A CASTLE CALLED AWESOME

Too many cooks!

2014-11-07T13:04:00.002+10:00

This aired at 4AM on Adult swim between infomercials, it wasn't listed on the TV Guide.

Ɨ͚͙͢͟͠Ŧ̯͔̳̺̬̣̻ͅ ͖̬̰͖̺Ŧ̭̻̲̳̝̦̗Ⱥ̹̩͚͘͠͡Ꝁ̷͖̲͓̖͍̺̻Ɇ̧͈̟̞S̨̢̟̥̮͇͈͓͉͉̣ ̶̵̪̜̪̰͕̙̱̜Ⱥ̧̝͉̕Ł̰̤̲͠Ø̨̡̯͍͙̩̭̦̦͔͔͟Ŧ̵̠̣̬̝̬͓͚ͅ ̮͍͙Ŧ̷͍͖̳̺͕̲̬͚͜ͅØ̷̷̳̗̠̻ ̻̪M͉̠͟Ⱥ͏̫̳̣Ꝁ̶̷̜̪͈̪Ɇ̧̦̳̻̘͙̗͉̠ ̨̯͉͙͚̫͓̜̗̗͝͝Ⱥ̡͎̳̤͚ ̴̰̥̩͎̜̣̗̕ͅS̢͈Ŧ͕͉͓͚͔Ɇ͕̙͉̫͓͉͈̖͞ͅW҉̗̖̟̳́ ̢͕̲̰͔́͞

If you know any more about this it'll ruin it.

Sauce:reddit user u/SetYourGoals, and youtuber tortoise5210 for uploading it.

Shia LaBeouf is a cannibal

2014-10-26T13:22:00.002+10:00

A totally awesome PSA.

Shia LaBeouf is a name that has surrounded a shit tonne of controversy in 2014.
Post ~~Michael Bay's giant shit storm of throwing money at it until you can beat that goddamn rotting corpse of what was originally not that bad a horse no longer~~ Transformers fame, young Shia LaBeouf has been through some interesting times.

Like that time he was accused of plagiarism.
Which is around the time that he said he was going to retire from the public eye.
Or that time he ran a marathon around the Stedelijk museum in Amsterdam in purple spandex, JUST BECAUSE.

Perhaps you may not have heard about that time he chased a homeless guy for his bag of McDonalds around Times Square.

And who can forget this little gem

Admittedly, a fair amount of this stuff is for his performance art work, which makes it seem like 70% of the time he doesn't really give a flying fuck what anyone thinks, except maybe James Franco.

Perhaps that is why he comes off as a such a good guy for whole heartedly supporting Rob Cantor in the creation of the wonderful stage piece titled; SHIA LABEOUF.

This is clearly a factual retelling of something we should all be consistently fearful of, enjoy!

Edit: Official Avengers: Age of Ultron Trailer!

2014-10-23T09:54:00.000+10:00

Oh how we've missed some quality comic book action.
It has been nearly three months since we were last blessed with Marvels Guardians of The Galaxy and how awesome was that?!
In true awesome style the trailer to the latest in the continually developing universe Avengers: Age of Ultron has leaked a few days ahead of the intended premiere of the trailer.

~~Hurry up and watch this because it will most likely be gone by the time you've finished reading this sentence.~~
~~I'M TRYING TO KEEP UP~~

~~All links were pulled in the space of 45 minutes.~~ ~~Well played Marvel, well played.~~

~~QUICK HURRY!!!~~
~~ANOTHER!~~

UPDATE

Disney/Marvel fell to the pressure and officially released it.

ENJOY!

Streamer House!

2014-10-01T08:30:00.002+10:00

The internet is full of bizarre and logic defying way to make money that seem inversely proportionate to how much of a life you have.

Streaming yourself playing games on Twitch has somehow become a day job! Like in what fucken universe to people enjoy watching other people play games over the internet? You could be, well, playing yourself? Or even have sex with another person. Unbelievable!

