A BPYT'S BLOG

IT'S 2K15 AND THESE ARE THE THINGS WE NEED TO LET GO OF

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 21:46:00 +0000

First and foremost this is a little late but how's your new year going so far? We're 13 days in you good? Your people good? If not I hope it gets better but let's go ahead and jump into it shall we. Now that we've settled into the new year here are some of the things I think we should let go of this is not an exhaustive list but I think I got all the most pertinent issues but if not feel free to make your own list.

Watching reality shows and pretending you not watching it. You know you smack dab in front of your tv for every fight, for every throw of the liquid, for every insult, stop pretending you're disgusted because you love it and we know it.
Stop looking at every celebrity couple and hollering out Relationship goals. First and foremost most of these so called celebrity couples are PR orchestrated, some folks have even left relationships they have been in without giving the person they were dealing with a heads up. They just left another person with emotional wounds and y'all will stan for this person's new relationship like they didn't just shit on they last partner because you think they make a cute couple, nobody holds a celebrity accountable and that's why most of them are horrible people who do horrible shit and frankly you can put a picture on instagram and be seen out and about in public and pretend you have the best relationship but when these couples are alone, he high, she high, they can't stand each other, they don't even sleep in the same bed as one another, they make the most toxic couple ever but you rock with them because they look cute together its utter foolishness, she taking whatever bullshit he putting down because she loves her lifestyle, he cheat, he have multiple affairs and side babies, I repeat there is rampant unmitigated flagrant infidelity, and it all looks good because these mofo's got some money to throw glitter over that shit. Stop trying to have a celebrity relationship just be in a healthy one because you don't know the price these folks are paying for that relationship and frankly sometimes the price is far to high for way to little. Teach your children and teenagers what real love is stop letting them see it on tv or play out in the media because that's not love and then you will wonder why your young relatives are in abusive unhealthy relationships.
Stop with the pleading for white folks to see your humanity. Stop begging white folks to give you anything. It's time to move on. Ever since they kidnapped your ancestors and brought them over here it has been about domination by terrorist tactics they might give you a little bit to make you feel like you actually might be getting a leg up but anytime they want to pull the rug out from under your feet they will and they do. Start thinking about what can be done and how it can be done for true freedom and liberation. Playing by the white power structures rules has gotten us nothing and no where. Why we still have to march for basic human rights? Why we still have whole cities where people are living without running and working water? Why are we still having conversations about police brutality? IT'S 2K15 if you don't see the problem you are the problem and I'm not discussing it with you. Google works and so does reading.
Stop looking to celebrities to not be idiots they are getting paid for their talents and most of them are as ignorant as the day is long. Talent does not mean integrity. Talent means you have some skill you can make profit off of. They are not here for the art they here for the money and the fame and don't believe anything to the contrary because if they weren't here for the money and fame they wouldn't be working their asses off to get people to buy their product and see their shows. They wouldn't have endorsement deals, they wouldn't be in movies and on television shows so I really need people to stop getting disappointed when their fav celebrity turns out to be an idiot.
You opened up the flood gates so mediocre white people could come in and steal R&B music and rap. You lifted the gate so a few could come in and that left the door wide open for the current issue we have today. If you like that wack shit cool, but miss me with all the bending over backwards and laying down your coat over rain puddles for the bullshit you guys have let in the music industry. There are legitimate talented black artist that can't get record play, that can't sell concert tickets, that have given up music because their talent is going unrecognized while the most basic white people are getting all the accolades and awards and money for putting out the worst shit to a beat. Black people you always been so liberal minded letting people eat off your plate, letting them steal your whole style and legacy, letting them get all the awards and recognition while you cleaned toilets, and cleaned houses, wrote song after song, and taught these white folks and gave them a style. STOP DOING THAT SHIT. The first rule in business is not to tell everything you know because someone will take your knowledge and capitalize on it leaving you behind and uncompensated.
Stop letting white people rile you up, stop talking to them period, as soon as they show their true colors cut them OFF. Pay them dust. Stop rocking with problematic white people period. Why are you still friends with a person that see's you as a source of amusement or a sidekick? Why would you still be someone's black fetish? Love yourself more, you deserve so much more. Stop providing a private minstrel show.
If white people want to learn about what black people are going through, or what they're facing they have all the money and resources you don't have to explain a damn thing to them. All they have to do is use their fingers on their Mac notebooks to find out anything and everything that is going on currently. They are lazy and don't want to do the leg work don't do it for them because it will go in one ear and out the other. If someone really wants to learn something they research it and they go find it for themselves. Stop following for the false solidarity unless they really doing the work it's a lie.
Can we acknowledge that a vast majority of men love what's between a woman's legs and every orifice that can bring him pleasure but realize that he doesn't love women as human beings as people with legitimate concerns and cares because if men did they wouldn't call us bitches, ho's, thot's, etc or any other nasty name to describe a woman when she is doing something a man finds displeasurable. A man shouldn't have to wait until he has a daughter to recognize that women are people who are here for more than just breeding and getting skeeted in and on. We are so much more than just some pleasure sack that you look at and get off on. We are complex human beings with complex emotions and mental states and that needs to be acknowledge. Especially by the jackasses in congress that want to regulate what a woman does and does not do with her own body.
Politics is a game we know this, elections have been stolen we know this. The president is a politician and he does what he thinks is best. Overall he's been a far better president than any I've seen in my lifetime. I have healthcare, I can go get check up's. Thanks to the president. He is trying to let people go to college for two years so they can have a leg up in this world because he knows that black and brown students don't have the financial backing for universities at least they can maybe get those two years and work on getting the rest out on their own time. You can say what you want about the president but he has made some good strides. The republicans are determined to repeal everything he has managed to push through and if you fucks let them I don't want to hear a damn thing about what the president is doing. When it was time to vote did you go vote? Did you give your senators and mayors hell?
Please stop making excuses for the New Blacks let them stay in their delusional lane of respectability politics, and their love of all things white folks, and throwing black people under the bus. Frankly all of these New Black folks who want to turn their backs on the people that helped get them to where they are need not be supported any longer by black folks let their blessed white people take them the rest of the way. I'm good. They don't speak for me or mines, they don't know about my plight and they are out of touch. Let them go and let them prosper with the white folks they love so much. They will not be missed.I don't care if they are your favorite or not let them go stop holding on to these people and hoping they will see the light. Leave them to perish because they not thinking about your and they could care less about what you have going on.
Let's not argue over social media. Debates are fine. Getting your point across is fine but petty mudslinging fights lets leave that in the past. Learn how to throw shade and slay, learn from the elders like Patti, Anita, and Aretha Franklin those ladies shade with the best of them and they do it while looking like a million bucks and not giving a fuck.
Can we stop acting surprised when someone shows their true colors like come on you knew they were faking the funk so why you hurt now?
Can we stop pretending that white people pranks are funny? They do harmful, mean shit and think it's funny. How long y'all going to rock with that?
Evaluate yourself, if all your friends are white and every time you're with them you end up doing stupid shit, or getting in trouble and you the fall guy, guess what those aren't your friends fuck around and end up in jail or worse dead and they will all be alive fake crying at your funeral. Love yourself more and get some black friends.
If you don't like or love black women and you're a black man their is a special place in hell for you and I hope your dick falls off. There is no reason to ingest and believe that all black women are the same. Black women come from every walk of life and if you can't find one that you can get along with...then the issue is not black women it's you.
Stop being a fuck boy in 2k15. Stop lying to women for vagina, stop lying about your intentions, stop using women, stop being a fucking shit. Grow a pair and be honest with yourself and the people you deal with. If you not looking for nothing but just to fuck go ahead and say that. Stop wasting peoples time. Keep it 100% truthful this year and beyond.
Stop falling for fuck tactics, make them work for you. You are more than just some beat and skeet. Stop taking these men at face value. Observe every action, listen to your gut instincts.
Realize that anyone can rationalize their actions, the way they treat you, what they do, how they do it. With that in mind worry about your own best interest and as long as you are bringing harm to none do you.
More being genuine, authentic and communicating honestly this year.
Last but not least have great fulfilling sex on your terms this year. Make sure as a woman you're getting off and getting satisfied. If you aren't let it be known it's time to be vocal about what's going down in the bedroom. Or invest in some really great sex toy's and don't worry about not getting off ever again.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED; TYLER PERRY'S LATEST STAGE PLAY

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Sun, 30 Nov 2014 16:00:00 +0000

So basically this is a play about a lonely women played by Cheryl Pepsii Riley her characters name is Anita Lincoln if you don't know who she is she's the woman in the pink dress up top. Basically her good intentioned friend sets her up with a man off of the internet from an internet dating site and after a month of being romanced since she hasn't had a man in five years and she's celibate she lets her guard down decides to marry him in Vegas and than comes back home to her friends and family informing her that she has been swindled out of all her money and the man is also mortgaging her house out from under her. She cries, she get's angry, her grandmother tells her she has to take some responsibility for what has happened to her and that if she had loved herself she wouldn't have made this bad decision to just up and marry this man so just woman up and get back on her feet, so Anita decides to beat the hell out of the guy she married with a bat and than when he goes to the hospital its discovered she is the 7th woman he's done this same scam too and of course she manages to get her house back and she goes down to the prison to forgive the swindler and get closure. That is the play in a nutshell.

I'm usually a Tyler Perry supporter but I can't with this play. First and foremost why is it always the women that have the bear the brunt of bullshit in all his movies and plays? Why is it the women's fault that someone took advantage of her wanting to be loved and have a connection with someone? Why isn't he shaming the men that go around preying on people instead of coming down on the women who get tired of sitting idly by on the shelf doing everything the right way only to be tricked by someone because they want to be loved and adored? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Why do women have to go around all the time being shamed for being human? Why the fuck do men never have to account for their terrible actions? Why do women always have to get treated like a last thought or a piece of trash for wanting to be loved and wanting to have faith in others? So it's a woman's fault for believing all the lies that a man tells her, it's a woman's fault for picking terrible men, it's a woman's fault for not having better judgement, it's a woman's fault for breathing, it's a woman's fault for blinking, it's a woman's fault for getting raped, it's a woman's fault for not accepting a man's advances so he kills her. The fucking script needs to be changed. Women are not here for you damned amusement we are not toys, we are not trash and we are not some creatures who want to be bent to the will of a lying, scheming, piece of trash who weren't raised right.

As human beings you would think that people would not be out to hurt each other but this is real life and there are demons walking around in human flesh looking to inflict hurt and damage on other people. Ladies I understand we get lonely I've been there it happens to the best of us. Don't let these assholes come in and take the best of you because you want someone in your life. Unfortunately you can't let your guard down with anyone be cautious and be weary. Don't give an inch be as hard as you need to be, and I don't know what combats feeling lonely honestly you can fill up every single minute of your day but when you're in bed by yourself you're going to want someone there with you. That's just the God's honest truth. Especially if you want to be married or have kids. I don't know what will make it better, just praying doesn't feel the void. I don't know what the solution is just try and not get caught up to where you can't see the future clearly. Keep strong ladies may God bless and keep you some way some how.

WHY DO WHITE PEOPLE NEED TO SAY THE WORD NIGGA SO BAD AND WHY ARE YOU OUT HERE EXCUSING IT SO THEY CAN?

