A Cynical Look

David Bowie's Death

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 20:10:00 +0000

One of our favorite Musicians here at ACL purportedly passed away this morning of a heart attack at his house in New York around 9:30A.M.

David Bowie was born on January 8th, 1947
Some of his wild success stories include the hit singles Space Oddity and Starman.
A link to Space Oddity is featured in this article, it was recently featured in a car commercial.

Space Oddity

A Cynical Look on Idiots continued part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 21:51:00 +0000

Without further adieu, part 2. My pathetic dodge of his request to talk on the phone is pathetic, I know. My random tangent should be worth a laugh, though.

Prince Allen,

Surry, but I cunt call you, as I am def. I also cunt halp you move out of Africa until I sea this gold and funds. I'm surry, but scammers are everwhare. Even in my closet, tied up and gutted, slowly dripping their life giving blood into an ever-expanding pool on my floor. I know you aren't a scammer, becuz you sent me valid ID cards. However, I'ze not halping you cuz ur a nice guy, I'ze halping you cuz you gots goldses.

Insolently Yours,

Dr. Samuel Carson Adam Mitchell

From: "princeallen01@aol.com"
To: fy808yf@yahoo.com
Sent: Tue, June 8, 2010 6:30:34 AM
Subject: Re: UPDATE ME (ASAP)

Hello Dr. Samuel Carson Adam Mitchell

I thank you for helping me, I thank you for the time and I appricate your kindness of my mind, I want you to know that I contacted you by faith, you don't know me and I don't know you before, I need a trustworthy who can help me and my sister out of Africa, and also help me to invest my gold and funds.
You may be wondring how can this happen? I have been to the security company for further informations regarding the release of my consignment boxes, the Director said that my late father made an understatement that the three trunk boxes have to be invested in a foriegn country, this is why I need your help.

Can you come to Accra Ghanaa? I will present you to the company as my new beneficiary,the company is ready to send you an invitation letter, so we can go for the claims of my consignment boxes, after we have claim the boxes you will take me and my sister to your country, there we can futher our education and you will help us to invest the gold and the funds in real estate and hotel, you can also bring more advice.
This is the requirement of the company, we need a changing of ownership document in your name and Affidavit of claims from the Supreme high court of justice Accra Ghana, this documents is what we are going to present to the company for the release of my consignment boxes.

We need a lawyer to handle this for us, I am not asking you to trust me, I just want you to give me a try and I promise you I will never fail you, I am helpless here and I need your help, this is a copy of I and my sister refugee Id cards, this is my number 00233 54061 7463 please call me so we can talk.

I haVe many things to disclose to you, I need your honesty promise me if you can accept me and my sister in your country, I have to go back to the camp now, I wait to hear from you.
With regards
Prince Allen Shehan

A Cynical Look on Idiots continued.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 18:53:00 +0000

Well, it's been a while, and I know we haven't posted much, but here's a nice snippet of a four part series. It's only four parts because he never responded to my last email. Oh well. No effort was made on my part to make me seem convincing, as you will undoubtedly see, in my responses. All spelling errors on my part are intentional. All spelling errors on his, I assume, are not.

I'm not going to be bothered formatting these so the original is before my response, so you're getting copypasta out of my inbox. Here's the first gem.

----
Prince Allen,

I respec yur wisses and hav deceded to halp you in eny wai posseble. Imail me bakk ASAP,

Insolently yurs,

Dr. Samuel Carson Adam Mitchell

--- On Mon, 6/7/10, PRINCE ALLEN SHEHAN wrote:

From: PRINCE ALLEN SHEHAN
Subject: UPDATE ME (ASAP)
To:
Date: Monday, June 7, 2010, 7:35 AM

Hello Dear,

Complement's I am Prince Allen from Somalia, am 24 year old I have one sisters named Susan she is 21 years old, I am the First born of my parent the name of my Mum is Mrs. Mariah Shehan she died when she was 57years old, My dad name is Dr. General Ali Shehan we are from a royal family in Somalia.

Well I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you as well, but I contacted you by faith and due to the present situation that we are facing here, as times goes on you will get to know me well and my rest family.

We just arrive to Ghana through the(UN) cargo ship, during the civil war in my country, rebels came to our palace and they were looking for my late father, Sordidly one of the rebel shout my dad four gun shout on his chest, I and my Mum took my dad to the hospital for treatment the doctor said that before anything can be done that we most provide police report, before taking my dad to the police custody for doctor report on our way back to the hospital he died, that is how I lost my dad, before he give up he explain so many things to me as his only son.

Before the death of my late father he use to deal on gold and diamond stones, I have not disclose this to anyone and I also want you to keep it as a confidential, it is about my family and most especially how I can build a better future for my family, please I want you to keep this as a secret do not disclose to any other person,I lost My Mum on the mouth of Oct 17th 2009 and before she died she hand over some of my late father document’s to me, which my late father told me about, some years back my late father use to travel for contracts.

My late father had a business with one Security Company named power Security Company in Ghana, the document’s stated that my late father deposited three trunk boxes under Power Security Company, but the content is not reveal to anyone, my late father personally disclose the content of the three trunk boxes to me, My late father said That the two white boxes each contain $15.7million Us dollars the other box contain 98kg of AU dust gold.

