This week, I lost my last grandparent. My last living grandma passed away on Monday, thus forever stripping me and my brother of our grandchildren statuses. Both of my parents are now completely parent-less, and that must feel even weirder.

While most of my grandma+food related memories are firmly connected to my other late grandma (you know, all those leek pies I can’t seem to shake off …oh stop rolling your eyes!), I have foggy visions of homemade yogurt, roasted peppers with garlic, perfectly round buns and thick slices of white cheese somewhere in my head that smell like this grandma. Granted, there is a heady aroma of Turkish coffee always somewhere nearby coupled by the faint note of cigarette smoke.

My grandma enjoyed life until the last day of her 87 year long life. Coffee, cigarettes, the occasional drink, fried eggs, bacon, minced meat kebabs…all were on the repertoire. The lady loved her meat (runs in the family but did skip me by some genetic mishap) and would often look at me bewildered as I stated (for the millionth time) that no, thank you, I am not a fan. Two things she frequently requested my dad to bring her during one of his visits were pork greaves (I had to look up the English word for this – to me – horrendous product) and pork galantine (another glance at the dictionary was required for this). I may not have agreed with her food choices but there’s no arguing that she was one determined food-lover.

Her passing has made my mind wander in weird directions these days, swinging from relief that she didn’t have to go through any of the many horrors that old age can bring and all the way to a sense of guilt that we should have stayed longer than our regular half an hour during our last visit to her house on the day before she died. Even though I am almost 32, I still find it particularly hard to accept death as a part of life. I have issues with dealing with the physical aspects of it; the fact that someone is no longer there, that no matter what happens you will never again be able to look into their eyes and see the loneliness, to hug them and feel the aged paining joints under your hands, to see their knees betray them for a split second.And I also despise cemeteries and funerals. Or as my dear Salinger would aptly put it “all the visitors could get in their cars and turn on their radios and all and then go someplace nice for dinner – everybody except….”

I made these zucchini bites on the day I last saw grandma. But the only thing that links them to her is the fact that they were made for her one and only great-grandson, the one she never thought she’d live to see and yet she got to see him, hold him, watch him walk, talk and run. Here’s to hoping that all of us would live to be 87, see at least one great-grandchild and eat whatever pleases us until the very last day.

ZUCCHINI BITES
recipe (adapted mostly in the cheese department) from The Naptime Chef
makes 12 bites (made in a 12-piece muffin pan) or 24 mini bites (24-piece mini muffin pan)

ingredients:

• 2 cups zucchini, grated
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 3 green onions, chopped
• 1/2 cup Pecorino, finely grated  (original recipe asked for cheddar)
• 1/2 cup breadcrumbs (seasoned ones would be great)
• 1/4 cup fresh parsley (didn’t use, had none)
• sesame and flax seeds to sprinkle on top (optional)

instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 400F/200C.  Butter the muffin tin.
2. In a large bowl,mix the beaten eggs with the rest of the ingredients (minus the seeds, if using).
3. Distribute the mix between the 12 (or 24, depending on your muffin tin) muffin holes equally (note: I did not have enough batter to fill them all the way up – as you can see mine are pretty flat – but that’s ok). Sprinkle some sesame and/or flax seeds on top of each.
4. Bake for about 15-20min (mine took about 18) until set and golden on top.

How does one re-learn the fine skill of guilt-free self-indulgence? That’s not a rhetorical question, I’m actually asking for your help here. Because try as I might to undo the (what seems to be) permanent brain damage rewiring parenthood does to you, I keep on failing miserably.

In the past few months, since Ognen’s medical ‘adventure‘ and his necessary break from daycare, we’ve been lucky enough to fall back on the omnipotent Balkan child-rearing safety net known as ‘eager grandparents.’ The kiddo is now spending his mornings and afternoons with his grandma who comes to our place every day and he somehow manages to balance out the stifling confines of our home with the ability to learn new ‘grown up’ words and phrases from her. Some of which never fail to illicit a blank stare on my face when I hear them coming out of a tiny man’s mouth. Oh, and he also sits down with a cloth napkin in his lap when its time to eat (?!). But with this new setup comes a new kind of freedom for us parents; seeing as Ogi has become so comfortable (and genuinely happy) in the presence of his grandparents, it does give us the option of letting him spend an extra day/night / weekend over at their place and out of our hair. But what does one do exactly without the toddler at home?

On my way back from work each afternoon/evening, a mile-long list of ‘things I should do’ keeps running in the back of my mind on replay. It typically includes things such as less-than-innovative dinner making (do we REALLY have to eat?), buying diapers (will this EVER end?), returning an email I didn’t manage to return at work (well that I know never ends…) while the toddler demands that I play Cars the Movie on the phone, changing the bedding (try doing that with a toddler jumping on the bed)….and from a very distant and very tiny part of my brain, another tune pops in once in a while, basically a rap version of my “things I WANT to do” list…and it goes a little something like this: “a long hot bath…mmm…that cute crafty thing I saw on pinterest……oh, i really need to buy some new clothes…have I almost caught up with all my TV shows? how about that new restaurant in town, what was its name? we should try it…one day.” That is what I call my “one day, when I reclaim my life” soundtrack.

