A Black Girl's Guide To Sex & Seduction: Sex According To Me

Eye Candy: James McAvoy

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 23:10:00 +0000

I had to give James McAvoy this week's eye candy, because when he came out of the tub in Wanted, he looked like he had just finished putting it down.

I mean, this is not a bad image to see, or even have your man recreate. Hot, wet, hands on belt buckle, looking like he either just finished ravishing you, or is about to.

He's not uber sexy, but he works.

Spent...

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:35:00 +0000

The last time we were intimate, he took me to places I'd never been. We've been together for so long, but he just keeps taking me higher. I never wanna stop.

That was Thursday night. I'd been terribly sleepy so I couldn't do anything on Friday. I fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed. Saturday was busy, and Saturday night, we went to bed upset with each other. I felt slighted by the things he didn't do when we went somewhere.

The next morning with clearer heads and better temperaments, we extended olive branches of peace. He asked me what I wanted to do after watching a movie. I said I wanted to make up for lost time.

He waited for me in the bedroom, and put our son in his high chair to play and watch Caillou.

He called me in and I got undressed. He told me to take off my underwear, and I got under the sheets where he waited. He engulfed me like a flame. He seemed hungry for it, urgent.

I was too. I let him kiss me. I let the smell of his favorite (mine too) cologne engage my senses. I love the way he smells, cologne or not. But when he wears his cologne, I always want to feel him throbbing between my legs. He licked and sucked my nipples, and I bit at his neck, rubbing his arms, smelling him. We kissed and he grabbed me and adjusted me on the bed. He rubbed his hardness against the eager ridge between my legs, while he kissed me, turning me on.

He guided himself inside me and proceeded to put his winning stroke on me. He started off slow, so we could kiss each other slowly. I sucked on lis lower lip, he sucked on my tongue.

I peaked and peaked and climaxed. He covered my mouth, I was screaming. He felt too good. He never understands why I make so much noise. If only we could trade places so he could see what I feel.

I got wetter with each stroke, and he became more determined to make me come. He let out a moan or a grunt, but he was intent on giving it to me. He lifted my leg up towards my shoulder, and I looked him in the eyes as he forged deeper and deeper inside of me. I never wanted this to stop.

"Give it to me from the back..." I breathed.

He told me to get up and I got up on my knees. As soon as he went in, I was on my face with my ass up, grabbing at the bed, pillows and the headboard. His head rolled back and I knew he was going to come, and I was coming too. He orgasmed and let the warm liquid spray all over my back.

I collapsed on my stomach, with butterflies in my stomach, both of us spent.

*Based on a true story *giggle*

Playboy Playmate Nicole Narian On Her Masturbation Fest and Sex Addiction

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:33:00 +0000

WOW!!! Dead at "clean the pipes."

I mean I've had days wear I'd get it in two or three times, but ALL day? That's torture....

Jodeci and H-Town Are Back?

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 04:50:00 +0000

I'm a little geeked by these two power groups from my teens and preteens coming together for this song in 2009.

I like it! Would you get down to this?

Tila Tequila's Weird Knife Striptease

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 11:23:00 +0000

Is this sexy? I find little acts like these so terribly misguided. I cannot imagine anyone really finding this sexy. I guess it's sexy if you like crazy broads that might cut off your penis in a fit of rage.

What do you think? Hot or not?

Is There Really Such a Thing As Pussy Control?

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 11:00:00 +0000

*sigh* Megan, Megan, Megan... What are we going to do with you and your mouth, girl?

"Women hold the power because we have the vaginas... If you're in a heterosexual relationship and you're a female you win."

I think this is the problem with a lot of relationships, as I have certainly failed at mine when I had that idea. The belief that one has more power over the other is counterproductive. I don't believe that a healthy relationship can ever flourish out of someone having power over the other one, or "winning." I mean, it's not like love is a race...

What do you make of Megan's comments?

No Stripping Allowed?

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:00:00 +0000

It used to be that I would try to do a lap dance or a strip tease, and it did the trick once. The other times, Mr. Slim didn't give me the reaction I expected.

I instantly thought something was wrong with me, like I was doing it wrong, etc. Then I thought something was wrong with him, and then I got angry. He never really articulated himself all that well until a few sundays ago.

Mr. Slim has a bit of a Madonna/Whore complex/situation, and stripping from the missus is really not doing it for him.

At first I was offended!

"What the fuck are you, a Republican?" Were my words *lol*

After some time, I realized that while it was not something I got, I could totally respect it. I talked to a homegirl whose been married for 10 years and she said it took into year five for her hubby to be down for strip shows at their house.

