$30 date night | Date Ideas, Marriage & Romance Blog

Merry Christmas!

Emma — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 02:54:12 +0000

Merry Christmas Guys! We’re here in rural Victoria celebrating with Den’s family (presents any minute!) after spending a relaxing day with my family yesterday. Denis looks like a stuffed turkey, he’s beached himself on the loungeroom floor after three days of too much food (the Croatian in him doesn’t have a “full” switch!).

We’re taking a few days here and then back to Melbourne and back to our usual blogging schedule. In the meantime, y’all enjoy the holidays!

To Have and to Hold, and to Buy All the Presents.

Emma — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:58:16 +0000

Ah, the Christmas season. What I want to know is, where on my marriage certificate was the small print that stated “now that you are my wife, the job of sourcing, buying and wrapping presents for everyone we’ve ever known in the history of the world - including my own family - falls to you. Forevermore. For every birthday, christening, Christmas, wedding, engagement, new birth and more.”

WTF? Last year I even had to shepherd Den to the exact shop to get the exact necklace I had seen because he didn’t know what to buy me “unless I told him”. So, I gave directions, sent pictures, websites, all pointing him in the direction of the said necklace I’d seen, but it wasn’t enough. I had to walk him there like I was helping a little old lady across the road. Also? I couldn’t get him to actually go until about 3pm on Christmas Eve, so when we finally got there they had sold out of the one I wanted. Which meant I had to choose another on the spot on Christmas Eve, surrounded by crabby shoppers… in the end I made him buy me one that was twice the price to teach him a lesson. (So there, Den!).

ANYWAY, long story short, I’ve managed to accomplish EVERYONE’S Christmas shopping and it’s already wrapped and sitting in the lounge room, ready to go. I even managed to get Den to contribute by cutting pieces of sticky tape and handing them to me (not without complaint, mind you).

And I already went with Den to pick my present too. So much for the magic of Christmas, huh?

Is it just my husband, or are all husbands missing the “shopping for the presents” gene? Who does the shopping for your family?

Mystery Date Box Idea!

Emma — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 02:38:36 +0000

This great, inspirational dating idea was submitted by Kirsty, one of our users over at $30 Date Night - I thought we should share it with you here!

“Combine all your favourite date ideas and put them in a box! My partner and I have created the ‘Mystery Date Box’ - Each fortnight we pull one date idea out of the box and complete the date within the fortnight. The box is full of different ideas and whenever we think of a new idea, we add it to the box. It’s exciting, mysterious, thoughtful and fun!”

Brilliant! The analog version of our random date generator we have on $30 Date Night! I love the impulsiveness of it AND I especially love that these guys have a date night ritual every fortnight together.

If you like the sound of that, you know where to head for date idea inspiration. AND with our new account feature, you can get all high-tech about it and save your favorite ideas from our collection to your own private account for reference later.

Let us know if you have an awesome date ritual with your partner too!

Is Music Unhealthy for Your Relationship?

Emma — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 23:13:16 +0000

The Boston Public Health Commission has proposed a new initiative to categorize music into “healthy for your relationship” and “unhealthy for your relationship”. The campaign will arrive in the form of a badge - kind of like the health department’s tick of approval on healthy foods - and is aimed at teenagers, encouraging them to listen to songs and lyrics that will help rather than hinder their developing attitudes towards relationships.

This is what Fairfax Network reported yesterday:

“An initiative to encourage healthy teen relationships says songs by Jamie Foxx and Lady Gaga are the musical equivalent of junk food.

A teen panel working with the Boston Public Health Commission says Foxx’s Blame It and Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance and Paparazziare among the top 10 with “unhealthy relationship ingredients”.

The commission released its list based on a “nutrition label” rating popular songs on healthy relationship themes.

Mario’s Break Up topped the list of the most unhealthy relationship songs of 2009.

Among the panel’s top 10 songs with healthy themes: Miss Independent by Ne-Yo and Meet Me Halfway by the Black Eyed Peas.

The commission says its program aims to teach teens how to evaluate popular media, and help parents talk to teens about healthy relationships.

