2019 Greenwich Street, Freedom Tower, 9/11 Remembrance

This is year seven of my yearly walk down Greenwich Street to take a picture of the World Trade Tower in remembrance of 9/11. Every year I take a picture and republish this blog post. I always take the picture on the street where I first lived in NYC, and where I saw the towers fall from my office building on Houston and Greenwich St, to reflect what the World Trade Towers meant to me then and now. Praying today for a day full of peace and love and void of hate.

Original Post date: September 11th, 2013

The Twin Towers were my beacon…calling me to keep going.

Wednesday morning after I wrote my daily blog post I sat and thought about if—and what—to tweet about 9/11. I couldn’t. While so much of what happened on 9/11 transpired in an instant, there is nothing to commemorate it that can be contained in an instant. It will forever be a part of each of our individual and collective history as New Yorkers and Americans. There was nothing I could say. I left Starbucks, my computer silent.

As I left I walked down Greenwich Street – the street I lived on when I first moved to New York and the street where I witnessed 9/11 unfold before my eyes – held captive in my 13th-floor window office fifteen blocks above and overlooking Wall Street. At that point, I lived on the Upper West Side and eventually was able to walk home to an area that seemed miles away from ground zero on that clear as glass September day.

I could tell you about that day and what I saw and heard – but I won’t.

What captured my heart yesterday morning was this sight. Looking down Greenwich Street at the new skyline—and remembering the hope and wonder I felt looking at the Twin Towers when I first moved to New York and went for runs down this very street.

Forget the West Side Highway running path. I wanted to run on the streets of the city. I loved feeling the cobblestone streets under my feet on one block and pavement on the next….as curious about the city’s early settlers and their hopes and dreams as I was in awe of a city built on landfills and steel ever reaching upward.

As I ran down Greenwich Street the Twin Towers were my beacon…calling me to keep going. They played a part in so many of my experiences then.

My first dinner when I moved to NYC was with an old boyfriend who took me to Windows on the World to “show me the city”. Unfortunately, it was a cloudy night and we gazed out the windows at a wall of whiteness – the restaurant encased by clouds.

The dinner did not reignite our relationship but it made me see that New York did not have to be about grand gestures and grand views. It was about being here. I had a place at the table. A slightly shy girl from the Midwest was here drinking in new tastes and experiences every day.

When friends came to visit back then one of my favorite things to do was ride the Staten Island Ferry. It was fast, cheap and offered a great view of the Statue of Liberty one way and Wall Street the other. There is nothing like the sun reflecting off the Twin Towers at sunset. I will never forget the beauty of that. It taught me that nature does not have to happen in the wild.

Later when I moved to California briefly for an unlikely romance my parents who had since moved Westward, beckoned me to stay after the relationship went stale rather than go back to that big, noisy, scary city.

I thought, “No way”. There is nothing like the feeling of flying into New York City and seeing those towers holding up the sky, shining a spotlight on the city’s remaining skyline – buildings high and low…old and new.

I remember being here when Ellis Island reopened and bawling as I watched the ceremony on morning TV. I cried for what America first stood for– a place for the persecuted to start anew. I cried not for pride at first but for that there was still so much persecution. I was an idealistic 20-something and it was a time in New York still rife with racial uprisings and the tension of extreme wealth and poverty. I spoke to my mom briefly that morning and she told me to wipe away my tears and consider how lucky we are to live here versus so many places in the world that hadn’t made even a single step forward or had been thrust backward in their pursuit of freedom.

Looking at the Freedom Tower yesterday morning brought all these memories back. And a renewed sense of pride. To me, in missing, and at the same time remembering, the Twin Towers I am missing and remembering all those lost on 9/11. I will never forget.

The skyline may change but we stand for the same things. Now its new formation has become an anchor for me to remember to take the past as inspiration for the future. And now I have a new ritual – to photographing the view down Greenwich Street every September 11th and to look forward and reflect back.

  

Hello Visionistas! It’s been quiet here lately. I’m scaling back on 4020 Vision while I focus on my next venture. Stay tuned. In the meantime, I will do an occasional roundup of some 4020 Wisdom I see out in the world.

I just came back from SXSW, Despite the hype that it’s too big, too over, too crowded, I always meet amazing people. I don’t know if it’s Austin or the festival, or the food that puts you in a good mood, but it’s just easy to connect, get adopted by new crews and learn something new. This year some of my favorite stops were The Riveter, a female-forward coworking venture that just launched last in Austin week, Bumble’s SXSW Hive and a few panels.