In a true “the grass is always greener…” manner, I keep making those mental lists of things I want to do. You know, for me. And then, once in a while comes a day when the planets align and Ognen is shipped to visiting his grandparents and Ivica and I are, at least in theory, free to do, well, whatever we want. And you know what, NOTHING from my “want to” list gets done in those days. Nothing. Well, save for catching up on the Mentalist (whom I am romantically involved in, just so you know). I don’t do anything crafty, I don’t go for that pedicure I fantasize so much about, that long hot bath is replaced by the standard hasty shower, and…”what new restaurant? let’s just order a pizza“…why is that? We’ve become THOSE people who plop their butts on the couch and just let a wave of doing-nothingness wash over them. Where has our energy and drive gone?

So as I sit here and play this sad sad song, I just realized something. What’s wrong with doing nothing exactly? Seriously, what is? 5 years ago, free uninterrupted time may have meant checking out a new fancy place or going shopping. Now, it means doing nothing. That is, if you count the sight of Simon Baker and the taste of this delicious (and very famous) brownie as doing nothing.

Great, we have the self-indulgence part covered. Now, for that guilt-free part…how do I do that? Anyone?

THE BAKED BROWNIE
recipe from Baked: New Frontiers in Baking, via Brown Eyed Baker
makes one about 9×13 inch pan of brownies

ingredients:

• 1¼ cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 tbsp dark unsweetened cocoa powder
• 11 ounces / 300 gr dark chocolate (70%), coarsely chopped
• 1 cup unsalted butter, cut into 1-inch pieces
• 1 tsp instant espresso powder
• 1½ cups regular white sugar
• ½ cup packed light brown sugar
• 5 eggs, at room temperature
• 2 tsp vanilla extract

instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 350F/175C.  Fully butter ta 9×13-inch pan (glass or light color is preferred)
2. In a bowl, whisk the flour, salt, and cocoa powder.
3. Bring a pan of water to a simmer, then set a large bowl over it (you basically want to steam this) and add the chocolate, butter and espresso powder in it. Stir this mix occasionally over medium heat until all of it is completely melted. Turn the heat off, keeping the bowl over the pan of water. Add the brown and white sugars to the bowl and whisk until combined. The mixture should be smooth. Remove the bowl from the pan and make sure the mixture is at room temperature.
4. Add 3 of the eggs to the chocolate mix and whisk until combined. Then add the other 2 eggs and do the same. Add the vanilla and give it one more stir. Make sure you do not overstir.
5. Slowly add the flour mixture into the chocolate mixture. Using something gentle, like a rubber spatula, fold the two mixes only until just a little bit of flour is visible. Again, do not overmix.
6. Pour the batter into the pan, smoothing the top a bit.
7. Bake (center of the oven) for about 30minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out with a few most crumbs on it. Let cool, then cut into squares and serve.

I had a draft of this post ready to go, it only needed a quick read through. It was dated November 3rd, 2012 and I actually remember the moment of writing it as if it was yesterday. Ognen had been feeling cranky and drowsy all day, running a bit of a fever and went to bed early that night. I remember that horrible worm called mom’s intuition gnawing at me all evening as I sat down to do a bit of blogging to take my mind off of thinking that this is not teething, that he has been having quite a bit of colds in the last few months, that he’s been irritable for a while now…

And after the feverish and long night the morning came, along with a swelling the size of a golf ball behind Ogi’s left ear. And then things went downhill from there. One moment we were at home discussing whether to put on this jacket or that one, and only a couple of (crazy) hours later, we were being checked into a room at a public ENT clinic with a diagnosis that read “suspected mastoiditis”. Now at this point, I could expand this into a treatise on the public healthcare system in Macedonia. And when I sat down today, that was my initial plan. To tell you how it feels when you have no idea what is happening or what will happen or why one doctor claims your kid needs nothing but a heavy dose of antibiotics and then another one waltzes in 20 minutes later saying a surgery will be performed in the afternoon…or how a suspected condition goes unconfirmed for 48 hours in the day and age of x-rays…I was going to tell you about the nurses, the ego-trips, the hygiene…but you know what…I gave up. I’m not going to do that. My words will come out jumbled, I will probably break into tears at least six times, I will get worked up and that will require at least some amount of chocolate to remedy (and believe me, my current waistline cannot support that…)

Long story short, after 2 days of utter confusion, frustration, nerve-wrecking worries and feeling helpless watching your kid in pain, we fled the hospital in our pajamas and checked into a private clinic where Ognen had a mastoidectomy first thing the next morning. It’s been almost 3 months since then and still that week feels like a crazy nightmare to me; IV needles going in and out of each one of his tiny hands and feet, yards and yards of bandages, miniature hospital pajamas…And while that early November will forever stay in our minds as the most stressful weeks of our lives so far, he has recovered quite well and will only have the 7 stitches’ marks behind his ear (which he can’t see anyway:))

So I hope you will accept this piece of (stale but delicious) breakfast cake without an accompanying witty story attached to it. The truth is, I really had to delete that draft to get past the mental block of sitting down to write again.

Also, I am sorry that my first post this year is such a sombre one…but I have a promise for you. Next up (and hopefully quite soon) are some delicious brownies so stay tuned. In the meantime, do give this quick bread a try. It has (almost)  made me a breakfast convert.

