A DiVa's VoYage

Forever!My Friend, My Sister

2011-11-15T14:55:00.000-08:00

WOW! Its been over a year since I blogged!
What are my good reasons? None ☺
I give credits to Mr Procrastination and his partner -> laziness!
So I have decided to blog since I am on vacation, and have been sleeping all day!

A lot has happened in between. New relationships started and ended
Past relationships got ignited and going strong now ☺
That would probably be one of the reasons for my sudden disappearance
…I confess

My plan was to blog about post NYSC. But exactly a day after my passing out
I got one of those calls I always dreaded. “Amina! Where are u?” I responded "at the airport, headed to Lagos." Then the caller said, “Something has happened, its not good. Its Hadiza”
I think a knife literally went through through my chest.
I didn’t know how to breath, cry, or think.

I kept asking why Hadiza! Of all people.! Why have u called my friend home lord?
Who will I talk to you? Who will console me? Who will I cry to and tell my problems to? Who will understand my relationship, and me like she did?
All this sounds selfish of me to want her all to myself
But God showed me he wanted her more.
Who am I to question God?

Its 5 months and 1 day tomorrow, I haven’t stopped thinking about you Uwa!
Our Ghana, and Dubai trip never happened! Now I am here in Dubai without you
When I visit UK, it will seem awkward!
Knowing you were suppose to be there.
I still haven’t found any replacement for you, I know i won't
I miss you, I cannot stop thinking about you.
My heart is always heavy.

This experience has taught me to not take little things that serious
Don't hold grudges, live life to the fullest and responsibly
Thats my motto

May God give your family the strength to accept this loss
Gone but NEVER EVER to be forgotten
Adieu Hadiza Uwa Aboki.

Mortified Sentiments- Jos

2010-09-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

J-Town! I was so excited when my father asked me to represent him at a shareholders meeting in Jos. I got so hysterical, even though I knew that would put a dent on my weekend/Saturday in Abuja, I couldn’t wait to get to Jos regardless. I rocked on Friday night till 3 am, and then Saturday morning we headed out at 10am after the monthly sanitation was over.

It would have been more exciting if my Baptist High, Hill Crest and Calvinites were there sha! Good thing Tara Meeks decided to grace Hill Crest as a teacher, if not I would have seen no one.

All I really wanted to do was park and take pictures of places, places I thought would excite my dear friends from Jos, just so I make them feel home sick a lickle bit :-) but I was too busy to do that.

Everyone that flew in for the meeting couldn’t stop talking about how beautiful Jos used to be. I couldn’t add to that conversation because I knew nothing, but I could almost picture it. I have seen pictures of lovely Jos back in the days, and what I saw this time wasn’t pleasant to the eyes at all. It all just had this dusty and ashy look. Very sad!

Ás we drove out of Jos, my driver and I took it upon ourselves to count how many check-points we met on our way out of Jos (we forgot to count the ones we met inside Jos). We counted a total of 9 military check-points, with 3 police check-point. I’m pretty sure we are familiar with how these police men behave right? Yes, once they hear gunshots, they will seek a hiding place for their AK-47’s as well; that gun is pretty much an accessory for them. Very sad!

Apparently Sunday’s is when the sadists are ready to cause disturbance and bring terror to the peaceful J-Town, so we saw most cars being vigorously checked, opening of bags, etc. I wouldn’t blame this sort of action, if it will cause a reduction in crime rate, I am up for it. It’s just that it reminds me of the movie Hotel Rwanda. At this rate, what is going on in this country is probably worse than what went on n Rwanda.

Our only prayer is for things to change in this country. My suggestion (which is kind of silly) would be to outsource security if our own military and police men can’t do anything to protect us.
What are your suggestions? :-)

Post Camp (Life as a corper)

2010-09-24T07:11:00.000-07:00

So far Camp was fantastic, made new friends don’t even know where they are right now ☺ but once again, God showed me favor throughout! I love him. Getting into camp, leaving camp and at my primary assignment; its been my God all through.

God used someone who is special to me now to put me through and help ease the usual pain at camp, starting from registration up on till the very last day. He helped me with securing a better accommodation arrangement, and with getting the best out of the camp experience.

I made a new friend, she has a big heart and I love her. She was my partner in crime at camp! We actually got thrown into camp jail together! But now I don’t even get to see her- everyone has moved on with new friends. Funny how close we got within a few days.

Now, I find myself at NNPC doing my primary assignment. All I can say is God is good. We all know how corpers are being treated right? All we do is dispatch and run errands for some retarded f*^ks ☺. I wont say it was just a coincidence, I would continue to call this “Favor”, because that’s what it is. Some how I am finally doing ‘Actual work’. It feels very good and I feel blessed for that.

So far so good, except for the irritable secretary that acts like she hasn’t been getting any, and ends up pouring all her frustration on VISITORS! Yes you heard right! Visitors! People don’t understand that you might and will need that person to help you out at some point in life! “Be nice to everyone you encounter” has been my motto.

Nigeria is so backwards in the aspect of business manners and how to communicate in an office environment- customer service in general. With that being said, something has and will be done. Watch this space………

About the men ☺ ☺ ☺ I know! I am a magnet! Lol lol! Don’t mind my confidence. I was able to make a decision, and pray I made the right decision. Shall see where and how that goes. But what is up with cute guys thinking they can just stand back and relax? That puts me off I swear! But I love my confident Naija men! They have the right amount of balls to approach whoever and however.

