A day in the life of the Wendorff's

Sunday thoughts

2016-03-07T06:53:00.000-08:00

Can I just say that I love morning church meetings? I am so glad that our ward meets at 9am. Yes, it does mean that I am up fairly early for ward council but then I actually have some time on Sunday to enjoy the day rather than rushing home to prepare food, eat then chase kids into bed and call it a day.

Today in young women's our lesson was on the Atonement and just before I needed to teach the lesson, Bradyn motioned me to come out into the hall with him and Benji. Apparently Benji was too hyper to listen in class today because he had a friend show up at church. One look at Benji and my heart broke. His eyes were brimming with tears and you could tell that his emotions were on edge. Rather than getting upset, I took him into my arms and he cried for a bit while I tried to explain the behavior that needed to happen. Then we decided that Bradyn would sit with Benji in class to help him focus and listen.

After the lesson on the Atonement, we had time for testimonies and while my first counselor was bearing her testimony on the Atonement and the necessity for challenges, my mind turned to the moment in the hall with Benji. I can only imagine how Heavenly Father feels when we are penitent and showing that we are sorry. There was no way I could feel any frustration or anger towards Benji when I got a glimpse of his raw emotion. I was only filled with love and a desire to help him feel better and understand what was expected of him. Surely, that was only a minor glimpse at the overwhelming love that Heavenly Father has for me and each of His children. I am so so blessed to be able to be a mother to these four young children. I am not perfect. I do not create perfection. I am only a vessel that Heavenly Father used to create four perfect bodies for these precious spirits.

Our Little Family - mostly photos of Lexi...

2016-02-21T10:38:00.001-08:00

Silly Kids

2016-02-01T11:02:00.001-08:00

Yesterday after church we were just enjoying our afternoon. I was getting dinner ready and the kids were around and Hallie started to sing "Do you know the muffin man? the muffin man? the muffin man? Do you know the muffin man who lives in Stony Plain?" Can't say I've heard that version of the song before but sounds good to me :)

And once we pulled the whole cooked chicken out of the oven, Benji came over to Bradyn and said, "huh? a frog?" Bradyn - "Ya do you think it will taste good?" Benji "uh... ya." Bradyn - "want to try it?" Benji - "... you do." :) They sure make us chuckle from time to time :)

And today we just finished up swimming lessons and are enjoying hot chocolate chip muffins while Lexi sleeps in her car seat. I can handle mornings like this.

Let Them Be Little

2016-01-21T08:10:00.001-08:00

I'm just hanging out in my bedroom, holding my breath and not daring to move, hoping my baby will fall into a deep, restful sleep in her bassinette without being snuggled and rocked and nursed and eventually moved to her swing. I sit here to quietly and discreetly tuck the soother back in when it falls out. All this while I listen to Hallie and Liza next door in the bathroom as Hallie is coaching Liza in the process of preparing for a bath. Earlier this mirning Hallie helped Liza get a second bowl of oatmeal all fixed up. I really am super happy and amazed at Hallie. She is such a smart little girl and is so independent. I forget she is only four and I have such high expectations of her. I need to give her more of a break and allow for mistakes and outbursts. She's still little. I need to build upmore and show more love and gentleness because it won't be long before she is always in her own little world doing her own thing and my first baby girl mostly gone.

First Play Date from School

2016-01-19T15:47:00.003-08:00

Benji brought this note home from school today and all of a sudden I felt a roller coaster of emotions. I was elated that he could make friends and have a good experience at school. But then my mind started to worry as I realized I would have very little control over the happenings at another child's home that I didn't know anything about. Is that bad to be worried and debate about what to say to the other child's mom? Part of my wants to call her and tell her all about my concerns and standards and ensure that the children will be supervised and won't have any opportunity to view any sort of garbage etc. The mother bear in me is struggling with relinquishing control over my sons little world... We are crossing bridges and I am not sure I am ready.

First bit of the New Year

2016-01-19T06:51:00.002-08:00

The holidays were nice. We were even able to get the kids on the horses for a short ride on a sunny cold day. :)

Uncle Skyler opened up the gymnastics gym in Taber for the kids to run and burn some energy and we spent over two hours there. They were in heaven. We just forgot to bring food or drinks so that was incentive enough to get the kids home.

I didn't think Benji was old enough to be into the real business Lego but he sure loved Grandma's lego sets. He kept asking her to bring one down and he would take a piece off and put it back on. Take another piece off and put it back on etc. I guess this phase has begun...

Liza was so cute. Grandma let her play with her camera and she loved taking real pictures with "her" camera.