ZUCCHINI, OLIVE AND SUN-DRIED TOMATO BREAKFAST CAKE
adapted from the Kitchn
makes one 9×5 inch loaf

ingredients:

• 1/3 cup olive oil
• 0.5 lb / 250gr zucchini
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
• 1 large clove garlic, minced
• 3 large eggs
• 1/3 cup buttermilk (original recipe asked for regular milk)
• 2 oz / 60gr feta cheese, crumbled (or goat cheese)
• 1/2 cup pitted and sliced Kalamata olives
• about a handful (5-6) sun-dried tomatoes packed in oil, drained from oil and thinly sliced
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp ground black pepper

instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350F/175C. Lightly grease a loaf pan (about a 9×5 inch) with olive oil.
2. Coarsely grate the zucchini then place in a colander and mix with 1 teaspoon of salt. Leave them to drain for at least 15-20min.
3. In a large bowl, mix the flours with the garlic, then add the baking powder, salt and pepper.
4. In medium bowl, lightly whisk the eggs then add the buttermilk and the olive oil.
5. Gently and carefully fold the wet ingredients into the dry, you only want to mix them lightly, do not overmix. Add the crumbled cheese and the sliced olives.
6. Now, press the zucchini in the colander, trying to get out as much water as possible. Then add the zucchini to the batter, followed by the sun-dried tomatoes.
7. Drop the batter in the prepared pan, distributing evenly. Drizzle just a tiny bit of olive oil on top and sprinkle some course salt on the top.
8. Place in the hot oven and bake for about 45minutes (you’ll know it’s ready when it’s golder and a knife inserted in the middle comes out with just a few crumbs on it).
9. Take out of the oven but cool in the pan for about 5-10 minutes. Then, run a knife around the loaf’s edge to release (that is by far my most favorite part) and leave on a a rack for about 30 minutes (it does need to firm up a bit, trust me).
10. Cut into slices and serve.

There is some sort of internal force governing the behavior of Balkan grandmothers in the presence of their grandchildren. This mysterious force turns normal human beings into well rehearsed feeding machines; permanently shadowing hyperactive toddlers, a plate in one hand and a well-composed bite in another (a little piece of bread, some vegetable, a chunk of meat if they manage…) always aiming for the kids’ mouth, using every single chance said mouth is open (be it for purposes of speech, laughter, cry, whatever..) to park the bite inside.

We typically spend our weekend lunches (and the ensuing afternoons) visiting grandparents. For us, it is an opportunity to sit down to a proper meal which I didn’t quickly scramble in the kitchen while the toddler was getting into one trouble or another. For Ognen, its an chance to explore new rooms and spaces, marvel at other washing machines, test car toys on unfamiliar surfaces, hide behind doors and generally run around squealing in delight. For the grandpas, its a weekly dose of physical exercise. For the grandmas, its the ultimate test of seeing how much food they can stuff into him.

Of course, they do this with the best intentions possible. For my mom, its a refreshing change from what I was like when I was that age (a nightmare, from what I hear; permanently closed mouth with the last unfortunately parked bite lodged in my cheek, refusing to swallow). Unlike toddler-me, Ogi will gladly eat pretty much anything you feed him, often not paying much attention to the sequence of foods he’s ingesting. Just this Sunday, he gobbled a piece of salmon right after eating a few chocolate candies, then proceeded to eating almost a whole tangerine and then marched back to the table requesting cheese. Ugh.

And even though just remembering the combinations of foods he eats within one afternoon (while this mom has relaxed so much on the couch that she refuses to even lift an eyebrow and just shrugs at the sight of him shoving random things in his mouth) makes me queasy, I am actually glad that he’s not one of those picky toddlers (well, not yet at least) that would rather go hungry than eat food that was touching other food that has a weird color. And his flexibility gives me freedom to experiment with some more unlikely food combinations without much worry.

When Anu let us know that this week she’s giving us card blanche in terms of the actual muffin recipe (provided we used a common ingredient – the seasonal Pumpkin) I know I’d be going the savory route. I have had this recipe bookmarked for over a year now, and for some reason I never managed to make it last fall but the moment she said pumpkin a little light bulb went off. And I am so glad it did because this is an incredibly tasty muffin. The sweetness of the pumpkin is such a nice contrast to the sharp salty taste of the cheese, with a very subtle hint of mustard in the background. Even Ivica, who is generally not a fan of these kinds of intersections between sweet and savory, thought these muffins were great.

I can’t wait to see what the rest of the Muffin Monday gang decided to go with but I’m sure it will be tasty. Make sure you visit BakerStreet for your dose of Monday muffin inspiration.

