This is LIFE...!

Understanding your own self

2021-01-30T03:48:00.011-08:00

After a long hiatus , I thought of getting back to the blogging world which serves me more than anybody else and admittedly which is something I both missed and avoided in the last couple of years.

Torn between who will read my gibberish and why do I even want to share it with the world, where more often than not you are judged rather than accepted or understood for who you are or want to be? at one end to what is the point hiding behind the veil and not allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to keep it real? at the other, I had given in to the fear of being vulnerable, the fear of getting it all wrong and had forgotten that my main motivation for blogging was to understand my own self. In the words of Flannery O' Connor, " I write to discover what I know." So, with this post, I remind myself that essentially I want to blog to be able to connect with myself more deeply and in process if I also get to connect with like-minded individuals that'll be a bonus. After all, connection is all we seek with the source within and the world outside. Isn't it?

So, without much ado, let me start with this blogpost, which is about understanding your own self. Like always, I don't have anything planned as I write this, so this is more in the line of morning pages as they call it, where you just open your diary and get started with whatever thoughts that come out of your head and allow the words to flow. So here, I go...

I think in the pursuit of happiness and fulfilment, we focus more on the prospects and trends out there than on understanding who we truly are, what shapes our goals and what values drive/guide us? It may sound cliché, but this is the reality today. We know more about our neighbours or a movie actor than we know about ourselves. We know what's trending but not why we feel the way we do for certain people, places and things. We can give a long talk on the technologies of the future but cannot even describe ourselves in five lines. And even in situations when we introduce ourselves to others, we talk more about our family, our place of origin, our professional inclinations/achievements and to some extent our hobbies. All of these attributes certainly have some role to play in shaping our identities and personalities but we are not limited just by these and are certainly much more than our degree certificates, professional standing, family background, marital status and even our hobbies.

I think to a greater extent we have been so conditioned with the societal functioning that we have forgotten our true nature and purpose. We have forgotten that we are all lightworkers, we are all healers, we are all lovers, we are all students , we are all teachers ,we are all peace loving and truth seeking individuals and more importantly all of us matter and all of belong together. But do we really know what does that really mean? Do we ever ask ourselves , how are we adding light in this world? or what do I do to create/ maintain peace in a day/ in my surrounding? or what does it mean to truly love ourselves and others? or what does it mean to be true to ourselves?

We are unique in our individuality yet similar in our basic nature and purpose. And somewhere along the way, we have forgotten the link between the two. The more we align with our basic nature and purpose, the more we will become who we truly are.

But, sadly we are more influenced by the society/external environment, that we forget there is more to us and life than the boxed illusion that we have created around us. We live more in accordance with the unwritten yet dominating rules of the society of getting a degree by certain age, getting married by certain age, having children by certain age, etc. etc. and the list goes on and alas! we are judged by these rules all the time and everywhere. Those who question the rules are seen as crazy outliers. Unfortunately, we end up becoming goals that society defines for us. Nothing but goals. I am a graduate. I am married. I have two children. I have a big house of my own. I am everything but a HUMAN. Period.

Now in my mid thirties, I understand what's wrong with the world more than ever and the daily observations of the society around me hit me even hard. I feel sad that I belong to a society where most of the people have lost their voice and identity either by force or by choice.

Amongst the many ironies that are present in our society, I leave you with one that I find really ridiculous:

If you have switched many companies in the line of your profession , it adds to your resume and you are considered as someone with a wide range of experience in the field. However, when it comes to your relationships, one failed marriage becomes such a taboo for you. Why can't it also be seen as a stepping stone to better , healthier, fulfilling relationships? After all, we are all humans. We learn through experiences and we cannot be completely sure of anything ever- be it in our professional or personal life. Then why the difference?

Strange, isn't it? But such is the state of the world, my friend.

Your comments are welcome.

Udaipur : A city that left me bedazzled and bewitched!

2018-03-28T23:11:00.000-07:00

It all started with a burning desire for a much-needed break - a break from the routine, in fact a solitary escape from my known surroundings, from “living in a box " kind of existence, from the overwhelming academic load, from the busyness trap that everyday life is! In a way my life had become very monotonous and mechanical to such an extent that I felt totally disoriented and therefore experienced a deep urge to take a break, to pause & reflect, to relax & rejuvenate, to break free from the clutches of the routine that was dictating my life, to embrace solitude and last but not the least to restore my sense of equanimity, wholeness and well-being.

Luckily, December 2017 was a relatively lighter month considering my academic commitments and hence in one random moment after consulting a dear friend on her solo trip experience to Udaipur as well as convincing my super anxious father that Udaipur will be safe for solo travel, I booked my to & fro flight tickets to the city of lakes and also Zostel- a bagpackers hostel which my friend had recommended.

Unfortunately, travelling solo as a woman in a country like India where women safety is still a big question mark is not a welcomed idea in many households. Hence, the parental paranoia around this topic is not considered as irrational as it may sound in the western world. Nevertheless, despite the evident hitches, India is gradually opening up to solo women travel and things are not as bleak as it was few decades ago. Also in comparison to my mother’s generation I feel quite fortunate that I belong to an era, where solo women travel has become a reality.

So, that’s how I set out on my solo trip to Udaipur with no clue of what awaited me, no set plan for my stay there and to be very honest I hardly cared. I was in fact happily looking forward to embrace the unknown in an unknown city.A part of me was craving to get lost in a beautiful setting, away from the maddening lifestyle of a metro to experience the adventure of letting life unfold on its own.I feel, sometimes it is very important to let life happen rather than always trying to make things happen, to experience living out of the box and to learn to face life as it comes.

In the words of Rosalia de Castro,

"I saw my path, but I didn't know where it led me. Not knowing where I was going was what inspired me to travel it."

Just a day before when I had to leave for my trip I had a hectic day in college and then I went to watch this wonderful movie called "Wonder " picturing my favourite Hollywood actress, Julia Roberts and by the time I reached home it was already 7 p.m.I had to leave home by 8:30 am in the morning, the next day. I hadn't done my packing and I was so dead tired on reaching home that I straightaway went to sleep and asked my mother to wake me up by 9 p.m.She woke me up at 10 p.m.I started packing at 11 and finished it by 12 and went to bed again only to realise I wasn't able to sleep. May be it was then that the feeling of actually going on a solo trip began to sink in and all I wondered was why is the idea of travelling itself so exciting that you always feel so alive when you dream or talk about, plan or go on a trip ?! That's when I thought of browsing through some travel quotes just to get myself in the travel mode and as I am addicted to the written world, I knew only words could give me my kind of travel "high".While surfing the net, I came across this amazing quote and I think it did set the right note for my trip: -

“To move, to breathe, to fly, to float,

To gain all while you give,

To roam the roads of lands remote,

To travel is to live.”

Normally I always carry a book along during my travels, but this time I didn't because I didn't feel that the books that I was reading were matching with this trip. I then ended up buying one at the airport and I must say, it was just so perfect that I have no words to describe it.I bought Aleph by Paulo Coelho. It is an autobiographical account of Coelho as he seeks a path of spiritual renewal and growth and decides to travel, to experiment, to reconnect with people and places around him. It felt as if it was meant to accompany me to Udaipur and in hindsight, it has so beautifully helped me in putting my experiences into interesting perspectives.

As I landed in Udaipur, I was greeted by a warm and sunny day.It was not at all cold contrary to what I had expected it to be.I quickly booked an Uber and the moment we started from the airport,the radio played an old Hindi classic, "Aadmi musafir hai, aata hai , jata hai...aate jate raaston mein yaadein chod jata hai." (Human being is a traveller, he(she) comes and goes and leaves memories along the way.) I was spellbound! and said to myself, what a philosophical, musical entry to the city! I totally loved the beginning.

It took me 45 mins to reach my destination abode in Udaipur. The driver left me at the edge of a steep hilly road where vehicles were not allowed.I enjoyed my short and scenic climb to Zostel , which is situated in the centre of the old city overlooking the lake Pichola. Least did I know then that it was just the beginning of my journey into the beautiful unknowns! As I approached Zostel, I instantly fell in love with its caption at the entrance gate–“Live it. NOW.”-that’s what I had aspired to do after all-to soak in the present moment as if it was all that was! And as I stepped in I went all gaga to see Badshah - the one year old pug who I met at the reception. Having this little bundle of joy around was indeed a beautiful blessing during my stay there.After completing the check-in formalities and getting a happy high on meeting Badshah, I proceeded to my room, which was a very pretty four bedded female dorm with all the necessary amenities(super liked my bunk bed and the reading lamp near my bedside) but what stole my heart was the lakeview from my bedside window.It was simply BEAUTIFUL! Hardly 20 mins had passed since my arrival at Zostel and I was already in love with this place.I think I was more than happy with the bedside view and Badshah. Even if, Udaipur was just that, I think I couldn't have asked for more because it was super amazing- the vibes and the view. The other three girls who I shared the room with had gone out for sight-seeing.I quickly changed and headed to the rooftop restaurant and once again a step into the restaurant took my breath away! It offered the most amazing 180 deg lake facing view of the city.Everything there was so dream-like.It was difficult to accept such a beautiful reality, but at the same time it was a fantastic feeling to be in a place as awesome as that! To add to the fantasy, I had a glass full of super delicious oreo shake by the lake and revelled in my new found fairytale like reality.This was also the best oreo shake I had ever had.I loved it so much that I had it every single day during my stay at Zostel. By now I was already feeling completely at home in Udaipur. Never did I feel I was in an unknown city. I guess, that's the magic that travel reveals - the magic of soul-connections - with places and people alike!