Working at NNPC can be annoying because those married men really think its okay to ask for my phone number. Now I just tell them I don’t give my number out, instead of giving them my Glo line that is currently switched off ☺

Ok that’s the update for now, will be back with some more soon!

Here and Now: Naija Mode

2010-06-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

Everyone experiences something different or unique wherever they go…
For some people it is described as fantastic, some say its “just pleasant”, while some describe it as dreadful.

Well! Mine has been a mix of it all! Isn’t that life? uh huh. But thank goodness most of it has been fantastic!!!
My fears were actually nothing to worry about when I got home. So far it has been fantastic
The things I lost from being away from home have now been multiplied just by being back! God alone has been awesome indeed.

I haven’t blogged for far too long because I have been jetlagged! I do apologize :-) ok maybe not! I have just been traveling around the country trying to catch some fun before serious business begins.

So! How has it been in Nigeria? Let me summarize my escapades through these words:
• I have made a few new friends, and it’s been awesome. I Hangout at a place called Jb’s Grill in Maitama Abuja. Love the atmosphere. Thursday nights is BYOB at Play night club, its fun fun no doubt!
• Night life…whoa! Exhausting! From bar to bar! I think I have rocked in 1 month enough that will sustain me for 2 years. Now I hang up my jersey! Game ova.
• It feels like everyone in Nigeria smokes! Including our distinguished ladies. They call it “social smoking” indeed! I hate the clubs because of the smoking. I hope they set laws soon that will remedy the situation!
• Initially I struggled with a decision to settle in Lagos or Abuja, after my second visit to Lagos I made up my mind to keep my behind in peaceful and safe Abuja :-)(Sorry Lagosians!) Regardless of all the endless fun there is in Lagos!
• As we all know, customer service here is WACK! It is really bad. Sometimes I get scared talking to bank representatives just to avoid being shut down. Something needs to be done in that aspect. Maybe I should provide some kinda customer service training right? Right
• Traffic! Damn! Crazy and reckless drivers. People changing lanes like they own the road without showing signals! Lack of patience!

• What really scares me in Naija are the police men at checkpoints. They make the country look like a war turn area! We are not in Sudan. I know it’s for protection to minimize robbery, but I know when robbers come their way they will drop that AK-47 and take off!
• I thought I’d miss the malls! (Well, maybe a little) but thank goodness I have been blessed with a fashion designer and close friend! All I wear now are haute couture designed by Unikutelle. Priceless!
• I really miss shopping at the Mango store in Virginia, but thank God I have been able to munch on the actual Mango fruit!:)

NYSC is next month. I dread every bit of it, but I am sure it will be a blast! Registration was not hard at all! I will HOPEFULLY be back on Blogspot in a month with my experience at the camp (if I stay at camp, that is). Until then! :)

"Activated Closet Prayers"

2010-04-16T22:45:00.000-07:00

If you are like me, you might have had this problem or asked yourself this question: “How do I pray? I don’t even know where or how to Start!” Now, if this is you, the writer, Norman Peale came up with a solution that I’d love to share.

I share this because the Bible has told us to pray without ceasing. Some of us do not understand what that means, and how to even go about it. We do put in effort to start, but get stuck along the way.

Prayers to me is not structured. Its actually very simple- just talk to God in the simplest words you have, and he is right next to you listening; its like stepping into a closet, and shorting the door behind you.

For starters, following this steps I believe will help everyone polish their prayer lives, and teach other ways of structuring our prayers in order for it to be effective. Every prayer is effective? No, I don’t believe so. If you do not have any connection with God, sorry boo, you prayer hits the ceiling and bounces right back on your laps. Sometimes it doesn’t bounce, it just drops ☺

Well put a switch into it by trying this:

10 rules for getting effective results from prayer:
1. Set aside few minutes every day. Do not say anything. Simply practice thinking about God. This will make your mind spiritually receptive.
2. Then pray orally, using simple, natural words. Tell God anything that is on your mind. Do not think you must use stereotyped pious phrases. Talk to God in your own language. He understands it.
3. Pray as you go about the business of the day, on the subway or bus or at your desk. Utilize minute prayers by closing your eyes to shut out the world and concentrating briefly on Gods presence. The more you do this every day, the nearer you will feel God’s presence.
4. Do not always ask when you pray, but instead affirm that Gods blessings are being given, and spend most of your prayers giving thanks.
5. Pray with the belief that sincere prayers can reach out and surround your loved ones with God’s love and protection.
6. Never use a negative thought in prayer. Only positive thoughts get results.
7. Always express willingness to accept God’s will. Ask for what you want, but be willing to take what God gives you. It may be better than what you ask for.
8. Practice the attitude of putting everything in God’s hands. Ask for the ability to do your best and to leave the results confidently to God.
9. Pray for people you do not like or who have mistreated you. Resentment is blockage number one of spiritual power.
10. Make a list of people for whom to pray. The more you pray for other people, especially those not connected with you, the more prayer results will come back to you.

Remain Blessed ☺
XOXO

D Anatomy of an Aeroplane "LIFT"- Adieu

2010-04-13T23:11:00.001-07:00

As moments to my departure approach, hmmmm I feel quiet nervous & anxious- Could I be scared of what is in stock for me? I BETTER Not.

