3 stinky boys and me

Husbandism #20

admin — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 05:33:55 +0000

David: “Well, he deserves it. I mean, he’s wearing a v-neck t-shirt.”

What David said about the latest contestant who was eliminated from So You Think You Can Dance.

Let Me Introduce You to The Slowest Runner Ever

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 06:37:16 +0000

‘This can not be good for me,’ I think to myself as I gasp to catch my breath. My lungs feel as if they’re about to explode and I’m pretty sure I’m going to puke any second. And yet, I continue to force one foot in front of the other because that’s what you do at boot camp.

I recently joined the hard core fitness group, which meets 3 mornings a week, in a desperate attempt to evict the last 10 pounds of baby blubber from my body. But after the first day of running in circles for nearly 45 minutes on an indoor track, I’m already having second thoughts, especially since I’m the slowest. runner. ever.

Okay, who am I kidding? What I do could never be classified as running. One might refer to it as a sluggish skip. Or perhaps, a walk with a half hop every second step. Whatever it is, it’s pretty pathetic. And to prove it, I was lapped again, and again, and again, by every person in the class.

And it’s not as if I’m completely out of shape. I bike 10 to 15 miles a couple times a week, and I also take kick boxing and weight training classes from the gym I attend several times a week. I just had no idea how slow of a runner I was until I joined this boot camp class. And now that I do, I really wish I didn’t. I mean, who wants to be the slowest. runner. ever?

But don’t worry. I may be a slow runner, but I’m not a runner who quits. I’ll run every lap the rest of the boot campers do, it’ll just take me a little longer. Okay, who am I kidding? A lot longer.

Husbandism #19

admin — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 02:28:13 +0000

David: “Cover me up and you won’t even notice. Sheets are just like Saran Wrap.”

What my husband said after I told him he was so ripe he needed to take a shower before bed.

Everything Skinny Scares Me

admin — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 04:57:34 +0000

Everything skinny scares me. Everything.

Example #1: Skinny Lattes. I mean, have you seen the milk used to make that drink? Some call it skim. I called it gross. There’s no way that cloudy water posing as the liquid cows create will ever touch my tongue. No way.

Example #2: Skinny Actresses. Two words: Lindsay Lohan. ’Nuff said.

Example #3: Skinny Pants. Unless you’re 6 foot tall and weigh 98 pounds, no one looks good in skinny jeans, skinny cargos, skinny shorts, or any other item of clothing that calls itself skinny. No one.

But guess what? I could be wrong! (Four words, by the way, my husband has never heard me utter in my life. And I only write this now in complete secrecy while he sleeps soundly while slobbering next to me because I don’t ever want him to know that I know those four words can coexist. You understand.)

Here’s the proof:

While I was perusing pants at Nordstrom’s Half Yearly Sale this afternoon (Yes, ladies! It’s that time of year again!), I totally rolled my eyes at the idea of even trying on these skinny cargo pants by Sanctuary. But I grabbed my size anyway and decided since I was already headed to the fitting room to try on a pair of jeans, I would give the cargos a crack, too.

I died, came back to life, and died again after I saw for myself how great these skinny cargos looked. I could not believe it. Most of the time, I can’t even get skinny pants passed my calves. And if I do happen to get them passed my calves, there’s no way I can pull them past my fanny. And if I do happen to get them past my fanny, there’s no way I can sit down in them. And if do happen to be able to sit down in them, there’s no way my fanny would actually stay in them. You see my dilemma.

So, I admit, not everything skinny scares me these days.

But c’mon. There’s no way I’m changing my mind about skinny lattes or skinny actresses. I mean, cloudy liquid posing as milk and Lindsay Lohan, right?

Right.

As If Skinny Jeans Weren’t Skinny Enough

Toddler Talk

admin — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 04:37:02 +0000

Reichen: “That lady sings lousy.”

What my 3 year old said about the woman singing next to him at church.

Ring A Ding Ding

admin — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 04:26:40 +0000

I am crazy about cocktail rings. They are bold, beautiful, a bit of a risk, and a total must-have. Here are a four of my favorites.

1. Klimt by Alexis Bittar

2. Bold Bee by AZAARA

3. Hydroqz Pave by Alexis Bittar

4. Chrysoprase Ring by Jamie Joseph

A Day of Pace, Peaches, and Pork

admin — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 02:45:44 +0000

Today, I ran 5 miles,

canned 6 bushels of peaches,

and grilled 6 pork tenderloins.

And now, I’m off to saw logs. Lots of logs.

Scott’s Stories

admin — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 06:30:33 +0000

‘My brother-in-law grew a third boob after he showered shoeless at the gym one time,’ I remind myself as I towel off my exposed toes. ‘Too late now,’ I sigh as I make a mental note to pick up a pair of flip flops during my next Target trip.

