4th Decade: Starting Life Over at 40!

1-16-12 (2)

2012-01-16T14:33:00.001-06:00

Being a busybody is not a good look at any age. Learning to mind our own business is half of the battle. Always think: Am I doing this for me or the other person and will it really help?

Validation

2012-01-07T13:37:00.000-06:00

I haven't written a blog in so long. I've been crazy busy and every time I sat down to write one, I couldn't get focused. I guess having the past few weeks off for break has cleared my mind so that I can write. I'm starting this blog with a question that I've been thinking about for the past week or so:

Why do couples feel that they need validation for their relationship from others, or maybe the more accurate question would be, why do people feel that couples need their validation?

I've been happily dating and developing a relationship with a significant other for the past few months. It's been a great time of us really connecting and getting to know each other and just enjoying the process of becoming. Whatever that becoming turns into. What I've noticed as we've developed is that the more we do, the more others feel the need to try to validate what's going on between us for us. I will be honest in saying that at one time in my life, validation from others about my relationships were high on my priority list, but at this age and stage in my life, the only validation that I need about my relationships (with a significant other or even my friendships) is from me and the person(s) that are engaged in the relationship.

While it's nice to know what others think, their opinions really can't determine what you and someone else have because everyone's relationship is different and people operate differently within their relationships. What's working for one couple, may not necessarily work for you and your significant other. What I've learned this time around is that what I needed in a relationship and from others at 22 and 32 is totally different from what I need 42. The number 1 difference being that I don't need others to validate my relationship by telling me that we're okay or he's okay and that he seems good for me. It's nice when your family and friends can get along with your significant other, but at the end of the day, you are the only one who can make you happy, no one else.

What I know at 42 is that I know me. I know who I am as a woman. I know what I want out of life, career, and relationships. I know where my life is headed. I know that I've accomplished most of what I've set out to accomplish. I know that I love and like myself and the way I've chosen to live my life. I know that I've been on a journey to live a real and transparent life and that I own everything about me: good, bad and ugly. Because what I know for sure is that if I don't own it all, I can't continue to grow, mature and become better. So, when I look it all over, I know at 42 what I didn't know at 22 and 32, all the validation that I need for myself and for my relationships are within me. I validate it because finally, I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to validate who I am as a: woman, mother, daughter, sister, friend etc. And when you reach this stage in the game, that's the best validation and all the validation that is needed.

Be blessed blogosphere and happy new year!

FriendTerVention

2011-09-17T18:50:00.001-05:00

As I've grown and matured and gotten more in touch with my spiritual self, I've learned to pay attention to feelings or should I say my intuition. And right now, my intuition has me questioning why a 'friend' is making certain statements that have been made to me. What I've learned over the years is that whenever I spend any amount of time trying to figure out why someone said what they said to me, it was probably inappropriate and wrong, and it's time for a friendTerVention. You're probably wondering what's a friendTerVention. A friendTerVention is when I evaluate the value of having a person in my space. At one time, this could lead to a person being completely cut off but now it just leads to me understanding that everyone doesn't get a front row seat in my life. We still communicate but they get basic info, no details at all. I often wonder if people who make slick digs at you know that they're doing this and if they do know what reaction are they expecting from you? What I know for sure as a mature adult is that when in doubt about what to say, it's best to just be quiet. My daddy always said that the power of life and death is in the tongue. Let's just be mindful of what we say to people in our space. Thinking before we speak is always a good rule of thumb.

Be blessed blogosphere!

Throwing Salt

2011-09-10T19:01:00.001-05:00

I'm learning that everyone that's in my space does not always want to see me happy. A situation in my life is growing and changing for the better before my eyes. Something that I hoped for months would happen and wasn't sure if it ever would. What I'm finding is that there are some who are truly happy that I'm happy and am having such a positive turn around in my situation and are rejoicing and celebrating with me, while there are others who are negative and try to plant seeds of doubt and question why I'm feeling the way that I am and actually went as far as to say that they were disappointed that I was allowing this situation to make me so happy. People who I might add, I'm very surprised to see have this reaction and I am very disappointed in their reaction. But, as I've reflected over these reactions, I've come to one conclusion, it's all my own fault. I should have been more careful in sharing my joy and should have realized that I couldn't share with everyone, even those who claim to love, like and support me. It's been said over and over again that misery loves company and people who are miserable in their lives want everyone else to join in with them. I've said it once and I will say it again, I have no room in my life for negativity. I want people in my space who have lots of positive energy to spread around and who want to uplift and encourage, not pull down and discourage. Being realistic and walking in your reality is very different from viewing everyone and everything in a negative way. I have no problem with reality, but I do have a problem with people who spread negativity. Let's make a commitment to to be positive, uplift, encourage, and share in each others joy.

As always, peace and blessings blogosphere.