Its strange I feel this way considering I’m returning to somewhere I call “my home”! Oh! My home sweet home!
I panic because of the situation of things in Nigeria, but like a tortoise I actually believe we will get there…
The day I purchased my ticket, I let out a loud scream in my bedroom! Now I’m not sure if that was a sign of relief, or a "I'm freaking out" scream!
What I know for a fact is that I will miss a lot of things here in the states

Here is my own version of Neyo’s “Part of the list” --Top 7:

- "Oh! The Electricity is still on?" Yep! 24/7 baby! Not in Naija unfortunately!
- Not having to look left and right when I get home at night
- Running to the mall! Especially Marshals & TJ Maxx looking for good deals!
- My church, The people, the events, my DMV crew argh!!!!
- Jumping into the shower and having warm water running without having to play with the water heater switch!
- Awww my WINTER BOOTS!!! ☹
- And of course! ICE COFFEE! Oh LAWD!!! Starbucks better make waves in Naija.

To think I am retuning home and leaving behind four of my siblings makes it harder! Yes I have one more in Naija! He is my rock, by the way!
I can foresee arguments with my folks about what time to be home! Arghh Sigh*** Despite all these anxiety, I can’t wait!
God made this decision for me, and I know he isn’t setting me for failure! Hence, my excitement remains unmoved.

As Mr. A.L Yakubu (aka Father) said, “there is nothing to be nervous about, especially for a better move”. I hold on to that statement and to my faith because I believe God will NEVER expose me to what he thinks I am not ready for.

Most people see my move as a mistake, but here is what I know.
Like Myles Munroe said, an airplane gets to a certain speed that it lifts off of the ground because there is NO WAY in this world that it can remain on the floor, I liken that to my life! Because I have listened and obeyed God, he will fulfill his purpose in me! He will not forsake the “product” he created. Once I am locked into Gods purpose, that “LIFT” is irrefutable.
By his footstool I sit, and when I glance at him I get strength for the journey to take me through.

I bade you all Adieu! Peace ☺

Positive Thoughts

2010-02-02T19:29:00.000-08:00

Many weeks later after my last post
Working on getting over my grieve after losing a close friend
I found many ways to understand why things happen
Many ways to fill pain with happiness
I remembered the words that say God will not give you want you can’t handle
The lord takes and gives
He has reasons why he does the things he does
After all he is our creator, he is the architect of our lives
What more do we need?

Everyone has a specific way to get over pain or disappointments
One of many ways I discovered was listening to my local radio station

Every morning of listening to the station
They give out a lot of positive thoughts quotes
I quickly jot down and reflect on all the thoughts I come across throughout the morning
I felt it in my heart to share these words…and I pray it is a blessing to you

Here you go:
• One of the most basic core values is honesty.
• The height of your accomplishment will equal the depth of your establishment.
• One of the secrets of life is to make stumbling blocks into stepping-stones.
• Courage is being afraid but goes on anyway.
• If there is no faith, there will be no living in this world.
• We have to have a dream to make a dream come true.
• Laughter gives us distance, it helps us step back from an event and laugh or reflect.
• Life is a privilege and it offers us to do something more, by giving back.
• The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.
• Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
• The mind is like a parachute; it doesn't work until its open.
• The person who walks in another person’s tracks leaves no footprints.
• He who answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame.
• One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys.
• The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.
• A gift opens the way for the giver and ushers him into the presence of the great.
• A marriage might be made in heaven, but the maintenance must be done on earth.
• A minute of talk is more than an hour of talk.
I pray these words add to you, rather than take from you.
I hope you reflect on this! And I hope it means something

"Like a Candle in the Wind"- Goodbye Sis ☹

2010-01-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Its been a while I blogged! But today with a heavy heart, I write. I write because I pray it helps me get rid of the pain, sadness, and grieve I feel in my heart.

Yesterday I lost someone dear, close, and a sister. She struggled for a number of yrs! All I could do was watch her fight for survival! Fight for her son! Fight to be strong! And God was on her side all the time. Its weird, but she kept me going! God knows I couldn’t do anything; especially not from far away. While we were together, I encouraged her and continued to pray for her, and always found a way to help her financially through my folks.

She made me realize cancer was not the end of the world. And I made her realize having a son at an early age in 2000 was Gods design because he knew the devil was at work, and would want to take happiness away from her.

When the cancer hit, I thanked God for giving her a son, Bijoux-Meaning "Jewel". He really was a Jewel. He brought happiness to her life and everyone around her. I always said God knows what would happen next, and he does everything on his own terms not on ours.

Although we were far apart she made an effort to CALL ME once in a while! I really was supposed to be the one doing the calling, knowing her situation!
She showed me the meaning of strength! And now all I pray for is strength to survive this loss!

Only God knows why! And we will not question him. Only God gives and takes. Only him restores the broken heart. By our faith alone we are sure our broken heart would be restored.

Lord Jesus, give us all strength to comprehend. Give Bijoux understanding to be able to take it all in.

When the devil attacks, he attacks our faith. This experience has taught me to hold fast to my faith, because this is the time the devil dives in to mess with us, our faith and our belief system; so protecting our faith should be our goal. Thank you lord for the life of Kandie Grace Gwanzuwang, my sister, my friend! You alone will restore the ailing heart.