So just to screw with conventional logic even more, enter STREAMERHOUSE!

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/StreamerHouse
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/streamerhouse
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Streamer_House

The Twitch streaming concept taking to it's ultimate extreme.

Four guys play on Twitch 24/7 in roughly 8 hour rotations. At the time of posting they are on 575+ hours of non-stop streaming and have been playing Destiny every minute of every day since Launch!

This is how the guys describe themselves:

As a passionate group of twitch viewers and streamers ourselves we had seen other streamer group projects come and go over the years and really felt there was something more to be done. We took what we had learned and decided to go for it and build a 24/7 streaming gamer house with the help of our friends, family and viewers like you. We've outfitted the house with 20 IP cameras both inside and out covering the majority of the public viewing space. (There are no bedroom or bathroom cameras*) allowing viewers not only to watch game hard every day but participate themselves over chat or voice com. Whether we are gaming, editing a video for youtube or cooking a meal you get a peek into our glamorous lives as video game streamers. Streamer House is Twitch's only 24/7 live gaming house hosting a variety of live streamers and a huge array of games. You can watch us any time of the day while we take turns to keep game play and entertainment going around the clock.

The first thing you might ask yourself, is why? Well we didn't know the internet needed a 24/7 streaming service, nor that it wanted to watch the 20 IP cameras spying on the players. It's like a voluntary Big Brother without the commercial dickery!

The second thing you might ask yourself is how on Earth do these guys make enough money to, you know, live?

Subscribing to their stream on twitch costs $5 a month and Streamerhouse will get roughly $2.50 of that. Their current stream lists 588 subscribers equaling roughly $1470 a month. There are also donations, which seem to be significant with the top donation for this month at $533.

Combine that with revenue from youtube if they do indeed monetize and while that could look OK for an individual, there are four guys here with a house and the gear to stream 24/7 on multiple gaming platforms. Not to mention the costs of maintenance, products, and air conditioning.

Considering Maintenance costs too, they must be high on the equipment they use! I mean playing an Xbox One for 25 days straight has to have an effect on it right? It's impressive they don't have more downtime! Hell the game's they play have more downtime than they do.

If anyone can shed some more light on they're revenue streams, I'm all ears!

That aside, they look to be doing well with about 35 million views, so despite my complete lack of belief that anyone is even watching there is clearly a market for this. Crazy!

Of the 20 odd minutes I spent watching there is one thing that really stuck with me. Every time someone subscribes the screen displays raining money and the following song plays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYHAcmUfETs

Genius!

SENNHEISER EAR LOVE

2014-10-01T08:16:00.002+10:00

This new ad campaign for Sennheiser is brilliant. These hilarious spots were made for the new/hip URBANITE headphones. I'm guessing this is Sennheiser taking on Beats in the marketplace of 'cool' headphones with the product in question coming in a range of colours with smart phone integration. If you can afford just grab the HD-25s (I've had them for years) although anything from this Irish company is worth your money... they really do love your ears and are a thousand times better than BEATS.

URBANITE FACTS

The Sennheiser URBANITE headphones have been developed for the generation of Millennials: a generation of customers who love their tunes heavy and love to look good, but won´t compromise on quality.
The stainless-steel hinges add a striking touch of rugged urban style to cool design touches like the colour-coordinated fabric-wrapped headband. However, the use of metal - on the premium hinge mechanism and the tough aluminium sliders - ensures these headphones are also styled to last.
The durable sliders and hinges also work with the super soft ear pads to ensure that the listener is insulated from external noise, ensuring great comfort for even long periods of listening enjoyment. And with its larger ear-pads, the Sennheiser URBANITE XL offers even greater levels of comfort.
The URBANITE range is designed for staying connected on the move, with integrated in line remote control and microphone for taking calls and controlling music on smartphones and tablets, with dedicated versions for either Apple iOS devices, or for Windows or Android-driven devices, such as Samsung Galaxy models.
A range of colour choices includes black and denim across all models (both Apple and Samsung), with the iOS URBANITE additionally available in sand, nation and plum and iOS URBANITE XL also available in sand, nation and olive.
For extra peace of mind all URBANITE headphones are supplied with a soft pouch for safe storage, and also come with a 2-year international warranty.

