52 Faces

you just gave it away

noreply@blogger.com (52 Faces) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 10:07:00 +0000

You turned your back on tomorrow
'Cause you forgot yesterday.
I gave you my love to borrow,
But you just gave it away.

You can't expect me to be fine,
I don't expect you to care

I've wasted my nights,
You turned out the lights

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you

payphone

Maroon 5

You Are Not An Option

noreply@blogger.com (52 Faces) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 08:32:00 +0000

Simple, not easy

Where To Go Next

noreply@blogger.com (52 Faces) — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 23:50:00 +0000

I miss having a personal blog. I'm thinking of starting another pseudonymous one where I can be an adult and reblog things middle Americans can't tolerate (not Fifty Shades, that's amateur). I want to be able to curse again. I want to be able to talk about marriage prospects after 30, the retaining of dreams. Let people vote for my major life decisions again (remember that poll?)

(Wow this blog is so old the interface isn't even familiar to me anyore. I couldn't figure out how to make a hyperlink for a second.)

I know who would be excited if I did.

Yeah you, 131.

Final Face

noreply@blogger.com (52 Faces) — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 11:42:00 +0000

I'm going to miss you, 52.

Across the Board Loss

noreply@blogger.com (52 Faces) — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 10:25:00 +0000

Dude, I am coming out of a sh*teous week.

I asked Jifo today if it was normal to have such a bad life. Then I read a post from my oldest blog friend who is also feeling down. And another from one of my favorite authors who was in a funk.

All of our foul moods and feelings of loss seemed to have started right before or during the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.

I'm convinced now that the potential energy of the plates shifting in our earth agitated us on a deeply felt but barely conscious level. It contributed to strife from our enemies (my b*tch of an ex boss sent a harassing letter to me from a lawyer because she's a paranoid narcissist), it fed the unrest in our hearts, and it squirreled us away from any support system. And like that, I'm back on muscle relaxants/sleeping pills.

Now that the initial chaos has subsided, I'm hoping the dissipating kinetic energy will release whatever pressure has gotten us all into our stormy season.

I learned difficult things during this time. One, that honesty is a bad trait. Two, people don't really want to hear about your problems.

It's not like I shut myself away. I tentatively reached out during this horrible week and I was met with a polite glossing over. Everyone only wants to talk about lighthearted things, tell funny stories, share a laugh. I admit that helps. But what helps more is knowing people want to hear it. The hard and difficult 'it's.

I want to hear it. It helps me, selfishly, because it lets me know that yes, it is normal to have problem after problem. There is no such thing as stability. The Buddhists always knew.

Weather on, fellow sufferers.

Done At Last: Reflections On The Workplace From Hell

noreply@blogger.com (52 Faces) — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 09:35:00 +0000

An acupuncturist reminded me that writing out one's stress or trauma is healthy for processing, so here's one last (maybe) vent.

I finally left my day job last month and it was hell to the very end. My former boss(es) was as critical, paranoid, distrusting and two-faced as ever. There was drama galore and though I had wanted to leave with closure, all I felt by my last day was an unabashed disgust for that company.

And weariness. I felt hypersensitive the entire weekend before my last day; everything Jifo said made me want to cry. I realized that I was finally releasing all the pent-up stress from my sh*teous two years at that place. Jifo said, "It's like PTSD." In a way it was.

I recently read a magnificent blog post about women needing to negotiate better. The part that stood out to me was when the blogger talked about a company who wouldn't match her desired salary and how she still tried to negotiate rather than walk away:

In retrospect, as low as the offer was for the field in which I work, I should have turned it down. I was a few months into my job hunt at that point, though, and not feeling very self-confident, so I accepted.
That was the job that didn't work out, at which I was employed for two days. The salary offer I received, I now realize, was an excellent clue to how I should have expected to be treated at that company.

That's EXACTLY what happened to me. I was unemployed during the recession and after six months of panic, I snatched the first offer I got. It was only supposed to be a summer job to tide me over until graduate school, but when I decided not to do grad school, I ended up taking a higher position at this company...for no raise. And I didn't chicken out either; I asked for a raise. TWICE.

