a bit cattywampus

Tears. Seriously.

2012-02-06T20:25:00.002-06:00

This is actually going to be January recap 2 of 3 but I have to tell you - I cried this weekend. Legitimate tears came down my face. Why? I'll tell you.

We were just having the times on Saturday - typical. We had a great Mexican dinner to celebrate Janet's birthday and we were going to drop of Kelly's car before heading to the Knox Street Pub for ultimate dance party (music videos included). I may have had two margaritas with dinner and there may have been live music with a conga line than ended with a (baby) shot of tequila. And I was feeling the tunes and the evening adventures and checking in to all locations - including Kelly's car. So, we park the car and are sitting and waiting to catch our next ride. We're just chatting. And, out of the corner of my eye, I see a man walk in that appears to be dressed well and also appears to maybe be tall. I of course take a gander.

I gander for 2 seconds before I scream out: YOU ARE RON CORNING FROM THE DALLAS MORNING SHOW! And he says "YES!". And I literally start crying. I have to cover my face and I can't even look at him. Everyone is laughing at me and I'm just trying to catch my breath and stop crying and I'm thinking "Oh my God! Movie Star! Celebrity Sighting! STOP CRYING SELF!". By the time I can take my face out of my hands, I am now tuned into the fact that Erin and Kelly are laughing at me. And, apparently Ron Corning invited me to the pool but I didn't hear it because I was having a legitimate panic attack. I mean, seriously, check out this commercial and tell me he isn't the corniest (JOKE - GET IT?) Morning anchor in the history of morning anchors?

MORE - RON! Do you get it?? So what do I do? I get on Twitter and TWEET @RONCORNING. This is the point in the night I realize I have a problem. Do you want to know who the first person I followed on Twitter was? ROBIN ROBERTS.

I love morning news anchors! And then I thought, what if, heaven help me, I accidentally ran into Robin Roberts? I think I would pee myself. I have NO idea what I would do!

Which, PS, you may recognize Izzy from this famous news flub.

So, what else happened in January? I went to St. Louis with Jessica. Girlfriend Sarah was the most fabulous host ever! We did SO MANY THINGS when we were in St. Louis!

Before I get to the so many things, let me give you a synopsis of pre-trip. Pre-trip something came up that made me say to Jessica "Jessica, do you know what state St. Louis is in?" And she said no. So I told her St. Louis was in Missouri. End of story.

Fast forward to St. Louis. We're all out having the best time ever and met up with friend Priyanka and Ashley and were listening to music and dancing and having a fabulous time! We move to a pub and we are sitting around talking and someone says (probably Sarah) says "Jessica doesn't know what state we are in." And I chime in "Yes she does, I told her." And I am preparing for my proudest moment this new man says "Jessica, what state are we in?" Jessica doesn't miss a beat.

"Montana."

Funniest moment of the trip. Hands down. Oh, except for when Jessica told us she went on a Jack-in-the-box diet for one summer and ate two tacos and an oreo milkshake for breakfast, lunch and dinner and lost 5lbs.

I'm telling you people, you should come to Dallas just to meet Jessica. She is a perfect friend and she diets just like me. And she cracks me up like crazy. And I have to stop talking about her or else Girlfriend Sarah will get jealous.

Back to St. Louis. We did EVERYTHING!

Taking hipster photos

Botanical Gardens Tropical Forest

Visiting the Arch

Visiting a bar that looks like a strip club

Hanging out at the zoo with a ham of an orangutan

Playing some Big Buck Hunter on Sunday Funday

Lacing up our skates for ice skating

Toured Anheuser Busch Brewery with free sips

Girlfriend Sarah was the ULTIMATE host! She took us to so many great restuarants and showed us all of her favorite spots. And I got to share a twin bed with Jessica the entire weekend. And we went to the grocery story and she took us to the Quik Trip for my first taquito EVER and it was amazing with a fountain DC and we shopped and shopped and looked at antique stores and had brunch and it was just an amazing, fun-filled, non stop perfect girls weekend! There is not one thing I would change. Best weekend ever!

Also, preparing you for recap 3 of 3 of January: the zero mention of Justin means I didn't think of him at all while on vacation.

January Recap 1 of 3

2012-01-29T21:19:00.001-06:00

Where, oh where, have I been!??

Lots of places! I'll do a few blogs to back track because January has been such a great successful month full of so many times! I have some items I want you to know immediately, but I have to start at the beginning. So... we will go there... to January 1st!

Beautiful but disgusting

New Years Eve kicked off the year. Emily (83) planned a so great dinner and bar situation to ring in 2012. Nate was in town while he covered the bowl game, so he was obviously my date. We went to Cane Russo with Kelly, Jess, Husband Keith, Emily, Brother David of Emily, Other Jess, Lauren, Brittany and Logan! Such great food (pizza, duh) and toasting of champagne! After dinner most people came back to my place where we had more beverages and terrible cupcakes.

The terrible cupcakes were the worst! I think I'm an ok baker so when I tasted the garbage I presented to my guests, I was quite upset. They were a new take on my always wildly successful strawberry champagne cupcake, however it appears Central Market sold me a bottle of champagne that smelled of (and tasted like) dirty socks. Very frustrating. I now have to prove myself to those people who only know these cupcakes as my baking capabilities.

See, I was having a third "date" on New Years Eve. Justin (from last post) joined us with his friend Darin. How embarrassing that he thinks I make bad cupcakes! Pause.

I was very undecided on Justin coming to New Years Eve. He asked me if he could see me and I thought that was weird because NYE is a holiday. Yes, the worst holiday, but a holiday nonetheless. No one else really thought it was TOO weird because it was only NYE... so, I obliged the masses and invited him out with us. Play.

Me and Nathan on NYE in Dallas!

Most important thing for you to know about the night: I looked very pretty in my dress, tuxedo heels and fake eyelashes.

Husband Keith (of Jess) did a great job of peer pressuring everyone to drink a lot of whiskey so by the time it was time to go to the bar, everyone was having a great time. I was well behaved and did not succumb to peer pressure and casually sipped my vodsod while I discarded the cupcakes. Such a waste.

Anyway, NYE was fabulous, except, they missed midnight. How do you miss midnight on new years?? Sigh.

New Years Day evening was fabulous because that is when I had so much Penn State fun in Dallas! Nan and Dan came down from Tulsa for the Bowl Game and Rohrbach was in town with his friends for the game too! We all met up with Nate at a bar, Nan and Dan rocked the juke box and confirmed that they are dating, and we all cheersed and had the best time ever! We didn't stay out past midnight because our plans for the bowl game were big!

Free DC? Don't mind if we do!

Nan and Dan were staying with me so we woke up at 7am to make eggs, drink mimosas and prepare for the day ahead. Dan had purchased this AMAZING 4 ticket special that got us 4 tickets to the bowl game, 4 hot dogs and 4 diet cokes! Can you imagine anything better? Well, yes: Dan also had a friend that was tailgating so we got to have the full football experience! Justin actually came with us too as the 4th ticket. He was a total trooper... especially because the day started at 7am and didn't end until 11pm. We really raged hard.

Dan is following the sun

Besides watching terrible football and following the sun to stay warm and drinking diet cokes and beers, we did a lot of walking and rode the DART train and went to a beer garden and met up with Erin and Jess and Emily and others. It was still freezing cold, so we continued enjoying bevs and laughing and having the times! By 7pm we realized that we had only noshed on some tailgate bites and a hot dog, so we gathered the group and went to a pizza place that had great pizza and terrible mean service. I mean, pizza is pizza, so you should be a little nice when dropping it on the table, B. Regardless, the company was the times and we just laughed and laughed! By the time 10:30 rolled around I was totally exhausted!

Nan and Dan stayed another night in the Big D and were out the door by 7:30 on Tuesday morning. They paid me so many compliments for being so host-y in the morning. They thought they were in my way while I was getting ready for work so they tried to stay out of my hair. I didn't really notice and they weren't in my way until I went into the kitchen and they were brushing their teeth in the kitchen sink. I explained that this was unnecessary and that they could use the bathroom. N&D took an OJ for the road and that was that! I was SO happy to host them and add Nan to my visitor list and Dan to the repeat visitor list!

When I went to work on that first Tuesday of the New Year, I hadn't been in the office for a very long time because of holiday travel. I didn't even notice as I walked to my cube that ALL OF MY THINGS WERE GONE!

Just some office fun.

This was supposed to be a funny joke they played on me. Like: Hahaha, let's move everything Megan owns and put her in a new cube. I was a little shocked at first because I thought I was getting fired. And then I thought it was funny when I saw my new cube with a bow on it and all of my things moved and organized. I really didn't mind the move, but I couldn't let them know that. Miss Judy was behind the move so while she was out of the office I went to Walmart and spent $5 on wrapping paper, bows and garland and decorated her desk for her.

Got her.

Expectations.

2012-01-03T10:40:00.001-06:00

So one of the sups just stopped by to visit me and we were chatting and she said she was out with her friend and she saw a very tall handsome man and she said HE IS CUTE! I HAVE A GIRL FOR HIM! So, she wanted to check and see if I had gotten married, and since I haven't, she said she'll keep an eye out for me.

So we get to chatting and she says, you probably don't even remember that you said this to me...

PANIC.

Has anyone ever said that to you before? I say A LOT of things and don't really count on people remembering what I say. This made me very nervous!

But, apparently I told her at one point that men should be afriad of me because I have very high expectations and that is the way I'm keeping it.

So, she had that rolling around in her mind when she saw her ex (he cheated on her) over the holidays and he asked her to get back together and she internalized for a moment and then said to him: My expectations have changed. We will not work anymore.

Moral: People remember things we don't.

Lesson: Always listen to what you're saying!

Farewell 2011!

2011-12-29T22:14:00.000-06:00

Good Day and Welcome to the last blog post of 2011.

I had a terrible thought today, and that thought was: what if this isn't the last blog post of 2011, but the last blog post of abitcattywampus? Silly, I know, but I feel an unnecessary amount of (self) pressure to up my blogging skills, content and occurences. You know, I do listen to what you followers say in casual conversation and you're all a very difficult group to please. If I'm telling wild tales of raging some of you say "Uh, Megan, too long of a post" or "Uh, Megan, we like it better when you complain" or some say "I didn't laugh at that" (cough, Jarrod). I also am worried that the only person that really reads my blog is my Dad. And, while my Dad is a great follower, he kind of has to read if he's a follower. I mean, I am the oldest and best child. It only makes sense!

What am I getting at here? I think I need to revamp the blog in 2012 if it's going to survive. I need to be more dedicated to posting. And, I need to think what I'm going to post about. And I need to find 100 followers! And that's what I'm FEELING and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it.

I'll decide at 12:04AM 1/1/2012.

But, since all of that is happening in 2012, here's what I've been busy doing these last few weeks of 2011:

Most immediately, I have a run in my hoe. And what does that mean, exactly? In college, the roommates and I took to some particular speaking habits. We can speak for hours in what will sound like entirely incomplete thoughts in a different language, but we all know what is going on. One of the peculiar things (or so others have told me) was our ability to singuar-ize (new word) things that are usually plural for the singluar. So, like... Pants : Pant. Shoes: Shoe. Hose: Hoe. These may seem like minor changes, but it's enough for an outside listener to think: What? A sentence could be: I couldn't find a pant I liked that matched my shirt. I need a shoe to wear tonight (even though we would definitely be wearing two shoes). Or, I have a run in my hoe (abbreve for hose, abbreve for pantyhose/nylon/tights). This run in my hoe is just about trying to ruin my day. These are BRAND NEW! They were an average of $4, but they are nude and see through but still thick with a very subtle pattern. Perfect for spicing up a work outfit without being out of control. And my new boot has this great zipper on it and just SNAGGED it like SNAGGING is it's job! Which, it is NOT because WALKING is there job. This all happened before 9AM on a great outfit day. Happy Thursday. God.

Transitioning: I did not wear pantyhose when I was home for the holidays. I spent much of my time in sweats, jeans and leggings. I didn't even really pack a work outfit which was terrible because I went into the office and had to dress business casual. I love going into the Pittsburgh office because I have met some wonderful people in that office through my last role. I don't really go in to the office to work - I go in to the office to go to lunch with the ladies. We went to Max and Irma's and I had the chicken tortilla soup and it was fabulous!

