Simply Flaw-thentic

Constructive Solutions to Common Challenges - 2012 Women's Groups

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 00:40:00 +0000

Work on your goals for the New Year in a supportive environment where you can develop constructive ways to move forward.

I have two women's groups that are taking place in 2012.

The groups meet weekly and are made up of dynamic women who are insightful, introspective, and supportive. It's a great place to work on your goals for the New Year or simply to work on life challenges in a supportive environment where you can develop constructive ways to move forward. The groups are structured and led by me. We work on issues related to dating, career, relationships, goals, health, etc.

Each group is limited to 6 women. I have one space available in my Tuesday night group (returns on January 10th). And I am interviewing ladies to be a part of an all new Sunday group beginning on January 15th. (The Sunday group will meet in the morning or early evening based on participant preference).

Where: UWS at 96th and Broadway
Cost: $75 every 4 sessions
There is no charge or commitment required for your first session.

If you'd like to learn more about these groups, you can get the details at the links below:

If you are interested in joining us, a short interview is required to make sure it’s a right fit. The Tuesday group is made up of women in their 30s and 40s. I am seeking women in their 20s through 40s for the Sunday group. Please e-mail me or call to inquire. melissa@myheartdances.com or 917-689-6530

Tuesday night group: http://www.myheartdances.blogspot.com/2011/12/goals-reached-here-weekly-womens.html

Sunday group: http://www.myheartdances.blogspot.com/2011/12/details-on-new-womens-group.html

Private coaching is available to women who would like individual support rather than group support.

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Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic
Find me on Facebook and Twitter

About Melissa:Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Try This Exercise to Determine Worthwhile New Year's Resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 03:15:00 +0000

There are a few times a year when I like to look at my life, set new goals, and work on making changes. I value moving forward and feel motivated by change and growth. I’ve come to realize that these things are an important part of what I really enjoy about life.

New Year’s is a time when many of us think about the changes we want to make. For some of us, New Year’s may be a day just like any other day. But culturally, New Year's is a symbol of renewal, regeneration, growth, and hope. If there is a change that you are thinking about making, this is an excellent time to do it because there is social momentum for making changes and achieving goals.

For many years I have used a self-assessment exercise called The Wheel of Life to help clients think about balance and determine where they want or need to make adjustments. I have modified it over time to meet the evolving needs of the women I work with and have found each version to offer important and valuable insights. If you are thinking about what New Year’s resolutions would be most valuable to your life and are tired of setting goals that never stick, take a few minutes to try this out.

Draw a large circle on a piece of paper. Place a dot in the center of the circle. Draw 12 lines from the dot to the outer circle, as if you were drawing a pizza pie with 12 slices. On each line, write one of the following terms until you’ve used all 12: Home Environment, Health, Finances, Social Life, Relationships, Joy, Spirituality, Creativity, Education, Career, Self-worth/Self-esteem, Sexuality.

These terms are meant to represent various areas of your life. Once you’ve written them on the lines around the wheel, go to each area and write one thing in that area that you’d like to change or one goal you’d like to set. You can write this wherever you like, on the edge of the circle or within the respective slice, etc.

Some people ask what is meant by "social life" vs. "relationships." "Social life" should represent extended relationships and the things you do to spend time with people that you enjoy. "Relationships" should signify relationships with those individuals who are closest to you. Some of you also might wonder what is meant by “joy” and “sexuality.” Joy represents those things that you do that make you feel happy. (In what ways are you enjoying your life?) For sexuality, you might think about what you do that makes you feel beautiful or attractive, whether you have a tendency to become physically involved before you are ready, or whether you keep yourself hidden because of fear of intimacy.

Once you’ve finished the first part of the exercise, take a moment to look at your pie. What do you notice? What stands out to you?

Now, circle the 3 goals/changes that are most important to you.

The circle helps to represent how all of the areas of your life are connected. In fact, some of you may have recognized this as you assessed your wheel. For instance, one of my clients noticed how her management of finances was connected to her ability to achieve the other things she wants from her life this year. Another client saw how the neglect of her creativity was affecting both her joy and her relationships.

An additional exercise you can do with the same wheel is to make a dot on each line to represent how involved or fulfilled you are in each area of your life. If you are not involved or fulfilled at all in a particular area, you would make the dot closer to the center of the wheel. If you are very fulfilled/involved, you would make the dot closer to the outside of the wheel. (Decide first what it is you want to measure, and measure the same thing for all areas - for instance, you may be very involved in your career but very unfulfilled by it. If you haven't decided what you are measuring, this could get confusing.) Once finished, draw a line to connect the dots and use this to gain insight into where you need balance.

This is a good exercise for helping you to set goals that are important to you and that will truly make a meaningful difference in your life. Hang up your completed wheel somewhere you can see it as a reminder to keep going when you start to lose momentum. Try the exercise again in a few months and see if anything has changed.

Have a Happy New Year! I'll see you in 2012! (Achieve your New Year's resolutions with the support of amazing women. Details here!)

If you need further clarification on the exercise, check out this short video.

*Inspiration for this exercise came from The Wheel of Life exercise which was published in Business Mastery: A guide for creating a fulfilling, thriving business and keeping it successful by Cherie Sohnen-Moe

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Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Reach Your Goals Here: Weekly Women's Discussion Group

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 03:07:00 +0000

My Tuesday night weekly women’s discussion group will have one space available in the new year (beginning January 10th). This group is an excellent place to discuss and share your goals and concerns while receiving encouragement, feedback, and accountability. The group has a positive atmosphere and generates a lot of great ideas and insights for the women involved.

If you are interested in joining us, a short interview is required to make sure it’s a right fit. The current group is made up of women in their 30s and 40s. Please e-mail me or call to inquire. melissa@myheartdances.com or 917-689-6530

Where: UWS at 96th and Broadway
When: Every Tuesday night from 7-8:30
Cost: $75 every 4 sessions
There is no charge or commitment required for your first session.
(group is limited to 6 women)
More details are available here

If Tuesday nights don’t work for you, I’m starting a 2nd group that will be meeting on Sundays. See below for details.

Private coaching is available to women who would like individual support rather than group support.

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Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Find me on Facebook and Twitter

New Sunday Women's Group

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 03:05:00 +0000

New women’s group beginning on Sundays in January. Start your the new year off with a great group of women motivated to make change. The group will be an excellent place to discuss and share your goals and concerns while receiving encouragement, feedback, and accountability. It will also be a place where you will build important friendships.

If you are looking for support, structure, motivation, and good friendships, e-mail me for details about this new group. The group is limited to 6 women. melissa@myheartdances.com or 917-689-6530

Where: UWS at 96th and Broadway
When: Every Sunday (When you e-mail, please state your preference for A.M. or P.M.)
Cost: $75 every 4 sessions
Begins: January 15th
This group will be similar to the Tuesday group. More details here.
It's appropriate for women in their 20s to 40s.

There is no charge for your first visit. A short interview is required for all women who are interested in participating. The interview is intended to help determine if the group will be a right fit for the potential member.

Private coaching is also available to women who would like individual support.