Unlike this blogger, I wasn't strong enough in myself to walk away, for a variety of reasons that I've already worked through. But a big part of why I didn't quit the million times I woke up crying in the morning and wanting to, was because I felt committed to my students. I didn't want to abandon them and two of my college-bound ones have become like young friends and mentees now.

But like the blogger said, it wasn't the low-balling alone that made the workplace suck. It was how they treated their employees. There was a blame run-off that operated the way I think trickle-down economics was supposed to. My boss had a particular fondness for threatening emails that encouraged one to "seek employment elsewhere" and this terror-based structure turned groups of employees against each other. She also picked favorites, allowing some employees to skip weekly meetings, while others were told they couldn't work there if they didn't show up.

I should have quit when

one of the administrative staff lied to the boss about me to save her own ass and the boss wrote me an accusatory email without considering my side
the boss promised to do something for my student and when it wasn't done, put the blame on me
she wrote threatening emails any time she thought we were going "over hours", despite the hours of unpaid work I and many other employees did at home but were not allowed to bill
halfway through, she promised me a different position and pay structure with benefits, but when I accepted it, she tacked on a stipulation that she hadn't put in my written offer and immediately rescinded the offer when I couldn't comply with that caveat
a myriad of other times when I nodded, took the blame, and ate my feelings

Because

What I ended up earning the entire last year is is SO PATHETIC, especially in light of the hours I lost to sleepless nights, tears, headaches, stress, fights with Jifo, resentment and knocks on my self-esteem.
At the very end, when yet another lie was told about me and this time I spoke up about it, guess what appears in the printed handout at our next meeting? Yup, a passive-aggressive rejoinder.

There were many cherished, meaningful moments to my work, all of them having to do with the teenagers that charmed me and touched me. But this is a vent about the work environment. And I'm still exhausted and angry from it.

There were times in the past when I did walk away from situations much more quickly. If you think this place sounds hostile...

I once worked for three days (unpaid) for the manager of a well-known former child star. This woman couldn't finish the work day without screaming at someone; luckily she rotated who it was. It was no surprise that she had a revolving door of assistants. She ALSO had a very personal, unprofessional way of communicating. After my FIRST DAY I was already crying when my bf at the time met me for dinner. He immediately said, "You don't have to do this." By the third night, I was calling friends going, "How much are you supposed to hate your job?"

Consider this time a lesson on never selling myself short again. And my last 30 After 30 complete.

It's Here...The NEW Blog!

noreply@blogger.com (52 Faces) — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 21:36:00 +0000

::wiping dirt and sweat out of her eyes::

Whew!
Creating a new web presence takes FOREVER. New Twitter, new blog, update the Goodreads and comment profiles.

For the last 48 hours I've been an excited maniac so I could bring you this:

DID YOU MISS THE LINK? COMMENT OR EMAIL 52FACES (A) GMAIL FOR IT!

I'm going to keep this link hot for about a week or two, then I have to take it down so I can close the loop forever between private and public. I am completely starting fresh as if I've never met this schizophrenic 52 Faces. (Who has that many faces geezus?)

I do hope you'll follow me over there and I'm so grateful to the support you've given me with my blogging!!!

I'm Coming Out...Soon

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 08:36:00 +0000

Authors are awesome. I'm touched by the thoughtful responses I received to my inquiry yesterday: should I blog with my real name?

After considering their advice and talking with Jifo, I've made a decision:

I will start a new blog with my real, live, birth-certificate name.

I'm not going to use a pen name because

1) Chinese pride. I want to "win" this for my family name. I'm damned proud because I am the only son's only son. (Anyone know which cartoon I'm alluding to?)

Seriously: my father has 5 sisters so I'm the name bearer. This is such a big deal for Asians that Jifo is down with us naming our future sons different last names so we can each have a name bearer. (He's a REALLY COOL ASIAN DUDE to support that.) It's such a big deal for Asians that even my maternal grandmother was saying to me, "I was thinking that you're going to have to have a few sons so that your paternal grandfather can have an heir." For him to see me - a girl - as his true heir is such an awesome feeling.

