"A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER TAKES TIME TO ROOT"

He Who Cast the First Stone....

2010-06-22T16:01:00.001-04:00

INFECTION: AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKY-You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you.... Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

I can't take credit for this, got this from a friend's Facebook status, but this so true and applicable to a recent experience. Let's just say that I'm quite used to negativity and careless, non-constructive criticism from other, more specifically, my sisters. (You're moving where, you're buying what, you're going where, you're working out, you're volunteering, you're majoring in that, the list goes on and on...) I should mention an overbearing, controlling, manipulative, and overly-needy Mom who has become my burden and lives vicariously through me. Through the years I have thought and been told it's because they are unhappy with their own situations and deflect on me, but it recently crossed the line when it was displayed on FACEBOOK....(really, the whole world needs to see/read this right now....you're mad at him but taking out on me...you're failing to look at your own life right now, your deception, your secrets, your bad relationships, etc... and concentrate on mine...really)?

So after my big sister calls me a jerk, a jackass, shady, and every other thing she needs to air out openly, she has the nerve to ask if I can drive two hours up to her house to get her kids, then drive another two down so they can visit. Mind you, she doesn't have a license at the age of 38, never has and never owned a car. Her useless, deadbeat dad of a "boyfriend" of the past 18 years will be the continuous jerk and not offer to do drive his kids down to their Grandmother's. He will rather have his two children ride on the bus, or if she has her kids ask and beg him enough, he'll ask his parents to use their car. But on Facebook she has no problem berating my significant other and I, who have done more for her kids than their own father.

My older and "perfect" sister started it although she didn't go as far. Mind you she has a potentially fatal, chronic condition that she never revealed to any of our family. I was told by her perverted husband that makes me uncomfortable every time I'm around him. Stop worrying about me, gossiping, and making smart remarks on anything I post on Facebook. Start living honestly, take care of yourself and your health, appreciate and spend more time with your own family rather than your in-laws, and deal with your husband and marriage.

I'm not perfect...I've made plenty of mistakes. There are things I could have and still can do better... but I'm, honest, transparent, non-judgmental, and don't bring negativity onto others. I am happy with my life because I choose to live and make my own choices.

Ok, I let it out...I feel better now :)

Rest in Peace Justin

2010-06-17T23:00:00.002-04:00

My son and his Uncle (2002)

Saturday marks the anniversary of my little brother's (brother-in-law) untimely death, murdered on June 19, 2008. Senseless murder by a 16 year old kid who chose to join a gang, making an innocent person his gang-initiation sacrifice. How ironic, he left NY for the safer and slower outskirts of Orlando to join his parents in the horse capital of the U.S.... but unfortunately just as he did others from "Up North" move down and continue the trouble. He thought he was safe there. He was attending school, working, turning his life around, and rebuilding a relationship with his twin daughters that was strained due to issues between himself and their mom.

Your brothers still haven't recovered. Your parents are destroyed and never will be the same. Your nephew misses you and still speaks of you. I always think of you. You used to look out for me even when my own family didn't care to. We could always count on you to come through, take care of your nephew, and visit often while your older brother was away at school. Ever since I've known you I always told you about yourself when you acted up, and you always respected that. I remember first meeting you when you were 11, shy and quiet... never imagined you'd lose your life at 24. You faced an internal battle that was inherited...all the while being extremely sensitive and emotional...then irrational and hysterical. For these reasons you battled with a persistent emotional struggle... you're not struggling with that anymore. We miss you bro...I know you are still watching over us. We live for you, with you in mind... because you weren't able to live your full life.

It took about a year for them to catch all 5 whom were involved, but this summer there will finally be justice. Shame..... 6 lives lost.. your gone... they will serve life in jail if they never actually execute them.

And oh yeah...... Happy Father's Day in Heaven.

His twin daughters at my son's birthday party ... 3 weeks after his death

Lovesick

2010-05-21T00:02:00.001-04:00

My son's father, baby daddy, boyfriend, future husband...whatever you want to label him as is leaving once again. Saying that I'm going to miss him is an understatement! Next week at this time he'll be hitting the highway, driving 1000 plus miles away. This is the last stretch for him to complete his Ph.D. We were supposed to have a long and carefree summer until it was decided he has to complete his dissertation this summer in order to increase job security and ultimately secure tenure down the line. It's been such a long road..we've been through so much and I've had to sacrifice in many ways, mostly in putting myself aside and our child first so that he can complete his goals. But in all work, most of the hard work is done.

Long distance describes our on/off relationship in general, as he seeks new methods and opportunities to provide. It's very stressful that everything occurs far away, and in order to not displace our son from stability, we stay behind and see him once a month maybe. For 10 months he was just a couple hours away, maybe 5 the most in traffic. Got used to it, along with the weekly visits...now it will be a couple months til we see him again... :( It's so easy to stay in love when you admire the parenting..the father/son relationship. He also appreciates me more because he's been more of a direct witness to my hard work.

In the past week I've driven several times and several hours to help and spend time before he leaves..surprisingly, I've gone alone at times, weekends or day off bring our son up. I think in all the years since becoming parents, we never had one whole day and night alone! But as I'm having fun I'm also sad as I count down the days til he leaves...but at the same time I'm counting down the days until his graduation..PH.D! and stability..followed by marriage, house, and some siblings for our son..and my matriculation in graduate school (hopefully a state college/university so I can attend for free--a perk from his job) FINALLY!