PUMPKIN, SPINACH AND FETA MUFFINS
recipe originally from Martha Goes Green; found via 101 Cookbooks and used that adapted version as a base
makes 12 muffins

ingredients:

• 2 cups (about 250gr/ 0.5lb) pumpkin, cubed (about 1/2 inch cubes)
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• a handful of spinach, finely sliced
• 2 tbsp sunflower seeds
• 1 cup freshly grated Pecorino cheese (original recipe used 3/4 cup Parmesan)
• 1 cup feta cheese, cubed (I recommend a sheep’s milk cheese here, with a stronger taste)
• 2 tsp mustard
• 2 eggs, beaten
• a little less than 1 cup of buttermilk
• 1 cup all purpose white flour
• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 4 tsp baking powder
• oil or butter for greasing muffin tin

instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F. Grease the muffin tin. Set aside.
2. Arrange the cubed pumpkin on a baking sheet (single layer) and drizzle with the olive oil. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Roast for about 20 minutes, until cooked. Remove from oven and cool slightly.
3. In a large bowl, mix 2/3 of the pumpkin, the spinach, seeds, Pecorino, 2/3 of the feta. Add the mustard to bind the mix, combining very gently.
4. In another bowl, mix the beaten eggs with the buttermilk. Add to the bowl with the pumpkin.
5. Add the flours and baking powder to the mix, stir gently until just combined, taking care not to over mix.
6. Fill muffin holes with the batter about 3/4 full and then arrange some of the remaining pumpkin and feta on top.
7. Bake for about 20-25 min (mine may have taken about 30) until golden. Cool and enjoy!

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* ABOUT #MUFFINMONDAY: Muffin Monday is an initiative by Baker Street. A culinary journey of sharing a wickedly delicious muffin recipe every week. Drop in a quick line to join her on her journey to make the world smile and beat glum Monday mornings week after week.

For the first time, in a long time, I can say that my sketchy presence here has not been due to lack of time spent in the kitchen. Oh I have spent time; perhaps not as much as I would have wanted to, but time, nevertheless. The sad truth is that I’ve had more cooking flops in the last 2 months than I thought was humanly possible. And it is all due to my stubbornness.

For some reason, the prospect of fall brought forward some mysterious will to bake. Yes, bake. First, I had a strange obsession to make a focaccia. Initially I wanted to replicate the taste of the most wonderful focaccia I have ever tasted which was in a small place off of Marktplatz in Basel. I should perhaps mention that I was about 6 months pregnant then so the focaccia may as well have tasted like cardboard but…I am almost certain it was excellent, partially because of its rich toppings which made it a decently filling snack after a long walk in the beautiful city, without breaking our budget (something which most snacks and meals in the city usually did). The taste of it is still on the tip of my tongue but it has taken me almost 2 years to get inspired to try to make something similar.

But my aspirations, as the ‘focaccia project’ progressed, went from replicating that exact focaccia to making something one would find remotely edible.

It took me 4 separate attempts to finally give up. Wait, let me rephrase that. I haven’t given up, I’ve just put the project on hold because we were all getting tired of eating failed attempts. And because the focaccia experiment was not enough, I also royally failed at making pita bread, wholewheat crackers (that was mostly a ‘wait, I forgot something in the oven?’ kind of incident) and calzone. Yes, this was all within the last month or so I know, you envy me, admit it.

From all these adventures, I’ve come to realize that one of these statements must be true: a) the flours, baking powder, yeast and other baking ingredients I use are from another planet and hence have completely different properties than what one would expect, b) the maker of the measuring cups I use has arbitrarily produced them without much thought about actual measurements or c) I am actually horrible at this. I’ve already established the fact that I absolutely s-u-c-k at kneading (seriously, that’s a euphemism), so I am sort of leaning towards option c above? You?

Just when my spirits had sunk so low that I thought I may never touch flour again, I ran into a tiny notebook with a few recipes I had scribbled as my mom was reciting them at some point (how one gets to learn baking recipes by heart is beyond me)… and decided that, in order to test the above hypotheses, I would try to make my late grandma’s sour cherry cake.

So my friends, its not me (though that kneading statement still stands). Its probably also not the flour’s or the measuring cup’s fault. I have decided that with baking, its always the recipe (well at least for those of us who don’t possess that mysterious sixth sense when it comes to baking). Its the recipe, it really is, and this one is at least 3 generations old and has elicited many smiles (from children and grownups alike) throughout the years.

Oh and did I mention…no kneading means so many less chances to screw this up. Note to self: buy an appliance that kneads instead of me.

GRANDMA’S SOUR CHERRY CAKE
family recipe

ingredients:

• 3 eggs
• 1 cup of sugar (I used brown, my grandma would probably raise her eyebrows at that)
• 2 cups of all purpose flour
• 12 g/0.4 oz baking powder
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1/2 cup oil (I used olive, grandma would probably not approve…)
• 500g/1lb frozen (or fresh) sour cherries (thaw and drain if frozen)

instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F
2. Combine all ingredients except the sour cherries in a big bowl, stir well.
3. Lightly grease a baking pan and pour the mixture in it. Bake in the preheated oven for about 10 minutes, until its beginning to set and you see a bit of crust developing. Pull out of the oven.
4. Pour the sour cherries on top of the batter in the pan, distributing evenly.
5. Return to oven and bake until a toothpick comes out clean (I think mine took about 30min but really can’t be too sure…plus, don’t trust me with baking times in general…or with kneading).

So you know, I’ve decided to pretend that I was whisked away to some exotic place for a retreat and that I was so busy relaxing and being pampered that I let dust accumulate here at the blog. That dreamy version cannot be further from reality but if I start telling you about the last 2 months I’ll bore your ears off. So for those of you just can’t live without at least a short version of our daily grind here goes:

Hot. June birthdays; we turned 37 (Ivica) and 31 (yours truly). This blog turned 1 somewhere in between those 2. Very hot. Short June ‘escapade’ to the mountains and by the Ohrid lake. Sunburns galore. Extremely hot: 40+C.  3 new challenging clients at work; way too many long meetings and impossible deadlines. Inhumanely hot; I actually saw 48C on a thermometer somewhere.