He didn’t really grow a third boob, my brother-in-law, it just looked like one. If I were to be anatomically correct, the large lump on Scott’s chest was actually a clogged gland caused by a staph infection he contracted from showering without shoes at the gym. But don’t worry, a couple weeks and several steroid doses later, his third boob vanished.

But the story never did. Scott still tells it all the time. And every time, I laugh.

My brother-in-law is full of stories. And I love listening to them, especially the ones about him and David. Because of Scott, I feel like I’ve known David decades before I married him.

I’ve heard the one a million times about David pelting him with a pencil when they were kids. And it always ends with both boys in the emergency room with a few millimeters of lead being removed from the back of Scott’s head.

I’ve heard the one a million times about the early morning pillow fights they had when David would give his little brother 10 free hits before tearing after him in retaliation. It always ends with their dad waking from a deep sleep, red faced, and chasing after both boys in his underwear yelling at them to stop.

I’ve heard the one a million times about how 12 year old David conned an 8 year old Scott to spray the can of AquaNet at a pile of leaves they spent all morning raking. It always ends with neither of their parents being home while David lights the fluid on fire with a match. To this day, they both laugh and wonder how they made it out of that story alive. I do, too.

David and Scott have a million stories. And every time I hear them, I laugh. The lives these two brothers share is so close and so incredible, I only hope the magic their relationship holds can be sprinkled from this generation to the next.

Because Reichen and Latham are going to start making their own stories soon. And I can’t wait to hear them over, and over, and over again. And laugh.

Toddler Talk

admin — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:53:04 +0000

It’s 8:30pm, I’ve brushed his teeth, read him books, and Reichen is in my lap snuggling one more minute before bed and I whisper…

Me: “Reichen, you and Latham are the most amazing little boys in the whole world. I love you so much.”

{pause}

Me: “What do you say when mommy says she loves you?”

Reichen: “I. Want. To. Go. To. The. Mall.”

Husbandism #18

admin — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 04:46:41 +0000

David: “That must have been attached to the bone! Am I bleeding? I think I need a plasma transfusion!”

My husband’s mild reaction to me pulling a small stray hair from his back.

Put Your Dukes Up

admin — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 04:51:53 +0000

The way David plays with the boys is so different from the way I play with them. I play cars, read, and have picnics with them. David wrestles, tackles, and throws balls at them while they run. Seriously. And here’s the latest activity my husband has taught my 2 year old how to play, if you can call it that.

A Twig Treasure

admin — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 04:29:24 +0000

How unique is this twig treasure from Cursive?

If The Hat Fits, Wear it.

The Tale of Two Brothers

admin — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 06:04:29 +0000

Everything your brother does, you want to do too

Riding tractors, playing cars, it doesn’t matter much to you.

You think Reichen is amazing, and of course, we agree

But as his baby brother, there’s something special that you see.

You think he’s so hilarious whenever your sibling speaks

You laugh hard, and loud, and show the dimples in your cheeks.

If Reichen takes off running, like his shadow you’re behind him

And if he’s missing a few toys, you never stop until you find them.

When your brother asks for milk, you too, beg for a cup

If a hamburger is for lunch, you both dunk it in ketchup.

Reichen calls you ‘Bob-O’, a nickname you adore

If anyone calls you ‘Latham,’ you don’t even look; you ignore.

I love how much you love him, and guess what, he loves you too

When he gets a piece of cheese, Reichen always splits it with you.

He likes to share his toys and pushes you on the swing

He throws away your trash and likes it when you sing.

Two brothers who are buddies, I couldn’t ask for anything more

I’m so excited to see the other surprises you boys have in store.

How Fowl Is This?

admin — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 02:12:17 +0000

I heart this owl vase from Z Gallerie.

Conversations of a Play Date

admin — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 01:34:04 +0000

Tabitha: “Have I ever told you I work at a hospital two Saturday mornings a month checking people into the emergency room?”

Me: “You do? You’ve never told me that before.”

Tabitha: “I do. But I only mention it because the most strange thing happened the other day. A guy came in because his wedding ring was stuck on his penis. And he was so embarrassed, he left it there three days before coming in for help. It was so bad, his penis turned blue. We had to call the fire department to cut it off because they have the equipment for stuff like that.

Me: {Laughing so hard I thought the water I just sipped would squirt out my nose.} “Are you serious?”

Tabitha: “Oh, yeah. People come in all the time with weird stuff stuck on or in them. One time, we had to remove an apple from a guy’s fanny.”

The conversation I had the other day with a good friend of mine during a park play date.