Emotions Are Healthy

2011-08-26T12:04:00.001-05:00

I have been told lately that I'm too emotional and that I'm a touchy, feely little lady and that I have problems and issues because I'm like this. I find this very humorous because I would venture to say that most of the people in my life love me and are in my life because I possess these qualities and because while I'm not afraid to show my emotions, I'm far from being a drama queen.

In all honesty, I love that I feel and love hard. It means that I'm alive and in touch with my feelings and not afraid to really live my life and take risks. I love that I experience the full range of my emotions: happy, sad, mad, angry, joy, love, disappointment, hurt, confusion - you name it. I think experiencing our emotions tell the story of who we are on the inside and the more in touch we are with them, the more we know who we are. So, I'm glad to be emotional and affectionate and wouldn't have it any other way. What I've learned over the years is that I have to let people be who they are, especially once they've passed childhood because they pretty much are who they are going to be. So, why not appreciate those qualities in me?

I am learning more and more each day to appreciate people for their uniqueness. Sometimes it's better to have people in your space who don't always see through the same lens as you because they help you see important details that you may miss. When we can only see through our lens, we have tunnel vision. In my opinion, that's not a good thing.

Be blessed blogosphere!

Riding Shotgun

2011-08-12T00:32:00.001-05:00

I was told tonight that I always get in trouble because I have to be in the driver's seat. My response to this statement was, "I don't mind riding shotgun in the passenger's seat as long as the right, real man is in the driver's seat." To say that I'm tied (r left out on purpose) of doing all of the driving at this stage in my life is an understatement. I will gladly turn over the steering wheel to the right driver. But, at the same time, I've learned a few lessons in my dating life about why I can't let everybody drive me around. Wanna hear 'em? Here I go:

1. He wants to drive but doesn't know where he's going. So you all end up driving in a damn circle and end up in the exact same spot every time like you're on the 240 loop. #NeverAnyProgressMade!
2. He wants to take the drive but hasn't prepared for the journey, so the tires go flat and you run out of gas, halfway through the journey and are sitting in the middle of nowhere wondering why you let that fool drive in the 1st place.
3. He just got his license and wants to show off so get ready for a wild, bumpy ride with this driver. It's exciting in the beginning, but then you run out of steam because you want him to get somewhere and sat down!
4. Or, he's the opposite and has had his license too long and thinks he knows every damn thing. All the rules of the road, directions etc and would rather get lost than use his GPS or ask for directions.
5. Finally, you have those who are driving on suspended licenses and still want to drive because hey they got it like that and run it. These are the ones who run you off the road and you end up in a ditch. Don't even let him ride shotgun with you. You're asking for nothing but trouble! It will be one wrecked car after the other!

Do I like to drive? Yes. Do I always want to drive? NO! I've had to drive because there was no one else to do it for me. If you want to drive me, then step up and do it because there's nothing I'd like better than to recline the seat, put my feet on the dashboard and hum my fav tune (Ms. Jill of course) while you get us to our destination. I'll be Bonnie to your Clyde!

As always my sistahs, be blessed and hope you enjoyed this lesson on driving!

Who Deserves to Know Your Story?

2011-07-30T08:31:00.002-05:00

The older I get, the more I'm learning the importance and power in our stories. Everyone of us are a walking book, full of chapters filled with colorful details, but most people never experience our true stories. Depending on the situation, most people only get a 1-dimensional view of who we are. What I've learned over the years is that everyone doesn't deserve to read every chapter of my story. I've learned to pick and choose who gets to read me and know who I am at my core. I've also learned that everyone can't handle and doesn't appreciate your story or you being your real and authentic self. I enjoy being me and have no desire to be anyone else other than who I am. I've learned to embrace the good, bad and ugly of who I am and I only share it all with those who walk in all of who they are as I do. What I've learned about sharing my story is that some only get to read excerpts while others get to read my short story. Only those who I know truly love and care about me get to read the novel from cover to cover. I am an open book, sometimes too open, but I'm slowly learning how to let people read only the parts that they can handle. I only share the autobiography with those who may benefit from my journey and those who know the journey I've been on and are glad to see that I survived. Other than that, you only get a superficial peek. Why share my true story with you when you're only sharing fiction and make believe? Be blessed and figure out who deserves to read your story.

Of Mouse, Fish, and Confusion

2011-07-14T13:38:00.002-05:00

Update 3 (I'm not sure if this is correct because I'm losing count). But, I must begin this update by saying that it's been an interesting and productive week of flowing and growing in my dating world. After calling out of nowhere, the Fish showed up in my driveway out of nowhere saying, "I'm tired of driving by this house and not being able to stop and talk." Uhm, what?! That's a very interesting statement from a fish who tried to pretend for months that we were just friends and tried to ignore the fact that a lot more was developing between us. His biggest argument the past week has been that I issued an ultimatum and he doesn't do ultimatums. My response to that is that I never issued an ultimatum, I only stated what I couldn't do anymore. I never ever told him that he had to do something different or else. Anyone who knows me well, knows that that's not me because I strongly believe in free will i.e., "Grown People Are Going to Do What They Want to Do. Period the End." It doesn't matter what you do or say, they make their own decisions. Thus, I would never issue anyone an ultimatum. We have agreed to disagree on that point and he did concede to the fact that I issued my ultimatum without drama and in a very nice way, but it was still an ultimatum in his mind.