Maybe I was moving too fast. He honestly prefers for us to cuddle and kiss and all that stuff to get aroused. He's not so visual. He wants to feel, and definitely wants to be felt up.

I can dig it.

Have you ever been with a guy who wasn't turned on by stripping? Your thoughts?

Who Are These Women?

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:33:00 +0000

*sigh*

So I click on this video at WorldStarHipHop because damn it I'm curious. Some of the girls have good moves, I could use. Emphasis on SOME. Most of the girls have no technique and look crazy, this girl being one of them.

So I decided to see what was so big about her. I mean, I checked out her page (IAmSpicyJ.com) and I was greeted by a cheap looking Myspace page. Okay, I look around and see nothing but an average girl who is some kind of Myspace celebrity (lower rung) and I wanted to scream.

You know ladies, if you are going to be a "web celebrity" you'd better be good, and you'd better make moves. You will not go anywhere with the piddly comments these guys leave on your marginally attractive Myspace pages, Twitters or Facebooks. They are leaving the same comments for the chick that has a nose comparable to that of a pig's.

Simply shaking your ass (poorly) on camera on WorldStarHipHop of all places is a poor ass move.

If you're going to get into adult entertainment, because that's what it is, no matter how soft core it is, you may want to do the following:

1) Buy a damned domain already... This is self-explanatory.

2) Network: WSHH is not really networking. It's people taking the piss out of you for free.

3) Actually be good at what you do. Don't look like a muppet on acid, like SpicyJ over there.

4) Be magnetizing. If you're plain and dull as day in the brains and looks department, you will fail.

5) Be creative. For the love of God, dancing in your poorly decorated bedroom is not hot. It's average. Aim higher...

Until then, you'll just be some sad, pathetic girl dancing on camera while crusty dudes masterbate to your shitty dancing.

That makes me sad for you...

*le sigh* What happened to good, strong women who were about something? These cavewomen these days... Sheesh.

Eye Candy: Shyne

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 07:11:00 +0000

I had a WICKED crush on Shyne, and he's still my favorite rapper.

Shyne was released from a 10 year jail stint for a nightclub shooting yesterday, and the hip hop world is already watching his next move.

This video did it for me. He was so sexy. He was fine. I was younger, so I still thought bad boys were cute ~~because they fuck the hell out of you~~. His voice was creamy, and he looked like his body was bad as hell under his clothes.

Not to mention, he looked like he could put that shit down in the boudoir. Shyne, baby, you're this week's Eye Candy!

P.S. He's Belizean too!

Five Things That Kill a Porn For Me

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 11:00:00 +0000

*sigh* It's hard to find any good porn these days. They are severely lacking when it comes to good content, so here are my top 5 things that will kill a porn for me.

1) If the chick's not into it, I'm not into it. It's like watching a guy screw a dead horse or cold fish. It's not hot.

2) I know that women get excited and all that, but a cotton-like substance on the guy's dick is not a good look. It makes ME wonder if something's going on with her. I don't think it's supposed to look like cotton balls either.

3) Same old positions over and over again. Everyone follows the same damned formula. Switch the shit up, will ya? Oral, side, doggie, girl on top, the end.

4) The girl is CLEARLY acting, when her body's showing cues that she'd rather be washing her hair.

5) Too many money shots. Some of us do like to see chemistry you know!

What are the things that kill a porno for you?

Trifling: Penelope Trunk Tweets Her Miscarriage

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:14:00 +0000

I am pro-choice for the country, but pro-life personally. Penelope Trunk decided to tweet the following:

I'm in a board meeting. Having a miscarriage. Thank goodness, because there's a fucked-up 3-week hoop-jump to have an abortion in Wisconsin.

(Her Twitter.)

She was tweeting before about having to go down and get an abortion. Mind you, she's a mother already.

I have NO problem with her doing her thing, I guess. It's her choice and it's between her and God. At the same time, her indifference and her disgusting way of explaining something that is HURTFUL to other people makes me want to spit in her face.

Abortions, or miscarriages, they happen. However, you are NOT the only person living on Earth, Penelope Trunk and this is not your world.

It's about respect for OTHERS, not just for yourself. You can talk about it all you want, but one of your followers may have been negatively affected by a miscarriage or abortion, and your GROSS insensitivity is PLEBEIAN and pedestrian.... How crass...

I'm taking it to you guys. Should women speak openly, and freely, like Trunk, about miscarriages and abortion? Or should they keep quiet?