Songs with Unhealthy Relationship Ingredients (2009)

1. Break Up (feat. Gucci Mane and Sean Garrett) - Mario
2. Blame It (feat. T-Pain) - Jamie Foxx
3. Paparazzi - Lady Gaga
4. You’re a Jerk - New Boyz
5. Baby By Me - 50 Cent
6. Best I Ever - Drake
7. One More Drink (feat. T-Pain) - Ludacris
8. Be On You (feat. Ne-yo) - Flo Rida
9. Hotel Room Service - Pitbull
10. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

Songs with Healthy Relationship Ingredients (2009)

1. One Time - Justin Bieber
2. Miss Independent - Ne-yo
3. Replay - Iyaz
4. Say Hay - Michael Franti
5. Knock You Down - Keri Hilson, Kanye West
6. Only You Can Love Me This Way - Keith Urban
7. Her Diamonds - Rob Thomas
8. I’m Yours - Jason Mraz
9. Fallin For You - Colbie Caillat
10. Meet Me Halfway - Black Eyed Peas”

What do you think? Are lyrics really harmful to forming good relationships? Is “Baby, you’ll be famous, chase you down until you love me” from Paparazzi going to breed a generation of teenage girls stalking their objects of obsession? Is “Forget about your boyfriend and meet me in the hotel room” (Hotel Room Service) going to inspire infidelity? Or are we taking things a bit far?

In Sickness and in Health?

Emma — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 03:04:13 +0000

I was fairly taken aback to read recently that a US doctor has just discovered that women with terminal illnesses are seven times – that’s seven – more likely to go through a divorce than men with the same illnesses.

Says the article:

“When Dr. Marc Chamberlain, a Seattle oncologist, was treating his brain cancer patients, he noticed an alarming pattern. His male patients were typically receiving much-needed support from their wives. But a number of his female patients were going it alone, ending up separated or divorced after receiving a brain tumor diagnosis.”

After confirming with industry colleagues that they too had noticed the pattern, Dr. Chamberlain undertook a research study of 515 patients that had been diagnosed with a range of terminal illnesses. All were married at the time of diagnosis. It was found that around 3% of men with terminal illness would experience divorce. In comparison, 21% of the women went through divorce when diagnosed with the same illnesses.

Furthermore, of all demographic information compiled in regard to the subjects, Female gender was by far the biggest indicator of divorce than any other socio-economic indicator.

As yet, no conclusive evidence has been drawn as to why this might be.

A further twist in the findings revealed that if couples are happy before the diagnosis, it appears that men are more likely to abandon wives who become seriously ill. However, if couples are already troubled before a partner becomes ill, the finding suggests that women in unhappy marriages are less likely to proceed with a divorce if their husbands become ill.

“All these patients were couples when we met them, but we don’t know about pre-diagnosis marital conflicts that had been festering,” Dr. Chamberlain said. “But the striking part is with life-threatening illness, how often women are abandoned compared to men. That does not speak very well of my gender.”

So what is it causing this? A reflection on the differences between men and women – women in the role of nurturers are comfortable while men just run for the hills? Meanwhile, women already thinking of divorcing their partners will do a complete 180 if they become ill and make a point of taking care of their men. Unfortunately, they are extended no such courtesy in return and in fact even if there was no talk of divorce prior to the illness, they may well find themselves alone.

A quick glance at the genetic brain makeup of both men and women may hold the answer. Of the ten major differences between the sexes’ brains cited here in Masters of Healthcare, both reactions to stress and the structure of the emotional centre of the brain stand out as prime indicators as to why abandonment may happen:

“Men tend to have a ‘fight or flight’ response to stress situations while women seem to approach these situations with a ‘tend and befriend’ strategy. Psychologist Shelley E. Taylor coined the phrase ‘tend and befriend’ after recognizing that during times of stress women take care of themselves and their children (tending) and form strong group bonds (befriending).

The reason for these different reactions to stress is rooted in hormones. The hormone oxytocin is released during stress in everyone. However, estrogen tends to enhance oxytocin resulting in calming and nurturing feelings whereas testosterone, which men produce in high levels during stress, reduces the effects of oxytocin.

In regards to emotions, women typically have a larger deep limbic system than men, which allows them to be more in touch with their feelings and better able to express them, which promotes bonding with others. Because of this ability to connect, more women serve as caregivers for children.”

So, maybe it’s all just genetics? Wired into our DNA? Women are more comfortable with the role of caregiver while men quite literally want to run away with every fibre of their being?

What do you make of all this? I think we need to be a little thoughtful about it, rather than delving straight into man-bashing. I, for one, will be very interested to see any follow-up results from studies investigating why this happens.

Weigh in here with your thoughts…

20 Festive Christmas Date Ideas

Emma — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 05:13:08 +0000

The rush of the festive season can leave you and your sweetie feeling a little short of time… don’t quit on your weekly date nights amidst all the chaos. Here are more than enough Christmas-themed date ideas to keep you going through the festive season!