Told you, spa retreat was heavenly.

And now, September knocks on our door and I am not sure how to welcome it. For starters, we still haven’t taken “a vacation” (to understand the need for quotes, head here); but we are going to Greece for a bit next week. I’m both really looking forward to it and also slightly dreading it. Sea, sand, sun – all good; but it does remain to be seen how the toddler will fit the equation. Then, right after we come back, Ognen’s starting daycare which is a whole different chapter. It includes me worrying myself sick about how often he’ll get sick. And, just like the vacation, there’s aspects of it I am really looking forward to: less expenses, a kid that hopefully learns to fall asleep more easily bla bla bla…

But please, my rant is trying to steal the spotlight from the real star of this post which is this delectable marmalade muffin. I decided to bake this week because of many reasons. First of all, there’s an oven in my kitchen which had not been turned on in months and I wanted to see if it was still functional. Then, Ognen’s been feeling a bit under the weather (a stuffy nose in this weather is no fun) so I wanted to bake him a treat. Also, this is the last week that our nanny is with us and I wanted to bake her a treat too. And last, but not least, I wanted to treat myself and Ivica as well because we have a busy week ahead: among other things, it will be the first time I’ll be leaving him and Ogi alone for 24 hrs (a concept which sounds so innocent but is also a bit scary) to go to a bachelorette party/trip abroad (long story)…”trying to steal the spotlight”?? come on, someone please stop me.

The muffins. Delicious, as I believe I already noted. I baked them during one of Ognen’s naps (because, in the almost 18 months of his life I have still not mastered the art of napping when he does) and then had to restrain myself not to eat more than the couple I did because, well… there are other people around here too.

And because you’ve been so cooperative and have read through the above (or simply scrolled down, either way – thank you), I have a treat for you that is the next best thing to actually offering you one of this muffins: you get to see Ognen ‘eat’ one. Enjoy!

APRICOT MARMALADE AND CHOCOLATE CHUNKS MUFFINS
recipe from The Ultimate Muffin Book
makes 12 muffins (I think you can stretch to about 16)

ingredients:

• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup whole wheat flour
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 3/4 cup sugar (I actually used only 1/2 cup)
• 1/2 cup apricot marmalade (the recipe originally requested orange marmalade but I couldn’t get any. I also used a bit more than 1/2 cup)
• 1 tsp grated lemon zest
• 2 large eggs
• 6 tbsp butter, melted and cooled
• 3 tbsp Cointreau or other orange-flavored liqueur (I skipped)
• 1 tsp fresh lemon juice
• 1/2 cup chocolate bits (optional – my addition – I just broke pieces of a regular milk chocolate)

instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 400°F/200C.  Line the muffin tray with paper liners.
2. Mix the flours, baking soda, baking powder and salt in a large bowl. I also added the choco chunks at this point.
3. (The original recipe asked for a food processor for this step but I did this by hand). Mix the buttermilk, sugar, marmalade and lemon zest until smooth. Add the eggs, butter, Cointreau (if using), and lemon juice. Stir until thoroughly combined and smooth.
4. Add the liquid mixture to the flour mixture and stir until the flour is incorporated.
5. Fill the muffin liners about 3/4 full. Bake for 20 minutes, until the muffins are light brown and their tops are rounded.
6. Cool on a wire rack for about 10 minutes before removing from the tin.

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* ABOUT #MUFFINMONDAY: Muffin Monday is an initiative by Baker Street. A culinary journey of sharing a wickedly delicious muffin recipe every week. Drop in a quick line to join her on her journey to make the world smile and beat glum Monday mornings week after week.

There used to be days when I had no worry in the world about how long a dish took to prep. This was particularly true during the last 3 years of our life in Greece, when I was fortunate enough to have a job that gave me the ability to be home by 3:30pm ( and even 2 hours earlier during summer – I worked in a school). Even with my perennial workaholic and tendency to stay late in the office, there were only a handful of times when I didn’t get home before 5pm. Which meant my afternoons were so relaxed that I could easily fit in 2 trips to the nearby grocery store (well, because there’s always something I forget) as well as have ample time to fiddle with any challenging recipe that may require marinating, chilling or masochist chopping and shredding. And even with the many neighborhood tavernas constantly beckoning with their aroma of fresh grilled squid and roasted eggplant, we used to eat home cooked dinners each night. Sitting down, at a table.

Gone are the days. My brain is now programmed to scan a recipe and calculate the time it will take me to prepare it and rejects anything that will require more than 30 minutes of my partial attention and/or a last minute trip to the store. Have you tried stuffing grape vine leaves with a mobile toddler roaming around the kitchen? Me neither. And it doesn’t look like I will any time soon.

Before Ognen, I didn’t quite get the point of ‘quick & easy’, ‘ready in 30 minutes or less’ and other related recipe labels. When you are spoiled in the time and responsibilities department, you don’t quite appreciate the convenience of quick prep, the ability to take shortcuts and the amazing sense of fulfillment that comes with getting something ready before the toddler has a complete breakdown because he’s been strapped in the high chair for waaaay too long (in our world, that’s about 10 minutes).