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 20:57:00 +0000

It’s the same with what we might call “Cross-Racial Nigga.” Because “nigga” is not “n—ger,” a white guy saying nigga is not using a slur—he’s using a term of affection, often for another white guy. Cross-Racial Nigga is a byproduct of the “browning” or “tanning” of American culture over the past 20 years, such that many Latino, Asian and white Americans, and others, have adopted the cultural trappings of blackness—in music, speech patterns, body language, humor, etc.—to such an extent that it starts to feel natural to use the corresponding term of affection.

Sure, some of them in quiet moments say they feel as if in some ways they “are” black. And just as sure, they aren’t—there is no denying the grisly meaning of things like what happened to Trayvon Martin. Yet even the racial realities of what happened to Trayvon don’t lead us to pretend that words don’t change meaning, or even that somehow when it comes to one word with an ugly racial history, we can somehow block that from happening.

To wit, a person, white or black, can be perfectly aware of this country’s hideous racial history and happily refer to his friends as nigga. Because “nigga” is not “n—ger.”

(via The N-Word Isn’t Automatically a Slur - The Root)

I woke up this morning and proceeded to check the feed on facebook because I follow a lot of news outlets on there and lo and behold this article from the root no less came across my feed and I was shocked disgusted and appalled and than angry. The guy that wrote this article is a linguist an author, has a Ph.D in linguistics from Standford University and a whole bunch of other stuff linked to his name so he is a very educated individual who probably runs in nothing but all white academic circles and think tanks and hobnobs with the upper echelon on a day to day basis so I am more than dissapointed in his words and this article.

This garbage is a pass for those that already think columbusing blackness is the right thing to do. Black music, black culture, black aesthetics, black features, black everything has leaked into everything there is no separating that reality. However I'm not okay with the fact that when black people do it, it is often touted as "ghetto" "urban" and unrefined but as soon as you slap it on a white person or put it on a run way then it becomes cutting edge and acceptable AND PROFITABLE. Since white folks recognized that taking from black folks and exploiting any and all of their essence would turn a quick profit that's what has been going on. Black people will die poor in the gutter rocking the same styles and aesthetics and doing the same music but if a white person does the exact same thing it's legit and its profitable and they get richer and go down in the history books as inventors of said thing while black people go unrecognized and uncompensated and die destitute and hungry.

Yes language does change but the word NIGGA is not for anyone outside of the black spectrum can we stop others from using it, no we can not, is it wrong yes it is. You can't be a Nigga unless you willing to actually get treated like one. You can't be a nigga unless you comfortable living in the hood and having sup par everything. You can't say nigga until you want to come and make a wage that barely supports your family and loved ones. You can't say nigga until you can explain to me why black bodies are used for target practice by police all around this country without repercussions for their actions. You can't say nigga until you can give funding back to all the urban schools that have been closed or underfunded while you stay in your private school funded by very rich alumni. You can't say nigga until we can have an honest dialogue about the way black people have been treated by this country and when is it going to change? You can co-opt and rape our culture like you been doing you can say whatever you want but it's still wrong.

If you're one of the nu blacks that co-sign your white friends calling you their nigga we don't have anything to discuss because you're already fucked up in your head you're already gone on the lie of post racial America. You believe that those that call the president a Nigger is a low percentage. You don't believe there is a war on the poor, you don't believe that has anything to do with you and you live in a very blinded way and I'm not fucking with you.

Instead of bending over for white people and letting the white power structure continue to terrorize and malign people of color there needs to be a shift. I need the shift to come so that black people's humanity is recognized and celebrated and our art is compensated and credited to us directly not just used for profit and gain by white folks. I need history books especially textbooks to have some honesty in what really happened to African's when they were chained and shackled and brought to this country against their will and I need the history books to document the way this country treats the very people that built it from the ground up. We aren't in a post racial anything and letting white people use the word nigga doesn't change shit for the way black people are perceived and treated. It doesn't put anyone on equal footing. It doesn't rewrite policy. It doesn't give anyone dignity at the end of the day so why does a white person want to say nigga so bad? What is so sexy and hot about the word nigga that a white person just needs to utter it through their lip-less mouths? What does the word nigga do for a white person? Stop and really ask yourself why does a white person need the right to utter the word nigga when they are in charge of the power structure that oppresses? They already got everything so why in the world do they need the word nigga too?

WHY YOU NEED A TITLE AND WHY HE WILL HESITATE TO GIVE YOU ONE

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 15:00:00 +0000

When you go to target or any other store if you are searching for something you know where to go because the aisle are clearly labeled and the products are stocked on that aisle supporting the above label. If you need face cream or acne cream you're going to go to the aisle that is labeled health and beauty. You have a direction, you know what to look for, where to find it, and if you don't then you would ask a store employee who would point you in the right direction because he knows the lay out of the store and therefore will be able to point you in the direction you need to go.

My point is this when you label something, when you give it a title you know what it is. Words have power, sounds have power, they give definition where there was none before if you name something you know what to do with it and that situation will now most likely come with responsibilities and duties. When you become a parent (title) you understand that now you are responsible for a living being that is dependent on you and will need you indefinitely for the rest of their days. When you become an employee they give you a job title if you are a customer service rep you now what that entitles and in your new employee handbook your duties will be clearly outlined giving you direction and a point of reference as to what it is you will be doing on a day to day basis.

Let's be clear I'm well aware that someone can give you a title and still act single but the upside of that is if you see a person's actions not supporting their words then you reevaluate that situation. Not everyone is going to go by the rules you yourself govern your own self by and that's fine. If a person can't see eye to eye with you then you now have choices. You can decide to live in chaos and shambles or pursue harmony and well being. Do not let these boys masquerading as men dictate how you should interact with them. They will try and convince you to do what is in their best interest not yours. They want to have sex with you on their terms and they will do any and everything they can to achieve this goal. When they won't let you define what it is you're in or doing with them they can then justify their problematic behaviors.

Stop believing them when they tell you, you don't need a title. Everything needs a clear and concise definition. If we are just friends then I treat you as a friend, I don't sleep with my friends. If we are casual lovers then I know we aren't dating we are just hooking up when and if we want to have sex, if we are dating we are not having sex we are seeing each other and it is not yet exclusive this is the process of getting to exclusive. Girlfriend Means I now have a position in your life we are exclusive, we have met each others parents and friends, we are building towards a future goal be it marriage (ideal for me) or domestic partners or living together whatever your end game is as a couple. If more ladies and gentlemen stopped accepting this casual lazy way of drifting in and out of each others lives and put some effort into actually dating again life would be much smoother and simpler in my estimation but that's of course just my opinion.

SO TIRED OF THE DISPARITY

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Sun, 07 Sep 2014 15:00:00 +0000

Image found on the web belongs to the site http://galleryhip.com/1960s-african-american-women.html

You know what I think is absolutely ridiculous? That there are a million shows with white women in them where the women gets rewarded for simply being white. She can be the most screwed up childish woman under the sun and she still get's jobs, relationships, and happiness handed to her repeatedly even though we know she is inept and is going to mess it up in the very next segment. She is never penalized for her insipid childish behavior she is rewarded again and again and again. She can take drugs, sleep with any and every man and she is still seen as pristine, clean and valuable. She can fuck up every employment opportunity given to her and she doesn't lose income. She will fuck up her money but never be homeless and live in some pretty dope spots and let's not get started on the relationships she gets to have. She doesn't get bottom feeders no she get's the cream of the crop every time. She can be a waitress with sass as in two broke girls and end up with a millionaire trust fund boyfriend. She can be a childish 30 something with a shop that doesn't even know how to function as an adult and needs her mother to come to the rescue time and time again and still get the guy as in Miranda. She can write a love advice column in nyc and live in a pretty dope apartment, not know how to cook, mess up every relationship she has ever had by chasing after the same man for 10 years and still get to get married to said man who is of course a millionaire and she gets to live happily ever in Manhattan in a pent house with a walk in closet. That's three shows off the top of my head that I've personally watched but let's not forget about all the other quirky white girls, the obnoxious ones, and the smug "liberal" feminist and the comedians who write these characters that are inept but funny with bite and wit who are still seen as capable functioning women. Even though their behavior is the very anesthetist of what a rational, functioning adult woman should be. They still win in every aspect just for having the right skin color.

These shows serve as a reminder that white women are still at the top of the totem pole and everyone else is just background. You have a variety of vanilla women and they get to be as diverse and fucked up as they want to be. Even in real life most white women can be mediocre vapid unproductive creatures and they get everything handed to them on a silver platter, they get to be famous for putting out sex tapes, they can be famous for being strippers oh excuse me I mean burlesque dancers because when white women do it in fancy clubs for rich patrons its burlesque, they can be famous for marrying the right man, or they can be famous for dropping some wack ass verses that someone else ghostwrote for them. literally for black women to be seen as worthy or productive in every show you see her as a main character in she is an overachiever she is either saving her family, or she is saving the president, she is a nurturer to all, 1 time out of a million a black woman gets to play the wife, she might be the girlfriend or she is alone struggling with lonliness, or she is in love with the wrong man but that's it. The black woman has a specific archetype she doesn't get to play diverse characters, she doesn't get to be fucked up or a boho, or seen as being awkward unless she puts out her own web series like Issa Rae, but I digress. Oh sure you can let the black woman play the baby momma, the drug addict, the stripper, the whore, the girlfriend but you write her as a caricature of a character you don't develop her character you don't give her a back story you don't give her depth she is just supposed to play the background for the main character no diversity and I won't count in this conversations the slaves and the maids and the nanny's that get saved by the "good" white people.

This disparity doesn't just stop at television and movies it's in every aspect of day to day life. A black woman can put out a rap video with her butt as the main focus and folks will drag her for it meanwhile they will applaud miley cyrus and taylor swift for doing the same things even call them progressive even have the nerve to credit them for starting twerking. You got women MC's that write rhymes that spit hot fire that are black women they don't get their just due they get played to the left they get ignored and discounted. You have a black woman put out a sex tape and everyone calls her trash wants to drag her for making her coins, you want to talk about how she ain't shit and she too old for that, and in the same breath applaud and stand up for another porn star that got famous for making and selling a sex tape in fact became a "celebrity" who keeps climbing higher and higher off the back of said sex tape, she put her whole family on off the strength of a sex tape. These people literally do nothing but breath and the world is in love with them. Black men fantasize about sleeping with them and they stay dating famous black men. You couldn't come to their door with less than a million in your bank account. Let a black woman do that she's all kinds of whores. Case in point Rihanna has had an active dating life she's young black beautiful and paid and she actually works. She has an actual body of work she has put out but when men or people want to drag her the first thing they do is call her all types of whores and thots. When she wore the swarovski dress to the award ceremony some black men went out of their way to call her a whore and a thot and she was every derogatory name under the sun just because she wore a see through dress. Instead of applauding her fashion sense and her style she was bashed how stupid and senseless can you be but in the same breath these very men would tell you how they would eat the butt of any Kardashian if she let him.

