a crow from wolves

St George`s Day

2013-04-26T05:10:00.002-07:00

St Georges Day a couple of days ago, and i`m in the ancient town of Bridgnorth.

The first attractive day of the year and i`m sitting by the river, sipping a fruity beverage and watching these magnificent beasts protect their young.

For those of you not familiar with that strange colouring towards the top of the picture - that is in fact what we call a " blue sky ". Mythically associated with the summer months and people all over the land rush to view pictures of it on their phones everyday.

I guess all these feathery wonders must be related because when some others came to share the job of collecting breadcrumbs, the home crowd were not happy.

Watching them kick the living daylights out of each other reminds me of a Judo semi-final - graceful and artistic with moments of frenzied violence. Always one-on-one , with the others acting as security, wings out-streched and plenty of honking.

I decline the suggestion of goosey-violence photo`s and look up to see several men dressed in " St George`s Day " costumes walking across the bridge. A couple of these pub-crawlers are wearing chain-mail headgear as well as the huge flag / nightdress combination , don`t laugh - they take it seriously.

A little hesitant to take pictures of these , erm , gentlemen , so i do`nt, but it did get me thinking.

These men of probably Germanic origin - (drinking dutch lager, taking photo`s with their korean made phones, wearing clothes made in china and shoes manufactured in the philippines. They all arrived in japanese cars which blocked us in while they went for italian food) - Were celebrating being English .

i find this amusing.

oh, and by the way. - where did the last 12 months go ?

Trolls and Winchasers

2012-08-14T13:32:00.000-07:00

The term " Troll " made it into the media just over a year ago, thanks to Charlie Sheen, but the definition seems to have drifted a little from the original. Thanks to writers who cant be bothered to research properly and reporters who dont want to appear uninformed, the term troll is being used to label anyone online who annoys you

Charlie Sheen made the mistake of reading what people say about him, and once people realised he was getting involved with the internets, they piled in with anything that might invoke a response from the , well , shall we say " fragile " ? Mr Sheen. The news agencies jumped all over it, and it all made excellent TV .

If this is all a mystery to you, get googling - charlie sheen, dragonblood, winning , breakdown.

What the outside world didnt realise, was that this was just the tip of the iceberg, and trolling has evolved and mutated into different forms - all with very similar goals.

The mass adoption of Facebook saw the rise of the "Grammar Nazi ". Make a spelling mistake on a status update and they are the first to jump in with a patronizing correction with the oh so important star.

*patronising

Regular users of the You Tube see followers clambering for the top comments spot, usually by quoting a line in the video, or scripting the most sarcastic comment ever.

During the recent Olympics, a diver named Tom Daley outed a " Troll " on twitter, who promptly recieved a visit from the real world police. The sad little bedsit-ridden 17 year old loved the 50 thousand extra twitter followers he " achieved " by sending what was in effect, a real-time poison pen-letter to an athlete at the Olympics.

All these people have one thing in common - they are all Winchasers.

Anything for a " win "

So much so, they actively chase it.

A winchaser will trawl the youtube comments section for inaccuracies, taking on the role of Stephen Fry in Q.I with added venom when others try to argue.

Another type on the rise is the white knight winchaser, actively seeking things to find insulting and furiously typing away like they are about to abolish slavery. Other white knight winchasers hover like vultures and pounce at the first opportunity. Once the credibility is established, the Daily mail jumps in and middle england have something new to find offensive.

The definition of Troll is something totally different, you could check wikipedia, but i`ll leave the best definition to the master : Moot

I re-wrote this article today after Jason Manford published this beautiful piece < HERE > on the same subject. My post was very similar to his, so i changed mine out of respect.

Call Of Duty

2012-08-14T06:46:00.001-07:00

aka:

Online Multi-Player First Person Shooter Adrenaline Fest

Otherwise known as COD

No, not that sort of Cod. That`s a fish that lives in the North Atlantic and tastes really nice with a little squeeze of lemon and a side order of peas.

Call Of Duty has a bad name outside the gaming community , it gets blamed for real world violence, anti-social behaviour and psychological problems. All of these attitudes are so ill-informed and yet it still goes on.

I play cod quite regularly, have done for several years. I find it perfect for unblocking " block ", as writers call it. I find it speeds up reaction time, you have no choice but to focus while playing it and the parallels with zen meditation are undeniable.

I only play the online multiplayer game, which might seem like a waste of money, but not for me. Its the only game i play, online or otherwise.

I`m also aware that some of you will have stopped reading by now, which is a shame because not many gamers fit into the media stereotype.

I was told by my doctor that i needed to sit in one position for two hours a day following a back operation in 2005, so i bought a gamecube. Simple as that. It was a great way to heal and a brilliant way of deferring the pain. I bought loads of games and didnt really take to any of them. Long story short - a friend loaned me Call of Duty 3 to play on xbox360, i tried in online and i`ve been with it ever since.

Unbelievably entertaining, funny, exhilarating and about as violent as table tennis.

Remember Duck Hunt ?

That`s all Call of Duty is really, a glorified, 3D version of Duck Hunt. The position of the targets are determined by the choices of real people, in real time, but it`s basically the same. I`m fairly sure the nay-sayers of 15 years ago who said these games would make people violent, would have been a generation raised on Monopoly. Did they all grow up to be millionare landlords? I guess not.

I cant really say what the actual "game " is like ( or single player as its called ) and a apologise profusely to the designers and producers because i know how much hard work goes into them, but, i dont play them.