Anyway, I'm so proud of you and appreciate your hard work, as well as your commitment and efforts as a father to our son. I admire your strength and determination, and so proud that our son has such a great role model of a young, black male!

"I'd Rather Be Fat, Than to F With That": My "4/20" Celebration

2010-04-21T09:18:00.003-04:00

I don't live under a rock, but I never heard of "4/20 Day" until I saw it on everyone's Facebook status, yesterday. (Note to everyone, it isn't wise to post your illegal activities online, including pictures...like really, you never know who will access your info. Even if you delete it still exists somewhere in cyber world). I finally decided to google and learned that it's supposed to be a holiday of sorts for celebrating and smoking Cannibus aka Weed. Now, I've always been my own person and very secure in who I am (i guess that's why I've NEVER felt the pressure to fit in by smoking weed). Of course I know people who do so, but that's the one thing I always told myself I wouldn't do--any type of drugs--and I never have. And why do weed smokers always try to recruit non-smokers to join them? As I digress... But in my own personal celebration I went to Dairy Queen with my son after baseball practice and ordered a very tasty and large Mint Oreo Blizzard...and it was mmm, mmm goooooooood!!!!!! Normally it's not taboo, but I've been TRYING to eat healthier and overcome my sweet-toothed-junk-food-obsession, mind you my son already had an ice cream cone from the Mr. Softee ice cream truck after school. Hence my motto of the day became...

"I'd Rather Be Fat, Than to F With That"!

LMAO!

R.I.P. Dr. Dorothy I. Height: Civil Rights Pioneer

2010-04-20T09:45:00.002-04:00

Accomplishments of DR. DOROTHY I. HEIGHT (taken from NCNW.org)
Chair and President Emerita-National Council of Negro Women

For nearly half a century, Dorothy Irene Height has given leadership to the struggle for equality and human rights for all people.
Dorothy Height was born in Richmond, Virginia March 24, 1912, and educated in public schools in Rankin, Pa, a borough of Pittsburgh.
Height established herself early as a dedicated student with exceptional oratorical skills. After winning a $1,000 scholarship in a national oratorical contest on the United States Constitution, sponsored by the Elks, and a record of scholastic excellence, she attended New York University and earned her bachelor and master's degrees in four years. She did postgraduate work at Columbia University and the New York School of Social Work.
In 1933, Height became a leader of the United Christian Youth Movement of North America in the New Deal era. It was during this period that Height's career as a civil rights advocate began to unfold, as she worked to prevent lynching, desegregate the armed forces, reform the criminal justice system and for free access to public accommodations.
Height was named to deal with the outcome of the Harlem riot of 1935.
Height was an organizer and served as Vice President of the United Christian Youth Movement of North America. Later she became a representative of the YWCA to the World Conference of Christian Youth in Amsterdam Holland.
1937 was the turning point in the life of Dorothy Height. She was serving as Assistant Executive Director of the Harlem YWCA when Mary McLeod Bethune, founder and president of the National Council of Negro Women, noticed young Height who was escorting Eleanor Roosevelt into the NCNW meeting. Mrs. Bethune invited Height to join NCNW in her quest for women's rights to full and equal employment, pay and education.
In 1938, Height was one of 10 American youth invited by Eleanor Roosevelt to spend a weekend at her Hyde Park NY home to plan and prepare for the World Youth Conference to be held at Vassar College.
Height served in her dual role as YWCA Staff member and NCNW volunteer, integrating her training as a social worker and her commitment to rise above the limitations of race and sex. She rose quickly through the ranks of the YWCA, from the Emma Ransom House in Harlem to the Executive Director of the Phyllis Wheatley Association in Washington D.C. and to the National Staff.
For thirty-three years - (1944 - 1977), Height served on the staff of the National Board of the YWCA of the USA and held several leadership positions in Public Affairs and Leadership Training and as Director of the National YWCA School for Professional Workers. In 1965, she was inaugurated and became Director of the Center for Racial Justice, a position she held until her retirement.
In l952, Height served as visiting professor at the University of Delhi, India, in the Delhi School of Social Work.
Height made a study of the training of women's organizations of Liberia, Ghana, Guinea, Sierra Leone and Nigeria under the Committee of Correspondence.
Height was elected National President of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority in 1947 - and served until l956. She carried the Sorority to a new level of organizational development, initiation eligibility and social action throughout her term.
In l957, Height was elected fourth National President of NCNW and served until l998 when she became Chair and President Emerita.
In 1960, Height was the woman team member leader in the United Civil Rights Leadership along with Martin Luther King, Whitney H. Young, A. Philip Randolph, James Farmer, Roy Wilkins and John Lewis.
In 1961, while Height was participating in major Civil Rights leadership, she led NCNW to deal with unmet needs among women and their families to combat hunger, develop cooperative pig banks, provided families with community freezers and showers, etc....
In 1964, after the passage of the Civil Rights Act, Height with Polly Cowan, an NCNW Board Member, organized teams of women of different races and faith as "Wednesdays In Mississippi" to assist in the freedom schools and open communication between women of difference races.
In l970, Height directed the series of activities culminating in the YWCA Convention adopting as its "One Imperative" to the elimination of racism.
In 1970, Height established the Women's Center for Education and Career Advancement in New York City to prepare women for entry level jobs. From this experience in 1975, Height in collaboration with Pace College established a first-time Associate Degree for Professional Studies (AAPS) - now incorporated as a regular professional studies degree course at Pace University.
In l975, Height participated in the Tribunal at the International Women's Year Conference of the United Nations in Mexico City. As a result of this experience, NCNW was awarded a grant from the United States Agency for International Development (USAID) to hold a conference within the conference for women from the United States, African countries, South America, Mexico and the Caribbean.
Under the auspices of the USAID, Height lectured in South Africa after addressing the National Convention of the Black Women's Federation of South Africa near Johannesburg (1977).
Height led a crusade for justice for Black women and since l986 worked to strengthen the Black family.
Established the Bethune Museum and Archives for Black Women, the first institution devoted to black women's history; and established the Bethune Council House as a national historic site.
Established the Black Family Reunion Celebration in 1986 to reinforce the historic strengths and traditional values of the Black family.

