A Biatch In The Northern Sky

Darkthrone on Norwegian chart show 'Topp20' in 2006

2012-01-12T20:07:00.001-05:00

Back in January 2006, legendary black metal band Darkthrone got to number 11 of the Norwegian charts with single 'Too Old, Too Cold' taken from their 11th album 'The Cult Is Alive'. To say that this was a bizarre moment in the history of black metal would be an understatement.

The metal show I produced on Norwegian national radio NRK P3 at the time, 'Tinitus' had played the single as a 'world exclusive' a couple of times in December 2005. I remember how careful I had to be when I was given a digital copy of it. I had to enter it into the radio station broadcast system under a different name to protect it from being snatched by potential online pirates. I nearly lost sleep over it cos I had been entrusted with it by the lovely Lisa at Peaceville one month prior to release.

The host of Norwegian chart show, 'Topp 20', Nicholas Carlie invited me on to discuss the 'phenomenon' while Nocturno Culto featured as a 'phone guest' cos he lived too faraway (three hours north of Oslo) and Fenriz refused to come on (LOL). Here's the footage:

Good times.

Miss Pee

Quantum Physics and Communication - let the Universe sort it out...

2011-12-30T12:38:00.000-05:00

I recently expressed shock at the discovery that inane videos get the most views on YouTube (still so naive about my expectations of humanity).

As a confirmation of this, I give you a documentary on Quantum Communication I watched last night which barely clocked a few thousands of views. That's cos it's tough to follow as it provides a scientific and metaphysical approach to the subject of our place in the Universe. In musical terms, this is the equivalent to Tool. In technological terms, this would be the equivalent to Steve Jobs.

The truth is out there and in here.

Not crap figures but compared to the 596,000,000+ views that the little Jeffrey Dahmer in the making who bit his young brother got on YouTube, it leaves me with a feeling of achievement. The higher your IQ, the less likely you will enjoy watching mundane family videos on YouTube.

Quantum Physics - not the easiest subject to get your head around but accept this as a challenge - turn off your iPod, your iPhone, ignore your doorbell and dedicate one hour of your time to YOURSELF:

Sr. Prof. G.Balachander and Scientist Nassim... by motioncrapper

The Universe is our classroom. Happy New Year!

Miss Pee

ps. on a slightly different dimensional subject, here's a tshirt I am going to get my hands on next:

I cannot think of anything cuter than having a Wookie draped over my chest. Actually I can but it's not open for discuss here.

A Christmas Carol 2011 - recession special

2011-12-23T10:44:00.006-05:00

A traditional Christmas...

There is currently a vast amount of wars going on around the world. Not my style to wish you went and hugged a tree in your neighbourhood in order to propagate world peace. That's what Miss World is for. I would just like you to reflect on the way in which our universe is split over this issue.

World of Warcraft, the Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game devised by Blizzard Entertainment has garnered over 10 million users so far. So, there are over 10 million humans staring at a screen and twiddling knobs inside their own homes, taking on the role of heroes to fight an enemy in some graphically enhanced realm.

In a parallel dimension, however, just on the outside of the proverbial four walls, there is a movement called 'Occupy' that has been peacefully protesting, fighting, educating and even camping outside in order to try and make changes in the real world economy. Their efforts stretch to how governments' policies (or the ones who actually steer the various governments) impact the 99%, the tax payers. Because, unless you are a clueless human, you ought to know that the 1% are the ones who have sophisticated tax-avoiding skills. So talented this 1% is at legally evading taxes that they even get million of $$ worth of rebates from the State(s) each year.

Read some of these examples on here: http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2011/11/03/360185/30-corporations-no-taxes/

NEWSFLASH: Ministry will be releasing brand new single '99 Percenters' today. Check out the band's Facebook page for a live stream of the single. New album, 'Relapse' will be out on March 23rd next year. Fucking hey, I love Ministry and I wish Al Jourgensen were my dad. He's a lovely chap.

Hello, dad!

So, we have heard about this recession that has been crippling the world economy since 2007 (at least), right? Well, both of the above mentioned dimensions co-existing in our universe have also been but the way in which the two parties have reacted to it is different. While the former bunch retreated into the make-believe universe of WoW, where they have control and therefore cannot be harmed, the latter has been out there dealing with not only aggressive police behaviour but shit weather conditions and ridicule from the media as well as from the same people that should actually be supporting them.

I wonder what would happen if all those millions of WoW wanna-be heroes actually got out of their living rooms and chose to take on a REAL role in the Occupy movements in the real world.

There is a real revolution taking place, right in front of your lobotomised brains. Stop feeling like that's not your concern, stop feeling like you're not part of the 99% cos you're not a dirty-looking, unemployed hippie. Stop believing that the 99% is made out of dirty-looking, unemployed hippies. That's media propaganda. And guess who owns the media? Neither you, nor the real 99% so get out of the safety of your own home and actually go down and meet and mingle with these 'Occupy' people cos they are not just those 'on the fringe of society'. Ultimately, in this economy, unless you are the 1%, we're all, to a certain extent, on the fringe of society.

Educate yourselves, dedicate some of your time to the 'Occupy' movement and become the heroes you wish you were. In real life.

Merry Christmas everyone.

An ideal Christmas - Ministry brand new single, '99 Percenters' is taken from new album, 'Relapse...

Miss Pee

Benjamin Franklin discovers electricity clip - featuring Jack Black

2011-12-21T12:49:00.003-05:00

I have LOLed throughout. This Drunk History series is awesome.

Check this out if you haven't already:

Drunk History vol. 2 - Featuring Jack Black from Drunk History

Miss Pee xx

Watch Occupy Wall St on the live feed here!!

2011-12-17T18:40:00.000-05:00

Amazing live stream of the protest going on along 7th Avenue in New York tonight.

Watch it here: http://www.ustream.tv/theother99

I will join those guys again soon.

Miss Pee

Let's talk about Kim Kardashian's intelligence...

2011-12-15T13:06:00.005-05:00

...or maybe not. I need to fill a 500-word blog here. Kim Kardashian has a big arse and a huge pair of tits. And she's had the opportunity to show us that she's also intelligent but that does not seem to have been on top of her priority list. So, the question is - is she or isn't she?

Kim Kardashian's main talent - not that light...but still yummy.

I have really no time to watch any of her shows on E! - I sat through one episode once and I got brain cancer. But I am torn between condemning her as a complete idiot or just coldly business-savvy. In fact, chances are, she might be both. One thing is for sure, Big moma, Kris Jenner is the one with the brains. No doubt about the fact that she has baked some awesome-looking kids as well. In fact, it is actually shocking how sexy the whole family looks. The female side of the family, I mean. And Kim seems to look awesome even without make up. It's not that easy. In fact, check out the example under her picture here.

Kim Kardashian - before and after make up - I would...

...or this Biatch with make up for a music feature on Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten and...

...without. No comparison with the hot Kardashian - not everyone looks great without make up.

Kim, particularly with make up, reminds me of...Sofia Loren. I know this is such a highly controversial point to win me a place on death row but there's something about the pout, the cheek bones and her sultriness that evoke images of a young Loren to both my corneas. Truth is the two ladies do not really look the spitting image of each other but there is something very Loren-like about Kim Kardashian. Look...

Kim Kardashian and...

...this lady right here. Only one of them might have 'slightly' more talent.

Unfortunately, as Barbara Walters recently pointed out, Kim does not have a specific talent as such, aside from being absolutely stunning, unopinionated and managed by a very smart woman - her own mother whose looks Kim inherited.

Kim Kardashian gets her beauty from her mother, Kris Jenner - how about her brains?

I have yet to find pictures of this woman who do not inspire me to think about sex so I wonder how easy must be for the male population to control an erection while stumbling across an image of her. Apparently, she's the most Googled celebrity these days. I wonder why...?

How does this work for you boys? It works quite nicely for me...

No matter what Kim wears in terms of clothes, wigs or make up, 99% of the time she looks so stunning to take your breath away. She surely takes mine. Then I regain it a minute later when I am reminded that that's all there is.

Whatever look works on this girl...

...or how about this one?

Yet, does Kim's overt use of her physical assets push me to watch her reality tv shows? Not really.
I refuse to watch 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians'. However, since she's the Number One celebrity being Googled by so many humans out there, I decided to cave in and vomit a couple of opinions on this woman in a bid to increase traffic on this blog.

More of Kim's talents displayed on here.

Thank you reading and don't worry about leaving comments here. I would not expect you to.

Next on here - Courtney Love evicted from her New York flat for setting fire to it. Just kidding. I'll probably talk about Victoria Beckham next - she's Google's second most searched celebrity after vacuous tits up here.

Stay tuned, love you!

Miss Pee

Chelsea Clinton - cake or sodomy?

2011-12-15T04:07:00.000-05:00

So, yes, she looked like someone kept trying to stick a tree branch up her arse and she dealt with the story in an ordinary, nearly cheesy way but that's big networks for you. For all we know, those exec producers might have changed her voice over script 10 times. They cater for the subhuman type - which to me actually says that they underestimate their viewers cos I believe there is as huge amount of people who are unsatisfied with middle-of-the-road type news pieces provided by these big networks. And the big corporate knobs wonder why viewing figures are decreasing?

Still, I was touched by the intensity of the story. People like this lady, Annette Dove who dedicate their lives to being of service to others are quite remarkable. I just don't have it in me (at least for humans) but I appreciate it in others.

Would Chelsea had been given the opportunity to land such a huge job slot had her last name not been Clinton? Maybe not but by concentrating on that element, we might miss the point of this very inspiring piece.

Watch it and see for yourself:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Later on today, how I dealt with my flatmate's pissed up friend who rang my door bell at 3am after he convinced the concierge downstairs to let him up cos he was 'my boyfriend'. The lying cunt got a taste of this 'short-tempered-when-woken-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night' Biatch.

Stay tuned.

Miss Pee

Follow-up on yesterday's post - make this video go VIRAL!

2011-12-14T09:06:00.000-05:00

My cat Ame is super cute - she sleeps under my bed covers and runs off when I catch her. That's it. Isn't that enough? It's nearly as awesome(ly dull) as little Jeffrey Dahmer biting his brother's finger in 'Charlie Bit My Finger Again!' video.

Watch her here!!

Have a good day, everyone - dont forget to click on this and comment on how 'cuuuuuuuuute' she is.

Miss Pee xx

What makes inane videos go viral?

2011-12-13T17:42:00.003-05:00

If you happen to lead a pretty busy life, meet a variety of people through your job (which increasingly blends into your social life), chances are you might believe a 'viral video' to be an online documentary on AIDS. Videos that go viral, however, are clips uploaded on YouTube, by ordinary people doing ordinary things, that within a very short amount of time clock millions of views. I have stumbled across a couple, received by email through friends. I found them cute. But there are also people that, unlike me, actively spend hours on YouTube pursuing these videos like they were members of the opposite sex. What that translates to, ultimately, is they enjoy 'watching real life from behind closed doors'.

