Step 1. Ask the Right Questions

You first need to identify what’s going on. You’re feeling as if you did something wrong. But did you? Ask yourself:

1. Did I actually lie, deceive, or really let someone down?

Maybe you’re having some healthy guilt—which is really more like remorse. If so, and the situation is already in the past, do something about it, and then please, MOVE ON. Send a card, write an e-mail, make a call. Apologize, explain, whatever. Get it out of your mind and put it someplace else. Dwelling on it doesn’t help anyone, and most importantly, it takes up your precious time.

2. Am I guilty of guilt exaggeration?

Often a feeling of guilt is justified, but its response is blown out of proportion. Imagine someone doing to you what you’re feeling guilty about. Nine times out of ten, you’d probably say to yourself, “Yeah, that wasn’t the best thing they could have done, but it definitely wasn’t the worst either. I’ll get over it, so should they.”

3. Am I suffering from inappropriate guilt?

Most of the time, we reckon you are. Perhaps your boss is suggesting, even though you are supposed to be off on Friday, or at a lunch, or coming in late, that it would be helpful for you to cancel your plans and pitch in with someone else’s project. You’re feeling queasy and guilty. You start down that familiar path, hearing that well-worn internal dialogue with yourself that can spiral into nuttiness. “Oh, I should probably give up my day off or my lunch hour or my trip this weekend.” “I was wrong to ask for that day off, time at my son’s school, a late morning.” ‘My boss clearly believes I’m a slacker, lazy, or lack ambition.” “I’m letting down my boss, the team, my gender.” “Maybe I’ll lose my job, my respect, my identity.”

When you are starting to spin this way, learn to recognize it before you get dizzy with guilt. If you can identify the onslaught, you are already on your way to having a healthier emotional life. You can see what is inappropriate. The day, lunch hour, weekend off was yours. You will lose time if you give it up.

“I’m getting so much better at recognizing that part of this is my own thing,” says Linda Brooks, the New York lawyer. ‘The paranoia and self-talk that says ‘I shouldn’t be doing this. I should be available 24/7.’”

If you are having trouble sorting out whether the guilt is justified, then getting to the source of the “should” can help. Remember this: guilt is one of the basic human emotions that people in public or professional life will use to get you to do what they want. It’s a very sharp, very sophisticated emotional tool—one that bosses love to wield. The explanation is simple: in situations where you’re entitled to your break, to your vacation, to asking someone else to do a project, your boss knows that it’s unreasonable to take away that right. So that’s where he uses guilt to get what he needs.

Avoiding this kind of tactical guilt—which you might otherwise call “bosses’ guilt”—is a matter of breaking down any feeling of “should” into legitimate shoulds, where you actually failed to fulfill your obligations, and illegitimate shoulds, where you had no business fulfilling a request in the first place.

Lauren Tyler, a private equity banker at a top New York firm, who some days seems to be managing a small circus as she handles her high-level job, three children, and two stepchildren, says her industry thrives on an all-or-nothing competitive spirit. “You have to develop a thick skin. I know I’m doing my job well and I don’t have time to angst,” she says. “It’s not always easy, but I’ve learned to get things done in my business life and my personal life, without a lot of hand-wringing.”

So ask yourself: is the guilt you are feeling at a particular moment serving you and your own moral framework, or is it serving someone else and their wants and needs? If you come to the conclusion that you’re being guilted so someone else can gain, throw the guilt away.

Step 2. Write it all Down

Early in the guilt-bashing, time-winning process, you will find that thinking is not enough. It will be hard to hear all of those familiar guilt thoughts and unfamiliar guilt-conquering thoughts and make sense of them. So get out that pen again.

1. List exactly what you believe you should feel badly about. Your personal classic guilt trips. All of them.

2. Stare at the list. Now, on another sheet of paper, make another list. A list of guilt busters. All the things you should feel good about. (That rarely occurs to any of us, of course.) Examples: “I asked for the day off.” “People are allowed to have days off in the company.” “I am only going to lunch, not to China.” “I’ve been doing a great job lately on the Brenner report.” “My boss is not going to dwell on this—he’s got a lot more to think about.” “Managers usually try to get all they can from people, and when they fail, they move on.” “It’s his job—it’s not personal. ” “He does not think I’m a bad person” “I’m going to seem more powerful for sticking to my plan.”

You see where we are going here. We’re reminding you how to keep things in perspective. Eventually we should be able to do it without the help of exercises. But sometimes we need to stop our minds from spinning, put it all on paper, and have a look. It really does help.