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Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Find me on Facebook and Twitter

#HappyHealth: Staying Healthy from Thanksgiving to New Year's

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 01:29:00 +0000

The holidays are the time of year when many people give up on making healthy choices. You say you'll get back on track with your New Year's resolutions, but why not start feeling good now?

Between Thanksgiving and New Year's, I'll be tweeting one activity each day that you can incorporate into your life for better health. Try out the activity for one day. If you like it or think it's helpful, keep doing it through New Year's.

Health is not just about what you eat, it's about how you live your life. My tweets won't exclusively focus on food. If you take care of your mind and soul, I believe you will make more nourishing food choices. And when you eat better, you will nourish your mind and soul. It's a circle, one affects the other.

Treat yourself to health through the holidays by making nourishing choices everyday. Follow me at @_myheartdances_

Sometimes Change Means Sacrifice

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 21:12:00 +0000

This fall, I entered a master’s degree program in mental health counseling. I had been dreaming about going to grad school to earn a license to practice counseling and therapy for quite some time, but the decision to return to school was not an easy one. It would mean a lengthy commitment and a big shift in my lifestyle. It would mean postponing or even giving up the option for some things in order to obtain others.

But at the beginning of 2011, I took stock in my life, and there were some important goals I had not yet achieved. I knew I needed to change something if I were going to move forward. Approaching thirty-four years of age, the desire for certain life experiences were increasing in value to me, and it was no longer an option for me to live without them.

So, my New Year’s resolution was to make a change. I started thinking seriously about my options. It was clear that any alternative I chose would require a sacrifice, even if what I chose was to maintain the status quo. The status quo was certainly the most comfortable option, but I had to be realistic about its ability to move me forward. Being honest with myself about this reality meant doing something different would be necessary.

Fast forward ten months. I’m now finishing up the first semester of my program. I love it. It is not easy though. In fact, in some cases, the sacrifice is greater than I imagined. Between coaching clients and school, there are many weeks when I put in eighty hours of work. My free time is quite limited, and my lifestyle is very different than it was before.

What’s very inspiring to me is that this is the story of many of my classmates too. Very few of them are not making significant sacrifices to be in this program. Many of them have full-time day jobs while they take classes at night, and some of them even have families and children to care for. They each manage classwork and homework (and there is a lot!) in between all of their other responsibilities.

I hope I'm not being too vague about my personal goals. The thing is, this post is not for me; it’s for you. I don’t want you to get caught up in my details, but I hope that you will fill in the blanks with your own details. This post is for those of you who are on the cusp of making a decision about something that is important to you, for those of you who are holding back because you think you can’t do it or that it will be too difficult, for those of you who are weighing the sacrifices. I want this post to inspire you. Maybe it is possible for you to take that big step. Maybe you can do it.

I want to balance my encouragement with saying that sacrifice for dreams is not always the right road. Prioritizing your values is important. Sometimes we have to modify the pursuit of one dream in order to have another. When we look at what matters to us, sometimes the sacrifice that would be required is not worth it. What we want from life often changes, especially as we grow older. It’s okay to let go of old dreams. In fact, sometimes embracing who you really are means doing just that.

But for those of you who do want and highly value something that will take sacrifice, let me tell you one more story. Seven months prior to May of 2001, when I left my career to move to New York and study dance, I worked my full-time job (I was an audio engineer then) and a part-time job Fridays through Sundays (to save money for NYC living expenses), and on top of that I went to dance classes three or four times per week. It was a huge commitment, but it was also the most exhilarating time of my life. I will never regret it.

I wouldn’t say the sacrifice I’m making now is exhilarating. I feel the loss of the things I’ve had to give up or postpone. Life is challenging right now. But I will say that I do love it. I enjoy the growth. I’m proud of working hard to achieve something that means so much to me. And I’ve gotten into a rhythm. I’ve found a way to incorporate a little free time here and there. And I’m immensely grateful for the opportunity to do what I’m doing right now.

And for those of you who are wondering, I started coaching almost nine years ago. There is nothing else that I would want to do for a career. I love working with my clients and the women in my groups. Seeing them succeed and move forward is so fulfilling for me. Getting this degree will help me to do more. It will enhance my skills and allow me to also help women with common mental health issues like depression and anxiety. This desire has significantly contributed to my decision to go back to school.

What about you? Is the sacrifice worth it? What matters most to you?

Currently, my office hours are days and evenings Friday through Monday. In January I will have a few more daytime and evening weekday appointment available. I currently have a waiting list for my women’s group and would like to start an additional group for those who are interested. We need one or two more women, so e-mail me for details.

If you are inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to talk about your personal situation more in depth, I offer a brief phone consultation for those who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

---

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

In Passing -- Film Premier this Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 20:56:00 +0000

I am pleased to announce the world premiere of my boyfriend's new film, In Passing. It is a collaboration with 6 other filmmakers from different parts of the world, inspired by The Remodernist Film Manifesto.
In Passing
@ Quad Cinema (34 W. 13th Street, Between 5th and 6th Ave.) NYC
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Showtime: 1:25pm
Followed by a Q&A with some of the filmmakers.
as part of the International Film Festival Manhattan
Tickets $15
Purchase online HERE or at the door

For more info check out the website - inpassing.info
A brand new article on Remodernist Film and In Passing in FilmInk Magazine is HERE
The next episode of the podcast Syndromes and a Cinema (coming next week) is all about In Passing. Subscribe to it HERE on iTunes

Now, for those of you who are not into art film, this film will likely not be your cup of tea. However, I am in the film (Peter's is the final short amongst the 7 pieces), and if you want to see what I look like magnified on the big screen, then this is your chance.

Hope to see you there!

Melissa

"The film is neither a fully experimental work, nor a movie fixated on classic narrative; rather, 'In Passing' explores the passing of time and the relation of time to cinematic space. Often focusing on intimate yet small details – the table top exploration of a crustacean, the patter of rain on a window, cats at play, the ocean shot from a moving car, a couple looking into a camera knowing that the film they are making will fail – and finding something lyrically poignant and even personal within these transient moments. There are scenes in which people seem to vanish, no longer seen on screen, yet the space they once occupied still resonates with their echoes, moving through the poetic sublime." - Jack Sargeant - FilmInk Magazine

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 00:46:00 +0000

Our painful experiences in life often become the memories that stand out to us in the present, sometimes significantly influencing our self-image or how we define our past. This often happens even if those experiences were not our only experience or even our predominant experience.

One of the main defining stories of my childhood is that I was rejected by the popular kids in my school. I had moved to a small town in Ohio from New Jersey in 3rd grade. My new school was small, only 100 kids in each grade. Everyone knew who everyone else was. There were very tight cliques and the popular kids ruled the social atmosphere. I’m not entirely sure why, but I was singled out by them as someone uncool. They made fun of my hair, my clothes, my comments in class, you name it. From elementary school through high school, when I walked down the hall I always felt like I was in the spotlight, constantly on guard against criticism or having something about me pointed out and made fun of.

I hated school because of this. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. I always felt that if these kids would just give me a chance, if they would just get to know me, they would like me. But even though I thought this, I still grew up believing something was wrong with me. I believed that if these kids rejected me, then I must be a reject.

