a different normal

Struggles as a mom

2012-02-01T08:36:00.000-08:00

Okay so lately, I have been struggling with what type of SAHM mom to be. Do I want to have a perfect house, spotless and a four course meal every night, like I think people expect of you when you stay at home? Or do I want to live in the moment with my children and do the best I can with cleaning and cooking? This week I have choosen to live in the moment. Time is fleeting with my small children and they grow up way too fast. So, my house might not be dust free and spotless, but we have had a blast playing in the park in this unusually warm winter weather! I will get over my thinking of what people expect and enjoy the fact that I have made wonderful memories with my kids and enjoyed fun in the sun! (please know my house is not a pigsty by any means). I hate that as SAHM mom's we feel that we are expected to be Martha Stewart and have everything spotless and homemade. We should have homes full of love, noisy and messy fun and happy kids. So, what if we make frozen pizza because we played at the park to late, or if the clothes stay in the dryer another day. My kids will only be little once and I dont want to look back and regret not playing on the rope ladder with Emma. I am not a perfect mom but I am trying to live in the moment and have fun! So instead of cleaning this week, we have played and played at two different local parks. Take a peak at our fun!

The smiles on their faces are much more rewarding, then a spotless house!

cute Emma picture

2012-01-22T21:38:00.001-08:00

Love this cute picture of Emma right before her Aunt Nay and Uncle Bob took her and her favorite cousin Hudson to see the Pred's hockey team play. They had a great night and Emma is still talking about it weeks later. She loves hockey! Just wanted to share a cute photo!

10 Months

2012-01-20T18:59:00.000-08:00

It is a little late but wanted to share about Taylor now that he is 10 months old.

Wow little boy, you have changed so much in the past month. You no longer stay where I put you, but crawl all over the house! And I mean all over the house! You can find every light socket, piece of food dropped or toliet around. You are a busy boy! Your favorite place to be is wherever I am or in your sister's room while she is at school:) We promise to not tell her! You are trying to stand but not quite there yet, which I am so fine with, you are fast enough crawling. Your sister is not a huge fan of your crawling, since you can get in her stuff, but she is getting better about it. She has shown more jealously since you started moving, but she is getting more and more excited as you are now starting to play for real (a little). I find you two playing in the play kitchen a lot and it is so cute to see you chewing on the food as Emma pretends to cook. You two also play with your little car track and with balls too.

You still have no teeth! I know hard to believe but not a tooth in your head yet! Your sister was a late tooth person too, so I have a feeling you are taking after her on that account. But you love food! You do pretty good to just have gums. You love cheese toast, puffs, yogurt melts, maple cinnamon gerber snacks, green beans, peas, and crackers, and you have tried chinese veggie dumplings and love them too. You still eat some baby food since you are still toothless and you really love yogurt with cereal:)

You are strong willed for sure and love to shake your head no and blow spit bubbles at everyone. You love to jump in your johnny jumper and love to dance or shake your booty as your sister says! You are happy almost all day long, unless hungry. You are still a wonderful nurser and love to cuddle with mommy in the middle of the night, but mostly you sleep pretty good. I will take one waking for now. Naps on the other hand are a struggle, you either nap really good or not at all. But we are working on it!

I am so proud of how much you are growing and changing. Just so I remember: You are wearing 18 months because your legs are to big for 12 months:) They are big but work when we roll the sleeves and legs, you wear a 3 diaper and weigh around 23 or so pounds I believe but could be more. Your smile lights the most darkest days and your giggle makes everyone's day! Love you my little Son

Mommy

Warm Winter Days

2012-01-05T19:54:00.000-08:00

We have enjoyed the beautiful weather we have these first few days of 2012! Life is good!

Small steps, make big smiles!