Temporary "Squeezelish" High

2009-12-03T14:26:00.000-08:00

Apple so red, it made you fall
Fall, Fall back into sin
I could do worse
I can make u sink, sink so fast u forget to blink

I desire to be deceptive, you deserve to be receptive
Sweep me off my feet? You’ll be off your feet! (Slushhhhhh….)
The “Game” is so tight, but my heart’s always flat
My ego! My ego! Taking over my decency
I remain mortal, fear-‘less’! Take the back seat

No moan-‘ness’, No whine-‘ness’, No fuss-‘ness’
It just glides high, high it’s so wide
Its gone with the wind
Emotion‘less’ - Fear’less’ - Heart’less’

I can make your heart rock, and make your bed bounce
Grant my desires, so I perspire
Cos when you no dey my bed, I go make am without you
“I dey feel you, I dey love you”, I say it cos you wan hear am

Give me your emotions
I give you understanding
Cloud NINE sipping
Be my temporary HIGH
So we would FLY
Fly high! high into the SKY

~Amina J. Yakubu~

SWEET & SOUR MEMORIES I REMEMBER

2009-12-02T21:43:00.000-08:00

I remember...
We used to drive many hours by road from Warri to Kaduna for the holidays.
Chasing around the ducks and chickens in the courtyard to make a meal.
The smell of grand ma’s kosai balls and doya (fried yams) in the mornings while waiting for morning devotion to be over so I could indulge.
Dancing in the courtyard with the drummers a day before New Years.
Cooking in a hut with firewood at grandma’s.
Fetching water from the well in the village

Technology has transformed things now. Perhaps knowledge is now available
Hmmm...Sweet Memories

I remember...
Getting grounded all the time, but still managed to get around.
Getting a sweet slap on the back because my lil bro hurt himself while under my care.
Fetching buckets of water on the head, to preserve for later use.
As a child being selective of my friends & what they should look like.
Falling in love so hard that I couldn’t get up the ground
Hmmm...Sweet Memories?

My memories became a moment of sudden revelation...
No matter who you are...
Days go by, people grow, hearts break
Choices come, decisions made, goals crack
Lets keep it stable? Lets keep it sensible? Lets keep it steady?
Naaa, change is woobly
Change is inevitable
Choices have to be made
Decisions show signs of growth

My memories has created the platform for my future
The choices I make has set the path in my present
With my ability to discern right from wrong
...The right choices will be made & my future guaranteed.

~Amina J. Yakubu~

What Woman Should I be?

2009-11-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

I don’t know about you, but for me and some people I know ☺
at this age most of my friends are married, some with kids…
It is a scary stage…
I remember when I was 18 years old I knew exactly when I would get married
I knew I had options…I still do ☺ because I am a freaking magnet! LOL!
But truly, I had my life mapped out. By 25 I knew I would be married.☹

Its strange because these days, the more I think of marriage the colder my feet gets
Of course there are many reasons why I feel that way.
I asked my friend the other day, what do men really want!?
I told him I would like to understand men, he said I shouldn’t…
Why?
I really just wanted to understand why a man has his wife at home, but he is out scouring a prey
I wanted to understand why a man can’t just go home, and safely indulge in the approved sin with the approved person

Anyway, here is the interesting part of our conversation. Warning: It is kinda vulgar. (Note: Name changed to protect identity)

Amina: Im tryna understand men
Dlo: don’t
Amina: I shouldn’t!!
Dlo: we can’t understand women either
Amina: Ah no o! Help me understand. If the thing catch you, you should be able to go and grab your wife na? Abi isn’t that the idea of marriage? The exclusivity?
Dlo: shebi u go soon marry?
Amina: ahhhhh! u don scare me finish
Dlo: dont b o..abeg men generally feel women change when they get married and start having kids..
Amina: change how? so that i make sure i don't change, pls tell me
Dlo: eh ehn..u go pay consultancy fee o
Amina: no wahala. i go pay
Dlo: You must arrange contract when you come
Amina: lol. no long thing
Dlo: Changes: and this is from discussions with my married friends...
1. y'all get comfortable
2...y'all take things 4 granted after marriage
3...no excitement except when it comes to shopping, what happened 2 d fun loving girl we married
Amina: lol
Dlo: 4...Sex starts becoming routine. Sometimes we men want good ole fashioned bread breaking fucking. lady in d streets, freak in d bed?
Amina: lol. omg
Dlo: Men need their wives to be consummate, motherly and whores...
Amina: oh snap! Lol ok keep going
Dlo: u guys just stop surprising especially after babies…Show interest in football. Offer to follow us to pub sometimes, even if we say no.
And always give us space… because we ain’t talking much don’t mean something is wrong u know?
Men are logical beings...most men. Our lives are pretty much organized and calculated...its very stressful for us when women mess up our routine one way or the other, especially when it makes no sense to us.
End of conversation...

Now, does this mean the problem is from women? Are we the problem?
Its possible.
I know I will be taking a lesson home from this.
My husband will not have any reason to go out, Amen
I will get a pole in my room ☺, if I have to
My husband won’t be left wanting...

Having all these information at our disposal should prepare us.
We should stop blaming men, and see what we can do.
Maybe the world will be a better place?
Its possible ☺

We should endeavor to be hot and on fire like this lady instead!Hehehe ☺

And things might change in our home! He might reduce the amount of time he spends outside the home, and move it inside. Be more exciting, and Spontaneous!

Thoughts?