Baby Rain also came to visit for the weekend. I cannot say ENOUGH how cute he is! He can work the iPad and iPhone and with a little bit of help has beaten a level of Angry Birds (I'm not bragging or anything.) He also loves remotes and the on/off button on the TV. I, however, really like the Weeble toy we got him that has a crank to get the Weebles to the top of the slide and then they hit a noise maker at the end of the slide and this really great Weebles Wobble But The Don't Fall Down Music plays. Most grown ups play with that toy longer than Baby Rain does.

Miller Family Christmas happens the week before Christmas for as long as I can remember. This was the third annual Cousin's Night Out, celebrated on the Southside and everyone that could be in attendance was! We milked a few uncles for some cash money and my Dad also attended and purchased the first round! We had a lot of fun and were pretty well behaved until Cousin Danny decided to crowdsurf at the bar with all the cousins. The bouncer quickly yelled at Boyfriend Matt (least likely to cause a problem) and the bartender secretly told us that it was pretty impressive that we were able to have him crowd surf for so long. This was at 1:45 and when we all decided Primanti's would be a good idea. It was. And the half I saved for breakfast the next morning was also a great idea!

The big Christmas event for my Mom's side of the family is Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve has always been the favorite holiday of all, until recently. The olds just complicate everything with there whacko planning. I'm not sure if it has always been this way or only recently, but let's be serious: there is no need for my dinner plate to have lasagna, pork roast, roast beef sandwich and stuffed pepper soup on it. Not because that is a lot of food (I had small portions, anyway) but because that DOES NOT GO and requires a LOT of effort. Also, my Aunt Ro's house has a very small basement and she basically shoves us all down there. She doens't actually shove us there, but that is where the food and drinks and chairs are so we don't have much choice to go anywhere else. My aunt also moved the very appropriately placed in a corner day bed and put it in the MIDDLE of the room. I think the idea was "look, now 6 people can sit on the bed instead of 3!" but it was still a TWIN BED in the MIDDLE of the room. It also gave the kids an opportunity to throw themselves on the bed and bounce other people while they were eating, drinking, chatting. It was weird. Also, we do the grabbag. Last year you remember (right?) that I painstakingly folded 25 $1 bills into a christmas wreath as a gift. This year, I was insipred by Parks and Recreation and made a Female TREATCHOSELF! gift that included: Diamonds (fake), Chocolate (covered pretzels) and Champagne (Korbel). My aunt ended up with this present and loved the sparkly bracelet, gave cousin Kelly the champagne and I snatched back those chocolate covered pretzels (yum!). I ended up with some knives - which I was pleased about.

My immediate family opens gifts on Christmas Eve. So after the events of Aunt Rosemary's Christmas Eve we all trecked back to my house (one street away) and searched for wine and after dinner liqour, clicked on the HDTV Yule Log and carols and began to open presents! This year we totally blew my mom's socks off and got her 8 of the wine glasses she loves and would never have got for herself. We wrapped them differently and gave them to her at separate times so she was really surprised - we did a good job! I always complain that I don't have any surprises for Christmas because I'm usually my mother's elf: shopping, wrapping, etc, but this year I did have surprises and got a lovely tortosie Coach boyfriend watch and my sister surprised me with this fake fur I've been adminiring at Macy's. Brother Adam got me all kinds of Steelers gear and Brother Matt asked me to buy myself something so he got me the boots that snagged the hoe I'm wearing today. Dad capped off Christmas by presenting me and Allie with savings bonds that were purchased in our name at birth and are just about done earning interest - woohoo!

The holiday was a total success and I had a great time being home! Although, I'm glad to be back in Dallas and attempting to reestablish some type of routine! The rest of 2011 will be spent on chores and mini projects and reading. Oh, and then I guess I'll also ring in the New Year with some lovely friends!

2011, you were The Times. 2012, the bar's been set high!

the unthinkable...

2011-12-13T19:32:00.000-06:00

I'm getting ready to leave Dallas!

Do you feel like all I do is blame my lack of updating on travel plans?? Because I do! Lot's of back and forth this fourth quarter, and if things go my way... a trip to visit girlfriend Sarah for MLK weekend, a business trip back to Chattanooga at the end of January and perhaps another girls trip with Ashley and Kim to California in February or March will lead me right into all the bridal goodness to celebrate bride-to-be Allison in Philadelphia will take me pretty much through June! But, that's ok... because that's the only way I'd have it. Now that I have the iPhone with much improved touch screen capabilities for enhanced texting, perhaps I'll figure out how to work the blogger app. Perhaps.

So, when we lasted chatted I told you I was online dating. This is true. I was winking and messaging with the best of them. And I even set up 3 dates with humans who passed the initial scan. I actually had to stop going on match.com becuase the amount of emails and winks is totally overwhelming. For the most part, there is a LOT of weeding out to do ... for every ten winks/messages recieved, I'd say there is only one worth responding to. And then, that person will soon enough prove themselves to be boring or something like that.

The problem with all of this activity is that I really enjoy my non activity time. My work day is fairly stressful with the new job and managing 20 people and having no idea what they do and they escalate everything and....

it's just a lot of anxiety.

So, to come home and watch some type of reality tv, enjoy my dinner, putz on gchat or read a book... well. I really love doing that. Especially after a vacation. And these dates were just cramping my style. So I decided to do the three and not go back online until January.

First date was with Wade who appeared much younger in person than in photos - but I could still see the resemblance so I wasn't so mad about that. He was very dull. I mean, don't get me wrong, I had no problem stirring up conversation but he was just... blah. OH! And, he admitted that one of his favorite movies is How to Lose a Girl in 10 Days. Now one of my dating questions is: So, what kind of movies do you like? I'm not a movie buff or anything, but pretty sure that is a weird movie for a 32 year old man to mention as a favorite during a first date.

Second date was with Patrick who appeared just as expected and was early (but, I was also late). He was funny and friendly and alluded to second date, but I was pleased when no text message game and didn't have to think of an excuse. I think both of us decided it was more friendly than romantic. He would be a good friend though because our conversation ended with discussing duck suicides at Niagra falls - I think that means he gets it.

Third date was with Justin who is 6'4 and was a few minutes late to the bar. But, we had great chat chat chatting for almost 4 hours. He even walked me all the way to my car, which was in the total opposite direction of his car. Texting occured and we went on a second date on Friday.

Pause.

I do not second date. I think there is something wrong with me, but I just don't do it. Why? Any number of reasons: he was short, he was weird, he liked the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, he blinks a lot, he wore cargo shorts, etc. However, there was no major red flag with Justin so second date occurred.

Play.

He was a perfect gentleman, opening doors picked up the check and offered me his arm to hold while walking. More great chat chat chatting and we visited three establishments. At the final stop of the night, we did the unthinkable. And because I know it is unacceptable, I'm going to put it out there and take the ridicule:

We sat on the same side of the booth/table.

I know, I know, I knowwwww. That is the WORST! Gag, barf - right!? But, I did sit on the same side as him and I feel like I need to admit to this totally out of character behavior and take appropriate actions to stop doing that. I mean, I knew this was bad, but I continue to be reminded after I admit the situation to multiple people and they all go: OH MY GOD. Are you kidddddddddding me!!??

Sigh. I did it. We have also chatted since then, and suspect a third date is likely after the holidays. I'm perfectly ok with this.

That takes us through Friday, and then on to Saturday, which was the girls celebration dinner! Emily and Jessica (Follower 82 and 83) are EXTREME planners and they, with the help of roommate Erin, planned a lovely reservation for 15 lovely ladies at St. Anne's. It was such a fun night! Now, I'm going to be modest and not tell you that we were the prettiest table in the whole damn restaurant or that we were definitely having the most fun in the restaurant or that you totally missed out on a phenom Christmas celebration, I'm just going to tell you the truth:

We were all dressed in our sparkles and holiday attire to celebrate Christmas and we drank a lot of wine. (Really, a lot). It was a really great holiday celebration and I'm very much looking forward to a New Years Eve celebration with some of these ladies!

Before we get to New Years, I'm off to Pittsburgh to celebrate Christmas! Things to look forward to: Rian's second visit to Pittsburgh, being Pete's date to his office party that he already told me is going to be terrible, the 3rd Annual Cousin's Night Out party, Miller Christmas, Pederson Christmas and hopefully, lots of shopping and baking!

So, before I get out of here, I need to set some follower business straight: I double counted cousin Ryan as follower 83. That is wrong. Follower 83 is Jessica (roommate of Follower 82, Emily) and was MOVED to follow after me asking her to do so in the last post. Jessica 2 is fabulous in the same fashion Emily is fabulous (they are "rooms") and Jess wins "prettiest" award from Saturday's dinner (she had GREAT hair)! I'm so happy Jessica is joining us as 83!

Pittsburgh Highlights

2011-12-06T22:27:00.001-06:00

I am back in Dallas and it feels great! I'm not saying that to upset my Mother (which, if she's reading this, it probably will) but, it is so exhausting being away from your bed and your shower and your accessories and shoes! So, I'm back! In my bed, with my shampoo and my earrings and my pillows and it's just what I wanted.

So, you know I've been nonstop for ... 3??? weeks! I've been in Pittsburgh most of that time and then I had to go to our Boubonnais office which is south of Chicago. And then before that I was in Chattanooga and I think Phoenix. And... It's just been a very busy time of travel! But, thankfully, the only trip I have left this year is back to Pittsburgh for Christmas - and I can handle that.

So, Pittsburgh highlights:

1) The Flight. Success. Great book. Great tunes. 10pm arrival. All was right in the world! The book I was reading is called "All but for the" by Ali Smith and it's about a dinner guest's plus 1 that leaves the table and locks himself in a room in the house and communicates, occassionally, by sending a note under the door. It's very witty and made me chuckle, but I must confess, the end confused me. I would recommend it to a real reader and not a casual reader. I would not recommend purchasing it, just ask me and you can borrow it!

2) Thanksgiving. For whatever family reasons there are, we separated Thanksgiving this year between my Grandma and her sister's family. This is the first ever. Very disappointing because now that all of the cousins, for the most part, are drinking age and have been on their own a little bit.. the kid table is so fun! This year we missed cousin Patrick, who is definitely the wildcard. Either way, we had a great kids table dinner and Nanny made me a special chocolate pie for dessert since I hate all other Thanksgiving desserts. Imean, dessert is not dessert unless there is chocolate. So all those pies? YOU CAN SHOVE THEM UP YOUR BUTT!

3) The Office. Last year, you may recall, my family had two popular holiday sayings: HEY YOU, WOODCHUCK, QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD! and CHRISTMAS IS RUINED. This year it is "AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT" to quote our favorite office character, Stanley. Well, ok, Stanley is not our favorite, Dwight is, but... we aren't quoting Dwight, are we? No dinner is complete without a long story and a suggestion for a better way to do something that ends with screaming out AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT. It's similar to tourettes, but on purpose, so actually, it is totally different.

4) The Grandparents, aka "the olds". The olds moved in with my parents and I suppose some type of routine is being discovered in the house. I would say the highlights of the routine are: Wake up. Grandma doesn't feel well and Poppy needs breakfast. Take Grandma's blood pressure with the blood pressure tool in the living room. The blood pressure tool is actually a very fun exercise for the entire family and has been made into a game: who has the best blood pressure? Answer: Not my dad. Lots of watching TV. Ellen, The Stew, Bold and the Beautiful. If it's on ABC, they're watching it. Unless they press the wrong button on the remote, which they do (often) and then someone has to fix the color/channel/volume/power/caption/laungage/etc. Lunch. My grandma doesn't eat a lot so we push Ensure on her and my poppy says he doesn't want lunch but always eats cheese crackers or apple slices. The rest of the day is more TV. Sometimes my poppy takes a "walk" which is either circling the center of the house three times or walking down the driveway and back up to the house. He uses a cane, but "use" isn't the right word since all he does is drag it behind him. More TV. More on/off TV troubleshooting. Dinner. Grandma never wants anything for dinner but we have to make her eat something which she usually makes faces about and makes the entire process exhausting. Poppy is a good eater and cleans his plate. Grandma does not like AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT said at the dinner table, she shakes her head. Poppy laughs. He gets it. He's funny. After dinner is ice cream time. The olds LOVE ice cream. It is the only thing my grandma eats without complaining. And if grandma gets it, poppy gets it too. And since I'm scooping the ice cream... well.. ok, I'll just have a scoop or two also. The other fun part of the day is answer the same questions for my grandma. The big question is "What do you want for Christmas?" and I say "Diamonds. Big ones. 3 karats for my ears." This leads into a discussion about if I deserve them (apparently not) and that she might get herself some diamonds (not going to happen because she lost the last diamonds). And then there is a pause and she says "What do you want for Christmas?" And the second time she asks I'll usually say "I want $10 more than you are giving to Matt". And then the next time she says "What do you want for Christmas?" I say "Diamonds". And that goes on ALL. DAY. LONG. It's Groundhog Hour. And I'mnot getting any diamonds.