This is the reason why I contacted you, we need a foreign beneficiary who can help us to handle our investment in a foreign land, before the death of my late father he said that we should not invest the money and gold in West Africa, that many people in Africa are bad and they may kill us and take it from us, we want you to understand that if you help us I promise to give you 20% out of the total fund and 5% shall be aside for any expenses, we need to talk more better as time goes on I shall introduce you to the company to prepare all the legal document for the delivery of my boxes to you in your country, the company said that they also make doorstep delivery.

I shall await for your kind email and I will direct you on how to contact the security company, all I need from you is honesty and truth and I promise you I shall never let you down, have a nice day and take care

pls try and contact me on this imail adress princeallen01@aol.com

Regards,
Prince Allen Shehan

New Healthcare legislation Repealed?!

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 18:48:00 +0000

Obama Flipped out this Thursday when the long disputed Healthcare bill was Repealed. He was obviously very unhappy to see all of his hard work go down the drain. "We'll just have to get them back with Cap and Trade," he commented. Alan Grayson is sponsoring a new Republican tax that would specifically tax anyone who registered as a Republican in response to the repeal. "It's only right that they are punished for upsetting our plans,"
Ohh wait, that didn't happen.

April fools.

A Cynical Look on Idiots Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 01:39:00 +0000

I'm not sure if the Scammer knew what he initially sent me or not. His story seems to skip a large gap where I'm actually supposed to be informed on what's going on. He seems to think I should already know that this is a scheme to get the money for ourselves-- I do-- but not because he told me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Friend,
Thanks for your mailI must thank you first for your response . Please be contacting me through this my private box for security reasons. The time frame is the best time to do the transaction because after the long years of absence, the bank has decided to transfer this fund to the bank treasury if unclaimed at the end of the fiscal year 2010 ,that is why everything has to be done speedily if you wish that we make a success in this transaction. The owner of the said fund was a gold merchant from Germany and he got the money from the proceeds he made while he was mining in Sierra Leone before the war broke out there. I will give you further information about him later. My concern is for you to keep absolute secret. I have given you the details of the transaction hereunder to enable you know whether you can run the transaction with me.

Sorry that I did not respond immediately as you expected because I was putting things in order before getting back to you and also I was praying over the transaction because I do not want to get in to any wrong hand.

I do not know you before but your carefulness in responding to my mail interested me that is why I decided to give you all the details to know whether you can make the transaction with me. You do not need to worry on how to be the next of kin because it is what will be used in filling the application that matters. You can either be a next of kin or partner or anything depending on what I decide. No one is aware of this fund and again the deceased has no one coming again for the fund.
I want you to know that if you are serious towards this transaction, we are going to make success.

You have to know whether you have the capacity to receive this money when transferred to your account but my concern is for you to maintain absolute confidentiality.
The percentage is subject to review depending on your committment to help me with full devotion. I am also ready to do charity works with part of the fund after we have succeeded.

Be sure that you have no risks to fear about.
The guarantee is that I am working in the same bank and will also serve as an insider on your behalf.

I am sure also that no one is coming later to ask you whether you are the real next of kin or not because I studied every thing before contacting you and moreover, I cannot involve myself to danger in the same bank where I am working.

I see this as an opportunity for me to be great and I want you also to be honest with me after the fund has been transferred to your account.

I want you to know that you were not the person I had in mind before sending out my message but another person that bears similar name like yours who was formerly living in my country but I couldn't get his email address when I searched for it and in place I got yours.

Don’t be afraid because I am here to give you all the guidelines required.
I want you to tell me more about yourself also.
I have some questions for you.

1. Are you married and of what age are you?
2. what do you wish we can invest on when I will come to your country.
3. Are there things you want to ask me?
4. I need you to tell me whether you are capable of receiving this amount or not when transferred.

For me, I am married with three kids and has worked in this same bank for years.
I will give you the updates when I hear from you.

Below is my personal data

Feel free to ask me any question you need to know concerning this transaction
Below is my complete information:

(1) NAME: MR MUSA AKIM
(2) AGE: 48

(3) PLACE OF BIRTH: Ouagadougou .

(4) HEIGHT: 1.75

(5) WEIGHT: 84 kg , Not Permanent.

(6) SEX: Male.

(7) QUALIFICATION: M.B.A in Economics And P. H. D in Banking and Finance Awarded

(8) OCCUPATION: Banker.

(9) WORKING EXPERIENCE :( T.I.C) Insurance Banjul Gambia & Presently In (Boa) Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso.

(10) MARITAL STATUS: Married With 3 Children.

Waiting for your mail and call as urgency implies. Also i am waiting for your response before sending you the application which is the first step of the claim.

00226 76 23 24 16

Mr Musa Akim

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm going to respond by asking him a whole lot off pointless questions, and letting him know that he never told me the deal.

Just so I understand correctly, please answer these questions.

You have found a way to claim this money by association of next of kin? You didn't say anything about that earlier.

What happened to that gold mine after the war?
What's it like to be a doctor?
Where did you go to school?
What's it like to liek mudkipz?
You said your height was 1.75, are you really only 2 inches tall?
Are you a leprechaun?

Please answer these questions for me,
and may the mighty balls of god fertilize your egg.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hopefully he'll answer one of the more crazy questions.
I'll post the next exchange soon.

A Cynical Look on Idiots Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 02:58:00 +0000

I've had enough of getting these Nigerian e-mail scams-- let's play a game.

