LucidSportsFan

Tom Brady adds to G.O.A.T. resume, Patriots schedule quirks may create drama down the stretch

2017-09-20T23:20:00.002-04:00

To the surprise of no one, the Patriots and Tom Brady are still good after all. At the 14:44 mark of last Sunday's 36-20 Pats' victory over the Saints in New Orleans, Brady accomplished something he'd never done before in his greatest-of-all-time career--he threw his third touchdown pass of the first quarter. Leave it to Brady to still be setting new standards of excellence in his 18th year in the league (regular-season game No. 239, to be exact). At this point, the list of things that make Brady the undisputed G.O.A.T. at the quarterback position is far too long to mention.

Sadly, Brady didn't keep that pace up for all four quarters and finish with 12 TDs against the Saints. In fact, he never even found the end zone again. However, his 30 completions on 39 attempts, 447 yards passing and three touchdowns were still good enough to earn him AFC Offensive Player of the Week honors. It's the 28th time in his career Brady has won that award, more than any player in league history. Brady had previously been tied with Peyton Manning for the most of all-time.

Unfortunately for Manning, it's the second time this week Brady has surpassed him for an NFL record. Brady threw three touchdowns with zero interceptions for the 52nd time in his career on Sunday. Nobody has ever done that before. Manning did it 51 times.

A quick look at this week's NFL odds shows the Patriots favored by 13.5 points over the Houston Texans. Consider how absurd that is: New England has a 40-year-old quarterback and only one healthy wide receiver (Brandin Cooks) who wasn't even on the team last year. The Pats' defense has allowed an average of 31 points through two games and they're going up against a team that won its division (and a playoff game) last season. And still, the Patriots are expected to win by nearly two touchdowns.

After Houston comes to town, three of New England's next four games will be against the NFC South. The Pats host the Panthers, then travel to Tampa to play the Bucs, then come back home two weeks later (following a visit to New York to take on the 0-2 Jets) for a Super Bowl rematch with the Falcons. Those three NFC South squads are currently a combined 5-0.

New England then has three straight matchups with the AFC West, hosting the Chargers, traveling to Denver, then back home for the Raiders. That's a very tough stretch over the next eight games, and chances are there will be multiple occasions when people once again speculate about the end of the Pats dynasty.

However, five of the Patriots' last six games are AFC East matchups. That's when they'll roll to yet another division title and one of the top seeds in the conference.

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NFL Week 1 Fantasy Surprises

2017-09-11T21:24:00.000-04:00

Here's a look at some of the unexpected top fantasy performers in Week 1 of the 2017 NFL season, and what they're each likely to do (or not do) going forward.

We'll start with the first game of the year, where the Chiefs went into Foxboro and stunned just about everyone by scoring six touchdowns (three in the fourth quarter) in a 42-27 victory over the Patriots. Alex Smith (28-for-35, 368 yards, four TDs) handily out-dueled Tom Brady (16-for-36, 267 yards), and a rookie running back many people had never heard of put on a show for the ages. Don't expect a repeat of either of those again in Week 2.

After fumbling on his first pro carry, Kareem Hunt rushed 17 times for 148 yards and a touchdown, while also catching five passes for 98 yards and two more TDs. He's obviously not going to do that on a regular basis, but Hunt will definitely get plenty of opportunities when Kansas City hosts the Eagles next week.

For the Patriots, newcomer Mike Gillislee rushed for 45 yards and three touchdowns. Might Gillislee step right into the role that led to a team-record 18 rushing touchdowns for LeGarrette Blount last season? Maybe, but it also took Gillislee 15 carries to reach his 45-yard total and he was twice stuffed in fourth-and-short situations. With Brady looking to get back on track in New Orleans in Week 2, New England is likely to air it out. Long-term, there's also a logjam in the Pats' backfield, so it'll be difficult for Gillislee to maintain a consistent workload.

There was a lot of talk about the Bears' Jordan Howard (52 yards and a touchdown on 13 carries, as well as three catches for 14 yards in Chicago's 23-17 loss to the Falcons) heading into the season, but in Week 1 he was overshadowed by his rookie backfield mate Tarik Cohen (66 yards on five attempts, plus eight catches for 47 yards and a TD). For those playing daily fantasy on DRAFT, it may be wise to avoid Howard next week while Chicago explores what they have in Cohen.