The Riveter hosted an important and eye-opening talk from Ilyse Hogue, the President of NARAL, on the state of reproductive rights. Did you know that in Alabama an embryo has more rights than the mother? She talked about the difference between being pro-choice vs. against the criminalization of abortion and that if you are against the criminalization, the best thing you can do it talk about it.

Next up, Arlan Hamilton, founder of Backstage Capital, a firm that invests in underrepresented founders, and The Riveter founder Amy Nelson talked about the importance of company culture when you have a mission-based company.

Arlan also shared an “aha” insight from a talk she had with Ursula Burns, former chairman and CEO of Xerox. When Arlan told Ursula that she felt like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders (regarding her mission helping to pave the way for more underrepresented founders), Ursula responded that only YOU can put the weight of the world on your shoulders. The world doesn’t do it. So her final advice of that day to Austin

‘”Don’t y’all put the weight of the world on your shoulders.” – Arlan Hamilton

Lastly, and perhaps the most 4020 of them all, a panel with the cast of BookSmart, Olivia Wilde’s feature directorial debut about a teen friendship between Amy (rising star Kaitlyn Dever) and Molly (Beanie Feldstein).

This panel was a kind-fest. I don’t think I’ve seen a group of women who loved working together more. Cheers to collaboration. In closing the panel, moderator and Bumble’s Editorial Director, Clare O’Connor asked: “What would you tell your high school self?” The answer was something I think we can all relate to:

“You can stand up for yourself and not be mean. You don’t have to categorize everyone and put them in one box. This only harms yourself,  because if you are doing that to other people you are doing it to yourself. It’s only limiting who you can be. Everyone has been misunderstood. Allow yourself to go deeper and be more than one thing.”

At the end of my trip, I reflected back and noticed that the words I heard most throughout my three-day visit in Austin were “human”. And “kind”. They were used in the context that we are all human, and need to recognize all the vulnerabilities that come with that. The best true north in life is to be kind. We need more of that today more than ever.

There was increased volume toward less competition and more collaboration (sharp shoulders was the other term I  heard a lot, e.g. that they were getting rounder). I see this as a reaction to the divisiveness of our country’s leadership and the bullying that social media can propagate, magnifying the personal on a social level. While the words were used separately, the word “humankind” is used to describe humans collectively. This is a trend that I hope will play out more (especially as since I penned this originally we have witnessed the horror of the New Zealand terrorist attack).

That s a wrap. Here some other 4020 vision from the zeitgeist.

Friend time. Reportedly, it takes 40 to 60 hours of interaction for an acquaintance to become a casual friend, 80 to 100 hours to move from casual friend to friend, and 200-plus hours to hit bestie status. This Marie Clare article talks about the hardships of making friends in a world where more people work remotely and prefer to stream and de-stress than socialize. It has some valid points. I find that making friendships also evolves as you get older. But I am optimistic, you connect with others by making an effort (volunteering or joining in) and then remember to keep them healthy.

Money talks. This article from Aminitou Sow has some of the best advice EVER about money and your relationship with it, as well as some smart work advice. Get over the cringe factor!

“On the cringe meter, money is probably the highest. There’s this idea that you’re supposed to be modest and put your head down — that work is your ‘family’ and you’re lucky to be there. But work is not your family. The only way work shows how much they care about you is by how much they pay you.

Give and thou shall receive. Love this roundup on networking strategies from Aliza Licht, a fashion exec turned mentoring guru. You’d be surprised at how much you get back when the first thing you ask is “What can I give”.

Marriage doesn’t find you. Julianne Moore talks about looking for love.

• 3 Gifts for a 20-Something #357

You can always make more money but you can’t always make more time. In my late twenties, I walked away from a business that generated more than $2 million in sales. I realized that sometimes you have to let go in order to move forward even if that means deciding to leave a monetarily successful business. This moment has become one of the guiding refrains that defines my business life — I can always make more money, but I can’t make more time.

There is an upside to tough times if you are learning. At 30, I was designing and producing products for companies. I was doing millions of dollars a year in business, working with Fortune 500 companies. But I was a complete mess. I didn’t have the infrastructure, experience or tools to handle the pressures.  I worked non-stop. I was constantly anxious. It was a rough time, but I consider those my MBA years. I learned what is truly needed in order to be successful.

