Perhaps it was wishful thinking on my part but with the international break almost over I decided to take a look forward to Arsenal’s opponent on the weekend — Bolton Wanderers.

Notlob was at one time a bit of a problem team for Arsenal. They would come in with their sharpened elbows, flying tackles, and long balls [...]]]>

Perhaps it was wishful thinking on my part but with the international break almost over I decided to take a look forward to Arsenal’s opponent on the weekend — Bolton Wanderers.

Notlob was at one time a bit of a problem team for Arsenal. They would come in with their sharpened elbows, flying tackles, and long balls hoofed in from all angles and occasionally steal a point. Their singular tactic was to try to disrupt Arsenal’s pretty, flowing football with rotational fouling and hope to steal a goal or two from a Hail Mary play.*

Many of the personnel have changed but some of the ill will between the two teams remains. Despite the fact that El Hadji Diouf has taken Fat Sam with him to Blackburn, the Premier League’s all time foul leader Kevin Cyril Davies remains.

It’s pretty funny to think that Kevin Davies has amassed 779 fouls in his time playing top flight football which is 185 more fouls than the next player, George Boateng. Add in that he’s also in 2nd place for total number of yellow cards amassed with 89, just 6 behind Lee Bowyer and tied with Robbie Savage, and you can see why Kevin Davies is despised at every ground, except perhaps in Bolton.

Many column inches have been dedicated to Owen Coyle’s playing style and how he is supposed to be changing Bolton from rough and tumble long ball merchants to slick passing mini-Arsenals but as they say: it’s easier to get a fat man through the eye of a needle than it is to teach an old camel new tricks. And Bolton, sitting near the foot of the fairplay table, seem to be up to their old tricks.

Davies is joined in the individual indiscipline column by teammate Fabrice Muamba, both of them have played 4 games total (1 Carling Cup) and picked up 3 yellows. It’s an amazing number of cards for the two players and if I were to hope for anything it would be that neither player wants to risk picking up a 4th yellow so early in the season.

Bolton, despite their clearly indisciplined duo, aren’t at the very foot of the fairplay table. That dubious honor is reserved for Joey Barton, James Perch, and the Newcastle “Crazy Gang” who have somehow managed to pick up 10 yellow cards in just 3 games. Well, I say somehow, but then all you need to do is look at the fact that Barton and Perch have a yellow in each game they have played and you can account for 6/10 of Newcastle’s cards. At 3.33 cards a game, Newcastle are well on their way to getting 126 cards this season. Quite an accomplishment, eh?

Between Bolton and Newcastle are Wolves with 9 yellow cards, 7 of which they picked up in a single game… against Newcastle! I remember a few words being written about the game with Wolves player Karl Henry calling Barton a wussy or something, but when I went back and looked at the stats I was surprised at how amazingly dirty the match actually was. Wolves players got 7 of their 9 bookings this season in that match alone and Newcastle managed 5 bookings as well.

12 yellow cards in a game and no red cards? Surely the FA is going to look into this match and fine both teams for their indiscipline? Surely someone at one of the major newspapers is going to write about this disgrace to the Premier League as both teams tried to out anti-football each other?

Don’t hold your breath. The majority of the papers played the quotes from the despicable Karl Henry and ran with tongue in cheek, “Tee hee, look at who is roughing up the roughneck Joey Barton!” type articles and I haven’t heard a word from the FA over whether there will be fines to either club or whether they are going to look at some discipline for referee Stuart Atwell for failing to control the game. I’m sorry but no match should ever have 12 yellow cards and zero red cards, I don’t care if the yellows were all targeted toward Joey Barton or not, the referee has clearly lost the plot.

Truth be told, though, it was Stoke City’s Ryan Shawcross moaning like a Pulis in the press yesterday that got me looking into this indiscipline issue. The man who broke Aaron Ramsey’s leg in two with a filthy scything attack, who broke Francis Jeffers’ leg with a tackle from behind, and who took Adebayor out with an assault when he was off the pitch had a moan about Arsene Wenger saying that clubs like Stoke play rugby and not football. Shawcross feels like he unjustly has a target on his back and he can’t understand why. If he’d like, I can make him a compilation tape of his career highlights: we’ll call it “I break legs, the Ryan Shawcross story.” Maybe after watching that he’ll get why he’s being targeted.

To be fair to Stoke, they aren’t the worst team in the league, as I’ve said, that distinction goes to Newcastle. Instead, Stoke, thanks to a yellow card in every game from Dean Whitehead, are 5th from bottom in the anti-football table — one above luminaries Birmingham.

Arsene Wenger will be criticized for his past indiscretions and people will point to Patrick Vieira’s disciplinary record and call Arsenal hypocrites. But those people will be missing the point; the game has moved on since 1998 when Arsenal were renown for their dirty play. Players and coaches need to understand that and develop themselves and their own games accordingly.

I have a suggestion to help speed the transformation of the English Premier League from a league known for leg breaking tackles and into a league that plays the world’s most beautiful football: relegate the teams with the worst disciplinary records. No, not to the League Championship, but rather relegate them to the Rugby League where, as Wenger pointed out last week, they rightly belong.

–

*We’ve been over this already see episode 1,253.

Bookmark It

Regardless the holidays or strikes the blog never rests!

Except there isn’t much [...]]]> Happy labor day from the U.S. of A. It’s a holiday here where we celebrate, erm, well, uhh, labor by taking a day off. From the sound of things in London (there’s a Tube Strike brewing) you lot should take the day off as well.

Regardless the holidays or strikes the blog never rests!

Except there isn’t much to report. Oh well, I can already hear you all saying “so what? Start typing blog monkey!”

Koscielny gave an interview on Arsenal TV Online in which he talks about building his strength, how he learned from the Diouf challenge, and how he feels about the League. My favorite tidbit? Koscielny won every single tackle he tried in Ligue 1 last year. What’s funny about that is that I thought he should have tackled Diouf and given the fact that that’s his strength I’m even more surprised he didn’t. He does mention that the red card he received at Liverpool played a part in why he played the ball the way he did, so I guess that explains that.

The only other thing I’m going to report is that Arsenal on TV in the USA is looking very favorable with one notable exception: Tiny Totts in the Carling Cup on Tuesday the 21st. The schedule lists the match as available via ATVO but my experience is that we can’t watch that until several hours after the match already finished.