2) Leverage. I used to be a film and TV actor (my silhouette is more famous than I) and I'm planning on tiptoeing back into the industry. I have to use my real name again so I don't waste my hard-earned IMDB credits.

3) My real name is the one that went to Harvard. Graduating from Ol' Crimson is one of my proudest achievements in my entire life so why not be the same gal that got in?

I'm not coming out on this blog because it's just too incriminating. I already bought my real name domain (I had to wait like 10 years for it to free up and I put a 2-year hold on it), so I'll try to map a blog to that. I have no idea what I'm saying but hopefully a techie will pop into my life suddenly when I need him/her.

So expect to see some unveiling in the next few weeks.

Lastly, my boyfriend deserves some praise here. I'm usually pretty harshd on him but he's been a great sounding board to discuss the business of being an author with, surprisingly. He's in interactive entertainment and a native southern Californian, so he's a lot better at being politically correct in public. After speaking with him, I realized that the "loss of privacy" with blogging publicly is exactly what I'm asking for in pursuing publication in the first place.

Blogging With Your Real Name

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 00:53:00 +0000

Author Jody Hedlund asked recently Is the Query System Dying? in a post that majorly bummed me out. (It was inspired by her agent Rachelle Gardner's 2010 statistics - ZERO clients signed through cold querying.)

One method that Jody recommended was getting to know agents through social media.

Many blogs discuss building a web presence prior to publication and the lovely Mary Campbell and I have exchanged emails about it before. Certainly I've noticed that bloggers who use their real name and talk about their process get a ton more followers than those of us who have to go psuedonymously.

Until recently I've had to stay private because of the personal nature of my blog, and I didn't want my students or employers finding me. But now that I'm about to quit my job and start querying, I've been considering using my real name.

I'm not sure that I'll use 52 Faces though, because the archives contain so many personal posts about my relationships, spirituality/religion, politics, and previous workplaces. I might have to start a whole new blog and do it all over again - hopefully some of you will follow me there if so.

Here are my options:

1) Use this blog but come out of the closet

PROS: Already have a presence and following
CONS: Too much private/embarrassing information in the archives ::watching former employers gear up to sue her::

2) Start a brand new blog using my full, real, birth name.

PROS: Build a network with the publishing community and possibly have agents remember me
CONS: I'm also planning on returning to the entertainment industry and I fiercely protect my privacy; I'm a little uncomfortable with the Hollywood people being able to find my blog since I'll still post some "life" stuff and pictures. Also, my former workplaces/students and current tutoring students will be able to find me and hear about my writing neuroses.

3) Start a new blog using a penname (that I'll make sure to include when querying).

PROS: All the cache of a real full name, but I can keep my work sphere separate still
CONS: When I query with my real name, agents will go, "who the heck are you?"

4) Stick with the original plan - start the public blog after I get an agent/my book sells

PROS: By that time I'll be rich and famous! Just kidding.
I can worry less about having to keep my spheres separate.
CONS: Possibly missing out on supposed (mythical?) magic connections through the blogosphere that will get me published.

What do you think, readers, especially fellow writers/publishing-folk? Do I need to get my real name or pen name out there right now?
Am I doomed if I try to cold query?
Do I need to become twitter buddies with all the agents I lust after just to get them to read my first page?

Natalie Whipple Is My BFF

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 10:56:00 +0000

YA Author Natalie Whipple wrote a whole post just to me! SQUEE squared!

Alright it wasn't just to me. It was to her legion of devoted fans, including 1,147 blog followers, but she actually mentioned me by (pseudo)name. 3 times.

In a previous post she had addressed a common writerly fear about sucking and I asked her about my personal biggest fear:

Even when I manage to eke out some good writing, I STILL won't get published.

She wrote a heartening response and the part that hit my Asian heart the hardest was this:

It's NOT my fault. I did my best.

This will be the most important lesson for me to keep in mind throughout 2011 (and my life) as I begin the query process.

Natalie also opened her post to other fears, so pop on over to get your dose of comfort.