I'm going to play the part of someone who actually falls for this, and see how far these guys will actually try to go in order to get a wire from me.

This is the beginning of a new series, and it's going to be hilarious.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

DEAR FRIEND,

I am Mr. musa akim,

the Auditor of foreign remittance department BANK OF AFRICA,

I discovered an abandoned sum of (USD$25. million dollars) that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in a plane crash in kenya, with his family during their vacation journey.an American and resident BURKINA FASO.site to know more.http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/07/20/kenya.crash/ if you are interested kindly contact me on my private email adress , musa_akim66@live.fr

I'm waiting to hear from you soon,
Thanks and God bless.

MR musa akim

----------------------------------------------------------------------

My response:

Hello Mr. Musa Akim,

I heard about this plane crash and am very concerned. I also herd u liek mudkipz. That is a lot of money to go to waste. Please let me know additional details.

I thank you for your time,
and may the glory of God propel you to the highest orifice.

-Sam
-------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll post an update soon. This should be interesting.
Note:
The links appear to be broken after coming out of the e-mail.
I wouldn't bother clicking them.

A Cynical Look On "Tiger Woods Only Joking"

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 06:17:00 +0000

Bellowing laughter erupted from the luxurious Florida home of Tiger Woods.

The famous golf professional seemed very pleased, gleefully announcing "They fell for it! They all fell for it!"Tiger's practical joke included leaking a story about an "affair" he was having, hitting a tree in his SUV, and having his wife break the windows of said SUV. It was a brilliant setup, upon further examination. The world's most boring icon, Tiger Woods, having an affair? Obviously ridiculous, but Tiger managed to prank the entire world. Pranksters everywhere, take note. This man has bested you.

"This will screw them all up, they'll be talking about it for weeks! It will be just like that time when Britney Spears was bald," he went on to say.

In an exclusive interview, Woods also explained that the real reason he wasn't attending his own tournament was so he could prank it.

Tiger takes golf in a whole new direction as he announces his plans for what he calls practical golf, "Practical jokes are much more fun than golf, so why not combine the two make golf a little more fun?"

Tiger Woods has all sorts of things planned for the competitors, "Rattlesnakes in the hole, an annoying guy that blows an air horn every time you're about to make a stroke, special tee off locations in quicksand, things like that."

I suppose we can all look forward to seeing more of those golf-ball-in-the-nuts-shots we like so much.

Zoom in to continue story.
Disclaimer: These events did not actually occur.

A Cynical Look On The Death of the Internet

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:22:00 +0000

This might be it, the internet may be about to end as we know it.
Things like this picture you love may all be gone...
The internet chapter of the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement, a secret copyright treaty whose text Obama's administration refused to disclose due to "national security" concerns, has leaked. It could destroy the fabric of the internet as we know it. In summary, it says:

* That ISPs have to proactively police copyright on user-contributed material. In other words sites like Youtube, or Blogger, or Flicker, or Facebook, or any website that material can be uploaded onto would be practically impossible to run. They would have to hire mountains of lawyers to watch and read every second and letter of all material uploaded before it could actually be posted. These sites have enough trouble as it is with profitability, and under these circumstances making a profit would be absolutely impossible. On a site like youtube, over 28,800 hours of video are uploaded every single day. They would have to hire roughly 3550 people, probably closer to 5000 if they need to report on them, in order to do nothing but watch videos 8 hours a day for seven days a week.

* That ISPs have to cut off the Internet access of accused copyright infringers or face liability. This means that your entire family could be denied to the internet -- and hence to civic participation, health information, education, communications, and their means of earning a living -- if one member is accused of copyright infringement, without access to a trial or counsel.
There is no habeas corpus here, all that has to happen is that someone ACCUSES you of copyright infringement. As others have noted, this could easily be abused into a form a censorship.

* That the whole world must adopt US-style "notice-and-takedown" rules that require ISPs to remove any material that is accused -- again, without evidence or trial -- of infringing copyright. This has proved a disaster in the US and other countries, where it provides an easy means of censoring material, just by accusing it of infringing copyright. Sites like google and yahoo could be easily locked down because someone accused them of copyright infringement, even if they had done no such thing.

* Mandatory prohibitions on breaking DRM, even if doing so for a lawful purpose (e.g., to make a work available to disabled people; for archival preservation; because you own the copyrighted work that is locked up with DRM)
That's right, you can buy something, and if the DRM doesn't work properly, you will not be allowed to fix it. Leaving you in the unfortunate position of having spent money using up file space on your hard drive.

Right now, our only hope is that all of this negative attention gets picked up by the main stream press.
Until then, I hope you don't post something that some random person on the internet wouldn't like, because you could find yourself banned from the internet for copyright infringement.

If you want to read more about it go to http://www.michaelgeist.ca/content/view/4510/125/ who writes from Canada.

A Cynical Look On Loaning to the Government

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 02:59:00 +0000

California is at it again--raising taxes that is.
Or are they?