I’m not going to talk about how van der Vaart says that Liverpool wanted to take him and that Redknapp is lying about the supposed £18m bid that Bayern lodged. No, that’s just Redknapp trying to show how much of a wheeler-dealer he is, nothing to report there!

And I’m also not going to lend any credence to the reports that Farça are saving the #4 shirt for Cesc. There are 4 whole months before the transfer window opens and the Cesc to Barca stories start again in earnest. Can’t we get a day off from those stories? We could call it “Cesc to Barca Stories are Laborious Day” and no one would be allowed to write a single story that is even tangentially related to Cesc to Barca.

That would truly be a day of rest.

Bookmark It

I read that Eboue scored for the Ivory Coast in their 3-0 win over Rwanda. If I find any video I will post it in this space.

Tons of other Arsenal players played this week and/or will play later this week though it looks like Alex Song was not included in the [...]]]> We’ve only come to see Eboue!

I read that Eboue scored for the Ivory Coast in their 3-0 win over Rwanda. If I find any video I will post it in this space.

Tons of other Arsenal players played this week and/or will play later this week though it looks like Alex Song was not included in the Cameroon side that beat Mauritius 3-1. Cameroon has a new coach so I have to wonder if Song hasn’t picked up a knock.

Wayne Rooney, serial cheater

I’m not surprised that Rooney was caught allegedly cheating on his wife (again, again, again). Why does this even rate as a story? He’s been cheating on the pitch for years why wouldn’t he cheat off the pitch as well.

The only angle of this story that interests me is how all the English lads at Arsenal are such nice boys. As of two years ago, Theo Walcott publicly admitted that he doesn’t drink or party and in the coverage of Wilshere’s bust up on the street they called him teetotal. I would be more than a little shocked if one of those two were caught drunk, smoking cigs, and out hanging with whores at the Arsenal team Christmas party.

Some might criticize the two for being “too nice” but after seeing Wilshere go in hard against Christopher Samba and watching as Theo’s developed his upper body strength I think they are the right mix of modern footballers. Let’s hope they stay far away from Rooney, Lampard, Terry, Crouch, and Defoe when they have the occasion to play with the national side.

Brownie for England!

Phil Brown has finished his gardening leave and after several months of taking a self-help class is now looking for a job. Maybe head coach of England?

Oh Brownie, I miss you.

Everyone has a swipe at Arsenal

Arjen Robben believes that now Spurs have van der Vaart, they are Arsenal’s equal. Heh. We’ll see. Van der Vaart was a decent player 5 years ago but he’s really struggled finding form since his first year at Hamburg. I’m not sure that he’s much better than Luca Modric and after him Spurs have midfield maestro Jermaine Jenas and Tom Huddlestone’s “daisy cutters” providing stiff competition. Van der Vaart has his work cut out for him getting into that side…

What am I saying? He’s a shoo-in for player of the year as Spurs rocket from 10th place to Europa Cup qualification next year.

I’ve been saying for over a year that Adebayor is basically a jilted lover, the kind who talks shit about his ex because he’s still heart broken over the breakup. Here’s the thing… let’s just ignore him. If he shows up at Highbury and throws rocks at your window, don’t engage him in a debate, just call the cops. It’s been nearly two years, it’s time for him to move on and if he can’t then maybe he should be locked up.

Right…

That’s it, I’m off to play a little football and then maybe have a lay around, followed by a movie or something. This is what happens when there’s no football on TV. Damnit, I might even be forced to watch Throwball or something. I’m getting desperate here, folks.

Bookmark It

Wayne Rooney and other well documented serial divers may soon be spending several nervous days after every match looking over their shoulders. Earlier today, FIFA announced that they will not stand in the way of the Football Federation Australia (FFA) or any other football governing body who wishes to use video evidence to retroactively punish players [...]]]>

Wayne Rooney and other well documented serial divers may soon be spending several nervous days after every match looking over their shoulders. Earlier today, FIFA announced that they will not stand in the way of the Football Federation Australia (FFA) or any other football governing body who wishes to use video evidence to retroactively punish players for offenses that the referee either didn’t see or that the referee got wrong.

This all started last weekend when Sydney FC played Central Coast Mariners to a 1-1 draw. The Mariners’ Argentinian import Patricio Perez won a controversial penalty in the 73rd minute with the referee sending off Sydney keeper Liam Reddy for what he saw as a foul.  Perez put the penalty kick away and the teams finished the game at a draw.

That would hardly be the end of that.

After the match, keeper Reddy appealed to the FFAs Match Review Panel (MRP) submitting an Obvious Error Application to have his red card rescinded. This type of appeal against a red card isn’t that unusual.  You may remember that John Terry had a red card rescinded back in 2008 after review from the FA upon appeal from the player.

What happened in Australia, however, was that the review panel decided that Patricio Perez had dived and chose to not only rescind Reddy’s card but ban Perez two weeks for simulation.

Perez has no appeal available to him, the MRPs decision is final, and he insists that there was contact. He and the club are so adamant that there was contact that they have hired a team of lawyers and bio-mechanics experts who are ready to prove in a court of law that the player didn’t dive.

But before the club took those drastic measures they looked to FIFA for a ruling on whether video evidence could be used after the match to punish players. FIFA as is typical, saw this as an opportunity to change the rules without going through a formal rules review process and basically said “go for it.” Oh, they also said “we hate diving.”

We deem diving as a serious issue in the game and something we feel strongly about. We hope that with serious sanction it will be a deterrent. We want to stamp it out.

It is a misconduct charge for the players – our regulations allow our match review panel to right wrongs they see that happened on the pitch

The problems here are numerous. Specifically, in Australia, the ruling of the MRP is final and the player is unable to appeal the decision despite the fact that he maintains his innocence and that several experts have come forward to add weight to the player’s appeal.

Moreover, Perez has been quite distraught over being labeled a diver in what was his first match in a new country. As all Gooners can attest, no matter what happens in the appeals Perez looks set to become the poster child for the anti-diving crusade in Australia and likely the rest of the world. I can say that judging by the fact that the Daily Mail is still to this day labeling Eduardo a convicted diver (in their caption) for an offense he was cleared of by video review, by the referee in video review, and by a panel of experts. Zeus himself could come down from Mt. Olympus and declare Eduardo innocent and the Daily Mail would run a week’s worth of columns pondering whether this Zeus guy is really the father of the gods or if he isn’t just some guy who knows a few really neat card tricks.

