A Canadian in Abu Dhabi

Another excellent Abu Dhabi parking job

2012-05-24T03:07:00.000-07:00

This one, frankly, is pretty hard to understand. There were loads of spaces behind me as I took this shot.

Overheard at the gym: The "Oh really?/beg to differ"/awful white expat edition

2012-05-24T02:40:00.000-07:00

"I moved here. I bought furniture. I have kids in school. You need people like me in this country, not Indians who live six to a room"

Hard to believe someone could utter this nonsense then go work it out in a combat class, isn't it? It was so hard for me to believe I immediately typed it into my phone and sent myself a text so I wouldn't forget.

I guess that's the kind of peace of mind having a completely deluded and utterly asinine world view gets you.

Overheard in the newsroom: Wednesday edition

2012-05-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

I have an emergency banana.

Do you remember the guy coming back from Thailand with animals in his suitcase?

Be there or be square: McQueen Abaya 2nd branch grand opening Friday night

2012-05-09T10:08:00.003-07:00

Overheard in the newsroom: Pizza Hut Cheese Burger Pizza edition

2012-05-08T09:14:00.002-07:00

"What do you mean it's gross? I like cheeseburgers and I like pizza - so it's perfect."

In case you've forgotten what we're talking about, here.

Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James: Purchased right here in the UAE, at Kinokuniya in Dubai Mall

2012-05-08T09:09:00.001-07:00

Doesn't anyone think that is a little odd? You know, when they normally do this?

Region-specific spam, straight from my inbox: baby falcon edition

2012-05-07T05:39:00.000-07:00

hii sir

my name is abdaala i live in kuwait and i have a baby falcon for sale if ur interested..

regards

Abdaala

Overheard in the newsroom

2012-04-24T06:42:00.000-07:00

You have the wrong number. What does it matter who you are speaking to?

Krizz Kaliko featuring 816 Boyz raps about Abu Dhabi in Abu Dhabi

2012-04-14T07:00:00.001-07:00

I don't know anything about this US rapper, but I do wonder why and how he and the 816 Boyz are rapping about Abu Dhabi, in a song called Abu Dhabi, in jackets that say Abu Dhabi on them, at what appears to be a car show.

So very many questions. Kaliko's album Kickin' & Screamin' drops May 15, yo. The video's had more than 100,000 hits on YouTube since it went up a week ago Friday. Give it a listen. It's very rap-esque, with profanity and content of a sexual nature (not to mention an absurd use of the word "Dublin"). I am not really a fan of this genre, but damn, it's catchy!

Overheard in the newsroom: Friday edition

2012-04-13T02:26:00.001-07:00

"Why would they send you a jar full of golden balls?

Last night: "Spring Fest", Brauhaus, Beach Rotana

2012-04-12T02:24:00.000-07:00

Love the matching shirts.

Lost in Translation: A simple tip for getting your name across to others of another language

2012-04-09T04:50:00.001-07:00

The UAE is nothing if not multicultural. I love that about Abu Dhabi. But sometimes it gets to you, all the struggling to make yourself understood. See this coffee cup? They just started doing this at my local Starbucks (I normally have a reusable to-go cup for all those eco-trolls out there) and you have no idea what went into getting this name right.

I've written about this before. While I might think it's the easiest name in the world to get right, in these parts "Ann" does not translate well at all. At all. This has led to a lot of frustration on my part over the last four years, a lot of wasted moments and irritation and ill-will that I wish I could take back. As I related my latest "tale of woe" (and I realise this is a small, small issue in the grand scheme of things) to a friend, she had the most beautiful and simple solution of all. "Just don't try," she said. "Whatever they say, say yes. It doesn't matter what they write."

And that is why, when I signed up for my morning RPM class today, the name on the sheet said Na.

5 travel beefs as summed up by a funny&grumpy traveller on Twitter

2012-04-09T03:35:00.001-07:00

My colleague @Fliss_c brilliantly summed up some of the worst habits and obstacles one can encounter when flying in and out of the UAE. In 140 characters or less. Feel free to chime in with your own in comments. My favourite is #2.

#1 MOVE ALONG! Why do they walk so slow, and randomly stop? Let's get some london tube rules in and stand to the right?

#2 he's been in the metal detector queue for 15 mins why the HELL is his watch, belt on and phone STILL in his pocket?

