A Change of Pace

Life After College: The Places Life Takes Us

2011-05-23T06:00:00.004-04:00

When a good friend of mine, Stephany at Stephany Writes, asked me to guest post for her while she's off having the time of her life aboard a Caribbean cruise, it didn't take me long to figure out what to write. She’s a recent college graduate who, armed with her degree in journalism, is on the search for a job that will lead to a fulfilling career. Exactly five years ago, I was in her shoes – a journalism graduate who was spending each day sprawled out across my bed with my laptop, scouring the web for fitting positions. Witnessing her graduation, particularly the emotions and the ambition surrounding it, took me back in time to my graduation day and led me to reflect upon the path my life has taken in the five years since.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation, either good or bad, that took you completely by surprise? A situation in which you never thought you would find yourself? Maybe you considered it fate and accepted it as the road you were meant to take, or perhaps you turned to your faith and attributed it to the work of God. Maybe you leapt for joy and considered it a stroke of pure luck, or perhaps you wallowed in frustration and wondered with self-pity, “Why did this happen to me?”

I’m no stranger to this type of situation, for life never fails to hurl me in directions I never anticipated. Sometimes, what I want falls into my lap with ease, but most often, circumstances beyond my control send my best-laid plans into disarray. Suddenly, something that I considered “a sure thing” doesn’t pan out and something that “wasn’t supposed to happen” happens. Rarely does life happen the way I imagined it would, but a recent look back on the past five years made me realize that the things I value the most came unexpectedly when I was busy focusing on other plans. All the little detours and “bumps in the road” that I’ve experienced – incidents that seemed dire and hopeless at the time – ended up steering me in new directions that brought amazing things to my life.

Five years ago, I was freshly graduated from college with a degree in journalism, back to living under the comfort of my parents’ roof, full of ambition at the prospect of beginning a career, and fully committed to a long distance relationship. From graduation day forward, I knew that life was no longer perfectly laid out, paid for, and planned for me, and as an avid planner, walking into the unknown was a little daunting. Yet, I was so proud of what I’d accomplished, and I was eager to begin turning my dreams into reality and my goals into achievements.

If I’d been asked on graduation day where I thought the next five years would take me, I would have babbled off a perfectly detailed plan in which my life would progress in a succinct, logical flow. I surely thought that within five years’ time, I’d have survived the turbulence of job searching, established a respectable career in the communications field, and be en route to climbing my way up the ladder of success. As a lifelong writer, I thought that I’d be an avid freelance writer in my spare time, with many articles and stories published and maybe a novel in the works. I also thought that my boyfriend Leo and I would have long figured out a way to put the distance to rest.

Instead, I was unleashed in the real world – a place where changes can sideswipe a girl when she’s not looking and well-thought plans don’t always go as intended.

Since graduation, I’ve held two full-time jobs, neither of which led to a full-fledged, fulfilling career. I’ve struggled with my relationship with writing, drifting in and out of motivation and failing to find rewarding freelancing opportunities. After six grueling years of long distance, Leo was accepted into the Navy, providing us with the opportunity to marry and start a life together as a Sailor and a military spouse. We left our respective families and jobs, moved to our first duty station, and turned our first house into a home. Currently biding my time as a housewife, I’ve continued to contemplate various career paths, asking myself countless times, “What do I want to do? What am I meant to do?” in an effort to discern my purpose in life. After months of soul-searching that yielded no clear answer, God made a decision for me when I unexpectedly found myself pregnant with our first child. Starting a family was still a few years away in my mind, but after reality sunk in, I became over-the-moon excited to welcome this little man into our lives. I have a feeling that my call to motherhood will prove to be the most rewarding job I’ll ever have.

There’s so much more to life (and so much more I want out of life) than I realized back when I was that ambitious, career-oriented girl on her graduation day. I’ll never give up the dream of one day seeing my name in print and finding a career that’s my perfect fit, but for now, my priority is my growing family and writing shall remain my beloved hobby. I never imagined that in five years’ time, I’d be a military spouse, a soon-to-be mother, and a bit directionless in regard to a career, but I honestly couldn’t be happier with the path my life has taken.

Where has life taken you in the past five years? Are you living the life you thought you would?

My Goodness, How the Time Has Flown

2011-05-16T12:56:00.008-04:00

I wish I had exciting news to report in an effort to explain my lack of posting as of late, but honestly, day-to-day life and pure exhaustion are the only things that have been occupying my time. April and the first portion of May were tightly packed with things to do, and perhaps it’s due to being pregnant, but time has continued to feel like it’s flying by at a pace too brisk for me to keep up. Lately, the story of my life seems to be “so much to do, so little time,” and I constantly have to remind myself to just breathe.

The past six weeks have been a hodgepodge of running errands and crossing items off of my hefty to-do list, along with two little milestones: turning another year older and entering the third trimester of my pregnancy.

As much as I daydreamed about celebrating my birthday with a frozen mudslide and a romantic getaway to an exotic locale with my husband, pregnancy hinders any such fun. But that’s not to say I didn’t have a wonderful birthday. How could I not have had a perfect day when it began with a surprise bouquet of roses from my husband?

Leo and I set aside the day for the two of us to spend together – especially meaningful to me since it won’t be “just the two of us” for much longer. We enjoyed conversation over brunch, window shopping while holding hands, an afternoon of lounging at home with our pup, and dinner out on the town. A few days later, my parents came to visit for nearly a week. Their time with us was filled with long morning walks, indulging in the local cuisine in downtown Charleston, shopping trips, whipping up homemade meals and other goodies in the kitchen, enjoying laidback evenings of movie watching, and organizing the baby’s nursery. Spending so much quality time with my husband and family provided the perfect dose of happiness.

The third trimester announced its arrival in mid-April with an array of new discomforts and a trip to the clinic for a glucose screening, blood work, and a Rhogam injection. Despite all the negative hype and my aversion to needles, I did just fine.

Currently, I'm 32 weeks along, and I’m finally feeling the effects of being really pregnant. Gone are the bursts of energy, liveliness, and ease of mobility I had in the second trimester. I feel myself slowing down and tiring out, my sense of balance has completely flown the coop, and I’ve been hit with another sinus infection along with a laundry list of new, uncomfortable symptoms. I’ve gained over 25 pounds thus far, which falls within the healthy range, but for a petite girl of 5’0” who began her pregnancy at under 100 pounds, I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the entire world in my belly. I’m constantly told by family, friends, and strangers alike that I’m “all baby,” but it doesn’t always feel that way to me. I’ve definitely had my moments of struggling to accept my changing body, but I get through the physical and emotional changes by relying on the support of my husband, concentrating on the baby, and reminding myself that discomfort is such a small price to pay for what I’ll gain in the end.

Pregnancy Cravings and Smoothie Recipes

2011-05-05T01:53:00.008-04:00

During my pregnancy, I fully expected to fall victim to some bizarre food cravings. With the infamous ice cream and pickles pairing in mind, I was curious to discover what crazy combinations I'd crave, concoct, and eagerly devour.

So far, my stomach has proven to be unimaginative. There have been sporadic sandwich cravings and a few unhealthy indulgences, but the only thing I have consistently and intensely craved (as in, I want it right this instant) is fruit. Fresh or frozen, whole or sliced, blended together in a smoothie or paired with yogurt and granola - I just can't get enough. It started early in my pregnancy, when a fresh orange was the only thing that calmed my morning sickness. After my obsession with oranges grew tart, smoothies became a daily staple in my diet, and I may or may not be guilty of eating entire watermelons and baskets of local strawberries by myself.

Since I've become quite the smoothie connoisseur, I wanted to share the recipes for two of my homemade favorites: strawberry banana and orange mango. Strawberry banana smoothies have been apart of my life since childhood, but orange mango smoothies are a fairly recent discovery. On my first trip to Starbucks since becoming pregnant, I scanned the menu for something caffeine-free. As a girl with a fierce addiction to espresso, it pained me to glance over "Iced White Chocolate Mocha" and "Caramel Frappuccino," but my eyes eventually rested on "Orange Mango Vivanno Smoothie." Um, yum? It may be the pregnancy hormones talking, but it was delicious, and I immediately wanted more. Since I can't justify spending nearly $5 a day on a smoothie, I knew I had to concoct my own version at home.

I never measure a single ingredient when making my smoothies (it's so much more fun to just experiment and hope for the best), so please know that all measurements are estimated and can be tweaked to fit your own personal taste and desired consistency.

Strawberry Banana Smoothie

Ingredients:
1 banana, fresh or frozen, cut into chunks
1 heaping cup strawberries, fresh or frozen
1/2 cup vanilla yogurt
1/3 cup orange juice
2/3 cup milk
Handful of ice
Optional: A drizzle of honey or 1 Tbsp. of your favorite sweetener for added sweetness

Directions: Combine all ingredients in your blender. Cover and blend until smooth. Taste and adjust sweetness with additional honey/sweetener, if desired. Pour into glasses, serve, and enjoy!

Note: If you're looking for an extra boost to any smoothie, you can also add in one scoop of whey protein, flaxseed, or uncooked oats.