These cinnamon puffs are nothing earth shattering (like most things I manage to push out of the kitchen these days) but the ease of preparation and the heady aroma of cinnamon makes any (far too early! 5:30am!!??come on!) morning easier to handle. Until that glorious day (the idea of which I still refuse to give up on) when I’ll get a bona fide little kitchen helper who’ll assist me with dough preparation and will hopefully share his mom’s fascination with proper, sticky, gooey cinnamon rolls.

CINNAMON PUFFS
adapted from Wee Eats
makes 12 rolls

ingredients:

• 1 sheet puff pastry, thawed but kept cool
• 3 tbsp butter, melted (idea: next time, I think I’d try this with cream cheese maybe??hm..)
• 1/4 cup brown sugar (I’d up this to 1/3 next time)
• 1 tbsp cinnamon (or more, to taste – I think I used about 2 tablespoons?)

instructions:

1. Preheat your oven to 190C/375F.
2. Unroll the pastry sheet on a flat surface with the long side closest to you and evenly brush with the melted butter.
3. Sprinkle the sugar evenly over the pastry sheet leaving about 1cm/0.5in from the edge farthest from you.
4. Sprinkle the cinnamon evenly on top of the sugar, leaving the edge again.
5. Roll the sheet tightly starting from the side closest to you. When you get to the end, press the unsprinkled portion firmly to seal.
6. Slice the roll into 12 pieces (or 6 if you prefer these bigger) and place each one in a cup of a muffin tray.
7. Bake for about 25-30min, until golden.

It must have been around this time last year that the idea of this blog started sprouting somewhere in my tired, sleep-deprived, new mom brain. Back at that time, I was looking for something to keep my mind occupied when it was not crumbling under the weight of dirty diapers; something that I can put the tiniest shreds of energy left in, so that at the end of a long day I would feel as if I’d actually done something that day; that no, breastfeeding and baby-carrying are not the only functions I perform in my life.  I don’t exactly remember the specifics of how I reasoned that starting a blog with a cranky two month old permanently attached to me was a good idea; frankly though, I don’t really care. Amnesia is often a welcome friend when you’re past the newborn stage.

But what I do remember is that before I “officially” (what, you didn’t get the party invite?) started this blog, I did spend a considerable amount of time tossing and turning at night trying to decide on one thing: should I blog in English or Macedonian? English is by far the language I am most comfortable writing in; all of my higher level education and about 90% of my professional experience has been in English. Macedonian is my mother tongue but I’ll reluctantly admit to this: I am still having trouble finding my proper writing voice in Macedonian (everything I write in Macedonian sounds to me as if someone else wrote it) or perhaps I never developed one. I guess I could have taken the challenge to blog in Macedonian but I also thought about all those unfortunate future readers who happen to not know Macedonian and would (for whatever reason) want to read my ramblings…On the off chance that there would be at least a couple of them, I wasn’t going to risk it.

[Well, was that last paragraph persuasive enough to convince you that I simply made that decision to make it easier NOT ON ME, but on the hordes of readers that will fall in love with my blog? Really? Huh.]

In retrospect, I’m glad I chose English over Macedonian (fellow Macedonians, please forgive!). Although it’s a fact that I a) don’t write anything groundbreaking here, b) don’t exactly develop some extraordinary dishes and c) am back to work where I spend a sizable portion of my time reading, writing and editing all kinds of texts, this blog has become both a creative outlet and a communication vehicle for me. Through it,  I think I have developed a kind of connection (albeit mostly virtual) with some pretty amazing people which may not have been the case had I blogged in Macedonian (the reverse also stands obviously…oh my logic today is just amazing, I better stop).

I do, however, occasionally (on my smug days) feel as if I’m not exactly doing a favor to the local blogging scene which, although generally active, is lacking in food blogs. And also, I sometimes look at blogs written in Macedonian and, for the millionth time, fall in love with our Cyrillic alphabet all over again. So in that respect, I sometimes do have second thoughts about whether choosing English was the right decision (before you start panicking, let me just put your mind at ease – I’m not going to start blogging in Macedonian any time soon:)).

When I do happen to run into a food blog into Macedonian (which is not often) I jump for joy a little bit. One of the most prolific Macedonian food bloggers is Tea of Chasovi po Gotvenje (Cooking Lessons) who (seems to me) is posting recipes on her blog around the clock. I’ve never met her in real life and we’ve only exchanged a few words online although I’ve been stalking her blog forever. Beyond basic recipes and cooking techniques, you can find many original recipes on her site, provided you speak the language of course. During our Orthodox Lent ( which is selectively observed by some in our region – sometimes for health and other times for religious reasons – your truly…never:)), I spotted a recipe for a vegan leek pie (yes, me and leek pie…again!) which I just had to try. It’s not the cheesy egg-y version that smells like my grandma but it sounded doable (thank you frozen phyllo!) and looked delicious.

Which is exactly what it turned out to be. May I please present to you, this humble but irresistible pie with its heady aroma of leeks, the slight crunch of carrots and the chewy texture of mushrooms, all enveloped in glorious phyllo dough and soaked in club soda. Lean, but beautiful. You’ve been introduced.