What has struck me most with the fish in the past week is his willingness finally to acknowledge what I was saying before I cut off contact with him and his willingness to actually engage in conversation about us being more than just friends. I'm still not sure what the outcome will be in the end, but I'm excited for the journey. I have no preconceived notions that this is going to be an uneventful and easy journey. I know the fish isn't going down without a fight and right now he's battling with himself, which is the hardest battle to fight most times. Even with all that being said, I haven't been this excited about the possibility of a new relationship in a very long time. It also didn't hurt that we sealed the beginning of these conversations with a kiss which made my heart beat fast and my stomach flutter. I haven't felt that with anyone in at least 10 years, so that in itself makes this all very promising for me.

As for the mouse, we have been on our 3rd date since he reappeared and as with every date, we had a great time. We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed each others' company. I did have to ask him to unplug from the Blackberry and iPhone last night and to please focus on the date. I was surprised to hear him say after I asked him to do that, that he realizes that it's time to take some irons out of the fire and slow down because he isn't getting any younger. As it always is with the mouse, it was easy, comfortable, unstressful, and enjoyable. We ended another date with a hug and still no kiss with plans to see each other again soon. Even though the mouse took me to my fav restaurant last night and I thoroughly enjoyed the date, there were still no fireworks, fluttering, excitement. I often wonder if this is the case because he and I have been in and out of each others' lives for almost 17 years and in my mind it's like, been there done that and doing it again for the 100th time. So, now the question for the mouse becomes can he rekindle the excitement for me that I used to feel or does that really even matter at our ages?

I'd like to end this blog by stating that I am so enjoying just dating. I don't feel stressed by either situation and actually feel that dating both men will help me sort out what I'm really looking for in a committed, adult, and mature relationship. They both have strengths as well as areas that they could both improve. At this age and stage in the game, I've learned that we all need improvements and there will never be perfect people or relationships. What I need to decide is what needed improvements can I live and deal with on the daily. I think having 2 different people to compare to each other helps us to really determine what it is we're seeking in a significant other and our relationships. Hope you enjoyed this update, and I am quite sure there will be lots more to come in the near future.

Live, love, and laugh as loud and as hard as you can!

Relationships

2011-07-13T14:00:00.001-05:00

I've had several conversations in the past week with different people male and female about relationships. As I replay these conversations in my head, I've come to a conclusion. Every couple has to define their own relationship in a way that works for them and need to stop looking to society's traditional definition of relationships and the roles that men and women play in relationships. There is no magic potion #9 for relationships. Every couple and all relationships are unique. What works for 1 couple will not necessarily work for another couple. Every couple should identify their strengths and weaknesses as individuals then determine how to use those to define their relationships and the roles that they will carry out in their relationship. The days of Leave It to Beaver are gone.

There is no more male/female role playing. It's more productive and beneficial for couples to be open to stepping out of the traditional and instead walking in how their individual traits defines them as a couple. The man may be a better housekeeper and the woman better at finances. Instead of going on what society says, go by what works for your relationship. It takes off the pressure to live up to standards that aren't your standards and will probably cut the divorce rate in half. Find out what makes your relationship tick and go from there. Wouldn't you rather enjoy your significant other instead of being frustrated about roles that others are using to define who you are as a couple. Look to each other and not others to define your relationship and watch it grow in peace, understanding, and tranquility.

Be blessed blogosphere!

I'm in Love ............

2011-07-09T20:34:00.002-05:00

GeoTagged, [N35.08445, E89.85346]

With my life!:) Gotcha! Y'all thought I had a serious update about the mouse or fish didn't you? Lol! I am in love with me, my life and the woman that I am becoming. I can't stop smiling because I see her strength, confidence, power, wisdom, love, joy, peace, calm, and love growing, maturing and doing what it do. I see her changing right before my eyes and for the better I might add. I'm not 100% sure that I ever thought we'd make it here. It's nothing like loving, liking, and becoming the woman that you always wanted to and knew you could be. Look at the reflection and what do you see?

Eyes shining, lips smiling, skin glowing, self-assuredness that no one can take away. Knowing that you are the woman finally that you were meant to be and walking in it, owning it and letting it envelope you! Knowing that you and you alone are responsible for this joy that no one can take from you. Walk in it my sisters and enjoy it because you deserve it! Every bit of it. Open your arms and embrace the sunshine. Feel its warmth emanating throughout your body. No one can take it from you.