STOP! Women Are Not These Shrinking Violets!

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:52:00 +0000

This is a vent. I just want to put that out there.

In just one week, I have been privy to conversations about women being "sluts" just because someone thinks they are "sleeping around"; women being slaves to men for wearing bikinis, women being abnormal for wanting group sex (where she's the only woman) and people being offended at the idea that women could be "aggressors" when cat calling men.

STOP!

I am tired of the generalizations. And these are coming from women who consider themselves slightly feminist, if not completely.

I am not saying that these things are impossible, I am just saying that women are multifaceted and we're all different. Some women like being cat-called and they do a few cat-calls themselves. Some women like group sex with a bunch of guys and are completely normal (even if the behavior is questionable), and they are not sluts for wanting to sleep around with nubile young men, who are willing to give them the business.

I take exception at women finding the idea of women cat-calling as being offensive. What the hell? By whose standards? Who says? God forbid women go after men, and bathe in male attention. We cannot say something is wrong with that woman without knowing her background and mental state.

I've said it before. If a woman has it going on, she's educated, articulate, sane, and a credit to herself and society, what makes her "abnormal" or wrong for wanting to sleep around or engage in a threesome (or plus) with men who are willing? Assuming that she's abnormal assumes that she's being railed, when she may actually be able to control the situation, line 'em up, screw 'em and send them the hell home.

These people love to whine about women not being treated right or equally, but they are incapable of putting a woman outside of the narrow box they have built for them.

Just STOP!

Spotlight: BeautifulAgony.com

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 11:00:00 +0000

This site is bananas! It's interesting to see other people's "Oh" faces. It ranges from the sexy to the absolutely freakish.

But it's intriguing because they all kind of look like they've been "stabbed", hence the apt name for orgasm, "La Petite Mort."

Kiss Me...F*ck Me

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 07:07:00 +0000

We had been arguing all day. One of those intense arguments that couples have because one person is not feeling patient, and the other underestimates the other's patience.

As we talked, and clarified exactly what we meant and why it was stupid to argue, we embraced and caressed each other. We then rubbed our noses together (eskimo kisses) and then we kissed.

I LOVE LOVE kissing. It's the only foreplay I need, if I can't get anything else. It's THAT effective for me.

My brain, that sly girl, started sending signals to my body to start tingling, and before you know it, I became turned on and hot, wanting to feel him between my legs, punishing me, exacting ownership over me again like, "Don't you ever make me mad again, girl. I'll show you who's the man."

We couldn't do much, because there were kids present, but whenever we could and they weren't looking, we would kiss. Our tongues would probe, and linger, and lick and fight and dance. I would feel my whole body respond to his touch, as if his tongue was a master puppeteer and my body the puppet.

Once we were able to distract the kids with homework and drawing--something that distracts them easily--we stole away to our bedroom. I jumped into the bed, and he looked at me. I just could not WAIT for him to come to bed. I threw my clothes off, and waited for him under the sheets. When he got into the bed, he was semi-hard, and within seconds he was fully erect. He kissed me some more, kissing my neck and my decolletage. By the time he came around to entering me, I was wet and ready to go.

He had no problems inviting himself in, and almost as soon as he completed his first full stroke, I wanted to orgasm. God, he had me scratching his back, biting and licking his chest and forearms. He had me touching my self, clenching pillows, muffling my moans and groans. He grabbed my hips and my thighs. I was where he wanted me.

I told him to punish me for our "disagreement". He didn't want to, I told him I wanted him to. He knows what I mean when I say this. This is my way of egging on his inner barbarian. I believe all men have it, and quite frankly, I love to see it because that's why I'm straight and not gay. Men have this "thing" that while they can be gentle, and normal, and kind and all those good things, but they all have this inner "Conan" that turns me the hell on.

I got on all fours, and he took his place behind me. At first thrust, he was hesitant, but I said, "Punish me!" And he was off. He went deeper, harder, faster with each thrust. I was being punished indeed. I couldn't run. With each thrust I said, "I'm sorry" (I know he likes this, it eggs him on like, "Yeah! Yeah! Be sorry! Take that!") and then he got me off of my forearms. He put both his hands around my neck (very softly mind you, we don't want anyone passing out and shit) but firmly enough to not lose the grip, and gave me a sexual thrashing.

He really liked that, because he had a powerful orgasm while I collapsed on the bed, spent and utterly satisfied, floating into post-coital bliss. I called this session one huge, never ending orgasm that just refused to end. It just kept getting bigger and bigger. I love when he does that.