2012-01-04T20:29:00.000-08:00

Lately Emma has started to really show some gains on her academic skills. It has happened all of a sudden and we are so excited. We are hoping that since her hearing and speech is taking off that her other skills are finally clicking into place as well. I thought I would share some of the cool new skills Emma is showing:
1. Writing much smaller and sort of on the line
2. Being able to copy some other letters when she sees them written
3. Actually coloring more in the lines and not just scribbling all over. She is also using more colors as well
4. Finally being able to sing part of the ABC song:) she says LMNOP which is the hardest part but she is so proud!!
5. Being able to sing more songs she hears (but I will admit I am a little over Jingle Bells)
6. Answering more questions correctly and showing much more understand of words in general.
7. Talking up a storm:)

These are small steps but they make my mommy heart smile! I am so proud of her learning and experiencing more and more. She constantly makes me smile and proud! My favorite new saying is "it smells good" when you put her new Bath and Body lotion from her Great grandmother! It is so cute how she says it:)

Baby steps, big smiles all around!!

Cant wait to see whatelse 2012 brings......

Thanks for a great year 2011

2011-12-31T18:28:00.001-08:00

This year has not been without it's challenges, but on the eve of a brand new year, I refuse to focus on those challenges. I want to say goodbye to 2011 with happy memories!! So here are a few of my favorite moments from 2011. I am sorry they are a little out of order but my blogpage switched to a new format in the middle of this post and confused me:) Love all these moments and so many more! But these are some of the best! Praying that 2012 brings good health and happy memories to us all! Love to all my family and friends and thank for the support during this past busy year and for just doing life with us! It truly takes a village and we are so blessed!

Happy New Year!!

Taylor's Child Dedication Service

2011-09-25T20:42:00.001-07:00

Today Taylor was dedicated at church. For those who do not know what that means, it means that we stood before our families and church and said we will raise him to know who God is, and that our church and family will stand with us to help raise him to love and know God. It is not baptism, but a promise to raise him to be able to love and know God and someday make his own decision to follow God with his heart.

It was a sweet service! We had many family members and friends surrending us, and many more who sent there love and prayers with us. Taylor and Emma behaved well and looked so adorable as you can tell from the pictures above. It is rare that we are all so dressed up, and we hope to have more photos soon, thanks to a good friend who took pictures at the church for us. I will share them later.

With all the craziness going on lately with Emma's health it was nice to take a moment and just celebrate the life of our son with our church and loved ones. We hang tight to those happy moments! I love my son and pray that he grows up to be a godly man. Today was a good day!

Click on this link and listen to the wonderful song Todd Smith, the lead singer in this video, wrote. He actually sang it tonight at the service. Such a sweet song, not a dry face in the whole room. Thank you to the group Selah and Todd Smith especially for such a sweet song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8nwtKXU644&feature=related

Better Days!

2011-09-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

After the week we had it is nice to see that there are better days! Today was one of them! I will write more soon about this fun event. But till then, enjoy a snapshot of better days.

The day from you know where..

2011-09-13T20:29:00.000-07:00

I hope to someday block today out of my mind. We spent six hours waiting at Children's today.

Let me back up and tell you why. Today at 2:50 we were suppose to be meeting with a doctor about her MRI results and to discuss her hearing issues and if she was needing implants yet or not. No big deal right? Wrong! In true Emma form, she made things complicated and we spend a loooonnnnggg time waiting in ped surgery clinic to be told she need to go to the OR for a cleaning out of her tummy. (I will not share all the gory details about how we knew she needed cleaned out) Duh we knew that, but did we really need to wait four and half hours to be told that. Poor Emma was up last night throwing up due to her belly issues and then had to wait all day long, she luckily was a trooper and slept some and sat pretty calmly while we waited. However, mommy and daddy got pretty cranky:)

So tomorrow we head to the hospital to be put to sleep and cleaned out. Hopefully we are in and out by mid day. Just worried since she has a cold and that can cause issues when she is put to sleep.

We did get good news this week, that she is doing so well with her hearing aids, we do not meet the qualifications for cochlear implants right now!! Yippee! They are thrilled about her hearing levels and her increase in speech in such a short time. We will go every three months to keep a close eye on that and make sure she stays on track. The new dr looked closely in her ears and saw that she has a hole in her right ear drum and the tube is trying to come out as well. Then when he learned they are three years old, he decided they need out soon. He hopes to go in while she is in the OR tomorrow and do the tube removal. But he is not sure if he can squeeze her in. I pray he can, since we hate to keep doing sedations. So here is hoping for good timing.