Hooked on the rush that watching kittens run around in circles or dogs hugging babies provide, it's debatable as to whether said video-seekers would contribute more efficiently to society would they turn into active job-seekers. It is clear that underneath all our tough, vain, Gucci-clad exterior, we're all suckers for a two-minute clip to relax to. In a rather annoying way, YouTube inane clips reconnect us with positive experiences and show us that not everything in the world is beyond repair. I have yet to hear about a 'viral video' involving molestation or violence. That's what news channel are for.

Mainly because a good chortle is addictive and, the one of the baby who laughed histerically at his dad ripping paper in front of him (over 32 million views) surprised me. I thought babies were hapless small humans who needed their mothers to do everything for them until they turned 25. Little Micah is a great example that babies can interact with adults and be more than a screaming pile of snot. They can be fun, too. Here's the clip for the 6.7+ billion of you out there who've never seen it.
Get ready to giggle:

Max Findlay's running after his Labrador Fenton who was chasing deers in Richmond Park got this man so much publicity that he is now hoping that had never happened. The video and its three million views got me by surprise. Is it justified? Watch it and decide:

The one that takes the biscuit for all the worst reasons has to be 'Charlie bit my finger again!' Who would have thought that little Dexter in the making here would have attracted the staggering figure of 396,541,060 views? All this just makes me want to sit in front of a freshly painted wall and be filmed while I watch it dry. Then, perhaps I'll make more money than freelancing on three projects at the same time. Anyway, judge for yourselves:

Or how about 'Santa Baby...One For The Lads'? With nearly 900,000 views, this video, more than viral, is a pathetic sinus infection. Yet, those viewing figures are pretty good considering that all it features is a female carry-on type Santa doll shaking her booty and revealing her (plastic) breasts (with nipples, no less) at the end. Here's to you, lads. Go bonk-ers.

Last but not least, I found Lily's Disneyland Surprise shocking. The first 30 seconds looked rather dull. The next 30 seconds turned into a paler shade of dull but I kept watching cos with 6.8 million views, maybe there was something there. It is with great regret that I admit that as Lily gets her final birthday present surprise, her surprising reaction made me react surprisingly - I was actually moved to tears. Damn you, Lily. You're far too cute and your family far too loving. Bless.
And if this clip does not move you, you're a stone cold-hearted asshole.

As YouTube struck partnerships with some of the families whose videos went viral, giving them a chance to split revenues from advertising, hundreds of American users have been making six-figure sums through their own home videos. The days of American Best Home Videos is over. Not only. Because no matter how flat they manufacture screens these days, television, as we knew it, is over. Setting up your own channel on YouTube seems the way to go. Hot scripted stories are out and ordinary fragments of mundane life are in. What next, will actors be out of a job? I mean, ALL actors.

In a society where 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' has just seen yet another spin-off commissioned - featuring the two youngest K&K Jenners - you gotta wonder whether making a few bob on YouTube is really that shameful. After all, our television screens are saturated with inane people who make a ton of cash by merely showcasing their burgeoning lack of talent while endorsing products they would never use if they had to pay for them.

The Kardashians - too many to keep up with?

But you know what, if you cannot fight them, join them. And in a bid to cash in on this trend myself, I filmed my cat do what she usually does - hide under my duvet until I catch her. I uploaded the 1:47 clip on YouTube but I am riddled with doubts that it might be a little too sophisticated to go 'viral'. After all, not only does Ame look cute under the covers, she also purrs when she realises that I have discovered her hiding place. And to add insult to injury, after she runs off, she does not go for my flatmate's cat's throat (so no gratuitous violence like in 'Charlie Bit My Finger Again!') but she flirts with the camera. Does my cat video have what it takes to go viral? So far, it has clocked FOUR views which have probably been generated by me as I tried rotating the video CW and CCW.
Anyway, here we go:

Kevin Allocca, the manager of YouTube trends, recently told The Sunday Times:"A tiny percentage of the videos that are uploaded to the site get up to the four or five million views. What they all have in common is the speed with which they are shared." So this is what 'going viral' ultimately means - there are people out there fucking around when they're supposed to be working.

So, help me make my 'cat hides under the covers' video go viral in order for me to make a fuckload of cash and wipe the whole of humanity off this planet. The way things are going right now, I'll be doing you all a favour.

Thanks.

Miss Pee

Stephen Colbert - on a roll over Norway's butter crisis!

2011-12-13T13:18:00.001-05:00

US jokester Stephen Colbert poked fun at the Norwegians once again.

Stephen Colbert - teasing the Norwegians about their butter crisis

Not only did he ridicule the Board of the Nobel Peace Prize in October 2009 when it decided to award the much coveted prize to US President Barack Obama (who'd done fuckall in terms of peace after merely 100 days in office - or now, after two years). Colbert also playfully mocked Norway's language - "Norwegians! Really?! Who puts a 'j' after an 'f'??!" Obviously referring to the word 'fjord'. "Why don't you just...fjock off?" He concluded.

Last night, Colbert got to grips with Norway's crippling butter shortage, addressing a variety of issues surrounding the subject, including a Russian man that smuggled 90Kg of the slippery thing from Norway into Sweden.

Here is the clip, in case you missed it:

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Norway's Butter Shortage

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

Video Archive

You'd be right to assume that Colbert's smear campaign against Norway is not over yet.

And I'm keeping my (Norwegian-friendly) eye on him from the other side of the Manhattan Bridge.

Watch this space.

Miss Pee

(thanks to Tommy Mythe Lind for today's tip)

REO Speedwagon - more than a guilty pleasure, more than an obsession...

2011-12-09T13:03:00.001-05:00

...it's like a closet with a cemetery style skeleton collection - deal with it.

First of all, totally unrelated is the fact I heard that The Darkness will perform at NYC's Irving Plaza in February. Argh! Excited! Gorgeous video for 'I Believe In A Thing Called Love'! Double yum!

Next, REO Speedwagon...

That's right! That's what they look like these days!

As an impressionable and sweet-natured 13-year-old with a need for inspiration garnered through poetry and lyrics, I was exposed to a variety of twee pop songs one particular year (that's hardly going to come from Iron Maiden, after all). The two tracks that made a huge impact were Phil Collin's 'Against All Odds' and REO Speedwagon's 'Can't Fight This Feeling' (insert bucket right here).

While the former is one which I still cannot listen to after I have had a bad day, the latter is uplifting and full of hope (barf in here). I remember actually thinking how amazingly romantic the lyrics were and that they described exactly how I felt should I ever fall in love with the man of my dreams (more barfing over here).

One of those men who do not exist...

Twenty eight years later, I still feel the same (about the song while 'dream man' has now become an elusive 'reality'). In fact, I recently rediscovered this track while listening to other odd stuff and going back in time with bands such as Journey etc...I went through the REO Speedwagon's discography again and got into the whole Seventies vibe again while suffering from shock at Kevin Cronin's hair in that video. And is he the old geezer at the end of the video as well? I am guessing cos that would reflect the lyrics but have not been able to work that out for sure. See for yourself, here...

Obviously, this is the more sugary hit factory type REO Speedwagon - the type that today's youth looks upon with the proverbial uplifted eyebrow. And while tunes such as '(I Believe) Our Time Is Gonna Come' and 'Son of a Poor Man' may sound dated by today's standards, they still own that smokey rock 'n bluesy psychedelic feel that was so relevant and exciting in the Seventies.

That's right! Aquarius and the planets aligning in the Seventh House

for psychedelic rock in the Seventies...

To understand music today, we all need to glimpse back at where it all began. And as long as we don't get stuck at one particular time, doing the time-warp can be both educational and invigorating.

Here's some vintage footage of the band with original vocalist, Terry Luttrell - nothing like the video above:

On a personal level, I can't listen to the newest REO Speedwagon discography unless I am alone. And I do, I love it and I just can't get enough of it. And while I detest love songs cos some of the lyrics are so fucking corny, I still feel that 'Can't Fight This Feeling' is the best song of that type that I have ever heard in my life...

And saying that, I am hoping to make it to one of the band's shows later on this month (IL and MN in the USA). Look out for more dates in March on the band's site as well -www.reospeedwagon.com

Peace, you bitches. Tomorrow we might all be dead. So go listen to some REO Speedwagon today and have fun!

Miss Pee

Back to Norway - Kvelertak, Satyricon, Darkthrone and the death of a friend.

2011-12-07T11:46:00.001-05:00

That's where I was between Nov 9th and 27th...

On my birthday, I hopped on a plane to Oslo. Continential Airlines...ugh. Their seats were mega small and I sat next to a drunken young couple that luckily slept all the way through the flight. Unfortunately, leaning towards my seat. The husband was sitting at someone else's place as well. As the guy whose seat he had usurped approached, the husband quipped:-"Do you mind if I sit here? Cos we are married..." Oh god, I'd forgotten how twee some Norwegian men are. His wife laughed out loud as she repeated "Cos we are married??" The other guy agreed and made his way to the seat that belonged to the drunken husband. I did not talk to them or anyone else for the rest of the flight. Aside one of the stewards who flirted heavily everytime he walked past my seat. He was no Brad Pitt, bless him but at least he was straight.

Once I got to Oslo's Gardemoen, Mina, Espen and I made our way to Rockefeller to do an interview with Kvelertak. No rest for the wicked. Or wankers. The band's show in the evening was amazing and I bumped into a bunch of friends and industry colleagues I had not seen since I left that country - 2009.

Oslo by night - not as crap as I remember it...

I also hung out with my ex, Idar who told me he'd hired a car to take me over to his family the week after. It was fun to see everyone, his mum, sister and her boyfriend Kjetil. Drammen has not changed. And neither has Oslo. The biggest shock was walking around Grønland at lunchtime and barely seeing two people in the streets. Compared to New York where even Sunday morning is swarming with busy bodies.

Drammen - cute little town south of Oslo...

On my way over to Mina's place (in the arse of the countryside), I saw a girl cross the road by the train station and noticed she was the same girl I'd bumped into at the post office (about one km away) 20mins earlier. I'd forgotten how cosy Oslo is. Cute and compact.

Oslo Central Station - rush hour 8am...

While in Norway, I spent two and a half weeks on this farm surrounded by fields where Mina, Espen and I brainstormed about how to set up the new channel - Killerbunnytv.com. Launch date is supposed to be in February. Look out for it.

While in Norway, I stayed here...

In the meantime, as I spoke to them about the Darkthrone / Satyricon fund-raising show for Jonas Christiansen who had been diagnosed with colon cancer in August, we came to the conclusion that it would be smart for us to cover the event.

With Line and Ted at their place in the middle of the woods...