This is how i play Call Of Duty online-

spawn.

get shot

spawn

run.

get shot.

spawn, run

throw grenade.

step on claymore

spawn

get shot.

swear alot.

spawn

get mown down by helicopter fire.

rage quit.

......................................................................................................

xboxlive gamer tag : crowbloke

(currently on my 4th prestige, annoying the hell out of other gamers by running round with just a riot shield.)

edit : although that first picture looks like me, i can assure you , it isn't.

Internet Dating

2012-06-27T14:41:00.000-07:00

( Single Sites Decoded )

i don`t mind admitting that i`ve spent time on dating sites, the urge to join sometimes is irresistible. not old school dating sites you understand. oh no, only since the rise of easy to join / no subscription web sites have i shown an interest, and even then its not really an interest, it seems more of an obligation.

i like to think of it as "window shopping ", it`s all to do with the fantasy world i live in where i have a choice.

so,

join.
upload a photo
rattle off a few words of description ( only to be edited many times over )
start a basic search, spend every evening trawling through endless photo`s of glasses of wine, webcam snaps,birthday pics, photography studio experiments,duckfaces,. if i see one more "wacky" one i think i`ll scream.
have no luck whatsoever, and believe me , i`ve got low standards.
delete account after 6 months.

rinse and repeat.

Here are some descriptions you might find, and what they really mean:

Outgoing Personality : Total Alpha, runs the room and always gets the last word.

Bubbly : Usually code for fat, but in reality see above.

Loves Cinema, dining out : As long as you are paying.

Own house and car : Can`t afford to keep paying a handyman

Looking For Long Term : seriously needs to get laid without appearing loose.

Light Smoker : Chain smokes hunched over a keyboard at night.

Social Drinker : Gets the wine out as soon as the kids are in bed.

Loves the outdoors : House is a mess.

wait a minute,, outgoing personality ? if you have an " outgoing personality ", what you doing on a dating site ?

< i best leave it there, i can feel a rant coming on >

I`m not saying they dont work, i know plenty of people who have hooked up through the internet, me included. - didnt last or end well, but there it is. i say never give up if that`s your thing.

be good.

thanks for reading.

2012

2012-05-24T04:06:00.000-07:00

Even though the year started 5 months ago, 2012 started last week for many in the uk.

It started last week in Cornwall with the arrival of the Olympic Flame, proud torch bearers around the country waiting for their Andy Warhol moment.- 8000 in all from what i can gather, nominated by local communities and no doubt they have been counting down the days til they can do their part and claim a very small slice of history.

i can`t be the only one that sees the olympics as a fortnight of tv and tracksuits, and to be honest ...( ...a phrase that should only be used once every 10 years, enforcable by law )... i paid no attention until i saw how much these torches were fetching on e-bay.. the first ones went on-line within hours and........wow.

of course, if you have to pay for the torch in the first place,( around £200, but that includes the uniform. ) i`m assuming that it belongs to you and you can do what you want with it. . i watched one sell for £150 000 two days ago. there was a bit of a moral backlash and hasty auction edits to include charitable elements, but all the same...wow. why wait 20 years to queue up with all the others at your nearest Antiques Roadshow when you can cash in now.?

if you own one of these torches and you are stuck for ideas, i have a few suggestions.

p.s. : some tracksuits will be worth a small fortune when its all over.

note to self : stop googling jessica ennis, you`ll go blind..

thanks for reading.

twitter

2012-04-06T06:58:00.000-07:00

its all about the twitter these days, the underestimated internet sidekick that people generally struggle to understand.

dem yout dem love the twitter, mainly because the elders are getting too comfortable with the facebook so dem yout dem start " a- tweetin ".

............. need some translation ?

ok then, - Twitter is what they call a micro-blogging website, which means you can make posts like blogger, with the apparent drawback of only using 140 characters. it`s this element that stopped me using it initially, i had no idea of how this could be useful. kids soon saw the advantages because grandma is only just getting into facebook so the best place to hide and swear and repost drivel is the twitter.

i`m not into stalking and to be fair - i`m not worth stalking, but if you want to follow the progress of an on-going project such as an album being made or how stephen fry does his shopping ; twitter is your best friend.

you sign up and decide who you want to " follow " by clicking and away you go.

every little thing that Mr Fry tweets will now show up on yr page., and i mean everything. us followers knew that he was stuck in traffic a couple of years ago and couldnt make a gig because he tweeted it. ( followers stuck in the same traffic based tunnel fiasco soon tracked down mr fry and offered personal condolences and food and coffee - then tweeted about it ). the bizarre thing about the whole non-event was that the t.v show he was late for - had the heads up about the situation because of, yes, you know it. - twitter. - this was the intended purpose of twitter ; one message goes to all.

i follow a few people on twitter, sometimes out of curiosity but mainly for amusement. one tweeter i know stops what they are doing to tweet every few minutes - off to the allotment - arrived at the allotment - my wellies dont fit anymore - i just fell over - i got muddy trousers - going home to change- nearly home now- home now - cant find my keys -- it goes on and on and on. i`m sure people have lost the ability to be on their own for more than 5 minutes.

...of course when they are not tweeting, they must be thinking of things to tweet.

the commercial world has got in on the act, naturally. Any website recieving several million hits an hour is prime real estate - even if it is only derpina checking to see if skrillex has finished his toast yet.

where theres clicks theres money, i`ve even been led to believe that some high profile airheads are paid to tweet certain things at times - - the circulation of any media, no matter how trivial, has the potential to earn big bucks.