1. Go get your tree!
2. Make Eggnog
3. Decorate the tree together over Eggnog
4. Bake Christmas cookies
5. Do the shopping together, wandering through the mall with your hands in each others’ back pockets.
6. Make snowmen & snow angels before heading inside to warm up by the open fire and roast marshmallows
7. Go ice-skating
8. Go tobogganing!
9. Wrap the presents and write the cards while singing cheesy carols
10. Order a Mrs. Santa/Elf outfit online (and use it!)
11. Drive or walk around your local neighborhood enjoying the Christmas lights
12. Have a picnic at Carols by Candlelight
13. Go visit Santa and have a picture taken with both of you on his lap, then tell him what you
want for Christmas (bonus points if you can make him laugh – or at least blush!)
14. Take in a performance of the Nutcracker at the ballet
15. Take it in turns to read ‘A Christmas Carol’ to each other (or at least go see the movie!)
16. Have a Christmas-themed movie marathon at home. Love Actually, It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle
on 34th Street, The Holiday, The Family Stone, The Santa Clause… it just goes on.
17. Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen or a Toy Drive together
18. Have a snowball fight!
19. Take a horse-drawn carriage ride with a bottle of wine
20. Make dreidls!

Got any more for us? Love to hear them…

How to Survive the Festive Season Together

Emma — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:28:25 +0000

Love it or hate it, there’s no escaping the festive season. And it’s approaching fast!

For some, it’s dreams of a white Christmas in front of yule logs, singing carols and trimming the tree… a lot of the time though, the stress of the holidays can result in heated arguments, crappy presents and trying to mesh the traditions of both your own family and your in-laws.

Here is some advice to couples for surviving the coming weeks.

1. Make sure to spend time alone together among all the fuss…
Keep your regular date nights going! Theme them to make them more fun. Make decorating the tree or baking Christmas cookies your quality time together. Be philanthropic and help out at a soup kitchen! Go ice skating or build snowmen! If you’re in a warmer area, chill out at the beach for an afternoon.

2. Gift buying
You know what one of the most stressful parts of Christmas is? The mall… the piped carols, the hoards of people and the hours of wandering aimlessly in search of the perfect present will take it’s toll eventually.

Either make your list early and get in there before it’s too late or use the wonder of the Internet to shop… no queues, no screaming children… no sore feet at the end of the day! All your presents will arrive wrapped and ready, leaving you more time to spend with your sweetie!

3. Family negotiations
Scheduling your Christmas in with family, friend and loved ones can be exhausting - start creating a tradition that works for everyone that you can repeat every year so people know what they’re doing in advance. It saves the stress. Some people do alternate years with each family, some do Christmas lunch at one and dinner at the other, some do Christmas Day at one house and Boxing Day at the other…

Whatever your Christmas day plans, once there, avoid arguments at all costs! Be polite, be happy. You only have to get through one day of it! And smile and thank your sweetie’s Aunt Ethel for the lovely box of hankies she bought you.

How do you survive Christmas together? Do you love it or loathe it? What is your current arrangement with respective families?

Worst Date #2: Swimming at the Local Pool

Emma — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:42:51 +0000

Well, we did Worst Date #2 yesterday… and I’m very happy to report that it wasn’t so bad at all! Swimming at the Local Y rates badly for some reason, but I don’t know what y’all are complaining about?

We picked a gorgeous sunny day (Hello to summer down here in Australia!) and headed to the local pool where we spent a lazy morning getting some sun, splashing in the water, reading, chatting and eating. We took our underwater camera and snapped some fun shots in the pool…. What could possibly be bad about that?

I don’t have much else to say about it, apart from mentioning that if we can have a great time on the ‘Worst Dates Ever’, there’s nothing stopping anyone else from having an absolute ball on the best of the best dates available on our website!

Mind you… we still have ‘Borrow a Kid’ and ‘Nudist Beach’ to go…. I could be eating my words very soon!

Disclaimer: Swimming at the Y fell into the bottom 5 after we had to remove going for a jog as Den has sustained a pretty serious leg injury that is preventing him from jogging. THAT said, Den and I used to meet for weekly jogs back in the day before we even got together. We would get up early and jog 5km around our local lake together. Tough work (especially if you’re a bit of a nuffy when it comes to jogging like I am), but there is still fun to be had. We made it a competition – Who could get the hottest body by Summertime. Gives you something to work towards. Plus, an excuse to strip down at the end and “assess” each other’s physiques!

Are You and Your Sweetie Speaking the Same Love Language?

Emma — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 23:50:35 +0000

It turns out, Denis and I are not speaking the same Love Language… in fact, our Love Languages are so different that Denis might as well talk to me in Klingon for all the good it does to get through, and likewise right back at him.

The Love Language theory was developed by a lovely man named Gary Chapman (well, I don’t actually know Gary personally, but he does seem lovely). The theory goes that there are five Love Languages in this world, and everyone speaks their own distinct dialect. Essentially, what he’s talking about is the way you express to someone that you love them, and the way you interpret that they love you back.