So, FIFAs ruling raises more questions than it answers. Instead of standing up and making a rule about diving, they have passed the buck and are allowing a review panel from the Outback to create a new rule for them. In the mean-time, they are standing up against a player and his right to clear his name in an appeal process which is simply disgraceful.

But I have to wonder where they will draw the line? Will clubs be allowed to appeal every single incident that does or doesn’t result in a call from the referee? That seems to be the path they are on here in their religious zeal to “stamp out” the worst crime ever committed on a football pitch: simulation.

I also find a deep irony in the idea that FIFA is basically introducing video replay, but only after the match is over. Only after the aggrieved team has lost the trophy will they be able to appeal to the local governing body and receive “justice.”

After all, we can’t have instant replay slowing down our games any more than Gamst and Delap do toweling off their balls. No, reviewing a play when it happens would take too much time. Instead of dealing with the game in the 90 minutes, we need to have the games adjudicated over weeks as lawyers and experts in biometrics argue every detail of whether a player was fouled or not.

In the end, players will not stop diving one bit because of this rule. If Wayne Rooney finds himself in the Champions League final, tied 1-1 with Arsenal, the ball in the box and Almunia rushing to claim, he will dive just like he has done time and again. He’ll even know the consequences and dive. What’s two weeks suspension at the beginning of next season going to mean to him when he has the warm comfort of the Champions League winner’s medal?

Dive on Wayne… dive on.

Bookmark It

Much has been made lately of Alan Hansen and Chris Waddle’s remarks about Theo’s “footballing brain” and I wanted to take just a few seconds to expose their comments as either intentionally controversial fabrications designed to elevate the two into the fore of the public’s conscience or just outright stupid comments made by people who have [...]]]>

Much has been made lately of Alan Hansen and Chris Waddle’s remarks about Theo’s “footballing brain” and I wanted to take just a few seconds to expose their comments as either intentionally controversial fabrications designed to elevate the two into the fore of the public’s conscience or just outright stupid comments made by people who have not watched the games they are commenting on.

Former Tottenham winger, Chris Waddle, kicked off all this discussion about Theo’s ability when he made remarks that were not so much criticism as they were invective disguised as criticism. Before the World Cup Waddle was recorded making a long rant about Theo’s ability to think without the ball. It was a meandering commentary that said contradictory things but the one that stuck out, because it was so definitive was this one:

I just don’t think he’s got a football brain and he’s going to have problems. Eventually he could play up front, but would he know where to run? Let’s be honest, good defenders would catch him offside every time.

It was part of the larger criticism that Theo has never progressed. That he was essentially the same player as when he played for Southampton:

I’ve never seen him develop. He just doesn’t understand the game for me – where to be running, when to run inside a full-back, (when to) just play a one-two.

It was a laughable comment from an obviously bitter old man. The problem is that there was a kernel of truth to the comment, Theo’s development had been stunted but not because he’s a footballing mentalist but instead by the multiple injuries he had suffered and surgeries he underwent.

In that same rant, Waddle made pains to compare Theo to Wayne Rooney and made the comment that by 21 Rooney already had the footballing brain that Walcott lacked. But if you look at the difference in total number of games that both players have gotten you can see why Theo might be a little behind England’s-greatest-ever-player-who-can’t-score-in-a-World-Cup-Final.

In all competitions to date, Theo Walcott has only played in 176 matches. In that same time (by age 21) Rooney had played in 292 matches. That’s an amazing 114 matches more than Theo or 60% more matches than the Arsenal forward.

The criticism is even more disingenuous because it imagines that we can somehow think back to Rooney’s 21st year without having our judgment clouded by what we know now about the player now. You have to remember that Wayne Rooney at 21 was the guy who had just been sent off by his own teammate at the World Cup and at the time people were talking about what a poor attitude the striker had. Since that season, Rooney has absolutely blossomed into the forward that he is today; a diving, cheating, Manchester United prototype forward who can’t score in the World Cup. And it’s only taken him an additional 124 matches.

I love the comment, though, that Walcott will never be able to stay onside. I spent some time this morning watching some of CWDs various videos of Walcott and if anything, Theo is one of the best strikers I have ever seen in timing his runs. He understands his pace and will often burn down the sideline and make a run from deep. He also has an innate sense of when to hold the line and wait for the ball. You can see examples of both points most clearly in his masterful performance against Blackburn:

There in the 31st second (of the video) you can see what I mean by his ability to figure out how a team is playing their line. In the 49th second, he lets the ball run across his body rather than take a touch and the only reason his marker is able to keep up with him is that Chris Foy allows him to pull the shirt nearly off Theo’s back. Then at 1:13 is where you can see an example of Theo making the run from deep so that he can fully explode past his defender. The shot is well placed there (something someone without a brain wouldn’t do) and is taken with power. At 2:42 you see that Theo has dramatically increased his upper and lower body strength as he shrugs off several defenders.

So, I think it’s pretty clear that Chris Waddle is, as we say in America, just a hater. Alan Hansen on the other hand is a glory hunter. It’s important to note that before his latest outbursts on Match of the Day many people were wondering if the program was even relevant in today’s media saturated environment. Hansen, then, needed something controversial to keep his program and himself relevant. So, what he did was actually a 100% reversal of earlier comments he’d made about Theo.

Before the World Cup, he wrote a column in which he said that Walcott had no natural instincts to play football. That if he was given time on the ball he was fine but that he had no clue how to play the ball instinctively.

It is no slight on a player to accuse them of not having a football brain. You either have one or you don’t. It is about natural instinct, the innate ability to see things before they happen. Wayne Rooney has it and Kenny Dalglish had it. When Bob Paisley used to say at Liverpool that, at the highest level, the first two yards were in the head, he was spot-on.

If Theo Walcott had that ability to see the picture opening up, that football brain, he would be a world-beater, but he has a long way to go and we still don’t know how he will ultimately turn out.

I had to go back and look it up because when I watched the video of Hansen on Match of the Day I swore that he said just the opposite: that his instincts were just fine, but that Theo struggled when given too much time.