Even though I didn't feel like leaving the rooftop restaurant I yielded to the urges of my mind which was prompting me to explore the city- that a lot more was in store! And so, I dragged myself down to the reception and enquired about where all I could go that day and until how long was it safe to roam around in the streets at night. The person at the reception told me that I must take an Uber to Sajjangarh to see the Monsoon palace which is also a perfect sunset point and then should attend the sound and light show at Bagore ki Haweli which was at a walking distance from Zostel. He said , I should come back by 9:30 pm.

This plan sounded good to me and I thought of following it.So as per the instructions, I took an Uber to Sajjangarh. It took me 15 minutes to reach Sajjangarh which is also known as Monsoon Palace. It's a palace of historical importance situated on a hill top overlooking Fateh Sagar lake.This place gives you a 360 degree view of the city and is known as a marvellous sunset point.I bought the entrance ticket at the gate where they give you a taxi coupon to take a taxi up hill to the palace.While I was waiting for the taxi, I met a foreigner from England, who was just about my age and we started talking.She happened to be in a 6 weeks solo trip to India.It was lovely meeting her and we were completely enjoying talking to each other at the taxi point so much that we didn't realise that she missed her taxi.Her missing the taxi was indeed a blessing in disguise because had she boarded it, we might not have met.Finally, both of us were put in the same taxi and that marked the beginning of our journey together.We explored the Monsoon palace, talked about life, purpose, relationships while watching the picturesque sunset in the background and surprisingly it never felt as if we had met just a while ago. Interestingly, I got to know that she was staying in a hotel which was at a walking distance from Zostel and so we decided to go back together.On our way back we walked along the narrow and colourful streets of Udaipur,with balmy breezes kissing our faces while we were engrossed in some deep conversations about the meaning of life and magic of travel.We spent some good amount of time in a lovely cafe wherein we decided that we'll explore the City Palace and go on a boat ride to Jag Mandir together, the very next morning. Yes, we had really started liking each other to the extent that we felt like spending our travel time together.After the cafe, she went back to her hotel and I proceeded to Bagore ki Haweli for the sound and light show. The show was simply wonderful! I was awestruck to see the performance of a 71-year-old lady who carried 13 earthen pots one over the other on her head while performing a traditional Rajasthani folk dance.Her energy and performance was awe-inspiring! I thought this had marked an end to my day one in Udaipur which had been remarkable in every sense but far from what could have been my wildest guess, there was one more beautiful encounter waiting for me at Zostel. By now, Udaipur had already casted a spell over me and I was totally enjoying being enchanted by what constituted my NOW in the city of lakes.

As I reached Zostel and was proceeding to the rooftop restaurant a girl who appeared to be very lively greeted me and introduced herself as a volunteer at Zostel. She joined me on my way up to the restaurant and somehow, I got along so well with her that we just went chatting and chatting until a boy who was sitting on a table behind us joined along our banter and then the three of us started talking and once again it felt as if we've known each other since ever.I mean it’s hard to believe how sometimes strangers make you feel so comfortable that you open up so easily with them but find it hard to form such connections with your own blood relations or relatives. Life is full of ironies, isn’t it? This reminds me of a poem that I had penned sometime back exploring the meaning of true connections and it rings true even today. Here it goes: -

Strange or Not?!

I was walking on my path,

a stranger came along,greeted me with a smile,struck a sweet conversation.I felt a sudden jolt of warmth,gushing down my spine and the other moment he was gone.A stranger feeling this wasn't but a stranger he was or was he not?

I was sitting with someone very well known.

We sat and chatted but there was a big disconnect.
We could never strike a good conversation nor hit the right note.
A stranger feeling this was, but a stranger he wasn't but was he not?!
Life is full of ironies, we know, yet we find it strange!
Isn't this strange or not?!

Have you ever thought of how sometimes we find familiarity in the strangest of encounters and distance in close quarters?

Life is pretty amazing and it's even more amazing when strangers become friends.And I think this happens very rarely in real life.I was lucky to have found three strangers who became very close friends.In fact, it's unbelievable to form such serendipitous connections -I mean, four different people from four different places meet at a random place but never did they feel they were strangers before! - It was a truly magical meeting!

And that’s how I wrapped up my day one with a reading from Aleph and was astonished to end my day with these words from the book , “ In magic- and in life- there is only the present moment, the NOW.” And my NOW at that point of time was simply WOW!

(Note: For simplification’s sake I’ll use F to refer to my foreigner friend, A to refer to the girl volunteer&G to refer to the boy I met at the rooftop restaurant at Zostel)

The next day was all about exploring the gorgeous city of Udaipur along with my new-found friends. In the morning I set out walking with F to City Palace first. While walking through the beautifully carved doors of history and admiring the architectural marvel that the palace was and also getting bowled over by watching the stunning view of the city from the coloured glass windows in the Palace, we also discussed about how the people of our generation are losing touch with their artistic side and also the role that technology is playing in our lives-its pros and cons and came to a consensus that even though technology has its own perils but if used wisely it can indeed make our lives better and who better than our generation can then provide testimony to the various positive facets of technology.We even shared our favourite books with each other and realised that even though we belonged to two different countries but we shared a common thread of dreams, likes and interests and were driven by the same elements of curiosity, passion and aspirations because after all we belonged to one world, one species&one generation.

After a mesmerising walk through history in City Palace, we proceeded to the boat house to buy tickets for a boat ride to Jag Mandir- a small Island in Lake Pichola. As we had to wait for around 40 minutes for the boat, we decided to walk around the place and in turn got an opportunity to know each other better. I knew that F was a freelance event organizer for musical festivals and her next upcoming event was a musical festival in the Alps. When I told her that I find her job profile very interesting and it all sounds way too exciting to me, she told me, “The grass is always greener on the other side, my friend. Yes, it’s way better than a full time (9 to 5) job, as I get to be my own boss but then a job is after all a job and every job tends to become monotonous after a point of time and comes with its own set of compromises.” And I couldn’t agree more with her. Then she asked me about what brought me to academics and I told her how I have experimented a lot with life and career alike and it’s the set of those good and bad experiments/experiences that finally brought me to pursuing PhD, which somehow makes me feel optimistic about my career ahead. She told me it has been the same with her and that she completely believes that experience is the best teacher and we must never shy away from experimenting with new experiences and ideas.She told me that after school, she had got admission to the London School of Economics- the most coveted institute in the world, where she had an opportunity to study geography but after attending few classes she left her studies and joined a primary teaching course in a university I have forgotten the name of, because she had always dreamt of studying in a campus university and LSE was just a glass building in the posh localities of London which didn’t fit her idea of a university. I was stunned to know that here is a woman who shunned the opportunity of graduating from LSE which has always remained a far-fetched dream for many scholars across the world! The discussion was turning interesting.So,after having taught as a primary teacher for few years, she again realised that wasn’t her true calling and that’s when she started working as a freelance event manager and now organizes large scale musical festivals all around the world.I was happy that I was with one of the rarest few people in the world-who actually dares to follow their heart against the pressures of the world views and perceptions of right/wrong and truly own up their decisions/choices.

These enlightening and interesting discussions kept us so engrossed in the conversation that we didn’t even realise how 40 minutes had passed and it was time to board the boat.The boat ride to Jag Mandir was a perfect slice of tranquillity. Totally enjoyed the scenic boat ride to a scenic island. We took some good pictures on the way and also at Jag Mandir and I was happy to see how a foreigner, that too from an advanced land was so appreciative of the beauty of the place that we were a part of in that moment of time, a place in my own country. And I think sometimes it becomes important to see yourself or your country through a foreigner’s eyes- it helps improve your perspective about your own self/country and makes you more appreciative of its beauty, something that we often tend to take for granted.

On the way back from Jag Mandir, she told me that she needs my help in readjusting her train tickets for her subsequent travel in India and narrated to me how she was fooled by a travel agent in Delhi who took undue advantage of her ignorance about travelling in India, who not only drained a lot of money from her but also booked her on trains with odd timings. I felt sad to hear that and more so to know that she was fooled by someone from a country I belonged to but then reality is mostly hard to digest and this wasn’t something unusual to hear. She told me she didn’t like Delhi at all- it didn’t vibe well with her and I told her that even though I belong to this country, I myself don’t feel safe in Delhi and reassured her that her feelings were quite valid and reasonable.So, after the boat ride, I brought her along to Zostel and with A’s& G’s help we could solve her ticket problem and were happy to hear from her that she has finally experienced her share of kindness and beauty in a country she didn’t have a good experience to start with. We were glad she was feeling completely at home with us. And we reassured her that this part of her journey in India and the one that followed will be smooth & happy.