..its worth taking on board that if someone like Rihanna is paid 20 thousand dollars to tweet one piece of dribble, letter for letter this makes them the highest paid authors in history.. ok, p.diddle may be only able buy one diamond encrusted cufflink for 20k , but somehow it doesnt seem right. Are old commercial models and macros being applied to a relatively new dynamic ? it looks like it to me. this means somebody somewhere loses out. mmmm , i wonder who that will be.

take away the cute little bird and you are left with ....disturbing huh?

During the UK Riots last summer ( synchronised shoplifting if you ask me, but whatever .. ) , i discovered the genius that is hash tags. whether the system is designed this way i dont know, but being able to search out specific tweets that contain a word you specify, is one powerful function.

for example. - i wanted to see photographs of the " rioting" as they were published so i looked for posts with RIOT in the text. . dem yout dem busy running round london went out of their way to photograph and tweet as it was all going on. all i had to do was to select the tweets that had a link to a photo.

real time updates.

the other function of twitter is proving to be really useful in the world of medicine, you see people love to type stuff online when they have a cold. if you translate the time and place of all the " my nose wont stop running ", " i`m sick of this cough " etc etc., you can track illnesses world wide. very useful when it comes to predicting and taking evasive measures ( or advertising remedies , it depends on which side of the chemists counter you are on ) .

.......and finally.

i tried playing with the format of 140 characters or less - this is the best i could come up with :

@crowbloke

I enjoy posting on twitter, throwing out tweets to a handful of followers, the only awkward thing is that you have to keep your sentences sh

thanks for reading.

Many thanks

2012-03-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

.....to all my new followers, i must take to time to say thank you.

i meant to do this a couple of weeks ago when my page view count had got to the big 1000, then i thought i`d wait til i got 100 followers .

...in the mean time, my future body of work is split 3 ways - things i want to blog about, things i refuse to blog about and most importantly - a whole heap of stuff i cant blog about. well, not yet anyway. maybe when i get to my twilight years. ( i`ll keep that phrase in, even though twilight years has probably taken on a whole new meaning by now..... )

of course then i get distracted, the weather warms up and the urge to plant lettuces and spinach takes over. this leads to more sunshine and one leisurely cup of tea in the sun leads to another. before i know where i am the spirit takes over and i`m back using the machines to make house music instead of blogging.

so in conclusion :

1. - the link between spinach and banging house music is indisputable.

2. - a massive thank you to all my followers, your comments make it all worth while. i genuinely know of people who visit this site purely to read the comments. including me.

thanks for dropping by.

thanks for following.

thanks.

The Accent

2012-03-16T09:58:00.001-07:00

anyone studying linguists would be ~~haunted~~ fascinated by our local accent -

untouched for centuries and considered to be one of the oldest dialects, the harmonic tones of a black country accent beguiles and fascinates all who hear it.

any attempt at faking the accent is often met with hilarity and derision, unless of course you speak this way naturally. in which case you are stuck with the hilarity and derision and you may as well get you used to it.

enjoy .

Edit : it`s fine to laugh at this video, it was made by the splendid team at inspectordrake on the youtube.

picture very much related.

kevin turvey

Facebook

2012-03-14T06:46:00.000-07:00

I think it is safe to assume a couple of things :

1. - you are reading this on some internetweb enabled device, maybe a phone, maybe a laptop, maybe a shiny new tablet that cost way too much ....

2. - you have heard of facebook.

there he is, with a face that only a mother could love.

Mark Zuckerberg

On the off chance you have not heard of facebook, no. i`m going to stop there because i cant see how that is possible. - everywhere you " go " on the vast and glorious internet these days, you see this.

find us on facebook,, really ? will that button link straight to your facebook page ? yes, yes it will, so there is no finding involved is there? point click and there it is.

At this point you maybe thinking that i have something against facebook. not at all, i love the potential of these things, forums and message boards have always fed the social animal that lurks in all of us. its gives the underdog a chance to be heard.

many a time i`ve been in multi-way conversation with people i sort of know and walked away thinking " i wish i`d have said ... ", facebook gives you the opportunity to be witty and concise for anything up to a couple of days after the original statement.

zero points for anyone who tried to click this image.

( .....if you genuinely like this post and you want to share on facebook, be my guest. )

the button is up there on the right.

i have used facebook, i cant deny it. when i do i really enjoy it, but it brings out the worst in people and that, i`m not keen on.

there is a phrase that says : familiarity breeds contempt . facebook is living proof of this, i ended up really not liking some of the people i knew in real life. i saw a meme over on tumblr that said : facebook made me hate the people i know, but tumblr helps me love the people i dont.

Douglas Adams was way ahead of the game in 1978 with hitchikers guide to the galaxy :

The Belcerebons of Kakrafoon Kappa had an unhappy time. Once a serene and quiet civilization, a Galactic Tribunal sentenced them to telepathy because the rest of the galaxy found peaceful contemplation contemptuous. Ford Prefect compared them to Humans because the only way Belcerebons could stop transmitting their every thought was to mask their brain activity (or its readability) by talking endlessly about utter trivia.