Jeff Goldblum knows lighting

2014-09-30T08:56:00.002+10:00

How does one sell light-bulbs? Follow the recipe below.

Ingredients

- One Jeff Goldblum
- Two genius directors (Tim & Eric will suffice)
- One Tim & Eric regular extra found on Craigslist
- A ridiculous set design
- Tacky digital overlay work
- GE light bulbs to create enhanced lighting

Method

Blend all the ingredients together and release on the Internets so everybody shares it with their friends and millions of people feel compelled to go out and buy your light bulbs in turn making G.E. (General Electric) trillions if not zillions.

The UNfappening

2014-09-25T08:42:00.002+10:00

In case that rock you've been living under doesn't have Internet, or some wild South Park scenario has emerged whereby you have to get your Innernet down Californee way...

The Fappening
was the beginning of ~~the most hilarious live updated 24 hours in the recent history of the Internet so in Internet time that's like a month~~ a nude celebrity photo scandal.
The story goes like this; celebrities take explicit photos of themselves on their personal devices and these personal devices which are connected to "online cloud storage accounts" were "hacked all at once" resulting in both a large bounty of soft core celebrity pornography for the perverts, and, an ENDLESS bounty of lolz at the current state of the ~~retarded sensationalised circus that has become the mainstream~~ media.
More specifically, from idiots such as Brett Larson (yes that is his twitter account, go tell him he's an idiot) who tried to tell us that the seedy underbelly of the Internet; giant forum site 4chan, is an individual hacker whom we should establish the identity of.

The reason why I use italics and quotations so flippantly is because there are a multitude of theories as to how this all started. The best of them being that this has exposed an underground hacking ring that's been going on for years around the corners of 4chan and the Deep Web. This kind of makes sense because one of the affected, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, was terrified at her leak because she claimed the raunchy photo of her was from several years ago. Which is kinda creepy.
So basically once material is obtained, and the the longer it is held on to by less individuals, it becomes more exclusive and thus; the greater its monetary value.

Yep. It's kinda really fucking creepy, these guys are selling these libraries of nude celebrity photos to one another which makes you wonder if they're doing it to the rest of the plebeian occupants of the Internet such as you or I, and trust me, mine are hhhaaaaaaawwwwwwtttt, your computer would explode at my hotness; that's how hot they are.

Look, if you haven't figured it out already the Internet is a pretty fucked up place. Judging by the 10 million hits one of the lead Fappening update websites had IN THREE DAYS during what has now been dubbed the second cumming, I'm going to assume you already know that and are personally halfway to solving the energy crises with your right wrist. But if you're ignorant of this fact under your stupid little rock then go join the biggest douches in the universe like John Edwards and Brett fucking Larson. (Seriously, go tell him. I did. I'll wait.)

BUT I DIGRESS

The real reason I'm here today is to share with you a hilarious artist project inspired by The Fappening that is somewhat reminiscent of the genius SFW PORN.

The UNfappening!

Artists working together to cover up the leaked photos, giving celebrities back their dignity!

So take some time out from that busy work morning and have a browse, don't worry, you can totally browse it at work because all the nudity is covered!

(You totally shouldn't do that and will probably be fired. Castle Awesome will not be held responsible for your stupidity.)

YOLO has a sequel

2014-09-12T15:09:00.003+10:00

YOLO 2 picks up right where the last one left us (FARK!!!). This is a return to form from the great Aussie animator Michael Cusack. I like to compare the guy to the late David Firth with his penchant for absurd stylings to create social commentary. He really hits the nail on the head when it comes to youthful Aussie schlock here.

How to Talk Australians

2014-08-16T13:01:00.000+10:00

G'DAY KNACKERS

Urban dictionary describes casual racism as;

The Act of being racist, casually.