What you’re always going to judge him on is not what he does well and what he does instinctively, it’s when he’s got time to think about it. That’s the big criticism, when he’s got time to think about what’s happening I think he struggles a bit.

It’s almost as if… and I don’t want to be accused of cynicism here… but it’s almost as if Alan Hansen’s criticisms don’t have any basis in fact. Rather that Hansen is taking something that a player does in one game and using that to paint the entire player with a broad brush. Almost as if he doesn’t really have a single point to make about Theo, but rather that he’s contradicting himself because his only real point is to just criticize Theo Walcott.

Now why would he do that? Because maybe, just maybe, he, like Chris Waddle, needed a convenient target to pick on that would be sure to get them a lot of press.

Mission accomplished.

Bookmark It

Misunderstood by the xenophobic populace as a rule that is supposed to be forcing teams to play more Englishmen it is, [...]]]> As I revealed here back in July with my article titled In which I explain the “homegrown” rule so that even journalists can understand it the homegrown rule is, well, to be blunt, it’s fucking stupid.

Misunderstood by the xenophobic populace as a rule that is supposed to be forcing teams to play more Englishmen it is, instead, a rule which allows a team like Arsenal to dramatically name between 41 and 76 players (depending on which hysterical source you are reading). Well, I guess that settles it for Arsenal’s squad depth, eh?

I’ll explain the rule again, in the simplest possible terms, because I’ve read a lot of misinformation about the rule even to this day:

1. No team may have more than 25 players over the age of 21.
2. Of those 25 players, no team may have more than 17 “foreign-grown” players over the age of 21
3. Teams can name as many under 21 players as they want. LITERALLY THOUSANDS.
4. The rule doesn’t apply to Champions (or Europa) League, FA Cup or League Cup squads

The problem I find is that people are confused about the home-grown definition and what it’s supposed to do. Simply put, any player who went to an academy in England or Wales for 3/5 of the years between the age of 16 and 21 is a home-grown player and any player who did not, regardless of passport or the provenance of their father’s sperm, is not a home-grown player. They have to do this because the EPL is not allowed to have a straight up racist rule like “you must pick 8 people with English passports for every game” because it would violate the EU labor laws.

So, some funny things happen because of this rule: Cesc Fabregas, who father’s sperm is most assuredly Catalonian (at least according to chief sperm checker Xavi), is home-grown but Owen Hargreaves, who’s father’s sperm qualifies him to play for the English national team, is not. This happens because Cesc was trained in England and Hargreaves is the only Englishman to ever play in Europe, ever.

The other funny part about the rule is that it’s designed to give clubs with a robust youth program an advantage because the thinking is that they will bring more English youth up through their ranks. But again, this strength is also its “problem” because a club like Arsenal, with our insanely great youth program can name up to 76 players for the Premier League if we want.

So that’s the rule, that’s why it’s stupid, and this is the last time I’m going to talk about it until next year when the Premier League makes some kind of rule that you must have at least three freckled gingers on every team at all times or some such non-sense.

In the mean-time, what I did was took a look at every team’s submitted “25″ man roster and found the following odd facts that I’d like to report back.

Arsenal

Arsenal named 7 home-grown players to their 20 man, over 21 roster, and none of them are English (Bendtner, Clichy, Denilson, Djourou, Fabregas, Mannone, and Song).

The official roster on the dot com only lists 41 players, though the World’s Least Reliable News Source is claiming that we listed over 70.

Aston Villa

Stephen Ireland is considered home-grown despite being born in Ireland on a Cork Cob because he started his career with Manchester City. He is also a huge twat.

Birmingham

Birmingham named 25 players and as if to prove just how English they are named 14 home-grown. One of those players is Swedish born Sebastian Bengt Ulf Larsson, who earned his homegrown status at, you guessed it, Arsenal.

Blackburn

Fat Sam never misses a chance to criticize other teams for not playing enough Englishmen and thus ruining the English game, which is why he named a team of 25 Englishmen.

Just kidding, he named 8 home-grown players in his team of 21. One of whom is Swedish born Martin Tony Waikwa Olsson who qualifies because he trained with Blackburn as a youth. Keith Andrews also qualifies despite being born in Dublin because he trained with Wolves as a youth. Jason Brown also qualifies despite the fact that he plays for Wales. And their 8th and final home-grown player is Jason Roberts, the 32 year old Grenada striker. Way to go Sam, you are really helping the English national team with your contribution of 5 whole Englishmen!

Blackpool

Oh sweet, sweet Blackpool, you have named 14 home-grown players in your squad of 24.

Wait, something is very strange. The Mirror only shows 14 home-grown players but I’m pretty sure that Marlon Harewood and Brett Ormerod are home-grown. Also, as I look down the list Gary Taylor-Fletcher counts so by my count they have 17 home-grown players.

Also, I am shocked that the Mirror got some facts wrong. Shocked.

Bolton

Did you know that Fabrice Muamba counts as home-grown? That’s because as a youth he trained with… oh yeah, Arsenal!

Bolton also have named one American Footballer in their lineup with the surprise inclusion of linebacker Kevin Cyrill Davies.

Everton

For some reason, Everton only named a 21 man squad. Odd, especially since they have 9 home-grown players, including Tim Cahill who despite his father’s “Made in Britain” sperm plays for the Australian national team and qualifies as homegrown because he spent his youth campaign at Milwall.

Fulham

FULHAM NAME 25 ACTUAL MEN TO SQUAD, NO ONE CARES.

Liverpool

Named 21, 8 are home-grown, and one is a Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE). Gross, I can’t believe that I am talking about Gerrard’s member.

Manchester City

What will £300m in transfers get you? A 25 man roster with 11 Englishmen! Well, Shay Given isn’t English and I don’t think he counts as home-grown but it’s real close with him. According to wikipedia, Given signed with Blackburn in 1994 but I can’t find any record of that. Oh well, who really cares? The point is that if your club only spends £300m in transfer fees and pays ludicrous salaries, they too can name a 25 person roster replete with Englishmen and chock-a-block full of home-grown players.

And still have room for no less than 6 holding midfielders.

Amazing.

Man U

Uhhh… why does the Mirror list every other team except Man U? Jesus, they are lame. Why do I read this trash?

Newcastle

Newcastle named 21 people to their squad and two animals: Joey Barton and Kevin Nolan. Coincidentally, they are also considered home-grown.