She even set up her baby for some photos. Took Hallie's blanket and draped it over the toy stroller for a backdrop, then set the baby in it and the picture taking began. :) Trying to be a bit like mamma I guess :)

And we had to get at least one photo of Lexi with her little cousin who is two months older than her. :) Lexi and Pearl! :)

We came back home on January third and have tried to keep the kids preoccupied since it has been quite cold out. Bradyn brought home his K'nex from when he was a kid and he and the kids have built a few things during Bradyn's time off.

We learned that Home Depot offers kid workshops once a month for free where you can bring your kids and make the designated project. The kids even get an apron and pin to show their accomplishment. :) They all loved it. Benji was first and Bradyn forgot to take a photo of him... oops

Liza had her first bloody nose....

Lexi is growing and chunking up a bit and smiling :)

We continue to get the kids on the ice whenever we can and try to work on skating skills...

And I think I may have a thumb sucker on my hands...

Lexi's Blessing Day - December 27th

2015-12-28T08:54:00.002-08:00

We took advantage of the holiday season and being around family and decided to bless Lexi on Sunday. It makes the heart happy to see family gathered together. We were only missing Cassidy and her husband from my side, and Chase and Naomi and Saralynn and Justin from Bradyn's side. His grandparents on the Palmer side were unable to make it as well.

And it was a great day for Lexi to give me her first real smile. My mom even witnessed it :)

It's the Holiday Season

2015-12-28T08:43:00.001-08:00

We made the trek down south this year on the 23rd once Bradyn was done work and rolled into Nana's house a little after midnight.

After staying up too late we were up the next morning for skating at the Raymond Arena.

There was only one skate training thing so the two older kids had to share.

Benji needs some more practice before he's ready to be on his own....

After skating we returned to Nana's house for food games and the nativity.

We tried to get this little miss to participate but she was too tired and just wanted some snuggles.

After the festivities wrapped up at Nana's house the kids and I headed over to Grandma's house to settle in for the night but of course we had to set out our stockings, wrap a few last minute gifts (the kids gifts to each other) and put out our reindeer food.

Little Lexi wanted her alone time with Mommy so we were up for an hour and a bit from 3:30 til a little before 5. We took the opportunity to lay by the Christmas tree and enjoy the some quiet time before the kids woke up and the magic was done.

Christmas Day - The kids were sure excited to see what Santa brought. The hit gifts this year: Liza's sippy cup, Benji's Yoda Stuffy, Hallie's Elsa doll and Candy Land game that Benji gave Hallie.

The older three kids all got a box of Lucky Charms from Santa and Benji told me, "That's a silly Santa." When I asked why he said, "because he brought us sweet charmies."

Had a good chuckle as I watched Liza walk around after all the presents were unwrapped. She must have had a good ten pieces or so of wrapping paper stuck to her jammies. It was the perfect Christmas picture :) Christmas jammies with Christmas paper stuck to it.

It's also a good time to get in a nap.

It made me smile to see my kids all set up and ready to eat Christmas dinner. I remember sitting in the exact same spot as a kid when this house was my Grandma's house and the kids sat at the peninsula for meals.

Story time with Grandma and Grandpa

As the sun started to set we decided to try to get in some outside time getting pulled behind the truck.

Hallie immediately made a snow angel.

Benji loved being able to see his tracks in the snow.

And Liza didn't last too long in the -18 degree weather. She was on the sleds for a little until she lost a mitten and froze her little hand.

Uncle Travis took Ruby and Liza on the tube first but then we had to do some shuffling of people.

Benji and Bradyn were the troopers who lasted the longest on the sleds. It was a cold cold day.

Establishing Our Own Traditions

2015-12-28T07:39:00.002-08:00

I just love Christmas and I really hope I can make it a magical and memorable time for my children. My favorite part is the lights and the cozy environment. We took the kids skating at Spruce Grove central park a few times and enjoyed the lights, the ice and just doing fun things together as a family. Hopefully by the end of the winter our kids will feel confident on their skates on the ice.

And of course we always enjoyed warming up by the fire. :)

Benji got his glasses the same day as the ward family Christmas party. It was a nice evening and Benji was thrilled by the Santa hats.

For the second year in a row we did our "Polar Express night". I think this is something I would like to make a tradition :). During the day, while the kids were at school, I printed off tickets that looked like this:

And I cooked some cookies. Once we put the kids to bed we made some hot chocolate and popcorn, then started to blare the Polar Express song from the van and woke the kids up telling them to climb aboard the Polar Express.

And of course you can't climb on board without a ticket. All they had to do was check their pockets and lo and behold there was a ticket in each child's pocket.

