A Dumpling or Two

Last night

2010-02-28T15:54:00.001+00:00

This is our last night as a couple. In about 11 hours we will become a trio. I'm so nervous that I don't know how or if I will be able to sleep tonight.

No doubt tomorrow will be a huge release of emotions, but I will try to add some long-awaited photos once we've settled in for the evening.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Shengzhou Rd,Nanjing,China

2010-02-27T11:13:00.001+00:00

We're in Nanjing. Operation Tweetie Pie is in full swing, with approximately 36 hours until we meet our little girl!

We had an enjoyable evening in Shanghai, a pleasant train journey to Nanjing, and are about to take a walk since the Lantern Festival is in full swing.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Shengzhou Rd,Nanjing,China

Test

2010-02-07T15:14:00.000+00:00

Testing

Sent from my iPhone

70+ days

2009-10-14T09:09:00.000+01:00

72, to be precise, and nothing. Not a peep about our LOA. In a way this is a good thing, because it means we haven't been declined. But I'll feel much better once we are through the review process. As far as we know, we still aren't in review, so our wait could be quite a bit longer than initially expected.

We're keeping our fingers crossed that H1N1 doesn't ramp up, as that could mean temporary shutdown of referrals. That could lead to months of delays, and every day we wait is another day that she lives in an orphanage.

On another front, I spent about 6 hours on the telephone with various immigration people trying to figure out whether this poor child will be entitled to citizenship of any country. At this moment in time, it's dubious. Apparently we'll have to apply when the time comes, then wait and and see. Now there's something I hadn't expected to have to worry about when we started this process!

Not in review yet

2009-09-29T23:32:00.000+01:00

Our dossier is not yet in the review stage of the process. We had high hopes for traveling by Christmas, but I hear China is just as pretty in January, if a little cold. I'd rather be patient and know things are done properly than to have paperwork rushed through and find out we're missing something or need a correction while we're half-way around the world.

All in due time, all in due time. Deep breaths....

50 days and counting

2009-09-23T17:43:00.002+01:00

We have officially passed the 50-day mark of waiting for our LOA (letter of acceptance). Wow. Time is passing much more quickly than I hoped, and I don't think that's a good thing! There is so much left to do, and being a non-Hague family means that once we receive LOA life will get very hectic.

This really is a roller coaster of an experience.

The joy of toys!

2009-09-12T12:59:00.004+01:00

I never thought I'd be the type to go for traditional wooden toys, but I have fallen in love with the ones I've seen and have added quite a few to Tweetie Pie's growing collection. My favourite so far is this one, which is a good-sized learning center complete with abacus, xylophone, and bead maze, which should help her develop fine motor skills. But I also really like these wooden sound blocks. They're smaller than they look in the photo, but they're really nicely made. Each block has a different sound, which seems like a good learning tool for a child with low vision.

Another toy I am looking forward to receiving is a seahorse that lights up and plays classical lullabies or ocean sounds. Technically this is geared toward infants, but we'll be removing Tweetie Pie from the only environment she's known since two days after birth, and I think she'll be entitled to a comforting soft toy to help soothe her to sleep. The good news is that if she doesn't like the music, it can be turned down or off.

We've also acquired a few musical instruments and a couple of small cuddlies. But we're not adding too many more toys to her collection until she is home, in case she disagrees with us as to what constitutes a fun toy!

A sweet treat!

2009-08-27T16:04:00.002+01:00

I awoke yesterday to find that another adoptive family who is currently in China had been allowed to visit the SWI in which our daughter resides, and they were able to photograph children who were matched to families. So we were treated to five brand new photos of our daughter! The photos we received with her file were taken five months ago, so it was a wonderful way to gauge her progress. I'm happy to report that she's growing well and looks healthy, alert and happy. Seeing her beautiful little face was the sweetest surprise!

Operation Tweetie Pie...

2009-08-26T10:42:00.002+01:00

...has officially begun!

After months of discussion and research, we decided to investigate adopting a special needs child. We identified needs with which we felt comfortable and began looking at listings on the Rainbow Kids web site. We identified a child, sent a letter requesting permission to adopt, and last week received PA (preliminary approval) to adopt a beautiful little girl who is currently 16 months old and residing in a social welfare institute in the Jiangsu province of China!

We have a bit of a wait ahead of us for the formal LOA (letter of acceptance) from China, during which time I'm experiencing nesting and a healthy dose of anxiety over our abilities as first-time parents. There is sooooo much to be done! Luckily we purchased furniture and some of the larger items (high chair, car seat, stroller) when our dossier was sent to China, so we can concentrate on the finer details--making sure her needs are catered for, choosing some nice developmental toys and making our house baby safe. We are over the moon at the prospect of becoming parents!!