Hit by Hurricane Mother

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 12:14:00 +0000

Mother is in town = 52 Faces is a big ball of stress

Some of you know that I had a pretty traumatic childhood (I'll probably be forced to write one of those difficult-to-read memoirs one day) with a narcissist/borderline mother.

(What part of, "I have a job, don't call me 5 times during 2 hours of work. And if you leave one message I'll get it, you don't have to leave 5" is incomprehensible? I'm not ignoring your calls, I have to do something called TEACH CLASS.)

She whipped in to town this week from China, disrupting me and Jifo's schedule like only this 4-foot-10 tornado can. We're running on half nights of sleep and we haven't done a single errand we badly need to do - Jifo was going to visit some prospective apartments during his lunch breaks/get some legal counsel about those #($!heads called State Farm about my car accident; I've been giving myself headaches wearing broken glasses all week and I would have gone to lenscrafters today except I got into a huge argument with Mommy Dearest and spent my precious extra hour crying and watching the Sing Off.

Even Terry suffers. The dog's only been partially fed (I finally took him to Petco today to get some more food.)

And although I have to get up for a counselor meeting at work tomorrow, I'm browsing pointless websites so I can ward off the screaming, critical voice that's reinstalled in my head.

Tomorrow (well, now to)night we'll be taking her to the airport. Hopefully my blood pressure will go back down and I can have my eyesight back. I can also finally find time to wash my hair. And not to be gross, but even my bathroom schedule is backed up, if you know what I mean. ::watches her blog follower count go down::

Pray for me people. Let us hope that you'll see me on Friday alive and not rocking back and forth too vigorously.

(The only silver lining is that my mother introduced me to Ambien so if I have to, I can at least knock myself out and pretend she's already on the plane.)

First Lines: 2010 Blog in Review

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 23:57:00 +0000

This is a meme I'm resurrecting from my first (very pink) blog:

Take the opening sentence of the first post of each month. You get an interesting summary of your year...

Format:
1) Month
2) Title of post (include link)
3) First sentence

Please feel free to steal and let me know if you did it too!

52 Faces in 2010

January
2010 Is National Novel Writing Year
"Declares I."

February
Pizzeria Bianco
"ROAD TRIP PART II: the Pizza Pilgrimage Realized"

March
Strong Cops Make Good Neighbors
"...when you lack a fence."

April
All Night Wifey Waiting
"In insomniac news..."

May
Afghanistan Goes Gaga
"The first openly gay tribute in the military..."

June
I'm in Taipei
"I wanted badly to blog photos from my trip but didn't pack a USB for it."

July
JACOB.
"I saw it!"

August
Doctor, I'm Broken
"I've been using Jifo and my hard-earned insurance lately."

September
Chapter 1 Rewritten
"I finally finished rewriting Chapter 1 of my last NaNoWriMo (and first completed YA) novel!"

October
Hit and Run
"Doc, I feel like I've been hit by a semi!"

November
Now We All Have Fleas
"I am never picking up strays again."

December
NaNoWri No More!
"It's done!"

The rundown eerily highlights and encapsulates the important things that made up my year: my struggle to get a good night's sleep, my annoyance with my disrespectful neighbors, our constant attempts to pick up stray dogs, the car accident, seeing my Grandmas for the first time in a decade, Eclipse, and of course - YA writing writing writing.

It's cool how headlines evolve. Against my better judgement, this is the one I did for 2008 - although I was embarrassingly candid about my last relationship, my politics and my spirituality, since I only had about 5 readers. I'm waaaay more PC graceful about my topics now.

Let's see your year in review!

2011 YA Reading Challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 03:35:00 +0000

Due to the demise of J. Kaye's YA Challenge, For the Love of YA (a.k.a. Book Junkie's Bookshelf) is now hosting!

My level:

--The "Fun Size" YA Reading Challenge – Read 20 Young Adult novels.

I actually think I can do 30, but the next level up was 40 and I don't want to flop my challenge again.

These are the books:

Inside Out (Harlequin Teen) by Maria V. Snyder

Who's with me?