Dorothy I. Height has received awards and citations including the:
John F. Kennedy Memorial Award
Hadassah Myrtle Wreath of Achievement
Ministerial Interfaith Association Award
Ladies Home Journal - Woman of the Year
Congressional Black Caucus - Decades of Service
President Ronald Reagan - Citizens Medal
Franklin Roosevelt - Freedom Medal
Essence Award
Camille Cosby World of Children Award
Caring Institute - Caring Award
NAACP - Spingarn Medal
National Women's Hall of Fame
President Bill Clinton - Presidential Medal of Freedom

On Height's 92nd birthday March 24, 2004, President George W. Bush presented her the Congressional Gold Medal, the highest civilian and most distinguished award presented by the United States Congress.

She has received thirty-six Honorary Doctorate Degrees from universities and colleges such as:
Tuskegee University, Spelman College, Pace University, Bennett College, Lincoln University, Harvard University, Howard University, Princeton University, New York University, Morehouse College, Meharry Medical College, Columbia University.

Rest In Peace Guru

2010-04-20T09:26:00.002-04:00

What a tragic loss to the old school and the true essence/roots of Real Hip-Hop, not the mainstream "garbage" I hear today. Rest in peace Guru, creator of "Jazzmatazz".

Hope I Made a Difference In Your Life Today

2010-04-18T02:14:00.000-04:00

As I'm sat down at the Food Court about to dig into my meal, I noticed a woman sitting with a couple of empty bags, looking around. I've always been conscious of other people and something told me she was hungry and probably envious that everyone else around her have many options for dinner. So in my head I'm thinking that I should go over and offer her a bite to eat. I'm thrown off a little by her empty Wendy's bag and she's drinking out of a Wendy's cup..plus she might take offense that I'm offering to buy her a bite to eat.

Five minutes later a young couple next to her get ready to leave, as they rise from the table she extends tow quarters to them. I figure out that it's her offer as payment for the leftover food on the women's plate. They actually take the money and give her the food. I jumped into action and finally go up to the table and offer to buy her sandwich from Wendy's..she is so happy and accepts without hesitancy.

Not like I've never been exposed to homelessness..please i live in NY, it's everywhere. But can you imagine the desperation she faced as she accepted someone's leftovers in the presence of hundreds of strangers? Can you imagine how the sight and smell of food tempted her, as she watches us eating wishing it was hers?

I'm mad because I'm thinking why would they take what is probably her last 50 cents? Why wouldn't they just add another 50 to it so that she can buy a $1 sandwich from a value menu somewhere? I'm mad that others around me see what I'm doing, comment amongst themselves, but probably watched her eat the leftover food as soon as stood in line to purchase her sandwich. I feel bad and guilty that I spent almost $15 buying 2 meals from the Japanese restaurant for my son and I. I'm sad that tomorrow she will most likely feel hungry again and dig through the trash for a meal, or offer a couple cents to eat another's leftover meal. I feel bad that I didn't buy her a complete meal in place of a dollar chicken sandwich. I explain to her that it's a small offer, but all I can afford. Not that it mattered, she was so grateful, thanking me over and over again. Even more so, I hope I made her feel significant and loved.

I don't have much and still struggle on a daily basis, but at least I can eat and have options. I can purchase new clothes, treat and pamper myself on occasion, and entertain my child every day. You cannot predict every circumstance in life; you never know when you'll have to depend on a stranger's kindness. You never know if and when you will hit rockbottom... it can happen to anyone, yes even you. I have been there before (although not necessarily in the sense of poverty). If strangers weren't so gratuitous, compassionate, and kind I wouldn't have been able to escape from an unfortunate situation.

As far back as I can recall, my parents used to and still leave an open door for the less fortunate...that's why I have such a great sense of compassion and non-judgment of others. My son told me I should feel so proud of myself for my good deed. I'm proud to provide him with the same example my parent's were to me. As we receive good fortune, we will ensure that we pay it forward as well.

I'll be praying for you tonight and hope that just as today, someone will be willing to feed you tomorrow. You are significant and you are loved.

What would you do? Miss Maxwell and Erykah Badu??!!!!

