5 RAW MINUTES

“Why are we holding individuals responsible for the size of their bodies instead of holding airlines responsible for not providing adequate seating for their customers?”

Hit Single- WHITE PEOPLE PROBLEMS

2009-04-03T10:13:00.001-04:00

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

Bruno- Trailer- NSFW & Hilarious

2009-04-02T18:13:00.001-04:00

Colbert rips Glenn Beck (aka Crying Douche)

2009-04-01T11:36:00.001-04:00

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The 10/31 Project

comedycentral.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

NASA Name Contest

Eminem- Mosh (worth another visit)

2009-03-24T14:53:00.003-04:00

why does it seem like people slept on this track? worth another listen/look

kids: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America
and the to the republic...
Marshall: People! This is it. It feels so good to be back
Mosh with me now

I scrutinize every word, memorize every line
I spit it once, refuel, re-energize and rewind
I give sight to the blind, my insight's through the mind
I exercise my right to express when I feel it's time
It's just all in your mind - what you interpret it as
I say to fight, you take it as I'ma whip someone’s ass
If you don’t understand, don’t even bother to ask
A father who has grown up with a father-less past
Who has blown up now to rap phenomenon
That has, or at least shows, no difficulty multi-taskin' and juggling both
Perhaps mastered-his-craft slash entrepreneur
Who has helped launch a few more rap acts
Who’s had a few obstacles thrown his way
Through the last half of his career
Typical manure, moving past that
Mister kiss-his-ass-crack, he’s a class-act
Rubber-band man, yeah, he just snaps back

Chorus:

Come along, follow me, as I lead through the darkness
As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength
Come with me, and I wont steer you wrong
Put your faith in your trust, as I guide us through the fog
To the light at the end of the tunnel we gon’ fight
We gon’ charge, we gon’ stomp
We gon’ march through the swamp
We gon’ mosh through the marsh
Take us right through the doors
Come on..

Verse 2:

All the people up top, on the side and the middle
Come together, let's all form this swamp just a little
Just let it gradually build, from the front to the back
All you can see is a sea of people, some white and some black
No matter what color, all that matters we're gathered together
To celebrate for the same cause, no matter the weather
If it rains, let it rain
Yeah, the wetter the better
They ain’t gon’ stop us, they can't
We're stronger now, more then ever
They tell us "No", we say "Yeah"
They tell us "Stop", we say "Go"
Rebel with a rebel yell
Raise hell we gon’ let em know
Stomp, push, shove, mush fuck Bush
Until they bring our troops home, c'mon, just..

Chorus:

Come along, follow me as I lead through the darkness
As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength
Come with me, and I wont steer you wrong
Put your faith in your trust, as I guide us through the fog
To the light at the end of the tunnel we gon’ fight
We gon’ charge, we gon’ stomp
We gon' march through the swamp
We gon' mosh through the marsh
Take us right through the doors
Come on..

Verse 3:

Imagine it pourin’, it's rainin’ down on us
Mosh pits outside the oval office
Someone’s tryin to tell us something
Maybe this is God just sayin' we're responsible
For this monster this coward that we have empowered
This is Bin Laden
Look at his head noddin’
How could we allow something like this without pumpin' our fists
Now, this is our final hour
Let me be the voice, and your strength and your choice
Let me simplify the rhyme just to amplify the noise
Try to amplify it, times it, and multiply it by six-
Teen Million People are equal at this high pitch
Maybe we can reach Al Qaeda through my speech
Let the president answer a high anarchy
Strap him with a AK-47, let him go fight his own war
Let him impress daddy that way
No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our own soil
No more psychological warfare to trick us to thinking that we ain’t loyal
If we don’t serve our own country, we’re patronizing a hero
Look in his eyes, its all lies
The stars and stripes, have been swiped
Washed out and wiped and replaced with his own face
Mosh now or die
If I get sniped tonight, you’ll know why
‘Cuz I told you to fight

Chorus:

Come along, follow me as I lead through the darkness
As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength
Come with me, and I wont steer you wrong
Put your faith in your trust, as I guide us through the fog
To the light at the end of the tunnel we gon' fight
We gon' charge, we gon' stomp
We gon' march through the swamp
We gon' mosh through the marsh
Take us right through the doors
Come on

Outro:

Eminem: And as we proceed to mosh through this desert storm.. in these closing statements, if they should argue, let us beg to differ.. as we set aside our differences, and assemble our own army to disarm this weapon of mass destruction that we call our president for the present.. and mosh for the future of our next generation.. to speak and be heard.. Mr President.. Mr Senator..