2011 Support Your Local Library Challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 03:08:00 +0000

Yay! Book Junkie took up the mantle for hosting and retooled the levels so I can actually not epic fail in my reading challenges this coming year.

I'll be doing:

--The Mini – Check out and read 30 library books. (I think I can only get up to 25, but I'll try!)

These are the books:

Inside Out (Harlequin Teen) by Maria V. Snyder
The Magicians' Guild (The Black Magician Trilogy, Book 1) by Trudi Canavan

Are you participating? Do you love the library as much as I do?

Out with a Bang Readathon

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 01:52:00 +0000

In addition to my 2010 dissolutions, I also epic failed my 2010 Support Your Local Library and YA Reading Challenges.

I did so well with 25 library books in 2009 that I thought this year I could read 50 books in each category (which ample overlap)...

...I got about halfway there.

Thus!

The Bookish Type and Book-Savvy are co-hosting a 3-day reading cram so we can clear our plates for 2011. There are giveaways each day from associated blogs.

The Readathon will run from December 29 - 31 and participants will be reading as many books as they can during that time! This Readathon is mainly to finish off the fabulous debuts for the Debut Author Challenge, but participants don't have to focus on that category if they have non-debut books that they would like to finish before 2010 ends.

I'm using my messed up insomnia (I go to bed at 8 a.m. now) to participate. What books will you be reading for these final holiDays of 2010?

Christmas, Baby!

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 00:17:00 +0000

Happy Holidays from the Bellagio!

I brought you guys something back...

(we're actually back in ghetto Cali burbs again, but those photos are not as pretty)

Won Word Wednesday

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 07:59:00 +0000

It's the return of my very own meme!

What is 'Won' Word?

Today's Won Word:

Vegas

Comment below if you're joining!

Alternate won word: alive

As in...
Terry our dog did wonderfully at Jifo's parents' house while we were in [see above] and they did not eat him.
(Hey, they're old school Chinese.)

A Bitter Year

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 10:22:00 +0000

This was one of my more bitter years.

The losses of this year felt unbearable during the isolation following my car accident. The biggest remains that of my best friendship of 10 years. I guess 10 is a nice round number to end on. Longer than many marriages.

I realized recently I'm going to miss her not on the bad days, though they're all the more lonely, but on the good. She's going to miss all the wonderful news that's waiting for me in the future.

When I get my literary agent - I won't be able to call her and hear her "woo!"

When I get my first book cover - she won't be able to exclaim over it.

When my first book tour stops by her city - she won't be giggling with me afterward about the cute guys that showed up. (Cuz that's who comes to book signings right? Confirm this, published authors!)

I still mark my life by her absence. This is the first Harry Potter film we didn't talk about. This will be the first Christmas we don't discuss gifts for. This was the last year I heard her say, "I love you."

I hopped by Gayfor! tonight, the blog I created dedicated to our LesBromance and all the things we were gay for (most of all, each other).

When I read the post of what kind of notes she used to write me, I can hardly believe she would exit my life so completely and, though I know it only feels that way, suddenly. How could she have thought my heart big, but not want to be in it any longer?

It feels like a dream now that I ever had a friendship so close. I know I'll never find another like it.

And I can't see us ever having it again. Because waiting just behind my shock is a cold rage. You cannot burst from my heart without caving in the entry.

Perhaps when my years aren't so bitter, I'll be able to say that I was lucky for having it. But I doubt it. Because I don't think I'll ever get over the place she carved inside, that I still hold in the shape of her.

2010 Dissolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 08:00:00 +0000

Novelista Barista runs a great series featuring her readers' New Year resolutions. I had the dumb idea of participating last year. :)

As I reviewed my ~~utter flops~~ resolutions, I realized why I've never seen Jan 1 as a true start date: my year begins in mid-late August.

First - the school year. I'm a counselor as well as a permanent student (when am I not starting grad school or applying for grad school or dropping out of grad school?)

Second - my birthday month. My "age year" starts in August.