Orange Mango Smoothie

Ingredients:
1 cup mango juice
1/2 cup orange juice
1/4 cup milk
1 large banana, fresh or frozen, cut into chunks
1/4 cup vanilla yogurt
Handful of ice

Directions: Combine all ingredients in your blender. Cover and blend until smooth. Pour into glasses and serve immediately.

Note: If desired, you can use fresh or frozen mango chunks in place of or in addition to the mango juice.

If you're a smoothie lover like me, what are your favorite ingredients or recipes?

My Day in the Spotlight

2011-04-07T02:30:00.007-04:00

Today, I’m incredibly excited to be the featured blogger at The Secret to Success is Support. If you’re not familiar with SITS, it’s an amazing community of over 8,000 women bloggers dedicated to supporting each other. Since joining last year, this community has proven invaluable, as it’s helped me so much in developing my blog, establishing an audience, expanding my readership, connecting with other bloggers who share similar interests and lifestyles as I do, and cultivating friendships.

I’d like to give a warm welcome to all of you who’ve come by for a visit, and I hope you’ll enjoy having a look around!

I’d also like to take a moment to introduce myself to those of you who are visiting for the first time. I’m Samantha – a “military brat” turned Navy wife who’s fully accustomed to living the military life of constant change. Writing is my biggest passion in life, but I also have a love for making things from scratch (anything from cooking to crafting), living a healthy lifestyle, reading, traveling, and experiencing new things.

I’ve been happily married to my husband Leo for the past two years. Before saying “I do,” we dated for over six years, entirely long distance. It was far from easy – the distance was a constant test of my inner strength that, at times, caused more pain than I thought I could bear – but it was worth the sacrifice. We’re stronger because of it, and I consider myself lucky to be with such a good man who makes me effortlessly happy.

A former aspiring writer (with a B.A. in journalism from Penn State University to prove my devotion), I currently bide my time as a homemaker who's anticipating the arrival of our first child. I’m in my sixth month of pregnancy, and despite the new mom jitters, I’m over-the-moon excited to meet our baby boy in early July. I’ll never give up the dream of one day seeing my name in print, but for now, my growing family is my priority and writing remains my hobby.

I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you, and I plan to visit all of your blogs in return, so please let me know that you stopped by! Leave a comment, join my new Facebook page, or begin following along. You're also more than welcome to help out this mama-to-be by leaving your tips, tricks, advice, and recommendations for must-have baby items!

Thank you so much for visiting, reading, commenting, and supporting. It means more to me than words can express!

These Days

2011-03-23T01:44:00.013-04:00

Currently, I am…

…feeling behind in all aspects of my life. I suppose growing a human and preparing for his arrival will do that to a girl.

…24 weeks pregnant and in awe of how quickly time is progressing. I thought nine months would last an eternity, but in actuality, I feel like I’m in a race to reach my destination, plowing through the days, weeks, and months with great speed. Some days, I want to squeal in anticipation at the thought of my baby’s arrival, and other days, I want time to slow down just a pinch because I don’t feel ready.

…determined to live in the moment. I want to stop worrying about the past and anticipating the future and simply focus on enjoying life in the present. Far too often, I’m too busy looking forward or behind to relish what’s right in front of me.

…wanting to do everything at once. I know that if I don’t reorganize my priorities, I’ll continue to be counterproductive and feel completely overwhelmed.

…in need of a relaxing afternoon spent lounging in the sunshine.

…adjusting to not having my husband around as often. For the past six months, he was on hold between schools in the Navy’s Nuclear Engineering pipeline, and his work days were light, allowing him to come home to me by early afternoon. I savored every moment spent with him, perhaps more than ever, because I know it won’t be just the two of us for much longer. But as of last week, he’s back to the grind, and our time together has been drastically cut back. I miss him, but at least I'm able to see him for an hour or two each night before he dives into bed. (Dealing with deployments and long distance will forever help me keep things in perspective!)

…spending the majority of my time scouring the web and gallivanting around town in an attempt to buy baby essentials. I’m beginning to realize that shopping for baby gear is a vicious cycle of researching, purchasing, and returning. I’m also beginning to realize how expensive a baby can be, which drove me to thrifting. My first find? Today, at a gently used children’s store, I bought 10 name-brand outfits in great condition for under $20. Not too shabby!

What's on your mind these days?

20 Weeks: The Halfway Point

2011-02-24T01:20:00.009-05:00

As I say hello to week 21 of my pregnancy, here are a few highlights that I’d like to remember from week 20:

Day to Day Life: The nesting instinct is starting to set in. While I don’t yet have the desire to get on my hands and knees and scour our entire house with a toothbrush, I do feel an overwhelming urge to start shopping for baby essentials and decorating and organizing the nursery in preparation for his arrival. Spurring this on was probably the fact that his nursery is no longer bare. My parents bought his crib and a rocking chair with a matching ottoman this past weekend, followed by us finding the perfect dresser and bookshelf to match.

Weight: The total amount of weight I’ve gained thus far is a little sketchy, as it’s been fluctuating day to day. It’s somewhere between 8 and 10 pounds.

Fashion: I’m in that awkward stage where my pre-pregnancy clothes are getting a little too tight and my maternity clothes are a little too big.

Sleep: I'm finding it more difficult to sleep comfortably through the night. Given the cramps, backaches, heartburn, and my frequent urge to use the restroom, I've accepted the fact that uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past.

Cravings: My cravings this week have consisted of ice water and fresh fruit. While grocery shopping yesterday, our cart looked like a giant fruit salad, full of bananas, grapes, oranges, peaches, plums, kiwis, and strawberries.

Movement: At my anatomy ultrasound, I found out that I have an anterior placenta. So, for now, we’re barely able to feel his kicks with our hands because the placenta is serving as a cushion between him and my belly. However, I can sure feel him kicking and punching my insides! He’s a little bruiser. For the past few days, I’ve had an ache in my right side, the exact area where I feel most of his movement.

Milestones: After finding out that our little peanut is a boy, Leo and I agreed upon a name - Chase James. Initially, Leo liked the name Chance, but he kept mistakenly saying “Chase” instead. After hearing it so many times, it grew on the both of us. It’s unique, and despite how large both of our extended families are, it’s never been taken. Chase’s middle name is in honor of the important men in his life – his daddy and two grandfathers. (James is my dad’s first name, and it’s the middle name of both Leo and his dad.)

The Bump: It's growing at a rapid pace!

We're Having a...

2011-02-18T20:58:00.005-05:00

Yesterday morning, I awoke at the crack of dawn, anxious to head to the clinic for my anatomy ultrasound. Since the beginning of February, I’ve been so excited to find out the gender of our baby that it felt as if the days were dragging their heels. But finally, the day came, and now we know.

That, my friends, is our baby boy!

I was only 9 weeks along at my last ultrasound (at which time he was a tiny little peanut), so his transformation was quite astounding to see. Watching him wiggle around on the screen - while feeling the flutters in my belly at the same time - made him all the more real to me. I'm already head over heels for this little guy! The ultrasound technician did a thorough examination of his body, and to our delight, everything looked normal and healthy. He currently weighs 12 ounces, and his little heart is beating 136 times per minute.

I'd like to extend sincere thanks to all of you for sharing in this time of joy and excitement. Thank you for your comments, your e-mails, your well wishes, and for simply following along with us in this journey!

Having a Baby Changes Everything

2011-02-15T15:26:00.007-05:00

In my last post, I briefly alluded to a huge surprise that graced us with its presence in November. That life-changing surprise was this:

I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant with our first little bundle of joy! The journey to this point has been a sharp contrast of happiness and struggles, but I couldn’t be more content. As the idea of being a mom continues to sink in, my enthusiasm for our baby grows by the minute, while the nervousness, worries, and uncertainties fall further to back of my mind.

The baby came as a surprise at a time when growing our family was still a year or two away in our minds. Being avid planners, my husband and I took our time adjusting to the unexpected change. As we worried over our finances and a million other little things, we couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed and ill-prepared. But does anyone ever feel 100% prepared to parent their first child? It’s a learning experience, and I’m open to the ride it’s about to take us on. I know we’ll be just fine. I find comfort in believing that God wills things to happen when He feels the time is right, and I can’t help but feel truly blessed that we’ve been given this precious gift.

Since I'm almost to the halfway point of this pregnancy, I wanted to give a little summary of my first 19 weeks:

Day to Day Life: It’s shocking how much your lifestyle changes when expecting a baby. My normal routine was flipped completely upside down, and things that were once foreign to me became the norm. I was used to spending my days running errands, maintaining our household, cooking and baking, writing, and exercising. Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, I was stricken with morning sickness that lasted all day, every day for over three months. It was a struggle to get through routine tasks - even things as rudimentary as showering and brushing my teeth - without feeling nauseated and upsetting my stomach. I was miserable, drained dry of energy, and spent the majority of my time as a couch potato. Around week 14, which fell at the start of the New Year, things started looking up as I began to feel more energetic and a lot less nauseous. I've now found my way back to most of the hobbies I enjoy; I've gotten out of the house nearly every day; and I started practicing prenatal yoga.