2010-04-12T09:21:00.000-04:00

I made a prior commitment before I knew that Maxwell's scheduled June performance at MSG in NYC will feature Erykah Badu. I'm not sure if Jill Scott will be performing that night as she will be in other cities. I've never attended a Maxwell concert and no explanation is needed as to why I must see him perform. I saw Erykah perform waaaaay back in 2001 and of course I loved it! She has been my girl way before she became mainstream.

(Not to mention I love her recent "controversial" video and the concept. The public totally missed the point of it all and just reinforced her message. Not to mention, Ms. Badu is looking right. I've been told I resemble her but think it's more so our physical stature/frame and the hair, but there are some things I need to work on physically and she is my new inspiration of physically fit, non-pouchy moms. I don't need a six pack, just tone up and get rid of my tummy...I have the curves in the right places too Ms. Badu..lol! Can a girl just have the option of going nude?)

I can't miss it! But I may have to. But I can't..what am I to do?! Time is running out and by the time I make my decision to attend as I NEED to, it will most definitely be sold out, if not already..I'm scared to check.

Fear and Failure: Not an Option!

2010-04-12T08:59:00.001-04:00

I was sought out for a great opportunity, although it's not compensated. I am a bit nervous but honored to receive such a proposition.

I love volunteering and fell off the bandwagon for a while, decided to get back into it and redirect my focus in several areas, and the effort has paid off.

But I'm nervous and that leads to underestimating myself. If they didn't believe I'm qualified and capable, then they wouldn't have offered, and furthermore they wouldn't have reached out to me.

It's such an honor because sometimes you need to be reminded that you're capable, have natural talent,skills, and ability, which ultimately boosts confidence. I hate having people's "lives in my hands", but at the same time it's the most rewarding..way behind motherhood though. I love challenges and I love learning. I am always looking to increase my personal and work experiences.

I will be the main facilitator of a large women's support group along with providing individual counseling:

Individual counseling without supervision will be challenging but I love working with one-on-one interaction. The support group makes me nervous--I've no experience in group-work and that's exactly what I'll be doing. Not to mention that being fluent in a language doesn't necessarily make it easier to communicate in a professional setting, especially one of clinical nature. The fact that I'm bilingual was an advantage post-college with my first major position with a Medicaid Managed Care company (determining eligibility, interviews, documentation and working primarily with non-English speaking community members).I'm nervous because when amongst strangers, my American accent comes out a little stronger than usual and I become self-conscious about it.

However I will remain optimistic and I know I can do this! I'm a continuous work-in-progress and will never place limitations on myself based on fear of the uncertain.

R.I.P. Patricia and Baby Zara..two recent victims of Domestic Violence

2010-02-28T18:18:00.002-05:00

In one week these two incidents occurred in the NYC Metro area, one even occurred 5 minutes away from me. Whenever I hear of DV incidents I take it very personally. For the past 5 years I have been an advocate and volunteer in the fields of Domestic and Sexual Violence; I spent almost 2 years as a volunteer Rape Crisis Counselor. I have been affected by DV in my own personal life and have lost loved ones to senseless acts of violence. How can a man kill his own child for the sake of getting back at the mother (shown here), how can another (married) man murder the mother of his child, kidnap and abandon his 20 month old baby (shown here) ? I am usually not a supporter for the Death Penalty but in these cases these men deserve to die in the same manner they killed their victims... drop the coward over a bridge and choke and burn the other bastard! I can go on about this forever but I will refrain from doing so, instead I will provide you with a brief synopsis of DV and information on how you may get help. If you need assistance or further information, you may even contact me!

FORMS OF ABUSE:

PHYSICAL ABUSE: Grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, hair pulling, biting, etc....

SEXUAL ABUSE: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent, e.g., marital rape (YES EVEN IF YOU ARE MARRIED IT CAN BE CONSIDERED RAPE!!!), forcing sex after physical beating, attacks on sexual parts of the body or treating another in a sexually demeaning manner; forcing the victim to perform sexual acts on another person, on the Internet, or pose for sexually explicit photographs against her will.

ECONOMIC ABUSE: Making or attempting to make a person financially dependent, e.g., maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding access to money, forbidding attendance at school or employment.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Undermining sense of self-worth, e.g., constant criticism, belittling one's abilities, name calling, damaging a partner's relationship with the children.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE: intimidation, threatening physical harm to self, partner or children, destruction of pets and property, mind games or forcing isolation from friends, family, school and/or work...this is often the feeling of "walking on eggshells" as to not upset your partner.

SEXUAL COERCION AND REPRODUCTIVE CONTROL: When a partner sabotages your birth control efforts by demanding unprotected sex, lying about "pulling out," hiding or destroying birth control (i.e., flushing pills down the toilet or poking a hole in a condom), preventing you from getting an abortion or forcing you to get an abortion.

There are many organizations available in every community that can provide you with resources and information on how to get assistance. Call your local DV shelter..if you are in immediate danger call 911. You are not alone and never deserve to be mistreated!

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE

Who am I to judge, right....BUT....