The way black women and white women are treated are as different as night and day you either gotta be blind or stupid to not see it, it's literally black and white. A black women gotta be hitting on all 10's just to get the attention of someone that's not even on their level, but a white woman can get attention just for breathing. It's disgusting. It's disheartening and more than enough to make you want to throw up your hands and give up the ghost. I'm more than tired of this kind of disparity it irritates and irks my soul. If television is supposed to parody life then it's doing a great job of it. I get tired of black women always being the mule of the world the after thought. I get tired of always seeing black men and boys drag a black woman for her hair or how she acts or how she doesn't act. We get called thots for no reason but these same men will wife a woman who has been with half of the west side of Beverly hills, or who is a career groupie as long as she is racially ambiguous or looks or is mixed or she is another race entirely. She especially will get bonus points if she like 5% black but the black features are not strong or visible but she got hips and thighs and long straight hair. They will bend over backwards for the flashy nasty but ignore regular women. Will champion these women and extol their virtues and beauty and in the same breath turn around and drag a black woman if her skin is too dark.

It's really a dagger in the heart when black men say and do things to disparage black women and black girls. There used to be a time when black men loved black women but as time goes on that is becoming more and more a thing of the past. The very affection we used to be able to rely on is now becoming obsolete and that is such a scary thing to think about. Black women,and black girls, deserve love and adoration and the happily ever afters as well. We deserve love affection and loyalty and to be seen as worthy for who we are because we are valuable period. We shouldn't have to go over and beyond just to get noticed. This life is hard enough but when you're a black woman it's harder than it should be without much sweetness to lighten the load and that is a sad and ugly truth. I know that black women are worthy of adoration I just wished that the rest of the world saw that too!

EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Sun, 15 Jun 2014 12:33:00 +0000

The men that have come through my life have taught me some valuable lessons and it's the sort of lessons you don't realize until you are up at 4am in the morning and then you have an epiphany of sorts. I like to call those times conversations with the true self. When a body should be sleeping but you're wide awake wondering how your life took the turn that it did and why you are where you are at this particular time in your life.

As it is father's day today I started looking at all the lessons men have left me with. Not because I don't have a father but a father can be present in the home and still not be present emotionally but I digress. Let's get to the lessons shall we:

The first lesson I want to talk about is the one my older male cousin imparted to me and it was fairly in recent years. This cousin for whatever particular seems to just be rubbed the wrong way by me and his frustrations manifest themselves in physical violence towards my person. We've even got into a physical altercation and would you know no one thought to pull him off me they figured I had it handled but what if he was whooping my ass though? What then? Anywho this particular incident that sticks out in my mind is when we were at a family social gathering and he saunters over and greets everyone then proceeds to yank my head back by my hair and greets me so I ask him why do you always have to use violence towards me, and he said it's because “I don't love him without pain” I thought to myself what the hell does that even mean? Considering this cousins mental state I didn't pay it no mind at the time but those words haunt me from time to time and now I think that I get the meaning behind them. He was saying in order for me to recognize love it has to hurt that's the only way it gets my attention, so some where in that equation equals some fucked up emotional trauma or I don't love myself enough but he's right I'm attracted to men that are not attracted to me it's always been like that and the more they don't want me the more turned on I am. The more they would hurt my feelings the harder I would work to make them like me and see me as worthy. I'm still like that I turn on the personality, wit and charm and it gets me nothing each and every time they just don't want me back. Sigh.

The next lesson came from someone I thought I was in love with, and maybe I was in love with him but of course he didn't love me back. He taught me that you can love a person with everything you are and try and be the best for them but one sided love is just that ONE SIDED. He paid me no mind I chased after him and bent over backwards for him even made him a best friend but over and over again my feelings weren't recognized, they weren't returned and they were crushed under his heel because I simply was not chosen by him. There is nothing worse then feeling like you've been betrayed by someone you trusted, but you would think I would hold onto that feeling and keep myself from chasing and wanting men that were always out of my reach but nope over and over again I reach for "unattainable" men. The notion that you have to look a certain way, have a certain status, have certain things just to get a certain type of person never has set well with me. Why can't I build with someone? Why can't people be less shallow and see how genuine and amazing I am but I digress on to my next lesson.

Then there was HIM we tried several times to make it work as a couple so many times I broke up with an answering machine and a pager because I could never get him on the phone when we were supposed to be a couple I could never find him, I could never depend on him and it left me frustrated and over it. We remained friends some what but half truths, babies by other women, horrible sexual experiences, left me splintered and done. He was the camel that broke my back and he also was the catalyst that pushed me into being celibate for 7 years. Now a divorce later (his) not ours we barely talk, he has his life together and he's fully a grown up and I'm still walking around looking for something I seemed to have lost.

Another man that gave me a life lesson was the last “boyfriend/fiance” I had. He was slightly younger but a marine yeah I know that should have been a red flag right there. Well intuition is a bitch I found out he cheated wrote him a 4 page letter blah blah blah, he came back and I guess we tried to put the tatters of what remained back together but he said to me, “If you had of cheated on me I wouldn't have taken you back, I don't think you should have took me back.” The lesson there was ironically don't take back a cheater especially if the other person just wants out, or if they show you that their actions were done to inflict pain don't go back to that person leave them. Love yourself more to want more for yourself especially if that person shows you they don't want you people cheat for a reason whatever bullshit reason it is if they can do it and then tell you that you shouldn't take them back they were never invested in the first place and frankly that was their way of trying to get out of a situation they didn't want to be in anymore but stupid me there I went seeking pain in the form of “love” again.

I've been having crushes on boys since I can remember and every boy or guy that I have ever liked has turned out horribly and of course never liked me back, or If they liked me it was because they wanted some from me or they wanted some of my resources but the totality of me they didn't want with one exception but I could never see myself with him then in a forever type situation and he's married now so........there's that.

So I guess my cousin is right I can't seem to break out of this cycle of painful infatuations, everyone that I have always had my eye on or wanted has not wanted me back. Very rarely is there a mutual type situation its always me wanting and them curving or them wanting and me curving. I can never seem to get a mutual attraction and that worries me. Too long has my love life been lopsided and off balance I no longer want the pain but I don't want just any old body either. Anyway these are some of the lesson's I've learned and now that I'm aware that pain looks like love to me I have to work on fixing that and I pray that there is a solution to be found.

YOU SINGLE MY NIG BECAUSE YOU AN ANGRY HURT WOUNDED INDIVIDUAL AND U.O.E.N.O

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Mon, 02 Jun 2014 02:45:00 +0000

Do men realize when they hear songs about women saying they should cheat or they in love with someone else and they get super angry or aggravated or feel like some how that is indicative of all women's behavior that they are projecting their negative feelings? Like I have had men flare up emotionally over a song and then when I'm like wow you got super angry they go into some triad about how women do this and that and blah blah blah, its like do you realize that all that steams from some issues you have never worked out? Like you are getting angry over a song because you got some emotional scars in you that you never worked out or thought enough about to heal so those songs are like a trigger for you and you don't even realize it smh. It's little shit like that, that people don't sit down and work out within themselves that keeps them from having healthy relationships and you don't even realize it.

If a song can set you off then you got some inner work to do, if you always defensive you got some inner work to do, if you always lashing out because someone does something that you associate with childhood trauma then again you need to sit down and work out those issues. You can't meet new people if you carrying old baggage around and always unpacking it and throwing that new baggage unto new people.You can't start something new with your defenses all up and your guns ready to shoot emotional bullets. This is the first conversation why are you already on 10?

I'm not going to even want to get past your defenses especially not in the first phone call if I keep getting road blocked and we can't have a normal conversation without you feeling some kind of way or always taking my words in the wrong context, or you telling me that I need to speak a different way to you because you are constantly offended by my tone or how I am dealing with you, we aren't going to have another conversation ever. If I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you then its best we don't talk. If you can't tell that I'm just joking or everything I say you think I'm attacking you we aren't a good match we can't even be friends. I don't want that kind of censorship in my life.

I'm so far from perfect but I shouldn't have to do battle emotionally just to have a conversation with you. I shouldn't have to be weary every time I see your name come up on the caller ID, I shouldn't have to resign myself to being emotionally cut up because you won't deal with past trauma's in your life. Grow the fuck up and do the self work or stay lonely with your embittered crazy ass and lament why you still by yourself after 40+.

I am not in the business of healing people that's not my life's work. I will listen to you to a certain extent but after awhile if all you do is call me crying on my shoulder and you don't have nothing else to talk about I don't want to be bothered there are professionals who get paid for that kind of work. I'm getting nothing out of this it's one sided and its not fair. It's a lot of men walking around wounded and they just want to lay into someone because they haven't fixed themselves they like emotionally diseased individuals you're a carrier of anger, of hurt, and pain and you just want to infect me and make me suffer because misery loves company.

People ask me why I'm single all the time but I don't think they realize the minefield of emotionally stunned, immature, just looking for sex, emotionally unavailable, or just horrible personality, or shallow requirements that guys are dishing out. It doesn't matter the race if it's not a booty request then they just have these unrealistic expectations. No one wants to put in the work of getting to know another person everyone wants to come to the table with these requirements that they don't even fit and expect these great results. I have even tried lowering my standards and that was a total backfire and no-no. They say there is someone for everyone but that saying needs to be updated to there might be someone out there for you but don't bet on it. It's a lot of women that are going to be single whom will never marry some by choice others by circumstances so away goes the dreams of a wedding and children in wedlock and a family with a couple dogs in the yard and that picket fence. That dream has gotten tattered and the landscape of it all has changed. My hat goes off to people who can find each other in this jaded messed up world and manage to hold it together as a couple you all are the exception to the rule so hope it works out for you.

THIS IS MY NARRATIVE IF YOU GOT YOUR OWN VIEW THEN FEEL FREE TO WRITE IT

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Wed, 16 Apr 2014 22:58:00 +0000

While some people tend to forget things my mind is a steel trap full of all the things done to me over the years. I have a full on catalogue of all the fucked up things I went through as a child and I always asked myself why me, why was I always walked on and stomped on and ostracized, picked on, even hit on. These same people today who perpetrated these acts against me don't even remember it. They don't see it, because it wasn't a big deal to them in their narrative my pain was/is not important. The things people have done to me over the years have left marks upon my person. They have shaped me and molded me to be the way that I am. I haven't had a lot of good experiences and these are my narratives and perceptions if you wanted me to think about you better then you would have treated me better. Just because in your mind and in your narrative you're the hero doesn't mean you're not the villain in my story! Recognize that, Acknowledge that and again I say if you wanted to be talked about in a different light then you would have acted better towards me.

I've thought long and hard about writing a book about my life all the negative things that have taken place in it, and then I thought about all the people who have been the villains in my life and mainly I didn't write it because I thought about being sued but if I'm not telling lies then why would I be sued. I've had some very negative things happen to me because I've always been fat, my hair might not have been combed the way it should have been, I might have been awkward and just more inclined to read books then socialize. It seemed like I was always fighting for my right just to not be bothered. I used to spend summer nights up ate up with anxiety recounting the past school year and how I just didn't fit in and how I just really hated everyone in the school I went to. Most of the "popular" kids made my daily existence hell. There was always a boy willing to fight me ALWAYS, and girls as well.