Step 3. Picture Your Boss in Diapers

Think of bosses as crying, whining children who need a bit of discipline. Forgive the analogy, but it is really quite similar to training little ones. The first time a tantrum or refusal to go to bed crops up, or, let’s say, an unreasonable work request is made, you will feel horrible and guilt-ridden at “letting down” your child/boss. But once you power through the tears/pressure, which lasts much less time than you imagine, you’ll soon realize you’ve gained power. You’ve set not only boundaries but also a precedent for the future. Further, you’ll wonder why you didn’t try it a long time ago. The next time, your child/boss will cry/demand less. The time after that, they might not whine/make an unreasonable demand at all. And you’ve got power — not to mention a tension-relieving inside giggle at your supervisor.

Step 4. Change the Soundtrack

Pretty soon, you can drop all of the paper and lists and funny mental images and do it all reflexively. You’ll easily understand where your mind is going BEFORE you start to spiral. Then you’re really saving time. You can cut off the whole long-winded, emotionally draining process at the start, and move on.

Another way to think about it when these negative thoughts crop up: you need to literally change the “thought-track” in your head. Change your internal message. Instead of running a negative track about all of the things you haven’t done and the reasons why you have to meet unreasonable requests or you might be forever doomed, you turn on the positive track, which reminds you of all of your accomplishments and power. If you keep that on a continuous loop, then your angst will float away.

Christy Runningen of Best Buy says the only way she stops it is by literally forcing her mind onto better terrain. “It’s so easy to get overwhelmed and think, ‘oh I should be doing this, or I should be doing that,’ or ‘I feel guilty, it’s ten o’clock on a weekday morning and I’m not working at this very moment,’” Christy says. “Well for me the key is backing up and taking a look at what I am responsible for. It doesn’t matter if I’m not doing it at this very second. I’m meeting every work goal, and that’s what matters.”

Step 5. Compromise Counts

There are times when you will feel unreasonable guilt, and you should not have to “give in,” but the reality is that you won’t always get to do things your way. Don’t always focus on an all-or-nothing outcome. That in itself can create lots of tension. At these moments, instead of letting your guilt force a dejected “cave-in,” look for a split. You may be able to get part of what you want. “I can’t come in Friday because I’ve already made plans, since I asked for the day off last month, but I can work through my lunch today. I hope that helps!” This sort of olive branch seems powerful, can leave you feeling good, and still preserves the basics of what you need. And when you do have to compromise — for goodness’ sake don’t feel guilty about doing so. You haven’t sold yourself short or failed, you’ve just compromised! You’ve lost some time during your lunch break but at least you’ve won your Friday.

Step 6. Pull out the Rhetorical Guilt Shields

We tend to think silence and a smile are the best guilt-deflectors, but if you just can’t help yourself, here are some ready-made scripts you can use to avert an assault from coworkers and bosses.

“Out the door so early,” your annoying coworker sneers.
“It’s awesome how quickly I nailed that Brenner report,” you reply with a smile.

“I was at the office until midnight last night,” grumbles your office mate, pointedly.
“Brutal” you sympathetically reply. “When I logged on at 6 A.M. this morning, I thought I’d die.”

“This project could really use your input over the weekend—oh—did you say you were away?” your boss asks, clearly testing the waters.
“Absolutely—I agree it should not go out without my once-over. I’ll have it done Monday midday”

Excerpted from Womenomics: Write Your Own Rules for Success
Copyright © 2009 Claire Shipman & Katty Kay
Published by HarperBusiness, HarperCollins Publishers

ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Claire Shipman & Katty Kay are co-authors of the New York Times bestseller Womenomics: Write Your Own Rules for Success.

Claire Shipman is the senior national correspondent for ABC News’ Good Morning America and a regular on This Week with George Stephanopoulos. Previously, Shipman was the White House correspondent for NBC news and a reporter for CNN in Moscow, where she earned multiple awards for her coverage of the demise of the Soviet Union. She currently lives in Washington, D.C., with her husband and two children.

Katty Kay is the Washington correspondent and anchor for BBC World News America. She is also a contributor on Meet the Press, The Charlie Rose Show, and The Chris Matthews Show, as well as a regular guest host for Diane Rehm on NPR. Kay grew up in the middle East and now lives in Washington, D.C. with her husband and four children.

For more information, please visit womenomics.com.

The financial crisis that began in 2008 continues to unfold in unprecedented ways, thereby presenting business leaders with incredible challenges. How does one manage in such a crisis-laden environment? Here are “Ten Things To Do” based on my 40+ years in business.