And it all started with a kiss...

CrossPost: Sex, Lust and "Otherness" in Afro-Latin/West-Indian Culture

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:00:00 +0000

This was posted at HappyNappyHead. I originally wanted to post here, but decided to post there first. Honestly, it was a toss up. I wanted to see what the BGGTS fam thought about black female sexuality in a non-American context. Without further ado:

To start off International Week here at HNH, I wanted to start off with examining sex, lust and Black women in Afro-Hispanic/Hispanic culture.

I wanted to start off with the song "La Pollera Colora", a beloved song in most of Latin America, particularly those cultures with a deep African subculture.

Here are the lyrics (summary in English to follow):

pollera colorada
ay,al son de los tambores

Am
esa negra se amaña

G
y al sonar de la caña

Am
va brindando sus amores

G
es la negra Soledad

Am
la que goza mi cumbia,

G
esa negra sarabulla oye caramba
[ Checo Acosta Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]

Am
con su pollera colora

G
por eso te digo oye mi negrita goza oye caramba

Am
con su pollera colora,

ay,cuando le canto a Soledad
es que estoy yo contento
porque con su rico movimiento
inspiracion ella me da

Tiene sabor de canela
o rico sabor a pìmienta
como esta de contenta
con su pollera colora

This song by Checo Acosta, is actually, in my opinion, full of lust, and it paints the black protagonist as a very sexual and jubilant creature. I grew up listening to quite a few songs like this about black women. Honestly, there weren't many songs that were demeaning to black women (I honestly can't remember any).

He's singing about how sweet she smells, how joyful/happy she seems, carefree even, as she walks down the street. He sings about her taste, her movements and how awe-inspiring she is as she "toasts" her life (love life included). This attracts him to her, because she brings a joie de vivre to her surroundings; it lives within her.

Some may argue that this puts black women into a position that is fetishized, and I can see that. However, this is coming not from a Westernized place. This is coming from places that, at the end of the day, realize how much richer their culture is for having been touched by African culture. It is one big melting pot of African, Indian (Native) and Spanish (to name a few) cultures and people, and so the "admiration" comes from a more organic place.

As I explored my own budding sexuality, songs like this were drawn upon by me. It is something that I embrace, because when I think of "La Negra Soledad (her name)", I realize that she's carefree despite all of the societal bullshit because she knows how "rich" her culture, background and heritage are.

I think this is something we should really explore. Josephine Baker is a perfect example of this school of thought. Her "otherness" was not something that she wore with shame or was angry about, she embraced it, and owned it. We, in my opinion, have become so guarded, and so much more interested in integrating completely because of false, "post-racial" promises and hopes, that we've lost sight of what makes us truly "rich".

This is one of the reasons why sometimes my opinions are unpopular, because I see my "otherness" not as a hindrance or a clutch, but something that's powerful and disarming. It does not negate racism. It does not negate injustice. It, for me, is a statement of strength and even perseverance. It was that way of thinking that helped me to shed relaxers, even.

The closer I am to my "otherness", the better.

What are your thoughts? Are you offended by the song content/thoughts behind the lyrics?

Eye Candy: John Hamm

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 11:00:00 +0000

I am IN LOVE with AMC's "Mad Men" series, and have been watching Season 2 all weekend. I think it's more than fitting that John Hamm get a place in our eye candy section.

Why? Because that man can wear the hell out of a suit and a nice, slick backed hair style, that's why. Those intense eyes? They'd give Bela Lugosi in "Dracula" a run for his money. Crazy, sexy and cool... John Hamm, we salute you.

*pours whiskey on the rocks and smokes cigarette*

Would You Date a Guy Who Is Fond Of Sex With Prostitutes?

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 11:00:00 +0000

In a recent tirade, rapper Joe Budden gives (backhanded) praises to prostitutes, stating that they have "cleaner pussy" than women who are not prostitutes. Let's have a look, shall we?

“First of all, prostitutes, a lot of the times, have much cleaner pussy than regular girls.”

“Everybody in the world has paid for ass…Sometimes when you are in situations like this and you are in your hotel room and you just want a quick nut without doing it yourself, you fucking call a fucking escort. She comes over and gives you the best whatever you had, you pay her and she exits. They way that girls in the real world are suppose to do, but they don't.”

I knew there was a reason why I could not like this cat.

Not only is he perpetuating a myth about women and sex, he's obviously in need of some serious counseling. Let's not even get into how charged his words are considering he is part of the Black community (God, I wish he wasn't), the very same community that suffers disproportionately from HIV/AIDS.