A, then took the three of us to Amrai Ghat to watch the sunset and then to Fateh Sagar lake to relish on kulhad coffee(coffee served in earthen pot), finni- a sweet delicacy served in kulhad and some delectable street food. Four of us had an amazing evening and it was amusing to see F enjoying the taste of Indian cuisine.Finni became her new favourite in India. Needless to say, we had a FUNtastic gastronomical experience and more than that we thoroughly enjoyed our new found camaraderie. We went walking back to Zostel and I must say Udaipur is a city that exudes a lot of warmth in the form of constant flow of balmy breezes and tranquil vibes that envelopes the city. Walking in the streets of Udaipur was truly therapeutic. Trust me not only walking with friends but even a solitary walk in that city always felt so good; I never wanted the walking to end. As we approached Zostel, we hugged and said farewell to F, who was leaving Udaipur the other day and then she walked away to her hotel. It was absolutely amazing to meet her. On our short climb up back to Zostel, I pondered on how life never remains constant, on how everything, every experience , every meeting for that matter is so transitory and that life goes on but then everything, every experience and every meeting certainly leaves impressions on our minds and our hearts; some occupies a place in our hearts , while others gets etched in our minds as lessons and guide posts and the most trivial ones or the ones we hardly pay attention to just vanish from the realms of our minds or get buried deep down inside away from our conscious grasp.On a hindsight,this leads me to contemplate on the sources of fleeting vs. lasting happiness. It is true that experiences like having good food, watching a sunrise/sunset, reading a book, deep conversations are indeed fleeting experiences as they don’t last for long but they do leave a lasting impression on our minds. I think that lasting happiness is not exclusive of fleeting happiness but is derived from the meaning behind our reflections on experiences that provide us fleeting happiness. Travelling for sure is one such experience, that exposes the traveller to explore new avenues and fresh perspectives and certainly broadens one’s mind.

I wrapped up day two with a simple late-night dinner with G and A, some soulful conversations on the merits of solo travel, when G told us that how even after being in a committed relationship for more than 7 years, he makes it a point to go on a solo travel at least once a year and his girlfriend is totally supportive of his choice. During these few days that I got to spend with him, I also noticed that he was never on his phone which is very unlikely for those who are in a relationship these days. This also led me to think, that a true relationship is not possessive and we must all strive to achieve the level of understanding and trust like G had with his girlfriend. It was highly inspiring to listen to his story. After these wonderful soul to soul talks, I headed to my room, exchanged few words with fellow travellers in the dorm followed by some reading from Aleph and was again taken aback to read something that again rang so true to me in context with the kind of experiences I had that day.

In the words of Coelho, “This was a sign confirming that I was where I should be, in the right place, at the right time, even though I didn’t understand what had brought me here.”

He was just so right. I had set out of home on a solo trip and then first Mr. Coelho joined in and eventually I met three more very interesting solo travellers who completely redefined the concept of a solo trip for me. This one was about meeting strangers who turned out to be great friends and it felt as if it was a reunion of long lost friends.

I felt as if this book was speaking to me in a perfect way that was helping me to put my everyday experiences into meaningful perspectives. Everything about this travel was so surreal! And after quite a long time I felt that one must never stop believing in fairytales because what I was experiencing was nothing short of a fairytale experience! This also reiterates that one must never lose hope. We never know what lies ahead in the next turn that we are about to take and must be ready to get surprised.

The next day, which was my third day in Udaipur, I decided to attend a painting workshop. This was something I had heard from my friend who attended one during her travel and I myself also came across a lot of miniature painting workshop signboards during the first two days of my roaming around in the streets of Udaipur. I thought of taking up one just to challenge myself to explore a side of me that was still lying dormant inside. So, in the quest of giving birth to the painter in me, I made my way to the workshop. The workshop was conducted in the verandah of a house of an old aged painter and his painter son. The old painter was busy painting on a canvas for a foreigner who also happened to be sitting in the verandah appreciating the painter’s artwork and talking about the exhibition that he was holding in his home country on traditional Rajasthani paintings.They greeted me and asked me to occupy a chair at the table.The painter introduced himself and his son to me and told me that his son will mentor me during the workshop. They asked me how much time I was willing to devote for the workshop.Being completely ignorant about the intricacies of painting, I said 2 hours and based on that they gave me an option of either drawing an elephant, camel or horse. They also told me the symbolic meaning behind the three. An elephant they said is a symbol of luck, a horse is a symbol of power and a camel is a symbol of love. Without any thought, I said-I want to draw a camel because love and Udaipur had become synonymous for me and also because love is the centre theme of my life and I believe that holds true for most of us. So, my mentor showed me a sample picture of an euphoric camel who had set his foot on a river and asked me to attempt that. I had already fallen in love with the picture- It was such a happy picture, who wouldn’t like to paint it! I was given a quarter size chart paper and the instructor first asked me to draw the outline of a camel with a pencil.He showed me how to start on a rough paper. I must say, I struggled a lot to arrive at a reasonably good outline of the camel. There was a point when I felt so frustrated because I was not able to draw even the eyes perfectly, something that appeared to be so simple but while drawing I realised that the challenge was to make the eyes come alive on the paper. That is when I realised, every art needs to be mastered, drawing being no exception for that matter.I was lucky to have a very patient and encouraging mentor. He was encouraging me with words like, “it takes a month to master the art of drawing a camel and you having neither experience nor expertise in art have done a great job in your first attempt. Just concentrate well and draw freely. Let your pencil move freely, don’t hold it tightly or in a restrictive manner.” His words of encouragement helped me complete the drawing at last but it took me 2.5 hours to just draw the camel.Another 1 hour was the painting part, wherein in I played with a lot of colours, enjoyed mixing colours and playing with different kinds of brushes and learning few interesting strokes, like the shadowing effect. I must say that I enjoyed the painting part more than drawing , may be because playing with colours is a therapeutic experience and drawing is more like climbing a mountain, a strenuous exercise. Only when you reach the top of a mountain you are appreciative of your efforts to reach there.It also emphasises on the importance of not giving up or taking one step after the other or one stroke after the other till you reach the mountain top or till you complete the drawing and the drawing starts making sense. I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed the painting process. It was therapeutic, meditative and gave me a feeling of inner expansion. In a strange way, I felt liberated on giving birth to the painter in me. I am sure, I will continue painting till the rest of my life and will look for opportunities to master it. The four hours of struggle was worth it and the happiness of carrying your painting home was unmatched. I also wondered on the point why we don’t teach traditional painting in schools when India has a lot of traditional heritage to boast about. It is ironical to see that foreigners are taking more interest in our artwork and we the inhabitants of this country are totally ignorant about something that has a potential to add a lot of meaning to our lives.Nevertheless, I am happy atleast Indian travellers are benefitting from these kinds of workshops.

Due to my gross underestimation of the time required for painting, I missed my lunch.I headed back to Zostel and showed my painting to A who was very appreciative of my efforts; I then had a soul-satiating oreo shake to compensate for my missed lunch. There A told me that as it was a Monday, the owner of Zostel paid a customary visit to Eklingi temple every Monday evening and whether I was interested in joining them for a drive to the temple. I told her I am interested in going for some shopping as I was leaving the other day and wanted to buy some souvenirs for family and friends but wouldn’t mind joining them in the evening if I am done with my shopping by then.She said we have around 1.5 hours with us and that she’ll accompany me for shopping and then we’ll visit the temple. That sounded perfect to me and that’s exactly what we followed and I must say I could shop to my heart’s content before the temple visit. Saurav , the owner of Zostel, Udaipur took us in his car to Eklingi temple which is considered a pilgrimage in Udaipur and which was around 30-40 kms from Zostel.I couldn’t have imagined visiting this place on my own.We were also joined by another volunteer who had arrived at Zostel that day, one more Zosteller like me and the owner’s friend.On the way, I got to know that the other volunteer who had just joined had quit his job at Microsoft to devote a year to travelling and soul-searching .I told him that he is indeed a brave soul and that we need more people like him who are not afraid of following their hearts.A, herself was an inspiration. She had just completed Masters from NID and was volunteering in Zostel for a month just to make sure solo travellers at Zostel have a wonderful time and also to reconnect with her passion and love for travelling.

Visit to Eklingi was a total blessing.It was a temple devoted to Lord Shiva and it is known that the king of Udaipur considers Lord Eklingi as the king and not himself.He has a habit of seeking his blessings before embarking on every important meeting/task.The temple has a long history.It is believed that the Shivling in the temple originated as a result of a cow’s offering of her milk at the place somewhere around 5^th century BC.Many consider this place as a very auspicious place and I must say that the peace that I felt at the temple was beyond description.I felt completely blessed to have got an opportunity to visit the temple and owe my thanks to A and the owner of Zostel who took me along with them. I was happy my Udaipur trip ended on a perfect note with a thanksgiving visit to the temple and also ended on a prayerful note.

That day when I reached Zostel, I met a German lady may be 5 years older than me or even more who was a new member in my dorm and was only an overnight guest at Zostel.She had a very calm aura and appeared to be very well composed and extremely kind. She told A, me and one more fellow traveller at the dorm that she is on her way to exploring other parts of Rajasthan and even south of India after attending a yoga retreat in Rishikesh. She asked us many questions on why there is so much of filth in India, on why casteism is so dominant here and also why India presents a contrasting picture in terms of the diversity in culture, population clusters and so on. We tried to answer her questions in an unbiased way and tried our best to help her understand the reasons for lack of civic sense in people, for the dirty casteism thinking which is so rampant in India. After hearing our points she expressed a sense of appreciation towards our forward thinking mindsets.We were happy that she was also convinced with the reasons we presented for the questions that she had posed and she felt sorry, helpless and disturbed for the unprogressive side of India in the same way as we do.

This was my last night in Udaipur and I skipped reading the Aleph as I was already feeling completely overwhelmed from the kind of experiences I had had during my stay in the city of lakes. My trip to Udaipur felt like a big warm hug from life.It felt as if these 3 days had been more meaningful than the routine life back home.My heart was heavy with gratitude, gratitude and more gratitude for getting to experience a time as fabulous as this and I was reminded of a quote from ‘Travels with Charley : In search of America’ by John Steinbeck which I had read a long time back.In this book Steinbeck mentions, “After years of struggle, we realize, we don’t take a trip; a trip takes us.” I was grateful that Udaipur called me and showered me with lots of love, wisdom, friendships and true happiness which was way beyond my imagination.