2010-02-17T12:14:00.001-05:00

So my BFF has been seeing this guy for a couple months..a real random meeting. Anyway, so she goes on date with him and I'm genuinely excited for her. The guy before that led a double-life, literally, with a fiance and house on the side. It gets worse than that but I won't get into the crazy details. Let's just say they broke up but because he was literally crazy, but she let him "crash" in her apartment for an entire year post-breakup. I used to receive phone calls from her from her when he used to barricade himself in her bathroom with knives, or when he used to stalk her and continuously knock on her door all through the night. So after dealing with such foolishness I guess ANY man at this point would suffice. Ok, back to the new guy...on their second date is when he makes the revelation that he has 5 kids (one not biologically his) with FOUR different women..the oldest ones are 17, 18, youngest is 8 years old, and while he was out on a date with her, his "ex" and her son were still living with him, but in the process of moving out. Which, I guess she finally did. Talk about deal-breakers! She didn't take this lightly at all, but instead focused on the fact that he is Muslim..I don't get it- I'd be more concerned about the kids, HIV/AIDS, promiscuity, baby-mommas, ex in play..is it just me? When she would discuss him and her concerns about continuing to see him, I gave her my honest opinion about the situation..she couldn't get over the religion issue, and I couldn't get over the kids and baby-moms. But at the same time I encouraged her to see him, go on dates, have a good time, and if she doesn't think she can over his issues then just don't get emotionally attached. After the past 2 years she had she deserved to get her mind off things and move forward! And anyway, who am I to judge right?

So I haven't heard from her in three weeks...three damn weeks! We NEVER have gone that long without speaking, plus there are some things I am going through right now,health-wise and personal, that she completely has ignored--straight up ignored. You know how you are talking but can tell the other person's not attentive..that's how the e-mails have been. So yesterday after I reached out to her she emails me,attached to it is the picture of her and the guy on Valentine's Day. They make a good couple and they look happy..but instinct or something tells me this isn't right..maybe it's just me. If she can gloss over certain aspects of his life I guess I can too, maybe. I hope this works out for her and he doesn't break her heart. But I am so mad at the fact that she hasn't been there for me as a friend like she normally is..I guess he's taking up all of her time and energy. I am always there for her no matter what, even when things are going great for me and bad for her..I have ALWAYS taken the time out to listen and make sure she is okay. So would I be wrong this go-around to ignore her if shit hits the fan? I can't stand when friendship is not reciprocated in the same manner that I extend myself for others.

It's OK to be Haitian---my response to Maxwell on "Oprah"

2010-01-31T14:40:00.008-05:00

In my best Maury voice.... "Maxwell...... you ARE Haitian!"

On the night the Oprah episode aired that featured Wyclef, Rihanna, and Maxwell, I completely forgot that it was on and happened to turn it on as I heard Maxwell say, "It's been devastating for me...my heritage is from there on some level." But what exactly does that mean...maybe there's a distant, Haitian relative, a great great grandfather or something? This became everyone's question of the day. Days and weeks later I found out that it was said on Oprah that his grandmother is from Haiti. Yes, his mom is Haitian too, obviously. So he was raised in a Haitian household by his mother and grandmother. His Puerto-Rican father died when he was three years old. He grew up in Brooklyn, NY, where the Caribbean culture is very prominent.

I'm all for privacy, as a celebrity we aren't entitled to know every detail of your life. Celebrities are entitled to privacy, they have families to protect and keep out of the limelight, etc..., but as much as I loooooooooove me some Maxwell, it bothers me that he doesn't own all of his Haitian-ness. I'll explain my stance:

Out of my sisters and brother, my sisters and I were born in the U.S. My oldest sister is married to a Haitian man, my other sister has children with an African-American, and I have a child that Basian (Barbados), and Caucasian with Irish and German roots, on his paternal side. My nephew used to say I'm only "half-Haitian", and I used to tell the boy, please your still Haitian even though your father's family isn't..it doesn't take away from your haitian-ness. My son considers himself Haitian, he doesn't say I'm not Haitian or I'm half-Haitian...but he does say I'm Haitian, and Basian, and Irish, and German, etc... his dad and grandparents don't get offended and agree because he mostly exposed to his Haitian culture. The grandkids grew up in a Haitian household, being taken care of by a Haitian grandmother, was spoken to in Creole whether you understood or not, attended Haitian parties, listened to and danced to Kompas, attended almost every Haitian event, grew up in a predominately Haitian town, and ate Haitian food every day of your life.

My son and a handful of my nieces and nephews at a Haitian Flag Day Celebration in '09

My parents emigrated to the U.S. in the late 1960's, when they were very few Haitians in the area. When I was growing up in the late late 70's, 80's, my neighborhood consisted of maybe 3 Haitian families; we were the first of few Haitians that most people encountered. There was one Haitian restaurant and one Haitian bakery in the whole town. I attended a predominately Caucasian, Catholic school from grades K-8--none of my classmates knew anything about Haiti, and used to ask the most ignorant questions (yes I'm still scarred from that)..ugghhh. The few black students were all Haitian. But at that time being that we were so scarce, it just wasn't "cool" to be Haitian...we were made fun of, our parents had funny accents, our names were different, we ate different, dressed different, etc.... Regardless of this I was taught to be proud of my cultural heritage.