I know that he is in a relationship with video chick/urban model Tahiry, although some believe they have since broken up. He states that he does not engage in prostitution because he's with her. If she hasn't left his ass, she should, because screwing with prostitutes is a deal breaker.

That's something that I cannot be a part of. I have no ill will towards those women, because many times, there is a back story that is tragic for many of them. They are humans too. However, if his attitude is that women should just up and leave and take some cash for sex, he needs to go on a "vision quest" alone.

Ladies, would you date a man who is fond of prostitutes, with beliefs that they have cleaner pipes?

Source

[Thanks Alex!!]

Reader Submission: Office "Visit" Part Deux

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 11:00:00 +0000

Here's the finale to Miss Lowlah's piece that was featured last week! I was hanging on the edge of my seat waiting to see how it would turn out (Lowlah, you tease you!)

Without further ado:
====================================================================================

You groan in frustration and answer it, your voice hoarse. It’s your secretary asking about lunch. You curtly tell her you have enough to eat. You ask her to hold your calls and then you hang up. Now where were we…?

I kneel before you and let my warm breath caress Stephen. Then I lick him, from the base of he shaft right to the top of the head. Your groans spur me on and I engulf him. I suck on the head like I’m trying to get to a treat at the centre. When I know you’re almost in pain, I take the plunge and take him in all the way to the back of my throat humming as I do so. I do this again and again, soaking your balls and my hands in saliva as I pump from the base up. I cup your balls in my hands and squeeze gently before taking them in my mouth, my hands still working away on your shaft.

You roughly pull my head up and kiss me so hard that my lips start to swell, biting my lips as if in payment for my earlier torture. Then you lift me unto the desk and lift my skirt up… you don’t seem surprised to see that I’m naked down there.

You flip me over and run your finger along the opening of my cunt. You see the wetness and dip your finger in. My knees give out, but you hold me, chuckling softly into my neck. Without warning, you ram your cock into me. I gasp. You dig your nails into my butt and spread my cheeks. You fuck me. Hard. Harder. Harder. You yank off my top and pull my nipples. It hurts but it just makes me back into you even more. You squeeze my breasts and pull me up by my hair. Your other hand travels down my front to play with my clit and I melt a little more…

You fuck me.

The motion rocks us backward and we fall unto the chair, me on top so I take over. I bounce up and down on you with glee, the sight and sound and smell of us drive me crazy. I whip my head around as you stick a finger up my ass.

“What the fuck…”

You grind your lips down on mine and I shut up.

And we fuck some more. I’m creaming all over your nice work pants, giggling to myself as I wonder how you’ll explain the stain to your colleagues. You push me forward so you can watch your dick slide into my pussy over and over. It’s too much for you. With a guttural, animal, growl you come. I clench my muscles to squeeze as much as I can out of you, till you’re so sensitive that you beg me to stop. Being the evil being that I am, I keep it up for a few seconds till you lift me off you. I pull my skirt down, put on my shirt and sit across the desk from you.

When your secretary knocks a few minutes later, it’s as if nothing had happened… except of course for the lingering smell of sex.

“I didn’t know you were coming”

“Of course you didn’t… but I knew you would be. I didn’t get to use my little surprise on you, so I’ll see you after work?”

“Girl, if I can stand up after this, I’ll be at your place.”

I cross and uncross my legs, your eyes follow each movement. I look down at your pants. Why hello there…

I get up to leave and stop at the door.

“Tonight babe?”

“Tonight.”

Don't Waste The Pretty Part III: "You Are Safe With Him!"

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 12:08:00 +0000

WHOOO! What a week. I was UBER tired the last two days, so pardon my tardiness. I wanted to give you guys the final part because what our counselor said hit to the core and I definitely need to share that.

We basically explained the issues. He gave his side, and clarified what he meant. I gave my side and expressed my anger at feeling rejected that day. What she said next was on point.

"[Slim] You are SAFE with him! There is going to be a time where he's going to tell you to 'shut up, I'm not done talking yet' and that's okay, because it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or rejects you. As we go through this process, he will start to open up more, but it doesn't mean he's going to leave."

She's SO good at what she does, because in my mind, I assumed that his expressing (and rightfully so) his unhappiness with certain aspects was almost proof that he didn't care about me or the relationship.