My best advice…consider the source.

— Adina Levin, cofounder Collab (at told to 40 Women to Watch Over 40)

About Three Gifts for a 20-Something (and tell us yours):

Three Gifts for a 20-Something: What three “gifts” would you give a 20-something if you were a “Forty-Godmother”? Here 40-somethings share three wishes to help a 20-something get a head start on the confidence to make decisions that are right for them (not their parents, friends, teachers or society). No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. 

You can submit your three gifts here (no matter what your age).

Today I give you 12 wishes — lessons learned from the women who stood up, spoke out and broke the status quo this year.

1. Abby Wambach, retired soccer champion 

Be Curious. Question before you follow. Unite to fight.  

In her commencement speech at Barnard, Abby Wambach encouraged women not to follow the lead of Little Red Riding Hood as she shared her experiences fighting for equal pay. Don’t be the girl who doesn’t question and follows the set path, as the fairy tale goes.  

“The message is clear: Don’t be curious, don’t make trouble, don’t say too much, or bad things will happen. I stayed on the path out of fear—not of being eaten by a wolf—but of being cut, being benched, losing my paycheck. If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: ‘Abby, you were never Little Red Riding Hood, you were always the wolf.’” 

She went on to say that to do this, it’s time for women to unite to change the system, saying: No matter our age, we all need to graduate to the wolf pack.  

http://time.com/5281711/abby-wambach-barnard-commencement-2018-speech/ 

 2. Shonda Rhimes, the highest paid showrunner in Hollywood 

Own your power (and money is your power).  

This fall while speaking at the ElleWomen In Hollywood event, Shonda Rhimes encouraged women to own their money and power. This came after she announced she was the highest paid showrunner in Hollywood, putting her deal at least at $300 million instead of the $100 million originally reported by the press. This we know because Ryan Murphy, of American Horror Story acclaim amongst others, had told the press his Netflix contract was in the $300 million ball park. She decided to “come out” about her worth when she realized her silence was silencing others:   

“We need to set an example because I am awesome and we are awesome…We are powerful women, and when we say we have power, what we are really saying is that we deserve to have power. We deserve whatever good thing it is that we are getting. Demanding what you deserve can feel like a radical act.”  

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/rambling-reporter/shonda-rhimes-talks-netflix-pay-at-elle-women-hollywood-awards-1152606 

3. Serena Williams, tennis champion, entrepreneur  

Call people on the double standards.

Serena became an icon for what I call the “enough is enough” movement – whereby a brave new generation of women is just not going to take it anymore. They’re not putting up with the inequities and misconduct that have been accepted by the majority for centuries. At the tumultuous finals match of the U.S. Open, Williams refuted the penalties she received for violations that included verbal abuse and getting advice from her coach. Instead of stepping back and accepting the status quo. She did what women, especially women of color aren’t supposed to do, she got angry, calling the umpire a “thief’.   

 “There are a lot of men out here who have said a lot of things and do not get that punishment. Because I am a woman you are going to take this away from me? That is not right.”  

She lost the game to Naomi Osaka, but made an impactful statement, paying it forward for others:   

 “I’m here to fight for women’s rights and women’s equality. The fact that I have to go through this is an example. Maybe it didn’t work out for me, but it’s going to work out for the next person.”  

It was a loss for her but a win for women. Not everyone can afford to do it, but when you can, call it like it is.  

https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2018/09/a-heart-breaking-grand-slam/569704/  

4. Serena Williams, tennis champion, entrepreneur (again)

You can work, and parent and try and fail and still win.  

Thirty-love Serena Williams. I also have to give Williams a shout out for her strong support for mothers returning to work. After her defeat at Wimbledon this year, she spoke out to mothers, dedicating her game to them:  

 “I was playing out there for you today and I tried. I look forward to continuing to be back out here and do what I do best.” 

After the match she continued to encourage moms to know they are not alone in the struggle and that if they choose to go back to work, she is out there proving you can do it:  

“I had such a long struggle to come back and it was difficult and honestly I feel like if I can do it, they can do it. There’s no pressure because having a child is a completely full-time job but those that do want to go back, you know, you can just do it. You can really do it.” 

5. Michelle Obama, FLOTUS, author of Becoming  

Marriage is work. All the better to work through with a friend.  