A great influx of Haitians entered the United States in the 90's, some as refugees, due to political conflict. They were labeled as "just comes", "frenchys", "fresh off -the-boat". When I attended my public high school many Haitian students didn't think I was Haitian...the funniest thing is when people talk about you in creole because they don't think you understand! I was accused by some of not acting like it. That was so far from the truth, not my fault that I was born in the U.S. and Americanized. I guess there were those who were ashamed and/or tried to avoid ostracism by not claiming their culture. I know of many students that were born in Haiti but claimed to be born in the U.S. There was a well-known "Black-American vs. Haitian" beef and many fights. There is a real trend amongst Haitians and Haitian-Americans to deny, disconnect and/or downplay the degree of their Haitian heritage. For example, I know a girl that always refers to herself as "dominicana" because her mother is Dominican, meanwhile she was raised by her Haitian grandmother and has a Haitian last name--she won't say she's Haitian for nothing! I know some people who do it and I call them out. I can't say that Maxwell is doing the same and/or for those reasons, but it just rubs me the wrong way.

Things have changed drastically around here. Haitians are very prominent. There are many Haitian residents, restaurants, churches, and businesses. Our mayor is a Haitian women, Haitians are very visible on the political scene. It has changed so much that to not be Haitian is almost abnormal. Unfortunately, the torch of discrimination and shame has been passed to Mexicans and Central Americans. I can remember when we were mistreated, labeled, and discriminated against in that way. Not cool!

Haitians and come very far as I have witnessed. In recent coverage of the earthquake there are constant references to the poverty and political instability. Those whom have always discriminated against us have used this as an opportunity to bash us. We are "looters" rather than needy survivors...the list goes on and on....

As a "regular" citizen it's my duty to educate and promote my cultural heritage. It's my duty to defend and represent my homeland. As important as it is for a regular person like me to do, I think that it's as equally important for prominent Haitians, celebrities, musicians, and politicians to represent ourselves with pride, and give a face to Haiti, other than the stereotype. That's why I have so much respect for celebrities such as Garcelle Beauvais and Wyclef. It was such a big moment for Haitians when Wyclef draped himself in the Haitian flag and performed in the Grammy's years ago. My dad doesn't listen to rap, but because of Wyclef's Haitian pride, he sure does bump to Wyclef while driving...funniest thing ever, lmao!

Here's more info on those you probably didn't know are Haitian or of Haitian descent:
http://buzzworthy.mtv.com/2010/01/22/10-celebrities-you-probably-didnt-know-are-haitian/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Haitian_Americans

Musik Peyi'm Nan (My Country's Music)

2010-01-18T16:32:00.007-05:00

In midst of tragedy, I decided to put aside the tears and celebrate Haiti with our music:

Boukman Eksperyans - Ke m Pa Sote ( kanaval 1990 )-- Classic Haitian Carnival Song

Jackito- Haiti Cheri--love this song, this describes nostalgia and hope (includes a slideshow of images from Haiti)

Please Baby-Alan Cave & Zin--Modern Kompas Jazz band

Sweet Micky "Ou la la"--- Soooo classic! There's no Kompas without Sweet Micky

Mourning For My Homeland, Haiti

2010-01-12T18:44:00.007-05:00

Such a tragedy, read about it here.
I am so sad. I can't imagine what my people are going through right now as i sit in the comforts of my home in the U.S. I cannot sleep or relax.
I love you Haiti. I wish you (we) didn't have to suffer like this. Still trying to recover from the floods of 2008 and now this. Please pray for all those affected.

As it says on our flag, "UNION FAIT LA FORCE"- IN UNITY THERE IS STRENGTH

Haiti's Presidential Palace BEFORE earthquake:

The Haitian Presidential Palace AFTER the earthquake:

Now If He Were Black...Different Story Ending

2010-01-07T20:28:00.003-05:00

So Ronald Reagan's grandson got arrested for resisting arrest...

A spokeswoman for Michael Reagan said when Cameron identified himself and reached for his wallet, officers "thought he was going for a gun."
"They tackled and arrested him," Kirsten Fedewa told CNN.

... but if it was a Black man, he would've been shot and killed with no hesitation...

Read the rest Ronald Reagan's Grandson Arrested at Home in California -- Politics Daily">

Thought of the Day

2010-01-04T21:43:00.002-05:00

Nothing like a 5 minute,whole-hearted, deep-from-the-gut laugh with your child over something silly they said/did. I would share but you just had to be there to get the humor. I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE you Jaeden! You are growing up way too fast for mommy :0 xoxoxoxo

Laughing Into the New Year...Lil' Duval Buys a Girl a Drink and....

2010-01-02T21:36:00.002-05:00

I do not miss dating!

FELA ON BROADWAY

2009-12-29T20:00:00.005-05:00

This was one of the BEST Christmas presents I have ever received, as I lamented over not being able to go see the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. I should complain more often because last time I did my boyfriend treated me to Alvin Ailey. Anyway, should I be ashamed that this is my first time going to a Broadway show when I have lived in NY all my life? Then again i don't even think I have ever been on top of the Empire State Building, and my last three attempts to get to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island were dashed because the last ferry didn't have room for me, and then the day I manage to make it onto the ferry the tickets to enter the statue had stopped being sold, forcing me to admire Lady Liberty's ex-terior..ANYWAY..if you live in or nearby NYC or plan to visit, pleeeeeaaaase go check out this show. I consider myself to be somewhat versed in politics but I keep my political stance and ~~knowledge~~ to myself, but I am mainly an Idealist with a revolutionary spirit (I say spirit because deep down I wish I was brave enough to put my life and well-being on the line for a cause).Or maybe I stay away from politics because all my parents and their friends used to talk about at every gathering while i was a child was the politics of Haiti, oppression, persecution, revolution, empowerment, etc...which is spoken through Fela Kuti's narrative in which he tries to empower the oppressed citizens of Nigeria and post-colonized African nations.