We then drove into the city to drive down Candy Cane Lane to look at the Christmas lights while enjoying our treats.

We did a bit of sledding but Liza took a spill the first day and was most unimpressed by the cold weather and snow in her face combination.

And this year we also set the kids up in the living room to sleep by the tree for a night. There's just something about seeing all my babies sleeping in one place that makes my heart happy. :) I could have stayed in the living room with them for hours, just peeking on them.

Liza got the winner spot, right beside the tree and was easily distracted from sleeping by the decorations.

I think this is something we could keep doing as a tradition. :)

Two Months

2015-12-22T10:56:00.001-08:00

Little Ms. Lexi is two months old today. I took her in for her shots and she is 8lbs and 15oz and just over 20inches long. Still little but ggrowing. :)

Everyone loves ssnuggling her but this little one is rather particular about how she's being held. I think she is rather gassy and just has a hard time finding a comfortable position. Her favorite position is as in the photos. She has spent several nights next to me in bed and I sure love her.

Handsome Mr Man Has Glasses!

2015-12-21T23:46:00.003-08:00

Everyone is Lovin Me Some Lexi Snuggles

2015-12-21T23:46:00.000-08:00

Benji's Star Wars Birthday!

2015-12-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

Benji had a birthday. One that was long anticipated. He kept asking about when his birthday was coming and talking about what kind of cake he wanted, At first he wanted a Batman cake which I was all prepared to make - had the fondant bought and what not, but then two days prior to his birthday he decided he wanted a Star Wars cake (although he has never seen the show).

We celebrated a day early because Christmas parties were scheduled all weekend. It was a hot dog pajama party - two of Benji's favorite things.

He started blowing out the candles as soon as they were lit - couldn't wait for us to get through the birthday song

The day must have been a success because he told me at the end of the day, "Mom, this was the best birthday ever." :) Happy Birthday kiddo!

Christmas Concert and Family Photos

2015-12-21T20:35:00.001-08:00

So although Christmas is only 5 days away, I did start this post a good two weeks ago...

The older two were in the same Christmas concert and we were able to watch the afternoon performance. It's strange to think that I'm old enough to have kids in a Christmas concert... I mean, I have four kids now! Crazy.

Then we also got some family photos taken from Walmart. It's nice to have all four kids together and not need to stress about making time and energy to take them myself!

Home Again - Time to Celebrate a Birthday

2015-11-29T07:02:00.003-08:00

We finally were given the clear to bring our baby home a second time on Saturday November 28. I was at the hospital before 9 am and we were out the door by 9. Let the celebrations begin! :) It feels so good to have my whole family together under the same roof and together :).

I decided I need to take a couple "going home" photos since I forgot the first time...

And soaking up the love pretty much instantly once we walked in the door.

Benji was all set to go out for the day - dad's boots and all!

Since we had everyone together for the day we decided it was time to begin the birthday celebrations. I let Liza "help" and she quite enjoyed painting with chocolate.

There were plenty arms available to snuggle little Lexi while I prepared the cake.

And before anything else could happen I finally got the first ever photo of all four of my kids together.

Time to Decorate the Tree!

2015-11-28T20:54:00.002-08:00

I had hoped that Lexi would be discharged last weekend so we could decorate the tree when everyone was home again but she was kept in the hospital one more week so we put up the tree anyways. The kids were so thrilled so decorate the tree. There's just something magical about the lights and of course, as is usual with little kids, our tree was decorated heavily on the front bottom half.

Welcoming in the Christmas Season and New Bugs

2015-11-22T14:47:00.001-08:00

Earlier this week I was preparing the calendar for the next couple months and I was so shocked to visualize how close Christmas is. Yikes! And in keeping with the tradition of the last handful of years (this is the fourth year in a row) we attended the town's Christmas tree light up.

Hot dogs, hot chocolate, reindeer and Santa made the night a success. Feels kind of sad to do things like this and know we are missing the newest member of our family as Lexi remains in the hospital - still working towards a full recovery. I have yet to get a photo of all four of my kids together in one photo and Lexi is over four weeks old now.