I had been in touch with the main organiser, Line, a few weeks earlier. She had put together a bunch of cool local bands to help raise funds for Jonas's alternative cancer treatment at this Danish clinic called Humlegaarden. Ultimately, the list of bands turned into a headline type appearance by Satyricon and Darkthrone and since Satyricon tend to play much bigger venues and Darkthrone have not played live since 1989 (if you dont count the Wacken headline show in conjuction with Satyricon in 2004), the little, cosy live show became a bit of a bigger deal than originally expected.

Satyricon and Darkthrone share the cosy Garage stage in Bergen...

When Line asked bands and sundries to take part in the fund-raising show, she only included people who knew Jonas personally - I had worked with him when he was the vocalist in Disiplin, a brand new band that had signed to Moonfog around the same time I started working at the label in early 2003. I bonded with those guys through a shared love of music and daft jokes. They were from the Drammen area where my boyfriend back then was also from so from time to time, we also hung out together in a more social (and less music industry type) environment. When it came to my duties at Moonfog, I certainly promoted their first two albums with great passion and commitment. In an odd way, our fates were intertwined cos as they disbanded due to personal problems, I left the label to produce P3's new metal show, Tinitus around about the same time - mid 2005.

Disiplin - promo pics for the first album...

Jonas moved to Bergen to be near his dad who supported him as he was going through some personal issues. I kept in touch with him for a while, then bumped into him in Bergen while I covered Hole In The Sky for Tinitus in 2006. Then Facebook hooked us up again a couple of years ago and then in August I found out he had been diagnosed with colon cancer. He was born in 1979, was the same age as my boyfriend back then with whom he was mates since Idar played for a black metal band as well (the one that shares the drummer with Satyricon).

Bergen - cute fishing town...

So when Line called me in late September to tell me she was trying to arrange a live show at Garage in order to raise funds for Jonas, I offered to do promo for it. I also spoke to Jonas on the phone and offered to help him promote the new Slavia album as and when it would come out. More of a solo project for Jonas, Slavia had found some sort of success within the underground scene while Disiplin had garnered more exposure through my relentless commitment to promote those guys to the British press as Metal Hammer, for example, dedicated this brand new band a two-page spread while Ian Camfield's Xfm Rock Show and John Peel's BBC Radio Show also played them a couple of their tracks in 2004.

Jonas Christiansen on stage with Disiplin back in the day - pic by Kristine Dufey.

Unfortunately, as Line and I were on the phone discussing the final arrangements the day before the show, we heard news from his dad that Jonas had died that morning. Panic and sadness all 'round. I was really looking forward to seeing Jonas and catching up with him again. A few hours later, the live show turned into a 'memorial' gig.

On the way to Bergen - a giant troll...

KBTV Technical Biatch, Espen and I drove up to Bergen and nine hours later, we got to the venue, set up and did a bunch of interviews including Satyr and Frost, Nocturno Culto, Jonas's dad, members of support bands Helheim, Slavia drummer Massimiliano Altomare (the band invited Shining's Niklas Kvarforth to take Jonas's place on vocals), Garage booking Biatch, Torgrim Øyre, main show organiser Line and ex-Gorgoroth vocalist Gaahl. After working for nine hours solid during which we all had to deal with the intensity of the shit news and the fact that the show had to go on, I slept for three hours. Then Espen and I were on the road back to Oslo at 9am. Ugh. It was a major trek but it was worth it. On one hand I was satisfied to have seen a bunch of awesome people again while on the other, I had this nagging feeling of sadness for Jonas's sudden passing.

Then Espen and I realised that part of the footage we'd shot once we transferred it onto his pc got deleted (UGH!) and had to meet up with Line and Ted to do those interviews again the following week. The joy of stressful situations. But we got to share a glass of red wine with Line and Ted and posed for pictures with the craziest Darkthrone engraved guitar there. So there's always a silver lining...

Pretending to learn to play guitar...

Erm...yes, Ted, I am getting that grim feeling...

Ted shows me how it's done...

And here's that piece of ravishing grimness...

Last but not least, this is how I remember Jonas - as the quietly witty vocalist of a young band from Telemark whose members were like partners in crime during my time at Moonfog.

Jonas Christiansen - unused Disiplin artwork for second album, 'Anti-Life'...

Disiplin's only pro video for track 'Anti-Life', taken from the homonymous album, was directed by Norwegian visual artist, Marcel Lelienhoff.

Jonas Christiansen - Sizzle In Hell (he would not have appreciated the cheesy 'RIP' shit, trust me).

Miss Pee

Voodoo Fest, Soundgarden, Mastodon, Jesse Hughes and Down...

2011-12-06T09:29:00.001-05:00

In my quest to travel and collect as many experiences as possible in this lifetime, I ended up going to New Orleans with a couple of friends who were working for this tv station. Never been to Voodoo Fest or New Orleans so I was mega excited.

Bourbon Street - it is not this quiet at night...

Notwithstanding the fact that New Orleans has the highest homicide rate in the US, I walked around the city by myself and went to visit cemeteries. Which I mainly managed to see from the outside cos they were shut. WTF?! I thought the dead didn't care about protocol.

A cemetery I could not get into with my whole body. So I squeezed my hands in and let them look around for me.

I ended up in this church where I was asked to bring the body of Christ to the altar during the ceremony. "I can see you are new," the old man sitting behind me said in a gentle voice. "So we would like to invite you to really be part of the ceremony and feel part of our community." Soooooo sweet. I thanked him for his lovely offer but I declined. WTF. That's too weird for me. I have no problem hanging at S&M parties while someone is being whipped or flogged but bringing something over to the priest during mass freaks me out. Horses for courses.

Some church in New Orleans...

About Voodoo Fest though. I was excited to see Soundgarden. Last time I'd been to one of their shows was at the Brixton Academy around 1995...time goes by so quickly. I managed to miss them at Voodoo but was told they were boring. I never trust what anybody says cos live shows are such a personal experience. Anyway, I went back to the hotel to get warm cos it was bloody freezing in New Orleans that weekend...who'd have known? I'd left New York with a light hoodie cos I thought Louisiana was hot and sticky until December at least...ugh.

Soundgarden - they don't look like this anymore.

Anyway. The day after, I got to see Mastodon. Funnily enough, while Denise and I went to grab some lunch, we bumped into Masto Brent. He was on a bicycle riding around the park. When it comes to the live show, the band kicked off with a new track sung by the drummer - 'Dry Bone Valley'. Odd choice though it seemed to work. Got to hear a bunch of new songs and some classic ones. Always a treat.

Mastodon. They don't look like this anymore.

Earlier that day I followed Jesse Hughes from Boots Electric while he talked to kids in the audience. I collected signed release forms for them (it was for tv so...). He was filmed while getting a tattoo of the tv station logo in some pocket backstage. "I'll do anything for a bit of promo," he confirmed on camera. I had no idea who he was when I was introduced to him. I wondered what this rocker type ginger VJ was about but as he talked to kids and flirted with the camera, I was intrigued. Who was that fun Biatch? So, I Googled him during downtime (the awesomeness of 4G these days!) and 'Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh' - the penny dropped. I knew him as the vocalist of this other band, Eagles of Death Metal. Cool. But I didnt expect him to be so entertaining and quick-witted. He had some fun stories...

Jesse Hughes - he is more fun than he looks.

That night, Denise and I got invited to the Down show at some venue in the arse of the city. Luckily I got in a taxi with two mates who were also going and waited for Denise once there. Before the show, we made our way into the back room and I got introduced to a bunch of local people. I talked to this record producer guy of sorts who seemed cool (I honestly can't remember what albums he's produced now but he told me he was friends with the headliners - obviously or he wouldn't have been in that room then).

Down live - a mish mash of people on stage...

At one point, this guy walks into the room and my first reaction is to face away from him cos I totally know who he is but if I don't get introduced, I'll ignore him. So I keep chatting with the record producer guy who is fun and has lots of stories on New Orleans and places I should visit but at one point, as he stares behind me, I hear someone say:-"Hi, I'm Phil..." and as I turn around, I see that this guy's hand is on my trajectory. I assume he knows everyone else in the room and that he is introducing himself to me so we shake hands. Then he pulls me in to give me a kiss on the cheek. I was quite surprised cos while I always got the impression he was a bit of a rough beast, he came across as polite and warm.

More Down live...

The show was great and though I am no major Down fan, I enjoyed the exchange of energy with the audience and the awesome riffs. Towards the end of the show, it was a bit of a free-for-all with a bunch of people jamming on stage with the band, including Phil's girlfriend Kate on guitar, Masto Brann and Troy on their respective instruments and whoever else would go up on stage...the crowd's reaction was insane.

We ended the evening in this bar playing (drunken) pool with a bunch of pissed mates while cooing at others about how cute they were, in between (useless) shots. God, I was major hammer-smashed-face. At one point I even thought one of those guys looked like a small kitten. And while I played pool like shit, I won cos the opposition was worse. Unforgettable, fun times.

Unused Disiplin artwork, vocalist Jonas Christiansen (1979 - 2011)

Next...trip to Norway, setting up a new online channel, brainstorming, hanging out with the ex and his family, the death of a friend and a memorial show in his name, interviewing his dad while doing my best to hold back the tears and making my way back to NYC...god, I am such an emo Biatch these days.

Miss Pee

Kvelertak live - a background story...for the non-Norwegian amongst you.

2011-12-02T13:09:00.007-05:00

Drunken picture of Kvelertak live at Club Europa, Brooklyn - 21st October 2011

First time I ever saw a Kvelertak gig. So delighted to finally see them live that I got drunk very quickly (after a vodka + Red Bull). Then I saw them live again a couple of hours at this other bar, St. Vitus in Brooklyn. Twice within four hours. Oh the irony - I'd waited to see them play since 2007...

Kvelertak at Oslo's Rockefeller (1,500 capacity venue) - November 10th 2011

And here's my third time, in Oslo, a couple of weeks after their two NYC shows. So, here's the story as I remember it...

Once upon a time, when I worked as label manager for a company called Tabu Recordings in Oslo whose roster included bands such as Enslaved, Susperia, Keep of Kalessin and Benea Reach (amongst others), I received a mail from a guy who wanted me to listen to his new band's three track demo. It was early 2007.   Since part of my job was keeping my ears pricked for what I believed to be the hottest and most interesting new sounds hailing from Norway and I am a competitive asshole at work, I listened to that demo right away. They were a local band from Stavanger...

The message they sent me in 2007 was barely after four or five months the band had formed. For me, it was love at first listen. Apparently, Kurt from Converge was also a big fan and wanted to produce their next ep or something. I was keen to sign them cos I knew they had something new to bring to the metal scene so I asked to see them live (a pre-requisite for me to sign any band). We went back and forth a few times but they seemed unable to get a live gig in Oslo for whatever reason. Yet, I was so into that demo that I decided to play one track on the radio show I produced at the time - Tinitus, on Norwegian national radio, NRK P3. We showcased an unsigned band every month and Kvelertak became one of those in the first half of 2007.   A year later, the boys from Stavanger had yet to get their shit together bagging even a support slot at an Oslo venue. By the first quarter of 2008, I'd left Tabu to produce a drive time show on what turned out to be a radio run by a bunch of cunts (that's a juicy story for another day).