Obama reminded us to forget the fairy tales, marriages do indeed take work:  

“You have to remember that even the best marriages take work. I love my husband. Our marriage gets stronger with every hard mountain we climb together. Love at first sight doesn’t last. It’s the struggle. That’s what makes it.”  

Her advice on finding romance – don’t underestimate the power of friendship: 

“I got to know Barack as a friend first. And I saw how he was as a person. I saw at work how he dealt with everyone, from the doormen to the secretaries. I went to a community organizing event with him. That made me see his heart and soul. You have to see the full package, not just the person’s name or school. There’s more that will show a man who for who he is, and how he’ll treat you.”  

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/11-things-i-learned-from-attending-michelle-obamas-book-tour/ 

6. Natalie Portman, actress  

 Gossip well 

At Variety’s Power of Women event, Natalie Portman spoke with strength and passion about her support of the Times Up movement and the lack of gender parity in the entertainment industry. She inspired the audience with a step-by-step guide to help end sexual harassment and violence against women. These steps included giving money to aligned causes like the Times Up Defense Fund, gathering with like-minded allies, listening to more diverse voices, demanding and granting equal pay, and lastly, to “gossip well.” This was her call to stop playing to the stereotype that women are crazy or difficult. She encouraged the audience to challenge anyone who tries this ploy to discredit women, as well as to hold abusers accountable.  

That means calling out men who claim a woman is “crazy to work with” or other attempts to discredit women. I would go a step further and say gossip will could also mean shouting out the successes of women colleagues and their strengths.  

https://variety.com/2018/film/news/natalie-portman-gender-parity-power-of-women-1202978582/ 

 7. Cardi B, musician  

 Don’t let other people’s ideas of what defines motherhood define your motherhood.  

My favorite Cardi B headline goes to her calling out people for criticizing the way she and now separated husband Offset are choosing to parent, and even when they chose to parent. Apparently, Cardi B got parent shamed for having a baby at the peak of her success. How last century is that? Her response:

“Why can’t I have both? Why do I have to choose a baby or a career?”  

8. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court Justice  

Screen early and often…and do your workout.  

The 85-year-old Supreme Court Justice is known as much for her notorious dissenting opinions and honorable fight for equal rights as her grace and grit. She also has a remarkable ability to come back from major health issues. She’s persisted through colon cancer, pancreatic cancer, broken ribs and now cancerous lesions in her lungs. Many of these issues were detected through early screening rather than noticeable symptoms. Her resilience may also be helped by her workout routine. She works out twice a week with her trainer, even after she was hospitalized for her broken ribs:  

 “[I} went back immediately after the fall. [But] we could do legs only.” But yesterday, we did the whole routine.” 

https://nypost.com/2018/12/16/ruth-bader-ginsburg-worked-out-the-day-after-she-broke-three-ribs/ 

9. Christine DeBlasey Ford, professor, researcher 

 Don’t allow yourself to be defined by others  

DeBlasey Ford came forward about her alleged sexual assault by Brett Kavanaugh in an attempt to stop his ascent to the Supreme Court. His confirmation on October 6th, just a month before the mid-term elections, confirmed for many that the only way to create real change for women is to put more women in office, perhaps contributing to the record number of women voted into Congress. Her only public address since the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings and the subsequent barrage of threats to herself and her family was through a video honoring Rachael Denhollander. Denhollander was named as Sports Illustrated’s Inspiration of the Year for her courage as the first woman to break the silence about former Michigan State and USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar’s 20-year history of sexually assaulting young gymnasts.   

“I am in awe of you and I will always be inspired by you. In stepping forward you took a huge risk and you galvanized future generations to come forward even when the odds are seemingly stacked against them. The lasting lesson is that we all have the power to create real change and we cannot allow ourselves to be defined by the acts of others.”  

https://www.cnn.com/2018/12/12/politics/christine-blasey-ford-gymnast-larry-nassar-sexual-abuse/index.html  

10. Rachel Denhollander, lawyer, former gymnast  

Courage takes preparation.  

Rachel Denholladnder first opened up with her allegation of sexual harassment in 2016. She finally came forward after reading an Indianapolis Star article reporting that USA Gymnastics had failed to alert authorities of sexual assault allegations against coaches 

“I have seen little hope that any light would be shed by coming forward, so I have remained quiet. If there is a possibility that is changing, I will come forward as publicly as necessary.” 