The next day I just went to a sweet shop, bought some sweets for my family and spent good quality time with A and of course Badshah and just gleaned through the pages of Aleph and I came across these lines which Mr. Coelho has used in the starting pages of the book.He has borrowed these lines from Oscar Wilde’s ‘True knowledge’ and here it goes –

“Thou knowest all- I cannot see,

I trust I shall not live in vain,

I know that we shall meet again,

In some divine eternity.”

This was just so apt that I had no other words to describe my feelings as I was preparing to bid farewell to a city I had fallen in love with.

This trip certainly makes it to the list of one of the best experiences of my life.

Wowed by Mini Mao!

2017-07-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

This blog post is about a cat called Mini Mao.She lives in our building premises and is loved by all and feared by few including yours truly.Yes, I am very scared of cats. Still don't know why ? My heart almost skips a beat whenever I see a cat.I love them only from a distance...don't have the guts to go near them, leave alone holding them in my arms! On the contrary my mother loves cats.Everyday during our evening walks she would go close to Mini Mao and talk to her while I observe them from a distance. However I do have a soft corner for cats ; it's just the fear that makes me stay away from them.

Mini Mao at our neighbour's house.

Mini Mao by the way is a very calm and quiet cat. Many residents feed her and lovingly caress her. Apart from the fact that she is a resident of our society, there's another link that connects her to us- Our immediate neighbours -a middle aged couple who are animal lovers to the core. I mean they are amazing human beings. Uncle operates an independent South Indian food chain called Annam Fresh Food ; he left his job to start his dream venture which serves authentic South Indian food at very reasonable rates. The best part of it is that he cooks all the food and has just kept a helper to deal with the side chores. I am always amazed to see how he manages to cater to so many orders all on his own and I have come to believe that both uncle and aunty are angels who are here to make this world a more beautiful place to live in and to make people believe in goodness and kindness. Aunty also joins him whenever she is free to help him with the cooking.The food they serve is so homely and so tasty -it's just beyond description.Made by love and served with love should be their tag line , I feel. That's what it is all about.They have themselves had dogs in the past and they feed and take care of all the canines in our street.They have kept cement bowls on the streets for the dogs to drink water.Whenever a street dog is ill, they would call the animal ambulance and get him treated. They are truly angels!

I know I have drifted a bit from my topic, but I felt this bit of information was important to take the story ahead.So let's get back to Mini Mao and her connection with our neighbours. Every evening (night, i must say.They generally come back after 9:30 pm) Mini Mao waits for uncle and aunty to come back home and then she accompanies them to their home, spends good amount of time with them and then when they go out to feed the dogs , they leave her downstairs with her food. Aunty says she feels a soul connection with Mini Mao. In fact she is the one who has named her Mini Mao.

Mini Mao just delivered her kittens a week back at their place. Aunty took great care of her during her pregnancy and did a lot of prior research on caring for pregnant cats. They made a good arrangement for her delivery in one of their rooms and she gave birth to healthy kittens in their presence and care.

Unfortunately they had to go out of town due to some unavoidable circumstances and aunty requested us to feed Mini Mao and a housekeeper boy to clean her poops. Although this is a temporary arrangement for her but they didn't want to keep the kittens outdoors now as it's monsoon and they are too fragile to be kept out.I didn't know that kittens are inactive for 21 days after their birth.They open their eyes and become active only after that. Anyway, this is how Mini Mao along with her babies is residing at our neighbour's place these days.

Mini Mao having her food

What astonishes me is the fact that she defecates in one of the bathrooms.I wonder, when nobody ever gave her any toilet training , where does this sense comes from? Isn't she more intelligent than most of the humans who lack basic civic sense? She is indeed an evolved soul. Isn't she?!

Another thing that happened just a day before is that when Mamma went to feed her at night , the moment she opened the door this girl fled away. We got so worried because her kittens were inside.Although it is but natural that someone who is used to staying outside has not seen the open sky since more than a week would be very desperate to move out and that's what she did when she got the chance.

Mamma went down , took a round with the security guard but somehow they couldn't spot her.Although the guard told her that whenever she comes back, he'll open our building entrance door and let her in so that she can climb the stairs and come up.Even he said, she'll come back to her kittens.Somehow even we felt that she'll be back but still were worried too.Every half an hour we were looking out of the door only to be disappointed.We woke up till 2 am and then finally went to sleep hoping and praying that she will come back in the morning.And lo! around quarter to 6 ,Mamma woke up and heard her meows near our door.Immediately she took some milk and the keys and the moment she opened our neighbour's door Mini Mao immediately sprang to the room where her kittens were.My goodness! We were so relieved to see her and thanked God! Another thing that surprised me was how did she know that the keys were with us and she began meowing at our door? Second she proved , a mother is a mother! How a mother can never forget her kids! It touched us so much!

Mini Mao and her kittens are doing fine.She hasn't gone out since that day and is living peacefully with her babies.One more point of appreciation is that she never spoils the house.Everything remains untouched.What a wise one, is our dear Mini Mao!

Don't you think?- There is a mind greater than our minds that guides all of us.It all depends upon how good our reception and response is to it.I don't know about me, I don't know about you...but I surely know Mini Mao's connection to the Greater Mind is simply superb! More power to her!

Shefali and her invincible Fighter Spirit!

2017-04-01T12:54:00.003-07:00

Shefali is a mother of 3 beautiful children, a maid by profession but more so a real fighter.

Yes, we were very lucky to have Shefali working for us as a housemaid.Although I have had limited interactions with her ,that too only on weekends when I am at home but she has inspired me beyond words with her unwavering commitment to work.

Today was her last day at work as she is finally moving to her homeland , West Bengal.

Parting with her was not easy for us because she was a beautiful human being.

This lady who had a troublesome , abusive , alcoholic and a good for nothing husband , was singlehandedly bringing up her children by working hard as a day time maid.Her work always and I mean "ALWAYS" spoke of PERFECTION.She had set her bar for perfection at a much higher level than what was expected from her.She would never even leave a speck of dust in any nook or corner and would always leave the house spick and span!.Her dedication towards her work despite of her hardships was really inspiring. Infact, it was astonishing!- I mean how come someone who has all the reasons to crib , cry and curse life can work so meticulously and positively! To be really honest, we never told her what to do.She did everything on her own , more than what was expected and with total perfection! Every day she inspired us with her actions , her smile and her beautiful persona.She truly touched our hearts in the most beautiful way! I believe that's the beauty of human connections.

In fact I must say, everyday as I used to juggle with the questions of "what's my life purpose?", "how do i achieve work-life balance and true fulfillment?" , I was reminded of Shefali and that is when I used to think that unlike me there are many Shefalis who don't have the luxury to even think about "life and purpose" ; who find their purpose in everyday living, in moments and in doing; those who have no time and resources to think or plan for their future and yet they set examples of excellence for us.

I think no work is big or small.Life is more about giving your best to whatever work comes your way.Only if we understand this simple message, we will lead more peaceful and fulfilling lives than breaking our heads and spoiling our time in futile thinking!

This also reminds me of a gentleman I came across in a supermarket a few weeks ago. He was working at the gift wrapping section.I went to him to get something gift wrapped and I was almost stumbled to see with what precision he did a simple job of gift-wrapping! I was wondering , if this man is left on his own, he can create wonders! I feel if people like him and Shefali who were born in unfortunate circumstances can celebrate life with such vigour then we who are blessed with all the comforts have no right to crib at all !

Thank you Shefali for making me realize that life will never give us any meaning , we have to give life a meaning and let that meaning bring joy and contentment to us!

In times of distress,confusion and self doubt, I hope to remember and follow the footprints that you have left behind! May your tribe increase! May we all see the Light! Amen.

Strange or Not?!

2016-12-16T07:39:00.001-08:00

I was walking on my path,
a stranger came along,
greeted me with a smile,
struck a sweet conversation
I felt a sudden jolt of warmth,
gushing down my spine and the other moment he was gone.
A stranger feeling this wasn't but a stranger he was or was he not?

I was sitting with someone very well known ,
We sat and chatted but there was a big disconnect.
We could never strike a good conversation nor hit the right note.
A stranger feeling this was, but a stranger he wasn't but was he not?!

Have you ever thought of how sometimes we find familiarity in the strangest of encounters and distance in close quarters .
Life is full of ironies ,we know ,yet we find it strange!
Isn't this strange or not?!

Happy Teacher's Day!

2016-09-05T01:47:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to beautiful, heartening and I must say, inspiring wishes on teacher's day from the ones who lovingly address me as their teacher.I must admit I felt great to read all the messages...felt great that these kind and loving souls still remember me , i.e., even after I've switched from teaching to a new role in the industry.I must say , I am deeply touched...so much that I felt a need to introspect on my learnings as a teacher.Also remember, recently a student had asked me to share my thoughts and views on how a teacher perceives students...he said , "Ma'am, we would like to know what goes in the mind of that one person who is on the other side of the table , interacting with so many of us.We would like to know how teachers perceive their students..."

And I think there can be no better day than today that I should let my students know that as a teacher I have drawn a lot of inspiration from them and I continue to do so.

Someone has rightly said, "In learning ,you will teach and in teaching,you will learn."
I firmly believe in this saying.