In the Lions 35-23 win over the Cardinals, Matt Stafford threw for 292 yards and four touchdowns, two of which went to first-year wide receiver Kenny Golladay (four catches for 69 yards). Golladay was targeted seven times compared to 12 for Golden Tate (10 receptions for 107 yards), so don't go counting on the rookie to put up No. 1 receiver numbers any time soon.

It was a big weekend for surprising showings from quarterbacks. In addition to Smith and Stafford, other top QB performers included Philly's Carson Wentz (26-for-39, 307 yards, two touchdowns), the Bills' Tyrod Taylor (16-for-28, 224 yards, two TDs and 38 yards on the ground) and Browns rookie DeShone Kizer (20-for-30, 220 yards, one passing TD and one rushing TD, plus 17 rushing yards). Of that unlikely bunch, Stafford is the one with the best chance to remain a top-5 quarterback in Week 2 and beyond.

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NFL futures bets I'd make if I was a betting man

2017-08-30T20:07:00.000-04:00

The 2017 NFL season kicks off Thursday, September 7th, when the defending Super Bowl champion New England Patriots host the Kansas City Chiefs. To the surprise of no one, the Patriots are the odds-on favorites to take home the title once again, despite a now 40-year-old Tom Brady having just lost his No. 1 wide receiver for the season (Julian Edelman tore his ACL in Friday's exhibition victory in Detroit).

New England is currently listed at +400 to capture the sixth championship of Brady's career next February in Super Bowl LII (that's 52 for those who aren't Roman-numerically inclined). The Pats are also +225 to win the AFC.

The teams with the next-best odds to take home the Lombardi Trophy are a pair of NFC clubs, the Seattle Seahawks and the Green Bay Packers, both listed at +1000. In the AFC, the Patriots' greatest challenger is expected to be the Pittsburgh Steelers, who are +450 to represent the conference in the Super Bowl and +1100 to win it all.

After the Steelers, the Oakland Raiders (+800), Denver Broncos (+900) and Chiefs (+1000) round out the list of top contenders for the AFC title. With the Patriots such an overwhelming favorite, the other three teams in the AFC East all rank among the bottom six in terms of conference title odds: The Miami Dolphins are +2200, the Buffalo Bills are +4000, and the New York Jets are +6600.

So who is a good bet in the AFC? Honestly, nobody. There's not much money to be made on the Pats at +225 and there aren't any teams out there that have a compelling case to unseat New England. If I had to put $100 on somebody to win the conference, I might take the Raiders at +800 or even the Indianapolis Colts at +1800.

For me, it all comes down to the quarterback. Derek Carr emerged as budding star last year and even though he doesn't have much behind him, I like Andrew Luck's chances at +1800 better than a lot of other guys'.

Here are some other football odds I like heading into the 2017 season:

Green Bay Packers at +500 to win the NFC: Aaron Rodgers has guided Green Bay to the playoffs in eight straight years, but only reached one Super Bowl. He's due.

New Orleans Saints at + 2000 to win the NFC: I'll take a 38-year-old Drew Brees over most of the other QBs in the conference, but only five squads have worse odds than the Saints.

Minnesota Vikings at + 2500 to win the Super Bowl: The Vikings are +1200 in the NFC, which suggests their expected to lose Super Bowl LII if they get there--despite the fact that it's going to be played in their own stadium.

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More NBA team previews than you can possibly imagine

2016-10-19T12:11:00.000-04:00

Last month, I wrote a brief Celtics season preview as part of an NBA blog sharing program where everybody who contributes agrees to post each other's links. Here they all are, in alphabetical order by team:

Atlanta Hawks

Atlanta Hawks 2016-17 Season Preview - Peachtree Hoops

The Hawks broke up a successful team for Dwight Howard. Will it be worth it? - SBNation.com