This has been a particularly challenging time for me emotionally with having Lexi back in the hospital for the last 10 days now. I feel robbed of my newborn moments - the snuggles, the "honeymoon" stage of having a new baby. Instead everyday I need to choose between my children - who needs me more? How much time can I justify spending at the hospital? Where do I send my other children? I tried to take all the other kids with me on Wednesday to the hospital. There is a sibling group from 10am til noon on Tuesdays til Fridays so I took the kids in with me on Tuesday and spent the day Wednesday. That was a bit of a mistake. I felt so discouraged by the end of Wednesday. Benji had been particularly emotional while I was trying to nurse Lexi and I realized that he is having a really hard time with the schedule upset and lack of routine. I cried that night as I thought about leaving Lexi in the hospital and Benji struggling. I thought about how if Lexi had been home, I would get to snuggle her every three hours for a good hour, but instead there were several days where I only got to spend two hours with my baby. :(

Then the last four days I feel like we've been at a bit of a standstill. Not getting worse but not really improving. In my head I had ideas of when she would likely be home by, but those days have come and gone and she still remains in the hospital one a little bit of oxygen.

And yesterday morning, before I left for the hospital, I noticed some sores around Liza's mouth. Hmm... allergies? Sensitive skin? Impetigo? But then by the time I got home yesterday evening at supper time I noticed her hands. Yup! Hand foot and mouth disease! And just in time for Liza's birthday today.

As I was talking with my mom and brother on the drive into the hospital, we were talking about how contagious it is and it got me questioning whether or not I should even visit Lexi. But how can I stay away from my baby for several days on end? More tears. And as we talked about how long it might be until Lexi can come home - more tears. I needed to bring in milk anyways so I just spoke with the charge nurse when I got in. The nurse and the doctor didn't seem too concerned - just advised me to exercise good hand hygiene and be careful. Since Lexi has been on isolation, there are gowns and masks outside her door anyways so Bradyn and I decided it would be safe enough if we used them and then we could still visit Lexi.

And this little one is having a birthday today - with no party. We are going to wait on that until the whole family is together I think... maybe. Grandma and Grandpa are on their way up here so we may celebrate while they are here? Or put up the tree? Not sure. Darn bugs! My family is on quarantine due to one and has my baby in the hospital due to another!

After a rough night, I was surprised to get a smile out of her - but keep in mind, this is post nap. Here's my little two year old!

Pre Lexi Phone Photos

2015-11-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

It's so nice to have a camera in my pocket - even though it's not a quality camera. You never know when a goofy moment will come up :)

For example here: I had taken the van into a shop to get the headrest fixed and they gave the kids complimentary sunglasses. Love how they had the stickers left on them :)

During one of my appointments the baby was fairly sleepy so the nurse gave me a glass of ice water. Well my girls take after me and absolutely love ice. Here they were sharing my water and I just loved seeing how Liza would watch Hallie and anticipate her turn :)

During conference we brought a bunch of Lego upstairs to keep the three amigos occupied. It's my favorite when they get along :)

This next photo was also taken during conference. Liza is a huge daddy's girl and she has Bradyn wrapped around her finger. But how can you not be smitten with this little girl? :)

The kids LOVE to go geocaching. It's free and it gets us out and about :) Benji is sporting a mustache because he wanted to be a pirate.

This was taken the weekend of thanksgiving as we hiked a trail near our house looking for yet another geocache. It was beautiful weather and the fall leaves were all over the place. I'm glad we took advantage of a nice day.

The last weekend of September was long anticipated by myself. Totally unknown to my husband, I had arranged for my sister and her husband to watch our kids and booked a cabin in Jasper for the weekend. When Bradyn got home from work on the Friday, I had our bags all packed and was packing a cooler of food. When questioned, I told him we were going away.

We had a nice, long over due getaway and no set schedule. We drove out to see the Columbia Ice fields and then decided, when we got there, it was a dumb idea. Why seek out winter before you have to? We know what snow and ice look like and we certainly weren't going to pay a fortune for a tour. So our visit there was cold and brief and then we went on a aimless hike before going to dinner at a sushi place. It was just nice to have an extended date with my wonderful husband and best friend and a couple solid nights' sleep. Mmm! :)

Readmitted but Slowly Improving

2015-11-16T04:55:00.004-08:00

This week has felt forever long and really it's mostly been the last half that has been exhausting and difficult - but much more so for little Lexi.
On Monday I noticed Lexi's eyes were starting to gunk up and look a little yucky. "Uh-oh." I thought... "Eye cold."

Tuesday I took her in for her follow up with the family doctor and I mentioned her eyes. He gave me a prescription to use in case it gets worse or doesn't clear up in the next few days. Her weight at her check up was 2770 grams (She was 2580 grams at birth).

Wednesday was Remembrance day and we took the kids to see the ranch rodeo/farm fair. Lexi slept the afternoon away in the wrap I had brought.

That night she started to scare us.
Without a whole lot of warning Lexi would have periods of apnea where she would stop breathing for 15ish or more seconds at a time, one on top of another for a good half hour and then settle out and seem fine. During her periods of apnea she would get ashen in color and get weaker and weaker, so much that I am not convinced she would have pulled out on her own if I hadn't been awake to stimulate her and rub her back.