So here goes my list of learnings as a teacher :-

I have learn't that teaching is a beautiful learning process...It is a process that makes you disciplined, humble and a lifelong learner.It teaches you to be punctual...teaches you the importance of preparation...you just cannot go unprepared for a lecture...hence it teaches you to bring order and discipline in your life...it teaches you to honor time as you get a limited time frame to complete the course...it teaches you to listen patiently to others...it teaches you to understand different types of personalities...it teaches you how to simplify things...because that's what is expected from a teacher- to make learning simple.It teaches you to define boundaries- this is one of the most important learning I've had as a teacher.I have learned that sky is the limit when it comes to learning about something...but flying aimlessly will lead us nowhere...hence it's very important to draw up a detailed plan for achieving lofty learning goals , one step at a time.I have learned that if we have the ability to read, write and comprehend , then there's nothing under the sun that we cannot assimilate and pass on.All we require is a will to get started.In short I have learned ,"In teaching , you will learn."
There's a lot I have learn't from the students as well.The most important thing is to never stop dreaming.I love the dreamy state of minds of the students...because it is ultimately dreams that get manifested in the form of reality.As adults , most of us get so used to the monotony of life that we almost become like robots...but when you're with students you're always connected to the zeal of life...their enthusiasm and energy is contagious and full of positive vibes...They are full of hopes and dreams of a beautiful future, which I am sure they'll create for themselves.I've always admired their desire to learn.Their curiosity and questions have helped me learn and understand the subject better. I admire the way most of them balance their studies and hobbies, something which is very important in life.I feel it is very important to have a hobby.I have seen scholars doing excellent painting , participating in theatre, dance, music , travel, photography ,debates and writing clubs.I feel this is something we must learn from students-to always remember there is more to life than your full time job.There are so many things to learn and I think students inspire us to explore new things, places and horizons in life.I must say, I have drawn a lot of inspiration from students in my pursuit of living life to the fullest.In short, I have learned, "In learning, you will teach.

To sum it up, I think anything that influences us, be it ideas, experiences or people teaches us something.And Life is the best teacher.I hope and pray that we all continue to inspire and be inspired in the journey of life.

Happy Teacher's Day, Everyone!

It wasn't that bad!

2015-12-01T06:11:00.000-08:00

Yes, journey to this End wasn't that bad as anyone could have imagined.

I am really grateful that I went through all of this because this experience has changed my outlook about life.Had I not experienced it, I would have missed seeing a real beautiful aspect of life which is all about finding real gems.

I have seen angels appearing in different forms to keep my faith in goodness, in love and in prayer alive! I have truly emerged stronger with a faith that has increased manifold in God-the universal force.

I have got to know who are genuine human beings and who are not.I have got to know people can be toxic too.I have got to know you shouldn't trust anybody.Trust needs to be earned.I have got to know what's most important in life (being true to yourself) and what's not (the world view).I have got to know there is real transformational power in prayer, in patience and in pain.I have clearly seen the coexistence of the good , the bad and the ugly and also the most beautiful. In short, I have seen the duality of life at its best.

I don't want to discuss what happened with me...no point...I think the fact that I am out of IT and happy speaks volumes!

I have no regrets.There is no point in having regrets.I have realized what has to happen , happens.There is no point thinking why?...Like they say, everything teaches you...I have had my share of lessons too. I think there is no point in judging things and situations too much.Things happen and anything can happen.We have no other option but to face it bravely.

All I want to tell is that I have seen the brightest stars in the darkest nights and that has really inspired, moved and enriched me in a big big way.

I owe my strength to all the stars of my life who ensured that I reach this End of my life with grace, grit and peace and that's why I repeatedly say, it wasn't that bad!

The most precious gem in my life is my Angel family.
I have realized, nothing is insurmountable if you have a loving family by your side.They made this transition so easy for me that I couldn't have imagined without them.
My family is my biggest asset and my biggest strength.I think the closest that I have got to experience the love of God is through my family.I can never repay them for all that they have done for me and for all that they do.And I believe if you have found one person who you can never repay, you have found God.I have a big list of Godly family members.I feel completely blessed to have the most wonderful family in this world.

Second,I am again blessed to have angel friends around.It is a biggest blessing.It's so inspiring and heartwarming to know the real beauty of human behaviour.I think in the worst of my times, I got to see the beauty of true friends.I got to see how beautiful a human being can be from the inside.
I got to see how beautifully your friends understand you, how beautiful it is to see them standing by you...how beautiful it is to see them praying for you...how beautiful it is to see them adding hope, light and happiness to your life and last but not the least how beautiful it is to see how much they can hear without you even speaking a single word.The way they trust you, the way they know you-It's the best feeling to know that you are blessed with the best of friends.I already knew I had great friends but today I know they are not just friends, they are angels! I can never express their beauty in words.I am blessed!

Third , I realized the invincible power inside me. I realized I am really strong.I realized if you love yourself enough, then nothing can ever disturb you.I am glad, I love myself and have also realized how that helped me sail through tough times with much ease and faith.

Fourth ,I have realized that there is so much to be grateful for.The transition wasn't tough for me because I knew in my heart that I am taking the right step and I could feel the universe supporting me every single day of my life.

I have realized living with honesty, transparency and good intention pays.
I have realized life is lived one day at a time and living one day at a time is not that tough.The power of NOW is indeed powerful.
I have realized and felt the power of prayer and presence of God in every step throughout my journey.

This event in my life has inspired me to believe in the beauty of life, to believe in angels and most importantly to believe in myself.

I have realized there is nothing to fear if you are true to yourself.

Last but not the least I have realized it could have been worse but I am lucky!

Praise the Lord!

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!”

Cheers to new beginnings!

What's PERFECT for you?

2015-07-26T00:51:00.002-07:00

Have you ever wondered about what is PERFECT?

Normally, generally this is what we say and hear in relation to what is PERFECT:-

" This is the perfect dinner I have ever had." or " What a perfect timing!" or "What a perfect place, perfect dress, perfect job, perfect partner, perfect speech, perfect company, perfect coffee, perfect massage, perfect words, perfect this and perfect that." I think everything perfect is basically the perfect feeling that we experience with all these things and mostly it's when we experience life in the most desired form.

But have you ever heard, " Worst is perfect."?
Well, I did. Last Wednesday I had invited a speaker for a lecture series who had been my student, some three years back.This person is not an ordinary person, he's truly extraordinary! He started his entrepreneurial venture while he was just an engineering student, today he is involved in quite a few ventures and social causes along with working in a senior post in a reputed company.

This man, while he was addressing the students said something that only an accomplished person can say,only winners can say.He said, "If you are going through a bad phase, it's very good, if you're going through one that is worse, it's even better and if you're going through the worst of times, that's just PERFECT! "

He explained it by telling that he was the one who flunked his std 12th exams.He said he literally was about to jump from the train while returning back home with his result. He said he was literally one feet away from taking that jump, which because he couldn't gather enough strength , he didn't take for which he is very grateful today.

He said, his life has always been a big mess which he takes as a blessing.The company that he joined, deputed him to a new plant and his friends were retained in the old one.At first he got excited by the idea that he's been deputed to a new plant, it must be even better than the old one but when he landed up there , he found it in complete mess...nothing was structured properly ...no organization ...nothing...Initially he felt like crying but eventually he realized that because he got to work through the mess , he literally got to learn and grow in the process.This learning would not have been possible if he was retained in the already established old plant.

After he finished telling his own experience, he told the story of a boiled frog as a reminder for everyone that one must always welcome change and be ready for it.
Here's the story:-

Suppose you want to boil a frog. How do you do it? You could place the frog into a pot of hot water, but as soon as it feels the heat, it will jump out. So, what can you do? Put a pot of cool water on the stove and then add the frog. Not sensing danger the frog will stay. Next, turn the burner on low to slowly heat the water. As the water warms, the frog relaxes. The warmth feels good. As the water gets hotter it acts like a steam bath draining away energy and deepening the frog's relaxation. The frog becomes sleepy and has less and less energy while the water is getting hotter and hotter. By the time the frog realizes its danger, the water is beginning to boil, and it is too late to take action. There is neither time nor energy left to do anything. The frog perishes in the boiling water.

What is the moral of the story? Be vigilant. Don't let unexpected change creep up on you. Don't become a "boiled frog." Pay close attention to what is going on around you, so that you can notice when the "water" is getting hot.

I didn't know but I must admit, his words had a healing touch.All of us will feel that because all of us go through good and bad patches in life.And mostly a bad phase is when people show you sympathies and emphathies for your sorry state and all you get to hear is forget it as a nightmare or this too shall pass and similar stuff all pointing to the fact that you're going through worse-bad luck! With due respect to all the wellwishers , sympathizers and emphathizers because most of these are the ones who are there with you when things go wrong, who help you come out of the bad phase, I must say, there are hardly few who say- "This is to make you strong.We are proud to see you strong.You are making us proud.Stay brave.You'll emerge stronger." I wish we have more of these "hardly few" who inspire us in our journey to be stronger.This man was one of those.It is all a matter of perspectives after all.

Now we understand what it means when it is said, "Worst is PERFECT".It is indeed a blessing in disguise.Someone has rightly said, " I've never met a strong person with an easy past."

PERFECT is not always what we want at the moment...somethings are PERFECT in the hindsight.
So if things don't seem perfect now, remember it will seem perfect after a while.

Stay Strong.Be stronger!

A Moment in Prayer

2015-04-18T01:25:00.001-07:00

This moment in the hospital waiting room,
I am more perplexed and gripped by gloom.

Although my nani is undergoing a minor treatment,
There is this family preparing each other while their mother is struggling with a life threatening ailment.

They are preparing each other to make every moment as bright and beautiful as they can for her...
Their bonding and love for their mother reflects their beautiful character...