5) The Times. The Times were had a few nights. I went to a 90s Party with Peter and it was really so funny because, in addition to 90's attire like starter jackets, they had put beanie babies EVERYWHERE, huggies, kool-aid squeezers and gushers. Top notch. I do love seeing Peter when I'm in Pittsburgh but hate when he doesn't shave his face. Which he didn't. Which I suggested he should. Which he didn't. I went out with Sister Allie and Brother Matt on Wednesday and SOME STRANGER TUGGED MY HAIR AND SAID "Is this natural?" To which I said "It's natural, and it's amazing." To which he said "Don't get a big head" To which I SHOULD have said "Don't get a big nose... oh... wait.." but I actually said "It's not ego, it's a fact" and then that was that. He had a giant nose, really. And then On Friday I went out with my Dad and Brother Matt and Cousin Patrick to the Southside and saw MK, fiance Tom, Kolan and Gio. Within 30 minutes of getting there, Cousin Patrick, who had been drinking vodka since 2pm, was kicked out of the bar and we had to leave. But, we got primatis which, I consider a successful night.

6) Online Dating. I'm doing it, and I've had three dates. That will be my next update!

online dating

2011-11-14T21:31:00.001-06:00

Great news, humes! I'm online dating. I haven't decided how much I'm going to share with you.... actually, who am I kidding? I have no boundaries.

Here's the deal - I have a SIX month subscription to match.com. Yes. This is serious. I figure if I spend the rest of the year practicing my online "winking" and messaging, I'll be good to go by January. Why is January such an important month? Because I expect everyone to go home for the holidays and their family will ask them all kinds of annoying things like "Are you dating anyone? No.. oh.." and "Oh, so and so is engaged" or "So and so is expecting twins!" and everyone will feel just AWFUL about themselves. And they will say: "That is it! Effective January 1st I am changing my life and I'm doing it with online dating!!!"

And there I'll be.

Waiting.

With a wink. Or something. I haven't quite figured it all out yet.

Here's what I do know:

1) Filters are amazing. Now that I've set email filters, old men can no longer email me. I was getting way too many "Heyyyy purty lady" from 50 somethings in nowhere Texas. Really weird. Now, that is gone. Phew!

2) Most people did not complete grade school. I mean, why else would you still say "u" for "you", "aiiight" for "alright" or "2" for "to" if you knew any grammar at all??

3) Messages don't really creep me out, but they do make me feel sad for the sender. Not sad enough to sympathy date, but sad enough to feel bad for them.

4) Match says NO for you! You just click the "no thanks" button and it sends this generic email that says "Sorry, I don't think we are a good fit. Good luck!" and that is that!

Here are some of the messages I've received:

Ding Ding Ding!! And the winner is "You".. Please email to collect your prize. "Me"... Making you laugh & smile is in my DNA :) Let's see if I can pull you off this thing?

Gag. Ser.

Heard you were looking for me! Lol. Lame line, sorry. Just wanted to say hello.

Regardless of this being a capital-L LAME line, have a little confidence, gosh.

are you a steeler fan? Do you like regulard Coca Cola?

Regulard? REALLY!?

Hi, Im Ryan. This daily matches thing says we have the same birth month. What day is your birthday? Mine is June 12th. Well, read your profile and wanted to say hi.

Birthday month? Maybe you should try a lame line...

I read your profile
and thought we might be a good match.
I am fairly neat, loving animal, laid back
enjoy life...
I am not here for game, but a start of a serious relationship
if you want to get to know each other better
prehaps we can spend a little time together over a dinner or lunch.

Now, you know my feelings on minorities, and the email above is clearly from an ESL student. However, match.com has helped me decide that on my list of priorities grammar comes before ethnicity.

More to come!

Be responsible, folks!

2011-11-13T13:51:00.001-06:00

The past few days have been a whirlwind. I think I love traveling, but I hate the exhausted feeling I have once I finally get to sit down and think about everything! I'm taking sleep very seriously when I am in my bed. But now I'm filled with constant anxiety that the fire alarm is going to go off. WHY? Well, I'll tell you: the fire alarm went off the other week and I've decided I'm traumatized by it.

See, what had happened was I was sleeping. I don't know what cycle of sleep I was in, but I start dreaming this demonic voice. And I'm slowly stirring and when I finally get my eyes open and I can process things I see Roommate Erin in my room. She TOTALLY SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME and I scream. And she screams back. And then she says "We need to go!".

How does Roommate Erin know we need to go? Well, our apartment building has THE. LOUDEST. emergency talking alarm thing. The woman who delivers the message does so with an irritating beep that pierces your ears. She says things like: THIS. IS. AN. EMERGENCY. PLEASE. EVACUATE. THE. BUILDING. IF YOU ARE DISABLED, FOLLOW YOUR DISABLED EVACUATION PLAN. THIS. IS AN. EMERGENCY. etc. The voice is terrifying because you cannot think about anything. Which makes it hard to leave the house.

Anyway, Roommate Erin (so level headed) says "I'm going to check if other people are leaving."

Pause: Our building has a poor history of the fire alarm sounding for NO reason. This is the 3rd time I've been woken up by the alarm, but the first time the alarm has happened at night time.

While Erin checks the door, I struggle to find a sweatshirt to go outside (totally forgetting it's 60 degrees out). I then hear Erin scream: MEGAN! WE. HAVE. TO. GO. THERE IS SMOKE!

So now the fire is real! Erin and I TAKE OFF like MANIACS running down the stairs.She's holding her shoes and sans glasses, and I'm still not really awake and thinking that I'm so glad I have renter's insurance. There is total chaos outside. People are out in their pj's, dogs are fighting, police and fire trucks are arriving and the entire situation seems very serious, except for the fact that we are all standing right next to the building so there must not be a fire.

Annoying.

After 45 minutes we are allowed back upstairs and our floor definitely smells like smoke. So I know we weren't crazy. When we get in the apartment it occurs to me we did not lock our doors and this makes me slightly panicked. Ok, really panicked. I check all closets, showers and the balcony to look for an intruder. I'm certain this would have been a perfect opportunity for them to break in and kill us in the night. Thankfully, no intruder was found.

My adrenaline was really going crazy with the loud noises, the dog fight and the hypothetical intruder that I could hardly fall back to sleep. The next morning was rough.

The next afternoon all residents received an email titled "Fire Alarm" which thanked us for exiting the building so quickly and efficiently (they must have seen me and Erin running for our lives) and then provided some helpful "hints" for apartment living. My favorite was: A responsible adult should monitor the kitchen at all times when cooking to prevent food from burning.

Someone on the 4th floor is clearly irresponsible. Not I. Or Erin.

Uh! That was exhausting reliving that terrible alarm. I'll blog about Wurstfest and Chattanooga later this week!

Baby Rain!

2011-11-01T20:51:00.000-05:00

Here I am! Just a few short days after my last post! Could I be back on a roll???

We'll discuss posting regularities later - let's focus on my adorable nephew first:

Isn't he the sweetest thing in the entire world?? He just turned 1 in Septemeber and I got to spend a day with him, Brother Adam and my Mother when I was in Pittsburgh. We went to the Olive Garden. And Target. We laughed and made coo-ing noises and probably annoyed other tables. Did I care one bit? Nope. He really was the cutest thing in that silly restaurant! We were totally oblivious to everyone else in that restaurant and did everything I scowled at when I was a waitress. We made sure the waitress knew she was interrupting us when she asked if we needed anything. We let him throw everything on the floor, and then left it there. I know these are sins as a former waitress, but I don't care one bit. I was just having the times with this sweet little button who, remarkably, can use a cell phone.

He was playing with the cell phone and my mom called it so it would vibrate and ring and he managed to 1) deny the call and 2) send an auto text that said "I'm in a meeting" back to my mother. Handsome and smart? Oh lord.

Ok, so I know gushing about a baby is the most annoying thing ever - especially when no matter what you say I will never believe there is a cuter one out there. But, I just want to show off those beautiful blue eyes and that smile that I can't wait to see again in November!

Great, breaking news: 3 new followers!

79: Cousin Ryan Miller! Cousin Ryan and Wife Jaci are going to be parents any day now, so cousin Ryan is probably not going to be reading this ever again. But that's ok.

80: LeBlanc is also known as Friend Jeffrey who lived with me and Erin for a week. He was a wonderful house guest and paid compliments when they were wanted (for example, my homemade strawberry champagne cupcakes). He also did not complain about the fact that I set 3 alarms (all of which you can hear in the living room) and snooze them for 30 minutes.

81: Emily! Emily is so southern (and pretty) and she a ran over a raccoon once when I was in her car! And she is such a great friend in Dallas, and now that she's following I expect her to get the also so great Jess to be my 82nd follower!

Who will be 83 then??

Nature

2011-10-29T15:32:00.003-05:00

Let me tell you something: Phoenix is LOVELY in October!

I got to go to Phoenix two weekends ago for work. It was sunny and a cool 95. And I was just loving life and that temperature. October in Phoenix is why people move there. They think "Oh my gosh, this is AMAZING! And the cost of living? WOW! I should move here!". And then they move there. And they LOVE LIFE until July, August and September. And they think "Oh my gosh, this is AWFUL AND I WANT TO DIE!" because the heat is so (SO!) terrible. I don't care that everyone goes "it's a dry heat". Yea, yea, yea. My oven is a dry heat and you don't see me hanging out in there - do you?

Either way, I loved being in Phoenix! And, because I had to be there at the end of one week and the beginning of the next, me and friend (and peer) Priyanka stayed through the weekend with three other people that are in our program: Chris, Karina and Dave. Karina is the only one that reads my blog, but I'm going to tell you about all of them.

Chris: Chris is my favorite person in my program. That is all.

Dave: Dave is my least favorite person. That is all.

Karina: Karina is so funny I can't stand it. She's going to be blogging soon and I can't wait to share that post with you. We're also both going to do match.com (more on that later). Anyway, if you're ever in Phoenix (or if you know a tall, dark, single, Trinidad-ian (is that right, Karina?)... send him her way!)

So, we stayed with them and on Saturday we went to Sedona and stayed in Flagstaff on Saturday night. And then on Sunday we went to the Grand Canyon and then on Monday morning me and Priyanka were at work bright and early!

Let's talk trip details:

*The Ford Fiesta: WORST. CAR. EVER. Worst car ever ESPECIALLY for a 4 person (Chris, my favorite, did not come) road trip. I mean, our knees were in our chins. We could not pass other cars. When I accelerated to 45mphs the car hit 5000RPMS!! Stupid Fiesta. Don't ever get one.

*Team Front Seat/Team Back Seat: The majority of the trip was divided into two teams: Front Seat/Back Seat. Me and Karina were team Front Seat and Dave/Priyanka were team Back Seat. Karina and I get along very well and Dave irritates both of us so it was nice to put him out of sight and just laugh and sing and drive the stupid Fiesta.

*Sedona: Beautiful! Really and truly breathaking and I don't say that about too much scenery (I hate nature). We saw the Chapel in the side of the rock mountain thing (I'm no good at details) and we went to some of the touristy shops and we got touristy ice cream - WHICH - they were out of CHOCOLATE AND VANILA! I mean, really? Stupid ice cream store - you should ALWAYS have the basics. Come on.

*Pink Jeep Tour: We did a PJT in Sedona and it was SO. MUCH. FUN! That is the kind of nature I like! We were bouncing around and hitting 25 mphs and going up and down rocks. And our tour guide, Mr. Alan, for the most part put up with us even if he didn't tell us all kinds of stories or find us a rattlesnake. Mr. Alan has no patience and his wife tells him so and he's sorry he didn't wait for us to look at the camera for our picture but it's time to get back in the Jeep! God, Mr. Alan.

*Flagstaff: We stayed in Flagstaff on Saturday night and that was great. We found an Italian BYOB restaurant convienently located next to a wine store and we enjoyed a sampler of a bunch of things at the table. It was a nice dinner with the Adele record (yes! record!) playing in the background and a good wind-down from the day. I was sleeping by 9pm and it was incredible.