Boston Celtics

Boston Celtics Preview - More of the same, only better - CelticsBlog

The possibilities are endless for the Celtics - SBNation.com

Celtics Season Preview: Buckle Up for a Fun Season! - CelticsGreenBlog.com

Boston Celtics 2016-17 Season Preview - Lucid Sports Fan

Brooklyn Nets

2016-2017 SB Nation NBA Season Preview: Brooklyn Nets - NetsDaily

The Nets are finally starting over from scratch - SBNation.com

2016-17 NBA Preview: Brooklyn Nets - Baller Mind Frame

Charlotte Hornets

Charlotte Hornets 2016-17 Season Preview - At The Hive

The Nets are finally starting over from scratch - SBNation.com

Chicago Bulls

Chicago Bulls Season Preview: with these additions, anything (good or bad) can happen - Blog a Bull

The Bulls’ roster is so weird that it somehow might work - SBNation.com

Cleveland Cavaliers

NBA 2016-17 Season Preview: Cavaliers look to build legacy as Cleveland’s title team - Fear The Sword

If LeBron James is healthy, the Cavaliers are going to the Finals again - SBNation.com

2016-17 Cleveland Cavaliers Season Preview | Waiting For Next Year

Dallas Mavericks

Where the Mavericks stand headed into the 2016-17 season - Mavs Moneyball

Dirk Nowitzki must carry another hodge-podge Mavericks roster - SBNation.com

Denver Nuggets

SB Nation Denver Nuggets season preview - Denver Stiffs

Is it too soon to expect the Nuggets to make a playoff run? - SBNation.com

Detroit Pistons

Detroit Pistons Season Preview: Young team ready to take the next step - Detroit Bad Boys

The Pistons are coming. Watch out, East - SBNation.com

Golden State Warriors

2016-17 NBA Season Preview: Warriors aim to regain title with the help of Kevin Durant - Golden State Of Mind

Why did we start to hate the Warriors? - SBNation.com

Houston Rockets

The Houston Rockets 2016-2017 season preview - The Dream Shake

James Harden and Mike D’Antoni will be a fascinating partnership for the Rockets - SBNation.com

Indiana Pacers

Indiana Pacers 2016-17 Season Preview - Indy Cornrows

Paul George is great. Can the rest of the Pacers' roster keep up? - SBNation.com

LA Clippers

2016-17 NBA Season Preview: The Clippers Are On The Cusp - Clips Nation

This is a make-or-break year for the Clippers, just like last year and 2 years ago - SBNation.com

LA Lakers

The Silver Screen and Roll 2016-2017 Lakers season preview - Silver Screen and Roll

Kobe Bryant’s gone, so we’ll finally learn if the Lakers’ young core is any good - SBNation.com

Memphis Grizzlies

Season Preview: What to Expect from the Memphis Grizzlies - Grizzly Bear Blues

The Grizzlies keep putting off rebuilding, even if they’re better now - SBNation.com

Miami Heat

SB Nation Miami Heat Season Preview - Hot Hot Hoops

The Heat are hanging on Pat Riley's next master plan - SBNation.com

Miami Heat Preview - Behind the Arc

Milwaukee Bucks

Milwaukee Bucks 16-17 Season Preview - Brew Hoop

The Bucks are still weird as hell - SBNation.com

Minnesota Timberwolves

Minnesota Timberwolves Team Preview - Canis Hoopus

The Timberwolves' bright future will still have growing pains - SBNation.com

New Orleans Pelicans

2016-17 New Orleans Pelicans Preview: Anthony Davis looks to rebound amid new teammates - The Bird Writes

Anthony Davis is worth the price of admission, even if the Pelicans aren't - SBNation.com

New York Knicks

The Posting and Toasting 2016-2017 Knicks season preview - Posting and Toasting

We don’t understand Phil Jackson’s plan with the Knicks - SBNation.com

Oklahoma City Thunder

Thunder Season Preview: Can we get rid of the three point line? - Welcome to Loud City

Russell Westbrook needs to do everything to carry the Thunder to a top-4 seed - SBNation.com

Orlando Magic

2016-17 NBA Season Preview: New look Magic gunning for playoffs - Orlando Pinstriped Post

Whatever happens with the Magic, at least they'll be watchable - SBNation.com

2017 Orlando Magic Preview: Eye on the Playoffs

Philadelphia Sixers

2016-17 NBA Season Preview: Sixers, Philadelphia on the verge of a new era - Liberty Ballers

The 76ers finally look like a typical bad basketball team, which is progress - SBNation.com

Phoenix Suns

Phoenix Suns Season Preview: Training Camp Style - Bright Side Of The Sun

The Suns’ young core needs patience and we’re not sure they get it - SBNation.com