Maybe I was the Villain in their story maybe I bugged them and they just didn't want to be bothered with me so violence and anger was the way they dealt with me. Maybe I was such a nuisance that they only way they could get me to not be around them was by violent harsh means. I was the quintessential fat loner girl who longed for friendships but finding none all the same. Majority of this treatment went on during the 80's and early 90's I didn't have one place of refuge not one place. Ostracized from every place I went I've lived a lonely life and that's ingrained in me to the bone so if you ask me why I don't hold onto people this is why.

I've never made a lot of lasting friendships I don't believe in them people come in and out of your life like a revolving door. People will hurt you in the name of "friendship" they will forsake you when you do something they don't like. They will talk about you behind your back and smile in your face. I don't believe in the word friend. I don't trust a lot of people that's why I stick to myself. The less I'm around people the better I feel. I don't need false friends.

I understand how people turn into hermits and just shrink away from the world. I understand how people can seek out solitude and seclusion from others. Maybe its time I try and write that book finally lay these demons to rest......

100 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Wed, 16 Apr 2014 07:11:00 +0000

I had no hand in writing any of these questions but I decided to post them because they seemed like good questions and some people might forget to ask the pertinent stuff if they haven't already. It can be exciting getting married but if you want the marriage to last there is lots of leg work to do in the relationship first so if you or someone you know is getting married refer them to this post and past this list around it might help you before you make it down that aisle.

100 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

Bethany Grow of LoveTheGrows.com adapted from

Don’t You Get Married Until You Read This! The Book of Questions for Couples

by Corey Donaldson

Sex/Romance/Love

If we eliminated physical attraction from our relationship, what would be left?

What is the best way for me to show that I love you?

If I put on weight, will it affect our sexual relationship? How?

Is it important for you to know that I'm a virgin? Why or why not?

What do I do that causes you to question my love?

What turns you off sexually?

How would our relationship be affected if for medical reasons we could not have children?

Do you think being in love means: (1) Never having to say you're sorry, (2) Always having to say you're sorry, (3) Knowing when to say you're sorry, or (4) Being the first to say I'm sorry?

The Past

Which childhood experiences influence your behavior and attitude the most?

Could any feelings of affection and romance be revived if you met a previous boyfriend/girlfriend even though you feel strongly committed to me?

Is there anything in your past I should be aware of?

What did you dislike the most about your previous partners?

If your past boyfriends/girlfriends listed your most negative characteristics, what would they be?

Do you keep letters and memorabilia from past relationships? Why or why not?

Are you comfortable continuing this relationship if there are things in my past that I am not willing to share with you?

Have you ever been involved in any criminal activities? What were they?

Did your mother or father abuse each other or you in any way- sexually, emotionally, or physically?

Have you ever been able to overcome a bad habit? What was it?

Have you ever been violent in past relationships?

Trust

Have there been times when you were uncomfortable with the way I behaved with the opposite sex? If so, when and what did I do?

What do I do now or what could I do in the future that would make you mistrust me?

Would you be comfortable transferring all your money into my bank account?

Who comes first, your spouse or your children?

Is trust automatic until something occurs that takes it away, or does it evolve over time?

Do you trust me with money?

Is it permissible for us to open each other's mail?

The Future

How are we different? Could this be a source of future conflict? Do our differences complement each other?

Do you anticipate maintaining your single lifestyle after we are married? That is, will you spend just as much time with your friends, family and work colleagues? Why or why not?

How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up? Do you approve or disapprove of that method? what will you change or not change to resolve conflicts in your future family?

Is there anything about marriage that frightens you?

Would you prefer to live in the city, the country, or by the beach? Why?

If I wanted to move away from our families for work, would you support me?

How would it affect you if I travel on my own frequently to (1) visit family, (2) earn income, (3) pursue a hobby, or (4) deal with stress?

Suppose we are experiencing trouble in our marriage. In what order will you seek help from the following to resolve our conflicts: (1) divorce lawyer, (2) your parents, (3) a brother or sister (4) a marriage counselor, (5) me, (6) a church leader? Why?

How will you support my hobbies?

How do you feel about having our parents come to live with us if the need arises?

Is there anything you would regret not being able to do or accomplish if you married me?

How will we schedule holidays with our families?

Children

If we are unable to have children, should we adopt?

Do you anticipate raising our children (1) the same way you were raised (2) completely differently from the way you were raised (3) a mixture of both?

How long would you like to wait before having children?

Other than formal schooling, what types of education will our children get and how will they receive them?

When we have children, who will change the diapers, heat the bottles, prepare the meals, do the housework, bathe the child, get up in the middle of the night when a child is crying, take the child to the doctor, buy clothing, and dress the child?

What types of discipline would you implement to correct a child's or a teenager's behavior? Were these practices you experiences or are they new ones you have developed on your own?

Annoyances

If I had bad breath or body odor or wear dirty clothes, will you tell me? Should I tell you? Why or why not? How should we do it?

What is nagging? Do I nag? How does it make you feel?

DO you approve without reservation of the way I dress?

What does my family do that annoys you?

Would it bother you if I made body noises all the time, like passing gas or burping?

Is there anything you do in your line of work that I would disapprove of or that would hurt me?

Do you believe that you should stick with a marriage if you are unhappy all the time?

When do you need space away from me?

Communication

Whenever we have difficult feelings about each other, should we (1) remain silent, (2) say something as soon as the difficult feelings arise, (3) wait a certain amount of time before raising the issue, or (4) do something else? If so, what?

If you always say you are going to do something but never do it, what is the most effective way to bring this problem to your attention?

What did you admire about the way your mother and father treated each other?

What is the best way for me to communicate difficult feelings about you so that you are not offended?

Who should know bout the arguments we have?

What makes you not want to talk to me?

Do you feel you could communicate with me under any circumstance and about any subject?

Finance

What justifies going into debt?

What are all your current personal debts?

Do you feel stress when facing financial problems? How do you deal with that stress?

How often do you use credit cards, and what do you buy with them?

How should we prepare for a financial emergency?

Do you feel that lack of money is a good reason not to have children?

When our child is born, will he or she go to daycare or will one of us stay home to take care of the child? Who will it be?

Will we have a budget?

Who will pay the bills?

How do you feel about helping me pay my debts?

What are your feelings about saving money?

Do you prefer separate bank accounts or assets in different names? Why?

Miscellaneous

How would you rank all the priorities in your life: work, school, family, spouse, friends, hobbies, and church? Does your ranking reflect the amount of time you spend on each?

Are you closer to your mother or father? Why?

Do you prefer a set daily work schedule or flexible work activities and timetables?

What do you fear?

What influence, if any, do you believe my family should have on our relationship?

Do you believe that our parents should know our financial condition, whether good or bad, just because they want to? How far should this go?

What are your views on pornography?

How would you react if our son or daughter told us they were gay?

Do you harbor any racial prejudice?

How do you feel about having guns in our home?

Is there anyone close to you who feels we should not get married? Why? Should we this?

What health problems do you have?

Have you ever had any psychological problems?

When you are in a bad mood, how should I deal with it?

Do you like pets?

ITS 2K14 SO WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL CHEATING?

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Tue, 08 Apr 2014 21:34:00 +0000

I don't know if anyone watches the Mary Mary show I know I don't but I can't escape the talk of Tina's husband cheating on her and not just once but apparently repeatedly. Trying to forgive someone for cheating once is tough but when the person keeps adding insult to injury by telling you he has cheated multiple times and he keeps telling you not once but stretching the telling of said infidelities over a span of time you don't get a chance to heal because he keeps heaping hurt after hurt on you. My heart goes out to Tina because she is in real pain and enduring it on television. I don't think I could do that, I don't think I could have the whole world watch me be in pain as my "husband" keeps telling me he's a serial cheater. I don't have that much christianity in me to not pistol whip his ass on tv.

I think one of the worst things you can do to someone is cheat please note I said ONE not the only thing. There are plenty other horrible things that people do but right now I'm discussing cheating. I've watched what that kind of pain does to a person I've seen it just break a person down until they are so bitter and jaded that they just don't even deal with the pain. They ignore it, they funnel it into other things they just don't even care anymore so emotionally they are just numb. You ever seen a person living on autopilot or being angry and bitter? Which seeps into everything you touch you wear it like a piece of clothing it changes you and it harms everything around you. There is someone you know right now that is angry and bitter because of a relationship she's the single mother crying at night, or withholding child visitation because she is mad at the father, she is the women in church who's been married multiple times and can't figure out why her marriages don't work out, she's the married mother who lashes out at her sons because they look like their father and angry at her girls because she feels like they choose daddy over momma. You know people who have been touched by infidelity you know people who have done the cheating, and you know people that have been the cheaties.

When you cheat it is not just about you and your side piece (which is a stupid fucking term, the only thing you should be adding sides to is food entrees) cheating does not happen in a vacuum you think it doesn't affect anything or anyone around you but you're wrong. You are stealing, you are lying, you are doing emotional harm to another and you are wielding this knife selfishly because you don't have the courtesy to stay single and just "date." If you feel like you can't handle monogamy then don't get in a relationship, just have multiple sex partners and fuck your brains out don't drag someone else into your situation because you think you want a place holder. Someone you can always come back to just so you can have a consistent face in the mix or someone in your bed on cold nights when your other fuck buddies can't be found. Don't be an asshole who does that sort of thing.

In 2k14 no one, I repeat no one should be cheating why is that even a lifestyle choice? Why would you even check that box off in your life? Why would you intentionally inflict pain on another human being that you are supposed to care about? Why would you willingly break up your home for some sex? If you are no longer in love or want to be where you are then the best thing to do in the long run is leave. Yes there are difficult conversations that have to be had especially if you are married if you are no longer happy and couples therapy isn't working, if the pastor can't fix it, if you can't go to God and get help then leave because you're already gone in your heart and head. Don't wait until you are just totally checked out so once you do leave you already hooking up or getting with someone else as soon as you leave. That looks and feels insincere now the other person is asking themselves did so and so really love me? How can they leave me and get in another relationship so quickly? Be respectful you're free now give the other person the one that got emotionally sucker punched some time to grieve. Don't just flaunt your happy be delicate at least. I know this will read like greek to most because cheating is the new new and plenty people are indulging in it and flaunting it like cheap jewelry but you don't have to be that person. Be different be a trojan horse and pick your own course don't just follow the crowd.

Hence forth take this motto into the world and sprinkle it everywhere you go; Cheating is a choice, I don't choose it, stop wounding others emotionally, stop being a time thief, stop being a liar, and stop robbing people of their choices, do better because you know better.

I am well aware that I can't force my beliefs and morality on someone else but if I give one person pause before they pull that emotional trigger. If I can get someone to see that their actions do inflict pain on another then it's a good thing. Maybe that one will tell another and so forth and so on. Everyone has a choice and at the end of the day you have to live with the consequences of your own actions and if you can sleep at night without feeling like shit then I guess you made the right choice, or you're just emotionally stunted and don't care about emotions and that's a whole other kettle of fish but I digress.

Thanks for reading and until next time.........