This continued on and off through the night and I am just so grateful that I slept lightly enough to shoot wide awake at the slightest indication of Lexi being in some state of respiratory distress.
And the awful part is that I wasn't sure if I should take her into emergency or not. We could get her to pull out and settle fine for a few hours during which point she would breathe just fine and cough up some secretions. During the day on Thursday there were very few events - just a few episodes of having a huge burp but she was very sleepy and lethargic. And in the back of my head I was remembering a nurse telling us that preemie babies would occasionally have small periods of apnea and it wasn't concerning as long as they could pull out of it without stimulation.
Bradyn had a friend of his come over and they gave Lexi a blessing and she seemed to perk right up. She was bright eyed, had a great feed (best she'd had in the previous 24hrs) and settled nicely - breathing just fine. As we were settling into bed we decided to take shifts staying up watching and holding Lexi. Bradyn took the first shift and I clocked out - very over tired from my previous night.
Bradyn woke me an hour later saying we needed to take her in. Sure enough Lexi was having her apnic spells again and her color was very poor and hardly any energy to fight for a breath. I patted her back, rubbed her back, shifted her to all kinds of positions until we could get her breathing somewhat regulated and settled out again. I knew we couldn't try driving far unless we could get her woken back up. Thankfully she seemed to rally quite well. Enough that I could nurse her and change her bum and feel comfortable loading her into the carseat. By now it was just after midnight and we were heading to the Stollery Children's hospital - about a 40 minute drive. I stopped frequently to check on her and make sure her breathing was even and that she was ok. At one point in the drive she had puked up all over herself and I was kicking myself for not bringing the extra sleeper that had crossed my mind to bring... One day I will learn to listen better to that still small voice.

We got to the hospital and Lexi was still breathing regularly and doing alright. We were checked right in and she was assessed and had a short spell while the emerg doctor was checking her and he immediately called and booked transport for her to the Royal Alexandra hospital NICU - where we had spent several days when she was first born.

While we were waiting for transport, I felt like I could finally relax - knowing that she was on a monitor and had access to the medical assistance necessary should she take a turn for the worse. She had another spell during which time her oxygen saturation dropped to mid 60% and she pulled out with some stimulation and oxygen assistance.

We were transferred to the Royal Alexandra hospital and arrived there around 3:30am on Friday morning. The neonatologist assessed Lexi and wasn't sure the problem was just respiratory since she wasn't showing any signs of respiratory distress. She said that sometimes babies will have apnea as a side effect of any number of infections - bacterial or viral. So all kinds of tests were ordered and thus began the poking and prodding that just didn't seem to relent for my poor baby.
Eye swabs were taken because of the extensive eye secretions and redness to the eyes. An IV was started - but it took three tries and two nurses to finally get it. They needed to collect blood for a blood culture so once again needed a new poke and it took a couple attempts to get enough. More blood was needed for CBC, then some for blood gases and of course none of these could be drawn from the same site or from the IV so Lexi received poke after poke. And then there was the glucose test/chemstrip that needed a poke. And they needed a urine sample for cultures so they inserted a catheter to get their sample. They let me attempt to nurse her before doing her IV but she desated (oxygen saturation dropped significantly) while gulping so they said no more nursing and inserted an NG tube for feeds. They also significantly decreased her feed volume to only 10ml every three hours. (Her full feeds were somewhere around 60-70ml every 3-4 hrs). And the part that she hated the most was when they needed to get a swab sent for whooping cough. The Respiratory Therapist said he tells people "I need to stick this swab up your nose, about ten times further than you would ever think of trying to stick your finger." So WAY back there and she HATED it!
By about 5:30/6 am they had most of the samples they needed and I curled up in the recliner by Lexi's isolette and dozed off.

I woke on and off and really woke up at about 9 am when the nurse said she had called some others into the room to check Lexi because she was having back to back apnic spells that were getting longer and longer and she wasn't pulling out on her own. The nurse asked if I would like to step out but I declined and stayed in the background to watch. It was so so hard to watch my baby lose her color and become flaccid and she tuckered out and just couldn't fight anymore. What really scared me was to watch her oxygen keep dropping and the respiratory therapists having an increasingly hard time bringing it back up with CPAP etc. They decided that she needed to be intubated and so they sedated her and prepared to intubate her. The first attempt was a failed effort and her oxygen dropped down to the low 60%/high 50% and that's when it hit home to me how bad off Lexi was. I thought, "My baby is crashing. Hurry and get that tube into her. If we hadn't brought her in, she may not have survived the night." It was a difficult morning and emotional. I felt so guilty for having questioned whether or not to bring her in and immensely grateful for Bradyn having made the decision to do so.
Thankfully the RT's were able to get the tube in on the second try and she stabilized - no more apnic spells.

