Yawn.

In December I was talking to a good friend about voice vs. noise. She had written a post in response to the Newtown shootings. She then found herself in the midst of it, the sadness, the anger, the pain. She connected with those parents and it wrung the life and joy out of her for a good long time. My reaction to it all was to shut my trap.

You guys know that I prefer to joke and poke fun and amuse. In December I could have easily written a post full of angst and pain. (I can do that with ease every month, I’m blessed like that.) But I felt that my words would just be wasteful. They would be nonsensical jabber in the midst of real emotions, real suffering. I didn’t fill the world with more nonsense.

As we react to and process the latest tragedy I again want to curl into my shell and find my quiet space. I want to hide in the mundane, embrace the routine.

My dear friends, I do so very much want to keep a channel open to you, to share, to love, to support. I am here. To listen, to send virtual hugs and boxes of tissues.

So while I may not post here much, I’m around. You know how to find me.

Seriously folks, I’ve hesitated hitting publish. This is not a cry for attention. Me and my mad family are well. All praise the mighty Prozac, Starbucks and Hersheys. And the end of tax season. And baseball.And little boy hugs.And big girl smiles.

You’re welcome.

Sigh… yes, there was a pick of my pink pantied ass on the internet. Apparently Adonis doesn’t like sharing his toys. And while I love all of you I really want to be able to sleep with him again. You understand, right?

I’d love to tell you a tale of family togetherness, shared jokes, bicycle rides from this weekend. The reality is that Adonis worked 7 hours on Saturday and was at his ballgame on Sunday for 6. We had dinner together and some pretty epic tickle sessions.

It only took 8 weeks for me to accept his absence and adjust to a routine that works for us, well, for me. Cleaning on Saturday between chasing Sam, nagging Maddy and catching up on HGTV. Sunday I laid in bed until 10 while Sam played around me. It was delightful.

Laziness more than anything has been the biggest factor in my lack of exercise. I could easily have spun a few miles this weekend. I did take the kids out for a walk so Adonis could have some down time. But besides some Zumba on Friday night I did almost nothing (except for the 400 trips up and down our stairs).

Also there is this thing with my hip. It started a few months ago and I just thought it was my bed. Its gotten so bad I could barely walk from the car to my office this morning. Once I start moving I’m usually okay. But there is a lot of pain, numbness, stiffness. And yes, there are doctor’s appointments scheduled. I gotta be able to shake my money maker!

BTW, who watched Mad Men? Yeah, nay? Loved it, hated it? I’m not sure how I feel actually. I LOVED Roger and Peggy. But I want to kick Don in his big ol shlong. Also, did Joan’s boobs get bigger? I may have to do a screen by screen comparison. These are important matters.

I owe you a few other pics but please enjoy the Dude for now.

Know what else I hate? When people screw with my well laid plans. Case in point: Last night I made a delicious meal for me and the kids (grilled chicken and riced cauliflower (the kids had theirs with cheese) and fresh locally grown carrots). After I let the kids watch TV while I cleaned the kitchen and laid out what I’d need to make for Adonis’ dinner (more chicken, maybe some fresh guacamole, rice). I was so pleased with myself because I almost NEVER do ALL the dishes AND get the counters wiped down before the kids go to bed.

We went upstairs and I got the kids bathed (not without Maddy making a huge mess and then declaring herself “The Mess Maker!”) Then into our pjs and back downstairs to wait for Daddy.

Daddy came home and he didn’t want chicken. Anything but chicken. Sigh.

That miserably handsome, I-can’t-say-no-to man wanted pancakes.

PANCAKES!

Well I made the shit out of those pancakes and they were the best I’ve made in years. (Must have been the unusually clean kitchen). The jerk had the balls to ask if I’d done something “funny” to them. HMPH!

Of course the Dude had to have some too. And there went my clean kitchen.

For the workout: E for EVERYTHING! I hate burpees. HATE. I always get this stinger in my neck when I do them so as an alternative I’m doing mountain climbers. Day 5: 30 Mountain climbers, 29 over head press (delts), 28 Calf raises, 27 Back extension, 26 situps .

And now I’m going to collapse here:

I needed this challenge to get me out from under the haze of my nightly booze fix, my poor med management and my completely inhumane lack of sex. It’ll wear you down, ya know?

So last night after work we walked straight through the house, out the back door and up the hill for a stroll. The Dude just wanted to play in the dirt and chuck rocks and Maddy wanted to run.  My heart was full from seeing myself in their play.

But let’s not forget to take care our bodies. Day 4: 30 Over head press (delts) and yes, throwing the Dude in the air TOTALLY counts! 29 Calf raises, 28 Back extension, 27 situps (abs).

Yesterday I was supposed to meet some friends downtown to meet The Bloggess and share an adult beverage or two, sans children. But instead of getting to show you a pic of my cute outfit that was sure to knock 2 or 3 years off me, and maybe a pound or two, I get to show you my mom shoes and dorky sweatpants.

Mad had a complete meltdown at the idea of having the sitter at the house and me leaving. She was hysterical and not in a funny way. So I cancelled the sitter and updated facebook. And then the Dude had his own breakdown.

The wearing of catsup and watching of Disney Junior ensued.

Rather than reach for the Baileys, I reached for my phone and a comment inspired me. I hit the floor for some situps (abs) and opposite arm/leg extensions (back).