Phoenix Suns Preview - Poor Execution

Portland Trail Blazers

Portland Trail Blazers 2016-17 Season Preview - Blazer's Edge

The Trail Blazers are good, but let’s not get carried away with expectations - SBNation.com

Sacramento Kings

2016-17 Sacramento Kings Season Preview - Sactown Royalty

It’s time for DeMarcus Cousins to rise above the Kings’ dysfunction - SBNation.com

Sacramento Kings' Season Preview

San Antonio Spurs

San Antonio Spurs 2016/17 season preview: The post-Tim Duncan era begins - Pounding The Rock

Tim Duncan is gone, but the Spurs will be just fine - SBNation.com

Toronto Raptors

Toronto Raptors 2016-17 Preview: Can the Raps avoid regression? - Raptors HQ

The Raptors don’t need to improve for this year to be a success - SBNation.com

Utah Jazz

Utah Jazz 2016-17 Preview - The Basics - SLC Dunk

The Jazz have the kind of roster that can make the Warriors uncomfortable - SBNation.com

Washington Wizards

Washington Wizards preview: Can they be more than fine this season? - Bullets Forever

There’s no excuse if the Wizards miss the playoffs again - SBNation.com

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I'm breaking the streak at Day No. 2,055

2016-10-15T23:38:00.000-04:00

After 2,055 consecutive days of blogging, I'm taking a break. Tomorrow, for the first time since March 2, 2011, I'm not posting anything on LucidSportsFan.com.

I originally started this site at the suggestion of someone who enjoyed my sports takes on Facebook. A good friend of mine urged me to write something "at least once a day," so I stuck with that philosophy. I soon discovered that I might be able to use it as a tool to help me pursue a career outside of bartending (which I officially announced my retirement from on Thursday). Because of this blog, I was gradually able to write for (and later edit/manage) bigger and bigger sites until I eventually built up a legitimate resume. Throughout that time, daily posts on LucidSportsFan.com were what kept me motivated.

In a week, I'll be starting a new full-time job as Creative Copywriter for WHOOP. I can't say for sure what my plan is for the blog going forward, but I do know that it's time to take a day off.

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Everybody figured everything out way too quickly on "Fear the Walking Dead"

2016-10-14T08:00:00.000-04:00

In The Walking Dead, it took quite some time before the characters were anything but 100-percent terrified of the zombies (and why don't they call them zombies, by the way?). But after several years, everyone still alive finally seems to know what they're doing. The zombies are no longer the primary concern--people have all learned how to handle them at this point. Other humans are now the greatest danger.

However, in Fear the Walking Dead, the writers decided to hand over many seasons worth of Walking Dead knowledge and experience to the new cast basically right from the start (I guess they assumed that since the viewers already have this information maybe the show wouldn't work if the characters didn't have it too?). After only a handful of Fear episodes, everybody is walking around all bad-ass, covered in dead blood and killing zombies with their bare hands.

I don't like it.

RELATED: 'Why don't they have bicycles?' and other similar questions about 'The Walking Dead'

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After a long and storied career, I'm officially retiring from the sport of bartending

2016-10-13T13:16:00.000-04:00

In October of 2011, I wrote a mostly sarcastic blog suggesting it was time for me to get Tommy John Surgery to extend my bartending career. Here's the first paragraph:

"The past few months I've been a little bit off my game. I'm not the same up and coming young southpaw bartending prospect that I used to be. At this point in my career I'm more of a crafty veteran. And lately sometimes I feel a slight pain or twinge in my left elbow. I mean, here's the thing: I can work through it. I can still go out there everyday and get the job done. But I've lost a little speed on my ice scooping. My bottle pouring doesn't have quite the same rotation. And I am definitely missing some velocity on my cocktail shake and follow through. I'm just not the same out there. I think if I had the surgery I could come back in a year, better than ever."

Now, five years later, I'm officially calling it quits. It's been on my mind for quite some time (I actually started a draft of this post in January of 2012) and it's finally time for me to hang 'em up. A career that began with a bartending class in Boston, MA in 2000, took me to Richmond, VA, Martha's Vineyard, Sanibel Island, FL, Austin, TX, New York, NY, and San Diego, CA, is coming to a close back where it all started 16 years ago.

