A Brighter Vision

Tribute to Bonnie

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 13:05:00 GMT

When I was diagnosed with HIV in 2007 the news was devastating. For the first time in my life I felt totally alone and defenseless. My mind immediately shifted from helplessness to acceptance. I made a personal decision to carry on with my life and do whatever necessary to fight my HIV. That meant learning everything I could about my disease. I began educating myself. I obtained as much medical information from every possible source. That's when I discovered TheBody.com online.

Hold the Line

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Thu, 2 Dec 2010 19:22:00 GMT

The year 2010 is coming to an abrupt close and as my days grow shorter and colder I am looking back at this interesting year. You know, ever since my diagnosis in 2007 my message has always been one of hope. But the events that I witnessed and participated in in 2010 shifted my point of view a little. To get an understanding of what I mean I write the following illustrations.

Hope is defined for me in the terms of a Soldier. Imagine a Soldier stuck in a war trench. Shots can be heard being fired off in the distance. Random explosions shake and rock the trench every now and then. I am the Soldier lying there in this dirty, rotten, cold trench. I feel exhausted, hungry but most important angry being in this situation. I look up to see my commander staring me dead in my eyes. Without hesitation he bellows out: "Hold the line at all costs! Help is on the way."

Remembering Yesterday

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 19:20:00 GMT

I've been thinking about how my life was before getting HIV for the past few days. I've been allowing my mind to wander in some of those lost and forgotten rooms buried deep inside. And it is comforting for me to say that these memories and thoughts are more of a reflection rather than self loathing. It's funny because, and you make think I'm weird for saying this, when I take myself to my past this Stevie Wonder song plays. I hum it to myself and listen to the tune. The song is called "Yester Me, Yester You, Yesterday." I love this song so much because it makes me feel good to hear but also gives me brief moment of sadness. In shorter terms: it is bitter sweet. Just like my life and the many experiences I have encountered. But, hasn't anyone else done this? Don't you find that certain songs, foods, places, and people take you to certain places or moments of your past?

Doing the Right Thing in California

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Wed, 8 Sep 2010 09:40:00 GMT

I recently had to write a persuasive essay for school on a subject that directly affects me, and came up with this: a little something on that ridiculous issue going on in my birth state of California.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." This statement from the U.S. Declaration of Independence defines what every American citizen pursues and believes in. These rights apply to every American. Unfortunately, some American people would rather infringe on the rights of others while defending their own. One right in particular is the right to marry.

Is There "Something Greater" Out There?

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Wed, 4 Aug 2010 10:13:00 GMT

For the past several weeks there has been a question lingering in my mind. It's been rattling off and on, on and off. To me, it doesn't matter if I ever get an answer to this question. It also doesn't matter if I get the correct answer. I just need to hear other people's inputs for the sake of my mind.

The question I impose on you, the readers, is: Is there actually something, or someone greater out there? Is there a gigantic, magical entity pulling the strings on EVERYTHING we, human beings, do and say and meet and act out on? Before you answer this question for yourself, I ask that you listen to what conclusion I have come up with. This answer is solely MY own answer for myself. I am simply taking the time to share it with all of you. So, here it goes.

The Other Pink Elephant in the Room

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Fri, 9 Jul 2010 09:25:00 GMT

I'm not talking about the HIV, but about people ashamed or scared about getting tested. It is an unspoken subject throughout many homes in America, and throughout the world. No matter what cultural community you are in, people refuse to get even TESTED because they fear others backlashing. It is really sad. Because they choose to live in fear, possibly unknowingly infected, rather than take care of themselves.

It leads to another stigma. In fact, THIS is where the stigma is born. Here, when it is time to get tested.

Don't Walk With Your Head Hanging Down

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Tue, 1 Jun 2010 16:00:00 GMT

The definition of pride is: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct.

The word "pride" standing alone can be viewed as someone coming off as a conceited, pompous, self-righteous, egotistical person. But, when you marry pride with words like honor and courage, it takes on a very different look.

The Long Exhale

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Fri, 28 May 2010 07:40:00 GMT

I recently read something posted online that almost made me faint. I sprinted towards my living room window to see if any pigs were out and about, flying in the summer sky. My dear friend, and sister, Olivia from TheBody.com, sent me the link. After reading this article, I can honestly say my heart started to beat faster.

I was happy to read and learn that the U.S. military is on the brink of ending the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy. This group of honorable servicemen and political figures in the Obama Administration is about to yet again make history.