Intubated and slightly unimpressed - hence the reddened face.

I couldn't imagine having to be intubated for two days without sedation for the duration! :(

On rounds, the doctors decided to cover all their bases and do a lumbar puncture as well to help rule out meningitis - yet another poke but at least they were going to use some freezing gel first to numb the puncture site.

With Lexi stabilized, intubated and sedated, I decided to go home to spend some time with the other kids and get some much needed sleep.
Lexi remained intubated for the whole day Friday and Saturday. I did get to hold her on Saturday but needed to be sure she didn't move her head too much and pull the tube out. Once the sedation wore off and she had a good rest, she decided she really hated that tube and would get quite angry when she was awake and would try fighting things. She couldn't cry though because the tube passed through her vocal chords. Also she had so many secretions that she would have "coughing" fits - but not really be able to cough or make any sound. You just had to be paying attention to notice her being uncomfortable and trying to cough, at which point the nurse or RT would suction her.
It was difficult to hold her because I felt like I had to restrain her frequently or watch as she would try coughing, then try to get the nurse to suction her. I'm sure I drove the nurse crazy with all the times I would say "I think she needs suctioning." You could feel her little chest vibrate as she would breathe due to all the secretions.
Saturday evening Bradyn and I went out for dinner then to the CFR rodeo, then back to the hospital for one last pumping session before calling it a night.

Lexi had a rough morning on Sunday. I arrived at the hospital in time for rounds and was super happy to hear they were going to extubate her. I was convinced she would be much more comfortable following extubation. I didn't need to wait long at all. Right around 10am the respiratory therapists came in and pulled the tube, took a listen to her chest and said she sounded great and that I could snuggle her. I eagerly picked her up for kangaroo care. It was so sad to hear her hoarse barely audible cry from the tube being in so long. About 10-15 minutes in, Lexi suddenly started struggling for air, wheezing and had what they can inspiratory stridor. I tried to tell the nurse that she was really struggling to get a good breath and the nurse suggested we try some repositioning and that she would be able to breathe better on her tummy. No luck. Lexi was trying to cry but couldn't due to her inability to fill her lungs. After what felt like much too long a time, the respiratory therapists were called. Since Lexi has been in an isolation room, it's a bit of a process to gown, glove and mask before entering. Still Lexi struggled. This whole time I'm thinking "Why did I push for extubation?" Yes she hated it, but at least she could breathe. Seeing her intubated with periods of being settled was way better than watching her fight and panic to fill her little lungs and try to cry because she couldn't.When the respiratory therapists arrived they decided to call for some adrenaline to give her - thinking that the stridor and wheezing was caused by a swollen airway, a reaction to being extubated. Once the adrenaline was done, with little results they decided to try her back on CPAP and give her some Ventolin. Lexi hated the mask that they needed to use to give her the sidestream medication and fought the whole time.

Thankfully that seemed to be the solution. So the whole process lasted a good hour and I was so relieved so see her settle and be able to breathe. CPAP is a great thing.

On the CPAP machine and a much happier camper.

Once I pumped and was getting all set to leave for church, they decided that they needed another blood sample for CBC and she just has not been an easy target for blood draws. I decided to stay and help soothe her. Four pokes and three nurses later they were able to get the blood they needed and I got to snuggle her back to sleep. My poor little girl :( She has been such a pin cushion and has bruises/prick marks all over from being poked and prodded. It's so sad to look at her tiny hands. One is all taped up for her IV and the other is all bruised with little scabs from all her needly pokes. It makes me think of a diabetic's fingers - all the poke marks from checking their blood sugars.

As I was leaving they told me that for the most part the cultures had all come back negative except for the eye swab which came back positive for influenza. Bradyn headed in that evening after supper to take in some frozen milk and snuggle little Lexi. The nurse told him it looked like Lexi had RSV like. So I'm not sure the final diagnosis decision and will hopefully find out this morning after rounds.

Yay - she's back up to full feeds. Hopefully that means she won't be feeling as hungry as often.

I have spent a lot of time watching those numbers on this screen.

How come a person so small needs to go through so much? It just doesn't seem fair.

Lexi's Newborn Photos

2015-11-09T15:19:00.001-08:00

I could honestly look at newborn photos all day! It's about as close as I can get to bottling up the newness and sweetness of the newborn stage. Newborns are my kryptonite! I just can't get enough of them and then when I feel like my baby isn't baby enough then I feel the need to have another! :)

For now, I am certainly going to soak up all this newbornness I can while it lasts.