1. Get the truth out on the table. You need to begin with an open, honest, candid assessment of the facts. Sometimes the truth can be ugly, but you’re not in a position to deal with it until you get it out on the table. Making unrealistic assumptions only will prompt inaction, with things getting worse before they get better. Get out in front of the problem.
2. Establish standards for the new reality. When markets collapse, you can’t be sure how far they will fall, but you can establish an expectation for how your company will perform relative to whatever happens. At Saatchi & Saatchi, even though our revenue may be down year to year, we expect to outperform the market by 50%. This sets a high standard for our people. We also recognize that there will be margin pressures, but we expect to “draw the line” at X%”, in order to preserve our financial profile for the future. This implies tight management of costs at the same time we aim to outperform the market.
3. Think long term; Act short term. Downturns in the economy present the opportunity for far-sighted companies to go for share of market. Inevitably, some of your competitors will pull back when times get tough. Take advantage of this to position your enterprise to gain when the inevitable market rebound takes place.
4. Communicate, communicate, communicate. This is the time to increase the frequency of your internal communications and heighten your personal presence in front of the organization. People are understandably nervous and sometimes scared during uncertain times. Now is the opportunity to rally the troops and give them reassurance that your company will be out in front in dealing with what needs to be done.
5. Get “All hands on deck.” Tough times call for extraordinary efforts on the part of every employee. You can’t get the job done alone. Now is the time to enlist every person in doing whatever must be done to ensure survival and prosperity. Outhustling your competition is the surest path to gaining share of market.
6. Get out with customers. Heightening your interaction with customers will keep you tuned in to their needs and give you constant feedback regarding where the environment is headed. Meeting customer needs and exceeding expectations are the two sure pathways to success.
7. Stay true to what made you great in the first place. Most high performing companies got that way for a reason. Now is not the time to lose sight of this. Toyota has achieved success in the U.S. car market through innovation and continuous improvement. Despite the current downtrend in auto sales, they are innovating by introducing the Venza, and putting into the marketplace the third generation improvement for the Prius. These are the kind of actions that will keep them out in front.
8. Reframe value for the new environment. Marketers should reassess their messages for relevance in the current economic conditions. Tide always has been the best laundry detergent, but in this environment, it doesn’t hurt to remind consumers that its color integrity feature keeps new clothes looking new longer. For Olay it’s relevant to mention that the cost of Olay pales in comparison to more invasive or surgical procedures.
9. Add/Reduce; Create/Eliminate. Despite the economy, it’s likely that your company needs to add some new positions and create some new capabilities in order to meet the demands of the marketplace. You should press ahead in these areas, but you need to have the organization simultaneously thinking about how it reduces and eliminates things as well. Tough times force trade-offs.
10. Set tight priorities. Now, more than ever, is the time to set tight priorities. Decide what is core, and what is non-core, and focus your time and attention on the critical few things that will make a difference.
    Tough times can bring out the best in organizations and prompt actions that will position your company for future success. Follow these ten things and you will do well.

©2009 Bob Seelert, author of Start with the Answer: And Other Wisdom for Aspiring Leaders
Author Bio
Bob Seelert, author of Start with the Answer: And Other Wisdom for Aspiring Leaders, is Chairman of Saatchi & Saatchi, a leading global ideas and advertising company. A graduate of Harvard College and Harvard Business School, he has been CEO of five companies, has built brands and businesses, been a party to two mega-mergers, and enacted numerous turnarounds. He has served on boards of directors of companies in the United States, the United Kingdom, and France. He lives in New Canaan, Connecticut.

1. how organizations should think about strategy
2. how they should think about clients, marketing, and selling
3. how they should think about management

As a general outline, that’s how this book is organized. Chapters 1 through 5 are explicitly about strategy: what strategy is and how individuals and organizations should go about developing their strategies.
Chapters 6 through 8 dig more deeply into an aspect of strategy frequently advocated but seldom achieved: excellence in client relationships.
Chapters 9 through 14 are about management: how organizations can run themselves to overcome the barriers and temptations of the Fat Smoker syndrome.
In the final section “Putting it Together,”–chapters 15 through 19–I examine some of the barriers to organizational cohesion, the policies of some widely admired firms and, finally, offer some summary thoughts about what it takes to stay true to your strategic goals and ambitions.
The chapters in this book were written (and made available on my website) between 2005 and 2007. However, with one or two exceptions, this book represents their first appearance in print. While originally written as separate articles, I have tried here to integrate my arguments into a coherent flow. Nevertheless, it does not have to be read at one sitting from beginning to end.Feel free to “dip into” the book at any point, according to the sections and chapters that seem of greatest interest to you.
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Excerpt from Strategy and the Fat Smoker by David Maister, 2008, The Spangle Press, 9780979845710.

