5ives http://www.5ives.com Merlin's Lists of Five Things Sun, 19 May 2013 18:30:12 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 This is an XML content feed. It is intended to be viewed in a newsreader or syndicated to another site. Five Obvious Raymond Carver Jokes http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/808W1QNvf28/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/05/30/five-obvious-raymond-carver-jokes/#comments Mon, 30 May 2011 17:50:45 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=521 Where I&#8217;m Calling For a Cab From Will You Please Be Quiet, Please, My Head is POUNDING, Please? Call If You Need Me to Bring Ice Tell the Women We&#8217;re Going on a Beer Run What We Talk About When &#8230; <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/05/30/five-obvious-raymond-carver-jokes/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Where I’m Calling For a Cab From
  • Will You Please Be Quiet, Please, My Head is POUNDING, Please?
  • Call If You Need Me to Bring Ice
  • Tell the Women We’re Going on a Beer Run
  • What We Talk About When We Talk About Obvious Raymond Carver Jokes
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/05/30/five-obvious-raymond-carver-jokes/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/05/30/five-obvious-raymond-carver-jokes/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-obvious-raymond-carver-jokes     Five reasons 5ives was down for two years http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/u0xi-f-0NkE/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-reasons-5ives-was-down-for-two-years/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 22:22:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=481 Rubberbands holding WordPress together broke. Again. Chronic katalogosophobia Deliciously addictive Sex in the City Box Set Painful condition involving corns or something I&#8217;m a complete idiot
  • Rubberbands holding WordPress together broke. Again.
  • Chronic katalogosophobia
  • Deliciously addictive Sex in the City Box Set
  • Painful condition involving corns or something
  • I’m a complete idiot
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-reasons-5ives-was-down-for-two-years/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-reasons-5ives-was-down-for-two-years/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-reasons-5ives-was-down-for-two-years     Five terrible fake panics obsessing parents of teens http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/REwjTnZME-U/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-terrible-fake-panics-obsessing-parents-of-teens/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 22:21:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=479 Raging Boner Quoits Fanta &#8216;n Meth Slammerz Locker Room Orthodonture Ear Jobs Bukkake Arby&#8217;s
  • Raging Boner Quoits
  • Fanta ‘n Meth Slammerz
  • Locker Room Orthodonture
  • Ear Jobs
  • Bukkake Arby’s
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-terrible-fake-panics-obsessing-parents-of-teens/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-terrible-fake-panics-obsessing-parents-of-teens/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-terrible-fake-panics-obsessing-parents-of-teens     Five controversial ontologies http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/OOlkMddfwfY/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-controversial-ontologies/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 22:18:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=476 We actually exist in a snow globe ruled by the autistic kid from St. Elsewhere The Universe, like sexual intercourse, was created by The Beatles in the Autumn of 1962 The Creator&#8217;s machinations are always subject to even more all-powerful &#8230; <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-controversial-ontologies/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • We actually exist in a snow globe ruled by the autistic kid from St. Elsewhere
  • The Universe, like sexual intercourse, was created by The Beatles in the Autumn of 1962
  • The Creator’s machinations are always subject to even more all-powerful beings: Mrs. Creator. (And, her new lawyer, Sid)
  • We live in a galaxy on the thumbnail of a Santa Cruz student who’s really, really fucking high right now
  • A wizard in the sky created an infinite universe then let his son get murdered by politically-powerful bigots so he could fly back to the sky to help people who agree to believe in the wizard in return for not being forced to be sad and hot for the rest of forever
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-controversial-ontologies/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-controversial-ontologies/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-controversial-ontologies     Five cutting-edge greeting cards http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/wvx32TtnMOw/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-cutting-edge-greeting-cards/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 22:18:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=474 Mazel Tov on That Reversed Vasectomy! Third Divorce is a Charm, Mom! Your New Boobs Look Large and Super-Hard! Condolences on Your Poorly-Thought-Out Home-Based Business! I&#8217;m Minding Your Halitosis Less!
  • Mazel Tov on That Reversed Vasectomy!
  • Third Divorce is a Charm, Mom!
  • Your New Boobs Look Large and Super-Hard!
  • Condolences on Your Poorly-Thought-Out Home-Based Business!
  • I’m Minding Your Halitosis Less!