This defining experience is often the first thing I think of when I remember my childhood or share stories from my childhood. The thing is, it is not my only story (we are all multi-storied). I had some really great friendships as a kid. I had my own group of friends who I had a lot of fun with and who really enjoyed me a lot too. I always had something to do: sleepovers, roller skating, movies, playgrounds, amusement parks, video games. I can barely remember a time when there wasn’t someone to play with or hang out with. I was definitely liked!

I also had a number of activities I was involved in: dance, gymnastics, Girl Scouts, baton, horseback riding. I was very active and engaged with life. There were many positive interrelated stories that influenced who I am today.

What’s crazy is that if there were other meaningful experiences, why has the experience of rejection been my predominant memory, overshadowing everything else? Why have I allowed it to define me in such a significant way? That feeling of being a reject still resides somewhere in my mind, and sometimes I find myself thinking that the people who like me now are eventually going to find out the truth about me - that I am a reject - as if those popular kids from my childhood had the truth about me.

In the last few years, I started to think about this and I have realized that this needs to change. I need to change how I tell my story because the story I have been telling myself and others is really not complete. In fact, it’s severely incomplete. It’s not even close to the whole story.

When we take one story and allow it to define us, we are not viewing our life in an integrated, whole way. And those stories often affect how we behave in the now. They can affect what we expect from others, what we expect from ourselves, what we believe about ourselves, what we are willing to try, how we behave in certain situations, how we interpret others’ behavior, etc.

These stories that we allow to define us can truly give an inaccurate and incomplete view of who we are and what we are capable of.

What life stories define you? Which stories have you focused on to the exclusion of the other stories of your life? Do any of these stories need rebalancing? Do any of them need to be told in a new way?

Giving up our old stories can be hard and even scary. Sometimes holding onto our old stories is a way of protecting ourselves from future pain. But recognizing that our painful dominant stories can be retold in ways that allow us to remember and incorporate the exceptions to that story can offer healing, inspiration, and a fresh perspective on our current life.

If you are inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to talk about your personal situation more in depth, I offer a brief phone consultation for those who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Also, here are details about my women's discussion group. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

---

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Relationships are Harder than I Thought

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 21:47:00 +0000

I am passionately in love. Peter is definitely the guy I was waiting for all of my life. But we have problems. The problem is that Peter doesn’t always see things my way! Hah!

The funny thing is that we fight about things that I never imagined fighting with anyone about. I was sure that the man I fell in love with would certainly agree with me on my way of handling life matters. To me, my way was clearly the right way - either common sense or brilliant! (Wouldn’t he see that too?) I guess that’s what happens when you live alone for so many years. You don’t have to deal with the interpersonal conflict that might challenge what you think is normal or great.

Before I was in a serious relationship, I often heard married couples say that relationships were hard work. I tried to listen to their counsel, but I think I only kinda believed them. What I really thought was that they probably just didn’t wait for real love.

Well, I did wait for real love. Knock me over real love. And still, it is hard. The blending of two lives is challenging. I was so comfortable with how I handle household chores, how I plan for the future, and how I choose to save and spend money - that I have been shocked at times that he thinks so differently about some of these things and that he is just as committed to his way as I am to mine. There are times when we are both looking at each other dumbfounded that the other doesn’t see our clear genius in the matter.

And with that, I love him and feel confident in his love for me. And as I write this, I am so glad I chose someone who is willing to do the work, someone who loves me so much he can’t imagine not doing the work. He is motivated to figure things out with me.

When I was younger, there were a lot of guys who I wanted so badly to want the kind of relationship with me that I wanted with them. (see my post: Unrequited Love) And I had to do so much work just to get them to make time for me. I wasted too much time wishing guys like this would call or calling them time after time in hopes that it would inspire them to take more active interest in me. I know now that if I did end up with one of those guys and kept having to do all that work to keep their attention, I would have been miserable. If it was that hard in the beginning, I never would have survived the adding on of more involved relationship challenges.

(Alternatively, I tried having relationships with guys who were more into me than I was into them. They would’ve been willing to do the work, but without a genuine connection and desire on my end, once again, I would have been miserable and out the door when the more challenging work started.)

I share all of this because I know there are so many of you out there who are into a guy who is just not putting much effort into dating you. And yet, you keep accommodating him, hoping that he will change. Ladies, you deserve someone who is motivated to call, to make plans with you, and to adjust his schedule for you sometimes (instead of you always adjusting for him). If he can’t do this in the beginning, I think it’s unlikely that he’ll be motivated to do much of anything later on - when the more difficult work starts.

My relationship with Peter is still young. We’re only 4 years into this. In the beginning, of course, everything was easy. We couldn’t imagine getting angry with each other. And since things kept going well, we eventually wanted to merge our lives together. And like many others, that’s when we discovered what our most challenging differences were.

Please don’t waste your time with guys who aren’t making much effort. Life is worth too much. There are men who will go out of their way to be in a relationship with someone they love. Wait for that! Keep looking for someone who you like and who is motivated to be with you too.

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Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

The Dalai Lama Says We Need Each Other

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 18:23:00 +0000

We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others’ actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others’ activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others. - The Dalai Lama

I love this quote because I think it speaks truth about how much we need others. It speaks truth about the fact that we were not meant to live life alone. It speaks truth about the fact that need for others is normal and healthy.

I think it’s so important for us to recognize this because many of us feel ashamed about our needs and especially ashamed about our emotional needs. We are a nation of people who feel pride in our individual independence. The less we need others and the more independent we are, the more power we think we have. The more independent we become, the more we think we have control over avoiding pain.

Many of us think it’s desirable to be emotionally self-sustaining. There are some prevailing mantras out there that say that your emotional fulfillment depends entirely on you. Well, I don’t buy it. It goes against our nature. We are social beings. Relationships, both deep and casual, are critical to happiness and life fulfillment. We need love. We need recognition. We need understanding. And we need acceptance. Our desire for these things is normal and fundamental.

Certainly, some of us need more social interaction than others. And sometimes we depend on others for needs that can only be filled by ourselves. And some of us try to get our needs met by the wrong people. And sometimes we try to get our needs met in ineffective ways. And other times what we need is to trust and have more confidence in our own abilities. But we cannot meet all of our needs by ourselves.

With that said, having needs does not remove our responsibility in getting them met. Often, we must take action. We need to learn about ourselves and learn about our needs so that we can communicate them with friends and family or those who can help us. Learning good communication skills is critical to getting our emotional needs met. If you don’t have good communication skills or you need help defining your needs, you can seek coaching or counseling with someone who can help you do that. If you can’t afford it, there are free and low cost counseling resources out there.

Unfortunately, sometimes we have to exist with our need(s) going unfulfilled for longer than we would like, and this can be painful. But just because your need has gone unfulfilled, doesn’t mean that you are wrong for having it. Please don’t be ashamed of your emotional needs.

We are often particularly aware of unmet emotional needs when we are trying to date or when we live far away from close family or friends. I have an amazing group of women who support, encourage, and challenge each other every week. It’s a place where you can be real about your needs! It’s also a great way to connect and belong. If you’d like a support network like this, see below for details. We have a new schedule this fall.