I am more confused than ever...
Some hold your hand forever...
And some show you the face of never...
And then a voice whispers...believe in the power of prayer.

A Small Step

2014-10-05T02:14:00.000-07:00

Well, after a long hiatus, i am back on my blog and that makes me really happy :) because writing indeed is my fine tuner.

There are moments when I feel nothing is going right, when self doubt grips me and negativity surrounds.
It's then by God's grace i can still hear a voice trying to reach me- "Come on, girl! It's not that bad.It's all how you take it- Start counting the reasons that makes you smile."
And I feel so blessed that amidst all the fuss and furore , I can still hear this guiding voice.

I realize there is no point crying over spilt milk.
I realize there is meaning in having no expectations.
I realize my happiness is in my hands.
I realize silence is golden.
I realize there's so much to be thankful for.
I realize life is lived in small steps.

And this blogpost is a small step that I have taken to remind myself that I will focus on taking small steps in love, in peace and in gratitude.Amen.

Human Mind : The Steering Wheel

2013-06-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

Understanding human mind is not a new phenomenon. It is something each one of us enquires about at some point or the other. The most interesting and the most amazing thing to note is that we try to understand human mind through itself. It’s like thinking about thinking. Can we think without a mind? Not really! But that doesn't mean that I am my Mind because I am not my Mind. I am not my Body. I am above all these things. I personally associate myself as a being with a mind, body and soul and consider mind and body as sheer instruments to experience the nature of life. If there is anything absolute in nature, it is the soul- the indestructible, all-knowing self- which is above form and formlessness.

With this foundational basis let me present my understanding of how I perceive brain, mind and heart.Out of these three, I see brain as just an instrument, mind as a steering wheel and heart as the secret keeper/memory keeper/the treasure trove of truth- on the abstract level and an instrument/lifeline on the physical level with soul being the helmsman.

To understand it better, you can picture life as an ocean where each soul represents a helmsman with mind being its steering wheel and body, the ship. Brain is an integral part of mind-a source of information/reservoir, processor and distributor of information and heart on an abstract level – the consciousness. To ensure we are heading in the right direction, I feel, it is important that our mind should work in alignment with our heart. And I feel most of us have experienced this state -when our mind works in alignment with our heart, it is completely at peace. Whenever there’s turbulence or distress, we find it difficult to steer through, may be because it is then we find it difficult to connect the mind with the heart and hence, the concept of meditation proves its significance here. So, in short, it is all about how we direct our minds to shape our lives. Whoever has said, you are the Captain of your soul was so right in his conviction.

I would like to close this post with a quote from Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now, “It wasn’t through the mind, through thinking that the miracle that is life on earth or your body was created and is being sustained. There is clearly an intelligence at work that is far greater than the mind. When the mind reconnects with that, it becomes a most wonderful tool. It then serves something greater than itself.”

Neti, neti...

2013-03-13T01:09:00.000-07:00

Well, the title of my blog-post is not just a title, for me it has become an ongoing experience…

“Neti, neti…”, meaning , “Not this, not this…”. Our scriptures talk about it, our elders talk about it and my life experience hitherto is a testimony to it.

I don’t know where I am going…I don’t know who am I…I know nothing…I just constantly feel I am in search of something I haven’t found as yet…Everything appears to be so strange, except for a few…

When I look around, I hardly find anything that makes me feel, “Yes! This is it!”…Most of the times, it’s like, “Neti, neti- Not this, not this…”

May be this is life…may be you get to know yourself by first of all knowing what you’re not…may be you find what you want through first of all knowing what you don’t want…I don’t know…all I know is that I am desperately waiting for the day, when this, “Neti, neti…” will turn into, “Yes! This is it!”. Amen.

Close the door!

2012-08-11T00:57:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time since I wrote something...It's not that there was nothing to write, it just didn't happen...no point thinking, "why ?" , now. :-)

But am glad, am writing today and guess what?, this blog post is triggered by a quotable quote I just read, almost an hour back.You really never know what will actually prompt you to write, like i never knew i will write this post but here I am! :-)

Anyway let me come to the point of view that I am about to share.

This morning while I was just flipping through my FB page on my mobile, I came across a quote by Paulo Coelho that said, "Close some doors today.Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance but simply because they lead you no where."

This quote struck me so well that I could decipher the truth in it.It is indeed a meaningful thought, a meaningful advice and to a greater extent I can now relate it to my teaching experience as well as to real life- as we call it.

I have this habit ( most of us have) of closing the door as soon as I get inside a class and if someone enters in between my class and leaves the door open, I feel uneasy until I go and close the door or ask someone to do so. In fact the whole class experiences unnecessary disturbance and discomfort because of that. When I say this I don't disapprove the case when someone teaches with the door open.It is possible but I find it unsettling. Apart from this, after reading Paulo Coelho's quote, I feel it has a symbolic meaning too.- When you are inside a class, the door to the outside world is supposed to be closed.At that moment we must fully concentrate inside the class.And trust me, leaving the door open is distracting indeed. :-)

Similarly , you will agree , all of us have this habit of closing the door as we leave and enter our house.Why do we do so?-Yes, ofcourse for safety reasons! But let's try to see this from another angle.At any point of time we are always at one side of the closed door.-Either outside of it or inside.

If you look at the higher meaning behind all of this, it is always better to keep the door closed and take a side to ensure peace of mind. The same thing applies to our minds as well. Inside the mind , we move in and out of thought loops.We can only concentrate on a thought if we are fully into it and we can only get rid of a thought if we are completely out of it.Hence, closing the door is indeed important.-That's what I strongly feel.

But I also know, in some cases, it's easier said than done.Sometimes we get so stuck up in a loop of thought that it's really hard to decide whether to stay in or get out of it...We always know 'Peace of mind' is just one decision away, but it's not that easy. Nevertheless, all we ever want is to "Close the door" and "Take a side"... but it's not that easy... :) ...but we must always strive to close the door and take a side. :)

Paulo Coelho's quote is undoubtedly thought-provoking ...

I wish to close the doors, I wish to take a side!

I hope there'll be some light before the next blog post, I write.

Let's close some doors!

The colours of Bell peppers!

2012-03-11T08:23:00.002-07:00

What is your idea of coloured bell peppers?

Well, untill today I felt that the colour of a bell pepper was associated with its seed and depending upon the types of seeds sown , you get the required colour- green, yellow, orange, red!

But to my utter surprise, yesterday when I went vegetable shopping with Mamma, I found a yellow bellpepper which was not completely yellow- some portion of it was green and it seemed as if it was gradually developing a yellow coating over it.This was an eye-opener!- I never thought that yellow bell-pepper is also green at some point of time...

This thought triggered my curiosity to know what's the actual difference between all the coloured bell peppers.

Throughout the way back home, I was thinking and could only gather these thoughts:-

The first question that struck my head was that- whether all of these coloured bell peppers are natural or only green is natural and other coloured bell-peppers are a result of using genetically modified seeds?
Secondly I thought- May be the colours associate with different phases of the plant growth-i.e. first it is green , then it turns yellow and so on...I thought if it is so, then there must be some interesting phenomenon responsible for that! My curiosity to know the right answer was growing stronger and stronger.I discussed it with Mamma and Babba and their guess was my guess number 1.

Then I thought of asking our "Know it all!" Google Uncle! :-)

And then upon some search and research , I found that :-

The various coloured bell peppers all come from the same plant but differ in their level of maturity or we can say the harvesting time.
The green bell peppers are harvested before they are fully ripe. This is one of the reasons for they are less expensive than the other varieties.
The green bell peppers will continue to first turn yellow, orange and then red if they are left on the plant to mature.
The green bell peppers have slightly bitter flavour and the yellow, orange and red are sweeter.
The red bell pepper has the highest nutrient content.

So isn't this information , interesting? The colours of bell peppers are associated with the different phases of their growth.So next time when you eat a red bell pepper, remember that there was a time, when it was green and yellow too! And when you eat a green bell pepper, remember there'll never be a time when it will be yellow or red! :-))

Death : Facts and Beyond

2012-03-05T03:59:00.001-08:00

Yesterday evening while I was busy preparing my lecture notes , I got a message from a dear friend.It said-"Yesterday my mother passed away, Bhavya."..........This one line message shook the ground under my feet...gave me a shivering attack...I was in complete shock...completely heartbroken that I couldn't think of anything...I couldn't believe what I read but the message was straight in front of my eyes!Just the day before I had exchanged few jolly good words with him.Yes, I knew his mother was undergoing dialysis, but things were not this bad...He is a very dear friend of mine (He considers me like his sister).His mother was suffering since a long time and I have seen him taking so good care of his mother along with managing his studies and other worldy affairs with such an inspiring attitude that only few can manage to adopt at such testing and challenging times.I literally salute him for all that he did for his mother-That was nothing but PURE LOVE! I can't even imagine myself in such a situation- Nor would anyone even want to and Neither did he ever wished to experience it , but circumstances forced him into it.He had no other choice but to go through this ordeal which ultimately resulted into his mother's death...! Yes, Death- the most unacceptable truth!

I am terribly sad for my friend and so shaken from within that I couldn't sleep last night, so took a leave from work and went to visit him along with mamma.Mamma has also met his mother during our M.Tech admission.She was a very jolly natured person.That was the first and the last time both mamma and I met her.

As we went there ( to his place), we got to know that on friday his mother received a call from her niece informing her that her sister has passed away (it was a sudden heart-attack!).Her elder sister also stayed in Bombay.She was so shaken from this shocking news that she couldn't sleep the whole night and was in much discomfort because of the pain of the sudden loss of her dear sister.