What they're really doing is raising their income withholding rate--by an incredible 10%.
"Think of it as a forced, interest-free loan: You'll be repaid any extra withholding in April. Those who would receive a refund anyway will receive a larger one, and those who owe taxes will owe less." - Latimes
Which is interesting, because a forced loan without interest seems to be much more of a tax and much less of a loan.
I don't know about you, but when I give out a loan I expect to make a decent rate back on it.
In addition to Californians not getting their money on time, the money withheld will also take a hit from inflation--whatever percentage the dollar is devalued the year that the money is withheld--while the government holds it. This year that percentage is quite a substantial amount.
Because no interest is given during this period, the holdings are indeed a tax. The tax on this sum can can be calculated by taking into account inflation and the potential that the money would have earned if it were actually loaned at interest, or invested elsewhere.(It would have to be something you were actually going to do with the money)
In any event, when California officials mean that they are holding onto the taxpayer money, they really mean that they are "spending it all as fast as they can in a desperate attempt to turn around budget deficits"
Unfortunately, spending your way out of deficits has never worked very well for the United States. It's exactly like trying to fill a hole, by digging at the bottom of the hole. It just doesn't make any sense. The only way California is ever going to fix it's financial problems is by cutting spending--something California has never been very good at.
As it stands, the good news is that the withholdings will probably go away after the state fixes its deficit problem. The bad news is that the state will probably never fix its deficit problem.
The withholdings tax doesn't look like it's going anywhere, and it will probably increase again for Californians in the future.

What am I going to do about it? My job is to complain about things, not to fix them.
I do have one suggestion for Californians though: move to Florida, where companies are allowed to pay employees a little more of what they earn.

Src: Cbs2
Src: Latimes

A Cynical Look On The Great Kitten Warz.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 05:50:00 +0000

The Kitten Warz, they have begun.
Apparently the main cause of this war is over several ounces of the rare catnip resource.
This is perhaps the one thing the kittens can agree on.

"dis happund cuz i jus rweally need dat catnip," says fuzzlewazum, Kitten Warz veteran and catnip enthusiast.

According to furball the other kittens aren't very nice at all, "i dun liek thos giez, dey jus mean. and i jus rweally need dat catnip."

"Ceiling cat sed i get sevuntey-too tinz ove cat nip wen i go boom," said fireball, the until-just-recently living kamikaze kitten.

It looks like these battles will not die down any time soon. Catnip is really great after all. It's pretty much the best thing to happen ever. You better stay away from mine!

Yes catnip, we all jus rweally need it.

A Cynical Look On The Growing Number of Tiger Penguin Attacks

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 22:44:00 +0000

Tiger Penguins
Perhaps one of the most frightening creatures to grace the islands south of Antarctica.

And they appear to be becoming more aggressive.
Nine tiger penguin attacks have been reported this year alone, up from a reported two a year earlier.

Local occupants are horrified by the Tiger Penguins' numerous vicious attacks.

"They can smell fear," said Roberta Wellington, one of the many islanders terrorized by the tiger penguins. "Even after they had taken my husband's left arm, they returned to take his right. Now he just has stumps."

"I suppose they can smell arms too," Roberta added, a look of horror coming across her face as her eyes turned to her own arms.

Reports indicate that the greatest number of tiger penguins were sighted just slightly south of the earth's southern pole.

"We go there all the time," said Ted Schwarz, whose friend was viciously mauled by a Tiger Penguin. "It's where we get our feel good happy dust."

"Someone needs to put a stop to it, for my friend's sake."

A Cynical Look On Getting Shot

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:10:00 +0000

A new study by the National Happiness Coalition of America has come out with new results that allege being shot in the foot may not be good for happiness.

"In a group of random study participants found on the streets of San Fransisco, 48 out of 50 subjects reported a decrease in happiness shortly after having their foot shot" reported head scientist Dr. Jhon Saadist.

A .32 Caliber Pistol was used for administration of the gunshot.

Evidently two of the subject's opinions could not actually be included among the negative results because after they begun spouting off curse words, the subjects went unconscious before they could express unhappiness. Dr. Saadist explained that a string of curse words is often an expression of great joy.

Unfortunately the NHC did not include a control group, or a group of people that were not shot in the foot during the study process, so the results are not valid.
Had the study been more complete however, the NHC estimates being shot in the foot may decrease happiness by up to 18%.
Until happiness has been proven to be affected negatively by being shot however, Physicians may still administer "shots" as a stress reduction treatment.

A Cynical Look On Posting

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:43:00 +0000

I would Like to inform all readers that A Cynical Look now plans to post on a weekly basis.
Most posts should be available for reading on Mondays.

A Cynical Look On Competition: Government Style! Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 07:14:00 +0000

Dan makes marbles. He's the only marble maker around, and he can make a marble out of nearly anything. His best customer is Fred.
Fred sells marbles. Fred's marbles are made of solid gold. Each marble costs him 10 dollars, but he sells them for 11 dollars.
One day, George opens up a marble shop. George sells marbles made of painted glass for 5 dollars. The marbles cost George 6 dollars each. The government declares Fred has to pay George 50% of his sales. The government also declares that refusing to sell marbles to George because he's losing money and won't be able to pay you back is illegal.
Dan still makes money, because he still profits on all of Fred's sales. He loses money every time George sells a marble, though.
Fred reacts by raising his marble price to 21 dollars, and retaining the solid gold marbles. Fewer people want to buy Fred's marbles, because they're so much more expensive. Fred reacts by lowering the quality of his marbles to silver.
Fred's silver marbles cost him 8 dollars each. He sells them for 17 dollars each. More customers come to Fred's store, but the marbles aren't as good. Fred still needs more customers. He decided to move down to marbles made of iron.
Fred's iron marbles cost him 6 dollars each. He's desperate for customers, so he sells them for 12.02. The quality is even lower now, and Fred still can barely scrape even. Fred decides he's got to move prices lower than George's.
Fred decided to buy hollow glass marbles that break if you so much as breath at them. These marbles cost Fred 50 cents each. He tries to sell than for 1.02. Nobody wants to buy such a terrible product, and Fred goes out of business.
George, who had been getting half of Fred's sales, suddenly begins to lose money. Due to his government contract, he cannot change his prices nor the type of marble he sells. George loses massive amounts of money.
Dan, who had been selling the marbles to Fred and George, cannot afford to continue to sell George marbles, as George does not pay him. Dan goes out of business.
George no longer has any marbles to sell. George goes out of business.
Now nobody sells marbles! Isn't this so much better?