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-cutting-edge-greeting-cards/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-cutting-edge-greeting-cards/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-cutting-edge-greeting-cards     Five guitarists who can rock the three-note solo http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/1aGy3nIwuMo/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-guitarists-who-can-rock-the-three-note-solo/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 22:18:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=472 Lindsey Buckingham (Fleetwood Mac) The Edge (U2) Neil Young Paul Reynolds (A Flock of Seagulls) My friend, Mike
  • Lindsey Buckingham (Fleetwood Mac)
  • The Edge (U2)
  • Neil Young
  • Paul Reynolds (A Flock of Seagulls)
  • My friend, Mike
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-guitarists-who-can-rock-the-three-note-solo/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-guitarists-who-can-rock-the-three-note-solo/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-guitarists-who-can-rock-the-three-note-solo     Five nice perks of becoming an OT-VII http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/_gUti0KJeUM/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-nice-perks-of-becoming-an-ot-vii-2/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 22:18:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=470 warranty automatically extended 90 days on all E-meters™ tone level over 20 entitles you to free iced tea refills at the Celebrity Centre© Xenu personally emails your kid on her birthday complimentary Look Who&#8217;s Talking tote bag, Risky Business satin &#8230; <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-nice-perks-of-becoming-an-ot-vii-2/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • warranty automatically extended 90 days on all E-meters™
  • tone level over 20 entitles you to free iced tea refills at the Celebrity Centre©
  • Xenu personally emails your kid on her birthday
  • complimentary Look Who’s Talking tote bag, Risky Business satin jacket
  • double card stamps toward your next “‘Ron the Commodore’ 12-inch Hoagie” for each celebrity “girlfriend” you can contribute
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-nice-perks-of-becoming-an-ot-vii-2/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-nice-perks-of-becoming-an-ot-vii-2/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-nice-perks-of-becoming-an-ot-vii-2     Five popular remodeling projects in Northern California http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/_9GaJsqrc9w/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-popular-remodeling-projects-in-northern-california/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 22:10:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=464 shaving porch koi barn crying trellis grudging fellatio pantry remodeling room
  • shaving porch
  • koi barn
  • crying trellis
  • grudging fellatio pantry
  • remodeling room
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-popular-remodeling-projects-in-northern-california/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2011/03/09/five-popular-remodeling-projects-in-northern-california/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-popular-remodeling-projects-in-northern-california     Five things the lady standing outside the window at the Today Show, holding a cardboard sign with a picture of a kitten she cut out of Parade Magazine, is thinking about right now http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/utWq106VjmA/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/today-cat-lady/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:24:26 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=453 <ol> <li>"I hope Mr. Phineas T. Snugglewhiskers doesn't hog all the treats from The Princess Party Triplets and Li'l Cap'n Funnynose."</li> <li>"I'll bet the cats other people here think about aren't as precious as mine and can't even tell when the mailman is secretly waiting for the best time to take all of us out to Applebee's in his mail truck for a big skillet dinner and a Fanta."</li> <li>"My feet hurt."</li> <li>"I wonder if my feet hurt because I have diabetes. Jesus, I hope Pickles McPicklepickle No. 3 and Kitti Katfenstahl don't eat my toes tonight."</li> <li>"Felicia Butterfly Oliver Sacks Von Precioushugs better not be recording over my stories; she's not <em>that</em> gee-dee precious."</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/today-cat-lady/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • “I hope Mr. Phineas T. Snugglewhiskers doesn’t hog all the treats from The Princess Party Triplets and Li’l Cap’n Funnynose.”
  • “I’ll bet the cats other people here think about aren’t as precious as mine and can’t even tell when the mailman is secretly waiting for the best time to take all of us out to Applebee’s in his mail truck for a big skillet dinner and a Fanta.”
  • “My feet hurt.”
  • “I wonder if my feet hurt because I have diabetes. Jesus, I hope Pickles McPicklepickle No. 3 and Kitti Katfenstahl don’t eat my toes tonight.”
  • “Felicia Butterfly Oliver Sacks Von Precioushugs better not be recording over my stories; she’s not that gee-dee precious.”