It Ain't Easy: Exercise, HIV and Me

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 18:36:00 GMT

I can remember a time when I would get up at 4:45AM and head over to the gym. Hearing that lousy buzzer go off and forcing myself to get out of bed. Sometimes THAT was the hardest part. I would sit up and force my eyes to open. My head was like a computer starting to power up. You know, how you hear that bleep sound and wait for all of the systems to download itself. All of the important icons popping up on the screen, like my thoughts for the day following an order.

If my unit wasn't doing physical training that day I would do this pattern. I had just enough time before heading into work to get a good work-out. I'd get to the gym probably around 5AM. I lived on the base so the drive was relatively short.

Sense of Serenity

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Wed, 7 Apr 2010 13:11:00 GMT

Having this HIV in my body sometimes disheartens me. This HIV reminds me of what my limitations are. It can discourage me from running that extra mile. It can also soften my spirit at times. But these thoughts are all brief and insignificant. They do not carry as much weight as does my serenity. When they filter in my mind, I turn to the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to change the things I can. And the Wisdom to know the difference.

How simple, honest and bold this prayer is to me. I focus often on the first part. Where do I find my serenity? Now, I fully understand that everyone has their own interpretations of serenity. I fully respect that. In fact, I am encouraging you all to share with me where you go for your serenity. At this time, I would like to share mine with you.

A Little Guy Named Charlie

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 04:22:00 GMT

I first met Charlie at my future in-laws' house. Devin and I were heading out there from Tucson for lunch on one of our first weekends together. I can remember the expression on Dev's face, his eyes all sparkling and this huge grin. "Well, you passed the test with my folks, but this last one is an important one for me," he said. I was already nervous as it was, having to sit down and chat with his parents. That comment gave me a sudden extra dose of nerves. I shrugged it off though, didn't want him to see me sweat. I had seen pictures of Charlie and was told about him. But, I had yet to officially meet him.

Now, before I go any further with this story I want to explain myself. Charlie is not a person. Charlie is a very small miniature Dachshund. He has a sharp black coat and a serious stare. I have never known Dachshunds in my life. I am more used to the bigger dogs. My boy, Nitro, is living at home in California with my father. Nitro, whom I've had since he was a pup, is a red-nosed Pit Bull. So, I was at odds with what this little Charlie might be all about. Devin and the family had built him up as this hardnosed, serious dog.

It Applies to ALL of Us

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 17:53:00 GMT

My partner, spouse and love, Devin, once imposed upon me a deep thought. I cannot remember how the conversation came about, but it did. I do remember that it was while we were driving somewhere in Tucson. You know, those little comments you throw at one another to help pass the time. Well, he was driving and we were talking and then there was a short silence. After a few seconds had passed, he comes at me with a comment: "You probably are only with me because I have HIV too. You probably would've never given me the time of day in other circumstances, huh?"

Without hesitation, I quipped with "That's totally not true babe. When I first met you, I was automatically attracted to you. I would've talked to you if we were to meet at a bar and not have HIV." And that was pretty much it. The subject just went away. Maybe it left as far as us openly speaking about it. But, it planted itself inside my mind and started festering.

Living Boldly

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 15:34:00 GMT

After I was diagnosed with HIV back in 2007, several thoughts came streaming into my mind. One of them I have tried to pay close attention to. This is the one thought that could be of great help. I had a thought that I needed to do something. Something that would contribute to helping the HIV/AIDS cause. Something I could do or say that would make a difference.

You see, after getting HIV I came to a crossroads. I had a serious heart-to-heart with myself. I sat down and took a moment to reflect on how I got here. I don't blame ANYONE for my HIV. I don't like pointing the finger at someone or something else for MY own actions. I have HIV because of the decisions I made. I have HIV because of the choices I made. So I have this because of ME. And I came to this thought that I, Enrique Franco, have a moral obligation to do something about it.

Don't Be Afraid to Let Your Voice Be Heard

enriqueafranco@yahoo.com (Enrique Franco) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 22:07:21 GMT

When I took the D.C. metro on my daily commute to Walter Reed Army Medical Center, there was an advertisement that caught my eye. It wasn't on every train, but I would see it from time to time. It was a simple depiction of 10 human silhouettes. Of the 10 silhouettes, one was all red. It was at the very end, after all of the other silhouettes in black.

Underneath the silhouettes were the following words: ONE OUT OF EVERY TEN PEOPLE YOU ENCOUNTER HAS HIV/AIDS. When I first saw it, I couldn't help but stare at it for what seemed an eternity. I thought to myself -- the silhouette in red is ME ... I'M "the one."