Stoke

Again, the window lickers at the Mirror (mirror lickers?) can’t seem to get their facts straight, but hey, when we are talking about whether Stoke have 16 or 17 home-grown players, does it really matter? They named a squad of 25 and they have 17 by my count (Danny Collins is home-grown, because Wales counts — HA HA SCOTLAND AND NORTHERN IRELAND!).

Congratulations, you have the most home-grown players of any team in the League. Enjoy the haughty feeling that comes with knowing that you are producing such English luminaries as Ryan Shawcross as you stare into the abyss of relegation.

Sunderland

Don’t really care how many or why but I did notice that David Healy (born in N. Ireland, trained in ManU) also has an MBE. He received the awardduring the Birthday Honors in June of 2008 which he quickly made even more honorable by doing his flute celebration one month later during a friendly against Celtic.

What a guy.

Tottenham

The England B side also named 25 players to their roster, which is a bit of a surprise considering that we all thought they would need to trim in order to stay under. But then again, when you have Robbie Keane, Jermaine Jenas, and David Bentley on your roster you sure can fill spots.

West Brom

Ok, I didn’t bother reading their roster.

West Ham

25 and 10. Yay, go England.

Wigan

Whoa, Wigan only named 19 players and only 7 of them are home-grown. They could have easily named at least 5 more players but they didn’t. I wonder why?

Oh well, a team of 19 isn’t going to cut it in the Premier League and I’m afraid that this is a pretty clear indication that they are relegation fodder.

Wolves

See, even Wolves named 25 people. Get on the band wagon, Wigan!

15 of their players are home-grown though, good enough for second place (or maybe third) in the home-grown count. Yay, you too will be relegated!

UPDATE

BWAHAHAHAHA… how did I miss Chelsea? I have no idea. Maybe it’s because their squad is so small? Just 19 players? Maybe it’s because their squad is so small because they only have 4 (FOUR!) home-grown players (Terry, Lampard, Cole, and Turnbull) meaning that they have a limit of 21 players over the age of 21?

Ross Turnbull???

Oh Jesus, this just made my day.  Thanks to the readers who pointed out that I missed Chelsea.

Bookmark It

Back in July I warned that if Arsenal didn’t buy a new keeper they seriously risked the ire of the fans. It wasn’t just that Almunia and the other keepers were unconvincing, they all have their moments of conviction, but more that… well, it was  just that buying anyone would show that Arsenal understood the mood [...]]]>

Back in July I warned that if Arsenal didn’t buy a new keeper they seriously risked the ire of the fans. It wasn’t just that Almunia and the other keepers were unconvincing, they all have their moments of conviction, but more that… well, it was  just that buying anyone would show that Arsenal understood the mood of the average fan.

So, I think the club have a really big problem that they need to deal with. More than just getting a keeper in who can win us a few games Arsenal need to get a keeper in who will show the players and fans that they are serious about winning. If they don’t and come matchday against Liverpool we see Fabianski lining up in the pink and black I suspect that there will be more than a few angry voices on this blog and all of the other 10,000 or so Arsenal blogs that are out there.

My advice to Arsenal is to buy a damn keeper and buy one now. Hell, buy two, just in case the other one breaks. You have the money, so think of it as an investment in supporter’s good will. Because if Arsenal don’t buy a keeper and start the season struggling with error prone players in defense, there will be a flood of negativity that even a Pollyanna like myself will be incapable of holding back.

Looking around the internet, the flood has begun. Gooners are pissed off that we didn’t buy anyone, with some thinking that Schwarzer was going to save us 9-12 points this season. I highly doubt that, as I said in that column above, Schwarzer isn’t that good. His value was more in the fact that he isn’t Fabianski.

There were a lot of people dreaming that we might get someone like Buffon or in my case, Shay Given. But it turns out that Arsene was just looking for an “anyone” and that anyone was Mark Schwarzer. I refuse to believe that Arsenal went after Schwarzer with a supposed £2m bid if Arsene Wenger, who looks at numbers and statistics all the time, thought that he would save Arsenal 9-12 points. We had the money and if there was a chance to pick up 12 points for an extra £2m then I’m sure Wenger, a trained economist, would have done the math and just paid the money.

I’ve often said that what complicates Arsenal signings is that Arsene looks for “Goldilocks” players: they have to be just right. I think Schwarzer was the “just right” keeper: he was older, on the end of his contract, an improvement (however slight) over Almunia and wanted to come to Arsenal. But at the same time he played for Fulham and from what I understand, Fulham wanted some outrageous fee for him. They probably felt like they had us over the barrel and could extract the most out of us for a 37 year old. I almost think that if we had offered £4m, Fulham would have asked for £8.

All of which is a moot point. Once Fulham realized that they couldn’t pay Given’s salary in a loan deal and that Man City wasn’t going to do a Bellamy and subsidize the loan the chances of Arsenal signing Schwarzer went to pretty much nil. And when Fulham’s backup keeper suffered an injury we probably would have had to pay outrageously outrageous fees to get Fulham’s only keeper. That and Mark Hughes is a known Arsene-hater.

So there you have it. The window is closed and Arsenal didn’t sign a goalkeeper. We don’t know all the details of what Arsenal were looking at buying apart from the ones who we actually did buy: Koscielny, Chamakh and a very scary looking Squillaci. All three of those players add a lot to the team in areas that we sorely needed last term. One could even argue that the increased aerial ability of the team with the addition of Vermaelen, Koscielny, Squillaci and Chamakh will help protect our keepers. We will have to see.

The one thing I’d like to address is that question I heard a lot of yesterday in the papers: does the fact that we haven’t signed a keeper mean that we’ve lost the title? That’s just plain stupid. We’re undefeated in the first three games and that includes a tricky away trip to Blackburn where Almunia nearly had a man of the match performance. We haven’t yet seen what Squillaci adds to the team, we haven’t seen a fully functional Cesc Fabregas, and Koscielny is adjusting to the league. There’s so much depth to this team that it’s preposterous to start writing them off in the third game of the season.

So, let’s not join in with the professional haterz and write the team off. After all, it’s only September.