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/today-cat-lady/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/today-cat-lady/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=today-cat-lady     Five menu items at Silver Spoon Thai that could also be the name of an unsuccessful sex worker http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/LQawf5f9yPw/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-menu-items-at-silver-spoon-thai-that-could-also-be-the-name-of-an-unsuccessful-sex-worker/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:09:33 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=452 <ol> <li>Jasmine Rice</li> <li>Ginger Snapper</li> <li>Rainbow Salad</li> <li>Volcano Prawns</li> <li>Pumpkin Curry</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-menu-items-at-silver-spoon-thai-that-could-also-be-the-name-of-an-unsuccessful-sex-worker/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Jasmine Rice
  • Ginger Snapper
  • Rainbow Salad
  • Volcano Prawns
  • Pumpkin Curry
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-menu-items-at-silver-spoon-thai-that-could-also-be-the-name-of-an-unsuccessful-sex-worker/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-menu-items-at-silver-spoon-thai-that-could-also-be-the-name-of-an-unsuccessful-sex-worker/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-menu-items-at-silver-spoon-thai-that-could-also-be-the-name-of-an-unsuccessful-sex-worker     Five terrible fake Mitch Albom books http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/LoDv3Raf9GY/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-terrible-fake-mitch-albom-books/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:09:03 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=451 <ol> <li><em>Mondays with Whiskey</em></li> <li><em>The Five People You Meet in Line at Arby's</em></li> <li><em>Saturday with Morrie's Roommate...It's...Like...Oh...You Know...Like... "Sal," or "Sid," or Something Kind of Jew-y</em></li> <li><em>Wednesdays When That One Nurse with the Rack Washes Morrie Real Slow Like</em></li> <li><em>Something Something Inspiration Old Person Just Call It Whatever But Just Definitely Change This Shit, Okay? --ma</em></li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-terrible-fake-mitch-albom-books/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Mondays with Whiskey
  • The Five People You Meet in Line at Arby’s
  • Saturday with Morrie’s Roommate…It’s…Like…Oh…You Know…Like… “Sal,” or “Sid,” or Something Kind of Jew-y
  • Wednesdays When That One Nurse with the Rack Washes Morrie Real Slow Like
  • Something Something Inspiration Old Person Just Call It Whatever But Just Definitely Change This Shit, Okay? –ma
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-terrible-fake-mitch-albom-books/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-terrible-fake-mitch-albom-books/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-terrible-fake-mitch-albom-books     Five excellent fake names I’ve never found a place to use http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/KTEBa52vQ2Y/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-excellent-fake-names-ive-never-found-a-place-to-use/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:08:02 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=450 <ol> <li>Kel Domage</li> <li>Rosco Green</li> <li>Skip Intro</li> <li>Fanny B. Tender</li> <li>Romana Clay</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-excellent-fake-names-ive-never-found-a-place-to-use/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Kel Domage
  • Rosco Green
  • Skip Intro
  • Fanny B. Tender
  • Romana Clay
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-excellent-fake-names-ive-never-found-a-place-to-use/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-excellent-fake-names-ive-never-found-a-place-to-use/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-excellent-fake-names-ive-never-found-a-place-to-use     Five inanimate objects that frequently seem annoyed with me http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/xG_D1HDERhY/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-inanimate-objects-that-frequently-seem-annoyed-with-me/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:07:19 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=449 <ol> <li>Nüvi GPS navigator</li> <li>Windows Media Player</li> <li>pineapples</li> <li>all sports equipment</li> <li>the Taco Bell lady</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-inanimate-objects-that-frequently-seem-annoyed-with-me/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Nüvi GPS navigator
  • Windows Media Player
  • pineapples
  • all sports equipment
  • the Taco Bell lady
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-inanimate-objects-that-frequently-seem-annoyed-with-me/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-inanimate-objects-that-frequently-seem-annoyed-with-me/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-inanimate-objects-that-frequently-seem-annoyed-with-me     Five terrible fake Jane Austen novels http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/LzQ8twiSBK8/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:55:13 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=446 <ol> <li>Rash and Rationality</li> <li>Punk and Punctuality</li> <li>Beast and Bestiality</li> <li>Funk and Functionality</li> <li>Fried and Credulous</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Rash and Rationality
  • Punk and Punctuality
  • Beast and Bestiality
  • Funk and Functionality
  • Fried and Credulous
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels     Five rejected names for Austin BBQ restaurants http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/Fekd2jEYclc/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:54:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/ <ol> <li>The Saltiest Joint</li> <li>Suck the Bone</li> <li>Unexpectedly Covered in Sauce</li> <li>Bar-B-Q*bert</li> <li>Texas Pete's Rootin', Tootin' Pulled Pork 'n' Fellatio Funfactory</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • The Saltiest Joint
  • Suck the Bone
  • Unexpectedly Covered in Sauce
  • Bar-B-Q*bert
  • Texas Pete’s Rootin’, Tootin’ Pulled Pork ‘n’ Fellatio Funfactory
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=445     Five records I wish I could have sung backup on http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/7JExKRjgN6A/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:52:57 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=444 <ol> <li>"You Didn't Have to Be So Nice" by The Lovin' Spoonful</li> <li>"Wall of Death" by Richard &#38; Linda Thompson</li> <li>"Rocks Off" by The Rolling Stones</li> <li><em>anything</em> by Neil Young &#38; Crazy Horse</li> <li>"The Village Green Preservation Society" by The Kinks</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • “You Didn’t Have to Be So Nice” by The Lovin’ Spoonful