Smile my sisters! Love you, love your life, love the woman that you are and see how it returns to you in ways and at times that you least expected it to return to you. Be blessed my beautiful sistahs and know that the power and beauty lies within your spirit. All you need to do is turn the knob and awaken it. You deserve it, so do it, just do it!

As always, be blessed!

Inside Out Beauty

2011-07-07T09:15:00.000-05:00

I've been on a journey for some time. I've been on a spiritual, emotional, mental, physical and financial journey. I've been on a journey to improve myself from the inside out and do you know what I've found? The better and stronger I get on the inside, the more it shows to others on the outside. It's almost like people can feel my vibe or feel the new energy that's emanating from me. It's good to know that others notice the change because I have invested a lot of time and energy on becoming a better me. I started with the spiritual by committing to daily quiet time and conversation with God. I do have a set routine, but I've also learned that sometimes it works better to go with how the spirit is leading me to spend that time. Sometimes it's conversation in my bed. Sometimes it's sitting outside on my deck with my big cup of tea/coffee and being still and quiet as I listen to the sounds of nature. Other times, it's sitting on my couch and listening to the stillness of my house and enjoying my cup of coffee. While it's a routine that I follow daily, there is no fixed routine to my daily routine. Some mornings it may even be me doing 15 minutes of yoga stretches in my bed.

As I've committed myself to renewing, refreshing, and reworking myself and my life from the inside out, I've learned that what others see on the outside is a direct reflection of what's going on on the inside. Usually if we are spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically ill within, those things manifest themselves outwardly either through how we look or how we act. And it usually manifests itself in a negative way, which leads people to ask if everything is okay with you. The same holds true for when you have spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical well-being. People want to know what are you doing? You look so good. You look so happy. It's like you have a glow. Which would you want people to ask?

I am so glad that I took time off to work on me and that I remained committed to it and stayed the course. I will tell you that it hasn't been an easy journey to take because it's hard work to look within and decide that their are certain things wrong with you and that you have some hard work ahead of you to get them all in order. It's never easy to look within. It's always easier to blame others for what's going on in our lives than it is to take responsibility. But, the best lesson that I've learned on this journey to inside out beauty is that when I take responsibility for me, I also take control of my life and what others are or aren't doing, saying, or thinking have no power or influence over my life.

Finally, I've truly learned that when things are in good working order on the inside, it does flow to the outside and people can see the beauty even if you may not be beautiful as our society defines beauty. I challenge each of you today, if you haven't committed to it, commit to working on the inside. You'll love what you see changing on the outside as you commit to your journey. Be blessed and prosper my sistahs.

Choices and Decisions

2011-07-04T14:56:00.002-05:00

I promised you all an update, so you know that I had to deliver. The Mouse followed through, but sushi on Thursday became brunch and a movie on Monday. It has been a delightful and easy morning, and I'm looking forward to the next date. Like I've said too many xs before to count, with the Mouse, it is what it is. I'm enjoying it while it lasts with no expectations, that seems to be what works best for us. What I love about being with the Mouse is that it's easy like Sunday morning. It feels like slipping into my fav pair of comfortable jeans. It just is and we always fall back into where we left off. It's never forced or uncomfortable. It's familiar, pleasant, and comfortable. But, as is always the case with me, the story doesn't end here.

My phone rang late last night, which shocked me because I always turn it off. I forgot that it was on because I dropped it in water last night and had it in a bag of rice to dry it out. Okay, to get to the point, when I found the phone, dug it out of the bag, and looked at the missed call, imagine my shock and surprise to find that the afraid of committing to anything Fish was the missed the call. He is back from his destination work/vacation trip and wanted to touch base and see what was up with me. We talked forever as we always do and made plans to get together this week to "talk". Well, well, well! I wonder what brought that on? Well, I think I have an idea, but I just don't want to share that with everyone. Get your minds out of the gutter, it's nothing like that. LOL! To prove to me just how serious he is, he said that he wants to attend church with me within the next 2 Sundays.

So, now you know what my question is blogosphere:

Both the fish and the mouse are unpredictable and afraid of committing, but they both seem to be having a change of heart for some reason. It's still too early to tell what the outcome will be with either, but as any woman would wonder, which should I place my bets on? They're both old and familiar. They both can make me smile and laugh. I enjoy spending time with both. They both put me at ease and make me comfortable and good lawd, they both can talk. But, only one makes my heart pitter/patter and my stomach do flips, but should that be the determining factor in the end or will it even come to that at all? I can't wait to see the outcome of this. May the best mouse/fish win. I'm smiling with the sunshine in my face. Fingers snapping, hands clapping, feet patting, humming my fav beat! I'm walking on sunshine - yeah and don't it feel good!

Hope you enjoyed this installment of Of Mice and Fish! Happy 4th everybody.:)

P. S. On a side note, I did finally text the WTW man back and never got a response. I guess he doesn't like being put off, but neither do I. Get in where you fit in bruh is all I got to say.