If you missed the comparison, Fred is the free market. He is trying to maximize his profit at every step. George is the government, he can lose money on every sale, but make it up by sucking money away from Fred. Dan is the development, he supplies the technology and production. He loses money selling to George, but cannot stop, because George is his boss.

A Cynical Look On Competition: Government Style! Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 04:58:00 +0000

Ahh, time to pass a few more bills through congress before anyone gets a chance to read them.
Actually, this is admittedly part of the strategy being used to pass the new Health Care Bill. The new Health Care bill is "on schedule" to be voted upon during this session of congress. Liberal legislators fear that if it does not pass before Congress goes out of session, the bill may become unpopular.
Hmm, interesting
Perhaps because people will figure out what's actually in the bill?
No, I suppose that wouldn't be good for the bill's popularity.

Evidently, Obama's plan is good because it creates competition. At least, according to advocates of the bill.
"Ahh yes, competition! Now we have the free market cornered! We'll beat them at their own game and prove that capitalism doesn't work!"
Unlike corporation, the government doesn't actually have to play by the rules.
You see, Corporations actually have to make a PROFIT. To say the government is competing when it is allowed to break the only primary rule is just plain stupid.
It's like a race in the ocean between a Tuna fish and a Human, where the finish line is 2000 feet under water. The fish can go down into debt as much as it wants, but the Human is stuck with the lungs of bankruptcy.
On top of that, the Health Care bill unleashes a plethora of new taxes against insurance companies. It's as if the fish get's to break the man's legs before the race starts.
It's not really hard to see who the "winner" of this competition will be. When all is said and done though, the man may have broken legs, and the tuna might swim better, but whom do you trust more to treat your flu.

A Cynical Look On Swine Flu

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Thu, 07 May 2009 09:17:00 +0000

(Note: This is a work of hyperbole and fiction)
As you all know, swine flu is now a cause of great concern in several nations, and has penetrated the population of Kirksville. Concerned for my health and the safety of others, I did some research on the subject. I have come to the conclusion that we are not dealing with any ordinary strain of flu, but rather the potential cause of the zombie apocalypse.

In nearly all documented cases, zombie infestation has been caused by a virus. In the Raccoon City incident, it was a virus, when Will Smith became the last human in New York, it was a virus, and yet again, and when a computer becomes a zombie, it is due to a virus. Thus, viruses cause zombies.

Swine flu has started to create a panic, as would be expected in the early stages of zombie infection, many myths are surrounding swine flu, but one thing we do know is that it does not actually come from pigs, it is from unknown origin, and is only somewhat similar to true swine flu. The latest strains contain genetic material from several sources. This is not like anything we have seen before, it is far worse. It was not transmitted from pigs to humans, it was MADE.

In order for multiple strains of flu, from multiple animals and continents to combine, someone or something must have done what nature cannot, created something with malicious intent that defies everything we have known. A super-virus, unleashed upon an unsuspecting world, masquerading itself as something less sinister, waiting for the time to strike.

When that day comes, I will be ready, and I want you, my friends, to be prepared. Once H1N1 hits the tipping point, it will mutate , and then it will begin. The meeting place is 2nd Floor, Missouri Hall. Call if you need help. After we gather, we move to a secure location. Be prepared, and watch out for trucks.

This work was donated and is accredited to Mr. Leroy

A Cynical Look On Government Tea Continued

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 11:14:00 +0000

The biggest Tax day Tea Party was not unexpectedly at The Alamo.
Perhaps the only news reporter I can stand from Fox news, Glen Beck, gave a rousing speech that he posted on his website, and which ran on Fox News. (The only station that really even covered it)

A Cynical Look On Government Tea

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 09:03:00 +0000

No, not in the literal sense--symbolically.
On April 15th, 2009 there will take place a "National Tax Day Tea Party"
The primary goals are to protest wasteful government spending in all of its forms, including bailouts, and of course the fact that the government is dramatically raising taxes in order to do so.

A Cynical Look will give various updates on the National Tax Day Tea Party which is set to start taking place in a few hours from now.

Don't Tread On Me
Undoubtedly the Gadsden flag will be seen widely, so I would like to explain what it is in this post.

The idea for the flag was actually inspired by a political cartoon drawn by Benjamin Franklin that may be familiar.

The individual pieces of the snake were representative of the colonies at the time. The general idea was that if all of the colonies did not come work together during the French Indian wars to face their threat, they would die.

Later on the Gadsden was all over the place-- on money, uniform buttons, and flags.

