and downtime I realized that here I was being faced with some of the very cycles that I fought to break. I struggled with my identity however today I know who I am and I love who I am. I speak my truth and do it from a loving place. When the mirror of my younger child came back to me I saw how I have grown and how I can now lead the way and guide my children and assure them of who they are.

My fight with Isaac sat with me through the night and I woke up at 4:51am that morning and realized that the person who fought with Isaac was not the person I am today but the person I was. My boyfriend and I do not fight this way, we discuss, speak respectfully and never swear or bring each other down. I saw myself being dragged back into a way that I worked hard at breaking. I have spent the last 6 years to break this cycle of fighting. I woke my son up at 8am and said to him the following:

Last night when we fought and the way we fought was how your father and I would fight. I have spent the last 6 years breaking that cycle. I asked him if he ever sees me and my boyfriend fighting like that? Do we swear at each other? Do we bring each other down? Are we mean to each other? Are we disrespectful? The answer in all cases was a no. I told him that this is not who I am — this is who I was but this is not how I want to live my life — NO drama, no more swearing (yes I can with the best of them), no more yelling. This behaviour will not be acceptable in my home or the one my boyfriend and I plan to create. I said is this how he wants to be – abusive and mean? Is this how he wants to treat his wife? I said we are at a crossroads and he must make a choice how he wants to live his life and who he wants to be. I said that I will bring in some assistance to help us.

Wow it was incredible to face the mirror of my past and see who I was and who I am today.

I know who I am and my worth. My meeting last night with my ex about my children reinforced this even more. Now I must preserve their worth. I am not the same person I was a decade ago in the sense that I have peeled away layers of other peoples’ stuff. Clarity.

This moon brings clarity. Clarity of who we are – our identity, how we want to live our life, who we want to bring in and finally our worth.

I know this was a long story but hopefully you see how things can come up in your life through different ways – our children being one – and see how far we’ve come and guide them to make better choices. They see what they see – how we deal with our stuff or don’t, how we honour ourselves or don’t and how we walk our talk or don’t.

Be true, be honest, and honour your worth.

I wish you all a great weekend.

All my love,

Sandra

African Man vs. the Hollywood Stereotype

CO2 emission is one of our greatest threats to our environment as far a global warming and impact on the environment. Some countries take this very seriously and have put the time and energy into alternative sources of energy. In this program they talked about wind farms and how the people of Denmark, particularly in one small town, Samsoa, have banded together to harness this technology to generate electricity. It didn’t begin this way, it began with one farmer finding benefit and then turning to his fellow neighbours who farm as well and sharing his experience. It then expanded to placing these wind farms in the water.

The benefit is that they are really self sustaining and most important they have reduced their CO2 emissions. They have a plan and are being supported by the government.

The Danish government is committed to making this happen. Are wind farms loud, likely, however they have found a way to accept this fact and place the wind farms in places with the least noise impact. From what I can see on the show, the people of Samsoa do not mind. In Ontario, where we have farms, the farmers are against wind farms, partly because it is too noisy. Perhaps if our government was more committed a solution can be reached: win/win for all parties.

In Rosco, Texas, the heartland of oil and gas, the people also find benefit with using wind farms. This small town is not only reaping the benefits of the wind farms in terms of energy source, but also it has brought jobs and opportunity to an otherwise depressed area. This has been good for them. I believe they said, each wind farm generates $15,000 surplus energy that can be sold to someone who needs it – all profit! What a great way to earn money – making a difference.

Is the US government supporting this??? The problem with the US is that it still supports burning fossil fuel and is responsible for a large portion of CO2 emissions. The other problem is that the energy policy changes every two years with the administration change. There is no long term plan or commitment and that needs to change. Canada is no different. We are living off our laurels of our land. The electric car was killed and we are only focussing on the oil sands and how to extract oil. We need to put a plan in place that begins to look at the long term impact of CO2 emissions. While Canada is relatively a small country we contribute. The other issue is that the Canadian government is too tied to the oil companies — it is like they have them by the balls! The oil companies are too strong. But, it is not all the fault of the oil companies, a lot of taxes, and therefore revenue for the government, is generated from the sale of oil and gas.

Canada and the US need to step back and really make a decision about their commitment to the future of their countries. It means taking a stand now and looking at the next 50+ years. Then the administrations need to support this with action. I am not talking about a stimulus which is about short term decisions. I am talking about making decisions that will impact the next generation and the one following and so on.

We can look to areas and countries that are making long term commitments to reducing CO2 emissions. 3 communities committed to reducing CO2 are rural Alaska, Baltimore, Maryland and Kansas.

One country that has been committed to the environment for decades is Brazil. When the first oil crisis happened in the 1980s they began to support the growth of sugar cane which was cut and made into Ethanol. Their commitment to this has been more than 40 years. The country still uses oil and gas but they have encouraged the manufactures to produce flex cars which allow for either oil or ethanol. In fact, over 50% of the population uses Ethanol, called Alcool (alcohol). The benefit to the environment is that there is NO CO2 being released and it has no adverse affects. It is all good! The other benefit has been the creation of 1 million jobs for sugar cane. These are skilled people working in this area. It is a win/win for everyone. It took time, patience, planning and a commitment from the government which then encouraged the people to support.