There's been a bit of debate on a certain purple site about those who switch from NSN to SN. Personally, I do believe that if the wait were not so long we would not have had the opportunity to consider switching. But as we talked about the possibility we realised that the reason we chose to adopt was to give a home to a child who might not otherwise find a home (as well as to become parents, obviously). And at this moment there are so many waiting children in the SN program. We feel that switching to SN is more in line with our original intentions. We have thoroughly investigated the special needs of our daughter as well as the most common undisclosed needs. For us, this feels like the right thing to do, but not all families are in a position to take on known needs. Each family must be at peace with their decision, and we are with ours.

Watch this space....

2009-08-19T19:08:00.002+01:00

Things are brewing, but we have one more hurdle to jump before going public. :)

Time marches on

2009-03-31T16:54:00.003+01:00

The first anniversary of our LID passed without fanfare or even comment a few days ago.

I haven't had the inclination to update this weblog for months, primarily as a self-protection mechanism. We've found we're more content if we keep our minds occupied with things not related to the adoption. In the last year referrals have ground to a near-halt. Talk of a speed-up seems rooted in hope rather than reality. And we aren't getting younger!

On another note, we're renewing some paperwork and need two one-line letters signed by our GP. I neatly typed out the contents of the letters, filled in our details, and dropped the letters at our doctor's office a week ago. Today I found out the GP decided not to stay under the new management that takes over tomorrow, and he is no longer willing to sign our letters! We have to make appointments with a new GP we've never seen us and hope he is willing to sign the letters; otherwise, we're facing new medicals, which will cost over $1500. I'm also concerned that the new GP might let a couple of minor health issues that have caused major problems in the past year jade his view of our overall health.

This process doesn't seem to get easier no matter how long you stick with it!

Four Months

2008-07-25T23:31:00.004+01:00

Whoops, I almost forgot our fourth monthly anniversary! There's been little to report, other than to admit that I've been quite busy with business-related issues lately. To be honest, keeping my mind occupied by things other than adoption has been good. I've achieved a lot and haven't felt as stressed this month.

On an unrelated front, I'm very happy that Qantas flight 30 landed and that everyone was safe, if a bit shaken by their experience. I'm due to fly in a few weeks, and I'm not the worst flyer in the world, but I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of cruising 40,000 feet above the ground. I'm not flying with Qantas, but knowing that the crew were able to respond so well in a time of crisis gives me a bit of comfort. There are 350 passengers who probably feel the same way this evening.

Where's PAP #29,998?

2008-07-22T11:33:00.004+01:00

This is how I feel today, like I'm lost in a sea of PAPs and confusion! The wait is bad enough, but these silly i-600 vs. i-800 issues are driving me mad. Wouldn't it be nice to fast forward to Spring of 2009 and bypass the Olympics and the USCIS issues!

More fun with numbers

2008-07-08T16:58:00.003+01:00

I've really got to lay off the number-crunching, because a) I'm not really achieving anything, and b) I'm not a statistician! But playing with numbers does help me to put things into perspective and get myself into a zen place about our pending adoption.

This time I ventured into a realm of terror--Excel! I am not an Excel person, normally avoiding it at all costs. But I wanted to make a graph or chart and couldn't think of any better software package, at least not one that resides on my computer. So I gathered my figures and asked my husband to help me figure out how to create a basic chart.

WARNING: This chart covers referrals received by my agency only, so it may not be relevant to your agency!

What you're seeing is referrals by year, with each colour corresponding to a different year. This chart doesn't address LIDs in any way; it is based on the day a batch of referrals arrived. For example, the referrals shown for July 2008 would be those received this week. And again, referrals are specific to my agency.

I'm a visual person, and for me this helps more clearly illustrate the change in referral patterns and helps me come to terms with the slow-down that is so often talked about.

Sing along, part 2 (playing with numbers)

2008-07-04T11:09:00.004+01:00

110 China LIDs on the wall, 110 LIDs on the wall....

On the 9th of May I wrote that our agency had 112 unique LIDs before ours and that we could track our progress via monthly newsletters from the agency. As of the July referrals, that number has dropped to 110 LIDs. That means it took two months to refer two LIDs. Now, with me being intrigued by numbers and having little to work with other than LIDs, I decided to do a little extrapolating.

Okay, say our agency averages one LID per referral month from here out. That would make our wait just over 9 years. That seems insane. So suppose that things do pick up a bit and referrals average two LIDs per month. That drops our wait to 4.6 years. That sounds more realistic. But at some point I do believe that due to the drop in the number of applications post-05/07 rules, things will go back to 3-4 LIDs per month. With our LID being 12 months behind the new rules, it's the pre-05/07 dossiers that are causing most of the current backlog.