Fela Kuti was sent off to Europe to study Medicine by his parents, but all along he knew that he wanted to study and make Music. He eventually created the genre of Afrobeat, which was influenced by the music he encountered in his travels. In the U.S he met an African-American women named Sandra, who introduced him to the Black Power Movement and introduced him to literature about the Black Experience in the United States, later on she became his 1st wife. He used his music as a weapon towards the oppressive Nigerian government. The one song I love is titled "EXPENSIVE SHIT" and talks about the ordeal he went through when he was arrested in his compound for illegal drug use/possession. He swallowed the evidence and was placed under arrest and watched until he excreted the evidence they needed, of course he managed to outsmart them. "I.T.T (International Thief Thief)" speaks of exploitation and how an average Nigerian man is coerced into brutalizing his own people for monetary gain and power, but the main puppeteers and beneficiaries are the International Powerhouses and ~~oil~~companies.

Fela had a total of 12 wives whom all lived in his compound. The concert hall he performed in was called the "Shrine"...the audience is actually sitting in the Shrine and being spoken to Fela as he performs in concert...so yes, you are sitting in his audience, say circa 1977 or later. The performances are ~~for the lack of a better word that can describe it~~ sultry, ~~sexy~~, lustful. I will refrain from going into a synopsis because that will take all day, plus I'll be revealing too many details and then there's no point in going to see it....

DISCLAIMER
If you are easily offended, close-minded, judgmental, in denial, politically and socially conservative then I will advise you to stay at home and ~~not~~
GO! Or maybe you should and challenge your beliefs and what you have always been taught. If you blame the disadvantaged,judgmental towards them then I warn you to ~~not~~ GO! If you love being a comfortable, naive, and safe citizen infatuated with your lifestyle without any thought of human suffering then definitely do ~~not~~ GO...I would seriously ~~love~~ hate for your thoughts to be comprised and/or challenged!

Injustice is frequently discussed with controversial examples: There are references to controversial topics such as the shooting of Sean Bell, and International crooks such as AIG, Debeers, Siemens, etc...and he loves talking about marijuana and p*@@y...

The (White) Beauty Myth?

2009-12-29T17:53:00.144-05:00

The White Beauty Myth (Documentary About Minorities In U.K. Wanting To Be White)

I have a B.S. in Sociology and studied this craziness endlessly, but it's still so CRAAAAAAAAZYYYYYY! There is a historical implication behind this due to colonialism and slavery, but wth? Albeit, there are traumatic events that precluded their obsession with cosmetic procedures and "solutions to erase the "ugly", but the psychological wounds need to heal before taking such drastic cosmetic measures!

In my family there are two different ends of the spectrum. In fact my mother's maternal features are that of the fair-skinned (exactly what i don't know, we never have discussed that) and her paternal side is darker. My mother is of a darker complexion but has a straight, pointy nose, long hair, thinner lips, etc.... Now my father's maternal ancestry is definitely mixed (my dad, aunts, grandmother) are very fair-skinned (nearly white)with straight hair, but the paternal end is darker complected. My father has a wide nose, big lips, etc...like my grandfather. Out of my siblings I am the lightest, but I do not consider myself as being "light-skinned" (maybe i am in denial because in the winter i get really pale and bright), however I am the only one that has my father/grandfather's wide flat nose (described as haitians say; "zel-jet" airplane wings), big lips, and a high forehead. I was the "ugliest", not ugly though..as if it matters,thanks... because I looked like my grandfather! I am ashamed to admit but when I was a kid I used to think my grandfather looked like a gorilla!!! As a child I was ashamed and sometimes ostracized because of my lips and forehead, as an adult I am secure and love it. My face is interesting and has character...it tells the story of my ancestry.

I know of some people who say they want kids that are "light-skinned with good hair". I have heard people comment that "mixed" babies are never ugly. They intentionally reproduce with those of the opposite race to yield children with certain characteristics. My family comes in so many shades but we never discriminate, we never fight each other or think one is better than the other. In fact, it seems that there is more so a trend (based on my grandparents) of lighter-skinned women procreating with darker-skinned males. I never preferred a man of certain complexion, but I did end up falling in love with a fair-skinned, biracial male a.k.a high yella, redbone...and NOT because of that! It was so annoying that my bff's potential mates prerequisites were light-skinned, curly hair. My other bff will not date men with light-skin but her sister married a white man so she could have children with...ya know...light skin, good hair. I JUST DON'T HAVE A PREFERENCE!

My sister's second child came out to be as light as I am..she is dark-skinned as well as her husband and other children. It just so happens that my light-skinned, ~~ratbastard~~ nephew (kidding) makes fun of his dark-skinned sister because she has the darkest complexion! My sister is constantly reminding her that, "Baby girl you are beautiful like the color of chocolate". I'm still wondering who taught him that?! It just so happens that our son is the opposite of his dad, with coarser hair than mine, my wide and flat nose, big lips, and forehead, and somehow a tad darker than I...you would never guess that his grandmother is Caucasian. He is beautiful, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL (he really is such a handsome cutie)!!!! I am so glad I was able to appreciate and love my facial distinctions before I conceived a child who just happens to have my distinct facial features.