You may be saying, "She's crazy!" LOL If you are, I don't give a fuck. I thought so too, but speaking with her, it all boils down to one thing: fear. I was afraid, and am working on this fear, of losing the people I love most. In an effort to not be hurt by my pessimistic thought process that they will leave or I will lose them, it's almost like I find "evidence" that they are, possibly as a coping mechanism. Why? Because it's EASIER to believe that you're right, as opposed to being wrong and realizing that you have to be more vulnerable in order to fully love.

She made me turn to him, and say, "I am safe with you." I have NEVER said that to anyone, nor have I felt that way really, except with my mom. I am someone who has been in relationships and married, and it had nothing to do with the guys. These are good men. I just never felt safe with them because I never learned to trust a male figure in my life. When I was about to, something happened like a divorce. My mom was and is so dedicated to her kids, she didn't date or bring men around. Since she's been divorced, I can count on ONE hand just how many boyfriends she's had.

When I realized how difficult it was for me to say that, I realized just how much work I have yet to do. I am committed to doing it too.

So, it turns out that I still have a lot to learn about love and relationships. All I can do, is share my story along the way.

Don't Waste The Pretty Part II: What Happens Now?

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:42:00 +0000

WOW! Boy, was I mad yesterday and the night before. You would not believe what happened.

I am going to share this with you because it's only right. I am an adult and I should be able to admit when I make a mistake. THAT and if I can help others NOT make my mistake, then so be it.

I attacked him some more after I wrote that and he read it. He never said anything disparaging the whole time I attacked him. He just kept saying he didn't want to leave. I kicked, and screamed and swung. I was so upset. I lashed out at him because my anger was so potent. It was nuts. I broke down and cried like a newborn ripped from its mother's warm and accomodating breast.

I called our therapist. My brother couldn't make heads or tails of it, so I called her. I was SO sure she would admonish him and say, "Oooh girl! Not even I can help you. Run!"

Would you believe what she said instead???

"He's growing. At least he's telling you now and not waiting years."

I realize that he was unfiltered. I realize that it was harsh for my sensitive self. I am very sensitive. Yes, some of those feelings of his were petty and he admits it now. My tirade did SOMETHING I guess. Anyway, and I hate to admit this, she said, "We're going to have to work on your feelings of rejection and the anger that stems from those feelings a little more."

KA-CHING!

Then I wondered, I can't possibly be the only person, male or female, especially black coming from a single parent home (where there was no relationship with the non-custodial parent) that feels this way.

This is why I decided to WOMAN UP and share the aftermath with you guys, and keep this going. Why? Because I KNOW I am not alone in this.

We see a couple's counselor, and I explained why albeit venomously. We want to help him figure out why he compartmentalizes his problems, waiting, hoping they will go away, and why he felt the need to run from certain things. I went because I knew that I was letting some of my baggage get in the way, and I started to lose my gift of communication, or maybe I never had it. My issue was anger at not being accepted for me, feeling rejected. We touched on it briefly, and apparently we need more time to work on me.

I no longer fear rejection from people in general, because while I care, I don't love people that way. Rejection from the people I love, frightens me, scares me, hurts me. I fear that terribly. I turn that fear into anger that would make Zeus or Hera blush, and bada bing! We've got a situation where I'm feeling the effects of an anger hangover.

He did not HAVE to say anything. He could've lied or kept it to himself. He admitted it, knowing that it would make me blow up, and I respect that. All I heard was "I reject you." I chose to hear what I feared most, not what was what.

What he was saying is, "I want to be able to feel like I can do things alone. I was unhappy because I felt controlled sometimes{he wasn't so that was a point against him because he exaggerates sometimes}. I am still hurt that you rejected my hopes for naming my only son."

Instead of going off the deep end, I should've stuck to what she told me, "Instead of showing how angry you are or telling him that you're angry, tell him how his actions make YOU feel {why didn't I stick to this? I took communication in college}."

I should've kept my dignity at all costs. How the hell can I trust him to talk to me if I am guaranteed to let my colored glasses skew my view? I should've said, "I feel rejected when you say things like you want to go do things you used to do when you were single {to be fair he meant going to movies and riding his motorcycle on a whim. Trust me, if it meant anything else I'd probably be in jail for assault with a stilleto}. You bring up my fears of being rejected when you say you have been unhappy sometimes, and I know that I'm a good woman. That hurts. I feel like you reject what I stood for when you say you are upset or held a grudge for not naming the baby."

Basically, the both of us need growing. I need to let go of some things and realize that I am not perfect, and that not everything is a rejection or reflection of me.

He needs to learn to trust me and communicate with me.

