.45 Caliber Lite

Please Douche: A Love Poem

.45 — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 03:27:01 +0000

[…] after convincing myself that it sounded more like a facial money shot (a very hetero facial money shot), I streaked across the street (while dripping wet) and retrieved the Crème Douche. … [visit site to read more]

Back to Basics

.45 — Fri, 30 May 2008 04:39:14 +0000

It was just about 6 months ago now that I was in the process of transcribing some old stand-up routines to story form (like this one on the Clap), because I don’t do much live performance anymore and thought I might be able to salvage some of the material to be utilized elsewhere. Where else, exactly, had yet to be determined; but I was encouraged by some friends (and enemies) to see if I couldn’t make some of these ideas work in the increasingly popular weblog format. At the time, I had suspected that these so-called blogs were only used by 14-year-old girls to flap their traps about things like boys and shopping. As I would soon learn first-hand, however, this was almost entirely true.

… [visit site to read more]

No Time for Love, Dr. Jones!

.45 — Thu, 22 May 2008 02:31:34 +0000

But luckily, there was time to write a guest post on Jillian Approved!, so please swing by her site and check out: I Didn’t Land on “King of Rock”, “King of Rock” Landed on Me; and tell her .45 sent … [visit site to read more]

Live Free or Ask .45

.45 — Sun, 18 May 2008 10:14:56 +0000

[…] The day will soon be upon us when Whitey will officially be outnumbered. This is largely due to crystal meth and inbreeding. … [visit site to read more]

Aromatherapy for Men

.45 — Thu, 15 May 2008 09:23:46 +0000

[…] A guy can be ugly, fat, bald, and stupid; with a cyst on his mouth and a hump; but as long as he’s got ends, he’s landing tail. … [visit site to read more]

Required Slacker Reading

.45 — Thu, 08 May 2008 10:45:34 +0000

Lately I’ve been of the mind of recalling some of my favorite slacker literature. The previous statement is total bullshit, however, considering the fact that I wrote this a while ago and set it to future-post. But just for the sake of this lead-in, let’s say I am actually of the mind of recalling slack-lit at this particular moment, as you’re reading this. And now this, and so on. What better time, then, to offer recommendations of some personal favorites?

… [visit site to read more]

Battlecat Fatso

LOBO — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 07:34:19 +0000

Frustrated by various snags I’ve hit during the making of LOBO: The Motion Picture, I decided I needed to take some time to clear my head.

Nagging doubts began to seep into my conscience. Not about the movie -oh God no; this script is the best thing since Citizen Kane- but about Hollywood in general. It just seems like if it’s not a flick about gay cowboys or an abused chick dyin of cancer, nobody cares.

… [visit site to read more]

MJ’s Last Dance

.45 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:52:53 +0000

I’m generally not into taking photos, but I’ve been snapping some off lately to document my last days in San Francisco. Today there was a barbeque at my house to celebrate 420. This is really just as good an excuse as any; we have A LOT of barbeques. Well, today was my last one and I got a couple pics in. This one reminded me of an album cover, so I made it one.

… [visit site to read more]

Tokyo Struck With Epic WTF

Qelqoth — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:13:16 +0000

Tokyo, Japan — To a classically orchestrated soundtrack, a giant robot creature fell to Earth, attacking denizens of Tokyo with some kind of freaky light show. The blinding lasers, akin to that of a Jean Michel Jarre performance, sent the Japanese people into fits of epileptic rage as they were burned to dust by this intergalactic death machine.

… [visit site to read more]

Things I’ll Miss About San Francisco

.45 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:31:11 +0000

… [visit site to read more]