Of the 110 LIDs before us, 66 are for February to April, 2007. So let's assume those are referred at an average rate of 2 LIDs per month. That gives us 2.75 years to get through the main backlog. And let's assume the 44 post-05/07 LIDs are referred at a rate of 4 per month. That gives us a .9-year wait to get through the post-05/07 backlog. Add those together and you get a total wait of 3.65 years, which is a fair bit more optimistic than some of the online calculators would have you believe! Without historic data it's impossible to say if my figures have any base in reality, but right now I need to look on the bright side of life.

And hey, wouldn't I be a party-pooper if I had anything other than optimistic thoughts on the 4th of July!

Three Months

2008-06-25T15:46:00.004+01:00

I have been pretty slack about posting, but I am not generally one who speaks unless there is something to say. Our news of the day is that we have made it through three months of our official wait. If the wait ends up taking 4 years, as 44% of you who have voted in my little poll below expect, that means we are now 1/16th or 6.25% of the way through the wait. That sounds pretty insignificant, but no matter how slow, it feels like we're making progress.

The downside to such a long wait is that I'm having to distance myself emotionally from the process. Some days I think I'm distancing myself a little too much. To regain a bit of enthusiasm I asked my husband to take me to a local baby superstore the other day so I could admire the crib, dresser and toy box that we bought. We haven't unboxed our set yet; it's in storage until we know where we'll be at the time of referral. It's a beautiful set, chosen by my husband because it's solid wood and sturdy enough for the most rambunctious child. And it will grow with the child, changing from crib to toddler bed to daybed. I so look forward to the day that the furniture is assembled, the nursery is painted, and the room is filled with cute giggles and sleepy sighs.

Quiet but volatile

2008-05-30T12:18:00.005+01:00

Quiet but volatile is how I would describe the current mood among China PAPs. The adoption rumour mill is relatively quiet at the moment--almost eerily so. Unfortunately, as the silence grows deeper, the emotions of APs and PAPs seem to rise to the surface.

Waiting for adoption news is a grueling process that only those who have experienced or are experiencing it can fully understand, especially when the wait is of indeterminate length. Living arrangements, employment status, savings balances, physical and mental health... each issue is assessed and reported to the authorities in China who assess PAPs for suitability to adopt. A change to any of these issues represents is a potential threat to a PAP's ability to adopt. When the wait was below 12 months the threat of change was minimal. With the wait not far off crossing the 36-month threshold, many PAPs are finding themselves obsessing over the possibility of change, which is hardly an emotionally healthy way to live.

The tragic events of the past month have led to a massive outpouring of grief and mourning for those affected. Anxiety about anticipated changes to the process caused by the Olympics, combined with this grief and mourning and negative emotions due to the uncertainty of the adoption process has led to a volatile atmosphere on some of the China adoption message boards. My wish for the people of China is for an end to aftershocks, pain and damage. My wish for PAPs is that as a community we will unite and help one another through these difficult times and not allow emotions to prevail.

Two months

2008-05-27T10:22:00.004+01:00

I'm a little late off the mark with this post! We spent the long weekend relaxing, and although I was aware of our two-month LID anniversary, I didn't rush to the computer to post about it.

To be honest, the events of the last few weeks have had a sombering effect on me. There has been so much pain and loss in China. The final death toll isn't yet known, but word that thousands of people in China wish to adopt has made international news. Last week I found myself wondering if the orphans of China still needs PAPs from outside of their own country, a question to which I have no answer. There is no answer to be had until the officials in China release more information, so I'm trying to focus on other projects for the moment.

Why we are where we are

2008-05-20T12:40:00.006+01:00

Over two decades ago I was told by a doctor that I would probably never be able to have children. At the time having children wasn't high on my agenda. I've always felt that the earth's downfall will be overpopulation given the diminishing resources upon which we rely. Not adding to the burden felt like the right thing to do.

As the years passed, I began to realise that there was an empty space in my life. Friends were getting married and having families. I adore babies. And as bizarre as it sounds, crying babies don't upset me. So I became the auntie who was called in to help with colicky, teething babies. The mothers were always grateful for the break but it got more and more difficult to hear how great my life was because I could come over and play with the babies then hand them back at the end of the evening. Why did everyone assume I didn't want the joy of being awakened by a child's cry at 2am? That sort of parental duty never struck me as being a chore.

When my husband and I were married, he was aware of my lack of my fertility and knew we had a limited window of opportunity to pursue IVF. We wanted children but didn't want to rush into parenthood haphazardly, so we decided to let fate have some hand in our decision. Big mistake!

Sadly, we did not have the resources early in our relationship to try IVF. When we raised funds a couple of years later for 2-3 attempts, we were advised that my odds of conceiving were so low that the fertility doctor did not recommend exposing my body to the risks. Fate had spoken loudly and clearly.