This is actually not an uncommon thing is what killed me. Had we been doing the damned reading from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs "Love & Respect" (I HIGHLY recommend it. It will save you money on counseling because it's that good... if you try), we would've gotten to Chapter 10 on communication and we would've seen this bullshit coming.

I guess I don't have all the answers after all...

Our counselor believes this is normal and that we're making progress--well he moreso than me because he's talking and sharing.

We're going to see her today, so I will post on that later.

I'm still here because running away would mean that I failed to see my faults and my mistakes and that I failed to acknowledge my baggage. That's not good for me, so I am still here.

Reader Submission: Lowlah's Office "Visit"

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:40:00 +0000

I come to your office wearing a white shirt and a tight high waisted skirt. Underneath, I have on a lace bra, garter and stockings from Victoria’s secret… but no panties. I’m wearing that fragrance you like. You know the one that smells of coconuts and vanilla… the one that makes you want to eat me. On my feet I have 4 inch pointy heels. In my purse I have… well wait and see.

Your secretary buzzes me in, you’re startled. You had no idea I was in the country. I lock the door behind me, walk up to your desk and place my palms on it. I lean over just enough that you can see a hint of… you smile at me… that smile. The one you give me when Stephen is in the building. As I see the smile, I feel a trickle begin to run down my thigh. I don’t want to waste the wetness, I want you to feel and taste every drop. But I hold myself… I steel myself and prolong this beautiful torture.

In all this time we haven’t said a word. I haven’t seen you in a while but you look so good that I just want to gobble you up right there and then. You’re dressed in a blue shirt and black pants. I can see your muscles barely containing themselves under the smooth fabric. I see another muscle straining for my attention too…

You make as if to talk, but I hush you. Let’s not spoil this. I hold your gaze as I walk around the desk. Slow… measured strides. Till I’m standing beside you. I push your chair back from your desk and sit in front of you. So close, but not touching. I slowly start to unbutton my shirt. You make as if to say something again but I silence you with a kiss. A deep, wet, I-know-you-missed-me kind of kiss. A step-into-my-soul type of kiss. As I kiss you, I run my hands over your chest and feel the hardness under your shirt. You feel good, but I want to feel skin. I smile to myself, my big hunky man with the baby soft skin.

I unbutton your shirt and pull it off you. Oh… you feel so good. I breathe in your scent as I nibble hungrily on your neck. I am intoxicated. You groan softly as I nibble on your earlobe. Yeah… you like that don’t you. Enough play. I love you, but I’m really here to see Stephen.

My greedy hands reach for your belt and make short work of it. I’m almost panting at the thought of what lies under that zipper. With the speed and stealth of a prison break, Stephen is freed and there he is in all his glory. Eagerly straining toward me. His head glistening with that little bit of precum… I respond with some glistening of my own. I picture you inside me and I nearly orgasm from the mindfuck… and you haven’t even touched me yet.

I get on my knees to pay homage. I’m drooling as I bend close to tongue kiss Stephen… but at that instant… the phone rings!

=====================================================================================

Lowlah!!! Please finish THIS!!! LOL

Don't Waste The Pretty: When It's Time For His Ass To Go

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:26:00 +0000

Guys, I'm getting personal on this one. I don't really care who reads this, or what have you, because I'm going to be blunt. It may not be pretty, and I personally have no shame because I'm tired of being an accomplice to fuckery, and apologist for it even.

I'm in the middle of breaking up with my boyfriend. Well, I SHOULD say fiance because he proposed.... Only, he didn't have a ring (which I understood for the most part), and never did research or buy me even a cheap starter ring. Fuck, I didn't even get a ring pop.

See, we've been going to therapy because he's a lying, immature human being who is selfish and irresponsible. We've been trying to go to figure out just why he's so fucking fucked up. I figure it's because he's a spoiled little ass but that's just me. Granted, we were also going to counseling to help me figure out how to communicate with him better. Yes, he'd embarrassed me so many times by looking at other women (when I'm the bomb thanks), he'd embarrassed me so many times by looking at other women, he lied repeatedly, held things from me, hid his feelings of unhappiness... The list goes on. I figured a therapist would be able to help us, at the very least me so that if I got out of this relationship, I can be happy and not damaged by someone else.

We've been in counseling since June 1st or around that time. Would you believe he had the NERVE to tell me yesterday that he's been unhappy for some time, probably around a month, was resentful because our son *shudders* I prefer to say MY son, does not have the name HE wanted (his own name. How fucking vain is that?) and that he's upset that he can't do the things he used to do when he was single (go out to movies on the weeknights), and that he has "white guy tendencies" (read Sarah Palin type tendencies) ie he is an anti-intellectual. GO FIGURE! And to think THESE people are at the top of the fucking social food chain????