~Amina J. Yakubu~

H-Town aka "The party comes to us"

2009-10-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

As soon as I got off the plane, the sneeze came for 5 minutes,
From them on, it was a cough with piercing pain to the chest,
Henceforth, my health became a downward spiral…
I wasn’t sure what I had, all I know is I became well acquainted with my bed within 2 days.
Muscle pain, abdominal aches, headaches, dizziness etcetera etcetera.
I had all the symptoms of a seasonal flu (and swine flu actually), but still unsure
My fear… “I hope I don’t have the swine flu!”

Woke up this morning (10/28/09) at 6 am vomiting nothing.
Then diarrhea followed, yuck ☹ (Might be as a result of Nyquil & Mucinex I don’t know)
As soon as this happened, my nerves kicked in, and my guessing game was over.
Checked myself into the urgent care center for medical advice.

It turns out I don’t have the flu, but I have some kind of viral infection
I most have eaten something from that Nigeria restaurant in Houston (finger Licking)
So yippee! I am flu free, but still need to get better.
Those of you that haven’t gotten the vaccine, please do!
You don’t want to feel shitty like I did or still do.
There are only 3 things I can do: eat (thank God), type, and sleep! But I can’t read! ☹

Needless to say, I had a BLAST in Houston. The Dallas crew made it happen even though they aren’t from H-Town, but the party came to them!? Did it? Maybe it did! Lol!
Even though “Saez & Zuk” nightclub sucked big time, Clara’s party and cloud nine was good. Most importantly, the company was all I needed…exquisite.
Time was well spent, I must say ☺

__________________________________
http://www.ayakubu.blogspot.com/

“Yo Bailo” (I dance)

2009-10-23T06:01:00.000-07:00

He asked me to dance
I wanted to, but I said no
He took 3 steps back and 3 steps forward
Then asked me again if I would like to dance
In my shyness and awkwardness of his beauty
I wanted to, but I said no

The music so beautiful
The texture and pattern made me shiver
Ask again! I want to dance! he seems to quiver
He Looked a tad embarrassed scared of rejection

What do I do... Lesson learned...

I once loved, Love came, but I was blind
Love came a second, but I remained blind
Now I love once again, but love is a far
Unreachable... Unattainable,
How will love know I’m ready to love?
Should I say? Should I watch? Should I be patient?

Indispensably, Dance at the genesis...

.........................................
http://www.ayakubu.blogspot.com

Its done, its finished, I did it!!!

2009-10-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

I sat on the couch today feeling a little bit gloomy
reminiscing about statements like “how do we describe Amina after she gets rid of the gap tooth?”
or the name my impish little sister instilled upon me - “Betty”! argh wicked yea?
But, I got my braces taken out today after thirteen months of excruciating pain and style crumpling! ☺

It felt strange but good at the same time
I was overly excited to see what I would look like
To see how my looks would be transformed
Ermm, I still look the same ☺ slightly different without the gaps ☺

I could not stop smiling
I could not stop starring at the mirror
I could not stop thinking and saying “thank you God, I am done”

In retrospect, I am elated to have gone through this “procedure”.
And I am glad I took that bold step at that (young ☺) age to do it
A lot of people could not believe I (diva) would do it. (hehehe)
It is now finished!

Good bye claws, Bienvenidos Bonita ☺

P.S its not a gross picture I hope? ☺

.........................................
http://www.ayakubu.blogspot.com

"SET IT OFF" Movie on Route 1?

2009-10-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

On 10/16/2009 I left home all dressed up looking cute :-), heading to Starbucks for another round of studying after dropping off this six-year-old girl I had offered to take home. Prior to getting to Starbucks, somehow I found myself taking this back road (Route 1North) in Maryland, trying to cut-thru all the slow traffic that resulted from this unending rain. Unfortunately, this traffic was on a mission to get me angry.

At approximately 4pm (EST) still driving, I noticed three cop cars swift past at the same time, which meant I had to stop for them to pass (very annoying by the way). In my head (most times talking to myself) I made the “WTF” comment, and gently said “whatever is going on or whatever accident they are rushing to, should not be on this road o!” If that was the case, my journey was for sure gonna be longer and I didn’t want that. 10 more minutes in this congestion I was gonna scream, immediately it began moving.

5 minutes into this moving traffic, (which is 20mins after the three cop cars passed) this time the cop cars flew past me like they were coming for me. About 7 of them came speeding down the road. I was still saying “no!!!! This accident shouldn’t be on this road.”

As soon as they passed me, just say 300ft in front of me as I decided to continue driving they pulled right in front of me, and almost at the same time they flew out of their cars and pointed their guns towards the same direction. OMG! My heart sank! At this point I didn’t know what the heck to do.

Should I duck? Should I park my car? Should I speed up? I did not want to be a witness to ANOTHER shooting! I wasn’t ready to watch someone die AGAIN. It took me many years to erase the first one, and this wasn’t gonna happen again. I was terrified by the thoughts of stray bullets at this time.
What if the cops mistakenly turned my direction and started shooting? I knew I didn’t want to park and wait; I wanted to be out of that setting one-way or the other.

The opposite side of the lane was blocked. Cars couldn’t move at this point. The car in front of me was driving slow!!!!! I literally smashed my gas I took off! At this point my heart was in my mouth! A stray bullet? Na not me!! I was not about to be a victim, plus there was someone’s kid peacefully napping in my back seat. Driving off meant passing right in front of this shoot out, but as I quickly did, I still had the time to glance to my left to see who they were trying to kill or shoot ☺.
What I saw was a Malibu parked facing my direction, doors open, tires already down, Oh God I hit that gas without thinking twice! This just reminded me of the movie set-it off! I didn’t want to be a part of it anyway. What if the victim shot back right when I passed? God! Thank you was all I said.