If you are inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to talk about your personal situation more in depth, I offer a brief phone consultation for those who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

---

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

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About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Women Solving Common Life Challenges - Weekly Group

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 18:05:00 +0000

This group is for single women who live in New York City and desire to connect with other women through insightful and inspiring discussion around issues that specifically affect us in the city.

The group is great for women who are interested in being authentic, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and learning new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others. It is also excellent for women who feel stuck in their career or in life and are looking to make a change or take the next step forward.

Every week we tackle goal setting and life challenges. Participants always leave with action points that can be applied to their individual situations.

We meet on the Upper West Side (W. 96th St.).
This fall, the group is alternating meetings weekly on Fridays and Sundays.

Schedule for September

(*last Tuesday meeting 7-8:30pm Tuesday, August 30)

*7-8:30pm Friday, September 9

*5-6:30pm Sunday, September 18

*7-8:30pm Friday, September 23

*5-6:30pm Sunday, October 2

(schedule is ongoing, for dates after October 2, e-mail me)

More Group Details

The current group is made up of women in their mid-twenties to late-forties. They are entrepreneurs, artists, and other professionals, and each one brings unique insight and ideas to the sessions. I interview all women before they join the group to make sure that everyone is a good fit for each other.

The group is $75 per month (meeting 4 weeks of each month). If you'd like to experience the group before committing, I welcome you to try out a session on any night. Please contact me with questions at melissa@myheartdances.com

For more information about me, please visit http://www.myheartdances.blogspot.com

Nifty Natural Skin Care Tips and Other Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 13:05:00 +0000

What a beautiful day it was! It’s really great to be writing to you right now. I have really missed posting here this summer!

I hope you had an amazing summer and can think of at least one thing you did that you feel great about! If you can't think of anything, you still have a few weeks until summer is officially over to squeeze something exciting in!

Here are some cool things I learned this summer!

Coconut Milk is an excellent natural skin moisturizer. I put it in a spray bottle and rub it in after my shower. It has a very natural light scent that I love. Store it in the refrigerator in glass or plastic. It lasts about 7 days. Freeze portions that you don’t plan to use within a week to make it last longer. (I learned about this from a well-respected medical aesthetician I know.)

You know those larger pores that populate your nose and are a bit darker than other pores because of the oil that is clogged in them. Well, apparently a “celebrity secret” is to take a small amount of baking soda with a little bit of water and rub it in a circular motion all over your nose with your fingers. This helps to cleanse the surface area of those pores and minimize their appearance temporarily. (I also learned this from that same aesthetician.)

I also figured out that for my skin type I need to cleanse not just in the morning but before I go to bed. Since I don't usually wear make-up, I rarely washed my face before going to bed. When I began adding this new cleansing ritual, I realized how much grime accumulated on my face just from walking around the city! My cotton balls told the dirty story! This has been one more valuable tool I've acquired to keep my skin bright and clear.

I discovered that making ice cream with an ice cream ball is a really fun "family" activity. It also is a great way to burn some of the calories you are about to eat.

With that ice cream ball, I tried my hand at Chloe Coscerelli's recipe for Vegan Salted Caramel Pretzel ice cream. (Chloe's vegan cupcake won against traditional dairy based cupcakes on Cupcake Wars). Unfortunately, I think she called for way too much sugar in the recipe. It was too sweet. But I did LOVE the coconut milk/almond milk base for the ice cream and would definitely use that again. I might even try the recipe again with only a quarter of the caramel mixture.

I educated myself about socially responsible investing. And I discovered a great site for evaluating how specific socially responsible funds are screened. Whether you care about the environment or human rights, you can check out how these funds choose what to include in their portfolios.

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Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

How Do You Define Beauty?

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 21:01:00 +0000

I’ve been working on a body image project over the last year. (Hopefully, I’ll be able to share more about this soon.) Through the project, I’ve had an opportunity to ask a number of women what they think about the image of women in the media. Many of them have said that the messages are confusing, that it’s hard to differentiate between what is real and what is fake. Others mentioned how we often compare ourselves with images in the media rather than with the women who surround us in real life. And one woman pointed out the tendency of women to look outward (instead of inward) for answers about themselves and that the media is often a misguiding source of those “answers.”

Yesterday I was walking down the street and saw a young woman in a cute dress who was quite stunning. She certainly did not meet the media’s ideal of beauty. She was definitely not skinny. And I wondered, what makes this woman so beautiful? She was neat and clean and had chosen clothes that made her feel great. She looked like she felt pretty. I know many women who avoid acknowledging or enjoying any beauty within themselves because they don't think they measure up. They hide by not looking people in the eye or by wearing clothes that keep their bodies covered up. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing outside of their shell calling, "Come out. Come share your beauty with me."

I have an experiment for you today. Go to the park, find a bench, and just sit. Observe the women that you see. What do they look like? Do they seem happy? Do they seem fulfilled or satisfied? Which women do you find beautiful? Why do you find them beautiful? Do any of the women meet the “standard” of beauty that you measure yourself against? Do any of the women you find beautiful look contrary to that standard of beauty? What about the women who appear to be in relationships? What do they look like?

If you can’t make it to the park, you can do the experiment on the subway or walking down the street. But take the time for it. It’s an important self-study. And it can offer very interesting feedback into what you notice or don’t notice about beauty, happiness, and relationships on a day to day basis.

Sometimes we get an image in our head that signifies beauty. And then we become selective observers, only seeing and comparing ourselves to that image and those who resemble that image. This exercise will give you an opportunity to stop and perhaps begin to deconstruct and reconstruct that mental image.

What is beautiful? And what makes you feel beautiful? I think it's important for each of us to learn how we define it for ourselves because no one person defines it the same.

One more thing. I have a flower garden on my roof. And each flower is so breathtaking to me. They all look different and they are all beautiful for different reasons. I’m so thankful that they stand tall and give themselves fully. I’m so glad that they don’t doubt themselves and droop or hide behind other flowers. Maybe this is a silly analogy. But I know women who somehow feel that they aren’t beautiful and that is what they seem to do – they droop and hide.

We fall in love with each other when we open up and share ourselves with each other. For all women who are drooping and hiding, I hope you will find a way to open up and share what you have to offer with the world around you. That is one wonderful way that I experience beauty, when you open up and share it with me.

If you are inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to talk about your personal situation more in depth, I offer a brief phone consultation for those who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

In addition, I currently have one spot available in my Tuesday night women's discussion group. E-mail me for details.

---

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Say No to Normal Eating Behavior

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 03:47:00 +0000

Over the years clients have come to me to work on losing weight. Occasionally they will tell me that they don’t want to count calories because they don’t think it is normal behavior. I understand this. They imagine that normal behavior is being able to eat when they are hungry and stop when they feel full. They want to be able to enjoy treats occasionally and not overdo it. And they want to easily be able to pass up high-calorie foods that regularly tempt them. They want to be able to do all of this naturally.

I support this goal, but I think it’s important to point out that I don’t think this is “normal” eating behavior.

When we use the word normal, we have to remember that in America, normal is actually the opposite of what we imagine “normal” to be. Normal in America is eating an abundance of fried and highly-processed foods, eating what we want when we want it, overeating, and eating for the heck of it even though we’re not hungry.