I’m not saying that I don’t understand where the anger comes from. Read my article again, I fully understand why people are pissed. If anything, what I’m most worried about is that Almunia will get an injury and we will be stuck with Fabianski. But even that is speculation. Maybe that won’t come to pass. Maybe Wenger will instead play Sneezy if Almunia gets injured. For the time being, we have who we have and I can’t see any choice but to get behind them and hope that Almunia has the kind of break out season that he had two years ago.

After all, this is the same Arsene Wenger who stood by Alex Song, Eboue, and all the others who the fans thought were crap and watched as they grew into world class players. I have to admit that it would be almost a Christmas miracle if Fabianski turned into a world beater but hey, what else can I wish for?

I know, a time machine!

Bookmark It

While we are waiting for the transfer window to close I thought I would provide [...]]]>

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen

While we are waiting for the transfer window to close I thought I would provide you all with a fall-out shelter from all the transfer rumors and instead give you something to talk about that isn’t about Mark Schwarzer’s 80th failed physical. To that end I thought I might compare and contrast what we in the USA refer to as the “Hail Mary Pass” in American Football to what English Football fans refer to as “Route One Football.”

The actual history of the Hail Mary Pass in American football is pretty straightforward. Every football team at every level has what they call a “post” play where they flood the field with receivers who go deep and the quarterback is expected to pick out a receiver who is ostensibly angling across the field in a pattern that goes from sideline to, well, to the goalpost.

This is roughly equivalent to a deep lying playmaker in English football picking out a striker or winger with a long angling pass. There’s no shame in either sport with this type of play because it’s good to mix tactics up and play some long balls to see if you can’t stretch the defense and perhaps give your midfield (or running backs) some space to play. Typically, if the quarterback can’t find a long receiver because they are all covered, he will revert to playing a shorter ball, or even throwing the ball out of play rather than giving up possession.

The term “Hail Mary Pass” is thought to have been popularized in America when Roger Staubach threw the game-winning pass to Drew Pearson in the dying seconds of the 1975 divisional playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Minnesota Vikings. With just 24 seconds left on the clock, down 3 points, on 4th down, and sitting at the 50 yard line with no chance of kicking a field goal, Roger Staubach threw a “long bomb” to a well recovered receiver who basically was lucky to catch the ball and subsequently waltz right in for a touchdown. Here’s a video of the play and it’s interesting to note the reactions from everyone all around.*

After the game was over, the reporters asked Staubach about the play and he said that he just closed his eyes and, being a devout Catholic, said a Hail Mary prayer. The play was so controversial that the phrase stuck and now refers to any last ditch attempt to score a touchdown by tossing the ball to either one or more (usually more now) receivers down field.

Probably the second most well known version of the Hail Mary happened when Doug Flutie, then playing for Boston College, needed a last minute touchdown. He had 3 wide receivers flood one area of the field (plus the running back), dropped back, waited until they got into position, time runs out, and he unleashes a speculative throw that just so happens to find one of his players.

I’m not taking anything away from the throw. It was a 63 yard toss and not many people can do that. But then again, not many people can throw the ball like Rory Delap either.

As you can see from both videos the similarities are eerie. Delap throws the ball into basically a zone where his teammates challenge the defenders to win the ball. If they win the ball, then they have a chance at scoring. Usually, though, the defenders should win this challenge simply because there should be more of them and less attacking players. The only real advantage in the case of Delap is that English football defenders aren’t used to the trajectory of his throws and some of them even have a curve to them which would be hard for anyone to control, offensively or defensively.

Basically, what Stoke are hoping for on those plays is that the ball will be so odd that it will cause defensive errors and on the ensuing broken play they can bundle something home. They tried a similar tactic on a corner against Tottenham and fortunately the referee called the foul and disallowed the goal. Oh wait, no he didn’t (warning, this video contains unsafe levels of Tottenham).

You can see a similar tactic employed by Blackburn against Arsenal on Saturday. About 3:27 in to this video, you’ll see that Blackburn start flooding the Arsenal box with burly players trying to cause chaos so that they can steal a goal on the ensuing broken play.

2nd half
Uploaded by TotalFootball2010. – Discover the latest sports and extreme videos.

It very nearly works for them but the Arsenal defense just holds. The similarities then, between the Hail Mary and Blackburn’s Route One football are pretty obvious: both teams send as many players as they possibly can, down field, toss the ball up, and pray that something happens.

What’s different though is that in American football this tactic is reserved for the dying seconds of a game. It’s a desperation move because it’s so easy to give possession away by just tossing the ball up like that. You’d never see a team try a Hail Mary in the 10th minute of the first quarter, yet teams like Stoke and Blackburn do that the whole game.

Partially this has to do with the way passes are different in American football than English football: the defenders only needs to bat the ball to the ground for the play to be stopped in the USA. That means that the broken play is pretty rare in American football. So rare that when it happens it’s hailed as an Immaculate Reception — we do love a religious pun don’t we?

Still, differences aside, the play has so many similarities that I think it’s appropriate to label Stoke’s long throws and Blackburn’s keeper kicks as Hail Mary plays. After all, they are an act of desperation by teams who think they have run out of other options.

–

*There’s so much I could comment on in this video, a referee is hit with a bottle, the Vikings players feeling like they have been cheated and are demonstrably upset, and the commentator’s bizarre comments about getting knifed at soccer games in Argentina are all ripe for the plucking. But I’m going to stick to the topic at hand.

Bookmark It

It’s a little over 24 hours until the transfer window closes and I thought I’d run down the rumors and any facts that we know. Before we get started though, I want to point out that I will always strive to name my sources. I feel like if you don’t name your sources then all you [...]]]>

It’s a little over 24 hours until the transfer window closes and I thought I’d run down the rumors and any facts that we know. Before we get started though, I want to point out that I will always strive to name my sources. I feel like if you don’t name your sources then all you are doing is the bidding of whomever you are repeating the rumor for. I mean these aren’t life or death situations, there’s no one going to war over this information, so naming your source shouldn’t be a problem. I do know people “inside the club” and there has been only once where that person passed me information that I put on the blog anonymously. It turned out to be false, or maybe not false, but rather, perhaps, “fanciful.”

There are plenty of bloggers who do have contacts in the club and they steadfastly refuse to name their sources because, well, because if they did the well from which their fanciful predictions springs forth would quickly dry up. There’s nothing Arsene Wenger hates more than a talkie toaster.