...thats roughly what goes on over on facebook, endless, mindless reposting, quotes lifted off sites with genuine credibility, profound statements with no connection to reality at all. just eaten some toast have you ? fascinating. i`m going to like the post anyway, just in case you were thinking i`m not really your friend, besides i would like to be invited to one of those amazing parties that you go to and and and.....

......and relax.

there maybe 500 million users on facebook, but there is more to the internet than just mark zuckerburg`s vanity project that got out of hand. sorry to break it to you in such a harsh way, but its true.

i offer my services willingly to family and friends, i`ve been using the internet for a long time and have a fair idea on how to get the best out of it. - but come on people, why spend 15 minutes on the phone asking how to do something when you could have googled it.?

......breathe in....., and...out.

and finally ....

so if you want to get in touch, please use the phone. or even - now steady on, you could always knock my door.< gasp >

comments more than welcome.

thanks for reading, i may need to relax somewhere for a while.

Nutshell TV Review #2

2012-03-08T12:49:00.000-08:00

The Big Bang Theory.

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...

The Earth began to cool,

something, something something.

something.........we build the pyramids.

i could send you off to the official wiki of this perpetual sit-com, but to be honest - i dont think you`ll ever come back. have you seen how many countries this is licensed to ? i`m not suprised really, its a guaranteed formula.

when the friends machine was broken up for spares, the mechanics went to work and reverse engineered their way into their collective accountants good books. < pun intended, >

translation : friends finished, now we all watch this.

It may come as a shock to readers who have the good sense not to watch brain-numbing sitcom based tv - but - believe it or not , this is not a porn film. oh no, its about 4 guys, and a girl who lives across the hall. i didnt think i`d get the geeky jokes, but the laughter track lets you know whats funny or not. its easy to overlook the mild racism, bigotry and general sociopathic behaviour when you`ve got Kaley Cuoco to look at occasionally. She gets the best lines everytime and her timing is exquisite . Not many people can get a genuine laugh with just a look.

oh dear, this is turning into a real review - quick - bailout bailout.

the episode i`ve just watched ( for research purposes ) went like this :

geek #1 : something, something, something

geek #2 : something something halo night.

geek #3 : something, laptop, star trek reference < laughs >

geek #2 : < questions geek#3`s sexuality ><laughs>

geek #3 : something something something darkside.<laughs>

geek #4 : bazzinga !!<laughs>

repeat until funny.

i`m not fooling anyone here,, i love it. its full of cultural reference points and social dynamic mini-maps that can be used to communicate across generations. a bit like friends.

thanks for reading.

the benefit benefit

2012-03-08T05:16:00.000-08:00

Good Morning jobseekers.

I`ve been claiming benefits for a couple of years now, i dont feel good about it but there it is. I trudge my way to the local ~~interigation~~ jobcentre building once a fortnight and sign on the not so dotted line.

i have signed on before, a few times actually, but this is the longest i`ve been without a job for a while. i am what is commonly known as a worker. in the last 30 years i`ve been a window cleaner, a taxi driver, a barman, a bin-man, a quality control geezer, a computer technician, a white van man, afield service engineer, an audio/visual specialist, a gardener and general all round you-name-it-i-can-do-it. i`ve spent time as a dj, a promoter, a graphic designer and councilor. i`ve taught myself plumbing, carpentry, gardening, surface mount electronics, firmware modification, music production and stuff i probable shouldnt go into...

is any of this relevent when you claim benifits ? , no. no it isnt. I`m asked everytime : " what work have you been looking for ? ". My routine answer of "anything" does not cut the mustard with these people,

.....step away from the rant and get to the point.

so, - after twelve months you get put on what i like to call a " youve-been-on-the-dole-far-too-long " scheme. this was introduced when the DWP was called to order on how they were structuring themselves and = - gosh = they were supposed to help people back into work and so blatantly were doing no such thing.

i can see you are getting bored now. so here`s a picture of my employment adviser when i asked about training.

the once a fortnight review sessions with < name removed for fear of reprisals > was upped to 2 sessions a fortnight as well as signing on. , never one for keeping my mouth shut when it comes to details - i did a bit of research in preperation for last weeks review.

this is what happened, i kid you not. -

Reviewer : Hi Al, everything ok ?

Me : Not so bad thanks.

Reviewer : What have you done to look for work since i last saw you.?

Me : the usual - internet every day, asking friends, checking e-mails, getting in touch with previous ....etc etc etc.

Reviewer : Did you come in to use the computers here ?

Me : i did, but you had far too many people in a small room, i`m sure health and safety wouldnt be too pleased about that,, especially as there was no supervision.....

Reviewer..... ...... erm, ...ok. < pauses >

Reviewer : anything else you are not happy with ?

Me : well, as it happens yes, i`ve just read that the last scheme i was on has been done for fraud on a massive scale.

Reviewer : .... < pause >,, mmmm, < checks watch >

Me : its all over the papers, you not seen it ?

Reviewer : no mr crow, no i havent.

Me : do you ever see the directors of < name removed for fear of reprisal > ? do they ever come down here ? ( i named them )

Reviewer : no actually, they dont. why do you ask ?

Me : i just wondered , i thought you may have met the < family name removed etc.. >, especially as OFSTED havent been down here for two years.

at this point, my reviewer went pale, paperwork got shuffled, the previously noisy office went quiet.

Reviewer : i`ll tell you what, there is no need for you to come in to the office anymore, we can do this over the phone.

feel free to draw your own conclusions.

thanks for reading, i`m off to make some soap.