So, maybe we don’t want to be normal after all. But, if we don’t want to be normal, is it "natural" behavior that we’re hoping to achieve? It certainly doesn’t seem natural to overeat or to depend on highly-processed foods. With the word natural, we imagine responding to our internal signals and eating in moderation foods that were meant to be eaten, foods that are fairly close to their original state: fruits, vegetables, whole grains, etc.

But where do we get the idea that this is natural behavior? I don’t think it is. It might be if we lived in the forest, but it’s not natural in our modern environment.

Isn’t it natural to conform to what is normal? Isn’t it natural to respond to stimulation, thus to be influenced and motivated by advertising (advertising, I remind you, that has been created by individuals who have researched how to affect the psyche)? Isn’t it natural to eat in abundance when abundance is available? Haven’t societies throughout history eaten in abundance when it was available, unless, out of necessity, they had to store up for the future, or unless they abided by some ritual or tradition that restricted food in some way?

In our society, we are able to access a broad spectrum of nutrients. With our advanced systems of trade, the world can share its food resources. In our society, we do not have to physically work hard for our food. Food is available to us instantaneously. We don’t even have to use physical energy to make dessert. We can grab it in a package and have it for a snack, after dinner, at midnight, or all three. So, how do we expect to instinctually behave in the "natural" way described above, when we don't live in an environment that limits our access to food and requires physical activity to obtain it?

So, in actuality, maybe we could say that normal Americans are responding to their environment in a natural way. They are responding to stimuli and eating the abundance that is available. They are following along and doing what others are doing.

Throughout history humans have lived in so many different kinds of circumstances related to food. Throughout history we have had to respond to our physical needs and to the environment, and throughout history we have had rituals and traditions applied to food and eating behavior. It seems that normal and natural behavior are expressed differently based on the kind of society that we exist in.

We live in a new age. We must learn how to respond in a new way if we want to be healthy. I think we should forget using the terms “normal” or “natural” as they relate to behavior with food. We have used those terms to imply that those of us who don't have our food and weight under control are behaving poorly. But, in fact, I think most of us are behaving the way humans are designed to behave. The thing is, what many of us want is to behave in a way that will keep us healthy and lean.

In a society with instantaneous access, quick fixes, and professionals who are well trained in the psychology of motivation through advertising, if we let our natural instincts rule, we may not end up physically or emotionally well. But the great thing about being human is that we evolved with incredible intelligence and skills that allow us to control our instincts and make choices. With knowledge, education, and research, we have a pretty good idea of what will stack the odds in our favor for good health. If we want to be healthy, then we must go against “normal” American eating behavior.

How do we do this?

A study published in Obesity Research shows that successful weight loss maintainers share common behavior strategies, including eating a diet low in fat, frequent self-monitoring of body weight and food intake, and high levels of regular physical activity.¹

As I mentioned earlier, some of my clients have said that monitoring your weight and food is not normal.

But as we’ve determined here, “normal” (in America) isn’t exactly healthy.

These successful weight loss maintainers have found a tool to counter the outside pressures to be “normal.” And because of that, they are living a healthier lifestyle and enjoying its benefits. Perhaps counting their calories or being aware of portion sizes and weighing themselves one time per week has allowed them to find balance in a world of influential unhealthy messages.

(Calories are simply energy, so counting calories helps people know the right amount of gas to put in their tank. Excess "gas" gets stored. When an individual consumes less calories than they need, that excess "gas" gets burned).

There is always an exception, and I have had clients successfully lose weight by simply exercising more, increasing fresh produce, and limiting processed food. But in my experience, most people need structure and tools, and those individuals are more successful when they have truly committed themselves to using those tools.

This is not a scientific paper. It’s just some food for thought. And if weight loss or maintenance isn’t your issue, it’s still worth thinking about how our current environment affects your natural instincts; if you want to head down another road, what tools will you need to counter those messages?

1. McGuire MT, Wing RR, Klem ML, Hill JO. (1999). Behavioral strategies of individuals who have maintained long-term weight losses. Obesity Research, 7, 334-341.  Read the abstract

Additional Support: Shick SM, Wing RR, Klem ML, McGuire MT, Hill JO & Seagle HM (1998). Persons successful at long-term weight loss and maintenance continue to consume a low calorie, low fat diet. Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 98, 408-413. Read the abstract

See the National Weight Loss Registry for more statistics on successful dieters.

If you are inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to talk about your personal situation more in depth, I'm currently offering a free 30-minute phone consultation for newsletter subscribers who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

---

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Without Risk, There is No Gain

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Wed, 25 May 2011 21:16:00 +0000

Without risk, there is no gain.

A friend of mine wrote this in an e-mail as she completed the final step toward making something right from her past. This risk could result in anger and pain for all involved. or it could result in restoration and joy, making a difference in the remainder of their lives. For her, the risk was worth it. The possible benefit from the risk was worth the potential loss.

The statement “Without risk, there is no gain” inspired me.

It inspired me personally because I am planning to go to grad school in the fall. This has been in the making for many months. But once I got accepted by both of the programs I wanted to attend, I started to get cold feet. I’m 34 years old, and I began to think about losing all the flexibility I have in my life. I began to think about how school would put my life on hold for the next 2-3 years and how other things that I deeply want would have to be delayed.

But the program I will be in will help me to achieve my bigger dreams. In fact, it will make my bigger dreams more possible and more certain than they are right now.

“Without risk, there is no gain” also made me think of a client, a beautiful and dynamic woman who has faced a lot of rejection in dating. When she likes someone, she tends to lose herself and begins to do whatever she thinks will please the guy. She has become aware of how she hides her desires and needs, and she knows that in order to create a strong relationship she will need to be brave and speak up for herself. She will need to express herself by communicating those needs, desires, likes, dislikes, and limits. For her, this is scary. It’s easier to please others because it gives us the illusion that we are safe and even in control (although we may feel out of control). Revealing our true self is a risk, but without that risk, we will never gain true intimacy.

Risk might be breaking up with the wrong guy, doing the work required to stick it out with the right guy, making a career move, making a physical move, investing time in a long-term project (i.e. grad school), facing and working through difficult conflict, tightening your budget, spending some money, or speaking up.

Without risk, there is no gain.

Of course we could find arguments against this. We could even say, “Without risk, there is no pain.” Statements like these aren't full proof. However, I think we often know when something valuable is set before us that we can gain in no other way but to take a risk. Deep down we know when that risk honors who we are and honors those around us.

Risk does not always end up in what we hope for. That’s why it’s called a risk. But risk invigorates life. Risk is where we find new opportunities. Risk is where we discover and grow. And risk is how we move forward.

Is there something set before you that's worth taking a risk for?

If you are inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to talk about your personal situation more in depth, I'm currently offering a free 30-minute phone consultation for individuals who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

---

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

What is Your SCA?

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 14:54:00 +0000

There’s an excellent book that I sometimes use with clients called Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work, by McKay, Fanning, and Paleg. In it, the authors present a concept called the “self-care alternative.” The “self-care alternative” is an alternative option for taking care of your needs and desires when your partner can’t meet them. It is an action that is taken after asking for specific needs to be met. An example might be if you want to save money but your partner can’t or is unwilling to do so. Your self-care alternative might be to begin a savings plan by yourself by cutting back on a current personal expense or working a few extra hours a week.