It's not about race because I know for a fact that too many are stuck on basic, simple bitches. The kind of bitches that infest Myspace, piss-laden bus stops, and clubs with their pregnant friends. I understand this is what men have come to believe about themselves. Unfortunately for him, that's exactly where I am dispatching his ass right back to.

My girlfriend says, "What the fuck does he want? "

I tell her I don't know, but I'm going "in" on his ass. And that's exactly what I did. She replies, "Don't waste the pretty."

That's EXACTLY what I intend to do. Not waste the pretty. I'm an educated chick, 3.45 GPA in college, very well-read, like to read often, information hound, geek, tech-nerd, extremely sexual, ready anytime, I don't make excuses ie "I have a headache." I'm my own boss, ambitious, looking to open another business (an LLC), I write music, poetry, play instruments, but I also like blockbuster nights, sports, I work out, I like to cook and clean my house, decorate it.

In short, I'm a damned dream girl and because he's too selfish to grow the fuck up, he didn't realize that.

He says we have nothing in common, a gross exaggeration because that's not true. He says that he doesn't want to go see any of the things I'm interested in (plays, musicals, the like) but we can go see what he wants (a very BASIC dinner and movie all the fucking time). This guy does not know the meaning of AIM HIGH. That's too much work for him. He's too lazy. He can't do it.

So when I tell his ass to get the fuck up out of my house, he says "WE" can fix it.

Newsflash, because I know you're going to read it, WE DON'T NEED TO FIX ANYTHING. I AM FINE. IT IS YOU WHO HAS A PROBLEM. I AM OKAY. I AM MORE THAN OKAY, I AM GREAT.

It is not MY FAULT you are a small-minded, snake in the grass who is lazy and stubborn. This is not my fault. WHAT THE FUCK EVER HAPPENED TO JUST BEING HAPPY BECAUSE YOU WERE AROUND THE PERSON YOU LOVE?

That's right. You don't love me. You love yourself too much to do that.

You are INCAPABLE of being honest and having integrity. You are too cowardly to do anything outside of your scope.

So I am not wasting the pretty on your fucking ass. Don't backtrack, homie. Go find yourself a basic bitch and do basic things.

There aren't any passengers on my plane, baby (except my two sons).

I look back on this and I regret my choices. I don't regret my youngest (my first is from my marriage). I just wish that I didn't have to deal with this motherfucker EVER again. Like, I want no interaction with this asshole.

I feel like I wasted three years of my life, going on four, giving my all and he can have the nerve to slap me in my face with his revelations?

What did I expect? I should kick myself for this. This is a guy who dated strippers, teenage drop-outs/sluts and sluts in general. He had no CLUE what to do with a dame like me, and I regret even joining their ranks.

Like all females, I thought that he would grow and change. Fuck my female mind.

What's The FREAKIEST Thing Anyone's Done To Get Your Attention?

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:24:00 +0000

(Courtesy of DontBeChi.wordpress.com)

I was driving down the street and remembered, off the cuff actually, how horrified I was when this older Indian gentleman, crossed the street to speak to my very nubile 16 year old self. I was walking my brother and his friends home from middle school. I ended up leading the way in the front, and then he ended up right in front of me.

He told me how beautiful I was--all the while I'm thinking how gross he is and how I wish he was 20-30 years younger--and would not let me pass. My brother and his friend took their precious ass time, and he grabbed my hand, and kissed it. Oh, it didn't stop there. He LICKED IT.

Yes, he LICKED it. I wanted to die. I felt terribly humiliated, although my ego was a little stroked. STILL....

WHY couldn't he have been like 30 years younger????

He looked okay for his age, but still.... Sean Connery he is NOT!

So, I just HAD to ask my BGGTS fam, what's the freakiest, creepiest thing anyone's done to get your attention/flirt with you?

Eye Candy: Maxwell

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:00:00 +0000

This week's Eye Candy is Maxwell!!! Yes! Ladies, do I even need to explain? The cat can SING like an angel, and his style is oh so nice. I mean, do I really need to explain? I think not!

Over at Happy Nappy Head: Black Men x White Women; White Men x Asian Women

blackbeatniks@gmail.com (Seattle Slim) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 06:48:00 +0000

Click HERE to get in on that convo. Hope to read your thoughts!