In December 1775, "An American Guesser" anonymously wrote to the Pennsylvania Journal:
Many scholars now agree that this is actually Benjamin Franklin explaining the Gadsden symbol.
(Copies of this letter can be found all over the internet-- and now here also)
"I observed on one of the drums belonging to the marines now raising, there was painted a Rattle-Snake, with this modest motto under it, 'Don't tread on me.' As I know it is the custom to have some device on the arms of every country, I supposed this may have been intended for the arms of America."
This anonymous writer, having "nothing to do with public affairs" and "in order to divert an idle hour," speculated on why a snake might be chosen as a symbol for America.
First, it occurred to him that "the Rattle-Snake is found in no other quarter of the world besides America."
The rattlesnake also has sharp eyes, and "may therefore be esteemed an emblem of vigilance." Furthermore,
"She never begins an attack, nor, when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an emblem of magnanimity and true courage. ... she never wounds 'till she has generously given notice, even to her enemy, and cautioned him against the danger of treading on her."
Finally,
"I confess I was wholly at a loss what to make of the rattles, 'till I went back and counted them and found them just thirteen, exactly the number of the Colonies united in America; and I recollected too that this was the only part of the Snake which increased in numbers. ...
"'Tis curious and amazing to observe how distinct and independent of each other the rattles of this animal are, and yet how firmly they are united together, so as never to be separated but by breaking them to pieces. One of those rattles singly, is incapable of producing sound, but the ringing of thirteen together, is sufficient to alarm the boldest man living."
Franklin, of course, is also known for opposing the use of an eagle -- "a bird of bad moral character" -- as a national symbol.

A Cynical Look on A Cynical Look as logos

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:33:00 +0000

Right, So I've been thinking of coming up with a logo so the blog can be more identifiable.

Which is why I did.
I'll put it in this post to get some opinion.

A Cynical Look On Prime Minister Gordon Brown

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 04:35:00 +0000

It appears that conservatives in the UK are finally starting to get some attention. Of course, not from the mainstream media (which will refuse to cover them in a positive sense) but on the internet.

Daniel Hannan gave a heated three minute speech flaming Gordon Brown for the predicament that the UK finds itself in during the global recession which came with cheers from the background.

The views on this video are rapidly multiplying. To note:this had 980,000 Views when I posted it and 100,000 the first time I saw it only hours before. This video has quickly become one of the most watched videos in the UK.
The man has become instantly popular and runs a blog of his own.

Later, Hannan spoke out against the British Investment Bank

Congratulations internet, you win.

A Cynical Look On the cum hoc ergo propter hoc Logical Fallacy.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 21:32:00 +0000

The (cum hoc ergo propter hoc) or Correlation does not imply causation fallacy essentially says that because one thing has a correlation with another, it does not automatically mean that one caused the other.

And indeed a third variable could cause the problem.

As an example, Co2's relationship to global warming does not necessarily mean that Co2 is what causes global warming. Instead, global warming may actually be a result of all the hot air spewing fourth from Al Gore's overinflated head.

In any event, a problems stems from this type of logical fallacy. At it's most base level, everything falls into this category. For example, just because you see words on your computer screen does not necessarily mean that anyone wrote them. You may actually see these words because I have hit you over the head with a large blunt object, and now you are simply delusional. Also, being hit over the head with a bat may not be what caused you to be delusional, perhaps it was that moldy sandwich you found in the back of the fridge. To continue, perhaps that sandwich was not moldy because it has been in the back of the fridge for so long, but because aliens have decided to invade peoples homes and use their mold guns on random articles of food.

Starting to see a problem? This can continue on forever.

In reality, man kind can only ASSUME that any one thing causes another through enough correlative data. Any kind of statement that any one thing causes another is in fact a logical fallacy. If humanity wants to have any kind of understanding of the world, it is going to have to accept that enough correlation should at least point towards causation.

A Cynical Look On E-Mail Scams

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:34:00 +0000

It would appear that Scam E-mails have become much more prevalent recently. This can be a very dangerous thing to someone not skeptical of becoming the worlds next million or billionaire over a lottery contest they never entered. Nor is it safe to someone who believes that they will really be getting the sizable yet non-existent inheritance of a dead African doctor for only the cost of a five thousand dollar wire.

Because we are skeptical, let's take a look at one.
This was sent to me a day ago:

Skip down to the second line if you don't want to read what I guess this person calls "Writing"