Thus, compare the resolutions I made in January with the goals I set in August:

January 2010 New Year Resolutions:

Get a literary agent - EPIC FAIL, wasn't even ready to try
Get my dancer's ability back (and the athletic body that went with it) - the body's back, but not the ability
Get my insulin/glucose issues checked out and managed - found a terrible doctor who didn't help at all, but I have managed to control my sugar levels so that I have less drops
Get a book deal - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAsee epic fail above
Make a lot more money than I have in the last 3 years (which means I need to stop applying to graduate programs and focus on working!) Yeah...try "made double what I made during the recession...when I was UNEMPLOYED.

Total wins: 2 halves

August 2010 Birthday and Year Ahead Goals:

Get a job that earns at least XXk a year, one which I enjoy and with great coworkers/clients Took first step - will be leaving my job in the beginning of next year
Become entirely financially independent Not sure I'll ever get here as a writer, but my net worth is looking a little better
Finish revising my query novel First beta reader already returned manuscript, sending to teen beta reader this winter
Get a literary agent Will query by second quarter next year
Get a commercial agent Will start networking
Lose 5 pounds or trim 1-2 inches from my waistline EPIC WIN Lost double that and hit waistline target!
Train in dance again Hitting hip-hop classes when I can; will return to other styles once we move
Visit grandparents in Taipei for Chinese New Year My dad and I will hopefully make this happen, although I'm not looking forward to a 16-hour flight without Jifo to lean on

Total wins: 2 whole, 4 in progress

How did you all do with your 2010 resolutions? Do you also find another season or time is better for goal-setting?

Balloon Monkey Hat. Ribs. Together At Last.

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 09:03:00 +0000

Sunday night dinner. All-you-can-eat ribs. A balloon animal man.

Jifo's astounding mountain...resulting in a stomachache of equal magnitude:

Some random diner who ended up giving her monkey hat to me:
I brought my "snowman wand" (that's what Harvey Simpson, the balloon guy called it) to work today so I could beat my male students who didn't finish their applications. The female students actually found the animal comforting to hold.

The Review that Broke the Employee's Back

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 16:55:00 +0000

30 After 30
#30: Stop taking jobs that make me lose sleep at night!

There's one week left and I can hardly stand it.

Ever since I took this position in January, every one of my 52 faces has been of pain. The first 6 months I woke up angry at least half my mornings, crying to Jifo, "I can't do this anymore, I hate my life."

The company I work for operates on a negative incentive principle: motivate your employees by telling them they're doing badly as much as possible.

The way the boss structured the work day also ensured that I was a hypoglycemic, migraine-suffering mess by the end. There were evenings I couldn't even drive home and Jifo had to pick me up, while someone else drove my car.

Yet I kept taking more and more hours. It built up a reservoir of resentment towards Jifo, because the only reason I gave so much of my time, energy, and tears to this job was so I could help him pay the mortgage on a house that I 1) don't own 2) didn't choose 3) would never have chosen for a myriad of reasons. And we're STILL losing money on this tumor of a house.

(Wish I could take credit for that analogy, but my friend said it.)

Though I've wanted to quit every single day, I promised myself I would stay until the end of the year. It's been almost impossible to get here.

Looking back, I can say that staying in a job that takes so much from you is WITHOUT A DOUBT NOT WORTH IT.

It's been the harshest lesson I've learned of 2010.

However, just as I see the silver linings in all of my horrible experiences and choices, I did learn a positive thing:

I can stick out a tough situation.

As a survivor of an abusive childhood, I should have known I had this ability. But, as survivors will tell you, our self-esteem isn't always there to remind us of how strong we are.

No one was around to tell me that this year, so I'm telling me now.

Today - Saturday (yes we sometimes work 6-7 days a week) - marks the beginning of the last week before winter vacation. There's a MAJOR deadline that will keep me busy and have me bringing work home until then.

So of course this is when my boss chooses to drop our employee reviews on us.

Mine actually had many good things to say, I was labeled a wonderful resource and effective, and it was recognized that my students are all close to me.

But this isn't a workplace that likes to pat people on the back.