  • “Wall of Death” by Richard & Linda Thompson
  • “Rocks Off” by The Rolling Stones
  • anything by Neil Young & Crazy Horse
  • “The Village Green Preservation Society” by The Kinks
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on     Five occupations whose uniform I think I’d enjoy wearing http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/JZ8TxrVmm1Q/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:52:17 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=443 <ol> <li>barber</li> <li>MUNI driver</li> <li>flight attendant</li> <li>kung-fu master</li> <li>deceased fried chicken entrepreneur </li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • barber
  • MUNI driver
  • flight attendant
  • kung-fu master
  • deceased fried chicken entrepreneur
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing     Five things that should be issued to every American on his or her 14th birthday http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/BWCmR1scZ7I/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/#comments Sat, 19 Jul 2008 17:52:46 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=441 <ol> <li>condoms (and instruction on how and when to use/not use them)</li> <li><em>The Elements of Style</em> by Strunk and White</li> <li>phone number of a super-cool, non-panicky adult (who will get you out of the jams your parents must never learn of)</li> <li><em>Surfer Rosa</em> by Pixies</li> <li>iPod on which to listen to <em>Surfer Rosa</em> at painfully loud volume</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • condoms (and instruction on how and when to use/not use them)
  • The Elements of Style by Strunk and White
  • phone number of a super-cool, non-panicky adult (who will get you out of the jams your parents must never learn of)
  • Surfer Rosa by Pixies
  • iPod on which to listen to Surfer Rosa at painfully loud volume
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday     Five unusual Top Chef production crew titles http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/IgL000Pitas/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:26:50 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=439 <ol> <li>Fauxhawk Sharpener</li> <li>Timpani Dramaticizer</li> <li>Molecular Gastronomy Re-explainer</li> <li>Foam Consultant</li> <li>Clog Wrangler</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Fauxhawk Sharpener
  • Timpani Dramaticizer
  • Molecular Gastronomy Re-explainer
  • Foam Consultant
  • Clog Wrangler
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles     Five poetic phrases culled from Joe McConnell’s Bay Area radio traffic report http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/4rd0bKS9HyM/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:26:00 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=440 <ol> <li>slow in pockets</li> <li>jackknifed big rig</li> <li>backed-up to the maze</li> <li>Friday-light</li> <li>goat on the shoulder</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • slow in pockets
  • jackknifed big rig
  • backed-up to the maze
  • Friday-light
  • goat on the shoulder
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report     Five rejected titles for the latest Coldplay record http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/SJyC6m_rJvw/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:24:12 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=438 <ol> <li><em>¿Perry Cómo Estás?</em></li> <li><em>Que Syrah Syrah</em></li> <li><em>Bicycletarse</em></li> <li><em>Chili Art Carney</em></li> <li><em>No Hablamos Español</em></li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • ¿Perry Cómo Estás?
  • Que Syrah Syrah
  • Bicycletarse
  • Chili Art Carney
  • No Hablamos Español
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record     Five rejected names for a single-serving meal product http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/vOPI8vzeKx8/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/#comments Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:24:48 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=436 <ol> <li>Quiet Evenings</li> <li>Me &#38; the Kitties</li> <li>Lonesome Bites</li> <li>Monomunches</li> <li>Singles...for Life!</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Quiet Evenings
  • Me & the Kitties
  • Lonesome Bites
  • Monomunches
  • Singles…for Life!
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product     Five ways to leverage the mobile thinkosphere http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/W0kRAi_70v0/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/#comments Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:15:51 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/ <ol> <li>blogmobisodes</li> <li>webmobinars</li> <li>telestreamanogisodes</li> <li>lividmobipostiscussions</li> <li>netconvermomomobomasations</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • blogmobisodes
  • webmobinars
  • telestreamanogisodes
  • lividmobipostiscussions
  • netconvermomomobomasations
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere     Five “Web 2.0″ ways to break up with your boyfriend http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/E--IW7NQjTQ/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/#comments Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:37:01 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/ <ol> <li>add unflattering Flickr tag, "Fat asshole with a unibrow"</li> <li>change Facebook status to "He's literally dead to me"</li> <li>web widget counts up days since your last climax (currently: "193")</li> <li>share Zoho spreadsheet to split up MySpace friends</li> <li>decline to participate in Series B round of affection</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • add unflattering Flickr tag, “Fat asshole with a unibrow”
  • change Facebook status to “He’s literally dead to me”
  • web widget counts up days since your last climax (currently: “193″)
  • share Zoho spreadsheet to split up MySpace friends
  • decline to participate in Series B round of affection
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend     Five terrible fake astronomical pickup lines http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/Nruu7ioGf5s/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/#comments Thu, 13 Mar 2008 18:29:07 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/ <ol> <li>Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?</li> <li>Hop in my van, and I'll show you something else that's constantly expanding.</li> <li>Was Democritus the first one to postulate your mysterious Milky Way?</li> <li>I'd like to Sagittarius your Pisces, and that's no Taurus.</li> <li>How about we go outside and discover Uranus?</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Ever wonder what’s happening under Orion’s belt?