Who would have guessed...

How To Talk To Australians is a short parody web series teaching an Indian call centre the importance of casual racism in the Australian lifestyle (that was the take home message, right?)

These important lessons in heritage and culture are directed by Tony Rogers, whom is responsible for bringing us the loveable Australian ~~hallucination~~ dog Wilfred.

Watch as Indian teachers attempt to take apart Aussie culture and teach it to the uninformed, making Australians look like 100% weirdo jerks.

I've linked the whole playlist of six very entertaining shorts because it's Saturday and you've got nothing better to do.

Do it.

Actual Food Porn

2014-08-14T18:56:00.000+10:00

If you use instagram you're guilty of producing 'Food Porn'. That is a FACT. Food erotica I.E. snaps of fancy muffins, well presented breakfasts and delicious dinners have plagued the inter webs in a range of insta filters for years now. It was only a matter of time before something like this was made.

Enjoy. Probs NSFW....It is porn after all.

Actual Food Porn from The Bold Italic on Vimeo.

The hashtag #foodporn has become one of the most prevalent of our time. Yet, most of the time, it's used to tag a photo of a semi-fancy looking meal just lying there on a plate, definitely not having sex with anything. Here's what actual food porn looks like.

Director: Andrew Callaway
Videographer: Gavin Murray
Producer/Set Design: Jessica Saia

Turn Down For What? A Boner inducing music video.

2014-08-10T09:30:00.001+10:00

I certainly wouldn't EVER encourage anyone to EVER listen to

DJ Snake & Lil-all I do is scream shit-John but... The music

video to 'Turn Down For What' is bonerific. It has almost 100 million views!!!

See it below these gifs.

That's America/Maccas home delivery in Australia/Chicken Nuggets

2014-08-07T17:21:00.000+10:00

THAT'S AMERICA!

Let this video (below) wash over you like a warm, sticky sundae that's melted into you crotch after passing out to a (home delivered) Maccas feast . I hope you've enjoyed chicken nuggets recently.

This is our way of telling you that Mcdonalds will soon deliver in Australia (starting with Sydney)

Get naked. Watch this video art.

Birdman Official Trailer

2014-08-06T18:34:00.000+10:00

In a story that seems almost analogous to the Michael Keaton's career post Batman the official international trailer for his upcoming film Birdman has finally dropped.

Providing a little more info than the teaser did not too long ago we appear to be centred around a washed up superhero franchise actor who is ~~full blown schizophrenic~~ completely losing his shit during his last desperate grab at the limelight.

The supporting cast looks awesome; Edward Norton, Emma Stone, and what appears to be a slightly thinner Zac Galifianakis.

Gotta love an offbeat black comedy centred around a crazy old guy. Check out the trailer below.

No reason boner.

2014-08-06T15:29:00.003+10:00

I guess we're all wasting our time with this again. At least it explains our boners. Like this video.

#noreason #castleawesome

Clowns!

2014-08-06T10:03:00.000+10:00

I finally understand why some people are afraid of clowns.

Daniel Avery - Knowing We'll Be Here Video

2014-08-05T12:03:00.002+10:00

Daniel Avery has released the next video from his sensual debut LP Drone Logic that blessed our ears in October of last year. This time round in place of the video for "All I Need" aka sex-angst-stylistic-close-up-fest-of-radness we have the closing track "Knowing We'll Be Here".

Get ready for what appears to be a girl ~~drowning~~ hanging out underwater to a dreamy Avery soundscape.

While you're at it check out this fresh Avery mix for Factmag below.

Bojack Horseman Trailer

2014-08-04T17:50:00.003+10:00

The digital revolution has brought about some interesting ways in which companies can now get us to watch their shit. One such company winning from the common preference to sit on our asses instead of going to rent out a ~~what the hell is a~~ DVD is Netflix.