Sigh, before the thoughts of blinking your eyes come to mind, your life can end that moment. God knows when its time, and he sure knew it wasn’t mine! He neva finish! I am just thankful, because it can be a different story- but it isn’t.

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http://www.ayakubu.blogspot.com

Bias Professor...

2009-10-06T14:57:00.001-07:00

Hmmmmmmm So its been a while since I blogged, all because of this thing they call school! Unfortunately it is a necessary evil! A lot has gone on, from cries to laughter, to trips around the world, to parties, and to more laughter! God has been faithful.

School has been hectic specifically because of my RACIST Canadian professor. Let me indulge you in this "torment": when he is critiquing a FOREIGNERS presentation style or just the work itself, he goes like "in U.S and Europe people speak differently, so learn to put a pitch in your tone when you talk. example- "Tomorrow is OUR end of year PARTY!" (Notice the words I have in caps) AHMMMMM ok!!!! really? thats just stupid i'm sorry.

He has done a lot that I can't even get into. He grades people based on his initial perception of you! He doesn't even try to see potentials in people, only after you challenge him about your grade.

I have two weeks in this class, and I will be done! Worst part of this is that it is a capstone class! and he is determined to fail all the black people.
Hmmmm my biased prof.!

hmmmm my friends put me in your prayers, until then.

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http://www.ayakubu.blogspot.com

Tag! Tagging! Tagged! ☺

2009-08-31T16:16:00.001-07:00

This Award was passed on from Maxine and I was also tagged, so I have to share seven facts about myself… listed below:

1. I have 3 sisters and 2 younger brothers (6 children)
2. I am in my season of singleness, & kinda sorta learning a lot from it
3. Cooking is what I absolutely love to do when I have time
4. 3/4 days a week, I wake up at 7am to break a sweat doing a 4-mile run
5. I haven’t really held a real job in my business field since April 2007 :-/- mainly part-time jobs
6. I am in my final semester in my MBA program
7. I listen to John Legend all the time, over and over, and wish he would sing on my wedding day.

(Below are the bloggers that I am passing this award along to, and also tagging):

@ilola

Chinedu

Always True... :-)

2009-08-24T18:20:00.000-07:00

Excited rush to be within your reach, it has its own way of making me flush

Like water flowing in the stream, my heart flows loud with love extreme

You sustain me at my level of awareness, you are able to stabilize my conscious

You are cognizant of my limit, & yet you give me a chance to experiment

You showed me light, you showed me what’s right

In every desert of trials, you certainly have an oasis of comfort

That is why in everything, I give thanks!

Because there is a reason for every disappointment.

And you stay true all the time!

Get that dust out!

2009-08-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

Many years gone past, all covered in dust after dust
Morning after morning thoughts of making change roll by almost immediately
I shake the dust only when I'm in a hole
Sipping into corrosion, I still let it fade
I knew it had to change

As trouble lurks in the dark, I cry out
As pain becomes intense, I scream
As snares come my way, I muster
Why at that moment?
I knew it had to change

Ouch! A slight cuff in the back of the head puts me on course!
It should have been a part of life
It should have been a commitment
It should have been a promise
I knew it had to change

No expiration date in knowing you
No expiration date in loving you
No expiration date in dwelling in your presence
I Can't comprehend letting you erode anymore
I knew it had to change

You make my days free of dust
You make my life free of corrosion
And hear I am letting you slowly fade
Not anymore! You are my way of life
You are my I AM!
CHANGE HAS COME

The Genie in Mee

2009-08-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, so i have some more to share from Dr Anthony's book. It is so good I can't resist sharing with you all :-)...Learning from past experience is important for developing total self-confidence. That is because we are able to recognize and resolve our mistakes the best way we can, and avoid repeating it.

Also, total self-confidence can be built by releasing our unlimited potential through the power of our mind. The author asserts that there is a power within that can bring forth anything we picture. He calls it the Universal Mind or Creative Intelligence. He often refers to the creative intelligence as the “I AM”. When you think of how easy it is to talk to God he makes things clearer for you, and you tap into unlimited potentials, etc, again he says this is a Universal Mind Ok, I guess if we see this a different way, it might make some sense and similarity to discernment of the spirit.

He is saying there are forces in the universe that attracts or that magnetize our wants. Therefore, this magnet in the universe would attract what we desire or want in our subconscious. This whole thing gets pretty technical.

Basically, the law of mental magnetism states that what you really want or desire will be yours, as long as you give dominant attention to it. Desire is the seed of fulfillment. Whatever desires you have, has the mechanism to become a reality. Why? Because desires become imprinted in your subconscious! If you have the desire to be creative, it implies that you definitely have the means to achieve fulfillment.

After being aware of our subconscious mind, we need not forget that it works for and against us, depending on what we feed it! Depending on what it senses and records based on our physical, intellectual, mental, and emotional experiences.

Let me not forget to share with you how to program the genie inside you. Our
subconscious responds to three things:

1- Verbalizing. We already know this. From my previous blog we know the power of our tongue or words. What we say to ourselves determines everything we do. We use words to program ourselves without realizing it. Words as little as “ I don’t have patience, I’m not perfect, I can’t lose weight, I don’t like my job, I have a poor memory, ” etc. we need to program our mind with positive affirmations. We need to repeat them over and over again until our subconscious accepts them as reality. There is no room for switching back and forth, because it will confuse the subconscious. Yes it would!