The authors present the idea at the end of a template in which you identify the problem, your feelings, and what you want to request from your partner. The template is intended to be thought through before talking with your partner and is a way to enhance communication while also accepting responsibility for your role in taking care of yourself.

It looks like this:

Situation (specific, objective description of facts):

Your feelings (non-blaming "I" statements):

Request (for behavior change):

Self-care alternative (how you can take care of yourself if your partner doesn't agree to change):

This idea of the “self-care alternative” is really empowering and freeing, allowing us to be vulnerable and respect others while still taking care of ourselves. One thing I particularly like about the concept is that its use is relevant beyond romantic relationships and is a great reminder that honoring what we value or what is important to us doesn’t have to be entirely dependent on others’ responses or the outcome of our pursuits or circumstances. In fact, in no relationship will we agree on everything. Partners often have differences in how they want to spend their time, handle finances, plan for the future, or take care of household tasks. And sometimes, one partner’s inability to compromise can be the other partner’s loss of something greatly valued or hoped for.

Outside of the context of a partnership, the self-care alternative has many uses. For instance, I happen to be waiting on some news about an opportunity that I've become rather emotionally invested in. If the news is not what I hope for, it will be very disappointing and will alter my plans for the future. As I wait, the possibility of bad news has crept into my mind. So, the other night I sat down and journaled a response to this question: If it doesn't work out, what will be my self-care alternative? This exercise freed me to think about how I will care for myself and what plans I might make for my future if this opportunity falls through.

Now, I don’t want to trivialize how lost opportunities or others’ negative responses can affect our lives. They do. And there are some instances where the idea of a self-care alternative would simply be invalidating of the true disappointment or loss experienced. But oftentimes, the situation is such that we face less limiting options than we may initially feel or realize. A self-care alternative frees us to see possibilities and allows us an opportunity to take responsibility for our needs.

In relationships, a self-care alternative is an excellent example of boundaries. It allows us to be vulnerable while respecting our partner and respecting ourself. A self-care alternative is not meant to be an excuse for violating commitments or disrespecting someone we care for. It’s actually an avenue for increasing our own self-esteem and strengthening our relationships.   

It’s important to remember that vulnerability is a component in the process of discovering and engaging in a self-care alternative. Sometimes, when we have not had important needs met in life, we put on an air of independence and try to avoid needing anyone. But we do have needs that must be met by others. And a self-care alternative involves first putting our needs (or dreams - in cases outside of a relationship) out there.  

What are you dealing with presently? Does it involve communicating your needs? Does it involve taking a risk? Have you already done these things, but are waiting on an outcome? What will your self-care alternative be if the circumstances don’t work out as you desire?

If you are inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to talk about your personal situation more in depth, I'm currently offering a free 30-minute phone consultation for individuals who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

---

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Dating is Sometimes Simpler than We Make It

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 16:25:00 +0000

When I was in third grade I had a boyfriend. Let’s call him Billy. At that age, it took very little thought to form a relationship. If you liked each other and each thought the other was cute, you sealed the deal.

In elementary school, we had recess twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. And since Billy was my boyfriend, I remember wanting to play with him during recess. But Billy wasn’t playing with me.

So, I broke up with him.

It was that simple. And I told him why, too.

I didn’t worry about whether Billy liked me. I didn’t agonize over my pending decision for weeks beforehand. I simply wasn’t getting what I wanted or what I felt I deserved, so I booted him.

The next day, a friend of Billy’s approached me at the water fountain and said that Billy wanted to know if I would be his girlfriend again. He told me that Billy promised that he would play with me at recess. I thought about it for a few seconds and agreed. And Billy did play with me.

That memory really makes me smile. I wasn’t born insecure or unsure of myself. Granted, I was only in 3rd grade and new little about real love, but apparently I knew enough to know that a relationship is about companionship and mutual effort, or in my third grade terms, playing together. And I wasn’t interested in being a part of something that was less.

I wish I would have lived that confidently in my earlier adult dating years. And I wish more ladies would live that way now. If a guy is not making time to play with you, to be your companion, to put some energy into the relationship, it’s time to move on.

I know things aren’t as simple as they were when we were children. Relationships take work. But too many of us work too hard for relationships with men who don’t reciprocate, for relationships that really have not even begun. A foundational component of a relationship is mutual effort, and if we don’t have that, we are probably making things more complicated than they're worth.

If you are inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to talk about your personal situation more in depth, I'm currently offering a free 30-minute phone consultation for individuals who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

---

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

A Simple Project for Solving Personal Challenges

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 00:58:00 +0000

If you feel stuck in some aspect of your life or are working through a personal challenge, a very simple and therapeutic way to gain clarity or begin to untangle the problem is to make a collage. A project like this can be insightful for many different issues that you might face.

A collage can help if:

You are feeling a little lost or confused about life.
You have to make an important decision and feel uncertain about how to move forward.
You’re immersed in the "rat race" of city life and feel disconnected from who you really are.
You’re not sure what you want from your future.
A romantic interest has consumed your attention and you are having trouble finding balance.
You just need some good old-fashioned creative therapy to uplift your mood or give you new inspiration.

One reason making a collage can be helpful when you’re working through a challenge is because it allows you to represent your values, emotions, and desires through images, offering you a way to make them a little more tangible and visible. When you’re able to see them reflected back at you on paper, you will often be able to draw some important conclusions about who you are and what really matters to you. Sometimes you will even see patterns that you might not have expected.

The only supplies you need for a collage are a stack of old magazines, some glue/glue sticks or tape, scissors, and something to attach the collage pieces to. I usually use poster board, but a sketchbook or cardboard is suitable. You can also create a collage on everyday items: a jewelry box, a shoe box that holds odds and ends, the door to your bedroom, etc.

To get started, take a moment to think about what you want to explore with your collage. Your present? Your future? Your relationships? Your career? Your values? Your dreams? Your identity?

Then start flipping through the magazines and cut out images and words that you respond to, images and words that make you feel something. In addition to magazine cuttings, you can use scraps of fabric, stickers, photos, letters, ticket stubs, etc. Feel free to include images of textures and colors that appeal to you too.

I typically recommend that clients use images and words that trigger a positive response, images that generate feelings of desire, comfort, meaning etc. But, you can also create a collage using images that create feelings of conflict for you, and you can even contrast them with images that you respond to positively. These contrasts can teach you so much about yourself.

The photos in this blog are of a recent collage I worked on. With this collage, I used the inside of a chest where I store my office materials. My goal for this collage was to think about my future and use images that represented what I dream of. For me, it was primarily a self-discovery process, something I haven’t been able to do in awhile.

I did not expect to focus on images from the country, farm animals, gardening, etc. But I did. These images represent what I’m most attracted to at this time in my life. I realized, in putting this collage together, that my life and direction carries a theme: a desire to have a self-sustaining lifestyle (gardening, "DIY" projects, living environmentally friendly, self-employment). I realized that this desire motivates me deeply, not just in my career, but in the way that I live. Recognizing this theme and identifying one of my fundamental motivators was very satisfying and helped me gain some clarity about some ideas I have been pondering.