Sender:
"FEDEX DELIVERY COMPANY"
To:
undisclosed-recipients
Subject:
[ No Subject ]
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTN:
We want to acknowledge the receipt of your email in this office and also want you to know that these package(Conferable Bank Draft of $800.000.00United States Dollars) will not be deliver to you without some proper identification. I have never met you before like I said and to be able to carry out our duties effectively, We must be convinced that you are who the testament says you are.Re-confirm to us through the below via email;
Claims Requirements
1. Name in full---------------------2.Address---------------------------
3. Sex--------------------------------4.Country--------------------------
5. Marital Status------------------6. Age -------------------------------
7. Next Of Kin----------------------8. Occupation-----------------------
9. Phone/Fax-----------------------10. Annual Income
The above requested information will enable us deliver your parcel correctly without any mistake or delivering your parcel to a wrong person. Furthermore,you might be asking yourself how comes this email,check or draft, Anyway,your check was brought to this office by a Lottery Fiduciary Agent Or Claim Agent, signifying that you are a rightful winner to their Lottery Award selected randomly from 10 lucky email addresses which your email address is one of the lucky email address. FedEx courier service company mailing you as per your parcel that was brought to this company to be delivered to you by lottery groups, along the delivery process that brought a misunderstanding between you and the lottery claim agent and in regards of their request as per their insurance certificate cost and tax fee which happened to be the course of your parcel being pending for the past months/one year. Meanwhile we are hereby happy to inform you that the FedEx Company has finalized everything with the nicon insurance company of Nigeria and the internal revenue office as the company organization has also listed 24 valuable parcels to be intact in their office after the released of the parcels from the nicon insurance company and internal revenue office. We inform you once again that your parcel that contains the sum of $800.000.00 United States Dollars, is among the 24 parcels listed which is now in our office and also with your name as the receiver despise that we lost your private residential addresss, which is an indication that you can now re-send your residential address,telephone as stated above back to the FedEx company where your parcel can be delivered to you without hesitation.
Meanwhile remember that the sender of this parcel to you thats the fudiciary agent still ownes this company the sum of $500.00 before incident occurs Note this fee is not just for delivery but with the stamduty, this company has spend out of their incomes in the process by recovery back your parcel so dear customer we once again appreciate your patronage in our favour. Without hesitations you are to pay for just the balance left by your sender since we have lost his contact.so that your parcel can be delivered to your residential address before it accumulate a demurrage after one week only,as you know your parcel is not just an ordinary parcel but with a huge amount and I think you understand what I mean by accumulating a demurrage? Which you will not allow to happen to your recovery parcel that almost gone if not for the love that the good God have for you by favoring you with his favour because it was god who did it not by your power but by the spirit say the lord. We assure you that your parcel will arrive at your country in two days time and it will get to your door step the third day as soon as this company receive the balance left by you and the tracking number of your parcel will be sent to you via e-mail immediately so that you can track it yourself to see your parcel coming on the way and you will also know when it will arrive at your country because we operate in trust and loyalty in your favour.
AND ALSO WITH YOUR SWIFT RESPONCE ON HOW THE PAYMENT OF ($500.00) FOR DELIVERY CAN BE MADE BY YOU.
Get back to us as soon as possible for payment detail for your delivery.

Mr. Russell E
Email: fedexdeliveryservice@w.cn
Tel: +234 805 312-02-32
FEDEX COURIER MANAGING DIRECTOR.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The easiest way to tell if an E-mail sent to you is "a fake" is to just throw a big portion into a search engine. It will probably show up under Scam titles all over the place, like the page you are viewing now.

At a glance- Notice that the scammer did not fill out a subject, this makes it easier to get around spam filters that might normally keep it out of the main inbox. Because so many people send real e-mails without a subject line, the spam filters have little choice but to allow them. Also notice that the e-mail claims to be from Fedex, a well recognized transportation company. If the e-mail really was from Fedex, the address would be from (blank)@Fedex.com not a simple @hotmail.com account. This scammer was such a half-wit that he didn't even spoof his e-mail address.(Be careful, some do.) Apart from that, the phone number our brilliant scammer left isn't based in the US--Fedex is a US company.

Down to the fun stuff- Remember our article about chain posts on facebook? The same principal pertaining to grammar goes here. This e-mail is absolutely appalling, and though I know of some managers that should be required to pass some sort of test before they're in charge of anyone, I'm quite sure that Fedex wouldn't hire a "Managing Director" that didn't know what English was... In fact, I doubt the person who wrote this could even manage to spell "English"

Apart from the incredible amount of spelling errors that a simple spell check would have fixed, which I will put in bold, there are quite a few sentences that don't even seem to make sense.
As an example:
" Which you will not allow to happen to your recovery parcel that almost gone if not for the love that the good God have for you by favoring you with his favour because it was god who did it not by your power but by the spirit say the lord."
..... What?

The further one goes on in the E-mail, the less sense it starts to make. It's almost as if two different people wrote the e-mail.

Other Hints- The scammers give away their location when they talk about nicon,which is some sort of phony insurance company based in Nigeria. (The home of the majority of scammers) The writer also constantly refers to him or her self in the E-mail, and originally, the only purpose of the E-mail was to obtain contact information.
So, I gave them Contact information--not mine of course.

1. Name in full---------------------2.Address---------------------------
3. Sex--------------------------------4.Country--------------------------
5. Marital Status------------------6. Age -------------------------------
7. Next Of Kin----------------------8. Occupation-----------------------
9. Phone/Fax-----------------------10. Annual Income

1. Name: You're An Idiot
2. Address: Up Yours
3. Sex: Not from you
4. Country: Nicetrytopia
5. Marital Status: Maybe
6. Age: 1337
7. Next of Kin: My Uncle's Sister's Brother's Roommate's Cousin
8. Occupation: Mocking you
9. Phone: 588-2300-Empire -- Today!
10. Annual Income: -13 and 1 half Trytopia Dollars

If I get a response, I'll post it here.

Summary- Logically, we could have gotten rid of this one with just what we have at a glance. This is a scam to get $500 dollars out of you, and whatever else is in the account that you used. Also, after spending too long reading this gibberish, I have obtained a very large headache.
From this we can conclude that this particular scam e-mail causes loss of money and or headaches.

A Cynical Look On Stimulus Packages

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 04:15:00 +0000

Some numbers run by FY707:

The bottom number is the combined amount that Taxpayers WILL get.
Essentially, this is a spreadsheet that shows us exactly how much money each American could have gotten if it weren't lost in all kinds of "legislation" or spent on all kinds of things that have nothing to do with stimulating the economy. In theory, each American could have gotten at least twice as much as they will in total.