I always find it funny that these bloggers get 98% of their predictions dead wrong but it’s only the 2% that anyone remembers and they quickly become a “reliable source.” For example, the Warren Barton quotes I put on the blog about Shay Given “definitely” coming to Arsenal. I reported what I and others heard as part of a Fox Super Sunday Plus after match special that ran only in the United States. Many other people heard Warren Barton say definitively that he has had contact with Shay and that it was a done deal and it’s looking like Shay to Arsenal is not a given after all.

What I think was actually going on was Shay’s camp trying to move along a deal with Arsenal, which was always going to be exacerbated by the fact that City are pretenders to the throne and won’t want to give Arsenal a key component. I have no doubt that Given wanted a move to Arsenal, but as Wenger points out today, clubs still have a say.

Funnily enough, John Cross from the Mirror has maintained for several weeks now that Arsenal are still after Fulham’s Mark Schwarzer and Fulham for their part are not willing to let go of their number 1, unless they can get a replacement in. This is corroborated by Mark Hughes when he says:

Mark Schwarzer has made it clear that he would like to go to Arsenal so we are trying to look at other options. I’m always interested in quality players and Shay Given is a quality player. Make of that what you will. But I have said that if we can’t get anyone else in, Schwarzer will have to stay.

Sparky’s openness makes for an interesting quote and sort of matches well with all parties. Wenger has said that the transfer window is like the terminator robot at the end of the terminator movies “dead, but not finished.” Perhaps he plans to man a time machine and go back to find Sarah Connor and put her in goal, swooping in at the last minute to present her registration to the FA? We can assume that Given is using his contacts in the media to push for a transfer out of Manchester City. We know that Schwarzer is looking for one last hurrah in the Champions League and has handed in a transfer request. It all matches up very nicely and as far as I’m concerned, it’s one of the 2% that us bloggers will get right.

If it happens. Given is on a pretty hefty salary and Fulham’s wage bill has been historically very small so I wouldn’t be surprised if what’s holding up the deal is something like Fulham asking for City to pay part of Given’s wages. Please note that last bit is what we call “making things up” and should not be confused with “actually knowing what’s going on.” Only a few people involved in these deals have that knowledge and they aren’t talking. I’m just wondering out loud, which I’m allowed to do since I am a blogger and not a journalist.*

I also have trusted sources that I will quote from time-to-time and one of them is the French language newspaper L’Equipe. They have recently started publishing a weekly roundup of the gossip columns but other than that one article a week they have been 100% reliable. If they say, for example, that Juventus is interested in taking Armand Traore then you can believe that they have sourced the article well and that there is interest from Turin.

I also like L’Equipe for their simple yet accurate reporting on deals that have been done. For example, they are reporting that Ibrahimovich is returning to Milan, though this time with AC, and that Mascherano has completed a move to Barcelona. Neither of which is actually shocking news but what I particularly enjoy is reading how much each player went for. Ibrahimovich just cost Barcelona Samuel Eto’o and cash which raised his transfer to the equivalent of 75 million Euros and they have turned around and sent him back to Italy on loan with an option to buy… at just 8 million Euros a year over 3 years. Considering that Barcelona just bought David Villa, that they are giving away Ibrahimovich and that they are paying somewhere near £14m for Mascherano, it really puts the £24m Cesc Fabregas bid into perspective, doesn’t it?

Anyway, those are the only reliable things I have to report. Sorry, if it’s not exciting enough for you. Maybe next time I will have an EXCLUSIF for you. In the mean time, I do want to say one thing about Almunia. There is a good chance that all this wheeling and dealing (NSFW LANGUAGE FROM REDKNAPP) will not come to fruition and Schwarzer will stay at Fulham. In that case, I am with the others who have said on this blog that at 6pm GMT on Tuesday we need to back Almunia 100%.  I won’t doubt your commitment to the club or anything but I will doubt the logic of taking him down. I’m not talking about saying that he had a bad game, I’m talking about the constant moaning like a Pulis about him not being good enough. Maybe he isn’t good enough, but he’s possibly all we got and after Tuesday there isn’t much we can do about that.

Right, that’s well and truly it. I’m off to stand around outside the Stadium of Light and see who they cut today and make sure I can get Arsene a screaming deal on one of their 20-odd holding midfielders so that Alex Song can have an experienced back up.

Cheers!

–

*I have noticed a sharp turn in what passes for journalism these days with copy being directly, erm, copied from one source to the other without so much as a changed word. I’ve also noticed that many journalists are actually turning in to bloggers, writing opinion pieces, and even appearing on blogs in a turn where the blogger interviews the journalist. The professional has clearly been hit by tough times and the writers are doing anything to stay relevant, including the hit whoring that used to be the exclusive purview of  us bloggers. So, when people come on here and complain about my “journalistic integrity” and duty to report fairly, I kind of understand why they might be confusing me for a journalist. After all, I read them every day and the standards at places like the Mirror and the Daily Fail are actually lower than mine — they just don’t use the word “cunt.”

Bookmark It

Quote of the day

Mark Schwarzer has made it clear that he would like to go to Arsenal so we are trying to look at other options. I’m always interested in quality players and Shay Given is a quality player. Make of that what you will. But I have said that if we can’t get anyone else [...]]]>

Quote of the day

Mark Schwarzer has made it clear that he would like to go to Arsenal so we are trying to look at other options. I’m always interested in quality players and Shay Given is a quality player. Make of that what you will. But I have said that if we can’t get anyone else in, Schwarzer will have to stay. — Mark Hughes on the Schwarzer transfer saga

Man of the match

If you’re going to play in England and have the fortune of carrying an English provenance you’re going to come in for some heavy and unwarranted criticism in your time. The schadenfreude surrounding Wayne Rooney’s inability to score a goal for club or country over the last few months had reached the point where I swear that the National Health Service was about to forced every hospital in England to carry one of those LED clocks that counts the hours, minutes, and seconds from when some last event or to which some even takes place. In this case, it would click upward and read “Since Wayne Rooney Last Scored (in Football, not with his lovely wife).”

Rooney’s illustrative of another fact in football and that is that no matter how hard you work for the team (Heskey) no matter how unselfish you play up front (van Persie) strikers are expected to score goals and if they don’t people get all apoplectic about the fact. Rooney hadn’t scored a goal in (insert number of hours) and this was a national emergency thus, the clocks were called in to shore up the mental health of Great Britain.