All in all a roller coaster of a week and cant wait for it to end. Emma is a trooper, but hate to keep doing this over and over again. PRaying after this trip we can finally get them to let us see A GI doctor and get some better plans together to stop this from happening. Her classmates are making her cards though which is so sweet and her new teacher is so worried. Makes me feel good that she is already loved at her new school. We hope she will be back at school by Friday, she has missed all week so far (BOO)

There you have it our crazy week!

Look at What I am learning to do??

2011-09-03T18:30:00.000-07:00

I can not believe he is starting to sit on his own. So excited that he is growing and hitting such milestones, but sad too. I am not ready to have him changing so fast. I want him to be my little baby for a bit longer. So happy and sad all at the same time. He is growing up so fast!!

Taylor D

2011-08-21T18:47:00.001-07:00

I feel that Taylor has not gotten much mention on the blog lately, so tonight is a post about my smiley son!!

He is so happy and precious! The best part of the day, is when I lean over the crib to pick him up in the morning and he just breaks out in a huge grin! Love it so much and love him too. The only time he fusses is if he is hungry. He is so easy going, which is good since sissy is a little high maintence:)

He is a great nurser, and I am so glad I stuck that out. It obviously does him good, since he is a chunky monkey, and it is such a sweet time to spend with him. Yesterday I sat under a tree at a birthday party for Emma's friend, and the breeze was blowing and I could hear the kids playing in the pool behind me and Taylor was nursing sleepily and I thought " Motherhood is wonderful!" We have tried cereal but he is not too much into it, so I am waiting a bit more before I try again. I am also looking into making some of his food for two reasons: 1. better for him 2. cheaper as well. But we will see how that all works out.

He is finally rolling over and Emma gets so excited. She starts yelling roll, roll, roll, when he starts to flip. It cracks me up! He is also scooting around on his floor mats and also trying to sit up alittle bit as well. He does not like to lay back or be ignored for long. We started using the excersaucer this last week as well, he likes it pretty well. His favorite thing to do is chew on everything and drool:) I think teeth should be showing up soon.

All in all life is good right now, we are rocking along and Taylor and me are enjoying our little time alone while Emma is in school. I love my little boy!!

Starting Pre-K!!

2011-08-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

Emma started Pre-K this week, in a blended class. That means there are special education kids and regular kids and it is taught by a special education trained teacher. Then, her special teachers: her OT, PT, hearing and speech teachers come to her classroom to work on her goals from her IEP. I was a nervous wreck, but things are going great. I love her teacher and she is not annoyed by my questions through email or texting:) She actually has an autistic and adhd child, so she really understands special needs children.

Emma is loving school as she calls it, and even wears her uniform without to much of a fight, just not her bow:) I still worry but I can email her teacher and get answers quickly which helps. Today she emailed me that Emma is really doing well listening and talking (i had asked how she thought she was doing with her hearing aids), that they are having to remind her when she is allowed to talk and when she has to listen. Hehe, I always got in trouble for that too:) I am so proud of her! She is even being quiet at quiet time. Her favorite thing is the playground right now and she tells me all about that when she gets in the car

Speaking of talking to me in the car, I get so tickled that we are able to have so much more of a real conversation now. She is doing soooo well with her aids, and she is able to answers some questions and tell me some details, and it is thrilling to me. I have waited so long to actually talk with her. She has a ways to go but it is so much better.

All in all she has had a great first few days, and I am getting use to having her gone. Taylor misses her and keeps looking for her, but he is loving all the time with mommy:)

I wish

2011-08-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

Today my wish is that our life was not full of dr's visits, tests, sedations, and stress!!

We met with a social worker this week as part of the process for cochlear implants and she informed us, that based on our parent stress index paperwork, we scored off the charts on stress. Then, she said she understood after reading Emma's background, but that we had to start taking time for ourselves and as a couple. (we try but not hard enough). We are stressed for sure, but so is our whole family (aunts, uncle, grandparetns etc) and most of importantly Emma is as well. She just clung to me tonight, scared to go to sleep alone. She has major meltdowns lately too (worse then ever). We are going to so many appts right now for her hearing and her "normal" medical stuff, and it is wearing us all down.