There were also comments from one particular group (I wish I could go into detail) who decided to use the "anonymous, aggregate comments" format as a venue to vent. There were some unhelpful, vague, even personal attacks that of course kept me up all night before a particularly long work day. It's not even possible for me to confront the individuals and who made them and have a heart-to-heart because all the comments are jumbled together for complete lack of accountability.

One of the most demoralizing comments was that I didn't go beyond what I was paid for, though this person admitted that was all that could be expected from the employees.

Looking it over now, I realize how ridiculous and telling that statement is.

But for days, all I could think of was the hours of sleep I missed, the migraines I worked through, the shaking hands as I drove home, the tears, the tense shoulders, the UNPAID hours I contributed checking email at home to finish the work that wasn't allotted in our hours.

I can sum it up in 2 words: 15-minute increments. That's what we bill our time in. We're in EDUCATION for god's sake.

On the bright side, I now have the time-management of a lawyer.

I've given more than I was paid. In fact, I've been working at a quarter of my self-employed hourly rate.

I've given so much I'll never get back. That comment was the straw that broke my gritted-teeth back and I'm done now.

I've looked for a way to separate myself from caring so much about my work and my students and it took only until this last week to find it.

This was a job I stuck with because of the recession, but no amount of money can pay for the impoverishment of self-respect.

Eclipse Party: FanFic Lovers Come Out of the Closet!

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 08:25:00 +0000

I got Jifo to drive me 36.2 miles EACH way IN THE RAIN so I could watch the Eclipse DVD with other adult women who like hot young men. Yes, I am creating a unicorn.

This was my first Twi-gathering (I know right). It's rare to find people as into Twilight as I, and these ladies have me, ahem, eclipsed by a mile. Heh. Heh. I said it.

I'm talking Eclipse-con VIP ticket holders, gals who blew $200 bucks at Nordstroms on wolf/vamp-themed tee-shirts to get free screening tickets and best of all...

I'm not the only one who likes lemons!

If you don't know what that means and you're under 18, don't ask.

For the rest of us who stayed Wide Awake (not my fav, but apparently every Twi-FF reader's cherry popper) and have even published a one-shot somewhere, you are of my tribe! It's time to the come out of the closet and comment to the world (or my few readers) - which are your favorite Twilight fanfics? I'm a Darkward and Tattward fan myself, and a fan of AH (all human) universes.

(If this post results in me losing credibility as a "real" writer and reader, you can now see why I blog pseudonymously.)

Snickers...Salad

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 11:17:00 +0000

So I grew up pretty white.

I know a lot of white things that my boyfriend doesn't. But sometimes, just sometimes white people will come up with something that blows my mind.

They call it: the Snickers salad.

photo from babble.com

It's a midwest recipe, according to yahoo answers and ask.com, where various other net denizens are asking in their best Hank Hill voice, "What the hey-ell?"

This would come from the "ethnicity" that brought us deep-fried twinkies and mom jeans.

So, white people who form the majority of my readers, explain yourselves! Who? Why? HOW?

More importantly: who's actually eaten one?

NaNoWri No More!

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 08:03:00 +0000

It's done! NaNoWriMo 2010 has concluded.

This one fleeewww by.

I listened to this album nonstop:

watched footage of medieval knife fighting on Youtube,

and stared at countless images of Brazilian male models. For one of my characters. I'm gonna stick by that story.

Didn't actually stare at this photo...I'm not going to give away my Muse!

As you'll recall, I was a rebel this year, working on the second half of my 2009 NaNovel. (It's now turning into my second 3/4.)

I finished the 30 days with a word count of 26, 107. Even though I didn't win this year, I grew emotional looking at all the purple winner bars of my new NaNo Buddies. Great job guys!

Combine that with the first part of the manuscript, which I revised throughout October and edited for consistency this month for a WC of 25, 853. The grand total is:

51, 960 on this novel...

...and counting! I still have the rest of the third act to finish, yay for December

"Booyah!" Harry Potter Cast Speaks "American"

noreply@blogger.com (Sophia Chang) — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 10:17:00 +0000

Work off your turkey weight by laughing at the gem below.

And dude. Malfoy = hot. His "booyah" looks Cali. Weasley is surprisingly adept at "the Freedom Language" as well.