As the years went by, however, I wondered what happened to Kvelertak cos I really thought they had something special going on. I certainly felt like shaking my booty to their music and not many Norwegian bands (aside Turbonegro) make you feel like doing that. But Kvelertak blended those typical grim and frosty black metal atmospheres with a more fluid, rock 'n' roll sensibility.   

Fast-forward to the summer of 2010. I was doing some work for British / Jewish metal press and promo company, The Noise Cartel at the Sonisphere Festival in the UK and was chatting with Kerrang!'s scriber Dave MacLaughlin, when he suddently quipped:-"You lived in Norway, right? Have you heard of this hot new Norwegian band, Kvelertak?" WHAT?!?   

Apparently, the boys from Stavanger had finally got their shit together, signed to Indie Recordings and gave the British press (in particular) a major boner. Ironically, still, it won't be until October 2011 that I'd finally get to see them live. Better late than never, eh.

Incidentally, Erlend mentioned to me in New York that in June of 2007 he came over to thank me for playing them on my radio show but I dismissed him. I have no recollection of that at all. I was obviously watching some band live, it was late and I was probably drunk. Ugh.

Next...Voodoo Fest in New Orleans where I managed to miss Soundgarden (WTF!), Jesse Hughes made me follow him around the site collecting release forms (it's good to go back to basics), watched Masto on stage, got invited to go see Down live that same evening and ended the day playing pool with a very drunk Masto Troy.

Miss Pee

Here's an update on the last three months (UGH!)...

2011-11-30T13:30:00.005-05:00

Life has whizzed past these past three months...

Amongst the awesome adventures I will not discuss on here, I managed to see a ton of amazing shows and hang out with a huge number of fun people...

Enslaved, September at Gramercy, New York. Highlight - pretty much anything this band does is amazing but they invited ex-TNT singer Tony Harnell to join them on stage at some point, then they hit him on the head as he was bellowing his heart out. That resulted in a bit of a horrible gash but Harnell was such a sport that I didn't even notice it when I chatted with him and his wife, Amy, after the show.

Tony Harnell, September at this cute little venue in East Village a week after the Enslaved show. Harnell invited me and Denise but forgot to put us on the list #LOL We got in anyway and had a lot of fun. Harnell sang covers of a bunch of great songs including Chris Cornell's 'When I'm Down' from his first amazing album, 'Euphoria Morning'. During the show I flirted with this cute long-haired guy who acted a bit shy and distant. Concluded he was gay until I saw him outside and he told me he was there with his wife. Really?! That short-haired podgy lady who looked like an insurance clerk 20 years his senior? Whatever rocks your boat, mate. He was from Parsippany, NJ. Denise and I entertained the thought of visiting Parsippany to grab a hottie but that lasted two minutes. Can't be arsed to go all the way to NJ for anyone. Not even fucking Shat. I am dying to see them live but they don't play NYC. Absolute bollocks. But moving on...

Some NYC punk guy whose name escapes me held a comedy-meets-early punk-story-telling evening at Bowery Electric in October. Though the real comedy began as Denise and I hung out by the bar after the show. Bumped into a bunch of industry wankers (that's what we all are), fun people really. Visual biatch, Kevin invited us to Arturo Vega's house a couple of blocks away cos it was his birthday. The guy used to work with The Ramones and still lives in the same place where the whole legendary punk band crashed out for weeks on end. The shower curtain and various Ramones artifacts around his flat told the whole story. There I met a cute guy who runs my favourite record label these days - Fueled By Ramen. Unsurprisingly, I chewed his ear about Panic! At The Disco all night. Told him I went to see Panic! five times this year. "Five times?" he nearly puked into his own pint. "I work for the label and I did not see them live as often this year!" I feel my obsession with the Las Vegas boys was a source of worry for him in the end. Well? Deal with it, buddy. The highlight of the whole evening was meeting Arturo's dog, Diesel - a friendly boxer whose treats I found in a bag by the toilet door (and I gave him a couple after I asked Arturo - who was like 'Go ahead' while this woman was like 'Don't give him too many cos he gets diarrhea' UGH).

Next, Norwegian metal rising stars Kvelertak take over New York where they perform three shows in 36 hours, Voodoo Fest in New Orleans where I manage to miss Soundgarden (WTF?! Last time I saw them live was 1994!), Jesse Hughes makes me follow him around the site collecting release forms (it's good to go back to basics), I watch the Down show in their hometown and end the evening by playing pool with a very drunk Troy Sanders. Ridiculously fun times.

Miss Pee

Just a quick one...

2011-09-10T15:59:00.010-04:00

...to say that I have just read something online that made me barf.

Sycophants make me do this. Do clean up after me.

I would rather not expose the cheese master behind the foodie feature but really?! If you really have to describe somebody's dinner, why not do it in a less sycophantic way. Give it some edge. Squirt some spunk over it. The willingness of some people connected to the music industry (high profile posts as well) to swallow as much cock as their throat allows truly never stops to astound me. I tend to hope they'll choke on those cocks but they dont seem to. Or at least, it might take them a lot longer to suffocate than I am prepared to wait and see.

Fun night last night. Jesus Christ I got drunk and disorderly again after a couple of Vodka + Red Bulls. I am what most would describe as a 'cheap date' though not sure whether $14 a glass is anyone's idea of cheap. WTF is wrong with these New York venues. It's like being back in Oslo.

Anyway, 'Drunk and Disorderly' for me means more 'coming onto people that are not available emotionally' than smashing hotel rooms. Still, the subject at hand was a good sport (unless he didnt even notice?) and so much fun, I can hardly stop myself.

Jesus was a hot Jew.

So last night, I went out with Denise to see DevilDriver and Arch Enemy. We got there and went straight in the DD's dressing room. Felt mega awkward at first cos I didn't know any of those guys but Denise introduced me to a couple of them and then I went over to say hi to Mr Mangin who is constantly high on fire while being such a pottymouth without the rudeness. Those with ears to hear will hear etc. Bori from Blabbers was also hanging there and we got chatting about energy levels vs pot smoking. Results? Can't remember.

"I like your tattoo..." This guy sitting on the sofa suddenly uttered in my direction as he pointed at my 'Free Tibet' tattoo. 'Thanks," I smiled wondering whether I had seen him before. "How about this one?" I showed him the 'I'd rather go naked than wear fur' tattoo on my other arm. 'Oh yeah,' he continued in a very smooth, chilled out tone. 'I love that one, too...' Erm. He then stood up and put on some music. I recognised the track. It's 'Fuel For Hatred' by Satyricon. "Have you just put on Satyricon?" I asked him surprised. "Yeah, I love that band," he grimaced, closing his eyes as if he'd just taken a bite from the wettest peach. "And I love Satyr," he continued. "He is a great guy..." Erm, you don't say. I might know something about that. I got weirded out but I continued, grappling to find something positive to say. "Yeah, Satyr is very motivated and business-like...I learned a lot from him when I lived in Oslo..."

The long-haired guy suddenly awoke. "Excuse me but what's your name?" "Patrizia..." "Dez, good to meet you..." "Good to meet you, too...I used to work for Satyr when I lived in Oslo," I offered. "What did you do there?" He wondered again. "I used to run his label, Moonfog Productions. I did it for two and a half years..." At that point he stood up and shook my hand again. "How did you meet Satyr?' I enquired again. "Phil Anselmo introduced me to him..." Oh. If only he knew what went through my head then. Biting one's tongue sometimes is the best policy though.

Sigurd 'Satyr' Wongraven. One of his best pics. This was from a feature off of a daily's magazine supplement whose headline was 'Mørkets Fyrste' ('Prince of Darkness' på norsk, ya).

The DevilDriver show was nothing short of amazing. Outstanding sound. And I had not seen them live prior to that. I enjoyed listening to the first album, played a couple of tracks on Tinitus but that was it.

DevilDriver...

I caught a bit of Skeleton Witch, heavier than I remembered them. Not into it though. In fact, I am not even sure whether the band's name is one or two separate words.

Headliners Arch Enemy put on a scorching show. As usual. Last time I saw them was in the same venue last year when I was asked to do a live review for UK's Kerrang! Loved it that night, too but since Exodus supported them, the whole vibe in the audience was different. Basically, there were more fat and old guys in the pit. Bless. Although I remember being made up cos I bumped into Claudio and Travis from Coheed and Cambria (they're big fans and friends of Exodus - apparently).

Arch Enemy's Angela - always with her mouth open.

Last night, it was fun to catch up with Sharlee and Daniel. Angela was so tired after her shower, she was barely able to string sentences together. 'Good to see you, girl,' she blurted out. 'It's been years!' I had to cut it short cos I had started to see double. Was looking for water earlier on and all I came across was a bottle of JD. So, JD on the rocks did not help me keep a steady mind. Or legs. And being the lightweight that I am when it comes to alcohol, I felt like barfing soon after I said goodbye to Angela (I'd barely had half a small glass). Denise was quick to come to my aid 'We need to get some food!' And off we went to get food. It was 3am. Erm...

Now, I promised myself I'd just write a couple of lines and here I am thinking 'Shit, you cant just leave it at this. How about all the other stuff that happened - you went to bed at 5am after you and Denise flirted your asses off with a group of super hot Swedes at Jimmy's Corner!!' Jeez, those guys looked like Scando models, all Aryan like with blod-shot eyes. They invited me and Denise to go to a strip club with them but we were like 'Ugh, been there, done that, juiced up and down the pole in our time, you guys have fun on your own...'

Also...'How about your Jewish fetish that inspired you to book time at a tattoo parlour's to have 'Jesus is a hot Jew' inked on your skin?! And the fact that you asked two Jews where they thought you should have that tattoo?!' Oh yeah, nearly forgot about that.

Jesus is a hot Jew.

Whatever. I am too hungover to reflect on anything else right now. Which means I cannot write anymore on here today. I'll just be lazying about on my rooftop on the 15th floor. Deal with it.

And here's a pic of my laziness on a Saturday afternoon...

Pee xx

ps. did I mention that Jesus was a hot Jew?

Proof number three that Jesus was a hot Jew.

Slipknot headline the final day of Sonisphere 2011...

2011-08-27T18:29:00.002-04:00

...and I only watched a few minutes of the online stream on the Sonisphere website.

And this is what they looked like. Allegedly.

Plus, I had to go check out The Answer at the same time...they were awesome! But what do you expect of Slipknot live? They were fab. I bumped into Corey Brennan, their manager, earlier in the day in the Artist Area but I didnt even bother going into the VIP of the VIP sections in there...mainly cos I was more interested in listening to Mastodon's new album, 'The Hunter'.