I just wish our biggest worry right now was starting her new class at her new school! My goal for tomorrow is spending time with Emma and Taylor just being at home and playing and having fun! We just need a day to play! My Emma is so strong and has been through so much, I just wish she could not have..... A song phrase has been running through my head all day "there will come a day, with no more pain" I am sure that 100 years from now when Emma faces God in heaven, her wings will be brighter than bright!!

Great First Week

2011-08-07T20:43:00.001-07:00

Emma has had an amazing first week wearing her hearing aids. Every morning she ask to put them in and wears them most of the day, her ears are getting a little sore so she is starting to want them off earlier in the night, but for the most part she wears them all waking hours. I still can not get over her face when she gets them both in, she just smiles. She hates getting them on, they are a very tight fit and have to go so far into her canal that she does not really like that part, but smiles hugely once in and on.

I still get so tickled when she turns around when I say her name, no more clapping and screaming to get her attention. I will also never forget the first time Taylor really started fussing, Emma started to shush him over and over again. I just about fell over laughing (if she only knew how loud she talks without the aids in).

We are all so proud of howwell she is doing and quickly she is adjusting. I can not wait to see how she learns in them and how much better her speech will continue to get as she learns the sounds and words around her. Right now her favorite thing is singing and watching singing shows and she loves loves to clap and make noises ( I guess she never has heard them before)

We are in a flurry of appointments not only her normal appts but tons of ones dealing with her hearing aids and the possiblity of implants. She has CT and MRI scans coming up, a new speech eval, we are meeting with a social worker as part of seeing if she is a good person to recieve implants, we also have a few other appts, it is all very overwhelming but exciting as we learn and row. On Thursday Emma will be having the tooth she knocked lose, when she knocked the other tooth out, pulled. We hate that was the earliest they could do it, since she will be missing her first day of pre-k. But it has to come out, it really bugs her and is messing up her bite.

Life is so exciting and very busy right now, but we are trying to fill it with some fun before school tarts next week. I will post some photos of our water fun soon and her last ballet class as well.

To more, here is to hearing you!!

Magic Ears

2011-08-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

Today has been a day of discovery! We took Emma in for her hearing evaluation for the cochlear implant program, and due to some mistakes in scheduling we should have already had her hearing aids first. So they did part of the test and came back and said that they could fit her hearing aids today instead of three weeks from now. So, without much prep work on our part to prepare her or plan anything, including bringing a camera to capture these moments, we headed to another office to get her magic ears.

Wow what an amazing afternoon it has been. Emma did great! She was scared and quiet at first and was pondering and concentrating pretty hard, but things got better as the day went on. I will say trying to take her to a noisy place to eat lunch was a very bad idea!! She freaked out and I ended up outside with her. I had never noticed how loud it was there but today I did and so did Emma.

We dropped daddy off to go to work after lunch and headed to Meme's to get baby and see some family to show off her pink ears! Emma did great at her grandparents. It was not as noisy and she was so proud to show her ears and her kit of supplies to care for them. She kept smiling and pointing to them. I loved watching my sister and mom watch her respond to them like a normal hearing child, no yelling at her to get her attention. (she still has a way to go as she is still learning sound and is limited in her speech memories but it is so much better listening already). Tears fell all around as Emma smiled at her name being called or Barney singing songs on the tv.

The best part of the whole day however, was well two things actually. She was watching Barney and pointed to her ears and said "Barney yeah!!" loved it. Then, on the way home tonight Taylor started crying and she said "shhh baby, loud" and kept shushing him all the way home. I could not get over that she acutally heard her brother for the first time:) Love and tears again!!

She wore them all afternoon and cried to take them out tonight. We promised her they would be back on tomorrow. She did amazing today and after I get some sleep I will share more. I am so proud and amazed at her. I think today opened a whole new world for her and I cant wait to see it unfold.