THE BAD HABIT OF COMING TO THE RESCUE...AND MY SHOULDER IS NO LONGER YOUR KLEENEX

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 01:28:00 +0000

I have to learn for myself that I am not mankind's savior. I don't have a degree in saving people, nor coming to the rescue of people who want to whine and cry on my shoulder I have some of the worst tendencies or habits of always rushing in and inserting myself where I don't belong I have to remember that I wasn't invited to the conversation, I can't rush in and save people when I see them getting bullied, because then the situation gets turned around on me and I become the target, and everyone doesn't share my perspective on things some people block out shit while I remember every gritty detail. I wish I did have that memory block thing where I only remember the good but I only remember all the fucked up shit and I keep it locked in my mind where it stays fresh as if it were sealed in a Ziploc bag for safe keeping.

I can't stand when women get nostalgic for abusing assholes....but again not my fight. I'm always the friend that guys hate because just when an asshole is about to snake his way back in here I come with the "girl don't you remember when he had that baby with Keisha on your anniversary and gave you the clap as well?" Women don't wanna hear about that they just wanna go back to their asshole ex's or fraudulent dudes and hope for the best. An ex-friend of mine once told me that I can't get tired for her but as a friend I just have to ride it out with her until she get's tired. Here's the thing I hate feeling like I'm wasting my breath and my time and energy. If you don't want to leave the dude alone then so be it but don't keep crying on my shoulder telling me all the bad shit y'all going through when you just going to run right back to his trifling ass any damn way. That's why it's important to keep your BUSINESS at home and not share it with others because now you have given me all these reasons why I shouldn't like dude and it's causing me to treat him and see him in a different light but you can't understand why I would do that. How about you stop running your mouth about the situation then no one would treat him shitty stop giving us all this ammunition when you just gonna stay any damn way.

That goes for anyone in a bad situation if you don't want people to know what you're going through because you are not ready to leave then I suggest you get a journal or hire a professional that will listen to you without taking any kind of action because as someone's friend I'm not going to want to watch you go through something horrible and just stand by and be silent about you getting treated any old kind of way. Some people don't love themselves enough to know when it's time to exit a situation. Or you think that if I love this person harder or more or just sacrifice myself on the alter of this relationship then you will be rewarded some great prize or it will all pay off in the end. Listen people don't change because you want them too they change because they themselves want to change. If you want someone to change for you and they do that change is not going to stick because that person is not doing it for themselves they are doing it to appease and please someone else and that is never a good enough reason to change for anyone.

This is why I write here I know I am not even a ripple on the blog of life but I have to put my opinions some where. I'm not even asking for you to read it, but if I get it out here then hopefully I can keep in mind that I need to mind my own business and stay out of others because at the end of the day you don't want my opinion you just want me to agree with you and nod my head and let you cry on my shoulder. I am no one's shrink I don't have time nor the energy to give you advice that you're not going to take, to listen to you complain about the same shit over and over again. I'm tired of being everyone's go to when they want someone to listen. Human's are flawed creatures that go against all of their instincts and stay making the wrong choices and then whine and cry when their choices come back to bite them in the ass. I've done it that's how I know we all do it. I'm just not here for it anymore If you're going to make a fucked up choice then so be it, choices have consequences, every action has a reaction, and if you like it and you want that reaction in your life then have at it, but I'm not going to sit and listen to anymore whining and complaining about someone's situation. All I'm going to ask you is what action did you put forth that put you in that situation and as you reflect on that I'm going to hang up my phone and go about my business because I am no longer in the business of wasting my time and efforts on those that are doomed to repeat the same bullshit over and over again so officially I am handing in my crying on my shoulder resignation the doctor is no longer in and the party has ended get you some counseling or a journal cause I'm on longer here for it.

Torrid Closet 2014.1

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Sun, 12 Jan 2014 04:24:00 +0000

View this collection on Polyvore

Torrid Closet 2014.1 by the78msj on polyvore.com

I KNOW I'M LATE BUT BETTER LATE THEN NEVER

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Mon, 06 Jan 2014 01:53:00 +0000

It's been a minute but I came over here to spread my thoughts for this new year but first and foremost Happy new years all of you that still read this blog or even still know it exist. I really thought about deleting this blog and going in a completely different direction altogether but I think what I am going to try and shoot for this coming year is to at least get a post out every Sunday. So dust those reading glasses off and try and still stay with me if you haven't left already we gonna aim for the moon in 2014 and see if we can't at least hit some stars.

With that being said let's get into it so far in 2014 cheating is still the move disposable relationships are still the thing and everyone is still running around fronting like they don't have emotions. I've met so far a "young perfect thug" his words not mines that has had his heart broken because he hitched his wagon to the worst possible woman he could find. We talking a chick that is fucking out of both legs and having other men's babies while in a relationship with a different man, we talking bringing another man back to the spot you living at with your man still living there and you tossing the man you're supposed to be with out on his ass but telling the new piece not to worry about it. We just talking a grimy not one fuck giving bitch. What amazes me though is this is the kind of woman men will flock too repeatedly and then cry and wail because she shit on you and didn't treat you right. Whatever she got in her sugar walls most be the best shit known to men because they keep flocking to her and all she offer is hot vagina and heartbreak.

People are still out here cheating. I don't get why the concept of dating which means you are not committed to a single person BUT everyone knows what's going on. Honesty will always be the best policy. If you are honest you don't steal a person's choice or right to choose. If you out here selling lies like mama's best homemade biscuits you are willingly taking the choice from another person and that is not okay and it's more than morally objectionable. If you are a liar you have a major character flaw you are untrustworthy and you are just a morally bankrupt person. You deserve to be alone and miserable surrounded by all the lies you willingly feed to others. STOP DOING THAT SHIT, I know these words I type won't make a difference but damn DO BETTER.

Last but not least I want to say that love is not the problem marriage is not the problem it's people who are the problem. You can not expect a generation of selfish people to know how to love and be in a marriage and expect it to last forever. No one is seeing that anymore, so no one knows how to teach it to their children and thus we have a nation of broken, love starved people who go around connected to every social network they can find but can't manage to forage an honest one on one connection to another person. I don't think people realize that all the sex in the world and all the fake unnecessary bullshit you buy or no matter how you perpetrate that your life is one big party it's nothing without someone to share it with. It's nothing when you don't have someone who likes the person you are and knows your quirks and phobias and fears and still decides to link their life with yours. There are some rare people in this world who are looking for an honest real connection but there are way to many others who are just looking for what they can get.

So if you are the rare type make sure to guard your heart and use discernment not everyone who dances into your life is meant to stay at the party some people are their strictly for comic relief and others are there to bring you a lesson so you can grow the trick is to not mix these people up with life long expectations. If you are the other person the jester, the hurt bringer, the whore monger, the liar, or just one hurt individual looking to hurt someone else take time and heal yourself. Someone hurt you so now you think you are justified in inflicting pain on someone else. Sometimes the world is not fair but that doesn't mean you should make it your mission to rain down pain on others it's never too late to stop being a rain cloud find some peace and learn to love again.

Heel Therapy

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Tue, 03 Dec 2013 09:36:00 +0000

Heel Therapy by the78msj featuring nude shoes

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NOT HERE TO BE YOUR PERSONAL WHORE

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Mon, 23 Sep 2013 16:55:00 +0000

I must be the only woman in the world who get's turned off when a man that I've just met brings up sex. Why is it important to you to know the last time I had sex? What business is it of yours when we are just having general conversation? Why do we have to discuss sex when you don't even know my favorite color or better yet you don't even know if I have siblings or if my mother and father are still alive. Point is you barely know me you don't want to get to know me but you want to fuck me and I should be fine with that and people don't understand why I'm not. I am not against sex but I don't think it should be given away or had so lightly and in today's society you'll screw someone before you even know if you like them as a person and that is a PROBLEM that is abnormal behavior which society deems as the new normal and you're expected to go along with the status quo and I got a issue with that in a big way. I shouldn't have to audition sexually for someone to want to get to know me as a person my vagina has nothing to do with who I am as a person. That should be the icing on the cake not the whole cake.

I know that there is this backwards way of thinking that if a woman has some extra pounds on her frame that will make it easier to have sex with her because she'll be desperate and have low self esteem so therefore she will be willing to lay down with any man that dare give her some attention and a little bit of affection. In fact she should be grateful that any man is paying her attention and thus should show her gratitude with sexual willingness to please and she should go over and beyond in the bedroom she should in fact be classified as a freak. That is still the thinking of many men and sadly some women as well. This is one fat woman that doesn't subscribe to that bullshit I'm just the opposite I think men need to earn the privilege to have sex with me and if they don't get that, then they damn sure don't deserve my time let alone my body.

I have always had an issue with the notion that in order for a man to pay attention to you, or want to be with me they have to sample my goodies first, or you have to be some kind of sex freak in the bedroom to be deemed worthy of someones time and affection I think that is stupid and erroneous thinking. Why do I have to earn your attention through sex, why do I have to earn anything with sex. Sex should not be the end all be all goal but it is and that's sad. Why is it that you have to treat a man that's not even your husband like he is your husband? Why do I have to do all these sexual favors for a man that is just a boyfriend? Why does me preforming sexually for you at your beck and call directly affect how you treat me or whether you cheat on me or not? Why is your reaction to me not sexing you when you want it cheating? That is a character flaw if you can't be loyal or faithful to someone you're supposed to be in a relationship with because they won't screw you when you think you should be getting it what does that say about you? Sex or lack thereof should not cause someone to act out of their character. If you can cheat on someone because they haven't fore-filled or aren't fore filling your sexual needs and you just can't contain yourself or be mature enough to tell that person it's not working out because your sexual needs aren't being met and that is a big part of being with someone for you then you're a selfish individual with a major character flaw.

If sex is what makes your world go round and that's all you can see, that's your end all be all then you need to seek out a like minded individual so you can sex each other up day in and day out. There are women out there who love sex and want to have it everyday all day on the hour every hour you just got to seek her out and I advocate that strongly. If you know you have a high sex drive and you want someone to keep up with your sexual appetite seek out the women that are the same. Don't come looking in my direction because it's a waste of your time and it's a waste of me having to cuss you out or block that ass at every avenue.

I was raised old school where love was a big part of the equation and sex was not. I know times have changed people don't even go out on dates anymore they just talk until they screw and then that's it. There is nothing out here that is appealing to me about the state of male and female interaction. I think it's abhorrent that technology is getting better while human relationships are getting worse. You got the latest cell phone but you can't treat me like a person that matters unless you know what "my mouth do" or "how fat my ass is" or "what my favorite position is" You don't know if I have AIDS or HIV you don't know if I have herpes or anything else of that nature those type of questions don't even get asked. I'm 35 and I'm more than over the bullshit passing for social interaction between the sexes these days. I don't want to play by the new rules which means I'm going to end up staying single until I die. I'm sure it's going to get worst as time goes on and I keep telling myself that I'm going to be single so let the notion of romance go. Let the notions of love go, because clearly love has finally been put out to pasture while sex and lust live on exponentially.

Seduction

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Mon, 16 Sep 2013 10:23:00 +0000

Seduction by the78msj featuring a mac cosmetics lipstick

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Princess Tiana Day and Night

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 02:43:00 +0000

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WE DA BEST, THE REASONS WHY I NEED A NICKI AND DJ KHALED WEDDING

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Sun, 28 Jul 2013 22:54:00 +0000

So if you aren't about that hip-hop life (I'm not but this is pure fuckery and fun) then you might have missed out on the festivites that have been giving the some of the hip-hop kids and urban bloggers shits and giggles. Dj Khaled has popped the question to your favorite rapper none other than roman's revenge herself. Peep the video.