*Drive to Grand Canyon: When we woke up the next morning for a 8am departure to the GC, I almost forgot how much I hated the Ford Fiesta. Well, guess what? I still HATED THE FORD FIESTA ON SUNDAY! But, we saw AWESOME roadkill on the drive to the GC including an elk (or maybe a moose? What's the difference)!!! OMG! The roadkill was HUGE! Really, SO big.

*Grand Canyon: We had lovely weather for the GC. I've heard horror stories of people getting there and it being cold and foggy and you can't see anything! Well - we could see everything! There were so many tourists too! And we really enjoyed the view and I was having so much fun!.... for 25 minutes. See, the problem with the GC is that all it is is ROCK. There is only SO MUCH ROCK I CAN LOOK AT! But they said "no, no, you have to see it from another angle". And I said "Ok". But from the other angle it was still rock and by the end of the three hour adventure I was maxxed out on rock. But, I can check it off my list!

And, that my friends, was the Grand Canyon! Next up: a weekend in Pittsburgh and meeting my nephew!

Jambalaya is so good!

2011-10-12T21:06:00.000-05:00

I'm blogging from a hotel room in Phoenix. And I had Chinese delivered to me for dinner. I feel really weird about the entire situation, but I don't have a rental and it was the takeout menu on top. Dinner came with a 32 oz DC, and that makes me feel better. I cannot figure out how to work this TV and now I'm stuck on Wheel of Fortune. My life is not what I want it to be. I'll tell you what I SHOULD have done - I should have said hello two the two handsome men in the elevator with me that had some type of foreign accent. I could have said *smile* "Where are y'all from?" *smile*. (That is me being charming.)

BUT! I didn't. The SuperShuttle had me a bit flustered since it took way too long and the man was 90 and drove 25 mph, including turns in front of traffic. He also asked me if I was married, to which I said no, and then he asked me if I wanted to get married. My first proposal. On an Arizona highway. In a big blue van. To a 90 year old. I politley declined.

Anway, so I'm here in this Chinese smelling hotel room and I wanted to blog becuase I realized I haven't told you about my last 2 weekends! And I wanted to tell you now because I have two more exciting weekends coming up!

Two weekends ago me and Erin went to Houston. We visited her Brother Matt and I also visited Matt McCowan and Girlfriend Ashley. The best part of the trip was seeing Estrada who wants to be an umpire when he grows up and was practicing his strike calls at the bar. He might be the funniest person I know. I don't even know what we did all weekend! Erin made pizza, we visted a few establishments, we watched the Steelers LOSE! God. That was sad. It was me and one other lone ranger cheering for the Steelers at brunch and it was a sad, sad loss. The bonus of the day was our waitor did not charge us for our bottomless mimosas which we had a lot of. It's hard to say exactly how many we had because he kept taking the glass away and giving you a new one - even if you weren't done. I had lots of halfsies and only one full one that I was allowed to keep because I was holding on to the stem of the glass. Regardless! Free mimosas taste great!

Last weekend me and Kelly took work off on Friday and went to visit Erin in her hometown of Ethel, outside of Baton Rouge. O-m-g. Her house is beautiful and her family is so fun! They had an unreal amount of food, which included a pizza cookoff between mom and daughter. (There is a lot of pizza in my life lately). I voted Team Mom, most especially because she made tomato basil soup from scratch and it was amazing. Seriously - amazing. I got the recipie and we made plans to make it for my next boyfriend (HA) with a fancy grilled cheese sandwich. Lots of laughing over dinner!

Jambalaya in a cooler - YUM!

The next morning was huge excitement because that was the kickoff of the "Who is more Southern" competition between me and Kelly. The night prior Kelly was pretty confident that I was going to lose because of my sassy tude, but I was confident that my big curls and boots would give me a leg up. We tailgated ALL DAY at LSU and even got tickets to the game!! The day was so fun! I was mostly controlling my sass and was not being assigned any negative points in the Southern competition. I EVEN tried: jambalya, boudin and gator! The jambalaya was SO good and I said this to Erin and her mom. They took one look at the container and said "It's a mix.". Mix or scratch - I enjoyed it big time. We also got these beverages called Rednecks which are 32 oz frozen jack and cokes = amazing tailgating beverage, great for walking and sipping.

Gator - not so yum!

The day was a total success and no one would give me bonus Southern points but they did give me Texan points. Which, apparently, are different. And I guess I should know that now that I live in Texas: Texas is not the South. Texas is not the West. Texas is Texas.

Southern Belles with our Rednecks

I did lose 4,500 points when this guy that was OBSESSED with my height kept talking and talking and talking about how tall I was and did I play volleyball and blah blah blah. Now, don't get me wrong- I love being tall. But I did not (and do not) want to spend 15 minutes talking about it. So, I said to him, "Do people talk to you a lot about how short you are?" To which he responded nothing. So I kept going "Because if you want to talk about my height so much, maybe we should talk about yours?". Then, because I am in the South, he tried to apologize to me instead of calling me a total B like anyone else would have done, That made me feel a little bit bad, but I was over it. I retold the story to Kelly, and that is when we determined the negative 4,500 points which, I think, made me lose the game.

We ended up sleeping at Sister Mollie's place by campus (which, PS, they keep a tiger on campus!). Kelly and I had to sleep in our clothes which included jeggings that were dirty from the day. When we woke up, we decided that Southern girls wear dresses to tailgates so they can sleep out and be comfortable. Next LSU game, I think you'll see both of us in dresses.

So, that was that! Except, the 8 hour car ride back to Dallas with Kelly in which we prayed for a Taco Bueno, but never found one. I think that is how I also know I'm Texan: I crave fast food tacos. We were also sans iPod and iPhone so Kelly had to listen to my unmarked mixed and soundtrack CDs. Things started off promising with Myriah Carey, but quickly went downhill when Love Mix #2 was picked - the worst of all the love mixes. Anyway, lots of laughing occurred the entire way home and I give Kelly 4,500 points for being a great car trip partner!

Now I'm in Phoenix for work. I'm here with Priyanka who is friend AND peer at work so we're staying through the weekend with other friends that live here and plan on making a trip to Sedona and the Grand Canyon. I am unsure yet if I need to wear tennis shoes to this event, and also, if the 99 degree weather wil be uncomfortable or not. EITHER WAY! I am charging my camera (something I haven't done in years) and effective immediately, I'm going to start taking pictures. And uploading. Prom. (Abbreve for promise.)

Autumn in Dallas

2011-10-04T21:27:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I appreciated Autumn in Dallas last year or not. It may have something to do with the nonstop 100 plus degrees days this summer, but I can't be sure. Anyway, this weather is BEAUTIFUL right now. I wake up and it's 65, I enjoy lunch outside and it's 80, I walk to the car after work and it's 90. I'm in love with Texas in October!

Since it's fall, I'm going to make my first batch of chili sans seasoning packet. All from scratch (except, the canned, diced tomatoes). I included a splash (or two) of Shiner and I'm simmering all night. I cannot wait! The apartment smells so tasty!

In other news, they are driving me crazy at work. I think they are doing it intentionally because they know next week I will have to have other priorities. So, on top of them squeezing everything out of me, we had a repeat project that I usually have two weeks to complete, but this time around I only have one week. It's a lot, but nothing I can't handle (obviously). However, the rest of them cannot handle this intense pace and have taken to asking me if I've had my rabies shot. THEY SAID THAT TO ME! They also snapped a photo of me while I was bossing one of the ladies around and telling her I was going to throw all of her things away if they were left behind. I was very serious about throwing crap away that they didn't think was important enough to move within 8 hours, but apparently some people thought I should be concerned about the possibilities of "family heirlooms" being thrown away. Whatever. I don't care and I was just doing my thing - getting stuff done! Well, they snapped this picture and then sent it to my manager and peer with the title "Watch out... she's in a mood!". Do I think this is rude? No. My reply "Nothing is safe. Watch your back."

They'll miss me so much. Just wait.

While I was looking for that work picture, I found this gem from a wedding I was in... however many moons ago it was. Are you embarrassed for him? I was wearing flats. Also, there were other groomsmen who were over 6' feet tall. Worst. Matching. Ever. Poor guy. He was a good sport about the entire awkward situation - we even did a slow dance together! Allison: Please note, for your June wedding, that I'm so excited for, I would appreciate a date that was about my height. Within a 3 inch range. Please. Don't make me post another awkward picture next June. Please!!!

Back in action!

2011-09-29T20:05:00.002-05:00

I have SO MUCH to blog about!!!

For starters, I got a NEW job!!! A promotion, per se. And, I'm only saying "per se" there to sound coy, even though that is not really a coy sentence and I'm not really a coy person. But anyway, new job starts 10/10 and I have to do some job share with my existing job so I will have a very busy 4th quarter. But, I cannot say how TICKLED (yes, I'm using the word tickled) I am to start this new job! I'm doing big things, humes (abbreve for humans). BIG! Speaking of big....

When I went to visit the office where my new manager is, I parked next to a big-ass-Texas truck with an AWESOME monster on the side. Scary.

But, the BIG things won't start until the 10th. And this week all of the supervisors and directors and people that create work for me are out of the office, so I've stumbled into some free time, which I am using to be productive and get some things off the back burner. The most important item is deleting emails. My favorite thing to do is to delete my deleted items and yesterday I purged 1,500 emails! Do you know what a relief that is? If you haven't permanently deleted an email lately- DO IT! It's AMAZING! My inbox is at 71. My inbox has not been at 71 for AGES! I'm so happy about that. Today I deleted my "sent" emails. There were 3,000 emails in there. 3,000!!!! WHO NEEDS TO SAVE THOSE EMAILS? Consider them purged. I feel so LIGHT!

Sans stach, thank you very much.

What else is going on? I got my eyebrows waxed today. I know, who cares? Well, let me tell you why I care. I go to these Asian salons (xoxo Asia) and these women in their broken English ask me what I want and I point to my eyebrows and I saw "Wax. Clean up.". If they say anything else I don't really understand I just look at them and smile. Well, today they said "Lip too?" BITCH! NO I DON'T WANT MY LIP WAXED BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A MUSTACHE! That is, I feel, the most offensive thing someone can ask in a salon. I don't know if she is IMPLYING I have a mustache, but I do not. And to prove it, there's a picture of my upper lip that is not flattering of my nose (but I am confident with the size of my nose, so I'm posting that picture anyway.)

Disclaimer: If you think I need to wax my upper lip, TELL ME. Don't let me walk around with a stache! But those salons are just trying to STEAL MY MONEY. No tip for them.

The other thing I wanted to tell you about was me. (Duh). Last week, or something, friend Natalie (TNCLFM) sent an email talking about a great hair day and the fact that a stranger on the street complimented her. She ended this email with "I felt like Megan". This made me think: Doesn't everyone get compliments from strangers on their gorgeous manes? Apparently not. For all of my readers (following and not), you know how great my hair is. I've only received one comment that made me cry, but now that Jarrod thinks that it was his insult and uses it all the time... I'm immune to it. And, the number of compliments I receive from strangers far outweighs the recurring insult Jarrod likes to toss my way, on a regular basis, for no reason.

So, my count for hair comments is 1 mean, thousands of nice and 2 weird comments. Let me tell you about the two weird comments. The first one was an Asian (if I was guessing, I'd say he was Chinese) man in NYC that sniffed my hair at the bar and was caught doing it (creep). And then last weekend at the bar this man in cargo shorts (gross!) pet my hair. Pet it. Like I was a dog. Twice. PET MY HEAD AND TOUCHED MY HAIR! That was really weird. But, I think both "weirds" count toward the thousand of nice compliments (if you subtract the creepy).

What I'm saying to you is, I've been really busy lately emailing and preparing for my new job and combing my hair. BUT! It doesn't stop there! I made these strawberry champagne cupcakes with a new whipped frosting last weekend. I made them for someone's birthday at work, but I REALLY made them for all the compliments. I love watching people enjoy my delectable desserts and giving me so many compliments on how great my tasty treats are. Don't they look beautiful!!?? You want one.

double rice

2011-09-21T20:06:00.001-05:00

Friend Leigh just started blogging and you should check it out here: ellefoster.blogspot.com

You shouldn't follow it, unless you are already following my blog. If she gets more than 50 followers I plan on removing this post to prevent her from getting more followers than me.