Sorry no photos yet of her tiny pink magic ears! God is so good!! The road will be long to teach her to listen and hear and speak, but step one today was so amazing and she is adjusting quickly. Looking forward to the hard work to help her learn and grow!

Love these two!!

2011-07-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

Lake Sneak Peak

2011-07-09T20:21:00.001-07:00

I will blog about out great weekend soon! But till then here is a sneak peak of our first family vacation!

My Tiny Ballerina

2011-06-28T19:28:00.000-07:00

Emma started Princess ballet class last week. She took this class last year in her walker, and loved it, so for her birthday her Nana and Papa gave her the six week class again. Emma is thrilled to say the least. She wears her "Pretty" as she calls her dance outfit all day and asked when we are going. She also spins around like a ballerina all the time. I was so proud of her last week and this week. She marches right in and "listens" pretty well. Or since she really cant hear that well, she is watching and doing what the other kids are doing great! She is still unable to do a few moves since she has to work so hard on her ballance. But she does not care and she loves the whole 45 minute class. Her favorite part is the tumbling on the mats:)

I am so proud of her and how hard she works during this class. This year she is not using an assistant device and only needs help standing up. She is able to do the turns on her own, some of the tumbling, most of the moves (they are only learning a few it is really an introduction class) and is paying attention to the teacher so well.

Below are some of the photos I snapped before her teacher shut the door so we do not distract them. I hope you enjoy seeing my amazing ballerina in action. So proud of her and love every second of watching her on the screen (they have cameras so we can see what they are doing inside the studio in the lobby). The smile on Emma's face is so priceless.

Ready to go!

Showing me some moves!

Spinning in the lobby!

What Taylor thinks of the whole thing:)

Heading in for class, she marches right on in.

So tiny and cute!

Outside the window

2011-06-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was glanced out our backdoor window to see what daddy and Emma where doing while I cooked dinner, and I just broke into a smile. When I look out my window I just saw a happy smiling cutie who is so excited about life and trying to learn to hit her baseball of the tee with her Daddy. I wish I had my camera handy to snap a picture of that sweet moment. Emma was smiling from ear to ear and just laughing with her daddy. I did not see her mulitple medical issues, or her developmental delay, or her hearing loss. I just saw a happy girl!!

Those precious moments are how we get through the dark times. So, if you ever wondered how we handle everything, that is how. We focus on the small moments! We try to make every moment count!

Summer living

2011-06-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

Too tired to write, but enjoy a glimpse into summer life at our house!

Emma wanted to try her bumbo again!
Taylor and his first time in the bumbo seat, he loved it.

Sweet Sleeping Baby Boy!!

Chilling in the small float pool, this was her first "pool" at age one and she still loves it.

Making Daddy some cookies!

Riding at Meme's house!

Chilling on the deck at Meme's!

What is baby brother doing??

Taylor did not like the cool temp of his sister's pool so we filled his bathtub up with warm water for him to chill in!

Life is good, and Summer is Warm!

Taylor turns 3 months old

2011-06-12T20:05:00.000-07:00

Boy how time is flying by with Taylor. I really wish I could freeze it and make it stand still. I hate knowing he is my last and that this is the last time I will experience all these fun firsts.

This month he has gained weight and is filling out nicely. If one more person tells me how big he is, I might get a complex:) I love it though, it makes me proud that my breastfeeding is paying off. Glad I did not give up that first month when it was so hard. He is starting to grab at toys and put them in his mouth. I could watch him do it for hours. I love watching him kick and play on his mat. He has the best smile and the cutest little giggle already. His whole face lights up when he sees you, it is like he is saying "oh there she is" !!

He went to nursery at church for the first time today and did great, mommy cried though. He spent the night at Meme's last Thursday night due to Emma's early morning test, and did great even though he kept mom up for over an hour in the middle of the night. He did get tired of the bottle but we had no problems with him taking it and then switching back to me. It was so quiet with him gone. Those were two big firsts this month.