The idea goes that if two people have the same love language, they will be able to communicate their love to each other without mishap. Speak different languages and you will have a harder time getting through to each other… For example:

My love language is Physical Touch. Me? I’m all about the touching. Hugs, kisses, hair tousling, holding hands, watching TV while nestled on the same couch (no matter how uncomfortable it may get, I won’t budge), back rubs, massages, a hand on the knee while sitting at the dinner table. Can’t get enough of it. I blame my mother. When I was a baby, she used to do the housework with me strapped to her in the sling. She would wake me up just to hug me again! Cute. I imagine my poor children will be smothered with love by me just the same. Of course, Chapman agrees that the way we are raised drastically impacts how we interpret love.

Denis speaks a completely different language. In fact, of the five languages, his is the one I identify with the least, according to the quiz in the back of the book (not off to a good start, are we?). His is Acts of Service. This means that he feels loved and appreciates it when I make the bed, clean the house, do the dishes, cook his dinner and much more (groan – this is, in fact, the lowest scoring language out of the five on the quiz I took in the back of the book. I scored 1 out of a possible 12 for this language. Plus, I’m lazy). He, in turn, naturally shows me that he loves me by fixing my computer, washing my clothes and putting oil in my car.

The problem with speaking a different love language to your partner is that your efforts at showing them you love them can be completely lost in translation… for instance, I might think that showering Den with hugs and kisses is a great example of how I feel about him. He usually just thinks I’m being clingy and annoying, and I get swatted away from him.

Den might spend four hours fixing my computer in a grand gesture of love, and meanwhile I’m complaining that he’s spent four hours ignoring me without so much as a peck on the cheek. The potential for communication breakdowns is rife!

It used to cause problems between us. We just didn’t get each other.

Now that we’ve read the book, we kind of understand. Chapman explains that you need to keep each other’s “love tanks” (or “love banks”, as they are also referred to), full. Which means if Den is in a sour mood, I can guarantee putting a smile on his face if I clean the house and make him dinner. Likewise, if I’m unhappy, a huge hug and a handful of kisses will set me right again.

There are three extra love languages – Quality Time people need you to set aside specific time to spend with them (date night, anyone?!) and will do the same for you no matter how busy they are, Words of Affirmation lovers crave constant encouragement from their partners and Gifts people love to buy and receive little tokens of love from their sweeties.

If you’re busy buying your partner bunches of roses when what they really want is a night just with you, or you’re doing the washing when they just want to be told they’re brilliant, you may have a communication breakdown.

Each chapter in the book ends with recommendations for how you can express love to your sweetie in a language they will understand. Den, if you’re reading this – taking my hand while we’re walking, rushing up to hug me when you haven’t seen me in awhile or rubbing my knee under the dinner table are all great ways to keep me feeling loved-up. (Meanwhile, it is recommend I degrease Den’s car… or let him make me a list of 10 things he would love for me to do for him that I can complete over the coming weeks so that he feels loved…. Ummm… who got the short stick in this arrangement?)

I can’t recommend this book highly enough if you think you and your partner are talking different languages. It has practical advice and is full of case studies so that you can better understand your relationship with your partner and get in tune with them. You may need to side-step some of the religious connotations if you are not that way inclined, but that’s neither here nor there.

If you’d like to buy it, Amazon has it for sale here: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

When Musical Tastes Collide

Emma — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:51:22 +0000

I went to see Britney Spears last night! I love her, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Den didn’t come, of course. Britney is definitely not his thing. But, bless him, he’s tolerating it right now as I play her entire back catalogue through his precious Bose speakers and into the apartment.

And sometimes, I tolerate his dance music as he pumps it through the house. I do like his brand of trance/house but only really when I’m out… during the day? Repetitive and mindless. Particularly repetitive when he attaches himself to a specific track or particular 20 minutes of music and plays it… oh, say 10 times in a row.

Or sometimes, he likes to revisit his high school roots and we get Tool’s Ænima album pumping through the speakers. Again, I don’t mind it but it’s not my ideal choice of music.

In the car, it’s a constant struggle between playing a favorite CD (him) and listening to cheesy pop on the radio (me).

Lately, when I simply can’t stand it anymore I banish Den to listen to his music on his headphones. And usually when I’m cleaning or cooking and feel like some music, I’ll just pop it through my iPod and dance around the house silently.

Do you have the same musical tastes as your sweetie? Have you changed your musical tastes to accommodate a relationship? Do you have set custody hours of the sound system in your house? Or do you just stick your iPod in and be done with it?