Get More:
DJ Khaled, Music News

So listen after watching this video and seeing his pictures on instagram all on my tumblr I don't really care if this is a publicity stunt I just want to go to that wedding and I want to go to the reception and let me tell you why.

Reason 1. There will be a list of who is who in the rap community every person Khaled has ever worked with or has affiliation to the hip hop community basically its going to be like the source awards but except in a venue where a preacher or vicar or whomever is going to officiate is going to be.

Reason 2. There will be no shortage of fuckery outfit wise. There will be so many chains it will look like the pawn shop in Beverly hills got robbed. The cars will come out, the hair will be long and Remi, there will be video vixens for days because where rappers are there has gotta be video chicks werking it and twerking it.

Reason 3. I know Drake will cry once the preacher gets up there and the shit gets real. Drake is going to cry and his tears are lubricant sent straight from the angel of death and destruction himself and if he pull a Dwayne Wayne bitch I am so here for it.

Reason 4. Birdman; do I have to even type anything else?

Reason 5. All of the goons and entourages that comes with young money cash money records will be in attendance they might even let gutter gutter park the cars.

Reason 6. If lil twist show up then Justin bieber will show up and hopefully he will be drunk and high off of whatever he been smoking these days and pee in the baptismal fount and then fall into his very own piss.

Reason 7. I want all of lil wangs baby mommas to show up I want him to have a whole row for all 7 of them with they kids in tow the husbands, boyfriends, boo-thangs can sit behind the babymomma's and lil wang of course will be sitting right all his baby momma's proudly because a pimp always gotta sit next to his stable of ho's and bottom bitches.

Reason 8. Nicki's dress will have so many colors in it, it's going to make the rainbow jealous. Her hair is going to be big because that's where the doves are going to fly out of and she will have pure ostrich feathers as eye lashes and I would expect her to have a dress in the style of Marie Antoinette no less complete with all the trappings if she had anything less I would be so disappointed.

Reason 9. Manny fresh, Juvenile, and young turk might come through and give us some classic hot boys tracks.

Reason 10. They might have crawfish, or at the very least they might have it catered by zataran's and Popeye's chicken and if they got 40 oz's on deck bitch turn up.

Reason 11. I'm willing to bet a more than a few people who have slept with each other, cheated, been jilted, have children with who they won't claim will be in the same room that paired with liquor is enough to make any wedding special.

Reason 12. Basketball players will be in attendance sans wives and girlfriends looking for their next groupie.

Reason 13. The fleur-de-lis which is the symbol for all things New Orleans will at least be on the table cloths.

Reason 14. I want to see who's going to get the drunkest and the most offended and fight with each other.

Reason 15. Someone will probably get stabbed, shot, or maimed

Reason 16. I want to see what song they dance too

Reason 17. I want Nicki to rap her vows and I want Dj Khaled to just say I DO in his "we the best" trademark way

Reason 18. There will be so much weed in the air that it will be smokey as all hell like they had a smoke machine and the contact high will be unbelievable.

Reason 19. Molly is probably invited and she probably gonna bring all her friends plus the people that push her.

Reason 20. They will need a metal detector and loads of security to pat down the ratchet.

Reason 21. The line dance, every black wedding has to have at least one line dance and I'm here for a line dance.

Reason 22. The wedding cake, do they make Hennessy wedding cakes?

Bottom line this wedding and reception is going to be a spectacle to see and I'm here for it. I need to be in attendance for all the fuckery and festivities. It's going to be a train wreck and I want to be front and center. They need to sell tickets to this online through ticketmaster also Nicki needs to do a bridezilla show so I can see her flip out on people in different voices.

love is a helluva drug

ZIMMERMAN IS FREE, TRAYVON MARTIN IS STILL DEAD, AND BLACK PEOPLE SHOULD BE ON NOTICE

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Sun, 14 Jul 2013 04:10:00 +0000

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/07/13/george-zimmerman-found-not-guilty/2514163/

If you are a black person living in america and you don't understand what it means then you are an idiot. I mean that to the highest degree. You are an idiot who is pretending that the melanin in your skin doesn't put a price over your head and a target on your back.

I was not surprised when they handed down a not guilty verdict after all this man was tried in Florida a state that prided itself on using black slave babies as live alligator bait.

I used to be terrified that my brothers would be targeted by first gangs in the hood, then police, now that the law has given the green light to kill black people with no recourse no real legal action being taken against the perpetrator of said killings I've gotten terrified all over again but this time I'm absolutely terrified for my Niece and Nephews who will God willing grow into black men in AMERICA. The place where black folks who do crimes get a harsher sentence then their counterparts. A black woman can murder her children and she will get life a white woman will do it and they will give her a psyche evaluation and a time out in a nice facility where she can get her mind together and give her rehabilitation and send her on her lily white way.

This is the country where you can fund dog fights and lose a sports contract, end up in jail for two years and have people bring it up everywhere you go because you know a dogs life is more important than a black teen-aged boy's life because he had on a hoodie and the dangerous weapons of skittles and an Arizona tea in his hands. You know what I am glad about, the fact that the racist have come out of their hiding places because they know they are safe and in good company so now I don't have to wonder about your true intentions and ideologies you wear them on your sleeve so I can recognize them, so thank you racist I appreciate you doing that for me it makes it easier to recognize you in mixed company.

Black people please wake up, I don't know every white person in the world but I know that they don't see us, they don't have any empathy for black bodies bleeding on the sidewalk that's why its so easy to kill a black child, or kidnap and torture a black child, or sexually molest a black child. They value the life of a damn dog over the life of a black person's. I think that the racial climate is just going to get hotter and the fact that black people are still the under minority because Latino's have taken over becoming the biggest minority which puts white folks on alert. They watching their majority slip out of their hands and they are becoming afraid so when you are afraid you lash out in fear and who's still under their boots to be their whipping boys black folks.

We are an island unto ourselves and we don't even want to get along with each other. We put our faith in the wrong things and we look to the wrong people to lead us. Beyonce is not going to shake her ass for justice and Jay-z is not going to do shit to help right the ills in this country. You know what they will do, they will take their money and themselves to a private island while the rest of us who are barely managing to get by suffer. If something isn't done soon then we will be back to the era of Jim Crow. We will begin to see black bodies swinging from trees as the ash of their burned skin wafts on the breeze. We need to look into another place to live because the climate in america is hostile towards us. We need to look into making our own colonies and leaving a place that has made it very clear that it would like to see our blood shed and spilled for amusement. They use our sons and daughters for target practice, they use police brutality and deadly force and it's legal, and railroad us by their laws. We get the stiffest penalties while white counterparts get a slap on the wrist and minimal jail time at best if at all.

You try and get a degree but the loans eat you alive, you try and get a job and taxes and student loan payments eat you alive, this country is designed for the poor to fail, and guess who is still on the lowest rung of the totem pole when it comes to everything advantage wise out here. Communities are failing and falling apart, people losing their homes to predatory loan practices, people barely making enough to eat and feed their families, laws that help black people are being repelled left and right. They have declared war on black skin but no one noticed it because you was to busy watching white owned sport franchises, and manufactured music acts. They put bling within your reach to placate you, they let you love and marry white loose women with the morals of dogs and you eat it up, they let a couple of you eat at their table and in turn you do their bidding and use yourself as a tool to further placate the masses. It's all a trap and black folks ran and skipped and jumped into that bag of tricks so fast its pathetic and now they out here killing off our children with no recourse. With not even a threat of going to jail and now you want to be outraged behind your computer screens.

If you aren't fed up with the way things go in this country then you're sleep or numb, or brain dead either way you are also part of the problem. I for one need to really think about my life and what it means and what it doesn't mean. I know that even though I live in Southern California I don't have to worry about a stand your ground law but I do have to worry about overzealous cops who wants to score points and move up in the ranks by using my black body as a stepping stone. I am over putting on a facade for white folks I will be as civil as I can but now I'm just over it. I don't want to get to know you I don't want to like you I don't want anything from you, your friendship won't give me dignity and it damn sure won't make the world see me as a person so for right now white folks give me 50 feet and some breathing room and anybody else that wants to come for someone in my family because of their skin color, because they dare to draw breath, because they dare to dream and be something in this lily white racist ass world I got some words for you and you should pray that I don't suddenly black out and "stand my ground".....

My prayers and thoughts go out to the parents and loved ones of Travyon Martin. A black teen aged boy who should be living his life right now getting ready to go to college, getting ready to embark on a whole new world and live his life. Instead he was put on trial for his own murder so he wasn't killed once he has been killed a thousand times by the white media, by the mockery of this trial, by people who used his image and tried to paint him as a thug who deserved to be killed.

Today I hate America, right now I am numb and I don't think that my spirit can take much more. I was feeling like shit already so this just made it even worst. I hope there is a God looking down on all of this and preparing retribution for all the Ills that are being perpetrated on his children with melanin in their skin. I gotta try and believe in something greater or there will be nothing but empty days and anger. This can't be life this can't be what people strive for. This can't be the country we hold so high in esteem, something has got to give and I need something to help my spirit because right now I feel so lost and so discounted. What do I do and where do I go? Where is there truly a home for me and mines where we don't have to worry about being killed because of the color of our skin? Where the fuck is our fair American dream? Fuck you american thank you once again for the cold kick in the ass, thank you for reminding me that this country even though it was built by our ancestors that you will never be fair to me and mines and that you are a hateful God forsaken nation of Godless barbarians and savages.

DESTINED TO BE ALONE BECAUSE I AM A ROMANTIC

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Tue, 02 Jul 2013 22:21:00 +0000

There is nothing more disheartening then being told you will be alone forever. People who do that are the worst and they feed your fears making it seem like your only logical choice is to then choose them as the most logical course of action to your becoming a spinster cat person, since you know you don't want to be alone. That's like choosing between a sinking ship or a burning building neither one is that pleasant and you will perish in the end one is just a slower death.

I have come to realize that I am a romantic and not just the in the closet one that I thought I was. I'm a full fledged romanceaholic. I love love, I love weddings, pictures of cute children, stories about couples, romantic movies, romantic books, I am a sucker for a happy ending and I blame Disney movies, Korean Dramas and then movies that have been made in the last 20 years of my life. Most every movie I've seen has had a happy ending the girl and guy always end up together. I know that entertainment doesn't closely reflect reality especially not my reality but damn if you've been inundated with messages of love saving the day it's pretty hard to shake those ideas out of your head. Even when the world is on the chill movement, everybody is running around rampantly and blatantly cheating on their spouses in the media and behind closed doors you would think I would be able to be more jaded and cynical and stick with that instead of holding onto this burning unrealistic hope of one day finding the ideal man for me.