  • Hop in my van, and I’ll show you something else that’s constantly expanding.
  • Was Democritus the first one to postulate your mysterious Milky Way?
  • I’d like to Sagittarius your Pisces, and that’s no Taurus.
  • How about we go outside and discover Uranus?
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines     Five rejected names for “Cooter” on The Dukes of Hazzard http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/ADbxrpJLig4/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/#comments Thu, 06 Mar 2008 10:58:12 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/ <ol> <li>Daniel Poon </li> <li>Mr. Strange</li> <li>Steve the Sleeve</li> <li>Snatch Adams</li> <li>Ol' Vag </li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Daniel Poon
  • Mr. Strange
  • Steve the Sleeve
  • Snatch Adams
  • Ol’ Vag
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard     Five cues that Robert Plant is ready to have sexual intercourse with you http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/LOqaTbNvgbo/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/#comments Tue, 12 Feb 2008 16:30:46 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/ <ol> <li>gently enquires as to where you like to put the turkey baster</li> <li>repeatedly offers to demonstrate "how Blighty squeezes the lemonade"</li> <li>stands in your front yard, pants-less and swinging a garden hose in lazy figure-eights</li> <li>makes rapid "milking a cow" gesture while screaming something incoherent about Robert Johnson</li> <li>drops his semi-erect penis onto your dessert plate</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • gently enquires as to where you like to put the turkey baster
  • repeatedly offers to demonstrate “how Blighty squeezes the lemonade”
  • stands in your front yard, pants-less and swinging a garden hose in lazy figure-eights
  • makes rapid “milking a cow” gesture while screaming something incoherent about Robert Johnson
  • drops his semi-erect penis onto your dessert plate
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you     Five more terrible fake reality TV shows http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/fxgQHbcQSro/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/#comments Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:55:31 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/ <ol> <li>Are You Smarter Than an Ottoman?</li> <li>Project Segway</li> <li>Would You Eat This for Money?</li> <li>America's Next Top Preclear</li> <li>Who Wants to Be a Cultural Footnote?</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Are You Smarter Than an Ottoman?
  • Project Segway
  • Would You Eat This for Money?
  • America’s Next Top Preclear
  • Who Wants to Be a Cultural Footnote?
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows     Five subtle changes in the event that Microsoft acquires Yahoo! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/RVEhsq5ugNs/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 20:00:54 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/ <ol> <li>your Flickr.com photos are still your own (although human faces are now obscured by selected partner company logos)</li> <li>owing to unavoidable data corruption, all Upcoming.org events must be reinstalled monthly</li> <li>following upgrade to Vista, clicking del.icio.us links now requires 1 GB of RAM and 40 GB drive space (per link)</li> <li>Jerry Yang now compelled to "do that funny MC Hammer dance" whenever Ballmer's meds start wearing off</li> <li>folksy motto tweaked to "If You Ever Want to See That Pretty Family of Yours Again, You Damned Straight Better Fucking <em>Yahoo!</em>"</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • your Flickr.com photos are still your own (although human faces are now obscured by selected partner company logos)
  • owing to unavoidable data corruption, all Upcoming.org events must be reinstalled monthly
  • following upgrade to Vista, clicking del.icio.us links now requires 1 GB of RAM and 40 GB drive space (per link)
  • Jerry Yang now compelled to “do that funny MC Hammer dance” whenever Ballmer’s meds start wearing off
  • folksy motto tweaked to “If You Ever Want to See That Pretty Family of Yours Again, You Damned Straight Better Fucking Yahoo!“
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo     Five names you can belch http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/GiRaC3k-kXg/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:04:36 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/ <ol> <li>Frank Black</li> <li>Bob Hodgkins</li> <li>Barack Obama</li> <li>Ponce De Leon</li> <li>John Hodgman</li> </ol> <a href="http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>
  • Frank Black
  • Bob Hodgkins
  • Barack Obama
  • Ponce De Leon
  • John Hodgman
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/feed/ 0 http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-names-you-can-belch