Lexi's First Bath

2015-11-03T20:59:00.003-08:00

Lexi had her first witnessed hospital bath on Sunday November 1 and she loved it! :) I really appreciate her nurses that she had during her stay at the NICU. It was really a nice experience besides the driving back and forth and coming home without Lexi.

Home Sweet Home

2015-11-03T20:57:00.002-08:00

Yesterday was a beautiful day! On November 2, 2015, we brought our baby girl home after 12 days of staying in the NICU. I arrived on the unit a little before rounds yesterday morning and dozed in the recliner by Lexi's bassinet while she slept. When it came time for rounds, the doctor said we could turn off the monitors and plan on being discharged the next day.

I shared this news with Bradyn and he said, "If she's not on the monitors, then why can't we bring her home? Tell them that I'm coming in this evening and bringing her home with me." So I dutifully when to the nurses and asked them if there was a possibility that we could take her home since there was nothing being done at the hospital that we couldn't do at home.

The nurse contacted the doctor and the process was started. I hung out at the hospital for the morning and afternoon - snuggling my baby, napping in the recliner etc. and at about 3pm I realized we didn't have any clothes to take Lexi home in. Reluctantly I left my baby at the hospital one last time and drove home to collect blankets, clothes, the older kids and Bradyn. Then together as a family we made the final trip to the hospital to bring our baby girl home.

She has been relished and loved. The kids love her - sadly I need to limit the amount they pass her around for her own sake.

I'm loving being able to nurse her around the clock in my own home and sleeping in my own bed. :) It is so nice to be home!

Hallie was so proud of herself for being able to hold Lexi all alone.

The big brother and hopeful protector of the girls :)

And of course we had to get a shot with Liza holding her :)

Halloween 2015

2015-11-01T07:54:00.003-08:00

Halloween was not the typical Halloween for our family with me being very much absent and at the hospital pretty much the whole time.

Thankfully family was able to help make up the difference and the kids could still celebrate. Nana and Grandpa were up here last weekend and the kids were able to carve a pumpkin with them while enjoying the last of the warm weather.

Then while the kids were down south at Nana and Grandpa's they were able to go to a fun cousin Halloween party and eat Mummy hot dogs and yummy goods. :) I am so grateful for family that could make this time fun for my kids.

Halloween day I spent the day at the hospital but Lexi was able to be a little festive herself. Hallie wore this shirt when she was a baby - but it fit her a bit better.

Then we had some awesome looking visitors come see us at the hospital. A cool pirate, a bumble bee and queen Elsa.

Sisters! :) All three of my girls :)

One Week Old

2015-10-31T07:25:00.001-07:00

As I sit here in the NICU at the Misericordia and reflect on the past week, my mind goes to the following poem entitled "Babies Don't Keep".

Time goes much too quickly for my liking, especially when I have a newborn that changes and grows so rapidly. I wish I could slow time. I can't believe little Lexi is already just over a week old.

We were transferred from the Royal Alexandra NICU to the Misericordia NICU on Wednesday. Lexi has been making strides and improving. I just wish I knew more of what to expect timeline wise prior to Lexi being born. I had this misconstrued idea in my head that Lexi's stay in the NICU would only be maybe 1-2 days - not the 1-2 weeks it has turned into.

I have never spent so much time on pumping and getting my newborn to breastfeed. I am tender and tired but grateful that I have been forced to be still - giving me precious time to snuggle and love my little precious Lexi.

The days have been long and my bum tired but I am so so grateful for all the help from friends and family.

The older kids have spent the week at Bradyn's parents' house - making it possible for me to be available for Lexi and there to work on breast feeding.

This past Sunday, as we were driving into the city to spend the afternoon with Lexi, my thoughts were on my kids and my limited ability to do all that I wish I could. The older kids had just finished their primary presentation and we had sent them of with Nana and Grandpa.

I could feel tears rising as I reflected on how I couldn't be available for all the little people that need me. I was sure Liza was going to feel homesick and I felt so guilty. Even now, as I know they are coming home today with my mom, I look forward to seeing them and in the same moment I feel guilty that I won't be available for bedtime this weekend unless I miss Lexi's feeds. With any luck we will be able to bring our little Lexi home much to the pleasure of her older siblings and us.

My life is so richly blessed. I have four beautiful children - hard to believe :)

Our Little Lexi Lynne

2015-10-28T02:17:00.000-07:00

I write this as I snuggle and smell my perfect little baby girl. Mmm :) This truly is heaven :)

Well October kind of sort of disappeared on me and was totally consumed with the hospital and our new little package from heaven - Lexi Lynne Wendorff.