Weight: My growing baby has netted me 8 pounds so far. Much to my dismay, my back has already started to ache from the extra pounds, but thank goodness for my husband, who’s always willing to give me a massage to ease my discomfort.

Fashion: For the first half of my pregnancy, I got by with yoga pants or my regular jeans, unbuttoned and paired with a belly band. But in week 19, the day finally came where my jeans no longer fit comfortably around my growing belly, and I was forced to purchase maternity jeans (which, to my delight, are extremely comfortable). I have yet to buy any other pieces, and although I’m outgrowing my clothes at a considerable pace, I’m hoping that I can get by with minimal maternity clothes. Since my belly will be the largest in the spring and summer (the baby is due on July 7th), I plan to rely on loose-fitting sundresses.

Sleep: I used to be a “late to bed, late to rise” kind of girl, but now, pregnancy pulls the plug on my energy at the most inopportune times. I’m lucky if I can keep my eyes open the entire day, let alone past 10 p.m. Despite how tired I feel, it’s a rarity that I sleep for an extended period of time. I wake up multiple times to groggily find my way to the bathroom to relieve my bladder (which has either shrunk to the size of a peanut or is being used as a trampoline by the baby), to soothe cramps and backaches, or to cope with congestion.

Cravings: In the first trimester, my appetite was nonexistent, and even meals I loved were enough to make me cringe. The only things I craved were oranges, because the tart citrus flavor never failed to calm my nausea. When the morning sickness subsided, food became much more appealing, and I’ve gotten a good portion of my appetite back. There are only three things I seem to crave repeatedly: fresh fruit, fruit smoothies, and Philly cheesesteaks. (I’m not sure where the cheesesteak craving came from, since I rarely ate them before I was pregnant. But my tummy wants what it wants, and I had to laugh when my husband got me a cheesesteak as my Valentine’s Day gift!)

Movement: For many weeks now, I’ve felt a lot of “fluttering” in my belly, especially at night.

Milestones: Last Thursday, Leo and I toured the hospital where our baby will be born. We got an overview of check-in procedures, and we toured a spacious birthing suite (where I'll be for labor and delivery), a mom-and-baby room (where the baby and I will recover), and the nursery. Even though hospitals make me a little queasy and I'm already nervous for the birth, my first impression was that I'll be taken care of and as comfortable as possible.

This Thursday, I'll officially be 20 weeks along, and we'll find out the gender of our little one! Leo feels certain that it's a boy, and we're already in agreement on a name. If it's a girl, we're back to square one in the name department, because we have nada by way of ideas!

Life Rearranged

2011-02-09T16:59:00.002-05:00

Here I was thinking that my last post was my big return to regular blogging, but little did I know that life had other plans in store. Sometimes, everything takes the backseat when life sideswipes you in a big way. I’m hoping that you can forgive me for my extended absence, as it’s been an eternity since I’ve uttered a word. I’ve felt completely lost without writing and the blogging community in my life for the past few months, and yet, despite my urge to spill my thoughts and hit "post," all I managed to do, time and time again, was stare at a blinking cursor. I struggled to find those precise words that could explain everything that had been going on in my life. As I continue dealing with the changes and rearranging my life to better fit reality, it's proving to be a big journey for me. After four long months, I’m thrilled to say that I’m getting my priorities back in order, and I have high hopes for reconnecting with writing, revamping my blog, and reaching out to all of my readers.

There are a few happenings that I'm so excited to share with you, and I plan on detailing them in full very soon. But for now, here's a little glimpse of what the past few months have held:

October was a month laced with unfortunate setbacks and letdowns, almost as if a dark cloud settled in over our heads and rained on our parade, while November brought a huge surprise – a surprise that’s going to change life as my husband and I know it. The transition from November to December brought an exhausting amount of traveling and unexpected sadness when my grandfather passed away, while the remainder of the year revolved around family togetherness and intimate holiday celebrations.

With the arrival of the New Year came one frustration after another – hassles and endless phone calls, health concerns regarding loved ones, a sinus infection that had me up to my nose in tissues and medication for weeks, and the complete breakdown of our brand new, “reliable” Jeep Grand Cherokee. I had to fight urges to stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head until all of life’s little inconveniences had passed.

So far, February has been a delightful change of pace. I'm trying not to get so caught up in the little things that fuel my anxiety, and instead, focus on truly enjoying my life at this very moment.

These Days

2010-10-03T13:22:00.002-04:00

Currently, I am...

…back from an unintentional blogging break. It wasn't ideal to be away from my creative outlet and all of you for so long, but it just sort of happened. Life picked up, and the more overwhelmed I felt, the more I tucked inside myself and retreated to a quiet, introspective place. I'll never stop writing, but sometimes, a break is a necessity.

…caught in a vicious cycle of not finishing what I start. Now I face the challenge of finishing the heaping stack of projects left undone.

…dodging curve balls thrown by life. There is always something, be it an unforeseen expense, an unfortunate occurrence, or an unnecessary hassle.

…a new contributing author at Blissfully Domestic. I'd love to hear your thoughts on my first article, which delves into the benefits of eloping.

…filled with pride over my husband's recent accomplishments. In September, he graduated from Naval Nuclear Power School and received the Personal Excellence Award in recognition of his hard work, dedication, and professionalism.

…embracing the beginning of fall and the coming of winter. As much as I'd like to rewind summer, I am warming up to the idea of cooler weather, darker colors, piping hot lattes, cuddling under covers, delving into my fall wardrobe (Why hello, scarves and boots!), and welcoming the holiday season.

…shedding a bit of my shyness and learning to speak my mind, especially when it comes to inadequate service.

…enjoying our weekly trips to the SPCA. The tradition started a few months ago when my husband started throwing the phrase "Let's get Molly a friend!" into practically every discussion. Realistically, neither of us wants the added expense and responsibility of welcoming a second dog to our family, so we started channeling our love for animals into weekly visits to the local SPCA. We arrive armed with treats, and we play with and walk as many dogs as we can. It's a good feeling to use our free time for a good cause, although occasionally, I leave a little brokenhearted because I get too attached!

What's on your mind these days?

Back to Life, Back to Reality

2010-08-12T00:15:00.004-04:00

Lately, I've been caught up in a whirlwind of family and friends coming to town. To say that the past few weeks were fun would be an understatement. They were chalk full of ridiculously good times, and I'm left wishing I could live them over and over again. Spending time with many people I love gave me the extra dose of happiness I've been craving lately, and I'm dragging my feet just a bit as I return to the daily grind.

The week-long visit from my friend was absolutely surreal. Growing up, my life revolved around moving and traveling, as my dad was relocated to new duty stations every few years. Every time we moved, I often wondered if my friendships would withstand the test of time and distance. Many bonds inevitably faded, and the friendships that were once everyday occurrences became distant memories. But with this friend, we forged a bond that's survived over fourteen years on minimal visits and piles of snail mail. Caught up in the intricacies of our "grown up" lives, we don't keep in touch as often as we used to, but even so, we're always able to pick up where we last left off with such comfort and ease.

I rarely get to spend time with my closest friends (as they all live a good distance away), so I was thrilled to play hostess. While she was in town, we spent our time catching up over coffee, indulging in a little retail therapy (and splurging on new Coach handbags), soaking in the sun at the nearby beaches, and gallivanting around Charleston. Although I didn't capture as much on film as I had hoped, here are a few highlights:

Above: Row 1: The Battery in downtown Charleston and the sun setting on the Charleston Harbor. Row 2: Rainbow Row in downtown Charleston. Below: A trip to John's Island to see the Angel Oak, a massive live oak that's said to be over 1,500 years old.

Unfortunately, it will continue to be a little quiet around here, as we're anticipating a visit from my in-laws. I hope all of you enjoy the weeks ahead, and I'll be back soon with new posts and many new photos to share (as long as I can nix my bad habit of always leaving my camera at home)!

How is the month of August treating you?

These Days

2010-07-25T21:39:00.005-04:00

Currently, I am...

…intent on becoming a freelance writer in my spare time. I would kill (metaphorically speaking) for the thrill of seeing my name in print. I know I have the talent and the willpower to make it happen, and I know I'm strong enough to withstand possible rejection and criticism. What's really holding me back is that I don't always have the confidence to stand behind what I write. As I've said before, I never fully believe in myself or consider myself "good enough," but I'm more determined than ever to push through the self-doubt and pursue my passion.

…loving this white wine sangria recipe. I'm not much of a wine and alcohol connoisseur, but this homemade sangria is one of the most delicious drinks I've ever tasted. I made a pitcher over the weekend using frozen raspberry lemonade, along with fresh slices of lemon, orange, and strawberries, and I'm pretty sure it won't last long in my fridge.

…attempting to spend less and save more.

…anxiously awaiting the results of my husband's STA-21 application. If he's accepted to the program, the Navy will send him to a college of his choice to get his Bachelor's degree in engineering. We'll move early next year, and after he completes his degree, he'll become a commissioned officer. He wants this for his career more than anything, and for how hard he works, he deserves it. I'm praying that the Navy agrees with me!