Hopefully this will be more of a Jason Varitek retirement and not a Brett Favre retirement.

I have a new goal in life: Get a Chipotle celebrity burrito card

2016-10-12T11:36:00.000-04:00

Danny Ainge showed this off to Celtics media yesterday:

My idol. pic.twitter.com/VtVM3na2Ci
— Chris Forsberg (@ESPNForsberg) October 11, 2016

Since first seeing that tweet, here's what I've discovered about Chipotle's custom-made burrito cards: They allow you to have one free burrito per day, for an entire year (or possibly for life). Chipotle also doesn't like to talk about them and neglects to offer any info about the cards on its website.

From a 2013 Yahoo Sports Big League Stew article on Bryce Harper's:

"The celebrity card program is small," Chipotle communications director Chris Arnold told The Stew in an e-mail. "And we don't really share enough detail on it to make much of a story out of it."

New life goal: Reach a point where Chipotle deems it wise to give me one of these.

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Thank you, Papi

2016-10-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

If the picture above is worth 1,000 words, the video below is worth about 10 billion:

.@davidortiz tips his cap to @fenwaypark after his final game #RedSox #WBZ pic.twitter.com/W6Kj8ur5FA
— Joe Giza (@JoeGiza) October 11, 2016

Thank you, Big Papi.

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Awesome Old Song of the Week: "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy (brought to you by the return of Tom Brady)

2016-10-10T12:45:00.000-04:00

The last time the Patriots played the first four games of a season without an appearance from Tom Brady? In 2000, when they started 0-4. Brady made his widely unheralded NFL debut on Thanksgiving day of that year, during a 34-9 loss in Detroit. Tom was 1-3 for 6 yards (slightly less productive than the 28-40 for 406 yards he put up Sunday to kick off his 17th season in the league).

Climbing up the pop charts that week was Shaggy's It Wasn't Me:

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Presidential debate moderators need more power--how about a mute button?

2016-10-09T17:07:00.000-04:00

The moderators in presidential debates should have the ability to stop the candidates from speaking when their time is up, and also force them to actually answer the questions that are asked. Here's the best available solution in my book:

Moderators of political debates should have the option of silencing the mic like they do on @AroundtheHorn.
— Taylor C. Snow (@taylorcsnow) September 27, 2016

A couple other possibilities I'd also support:

- The candidates' microphones could mute automatically for 10 seconds after their allotted time has run out.
- In addition to a moderator-controlled mute button, how about a black curtain that pops up and hides the candidate from our view? That way, when they fail to answer a question they can be muted and/or blocked from sight until the do.

UPDATE:
Around the Horn host Tony Reali clearly read this blog and decided to voice his agreement on Twitter:

pic.twitter.com/Mjor0EiloW
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) October 10, 2016

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Does the meat on this sandwich look good to you?

2016-10-08T23:20:00.000-04:00

I am not a fan of pork belly. Some people love it, but I don't understand the enjoyment of eating a giant glob of fat. Having said that, I feel like the pork belly in this Arby's sandwich has to look fairly unappealing even to those who do appreciate pork belly.

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I need to be able to send myself email from my brain

2016-10-07T10:09:00.000-04:00

Most of my best ideas come when I am doing one of the following three things: Jogging, showering, or lying in bed trying to fall asleep. I guess that makes sense though, since those are the occasions that my brain is unoccupied and free to wander.

However, it's a sad irony that those are also the times that it's most difficult for me to make note of these inspirations. Solution? I need to be able to send myself an email directly from my brain. Then when I wake up/get out of the shower/get home, there it is, sitting in my gmail inbox.

That should be doable, right? I mean, it looks like people first started figuring out how to send emails between brains back in 2014, and I don't even need to get my messages into a second brain.

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Can this 16-year-old 7'2" basketball player be for real?

2016-10-06T15:17:00.001-04:00

I saw this tweet from Bleacher Report yesterday, and if you're not already familiar with Chol Marial, it's definitely worth watching the 45-second video:

He’s 16 years old, 7’2” and already longer than anyone in the NBA—and he’s still growing. Oh, and he's 💦 from deep pic.twitter.com/bBEGej73u1
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) October 5, 2016

My first thought is, I can't even imagine what it must be like for the kids who have to take on Cheshire Academy--I'm pretty sure the starting center on my high school team was 6'3". Here's another clip I found of Marial as a freshman last season:

I wouldn't be surprised if he's actually 19, but still...