#3 when I'm asleep and my arm or leg edges out then you ram it with that two ton trolley and give an insincere "sorrrry"

#4 being skint and therefore having to transit at bahrain or qatar. Bahrain you're not too bad but qatar!!! Your airport su-uuu-cks.

#5 using the bathroom. It's always gross in there somehow. Always. Lingering wee smell.

Another pizza burger option, courtesy of Pizza Hut

2012-04-08T06:30:00.004-07:00

2010 brought us the Burger King pizza burger and now, courtesy of those innovative folks over at Pizza Hut, we have the Cheese Burger Pizza. When you just can't decide what to have for lunch and don't want to have to choose. With cheese!

For the record, I think this would be vastly improved if the little cheese burgers had tops on them.

Imagine abandoning your car? 3,040 people in Dubai have done more than that since the start of the year

2012-04-07T22:16:00.001-07:00

Dubai Municipality just released its 1Q abandoned car report, which has become a sort of yardstick for economic recovery, although I am not sure it really is, and the numbers are up: From January to March, 3,040 cars were abandoned across the emirate, compared with 2,738 in the same period last year.

I've known people who have done this: either they moved here and set up shop, only to realise that it wasn't for them; or they ran into problems with a superior and feared they would be fired, with lots of debt on their credit cards they would not be able to clear (that = jail in the UAE) or they ran into some other sort of would-not-be-such-a-big-deal-in-the-west jam (a financial dispute they could not sort out, a sudden pregnancy for those who are unmarried - also = jail time) or they lost their job and had debts OR they just spent too damn much money and realised they would never be able to pay it back no matter how many tax-free years they spend in the UAE.

And although myths abound on this, there are those people who quite deliberately set out to milk the UAE for all it's worth, taking big loans and running up credit card bills until they reach a certain point and bail. I've known two people who have done this, although I only found out about it afterwards, and can't really be sure of what exactly happened due to the myth-making inherent in such events.

I have all the sympathy in the world for the first set, even people who overspent. I can truly identify with the feeling of the walls closing in, fast. The other night I went for a long walk, then a bite to eat, then stepped into the grocery store to buy some onions for the soup I was making. As I held an onion in my hand, I couldn't be sure I had shut off the oven before setting out. Had pumpkin been burning in there for 3 hours? Had I burned down my beautiful new apartment building? What if people were hurt, or trapped, or died? I turned into the red-haired protagonist from Run Lola Run (minus the hair and the graceful gait), sprinting through Marina Mall - I actually jumped over some children playing - hailing a taxi and trying not to cry as we sped back there. A million things were running through my mind, but one of the most recurring was 'my passport, my passport, my passport why do I not have my freaking passport'.

See, I hadn't yet bought apartment insurance yet – I since have, and obviously I had turned the stove off and nothing burned down so all's well that ends well. So I knew that even if the worst had been avoided – harm to any occupants – if there was a fire and it was my fault, I was facing jail time.

Off-topic, but I was interested to read that in Dubai, abandoned cars are turned into scrap. I realise it's naive to say this, but it really is too bad they don't auction them off for a worthy cause.

An interesting debate over at @UAELGBTR

2012-04-03T04:21:00.004-07:00

The local United Arab Emirates Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual Rights group have been having a very interesting debate with Jalal BinThaneya (@Binthaneya), a prominent Emirati activist for the mentally and physically disabled, on Twitter today.

Interesting until accusations of spreading HIV everywhere and the like broke out, I mean. The debate has been about, well, being gay and Muslim in the UAE, and you can imagine which side of the discussion BinThaneya falls down on. UAELGBTR, who have added a rainbow to the UAE coat of arms to create their logo, are a courageous bunch if there ever was, even while anonymous.

I have to say I liked these tweets this best so far:

The group also seems to be on some sort of publicity push. More info here: https://www.facebook.com/GLBTHumanRightsUAE

Overhead in the newsroom

2012-04-02T02:56:00.003-07:00

Does this newsroom have a guillotine?

Is that Jane Fonda?

Did you run out of hair product?

Overheard in the newsroom

2012-03-27T05:18:00.002-07:00

"If they put a Tim Hortons in here, I am resigning."

Arabs do not mess around when they send flowers

2012-03-25T04:14:00.000-07:00

These are the arrangements sent to a colleague the other day. They were, as you can see, massive. And no, they were not intended to mark the passing of a dignitary or the birth of another of Sheikh Zayed's grandchild. I'm told they were sent, as so many bouquets before them the world over have been, intended to say "I'm sorry".