2- Feeling and Emotion: the subconscious responds to these two things more than anything else. Our emotion is the carrier of creativity. We don’t have room to slow down our creativity thereby slowing down our reality. So we need to keep our emotions in check. By speaking aloud or listening to music, and using repetition to impress an idea in our subconscious, will help impress the information quickly, esp from negative to positive emotions.

3- Visualization: this is key because being visual and imaginative empowers our
mind. Our subconscious responds to images and pictures. The Author points that we have the power to mentally create a new life for ourselves. We should practice putting down whatever we visualize or imagine on a scrapbook. Everyday look at it so that the picture holds in our mind, and let them sink in. Since it is true that what we visualize we will be because of how the subconscious works and the power within, then we all should endeavor to do this exercise. We should picture our future vividly in order to feed our subconscious properly.

The subconscious power and conscious (hearing, tasting, smelling, feeling, & seeing) act differently. A lot of times our conscious will try to downplay the subconscious power, but this is where faith comes in play. The author was not biblical, but most of what he said I could tie to the bible. Faith is key. If we believe what we have put down in the scrapbook as already ours, we need to be excited and believe it is. The conscious will constantly fight against the subconscious telling us we are thinking beyond reality. But our faith will overcome that. We ought to be strong and not accept that. We should trust our subconscious more than our conscious because our conscious is only limited to five senses.

With all of this, we need to act like we already have what we pictured, start giving thanks to GOD! By doing that, we acknowledge that what we want is on its way.

Thoughts...?

TO LOVE THY NEIGHBOR

2009-08-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

While reading Dr. Robert Anthony’s book on total self-confidence, I had to stop and reflect back on chapter six! It was on the POSITIVE power of love. I pulled out a lot of what i thought could and would be beneficial to share, and would hopefully empower you. Here goes it…

We ought to know that Love is not hate, violence, ambition, competition, or infatuation.

Infatuation focuses on outside traits, which eventually leads to disappointments.

Love is not sex. You can have sex without love, and love without sex. To all those that claim sex to be the only way to express your love! This is for you.

Love is the attracting, uniting, harmonizing force of the Universe. It is helping the other person grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Love is allowing the other person the complete freedom to be himself and accepting that person WITHOUT trying to CHANGE them.

Love means to LOVE! It doesn’t imply conditions.

It is absolutely foolish when we promise to love a person forever. We came to this world alone, and we will leave this world alone.

“Love is a moment-by-moment experience. Love will continue as long as each person fulfills a need and contributes to the relationship. Love must continue if a relationship is to be held together."

In order to preserve love, one partner must not attempt to change the other. This is one mistake a lot of us make. I am a living testimony! Trying to change my partner, even after he showed me who he truly was from day one! My effort to change the person eventually lead to a breakup, and that is what Dr. Anthony says in this book. Never attempt to change your partner, because it is destructive.

The more independent you feel, the more you will value your partner.

Bottom-line: love yourself in order for you to love someone. If you can love yourself, you will be able to show love.

By pointing out strengths in others, we are helping ourselves as well. Doing this would satisfy our own needs for loving, as well as generate even more positive response and increase our total self-confidence.

Love is the means by which we help others to be successful. It is a means by which we make others feel important, alive, & capable of self-improvement. By giving others recognition and assurance, & pointing out their positive traits, we can stimulate them to make the best possible use of their unlimited potential.

Loving thy neighbor is when we empower people to open their eyes to their own greatness; to their potential they never realized existed.

By doing all these, we are indirectly helping ourselves.

"These are a few of my favorite things!" :-)

2009-08-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

Driving to work I prayed to God not to put a slow driver in front of me that would make me sin. I curse all the time when someone is doing 15 on a 45, especially during rush hour. Oh yea, so God decided to bless me by not answering my prayer ☺

It became clear to me that this happens to be one of my biggest pet peeve…I began to think about other peeves that I probably might have that really don't make sense, but yet gets me.

I began to think about a lot of things, and why does it even bug me! Oh well, I realize I have a lot of things that irritate me, below are only a few of them I wanted to share. Maybe you feel my pain

• Ok so procrastination crawls my skin. Why do you leave things at the last minute? Yes, a lot of us procrastinate, but some people are so extreme. I have a friend who kept procrastinating until he got stuck and could not find a new house, until a day after he was evicted from his apartment complex. “Last minute stunt”!

• African men that say “I can only date white women” bitch! Look at your skin! And remember your mama and sisters are black. Tshewwww! Lol

• When friends tend to be indecisive! That throws me off! Oh, most especially when the guys just don’t know what they want! Please make up your mind! Don’t get me stuck because dude cannot decide what to do. I like to be organized, and have my s*** together, planned!

• The biggest one, when I am done cooking, and someone wants to taste the food. Instead of getting a plate and spoon, they eat directly from the cooking pot, and attempt to put the spoon right back into the pot! I don’t know about you, but gosh! I have tried to see it as normal, but there is no way it can be normal.

• Not washing your dishes after eating, especially if the sink is clearly sparkling!!! Please endeavor to respect people’s environment.