But still, she was stable.Had proper food the next morning before leaving for her regular dialysis exercise.She had planned to visit her sister's place after that. But who knew, there was death waiting for her at the hospital.

In between her dialysis , she felt unconscious and collapsed and that was IT!

Well , Death is a fact of life- we all know it.It's the most unacceptable truth, in fact.His mother's death led me to contemplate once again on life and death and here are some thoughts that brought me closer to the meaning of life and death:-

If you think of the larger picture, think emotionlessly, then you will agree that death is in fact a necessity because as a matter of fact life is a temporary affair.Who is born has to die.In other words we are born to die.Otherwise, one can't find any meaning in life.

And one more fact is that nobody wants to die and neither can we imagine so for our loved ones.Why so?

Because we are so attached to each other and to our own forms that we just cannot even think of leaving all these behind.This again reflects nothing but our LOVE for each other and our human form.

But then it is a clear-cut fact that this form is impermanent.It is sad, but such is Life! You enter only to exit.The gap between your entry and exit determines your life span.But then on a second thought, because it is limited it is precious, otherwise we all have a natural tendency of taking things for granted.Would you value life, your loved ones and your body if you knew that it would just go on and on and on and never end.No one will care...The fact, that it is limited , adds value to its meaning.

But then our longing for a "forever" existence still persists.And I am sure that death is not the end.It is only that the body dies, the soul doesn't. Because it's hard to believe and accept the death of a loved one, because we are bound by an unbreakable bond with our loved ones which even death can't break or shake.

This feeling of forever in our heart makes us believe in Eternity.I am sure, we are all inhabitants of Eternity.In the Holy Gita, when Arjun questions Krishna on the meaning of life and death , Krishna tells him-" Remember there was never a time when you were not there, I was not there and these kings were not there.And there'll never be a time when you will not be there, I will not be there and these kings will not be there." This is indeed a striking statement because do you ever feel that there was a time when you were not there? No, we know that there was a time when we were not there, but our parents were...but it's unbelievable to feel that because we all have a feeling that we are here since ever.

My feelings convince me of the existence of Eternity.Life according to me is just a game.Well what kind of game, why a game- Let me reserve my thoughts on that for a different post altogether.

Anyway, thinking of death , there is no doubt that it is a painful affair- more so emotionally! and it will remain so...till there is LOVE between US.

Till now we have only talked about the pain of death for those who are left behind by those who depart.The pain is equally intense for the one who departs too.Nobody wants to die...after all- for the same reason of love.

Let me tell you , I saw death most closely when our pet, Eskimo departed.I remember it was late at night when the doctor came to see him...his left leg was paralyzed actually and that day he couldn't move...A week before he had started limping and then slowly- slowly his movement reduced to almost no movement.But Eskimo, didn't give up till the end.He had a habit of urinating in one of the bathrooms and he literally used to drag his body to the bathroom for that purpose.We so used to request him to urinate wherever he was resting, but he had a desire to move, to walk on both legs once again.Only the day before his death, he couldn't move at all and it was then that he completely surrendered after trying his level best.

The doctor gave him few injections and life saving drugs and told us to continue giving this to him till the time he lives.I literally shrilled with a NO! at the doctor...and that night around 2- 4 am...while i was studying as i had my final exam the next day...we heard a heavy breathing sound...and mamma said -"ye akhri saans hoti hai"...I got so scared...Eskimo was struggling for his life...it felt as if the breath wants to leave but the body is restraining it to leave...We were sitting next to Eskimo and were constantly crying , praying, caressing him with our hands and asking him to Go ahead bravely!...This lasted for around 2 hours and then suddenly the breathing normalized.We felt this was a ray of hope and probably now there's nothing to worry.But he didn't leave his body only for me, because he knew if he died, I won't be able to write my exam the other day although i was constantly telling him that i'll be strong , that he'll be my strength even if something happens.But he knew the truth.So he departed while I was writing the exam the next day and at the time he departed ,I felt some sensation in my heart for a flash second only to confirm later that my baby has departed....

It's too difficult to bear the loss of your baby. For that matter I would say any loved one- It's an irrepairable loss.

But the thing that disturbed me more was why did he suffer with the breathing the last night and i somehow realized that it was because even though death was knocking on his door, but he also didn't want to leave us and when we finally asked him to go, he got the required strength...and in the end he died a peaceful death.

So this remains a fact, that death is painful- both to the one who dies and to those who are left behind- all because of the reason of LOVE.

But it's FAITH that keeps us going, faith in eternity, faith in our unbreakable, unshakable, "stronger than strength can ever be perceived " kind of bond with our loved ones, faith in the feeling of their continued presence.Those we love are never gone! They just leave their body.

In one line all I have realized is that- Death is not the END!.

May peace be with all of us! Amen.

Leap in the dark!

2012-01-29T06:11:00.000-08:00

“Leap!” says this New Year, “Leap out of the zone of fear!

Stop pondering over that which is so unclear.

Leap my friend and eventually the net will appear!

Even if it all appears to be a maze, don’t stop, embark!

Many a times you have to reach your destination without the knowledge of a landmark.

Sometimes, you just have to leap in the dark! Yes, you have to leap in the dark!

Leap until there is a green light mark! Keep on, keeping on until there is a green light mark!

Trust me. There will be a green light mark. You will for sure come out of the dark!

Be brave, my friend! Just leap in the dark!”

Wish you all a very happy 2012! :-)

New Year's Eve Day!

2011-12-31T09:22:00.000-08:00

Early in the morning as I gazed upon the rising sun, from the window sill,

I could not stop appreciating the beauty of the brightest star over the yonder hills.

This was when I was savouring my morning tea, the last one, of this passing year,

accompanied by my grand-ma, aunts and mamma on the dining table amidst the family cheer.

I was lost as much in my own thinking sphere, as much as I was there, feeling blessed to be amongst those who are so near and dear.

Although it’s time for a year to end and time for our very own earth to complete one more circle around the sun,

there are still many dots waiting to connect to form the perfect pattern.

And so, I look forward to the year ahead with much more wonder and curiosity,

to know what’s in store in the coming year and to witness the subsequent unfolding of the mystery.

Good bye, 2011! - Thank you for everything!

May the coming year for all of us be promising and fulfilling!

Mood of the moment!

2011-12-24T07:20:00.000-08:00

As I look back and look around, I see myself yearning and striving for Clarity.

But to my dismay, I always end up getting caught up by Confounding Uncertainty.

My inner compass and the outer world are not yet in synchronicity,

And I am earnestly looking for all possible cues to stabilize this situation which is so topsy-turvy!

Questions, I have many! But, Answers, I have hardly found any…

God! Light my way to what is my true destiny!

I wish to live it up well and purposefully,

Because I believe this journey is meant to be holy!

And the ultimate reality is nothing but pristine beauty!

A smile for a smile. :-)

2011-08-29T01:27:00.000-07:00

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, smile,a kind word,a listening ear,an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring,all of which have the potential to turn a life around."-Leo F. Buscaqlia

I am so touched by the gesture of our two garbage collectors( two kind ladies),that I couldn't help sharing my feelings through this blog post.Yes,this blog post is dedicated to two wonderful ladies,who made my day,today! :-)

Everyday,around 1000 hrs our door bell rings and we know that it's time for garbage disposal.So even today,as usual our door bell rang around the same time and I almost unconsciously opened the door without realizing that it must be the garbage women or 'Kude walis'(I am finding this term so weird all of a sudden.And no doubt,it doesn't sound good at all.Still we use it for the most humanitarian souls who take the pains of disposing our garbage everyday.But this is life,full of ironies-isn't it? :)...On a second thought, 'what's there in a name?' formula applies here.Because no matter what we call them,we have great respect for our garbage women(men).Right? Yes! :-)...and we really don't mean MEAN at all.).

Anyway,coming back to the point.As I opened the door I saw our garbage women, greeted them with a smile and went inside to get the dustbins.Returning back,as I kept the dustbins outside the door,waiting for them to get emptied into the larger bin that our two garbage women carry,one of them asked me,"What do you do?".I said,"I teach in a college." They were quite impressed with my reply and then she said something which really made my day,today.She said," You know ,I keep talking about you with her(the other lady) and the reason is your smile.You have a beautiful smile.Whenever you open the door,you always greet us with a smile and we so love it.It brings a special joy to our hearts." God! I was and am still completely touched by such a kind acknowledgement of hers.I am really touched to the core. I smiled back a grateful,joyous smile and told them that I equally adore them.(I seriously do.Earlier two garbage men used to come to collect our garbage.They were too real gentlemen.These two ladies have started coming only recently and they always smile a friendly smile.)

As I was almost done with reciprocating my feelings,the other lady asked me,"why are you at home today?" and I said,"Heavy rains!...there are water logging news reports,schools have been closed for the day and even the trains are going late.Some of them are even cancelled and then I don't have any lecture today.So,I am staying back at home."

And with an understanding smile on her face,she said,"Yes,my son's school has also been closed.You must rest well.Relax yourself today." Wow! I am so overwhelmed by their warmth and kind words of appreciation and consideration that I am feeling full of love for the beauty of humanism.

Three cheers to the spirit of humanism!

God bless our dear garbage women! They gifted me a smile for a smile.:-) A smile that made my day! Really. :-)

My life is a Blue Rose...!...

2011-08-26T01:23:00.000-07:00

A never ending quest for the impossible...

An appreciation for the enigmatic and the inexplicable...

A hope for the unattainable...

Yes! My life is a Blue Rose...!...