(Kids: Can You Guys Hear us?)X2

Hahaha

The Cock Shot ONLY $4.99!

2009-03-23T19:19:00.000-04:00

Cock Shot from Invisible Engine on Vimeo.

Latest from Macworld- MAC BOOK WHEEL!

2009-01-06T12:17:00.000-05:00

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

How to: Properly Slap a Woman

2008-12-29T16:45:00.000-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Suggestions for NAACP Awards

2008-12-19T12:32:00.014-05:00

Every year the NAACP Awards acknowledges individuals who through various means represent and advance the Black community. In that same spirit 5RM nominates the following individuals for awards:

Maury Povich- Award for Uniting Black Families. Maury has devoted his daytime T.V show to uniting families through paternity test. While his show does not discriminate the fact that the majority of guest are young black couples cannot go unnoticed.

Patrick Riley- Leading Black Men to Championships. No other person black or white has lead more Black men to success, fame, money and trophy's than NBA Coach Patrick Riley.

President Bill Clinton- America's first black president. Plays saxophone, loves thick white women and hates on black people who are smarter than him, considers them BOUGHY!

President George Bush- Self sacrifice- George Bush highlighted the fact that black people are not what is wrong with this country. In 8 years in office he has gone farther than any other to prove that ignorance and incompetence are color blind.

And Finally

Gov. Sarah Palin- Unity Award- for uniting all people of all races of various religious backgrounds to vote for a black man to lead this United States.

Idiots driving in bad weather

2008-12-17T08:25:00.001-05:00

Every year a new crop of douche bags get licenses to drive like assholes on the roads of the country. In the tri-state particularly in bad weather its easy to spot thse pricks- just look for the souped up import with 6 inches of snow on the roof with tints fish tailing to get out of parking space. These "ignant" motherfuckers are the ones with street racing tires on ice slicked roads smashing into cars, trucks and medians stopping traffic for the next 5 hrs when everyone else is trying to get to work or home in one piece. Here's the PSA you P.O.S out there- SLOW THE FUCK DOWN- Grand Theft Auto is a video game, not a method of training- you can't hit restart after you crack your skull open on your "racing" steering wheel and the paramedics gotta go looking in the road for your brain chunks (which are hard to see in the snow)

Sent via BlackBerry

FAT WOMEN PLEASE...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD....

2008-12-09T09:42:00.000-05:00

If your a BBW, PLUMP, VOLUPTOUS, SUPER THICK.. in other words if you can ONLY shop at Lane Bryant or Ashley Stewart or cannot clearly identify your waist from your hips or knee/elbow joints - Please DO NOT wear any all brown outfits such as sweats or tights. You look like walking lumps of DOOO DOOO!!

This has been a 5RM Public Service Announcement.
Sent via BlackBerry

Jizz in my pants

2008-12-08T23:18:00.000-05:00

THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

2008-11-04T23:08:00.002-05:00

11PM est., NOVEMBER 4TH, 2008 WITH 297 ELECTORAL VOTES (and counting)

GET YOUR WAR ON- CHAOS !

2008-10-31T18:55:00.002-04:00

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Check out the entire "GET YOUR WAR ON" series @ 236.com

WASSSSUP (Eight Years later)

2008-10-24T19:02:00.000-04:00

Republicans for Obama

2008-10-23T13:16:00.000-04:00

DO NOT WEAR OBAMA T-SHIRTS ON ELECTION DAY!!

2008-10-21T13:03:00.003-04:00

Apparently one woman was turned away in New Mexico for wearing an Obama shirt. She was white.....and in a wheel chair!

No One F*CKS with John McCain

2008-10-15T13:28:00.001-04:00

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die