There are some people though who will seize upon this cultural phenomenon and exploit it for their own pig-eyed purposes. In comes our villain, one Alan Hansen: twirling his mustache, Alan Hansen tried to tie Theo to the tracks of stupidity and claimed that Theo has no footballing brain because in a masterful hat-trick performance he missed a few passes. It was a preposterous accusation and was decried by all commentators who do have both a footballing brain and a regular brain.

For his part, though, Theo refused to play the damsel in distress and simply sloughed off Hansen’s crudely fastened ropes and played the pivotal part in what everyone has to admit was a great win over a difficult opponent. Opening Arsenal’s account with a bold lash, which symbolically blasted through Hansen’s ropes when it ripped the netting in the Blackburn goal, Theo went on to simply be scintillating for all 90 minutes.

Hansen no doubt will have said that Theo should have scored 100 goals or some such non-sense but as we all have seen over the first three games of the season — in which Theo has already drawn or surpassed his historical Premier League season long goals tally — our young Newbury Henry is well on his way to being the striker that Wenger envisioned when he first moved him to the Siberia of the right wing. An instinctive and an intelligent performance from young Henry, erm, I mean Walcott easily earns him man of the match for me.

How do you undo that hoodoo that they do?

Blackburn are a bunch of ball wiping, goal kicking, Samba as Center Forward playing, dirty, diving, cheating… losers.

That’s right, they lost and they lost at home. Moreover, they lost to their old foe, the team that they feel like they have some “hoo doo” over, the team that their boss Sam Allardyce feels like he can match wits against because up until the last few years he’s had a pretty good record.

Arsene Wenger’s not a stupid man and so the idea that Sam Allardyce is his equal is laughable. Sam plays the percentages game. If he gets enough balls in the box and they land somewhere near Christopher Samba’s giant head and Samba is allowed to use his opponent’s shoulders as a lift and Samba doesn’t have two left heads and Samba gets his shot on target.. well then, the sky’s the limit. They could get one, maybe even TWO whole goals. If they do get a goal, then they switch tactics and use rotational fouling to break up play. Until they get the ball back and start playing percentages all over again.

It’s anti-football because basically every play is a Hail Mary. Could you imagine if the Detroit Lions decided that after every kickoff they would throw a Hail Mary on first down? Come to think of it, I think the Detroit Lions might have more success if they threw Hail Mary’s on every play. Why not? Like Blackburn, what do they have to lose?

But who cares what tactic they used? We dealt with it. Long throws into the box, long bombs from Paul Robinson, physical play, everything they threw at us we dealt with and it was a joy to watch.

That said, a couple of players in particular did very well taking on the physical challenges and dishing back out.

Judging from the stats (9/11 tackles, 6/9 clearances, and 4 interceptions) Blackburn targeted Koscielny from the off and I have to say that he did pretty well. I’d bet if you asked him, this was a giant physical step up from Ligue 1, and you can bet that he’ll be asking to see the weight room schedule to check for opening times in the morrow.

Diaby also had a good game physically winning 8/11 tackles, though when Wenger matched him man for man against Samba he only managed 1/5 clearances. You have to think that just matching someone on Samba is a huge step forward. Offensively, Diaby was our best passer completing an astonishing 91% of his 58 passes yesterday.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Manuel Almunia who put in what many thought was a man of the match performance yesterday. He was very good, I will grant you that and I particularly liked that he punched away a couple of long balls with authority. Also, there were at least two times that the Blackburn attacker “magically” found himself underneath the ball as Almunia came for the high claim. It was shades of last year when Fabianski found himself in the same position and brought the ball down on Samba’s head only to concede the goal. Almunia, though, had “safe hands” and when he brought the ball down it didn’t pop out on Samba’s head.  Almunia did well and if he can just keep his head for a season, could very easily be another Eboue type figure. Of course, that is, unless Arsenal buy Mark Schwarzer which it seems like we are trying to do.

The bad

Why is it that referees can’t be consistent?

I will concede that I am biased but what I can’t understand is when there are two similar situations and the referee calls the play one way for one team and the other for the opposite. For example, yesterday, Gamst was down in our box, Arsenal were all the way on the other end of the field, Theo has the ball and is about to skin the Blackburn fullback (for the umpteenth time) and ref blows play dead. Fine, fair enough, even though it’s a bit odd because Gamst is nowhere near the play, we are fully in attack, and there is no indication of a head injury.

So, why is it that when van Persie was brought down and Blackburn have the ball and they are passing the ball around in the area where van Persie is clearly in trouble, that Chris Foy waits until we win the ball back to stop play?

Just call it the same way each time and everyone will be happy.

The ugly

Ironically, Blackburn’s only goal came from open play and it was a comedy of errors. I don’t need to tell you that Koscielny is a slight figure and that he was easily nudged off the ball by El Hadji Diouf. I also don’t need to tell you that Clichy has been found out time and again defensively. Any time a team scores against Arsenal, there are going to be recriminations and finger pointing, but why is it that it seems like a large number of really, really stupid mistakes are committed when Clichy is in defense? I mean, they scored in a 3 on 4 situation there and all Clichy had to do was mark the other Diouf and make the goal difficult. Instead he stopped dead — why? No one knows.

Conclusion

Overall, it was a very good win from the Arsenal perspective. Yes, we lost van Persie but we all know that losing van Persie is just a matter of how and when. 10 days is the initial prognosis and now that we have Chamakh it’s not that big a blow. The first half was bit nervy but as I pointed out in the liveblog yesterday, Arsenal completely dominated the second and deserved the three points. Sam Allardyce is the patron saint of “Arsenal don’t like it up ‘em” and hopefully, this win will finally put that old warhorse to rest.

Anyway, now we head into the international break and our players are scattered far and wide. We have until Tuesday to seal a deal with a keeper, if we are indeed after a keeper any more, since Wenger did say that the transfer window is closed for Arsenal. And that will be our week. A week of waiting for news that so and so comes back from their national team healthy or hurt. A week of rest for some and a week of gaining match fitness for others. But a week in which the Arsenal players can look back and be proud of shaking off the ropes of their critics and look forward to playing against another old villain in Bolton and the start of our Champions League campaign.

Bookmark It