LEAN LEEK PIE
very slightly adapted from Casovi po Gotvenje
serves 4 as a main dish with a salad

ingredients:

• 8 frozen phyllo dough sheets (thawed but kept under damp towel as it dries quickly…also make sure your hands are dry when handling)
• 3 large leeks (white and light green parts), chopped
• 2 large carrots, grated
• 150gr / 5oz marinated champignon mushrooms
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1/4 cup club soda
• extra club soda (you’ll need at least another 1/2 – 1 cup)
• salt and pepper
• sesame and/or flax seeds

instructions:

1. First of all you’ll need to lightly boil the leeks and carrots in some water for about 10minutes, until they soften. Drain.
2. In a large bowl, mix the leeks and carrots with the mushrooms. Add salt and pepper (I also used dill) to taste.
3. In a small bowl, mix the 1/4 cup oil with the 1/4 cup club soda. Set aside.
4. Unfold 1 of the phyllo dough sheets on a flat surface. Sprinkle with the oil/soda mixture. Place another unfolded phyllo sheet on top; sprinkle that one with the oil/soda mix as well.
5. Next, spread out 1/4 of the leek/carrot/mushroom filling on the phyllo sheets (I made a filling line in the middle of the phyllo sheet but I think distributing the filling all over the sheet would be better). Now roll the sheets tightly. (mine are not so tight).
6. Place the filled and rolled sheets in a round baking pan. Set aside.
7. Repeat steps 4-6 for the remaining 6 sheets (so basically doing the same thing 4 times). Add each rolled ‘tube’ in the baking pan, progressively making a snail-like spiral.
8. Once you’ve used all sheets and filling and your pie is in the pan, use a sharp knife to cut the whole thing in quarters. Don’t worry if it looks like you’re pie’s all over the place.
9. At this stage, you’ll need to drench the pie in club soda; basically pour club soda on top of it all until its almost completely covered with soda.  I think I needed a little less than a cup but watch your pie.
10. Now leave the pie aside to soak up the soda until it’s fully absorbed and the pie looks like a soggy mess (it will take about 20-3omin). Meanwhile, preheat your oven to 200C/400F.
11. When the soda is all absorbed, sprinkle sesame seeds (and/or flax seeds) over the surface. Place in the preheated oven and lower the temperature to 180C/350C. Bake until golden (really don’t know how long mine took but watch the pie and it will speak to you).

PS: I just read back this post’s draft to myself and decided that it is such a disjointed mess that I perhaps should have stuck to Macedonian after all, if nothing else then for the sake of limited exposure. Oh well…If you’re still here, thank you for bearing with me. Really.

If I told you that I have somewhere around 20 lasagna (or lasagne? which one?) recipes bookmarked, would you believe me? If there’s one thing all of them have in common, it’s some unusual twist; an ingredient you don’t typically find in such a dish (like hazelnuts or pumpkin for example). Here’s the thing: I’ve never made proper, Garfield-style lasagne. I know it’s not exactly rocket science but I’m always put off by worries about what type of lasagna sheets to use and my dislike for tomato based sauces and for handling minced meat (just when you thought I couldn’t get much weirder, right?)

One evening last month, our next door neighbors (a bustling full-of-life family with 3 kids of varying ages, managed by 2 successful entrepreneur parents) knocked on our door with a huge pan of half-baked lasagne. Due to some clerical error their electricity was cut off in the middle of baking and they asked if they can finish baking in our oven (it is moments like this when I think ‘gosh, I really should clean the oven more often!‘). As their youngest daughter entertained Ognen and we grownups had a cup of coffee, the aroma of the lasagne bubbling in our (not so clean) oven was intoxicating, even to me.  When it was finally baked and before they headed back to their place to eat a family dinner by candlelight (I guess you have to take romance where you can get it when you have a house full of kids), they left two sizable slices for us to try. As we sat in silence and gobbled them up, I guess what was going through Ivica’s mind was something along the lines of “who the hell did I marry? couscous, sweet potato burritos and salads with pears? there’s families eating lasagne out there…”

But, believe it or not, even though it may not seem so (proof 1, 2 and 3) I do occasionally decide to entertain his food cravings although I never fail to somehow put my twist on his favorite dishes. This tortilla lasagne is a good example.

Our kitchen is rarely tortilla-less. When I feel less than inspired, they come in handy for making impromptu wraps with whatever. Feta is also a resident in our fridge (what surprise for a cheese fanatic, huh?) and spinach…well, if you ask me, any baked cheesy pasta dish absolutely must involve something green in it, so there really was no doubt about spinach’s lead role in this dinner production. And before I went off on a tangent and made this dangerously closer to some spinach and cheese pie, I stopped and reconsidered (basically I thought of Ivica’s misty eyes as he ate the neighbors’ lasagne) and decided to use some bolognese sauce to kick this up and make it taste more like the ‘original.’

This come together pretty quickly and tasted great. Even though I’m not sure Garfield would exactly approve of it, we both liked it – probably for different reasons but who cares, right?