The idea of adopting is one I had always liked, and thankfully my husband was also in favour of the concept. We researched our options and decided about six years ago to adopt from China. I started gathering information about the process when fate reared its ugly head again with the emergence of SARS, which temporarily halted adoption from China. Just as the threat of SARS had passed, my husband's employer modified his job to include overseas travel--a LOT of overseas travel. He was on a plane or in a hotel over 80% of the time, making a homestudy nearly impossible to do. We decided to postpone adopting until life was a little more stable, as it wouldn't be fair to bring an infant into the turmoil brought on by his travels. Unfortunately, his job took him overseas for the majority of the following three years, until he decided to make a career change.

Finally, we were at a point where we could start the adoption process and become a family! We contacted several agencies and decided upon one particular agency. We requested paperwork but rang to let them know that we would be moving once our home at that time had sold. The agency asked us not to apply until we had moved because it would cause a nightmare with our paperwork. Fate had struck again! This was late 2005. Instead, we applied 18 months later (2007), once we had finally sold our property and were were settled into our new home. Amusingly, we will probably move again in the next 12 months. And talk about hindsight--if only I had known in 2005 what I know now!

We have a 2008 LID. There is much speculation at the moment that those who have LIDs as late as ours may never receive a referral, or that referral may take 8 years. And I am not young. IVF has come a long way in the last decade, but my IVF window is closed. And I have aged out of many adoption programmes. We are waiting and hoping for what may be our only child.

I need to believe that life has something positive in store for us. We have so much love to share with a child, so much to give and teach. We're watching and living and learning and taking in all we can in order to pass that experience on to our child, our bond. We need faith, rather than fate, to guide us on this journey.

Three days of mourning

2008-05-19T09:57:00.002+01:00

China has begun three days of national mourning for victims of last Monday's earthquake. As I write, it's reported that more than 71,000 are dead, buried or missing. Over 220,000 are injured.

The people of China have demonstrated incredible compassion and resolve. If anyone can be saved--and there are some miraculous survival tales emerging--I believe they will be saved. And in time, China will rebuild. But right now it is time to pay respect to those who have lost their lives.

China swamped with adoption offers

2008-05-16T13:58:00.003+01:00

This is an interesting story posted on an Australian news web site about the flood of offers being posted on forums by Chinese families hoping to adopt children left orphaned by the earthquake.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23711413-1702,00.html

As much as I wish no child were orphaned by the earthquake, I know it is inevitable. But it's comforting to know that so many families around the world are willing to offer their hearts and homes to the children who are affected.

Earthquake update

2008-05-15T12:58:00.003+01:00

As I write this, the death toll due to the Sichuan earthquake is confirmed to be 19,500. However, according to the BBC, the state media in China has reported that the final death toll may top 50,000. My heart breaks for everyone affected by the earthquake.

For those who wish to donate, several organisations that work with children in China have set up emergency relief funds. I've listed a few below that will gratefully accept donations online or in some cases by telephone.

Our Chinese Daughters Foundation
Half the Sky (this is a direct link to their emergency relief fund)
Love Without Boundaries

In translation!

2008-05-14T17:16:00.002+01:00

I'm so excited--I just found out that our dossier is currently in translation in China! This is such a small step in the process, but to me it feels like a giant leap. Only a few weeks ago we were sending our dossier to our agency, and not only has it been logged into the system in China, but it's being translated. Woohoo!

The next step we'll take from here is to pass review. Currently in review are dossiers with LIDs issued during February 2007, so we will have quite a long wait until we reach that stage. That means this is our last dossier milestone for over a year, which sounds a little frightening (whatever will I fixate on now, as my husband would say). But it's all good in the grand scheme of things.

China earthquake

2008-05-13T16:20:00.003+01:00

Estimates of casualties of this week's huge earthquake in China continue to rise. BBC News is reporting at least 12,000 dead with rescue efforts being impeded by heavy rain. It's also reported that over 18,000 are buried beneath rubble in Mianyang, near the epicenter, with similar reports from other neighbouring towns.

BBC News coverage

My heart goes out to everyone affected by this tragedy. If you are able to help, many organisations have set up earthquake relief funds to assist with the efforts. I know all aid will be greatly appreciated.

What a small world!

2008-05-12T17:16:00.002+01:00

I spent a lot of time today reading my favourite China adoption rumours site, staying updated about the earthquake in China. Normally I don't pay a lot of attention to chatty threads, but there's quite a long thread about a particularly large family and some of the comments are interesting.

Anyway, someone posted a link to an article about a family that adopted 20 children, primarily from Russia. I noticed the link is to my hometown newspaper, so I had a look. Can you imagine the shock when I realised I know one half of the adoptive couple? The wife worked with my ex and we used to go to her house for dinners and picnics. This was years ago, before she was married. She and her husband look blissfully happy in the slideshow that accompanies the article. It's well worth a read, and definitely worth viewing the slideshow (the link for the slideshow is just beneath the word "Related").

http://www.inrich.com/cva/ric/search.apx.-content-articles-RTD-2007-11-22-0085.html