Mastodon live at Soni UK on the Sunday...

I'd bumped into Brann earlier in the day. In fact, his bum met my hands at high velocity. He was standing outside with his back to the media area so I run out there and slapped his arse with both my hands. After he recovered (from the mere ecstasy) I mentioned that I would have loved to hear the new album and he offered that he had the new unmixed version of it in his iPod so if I brought my own earphones, he could play it to me. He must have enjoyed the spanking. I should use that more often to get what I want.

So, at the earliest opportunity, I took an hour and a half off work and went over to the Artist Area clutching a small set of (pink) earphones. He sat me down in the band's dressing room but the album was too long for me to just be stuck there all that time, so I took his iPod around with me - while I bought a beer and went to deliver something back to the media area. When I returned, Masto manager Nick John joked that I'd gone over to the other side to upload it somewhere. Thing is, I have never downloaded any free music cos I dont know how to do it and same goes for uploading shit online. I'm a total tech moron.

But...'The Hunter' is a great mix of previous works - Crack The Skye and Leviathan - with the added twist of freshness. You'll definitely recognise the 'Masto sound' though this album is not as raw as 'Blood Mountain' or 'Remission'. Their songwriting gets better with each release. The band has already released a couple of tracks to generate interest so go on their site for more info. I really cannot be bothered to upload stuff here right now. I have since got back to New York and I am getting ready for Hurricane Irene!

Anyway, go get 'The Hunter' when it comes out - end of September. And start saving cash for tickets to see Mastodon live sine they'll be out on tour from mid autumn.

What else happened at Soni on that Sunday...ahhhhhhh yes! I got to watch In Flames. Aside a couple of new tracks (super catchy ones as well), they performed some classics like 'Trigger' and 'Cloud Connected'...I missed the encore (and most probably 'Only for the Weak') cos I had to walk down to the Main Stage to see Mastodon.

In Flames...

Aside from that, the Sonisphere staff party was quite a laugh - free drinks all round that meant we were all obliterated by the time we got back to the hotel. Cheesy, eh? But fun...

Next...so much to tell, so many secrets and so little time...

Pee xxx

Metallica caught rehearsing inside a truck 15mins before their set at Sonisphere UK 2011!

2011-08-20T09:57:00.002-04:00

Four of THE BIG FOUR: Kerry King, Dave Mustaine, Scott Ian, James Hetfield

Friday's buzz was all about the Big Four (Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax). The Media Area opened up at noon and nearly 700 filthy media mongers flocked in the Barns at Knebworth. I decided to spend the whole day NOT seeing any bands. There was a method to my madness. There was other stuff that I wanted to check out on Sunday (In Flames, Mastodon, The Answer, Bill Bailey) so I was happy to trade Friday for Sunday with the rest of the PR team that looked after the whole festival.

My Passion - they did not have to travel far to get to Knebworth

Doing press with Herts based band, My Passion went smooth and general helping out of the rest of the NC team was a piece of me (Pee). The only odd thing that happened that day - I was on my way back from catering when Kirk Hammett walked past me holding a guitar. He walked onto this truck and someone drew the black curtains behind him. Metallica were rehearsing inside it with that curtain being the only thing that kept the band from the rest of the crowd that had gathered outside.

End of rehearsal - Rob Trujillo and Kirk Hammett on their way to the main stage...

I chose to hang out there and my food went cold. Whatever. They walked out 20mins later. The crowd cheered while drummer Lars Ulrich wondered aloud what we were all doing there when we should have been in the pit cos they were about to get on stage. Whatevz, Lars. I am opting out on this, tonight. For Mastodon's sake on Sunday. Camila, Steph and I then popped over to the Artist Area for cheap drinks and bumped into Megadeth main man, Dave Mustaine in a bathrobe. He was walking very slow, as if he were in a trance. We ignored him.

A few feet away - Masto manager, Nick John ended up joining us for a Guinness. He also introduced us to Slayer's manager (and Jack Nicholson's look-a-like), Rick Sales and we bump into Slayer guitaris Kerry King and drummer Dave Lombardo. Huge Slayer fan, Camila is doing her best not to pee her pants. Bless. Remember when you felt that way yourself about one of your favourite bands? I dont really remember the last time I had that feeling but I remember the first and that should be enough for me to empathize with Camila then.

Saturday was - by far - the busiest day of the festival for The Noise Cartel. I was on my feet for five to six hours non-stop though all I remember about that day was having a picture take with The Answer and listening to their new album - 'Revival' - on the Gibson bus. The three tracks I heard sounded rather thrilling and I would urge anyone who's enjoyed their previous album 'Everyday Demons' to buy the new one - 'Revival' (out sometime this autumn!).

This Biatch with The Answer woohoo!

The bus barely held 15 people at any one time but TNC managed to squeeze about 19 people in there - mainly journos from high profile print media and radio, the band and their label people. Everyone was drinking champagne. I stood by the stairs with a leg outside the bus in case I was needed in the Media Area. The vocalist, Cormac Neeson (standing to my left), grimaced as the first track ended and nobody made a sound. I touched his arm and whispered:"People are only keeping quiet cos it's too good." He grinned (and looked oddly relieved). Bless. Public scrutiny must be tough for anyone with a sensitive soul. I would urge you to check out their latest album - 'Everyday Demons' - to get a slice of poetry and retro rock a la Led Zeppelin. If you're into that sort of thing. I am not usually but I got obsessed with that album last year and I was looking forward to seeing them live. I did get my chance on Sunday evening (had to miss Slipknot though cos The Answer were on at the same time as the Iowa's masked men). Later on, after all work was done, I made my way to watch Gojira (one song) and then Biffy Clyro with Mike, Camila and Emma.

In the back of Miss Brioche's car on the way back from Sonisphere lurked a knackered individual...

Time to give you a rest. More coming up shortly...

Miss Pee xx

Slayer! Metallica! Megadeth! Anthrax! Must be Sonisphere UK 2011!

2011-08-13T15:50:00.002-04:00

Been in Europe since June 24th and too busy to update this blog...so much has happened and not only in my own head - as it usually does. You know that old adage 'what goes on in my head is more exciting than anything that goes on outside of my head' etc. Don't you? You should watch The Libertine with Johnny Depp then.

The Libertine with Johnny Depp - let's start as we mean to go, shall we?

I missed Sonisphere Italy on June 25th cos I was ill but I managed to make my way to the UK to work for metal PR co, The Noise Cartel at Sonisphere UK (held at Knebworth).

I got to London and hung out with my friend Nina, her Italian boyfriend Davide and new addition to the family, Han Solo (a two-month-old Sphinx cat). The mega small moggie was poorly, Nina took him to the vet who prescribed him antibiotics and then bought him food and toys like she'd just adopted a whole shelter. By the time I went to bed that night, Han Solo's health seemed to have improved as he jumped around the living room and landed on my boobs. Everytime. When I woke up the next day Han Solo had draped himself across my throat.

Little Han Solo licks his lips...

I also bought boots for 60 quid that did not seem to be leather but might. Unfortunately, I'd got to the UK with open shoes only and I needed boots in case it rained at the festival (which it did). I have not worn them since. Ugh.

On Thursday afternoon I got to the Festival site (held at Knebworth Park, owned by the Lytton family since 1490) and met up with the NC's team. My Biatch (Nelly Liger) was not there since she is waiting to give birth in her native France this year....So I was introduced to her replacement, Steph (aka Miss Brioche) whose penchant for all things glamourous, including leopard print suitcase, fancy hair gear, clothes and septum piercing only made her look more like a mirror image of Nelly (minus the swearing).
The rest of the team featured cute Brazilian intern Camila, German-born red-haired Obsidian Publicity girl Nina (who was supposed to sing me special Rammstein lullabyes but forgot), special volunteer 'Bucks boy' Mike and 'platinum bombshell' Lauren whose sultry voice reminded me of Kat Von D's (with an English accent).

Lauren and Camila

Nina and Emma (Miss Cakehead)

The Noise Cartel worked in conjunction with the Idea Generation team led by Little Walshie (aka as 'Brad Pitt') whose talent for lighters' search in the enclosure of his own trousers has since become the stuff of legends. And women do stop him to have a picture taken with him cos they believe him to be the real thing. Brad Pitt. Not a perv without a lighter who pretends to look for one when he's actually nursing a boner. His team consisted of extravagant tights and frilly underwear doll, Emma Lou Cakehead, pretty boy Sean (who looked like he'd just done backing vocals for a reunited Human League), jazz muso and lovely all-round geezer Josh and gorgeous Rihanna look-a-like Tafara. I don't remember doing much work that day but placing mental tags on everyone...last but not least, The Noise Cartel's boss Adam S (whom, according to Sean, looked like a member of Korn) and his gorgeous and super smart wife, Emma.

That first evening, we all went back to the hotel and had a pathetic round of drinks. Beauty sleep all round for us.

Pee

Shock! Horror! Blasphemy! Metallica's new album to feature Lou Reed!

2011-06-16T13:42:00.023-04:00

Having barely recovered by news of those global natural disasters such as the Icelandic volcano eruption, the earthquake in Japan, the deadly tornadoes in the southern States and the resignation of US congressman Anthony Weiner (due to 'unsightly bulge' envy mainly from his own party colleagues' part), the world was shaken by more outrageous news earlier this morning: Metallica announced that misery guts music legend Lou Reed would feature on their new album.

Misery loves company - Lou Reed will collaborate with Metallica on their new album.

And nothing managed to mitigate such frightening report - not even news that Norwegian rockers Turbonegro have finally found a vocalist to replace what everyone thought would be irreplaceable - previous portly singer Henk Von Helvete. Englishman Tony Sylvester, however, made the grade and apart from running the band's UK Fan Club (so very 'Almost Famous'!), he was also known in the UK metal scene for being the gruff voice of stoner outfit Dukes of Nothing.

Tony Sylvester - the quintessential English gentlem...gentle thug.

Probably the first person to voice his discontempt was Metal Hammer's illustrious scribe Dom Lawson as he tweeted a link to a piece he wrote about this subject for www.metalhammer.co.uk earlier this morning. A serious article written by a professional music journo with a great sense of humour and a deep love of all things 'true' and 'metal'. Do I agree with Lawson's rant? I do, up to a point. I certainly get the fact that Metallica's new album might not turn out to be the metal follow-up to 'Death Magnetic' but I feel that we should not forget that this band has been shedding layers of metal since 1990. Is it just me or by releasing The Black Album in 1990, Metallica made a loud statement that they were ready for pastures new? Saying that, however, does not mean that they've sounded like ZZ Top since. And they have certainly reaped the benefits of that 'change of direction'. Having sold over 100 million records and gained such notoriety that even my own 83-year-old Italian grandmother has heard of them, at least professionally, an incredible achievement. Not only are they a highly successful brand these days, but they are also a corporation that keeps a huge amount of people in business. And no, I do not believe that they sound like a pile of shit just because they are not a struggling band touring around the world in a van anymore. I have had the fortune to witness the grandness of their Death Magnetic tour both in the US and Europe at least six times and there is nothing average or crap about this band.