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Introduction: Our Chief Want

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

You have the power to inspire anyone, anywhere, anytime. You may not have a leadership title, but you exert influence over someone every day. Whether you are a Fortune 500 chief executive or the head of a household, you are in the motivational business. Regardless of your role, you play the part of chief inspiration officer for someone at work, at home, or in your community. The 7 Simple Secrets revealed in this book hold the key to successfully selling yourself, your vision, and your values to everyone within your sphere of influence. As you develop the astonishing communications skills shared by the world’s most inspiring men and women, you will enjoy far more successful and fulfilling relationships with your colleagues, clients, employees, and anyone in your personal or professional life.

In order for these strategies to work, you need to see yourself as the leader of your personal brand. How you talk, walk, and look reflect on that brand, and you are in sole command of the impression you make. If you fail to connect, you will lose the admiration of the people you hope to influence. But once you master the 7 Simple Secrets, you will be known among your peers as an individual who speaks with confidence and charisma. A door will open to a new world of achievement because the stories you tell will have the power to inspire, motivate, and persuade. The verbal pictures you paint will be so vivid and bright that the rest of us will want to climb aboard for the ride. The language you use will be so positive and optimistic that your presence will energize us, making us feel better about ourselves and our roles in the world.

Chapter 11: Wow ‘Em Like Steve Jobs

Comparing a Steve Jobs presentation to most presentations is nearly impossible he is in a league all his own. It would be like comparing a silent movie to Independence Day. Where do you start? In my opinion, Apple chief executive Steve Jobs is the most charismatic pitchman in business today. His presentations are brilliant demonstrations of visual storytelling that motivate customers, employees, investors, and the entire computer industry.

The Apple Web site streams his keynotes, which can be used as learning tools. After you read this chapter, visit the Apple site, select “Quicktime” and “Apple Events,” and watch a presentation for yourself. You will find that Jobs has mastered all of the 7 Simple Secrets.

In January 2007 Jobs gave perhaps his greatest presentation to introduce the new iPhone.1 As I expected, the content of his speech met the qualities shared by inspiring leaders. Here are a few ways Jobs wowed the audience.

1. Stick to the rule of three. We remember lists in groups of three. Jobs unveils the iPhone and builds drama at the same time by saying, “Today we are introducing three revolutionary products [an image of each product appears on the screen as he mentions each one]. “The first is a wide-screen iPod with touch controls, the second is a revolutionary mobile phone, and the third is a breakthrough Internet communications device.” For added emphasis and drama, he repeats the three products and he repeats them three times: “An iPod, a phone, an Internet communicator….Are you getting it?” Jobs says. He then delivers the knockout: “These are not three separate devices. This is one device! Today Apple is going to reinvent the phone!” The dramatic buildup takes several minutes and is met with enthusiastic cheers. It is incredible to watch. Jobs conducts a presentation like a symphony, with ebbs and flows, buildups and climaxes. It leaves his listeners wildly excited.




2. Tell personal stories. During one section of the presentation, Jobs’s clicker to advance the slides suddenly stops working. He mentions it with a smile, knowing that somebody backstage will take care of it. Jobs kills time by telling a personal story about how he and Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak had built a TV jammer and used it to block TV signals at Wozniak’s college dorm. Jobs had turned a minor glitch into an opportunity to make an emotional connection with his audience. Personal stories or anecdotes show us his human side. The audience laughed, smiled, and was kept amused as technicians repaired the glitch. Jobs continues as if it had all been planned. Effortless but powerful.
3. Keep it visual. In a Steve Jobs presentation, you will not find bullet points on any slide; not one. You will not see slides filled with mind-numbing data, numbers, or words. The slides are highly visual. A photograph or image is all he needs. When Jobs outlined the three products–an iPod, a phone, an Internet communicator–a slide with an image of each product appeared as he mentioned each one: one slide, one product (an iPod, a phone, and a computer). It struck a perfect balance between the visual and the verbal. The simplicity of the slides kept the audience focused on the speaker: Steve Jobs. When he discussed the ultimate pointing device at your fingers, all the audience saw on the screen behind Jobs was an image of the iPhone and a finger touching it. Every slide was big on images and low on text. Images are memorable and, more important, complement the speaker, where the audience attention should be focused. Too much text on a slide distracts from the speaker’s words. Strike the right balance between visual and verbal.
4. Rehearse. I know as a fact from speaking to people at Apple that Jobs rehearses presentations for hours. Nothing is taken for granted. He knows the flow of his story, how he is going to build up to a big moment, what he is going to demonstrate, and how he will open and close the presentation. He appears effortless but only after hours of rehearsal. Motivation takes preparation.

Copyright (c) 2007 Carmine Gallo

How can you be a better teacher by understanding your “students”?

—-
“Why?