Anyway, Leigh is blogging under the guide of less than 250 words a day and she has pretty much stuck with that... except weekends and last Friday. Today's blog was about Spanish or Mexican food (I'm truly unsure of the difference) and I thought this was very timely for MY life. See - I love Mexican rice. I hate the beans so I always get double rice when I'm out to eat and I love every bite of it. Last night I was thinking of the taste of Mexican rice in my mouth so much so that I, out loud, wished for a Spanish/Mexican friend who would make me their abuela's special recipe for rice!

Then I thought about all my Asian friends and how useless they are for fried rice and completely dismissed that thought about the Spanish/Mexican.

Although Leigh has a culinary background, she is also useless when it comes to fried rice because she buys long grain rice and... WHO has the patience to wait for that to cook?

Coffee date

2011-09-16T09:22:00.000-05:00

I went on a date last night.

Tequila Megan set up this date and I pretty much knew nothing about him except he called, ON THE PHONE, to ask me to meet him. Not a lot of guys call on the phone so I thought he might actually be a nice guy. I paid no mind to the fact that I had absolutely no idea what he looked like or what he did or ANYTHING.

Things only got worse from there.

He asked me to get COFFEE. Lame. Yellow flag. I mean, don't all young, working professional NEED a glass of wine or beer sometimes??! But I agreed. Then he asked me to meet him in Highland Park Village. Red flag. This is where a lot of STUDENTS live. I know immediately in my gut he does not have a job and has to be younger than me: BARF.

I get to the Starbucks and immediately have a bad feeling about everything. He shows himself and taps me on the shoulder. I should have said "Sorry, I don't know you" right there. Right then. But I didn't. I saw the funny story potential and said "Oh Hey!". (Presentation Megan).

This boy (22) was wearing (I swear to GOD): dirty Adidas sneakers and high white sweat socks (mid calf). I could see his socks because he was wearing my most hated article of male clothing: the khaki cargo short. Pause.

Gentlemen: WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THOSE POCKETS? There is no need for that. THEY ARE TERRIBLE. DO NOT WEAR THEM.

Play. He was also wearing a faded from age and not from style red tshirt to top off his number one ensemble for this Thursday evening.

The conversation was so awkward, but the highlights are:

1) He's living at home with his parents
2) He has a degree in neuroscience
3) He was an EMT but does not want to be a doctor
4) He is training for the Navy Seals
4A) He can hold his breath for 30 meters underwater
5) He works at Eatzi's and makes $9/hour
6) He wanted to know if I smoke pot and drink a lot

and, the exchanged that ended the date after 25 minutes:

me: So besides training for the Navy Seals and working at Eatzis, what else do you like to do?
him: I like going out and picking up chicks like you.
me: Well, I've got to go. Have a good night!

Traveling!

2011-09-07T21:55:00.003-05:00

Wow! So my last post was over a month ago. I know, I'm terrible.

This blog is dedicated to friend Jonathan (Follower 49): Jonathan thank you for gchating me these past 4 weeks, even if I never responded.

1) Phoenix. I went there. It was HOT. 117 hot. That is really, really hot. I will no longer complain about 104 in Dallas. Which... I won't have to since we are enjoying a lovely mid 80s week. Phoenix was so much work, but lots of fun because we had a bunch of people travel in to assist. I love putting a face to the name and having so many chat chat chatting sessions with people that I usually wouldn't have over the phone. I am definitely the youngest in the group and was carded when I ordered a glass of wine at dinner. Oh boy did my coworkers loveeee that. God.

2) Pittsburgh. I went there too! It was my mom's surprise 50th so I came in for the event. All you need to know about the surprise was that she was on to us. All you need to know about the party is that we had the BEST CAKE EVER!

Total Diva.

The cake was SOOO legit, it had condensation on it! And - it was DELICIOUS too!

My grandparents moved in with my parents and now sleep in what was formerly known as my room. Brother Adam was also home for the surprise event. This is 4 bonus bodies in the home for the weekend which means Sister Allie had to share her bed with me Friday night. She was UNHAPPY about this! She also woke me up at 7:30 in the morning. The next night my Mother put me in the attic to sleep. It isn't actually as bad as it sounds, but all of the old furniture from the room formerly known as my room is up there with all of the older furniture from other rooms formerly known as something else. As soon as the lights went out I was basically stranded because there was no clear path to the light switch and also there was no clear path to anywhere.

3) Connecticut. I went there. I graduated my program for work! Woohoo! Diploma city! We had a not good dinner at a restaurant called Dish in Hartford and we worked on a group project. Neato!

4) Philadelphia. I went there. Got to have great driving situation with Kim and Drew from CT down to Phila. So much chat chat chatting!! Had a great family dinner with Doylestown Millers and watched the Philadelphia news: Terrible. Death, Murder, Thieves. Hide your kids.

5) Across the stat of PA: I traveled it. With my Father. He was a great driver from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh. Less chat chat chatting and more sleeping happened on this car ride. I was such a tired girl.

6) More Pittsburgh. So much rain. Lots of shopping. And, I was moved to the living room couch for sleeping. Please cross your fingers that home improvements continue to go as planned and I have a bed to sleep in at Thanksgiving!!!

Now, on to the future: I'm going back to Pittsburgh tomorrow. And since I am doing that, I am going to go to Happy Valley for the Bama game! I cannot wait!!

twitstake

2011-08-01T20:22:00.003-05:00

Alright, so Twitter Day 2 has been an adventure in learning.

I was on this really long conference call and I was doing a great job at not paying attention and I was trying to get Twitter on my phone and I did and it has this great feature "see who you can follow through your contact list" or something. And I thought "SO GREAT!". So my phone does this scan or something and comes back with this ginormous list of people I can follow based on everything my smartphone knows.

My smartphone knows a lot more than I do. It remembers things from gmail and saves them. It steals people's phone number from Facebook (which, why does anyone put their number on Facebook?). It knows so many things! I was not surprised at this long list of people I could follow.

But the entire purpose of my tweeting is to link to my blog and I just can't have all these non-randoms but randoms following my blog. (I mean, that is bound to get me in trouble.) I selectively went through the list and picked the ones I wanted to follow and I hit "done". And then it decided to undo all of my hard work and follow everyone.

Everyone.

People from work who should't see my tweets ever? Following.
Allie Gabriel, avid runner? Following. (#ironic)

I couldn't get home from work fast enough to frantically unfollow everyone. I have no idea what I'm doing.

@Twitter

2011-07-31T15:29:00.004-05:00

I was going to write this post only about Twitter because I'm going to start using my account. I got the Twitter account way way long ago (I think at Blue/White game where we talked a lot about Smerrit's weenus), but haven't used it. I have a hard time learning new things. The one thing that really confused me was the use of the #, which they (tweeters) call a "hashtag" but I call a pound sign.

This is annoying to me because I first can't get past hash versus pound and then I'm really not sure when you # something. Can I say "#salt"? Is that me referencing salt or telling someone to piss off? I don't know.

And then there is Google+. I can't figure out how to find my friends. The tricky one was Roommate Michelle - there are a lot of MR's out there and I just wasn't sure how I knew I was picking the right one. It was very overwhelming and I think I will only learn one new thing this week: Twitter. God. Why is all of this internet crap so complicated??

Anyway, this got me to thinking about Facebook which is not so complicated but part of "all of this internet crap". I am on a defriending spree like CRAZY! Its occured to me that I don't know who some of these people are that are polluting my wall with stupid links and youtube videos and farmville updates. Here are my rules of defriending:

1) If you have ever posted a Farmville update, you are defriended. (The only exception is Brother Adam, but only because we are related by blood.)

2) If you have a group profile photo and I'm not sure which one in the group you are, you are defriended.

3) If I don't remember where I met you, it probably means I haven't reseen you and, you are defriended.

4) If you are someone I didn't even like to begin with, you are defriended.

I think those are pretty simple guidelines to defriending. And now that I'm loving the defriending, I guess I have to understand being defriened.

I know of two people that have defriended me: Roommate Idiot Alex and Allie Gabriel. Allie Gabriel, fine - I probably wouldn't have noticed except someone told me she was engaged or something and I wanted to investigate. And couldn't. She just posted about running anyway, so that's ok. And then there is Roommate Idiot Alex. I was really upset thinking: WHO DOES ROOMMATE IDIOT ALEX THINK HE IS DEFRIENDING ME? I AM INTERESTING ON FACEBOOK! But, you know what, he wasn't interesting in person or on Facebook. Since we obviously don't have the same interests (me) the friendship virtually or in person probably didn't have a future. So, that one is ok too.

When people I defriend eventually figure it out (and they will, because I am interesting on Facebook and they will look for me... eventually.)- I hope they think "Oh, ok".

Although, I wouldn't mind if they cried a little bit first.

Oh, but do whatever you do on Twitter to me: @abitcattywampus

PS: This is a really funny video about a hungry dog that makes me laugh. A lot.

The Best Belated Birthday Present... Ever.

2011-07-22T23:25:00.000-05:00

Now, before I go any further, I want all of my followers to know that prior to my birthday I loved you all the same. But, something has changed. It has rocked my heart and I now have a top three followers. That delivered the best, laugh-out-loud, totally unexpected, completely unbelievable, belated birthday present I could ever ask for and would never have expected to you.

I received this email July 9th:

Dear Megan,

As your most loyal followers nan, greg and I have personally made it our mission to aid you in getting to 100 followers. We have been waiting to show you our latest campaign until the most opportune time, and after hearing your whisper voice at work, we decided it was now. So I present to you: Abitflattywampus- The Adventures of Flat Megan. Enjoy!

--
Conor William Daly
The Pennsylvania State University

You're thinking one of three things right now:
1) Megan has a whisper voice?
2) Didn't Cone graduate already?
3) OMG What is abitflattywampus and how can I meet her!?!

My responses to those three things:

1) Yes, I have a whisper voice. It's called Presentation Megan's normal voice. And it's also a little bit of a confused voice. Imagine you're me and you're sitting at work and you get a call on your office line with nonstop laughing and you don't know who it is and then you realize it's Nan and Cone from Southeast Asia calling to wish you a happy birthday after calling the general intake number for my building? Whisper voice HAD to occur so I didn't draw attention to myself and way too much giggling for 2pm.

2) Yes, Conor did graduate from college. But apparently he still has not entered real life since he can take a "sabbatical" from "work" to go backpacking through Southeast Asia. It's not real life.

3) Right now. Enjoy!

Flatty hanging with a shih tzu puppy!

Flatty exploring the wild!

Flatty and Naked Nan!

Flatty in evening wear for a great tuna dinner!

Just horsing around with a tiger!

Wore him out! Sleepy tiger!

So now you are thinking a LOT of things. I've pulled together a general FAQ for your reading pleasure:

Q: Abitflattywampus is AMAZING!

A: That wasn't a question, but, yes, you are right.

Q: Where did Flatty get such an amazing bod?

A: Flatty eats a lot of protein and lifts weights. She plays with tigers.

Q: Are... um... have.. has.. did she get a boob job?

A: Flatty has no comment.

Q: How did Flatty get to Asia?

A: In a carry-on bag, stored in an overhead compartment.

Q: Why isn't Nan wearing any clothes?

A: Nan is so wild and she does what she wants.

Q: I saw the swimsuit and evening wear - are there more outfit changes?

A: Flatty doesn't work, she just travels the world, so any additional outfit changes would have to be gifted to her.

Q: How do I get my own Flatty to tour around town?

A: We'll need to pester GHyde to release the jpeg for all my followers viewing pleasures.

*On the "All My Followers" page, Greg, Conor & Nan will all receive a * next to their name to indicate favorite status.

Experiencing the Jersey Shore

2011-07-18T20:19:00.001-05:00

I'm skipping the middle of my vacation because it was just fun work stuff. I picked out every cute boy at the seminar and then found out all about all of their girlfriends. I can, with out fail, pick the most expensive thing in the store & always pick the cutest boy with a girlfriend. (Although, Mom Loveless says "girlfriends are replaceable").

Anyway, work work work and then me and Kim (and Dave - but who cares) get on the bus back to Philadelphia. From Connecticut. At rush hour. It was the worst bus drive of my life! First off, I had to sit next to a smelly Indian who probably has never brushed his teeth. I tried to be friendly and ask him about the book he was reading, but it was hard to listen and hold my breath. So I continued to talk to Kim (and Dave - but who cares) for the rest of the thousand hour bus drive.