Metallica 2011 - they have not toured in a van since 1984. Despicable.

So, specialist music magazine journos can go up in arms about this until the cows come home. It is not going to change the fact that Metallica can and will do as they please. The specialist media's fear that Metallica will shy away from delivering yet another 'Master of Puppets' may be founded but it is oh-so 1986. Metallica have not made an album for that slice of fandom or specialist media since the early Nineties. Give it up, boys or you'll soon start coming across like jilted old wives making a racket with your knitting needles outside the ex-husbands' new pad.

A metal mag's editorial meeting after news of the new Metallica - Lou Reed album broke earlier today.

Personally, while I do not wish to be associated with that whole conservative attitude, I also understand it is the journos' job to provide an opinion to the fans of all things 'metal' - an opinion that most probably reflects the true metal fans' fears, too. And while I seriously feel for the 30y.o. + aficionados who want to reminisce about their teenage years by hoping that their favourite band in the Eighties - Metallica - might release another 'Kill 'em All', I would suggest that you just pull out your old vinyls and listen to those while drinking a few glasses of red wine instead.

Metallica and Lou Reed - the new bogeymen. 'Eat all your greens or I'll put on the new Metallica - Lou Reed album!'

Metallica are in a position where they can afford to be experimental and bold and truly get their creative juices going. If they wanted to recreate the atmosphere of their first four albums they would have churned that stuff out cos it is part of their DNA. But they're done with that. In fact they're on this evolutionary path that the more hardcore thrash fans just cannot grasp and accept. It is akin to when you leave your hometown to have new experiences and you consequently leave your childhood friends behind. You cannot help it. Like your friends cannot help bitching about the fact that you don't keep in touch anymore. And even outside of the tightly-knit, sometimes incestuous metal community, there are examples of artists who have managed to achieve great things while walking around with a constantly erect middle finger - Madonna, for example, would not have become the pop icon she is today had she kept releasing 'Like A Virgin' type hits. It is about insight and the ability to connect with audiences out there. And it's also about working your arse off to create a good living for yourself and your family. A career in music might be vocational but ultimately, it is also a job. And Metallica are masters at what they do.

Madonna reacts to requests for that 'Holiday' and 'Papa Don't Preach' encore.

While the metal scene like to think it is oh-so-quirky and special, from my personal perspective at least, I see that some fans and journalists are stuck inside a box of their own creation. Metallica, for one, do not suffer from that ailment. So while the Bay Area thrash giants might have been your favourite band in the Eighties, you might have to accept that they have outgrown you. No need to despair though, for there are still bands out there, like Kreator, for example, that keep churning out the same old sh...stuff.

Kreator - keeping it 'real' since 1985. Ugh.

So, I cannot wait to hear it. I trust Metallica to come up with nothing but a quirky, good album. But keep up the racket, fan boys cos this is invaluable free promo for this upcoming album. If only Mastodon could secure a joint venture with Sting for 'The Hunter'...

Bathroom beast Sting hoping for a collaboration with Mastodon on forthcoming album
'The Hunter'.

Miss Pee xx

ps. Tales from the daft side - the last time I saw Lou Reed, he was reciting a poem written by a child at this fund-raising event, Story Pyrates, on the Upper West Side about three weeks ago (main draw was the delightful Jon Stewart). I got free tickets to attend after I was asked to DJ at the aftershow by the show's producer, Ms Kiki Valentine (see an account of that event here - http://jeffreygurian.com/comedymatters/2011/06/jon-stewart-sponsors-story-pirates/) . Since she'd given me free reign on the set list (a risk that it would clear the dance floor rather than encourage punters to shake their booties), I prepared a mental mix of Rammstein, Britney Speaks, Hyro Da Hero, Chemical Brothers, Burzum, Kraftwerk,

 Lady Gaga and a few others for the maximum duration of 45mins. The DJ that followed came over to ask me what stuff I was playing cos he loved them (I took that as a bit of a compliment LOL). But I digress. Back to Lou Reed. I also bumped into ol' Lou in the streets of West Village last year. I was walking and chatting with my dear friend Ramona with whom I performed in two bands while we both lived in London yonks ago. Reed was walking hand in hand with a man and as I said hi to him, convinced that I knew him personally (as you do), he was so taken aback by my (daft) enthusiasm that he said hi back. Always act as if you know what you're doing, right? Truth is, he did look a bit shaken as kept walking. By then, however, I realised that I'd only seen him in music mags. Funny.

A bit like when I bumped into Pink Floyd's David Gilmour in Tesco's (in Feltham, Middlesex, UK) back in 1989. I was paying for my stuff at the till as I glanced over at this guy behind me who was laying his shopping on the counter. I whispered to my then boyfriend, Danny:"He looks familiar...is he one of your friends' dad?" Erm...

Stephen Colbert and Coheed & Cambria free show at the Williamsburg Waterfront!

2011-06-14T17:19:00.005-04:00

Been mad busy with writing the book and sourcing out pics for it...

Stephen Colbert - the man of my dreams...

But made time to go on The Colbert Report on my own (I only had one ticket) and as I sat on the front row and Stephen walked out running and slapping everyone's hand in the front row, I wished I'd turned around and bent over to get a swift spanking but I didnt fancy embarassing the Catholic comedian. Still, getting nearer to Stephen each time. Slowly but surely, next time I might just end up sitting on his lap Jane Fonda style...

Coheed and Cambria - as they looked in 1492 when Christopher Columbus discovered them.

I had heard that Coheed were supposed to play a full show featuring their first album but I have been so busy these last few months that I thought I'd missed it. Until their manager, Blaze sent out a reminder about it. I arranged for a bunch of friends to hang out that day as an excuse to say goodbye prior to my trip to Italy. It was a free show so it was not going to be hard to get people down to it. But the queue might be outrageous so I asked Blaze if he would not mind putting me and my friends down on some list in order for us to avoid standing in line. The fabulous man that he is, Blaze did just that so this Biatch with a +6 entourage stomped down to the show (the entourage included massive Coheed fan, Dee Dee who had slashed the back of her foot a couple of days earlier but would not have missed Coheed had she got beheaded so...).

Dee Dee - mad about Coheed. Quite literally.

When we got there, however, we were all given backstage wristbands. Bit of a (fabulous) surprise cos it meant that Blaze trusted me and my mates enough not to barge into the band's dressing rooms and drink all their booze. It was great to use clean toilets, too.

A few minutes prior to the show, this girl got in my face waving frantically with a huge smile across her mug. It was Claudio's sister, Maria who is as delightful as her brother is an amazing songwriter and vocalist. I'd not seen her since the Neverender in 2008 but we'd kept in touch through Facebook. "Look who's here!" She enthused pointing towards her mum. After hugging Mrs Sanchez and catching up with her, I wondered where her husband was. "Right here," she pointed to the ground, next to her. Mr Claudio Sanchez Snr was sitting on this step eating a burger but he stood up to say hi and hug me. What a lovely, sweet family they seem to be, blessss!!

This Biatch and Maria at Neverender in 2008. Lovely girl.

As Coheed and Cambria began to play, however, I had no time for anybody and even barely talked to my boyfriend Scott.

Aside from the whole first album, Coheed opened with a short acoustic set where they performed 'Mother Superior', 'Wake Up' and even a new track (cool but I'd need a few more spins to get used to it). Their encore included 'No World For Tomorrow', 'Welcome Home' and 'In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3'.

Coheed and Cambria - if it weren't for those pesky petals...

The gig was nothing short of awesome but as I sent out barely one tweet before my phone died that night - 'Currently researching as to whether Coheed and Cambria can play a shit show. Erm. Nope, they can't. Tonight's show is nothing short of phenomenal. Again.' - I certainly did not expect their fan club and official twitter accounts to pick that up and reply to it LOL! Through that, I got contacted by some random Coheed fan that tweeted 'I totally remember you from Neverender. Are you from Norway?' Erm. I could never make it as a criminal...

C&C's first album 'The Second Stage Turbine Blade'

Next, I am gearing up to travel to Italy...and attend Sonisphere in Imola. And since I am there, I have promised Metal Injection (www.metalinjection.com) that I will do a review of one of the days for them (June 25th) with pics and everything. I am also secretly hoping that I'll get to hear the new Masto album...

Mastodon - bathroom beasts.

Pee xx

Norway's most popular metal show Tinitus (2005-2009) on NRK P3...some behind the scenes' daftness.

2011-05-29T23:23:00.003-04:00

I grew tired of mixing the show every week so one night, I left host Kirsti Thisland Eggum alone with those knobs (on the mixing board, not the station bosses). She eased into that quite quickly but refused to mix Darkthrone down. I assume that's the only reason why P3 axed the show a few months later cos our ratings were exceptional - 66,000 (1.5% of the population) and online figures.

And the fact that, inspired by that lovely Jew, Howard Stern, we called our Head of Music 'pig vomit' on the air and called rock show Pyro by a slightly different name - 'Gayro' - should not have swayed the Head of Channel into pulling the plug on us, out of control girlies.

Yawn.

Miss Pee

Panic! At The Disco - heavier than Buddha! Hotter than Jesus! Cooler than Confucius!

2011-05-25T13:08:00.022-04:00

P!ATD's Brendon Urie - Morrissey's little bro? Eerie.

Vocalist Brendon Urie shouts a bunch of profanities. I stare back at him in dismay. How could he? Brendon, the cute and polite 23-year-old boy that I have interviewed twice and who uttered "Hello again!" like I was their personal stalker (erm...) as he signed my newly purchased P!ATD album 'Vices and Virtues' at Best Buy in NYC a couple of months ago?! "I'm gonna fuck you after the show!" Try if you dare, I thought. I am ready to put up resistance mainly to make things more interesting but sadly, I realise that he is not talking to me. He is addressing the whole crowd that is here to see Panic! At The Disco (or P!ATD to us - kids, eh?) perform in New York's Terminal 5. That's exactly what happened last night.

Seen the P!ATD's "Ready To Go" video? Yes? Whatever. Watch it again up here.

I met up with a couple of friends at the show - one, Meg, the 30-year-old angel that sold me her extra ticket for the February 1st show at Bowery Ballroom and the other, Pam, the 23-year-old graphic designer that I have been working with the last few months. Funny. Someone in her 20s, someone in her 30s and someone barely in her 40s. Erm. Meg and I played that (probably old-fashioned) game of 'what song are they going to open with'? And we both agreed on 'The Ballad of Mona Lisa'.