Here’s the plan for the month… I’m going to post these pics (and not the link to the prompts) and then I’m going to list the exercises I’m doing for A-Z body parts.  I’ll be doing 30 reps of the new exercise and then going down the ladder with the previous days’ exercises. It look like this today:

Day 3: 30 Calf raises, 29 Back extension, 28 situps (abs).

Who’s with me?

And thank you Andrea for the invitation. I needed this.

I’ve used it twice without even saving any of the photos.

I suck.

Also, I haven’t been challenged by work, by myself. Life, my children, yes but I haven’t stepped up to the plate for anything heavy lately.

So this month I’m really going to try a few things to change it up around here.

First up: just get back to taking photos. I’m going to start with my phone since I always have that charged. So day 1: Self portrait:

Look like I could some bleach and botox, huh?

What has challenged you lately? Or what’s on your bucket list you plan on tackling next?

So rather than trying to string together a series of thoughts in an orderly manner, I’m going Daddy style on y’all and giving you bullet points. Deal.

• Being a CPA widow sucks. Adonis dealt with his first month of “busy season” by spending his weekends in the garage working on the cars. And there’s only been ONE emergency visit to a proper mechanic. I don’t know if this qualifies as a win. I do know I’m happy to see him out of the garage and playing with the children. 
• What we do together is not called playing. And yes we’re doing it. On the weekends. When the Dude naps. And yes, we’ve been interrupted repeatedly. Better than nothin.
• Biggest lesson I’ve learned from the no shampoo debacle: that my greasy hair was a result of having dried out hair. The best cure: moisturizing shampoo! I usually wash my hair every other day. Before this revelation my hair would look like an oil slick by the middle of the 2nd day. I’m not using an expensive moisturizing shampoo (Garnier) but I have noticed my hair will make it to the end of the day without embarrassing me. Win.
• I like thinking up sexy scenes to write about. I don’t however like editing them to make them um, marketable? That isn’t the word I want to use but creating quality content is so much more than having a vision. Shit.
• I’ve had my nose buried in my kindle app. I LOVED Metaphysical Gravity, btw. Some samplings from favorite writers. And yes, one got me particularly worked up. And no, you’re going to have to read them all and guess.
• Yes I own the new Justin Timberlake album. Its my first. And yes, one or two tracks has me shaking my money maker. But the Bruno Mars album is so much better.
• Also I’m listening to April Smith. I am a mess.
• My parents are coming to stay for a week to watch Maddy. I’m amazingly zen about the whole thing. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve hired someone to come clean the house the day they arrive. Also, have I mentioned my addiction to Baileys?
• I’m seriously out of shape. I have been so blue or tired that I haven’t been able to complete my crossfit workouts.  I hope this changes when Adonis is home in the evenings again. I really don’t want to wear maxi dresses all summer. … yes, in other words I’m saying my bass is booming.
• Also, Adonis is a happy man. See the sentence above. You figure it out.

What’s new with you? Want to play words with friends? I’m MadWomanDiary, duh.

Well, there is a new book that I can’t wait to start (google S.E.C.R.E.T)… I’ll be reading it tonight with a glass of something in my hand. Adonis better watch out.

So here we go, kicking it old school with the gals, the Miss Elaine-ous Life and Theta Mom. Bring on the MEME!!!!

What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was job hunting after closing on our new house. Went from a fun, young internet company (that’s what was called back then. Today it’s a web based retailer, fancy fancy) in North Beach (San Francisco) to a sad, oppressing, underpaid job at a call center. Fortunately my flirty, fat mouth got me the job I have today. Whew.

What 5 things are on your to do list?

1. Make dentist and pediatrician appts for my kids.
2. Return some amazon stuff at the UPS store
3. Ship my underused Ergo to a very special friend who needs it
4. Train my f’ing cats to use the new cat box. Someone shoot me.
5. Get laid. Duh.

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?

1. Almonds
2. Guac and chips
3. Boiled eggs (WTH??? How did this happen?)
4. Coconut chips
5. Any crispy veggie and hummus or guacamole. Oh hell, just stuff me with avocados already.

Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. Take a long vacation on a beach.
2. Buy my sister a nicer home (a dollar goes SO MUCH FARTHER in little ol Kansas).
3. Make all the necessary repairs to my first house so my renters will NEVER CALL ME AGAIN!
4. Make a fat donation to breast cancer research.

Name some places you have lived:

1. Fort Scott, Ks
2. Jonesboro, AR
3. Long Island
4. Palo Alto, CA
5. San Francisco, CA

Name some bad habits you have:

1. Leaving the food out after dinner
2. Not putting away the laundry
3. Constant snacking
4. Spider Solitaire
5. General procrastination

Name some jobs you have had:

1. newspaper girl
2. New York nanny
3. girl scout camp counselor
4. Lucky Brand jeans store manager
5. Gym owner

So let me cut to the point: The fabulous Natalie Hoage suggested a naughty story circle. You know I jumped on that, right?

I need me some writers. You don’t have to publish these posts on your own blog if you’ve got family reading you. But you can… I’m not greedy.

You guys know me… nothing is over the line. Okay, I personally don’t want to read about sex with minors or child pornography but these are your stories.

We’ll have 4 writers per story and we’ll go as long as you guys are interested.

Email me! And yes, all writers are welcome, bring your friends!