China, one of the biggest contributors of CO2 in the world is working on a concept called “clean coal” whereby the CO2 can be drawn out of the coal and we can use the coal for energy. I am waiting on the fence for this. What the program didn’t discuss was by how much will the burning of fossil fuel, coal, be reduced. Is reducing the impact in half enough? To me, because we know of other alternatives to renewable energy sources that have no adverse affects then I believe we need to consider these first. Time will tell the benefit of “clean coal”.

In Canada and the US we can grow corn and create ethanol for our cars. For this to work the government must buy in and support this, not for 1 or 2 years but decades.

I ask the question, how committed is your government to your environment? From what I can see, a lot of lip service is happening in Canada and we have no plan! I am scared for my children. This must change and now!

The solutions are out there, we as the people who live on this planet need to push our governments to care more. If they produce an electric car that can run the same as your gas car, would you use it? What about creating flex cars (which already exist) that can run on alcohol? Would you drive this car if you got the same performance as your car now? I am definitely buying a hybrid car next.

I am giving you food for thought. Have a great weekend.

All my best,

Sandra

I pulled out everything and decided what I wanted to keep and then had the boys go through a pile and decide what they wanted to keep. The irony is that while I was physically removing things I didn’t want from my house I was also emotionally and spiritually decluttering as well. In the past few weeks I have been addressing my core beliefs and which ones I want to keep and which ones I want to discard or hand back to someone else. I also have been focussing on healing and foregiveness; ridding myself of lower energy emotions like anger and sadness. I still have some work to do with frustration.

What has emerged is a clarity and knowing what I want, my purpose, my why in life. This has also been coupled with where I am at in my book writing: corporate culture branding and identity. I just finished a section in my book about how we market and sell – ourselves, our work and product or service. Decluttering my mind has allowed me to see things clearly. One great learning is how I share and sell myself and my work. Like most marketers I used to sell my “features and benefits, what I do” rather than sharing my belief system, my cause, my purpose, and why I do what I do; what impact I want to have on the world; what gets me up every morning so I can fulfill my purpose and passion.

I also know I want to work with people that align with my belief system and support it not just for me but for themselves. I truly understand this.

I am taking this knowledge and going into the corporate world to help companies identify their WHY (most companies know what they do but not why – what is their purpose and drive and it is not the make a profit – that is a result of a transaction).

I realize that my work will challenge CEOs and owners and boards’ belief system. The more I can express that by being clear on your WHY will help shape your corporate culture, the people you attract to your business (employees), sales, and a reason for people to align with their company. It can end up being a “decluttering” and clarifying moment to identify your purpose, why you exist and see this in every aspect of your business or organization. I understand that many will resist so I need to find a way to help them declutter in a way that is non threatening and one they can relate to. I need to reduce fear around the unknown. I truly believe if you want to be a leader who inspires and gets people to act and behave in a certain way, you must know your why. People will buy from you, join your cause and support you because they believe what you believe and not because what you do.

This weekend begin the decluttering process. It will be a journey. Let go of what is no longer you, doesn’t make you feel good or is just a memory and you do not use the item any more. You will begin to strip away layers and get closer to who you are. What items do you want to surround yourself with? The physical will likely seep into the emotional and spiritual if you let it.

You will find your greatest happiness within when you are in truth and authenticity. Be proud of who you are and share that with the world, personally and professionally.

I want to wish everyone a wonderful weekend.

All my love,

Sandra

The Man Who Failed 5,126 TimesBy Melvin Wong – April 12, 2012 0 CommentsShareretweetMany imagine the road to success to be one straight line. In the lives of many successful people, there have been twists, turns and even numerous set backs before one achieves their goals. James Dyson of Dyson vacuums took exactly 5126 tries before getting his first successful model in-to stores. There is much to be learned from James Dyson. A story of persistence, dedication, and commitment is ingrained in each of his vacuums sold worldwide. Interestingly, there are many stories of successful people who had overcome many numerous hurdles. Think Steve Jobs.

In a book written by Stephen Covey titled The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey breaks down character traits of the successful and recognizes seven common traits amongst them. The habits are then further broken down into three categories: Interdependence or Self-Mastery, Interdependence, and Self-renewal.The First Three Habits surround moving from dependence to independence•
Habit 1: Be Proactive
Synopsis: Take initiative in life by realizing that your decisions (and how they align with life’s principles) are the primary determining factor for effectiveness in your life. Take responsibility for your choices and the subsequent consequences that follow.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Synopsis: Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals. Envision the ideal characteristics for each of your various roles and relationships in life.

Habit 3: Put First Things First
Synopsis: Plan, prioritize, and execute your week’s tasks based on importance rather than urgency. Evaluate whether your efforts exemplify your desired character values, propel you toward goals, and enrich the roles and relationships that were elaborated in Habit 2.InterdependenceThe next three have to do with Interdependence (i.e., working with others):

Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Synopsis: Genuinely strive for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Value and respect people by understanding a “win” for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if only one person in the situation had gotten his way.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Synopsis: Use empathetic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, respect, and positive problem solving.• Habit 6: Synergize
Synopsis: Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals no one person could have done alone. Get the best performance out of a group of people through encouraging meaningful contribution, and modeling inspirational and supportive leadership.The Last habit relates to self-rejuvenation:

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Synopsis: Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle.Covey’s book was first published in 1989 and has sold more than 25 million copies since publication. It is also listed as one of “The 25 most influential business management books” by TIMES magazine. It is still readily available in most book stores as well for those who want a more in depth look to Covey’s observations. Here’s to a better you!