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Memo to Toronto Blue Jays: Two locker-room celebrations in three days is weak sauce

2016-10-05T15:24:00.000-04:00

The Blue Jays celebrated clinching a playoff berth on the final day of the season Sunday with a champagne-soaked celebration in the visitors' locker room at Fenway Park:

On Tuesday, two days later, Toronto beat Baltimore in the Wild Card Game to advance to the American League Division Series--and then went through the entire ordeal again:

New t-shirts. Probably new goggles as well. And a whole bunch more champagne.

I get it the first time--you're celebrating the success of a 162-game season. But seriously, what's different about your mindset 48 hours later? "Woo-hoo! We haven't been eliminated from the playoffs since we qualified two days ago! Let's get nuts!" I have to think some of the players must have been thinking "Seriously? Are we actually going to do this again? Do I really have to put on all that stupid crap and get soaked in booze for the second time in three days?"

This reminds me of that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted throws a party so he can hang out with Robin, but when she doesn't show up he hosts one the next night too, then the night after that also:

The postseason continues for the Blue Jays in Texas at 4:30 pm Thursday. Hopefully they can still play after two days of partying.

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What do you think of this "Anchorman" parody starring ESPN TV hosts?

2016-10-04T15:53:00.001-04:00

ICYMI: Here's the much anticipated 'Co-Anchorman' spoof you've all been waiting for pic.twitter.com/ykt341sqlK
— His And Hers (@HisAndHers) September 27, 2016

Yes, it's pretty amazing, the introduction in particular I am very fond of. However, as a whole, I'm actually a little disappointed. It's basically the entire scene from Anchorman reenacted word-for-word. Sure, I like the authenticity, but where is the creativity? I would have preferred they try to do things along the lines of what happens in the movie that also relate to them being sports personalities.

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I wonder how foolish the Nationals feel now for shutting down Stephen Strasburg back in 2012?

2016-10-03T16:54:00.000-04:00

In 2012, I wrote a blog titled The Washington Nationals are out of their freaking minds. At the time, they had the best record in baseball and were likely World Series favorites. Washington voluntarily shut down Stephen Strasburg after 159.1 innings in an attempt to keep him healthy for future seasons. Without their stud pitcher, the Nationals lost in the Division Series to St. Louis and blew a chance to win the first championship in franchise history.

A year later, the Nationals missed the 2013 playoffs and Strasburg spent some time on the DL.

In 2014, Washington won the National League East, Strasburg was healthy and threw a career-high 215 innings, but the Nats again fell in the NLDS, this time to San Francisco.

Last season, the 2015 Nationals failed to reach the postseason and injuries limited Strasburg to 127.1 innings.

And now, in 2016, the Nats are back atop the NL East, but once again they'll enter the playoffs without Strasburg, who's battled a sore elbow and hasn't pitched effectively since August 1.

How's that plan from 2012 looking these days?

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Awesome Old Video Clip of the Week: David Ortiz's first home run with the Red Sox

2016-10-02T12:27:00.001-04:00

I don't even know where to begin to attempt to write some sort of David Ortiz career retrospective, so on the day of his last regular-season game, I'll just go with this:

In his sixth season with the Twins, a 26-year-old Ortiz hit 20 homers and drove in 75 runs in only 412 at-bats, but Minnesota released him anyway in the fall of 2002.

Ortiz's Boston career began as a platoon player, splitting time with Jeremy Giambi. Big Papi's first Red Sox home run, the 59th of his career, didn't come until April 27, 2003, in Boston's 25th game of the season:

Ha, remember J-Lo and Ben Affleck? They were the story that day in Anaheim--nobody on the planet could've guessed Ortiz would slug another 482 homers in a Sox uniform (and 17 more in the playoffs). Ortiz didn't go yard again until May 24th of that year, game No. 48. In fact, following a 6-4 win over the Tigers on June 26, Ortiz had a total of just three home runs for the 45-32 Red Sox.