Tea and Chocolate

2012-03-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

i only need to see the word "chocolate " my mouth starts watering.

if you ask me, its the food of the gods, imagine a world without it ?

sorry, that was uncalled for.

Now then, chocolate covered fingers look like this....

mmm, look good dont they ?

i know,, i want one too,, but i havent got any and the stores are closed.

another of one of life`s pleasures is a cup of tea.

i could write plenty on the subject and, believe me, i intend to.

...but not at the moment.

now then, here`s the good bit....

1 . have a nibble on both ends of your chocolate finger.

2. use it like a straw to drink the tea. ( put some effort in,, it`s worth it.)

3. when you feel the tea reach your lips, immediately eat the chocolate.

it helps if you cool your chocolate biscuit first, and notice the word "immediately".

yr welcome.

thanks for reading

Nutshell TV Review #1

2012-03-01T04:17:00.000-08:00

House.

Thats him, Dr Gregory House, but to say it properly, it needs space. . like this.

~ House ~

any fans of Family Guy will immediately think, Road-House. I know i always do.

anyhoo, down to business.

Show usually begins with people you`ve not seen before, so you just know that someone is going to get ill. - a bit like the old star trek when you dont recognise one member of the landing party.

Initial guesses are made by the medical team.

House says Lupus.

Tests are done, patient recovers a little.

Quirky sub-plot ensues.

House goes out of his way to be a pain in the ass.

Patient gets ill again.

Quirky sub-plot influences the team.

Ugly doctor : " it`s a poison or toxin or bad sandwhiches and why did my wife leave me "

Beautiful doctor : " I have issues "

Bland but intriguing doctor : " i find none of you attractive, i`m going to get sacked arent i ? "

House : " it`s Lupus "

2 doctors search the house of poorly for clues., house pretends to grovel to boss, boss gives house more clinic hours.

everyone but house : " we know whats wrong with the patient, aint we great. ? "

2 doctors converse over the patient while giving treatment.

Patient gets really ill.

quirky sub-plot turns out to be the biggest clue.

House limps into shot and announces how stupid we all are, it was the airport lobby shampoo after all.

8 series in and still going strong,, if you`ve not seen it before, think Sherlock Homes and Columbo had a love child and.... no. i think i`ll stop there.

see you next time on Nutshell TV Review : breaking it down so you dont have to.

thanks for reading.

Friends Re-United.

2012-02-26T03:33:00.000-08:00

I havent got long, i`ve just put some cheese on toast under the grill and i dont want it to burn.

a bit of cut-and-paste from my myspace blog from 2008 -

myspace blog ; sometime 2008

Current mood:bitchy

......anyone else notice that friendsreunited is now subscription free ?

about 8 years too late in my opinion, but all the same.............you may be at the mercy of school/college stalkers wanting to affirm their own credibility. You may be tempted to get in touch with that ..certain.. person.
Maybe.
...alternatively, like me, you may want to trawl through the vaguely recognisable names in an attempt to get back to sleep after a disturbed night.

one last thing..........dont believe everything you read on FRU, some people tend to exaggerate on these sites,,, i myself am a share trader in saudi, collect faberge eggs and work part time as a body double for brad pitt when our anjelina gets a little greedy.

honestly.

---- not long after this, people migrated big style to facebook.
Myspace ended up slow and cluttered, no wonder facebook took off,, i hear that facebook is now connected to myspace, so maybe i`ll have another look.

mmm, there`s a lovely smell coming from my kitchen......

well sprung.

2012-02-23T07:32:00.000-08:00

I`m not sure when the first day of spring actually is,, but today sure feels like it.

this lonely looking thing is the one crocus to brave enough to poke its prettiness through the soil.

i like to have a cup of tea and a smoke first thing in the morning , sitting outside and taking in the sky ,thats when i spotted this little trooper.

i must have planted 100 bulbs over the past 5 years, this is the first one to come up, - (there must be some sort of crocus dance that i`m neglecting. i`ll look it up.) .

the first batch of blue tits have already come and gone, but they dont mess about. they get it over and done with before the winter ends,, i expect to see the next lot and their ratty feathers that dont fit , in the next month or so.

there is another little twittery type flitty thing that nests round here too, but i`m not sure what they are. when the young start exploring, they all appear at once, in the same trees, at the same time - every day. you could set your watch by them, but i wouldnt recommend it. Another month or two will see the blackbirds nesting next door again , excellent for letting you know when the rain is stopping, really good for letting you know that a cat shape piece of bush ten miles away is threatening the nest. - wound up black-birds and relaxation do not go hand in hand.

i live on a hill over looking the town with the best view of the skyline. at night the neon strips compliment the taller buildings, a bit of blue here,, a bit of green there. the local college art facility is a multi-floored building with ever changing patterns of colour running down the sides. it really is quite pretty at night.

Twice a year,, around the equinoxes, the sun is in just the right place as it sets, to light up every widow in the office buildings ; the most incredible golden shine comes off the town for 3 or 4 minutes. it`s stunning to see, but you have to be really quick ( and in the right place ). if i could get a decent photo of it , i would. believe me, i`ve tried.

thanks for reading.

Liebster Blog Award

2012-02-20T12:10:00.001-08:00

Infinite Plans Nominated me for the "Liebster Blog Award".
an excellent way of promoting bloggers who deserve the traffic.
not that i deserve the traffic.