Mouse, Fish, and ?

2011-06-25T16:12:00.000-05:00

As has already been established my dating life or lack of it is a hot mess! I'm so glad that I've matured enough to laugh at myself because at a different stage in my life this 'ish would really be on my nerves by now. Like I said, the humor in my blogs comes directly from my adventures in dating.

As I predicted, the mouse got ghost and didn't follow-up, but not surprised because he is who he is and does what he does. I look forward to our date in 3 months when the leaves are beginning to turn those beautiful fall colors and are filling my yard. The young fish got scared. I think I'm a little too much for him, but as I have said on countless occasions, I can't do anybody but me. I do think if I had pushed a little, he would have jumped right on in, but I think he and I both knew that there was a line that didn't need to be crossed, so my dreams of being with a younger man have been put on hold for now. LOL! What to do with me.

The old fish, also did what he does which is run at any sign of moving towards more than whatever you call what we were doing. He's too old to be scared and needs to step up. I have never in my life seen a man with so much confidence so afraid to commit to anything. I'm not sure what's going on with that and at this point am beginning not to care. I'm too grown and sexy for someone who wants to play dating games without committing to at least dating. Yawn, I'm bored with that already.

And finally, to the ?, the WTW (What the What) man as I call him. He started out so promising, but I quickly found that he had the same issue as the mouse - committed to everyone and everything but me. He's texted and called this week, but I haven't gotten back to him. I figure he deserves to stew for a little while. I'll get back to him when I feel like playing. As I often did with my son when he was still home, I'm going to make him think about it until he figures out what he needs to do. #GetItTogetherBeforeYouStepToMe!

So, that's the latest in my wacky world of dating. As I complete this installment, the mouse has surprised me and made contact before fall and asked if we can do sushi on Thursday. Well, will wonders never cease?! That's a very pleasant surprise. A lady never turns down sushi. Let's see if I can get 2 out of 2 from him and maybe he'll even show up close to on time, this time. Hope you enjoyed the 2nd installment of Of Mice and Fish. I'll have another update on Mouse and ? (WTW Man) next weekend.

Be blessed my beautiful sistahs.

What it Means to Believe?

2011-06-24T11:40:00.000-05:00

Throughout our lives, we've all heard some variation of why it is important to believe. We're taught to believe in ourselves, our dreams, our abilities and talents, and most importantly to believe in God if we're Christian. A friend of mine gave me a book about 2 years ago called Believing God by Beth Moore. The entire premise of this book is that while we all find it easy to believe in God, we don't know how to just believe Him because if we did know, we'd be able to trust and not doubt.

I was of course doing the church nod, the entire time that I read this book because I had been guilty of doubting God, even though I believed in Him. After reading that book and completing the companion journal. I decided that I was going to do more than just believe in God. I was going to start to believe Him in spite of whatever situations and circumstances I was dealing with in my life. I was going to learn to trust Him even when things weren't going my way.

Well, as God will often do, when you let Him know that you are ready to learn a new lesson and go to the next level in Him, He will provide you the situations to go deeper. It seems like from the point I made that decision, I started experiencing things in every part of my life that would teach me to keep believing in spite of. It seems like for the past 2-3 years that everything that could go wrong did: at work, in relationships, financially - you name it! But, trying to stay true to my new resolve, I tried to see every situation in a positive light and tried to refrain from complaining and see the blessings in every situation.

Being positive and believing is much easier said than done and is good in theory, but when it seems like all the cards are stacked against you, it takes a lot of inner strength, praying, and studying God's word to keep you on track. In other words, it truly takes believing God. Well, I'm glad I committed to it and stayed the course because now I can see a lot of blessings being bestowed in my life because I did not waver or worry but kept waiting on God and believing that He was working it for me, whether I could see it or not.

I'm so glad that I've learned to believe God and not just in Him. By allowing Him to do the work, I'm reaping more blessings than I'd ever imagined and know that more is on the way. When we move out of His way, God can do waaaaaaaay more on our behalf.

Commit today to getting in your lane, staying in your lane and believing God. That's all you have to do. Peace and blessings from the blogosphere.

Of Mice and - Fish?

2011-06-12T16:58:00.000-05:00

I know a while back, I typed a blog and said that I had set some mice traps and caught all the mice and hopefully would have no more tales of mice. Also, a few blogs later, I stated that I'd starting fishing and had caught some pretty nice fish, even though I eventually had to throw all the fish back into the pond. Well, obviously if I'm typing this blog, a mouse and a fish have reappeared. If you haven't figured this out by now, I'll just tell you that all of the humor in my life comes through my dating life. There should be a reality show, at least a book just about my adventures in dating, but I guess I'll just entertain those of you who follow my blog.