A Cynical Look on Fraud

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Sam) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 12:10:00 +0000

Ahh yes, downloading freedom. In fact, according to baydownloads, they give the user such downloading freedom that they have just about every file you can think of. They even have files that just don't seem to exist anywhere else! Just try typing "ffdsaanjj!!nns" into the search bar on their site when you aren't logged in as a member. I think you will be pleased to find several results come up with randomly generated download speeds on the right. When you do find that sdsdiiaaahhhqqq.iso file that you just can't seem to find anywhere else, and with a download speed of 1204kb/s, giving the download a shot only seems to be the next logical step. I mean just look at what anonymous people say about it!

"Anonymous
February 2, 2008

Just wanted to write in saying thank you to the support team, I had a problem installing [a game] and they told me what I was doing wrong. Very professional support team -- thanks!"

"Anonymous
January 28, 2007

Your support team rocks! I get a responce in less than 15 minutes"

-Taken directly from www.baydownloads.com

After the download seems to pend legitimately, all that stands between you and that qqqzzzxxxiii.iso file is a $4 three day trial! Go ahead and go through all of the fine print on this matter, you will be delighted to know that there are no catches or additional fees in the writing, because there isn't any fine print! A straightforward $4 trial fee is all it takes. After searching so long, it may just be worth the $4 to download this file.

After signing up, you will read a wonderful receipt in your email letting you know that you have gotten the bonus of a completely unrelated porn subscription! And it only cost you an additional $40! What a deal! You even get to find out that they intend to charge you another $40 in three days time, isn't that just wonderful?

And the best part of all, when you look for your file and it is nowhere to be found on the website after you are logged in. In fact, click on any file on the site. Any one at all. They don't actually seem to have any files. What they do have are some links to filefront, and other legit services that will allow you do use their free user program to download the files, half of which have been removed. Also, the download speeds next to the lists of files they do point to don't seem to be correlated to anything, because you would have to pay these other services to get download speeds anywhere near the amounts that are posted. You even get to find out that the pending page you used to try and download the file you were originally looking for is the same in all cases and even if you were to get to he page while logged in, you are informed that you need to sign up with the service or log in to download the file. You can probably assume that this is because the page is a fake.

Maybe you should spend some time contacting the user support and billing services that never seem to reply or respond.

Time to call that Credit Card Company
Don't you just love fraud, false advertising, and theft?

A Cynical Look on Dwarf Fortress

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 04:12:00 +0000

Well, I'm back. Today, the subject shall be Dwarf Fortress, the most complex ASCII game I've ever seen. Now, before the technical details overwhelm you, these things you need to know about Dwarf Fortress are actually quite simple. You have dwarves. You build a fort. You attempt to survive. Everything Is Trying To Kill You. All in all, the game makes losing fun. Which may possibly be why the unofficial motto is "Losing is fun."

Now Fortress mode, which is the mode I've played as of the time of this typing, is much like The Sims. Except more in depth, less pretty, and more hilarious. Oh yeah, and the fact that a single wrong move spells doom for hours of work, as there is no in game way to avoid saving your work. The save when you exit sounds nice at first. ONLY at first. Because after you've accidentally tunneled into magma at the wrong level and it is now filling your fortress from bottom to top, you'll wish there was a way to revert to an earlier save.

Now while that sounds terrible, it actually serves as a great way to make sure you never screw up the same way twice. Or at least not twice in a row. While the game punishes the slightest misstep severely, it still somehow manages to be fun. Between managing a goblin raid, your drunken lunatic dwarves, the snotty nobles, and still trying to expand, there's always a challenge.

On to actual gameplay! The gameplay is what makes Dwarf Fortress so good. The gameplay puts other, bigger, better budget games to shame. The kind of shame that makes one want to go hide in a hole, then have the hole closed by a boulder, and then have concrete poured over the entrance. Nearly everything works perfectly, amazing for an alpha edition of a game. There are some issues, like fish being ridiculously powerful. Yes, fish are an issue. Remember, Everything Is Trying To Kill You. Thus,your fisherdwarves have the nasty habit of being pulled into the river by their beards (Dwarves fish with their bears. Everyone knows this.) and drowning. Only purring maggots being milkable, (cows aren't) megabeasts being caught in cages, but everything somehow works. Even the things that seem to be broken somehow add to the fun that is Dwarf Fortress.

The traps are limited only by what you can imagine doing with pressure plates, levers, stones, pillars, and the rest of your materials. Including magma. An example of the fun of this game is getting the magma (which is trying to kill you) and opening a floodgate, releasing it onto an invading party of goblins (which are, of course, trying to kill you) creating an awesome site of dead goblins. Boatmurdered is an excellent example of why this game is so hilariously fun. Even when thing are going totally wrong, it's still all kinds of awesome.

In art, Dwarf Fortress is as good as it gets. If, of course, you're looking for ASCII simplicity. Otherwise, it's terrible artwork. However, the artwork fits the game beautifully. I have to give Dwarf Fortress a 87/100, for excellent gameplay, with some minor flaws, and outdated artwork. Oh, and did I mention it's free? Yeah, you can go try it for nothing.
If any responses ask for it, gameplay tips can be given.