Her fear was that without collaboration or proof, he would get off and feel emboldened to continue his abuse. She then gave up her privacy for the next two years preparing to make sure that didn’t happen.  She braved the attacks and systemic cultural barriers that prevent women from coming forward. As a lawyer, she knew that she had to present a measured and clear testament to be taken seriously. Her impactful statement ended with the question “How much is a little girl worth?” Started what the judge in the case called a Tidal Wave.  

“You made all of this happen. You made all of these voices matter. Your sister survivors and I thank you. You are the bravest person I’ve ever had in my courtroom.”  — Ingham County Circuit Court Judge Rosemarie Aquilina 

https://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/michigan/2018/01/24/nassar-denhollander/109787862/ 

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/26/opinion/sunday/larry-nassar-rachael-denhollander.html 

 11. Priyanka Chopra, Actress, producer  

Forget fitting into the glass slipper, be the best version of yourself.  

When Priyanka Chopra was young, she was by her own admission a bit of a klutz. So much so that her father nicknamed her “bandarella,” a Hind word for monkey. When she was 12 she challenged him on the name, a play off of Cinderella (a much preferable idol to her at the time). His response became the calling her for her to resist stereotypes about women, marriage and being empowered to be your own best self.  

“You are special. You don’t want to fit into a glass slipper that someone has made for you. You [want to] break the glass ceiling.’” – Priyanka Chopra’s father

She later understood the full impact of the glass ceiling concept and chose to stand up to a director who wanted to objectify her:  

“How I want to be perceived will be my choice. How you perceive me, is how I will show you what I want to be. Perception is reality, and my perception is going to be my identity, and that will be my choice.”  

https://www.forbes.com/sites/maggiemcgrath/2018/06/20/why-pepsi-ceo-indra-nooyi-loves-sex-and-the-city/#6262d4f9377c  

12.  Ruth Porat, CFO Alphabet, Inc,  

Be the change you want to see.  

When asked about the pervasive sexual harassment at Google, the CFO of the parent company Alphabet responded:  

“If the tech industry can make cars that drive themselves, why can’t it do better when it comes to sexual harassment?” 

She also was one of few women in management who spoke about walking with the 20,000 people who walked out of Google to protest their treatment of women and reported multi-million-dollar payouts to executives accused of inappropriate behavior.  

“Why can’t we solve this? We should do better. And, if we’re holding ourselves to a view that if you can change one thing, then you should be able to change more than that.”  

https://www.cnn.com/2018/11/13/tech/google-sexual-harassment-ruth-porat/index.html 

About Three Gifts (and tell us yours):

Three Gifts for a 20-Something: What three “gifts” would you give a 20-something if you were a “Forty-Godmother”? Here 40-somethings share three wishes to help a 20-something get a head start on the confidence to make decisions that are right for them (not their parents, friends, teachers or society). No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. 

You can submit your three gifts here (no matter what your age).

Instead of asking “What do I want to do?” ask yourself, “who do I want to be?” Spend time figuring out the woman you want to grow into. Create a vision for who that person it. What do you value, what activities are associated with that, what behaviors does a person like this engage in?

To get there you will need to stretch yourself and that is where the tools come in. You need to develop tools to deal with the fears anxieties and challenges of going to new places and growing. These will eventually become natural. And then you will be ready for your next challenge.

These are takeaways from an interview with Tara Sophia Mohr, author of Playing Big,

And don’t forget to acknowledge the wins.

About Three Gifts (and tell us yours):

Three Gifts for a 20-Something: What three “gifts” would you give a 20-something if you were a “Forty-Godmother”? Here 40-somethings share three wishes to help a 20-something get a head start on the confidence to make decisions that are right for them (not their parents, friends, teachers or society). No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. 

You can submit your three gifts here (no matter what your age).

Give friends a break.

Get outside yourself. I’ve made so many amazing friends in the most unexpected places. When you put yourself in new situations and do things you are excited about, you will naturally meet new people. And when it’s naturally, it’s more likely they will want to connect again.

Listen for what works for you. I’m all about asking for advice and giving it. But in the end, you have to make up your own mind. Advice is just perspective. So get it. And get it from people who have different life experience than you, or you will end up with all the same answers and that doesn’t get you anywhere new.

About Three Gifts (and tell us yours):

Three Gifts for a 20-Something: What three “gifts” would you give a 20-something if you were a “Forty-Godmother”? Here 40-somethings share three wishes to help a 20-something get a head start on the confidence to make decisions that are right for them (not their parents, friends, teachers or society). No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. 