You would think especially since I live in the hood that I would shake those silly notions right out of my head and just settle for the hood love, that struggle love, that EBT type of love. That we smoking weed and chilling with the homies on bare mattresses in a struggle apartment with roaches and top ramen and cheese and bread type of love. That catching the bus to go on a date type of love, that buying off the dollar menu at wendy's and splitting a drink type of love, that buy one movie ticket open the door from inside the theater type love. My zip code seems to dictate my choice in partners and the pickings are slim everybody is on the bottom and no one seems to be on the top. So quite naturally my ghetto prince charming comes with no horse (i.e no car) but he does know how to ride the bus and train system like a champ, he also doesn't have his own castle (i.e. house, apartment, or town house nor condo) he also still resides with the queen or in most cases his guardian (i.e. whatever woman raised him) and this ghetto prince can run the gambit from being a weed smoking, weed selling, lying, cheating, many baby having struggler who is looking for a warm body and an even warmer orifice to forget his troubles in if only for a brief second. Majority of these ghetto prince charming's are not looking for anything significant just some quick ass and an even quicker forgotten face.

I've got all of these ideas in my head about the kind of guy I want and what I expect but I am alone in this needless to say no one else shares these same ideas. In the hood you don't live by a moral compass you live by the streets and opportunity. Apparently having a moral compass and integrity is something afforded only to those with fat pockets and fatter bank accounts. I am too old for a certain type of hanging out I'm not comfortable hanging out at do-dirty's house. Nor am I comfortable after dark in the park laying on a blanket less than 30 feet from the homeless with roaches scurrying underfoot in the dark. Motels are sketchy and lets face it you really think they changing sheets in motels in the hood? There are probably so many body soils and stains on them damn motel sheets. Sigh just the thought of it is all to depressing, and I know people say well deal with a better class of people again you have to be around a different class of people for that to happen. You have to be able to be in the areas where the different class of people are. I know I've said this before but I really am going to swear off meeting anyone new and just get used to the fact that I am going to be singular and there is nothing that is likely to change that in the near future. I'm tired of meeting all these hood boogers who just don't have shit. Who just are struggling if I was in my 20's I could struggle with someone because I would have some time to give but in your mid 30's time is of the essence and if it doesn't get better its doomed to get even worst and I just can't take that gamble. So here's to the start of being truly alone and embracing my singular life wholeheartedly. No more meeting anyone new, no more getting to know anybody no more nothing. I am aiming to stick to my singularness and I don't see anyone swaying me from that anytime soon.

LOVE, LOYALTY, FAMILY: THE REAL STORY IN THE FAST & FURIOUS 6

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Fri, 24 May 2013 15:00:00 +0000

I am still so amped from seeing fast and furious 6, and I won't try and give away anything because I don't want to spoil the movie for those who have yet to see it but this movie gave me so much, and it made me think and really look at what's going on out in these streets. The biggest underlying messages in the movie was loyalty, family, and love. Yes the action scenes were epic, the cars are always wonderful but the biggest message that the movie had to give was without loyalty and love then what are you living for? I haven't given away the movie I managed to avoid doing that but if you don't want to know about anything that goes on in the movie at all then bypass this post and come back and read it after the movie is over.

If you aren't familiar with the franchise and how its been filmed for the past couple of films then you might want to brush up on what's been going on in the world of the fast and furious but that's neither here nor there but here's a short background story in case you aren't a fast and furious aficionado. There were three main couples and the main guy is Dominic. Dom has a sister and some bad ass homeboys. Dominic is all about loyalty and family his main girl that he has grown up with is Letty she is that chick. Dominic's sister is in love with the ex-cop, and then there are Han and Gisele. Then there is the other characters and they all have this group of course but the backbone of what keeps this little clique together is loyalty, love, and trust. The principles you need as a foundation for any real relationship you hope to have.

What especially struck a chord in me with this movie is Dom was out he had sworn off doing anymore jobs he was out the game he was living life quietly but he found out that Letty was still alive but we knew that from the last fast and furious movie we all know that Dom and Letty are like an institution they had been together since they were 15 she never left his heart even when he thought she was dead the minute that he found out that it could even be a possibility that she was alive he had to go get her. Now that's Love right there no matter that everyone thought she was dead even if it was a remote slim chance that she was still alive he was going to go get her and bring her back because she is family.

Then we have the character that Paul walker plays who is with Dom's sister and he's been in love with her since like the first fast and furious and they have a family together even a child. You see the theme is love and family, loyalty and trust over everything else.

Then there is Han and Gisele. Gisele is THAT CHICK she goes hard she doesn't play and she is the very definition of love, loyalty and trust.

First and foremost Dominic Jumped out of his car to save Letty like he caught her in mid-air when she gets flipped off a tank, Gisele literally sacrifices her own life to save Han's life. That is the definition of love the very real working breathing definition of love. Love is selfless, it's giving, its sharing, it's kind, it doesn't want for itself it wants for others. Love is a big huge concept that many can't even wrap their minds around they may have read the words but that certainly don't make them put them into action and they damn sure aren't willing to go that extra mile for anybody. I don't know many selfless people. I know plenty of selfish people but I have yet to meet a selfless individual. Most people are quick to always talk about reciprocity and then you have some that won't even do that they just take and take and use you up until there is nothing left for them to take and then they move on.

People don't know what loyalty is anymore every one's scared they are going to get used or someone is going to get more then they should get. Like there are literally no people on this planet not even most families that are about loyalty it's a hard concept to grasp. You can't even meet a person in this day and age that is about the fundamentals of love, loyalty, or trust. It's a me, me, me society and its ugly. I can only dare dream about being able to put my trust in someone fully, I can only dare dream about loving someone or someone loving me so selflessly that they would go through hell and back to make sure that I was all right and vice- versa. You can't even get to the heart of a person these days its just not many who are about that life.

It's a shame.like dudes out here not even fucking walking on the right side of the street when they walking with you, they don't see if you okay when you sick, they don't even pick up the phone and ask you if you need anything. There is no courtesy, there is no politeness there is just nothing, but empty conversation all leading up to "so when we chilling?" You can't even pretend to think you could build loyalty with a dude that don't even regard you as a human being let alone a friend. You can't build something with someone who don't even have the capacity or the space in his heart to even empathize with you as a person. Like these new type dudes who the fuck taught you how to not even have basic regards for the female sex? Like you not polite, you not decent acting, you just a remorseless bag of walking semen that's just trying to stick your dick in something wet and move the fuck on. These new type dudes y'all fucking suck, and I simply want y'all to know you ain't shit. I'm no ones cum receptacle and I refuse to be one. I get more than sick and tired of sorry ass dudes. I just wished I knew where the men who knew something about respect, love, honor, loyalty, decency and just had some common regard or empathy for women period where I would move there immediately because this shit is weak and its tired and its disheartening.

I'm tired of wanting to be in love but there is no one trying to do the same the word relationship in of itself has become taboo. You say relationship and dudes immediately start spazzing or looking out the window or talking about oh you'll find it one day as if to say don't look at me girl because I don't have nothing for you but hard dick and bubblegum and I'm fresh out of bubblegum. I'm more than weary and I get tired of thinking about it and I know y'all tired of reading about it. For once I wish I could come to this blog and be like I found him or he found me or we found each other and now I'm blissfully happy and everything is good in this world. As it stands right now I can't even ask a dude for a peanut butter sandwich, and I feel so exasperated when dudes ask why am I single? It's like how much time you got so I can run down the list. Anyways if you read this and you haven't seen Fast and furious 6 GO SEE IT! You will not regret it and it will make you really examine your definition of love, loyalty, family.

TIRED OF WAITING WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Mon, 13 May 2013 08:49:00 +0000

If you're single and over the age of thirty its far to say you have had your share of various encounters with the opposite sex or the same sex depending on which team you go for. I know I'm not alone when I say I hate the false starts or what I call the try and the fail, and the inevitable fake-out.

If you aren't familiar with the try and the fail it's that stage where you're trying to feel someone out you're making polite conversation and then the person will say something that will rub you the wrong way, or they will say something so rude or just inappropriate it leaves such a bad taste in your mouth like a nasty film that coats your tongue and makes you screw your face up or how about when you think everything is cool you guys are vibing so well and you're a couple conversations in, a couple phone calls in, maybe even some skyping and they just disappear without prior warning or even a reason they're gone like a puff of smoke and don't bother looking for them because all of a sudden they can't be found it's like they got kidnapped or abducted by aliens that is what I call the fake-out.

I realize that in these instant gratification times you have people with a severe case of getting to know you A.D.D. if you aren't instantly giving them what they think they need then they are onto the next. No one has the patience nor the time to even get to know anyone anymore. I guess my problem is I will even be polite to you and hold a conversation with you even if I'm not interested in you dating wise, but everyone I realize does not have that same policy. People are so impatient their perspective is all screwed up, and I honestly don't know how anyone is making a connection with anyone else these days let alone getting to the place where they decide that they want to marry each other. I for one am tired of wading through all the different personalities and just trying to get to know people the part that blows my mind though is how no one wants to take the time to even see if you are a decent person, but they sure as hell have time to see what that booty and that mouth do though.

You don't even want to take the time to see if I'm a good person, you don't care if I have a disease, you don't even care to pronounce a person's name right before you setting out that come "chill" invite. What should be preserved for much later is getting sat on the table right upfront and some work backwards from it or they move on to the next hot pocket. It blows my mind how in 2013 sex is so casual and everyday and just like asking for ranch dressing on your salad at a restaurant. I feel like an outdated computer I have definitely outlived my dating era. I am exhausted literally tired of meeting new dudes who just aren't even close to being decent. I'm so over Mr. Ratchet, Mr. Diddy Complex, Mr. Always broke and unambitious, and definitely over Mr. Hitting the sheets. I don't know if I'm foolish, extra resilient, or just naive and hopeful because I keep dipping my toe in that water of expectation and I keep expecting my Mr. right for me to finally get the revelation that I'm out here single, that I'm super awesome, and would make a wonderful wife. Where ever or whoever he is he's gotta be praying for me right? I just need him to come on and find me already because this other new type jazz y'all got going on is not the missus cup of tea not at all but anyway enough of me beating the dead horse again. I know I'm not the only one who goes through this but I'm over it so over it......

MOST PEOPLE WHO ARE DEEMED CELEBRITIES ARE IGNORANT AND CLUELESS AND IF YOU LOOK UP TO THEM YOU'RE CLUELESS AS WELL

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 00:54:00 +0000

This has been one helluva a week and it's not even Friday yet, first we got LL Cool Jerk and his song accidental racist, then you had ASAP rocky talking about what a dark skinned black woman should or shouldn't wear, Rick Ross is making songs about date rape, Wack Flocka Flames has sworn off black women (which is a great thing if you ask me let a raggedy white woman have his ass), Ray J out here making songs about smashing you know who and putting her on but let's give the man credit if he hadn't of ran up in her and released that tape she would not have had a reality show so.....also in the news we got Jay-Z rapping about being allowed to go to Cuba which is just plain dumb come on dude really? You know american's are not even allowed over there and if you got permission to go you and that thing you married are flaunting it like its nothing smh DEFINITION OF DUMB and last but not least we got Tyrese bringing up the rear with his hate of fat people. Most of these stories have already been reported over on www.missjia.com if you want to go check them out.