Ok, the bus ride wasn't one thousand hours, but it was probably 6 or 7. That is a LONG bus ride after your day started with a work breakfast at 7:30AM. Kim and I grab Chipotle for dinner and head to her apartment to grab my stuff and then she takes to me friend Healy's house (PJH). I throw on a quick dress and me, PJH, Natalie and Jarrod go to some bar that is totally bumping for a Wednesday night and meet up with friends Chris, Liz, Kiley, Anne and Rosie. (I hope no one else was there, because I've forgotten them.) Rosie showed me an inappropriate picture of Chris Brown, Kiley sang Man in the Mirror with a mom we named Patty or Brenda or something and then we went to a drag show in a basement. The night was a lot of fun.

And then came Jersey. I got to ride in Car Jarrod/PJH. PJH provided directions to Jarrod which consisted of "turn there" or "go that way" which are very difficult directions to understand. I don't even know if we listened to music on the way down! We definitely did not have the windows down though. Oh, and we (I) ate ChexMix. Yes- I needed a snack AND a DC for the 90 minute drive.

Anyway, we get to SIC and all of a sudden everyone starts giving me the rules of the house. The rules were pretty obvious to any grown adult. But it was the way that they were delivered that scared me and made me a little nervous to meet Mrs. Healy. There were lots of rules but the most important rules were: DO NOT SIT ON THE WHITE COUCH and DO NOT LEAVE YOUR STUFF (a hair dryer was specifically mentioned) ALL OVER THE HOUSE! There were other rules but there were so many I forgot them. I kept my tornado of crap all in one corner and I didn't even look at the white couch and I didn't even bring a hair dryer so I don't know why they told me that. But, all of the rules made me uncomfortable so I don't think Mrs thought I was as funny as you all know I am and I also just kept smiling at Mr without saying words. I imagine their report-out post my departure was "Why does that girl laugh weird and why does she always no-tooth smile me?". I don't know. I was awkward and I usually kill it with parents.

We spent so much time muploading (mobile uploading) and lounging and listening to music and sunning. Muploading covered all of the bases, so I'd like to put the vacation in picture format.

Sunning.

Eating.

Lounging.

Attractives.

Cupcaking.

Mustaches.

Cheesing.

More Lounging.

The vacation was totally phenomenal. I think the SIC humans will want to know where we did all of our cupcaking (besides the beach, obviously) and I'm not really sure since I was a follower not a leader. I'll give it my best shot: We went to La Costa sometimes and sat outside but there were a lot of baby lifeguards there and I was really having an issue wiht my age with all these underagers around. And when we were inside it was such sensory overload with all of the guido fabulousness that I think I've blacked it out just because. We also went to this great two floor bar where the top floor was a really weird, shady attic with a homemade grandpa bar and the bottom was old people central jamming out to live music (which was obviously where the TIMES! were). I couldn't get into the Springfield because they didn't like my Texas temporary ID with PA license backup - I guess they have a lot of 25 year olds sneaking into their FABULOUS (my ass) establishment. And then there was OD and Dead Dog. I don't know which one is which but the one with carpet we went to on Friday and the other one we went to on Saturday.

Friday. Oh, Friday. Natalie picked us up, we all jammed into her car and went home and went to sleep. And then we woke up and went to the beach. And ate. And had the times. And it was fabulous. And then I remembered I hadn't seen my phone in a while. That's ok, because I didn't need to talk to anyone. But it was bad because I wanted to mupload. We look all over for the phone, no where to be found, and to be honest, I don't care as much as maybe I should so we go out anyway sans phone. On Saturday we tear the place up looking for it - no where to be found. I am convinced that either Jarrod or Natalie stole it. I decide I will just activate old phone when I get back to Dallas and wait for one of the thieves to mysteriously mail it back to me. When I was going to sleep on Saturday night, I wake straight up and realize I left my keys in Philadelphia. GOD! Those are two pretty important things, in my mind.. I have to arrange a dropoff with Kim and Jarrod at the airport and leave SIC and the east coast sans phone.

I then spent 8 days sans phone because I knew Jarrod or Natalie had my phone. It's not that hard to be without phone, I didn't actually need to call anyone days 1-6, I just wanted to check my email and putz around during the work day on my phone, if I'm being perfectly honest. On Day 7 I was done talking to people at work so I skyped Sister Allie and got to talk with my parents, Poppy and puppies Moses and Lincoln. But later that night I just couldn't take it anymore!! And Natalie and Jarrod both said they didn't have my phone. So I had no choice but to bid on a phone on eBay with 4 day delivery. And then when I woke up on Saturday roommate Erin was missing and I just said GOD I NEED TO ACTIVATE AN OLD PHONE! But I didn't have a charger, so I went out and bought a cheapy one. And then we are getting ready to go out and Jessica says "Yea! Wear the boots!" And I put the boots on and there is something in there that I think is a deck of cards but turns out to be my PHONE! I gasp. Drop to the floor. I am in SHOCK! And, a little irritated that I have to issue an apology to both Natalie and Jarrod. So there it is.

I now have three phones. I am still using the chocolate slider (which can hold a charge for FOUR days), waiting for the phone I ordered from eBay to even get here (thank God I didn't wait on that one) and considering going to the Verizon store to activate most hated of all smartphones: cracked htc droid. But only because it has GPS. And I can't get anywhere without my GPS.

Seacrets!!!

2011-07-10T21:54:00.000-05:00

I wore a terrible outfit to work on Thursday with a french braid in my hair. You cannot wear both a terrible outfit and a french braid at the same time because this makes me, you, anyone, all everyone's, look like a doofus. But, you know what, I didn't care because I am SO TAN!

Why am I SO TAN? Because I was tanning on vacation. I spent my vacation with a lot of people who are very concerned with how I will recap all adventures. Everyone wants their moment to shine and I think it's been decided that the best way to tell you what the hell has been going on with me is to break my vacation into three blogs.

Vacation Part 1: Seacrets

I pretty much stopped refering to Ocean City, MD as OCMD and refered to it only as Seacrets. Seacrets, for those of you poor souls that do not know, is Jamica USA in OCMD. I was so excited to go there to turn 25 with the most fabulous group of ladies. I mean really - I couldn't have built a better all star team! We had Michelle, Gio, Leigh, Kim, Allison, Ashley, LH, Natalie and Anne. Quite an attractive group, if you ask me!

The Thursday night I arrived LH and Natalie picked me up from the airport and showed me a surprise they had in the back seat: Cat Wine. It was not called "Cat Wine" but it had a picture of a feline on the front and that is the only reason LH and Natalie purchased the wine. See, both LH and Natalie have very careful plans to never get married, move in together, become spinsters and name a plethora of cats after all of their past loves. I'll tell you what, if I was aware of how serious they were when I wrote blog posting "TNCLFM", see the future you want not the future you'll get would be capstone issue of TNCLFM. (Wow, I'm full of such great knowledge).

Anyway, we return to find "hot snacks" setup by Lin (LH's roommate) of a tasty taquito and salsa and chips! We chatted and gossiped and Natalie and I planned LH's future marriage and made sure to get Lin and Kenny onboard. LH did not appreciate this because she thinks Lin loves all boys LH dates and we might scare away the future husband, but I think this is false and hope that Lin continues to encourage said potential future marriage.

There was also a point in time where Kenny told me I had big hands (WHICH I DON'T) and I'm not going to talk about it because he made fun of me a lot and you know how I'm really sensitive. Just thinking about it there are teardrops on my keyboard (sung to the tune of Taylor Swift's Teardrops on my Guitar). Kenny also brought out a big Halloween costume hand and made me wear it to drink my beverage. Rude, Kenny. RUDE!

Friday morning we woke up bright and early and called Michelle and Leigh at 9AM to tell them we were an hour away. They said great! We are 90 minutes away! And then we hung up and contiued to putz around the house and not leave until.... 10:30AM. We had to go pick up Anne and Gio and meet Ash and Kim and then LH has serious anxiety about parallel parking so we didn't really arrive at destination until... 11ish. This is when Michelle and Leigh call to tell us they are there, but we have to confess we have not yet left Philadelphia. I assume those two went to the beach and then we made Car Philadelphia (Natalie, LH, Anne and Gio) and Car Work (Me, Kim, and Ashley). CW was following CP until ring leader LH ran through a red light and then Ashley said go right when she meant go left and then next thing you know CW is in Center City Philadelphia and at least 25 minutes behind. Since we were behind we took a pit stop to a great wine store that was so very crowded for a Friday afternoon when people should be working. I can only assume this means there are many alcoholics in Delaware. What a terrible state. But what a great store.

CW also decided that while we were behind we would get some Taco Bell. That made the car ride great, but the Diet Pepsi made the car ride bad.

Just a shot or two. And,
bananas for hangover
potassium.

Arrival at Seacrets home: Astoria 301 was lovely! The house we beautiful and perfect for all of our needs! The only terrible piece was the minimal amount of linens provided. I don't know if you know me or not, but I'm a tall human with a lot of hair. I cannot shower with ONE towel. That is ridiculous. I need a body towel and a hair towel. I was very upset at this and Leigh so kindly called Brad (owner of Astoria) and additional linens were brought over - THANK GOD I GOT TO HAVE A TWO TOWEL SHOWER! After linen counting, we spent a great afternoon on the beach chatting and laughing and just being such a great beach group! We ordered pizza for dinner and went to take a nap but really turned into me and LH being weird and wanting to fill the tub with hot water and drink beer. Natalie joined the party and then the Bose joined the party and the next thing you know were giggling and singing in the jacuzzi tub and avoiding napping like the plague.

I was so excited to ring out 24 and ring in 25 at midnight, we (me) might have been too excited about the tequila shots. That's ok though - it was my birthday. Gio brought these great cups called "Sliz" and it's a martini glass shaped with a straw and it makes the chaser go with the shot. Natalie and I got to have the first ones since it was our birthday weekend! I have no idea where we went that night, but we had to take a bus there. The entire bus sang happy birthday to me and I was so happy! There was a small child on the bus though and apparently I thought this was irresponsible of the Mother. I mean - it was after midnight. Mother and Mother's Sister did not agree with me. I don't know that I made it out much longer than 1:30 until I begged someone to take me home. Ashley was so good and kind to me and we hailed a cab home. I decided to eat most of the crust off of the remaining pizza and happily went to bed in the birthday girl suite.

Waking up 25 was just perfect! All the girls were there and we all wake up and are chatting and giggling on the bed - just the same as in college. I am so proud to not have a hangover and we are SO excited for Seacrets. During the morning getting ready party, I realized that I was not able to locate my toothbrush the night before so I decided a morning look would be the best bet. The toothbrush does not show up. I have to again do a finger toothbrush because no one can drive and no drugstores are near us. This is me being very classy as a 25 year old.

Seacrets is just what I remembered it being and I was SO excited. We
made friends with our waitress and Mom and Dad party at the table over. LH and Natalie went out to find a raft for us and never came back so we knew that was good news. We took the purse bag containing smartphones and cameras out into the bay and placed them in the center of Natalie's raft. I said "How mad are we that we brought this bag and have to watch it now?" Meaning - uh so annoying that we have a bag. But what Natalie heard is "IF YOU GET THIS BAG WET YOU WILL RUIN ALL THE SMARTPHONES AND EVERYONE'S LIFE!!!!" This is not what I said or meant, but apparently after I split from raft 1 to raft 2, Natalie started drunk crying over the possible ruination of smartphones. It was a really funny drunk cry once we figured out what was wrong with her - but - for the rest of the weekend we didn't dare use the word "smartphone" around her again... after we learned a second and third time that just the word "smartphone" started new drunk tears. Anyway, Raft 2 was THE TIMES! We made some new friends and just floated and laughed and cheers-ed and continually re-applied SPF and it was WONDERFUL! The group some how got separated and sorted and the next thing I know, all I can find is Anne, Gio and Kim. Kim and I decide to leave, but can't find the rest of the party that had the bag with smartphones and shoes. Kim and I were maybe intoxicated so we decide to go home and eat. This means leaving the bay. Leaving the bar. And walking 3 blocks home. In only bikinis. No identification. No shoes. No coverups. Just walking down the street it beach acceptable clothes but not street acceptable clothes. So much giggling occurred! No accidental stepping on rocks either which was a plus!