A wonderfully enchanting journey, which I can better describe in verse than in prose...

Oh yes! My life is a Blue Rose...!...

Musical strings...!...

2011-07-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

Each moment brings its set of players,

who touch your strings and make you hear,

a musical note, which sometimes is lively and sometimes is queer.

At times the music gets you high , at times ,it fills you up with fear, and a lot more feelings both clear and unclear.

God! I feel so bemused in this musical fare, which despite of all the odds is nothing but interestingly dear !

Different players produce different rhythms in different occasions at different locations.

Some rhythms tune you perfectly with the divine and some just leave you betwixt and between the real and imaginary lines.

Our musical strings when touched may produce any music ranging from annoying cacophony to melodious symphony.

Let us strive to understand the nature of our musical strings along this musical journey to know the real meaning of our destiny!

Gulmohar Talkies

2011-06-01T02:32:00.000-07:00

This post is an attempt to understand and present my silent yet communicative interactions with a ‘Gulmohar’ tree which almost touches my bedroom window (not to mention, now my heart too) and is a constant companion during my evening walks.

I have seen this tree through all the changing seasons and it continues to have a nothing short of stunning influence on me. There are times, when this tree stands bare branched for months, times when it blossoms with scarlet coloured flowers and is decked up with refreshing green leaves and times when all that adorned it with pure beauty, flourished and bloomed on it, begins to fall apart and eventually leaves it all alone...But the tree, irrespective of being WITH or WITHOUT continues to LIVE.

I often wonder about its state of mind during all the phases and also ask it about its feelings... and... there’s always one answer-“I am ALIVE.”.

I am always gladdened to see its waving branches with smiling leaves and flowers and feel sad to see it bare-branched, but in some ways it has a special power to always inspire me to LIVE life as it comes.

The most surprising element was that this year it remained bare-branched for a much longer duration of almost two months than the usual time. We could see other Gulmohar trees in the compound blooming with leaves & flowers, but this wasn’t showing any signs of flowering and its bark and branches started appearing wrinkled and lifeless. What the eyes could see was indeed disheartening.

Everyday, during my evening walks I used to pray for the tree and ask mamma if it has really died and she would always say, “In all likelihood-Yes!” We were apprehensive that the tree might soon get felled down by the authorities and this made us feel sadder as it was now a part & parcel of our lives.

But the theory of uncertainty proved its validity like it often does and one fine day(almost 15 days back) we saw few branches of the tree decked up with green leaves –it was completely amazing and heartening to see something which was least expected but deep down inside always wished. And now it’s all blooming and smiling with flowers again! :)

I have no words to express my happiness to see it bright and blooming these days-Feels awesome!

My admiration for the tree has increased manifold, now that I’ve observed it pass the test of time with its grounded and ‘Never say DIE’ demeanour.

I have a habit of pouring my heart out to it during my evening walks and it always gives me company by silently listening to me. Sometimes, all you need is someone who is willing to lend you an ear and just be with you and my Gulmohar tree is one such friend I feel blessed to have.I just pray to God to give me enough strength to pass all phases of life with ‘Gulmohar’ like poise & power!

Three cheers to my Gulmohar tree!:)

Thought of the day: Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers. –Rainer Maria Rilke

The Ongoing Mahabharat

2011-04-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

Mahabharat and Ramayan are two great epics to which almost every child in India or those of Indian origin are introduced at a very early age and I am no exception. I very fondly remember those days when my great grandmother, grand parents and parents used to tell us stories from Mahabharat and Ramayan, stories of all Gods and Goddesses. I have always been fascinated by such stories and I still find them interesting. I remember since a very young age, I used to ask questions pertaining to God and holy texts and scriptures to my parents and the best part was that I was never ignored and always got an encouraging response from them.

One day (when I was in school), I remember asking Babba that why in Gita , Lord Krishna supported the war? I mean how can ‘God’ be in favour of war when we all know that war is a heinous practice?

And he just replied in two sentences. He said, “ Gandhiji, interpreted Mahabharat as the ongoing war inside our minds.” and then he said, “ Beta, Gita is a perennial philosophy…it has a lot of depth…”

His response gave me enough food for thought- something that I found interesting enough to contemplate on, which eventually also helped introduce me to the concept of ‘fighting a good fight’.

And today I concede being a witness to the ongoing Mahabharat inside my mind…the war between good and evil…the waging war between umpteen thoughts…and amidst all this there is always a voice of the conscience acting as a guiding force…

At present, I can best fathom ‘Mahabharat’ as an artistic representation of the happenings inside the MIND-the real battlefield.

And I feel there’s much more to it which I am yet to realize and understand…There’s a long way to go!

Let me end this post with this prayer:-

“O creator of the universe, we meditate upon thy supreme splendor. May thy radiant power illuminate our intellects, destroy our sins and guide us in the right direction.”(Gayatri Mantra) Amen.

P.S: I also feel that games like cricket, tennis, soccer and the likes too portray our ongoing inner struggle. Infact, it is better to say that the physical world is a mirror to the inner world.

Let's talk some headlines!

2011-04-01T13:34:00.000-07:00

Well, March was one month, full of big headlines...! Headlines which shook, stirred and touched us all...Some brought us gloom and some brought back our smiles...It was a completely chaotic and turbulent month...One that made us furious with agony, distress and unanswered questions (Sometimes, it’s really hard to wait for the answers...)-It made us even more curious to understand what was happening...to know why was it happening...Nevertheless, it also made us realize the value of the gift of LIFE!

Let me present my point of view for some of the stories that made headlines for me.

1. The Japan disaster

It was a shocking news! ...Completely heartbreaking...!... All I could understand from the Japan disaster is that, death is inevitable and unpredictable. How and when we are going to die, nobody knows and it’s good for us...certain things are better off unknown...After all, life wouldn’t have any meaning, if everything was known...All those who lost their lives in the disaster accentuated the ultimate truth only for us to understand what is important and what is not...For me, life is more about relationships than any other thing. Let’s focus on building beautiful relationships. I am sure, in doing that, we’ll experience life at its best.

2. The world cup fervour

Yeah, I am completely gripped by the World cup fervour this time. I know it’s way too dramatic...but then life is filmy, isn’t it? :)...and I like that...What I love about cricket and the love for cricket is the energy and the spirit that comes alive while watching the game and the best part is that we all share the sportive spirit, which is remarkable! It is absolutely fantastic to see how a game of cricket brings us to the common ground. I love to see and feel the collective desire to win-It’s amazing!

I am eagerly waiting to experience the moment when TEAM INDIA will hold the World cup winners trophy in Wankhede stadium today :)

3. I got a job!

Yes! I am placed and this time in the textile industry! I hope my FUNemployed days continue even after I join the job. I am happy and satisfied with what I’ve got. Let’s see what’s in store!

Feeling of the day: I feel abundantly blessed!

Thought of the day: “There are things known and things unknown and in between are the doors.”-Jim Morrison

Didi....!

2011-03-08T02:21:00.000-08:00

I think, but I can’t explain what is a thought...

I see dreams and wonder of what is and of what is not...

We’ve heard it so often that dreams are products of our subconscious. Be it whatever, dreams undoubtedly add a great deal to the mystery of life. And I have absolutely no idea about the purpose and meaning of dreams. Considering my present state of realization, all I know is that dreams are a part of reality-that’s it. The phenomenon of dreams is way beyond my grasp. Although it is indeed something that leaves me intrigued and puzzled when I wake up, but then the routine takes over and the curiosity fades along with the dream.

However there are few dreams which have left a lasting impression on me and are dearly special. They have touched me in amazingly inexplicable ways...!

One such dream I just saw, some 4-5 days back and I am completely touched by it, so much that the feeling is still intact.

Just to ensure that I never forget it, I feel it’s better to freeze it in words.

So, here I go...

[Note: The dreams that I intend to talk about in this post are the ones we see while sleeping (I wonder who sleeps then? I feel, it’s the chattering part of the mind...?...).]

The dream

I was walking on a pavement, when I spotted a black Labrador lying at a distance and perhaps, as far as I remember, I was out in search of Eskimo (our pet, who was also a black Labrador).

Having spotted a black Labrador, my heart pounded and I became alert in anticipation of the feeling I would experience on identifying Eskimo. I so wished, that this dog be Eskimo and the closer I was getting to him, the keener I was becoming to find ‘my Eskimo’ in him. And you won’t believe, that as I was just about 5 feet away from this being, with a feeling of both hope and fear in equal measure...hope- that this is my Eskimo and fear -of getting mistaken, I witnessed something so bizarrely beautiful that the moment froze then and there. It was when I heard Eskimo calling out for me...

The magic of the moment was that he called me-------------->“Didi...............!” Yes, he did...!It was a breathtaking moment-completely ethereal that in a flash second all my fear vanished and the feeling of uniting with him engulfed the moment-making it absolutely perfect! God!-he spoke...literally!-It was irresistibly endearing!

This dream left me with two thoughts:-

1. May be this was Eskimo’s way of telling me that he still thinks of me and loves me beyond measure-He couldn’t have expressed that any better!

Perhaps it was a deep-rooted longing that surfaced in my dream. But then the question is, 'what is a dream?'. And I don’t want to delve into that because it was a beautiful dream and the wise say that each and every form of TRUTH is beautiful which I like to believe.

2. I somehow feel, there was a hidden message in this dream or you may take it as my interpretation of the dream and that is- Each one of us is busy in finding something or the other –may be what we don’t realize is that whatever we are searching for is also searching for us...

I am inquisitively touched...!