First of all, mouse one popped back up a week ago. Well, I take that back, I brought him back to life because I had to text and ask him a question. And what had happened was, one question led to another which led to free tickets to an event in town and a dinner date and some conversation. I must say that I was glad that he actually showed up and didn't stand me up, but he was late which is the story of our 16 year dating history. Yes, you read it correctly. We've been playing these games with each other for 16 years. He laughed when he got to our date almost 20 minutes late and said, "I figured you left late because you know I'm never on time." My response, I did leave late. You are just getting later, the older you get. I have to readjust my clock again for you.

This encounter with Mouse 1 taught me something about myself and him, we have grown and matured and can laugh at each other and ourselves. Will we see each other again? Yea, probably, most likely in another 3 months. I told him don't make it 6. He said it'll be waaaaaaaay before then. I won't hold my breath, but I'll probably hear from him in September/October. He likes to reappear when the seasons change. I'm just going with his flow. No expectations. Just enjoy the date and the perks when I get them. Isn't that what dating is about?

Now on to the fish, I think I'm dangling bait and don't even know it because it seems like fish are biting and nibbling and I think trying to get hooked. One fish, I'm just playing with and have no intentions of getting serious with him, but it's just fun to see what tricks he has up his sleeves to get my attention. The other fish seems to have realized that he should've stayed hooked while he had the chance and is trying to figure out how to get back in with this peaceful, compassionate, intuitive, and imaginative fish (I'm a Pisces and that's on a pair of panties that I bought). I know TMI.

I'm enjoying dangling the bait with both of them and know I will have some funny stories to tell in the coming months. Especially with the young fish, because I have a feeling that he's not going down without a fight. He's almost 10 years younger than me but has already said that he's in my range, whatever that means. The other fish has realized that he should've coated me in some Zatarain Southern Style Fish fry and fried me up, but he still hasn't figured out exactly what he needs to do. I can't wait to see what he comes up with. I can see it's going to be a very fun and interesting summer.

What I'm learning about dating over 40 is that it's not as urgent as it is in your 20's/30's. If people don't meet your expectations, you can let them go and keep it moving. You learn to appreciate the process of dating and not just the individual that you're dating. I think at this age, you actually figure out what it means to really date someone. You find out about them and who they are and what they expect and want and have achieved and what they find funny and disgusting and enjoy doing, seeing, eating. You start to look for the things that count, and you also realize that it doesn't have to lead to marriage or a relationship. And guess what, that's okay too.

I had one of my mentors ask me, do you really want to be married? You seem pretty happy to me, maybe you just want to date and have a companion. I've given that question a lot of thought lately. Do I really want to be married, or do I want a companion that I can spend quality time with and can count on when I need them? I'm not sure, but the 2nd half of 2011 is looking up and maybe by December, I'll have some answers.

Be blessed and hope you enjoyed the 1st installment of "Of Mice and - Fish?". I have a feeling there will be more stories to tell in the coming months.

It's Ok to Share

2011-06-10T20:38:00.000-05:00

If we're walking in God's will and plan for our lives, we never have to worry if someone is taking our piece of the pie. What I've learned over the years is that, what God has for me is for me. And because I believe Him, I don't have to worry that someone is taking my piece of the pie because there's enough for everyone. If God is doing the cutting, everyone will receive the piece that God has chosen for them. So, let's stop worrying that someone is moving in on our territory and instead be still and know that if God is in the plan, you will always be where you should be and receive what is yours. There is no competition if you're walking in God's will and letting His spirit lead you. Be blessed, and instead of holding on, let go and share. I think you'll find that God will bless you even more when you make a place at the table for someone else.

Patience

2011-06-04T15:02:00.000-05:00

Patience is a virtue. We've all heard that many xs in our lifetime. I've prayed for patience so much over the years, and I've learned to be careful what I pray for because I just might get it because in order to learn patience, you have to be put in situations that require you to wait on God. We all know waiting is not something that we enjoy in our microwave generation. It seems like the more I pray to be patient, the more I have to pray and wait on God. Some things that I've had to learn to be patient and wait on in the past year:

for my hair to go completely natural and then loc;
to see the fruits of my labor - working out consistently and eating right;
to see the fruits of working hard in my career for the past 5 years - receiving tenure and promotion this year and also waiting on a career change that has yet come;
to be debt free except for good debt (the hardest to wait on and believe that it would happen);
and finally, waiting on God to send me the man that He's chosen for me.

It has not been an easy task to wait to see these things come to fruition and I'm still waiting on some of them to happen, but I can say that it has been worth the wait for them all. I'd rather travel the road that God has set for me to travel and take the journey blessed by Him, than to walk in my own ways and will and slow down what God is preparing for me and preparing me for. I prayed for patience and Lord knows he's provided the situations I needed to learn it over and over again. They haven't been bad lessons to learn and they have all made me not only patient, but wiser, stronger, and better. What else could I ask for?

As always, peace and blessings and keep waiting on God because you will never go wrong with Him on your side.