• In college I some white friends…I had these friends not because they liked me, but at some point they had to pretend they did so that they could get close to the cute (I never thought they were cute) African or Nigerian guy that refers to me as “my sister”. Once they get him, they stop being my friend. ☹

• A guy that does not know how to express himself over the phone, but only when he gets on a chat or text, then you hear how much he wants to be with you, and how much he wants to make me happy. Emmmm, dude please call my phone and be a man. Tell me what’s up over the phone, no time for games dude!

• Hmmm, the skittles piñata ad! Please who feels me on this one? The advertisement that has the guy that his suit is made out of a piñata, gives me the itch! uhhh ! It gives me bumps!

• When you are done doing dishes, then someone swings by and drops a butter knife without thinking that maybe it can be rinsed? Yea! Maybe it can! Just try it!

So yea!!! These are a list of my favorite things! :-) No not really! Just thought I’d share ☺ More to come!

Trust Vs Love

2009-08-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

The other day after a lovely barbecue with a couple of my good friends, we embarked on one of many heated arguments on the hot topic- Love vs. Trust; the argument was once again everyone against one! Ok, maybe against two.

Most times in our arguments, we try to separate between the issues of love and trust in marriage and dating. Is it possible that it is perceived different in both cases? The argument or the discussion was that trust surpasses love in a romantic relationship. Majority of the group leaned towards love being the bases of every relationship, while the other one or two argued passionately that trust is the bases of every, and all relationship in order for it to succeed.

Now, this is what I feel is important. Yes, trust is a necessary ingredient in every relationship to work, but love is the binding force behind the relationship. The Bible says God is love! That is a strong statement! When we tear into bits and pieces of who God is manifested to be, we see that trust falls in that category, but above all things ‘Love is the greatest of them all’.

I personally believe that in a relationship if something goes wrong, the ability to forgive is not based on the trust I HAD for the person, but based on the love that was once there for him/her. Trust will have to grow to that level that it once was before the ordeal, and what makes this possible is the love present for that person. I can trust a friend, but it does not mean that will make me want to date the friend!

You might have comments as to why I cite the Bible all the time? Well, the Bible is the source of my knowledge! It is my way of life. All that I know is what the Bible tells me. In Colossians 3:14, it reads “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity”. Once again, this verse reiterates the necessity of love. Love sugarcoats it all. Love makes it perfect. Love is God, and God is love. Love binds together trust, joy, happiness, etc.
Also, 1 Peter 4:8 says; “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins”. This is one of my favorite verses! This is a checkmate! A bullseye! A Head-on! Love covers over a multitude of sin. Love is very crucial for a relationship to hold together. God knew we humans would encounter such relationship ups and downs, that is why his teachings laid emphasis on the essence of love.

This is just to reiterate my point of view on this issue. We concluded saying we can’t do without both! Love and trust has to be in unison for a healthy relationship, to cross many hurdles. But I still believe that Love should be ranked higher than trust for a successful relationship. I am not sure what or how you view it, but please feel free to educate me and disagree with me as well.

Your destiny in your control?

2009-08-10T13:57:00.001-07:00

After many failed relationships, after many good relationships that you thought would and could never go wrong, the unthinkable breakup comes creeping back up in your blissful relationship. I thought deep once again; is there really a point to even date? Is there a point to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Most times I get fully engulfed thinking about all the “whys” and all the “ifs” I encountered in my relationships. Most times I end up putting blame in myself, and regretting why I didn’t succumb to the strain in my relationships just to make it work.

Like many ladies, I always felt complete when I was in a relationship. I was among the fortunate once to say “yes, he spoilt me with gifts and more”. He took care of me very well, and that is probably the reason why I felt complete being with him. Then comes the “Me factor”; when I finally put the blame on myself after a relationship turns sour.

Until I went through self-realization and figured making an excuse for a guy is beyond wrong! I am worth it! I am who I am! I am what really matters! If he don’t want this, he don’t know what he is missing! How dare he tell me we should break up? Who does he think he is? He isn’t all that anyway!

All of this empowerment does work. Soon I was awake and nothing seemed bizarre anymore. Gradually, realization of the gap between God and I was made obvious. I forgot my identity as a child of God. I forgot I had a purpose. I sort of forgot what ever I did in my life should be reflection of Christ. It took me a broken heart, pool of tears, sleep less nights, hours in church, to realize what I needed to feel complete once again. All that was needed was to be codependent on Christ and him alone. Being codependent on Christ centers the relationship on Christ. It shows that God is what you and your spouse would eventually fall back on when turbulence occurs. Speaking positively to myself and about myself, about my personal growth with Christ, empowered me! Revealed my true and inner strength, taught me the truth about myself, and what I should be focused on henceforth.

The tongue can be difficult to control, but if we can control it, things will begin to change in our life. Being able to control our tongue, and speak positively about our situations, we will realize how deadly and at the same time beneficial our tongue functions. A lot of times we say things out of anger, and forget that we are proclaiming it upon our own heads. There are two verses in the Bible to meditate on from the book of proverbs. Proverbs 18:21 which says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof". Proverbs 12:18 says "There is he that speaketh like the piercing of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health." I have learnt throw these two chapters that regardless of my situation here on earth, with all the disappointments I stumble upon, my tongue determines my destiny. I have learnt to confess positively, and behold it shall be

I say this to my single deserving friends that maybe in the past out of pain and disappointments have made comments like “marriage is not for me”, it is important to go on your knees and confess positively- watch how God will never disappoint you.