…looking forward to a plethora of upcoming visits from family and friends. My parents are coming to town this week, a good friend of mine will be visiting from Ohio the following week, and Leo's family will be making the drive from Pennsylvania in early September. We live a good distance from the majority of our loved ones, so it's not often that our household is booming with guests!

…in awe of how time seems to pass more quickly the older I get.

…realizing that gratitude is a little thing that goes a long way in regard to my happiness.

…enjoying walks on the beach at sunset and trips to the local farmers markets for fresh produce.

…tired of migraines trying to swallow me whole. I'm altering my diet and exercise habits in an attempt to find a solution, because when I went in for an appointment with my primary care physician, all she did was pass out drugs like they were candy and send me on my merry way. (Are three prescriptions for headaches really necessary? If so, I want them to be my last resort rather than my first option.)

…disappointed in myself for falling short on my fitness plan for July. My goal was to work out 4-5 times per week, but creating a broad plan turned out to be a catalyst for failure. For August, I took inspiration from a friend and created a more detailed fitness schedule. In day-to-day life, I rely heavily on calendars and lists; my hope is that incorporating workouts into my planner will motivate me and remind me to stay on track.

What's on your mind these days?

Mini Cheesecakes + Chicken Quesadillas

2010-07-16T13:00:00.017-04:00

Since April, I've been scoping out new recipes and trying at least one each week in hopes of becoming a better cook. I promised that I'd share along the way, and this month, these two recipes became instant favorites and were inducted into my recipe box.

Not only is this recipe delicious, it holds a special place in my heart because it was passed on to me by my mom, who's also a military spouse. Every time I make it, I'm reminded of how much she has taught me and supported me throughout my first year and a half as a Navy wife (both in the kitchen and out). It was originally intended to make one large cheesecake using a 9-inch springform pan, but since I love the convenience of individual portions, I tweaked it a bit to make a dozen cupcake-sized cheesecakes.

Mini Cool and Creamy Cheesecakes

Ingredients for Crust:

2/3 cup graham cracker crumbs
3 tablespoons sugar
3 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted
One dozen foil baking cups

Ingredients for Filling:

1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1/4 cup cold water
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup milk
Dash of salt
1/8 cup lemon juice
1 cup whipping cream, whipped (I used Cool Whip)
Optional: Fresh or frozen strawberries, thawed and thinly sliced

Directions:

In a small bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs, sugar, and butter. Press equal portions of crust firmly on the bottoms of one dozen foil baking cups.

In a small saucepan, soften gelatin in cold water and stir over low heat until dissolved.

In a large bowl, combine cream cheese, sugar, and salt in bowl, mixing at medium speed until well blended and fluffy. Gradually add gelatin, milk, and lemon juice. Mix until blended. Chill filling until slightly thickened. Fold in whipped cream. Pour equal amounts of mixture over the crusts. Chill cheesecakes until firm, and garnish with fruit just before serving.

The first time I made my own version of chicken quesadillas, I expected my husband to moan and groan, because he's always sworn that he dislikes anything resembling Mexican food. But to my delight, "Mmmm..." didn't stop flowing from his mouth. What I love most about this dish is how low maintenance it is. Quesadillas are easy to prepare and can be baked as needed, so they'll always be hot and fresh. (Perfect for a military spouse who never knows what time her husband will come walking through the door for dinner!)

Chicken Quesadillas

Ingredients:

4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. ground cumin
8 flour tortillas (6 or 8 inches in diameter)
2 cups shredded Colby or Cheddar cheese
1 (10 ounce) can of Rotel Diced Tomatoes & Green Chiles
1 tomato, diced
3-4 green onions, thinly sliced

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In large nonstick skillet, season chicken breasts with salt and pepper and cook over medium heat until no longer pink. Remove chicken from heat and shred. (You can also use leftover chicken, or you can cook it in advance and refrigerate/freeze it until needed.) In a medium bowl, combine shredded chicken, can of Rotel Diced Tomatoes & Green Chiles, and cumin.

Lay tortillas on a flat, clean surface, and spoon equal portions of cheese and the chicken mixture on one half of each tortilla. Top with tomatoes and green onions. Fold tortillas in half over the filling, and place on an ungreased cookie sheet or large baking pan. If quesadillas will not fit on one pan, use multiple pans or bake in batches.

Bake 5-7 minutes or until cheese is melted and tortillas are beginning to crisp. Remove from oven and cut each quesadilla into wedges, beginning from the center of the folded side. If desired, top with sour cream.

Note: You can replace the chicken with any filling of your choice, such as steak, shrimp, or beans.

A Weekend of Red, White, and Blue

2010-07-06T13:30:00.000-04:00

I hope all of my fellow Americans had a wonderful 4th of July weekend!

I love the 4th for so many reasons. It’s hard not to gripe about the negative issues currently affecting our country, but this holiday gives everyone a reason to band together and celebrate our great nation with undeterred patriotism. It’s a day to swell with pride and wear red, white, and blue; it’s a day to remember all of the things that this country provides for us, things we may take for granted on a daily basis; and it’s a day to be thankful to those who have fought to keep our country free and safe. I’m thankful every day for the sacrifices my dad and my husband have made as members of the armed forces, but on the 4th, I take special care to think of everyone, past and present.

And, to me, the 4th of July is the epitome of summertime. It’s a weekend full of warm sunshine, beach attire, barbecues, juicy watermelon, firework displays, and family togetherness. The weather this weekend was absolutely gorgeous - high 80s and 90s with a slight breeze, baby blue skies, and fluffy white clouds. I had my husband all to myself for four whole days, and we did everything under the sun. We caught up on sleep, cuddled up with blankets and movies, browsed the sidewalk sales at the outlet mall, shopped for patio furniture, bought fresh produce at a local farmer's market, barbecued, let Molly run free at the county dog park, and went for long drives with no destination in mind.

Close to sunset on the 4th, we treated ourselves to ice cream and headed to the Charleston harbor to join the festivities of the annual 4th of July Blast at Patriots Point. Despite the congestion of people, we found a prime viewing spot on the waterfront, and while we waited in anticipation for the fireworks, we soaked in the breathtaking views of the bridge and the sunset over the Cooper River, which was swarmed with hundreds of boats, all huddling around Patriots Point.

At nightfall, the fireworks were shot over the river from the flight deck of the aircraft carrier USS Yorktown. By far, it was one of the most beautiful firework displays I’ve ever seen.

All in all, it was a charming, relaxing weekend that left me feeling effortlessly happy and energized for the shortened week ahead.

Ten Things I Would Do If I Weren't Afraid

2010-07-01T12:00:00.004-04:00

Write a book. Even if no one ever reads it, even if it is never published, I’d love to prove to myself that I have the talent and the discipline to fashion an elaborate idea and put it to words in a beautiful way.
Blog more often. Sharing my writing with others unleashes a swarm of butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I know I have talent buried within me, but I don’t always have the confidence to stand behind it. I write something, I click "publish," and instantly, I want to nosedive into my bed and hide under the covers. I’m so afraid of opening myself up to the world that so often I choose not to do it. Starting and staying committed to A Change of Pace is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, because month by month and post by post, I’m proving to myself that I can do it.
Be confident in my abilities. I never fully believe in myself or consider myself "good enough," which deters me from realizing my true potential.
Be okay with saying "no." I always feel the need to satisfy other people, which can step on my own happiness at times. So often, I say "yes" when, deep down, I’m restraining myself from shaking my head "no." If "no" is how I feel, then "no" is what I need to say.
Speak my mind. Say what I want to say when I want to say it, no matter the repercussion.
Wear an outfit that feels out of my element and wear it with confidence. My wardrobe as of late has gotten a bit dull. I have a closet bursting with variety, yet day after day, I gravitate to what feels safe and comfortable - jeans and a t-shirt. When I think of myself in a fashionable top that shows off some skin, a sundress that shows off my legs, or a pair of edgy shoes that adds inches to my height, I always cringe and think, "Sam, you can’t pull that off!" I’m my own worst critic, and I’m constantly breaking down every part of my body to the point that I’ve become uncomfortable wearing certain things in public. If I want to wear a dress, I should wear it, because most likely, the only person staring at my thighs and thinking, "Wow, her thighs are so huge they should have their own zip code…" is me. Not only is it a waste of time to worry about what others may think, it’s about time I start loving the body I was blessed with.
Give myself credit where it’s due. I’m good at picking out the things about myself that need fine-tuning, but I’m not so good at playing to or acknowledging my strengths.
Strike up conversations with new people. Making small talk and attempting to befriend someone is one of the most awkward social situations in which I could possibly find myself. But if I fight the anxiety and strike up a conversation when the opportunity arises, I just might find new friendships blooming all around me.
Give up coffee. I’m afraid that trying to beat the addiction would wreak havoc on my life. A long period without coffee morphs me into a cranky, fatigued, stress-ridden, headache-suffering girl. Am I being overly dramatic? Possibly. The truth is, coffee is one of those sweet indulgences in life that I really enjoy. I don’t want to give it up completely, but if I say "no" to the craving more often, I’d have a little more cash in my wallet, and I’d feel better about myself for limiting the amount of caffeine I consume.
Splurge without feeling guilty. I’m starting to realize that life isn’t all about stashing away money for the future and cringing every time the digits in our bank account take a slight downward plunge. I doubt I’ll ever stop cringing, but I do realize that life is also about living along the way. I’ll never stop being mindful of our money, but I want to lose that guilty knot that forms every time I buy something for myself. It’s okay to splurge on something new and nice when it fits our budget.