42

2011-04-22T12:58:00.000-05:00

The last time I posted, it was right after my 42nd b'day and I was reflecting on being 2 years strong into my 4th decade. Since, that post I've had the opportunity to travel to the United Kingdom and experience for a brief time how people in a different country live. It was a great experience for which I will always be grateful and hope that I have the opportunity to travel out-of-the-country again. While I was visiting this country, I had the opportunity to visit the International Slavery Museum which had an exhibit called 42 which was a representation through photography of 42 different women of Sierra Leone. This exhibit was powerful and moved me, to tears I might add, because the average lifespan of women in Sierra Leone is 42 years; whereas the lifespan of the average woman in other places is double that.

As I stood and looked at those women's faces and thought about the fact that just a couple of weeks earlier, I had just turned 42, I began to comtemplate if at 42 I had done anything that would make a difference to anyone in a significant way. I began to wonder if I'd lived my 42 years in a way that would leave a legacy for others. Had I lived my life openly, honestly, and in a real way? Had I been a role model to anyone? Had I impacted others in a way that mattered? Then, I thought maybe I haven't, but I'm going to commit to doing those things with the time that I have left. My immediate thought was: my next overseas trip will be to Sierra Leone. I want to go there visit and find a way to help the women there in a meaningful way to increase their lifespan and quality of life.

Now, I have no clue or idea how I'm going to do all of this, but I do know how things work in my life, and I know that when it's time, God will provide the opportunity and the resources to make it happen. That exhibit changed my life and mindset in a significant way and now I'm just waiting on God to show me His new plan for my life and career. I know He's about to move me in a new direction. I can always tell when major changes are about to take place in my life because my spirit becomes restless. I can't wait to find out what's in store for me and how it's going to help me make a real impact in women's lives. It's amazing how 1 exhibit could make me put so many things in perspective.

42 - when you think about it, that's not a big number. It's a very small piece of the pie. Have we done all that we can do to make a difference in our small #, that's the question? Be blessed and think about how you can use your gifts and talents to impact the lives of others.

Moving Forward

2011-03-12T18:23:00.000-06:00

Well, I celebrated my 42nd birthday this week and realized that I'm 2 years strong into this 4th decade of life. Wow! That's really all I have to say. Time is moving on and is not slowing down for anyone. I just reread my very 1st post on this blog and laughed at where I was then and where I am right now. I must begin by saying that I got over the empty nester syndrome really quickly, maybe even before my son left for college. I was sad of course like all mothers would be, but I didn't sit and cry and wish he was here with me. What I did do was get busy living my life for someone who I hadn't lived it for in a long time: ME!

I amped up my workout time in the gym and am really starting to see the benefits of that. I really do enjoy people saying: get out, you are not 42! NO, you don't have a son in college. If not for the health benefits alone, hearing that stated frequently is enough to keep me working out. I'm looking and feeling (most days) fit and fabulous and can say I am truly enjoying my life and where it's headed. It seems like I'm finally settling into ME again, and I really like who I am at this stage in my life. I laugh at myself now because the filter that I had on so much for so long is nonexistent. I act like Sophia on the Golden Girls. If you don't want to hear it or know it, then I'm probably not the woman to talk to. I just feel free. Free to do, be, say, believe, and think exactly what I want to, in the way that I want to and I don't apologize for it.

And the crazy thing is, I see it only getting better with time. I've done a little dating the past year, which has been interesting, enjoyable, and so different from when I was younger. I do sometimes see why we should date and mate young because at this age, I don't have the time, energy, or desire to be anyone other than me for anyone. So, it's like take it or leave it; it is what it is and what you see is what you get. That's freeing too because if they can't hang, I figure it's their loss. It's really nice to walk in the woman that I am and expect others to either take the walk with me or get off of my trail.

I guess the best lesson that I've learned so far is that everything in moderation is good for you: sex, red wine, sugar, pasta, mashed potatoes, french fries, sun, work, church, etc. There are no more extremes in my life. I figured out how to enjoy every aspect because I now know myself well enough to know when enough is enough. I truly get myself and because I now get who I am, others get me also. With maturity, you figure out that it's always better to keep moving forward and looking forward because those things that are behind you are in the past for a reason. In the words of Sounds of Blackness, "Keep on Moving! Don't Stop!"

Be blessed and keep it movin' sistahs! Keep it movin'!

Walk in It

2011-02-24T07:48:00.001-06:00

The older I get, the more I realize that we have to walk in who and where we are in life and in our situations. We need to own who we are and where we are and stop putting on fronts and masquerading for people who don't really know us and definitely don't care anything about us. When we don't walk in who and where we are in life, that's when it gets hard to live our lives. So, why don't you stop what you're doing right now and say a silent prayer to God and ask Him to help you "walk in it" whatever your IT may be. Let's stop avoiding the reality of our lives, relationships, and situations. Let's own them and walk in our ITS. I bet you feel a whole lot better when you commit to walking in your IT!