Enter stage right; Bojack Horseman
This new adult targeted animated series appears to be based around a washed up 90's TV horse actor who has taken up alcoholism and athazagoraphobia. Castle Awesome welcomes Bojack given the success of adult targeted animation such as Archer, and the new Rick and Morty.

So in the lead as a talking horse, of course is Will Arnett, we also have ~~Jesse Pinkman~~ Aaron Paul as what appears to be the typecast stoner roomie (graciously taking time off from pissing off Xbox one owners.) and there's even some Alison Brie in there along with some other familiar voices that you make recognise in the link below from IGN.

Get around it.

When Video Game Journalism is just Fanboi Tripe!

2014-08-04T09:29:00.000+10:00

Video Game Journalism is a very loose term, there isn't much of an editorial standard out there. Today's glorious example of inept reporting come from VideoGamer and their youtube channel VideoGamerTV.

Comparison videos aren't new. Serious video game sites have been doing such comparisons for quite some time. That doesn't make it any less stupid.

What makes this particularly obnoxious is the videos narrators acknowledge in the first 30 seconds of the video that their comparisons are unfair.

They then proceed to rant for five minutes about how one version is better and the other, well, it won't ever be able to be up to par.

The narrators dish out some absolute cutting analysis like "It just lacks that shine", or "It just doesn't have as much punch".

I particularly enjoy their incredible insight into Bungies engineering department and how difficult it's going to be for them to bring one of the consoles up to par with the other. Because you know, these guys are fucking geniuses! Never mind there's a video available right now showing said console running at the apparently revered 1080p and 30fps ... But you know, I'm nervous Bungie doesn't have time to achieve that.

Queue FANBOI rage!

Hey, if you're going to deliver video game content, you best avoid acting like a a complete wanker!

... and for the record, here's how you execute a legit graphics comparison video:

Ghetto cooking

2014-08-01T08:44:00.000+10:00

There are many things that make this new cooking show fantastic, the least of which is its strange insistence on having vertical videos. Bare witness to the birth of a new cooking show. This ghetto chef has some mother fucking sass.

God damnit I don't got no name for it mother fucker, I haven't come up with a fucking name yet, Sheeeeeit.

And if you're feeling poor/saving pennies to help fuel your expensive drug habit, here's a quick and easy meal to make.

Subscribe to Sista Girls's channel here

George R R Martin look alikes

2014-07-31T22:01:00.002+10:00

There seems to be a pretty obvious theme that has been set in the whole TWO HOURS since Castle Awesome has been back satisfying your urge to waste endless time on the Internet (we all know what you're really doing.)

And that, dear humans, is #NOREASON

WHY?!

Because who needs one. Exactly.

So in the spirit of our revival I present you the following:

Fat idiots George R R Martin look alikes.

Look at this first one. I know right, just a shitty costume but he's totally got the hat and beard right look at the comparison.

Then there's this guy, just another shitty costume. I don't like his beard.

Ok, we're getting better at it now. This guy actually made the effort of stuffing his shirt, because so far people haven't really tried to imitate his obesity. Which is an issue, but I guess that's what happens if you take DECADES to write a goddamn series of books.

Lets take a brief break <-- Mandatory break viewing. Click it.

AND WE'RE BACK

This is probably the only decent one.

He's even got that weird little hat emblem, turtle, pendent, thing, or whatever it is..

This next one I guess kinda looks like a weird version of him, but it could just be a fat dude.

If you squint like Fry you can kinda see it

Then again, I may have it all wrong. If we consult The Holy Gospel of Yahoo Answers maybe it is our rotund fantasy obsessed shut-in that looks like someone else even more famous than he

zero people will have read to here

THAT'S IT!

Congratulations! You've sat through a complete bullshit post that's all in the spirit of the revived Castle Awesome that is sure to bring you about as much pleasure as cross dressing Khal Drogo getting nailed in da butt by a bearded Daenerys Targaryen!

#NOREASON

WE'RE BACK FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON

2014-07-31T19:40:00.002+10:00

We have been going on with this silly thing (the Castle) for about 5 years now. With breaks. Lots of breaks. At least 7 breaks. One of the breaks was for a year or so. Much breaks.