You can submit your three gifts here (no matter what your age).

Develop the vision to look beyond the no.
Remember that the other side of perseverance is the ability to see beyond the no. No doesn’t mean your idea isn’t good. If you know you are solving an important problem, you have to keep believing in yourself. And at the point where you are down, reach out to a mentor or a supportive network. They can help you put that “nth” no into perspective and frame some learning from it. Or they could see a bright spot that is clouded over by your shade of doubt.

Make it a zero-sum game.
When you are trying to affect change, the biggest barrier is often fear of that change. Work to identify what the group or system is afraid of, then prove that it’s not a zero-sum game. How can you show people that when change benefits one group it does not have to negatively impact another group?

Think about who is at your table.

“When there is true inclusion, we don’t need armor.” — Plum Perfect founder Asmau Ahmed

Asmau was responding to the idea that often women and people of color need to act like someone else to be seated at the table. She challenged the people in the room at a panel to rethink the table. “We’ve decided there is a table. And power equals the table. And that you have to play by table rules. And that few can be at the table,” explained Asmau.

How can you expand your idea of the table today? Who can you invite, include and more importantly, who can they invite? When the table or room, or whatever you can make the table, is more diverse, we all benefit from better ideas, more innovation and more profit!

Quote of the week: “Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.” – Eleanor Roosevelt,

About Three Gifts (and tell us yours):

Three Gifts for a 20-Something: What three “gifts” would you give a 20-something if you were a “Forty-Godmother”? Here 40-somethings share three wishes to help a 20-something get a head start on the confidence to make decisions that are right for them (not their parents, friends, teachers or society). No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. 

You can submit your three gifts here (no matter what your age).

I missed my regular post last Sunday as I was in Boston for our Women@Forbes Closing The Investment Gap Summit. This is the second year in a row that I  have kicked off the annual Forbes Under 30 Summit with a one day event on moving women forward. We gather rising innovators and entrepreneurs to learn, experience and interact with diverse leaders of all ages. In other words, lots of 40:20 vision and wisdom!

Here are a few “wishes for a 20-something”  I took away from the day. 

“You already have your voice. Stand tall, put your shoulders back, and stand your sacred ground, because it’s yours.” —  Emery Whalen, CEO and cofounder of QED Hospitality, a restaurant group based in New Orleans

“When I was raising my round I would stand in front of my mirror and say ‘Jessica, don’t be afraid to dream like a white man.’” – Jessica O. Matthews, founder of Uncharted Power, a data and tech company that generates clean and cost-efficient energy for communities in need.

Doing this mental exercise before meeting with investors helped her bring her A Game to the table. It also paid off: In 2016, Matthews raised $12 million, at the time the largest Series A ever raised by a black female founder.

“Know the difference between wishing and dreaming. Bet on yourself and take a risk.” – Wade_Davis, a former NFL player and a diversity and inclusion consultant

For more inspiration, check out the articles on Forbes.com sharing more wisdom from the day.  

Own Your Seat At The Table

Scaling Young, Overcoming Rejection and Rewriting The Rules of Founding

Bumble Founder Whitney Wolfe Heard On Believing and Investing In Women

‘Insecure’ Star Yvonne Orji Shares Her 7 Keys For Success

Startup Stress Is Real

Three Lessons Feminist Icon and Founder Cindy Gallop Learned Raising Money For A Sex Tech Startup

How I Pitched This

About Three Gifts (and tell us yours):

Three Gifts for a 20-Something: What three “gifts” would you give a 20-something if you were a “Forty-Godmother”? Here 40-somethings share three wishes to help a 20-something get a head start on the confidence to make decisions that are right for them (not their parents, friends, teachers or society). No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. 

You can submit your three gifts here (no matter what your age).