By the time we get home I find my only remaining credit card not in the smartphone bag and we put on shoes and tshirts and go to Belly Busters where I ate an entire meatball hoagie and have never been happier in my entire life! Natalie appears, alone, and I don't know if we ever found out where she was, but we were happy to have a 3-way dinner. 3-way dinner turns into 10-way napping and resting in the condo and the final decision that no, we cannot make it back to Seacrets for the night time party. I'm ok with this and a handful of us get in the king bed and watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and it was a beautiful birthday night!!

Sunday Funday at the beach came and went too soon! We had a great day and then Kim, Ashley and I had to leave to go to a work conference. Even though we were sad to be leaving the group early, all was right in the world once we stopped to get Dairy Queen on the drive back to Philadelphia!

My friends are truly amazing.

Meet Follower 64: Mom Daly

2011-07-05T21:08:00.002-05:00

I'm back from vacation and ready to blog! The most overdue of blogs is Meet Follower 64: Mom Daly who beat her children in a landslide for favorite Daly position.

Mom's interview was completed via email. I guess it's a little bit of a cheat blog because Mom Daly did most (ok, ok, ALL) of the funny, witty banter. But - I just had to share the interview with you before it got lost in my inbox!

Please enjoy!!!

from	Megan Miller
to		Mom Daly
date		Mon, Jun 13, 2011 at 12:44 PM
subject		Meet My Followers: Interview

Mom Daly!

I don't know if you are aware or not, but in my blog I decided to pit
you, Conor and Nan against each other to basically determine a fan
favorite. You won by a landslide and my followers can't wait to Meet
you via blog! I'm thinking I can ask you a few questions and then send
you some follow ups...?? Is this ok!!?? Please feel free to ignore my
questions and tell the readers anything you think is important.

You've always helped me decide when not to go on dates, so any real
life, practical advice you want to share (as the only Mom follower) I
think could really enhance the quality of life for all followers.

So, without further ado, shall we begin?

1) Was there a startegy invovled with your landside win in the Meet My
Followers poll?
2) What is a day in the life of Mom Daly?
3) Can you share any embarrassing photos of the Daly children? If not
photos, can you share something that will embarass your children
(specifically Nan and Conor)?
4) What is your favorite memory of Gizmo, the prized shih tzu Daly family dog?
5) Is Austin the favorite child? I mean, why else would your email
address be his stats: name, date of birth??
6) Can you tell me a little bit about the love of Diet Coke in your family?
7) Please vividly describe your surroundings as you answer these
questions (Are you wearing slippers? Is it raining? Are you listening
to a mix CD of American Idol hits?)

Thanks for playing along!!!!!! :)

Megan

from

Mom Daly

to		Megan Miller
date		Wed, Jun 15, 2011 at 9:13 PM
subject		Re: Meet My Followers: Interview

hide details Jun 15

Megan
I am so honored!!! I feel a little pressure to give witty substantial answers! But here we go!

The strategy of my win was to act as if I didn't care and yet keep commenting on how funny and witty I thought the blog was!
A day in the life begins with having my clock set exactly 9 ( my lucky number) minutes fast so that when the alarm sounds for the first time I have to exercise my brain to calculate the real time. I have the alarm go off 2 more times before I actually get out of bed I have a very exercised brain at least for subtraction. I walk to work while listening to my Pandora Adele station... very uplifting! Work is mainly sitting at my desk in front of a computer for 8 hours but this summer my hobby is calling home and bugging Gerard about whether he is up and what he is going to accomplish that day! I do take a break from that on weekends. When I get home I begin looking on the computer at the bridal registry for the next wedding shower. I go to a lot of weddings ! Been on South Beach for a couple of months so dinner is usually chicken and .......that's it just chicken! I do stay up late watching reality TV and news shows. Must be able to converse with the young and old the next day at work. I have lots of funny pictures of Nan and Conor but I would need them to show me how to send them. So I'll tell you a funny story for each of them. When Nan was in Kindergarten she was very stubborn about what she would wear. One day she put on her Halloween costume which was 1920's Flapper dress with multicolored knee socks and stood in front of the mirror saying "Matt will have stars in his eye when he sees me in this"! She hasn't changed much! Conor was known by everyone including his grandmother as KING CRANK for the first 4 years of his life! He cried and whined all day everyday! He was even mad when we woke him up when he was 3 on Christmas morning to tell him Santa had come! He came down still mad about an hour later! he has changed! My favorite Gizmo memory is when I took him to a different groomer at the seashore and brought the wrong dog back! yes this is a true story ! When I picked Gizmo up he was fluffy white and very calm! My explanation was a really good groomer who most probably sedated him! But when I walked in the door the kids knew right away! I really liked Fluffy did we really need to give her back????? When we got our first computer Austin was the only one who was old enough to use it so we used his stats and just kept it that way! Remember I need brain exercising to get out of bed so any change is a big deal! Ah the diet coke addictions! I think I put it in their baby bottles and sang them a diet coke lullaby every night! I am composing my answers alone on my sofa watching So You Think You Can Dance! In my work clothes! it is 9:52 and Nan and Conor are on their way to Thailand, Gerard is out at a house party, and Liz is at a dinner with her new fellow residents! thanks for allowing me to contribute to your blog Love to all
Sent from my iPad

from	Megan Miller mlm0625@gmail.com
to		Mom Daly
date		Sat, Jun 18, 2011 at 8:41 PM
subject		Re: Meet My Followers: Interview

hide details Jun 18

MD! This is so perfect! As I was reading - I realized I forgot a key question...

Can you tell followers a bit about Myrtle and your favorite memory of
her? I think most of them have worn some of her flea market finds at
various college rendezvous.

And, in closing, can you you do a little PR for me and encourage those
people who read and don't follow to follow??!!

Have a very great night!!!!!

from	Marie Daly adaly919@gmail.com
to		Mom Daly
date		Tue, Jun 28, 2011 at 9:55 PM
subject		Re: Meet My Followers: Interview

hide details Jun 28 (7 days ago)

Megan
Sorry it took so long I am in the process of packing to move!
Well I think my best memory is the day I met Myrtle I was looking for a "Mary Poppins " to watch my children but hired Myrtle who was more like Laverne of Laverne and Shirley! She even had a big "M" pin on which I'm sure she got at a flea market! Myrtle would also bring a huge trash bag full of day old bagels that she would get from the bagel shop. I think she would tell them she was taking them for charity and drop them off at my house each day. However there were about 100 in each bag and mostly stale blueberry or chocolate chip. Did she really think we would or could eat 100 bagels everyday???

Megan who is not following your blog ??? Your blog is witty, cool and they better follow or I'll tell their mothers!!
Hope to see you soon! have a great summer!

Sent from my iPad

Texas License

2011-06-08T20:08:00.001-05:00

Some of you may or may not know that I have an excellent license picture. I'm not just saying this because I'm beautiful, I'm saying this because friends and strangers have complimented me on it: e.g. "Wow, that is a GREAT picture".

Pause: Some of you may be wondering, how did she know to use e.g instead of i.e.? I will answer this for you because before I did not know the answer and then I spent a lot of time googling until I found the perfect example of how to remember when to use which one. IE is "that is" and EG is "for example" and in the great site I found there was a picture of an egg and it said "e.g.zample" or something like that. So, just know, when I say "e.g." I'm thinking of a fancy egg showing you examples of whatever I am talking about!

Play.

I sometimes find these compliments offensive because it always makes me think that they are thinking "WOW I can't believe she was able to take a nice picture!" Or "Wow! This is a great picture and she looks NOTHING like this in real life."

Anyway, what I'm trying to tell you is my license is expiring on my birthday (Remeber the only thing I want for my birthday (besides sitting at Seacrets all weekend long) (oh, and a chocolate chocolate cake, from Blue Bonnet, with 25 roses, one for each year) is 100 followers.) And since I'll be traveling for my birthday, well, I don't want to get caught in the airport with an expired license. So, I thought, I guess it's time to become Texas official.

I think I told you about Jackson becoming officially registered in Texas - it was a pain in the ass, but a rather quick experience once I had all of the right paperwork. For my Texas license I've been researching and preparing and getting everything in order: Social Security Card? Check. Birth Certificate? Check. Current License? Check. Car Registration? Check. Cash or money order ONLY? Check. I am so great!

I am also SO great when I wake up before 6 (BARF) this morning to primp for my glamour shot. I mean, I've set a high bar and cannot go backwards. So I shower and dry my hair and put a so great curl to the ends with some luscious volume. Wow, it looked great and I said that out loud to myself when I was looking at myself in the mirror. I spend too much time doing natural makeup (Ladies, what the hell is that all about) and I am only 10 minutes behind schedule when I leave at 6:55. This is so great! My morning is running SO GREAT! Are you getting this??? I will arrive at the DMV (but called Department of Public Safety or something stupid in Texas) 20 minutes before it opens, I've blocked off 90 minutes at work to wait, I'll become Texas official and my life will be amazing and my to do list will be shorter.

I had everything planned. I arrived at the Texas DMV which is, of course, in a shopping center and not visible from the road. The more I drive around the shopping center, the shadier the building comes. Not shady like "oh wow, this will protect my so fair skin from harsh UV rays!" but shady like "where the hell am I right now?". And then I see it.... at 7:10... AT LEAST 50 people lined up outside and wrapping around the building. I literally had to pick my mouth up off the floor. That is UNBELIEVABLE! (Not inbelievable - because I could NOT believe it!).

I drive back to work totally flustered that this great hair and natural makeup is going to waste for WORK. I mean, please. If work was a spicy hot date, I would be ok with going in with great hair. But work (at least, my work) is not a spicy hot date and the hair was wasted.

I then learn that if I have plans to get a Texas license I should plan for at least four hours of waiting before a paper printout temporary license is issued to me before my real, actual license.

FOUR. HOURS.

Texas: Really? Four hours? FOUR? That means I'm going to have to take a day off work. (Did I not mention there are no Saturday hours?) Or I could risk an issue with airport security post my birthday and the day my license expires (and the day I get 100 followers!!!).

In AMAZING news!! Hachey is following my blog and is given follower number 77! Double lucky 7s! Woohoo! I miss you more now than ever!! I love looking at your sideways glance in your gchat picture! Oh my gosh!! I am so happy you just started following, but I had to Facebook YOU to see what was going on!! This is terrible. People, just because I tell you all about me doesn't me I automatically know all about you! You have to give me details - I love gossip and the chat chat chatting!

The 100th Post

2011-06-06T21:24:00.002-05:00

This is my 100th post, which, unfortunately, is coming before 100 followers. My dream still remains that I will have 100 followers by my 25th birthday on the 25th of June. Sadly, I know I do not deserve 100 followers if I go one whole week without updating. Like I just did. For this, I apologize.

When I don't update for over a week, I become overwhelmed at all the things I want to tell you about myself. I'm going to organize my thoughts with numbers:

1) Dallas had a serious tornado warning the night of Dancing with the Stars Finale. This was pretty much the worst timing ever, mainly because I had waited all season for the finale and also because this tornado warning was a legit tornado warning in which I saw the start of a funnel cloud think about coming down and then going back up. Since Texas doesn't have basements (how stupid is that) instructions are to hide in the bathroom, but I don't get cable in the bathroom and I reallllllly wanted to watch the DWTS finale. I decided to sit at the kitchen table (closer to the bathroom) where I could still watch TV. I lost power and then the news took over TV (I hate weather reports) and I spent the night chatting with Jarrod who put his phone to the TV so I could hear them announce MY BOYFRIEND HINES WARD WIN DWTS!!! AMAZING!!! Since the tornado warning I have had one nightmare re: tornadoes in which I had to pick between my siblings and the family dog, Moses. Thankfully I woke up before the actual picking began so I do not need to disclose who my choice would have been.

2) Allie and Kelly came to visit all the way from Pennsylvania. Yankee meat in the Southwest. I feel that they were thoroughly underwhelmed with Dallas which proved to be just another city to them and not a cowtown. I feel that they were totally overwhelmed with Fort Worth which proved to be everything they expected: bulls in the street and cheesy cowboy hats. Although Allie and Kelly both said they had a great time, I'm unsure if they will come back...

See, Allie and Kelly wanted to dance and left the bar we were at without my supervision and took a cab to a bar called Kinky's that I have never heard of (and will never go to). They then took a cab to "Windsor", not realizing there are many Windsors in Dallas. They ended up at a Windsor Senior Living and were then kicked out of the cab by, what seems like the cab driver from hell. There was quite a debacle to get them another cab and to the right Windsor as they were at least 20 minutes away and on the side of a fairly major highway. To truly grasp where these ladies were, I made this so great map to the right.