What would you do if you were brave?

When It Comes to Getting Healthy, There's No "I'll Start Tomorrow."

2010-06-30T01:52:00.007-04:00

Two months ago, I started a new routine aimed at attaining a healthier lifestyle. As with any lifestyle change that affects longstanding habits and routines, it’s been quite an adjustment. I’ve realized the things I want to change, and I’ve set my sights on where I want to be, but my old habits are slowing my pace and, at times, making my destination feel so far away. In the past two months, I’ve experienced a medley of successes and failures, but all in all, I’m happy to say that I’ve made progress.

Fitness Habits

In May, I challenged myself to complete Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred. I started this challenge hoping to increase my endurance and strength, tone my body to its full potential, make exercise a more consistent part of my life, and create a healthy outlet for stress. I became acquainted with Jillian in August of last year when I first attempted her workout. That month, I dropped five pounds, sculpted muscles in my arms and abs, and felt tremendous growth in my strength and endurance. I was hoping to see similar results this time around.

Since the DVD, along with my tennis shoes and 3 lb. hand weights, had been collecting dust, it’s no surprise that I was sore after the first day. The kind of sore where I wanted to lay in bed all day with a pillow over my head because it hurt to move a muscle. Not wanting to “phone it in,” I pushed myself further each day until I could do the advanced version of each exercise and complete each level without feeling like I was going to die. With each repetition, it became easier, and my soreness and fatigue eventually subsided.

If you’re not familiar with the 30 Day Shred, it consists of three levels, with each being progressively more challenging. Each level is broken up into three circuits, and each circuit follows her 3-2-1 method (3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of abs). Level 1 was the easiest for me, and I found Level 2 and Level 3 to be equally challenging; some exercises were enjoyable, while others felt beyond my capabilities. I did ten days at each level, and I consistently noticed my strength and endurance increasing. My only complaint is that repeating the same workout day after day became monotonous. Halfway through each level, I could recite Jillian’s every word, and I desperately craved a change. To help combat that feeling, I'd mute her instructions and exercise to my own music.

Overall, I’m pleased with my results. I didn’t shred all 30 days, but I can proudly say that I did it 30 times within the month. (I missed 3 days, but I made up for them by doing the workout twice on the following day!) I lost four pounds, which put me back at the lower end of my “happy weight range;” I lost an inch from both my hips and my waist; my abs appeared more sculpted; and my endurance increased. Although I had no measurement changes in my arms or thighs, I felt an increase in strength in both areas.

Whereas May was a fitness success, I’d categorize June as a complete fitness flop. After recouping from the 30 Day Shred, I reverted back to my old habit of sporadic exercise (more off days than on days, to be honest). I’m trying not to be too hard on myself, because realistically, I can’t expect myself to be flawless when adjusting to a new routine. Mistakes and backward steps are inevitable, and when they happen, I have to file them away as lessons learned and continue moving forward. My mistake for June was that I didn’t make a monthly plan or set a new fitness goal. Without a goal, I had nothing to work toward, and without a plan, I was more prone to put off exercising or forget about it entirely.

My fitness goal for July is to exercise 4-5 times per week. Since I was pleased with the results of Jillian’s training methods, I bought two more of her DVDs - Banish Fat Boost Metabolism and No More Trouble Zones - and I plan to do each workout twice a week. To add more variety, I also want to walk or run at least twice a week.

Eating Habits

It took me a while to realize, but transitioning from a full-time job to unemployment greatly affected my eating and drinking habits. When I was working, I sipped on beverages throughout the day, and I was required to take a one-hour lunch break, which allowed me to pull away from my duties and refuel my body. Now that I'm a housewife, I tend to get so caught up in my day that I forget to eat and drink as often as I should. Apparently, I need someone to force me to take a break and eat a meal!

In June, I’ve worked to change this habit and become more conscious of how I’m treating my body. All month, I’ve started off my mornings with a glass of orange juice, a multi-vitamin, and either a bowl of cereal or organic yogurt topped with fruit and raw oatmeal. For a snack, I whip up a Green Monster. (I highly recommend this smoothie; I love that it adds more greens to my diet, quenches my snack cravings, fills me with loads of energy, and promotes clearer skin!) For lunch, I munch on some crackers and fresh fruit, or I make a sammie or salad. I’ve also been toting around a water bottle to keep hydrated. Naturally, I’m noticing an increase in energy and fewer headaches.

For dinners, I've come to rely on meal planning. Every two weeks, I surround myself with cookbooks and plan out my menu and shopping list. (I bought a magnetic menu planning notepad at Michaels for $1, but I've also used this.) Since I started making a plan and sticking to it, we've spent less on groceries, and we've eaten out less often.

Taking Better Care of Myself

In May, I began an active search for a skincare regimen that will help me attain clearer, healthier skin. I started with 30 days of a modified version of Project Glow.

Also in May, my husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary with a couple's massage. Although I used to indulge in a professional, full-body massage every month to help reduce stress and release tension, I fell out of the habit over a year ago. I can't put to words how good it felt to relax, clear my mind, relieve my back pain, and feel my stress melt away for that one hour.

In June, I made vast improvements to my dental habits. When I was growing up, my mom took me to the dentist for cleanings every six months, and I went through many years of braces and other fancy gadgets to straighten my teeth. After college, my life was monopolized by my first full-time job, and making a dental appointment was something I always meant to do but never did. It makes me hang my head in shame to admit that I let almost four years go by since my last trip to the dentist. I finally put an end to the excuses and the procrastination and made an appointment. As a punishment for not making my teeth a priority, I had one cavity for every year I hadn’t been to the dentist. (Thankfully, they were all small and painless, and when I had them filled last week, I was in and out of the office in thirty minutes!) I already have my next cleaning scheduled, and I feel so much better to be back on track.

Moments from the Weekend: Cherishing Family

2010-06-22T01:40:00.006-04:00

This weekend was about enjoying the togetherness of family, celebrating the wonderful father in my life, and exploring new facets of the city.

My parents arrived on Saturday afternoon for a weekend visit - a visit I needed, because lately, I've been missing their company. After a round of hugs and hellos, we settled in the living room. In between random conversations, my dad was reading an eBook on his Nook; my mom was solving a Sudoku puzzle; Leo was watching a NASCAR race; I was curled up on our recliner, fighting the urge to drift off to sleep; and Molly was bounding excitedly from person to person with a tennis ball in her mouth and her tail wagging uncontrollably. Even a laidback afternoon of lounging and doing our own things was enjoyable because we were together. In the military, it’s inevitable that one day we’ll no longer be fortunate enough to hop in the car, drive for a portion of a day, and see each other. One day, Leo and I will be stationed far enough away from our families that visits will be limited. I try as best as I can to focus on the now and fully enjoy every moment that I spend with them.

On Sunday, we celebrated Father's Day with a trip to Patriots Point Naval and Maritime Museum. In an effort to better document my life (the second goal in my project), I've been toting my camera around with me more often. Here are a few photos I captured from the day:

A view of the Cooper River and the Arthur Ravenel Bridge.

My mom and dad entering USS Yorktown.

A not-so-appealing photo of me and my husband. Despite the fact that it was overcast from an approaching storm, the weather was insanely hot, humid, and windy, which can take a toll on a girl's hair.

Posing with one of the many planes on the flight deck.
Afterwards, we treated my parents to Father's Day dinner at an Asian bistro with delicious sushi. We caught the brunt of the inevitable thunderstorm on the way home and stayed indoors to watch movies for the rest of the evening.

When they headed for home early yesterday morning, I wasn't the only one who was bummed:

How did you spend your weekend?

Number Four + Homemade Popsicles

2010-06-12T12:47:00.013-04:00

My fourth goal of Project Rejuvenation is to become a home cook extraordinaire. Realistically, I don’t expect to learn everything in one year, but I want to considerably expand on what I know now. For the sake of practice, discovering new dishes, and learning to better cook and bake from scratch, I want to try one new recipe each week.

Since beginning this project in April, I'm proud to say that I've consistently made more than one new recipe each week. I never took an interest in cooking before getting married, but now that I have a kitchen of my own, I've taken a real liking to it. My husband highly approves of my newfound hobby, because day after day, he gushes over every home cooked meal on the table.

In an effort to document these new endeavors on my blog, I want to share my favorite recipes with you as I discover them (or my worst kitchen disasters, as I'm sure those are bound to happen along the way).