This was the view from my desk:

This was the actual arrangement:

And, because I guess that first bouquet didn't quite say it all, another one:

Bagged it: Naked Kate Walsh Shape cover too hot for UAE

2012-03-22T03:17:00.001-07:00

I read this issue on my iPad on vacation in Bali a couple of weeks ago, where things are different from here and I didn't give it a second thought. (Other than 'wow does Kate Walsh look good for any age, let alone 44' and 'where are my shoes I am going for a run now')

But then I was in Spinney's this morning gazing at the magazine rack and caught myself wondering why Shape was in a plastic bag.

The cover uncovered after the jump...

Yep, all that chaste nudity and conveniently-placed shadowing was too much for the censors. And although as we know, those guys love their black markers to cover errant bare bottoms and excessive cleavage (although less and less these days than when I arrived four years ago, I'd argue purely from my perspective as a reader), it's pretty rare for them to go to these lengths to cover a cover of a fitness magazine.

I also love the title of the inside spread:

When you think about it, Walsh's cover is not that much more outrageous than the shot Shape Middle East put on its front this month. In fact I'd argue she's showing less skin than British radio personality Lisa Scott-Lee.

From my perspective, it's all good, even this, if that's how you roll.

The Burj Monument to the Burj Khalifa: Because what you need near the tallest building in the world is a monument to it

2012-03-20T08:41:00.001-07:00

Here it is: 18 metres high, three cores, stainless steel near the Dubai mall "on a unique visual plane aligned with Burj Khalifa", according to press release this monument to the Burj Khalifa (located within sight of the real thing, naturally) represents Emaar's "token of gratitude to the people of Dubai and visitors from around the world", "an architectural art", modelled on "the world's only 'Global Icon".

Tim Hortons in Abu Dhabi: Abu Dhabi Mall edition

2012-03-18T08:19:00.000-07:00

I was walking by the mall the other Friday afternoon, in the very best of moods. I'd just seen a picture of my healthy new nephew, all safe and sound out of his mom's belly. I was also going for a massage, which I was very much looking forward to - and because I'd taken Saturday off I had a whole other day of my weekend to look forward to.

And then, when I didn't think my day could get any better, I saw this:

A Tim Hortons! At a mall I go to ALLTHETIME.

Shout out to InterNations: Thanks for reading, guys!

2012-03-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the expat organisation InterNations, who have chosen A Canadian in Abu Dhabi as a top blog in the emirate and chose yours truly as the first local blogger to be profiled. Much appreciated.

InterNations is website that draws expats together online, with varying levels of free and paid memberships, but they also hold regular get-togethers out in the real world that I always intend to go to.

They have been in Abu Dhabi for a while now and have built up a real community. So if you feel like branching out and meeting other expats from around the world, check them out.

Corniche bike: the very definition of stationary

2012-03-17T08:16:00.002-07:00

Have you seen the assorted exercise stations on the Corniche? They are very cool, and I am all for exercise options that don't cost us a dime. But every time I walk or run past this squeeking oddity – also known as the world's oddest stationary bicycle – I can't help but laugh. That board, right in front of your face! All that nice park behind it, out of sight. And the noises it makes! Sounds like a tin can factory.

Breakthrough in Canada-UAE relations: Not the most important development in international relations, I realise

2012-03-16T09:15:00.000-07:00

It is, however, very good news for tens of thousands of citizens of both countries living in the opposite country (like me!) not to mention a boost for all the business people are trying to do.

You can read more here in The National's full story, but essentially a row over UAE airlines' landing rights two years ago sparked the situation to deteriorate, and the UAE slapped a bunch of visa restrictions on visiting Canadians including a steep $250 Canadian fee just to visit. But apparently that all changed earlier this month, when the UAE's foreign minister, Sheikh Abdullah, paid a visit to Quebec's cosy Chateau Montebello and went dog-sledding with his counterpart in Canada, John Baird (who many people blame for the situation in the first place, but oh well). It's the image of these two frolicking on a sled being dragged through some dazzling white powder that is giving me cause to grin.

The ball was already rolling, after Baird paid a low-key visit to the UAE in November, while apparently the UAE has been doing some lobbying of its own of late, in the form of hiring a Canadian firm to get its message across to the government.

There is no word yet on the visa fee being dropped, however, but we can be hopeful.

UPDATE: Commenter Moe is in the know: he says look for the visa fee to be lifted this month or next.