However, after finally winning the full-time DH job, Papi blasted 28 dingers over Boston's last 85 games in 2003 (for a total of 31 in 448 at-bats), and the rest is history.

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Is Arnold Schwarzenegger making fun of himself with this "missile poisoning" line? I can't even tell...

2016-10-01T22:45:00.000-04:00

Watch this Mobile Strike (a cell phone game) commercial with Arnold Schwarzenegger:

"Target now out of sight" is a perfectly cheesy Arnold-esque line, that one I get. But "Call the doctor, looks like you have missile poisoning"? What does that even mean? Obviously it's trying to be bad on purpose, but it's so bad that that doesn't work. It's not funny in parody-of-itself Sharknado kind of way, it's just confusing. Although, the fact that it prompted me to write a blog probably means it accomplished its goal. That's a real mind-eff right there...

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Red Sox reliever Robbie Ross Jr. starred in Entourage movie as kid who used to see dead people?

2016-09-30T08:22:00.000-04:00

Everybody remembers Haley Joel Osment from his role in the 1999 film The Sixth Sense:

Not as well known, however, is the fact that he played a major role in 2015's Entourage movie:

Osment's character in Entourage is basically the identical twin of Red Sox pitcher Robbie Ross Jr.:

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Koji Uehara tries to 'save' as much champagne as possible, NESN flouts the FCC

2016-09-29T12:44:00.000-04:00

Putting aside the fact that the Red Sox likely blew their chance at home-field advantage throughout the postseason last night (their surprising loss, combined with the Rangers' comeback win puts Boston 1.5 games back in the race for the AL's best record with four to play--and Texas owns the tiebreaker, so the Sox would have to go 4-0 or 3-1 and hope the Rangers finish 1-2 or 0-3), the division-clinching celebration in the locker room was quality entertainment.

My two highlights:

1. NESN's complete disregard for standard FCC regulations regarding profanity. Here's a very small sample:

Don't put the volume on if your kids are watching. https://t.co/huJAcQMoX2
— Mark Van Deusen (@LucidSportsFan) September 29, 2016

2. Koji Uehara's unwillingness to let any partially filled champagne bottles end up in the trash (or recycle bin), despite also dumping exorbitant amounts of bubbly all over his teammates:

Koji does not believe in wasting champagne. https://t.co/dpRukzln3s
— Mark Van Deusen (@LucidSportsFan) September 29, 2016

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Would you partake in a yoga class on surfboards?

2016-09-28T09:06:00.000-04:00

Obviously I realize that those are giant paddle boards pictured, and if you know what you're doing the chances of falling off of one are pretty slim. Still, this just seems like a bad idea. Yoga is supposed to be relaxing, right? Attempting to balance on a surfboard in Boston Harbor sounds fairly stressful to me. I get the feeling all of these people are trying to act all calm and collected, but really they're nervous as hell.

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Leadoff home runs rarely make you cry

2016-09-27T00:01:00.000-04:00

I don't even know how the Marlins took the field last night a day after the tragic death of Jose Fernandez, but they did. Dee Gordon, who's been playing Major League Baseball since 2011, stepped into the batters' box leading off the first inning for Miami with a grand total of eight career home runs (none this year).

This was his ninth:

Just amazing, @FlashGJr. #JDF16 pic.twitter.com/Tgg03ZSJlt
— MLB (@MLB) September 26, 2016

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Boston Celtics 2016-17 Season Preview (all you need to know in just over 37 seconds)

2016-09-26T02:20:00.000-04:00

Boston Celtics
Last Year's Record: 48-34 (tied for 3-6 in East)
Key Losses: Evan Turner, Jared Sullinger
Key Additions: Al Horford, Jaylen Brown, Gerald Green

1. What significant moves were made during the offseason?

Boston pulled off its biggest free-agency splash in team history, inking four-time All-Star Al Horford to a four-year max contract. The C's also selected 19-year-old forward Jaylen Brown with the No. 3 pick in the draft. Evan Turner and Jared Sullinger signed in Portland and Toronto, respectively, but the Celtics did pick up second-year options on Amir Johnson and Jonas Jerebko, while also re-signing Tyler Zeller. In addition, Boston brought back veteran shooting guard Gerald Green on a one-year minimum deal.