At the end of September I had an ultrasound that put a bit of a spin on the whole situation. Until then, we had every reason to believe that I did indeed have placenta percreta and would have an early c- section. My ultrasound on the 29th of September showed no signs of any placental abnormality. The perinatologist even came in and spent an extra 20minutes scanning and looking for any evidence of the before seen (on 4 different ultrasounds and one MRI) placenta accreta/increta/percreta.

At the end of the appointment it was decided that I would have an MRI the following week - the results of which would determine the birth plan.

October 7 I went in for the MRI but had to wait for the following week to get the results. All a lesson in patience and faith I presume.

October 13 I was finally able to meet with the obstetrician that would be making the final call. He checked the MRI results which were the same as before - placenta percreta. With that news he told me we would be doing a c section the following week and will be contacted with further information.

Yet a couple more days passed with no word as I impatiently stayed close to the phone. Thursday I finally received word with dates surrounding the c section.

The day before the surgery I was to go to the hospital for a pre-admission clinic. And of course I am a chronic procrastinator and had put off a few things to accomplish until the very last possible minute - one of which was pack the hospital bag. As I was cleaning up the breakfast dishes and visiting with my mom, the phone rang. The hospital had a bed for me and were going to admit me as soon as I could get in there. Whew. I suddenly started to get nervous and flustered as mom and I got kids ready and my things ready for the stay at the hospital. My mind was all over the place but surprisingly at ease. My nerves were a little on edge but thankfully those settled.

My poor husband did not have such luck. As I kept him updated with the information that was being fed to me from all the different people who would be involved - I am sure he felt more and more anxious. At one point he called and said, "Are we sure we shouldn't just do the hysterectomy?" In hopes that the risk of me bleeding would be minimized. I still felt peace and told him to have faith in the blessings and prayers that have been offered in our behalf.

Bradyn came into the city that night and I got a pass to go for dinner - last night being pregnant. We enjoyed the break but didn't stay out too long in case the dr did came by and could offer some reassurance.

We waited - no consult or dr so Bradyn headed home to attempt sleep. I stayed up later than I should have... (What can I say? I had no one (kids) demanding anything of me and some time to read a book in peace - so I did.) Plus I was moved to a different room in the middle of the night (foreshadowing I think of my entire stay in the hospital...)

The next morning the Dr came in and talked with us for a bit after which we waited some more. Bradyn felt much better after talking to the dr. I think we both did.

When it came time, I became a pin cushion - two IV's (one took three tries) one arterial line, a catheter, an epidural and two intra-aortic stents. All before noon.

The staff was great and before I knew it they were telling me to take some deep breaths and I would go to sleep.

Lexi Lynne Wendorff was delivered by c- section at 1258 pm on October 22, 2015 at 35 weeks and 3 days. She was 5lbs 11oz and was 18.9". Apgars were 4, 8. I was under general anesthetic so she was whisked away to the NICU while they finished with me.

Coming to following a general anesthetic is a strange sensation. People were all around me. The stents were removed in the recovery room and somewhere in the fog I heard that Lexi was 5 lbs 11oz and that my placenta came away on its own - no hysterectomy needed. No methotrexate needed. Just a normal c section :).

Faith and trust. The Lord had fulfilled His promise given in a blessing I had received from Bradyn and my Dad in August when Cassidy got married "the scan would be clear and I would be able to bear more children on this earth."

It was a long wait, watching the clock until I would be allowed to get up into a wheelchair to go the NICU to see my new baby - 6 hrs. I had to lay on my back for 6hrs to be sure that the sites of the arterial stents clotted well and wouldn't bleed.

Bradyn walked back and forth from the NICU to my room to show me pictures and give me updates. Initially they had Lexi on a CPAP machine but then decided that she needed to be intubated and be given some surfactant - (google it ;)).

I arrived to see her in time to see them give her some Narcan to reverse the drowsy effects of the Fentanyl she was given to make intubation less traumatic. Then they extubated her and placed her back on the CPAP and them I finally got to hold her.

She has progressed well since then with only a couple steps back in her first couple days in the NICU.

She has been in the NICU for 5 days so far and is now breathing completely on her own without strain or too much effort. She had jaundice and was put under phototherapy but was taken off of that today. And early this evening she was the most awake we have seen her yet and we were able to nurse her! Talk about an exciting moment. :) We sure love our little Lexi!

The older kids are spending the week at Nana and Grandpa's, making it possible for me to be at the NICU with Lexi.