Peace and blessings sistahs.

Tighten Up Your Circle

2011-02-24T06:08:00.001-06:00

Be mindful of who you let in your inner circle. Everybody doesn't deserve or need to be there. If they aren't lifting you up, creating positive energy and encouraging you, tighten your circle. Everyone doesn't want to be in your circle to lift you up, sometimes they're there to keep pushing you down with their negative energy. Who is in your circle? Do they really deserve to be there? Continually reevaluate who is in your circle. The smaller the circle, the easier it is to keep your circle and bond tight. Check your inner circle, remove the weak, negative links that don't deserve to be there. I bet you feel instantly better after you do it.

As always, peace and blessings.

Jus' Be Quiet

2011-02-21T07:10:00.000-06:00

As I was hanging out with a very good old friend from college the other night, we were catching up on each other's lives and situations. We were sharing past experiences that we'd made it through and others that we were still trying to make it through. We concluded that in spite of all that we've made it through and are still going through that we are still living pretty good lives. We decided that even when experiencing the worst situation that we could face in our lives that our lives are still blessed beyond measure and there is no room for our complaints.

I also told her that I engage in a lot of self-talk now, and when I feel a complaint coming on, I say to myself, "jus' be quiet"! So, the next time you feel a complaint coming on, look at the big picture of your life. If you have more plusses than minuses; more sunny days than rainy; more thumbs up than down; put a smile on your face and whisper to yourself, "jus' be quiet". It will instantly change your mood and keep you focused on what's most important in your lives, the positive and great things in your space.

As always, peace and blessings!

Happy Valentine's Day:)

2011-02-14T00:22:00.000-06:00

Real love is selfless, not selfish. It thinks, what can I do for others, not what can others do for me? What I've learned about love as I've grown and matured and come in and out of relationships is that it's not about the selfish ideals it's been given by society, but real love is actually selfless. When we truly love others:

1. We can let them go even if it hurts us.
2. We can give without thinking what's in it for me.
3. We can allow others to be who they are, comfortable in their own skin and not who we expect them to be to us. While at the same time, not being afraid to let them see who we are at our core.

Selfless love is the best type, but is also the hardest to achieve. On this day of love, let's determine our type of love - is it selfless, freeing love or a selfish, suffocating love that smothers and stifles everyone in its midst? Which type do you want to give and receive today?

Happy V-Day blogoshpere!

Take your power back

2011-02-12T23:47:00.000-06:00

Don't let others stomp on your dreams and aspirations. If I get nothing else across in these posts, I want everyone who reads them to understand that you determine the life you live. No one else can ever determine your joy, peace, contentment, love, or what you do/don't achieve in life. Only you can determine that. We give people way too much power over our lives by allowing their negative words and actions to penetrate our hearts, minds, and spirits, which then causes us to question and second guess our decisions and what we think we know. As the old saying goes, misery loves company. So sometimes, people will rain on your parade so they can have some company in their misery, and other times they aren't necessarily miserable, but just don't want you to be happy like them or happier than them.

Take your power back and when people start raining on your parade, be like we were when we little kids: close your eyes, cover your ears and start singing as loud as you can - LaLaLaLaLa....... It worked then, and I'm sure it will work now. And yes, it is easier said than done sometimes, but as with anything that we want to get good at, we have to put it into practice. So, the next time someone begins to stomp on your dreams, just remember to turn on your white noise machine and drown it all out because the power lies in you not in their words or actions.

As always, peace and blessings from the blogosphere.

Positioning Ourselves for Transition

2011-02-09T16:48:00.000-06:00

I recently made a bucket list. Without thinking about it, I listed the 1st things that came to my mind that I want to do before I leave this earth. Now, I must admit that some of the things that I listed surprised me, but the other thing I noticed as I looked at my list is that I haven't really positioned myself to do anything on my bucket list. So, now the question becomes - What do I need to do to position myself to complete some of the things on my list? I have come up with a top 5 list that basically reflects some of my profound thinking of late:

1. Examine the situations, people, and relationships in my life and make some real decisions.
2. Accept that where I am in life is where I'm supposed to be for now and be content with it.
3. Acknowledge the many blessings that I have right now so that God will know that I'm appreciative and grateful for what He's doing in my life.
4. Surround myself with people who will add positively to my life and spirit and who can give me energy when my own energy starts to waiver.
5. Being willing to be real and honest with myself about who I am and what needs to change in order to start crossing some items off of my bucket list.

I've learned that while it is sometimes hard to walk in the reality of our lives, it's only when we do this that we see real change and growth in how we live our lives and view ourselves and others. I feel truly blessed that I'm not afraid to call out my ugly and deal with it because it's only making me a better woman and is going to help me start achieving some of those goals on my 2011 Bucket List.

Be blessed sistahs and as always, hope you enjoyed this blog post.