Bottom line I hope that people are paying attention to the antics of these so called celebrities if you haven't have your epiphany yet then let me give you one. Just because some of these folks have a margin of talent doesn't mean they have any sense. Most of the people plucked from obscurity have no media training, shit they barely have home training. So when the spotlight hits them they out there giving their opinions on things they should not be sharing in public. If you feel some kind of way about something that's a personal opinion but these idiots out here letting it all hang out t in interviews thinking that no one will see it or that their fans share the same type or feelings, or they are counting on public apathy knowing most likely that most people won't give a fuck. But people need to start giving a fuck because here's what happens when a so called celebrity gets too culturally relevant the mainstream media likes to invite these people unto talk shows and roundtable discussions and ask these people about issues of the day. Make no mistake these people are thus put on the spot and they are talking about things they shouldn't be talking about. A little popularity in this society goes a long way if you make these people relevant they get bigger platforms. For instance no one knew who Sarah Palin was until she got widestream media attention and the more attention she got the more she was interviewed the bigger her opportunities became and the next thing you know she's a household name.

Everyone is always trying to parlay their popularity into bigger ventures and bigger platforms the more exposure, the more money, the more endorsements you get you start looking like you actually might know what you're talking about out in these streets. Should I call out names? Steve Harvey, Tyrese, Russell Simmons, Rev Run, Ray J even co-authored a book about relationships I seen it in an essence magazine but these are a few examples of celebrities trying to give advice when they not even right. Everyone on the planet should be a work in progress but if you not working on yourself and then turning around and giving folks advice you are failing life! Some of these folks are clueless maybe with the exception of Rev Run since he is a member of the clergy but the rest of these idiots have had several divorces and failed relationships and some of them are bitter and have fucked up thinking and really some don't even like nor love black women. It's loads of black men that have gotten a little bit of wealth that quit dealing with black women altogether and will espouse the hatred and abuse of black women while extolling the virtues of women of different races. You can have your preference but don't come for my neck because you got issues with women from your past not every woman is the same and we damn sure didn't all do shit to make you so angry and hateful.

These are ugly times and I just want people to stop following dumbass celebrities these people are lost and most aren't trying to do any better they're judgement is faulty, they don't have a clear view of how people actually live and they are vastly out of touch with the day to day reality of the working class. Their bank accounts and lifestyles have them vastly out of touch with any kind of moral compass, or even personal dignity and its sickening if you are looking to these people for guidance then do me a favor and get yourself spayed or neutered because clearly you are lost and there is no reason for someone to procreate and keep the bullshit going for generations to come. We have enough fucked up people on the planet without someone who thinks gucci mane is a role model becoming someones daddy which I'm sure there is someone out there right now like that but lets try and keep less of these fools from procreating.

IS THERE SUCH A THING AS GOING TOO SLOW?

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 06:25:00 +0000

What does one consider slow when getting to meet a person especially a person you've met through a social app? How many text messages, skype dates, phone calls, does one do before you actually meet face to face?

I know people are scared about being catfished or some may not like the whole meeting people off of social sites at all. But let's be realistic with the advance of technology who doesn't have a phone that utilizes apps? Let's take it a step further who didn't join places like myspace, blackplanet, migente, asianplanet, paltalk, yahoo chat rooms when they first came out? My point is if you are in your late 20's early 30's you remember these sites some of you may have even hooked up a time or two or three with someone you met through these sites and if you're like me a person who practically lives on her laptop then you know that these social sites; if you let them can bring you a lot of things some good some bad some indifferent. I know everyone likes to holler out the same old tired line "you can't trust people on the internet, they lie, they can pretend to be anybody." Can I get a show of hands of people who lie without a computer, who don't need a computer to help them lie. The dude you meet at the burger stand can be a liar, the chick you meet at the bookstore can be a liar. Anyone can make up a persona with or without a computer and to be honest the percentage of people I've met through online means have been more honest and real then the people I have encountered in my daily life but that's just my personal experiences.

For me its always been far easier to connect with people digitally then through traditional means. I'm more comfortable that way and I don't have to do or go anywhere I don't want too. I know some prefer the traditional methods but traditional has went out the window folks; again unless you're dating someone older everyone is digital or they have at least tried it a couple of times. I know that with the MTV show catfish people have been more wary of meeting people off of the computer and no I've never watched the show and I can't say I would even be a fan either. You have to remember with anything you do to use sense and if something seems to be good to be true then it usually is and who doesn't have a webcam or a phone with a front facing camera on it these days? There is no excuse to even talk to someone who keeps giving you the runaround if they can't skype or oovoo with you on the computer or their phone then guess what most likely they have something to hide but I digress.

Back to my original point is there such a thing as going too slow when you've meet someone you want to get to know better are some people just more trusting and eager to meet than others? Is there a protocol to meeting someone you've met digitally is there a certain timetable for when things have to get done? I mean if you hold a conversation online with a person all day, if you then go so far as to exchange numbers to text and you've done a couple days of that, you enjoy the conversation, you enjoy the person's personality, they tell you they enjoy yours but yet no phone calls have been made, and they say they want to take it slowly they want to build up a friendship, then maybe it will turn into more over time with no real timetable with no real end in sight just endless texting back and forth. How long would you hang in there for? Would you feel like this person is hiding something or are they just gun shy to the whole dating digital? Even though keep in mind you did meet said person through digital means. After awhile the bells start going off something is not right with this person they're either trying to hide something or they're just not with the situation so its time to cut your losses and keep it moving even if the chemistry might have been great. I don't do well in limbo with no defined outcomes on the horizons. For me I'm not the most patient person in the world but if I meet someone and they aren't at least trying to meet up for coffee within three to four days of meeting or they not even trying to suggest we meet then you're not really looking for anything but a text buddy or you might have way too much going on or you simply aren't that interested and your life is bigger than your social ambitions and I can respect that, I don't have a problem with that but that's not for me. If you are legit trying to get to know me then you put in the effort or step out of the way so someone else can.

This isn't sex in the city and I'm not Carrie Bradshaw I don't have time to hunt down my very own Mr. Big and chase him for 10 years until he decides he's old enough to stop chasing skirts and might as well throw the one persistent woman who's been chasing him this whole time a bone in the form of marriage. No thank you, she had her 20's to waste on said man and much of her 30's. This is not a Korean drama either where the persistent cute plucky girl chases after the bastard of a guy who shits all over her until he discovers he's really in love with her. I'm neither of these type of characters I'm the one character with the great sense of humor that enjoys her solitude but at the sametime wouldn't mind having a man who understood her and loved being around her. I would love to find a guy who was just the right speed not too fast not too slow but just right. One that moves at a pace that's right for both of us. Why is that such a hard thing to find I mean fuck all these people in the world and there is not one damn person that's supposed to be for me? It boggles the mind really.

Meeting people has changed so much until everyday it feels like there is something new going on that I'm not aware of. I get that people all have their own agendas and their own timetables but respect mines and I will respect yours. How you not trying to even meet face to face though and its not even on some sex shit its legit just about letting me feel your vibe in person lets see if we can keep up the same chemistry we do over text. I don't want to push anyone outside of their comfort zone but if you're that shy that you can't even meet me at a bookstore then you don't need to be using social apps to find people to friend because you simply aren't ready for that step. You have to join groups that are more your speed like I'm shy don't look at me.com or tumblr hell no one talks to anyone on tumblr. It's a real pity too someone people will have to be missed out on because they just simply aren't up to the task of meeting but what can you do. You can't force another human being to bend to your will that sort of thing I'm sure is morally wrong and might even be criminal in some cases. Anyway leave your thoughts, comments, and responses if you have any.

WHILE I WASN'T LOOKING DATING DIED AND "CHILLING" TOOK ITS PLACE

noreply@blogger.com (THE 78' MS. J) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 08:43:00 +0000

It's been a minute okay more than a minute but you didn't miss me so it doesn't matter. Some things have changed most things have remained the same and yada-yada. I hope the new year has brought about good things for all of those that cast an eye on this blog and I hope that everyone that reads this is good and living great lives. With that being said I want to vent about the death of dating.

I must have blinked because dating is dead it's so dead the word doesn't even have meaning anymore. No one is dating, everyone is just hooking up and "chilling" and then if you happen to fall into a relationship then cool, if not cool. Apparently its all about the ambiguous and grey areas and if you're a long time reader of this blog you know the only gray area I like is the kind that's in a book that's the only place shades of grey need be is in literature. I hate this new "chilling" movement, I hate how callous and tactless L.A. guys can be, I hate hood boogas and their fuckery and I hate how all of this is acceptable. Where the hell was I and why am I now stuck in this funky new landscape that really doesn't suit me AT.ALL.

If you haven't peeped it I am an introvert by nature I like quiet activities and sometimes I go out and interact with others but mostly I spend a lot of time just in my little bubble I go out when I have too or when invited but I'm just as good chilling in the house by myself watching netflix. Now let's be clear since I have moved back to L.A. I've interacted with four guys so far there was no going out they came over to my place and just were there. They didn't bring nothing, they didn't have nothing, they didn't make no plans to go anywhere none of that just coming over to my space and then they're just there sucking up air. That is the "chill" movement in a nutshell going over someones house and just "chilling" and you know they are going to try something so have no misconceptions about that. Now before you start saying well raise your standards, or why you didn't say something, or why you allow that type of behavior. I'm telling you this is what's passing for normal unless you date someone who is older which means 40 and up and even then you're not guaranteed to meet a dude who is into dating or who can even afford to date or who even wants to date.

The dudes I attract are losers, they don't have nothing they content to be at the bottom, on section 8, or they homeless, or they just plain not shit. for whatever reason I got a big bullseye on my head that says losers please come hither and the guys I want never want me back. They love my personality, oh I'm so funny, I'm cool as shit, I'm easy to talk to but they not trying to be involved with me in any other way. I'm at my wit's end and completely out of my element. Bad girls are the new wives, good girls get ignored because they "boring" and not giving up the ass fast enough. Having standards is a thing of the pass and its just a mess out here and people are happily knee deep in bullshit I just don't get it. I want to keep hope alive and their is a small part of me that refuses to let all hope die but this shit y'all got going right now is not my speed. I thought I could hang in that "chill" lane and quickly found out that I'm better off in my old fashion lane which is more my speed. Why I gotta let a dude come to my house and just lay up and shit? Why I gotta go over to a strangers house just off top and "chill" with him? Isn't that still dangerous? Don't dudes still got expectations once they get you on their home turf you know they gonna try it. What if dude has got his homies waiting in the backroom to come out and gang rape you then what? What if dude is trying to set you up and rob you or whatever? What happened to meeting in a public place and then taking it from there? Now dudes ain't even trying to do that so I really don't know where to go from this point forward.

Is it my destiny my fate to just be alone ultimately? I know everyone wants to bring out that tired ass advice about not searching for love but it's not even about searching for love. It's about even being able to wade through the bullshit to even find someone you can hold a conversation with, without them asking you do you suck dick or how big your titties are, or when can he taste you. I mean fuck give me a break how the hell are people even getting to the alter these days? They must have some hellified guardian angels or some real blessed lives because it's looking bleak in this bitch I'm drowning in this cesspool without a lifejacket and all the captain save em's are already saving other females. I guess I should really just give up the ghost maybe its my lot in life to walk through this lifetime solo and that creates an ache deep inside of me and it really fucks with my spirit and I don't want to wrap my mind around that thought. This can't be it for me there has gotta be someone out there for me right? Somewhere?......... Trying to find a silver lining but......