2. What are the team's biggest strengths?

If you've been listening to Brad Stevens this offseason, it's evident that he's quite pleased with the ability of his players to "fly around." Stevens has used that expression on multiple occasions when discussing the outlook of his 2016-17 squad. Along those lines, defense and lineup versatility will be how this club wins games. Consider the likely second five of Terry Rozier, Marcus Smart, Brown, Jerebko and Kelly Olynyk--Smart and Brown can play in the post with Kelly and Jonas drawing opponents' big men out to the three-point line. The defense-first small-ball options available to Stevens are also quite intriguing. Imagine Rozier, Avery Bradley, Smart, Brown and Jae Crowder on the floor together?

3. What is the team's biggest weakness?

When Isaiah Thomas and Horford are out of the game, scoring will be a problem. Boston's bench will miss Turner's ability to get to the rim and create his own shots. However, rebounding is the bigger issue. The Celtics finished 19th in the NBA in rebound percentage last season and their best guy on the boards (Sullinger, 8.3 per game in 23.6 minutes) is now a Raptor. While he is an elite center, attacking the glass is not Horford's strength. He averaged only 7.3 rebounds in 32.1 minutes a night for the Hawks in 2015-16.

4. What are the goals for this team?

On the court, anything short of the No. 2 seed in the East and a Conference Finals berth will have to be considered a disappointment. But, as far as the big picture goes, the C's just want to remain on track to take one more step forward next summer. Thomas and Bradley will be free agents in 2018, so the window with this group could be closing. Ideally the final piece of the puzzle will be added in 2017 to turn the current club into a legitimate title contender.

5. Prediction

Vegas set the Celtics' early over/under for wins at 51.5 and most Boston fans are likely expecting a total in the low-to-mid 50s. I'm not convinced the C's are in line for another big improvement in 2016-17. My guess for a regular-season record? 49-33. Since the day Stevens joined the Celtics, he's been a master at doing the most with limited means. However, for the first time his team has real talent and serious expectations. The rest of the league is on to him. Boston isn't going to take anybody by surprise anymore. It's easy to go from bad to good, but from good to great is a much taller task.

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Awesome Strikeout Records of the Week: 1986 Roger Clemens, and the Red Sox on Sunday

2016-09-25T22:23:00.000-04:00

On April 29, 1986, Roger Clemens struck out 20 Seattle Mariners, the most ever in a nine-inning game (a record tied by Clemens again in 1996, by Kerry Wood in 1998, and by Max Scherzer this year):

Sunday, Eduardo Rodriguez (13), Heath Hembree (5), Matt Barnes (1) and Joe Kelly (2) struck out a combined 21 batters through nine innings, something no MLB team had ever done before. Kelly punched out two more Rays in the 10th, giving the Red Sox a major league record 23 Ks for a 10-inning contest. Boston also struck out 11 consecutive hitters spanning the fourth through seventh innings, another all-time record.

Richie Shaffer's sac fly in the 2nd inning was the last ball Tampa put in play. In case you're not watching, we're now in the 8th inning.
— Mark Van Deusen (@LucidSportsFan) September 25, 2016

The Sox's 11th straight victory (which tied them with Texas for the best record in the American League) came in large part due to the most bizarre play at the plate that anyone has ever seen:

Pedroia is just on another level pic.twitter.com/h94yfYe88Y
— Roark Thomas (@RoarkMThomas) September 25, 2016

I think Dustin Pedroia was out (he was tagged by the glove before the ball came loose on the second contact with his leg), but I'm not complaining. Neither was Mookie Betts, who did the Macarena postgame:

Mookie does the macarena
during #WinDanceRepeat
Let's go Red Sox!pic.twitter.com/Xi6paPV2FS
— Boston Sports News (@BostonSprtsNews) September 25, 2016

Mookie just did the Macarena like I told him too! (I guess it's possible some other people might've mentioned it as well...) https://t.co/t5ZOhaVblO
— Mark Van Deusen (@LucidSportsFan) September 25, 2016

@mookiebetts The Macarena! Little known fact, it was played at Fenway in the 8th inning back in 1996 before Sweet Caroline later took over.
— Mark Van Deusen (@LucidSportsFan) September 24, 2016

RELATED:
Can this video from the 1996 DNC actually be real? (Awesome Old Song of the Week: "Macarena")

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