Meg and I - we'd better stay away from betting shops...

In fact, the band kicked off with new single 'Ready To Go', a perfect in-yer-face upbeat stomper that got the kids pumped on the spot. And in all honesty, I was not standing still either - observing like I usually do (at metal shows HAA!!). Two minutes earlier I'd tapped this cute guy on the shoulder to ask him to move cos his height was hindering my full-on HD P!ATD live experience. He turned out to be one of the guys from the band's management team. "Thing is, I have never seen Panic before," he sheepishly admitted as my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "Yeah, I heard about their manager, actually," I continued, changing the subject. "Didn't he use to play in a band called The Step Kings?" I enquired even though I already knew the answer. "Yeah, that's him but when you see him in the office, he's all business," the cute guy continued. Oh, so he does not leap from chairs and tables throwing a mid-coitus face while playing (air) bass guitar? I can't say I am thrilled to find out that Bob McLynn is just another boring ass manager (incidentally, most of the managers I have met so far are way more charming than the artists they represent but I have yet to meet Metallica's manager). "I wrote a review of their album - 'Let's Get It On' for UK mag Rock Sound," I added. "And I even gave it 9/10 or something ridiculous. But this is what he's doing now, eh??" The guy giggled and pointed at this bald man in the VIP section of T5. "Yeah, that's Bob up there, actually..." Interesting. Now I know what McLynn looks like. I am sure I could have Googled him but I can't be arsed to cyber stalk people.

Not heard The Step Kings yet? Here's a track off their 'Let's Get It On' album which I reviewed for Rock Sound yonks ago - do you think it deserves 9/10 though? Erm.

The one thing that was quite surprising was how much heavier Panic! At The Disco sounded last night. Their Bowery Ballroom show on February 1st was awesome but neither as loud nor as intense as last night's which featured a full-on, non-stop showcase of their most dynamic tracks from the first and latest albums - 'A Fever You Can't Sweat Out' and 'Vices And Virtues'. This is while 'Nine In The Afternoon' and 'That Green Gentleman' acted as the only (worthy) representatives of that dull Beatlesque second album (insert name here cos I cannot be bothered to type it out). 'But It's Better If You Do', 'Camisado', 'Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off', 'The Ballad of Mona Lisa', 'Let's Kill Tonight' and 'Memories' were some of the tracks that kept every punter's heart rate up though it was not until they blasted out my favourite song off the new album - 'Hurricane' that I felt in danger of self-combusting.

That's how I feel when I listen to 'Hurricane', erm...

At one point, however, the lights came on and Urie appeared perched on top of the VIP area opposite the stage perfoming the latest album's ballad, 'Always'. How did he run up one floor then across the whole (3000-capacity) venue without anybody noticing anything?! Not a fan of ballads at the best of times but I surprised myself as I sang all the lyrics while making eye contact with a couple of young girls that mirrored my very actions (as they probably thought "awwww look, she loves Panic and she could be my mum").

Throughout the show, however, the cute guy from the management company made the odd comment to express his delight at the band's performance - 'Wow, they are awesome..' etc etc Erm, yeahh?! The one thing that got me a bit suspicious about his sexual orientation (and 1. I realise it's a queer reflection in the midst of a live review and 2. It does not matter in the least) was when P!ATD broke into a jokey cover of George Michael's "Careless Whisper" and the cute guy turned around to say "Oh I love this song!" No straight guy would dare admit such felony to a lady he's just met. South African 'rockers' Seether tried to cover 'Careless Whisper' (the heterosexual way) but it just came across 'heteroflexible' (which is not a bad thing). Here's a clip (viewed by nearly seven million users) to show you what I mean:

Seether's cover of 'Careless Whisper'. Pummelling a bunch of tracks with heavy guitars until they bleed does not make the track any less gay. Just sayin'...

But why do I care about some guy's sexual orientation anyway? I am neither single nor a fundamentalist Mormon. Luckily then, P!ATD broke into a cover of The Smiths' "Panic" which helped me put the 'A' in front of 'sexual' (the timing!) and forget about the super cute guy standing next to me (argh!). Urie's voice was so (sinisterly) similar to Morrissey's that I'd wondered whether the Mancunian vegan fiend had just joined them on stage. He hadn't. Urie is just a fabulous vocalist. The one thing I regret is not deleting my videocam disk earlier cos I only managed to film 23secs of it as the bloody thing was full. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did last night. Plus, I knew ALL the lyrics to that song as well. The Smiths were a band that was around when I was a teenager, after all...

P!ATD's cover of The Smiths' "Panic". Awesome!

And below's the original, in all its gritty glory.

Awwww the memories....blesssssssssssssss...

Not satisfied with one cover, however, Urie then went on to prepare the audience for the shitstorm that was about to unfold by mentioning that Guitar Hero exposed Kansas' "Carry On My Wayward Son" to a wider, younger audience. He sounded like a fan. That's when I got worried they might do a total homoerotic version of it but I was floored at how heavy it actually sounded. Heavier than any of the original vids of it I have seen on YouTube, at least. At the end of it, Urie uttered:-"Thank you for allowing us to play that..." An obvious attempt to apologise to the audience for any ear-related disease they might have to deal with this coming week. Let's face it, those kids are not used to having their eardrums pummelled into submission like a Motorhead fan would.

And here's the P!ATD's version of the Kansas' hit split into part I and II...

P!ATD's cover of Kansas' "Carry On My Wayward Son" Part I

P!ATD's cover of Kansas' "Carry On My Wayward Son" Part II

Last but not least, they ended the show with the burlesquey / baroquey "Nearly Witches" off their latest album, "Vices And Virtues". All in all, notwithstanding the screamers and the general ridiculous shit that goes on at shows where the audience is 18 or under, the whole show was pure magic. And they're performing in Central Park in September as well...yeah, yeah with Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz' new band...whatever.

Next on my agenda - Norwegian black thrashers Aura Noir at Williamsburg Music Hall on June 3rd (they're supporting the bad boys of Swedish black metal - Marduk). If you're in New York, you should check out this show.

Norwegian black / thrashters, Aura Noir - the ugliest band in the world?

Swedish black metal Biatches, Marduk. The guy on the left? I cannot take him seriously.

Miss Pee xx

ps. an update on the Dillinger Escape Plan show, Sleep No More interactive theatre play, Scottish indie rockers Glasvegas and more cool stuff that took place prior to May 24th coming soon. Been too busy hanging out to update this blog regularly...

Stone Sour at the Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC - a great rock band in its own right!

2011-05-02T14:34:00.012-04:00

Stone Sour - the guy on the right, bassist Shawn, is no longer in the band...eh.

Stone Sour performed a nearly sold-out show to a heaving Hammerstein Ballroom in New York on Friday night. I had not seen them since 2007, if I remember correctly when I did an interview with newly buffed Corey Taylor for Tinitus in Norway. They have since turned into an awesome rock band in their own right with the old Slipknot shadow not lingering like a bad smell these days. Funny how the whole woo-aaarhh of two of those members' masks coming off during the first Stone Sour tour is so yesterday that even reminiscing about it feels like it occurred 200 years ago. Which sort of reminds me of the time when I met Slipknot's Craig and mistook him for (Machine Head guitarist) Phil Demmel's tech (Oslo, Nov 2008). Much to Demmel's embarassment as he quickly introduced me to Craig explaining that 'This is his tour...' Erm. "How the fuck am I supposed to know," I retorted howling with laughter. Craig found it amusing. So much so that when I bumped into him at another Slipknot's after-show party two weeks later (this time in London), he actually made a point of saying hello through the crowd. Endearing.

Slipknot in full mask-up. For all I know, Craig could have gone to the loo while this pic was taken...

But back to Stone Sour live. Denise and I watched the show from one of the balconies. We stood behind a couple of bulky douche bags who were smoking pot. In fact, one of them asked me for a lighter. Later on, I recognised them as they hung out with drummer Roy Mayorga. This is while Denise and I were being entertained by Roy's mum, Miriam who made us both howl with laughter with her zero bullshit attitude.

The gig was outstanding though the band played mostly new tracks and I do not have the new album so I picked the short straw on that one. I barely recognised 'Bother', that vocalist Corey Taylor performed by himself with the aid of an acoustic guitar, and last track - '30/30-150'. It was a great show nonetheless and anyone should go check them out at least once in their lifetime. Even if you don't enjoy listening to their studio albums. Live, Stone Sour are grand.

After the gig ended, we made our way backstage and bumped into SS's band manager and quick-witted flirt extraordinaire, Corey Brennan. I don't remember the first time I met Brennan but I will never forget the second time. I was with Nelly at the Slipknot show in London in 2008 and she began chatting with this guy. At one point, as I laughed at one of his jokes, I said to him:-"Who are you??? My name is Patrizia, by the way..." I am drawn to witty people, in general. So Nelly apologised for not introducing me earlier and he responded with:-"I'm Corey, I manage Slipknot and I know who YOU are. I stare at a picture of you everyday..." Erm, what!?? "I have the Murderdoll poster from the Metal Hammer photoshoot in 2003 on my office wall!" Brennan obviously manages the masked members' solo projects as well and apparently, he was at the Murderdolls photoshoot in London on November 8th 2002 (I only remember the exact date cos it took place one day before my 32nd birthday). Double erm...

Here's the above-mentioned pic (words in the M.H. supplement by Terry Bezer, btw).

Jokes aside, you don't have to be charming if you want to be a successful band manager but it does help. Funnily enough, the Killwitch Engage, Slayer, Mastodon and Coheed and Cambria managers are all bastions of human smoothness. But back to Stone Sour's. As we got asked to leave the venue by security, Brennan took us and the rest of his management team to this basement area before he walked us over to the band's dressing room where, as he put it, "There is nothing going on, in fact the band is not even here." Thing is, when you work with bands day in and day out, the last thing you give a shit about is to hang out with them. You might want to keep in touch and make sure they're ok and everything is going according to plan but work comes first.

I exchanged some words with Roadrunner's 'golden ears' Monte Connor in there and then I went outside to have a cigarette as I waited for Denise. In the meantime, I was trying to find out where Terry and his glamour girl, Charley had ended up cos we had split during the show since they wanted to watch it from the pit. While Terry works as the editor of Metal Hammer online and his girlfriend Charley for Live Nation in the UK, they were over in New York to attend Bamboozle in NJ and we'd met up for a 'quick drink' that turned into a five-hour marathon the night before (at Idle Hands, an East Village watering hole). I quickly found out that that's where they were headed again tonight but there was so much going on and I was so exhausted from the night before that I never hit 'send' on my text to Terry until 3am the following morning.