The first recipe I'd like to share is for homemade popsicles. When I was growing up, my mom made these for me every summer. I remember playing outside in the southern heat for hours, running myself ragged, and when I came inside, I'd munch on a popsicle to cool down. She recently gave me the recipe along with a set of molds, and given that the temperature flashed 100 degrees in my car today, it seemed the perfect day to make them. They're surprisingly easy to make and just as refreshing as I remember.

Homemade Popsicles

Ingredients:

1 (3 ounce) box of Jell-O (Choose any flavor you'd like; I used Strawberry.)
1 envelope of Kool-Aid (Choose any flavor you'd like; I used Strawberry.)
1 cup sugar
2 cups boiling water
2 cups cold water (Note: If you make orange popsicles, you can replace the two cups of cold water with two cups of orange juice.)

Directions:

Combine Jell-O, Kool-Aid, and sugar in a large bowl. Add boiling water and stir to dissolve. Add cold water and stir. Pour into popsicle molds and freeze overnight. (Note: If you don't have molds, you can use small cups. When the filling is slightly frozen, insert popsicle sticks into the centers.)

Do you have a favorite recipe? Leave it for me in the comment section, because I'd love to try it!

The Story of Us: The Night We Met (Part II)

2010-06-08T02:02:00.007-04:00

Click here if you missed Part I.

After formal introductions were made, I slouched down in the passenger seat as we traveled over winding roads through the heart of town to Leo's house. A light dusting of snow fell from the darkness above, and tires crunched loudly on chunks of ice mixed with road salt. Leo's voice flowed from behind me and mingled with the voices of my two friends, but I was too consumed in thought to pay attention to what was being said. I was silently criticizing my outfit choice, wishing I had chosen contacts over glasses, and cursing my unruly mop of hair.

I slyly glanced at my reflection in the window and impulsively yanked the hair tie from my ponytail, allowing my hair to cascade down to my shoulders. I nervously ran my fingers through the strands. I began fiddling with my glasses, eventually making the decision to slide them off my face entirely and tuck them away into my purse. I couldn’t see a darn thing, but I thought I’d look and feel prettier without them. In reality, the only thing it did was make the rest of the night a literal blur.

As an impressionable eighteen-year-old girl, I was an utter mess in regard to body image and self-image. I didn’t carry myself with confidence, and I didn’t believe that I was beautiful just the way God made me. I spent too much time in front of the mirror, nitpicking my features and lusting after those of others. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, which left me wholly unsure of myself. I cared too much about what others thought of me, and I felt like the world would swallow me whole in one gulp if I didn’t cover up or change every aspect of myself that I deemed imperfect or “not good enough.”

Truth be told, I thought I had to put my best impression forward for someone to take an interest in me. I didn’t know that Leo would prove me wrong, that he would fall in love with me for who I really was. I didn’t know that when I felt my worst – sans makeup, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt with my hair pulled up in a messy ponytail – he’d consider it my best. I didn’t know that it’d be effortless for me to take hold of his heart.

I eventually abandoned my self-deprecating thoughts and tuned into the conversation that buzzed around me. In doing so, I learned that Leo lived at home with his parents and two siblings. Following his high school graduation earlier that year, he'd enlisted in the Army National Guard, and he’d returned home from basic training just in time for the holidays. He was currently looking for a construction job, hoping to proudly follow in the footsteps of his hard-working father. The fact that he had a connection to the military and ambitions in regard to his future piqued my interest even more.

I spent the remainder of the night lounging on a bench in Leo's basement, sipping my cappuccino and chatting with Amanda while blurry blobs (a.k.a. Leo and his friends) played games of pool. Occasionally, I had the feeling that his eyes were on me from across the room. I could tell with certainty that he was glancing in my direction, but for all I knew (thanks to that not-so-bright idea to stash my glasses), the real focus of his gaze could have very well been something else.

As the night winded down, he caught me alone for a few brief moments. He sat down so close to me that even without perfect vision, his every detail was visible and striking. As my lips formed a smile, his eyes burned into mine, a boldness on his part that sent my gaze to the floor and brushed color to my cheeks. I honestly have no recollection as to what we talked about (aside from his casual mention of a party he was planning to host at his house for New Years’ Eve), but I’m fairly certain that my shyness kicked in full-gear and I barely said two words to him. (I later worried that my quiet nature had sent him an I'm-not-interested vibe.)

On the drive home, I was overrun with giddiness, which alluded me to the fact that a little crush was forming. With a fluttering heart, I replayed the night over and over again, and I wondered if he was as interested in me as I was in him and if I would ever see him again.

As it turned out, he was. And I would.

To those of you who are married or in a relationship, how did you meet your significant other?

On the Path to Being Anxiety Free

2010-06-02T01:49:00.009-04:00

It's time for a little heart-to-heart regarding my sixth goal of Project Rejuvenation - step outside of my comfort zone. This goal is simple, yet perhaps the most daunting. My other goals will challenge me physically and mentally as they force me to change my routines and habits, while this goal forces me to delve inward and seek internal change. I want to focus on overcoming the anxiety I struggle with on a daily basis, and I want to push my boundaries, push myself to do things I never thought I could do and things I'm too apprehensive to try because I let my anxiety hold me back.

I have the propensity to worry obsessively, and although I’ve never defined myself as a person who lives in fear, worrying can certainly feel a lot like living in fear. I worry about everything – from the significant things in life down to the trivial things. It’s a trait that’s unpleasant and uncomfortable, often filling me with unnecessary feelings of apprehension, dread, and future-oriented negativity. It’s also a trait that’s etched deep into my personality, making it difficult to change. Worrying has become my comfort zone, my “default emotion” when given a new situation, and my natural reaction to stress produced by change.

Since change spurs on my anxiety, it would be natural for you to assume that I dislike it and would do anything possible to prevent its facilitation. Although contradictory, the opposite is true. Change was apart of my life from the moment I entered the world. I was born into a military family, and my childhood revolved around moving and traveling as my father was relocated to new duty stations every few years. Mobility and adaptation were my ways of life, and from that spawned an eagerness to experience new things and a pure adoration of the precarious nature of life. I loved what resulted from change - meeting new people, exploring new cities, making new homes, experiencing cultures different from my own, and realizing just how strong I can be.

After eighteen years of being the “new girl” in schools and being forced to continually forge new friendships, you would think that my shyness and social anxiety would have faded away, but neither has ever budged. I’ve always stayed true to who I am; I’ve learned to embrace my strengths and my weaknesses; and I’ve never wanted to change the personality that's unique to me. But the older I get, the more I want to break free from the anxiety that’s held me prisoner for so many years. I don’t want to miss out on great life experiences because I’m too afraid of what might happen. I don’t want to waste away precious time because I’m too busy over-analyzing and worrying about what people might think of me. I feel so many chains slung over my shoulders, weighing me down and holding me back from realizing my full potential and living out my dreams. If I don’t commit myself to breaking free, I’ll continue to expend all of my mental and emotional energy on fruitless drivel. I’ll worry away my energy, and I'll risk worrying away my life. I need to unravel all of the debilitating fears that are wrapped so tightly around me. I need to unravel them and break free before they unravel me.

Even after attending college, building a career, getting married, and starting a household of my own, my anxiety still takes hold of me in many situations. No matter how “grown up” I strive to be, it’s constantly looming above me like a bundle of storm clouds. I still feel overwhelmed with awkwardness and uneasiness when I find myself in a social setting with unfamiliar people. I’m still a bundle of nerves when I become the focus of attention. I still have to work up the nerve to initiate a phone call with a business or person with whom I’m unfamiliar. I still tense up when I drive by myself in unfamiliar locations or in busy city traffic. No matter how nervous and worried I feel inside, I want to find the courage to exude confidence on the outside.

Far too often, I’m guilty of hanging my head in shame and dwelling on the negative rather than celebrating the positive things I’ve accomplished in defiance of my anxiety. More times than I’ve given myself credit for, I’ve entered into a feared situation with my body trembling and my stomach in knots, and I’ve come out of it with a smile of success. I love the feeling of achieving something I didn’t think I could do.

I may never overcome my anxiety, but over the course of the next year, I want to find the courage to defy it every chance I get. Every day is a new opportunity to believe in myself and to find the courage to achieve things I never thought possible.

The Story of Us: The Night We Met

2010-05-23T23:00:00.009-04:00

One year ago today, I married the most wonderful man I've ever met. Our first year of marriage held job changes for both of us, our first move as a Navy family, our first house, our first puppy, a sprinkling of struggles, hundreds of laughs, and a million or so I love you's. It's my favorite year that the two of us have spent together, because it put our long distance relationship to rest and brought us together as a family. In celebration of our first anniversary, I found myself reminiscing of how we first met back in December of 2002.

I was eighteen years old and home for the holidays after a grueling first semester as a college student at Penn State University. I wanted nothing more that holiday season than to unravel the strings of stress that were wrapped so tightly around me. I wanted to enjoy laidback days with my family and spend my nights gallivanting around our frigid, snow-filled town with the good friends I hadn’t seen since our high school graduation earlier that year.