Don’t let your friends and family come on every date with you. No, I don’t mean physically. I mean that voice in your head saying will my friends think he’s good looking enough? Will my peers think he is successful enough? Or, perhaps it’s your mom or dad or aunts and uncles that you have in the back of your head with that ever hopeful, “Is there anyone special in your life” making you think Mr. Right On Paper but not clicking on the chemistry is worth another shot. You are the most important person in a relationship. Your parents and friends will not be there day to day if you marry that person. Make sure you are choosing for you. -business development, cyber security, NYC, divorced

Whether everybody likes you or not is not the point. I used to worry about whether or not people liked me. But, of course, not everyone is going to like you anymore than you’re going to like every person you ever meet. Now I just concentrate on whether or not I like and respect the people that I’m choosing to spend my time with. -non-profit exec, partnerships, founder, married, mom, DC

Sometimes indecision is okay. Big decisions are never made, they happen. I do believe that’s true. You can think and think and think about big decisions. And you want to put your feelers out there. But sometimes a window just opens, and it feels right. -Sr sales exec, married, mom, LA

About Three Gifts (and tell us yours):

Three Gifts for a 20-Something: What three “gifts” would you give a 20-something if you were a “Forty-Godmother”? Here 40-somethings share three wishes to help a 20-something get a head start on the confidence to make decisions that are right for them (not their parents, friends, teachers or society). No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. 

You can submit your three gifts here (no matter what your age).

Original Post date: September 11th, 2012

The Twin Towers were my beacon…calling me to keep going.

Wednesday morning after I wrote my daily blog post I sat and thought about if—and what—to tweet about 9/11. I couldn’t. While so much of what happened on 9/11 transpired in an instant, there is nothing to commemorate it that can be contained in an instant. It will forever be a part of each of our individual and collective history as New Yorkers and Americans. There was nothing I could say. I left Starbucks, my computer silent.

As I left I walked down Greenwich Street – the street I lived on when I first moved to New York and the street where I witnessed 9/11 unfold before my eyes – held captive in my 13th floor window office fifteen blocks above and overlooking Wall Street. At that point I lived on the Upper West Side and eventually was able to walk home to an area that seemed miles away from ground zero on that clear as glass September day.

I could tell you about that day and what I saw and heard – but I won’t.

What captured my heart yesterday morning was this sight. Looking down Greenwich Street at the new skyline—and remembering the hope and wonder I felt looking at the Twin Towers when I first moved to New York and went for runs down this very street.

Forget the West Side Highway running path. I wanted to run on the streets of the city. I loved feeling the cobble stone streets under my feet on one block and pavement on the next….as curious about the city’s early settlers and their hopes and dreams as I was in awe of a city built on landfills and steel ever reaching upward.

As I ran down Greenwich Street the Twin Towers were my beacon…calling me to keep going. They played a part in so many of my experiences then.

My first dinner when I moved to NYC was with an old boyfriend who took me to Windows on the World to “show me the city”. Unfortunately it was a cloudy night and we gazed out the windows at a wall of whiteness – the restaurant encased by clouds.

The dinner did not reignite our relationship but it made me see that New York did not have to be about grand gestures and grand views. It was about being here. I had a place at the table. A slightly shy girl from the Midwest was here drinking in new tastes and experiences everyday.

When friends came to visit back then one of my favorite things to do was ride the Staten Island Ferry. It was fast, cheap and offered a great view of the Statue of Liberty one way and Wall Street the other. There is nothing like the sun reflecting off the Twin Towers at sunset. I will never forget the beauty of that. It taught me that nature does not have to happen in the wild.

Later when I moved to California briefly for an unlikely romance my parents who had since moved Westward, beckoned me to stay after the relationship went stale rather than go back to that big, noisy, scary city.

I thought, “No way”. There is nothing like the feeling of flying into New York City and seeing those towers holding up the sky, shining a spotlight on the city’s remaining skyline – buildings high and low…old and new.

I remember being here when Ellis Island reopened and bawling as I watched the ceremony on morning TV. I cried for what America first stood for– a place for the persecuted to start anew. I cried not for pride at first but for that there was still so much persecution. I was an idealistic 20-something and it was a time in New York still rife with racial uprisings and the tension of extreme wealth and poverty. I spoke to my mom briefly that morning and she told me to wipe away my tears and consider how lucky we are to live here versus so many places in the world that hadn’t made even a single step forward or had been thrust backwards in their pursuit of freedom.

Looking at the Freedom Tower yesterday morning brought all these memories back. And a renewed sense of pride. To me, in missing, and at the same time remembering, the Twin Towers I am missing and remembering all those lost on 9/11. I will never forget.

The skyline may change but we stand for the same things. Now its new formation has become an anchor for me to remember to take the past as inspiration for the future. And now I have a new ritual – to photographing the view down Greenwich Street every September 11th and to look forward and reflect back.