Why keep going? I have no idea. For no reason at all i guess.

So we really have no reason but to continue.

Seven people will read up to here

We don't really know what we do here. So if you missed the last five years i'll bring you up to speed. We posted about a vagina music video once. There's a guy who posts about absolutely useless bullshit. We changed our url to a .com and then had it shut down losing years of posts. That's about it. This will be the first post on this incarnation of the Castle for almost two years.

That is all you missed.

Five people will read up to here

So why the fuck should you read Castle Awesome? No reason.

no reason

This is reason enough to read Castle Awesome. Here is a quick guide on the places to take advantage of this sites useless content.

YOU SHOULD READ THE CASTLE WHILST...

taking a long and comforting dump
eating a sandwich by yourself
on a bus
canoeing
filling in time before your imminent death
having to wait quite a while for food in a restaurant and the person opposite you is less interesting than learning about how to perform a rad hand shake in an obscure french film (it's totally worth watching)

Two people will have read down to here. One because they hate all of this, but have had their internet connection severed during the course of reading and this is the only site loaded on their internet browser. Sucks to be you.

WE'LL POST ON...

Strange/obscure/shit/blockbuster films
The Dark corners of the internet
Memes/Trends
Tech
Triple A and indie games
Useless bullshit
Records & underground electronic music like this & this.

So please maybe like the fezbook page and get ready for something weird or mildly amusing for every bowel movement. Posts will appear in the next few days, weeks, years.

This could be the last post ever.

If you made it this far than please accept my gratitude here.

Also this

Monday Massacre - It's Not A Cookie

2012-10-29T13:01:00.000+10:00

#Monday #KermitTheFrog #CookieMonster #ItsNotACookie

Happy Monday!
Please do not to murder your co-workers.

Who the F is U?

2012-10-18T20:29:00.000+10:00

@manmakemusic

There is nothing known about 'U'. He/She/They/It just released a 10" on George Fitzgerald's Man Make Music label. Listen to the track 'Eah' below and you'll probably order it immediately here

This is some bodaciously down shit. I'm very very pleased with this sound. All hail 'U'

try on the B1 track below. It's also got that 'what the fuck am i listening to, this is amazing' sound.

JUST GO WITH IT!

Grab a free track of U's here (tis not on the 10")

Safety Not Guaranteed - The Review.

2012-10-15T09:36:00.003+10:00

#Safetynotguaranteed #Madmanfilms

How often are you pleasantly surprised by a film? I find that whenever i expect a movie to be great, more often than not it is a flaccid attempt by the writer/director to play on the audiences emotions in an effort to make their film resonate with the viewer.

So when i walk into a film not being able to even remember the title of it, i obviously haven't set my bar very high. My cohort and I were furiously trying to remember the title, "Safety not Guaranteed" it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, yet by the time we left the cinema, i don't think i will ever forget the title of this film again.

Something i find from most of the 2012 films i have watched this year is that they lack heart and genuine emotion, Safety not Guaranteed has it in spades. while i felt that one of the characters was superflous to the story, their own journey was equally as emotional as the main character.

Considering you have probably never heard of most of the actors in this film, it maintains an exceptionally high level of acting, the script never panders to the audience and the emotion is there, take it or leave it.

Basic plot - A somewhat crazy guy places and ad in the classifieds looking for a someone to go on a time traveling adventure with him, safety not guaranteed. (ooooh, they say the title of the film!)

I really don't want to tell you anything more about Safety Not Guaranteed besides go see it, you won't be disappointed.

I give this film 4.5 out of 5.

Shit Post Sunday - Some Other Time

2012-10-14T10:49:00.001+10:00

Lapalux is about to release his 2nd EP 'Some Other Time' on Brainfeeder. It is a beautiful/wondrous/sexy/edible treat. Listen to a few tracks from it below. Then buy it here

download this track for frees here