In the days since I've created the collage, I've also been given another gift through this creation. New York City looks nothing like the images in this collage, but every time I open my work chest, I now get some enjoyment of something that I hope to have someday. The images themselves bring joy and beauty into my present.

If this kind of project sounds interesting to you, schedule a date with yourself this week. Make a night of it. Light some candles, turn on some good music, and enjoy yourself!

If you are inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to participate in discussions and projects with other women, come visit my Tuesday Night Women's Group. If you'd like to talk about your personal situation more in depth and are interested in coaching, I'm currently offering a free 30-minute phone consultation for individuals who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

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Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

14 Days Closer to Love: Day 14

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 06:19:00 +0000

Today is the final day of the 14 Days Closer to Love series. There are so many more things that could be said about love and dating, but in this series I covered the core issues that I see when working with clients. I hope that these last two weeks have been insightful and inspiring.

Today's post is about what we need and what relationships are really about. It all comes down to something so basic, something we easily remember in friendships but forget when looking for love.

Before reading on, think about this question: What do people need? Specifically, what do they need from a relationship?

People need to be loved and they need to love. People need someone who they can trust. People need companionship. People want to be needed and to feel safe to need. People want to feel like they can make a difference in another person’s life. People need to be able to trust that you will be open and honest with them – they need to know that you will tell them what your limits are so that they aren’t unknowingly crossing them. People want to know they are respected by someone who loves them. People want to be accepted unconditionally.

Now, are you ready for a shock? Men are no different. They are people too.

So in closing, I want to encourage you to love courageously and to balance that with loving yourself too. Love is much more rich when we maintain self-respect and when what we do offer is offered freely and with confidence.

If you were inspired or challenged by these posts and would like to discuss them among other women, please come visit my Tuesday night women's group. If you'd like to talk about your personal situation more in depth and are interested in coaching, this week I'm offering a free 30-minute phone consultation for individuals who want to see if coaching might be right for them. Please e-mail me or call (917-689-6530) for more information.

Day 14 of 14 Days Closer to Love

* See Day 13

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My Tuesday night women’s group is currently discussing self-confidence and relationships. Come join us. E-mail me for details.

For more information about coaching: Private Coaching

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

14 Days Closer to Love: Day 13

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Are you afraid of commitment? As women, we assume that if we are looking for a relationship, commitment is not our problem. After all, we are the sex that embraces commitment with ease, right? I think it's good to question this assumption. I believe that many women are unaware of the discomfort they feel when an opportunity for real intimacy presents itself.

Today's task is to consider this: What kind of relationship are you afraid of ending up in? What about intimacy scares you? When does closeness feel uncomfortable?

An extra tip:

The following will apply to some of you, but not all: Has there ever been a close relationship in your life (with a parental figure, perhaps?), in which someone expected or wanted more from you or from the relationship than you wanted to give? In other words, on some level you felt a need for more distance in the relationship? Did you ever achieve healthy and comfortable interactions with that person regarding this issue? In contrast, was there someone that you wanted to be closer to, someone that you adored, but who was not available in the way you wished they could be?

Sometimes we romanticize the people who are unavailable to us because we are never exposed to the problems that would be present if we were truly close to them. And sometimes we push away people that want to be close because we don't know how to deal with their expectations and emotional needs. We fear that they will want too much and that we will lose ourselves. We may even automatically detect and entirely avoid people who could truly get close.

A final word:

This is a rather complex topic, but if any of this resonates with you, I highly recommend picking up a book on the topic of boundaries. It will be one of the best relationship investments that you ever make.

Day 13 of 14 Days Closer to Love

* See Day 12

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My Tuesday night women’s group is currently discussing self-confidence and relationships. Come join us. E-mail me for details.

For more information about coaching: Private Coaching

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

14 Days Closer to Love: Day 12

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Do friends ever tell you that you are too picky? Do you believe them?

Consider this: Maybe you are not picky enough.

You won't settle for nice boys who you don't have chemistry with, but you will settle for boys you have chemistry with who aren't nice.

I say, go for boys you have chemistry with and expect them to be good to you as well. Respect yourself. Just because they make you weak in the knees doesn't mean that you deserve second-rate treatment.

Oh. And one more thing. Don't walk away without speaking up. See Day 4.

Oh. And a second thing. Sometimes "nice" boys can unexpectedly knock your socks off after the 2nd or 3rd date.

Day 12 of 14 Days Closer to Love

* See Day 1

* See Day 2

* See Day 3

* See Day 4

* See Day 5

* See Day 6

* See Day 7

* See Day 8

* See Day 9

* See Day 10

* See Day 11

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My Tuesday night women’s group is currently discussing self-confidence and relationships. Come join us. E-mail me for details.

For more information about coaching: Private Coaching

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

14 Days Closer to Love: Day 11

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Task 11: Pace Yourself.

Think about how relationships grow. First, by spending time together. Second, by trusting the person with a little part of yourself. When they show you that they can be trusted with that thing, you give them something else. Overtime, you begin to trust them with more and more. Third, and this is connected with trust, you learn the dimensions of each other’s personality. You discover the quirks, the way emotions are handled, the expectations, the weaknesses, the strengths, and the beauty. Along with that, you learn the ways in which they respond to your various quirks, emotions, expectations, strengths, and weaknesses. Fourth, you begin to understand their values and character, not just what they say, but how they behave, what their priorities are, the way they approach responsibility, self-growth, interest in the relationship they have with you, how they treat you – in times of happiness, in times of anger, in times of stress, in times of need.

When we meet someone who we have chemistry with, we tend to rush in emotionally. We feel that we identify with them and have known them for years, even though it may only be hours or days. We get caught up in the swirly feelings racing within us and forget everything else. We imagine that chemistry alone will result in a compatible relationship and long lasting bliss.

Even though we don’t know him yet we become very invested in the relationship working out. Then, before we’ve established a real relationship, we find ourselves unprepared to deal with the difficult emotions that arise when conflict presents itself, when we are still uncertain how to communicate our feelings and needs with this person. Furthermore, we probably never thought about whether we could meet his needs. I’m not talking about the needs you think he has, I’m talking about the actual needs of this real, living, complex person standing across from you, needs that might conflict with your own.

This is where pacing yourself comes in.

The purpose of dating is to learn about another person and to let the other person learn about you – so that you both can decide whether this could be the kind of relationship you want. You are not only asking whether he can meet your needs and expectations but whether you can meet his.

Since you are likely looking for a long-term relationship, I suggest that you go slow enough to find out what you need to know. Don’t give away parts of yourself (time, energy, sex) that you are not emotionally ready to give away. This is not about playing a game. This is about moving at a pace that allows you to stay connected with yourself. This is about not moving forward so fast that you lose your ability to say what you need to say without being able to face rejection. This is about moving at a pace that keeps you from compromising yourself and remaining objective. It’s about waiting for or asking for what you need before taking the next step.

