A Brave New Voyage

Rob's Crazy Big Moving Sale (and photoshop skillz)

2011-07-14T22:27:00.001-07:00

CRAZY GOOD DEALS N’ STUFF!

Office Chair

Want to sit in a chair at home all day just like at work?

Not really? Well you will when you see the price on this
puppy.

Retail Price: 60 bucks

Crazy Rob’s Price: 15 DOLLARS!

Poker Set

The first choice of gambling addicts this premium poker set comes with 100% resin chips, 3 decks of cards, 5 dice and dealer token, a lot of financially painful memories.

Retail Price: 125 bucks

Rob’s Price: 50 Dollars!

Wood Table

Do you like eating? If you’re not Kate Moss you probably said yes. Pictured above is the latest and greatest innovation in comfort of the last 15,000 years. This scrutiny.table is solid wood, sturdy and guaranteed not break under the pressure of your

Retail Price: $175 bucks

Crazy Rob’s Price: $60!

Computer Desk

Comes with desk only, way too lazy to clear everything off first. Its big sturdy and comes with its own keyboard drawer for…you guessed it, a keyboard.

Retail Price: 199.99 (unassembled)

Crazy Rob’s Price: $50 (ASSEMBLED!)

Razer Mouse Gaming Pad

Don’t feel sufficiently geeky with a standard mouse pad that’s old, dirty, squishy
and has a fading MySpace logo from 2005 .
Well welcome to the elite mouse pad of the FUTURE! With a soft squishy
gel wrist rest and an aluminum track pad you’ll be able to do the facebook like
a professional and counter strike it up like a total loser.

Retail Price: $34.99

Crazy Rob’s Price: $10.00

Microsoft Ergonomic Keyboard

You know that pinching feeling you have in your wrists that started a couple months after you started working. Yea that’s not going to go away with time, in fact with time your metacarpals are going to fuse into a single bone to where you’re going to wish you as half as coordinated as Edward Scissorhands .

Seriously
I’m doing you the favor on this one.

Retail Price: 49.99

Crazy Rob’s Price: $20.00

Not Getting
Carpal Tunnel: Priceless

Targus Laptop Bag

If your employed in this economy you know it’s more important to look successful than to actually be good at what you do. Don’t worry I’m not going to tell your boss, but if you are unemployed or want to look even more professional come join the lucky 79% of Americans that are currently working fulltime.

Laptop bag is spacious and carries computers up to 18” wide.

Retail Price: 79.99

Crazy Rob’s Price: $30.00

Mystery Chair

This chair is such a piece of crap I should be paying you to take it. It works

fine, but has numerous mystery stains and once sprouted a mushroom. I’m
kidding but the chair is free if you have a biohazard suit to use for
sitting in it.

Retail Price: UNKNOWN

Crazy Rob’s Price: FREE

Kelly Norris - The Final Slap

2011-06-05T17:44:00.000-07:00

A ~~party~~ battle over a year in the making….

Kelly has mastered the art of slap-fu

An unparalleled backhand...yet she still sucks at ping-pong

I was approached several times to act as Antonio's stand in for his love scenes with Selma Hayek

Kelly is a Tojan, but not a Spartan, don't ask me the difference

This Friday @ Bin 73

Bin 73 in Marina Del Rey

18 Washington Blvd
Marina del Rey, CA 90292

Happy Hour 3-6pm

We celebrate Kelly's soon to be ~~unemployed~~ erm, grad student status

Definitely not Kelly in 8 years

One of Kelly's future illustrious alumni

Just how tough? Leather glove tough

Believe it or not still more comfortable to use than Albertsons brand T.P.

Personalities of the Broke and "Disabled" - On Social Security Disability

2011-06-04T19:18:00.001-07:00

The following is a list of colorful characters that tend to populate the struggle for disability benefits. Join me as we explore the range of this All-American ensemble.

Irene McFoodstamp – She’s a graduate of the school of HAWD knocks, and has PhD in government assistance programs. Ever since baby daddy number 5 left her for another woman with an Xbox 360, she’s been on the lookout for as much government aid as possible. For some, child support payments (all be they delinquent), section-8, food stamps, Welfare, Medicaid, Child Health Insurance, federal prescription drug assistance, and heating assistance would be enough, but why stop there? Ms. McFoodstamp (Always Ms. never married) figured out a while ago if you hold your child back a couple of grades the govmentwill give you money just because your kid is stupid. Back in the day ADHD was cured by giving the kid less candy and a quick smack across the face for not doing their homework. Why do that when they can drink all the Fanta and Redbull they want and just take a pill AND GET PAID FOR IT! Ruining a kid’s life is a small price to pay for an extra 300 bucks a month, but hey they weren’t doing that well in school to begin with anyways right?

Reggie Ray Hickass – This guy (or girl sometimes) is a big fan of low taxes, the Confederacy and his raised Ford F1-SmallCock. The only thing he hates more than minorities, is public assistance…accept for when he can collect it. Which is why after a bet that involved a rabid gerbil, a dirt bike, a ramp and an ounce of heroin, this gem of the American south now has 3-4 blown disks in his back and wants uncle Sam to foot the bill for his Hep-C treatment. So in between getting questions about his age and condition you have to endure how much he loves Hanna Montana and racists rants about how the only people on government aid are those damn lazy Mexicans. After all his new meth addiction and gun rack aren’t going to pay for themselves.

Sharron Entitledman – What do you do, if you’ve generally failed at life and realize this by 40? Take a long vacation on Uncle Sugar’s dime. Sharron embodies what happens to the woman who is both too dumb and too ugly to make it on her own. At 5’5” and 290lbs nearly all of her disabilities are totally not her fault but rather due to lifelong abuse of her favorite antidepressant FROSTING. Sharron’s only friends are the 12 cats she lives with and a vibrator modeled after Tommy Lee’s manhood (big back in the 90s). For the last 20 years, she may have driven a truck, fork lift or some other job that didn’t require a lot of exertion, and yet still managed to lose all the cartilage in her knees by 39 which was ONLY due to years of hard work and has nothing to do with the fact that a 300lbs frame is like sandpaper on your joints. Now she’s laid off for trying to sexually harass her male supervisor, and looking to eat out the rest of her days drinking mountain dew and getting occasional pity sex from her neighbor on SSI in the next trailer. You are key to her happy future.

Sue E. Sidey – Isn’t life just so hard? Did your cousin once touch you at a family reunion in your naughty area and you just have never been able to recover from PTSD? Well move over Iraq war vet, we have a new contender for government assistance with mental disabilities. No longer do you have to actually watch your friend die to collect on anxiety and depression, your dream life of subsistence welfare is only a quack Psychiatrist away. Sue is all of 22 years and already willing to throw in the towel for everything. When asked the question “will you never be able to work, any job, ever, at all for you entire life” she happily replies that her social anxiety and oppositional defiance disorder prevents her from going to Wal-Mart let alone holding a job. All Sue has ever done in life is fail, whether trying to kill herself or filing for disability she just can’t seem to get it right. Generally I’m not a fan of giving up on a human, but hey god makes mistakes too, accepting that will shorten everyone’s pain.