For a little over two years, the place I called home was gloomy Johnstown, Pennsylvania. My dad, an officer in the Marine Corps, had originally received orders to Willow Grove, Pennsylvania, a town just north of Philadelphia. Shortly after I began to soak in my new surroundings, his duty station changed abruptly to a small town across the state. We journeyed west, winding through mountains and vast farmland, to Johnstown. As we had done with many other towns in the past, we made it our new home.

Despite my efforts to absorb all the area had to offer, it never found its way into my heart. The small-town lifestyle never quite fit me. The things I’d experienced in my lifetime as a part of a military family – the traveling, the sights, the cultures, and the diversity – belittled it, and I felt destined for more. Yet, a part of me believed that we’d moved there for a reason. I’ve always been that girl who attributes meaning to everything. Everything happens for a reason. Johnstown had something of value to offer me, but as of yet, I had not a clue what it was.

In my eighteen years of life, I’d never been in a serious relationship (or a non-serious relationship for that matter), and at the current time, pursuing a love interest was the furthest thing from my mind. All of my focus was on my education and career, as I hoped to excel in my classes, go beyond expectations in my internships, and transition into a respectable job following graduation. I wasn’t looking for love, but sometimes, God has other plans for us. He leads us down a path we don’t intend, and the unexpected happens… when we least expect it.

After beginning my junior year of high school as the “new girl” in Johnstown, one of the first friendships I formed was with a girl named Natalie, and little did I know when I met her that she would be the link to my future husband. Four nights before Christmas Eve, she invited me, along with our mutual friend Amanda, to tag along on a little trip to a neighboring town to visit a group of her friends. As we crept into town, I took in the sights from the passenger seat: a grocery store, a brief stop light, the golden arches of McDonald’s, a dollar store, a few family-owned restaurants and businesses. It was a small town; quite possibly, the smallest town I’d ever visited.

She pulled into the parking lot of a small plaza and nestled her car between the lines of a parking spot. Although the storefronts were dim and dreary, the parking lot was lit and lively. She referred to it as “the lot,” the primary meeting place of teenagers in town. Amanda and I chatted amongst ourselves, catching up on how college life had treated us so far, as Natalie scanned the lot for cars or faces that she recognized. Every once in a while, she waved or rolled down the window to chat.

Sometimes we find ourselves in the right place at the right time for our lives to change. It happened in an instant. One minute, I was sitting in the car, chatting idly about frivolous things, and the next, a boy latched onto the door behind me, captivating my attention. I couldn’t see his face, but I heard his voice. He was telling Natalie that he was brewing up a small party at his house and had invited a bunch of friends to come over. We were more than welcome to join. She accepted and urged him to hop in and accompany us on the short drive to his home.

When he flung open the back door, a bitter gust of winter air rushed in, forming goose bumps along my arms. I felt a slight tug on my seatbelt as he leaned into the car, using the back of my seat for leverage, and sunk down into the seat behind me. My heart fluttered.

I’m shy by nature and highly prone to anxiety, so a little flutter of the heart when meeting someone new was nothing out of the ordinary. But this felt different. I’ll never say that it was love at first sight, because I’ve never been one to believe in such. Even though my mind couldn’t conceive the notion, my heart knew the instant I met him that there was a special connection between us. It was as if my entire body was consumed in the moment and functioning in slow motion as a result.

The beginning of our story was as simple as a brief encounter on a mundane night that left a lingering smile embedded on my lips for days. I knew instantly that bumping into him on that random night was the beginning of something special.

Continued in Part II.

Guest Post: Every Day is a New Opportunity to Change

2010-05-19T00:00:00.005-04:00

Today, I'm thrilled to feature a guest post from the lovely Emily Jane. Since discovering her blog this past winter, I have been completely drawn in by her writing. She's one of those rare gems in the blogging world who is true to herself, genuinely honest and real, and focused on being a positive force in the world. (Be sure to visit her blog; you won't be disappointed!) Soon, I'll be posting a rather personal piece about my lifelong struggles with anxiety, and Emily Jane is no stranger to those struggles. Since she's further along than I am in the journey to being anxiety free, she graciously agreed to share her inspiring story.

I remember, maybe a little less than a year ago now, my first (and perhaps only) true light bulb moment. Do you ever find yourself in a place where all around you, you can see things in life you wish were different? The year from summer 2009 – 2010 has been one of self-discovery for me, and it all began with that moment. The moment when it dawned on me, for the first time, that my circumstances were never going to be what I wanted unless I took the steps to make them that way.

If you’re reading this on my blog, you’ll know that I’ve written on and off about my past struggles with anxiety. I think this is the first time I’ve ever written about them in the past tense. If you’re reading this on Samantha’s, then I should probably give you a little bit of a back story.

This time last year, I was seeing a therapist for a social anxiety disorder.

I don’t like the idea of therapists, really. I also don’t like the term “social anxiety,” and I especially dislike the word “disorder”. It evokes images and feelings of being afraid, of allowing something to control you, and of something being wrong with you. I think it was a result of years of low self-esteem – with friendships and relationships often latching on to whoever showed the slightest interest, even if it probably wasn’t a good idea to have them around. I learned my lesson the hard way – got kicked out of where I was living, had one ex-boyfriend jet off halfway around the world never to come back, and had another gradually sap about $10k out of my bank account, start doing drugs, and get arrested for hitting me in the street. I think these things, combined with my ongoing self-doubts to make me want to retreat from the world. I gave in to the inner voices that told me that I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t worthy enough to be treated well, and that I had nothing of value to offer the world. That I should keep my mouth shut, because everyone would see how useless I “was”. I was terrified.

Looking back, I want to take hold of my 22-year-old self and give her a good shake, but at the same time, I have to remind myself that things happen for a reason. If it hadn’t been for the bad, I never would have been fuelled to grow in order to find the good. I think in life, we can be nudged slightly, reminded that what we’re doing isn’t good for us. This can be in the form of a simple daydream, wondering what our life would be like had we made a different choice. Or a series of negative events paving the way of a relationship; warning signs to get out. Unfortunately, if we allow our self-doubts to win, bad circumstances are going to continue until something catastrophic has to happen in order for us to open our eyes and truly listen. What happened to me was a megaphone in my ear telling me to alter course from the road I was taking. And had it not come to that point, who knows where I may be now?

One night last summer, it was a low point. I was upset that inside, I so desperately wanted to be able to break free of this fear that was holding me prisoner, and offer myself to the world, hoping to find friendships and new situations and growth in my career. I wanted to be happy, to be content and comfortable in my own skin, to be able to stand up in front of people and do something inspirational without being plagued by nerves. I was upset because things weren’t the way I wanted them to be. I wasn’t the person I wanted to be. And on came the light bulb; a literal shining light of hope on my self-induced darkness.

Dreams are never going to become reality unless you become an active participant in calling them into action.

I’d been wishing and waiting for things to be different… without doing anything about it. It’s so easy in life to victimize ourselves, because I think, sadly, people have a tendency to gravitate toward the things that don’t require as much effort. I was upset that things weren’t the way I wanted them to be, yet I hadn’t played a part in making them happen. Silly girl! I decided from that point forward, things were going to be different.

I made a list of all the things I wanted to be able to do without fear. All the things I wanted to be without worry. A great piece of advice I got was remembering to remind myself that I only have a finite amount of mental energy. I will never be able to control what other people think of me, so instead of using that energy worrying about judgment, I should use it to focus on the things I can control. I can control what I put out into the world. I can control whether I allow myself to take risks with the hope of coming out stronger on the other side. I can control how I take the words of others. “This is a big change,” I was told, “and it’s not going to happen overnight. These things take time.”

But why should they? We all have a choice in how we decide to live our lives, in the way we choose to see the world, and in what we put into it. Just because I’d spent the last twenty-something years making the wrong ones doesn’t mean I have to ease myself into making the right ones gradually. Every day is a new opportunity to change everything, if you only have the determination. Since last summer, I’ve made the choice instead of retreating, to dive headfirst into everything that scared me. I can choose whether I allow things to control my life, or if I want to control my own.

It started off incredibly hard. Just because the mentality is shifting doesn’t mean the physiological shakes off so easily. The first class I taught, I went in trembling and stuttering. The first class I came out of, after telling the students why I decided to give it a shot, I left to the sound of applause. It was the best feeling in the world. A tiny victory that fuelled my desire to keep growing, keep trying anything and everything that used to terrify me. It’s definitely been a journey of ups and downs – chairing meetings to a room full of people twice my age is intimidating, facilitating a workshop as the youngest person on staff is daunting, singing to the Internet was nerve-wracking, and sharing my story perhaps the scariest of all. But I’m determined to keep trying. Of course there are things still on my list. Real life karaoke, teaching a class of 30 instead of 10, and reading my writing in a couple of weeks in a public bookshop to strangers. I’m still apprehensive. But determined to come out stronger on the other side.