Your task for today: Sometime today, when someone sends you a message, someone you particularly feel compelled to respond to immediately, wait longer than you would normally wait to get back to them. Think about their message and how you feel about it. Notice how it feels to give yourself space and not respond immediately or according to the pace they might expect. Make a conscious choice in how you respond rather than just reacting. This is just a small practice in creating space to connect with yourself when it comes to interacting with another person.

Day 11 of 14 Days Closer to Love

* See Day 1

* See Day 2

* See Day 3

* See Day 4

* See Day 5

* See Day 6

* See Day 7

* See Day 8

* See Day 9

* See Day 10

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My Tuesday night women’s group is currently discussing self-confidence and relationships. Come join us. E-mail me for details.

For more information about coaching: Private Coaching

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

14 Days Closer to Love: Day 10

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Task 10: Gaining Perspective

Today, find at least three couples with long term, stable relationships. Couples who are married or who live together are ideal. And they should be couples who you like and admire.

Ask one or both of them (and make sure you get the woman's perspective in at least two of the three cases): What is great for you about being in this relationship? What is difficult for you about being in this relationship? What's one challenge that you didn't expect? What's one skill that you've had to work on to strengthen or improve your relationship?

That's it. Just four questions. See what you learn.

Day 10 of 14 Days Closer to Love

* See Day 1

* See Day 2

* See Day 3

* See Day 4

* See Day 5

* See Day 6

* See Day 7

* See Day 8

* See Day 9

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My Tuesday night women’s group is currently discussing self-confidence and relationships. Come join us. E-mail me for details.

For more information about coaching: Private Coaching

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

14 Days Closer to Love: Day 9

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 05:30:00 +0000

Intimacy and commitment require you to show up. They are not just about loyalty. Deep companionship requires vulnerability. Vulnerability requires you to open up about your insecurities and weaknesses. Vulnerability also requires you to trust. It requires you to trust that your lover will accept and love you as you are. That takes courage. So, it often requires you to choose confidence - confidence that you are acceptable. Confidence is not always something that you naturally feel, but in those times, it’s something that you can choose.

Fear of rejection keeps us from intimacy because it refuses to trust that someone can love us. If we can’t trust that someone loves us, then we can’t love, because part of loving someone is receiving their love in return.

Men who want a real relationship with a woman are looking for a woman who will show up, a woman who will not hide because she is insecure and afraid of rejection. She can have insecurities. We all have insecurities. But she won’t be so self-absorbed with them that she can’t give herself.

When you find someone worth loving. Show up. Choose confidence. Don’t let your fear of rejection cause you to hide. This starts with dating because we must be able to show someone that we are capable of loving.

Task 9: Today, note the ways your insecurities have kept you from showing up fully. How have they caused you to hide? Think about what it would mean for you to accept your insecurities and to choose confidence.

Day 9 of 14 Days Closer to Love

* See Day 1

* See Day 2

* See Day 3

* See Day 4

* See Day 5

* See Day 6

* See Day 7

* See Day 8

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My Tuesday night women’s group is currently discussing self-confidence and relationships. Come join us. E-mail me for details.

For more information about coaching: Private Coaching

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

14 Days Closer to Love: Day 8

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa King) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 05:39:00 +0000

My boyfriend, Peter, asked if he could write the Valentine's Day post for the 14 Days Closer to Love series. Initially, I was worried, remembering just how negative he feels toward Valentine's Day. But I was also curious to see what he was so anxious to say, considering that I feel he really gets my work. Not to mention, I was excited to have a male perspective.

I am happy to say I think it is a worthy read.

Here it is...

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I have always hated Valentine’s Day. Not because of how it makes me feel, but because of the sadness and anxiety is seems to cause a great many women.

When you think about it, the only people who enjoy this day seem to be happy women in relationships. Single women don’t like it for obvious reasons, and single men are not affected or don’t really care about it at all. Men in relationships fall into two camps – those who feel an obligation to play their part on this day and who, therefore, have some level of resentment for it, and true romantics who don’t need Valentine’s Day to express their love and who, therefore, resent being mixed in with men who see it as an obligation. Unhappy women in relationships despise it because it reminds them of everything that’s lacking in their relationship. That leaves just happy women in relationships. They should change the name to Happy Women in Relationships Day.

I’m not knocking happy women in relationships (I happen to be in love with one), I simply find it hard to accept a holiday that makes most people annoyed or depressed. What happened? This was supposed to be a day to celebrate love. I guess when the factory greeting card replaced the handwritten one, it just all snowballed from there. Like with every holiday we seem to get our hands on, we’ve made it about ‘stuff.’ And when it’s about ‘stuff,’ it easily becomes, for a lot of people, about what you don’t have.

This is why I have been really excited about what Melissa is doing these two weeks. This holiday is not going to go away, but we can change the way we think about it. She is trying to bring us back to real love (which starts with connecting with our true self) and away from defining our lives through others. I’m not adequately skilled to add to this, but I do want to share an experience I went through and then offer up a task, à la King.

I am writing this on Sunday, February 13. I am in the process of making a short film. Today I was shooting a scene with the one and only prop – a white balloon. As I was getting from one part of town to the other, I was walking the streets with this single white helium balloon hovering in the air above me. After awhile, I noticed that some people were looking at me in an odd way. I couldn’t figure out why. But then it hit me. Today is the day before Valentine’s Day. But because the 14th falls on a Monday, a lot of couples are celebrating today. Well, I felt like people were looking at me with my one balloon and thinking I was bringing it to my valentine. And once I realized this, I started to see looks of pity on people’s faces. Not necessarily pitying me, but pitying the poor girl waiting in front of a restaurant somewhere who was going to be handed one single balloon, and a white one, no less! How sad!

It was very interesting what happened next. I began to feel anger toward these materialistic strangers. I shot back dirty looks at people whose faces I believed pitied me. Then, depending on the face, my anger became mixed with feelings of inadequacy. I wanted to quickly say that it was for a film and not a present for someone. “No, I am not this cheap!” I actually started to get really uncomfortable. And I was shocked at just how worried I was at what other people think. But more shocking was how quickly and easily I concluded what other people were thinking.

My task for you (and me!) on this Valentine’s Day is to look closely at what you believe other people are thinking about you as you make your way through the day. If you are alone and pass a couple on the street, what are you thinking they are thinking about you? What makes you think that? If you are on a date and walking hand in hand with someone, how are you interpreting the looks from those who are alone? At the same time, examine what you think about other people. If you are a single person walking past a couple hand in hand, do you think you have them figured out just by the looks on their faces, how they are dressed, how they are holding each other, if one is more into the other or vice versa?

Make no judgments about yourself for thinking you know something about these people just by looking at them. Simply make yourself conscious of it. How are you affected by these thoughts later? Do you build stories from them? How do these stories contribute to the way you see yourself?

If this is normally a depressing day for you, it doesn't have to be. Meet this challenge with a longing to grow and change. Hang in there.

Much love,

Peter

Day 8 of 14 Days Closer to Love

* See Day 1

* See Day 2

* See Day 3

* See Day 4

* See Day 5

* See Day 6

* See Day 7

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My Tuesday night women’s group is currently discussing self-confidence and relationships. Come join us. E-mail me for details.

For more information about coaching: Private Coaching

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

Are You A Facebook Stalker?

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.