He has such cute chubby legs and checks:) Love them! He makes the sweetest sounds and I could listen to them forever. He eats great and loves to fall asleep while feeding. He sleeps great at night and normally really only wakes about one or at the most two times a night. So much better then his sister who still somtimes gets up at age 5. He naps great on the go, and would rather nap in his carseat or swing, but will nap at home if he has too. guess all the running around when she was in school made him learn to nap in the car oops!

His sister still loves him to pieces and kisses on him all day long. She also loves to say "hey baby" really loud in his face. She wants him to pull her hair, but he has only done it the one time, but she keeps trying:) She is a big helper and loves to get his diaper or pull the string on his swing to make it sing. On Sunday's she wants to take her picture with the baby since they are dressed nicely, it is so funny.

All in all life is good on the Taylor front. He is so sweet and only cries if he is hungry. He is well loved and growing so fast. Love him to pieces!!

Answers lead to more questions

2011-06-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

"For I know the plans I have for you" that is the phrase I have had going through my head all day long. God is in control, and even though right now I do not understand, He is in control.

As many of you know Emma was taken to VCH for testing today, but not all of you knew it was hearing testing. For the past few years we have been trying to get her speech up, and it has been a slooooowwww process, but many people thought it was due to her trying to walk. However, recently we finally got her ENT to try a behavioral hearing test and she failed. So today we went in for a ABR to get a better look at what her ears hear and how. The news was not good.

Emma has significant hearing difficulties in both ears. That explains so much, but having answers many times lead to more questions. We will be starting down a road that is unknown and will be long and difficult as we try to help Emma gain the most she can in the hearing department. We have an appt soon in a new clinic that will help us start this long road and will share more as we learn and process all the information we are recieving. Emma is lucky that there is great technology to help her!

At this time we ask that you please pray for our entire family as we are all in shock and having to process this difficult answer. Emma is doing well tonight and I feel will respond well to whatever we throw at her. She is so strong and so full of life. She is my hero!! Thank you for your support and prayers. God is in control, and like my favorite song right now says "Sometimes blessing come from teardrops"

Prayers

2011-06-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

Please pray for Emma as tomorrow morning we head out to Vandy to have some testing done that she has to be sedated for. The sedation is scary for us, as Emma has had past problems with breathing issues in recovery. Not to mention the stress that a hospital visit puts on her little body. She already has anxiety about dr's and every trip to the hospital makes it worse. We do have childlife involved this visit and talked to her tonight about it as well, which we hope helps her. Not to mention the test does not involve a lot of needles or ouches!

I am already very anxious about this and pray that once again we can handle handing her off to doctors and watching them take her through the OR doors. You would think after as many times as we have done this, it would be easier but NOPE!! I hate each and everytime!! I wish her life did not involve test, sedation, drs and so forth. I know it is normal for her, but it should not be normal for any child.

So glad this will be a short visit as long as things go well and we will hopefully finally have some answers we have been looking for. Prayers are welcomed!!

God is in control and He is holding us all! I keep telling myself that.

Hello Thursday!

2011-06-09T11:35:00.000-07:00

Summer Fun/Cheekwood Visit!

2011-06-07T19:45:00.001-07:00

This past Saturday we gathered the family and diaper bags and went to Cheekwood for Saturday Art! Emma loves going and since we renewed the membership, we thought we would use it. It was really warm, but we had a great time. Emma loved painting her "house" which was a box they were suppose to paint and decorate to look like the structures in the amazing train exhibit. Taylor enjoyed the new sights in the art room, and daddy and I enjoyed catching up with a friend who was also there. Then we went to see the cool new trains that are in the gardens there. It was so neat and Emma walked around saying Choo Chooo!! We could not hang out too long since Taylor and all of us were sweating, but we enjoyed the trains! Then headed to lunch at our fav mexican place. It was all in all a great family outing!

Enjoying the photos from the fun!

The cool trains!

Emma walking out of the art room with her piece! Love this, still tickles me to see her walking!

daddy, Taylor and Emma in the art studio

Painting!

Mommy and Taylor, cant believe he is almost three months old.

Such a good boy!

Emma walking to the car.

Emma asked for a picture with her brother! Love the smiles on both faces!!