While attempting to reply to Terry's text, I got sidetracked by the crowd gathered outside the backstage door. There was this massive cheer as people began screaming "Corey! Corey!" (Taylor, not Brennan I guess - though, funnily enough, it could have been either since they both walked out next to each other). One minute later, Denise came out and we bumped into Jim Root who (bless him) was having a chat with the same fans that screamed at the sight of his vocalist (who did not stop, by the way). This young kid who looked like a member of My Chemical Romance (in 2004) was eagerly asking Jim technical stuff about his own guitar pick-ups. Dutifully, Root answered the boy's question advising him on what to do in case the pick-up's connecting 'thing' broke. Then he looked up at me and said:-"Heeeeeeeey, how are you? Have you come over all the way from Finland?" Uh? Oh you mean Norway. Yeah, same thing. "No, I live in Brooklyn now. Norway is a thing of the past..." Then more people turned up and as Denise introduced me to this lady who has had a radio show for decades (the female equivalent to Eddie Trunk, maybe? Or maybe not), everyone began to cross-talk and all of a sudden I wanted to get the fuck out of there. We say goodbye to Jim and then Denise and I started walking to this bar that turned out to be eluding us somewhat.

So, as we walked away from the backstage door area, the fans and the general chaos, we realised that the mighty Monte was right in front of us and as we got to the traffic lights, I got ready to shout:"Monte, I am stalking you!" But he and his friend crossed the road to the right while Denise and I went forward. It was then that we bumped into SS's drummer Roy Mayorga and his possee of what must have been 20 people (at least) which included his mum. Funnily enough, vocalist Corey Taylor gave Roy's mum a shout-out from the stage during the show. It's always endearing to know that band members' parents are watching the show. That always provides an element of reality as with your parents there, you really have to step up as a human being and leave the rockstar douche bag in you behind. And that goes for everyone. Around my own mum, for example, I don't behave any different so she is the one who reminds me that maybe it's time I turned down the noise a little. I guess she might want to hide in a corner if she witnessed my drunken furniture-climbing antics in bars first hand. Yeah, like the strictest old school Black Metal fan, my mum is no fun. HA!

I Pee on the furniture - somewhere in New York, summer 2008. And I've done it a couple of times since.

To cut a long story short, Denise has known Roy for yonks so we ended up joining him and his mates to this Irish pub down the road from the venue. We got a couple of drinks in, then she introduces herself to Roy's mum who was standing behind us by herself for a minute. The evening ended up being all about Roy's mum. She was - by far - one of the funniest, most outspoken ladies I had the honour to have had a chat with in yonks. Originally from the north of Spain, Miriam Mayorga was the quintessential Spanish lady - warm, charming, insightful and so honest as to come across endearing. Her no-bullshit attitude was mitigated by her witty disposition and a typically mediterranean physicality where heavy gesticulation is half of the secret of one's success in holding a crowd's attention. "Do not marry a south American," she advised us. "Not even an American - they never grow up! But Canadians are alright..." LOL! At one point, Roy came over to say goodbye -"Mum, I gotta leave now..." and I sure hoped they got to have a chat earlier that night cos Denise and I totally kidnapped Ms Mayorga in that pub. But that's the price one pays for having an entertaining and independent woman for a mother. It could be worse...

Next...not sure what is going on. I live in my own bubble of Norwegian metal and culture these days. Spring is blossoming here in New York but I'm stuck deep in the heart of winter (boom boom!).

Anything exciting coming up in New York that I should check out, feel free to let me know here. I'll probably snap out of this slumber shortly though...

Miss Pee xx

A load of bollocks and Rammstein's Richard Kruspe having a fag on his tod in NYC!

2011-04-25T22:34:00.014-04:00

Too much sex makes you look like this? I'd better take a break.

Life is great when you're having (great) sex. Or any sex at all. But it also means that the former becomes extra busy because of the latter - all of a sudden, all you can think of when you're going to have your next 'fix' while everything else, falls by the wayside. Which reminds me - I ought to have my favourite Victoria's Secret pair of knickers tattooed on my crotch instead.

So IB and I have been hanging out too much (eeek!), going out to dinner and to the cinema (like most normal couples doing cheesy shit) etc...yawn.

And in one of those boring times when we decided to get out of the house, we got to watch a lame film at the cinema - Hanna - the story of this girl trained by her special agent father who goes on to become a special...whatever. Aside from a bunch of breath-taking chasing scenes, the plot is ridiculous and I was left with the feeling that the morons who commissioned this waste of footage have also committed to a sequel. I dont know why but do watch this space. I bet my left lung they will though I will not be sucked into paying any cash in order to sit through another weak ass storyline just cos the trailer is awesome.

Albino heroine Hanna. Cannot be bothered to research the actress's name here.

Source Code, on the other hand, was a little more captivating. If for the odd concoction of Quantum Physics put in motion by some naval officer being kept alive from a parallel dimension in order to investigate the culprit behind the bombing of this train in Chicago. Incidentally, what is wrong with Chicago? The city shots in this film looked amazing and surely, it cannot all be down to the talented cinematographers on the payroll...I will spare you the 'shocking' finale or you wont bother paying for it (like I did). I have to add, however, that it is not one of the best films I have seen in a long time. The 'love story' unfolded too quickly and protagonist Jake Gyllenhall was far too busy acting the 'American hero' for me to be able to take the whole story seriously and engage like I did with The Adjustment Bureau. I know that even that one had its cheesy moments but if you have experienced the whole 'soul mate' thing, you cannot diss that film. Shame that mine is retarded. In this lifetime, at least. Bah.

Jake Gyllenhall - half the man he used to be in Source Code. Erm.

What else. I have booked my flight to Milan. June to July - with a week in the UK to work at Sonisphere (great line up, drool, drool - http://uk.sonispherefestivals.com/). I am too busy at work to stay in Europe for three months this year. Damn, I knew that adult life would soon catch up with me...but Sonisphere Italy and UK, here I come. Luckily.

Sonisphere UK's bill - HAWWT!

Weird shit that can only happen when you hang out in New York - I was out with IB on Tuesday last week and as we made our way to Ella in East Village to check out this stand-up comedy show, we walked past someone that looked rather familiar to me - Richard Kruspe from Rammstein. Well, fuck me, he was smoking a fag outside a restaurant, chatting with some guy and I had no qualms about interrupting them. "Erm...excuse me, are you Richard?" As if he could have been anyone else. "Yeah...hi...?" the guitarist replied as he wondered where he'd met me (he hadn't, if you don't count the time when Nelly and I had been invited in the Rammstein dressing rooms after their show at Canary Wharf in 2002 cos we did some on-air shit for MTV2).

Richard Kruspe - hardly an ordinary
face in the crowd.

We chatted for a few minutes as I wondered whether he lived in New York or Berlin these days (he hops between the two cities whenever he feels like it but will mostly be in Berlin this year cos his girlfriend is giving birth there in June - 'Healthcare is cheaper in Europe...' I guessed). We reminisced about the fun after-show at the swanky hotel after their Madison Square Gardens gig in December and even talked about his booking agent, Michael whom I met a couple of weeks ago - fun guy. Bit of a tease as well when he told me he was having lunch with Richard then. "Awwwww don't say that to meeeeeeee..." I cooed as if that warranted an invite. For some reason, I felt it was perfectly fine to relay that to the direct subject of conversation. Richard, being the fun, polite, flirty guy that he is, giggled as I relayed that irrelevant piece of information. Then, I felt it was the right time to introduce him to IB:"This is my boyfriend, Scott, by the way...Scott, this is Richard..." They shook hands, we made more polite conversation before we wished him a good evening and then IB and I left. "Who was he?" IB asked me as we walked off. "Richard plays guitar in Rammstein," I giggled. "Shhhh...he might hear you, I am dying, right now." IB laughed out loud and I know it sounds totally ridiculous to have such a reaction but that's what happens when you bump into a member of one of your favourite bands that is normally surrounded by so many people that you cannot get to them. The fact that said people would do anything to talk to him and you do not even bother to join in cos it's sad means that when you get him on his own, you make the time to chat. At the Rammstein aftershow in December, I didn't even bother talking to the band cos of that reason. Luckily, Oliver (Riedel, bassist) was not as hounded at the party (he was probably too tall for most fans to try and have a conversation without having to climb up a staircase) so I was able to chat with him. On my tiptoes.

Here with Oliver Riedel. I'm actually wearing four-inch heels in this pic.

To cut a long story short, bumping into Kruspe by chance last night was pretty fabulous but even more priceless was IB's comment afterwards:"I actually knew that Richard would be having a cigarette outside by himself but I made you believe we were going to Ella instead."

Ol' Toothless Bastard - Satan. Been bored of him since 2008.

Next on the agenda...just chilling, writing, doing research into Satanism (as one does) and going to the Stone Sour show with Denise on Friday. Good band live, looking forward to it. Talking about 'live bands', I played 'Rock Band' for the first time on Sunday. IB has a whole musical arsenal in his flat (guitar, piano, electronic drums and a saxophone) so he hooked everything up and I gave it a go (on drums). I've been out of practice so I expected to sound a bit lame but I was disappointed to see that I was even shit at following such a simple song as fucking 'Du Hast'. I loosened up during Stone Temple Pilots' 'Plush' but I was still pathetic compared to where I was in 1998 when I actually could play a bunch of cools songs including 'We Die Young' and 'Give It Away' without having to flinch much. I can read drums tabs as well but the whole 'Rock Band' vertical line threw me off. 'Rock Band' sucks. And so did my drumming after 12 years of inactivity. Boo.

Why is Stone Sour's Corey Taylor wearing my favourite pair of knickers?

Which reminds me - went out for a bite to eat and a natter with Denise last night and as I was about to leave the restaurant, this cute black guy comes over and sits next to me. "Hi, I am (insert name here). They call me 'The Poet'." Undeterred by my 'oh-fuck-off-already' look, 'The Poet' opened his notebook and recited some lines to me:-"Hero, idol, protagonist, parliamentary, Persephone. Questionable, representative, sovereign, suitable, selected, sheer, salacious, tenebrous, tender, tentative, treacherous. Viable, vacuous, voluptous..." "Wanker, X-ray, Zulu?" I interrupted him. "It sounds like you opened a Thesaurus and picked words in alphabetical order. It's certainly an interesting way to write poetry but it does not rev my engine," I concluded. As he jumped onto the chat-up board, asking for my phone number in order to get a second chance at igniting my interest, I was ready to piss on his pistons. "I am not into guys," I offered. "Why," he wondered. "What's wrong with guys?" Goddamn, this guy is a retard, I thought. "Nothing wrong. I am a lesbian," I continued. "It's something you might not have picked up on but it's normal, you know..." "Normal...okkkaaaay...whatever you say," he concluded as he closed his notebook and wondered out of the restaurant. So much for equality, you dumb moron.

And on that note...I left and jumped into a taxi steered by Raj, a lovely, chatty Indian guy who was impressed to find out I had heard of Sikhs. Doh. Don't judge a book by the size of its tits, dude.

Miss Pee