Allie and Kelly arrived and we went to my apartment only to discover that our troubles did not end there... Roommate Erin had beaten us home and mistakenly deadbolted the door. All of these items separate would have been very amusing, but, all at once, Allie and Kelly were not amused. (Did I mention that Roommate Erin sleeps with ear plugs?)

Anyway, lots of banging, 20 missed calls to Erin, one visit from Security and one call to maintenance and we were no more in the apartment than when we had started. I say to Allie and Kelly let's go to a hotel (there is one just across the way) but they refuse to leave the floor. This is when I spy a boy coming off the elevator to attend the party across the hall. I ask him kindly to please kick in my door. He thinks this is a joke but I promise it is not a joke. He thinks about the proposition and then one swift kick to the door and we're in. A MIRACLE!

Other than the miracle on Ivan Street, the trip was as expected and Allie and Kelly got to sweat their balls off in the May heat wave that is Dallas and go to some standard watering holes. I think they were VERY thankful that they weren't here in July!!

3) Mom Daly totally beat her kids for the next Meet My Followers June edition. I'll be drafting all of my questions and hope to interview MD in the next week or two. If there is anything you want to know from MD (besides which child is her favorite) let me know and we'll definitely get the scoop.

4) I know there has been a lot of worry over my ankle by my followers and I thank you for the thousands of sympathy cards I have received at my home address. Your support is overwhelming. My ankle, I think, is still swollen, in my obsessive opinion. I never thought I had great ankles, but now I definitely have one ugly ankle. It hurts to really extend my foot becuse I think it pulls on a muscle. I can hear my parents now: Then STOP extending your foot!!!!! But, in my head I think this tension is going to work out all the leftover mess. Doctor Natalie, I know you aren't reading, but is that accurate? One small victory is that I can now sit indian (like the native american not the kind from Asia) style again. If you told me pre-injury just how much I sat this way, I would not believe you. But I quickly became aware how much I sat that way because it hurt when I sat that way!! Now I am aware. Get it!!???

5) I think for my big vacation at the end of the month I'm going to attempt mobile blogging with photos. This will be all the text messages and facebook uploading that you can handle all directed directly to ABCw! This will prep me for what Jarrod thinks will be my next big adventure (and what Smerritt has been waiting for his entire life): my entrance to Twitter.

Five is enough, yes?

In other great news, I have TWO new followers on my slow and steady climb to 100. Follower 75 is Nick Pinto. I think this is wonderful and, Pinto, I think we should gchat or something because I had to Facebook you to see what on earth you are doing these days. It appears, these days, you are running in the rain in a suit. Upon deciding to view photos of you on the book, you should know you are quite handsome in sepia tone. This is all I know. 76 is new friend Jay who I met at Jazz Under the Stars which is less romantic than it sounds and includes good friends, wine, temperatures in the 90s, bugs, and, obviously, jazz. Me and Jay are going to be great friends and to begin this friendship we are getting drinks this week - more on Jay later when I know it.

Meet Follower 27: GHyde

2011-05-26T20:09:00.001-05:00

Welcome to the longest addition of Meet My Followers. GHyde whose last name will be removed for legal reasons, was recently mugged. I couldn't wait to break the story to all followers, but I'm sure by now you've already seen a slinged GHyde and know his version of the story.(Which, God bless you because he is a chattier than even YOURS TRULY!).

GHyde really tried to milk his 15 minutes of fame on ABCw by extending the MMF interview to 400+ lines of chat with a break in the middle for Pinkberry with current roommate Gio (HEY GIO!) (And, actually, Gio made Greg hold the umbrella and pump his own ice cream while at Pinkberry - see photo!) and then finishing the gchat with gvideo. Because of this, GHyde's MMF is the most edited of MMF's. I do think I have retained the key aspect of the story.

Without further ado: Followes, Meet GHyde.

me: so GHYDE
you were MUGGED
GHyde: this is true
a week and one day ago today
me: eight days
GHyde: some would say
me: and you were in a coffee shop??
GHyde: No
me: oh rumor mill!
GHyde: I was in front of the bean in millenium park in chicago
bean
coffee
shop... easily confusable
me: ahh
got it
and where you taking a picture
of yourself?
in the bean?
GHyde: I had already done that and i was drinking an intelligista(only served in chicago and LA) iced coffeeand eating a mcmuff at a table in front of the bean
me: alone?
GHyde: yes
me: where was your phone
GHyde: on the table next to me. I had just downloaded edge of glory(BIG LETDOWN) and was mid listen
i havent listened to the song since
me: ok
so you are mid listen
are you just eating
are you reading
are you people watching
CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE SPECIFIC FOR THE READERS?
GHyde: okay... i was sitting there, legitimately soaking up my life. I was in a good spot. A week away fromstarting my new job in NYC. It was a beautitful day. you shou;dve seen the tulips.
me: yellow?
red?
hybrid?
GHyde: some would say i was cupcaking. both colors
i had an hour and a half to kill before i caught a flight to myrtle beach to grab dinner with my dad
so i was just killin time in the park
me: ok
so please describe the incident
GHyde: ok
so man comes up and asks me to take out my headphones because he had a question for me
me: lolllllll
GHyde: and i take them out of me ears
me: how did you hear him
if your headphones were in
GHyde: the hand to ear/i need to talk to you motion
the international sign for "i dont care what you're listening to/what i have to say is more important"
me: yes
which it is rarely never the latter
GHyde: so i feel a tub on my headphone cord
i look back and this other man man is holding me iphone
he takes off
me: how did he get your iphone
were they waering hats
GHyde: it was on the table, next to my breakfast
one had a hat
ok
so he picked it up off the table.
me: and what did you say
GHyde: an took off
me: you just looked at him?
GHyde: i didnt have time to say anything before he took off
me: the universal sign for "sure go head"
this is a very anticlimactic robbery
no guns?
someone told me your shoulder was injured
GHyde: its broken
it gets better megan
so the man who asked me to take out my headphones punches me in the face
me: what!
GHyde: more like the cheek actually
me: does he say anything
GHyde: but its a weak punch
so they all take off running
at this point
me: "they all" = 2
GHyde: 2 other accomplices have joined
me: oh
wow
GHyde: so now a total of 4
me: wait
after he punched you
did he say anything
GHyde: yes
me: like
TAKE THAT BITCH
GHyde: no no
me: or something
GHyde: HAHHA NO MEGAN
me: well GHyde
i'm trying to be there in my mind
GHyde: so then i grab my carryon and start to chase them
BIG mistake
me: did you leave your breakfast behind?
GHyde: yes
and im still mad about it
me: are you yelling anything at them
while you are chasing them
like
GET BACK HERE NOW
OR ELSE
I WILL CALL THE POLICE
AND YOUR MOTHER!!!
GHyde: not at yelling yet
they are shell gaming my phone in front of me(all 4 of them)
me: lollllllllll
this is like the playground
GHyde: harmless mario party reference
but
me: i wish you had a gun
just pull it out
GHyde: ME TOO
me: and show it to them
lolllllllllll
ok
BUT???
GHyde: ok
so they hit michigan ave and split up
me: where is the phone?
it's like picking the right cup
from the magician
what did you do!
how many minutes have passed already?
GHyde: like seconds
seemed like minutes
me: oh i pictured them monkey-in-the-middling you for at least 6 minutes
i'm glad you are setting up a timeline for me
GHyde: HAHAHA
so they all split up
and i had to follow one of the thugs
me: so who do you pick
GHyde: scratch that
ran my ass off
me: yea follow makes it seem like you are sluething
which yo uare not
GHyde: the slower/chubbier one clearly
me: lolllllll
thank god you've been running in bucks county
GHyde: so im chasing him through chicagos inner loop
and im gaining on him
and i see his bookbag he has on coming unzipped
me: lolllll
GHyde: a piece of paper falls out of his backpack
i see this and grab it
its homework
name written clearly across the top
me: lollllllllll
WAIT
how OLD are these thugs???
GHyde: ill say 20ish
me: so college homework
GHyde: but somewhere during this chase
me: not 10th grade times tables
GHyde: i mean... you can be 20 and in highschool... i wouldnt be surprised if he was
me: do you do times tables in 10th grade?
i guess if you are 20 you do
ok
so anyway
grab the paper
continue runnng
GHyde: somewhere in there i fell/got kind of hit by a cab
because we were running through the street with post rush hour traffic
me: wait
fell slash got hit by a cab
those are pretty different
GHyde: i mean
i dont know which came first
me: the fall
in my mental picture
he tripped on the curb
and his hand was run over by a cab
GHyde: hahah no
after this all happens
which the occurance is still kind of hazy
he slows
and the criminal sits down at the bus stop
me: lolllllll
does he know you are still there???
GHyde: yes
me: ok
so you have worn.him.out
GHyde: yes
and im yelling for someone to call 911 at this point
me: lol
ok so
so i'm picturing
an obese 20 year old with a book bag
sitting in the bus stop
and you screaming at the top of your lungs
HELP
911!
HELP
and people thinking
what the H kid
he's just catching the bus
GHyde: and nobody is helping me out
me: lollll
that would nto happen in texas
so much better manners here
GHyde: riiigghhttt
so
the kid says he doesnt have it
and the bus pulls up
he gets on
me: stop
are you kidding me/is your shoulder broken yet?
GHyde: apparently
me: when did that happen!
there seems to be no injury to the shoulder
except for picking up paper
GHyde: no
either when i fell
or the cab
me: you were hit by a cab/???
i thought the thug was hit by a cab???
WHAT
GHyde: megan
i was hit by a cab
me: i thought the thug was hit by a cab!!!!!!!!!!!
lollllll
GHyde: no
me: oh my god GHyde!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is this the curse of my followers????
to be hit by cars!!???
don't answer
i still need 100
ok
so wow
the thug gets on the bus
and then what?
GHyde: i follow him... because clearly i want to get shot/stabbed at this point
me: on to the bus?
GHyde: yes
and i tell the bus driver
"this kid just mugged me, shut and lock the doors until he turns out his pockets"
me: is this normal procedure?
when a mugger enters a bus?
or is this something you thought of?
GHyde: i thought of it
me: does the bus driver obey
GHyde: and the bus driver agreed
me: oh wow
ok and???
GHyde: the people on the bus HATE me
me: hahahahahaha
oh my gosh i bet
esp if it is rush hour
GHyde: and i look like a terrorist marching up and down the aisle of the bus
me: we can't say terrorist on the blog
GHyde: well
nobody was a terrorist, i just looked like one at the time
not a turban terrorist
a russian die hard terrorist
me: mob
GHyde: the kid finally turns out his pockets and says his friend has my phone and he passed it off to him
empty shell
8:17 PM me: lolllllllllllllllll
GHyde: bummer
me: so what do yo udo?
GHyde: i call him by the name on his homework
me: does he respond
GHyde: dumbfounded
me: ahahahahaha
GHyde: so i get off the bus
im bleeding
me: sad?
GHyde: finally a man calls 911
me: lolllllll
how much time has elapsed
GHyde: and im sitting in the middle of the sidewalk
me: are you giong to miss your flight?
GHyde: no
i file a police report
and my shoulder doesnt really hurt at this point
me: adrenaline
GHyde: so i file the report.
make my flight
me: miracle
GHyde: after numerous tries to get a hold of a family member, i have to get on my plane
still nobody knows i had been mugged
get on the plane
me: i hope you left the blood on your face
which is where i picture it being
GHyde: im surrounded north/south/east/west by crying babies
me: oh no
plane from HELL
GHyde: i land in myrtle
call my dad from a payphone
me: lollllll
did you have enough coins?
or did you call collect?
GHyde: he picks up saying "ill be at the airport in 15minutes, where do you want to eat?"
some payphones take credit cards now
little known fact
me: oh wow
how the times have change!
so where did you want to eat?
GHyde: i tell my dad i need to go to the ER
me: hospital food!!???
do you have benefits?
if not, that is going to cost a lot
GHyde: hahah yes
me: ok good
GHyde: and the xray informs us
i have a broken shoulder

And there, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of Greg's sling.

Originally I would have said that I think he is faking and just wearing the sling for attention. (A flare for the dramatic seems to be a common thread between all of my followers.) But now that I have the ankle injury (YES! STILL!) I think you should all buy poor Greggy a drink so he can be nursed back to health.

Also, it is my recommendation not to start a conversation with Greg re: mugging unless you have at least an hour.