Natural Hair/Dreadlock Repair

2009-12-21T22:34:00.003-05:00

As I have mentioned before I have been growing my locks 10 years, natural for 11 years. Over the past three years I noticed a progression of hair loss and/or thinning, mainly among my hairline. A minor reason I made the choice to go natural was to prevent further breakage along my temples, and I figured not adding chemicals to my hair would further prevent this. My hairline has gone back about an inch. I was so embarrassed about it that I stopped going going to hair salons to get my new growths twisted. Last year because I received it as a Christmas gift, I gave in and went to get my hair done and my sister's stylist told me that it really was not that significant because she has seen worse, but she also advised me that it occurs often among her clients with locks due to the weight of the hair and pulling of the scalp from the weight of the locks. She also advised me not to use beeswax because it weighs heavily on the hair and it leaves a dense film on the hair. Great, ever since I started growing my locks the only thing that has been used to twist and lock it has been beeswax with a combo of protein hair gel for extra hold. A couple of months ago she advised against using protein gel also...great. So here are some tips for those who maintain natural hair and those whom may be experiencing any type of weight loss *disclaimer: I am not a hair professional or doctor* which leads me to tip number 1:

   Consult your physician and/or dermatologist- they usually perform a variety of tests which include bloodwork, scalp test, in the most extreme cases a scalp biopsy
   Take multivitamins, one includes Biotin
   I personally use Castor Oil, especially after I wash my hair..my mom taught me the trick of mixing it with a little bit of Vaseline to make it thicker and easier to apply..I also heat it as you would with a hot-oil treatment
   I just learned that Lavender Oil used on a daily basis prevents hair loss and breakage
   Do not use beeswax, any twisting gel you use should not contain it..I use Jamaica Magic Mango and Lime Locking Gel
   Instead of hair pomade aka hair grease, I use Organic Root Stimulator Hair Fertilizer on my scalp in between washings..all natural products
   Lastly for now, I use aloe based hair gel, not protein styling gel

The whole process is quite costly but worth it...Good luck!

Santa I am Not!

2009-12-12T23:08:00.006-05:00

There are both disadvantages and advantages when your child still believes in Santa Claus. My 7 year old still believes in Santa, which relects his innocence...BUT I'm kind of tired of being forced to buy extra gifts so that he receives gifts from Santa and Mom as well! Maybe he doesn't believe in him anymore and pretends so I keep doing this (you never know these kids know too much these days). What gets me the most is his Xmas list that definitely reflects the sign of the times and he has very expensive taste (doesn't matter because half of his request are out of the price range for a child)..here is a peek at his list:

Blackberry : costly, really a 7 y.r old with a cell phone, really? a Blackberry at that?
Laptop: and the con is that he will use it for Firstinmath.com, a supplementary math website his school uses (I'm telling you this kid is good)
Pocket rocket: retails starting at $199.99
Xbox
Wii AND
PSP 3000: Really? 3 games systems even though he already has a Nintendo DS?
Dirtbike: no comment

YEEEEAAAAAH RIGHT!!!! ( even though dad and I did chip in and buy the Wii, partially because we will play with it too, lol)

I am not :

Should I let him know the truth?--just kidding, I will let him enjoy being a child until at least next year!

Hair Makeover?

2009-11-25T10:07:00.011-05:00

I have had my dreadlocks for 10 years and cut them once, a couple of months ago. They are so long and I should cut them more, but I can't allow myself to do so (they reach almost midway into my behind). When I first made the choice to go natural I did so because I loved the style, knew the benefits, wanted to free myslef, but also because choosing to do so made me unique. So now since natural hair and dreadlocks are so common, the only thing that differentiates mine from the rest is the length...If I cut it then it won't show that I have put a lot if time and effort in having this head full of beautiful hair.

Thought of the Day

2009-11-25T09:59:00.001-05:00

Cook your heart out and be sure to compensate your hard efforts with dessert---guilt free! YUM!

THANKSGIVING: What are You Thankful For?

2009-11-20T11:35:00.002-05:00

The holidays are always a time for reflection. As we are making plans for our family's Thankgiving feast, I thought I should take the time to reflect on what I am GRATEFUL for having in my life...here's my (short) list:

1. I am alive. I am loved. I am healthy, strong, and sure of who I am as a person. I have great attributes and goals and will always be successful.

2. My SON; He is healthy, precocious, BEAUTIFUL, happy, and growing every day. I LOVE being a mommy!

3. My Love: he has re-entered my life. He is committed while growing and changing. My family has the chance to become whole again.

4. My Family: They have helped me so much through these past two years. And I love being an auntie!

5. The opportunities that are heading my way: 2010 will be a great year!

An 'Inbox' Surprise

2009-11-09T10:42:00.005-05:00

I received a lovely surprise in my Inbox today from the love of my life :)
"Because you are a women, you are strong
You have unique attributes and abilities. You are not afraid to use them and should never be.
You are strong
You are wise
You are precious in the eyes of God. You can love and be loved.
You have the power to choose your life's course.
You accept yourself for who you are.
You are open to learning and trying new things, even if they make you uncomfortable
You are a risk taker
You are love"