SPINACH FETA TORTILLA LASAGNE
mostly inspired by this recipe at the Vegetarian Times – hah, I actually managed to devegetarianize it!
serves 4-6

ingredients:

• 9 8-inch corn (or flour) tortillas
• 2 tsp. olive oil
• 500gr/1lb spinach, chopped
• 1 large purple onion, chopped
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• about 400ml/13 fl oz bolognese sauce (homemade or store bought)
• 1/2 cup tomato sauce
• about 150gr / 5oz feta cheese, crumbled
• 2 large handfuls of grated gouda (or Romano or cheddar or mozzarella or whatever you want)
• 100gr / 3.5oz cream cheese
• 180gr / 5.5 oz  sour cream

instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 190C/375F.
2. Heat the oil in large pot over high heat, then add the onion and spinach and cook for about 10 minutes, until beginning to wilt. Add the garlic and cook over low heat for about 3-5 more minutes until tender. Season with salt and pepper.
3. Spread the tomato sauce over the bottom of an 20cm/8″ pan. Stack 3 tortillas on top of the sauce (mine fit exactly in the pan but if yours is bigger, make sure you cover the whole bottom, by overlapping them).
4. In a small bowl, combine the sour cream and cream cheese. Spread half of this mix on top of the tortilla layer in the pan. Top this with 1/3 of the bolognese sauce, then 1/2 of the spinach,  then 1/2 of the feta cheese.
5. Layer 3 more tortillas on top and again: 1/3 of the bolognese, the rest of the spinach, the rest of the feta cheese.
6. Layer the last 3 tortillas on top. Spread the remaining 1/3 of the bolognese sauce over them.
7. Cover the pan with foil and bake for about 45 minutes. Remove the foil and sprinkle the grated gouda on top and bake uncovered for another 10 minutes, until cheese is bubbly.
8. Let cool for about 5 minutes and cut into wedges.

We spent this Sunday at our friends’ house on the outskirts of the city. Under the scorching sun and amidst the heaps of barbequed meats, the reggae music in the background, the flowing beer and rakija, and the laughter and conversation of some 20 adults and 3 toddlers (and 1 dog), I couldn’t help but somewhat envy the childless ones among us. Free to hold a beer in one hand and a fork in the other, to sit down undisturbed for longer than 3 minutes, not squinting to see if there’s some dangerous object located right in your child’s trajectory, no worries if he has slept, eaten, bumped his head, turned the sprinklers on himself and is now wailing for you to change him… I had time to think about this while I was desperately trying to put Ognen to sleep as his crankiness level hit the dangerous zone, while the others were eating, drinking and laughing.

And then…as he was finally giving in and started closing his little eyes, I thought back to the morning in our kitchen. My little sous chef, perched on his high chair, inspecting the muffin liners, munching on the grated cheese, timidly touching the wrinkles on the roasted peppers, playing with olives…and, a little bit later, peeking through the oven glass to look at these muffins as they grew, almost the way kids grow when you’re not paying attention.

These are the first muffins that I’ve let Ognen eat with no restrictions. In tiny toddler world that means that he ate a whole muffin and followed each bite with a resounding ‘mmmmmm…’ I always give him at least a taste of whatever we are having but with the sweet muffins I can be a little restrictive when it comes to quantity. Alas, my baby’s a cheese addict and as his main cheese dealer I just couldn’t limit his impulse to first bury his face in the muffin and then proceed to completely dismembering it and picking little bites of it and shoving them in his mouth. He was especially happy every time he ran into a tiny sliver of olive, widening his eyes and smiling as he chewed away. I’m Ognen-crazy, I know:)

The boy has a good taste though- these muffins were one of the best we’ve ever tried and easily the best savory one I’ve baked. When I first read the recipe I had a feeling (as I often did before with savory muffins) that they’d be bland and that 3/4 cup of cheese and just half a teaspoon of salt were not enough. So I almost doubled the cheese and used a smoked one for more taste, roasted my own peppers (I’ve told you before that buying roast peppers is a bit of sin around here, right? ) and added a handful of olives and a couple of sliced green onions.

To me and Ivica, these tasted a bit like a good vegetarian pizza. Maybe it’s because we’ve been trying to cut back on various junk food (mostly successfully) in the last month or so, or maybe they are truly, perfectly delicious. How did you like them?

CHILLI, SMOKED CHEESE AND ROAST PEPPER MUFFINS
Per Anu: recipe from Bakingdom which actually mentions it from Darla but there is no link to that. The ingredients below are my adaptations, for the original, head to BakerStreet.tv
makes 12 muffins

ingredients:

• 1 1/3 cups shredded smoked Gouda cheese (originally the recipe asked for cheddar)
• 3 large roasted red peppers, diced
• 1 tbsp dried parsley
• 6 kalamata olives, pitted and sliced thinly
• 2 green onions, sliced thinly
• 1 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp chile powder (I used mild)
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1 egg, beaten

instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 375 F / 190 C. Line a muffin pan with paper liners
2. In a small bowl, combine the cheese, red peppers, parsley, olives and green onions. Set aside.
3. In a large bowl combine the flours, baking powder, baking soda, chilli powder, and salt.
4. Gently mix in the buttermilk, oil and egg into the flour mix until just combined. Add the cheese/pepper mix into this until evenly distributed.
5. Divide the batter evenly between 12 muffin cups. Bake for about 20 minutes, until golden. Allow to cool before serving.

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