< walks slowly up to the podium, catches breath, takes a sip of water .. >

i`d like to say thank you to everyone who revisits my page,

it warms my heart to think....

< pause for dramatic effect >

< pauses a bit longer >

... .. ...

< someone coughs >

...

< now it`s just getting uncomfortable >

< the sound of shuffly bottoms and texting fills the hall >

the three rules to accept this award - namely - I must:

Link back to the person who gave you the award. check
Pick 5 people deserving of the award and notify them on their blogs. check
Post the award on your blog and spread the love. check

here's my list of 5 blogs I think are worthy of this award:

do i need to give reasons ?

no ?

ok then. here we go . .

Parkdale Wolves -

Bonafide Jones

i shall nominate Debra again.

Dani ? have you got one. ?

i think we`ve all got one now.

i`m keeping one spare if anyone would like it.

had to be done.

2012-02-19T14:34:00.000-08:00

2008

something else i did when i was myspace famous.

< its a bit loud >

i used ableton live, reason and twiddley-button stuff to do the music.

for the video

i used bryce, gimp and some random chaos generator freebee to make gif animations

oh, and tied together reasonably well with windows' very own, movie maker.

i did say it was a bit loud.

lil help

2012-02-18T06:46:00.001-08:00

i`ve started a photo blog and i`m struggling with what to call it.

i only point and click and i`m sure there are plenty of technical faults with all of them,, but - i enjoy it.
i lost count of the number of times i heard myself wishing i had a camera with me. that was until 4 or 5 years ago when camera phones started to be a viable option.

the contents of my hard drive have gone to data heaven a couple of times in the past , so , i`ll be archiving material here from now on. < clicky - clicky >

i dont know what to call the blog ( the addy is crowsnaps, and that makes me cringe ), so any suggestions welcome.

Tagged.

2012-02-16T16:03:00.001-08:00

So,, i got tagged by Dani,

i`m supposed to tag 11 people and ....,rules or something.
( note to self : pay more attention)

the fact i`m watching scarface while i type may . or may not . influence my answers.

i`ll do my best on this one, i`ve not seen scarface all the way through before. it seems like a really long film and it`s only just started and...wooah, whats he doing with that chainsaw...?

oh , thats nasty.

1) Have you ever cheated on someone?

Regrettably, yes. ( only once ) i`ve been cheated on many times, but it didnt seem to bother them. we are all different i spose.

2) What do you think happens when we die?

there`s only one way to find out isnt there ? i think i`ll wait,, nice suit Tony.

3) If male, are you happy with the size of your penis? If female do you think you are pretty?

happy ? i`m overjoyed, its delightful..from what i can remember.. its been a while since i`ve seen it.

4) Stars. Old light or new?

this argument is invalid.

5. For a million dollars would you kill another person? They aren't really that important and you will not get caught.

Not really important ? what kind of a statement is that ?? besides, show me the money you cockaroach. i do it for fun.

6) As a rule, should all religions be treated/respected equally?

funny you should ask that, because only this morning we .. < some text is missing > .. ,all the way up and, of course, when they ..< some text is missing >.. with pineapples . . simple

7) Think of something embarrassing that you did that makes you cringe every time it crosses your mind. What is it?

possibly this post,, only time will tell.

8) If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you want to visit today? It doesn't matter whether or not they want would want to see you.

mind if i dont answer that one ? ok, thanks.

9) Would you rather lose all your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

these questions are twisted, are you asking if i would like Alzheimers?

10) If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don't like and like so many things we don't do?

speak for yourself, i like everything i do, but i cant always do what i like.

11) If Hollywood made a movie about your life, what actor do you think would be cast to play you?

michelle pfeiffer

that went pretty well i think,, i`ve seen this scene before. tony Montanna looks well annoyed, the disco feels edgy.

oh no.

the boss.

did michelle pfeiffer ever eat anything in the 80`s ?

i`ve just thought of another answer to question 3.

thanks for reading

303

2012-02-15T03:03:00.000-08:00

303 was the combination of my first bike lock, an ancient piece of kit that probably would have opened anyway with a bit of force, but there it is. You never forget these things. It came with my very first grown up pushbike which gave me the freedom to explore.

whenever the number 303 came up anywhere i would remember my padlock. i still do.

Skip forward to my rebelious teenage years, (1983 to be precise ) an i find myself hitch-hiking along this road to find out where my girlfriend had got to. Its a main trunk road in the south of England, linking London and the start of the heavenly counties of Devon and Cornwall. Any london surfers will know this road well. Its that number again.

The A303 goes right past a place called Stonehenge, which was the site of a free festival. I found my girlfriend, i found my friends and made some more friends. - lifetime friends as it turns out.

You could say i discovered a sub-culture and dived in head first. So did many other people, the following year saw over a quarter million people roughing it in the fields for a free party. That particular time is worthy of another post so i`ll try and stick to the thread.

there is a slight chance you dont know what Stonehenge is, and - if you live in the uk and have never been - shame on you.

These parties worried the government , so they were stopped in 1985 by use of violence and sheer manpower. it would be many years before anyone other than paying tourists would be allowed anywhere near what i still see as " our stones ".

This spirit could not be quashed so the free-party continued elsewhere, and grew.

and grew. i myself organised many a party in the 80`s, but had to stop when the numbers got out of hand. i moved into the clubs in the 90`s, but that`s another story.

by 1988, everyone wanted one of these.

the Roland Tb303

this little silver box, unwanted by musicians when it was released in 1981, produces noises which touch your very soul. This is no exaggeration as anyone who has heard one of these through a p.a. will tell you. these now change hands for incredible amounts of money.