Sometimes, all it takes to change what you don’t like about your life is making a choice and sticking to it. Having the courage (or at least pretending to!) not only to recognize what it is you don’t like about your life, even if it’s admitting past mistakes, but to venture forth and take control. None of us need be a prisoner of fear. We have every right to be able to be the person we want to be. You can’t control what other people are going to think about you. But you can control what you put out into the world. And if it’s positivity, and determination to better yourself and the lives of the people around you? I don’t think anyone could ask for anything more.

Month One + New Challenges

2010-05-02T01:11:00.004-04:00

Happy May to all of you! For me, the month of May is all about jump-starting Project Rejuvenation - a list of personal goals that I wish to accomplish before my next birthday. Yesterday I went a little more in depth about my health and fitness goals, and here's what I have planned for the next 31 days to get closer to achieving them.

I’ve committed myself to doing Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred every day for the entire month. My hope is that it will provide a consistent exercise routine, which will get my fitness momentum going strong. In the months following, I hope to add variety to my workout by rotating in yoga, walking, running, and swimming, but I’ll take baby steps to get there. (Did I really just call Jillian's kick-butt workout a baby step?)

Also in May, as another effort to take better care of myself, I will be trying Project Glow, which is a 30-day skincare regimen for attaining healthier, glowing skin. I’ve always fought with blemish-prone skin that is unevenly toned and blotchy, but I’ve never been persistent in the search for a cure. I wash my face daily and treat/prevent breakouts with a gel and a lotion prescribed to me by my doctor, but that’s where my search for healthier, clearer skin has ended. Until now.

Project Glow was created by Angela at Oh She Glows and is based on what has worked for her skin. You can view the full details of the project here or here.

Project Glow includes:

St. Ives Apricot Scrub
St. Ives Apricot Scrub Blemish Fighting Cleanser
Exfoliating gloves
Neutrogena Daily Moisturizer or Neutrogena Healthy Skin Anti Wrinkle Cream in SPF 15
Coconut Oil (Optional)
Oil Absorbing Sheets (Optional)
Vitamin-packed Green Monster smoothies

Angela also suggests reducing stress, limiting your intake of dairy products, increasing fruits and vegetables in your diet, and drinking green tea and lemon water when possible.

Because I have eczema, which makes my skin extremely sensitive and prone to dryness, I was hesitant to try too many new products at once. I decided to skip the coconut oil and exfoliating my entire body with the St. Ives Apricot Scrub like she suggests. Instead of the St. Ives Apricot Scrub Blemish Fighting Cleanser, I opted for Aveeno Clear Complexion Cream Cleanser. The two products exfoliate and have the same active ingredient, but Aveeno products are the only ones I’ve found that don’t irritate my skin. Regardless, I’m only going to use it every other day since it's much harsher than my normal cleanser. On the off days, I will continue to use my regular face soap, Aveeno Ultra-Calming Foaming Cleanser. I purchased the oil absorbing sheets and the Neutrogena Healthy Skin Anti Wrinkle Cream (might as well stop wrinkles before they start!), which I’ll use in the morning. At nighttime, I’ll continue to use my regular moisturizer, philosophy's hope in a jar.

In addition to the recommended products, I'm going to try Neutrogena's Alcohol-Free Toner. It may also be important to note that about a week ago, I switched from a liquid foundation by L’Oreal to bareMinerals. The mineral foundation and mineral veil feel so much lighter than what I was previously using, and I’m hoping that my pores will like the change.

Along with using the skincare products faithfully, I'll drink one Green Monster per day. (You can find the original recipe here along with many adaptations.)

Many people have reported that Green Monsters, which are packed with vitamins A and C, provide an increase in energy and lead to clearer skin. I'm looking forward to seeing if the same holds true for me.

What is your skincare regimen? What products work for you?

On the Path to a Healthier Lifestyle

2010-05-01T01:52:00.009-04:00

In my Project Rejuvenation series, I’m striving to reach a renewed sense of self by exploring different facets of my life and changing the things that make me unhappy. Although I briefly described my goals here, I want each one to have its own little moment in the spotlight. The first I'd like to delve into is my fifth goal - live a healthier lifestyle.

Over the next year, I want to improve my overall quality of life by focusing on two things: attaining a healthier balance between my fitness and eating habits and taking better care of myself. I’m not too far gone in my habits, but I know that many improvements can be made.

Fitness Habits and Goals

I want to reestablish a consistent exercise routine for the sake of increasing my endurance, increasing my strength, toning my body to its full potential, and having an outlet for stress.

I’ve always been a sporadic exerciser, but in August and September of last year, I got my fitness act together and did intense exercise (namely Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred paired with running) every day of the week. My energy level was heightened, and I felt in the best shape of my life, which led to a boost in my self-confidence. But at the end of September, a lot changed in my life. I resigned from my job, moved to a new state, and started my own household with my newlywed husband, and somewhere along the way, I lost my fitness momentum.

Up until recently, I was one of those people who could eat whatever she wanted, exercise sporadically, and yet, never show an extra pound. But the older I get, the more my body displays the consequences of my actions and the harder it is to keep the extra pounds away.

Currently, my weight fluctuates from the higher end of my “happy weight range” to a few pounds over. That may seem like an insignificant weight gain, but because I have a petite figure, the extra weight is more pronounced. I feel it, especially in my lower body; I’ve noticed my jeans fitting a little too snug for my liking and love handles making a slight debut. I want to halt and reverse these changes and head back in the direction of a toned body. As long as I achieve that goal, the scale can say whatever it wants. (Have you ever noticed that sometimes the scale will show you a number that doesn’t match how you look or feel?)

Eating Habits and Goals

I want to focus on making healthier food choices and drinking more water (or just drinking more in general). Over the past few months, I’ve taken a big interest in expanding and improving my cooking and baking skills, so I prepare a lot of home-cooked, well-balanced meals for dinner. The problem is that I tend to get so caught up in my day that I forget to eat and drink prior to dinner.

As hard as it is for me to admit, it’s not uncommon that by mid-afternoon, I realize that I’ve had nothing to drink all day. Some days, I skip breakfast. Other days, I skip lunch. Dehydration and a lack of sustenance are most likely key factors behind my frequent headaches and fatigue. I’d like to make a conscious effort to fuel my body properly for each day, and I'd also like to experiment with different food choices to see how they impact the way I feel, both physically and mentally.

Taking Better Care of Myself

Finding a healthier balance between my fitness and eating habits is one way that I can take better care of myself, but many other things feed into it as well. I’ve been known to do such things as putting off dentist and doctor appointments to giving up professional massages (which help reduce tension and stress) because I feel guilty for splurging on myself to giving up on my search for healthier, clearer skin. These are all issues that I hope to rectify.

Do you currently have any fitness or health-related goals? How do you keep yourself on track?

Moments from the Weekend: Turning 26 and Celebrating 33

2010-04-27T00:55:00.006-04:00

Lately, I’ve wandered dangerously close to the edge of a metaphorical cliff. I've struggled to find a "happy balance" in my life, and I've agonized over what I have and have not accomplished thus far. I knew that with one wrong step, I'd lose my footing and plunge into the depths of a quarter-life crisis. I worried that turning another year older was the force that would shove me over the edge, but as it turned out, all of the hype was for nothing.

Last weekend, I celebrated my birthday, and so far, the age of 26 has been surprisingly refreshing. Maybe it’s because I've set goals for myself, and I feel invigorated to take control of my life and change the things that make me unhappy. Maybe it's because I no longer see the age of 26 as a missed deadline but rather as a fresh year with endless opportunities. Or maybe it’s simply because I had one of the best birthdays to date. It was all of my favorite things rolled into one special day.

I woke up mid-morning to a delicate lick on the face from Molly and a kiss and a whispered "Happy Birthday" from Leo. (I'm not a morning person, so sleeping in was pure bliss.) After breakfast, we gathered together for our first family photo, and then we ventured out for a day of shopping and sightseeing in downtown Charleston.

When the time turned late, we went out for dinner and drinks, and close to sunset, we went for a walk on the beach. We brought Molly along so that she could experience the rolling surf and the sand for the first time. She had the time of her life, running in circles in the sand and splashing through the water. She never ceases to find excitement and joy in even the simplest things that life has to offer - a trait from which I could definitely take a lesson.

As my birthday rolled to a close, we returned home, and the three of us cuddled up together on the couch to watch a movie. I am such a homebody, so there couldn't have been a better end to the day.

This weekend, we took a road trip to North Carolina to visit my parents for their 33rd wedding anniversary. I love when we get the opportunity to see my mom and dad. We've always gotten along well, and since moving out in September, my mom and I have grown especially close. That mother-daughter bond strengthened as I started a family of my own and realized just how wise she truly is.

The highlight of the visit was treating them to dinner at Mike's Farm, one of my all-time favorite restaurants (despite the fact that I always stuff myself to the brim and have to waddle to the car). They serve a country, family-style dinner that consists of fried chicken, pork, mashed potatoes, gravy, macaroni and cheese, ham biscuits, corn, green beans, a beverage, and dessert (I chose cheesecake with fresh strawberries). Yum!

The month of April has flown by amidst all the fun I've had, but it's been the most memorable month of 2010 so far.

How has the month of April treated you?