Again, this is worthy of another post, which i think is best left to other people. Please check out this blog ( my friend wayne anthony i think ? ) - < click here > for an eye-opening history.

so there we have it.

303 and me.

Thanks for reading.

far from a beach

2012-02-12T05:05:00.000-08:00

i live in the middle of an island that has many names, none of which i am particularly comfortable with..

luckily for me, the range of jobs i`ve had in the last 20 years has meant that i`ve been able to visit most of it....... to cut a long flowery introduction short,, the place is stunning.

i live right in the middle of it, give or take a few miles, which suits me fine. Two hours in a car will get you to a beach, two hours on a train and you land in London - not bad for a country with lots of hills and not many straight roads.

i live on the edge of what is called the black country. if you`ve not heard of it before, i`ll give you a minute to google it.

there is alot to read so here`s the TL;DR -

the black country sits on a coal-seam which kickstarted and fueled the industrial revolution. the amount of coal that was used/dug/burned turned the whole area black for quite a while.

my house is 10 minutes walk away from where the first motorcycle factories were located. another 10 minutes on and you are at the location of the worlds first traffic lights. if you could be bothered to jump on a bus at this point, a 10 minute ride would take you to the world famous black-country museum which now houses the equipment that would turn out to be genesis of steam power. ,, get back on the bus for 10 minutes and you are looking at the buildings where they made the anchor and chain for the Titanic....ok,, so it never got used, but rumour has it that the marks are still on the road where the locals dragged it through the streets.

....bored yet ?

ok, try this...stick a pin in a map and draw a circle with a 20 miles radius.

20 miles radius of my back garden gives you the home of the following musicians. -

Ozzy Osbourne – singer of (Black Sabbath)
Roy Wood – (Musician - co-founder of the Electric Light Orchestra)
Chris Wood – (Musician; co-founder, Traffic)
Steve Winwood – (Musician—solo artist and co-founder, Traffic)
Pato Banton – (Reggae artist)
Geezer Butler – bassist of (Black Sabbath)
Carl Palmer – (Musician - Emerson, Lake & Palmer)
Roger Taylor – (Musician - Duran Duran)
Nick Mason – (Musician - Pink Floyd; did not reside in Birmingham)
Ali Campbell and Robin Campbell – (Musician, UB40)
Robert Plant ( musician - Led Zeppelin)

....thats enough cut-and -paste from wiki - the link is here = < wiki >
other bands of note from within the circle - Bizaare Inc, altern8, n-joi , Goldie. I`ve no idea why so many influential musicians have sprung from the area, a post industrial life may have something to do with it, but i`m more inclined to believe that the motorway system and the way it converges near here has played its part. -

try negotiating that without a sat-nav.

Thanks for reading,, i`m off for a cup of tea.

The Cat

2012-02-08T07:18:00.000-08:00

This cat stares at me .

all the time.

it started off as a kitten born in a cardboard box, on the doorstep of the house over the road, to one of the semi-feral cats in the area. the numbers are kept in check by local kitty-catchers and harsh winters. i think it was one of 6, three of which are still around. here and there. the brother of this one lives and sleeps in my back garden. i only feed it if the weather is really rough...i`m not totally heartless.

You find that some cats who follow students home and invite themselves in. One or two cats go back to the feral and survive quite nicely on vermin and scraps. i`ve lived in this neighbourhood for 8 years now,,, i`ve never seen a mouse or rat.

Its just like a little puppy, follows me round the house, goes out when i tell it. i`ve got an idea that it uses the toilet, but cant prove it other than.....never mind.

When this starey bear of a cat started sleeping on my doorstep, the winter was starting to set in , so i placed some newspapers and a cardboard box by the front door. little by little it came in for a bit of food, before turning tail rapid style for outside.

the cat slowly moved in and now, 7 years later it stares at me all day and is an expert at stealing the comfiest places.

i`m pretty sure its a neutered male, but explaining that to my 4 year old daughter at the time was a little awkward. i approached the subject of naming with, "i`m not sure if its a boy or girl ...". . to which my daughter ( hi sasha ) replied : "Tiger Lilly. tiger if its a boy, lilly if its a girl. ." genius.

all cats have the same name if you ask me,, they are all called chuch-chuch. this one is resting as close to the mouse as possible, just in case it can get an effort free tickle.

thanks for , well, you know.

Thumbs Up

2012-02-06T09:48:00.000-08:00

this is a thumb. -

...and this is an axe.

Ideally speaking, these two things should never really meet, not at speed anyway.

If an axe meets a thumb and brute force enters the equation, things can get rather messy. If you are lucky, the axe is sharp and you get to keep the bit you axe-indently chopped off.

I didnt mean to chop the end of my thumb off in 1992,, i had walked the 5 miles home to chop enough wood to get the Rayburn going , knowing full well the guys were out getting drunk and the only girl in the house wouldnt go near an axe. Winter time is no fun in wales if you have no income, so i felt duty bound to at least try and keep the house warm. The whole house depended on the #Rayburn for heat, hot water and cooking.

There is a right way to sharpen axe,, and there is a wrong way to sharpen an axe.

Get it wrong, and the least painful result is you get the axe stuck in a log. I had started to put a fresh edge on the axe earlier that day, but didnt get chance to finish. oh yes,, of course,, i forgot and went at it with gusto.

choppitty - chop -chop - chop -split- chop -chop - oh dear.

i may have sworn at that point, i cant really remember. The shock hit me like it usually does and i started to pass out.

to be fair, i got a lift to a hospital by ambulance when i didnt really need one. The axe had bounced and came down with full force ( and a blunt edge ) onto and, ahem.. through my thumb. Past the knuckle and through the nail luckily for me.

yes,, it hurt.

having it quarterised every week wasnt exactly comfortable either - but the worse thing about the experience was having to have a large comedy bandage on my thumb for 2 months.

You would think it would help with hitch-hiking,, but it doesnt. Drivers are too busy laughing to think you might be asking for a lift.

thank you drivers of wales.

As it turns out, having a small amount of thumb missing and a really strong nail means i can open boxes like a boss; came in very useful in a factory environment.

Why am i blogging this ? , well it just happened again. nowhere nearly as bad mind ,, i may have a black thumbnail in a couple of days.

Thanks for reading,

Are You Alice ?

2012-02-03T09:16:00.000-08:00

No, my name isnt alice but if you say it , there is a good chance i`ll turn round.

My name isnt crowbloke either, but i get called both. My favourite question is when i get asked - " why do they call you crowman ? " . My well rehearsed reply is always , " because its my name, man ".

If you have 5 minutes spare i`ll tell you why they call me Alice. -

Back in the early 80`s i played alot of pool around the pubs of my local town, my regular haunt was a pub right next to the local football ground, almost in the city centre. ; good jukebox, good pool-table, good crowd and open fireplaces. The fact they served beers after hours may have had something to do with the choice of venue, but either way - i liked it in there.

In some places, you stake your claim to the next game by putting your money down. In those days the game required a 50p coin, so if you wanted to play next - you put a coin on the side of the pool table and there you go - you are on next. a queuing system manifested as a row of 50p pieces, five or six people waiting for a game. a compliment for a pool player with this system is if you play a really good game, other players fall over each other to get their money down - just as bad when the coins are taken off because no -one wants to play you.

the coin system only works up to a certain point - the money ends up on the floor, disputes over " thats not my 50p !!! ".... etc.

this is where you need a blackboard.

quick refresh : you want a game of pool, you walk in, put your name down on the board and wait for your name to be called...

this worked fine until names got rubbed off the board,, these were dark days. i`ve seen full-on fisticuffs when a name got rubbed off a blackboard. you wait an hour for a game and someone rubs yr name off.. not nice.

well done for staying this far,, i do appreciate it. it will make sense eventually,, promise.

Toward the end of the 80`s, some players would deliberately arrive early, just so they could get a game of pool. Tony Rainbow was one of these pool players. I`m not sure if his real name was tony,, but his name definitely wasn`t rainbow. Any mental image you have of someone called tony rainbow , is probably spot on - long hair, rainbows and flowers, a whole heap of yeah man and a liking of things he shouldnt.

Tony, one day, decided it was really funny to wail in my ear - " i never knew your name was alice ", after he heard someone say " who`s on the table ?" with the answer, "al is ..". ( He also pursued the idea that i should be called alice dee. - no,, i dont think so tony rainbow.)

by the end of the night, i realised that no-one rubbed girls names off the " i want to play next " blackboard. so, after that, i always wrote "Alice" on the board.... it guaranteed me a game and always gave me the edge. i never explained why i was called alice and to this day, some think my name is alice.

take it away paul simon, you know the words.

thanks for reading, you may even be interested. who knows.

:)

The Benefits Of Tibetan Mushroom.

2012-01-31T10:10:00.000-08:00

" Tibetan what ? " ..... that`s normally the reaction i get when i explain why i dont have heart-burn or indigestion any more.

Anyone that has to take medication on a regular basis will know what its like attempting to sleep upright to stop the nasty. You dont have to be taking tablets alot to get horrible indigestion either , modern lifestyles dont suit the stomache, we all know how to eat healthy but most of the time - we dont.

tl:dr - i think you should know about tibetan mushroom.

It is a type of fermented milk, or KEFIR and it looks like this :

It looks and feels like rubbery cauliflour

its a living thing that just loves milk.

you cover it with milk,, doesnt matter what sort, s=

After 24 hrs - if not too cold - it looks like this. --

( it needs to breathe, so dont seal the container - )

Yeah, i know. Doesnt look too appetising does it.?

empty the whole gurgling mess into a sive over a bowl.

rinse the kefir grains with water and put back in the jar.

cover with milk.

drink the kefir

< i have a small amount every morning and sometimes at night, >

most important : it must not touch metal.

Thanks google,, i found a video. -

If you get some, and use it, you cant help but to pass it on.

I use it because of pancreatic issues that have landed me in hospital a couple of times.

A friend of mine suffers with MS, and made a point of coming round to my house to shake my hand when i gave him some.

The antibiotic side of things really helped during the flu season this year.

Sorry Actimel, i dont buy your probiotic drinks anymore.

Or Gaviston.

Its the fastest way of getting rid of mouth ulcers i have ever seen.

mind you,, it can make you fart like a champion sometimes.

oh,, and it grows.

and grows,

so you can split it and pass on the good.

Thanks For Reading.

Edited to add : , although i wouldnt say no to a bit of commission, i dont sell tibetan mushroom,

< more info >